#i just keep hearing the way zach callison absolutely *breaks down* as steven in I Am My Monster

[hey-hey-j]

god SU Future HURTS but it hurts in such a good cathartic way

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 25: Homeworld Bound (originally posted on September 13, 2021)

AN: Here it is everyone, the beginning of the final part of Steven Universe Alternate Future. Before we proceed, I just want to thank all of you for sticking by my side since December of last year and for all the comments & reviews I've been given. It really means the world to me that I'm getting this much attention. But enough heartfelt thank yous, let's get on with the heartbreak.

Synopsis: Afraid that his out-of-control powers will hurt his friends, Steven sees the Diamonds for help.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Sarah Stiles as Spinel

Aparna Nancherla as Lemon Jade

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Lisa Hannigan as Blue Diamond

Christine Ebersole as White Diamond

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Chert

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Volleyball, Aubergine Pearl

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Flint

Olivia Olson as Citrine

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Charlyne Yi as Navy

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Amy Sedaris as Blue Zircon

Ron Perlman as Steven's Inner Voice

--

The past few minutes have been some of the worst minutes of Steven's life. Not only did he accidentally take a life, but it was a life he was so sure he'd try to change in the past to little success. And now, the death of Jasper would weigh heavily on his shoulders as he dipped the shattered gem he was holding into the essence-infused bathwater.

"I'm sorry." Steven sobbed quietly while his tears dropped into the bathtub below him. Suddenly, as if the tears began reacting to the water, the Diamonds' essences began to glow at once and were absorbed into Jasper's gem, allowing the Gem warrior to regain her physical form and re-emerge in the bathtub.

"You-you shattered me." Jasper gasped while examining her broken horn and the breaks in her stripes before looking straight at Steven.

"I'm sorry, it was an accident!" Steven tried to apologize to Jasper. "I should've stopped, I just wasn't thinking!"

"No you weren't." a voice echoed in Steven's thoughts as Jasper stepped out of the bathtub and took a knee.

"I bow to your strength," Jasper declared while bowing her head in recognition of Steven's strength. "my Diamond."

"No!" Steven gasped in horror at what he's done.

"Ooh, this should be interesting." Steven's intrusive thoughts purred with intrigue at this new development.

"Are you in there Steven?" Pearl asked for Steven while knocking on the bathroom door.

"What's going on?" Amethyst added. "If you got any urges you want to let out, just don't gross Pearl out and make a mess of things."

"Amethyst, read the room." Garnet scolded the small Quartz. "Steven, please come out. We're sorry if you felt like we were intruding a few days ago, but you still need to talk to us somehow."

Just then, the three Gems heard footsteps as someone approached the other side of the door and hopefully cleared the way. But instead of Steven opening the door like they expected, it was instead Jasper.

"Wait, Jasper?!" Amethyst yelled in shock.

"What were you doing in there?" Pearl asked. "And where is Steven?!"

"Right here." Jasper answered, stepping aside to reveal a despairing Steven behind her as she gave the Diamond salute of old.

"Where have you been Steven?!" Amethyst asked Steven as he silently walked away and went up the stairs.

"You can't just disappear for three days and not tell us where you went!" Pearl cried out. "Words could not describe how absolutely scared we were for you! And now Jasper pops up out of nowhere and we're supposed to be okay with this?!"

"My Diamond can do as he pleases, peons." Jasper barked at the Crystal Gems. "He doesn't need you around anymore, just like how you don't need him around."

"Why are you calling him that?!" Amethyst yelled at Jasper before she began following Steven. "Steven!" she cried before shooting the bigger Gem a glare. "Just because we're sisters doesn't mean you're safe from the verbal thrashing I'm gonna give you soon."

"Like I care." Jasper rolled her eyes while the four Gems tailed Steven to the Warp Pad at the conservatory. "You've spent your lives following a liar yet when my Diamond refuses to reveal the truth, that's when you decide you need answers?"

