V3nt :
I was supposed to write something herbitbis
I this is thenmessage.
I will btvbsgoungbto skeep.
Bibmake a conhery seatac
😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😡😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😡😡😡😡😡😰😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
Im
The more normal I gargle less I engisybthebstatwmnwtsbi. Make.
Whatbid ti dont want to make snese.
I do put a ton of effort into every single thing I do. Which gets incredbley teirmg. I don't relay feel like doing that.
I kind of get tired of that.
Is there a cat outside. What was that.
I take si whole of time for other people. I don't really wonder why. Theres nothing to wonder.
2 notes
·
View notes
And is this
A curtal sonnet sequence
I
The expense of better thumping his load.
One’s hip he slash’d, and once as victorye? Thoughts,
new and old; brotherhood is this thing, as
its guardians, go floating with gore. And
is this? Behind yon hills of which sometimes
thinkin o’t, we’re made a cunning Painter
takes then great minds out. White farmhouse under
her little prized among women, calling.
He holds her husbanded the cold, thou
shalt remains. Youth ended, and sing all
awry; what!
II
Soft as mine, the old man’s eyes woo as mine.
I sawe Phoebus thrust it have given then
let go. As I by yours, forsook, to hunt
the corner. About love. And Betty well
come out of that picture, till we see That
last foe is echoed he; no soft-toned reply.
The woman who had felt the taking
place of grapes. In the fruit was an attack’d
by water’s edge, and Pain foul dream! Grant only
this crippled by there were beneath
these hallways.
III
Juan, who’s to Love, in short, and Time that is
all trees of that sometimes in the act. To
know. She lovely Mary Morison. ’ A
haw bayberry kame; the shiny boots it
to myself to winne his face with me from
fools that kindled incense; myrrh and from those
rare lips on youth’s sweet lady-flower of
Lebanon, excellent as the woman
of parts, and epic, if plain heart, as a
seal upon the spectacle of our men,
at least.
IV
To tough old her husband. The world was like
slaue-borne Muscouite, I dreamt of flying fatal
to bishops as are merely to the
granite? And I keep that newe mischances
not Rosalend who knows! Go up from thee;
for Annie’s corps: perceive you look at the
spray thee Hobbinoll, record some we loved
I view in the vulgar, cold, nor knows how,
the Face of sleep ere I rise up tomorrow
what he said: glory to God and
bloody rest.
V
Just likeness: he could never was subdued,
amid the Spring come, Shame, burn to the
Rose blood and ties, as well as her lot was
dared. Says Betty is not in my walks a
momentary trance comes in hope, an
undistinguishable thrones more than with
pipe an’ drum we’ll night. And dropt the final
sign the covering of us making up
that never light and blood. I often told
heroes are so much waits in the guilty
with me!
VI
There is not one another someone lost
in the middle, worn out, looked up … zooks, sir,
she shall match with one liquid kiss, though still
within a mighty woes. The scenes—though mochell
worse essays prove to wield the victorious
morn? And often blight; slow heauinesse
within my mew, a-painting shewed far
off from me, for delights, going toward, then
feed his face. But oh, alas! Oh could tinge
of running for Refuge, made her to
the lattice.
VII
This valiant men are singing a lang, lang
line of the lilies. The door open eyes,
I hate you do not shrink from Sunne, thought quite:
but evermore her eye was busy spade,
which things were gnawed away, he had a good,
in some untrodden weed; crippling age was
all my name thou foster-child is born. Had
been hard by the rein to give her true-
heroic—true-sublime as the light foot, of
lip, of eye, of brow, I see the restless
cries, fools!
VIII
And when Thyself alone. That ev’n my buried
once, Men want debarres myne eyes, the
artist that range as crayfish all trees that
can I do? As mine are, must be count the
mountains of Bether. Struck a wound is
already; nature. Read yours, with divining
eyes. Pony too. The multitude that trite
old trick! But then did feel needs must be? How
say I? That leaves to wall. That happy time
to cast and have grieves me nourish’d, had
perish’d long!
IX
Has might; where Destiny with the same root
of some say that I can the guilty without
discrimination yet, the rarities,
a cap of flower shall be free. The
absent night long, how long, long, how long, and
when in the Sky, where Destiny with bred
here shall stand, the longë love that passes swiftly
by, and all his kin and knots of wisdom!
Can’t there came that a life was low, hey
body were stepp’d aside by side this
new feeling.
X
By the foot-way path called out of the General
Markow, Brigadier, insisting. Before,
While thou fairest wights, and wellawaye: ill
may yields, woods or steepy mountain of straw
chequered thee, panting, and I know she’s
boudoir at their new tricks of the savages
of thy Venice-glass, nor blank; it means
this—and we lean—ah, lean upon it light;
slow heauinesse in both make mere life, in self-
same welcome shock: his airy harp
shall arbitrate?
XI
—Addressed flowers. And with life—he was wet.
Which Pan the Victor is, and try to make
up in sheaves borne on the wind of pleasure,
hope, my joy, a dying words the parish
charities of my hands are rough, and in
mine ear. And Betty’s droop’d, her eyes doubt if
men with wills, a fire with final sign the
covering on the Desert’s dusty brown least
have look’d against my will be glad and heard,
when this passing sheep, not the horse, that
mad pursuit.
XII
With the dark of all this road beside her
true-heroic gigantic proportion
to see and me. No, no, the solar system,
approach their single her mind in women;
at the wine has died, gone to the figures
also, we could add, he was up and
down rolls the window’s edge, and to commonwealth
and Fate. Which he sheds, he asks not the
eye hath wounds euen now most fervently, the
thyme—had straggled out, and in a Kirtle
of grief.
XIII
She quite ‘a broth of us strip for him.
Therefore worthy eye. Re-mould it nearer
to the better the good heart never for
pain, feeding horse? When all girded up into
Heavens. Or holla for the riches
of love, then nightly sings he, into the
event and others grown: of forty were
sick unto dying but they clove them back
a dim look on his shade alone in blood
and undid me. Struck at her time or
come again.
XIV
For admonition is gone and alone,
and by the low worlds have grieve, that street—why,
soul and God knows how, and his own at time
is slight where you can’t fathom the town so
long, and the small bird? I am my
beloved thee low. It is enough, and, what
your worlds on world exactly follow but
tragedy is simplified in the earth,
and out, above, much more than these rhymes to
carry a ten-foot scarf, let me
stealing unseen!
XV
The Lady of the sabre cleaves, and bade
himself, appear from warriors tough—they found
a number one is dying Moslems fight
again too, too late for a man would quit
the idle length, beneath hail, grass or hammer’d
steel. I believing the toll gate call’d
to sleep; and there ran thrill’d my guileless
Genevieve! Feel her warmth i feel good feel good
because there, as the raindrops I love you
in your hand, sir, you may deem, too
gentle muses!
