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#i just want to continue believing that I'm simply overreacting and that everything will be fine
abluehappyface · 1 year
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"I checked to make sure she's still alive and she is"
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l33bang24 · 4 months
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OMG It's You…(Part 9)
YouTube!Fem reader x Stray Kids
Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?
⚠️Warnings⚠️: Lots of feelings, hidden secrets, Felix being a genius 🤔, (lmk if I missed anything)
🏷️ : @laylasbunbunny @weirdowithaphone @silverstarburst @jusanontstuff @anxiousskylar @drewsandsebastianswife @amararosesblog @niaalove (Taglist open)
Series Masterlist
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Previously on OMG It’s You
Lee Know finally decides to take action so they can both concentrate on what's important. As Lee Know strides towards the door and reaches for the knob, he is taken aback to find his Leader standing there, hand poised to knock. They lock eyes, and Chan slowly lowers his hand. "Hey, I was just coming to see if you wanted to talk."
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Third Person POV
The boys sat silently on Lee Know’s bed, hesitant to break the quiet. It was as if they were at a loss for words. Finally, Chan gathered the courage to start the conversation. “I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I know an apology can't undo what's happened, but I…” Before he could finish, Lee Know interrupted.
“Chan Hyung, it's not just about the lies. I trusted you with things that no one else knows. We promised each other no secrets, but then I learned from another member that you weren't honest about your feelings for Y/N. Do you know how much I wanted to punch you? I had to hold back because you're my leader and hyung. I had to let out my frustration at the gym instead." Lee Know looked away from Chan, his frustration evident.
Chan gazes down at his hands, nervously wringing them together. "I'd let you do it; I deserve it," he mutters. Lee Know looks at Chan with concern and lets out a sigh. He carefully considers how to approach the situation. After a moment, he sits down next to Chan. "You don't deserve to be punched in the face. Punched in the arm? Maybe, but I won't do that," he says gently. Chan looks at Lee Know, nodding in understanding. After some more silence goes by, Lee Know speaks up again.
“So why didn't you tell us? Were you worried about how we would react?" Chan stares at the wall, lost in thought. "You all loved her. At first, I did, too, but it felt like Stays was always talking about her non-stop. Did I try to stop it? No, I just put on a brave face and pretended to be okay. But hearing about her made me feel more and more frustrated." He looks at Lee Know. "I kept quiet because I didn't want to be seen as attention-seeking. I thought you guys would think I was overreacting. That's why I stayed silent.”
Before Lee Know responded, Chan continued, "I knew I could trust you with my feelings without judgment. But every time you talked about her, it was hard for me. I wanted to tell you many times but feared ruining our friendship. Then I saw that video of her, and it changed everything. Even when you were there for me, I struggled with these feelings. I was torn between wanting to move on and wanting to tell you the truth. I eventually decided to tell her, but I regret not being honest with you. I'm sorry.”
Lee Know nodded, gently taking his Hyung’s hand into his own. "The next time you feel this way, please don't hesitate to confide in me. You're not seeking attention; you're simply struggling with conflicting emotions. I believe you should have asked Stays to refrain from constantly discussing her. They likely would have respected your feelings if you had asked them to stop. Regardless, what's done is done. From now on, if you ever experience those emotions again, please promise me you'll tell me. It may dampen my spirits a little, but I'd much rather that happen than for you to endure that terrible feeling again, okay?" Chan nodded, offering a small smile to Lee Know.
The duo delved into discussions about life and the whirlwind of their MANIAC Tour schedules. Little did they know they were hiding a significant secret - they had been in contact with Y/N without the other's knowledge. The tension of withholding this information from each other added an intriguing layer to their interactions, creating a sense of anticipation for when the truth would eventually come to light.
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Over time, the pair made a habit of messaging Y/N whenever they found a free moment. They eagerly shared details about their activities and expressed how much they wished she could join them. They also sent photos of themselves and their members. One member noted how his two older brothers constantly smiled at their phones.