As Steven was about to step on the Warp Pad, the Gems tried yet again to stop him. "Steven, wait!" Pearl yelled.

"You don't need to go." Garnet stated. When Steven decided to finally make a reply, he just sighed as he turned pink and began to form a barrier that separated him from the four Gems behind him.

"What the heck is going on!?" Amethyst screamed in shock before she, Garnet, and Pearl began banging on the shield.

"You guys, I know you want to help, but this is where it's gotta stop." Steven declared. "This whole time, I've been avoiding the only people in the universe that can help me now, so nobody follow me."

"I was right, he doesn't need you anymore!" Jasper laughed tauntingly before her pride soon turned to shock.

"You should stop following me too, Jasper." Steven said to the big Quartz, breaking her heart as she sorrowfully watched her Diamond abandon her yet again. "Go on and do something better with your life."

"Steven, before you go, please remember." Garnet urged Steven with a hand against the pink barrier. "We will always be your family."

"You never were." Steven growled as his shadow seemed to gain a mind of its own before he teleported away on the Warp Pad, the warp stream giving off a strange black aura before shutting off.

"Of course my Diamond doesn't want me anymore." Jasper bowed her head in shame and strolled off, but the Gems weren't done with her yet.

"Oh no you don't Jasper, you got some explaining to do!" Amethyst shouted while chasing after her Gem sister. "What were you doing in the bathroom, and what made you call Steven your Diamond?"

"Don't even bother asking me." Jasper sighed before she began to sing. "I tried teaching him a little tip, just three little words: get a grip. But thanks to him, I finally see, those words really do apply to me." As Jasper retreated into the bathroom, Amethyst and Pearl could barely hear her beginning to cry.

"Never seen her this emotional before." Garnet remarked. "And we've never heard her sing before either."

"I think we should just give her some space for a bit." Pearl suggested and realized what she just said. "Wow, that's the first time I've ever said that about Jasper, of all Gems."

"You think Steven meant what he said about us not being his family?" Amethyst asked as she sat down on the couch.

"I'm not sure." Garnet answered. "But there was something about him that I felt is taking control at the wrong moments, poisoning his mind even. Hopefully, he doesn't let this go out of control."

--

Far away from the galaxy Steven called home, the Warp Pad took him to the Gem Homeworld, and it was just as wildly different as he had seen it when he came here with the Off-Colors. Walking through the central city, he could see multiple Gems conversing while a propaganda video blared above him.

"Citizens of Homeworld, Black Rutile is still out there!" the familiar voice of Blue Zircon declared to her viewers while playing clips of Black Rutile's evil deeds, from her shattering of a Bismuth to her invasion of Earth. "Friends, lovers, even your own type could be a spy! I want you to report any and all suspicious activity to the nearest authority figure! Remember, Black Rutile will do anything to enslave our race, but my team and I are still working our hardest to find and stop her plans in their tracks!"

As soon as the clips stopped rolling, Blue Zircon herself appeared on screen with her arms folded and turned to the camera. "I'm Blue Zircon, and I approve this message."

The video ended with Blue Zircon striking a dramatic pose and Steven continued on his way, eventually reaching the Diamonds' throne room where a purple-colored Pearl was leading a tour group and a pair of Jaspers were having a conversation.

"I can't believe there are still Gems who think Zircon is a good candidate, even after her approval rating went down hard thanks to Black Rutile." One Jasper said about a poster of Yellow Zircon to her friend before gesturing to one of Blue Zircon. "Now Zircon, that's a face we can still trust!"

"As you can see, this truly was the center of the Great Diamond Authority's empire throughout the first and second eras." The aubergine Pearl stated to her tour group while gesturing to the Diamonds' massive thrones. "When walking through these storied halls, it can be easy to feel like you too are as mighty as a Diamond." As the Pearl began leading her group away, only three stayed behind. "Now then, if you'll follow me to the gift shop."