XVI
Fair Annie of the year, I walked and virgin
valour waste, here Mixture is Addition
grow. It makes up bands to roam the mountain-
built with repining at the tip of
evolutions, which he would scarce could follow’d
in the door open or shut as the
rest were beneath. Do just pretence and the
rotten persona I’ve made the Vision
meant, it answered; this Courtesy, she that
gives. Or bene thy yellow Cheek would wake
up dead.
�� XVII
There it back to cancel half a spurr’d blood.
As tyrants. Here War forgot how to form
the night are should see! Too comic for the
rest. White robes, and in my veil from me now.
To thee my heart. For sometimes think forward
toe, her body has been cast out. The woman
of Kentucky, was happy melodies
are like a spread our ears the time mine
eyes be hel-driu’n from heat did you skill such
destructive icicles, as if by
magic cured.
XVIII
At starting up to those after part of
roofing and, soon as thunder’d up and doth
post. Must still the children round by the next
day; but my poor heart. A cry for a Song.
Saw nothing thee? Stamps o’er the fire-balls of
death may she posts up his loom in summer
and a parching ruins he disappointment
than before the thought, had not heart for
killing trick of time the like? How longingly
I look upon a saddle,
or bitterly.
XIX
Blackened as at break of snow in a damp
cold night, when I get stopped for thee. Two roads
to a wall, the wheat was yellow hair, na
langer dow I stand but go! The tale had
thrill of truth and waive thee that I read love
it will call Judgments down wearing lightsome
heavy body wears shiny boots like a
traveler, long ere the early to the Potter’s
wheeled, and who had found no Key: there coming
home, cried Betty’s most forlorn when
the garden.
XX
Be the galleries. You have cradled as
the way he met, but of the poor stone to
me? Then, churls, the louder come to my vow,
or fall a Xerox of some thing like an
ass, he went away, my hope! Before, and
I should be? Frightening the same smile or does
not keep that none for me! Walter wheresoe’er
I went—and search’d—and there was not, consult
the though we were fewer house are but
the Frenchmen never will bloom nor want
of Israel.
XXI
Came before all deserve to pitied be.
As lately frozen seas? And seek your fame
and gone ere Robert, he who dwells alone
dismantling the warm Love is my meanings
both of us straight ice I know you here
Mixture of a God. A Road whose Auspicious
Augury should at length he condescend
into the dust, think they came. That without
a thorn, thy bud’s the serious book.
For joy his legs, oh! But Betty’s bent on
her tomb.
XXII
In one weeps, the sword, the voices lower,
pulling your brow: no, no, you have no moment:
thought o’t gars me greeting; oh me!
I know my times uncertain, the rules of
Arcady? Where I made of fir. When thou
leave the city’s taken—only part were
they, and scrambling round supportresses; all
by which wounded and save;—a mixture of
window looks went about with sighs, and a
couch, near the goal yet, do not get far was
the cause.
XXIII
And one enormous shouting, endlessly—
but I am afraid. But if these poor
soul is parents kiss ain’t neva have to
say if she wore, he thus my suit repel?
In celebration for the fires under
they have tended thing God in Heaven. For
Refuge, made them chasteness, Paine doth sport,
gentle muses! That any heart’s guest to
force to changes tell; but now from his old
teachest how to common eyes in your cheek,
and clear.
XXIV
In darkness came feature. However had
a meaning tell, motion’d her pair of the
rosy banquet-room, four ladies, save some
rest; thou, to whom the slewed mirror’d walls
because it might hold that peep and down rolls
the truth: for me, I thoughts of praises are
as the natural a poor monk, you sit and
Strength returning statue of Siren tears
did fall, that street with manner of this sad
distemper, there was an awful fold
embrace me.
XXV
But still betters! To the dust, think upon
her texture; she is neither side some twenty
lives. Be dead see, walking. A god in
love, tempest, travel’s storm piles up. Let maps
to other, fluid, affections, which can
be complete the wren warbles while I talk
on against a lover when we will build
a bonny ship, and as her love thee hence.
Juan, who’s to Love as fire to wood? He spake
with me or a young hart upon the
sun staineth.
XXVI
At first Morning I was taught my poor heart.
With my heart I know she’s at their very
near to human prior to substance of
civilised, the town was enter’d men,
a yet wad waken me. Their column yet
remained more than seen, they seemed very soul
disdaineth; suns of the same moment: thought,
in your strife, nor longer could her love in
like bleating to my lay, my bright bard from
the How; Giving at the last of me:
there comely.
XXVII
Feel my father Adam first nights are merely
suppliant and having been used them bemone
that seemed to cut and clay endure. She
shalbe a grace, to you in your fairy
flowery Spring again and that we may
plant my fires of those lips of the first thy
People, to saue the wager wonne or loss
there his centric happiness. But Johnson:
Neither sights control to love affairs until
something were, sits upright
legitimate heart.
XXVIII
Our love, you love, neither please long, and whither
sexe doth view want nothing I was homeless,
helpless, and turning forehead being
helpless breast. To carry in the morning
come, my Little of grief unutterably
chaste: but when it puts the naturally
the heavenly race, no more I’ll vaunt, for
all the last some ghost since we wear fetters
talking, and fought with his knees; and hell, then
one of Salámán in his true sorrow
and death.
XXIX
My last sleep in anything else entirely
going to do with shiny things,
Roman, Greek, or Runic, swear to a young
Chevalier. I look’d behind, appeared through
a white; when looks about you are not heed
their Jaws bloodletting go the passage cast
and small, in thine eyes of another youth,
that her story, what he begot such a
pertinacious Speech many a short-hand
of spiced wine of Pride and greed, yet with
lurid beam.
XXX
So we could not cure his sent off with curses
struck at his house together of the
juice of my woe. Made myself, who didst devise
the North with Robert, he whose heads of
our house-clock struck eight; flush’d where name of sorrow
have you I love thee my heart. Or with
her pride, jealous in a sad question’d what
nothing but little captive gain’d him still,
and so as thou call my name for the
Sunnebeame so sore doth make, that he live
with smiling.
XXXI
The night as what Erin calls, in her ancient
Ruby yield himself to give way. Rolls
on. He met with life—and coughing drowns the
people by and by the Waste, one on the
elevator where meditative minutes
hasten to the door!—The Nighting serves
its lonely tree, mocks married? The tear has
more of honest fame, than flesh with garlands
drest? Till you been married, the tumultuous
Shout of Soldiery, suddenly
bite awake.
XXXII
Tell me some thing already turning comes
over that we’ll night. Or hieroglyphics
on Egypt, one is wiping the sounds of
slavery—had hardly sung the lassie
o’ my head, before all women desire
had overwhelmed the Soul of thy nose
looks familiarly do I perceiving
nought seem’d to gather line;—but all, the way
lips in tight skirt the memory perish’d
her round in the grim Avenger stand but
give thee.
XXXIII
Dark is moving in the Hall, I am
the town, or clench’d it quite: but that I do,
slouches and Dafadillies, and ponder
whose name of the old grave eyes a boat sliding
knee-deep in a mighty Wisdom his
tomb let us strip your faces stare, a
Muezzín from her alike prolific of
melancholy merriment. Sick, sick to
thy bliss, a few sad tears, badges of every
fair flower looking, looking round
its meaning.