He didn't pay much attention to it at first, but his curious mind couldn't help but piece together all the instances where he noticed a change in their behavior. Chan seemed noticeably happier after their big argument, and Lee Know constantly kept his phone by his side. Even Han, of all people, got scolded by Lee Know for taking his phone and dashing off with it once. Lee Know nearly strangled him that day. Felix reflected on this change, which occurred right after they watched the last video of Y/N.
"Did they give their numbers to Y/N?" Suddenly, it clicked in his mind, and everything fell into place! It seems like they've been acting as though they're talking to a girl for the first time. Felix also noticed changes in Y/N's behavior. She appears to be much happier these days, and in one video, her phone kept chiming with notifications, and she just laughed it off as if it were a friend sending her reels or videos from Instagram. Felix has a prominent theory about this, and the timing makes it all the more convincing.
Felix keeps this to himself since his brothers have been getting along better. Although he has his theory, Felix understands that there's a high chance he could be wrong and a slight chance that he could be right. He's hoping that whatever unfolds doesn't stir up more tension within the group.
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Y/N’s POV
I haven't shared the news about my move to South Korea or leaving my previous job. It's been tough, especially with Chan and Minho constantly contacting me, sending photos, and wanting to talk. I initially enjoyed our conversations, but it became increasingly difficult as I kept a major secret from them. I longed to confide in them, but my pride convinced me they could wait and that I wasn't a priority in their lives.
I've been focused on creating many content videos to stay ahead of the game. I know the transition to a new place will take some time. Fortunately, MNet has already prepared a recording space for me, and it's breathtaking. The setup is so impressive that even gamers would be envious. They consulted me on how I wanted the room to be arranged, and I provided them with all the details. They truly exceeded my expectations with the final result. I can't wait to see the room in person - it's every content creator's fantasy come true.
I snapped out of my daydreams and refocused on the task at hand: packing.
I've moved before, but this time feels different. I've meticulously organized the shipment of my belongings and planned to follow shortly after by plane. This isn't just a move across the state; it's a leap of faith, trusting that everything will arrive intact and nothing will be lost. Dealing with this has been quite stressful. A few of my new co-workers have already offered to help, which I appreciate.
I find it challenging to accept assistance, especially from individuals I don't know well. I am pretty particular about my belongings, and needing help to move them into an unfamiliar place makes me uneasy. Additionally, I've purchased items for the new apartment that have already been delivered there. While I can manage the items currently at the new place, I will require assistance to move the rest of my belongings.
After countless hours packing my belongings, the shipping company finally arrived to collect everything. MNet had emphasized the importance of caring for my items and ensuring their safe delivery. I received a reassuring call from the company's CEO, who guaranteed they would take great care of my belongings and ensure they arrived in the same condition as when they were picked up.
Now, all that needed to be done was to get ready for bed, as I had a long trip ahead of me. The anticipation and excitement for this new chapter in my life made it impossible to fall asleep. Before settling in for the night, I meticulously went through the bags I planned to take, ensuring I had everything I needed. As part of my nighttime routine, I took a melatonin supplement to help me fall asleep. Until then, I will continue to imagine and anticipate the experience when I finally get there.
(A/N: And so the plot thickens! What are they going to do when they both find out they've keep similar secrets?? Only time will tell 😏😏)
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deckofcookiez · 7 months
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The Alex Kister Situation
Alright; I've been more of a lurker on here for awhile, but for months now--almost a year--I've been a massive fan of the Mandela Catalogue, and this fandom has been a major form of escapism and safety for me. So, I feel the need to say something about the current situation.
To start, I'm putting a link to the document with all of the information about what happened, as it's important to read it and learn about this whole situation in depth:
With that out of the way, I just wanted to share my own personal opinion; personally, Mandela Catalogue has legitimately become my special interest. I have pretty much obsessed over it ever since I first found it, and everything I've written or drawn since then has been to do with it. It's been very important to me, especially due to the community here on tumblr, as this fandom is probably the most supportive and open places on the internet I've found. I feel a lot more connected because of it, and it made me feel comfortable and safe.