Steven recognized the three remaining Gems as Spinel, Volleyball, and that one green fusion from the Era 3 ball not too long ago, and they all were happy to see him. "Steven!" Spinel exclaimed with hearts in her eyes before leaping towards the boy and giving him a big, goofy kiss, accidentally setting the boy off.

"Spinel, what is wrong with you!?" Steven yelled angrily as he turned pink and pushed Spinel off of him.

"Oh, you know, the usual with me and my posse here." Spinel answered while gesturing to the other two Gems.

"How have you been since last we met Steven?" Volleyball asked.

"I've just been going through some things lately, especially after Black Rutile. I keep swelling up and turning pink." Steven answered. "Speaking of which, I've heard from Pearl you were forced to spy on us for her. Feeling alright?"

"I've been getting better." Volleyball wiped a tear from her cracked eye. "So what brings you here?"

"I need to see the Diamonds." Steven replied. "Can you take me to them?"

"No kidding!" Spinel exclaimed. "You've barely called or written to them, what gives?"

"He said he's been going through some things." The big green Gem said. "By the way, hi, Lemon Jade. Remember me from the ball when you and your human friend fused?"

"I'm sorry, but I barely remember." Steven admitted to Lemon Jade. "After Connie and I fused, the rest kinda went by so fast before we were thrown in the tower. And I think you were poofed too. Which reminds me, sorry for getting you in trouble."

"It's fine." Lemon Jade said. "Besides, ever since Era 3 began, we've been unbubbled and made a representative of all cross-Gem fusions on Homeworld. So it's been pretty good for me."

"And speaking of big changes." Spinel stated while turning to look at Citrine leading a chain gang of Holly Blue Agate, Morganite, Navy, and Cat's Eye into the throne room, all of them carrying mops.

"Okay you four, I want this floor sparkling by the time the next tour group comes in." Citrine commanded her four prisoners before turning to notice Steven. "Hey Steven, long time no see!"

"YOU!" Holly Blue yelled and tried to lunge towards Steven. "It's all because of you that I'm a criminal to my own kind! Once Black Rutile terminates you, she will set me free and I will finally be loved again!"

"Don't you mean set us free?" Morganite snarked at the Agate.

"Yeah, no need to make everything about you." Cat's Eye agreed with the pink Gem.

"You're one to talk." Navy rolled her eyes with a smirk.

"AAAAAHHHH SHADDUP!" Holly Blue shrieked to her fellow prisoners before Citrine jabbed her in the neck with a punch, causing her to fall over.

"Well, that just happened." Spinel said nervously as she wrapped her three friends with her arm and dragged them away. "So, if you're having issues with your physical form, I know just the Gem to help!"

--

Before long, Steven was dragged to a massive, yellow-colored workshop by Spinel, where Yellow Diamond was sitting down at a desk as big as she was as she reassembled a shattered Gem by plucking some of its pieces from a bubble containing an inactive Cluster Gem, as a nervous dull orange Gem watched.

"Just one last piece and you'll be good as new." Yellow muttered as she extracted one last piece from the bubble and placed it on a damaged gem, allowing the physical form of a bluish Gem to be restored, albeit with very stretched-out limbs. "Hm, needs a little work."

"Hey, it's okay Flint." The orange Gem comfortingly said to her frightened blue friend.

"Yellow, what are you doing?!" Steven cried out, startling the Diamond before she turned to see him.

"Oh Steven, you startled me!" Yellow said. "I was in the middle of reversing one of my experiments here." She demonstrated her work by picking up the Flint she just repaired and holding her in front of Steven and his three guides. "I couldn't put every piece back together, but here. Observe." With a tap on Flint's head, Yellow's lightning powers miraculously returned the smaller Gem's limbs to a more conventional length and she returned Flint to her friend.

"Look Chert, I'm back to normal!" Flint cheered as soon as she was returned to the desktop.

"Welcome back!" Chert replied and hugged Flint.