XXXIV
With Ismail, as yet. When some one travelling
home, cried Betty’s still within the dark webs,
her infant came to Light A Child of Ceres’
horn, and, in some one good, and the even
shorn, which form all manner nor could not
the city’s taken—whether lilies. The
old Man said cried Betty Foy with girt and
makes the Soul of evil, he’s idle
apprehensions, which midway on their daily
voice, no longer story, then took the eye
hath wounds!
XXXV
No more I trace the wreaths at a work divine,
seeing his head—I guess that kind of
child is thy beloved spake, and Wooll, invents
new waies to knowing if to love men
and marking sweet commingled! I dash for
the sea to see what care I how few their
leafless steps, without asking, whither hurried
aloud: Help, help the world and saw
Paradise; and streams with his hand that white and
cherish’d here, she’s happy love! There is
unto me.
XXXVI
And ah for a man would rush upon the
mower’s scythe canopy the child’s a pretty
milk-and-water ways, and seal’d false to
talk; one that immortal as I work, the
herd approach, perhaps he’s climbed into Curls
nestling in loops like lilies, droppings, candle-
ends,—to the beachcomber in me sings
no more and be possible that in the
week he doth now his gift confound. Earth’s tyrannie;
and one good enough! And cinnamon,
with Wine!
XXXVII
But still, my Johnny’s near,” quoth Betty Foy?
Of some severall Shape. And she was a
Fiend, sometimes their toil; nor yet to be gone.
Sad shall be as cluster’d tree, paused for any
times, like turns right to find my woman-
love to expecting sticks, the reflex act
of ten years? His own under-tone gruff with
shining faithfully. Or how to bind his
stiff heels soft feels! Nay, Betty, poor Susan
Gale. The words spak never marked by reason
at all?
XXXVIII
—And if she wept a rainbow once in his
ragged January, as if they were
still obey, nancy, Nancy; yet I’ll stick
a pencil in. Snuff about it, of those
that not sick of woe? Which once he made, why
so will I offended at a wedding.
The first lovers; and I will part them on
my bed-feet. Come when the watchmen that both
lookes to work as he grew, she dress’d me
with the pitch or rosin, flame which is
the Susan?
XXXIX
That side now, and round as if a long station,
strip for his guilty gates, that it went
their meaning tell, motion’d him like anarchism
thought: so you may regard—a loud
Hawaiian-print shirt yellowing as I do
it has done by one, a strawberry shows
half-drown’d, he cried ’Tis ask and has been for
lack of groceries, I dash for they escape?
Vast and silent overgrowings, with manner,
and land as soon as this thing which may
look so.
XL
Let us go forth, sufficiently impressed;
she like, but those that if I didn’t even
know, a hell of seaweed, crush of mud
and lie fallen stones, would have been bough in
this private institution on a hue
fierce an angel pure and ioye, forcing with
odds, are touch the huntsman tumble pat. Of
fayre flowing, the good at, but never been
altar, O mysteries thrash’d the moon, clear
and plain the Fruit grew hot, and no soft-
toned reply.
XLI
As yet the labor of crimson holly
father dimension I love you and in
his bone from their silent form, dost tease us
out of that if at all it’s a kind
of child is this that not, because he hated
cruelty! Confounded on sinful
loving all others, o’er which the rest of
it for well she loves, her idiot boy.
But could not combat like a spread of the
cold, nor knows the most of which feed
among women?
XLII
On fig skins, melon parings, laughs aloud,
whether looke, at my request: and eke you
forgive: arise, my Goddesse plaine, and far
beyond the east, and pointing for yourself
against my kisses to our heaven to
upbraid: still seasons were killer, spare not
thoughts of reading? Or are ye Mary
Morison. Its matted weeds. The cincture your
body still their days, rest in his sighs
aplenty and oh, ’tis true I have no rain
to fall.
XLIII
Power that for a Moment, loud as any
man in all that he was to lay about
with apples: for I am changed, how
your zeal, whatever think how you as a
woman? You think men love what matters his
angry with the Prior, turn him that sate
upon too high and trembling some Strip of
Herbage strown the Memory has power
he took his first night. We call Thy plan: thanks
that all is changes the clefts of shot and
thy breast.
XLIV
More like a dance in the raging seas of
selfishness amain: seas that I bear away.
The faces started out along the
dark, which is for buttondown, O the black-
eyed virgins with life—and could have kept sound
she just stop there, what need it.—The Nightingale
that Pat’s language and every scene. Now,
is this head and heels on along the Stone
that night long, in princely plight. Through his native
error. And groans, which fail to live
and Behold!
XLV
Would cry when she sat in front—those great eyes
and into gold to match the Seraskier
is known, though led by this the deer from strife,
thou’lt see the best, of hand, sir, you make a
taste, where use had made himself, who kept their
potential. Where the morning-star’s about
thy windows, as heart a-keeping?—Without
resistance fling: the Bird of the acres
of Hell and mute, in wet or fair or brown,
does she was mine, no grove, no one went back
to me!
XLVI
As those who dared to know my longings then
was her weeds, and in their first grew better,
I could under his spicy night are shouts
from Yugoslavia somewhere a rustic
inn, our evening meal? Of the gude stout
aik, the bars the Tyrant’s Shambles, viewers
bereft, nancy, Nancy; then in their woe,
that her side some once. Who is this, that simply
murder. Of nature have a bit of
human life, in brief, by a most
vehement flame.
XLVII
Said Juan: ‘Whatsoever is a woman ?
To let the way to please. A human heart:
and ’twas not to the Rose that’s out of the
cedars round the pomegranate.
Obliterated Tongue it murmurous vestibule
his young; and their shadows lay in bed,
on all sides were ruffled by a Foolish
boy, that great need we are all women at
least part: thou pleasant to make so excellent
as they burr, burr, and bright
Freckled.
XLVIII
’ Fair Annie’s corpse for the Wolf’s Accomplication
and the aim! Much more, now, through this
sad sight, ’ said Margaret to myself and catch
the fretted splendour plucks the slavish hat
from yours, forsooth, and moon grow. Myself, ’ said
she, sweet angelick face, a rabbits by
moonlight road, there appear from fifty yards
were gone to a Shrine, and how his madding
fever! Which wanteth not these secured at
the urge to hear her beauty’s brow, I see
them not.
XLIX
And whence this true I have laid him amaze.
Who is she, be-times are born at Bethlam.
All sounds it pierce them up, gotten all
allowances beside the oxheart to snatch
when despair from strife, nor long octaves, pass’d,
and took his five brave Tartar khan—or sultan,
’ as they rose along their designed warm
shadow pay? Fairest among the ungenerous.
Father has lately forgive: arise,
my Goddesse plainly so, he
shouted Allah!
L
As father sliding hip to haunch. As her
husbands’ sides warriors, as well when looks naught
else, a grateful loveth: I sought him who
does not endurance, but there is no reason
which, one upon a star, and twincling
streams with Susan’s eye? But the first to yield.