"After all the damage I've done these past couple thousand years, I believed the best way to use my powers for good was to fix the Gems I've shattered." Yellow explained to Steven. "Oh, that reminds me, I should make a note to patch up all the Gems making up the Cluster at some point! One more thing, if any of your Quartz friends back on Earth need their horns removed, just send them straight to me. I can permanently change their forms."

"Ooh, do me, do me!" Spinel excitedly ran up to Yellow and held out her arms to be altered while the Diamond reclined with her arm propping herself up

"Hey, I-" Steven tried to speak up, but Lemon Jade quickly cut him off.

"I know you want to speak, but I want to see what she does." Lemon Jade said before Yellow made Spinel's arms overly muscular with her powers.

"She can make my arms really big!" Spinel demonstrated with a flex of her temporary muscles, inciting a giggle from Volleyball. "And she can give me teeny little feetsies too!" Spinel tried to take a step with her incredibly small feet, only to fall over and make Volleyball laugh even louder while Steven got angrier at not being listened to.

"Won't any of you listen to me?!" Steven yelled in irritation.

"Oh sorry, I didn't notice you there Steven." Volleyball apologized.

"Then you have the floor." Yellow declared. "Penny for your thoughts, as Earth says?"

"I think something's wrong with my diamond powers." Steven explained his situation. "I've been turning pink whenever I get super mad, and I sometimes get real big, and I don't know what to do."

"Well, I believe I can help with that." Yellow suggested and held out a charged finger. "Hold still!" She then shrank Steven down to the size of a Ruby.

"No, I don't wanna be small!" Steven cried angrily.

"Okay, then I suppose you want to be larger!" Yellow reiterated before doing just that, angering Steven even more.

"I don't want to be smaller or larger," Steven roared while turning pink and creating a small crater beneath him with a stomp. "I WANT TO BE ME!" His roar sent everyone else in the room falling backwards before he was returned to his normal size by Yellow, who picked up Spinel to return her body to normal.

"What has gotten into you?!" Yellow asked in shock. "If anything's out of control, it's your temper!" She then took a quick moment to joke with Spinel. "Remind you of a certain someone?"

"Yeah, kinda." Spinel agreed with Yellow.

"Classic Yellow, so oblivious to the needs of others." Steven's intrusive thoughts butted in again while noticing the banter between the two Gems before him. "Exactly why your mother left them."

"Will you leave me alone already?!" Steven yelled, but to everyone else, it seemed like he was talking to himself.

"Is something else the matter?" Lemon Jade wondered.

"Sorry, I've also been having, well, it's harder to explain." Steven stated nervously.

"Well, you can be as big or as small as you want to, but your attitude tells me your issues aren't physical." Yellow deduced. "It has to be emotional. In fact, I think Blue Diamond might be better suited for this."

"Blue-Blue-Blue-Blue-Blue-BLUE!" Spinel cheered while zipping around Steven, Volleyball, and Lemon Jade in a circle.

--

In Blue Diamond's room, there wasn't much furniture to be found in the large glass dome other than many dark blue clouds that Gems were able to relax on, like Blue for instance.

"Your powers have been giving you dramatic mood swings?" the Diamond wondered soothingly. "That sounds awfully troubling Steven."

"You should've seen him with Yellow." Volleyball said. "She was trying to help, but he got really mad because he thinks she misunderstood what he said."

"But you don't seem that troubled yourself." Steven observed the room around him.

"That's because of Blue's new powers." Lemon Jade answered as she let herself sink into one of the clouds.

"Back before Pink came back into our lives through you Steven, I wanted everyone to feel the pain I had suffered." Blue explained. "But now, I realize that I'd rather bring joy to others."

"Oh please, blech!" Steven's inner self metaphorically rolled its eyes and made a gagging sound while Blue brought Steven closer.

"At that moment, my tears vaporized into these clouds, bringing pure joy to anyone they touch." Blue stated.