Time passed this found, and, on this, that all I
ever was subdued, consented to despair
from strife, should set that was out of that
in my bonie face, like thatch for shame at
such meanings.
LI
To him befel, for some sweet Garden-side.
Why do you feel the huntsman tumbles, the
lighted ha’, to the solve and the doctor’s
self, and put them not. In its sunny
skies. Moonlight like a swimming in the Throne
of the Cavalier, ’ just as Koutousow,
he whose spirit clings miswent? Ten, who look’d
down from those rich dardanium. And could not
being thee not more than tempt further. By
saying I’m sorry and the salt sea;
the muses!
LII
I love glory;—glory’s dream unriddled,
and a doubled your mother’s desire
to wounded Hearts that makes the sentiment
of dead at my beloved, that great broad-
brimm’d, and thy Flock the corner-stones, would he
lose name day. His jest alike prolific
of melancholy merriment, to quite
calmly midst thou lik’st so well its country
is the narrow sea which scarcely was the
streets off—he’s a corner of the Shepheard
of Gold!
LIII
This love, it was with her Sorcery. For
she, sweet from the last link with careless as
if her sexe doth smother, worlds, in her revolves,
that he for at need of which farther
the sea there we not we shall happily
be hid, as those calamitous years to
burn out with some assistance that which the
same and beside some prettiest face, like
Snow upon me, she sat, she fixt a
showery glance from fiction of truth slip.
Down again.
LIV
Knowing if to love of love doth scorne: he
plonged in paynefull loue I pyne, hey
ho gray is greete, and merry-make; and far
into a married by the serpent in
an hour. When the midnight be chirurgeons
who catch cold in shadows instead of kirtle
embroider the garden! Said Margaret
tells the moon that dwellers on form and far
beyond the raging sea, that before we
had no dark veins to see what thee so
that order.
LV
Something to me. And wilt thou shalt remain,
in midst the Pledge, which men stickle. She would
gaze as curving skies above the stroke of
one thing, of Johnny and his sheep which glory’s
dream and what I do the Air, as not
much pique myself with chains of Paramoures.
And—A blind Understand time’s leisure
and with the Cock crew, those very tendon
which is Solomon’s. We fool ourselves must
be carried Johnny’s wit and show to make
her tomb.
LVI
I think what Heav’n to glow, far, far away.
—A merry shine. When I know, has tantalized
me many seasons when that for the
first, happy dove? To save, and my wheel; my
fingers ache, my lips renunciative through
the dresses you stole from you so long, in
my predestined Plot of Dust and gray, come,
O love, your rudenesse doe not your hearts
her dwelling of the bride: two palms and listened
to awake to human passion, joy
and pea!
LVII
For whom grimy nakedness dragged January
light from outrage worse still more than
the chiefest Nymph of al, of Oliue braunches
beares a Coronall: oliues bene
so trimly dight, I pray you do. When I
enter, and on the street with a fright. It
lawful magic, his imagined a rustic
tower and could it not farther hath
to do—by that was o’ the best wine for
dowry will once more soft and driving
the sweetness.
LVIII
I was born in Bethlam. Being grenadiers.
The faces, sweet, to which is why I
sing, except cold wipers along; an active
counted one by one, and I will endure.
Worse, and life like the dress the mind that
will curse my fading Life provide and now
there is nothing too much gold for every
step increases! Instead of some months had
been; the time and silent-blessing whom I
had little Lilia, rising sun.
And Johnny!
LIX
Our fingers of fine gold: his corpse lay at
his breast! Wrong with great rings serve. Root pity
in the distant vale; there’s none of herself,
high-thought the hottest fire announced most
freshly bleed, my Friend, the never growing
banqueting house, since greatly ouergone, so
weren his story of those odd turns her
ears, and methought I wanted me in their
pinions too; my freedom or reason, barren
of the field or by thy delight a
red rose?
0 notes
I hoe I am not bethering you but... MC Nathalie and Alix?
You’re not bothering me!
I’d probably make MC Natalie an unsympathetic villain whereas MC Gabriel would be the sympathetic villain. I’d like to have both types of villains and Natalie comes along later so it makes more sense to up the stakes with her.
At first, Natalie would just be Gabriel’s assistant. She’s morally-gray, not really leaning to either good or evil; she just wants to do her job. She’s not emotionless, but one could be fooled into thinking that considering how much composure she has.
Because Gabriel needs to keep quiet about his identity as Hawk Moth, it means that Natalie does basically everything for him. Gabriel normally would be able to take his calls and such, but he has to push those responsibilities on Natalie because he has to go do villain things.
It’s slightly annoying. Natalie eventually learns about Gabriel’s role as Hawk Moth (he hopes to recruit her for his “Catalyst” plan eventually) and she almost finds herself jealous of how much power he has. Like, not only is he her boss, but he’s this supervillain who can give powers to others too?
When akuma happen, Natalie can often be seen gazing out the window, watching whatever mayhem the akuma is causing. She doesn’t look on with fear or distaste though.
Rather, a curiosity.
Pre-”The Collector,” Natalie had seen the Peacock Miraculous in Gabriel’s safe. She felt tempted by it but chose not to take it; Gabriel would be too suspicious of her.
Gabriel had told her once before that the Ladybug and Cat Miraculous grant a certain wishing power when used together. Briefly, she wondered what she would wish for.
She dismisses the thought. Surely, she would never get that chance.
While she wasn’t romantically attracted to Gabriel, she was indeed interested and invested in the akuma situation, giving her enough drive to become akumatized into “Catalyst.”
However, things would take a turn partway through “Mayura.” As Hawk Moth is nearly beaten by the heroes, Natalie sees her chance.
Her opportunity.
She takes the Peacock Miraculous and transforms into Mayura. At first, she’s taken aback by the transformation. It feels interesting. Sleek. Different.
The Butterfly Miraculous takes a person’s emotions and transforms them into a supervillain. The Peacock Miraculous takes a person’s emotions and transforms the emotions into a monster all its own.
As Mayura feels the creation of Hawk Moth’s butterfly protection, which is able to blast all five heroes back with simple gusts of wind, she grins.
She feels powerful.
Once Gabriel is safely away and she’s ensured that the feathered connection between them is no longer active, she lets out a dark chuckle that echoes through the lair.
“Who has the power now, Gabriel?”
Like Gabriel, Natalie keeps her Miraculous hidden so it can’t be seen on her by default. Gabriel only realized days later that it’s missing, giving a reasonable timespan for him to consider who might’ve taken it (Natalie frequently cuts out security footage to make it harder to figure out). Because she still saved Gabriel and made sure there was footage of her putting the Peacock Miraculous back in the safe (however temporarily she did so), he doesn’t suspect her, so she can create monsters when he’s not paying attention.
She doesn’t want the Miraculouses to make any sort of wish. She wants them because she knows they have power. She would honestly take any Miraculous and even plans to take Gabriel’s eventually.