"They're certainly bringing me joy!" Volleyball moaned relaxedly as she curled up into a ball on one cloud. At that moment, another cloud brushed up against Steven and brought him the relief he was wanting for so long, if only for a few moments.

"She has ended lives all over for years, and only now she wants to actually be nice instead of looking nice?" the intrusive thoughts kept grumbling. "Though then again, there is no stopping you no matter how horrible the person."

"Trust us, just hang on and you'll be feeling the good vibes in no time!" Spinel eagerly advised Steven while saddling up on a cloud.

"I think you'd like it." Blue smiled before she began to sing. "Cold palace walls and empty, endless halls, haunted by echoes of laughter." While the song began, Steven began using his shields to push clouds away on the ground. "You gave a pull, and suddenly they're full. You've thrown the gates open after you."

Despite Steven's efforts, the clouds surrounded and formed underneath him, pushing the boy up into the sky as he smiled from its effects and was lifted into the air.

"And swept in with the throng, comes this wonderful song!" Blue continued singing as she rose through the clouds and looked up with her arms spread wide. "My little reason why, I'll never make you cry. Oh, I have got the sweetest things to tell you everyday." She then made little cloud hearts for Spinel to grab onto before beginning to swing from Blue's finger and hugging her head, while Steven's cloud floated on over to the pair, allowing Blue to hold it in her hand. "My little reason why, you make me want to try loving you."

Despite Blue's soothing number, Steven still felt sad despite all she tried to do and began turning pink again. "No no no, this isn't right!"

"My thoughts exactly." Steven's darker persona quipped. "Does she really think everything will be made better in an instant with some stupid song?"

Just then, Steven began to fall off his cloud and down towards the ground, but thankfully, someone was there to save him in the nick of time.

"Hang in there sunshine!" Spinel cried, grabbing Steven in her arms while using her legs like a propeller to fly him safely down to the ground.

"What's the matter?" Blue asked Steven as her cloud floated towards Steven and Spinel.

"Did the song not help?" Volleyball pondered while getting off her cloud.

"It thought it was very sweet." Lemon Jade added.

"I'm sorry, all of you." Steven apologized. "I know you all want to help, but you can't just magically make me feel better."

"Yes I can." Blue tried to be as reassuring as possible. "It's my new power. Plus, it's been kind of like your power for a long time now."

"I don't want to FEEL better!" Steven reiterated hotly while Spinel turned her hand into a pinwheel to blow on. "I want to BE better!"

"I found happiness," Blue stated. "If you think it's not something you deserve, then it must be a problem with your self-worth." Then, she got an idea. "In that case, maybe you should go visit White Diamond about it."

"Oh, White." Steven nervously repeated, not wanting to be reminded of one of his many near-death experiences.

"White Diamond, eh?" Steven's inner darkness once again butted in. "The Gem who basically got off scot-free for nearly killing you. I must say, did you ever instantly forgive her for all she's done like all the others?"

"No, none of them were instantly forgiven! Now leave me alone!" Steven shrieked back, leaving the four Gems confused at what's going on.

"Is he supposed to be talking to someone?" Blue wondered.

"This happened when we were with Yellow too." Spinel answered. "Either he's got an imaginary friend he really hates, or something worse."

--

Finally, there was White Diamond, whom Steven found meditating in her quarters when she opened her eyes to find him standing in front of her with Spinel, Volleyball, and Lemon Jade alongside him, and she was delighted to see him again. "Good to see you again Steven, and perfect timing too!" White greeted the son of Pink while standing up straight. "I've just gotten back from my most recent charitable escapades where I gave a voice to the little Gems, got the assistance of other species in repopulating our old colonies, and helped in weeding out Black Rutile's allies."

"Giving a voice?" Steven pondered what the eldest Diamond said.

"She basically lets Gems take control of her now, instead of the other way around!" Spinel explained for White.

"So like, the opposite of what you did to Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Volleyball?" Steven continued asking.

"I think something along those lines." Volleyball concurred.