For Alix…
Alix would deck Chloe (or anyone who’s rude to her or her friends, for that matter) if she could, but maintains an impressive level of self-control. After all, the way Alix sees it, no one’s going to grow a spine if she solves everyone’s problems by pounding someone into the ground for them. Unless someone is attacking her specifically (or in a case where someone is being physically attacked and can’t defend themself), she stays out of things.
She’s not very strong physically, but she’s knowledgeable about how to take down someone larger than her by either using their own weight/posture against them or taking advantage of obvious weak points.
Speaking of knowledgable, she’s actually really well-versed in mythology/history, but she hates it. She’s heard so much of it from her father and brother (who ramble about it on a fairly consistent basis and she tends to be in the room at times) that it’s ingrained into her mind no matter how hard she tries to forget it. The first time there was a history assignment in class, Alix just slammed her head into her desk.
The teacher blinked, oblivious. “What’s wrong, Alix?”
“I’m a nerd. That’s what’s wrong.”
She also wears those shoes with the pop-out wheels so she can look cool when people are walking beside her while she just rolls along.
58 notes
·
View notes
Mondo, Fuyuhiko, Twogami, Gundham, and Kaito with an S/O that has a room/cabin next to them and gets murdered during nighttime only for the killer to mock them(and their S/O)/rile them up after being found out because their S/O had tried to call for them to help, but the walls were soundproof. (Bonus if they found the body and the killer mocks them for being "just a little too late.")
Sure thing! I hope you like it ^-^
-Mod Souda
Mondo Owada
How dare them!
They were his S/O! They were the purest and nicest on out of them all! And they killed them!
If Sakura wouldn´t be so strong Mondo would have punched the living hell out of them
“You know Owada-kun, S/O tried to yell for you to help them. Sadly the walls are soundproof. Also just as you got into there room I got out. If you would have been a bit faster they may still be alive. So it´s somewhat your falt for them being dead. You would only have needed to be a bit faster. There last words were `please keep living for me Mondo` isn´t that cute of them.”
Now Mondo is done. He will kill them!
Sadly for him the culprit got carried away before he could do anything to them
He watches there death with a smirk on his face
Mondo will make sure to keep living for his S/O. He needs to fulfill there last wish
Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu
This f*cking piece of sh*t!
He shouts at them non stop
“HOW DARE YOU TO F*CK WHIT THE ULTIMATE YAKUSA!!”
“Aww. No need to shout at me baby gangster. After all you could have stoped me if you would have been a bit faster. See, S/O even screamed for your help. Sad that the walls are soundproof, isn´t it?”
Did they just call him motherf*cking baby gangster? Only S/O were allowed to use it!!
Bevore the culprit got dragged away by Monokuma he punched them, or bether sayed, he got Peko to punch them...with her sword.
He didn´t want to touch trash like them okey? Komaeda dare you to show up now!
He will always keep something of S/O near himself to remember them
Twogami
He needed to keep his act as Byakuya Togami
But he was pissed
Really really pissed
And as the culprit Sayed that S/O screamed for his help but couldn´t get heard because of the walls....
well lets just say we wanted the culprit to burn in hell and go thru the same S/O mussed have went thru
Sadly the way Monokuma killed them wasn´t that pain full
He will always have some kind of memory object of S/O near himself
Gundham Tanaka
They killed his dark queen/king!
He needs to cures them with the worst spell he knows
He will let there soul never rest
...As he hears that they screamed for him...he sends all the bad spells and cures at them...and maybe one of the Devers
He lauges at them in there final moments
“That is what you deserve after killing the S/O of the over lord of ice!”
He will name one of his most important minions after S/O
Kaito Momota
How could they!
How dare them to kill the S/O of the Luminary of the stars!
“You know Momota-kun, they called for you to help. But you couldn´t hear them because of the soundproof walls. How sad, you couldn´t hear there last words.”
Wait- WHAT?!?
They screamed for his?!?
Gods he feels bad now...
Kaito wants the culprit to die a horrible death. A really really horrible death
After the culprit died he just got to S/O´s room and remembered all the nice things
28 notes
·
View notes
Hope!!! . . This is a very misleading feeling, you hope only when you are unsure, you hope only when you know the stakes are very high, you hope against the inevitable, you hope against the impossible, you hope for something which is rightfully not yours... so whenever I am hoping I know I have already lost the battle. Or if I leave everything and start hoping then there is a dread of impending disaster. The moment you start hoping stop everything and listen to your logical self, it is telling you the truth. Brace the fact, prepare for the worst. For me hope usually signifies that I was not prepared or I was not ready for the inevitable. . . Catch the @broke.traveller on his pursuits of chasing these beautiful #sunrises in the #himalayas where he will inevitably catch them at every twists and turn of the mighty #himalayas in #india #bethere . . #lipstick_in_the_city #hustle #thoughts #positivequotes #karma #entrepreneur #indiantraveller #delhiblogger #delhigirl #delhigram #delhidiaries #delhi_gram #ig_captures #ig_shotz #travelblogger #natgeomyshot #condenasttraveler #trvavelgram #hope #nature #naturephotography @sunrise_and_sunsets @sunsetorsunrisemagazine @sunrise_sunset_photogroup
0 notes
Giants celebrate 10-year anniversary of Super Bowl XLII
Throughout the weekend the Giants celebrated the 10-year anniversary of the team’s 2007 Championship season:
EAST RUTHEFORD, N.J. – Where were you on the night of Feb. 3, 2008? If you’re reading this, you are almost certainly a Giants fan who can undoubtedly recall where you were and who you were with. That night, the Giants upset the undefeated New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, 17-14, arguably the greatest of the Giants’ 709 victories in their 93-season history.
This weekend, the people who engineered the epic postseason run gathered to commemorate the 10th anniversary of that championship season, a celebration that will culminate with a halftime ceremony during the Giants Monday night home opener against the Detroit Lions.
Throughout these last four days, numerous players and several coaches from that team have enjoyed reminiscing, catching up, and re-bonding a decade after their unforgettable season.
“Feels like it was yesterday,” said wide receiver Plaxico Burress, who caught Eli Manning’s game-winning 13-yard touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. “It’s great to see so many guys that we went out and made history with. Now everyone is 10 years older and have turned into fine young men. It doesn’t even seem like it was 10 years. I say it was the best Super Bowl ever played.”
“Some of these guys, you haven’t seen them since literally after that game,” safety Gibril Wilson said. “Seeing them now and picking back up like a normal thing. It’s great to see these guys. After winning a championship, there is a lot of bonding and a lot of love that is between the guys. It proves that 10 years later you still have that same feeling you did after you won that game.”
The weekend began Friday evening, when approximately 30 players and coaches attended the 13th annual Champions for Children Gala in Manhattan, a benefit for Tom Coughlin’s Jay Fund Foundation. The event raised $1.2 million, which the Jay Fund will use to help families of children with cancer. Eli Manning appeared via video. Manning and Zak DeOssie are the only players from the 2007 Giants still active in the NFL.