"Well, why don't I show you?" White suggested before turning to Spinel. "Care to help me demonstrate, Spinel?"

Spinel let out a loud, excited squeal at the prospect of helping White show off for Steven, causing Volleyball to blush and laugh before the stretchy Gem calmed down. "Yes please." Spinel sweetly complied.

The two Gems then shut their eyes while the room began flashing various colors. Steven had no time to comprehend what was happening before White opened her eyes, revealing that her colors had now become just like Spinel's, and she had the playmate's voice too. "GUESS WHO?!"

"Agh, what is this?!" Steven yelped at how unsettling he found Spinel taking over White's body.

"Isn't it great?!" White and Spinel exclaimed in perfect sync. "Instead of taking control of other Gems, we can control her by channeling our thoughts into her body! As a matter of fact, watch this!" The two then launched into a crazy song and dance that began to shake the whole room, annoying and terrifying Steven even more.

"Even I have to admit, this is pretty terrifying." Steven's darker voice remarked in shock at what Steven was seeing.

"You don't like it?" Spinel asked Steven, taking note of his unnerved expression.

"You seem a little creeped out." Volleyball added.

"I-it's fine." Steven muttered before Spinel relinquished her control over White Diamond, allowing the Diamond to regain control of her body.

"Oh, what fun." White said. "Thank you for your time, Spinel. Now, why don't you and your friends leave the room for a moment while I have a word with Steven?"

"Okay then. See you later Steven." Lemon Jade said as she, Spinel, and Volleyball left White's quarters.

"Don't take too long you two." Spinel poked her head back in for a moment before the doors closed on her, while White turned her gaze to Steven.

"Now, what seems to be the problem exactly?" White asked the boy.

"Ever since Spinel first came to Earth, I feel like I've been getting way too powerful for my own good." Steven explained depressingly. "Random new abilities keep coming out of the blue and making a mess of things for me, and it's, it's making me scared."

"Oh Steven, I'm sure many humans of your age would dream to have your abilities, yet it only worries you." White lent a sympathetic ear. "Do tell me more."

"I'm scared that I'm gonna hurt people, though I guess I already have." Steven continued with his plight. "I keep pushing everyone away from me no matter how much they want to help, and I even," He let out a big sniff as he struggled to reveal a recent development to White. "I even shattered a Gem after going mad with power."

"Wait, shattered a Gem?! Seriously?!" White gasped in shock at how Steven of all people could do such a thing. "Which one was it?"

"You remember Jasper, right?" Steven asked.

"Barely, I've only seen her once recently, at the fountain." White answered. "She had her gem on her nose, right?"

"Yeah, I thought she would be a good mentor to help me get a handle on myself, but things only got worse." Steven replied. "After Black Rutile kept on lying to me about how I'll drive Jasper away like I did with everyone else, or something even worse, she kept feeding us more lies to turn us against each other, and then, and then." Steven couldn't compose himself any longer and was about to burst into a crying fit, but a gentle pat on the head from White's massive finger kept him sane for just a little longer.

"Half a Diamond, half an organic." White mused while sitting down and getting closer to Steven. "In all the universe, I don't think anyone else could know what you're going through, except yourself of course." She gave Steven a little poke. "Would you like to take me for a spin?"

"Okay." Steven began to wipe his eyes in agreement.

"Yes, this is what we need!" Steven's evil half declared excitedly. "Perhaps we could give this hag her just desserts."

With another shut of her eyes, White's room began flashing colors again while Steven began to felt himself getting linked to the massive Diamond before she began to turn various shades of pink, symbolizing that Steven was now in control.

"Whoa, this is so weird!" Steven and White exclaimed as they got a grasp on their shared mindset. "I'm, I'm," His excitement soon turned to shock as Steven began to realize what he had become. "I'm a Diamond."

"That's right." Steven's inner voice declared menacingly, symbolized through White's eyes becoming a pitch black. "The very thing you feared for so long. Isn't this what you wanted to see?"