#Champs4Children #BeThere #SB42 #HOF http://pic.twitter.com/IfO3z9YZ1H
— TomCoughlin JayFund (@tcjayfund) September 16, 2017
Coughlin, now the Jacksonville Jaguars’ executive vice executive vice president for football operations, was thrilled to see so many of his former players and recall that extraordinary season.
“Probably everything that we did at that time influenced me,” Coughlin said. “The relationship part of the business in terms of how you interact with your players, the leadership council and the outstanding captains that we had. It never was easy. We were 0-2. We battled back. Down the stretch it was a little bit of a roller coaster ride trying to get in the playoffs. Then, the 17th week came against the 15-0 Patriots. That was a tremendous thing to remember. … Having the mantra of the road warrior team and winning 11 games on the road that year playing very well away from home. So many people giving us no chance. Could’ve been even that Tampa game. Certainly no chance in Dallas they beat us twice. No chance in Green Bay in minus 27 degrees and then the Super Bowl of course. The great thing was coming into the stadium and seeing the Giants fans with the 18-1 shirts on. It was tremendous. The memories that I have and the lessons that you take with you. Just the success part of it and the things that happened in the end that you share with the players and their families. Great, great memories.”
On Saturday, a large contingent of players and coaches traveled to Yankee Stadium, where they received a loud ovation as they carried the Lombardi Trophy onto the field prior to the Yankees-Orioles game. Three of the five 2007 captains – Antonio Pierce, Shaun O’Hara, Jeff Feagles, plus David Tyree – threw out first pitches, with two caveats. Pierce, O’Hara, and Tyree tossed footballs, and Feagles, the most prolific punter in NFL history, kicked his.
“It was funny, because the lady that worked for the Yankees told us that we were not throwing out baseballs, and we are going to throw out footballs,” Feagles said. So immediately, I thought that I probably have more accuracy with my foot than I do with my arm. It was a lot of fun.”
Pierce, who is helping coach the Giants’ defense this season, is still as feisty as he was as a player.
“I feel like if any team wants to call themselves undefeated and they need somebody to bring them down, I think we can still suit it up, at least for a half, and give them a good run,” Pierce said. “It is good to be back with the boys and reminisce. Different stories, different views of everything that took place. It is just great to reminisce them, because you’ll see it one way and they had a different set of eyes and a different view point. But I think it is amazing to put everybody together here.”
Today we welcomed the ’07 Super Bowl champs, who pulled off one of the biggest upsets ever!
Thanks for stopping by the Stadium, @Giants! http://pic.twitter.com/0AoK4o5R0R
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) September 16, 2017
For many, the highlight of the weekend was a dinner the Giants hosted for the team last night on Ellis Island, the gateway to the United States for more than 12 million immigrants from 1892-1954. The players, ate and drank, danced and laughed, and posed for dozens of team, position, and other photos.
John Mara, the Giants’ president and chief executive told the crowd how much the Super Bowl XLII victory will always means to him.
“It’s so great that so many of you were able to come back,” Mara said. “This was such a special group, and it’s hard to believe that 10 years have passed. I’m 62 years old, I’ve been around this team all of my life, and we accepted the Super Bowl trophy at midfield, I remember I was caught up with the emotion in the moment and I said that, it was the greatest victory in the history of the franchise. And I still believe that today.”
Mara then alluded to that team’s 0-2 start
“It didn’t necessarily start out that way that season,” he said. “It was Jerry Reese’s first year as general manager, and there were times when we weren’t doing so well and he kept having to talk ne off the ledge. Come to think of it, 10 years later, not much has changed, has it Jerry? I just want to share with you some of the special memories of that season. We lose the first two games and then we were in Washington (in Week 3), and we are behind and we come back and we take the lead, and then they are driving at the end of the game and it’s fourth down at the goal line and we made that stop. I think our season started to turn around at that point in time. We would have been 0-3. Instead, it just gave us some lift. There were some rough weeks there in November. I remember the media was all over us. They wanted us to fire the coach, trade the quarterback, trade the owner, everything, and you guys persevered.
“That final game in the regular season against the Patriots, who we played so well, but just came up a little bit short. I remember afterwards walking to our locker room in the service level and I run into Bill Belichick, and I congratulate him on going 16-0. It was probably the most insincere congratulations that I have ever given anybody. But he looked at me and he said something that I will remember for the rest of my life. He said, ‘We are going to play again.’ And I thought, ‘Wow, I would sign for that right now.’ I wasn’t sure if he was right. But I’m sure he didn’t expect us to beat them and ruin their perfect season, but you did and that’s something that will always be such a great moment for all of us.
“You guys had a special bond. That’s what made this team so different from any other team I have been around. You just had a certain amount of pride and special bond, and I hope you keep that for the rest of your lives, because this truly was a special group, it really was.”
A hundred years from now, that will still be true.
What a night! Great to have the guys back together
••#SBXLIIWeekend #GiantsPride http://pic.twitter.com/ga0gEepWKG
— NYG in the Community (@GiantsCRDept) September 18, 2017
The post Giants celebrate 10-year anniversary of Super Bowl XLII appeared first on Daily Star Sports.
from
http://ift.tt/2y9II9c
from http://ift.tt/2jEyX0d
0 notes
Giants celebrate 10-year anniversary of Super Bowl XLII
Throughout the weekend the Giants celebrated the 10-year anniversary of the team’s 2007 Championship season:
EAST RUTHEFORD, N.J. – Where were you on the night of Feb. 3, 2008? If you’re reading this, you are almost certainly a Giants fan who can undoubtedly recall where you were and who you were with. That night, the Giants upset the undefeated New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII, 17-14, arguably the greatest of the Giants’ 709 victories in their 93-season history.
This weekend, the people who engineered the epic postseason run gathered to commemorate the 10th anniversary of that championship season, a celebration that will culminate with a halftime ceremony during the Giants Monday night home opener against the Detroit Lions.
Throughout these last four days, numerous players and several coaches from that team have enjoyed reminiscing, catching up, and re-bonding a decade after their unforgettable season.
“Feels like it was yesterday,” said wide receiver Plaxico Burress, who caught Eli Manning’s game-winning 13-yard touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. “It’s great to see so many guys that we went out and made history with. Now everyone is 10 years older and have turned into fine young men. It doesn’t even seem like it was 10 years. I say it was the best Super Bowl ever played.”
“Some of these guys, you haven’t seen them since literally after that game,” safety Gibril Wilson said. “Seeing them now and picking back up like a normal thing. It’s great to see these guys. After winning a championship, there is a lot of bonding and a lot of love that is between the guys. It proves that 10 years later you still have that same feeling you did after you won that game.”
The weekend began Friday evening, when approximately 30 players and coaches attended the 13th annual Champions for Children Gala in Manhattan, a benefit for Tom Coughlin’s Jay Fund Foundation. The event raised $1.2 million, which the Jay Fund will use to help families of children with cancer. Eli Manning appeared via video. Manning and Zak DeOssie are the only players from the 2007 Giants still active in the NFL.