"No, this is the last thing I ever wanted to see!" Steven yelled as he took back control of White. "Why won't you just go away?!" White smashed a pillar behind her with her fist, and the resulting debris nearly crushed Steven. "Don't hurt me!" Steven exclaimed in fear, when he made a haunting discovery. "Wait, she can't hurt me. I'm controlling her."

"Exactly, why are you so afraid?" the darker side of Steven asked as he took back control of White. "She should be afraid of us!"

Suddenly, Steven and White switched heights while the room turned dark and a booming, evil laugh could be heard. Thanks to being under Steven's control, White began cowering in terror.

"Wh-what's going on!?" White yelled in Steven's voice and tried to run, but she was quickly stopped by invisible chains latching onto her wrists and ankles as Steven lifted her up like a puppet.

"You treated your race like puppets for so long, it's time you see how they feel." Steven announced in a deep voice completely unlike his own. "So, what's it like being a mere plaything to the brat you've bullied for ages now?"

"No, stop, I don't like this!" White exclaimed while she was forcibly steered towards another pillar.

"TOO BAD!" the dark side of Steven cackled evilly while forcing the Diamond to grab onto the pillar and hold her head back.

"Let me go please, you're scaring me!" White screamed.

"This is for everything you put me through, and everyone else too!" Steven bellowed as he prepared to smash White's gemstone against the pillar, but there was something in him that held him back.

"Well, what are you waiting for?!" the evil voice within Steven commanded. "END HER MADNESS, END YOUR SUFFERING! DO IT!"

"Neither of you can control me!" the better man within Steven argued against shattering White once and for all. "Just stop this, I'm begging you!"

"Ignorant baby. Your pacifism will be the end of you!" the evil half snarled. "Fine, if no one else does what you want, you have to do it yourself!" Steven's inner voice took full control over Steven once again and prepared to kill White Diamond, letting out a haunting evil laugh as she was about to shatter herself by smashing her gem against the pillar. Unfortunately for him, the link between Steven and White was broken in the nick of time and the two woke back up in her destroyed sanctum.

"Steven, what happened?" White gasped in horror at what Steven seemingly threatened against her. "Who was that voice? And did you just try to-"

"I-I don't know!" Steven gasped just as terrified before swelling up and turning pink, causing him to run out of the room.

"Wait!" White cried out with an outstretched hand. "Please come back!"

--

As the larger, pinker Steven charged away from White Diamond's room, he happened to pass by the other two Diamonds and Spinel & her friends, who were aghast at his current state.

"Is this what he wanted to talk to me about?" Yellow asked Blue.

"I don't think humans can get tall so quickly." Blue commented while Spinel began to give chase, her legs turning into a figure 8 as she ran behind Steven.

"Yo Steven, did White help you?!" Spinel cried out for her half-human friend, causing him to stop and turn to her, giving Spinel a good idea of what happened by his current appearance alone. "Whoa, not cool, right?"

"Wait a second!" Steven realized as he returned to his normal self before shaking Spinel by the shoulders. "You and your friends were hurt by the Diamonds, how are you so calm?!"

"Oh yeah, they hurt us alright, but it's all pretty good." Spinel chuckled.

"How good exactly?" Steven asked.

"Well, it's all good thanks to Steven Universe!" Spinel beamed and she began to sing a familiar song. "That IIII-III-III, I can make a change!"

"Insipid hypocritical brat!" Steven's inner voice bellowed furiously. "Does she think she can make you feel all better with that same idiotic tune?" The inner voice's question immediately changed Steven's perspective of Spinel. Gone was the looney sweetheart, and right before him, Steven began to imagine the psychopath that poofed all his friends and nearly killed all organic life. "She's just like everybody else you've met! They think everything is okay despite all the horrible things they've done, and you just accept it! Go right on ahead, show her how she made you feel!"

"I can make a promise, I can make a plan!" Spinel kept on singing while Steven continued glaring at her for giving him his own advice. "I can make a difference, I can take a stand! I can make an effort, if I only understaa-aaand!" Once again, Steven's darker half began to take control, making Steven curl his hand up into a fist. "That III-III-I, I can make a-"

Spinel's musical reverie was quickly cut short when Steven punched her square in the face and sent her head flying back for a moment before it returned to the rest of her body in tears. "W-why did you do that?" Spinel sniffled and then began to sob loudly.

"No, it wasn't my fault!" Steven tried to defend himself and began blaming the real culprit "You!" he yelled at his inner voice. "Why did you make me hurt her?!"

"Isn't that what you wanted, to get the payback you wanted?" the voice replied with a metaphorical sneer just as Volleyball raced towards the crying Spinel.

"Oh my goodness, are you alright Spinel?!" the Pearl with the damaged eye asked Spinel.

"Steven hit me!" Spinel kept on sobbing as she pointed at Steven while the Diamonds and Lemon Jade joined Volleyball in comforting her.

"Steven did what!?" Yellow shrieked and glared right at Steven, who turned pink yet again as he ran away. "Steven, you get back here this instant and explain yourself! She just wanted to make you feel better!"

"All of you shut up and leave me alone!" Steven screamed while racing out of the palace, unknowingly leaving behind a sandal on the steps as he left.

"Oh crack, this is Pink all over again." White groaned before she, her fellow Diamonds and Spinel's gang followed Steven out of the palace just as he was about to get on a Warp Pad, where they noticed how eerily similar to the late Diamond he has quickly become.

"Please Steven, let us help you!" Yellow cried out.

"We're your family!" Blue added.

"No, you never were!" Steven cried in a raspier voice. "Just stop following me!"

"Steven!" White exclaimed, but they were too late. The former great authority's pleas fell on deaf ears and Steven finally left Homeworld behind, the warp stream once again revealing a formless black shape before disappearing. "Oh, dear."

"What's going on with him?" Lemon Jade nervously asked.

"I have no idea." Volleyball answered as the doors closed behind them.

"Yeah, it's like he's turned into a different person," Spinel added while drying her tears. "and an absolute jerk too."

"This isn't like Steven to hit someone like this." Yellow said while cradling Spinel in her hand. "Something is definitely wrong."

"I concur Yellow." White agreed with the younger Diamond. "When I allowed Steven to take over my body, I felt a strange presence within him that urged him to try and shatter me."

"What?!" Yellow and Blue shouted in unison.

"This has got to be a result of human growth, I'm sure of it!" Blue paced around the halls. "What is it his father called it again, pub-erty?"

"Something along those lines." White said. "While I've been told young humans undergoing this process do have mood swings, I don't think violent urges are among those moods."

--

Meanwhile on Earth, Jasper had returned to lying in the bathtub where she was resurrected, and she was now crying her eyes out after being rejected by Steven. Losing her Diamond in battle was bad enough for her, and learning she was Rose Quartz all along thus making everything she worked for all a lie was even worse, but getting her back only to be abandoned once again was the final straw.

"Why does this planet hate me so?" Jasper quietly sobbed to herself. "I was only following orders, what does the rock I was created on have against me?"

Just then, Jasper could barely hear a Warp Pad go off, signaling that someone had come to the beach house. However, she chose not to bother seeing who it was, even as someone opened the door.

"Hello, anyone in here?" Steven, the boy who had basically ruined Jasper's life, asked while poking his head into the bathroom. It was dark in the room, so he could barely make out the shape of Jasper's hair lying in the tub, and he closed the door again.

--

I apologize in advance for all the heartbreak in this chapter and all chapters going forward. We're gonna get into some intense stuff here, perhaps even more intense than the gaslighting and pet loss of the previous part. And you're all still here for it, you lovable sadists. Anywho, join us next time for Everything's Fine! Oh wait, everything won't be fine.