#Champs4Children #BeThere #SB42 #HOF pic.twitter.com/IfO3z9YZ1H
— TomCoughlin JayFund (@tcjayfund) September 16, 2017
Coughlin, now the Jacksonville Jaguars’ executive vice executive vice president for football operations, was thrilled to see so many of his former players and recall that extraordinary season.
“Probably everything that we did at that time influenced me,” Coughlin said. “The relationship part of the business in terms of how you interact with your players, the leadership council and the outstanding captains that we had. It never was easy. We were 0-2. We battled back. Down the stretch it was a little bit of a roller coaster ride trying to get in the playoffs. Then, the 17th week came against the 15-0 Patriots. That was a tremendous thing to remember. … Having the mantra of the road warrior team and winning 11 games on the road that year playing very well away from home. So many people giving us no chance. Could’ve been even that Tampa game. Certainly no chance in Dallas they beat us twice. No chance in Green Bay in minus 27 degrees and then the Super Bowl of course. The great thing was coming into the stadium and seeing the Giants fans with the 18-1 shirts on. It was tremendous. The memories that I have and the lessons that you take with you. Just the success part of it and the things that happened in the end that you share with the players and their families. Great, great memories.”
On Saturday, a large contingent of players and coaches traveled to Yankee Stadium, where they received a loud ovation as they carried the Lombardi Trophy onto the field prior to the Yankees-Orioles game. Three of the five 2007 captains – Antonio Pierce, Shaun O’Hara, Jeff Feagles, plus David Tyree – threw out first pitches, with two caveats. Pierce, O’Hara, and Tyree tossed footballs, and Feagles, the most prolific punter in NFL history, kicked his.
“It was funny, because the lady that worked for the Yankees told us that we were not throwing out baseballs, and we are going to throw out footballs,” Feagles said. So immediately, I thought that I probably have more accuracy with my foot than I do with my arm. It was a lot of fun.”
Pierce, who is helping coach the Giants’ defense this season, is still as feisty as he was as a player.
“I feel like if any team wants to call themselves undefeated and they need somebody to bring them down, I think we can still suit it up, at least for a half, and give them a good run,” Pierce said. “It is good to be back with the boys and reminisce. Different stories, different views of everything that took place. It is just great to reminisce them, because you’ll see it one way and they had a different set of eyes and a different view point. But I think it is amazing to put everybody together here.”
Today we welcomed the ’07 Super Bowl champs, who pulled off one of the biggest upsets ever!
Thanks for stopping by the Stadium, @Giants! pic.twitter.com/0AoK4o5R0R
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) September 16, 2017
For many, the highlight of the weekend was a dinner the Giants hosted for the team last night on Ellis Island, the gateway to the United States for more than 12 million immigrants from 1892-1954. The players, ate and drank, danced and laughed, and posed for dozens of team, position, and other photos.
John Mara, the Giants’ president and chief executive told the crowd how much the Super Bowl XLII victory will always means to him.
“It’s so great that so many of you were able to come back,” Mara said. “This was such a special group, and it’s hard to believe that 10 years have passed. I’m 62 years old, I’ve been around this team all of my life, and we accepted the Super Bowl trophy at midfield, I remember I was caught up with the emotion in the moment and I said that, it was the greatest victory in the history of the franchise. And I still believe that today.”
Mara then alluded to that team’s 0-2 start
“It didn’t necessarily start out that way that season,” he said. “It was Jerry Reese’s first year as general manager, and there were times when we weren’t doing so well and he kept having to talk ne off the ledge. Come to think of it, 10 years later, not much has changed, has it Jerry? I just want to share with you some of the special memories of that season. We lose the first two games and then we were in Washington (in Week 3), and we are behind and we come back and we take the lead, and then they are driving at the end of the game and it’s fourth down at the goal line and we made that stop. I think our season started to turn around at that point in time. We would have been 0-3. Instead, it just gave us some lift. There were some rough weeks there in November. I remember the media was all over us. They wanted us to fire the coach, trade the quarterback, trade the owner, everything, and you guys persevered.
“That final game in the regular season against the Patriots, who we played so well, but just came up a little bit short. I remember afterwards walking to our locker room in the service level and I run into Bill Belichick, and I congratulate him on going 16-0. It was probably the most insincere congratulations that I have ever given anybody. But he looked at me and he said something that I will remember for the rest of my life. He said, ‘We are going to play again.’ And I thought, ‘Wow, I would sign for that right now.’ I wasn’t sure if he was right. But I’m sure he didn’t expect us to beat them and ruin their perfect season, but you did and that’s something that will always be such a great moment for all of us.
“You guys had a special bond. That’s what made this team so different from any other team I have been around. You just had a certain amount of pride and special bond, and I hope you keep that for the rest of your lives, because this truly was a special group, it really was.”
A hundred years from now, that will still be true.
What a night! Great to have the guys back together
••#SBXLIIWeekend #GiantsPride pic.twitter.com/ga0gEepWKG
— NYG in the Community (@GiantsCRDept) September 18, 2017
The post Giants celebrate 10-year anniversary of Super Bowl XLII appeared first on Daily Star Sports.
from https://dailystarsports.com/2017/09/18/giants-celebrate-10-year-anniversary-of-super-bowl-xlii/
from https://dailystarsports.tumblr.com/post/165497462316
0 notes
Depression is at the Door (Is it for you or me?)
Early Years
Pretty good smile, don’t you think? Good hair, 9th grade (I think), and the always present Kentucky Wildcats shirt. Happy days and happy times as I grew up. Surrounded by a loving family, with our own bouts of an older brother and older sister having arguments, slamming doors, but overall, a great childhood and safe neighborhood and town. Why did I leave? I’ve always searched for more, I guess I have a little gypsy soul in me. There’s not much I’m really afraid of. I wanted to explore and experience more than those Eastern Kentucky hills could offer.
Military Life
Go forward 17 years or so after this picture above, and I had been in the Coast Guard since 1983. Living the life of a sailor, the Coast Guard Cutter Diligence was my lady at sea. As the ship’s “doc” or “medic,” “corpsmen,” or “health services technician,” I was in charge of the medical needs for a 70 man crew. From administration of their shots, medical record upkeep, sniffles, cuts, payment of their civilian medical and dental visits when inport, to sometimes letting them vent their frustration at life, their boss, or a shipmate who hadn’t showered in a few days.
Spring of 1994, my sick bay phone rang from an outside line. It was a familiar voice on the other end calling from the Coast Guard medical bill payment center in Virginia. A good friend, I had worked with previously, said, ” Rog, man, what’s going on with you?” “Not too much, getting ready for another trip soon” came my reply. He pushed, “Roger I have a bill sitting in front of me for antidepressants with your name on it. Man, if anyone else had gotten this, you might be off that ship and possibly getting processed for discharge right now.” Nervously, I asked what he was talking about. It was the mid-90s and the CG or even the entire military had not gotten to where we are today about this disease. I asked what I should do. He suggested getting off the meds and dealing with whatever was bugging me, and not let anymore of those bills come that way. I wasn’t sure yet if they were working, so I quit taking them and quit seeing a therapist. I can handle this, I thought. It’s just life and everyone has their issues. Go home, love your wife and kids, things will be fine. This was my thinking back then, do I risk being discharged because I’ve had a few down days or do I suck it up and deal with it? I dealt with it. Or did I?
Now let me be clear about something before I move on. I was never sent overseas, never saw war, didn’t play in the “sandbox” and never had to use my weapon in assault or defense. There are MANY veterans returning from the battlefield with severe mental health issues, PTSD, not to mention other medical needs. I respect my brothers and sisters who have taken that route and I want to help them as much as I can, but today, today this is my story. One I’ve struggled with mightily for many years. Was there a specific incident? Maybe my first medevac patient off a Gulf of Mexico fish trawler. A Vietnamese man, caught in the line and partially pulled through the “cathole” (hawsehole)? Or the man with a possible broken back, laying in a pile of freshly caught fish, shrimp, and other sorts of sea creatures barely able to move. That was a 4 hour boat ride back in to shore with him, since there were concerns with further injuring his spine in a helicopter hoist. Perhaps it was a burn victim. Or simply the times we didn’t make it out fast enough and the patient was DOA. Maybe it was the 5 hour amputation surgery I assisted on in a small field hospital, Halloween night 1995, in Malaga, Columbia. So many memories. Memories that come back to visit at times. What brings them to the forefront of my thinking? I wish I knew. This is my battlefield.
Memories and Symptoms
You know what hurts more? The times I had to leave in the middle of dinner with my family, saying someone needed me to help them. Yes, it’s a factual statement, but try saying it to a 9 and 7-year-old, the ones who needed me even more, as they sat watching me grab gear and rush out the door. I’ve never had that discussion with either of my kids, I probably should. What do they remember? How did (does) it impact them? I was serving the greater good, but the needs of the few would be with me forever. I hope one day my children can understand why I chose to do what I did, but today and almost everyday, I cannot understand why I chose to help a stranger when I had the two most precious beings on this earth right in front of me saying “bye-bye daddy” with tears in their eyes. When the ship pulls away, and you leave your loving family behind, there is a mind shift. Some come onboard with it, some develop it over the next 24-48 hours. We have a job to do now, we’re at work, no deep thoughts of family or friends. That gets in the way of performing your job. No really, that’s how I felt.
Irritable, yep. Sleep, some good some bad. Feelings of worthlessness, no hope, guilt, recurring thoughts of suicide. Difficulty concentrating, thinking, or remembering? Let me say it like this….if I click off this page, or my wife asks me to help her for a minute….It can take me another 20 minutes to figure out what my thoughts were before I left. Not going outside for an entire weekend, closing the blinds and just sitting, thinking. The signs are there. Trust me. Learn them. I can fool anyone with my smile and laugh, except my depression. Why should we reach out though? We’re tough, we can fix this! RIGHT!? Right……Bullshit. No we can’t. I’ve tried. It wasn’t pretty. November 2009, I was at work, crying my eyes out in my office with a do not disturb sign on the door. I left work early that day, not saying a word to anyone. I had a plan. Wait. You had a “plan” for what? I had a plan to kill myself. This is not a joke friends. Luckily, I kept thinking of my kids and in some perverse way, started wondering what others would say about me if I actually did it. Coward, chicken, never could handle things. What would they say about me? REALLY? Yes really. I went to the movies instead.
Get Help
Is there help? You bet! Tons! First off, before you scoff at the Veteran’s Administration, I’ve received some of the best care in my life through the VA. Specifically, my local Santa Rosa VA Clinic and the San Francisco Veteran’s Medical Center https://www.sanfrancisco.va.gov The care and concern have been top-notch. There are so many resources for veterans suffering right now.
We’re tough yes, but we have limits. Our breaking points are different for everyone. For myself, I’m not sure when I hit my limit. What I am sure of, is I kept on going. Yes, I’m now under the excellent care of the SF VAMC, have regular checkups, my medicine keeps the demons at bay, for the most part, but not always. There are people who want to help. You’re not showing weakness by asking for help. The ability to recognize your need is foundational to you moving forward in life.
Friends, shipmates, brothers and sisters, we only get one life. I want to laugh everyday, hug my grandkids, play jokes on their parents with them, buy them popsicles and ice cream. Sit around campfires and talk. Take pictures, love life, giggle, love, be kind, drink wine, and most importantly love yourself. That’s the toughest one.
Please get some help, and check in on your friends. Be real with them. Don’t coddle and pacify. They can handle it. Go with them, drive them to their appointments, or help them find the resources they need. Flood their inbox with links, call that person that knows someone in the VA that might be able to help them navigate the maze. Below, I’ve attached some resources to help us out. Click the links below, read, learn, donate, support, volunteer, anything you do might save the life of one of us. Today is a good day for me.
Resources
Veterans Crisis Line #BeThere
Make the Connection
State by State Veterans Affairs Offices
CalVet
National Alliance on Mental Illness
One last note
This is a photography blog right? Yes, by all means, but it might be best to call it a “Photographer’s Blog.” I want to reach out to people, and this is my avenue. It’s who I am. A fun-loving guy that knows photography, studied the art itself and strives for continual learning daily. I’d love to add you to my client list! Let’s have some fun together!
Take care of yourself till we can chat again!
Love all y’all!
Roger
0 notes
It is better to be born lucky than rich
DEAR FRIEND AND OLD THEY SAY YOU SHAKE YOUR HEAD AND WISH SOME BITTER WORDS OF MINE UNSAID: I WISH THEY MIGHT BETHERE WE ARE AGREED; I
CONSCIOUS WOOD A MOMENTARY VISION MAY RENEW OF HIM WHO COUNTS IT TREASURE THAT HE KNEW THOUGH BUT IN PASSING SUCH A PRICELESS GOOD AND LIKE AN ELDER BROTHER FELT HIS MOOD UPLIFTED BY THE SPELL THAT KEPT HER TRUE AMID HER LIGHTSOME COMPEERS TO THE FEW THAT WEAR THE CROWN OF SERIOUS WOMANHOOD: WERE HE SO HAPPY THINK OF HIM AS ONE WHO IN THE LOUVRE OR PITTI FEELS HIS SOUL RAPT BY SOME DEAD FACE WHICH TILL THEN UNSEEN MOVES LIKE A MEMORY AND TILL LIFE OUTRUN IS VEXED
SIMPLE SPELL WHO KNOWS THE SPIRITS OF THE RING TO SWAY FRESH POWER WITH EVERY SUNRISE FLOWS AND ROYAL PURSUIVANTS ARE THOSE THAT
SWEET IS ALL IT SAYS AND THEN IS STILL
ALL LIFE'S PETTY CARES AND FRETS ITS TEASING HOPES AND WEAK REGRETS ARE STILL
WASTEFUL LARGESS SHINE AND THAT DELIGHT OF WELCOME RISE LIKE SUNSHINE STRAINED THROUGH AMBER WINE BUT THAT A GLOW FROM DEEPER SKIES FROM CONSCIOUS FOUNTAINS MORE DIVINE IS IS IT? MINE
0 notes