I was in a bad mental space today, and when I found out about this, I had a pretty bad breakdown--some might call it an overreaction, but you don't know just how dependent my mental health had become on this series and fandom. (I will be working on avoiding this habit in the future, as it isn't healthy to depend so heavily on one interest)
After reading through the document, and just seeing so many opinions and contributions from others, I am almost certain that these allegations are true. But I always, always listen to all perspectives before making judgement, so I will not be going full "I hate Alex, he's a despicable person!!" before Alex gives his own point of view.
That being said, I do believe Alex has serious issues that he needs to get handled. I am hesitant to call this pedophilia, as from what I've gathered, he didn't seem to have active malicious intent towards minors(correct me if I missed something that said otherwise)--rather, I get the impression that Alex simply doesn't understand boundaries, and genuinely saw his fans as mutuals. He seems to be a person who's manipulative--whether intentionally or not--and his personal relationships, platonic, romantic, or sexual, turn very toxic because of this. So, trying to have personal relationships with fans, people who look up to him and see him in a very different light, results in inevitable toxicity as well.
I get the sense that Alex simply is a young person, struggling with mental health and gender dysphoria, who was thrust into extreme popularity very suddenly, and doesn't have the maturity level to handle it properly. Overall, I do not support him, if he continues to act like this--if he makes genuine, real efforts to deal with his mental health and his unhealthy behaviours, I would respect him for that. I wouldn't look at him quite the same, but as long as someone makes genuine efforts to better themself after doing something wrong, I appreciate and respect that, and may eventually give forgiveness. But, if he doesn't make those efforts, if he continues his patterns and refuses to try and get better, then that is on him and at that point I have lost any and all respect for him. At that point, you are not a good or reasonable person, in my eyes.
Regardless of how things go with Alex himself, though, I want to say...
You do not have to support a creator to enjoy their work!!
I am a huge fan of Danny Phantom, and that show's creator is a genuine piece of shit. Like, a truly despicable human being. That fandom successfully has, just... completely ripped the show and characters from their creator. They have cut him out entirely, nothing he says holds any impact or meaning to them and it hasn't for years. He's seriously fallen off. And it's still a fun, active fandom! The people in there are super neat!!
And, hell, look at the whole mess with J. K. Rowling!! She is an absolutely disgusting person. But so many people grew up with Harry Potter, and still like her stories, without actively supporting her--lots of creators turn out to be really awful people, but that doesn't mean that what they made is automatically awful as well. They still have some kind of creative ability, that happened to produce something that garnered a significant amount of attention.
We don't need Alex to still enjoy the concept, characters, and overall story he's created. We can still make fanworks, still appreciate what it is that drew us to the series in the first place.
Honestly, out of everything that the fallout of this would bring, I was most terrified of the fandom itself dying, as that is what truly matters the most to me. This place, these people are so important to me, and I am so scared of this community falling apart. I've already seen plenty of people stating that they will no longer be associating with TMC, and are just completely distancing themselves from it. It feels like things are already dying and disappearing and it really, really fucking hurts.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that... if that is your choice, if you truly do not want to associate with TMC anymore whatsoever, then I don't blame you for it. I understand if you can't look at the series the same way after this, and I respect that choice.
But you don't have to, if it still means anything to you. Fandoms are more than just their creators--they're the community that has been built around the work, and this community is possibly the best one I've ever been in. I don't want to see it die. So, just know, that you can still love this fandom, this story, these characters, without supporting Alex. You can still draw the characters, make OCs, write fanfiction, etc. He won't get money from that--only from directly watching his content or buying his merch.
Finally, I'd like to say to go support the victims. They didn't deserve this--no matter what Alex's intentions were. Please support them, and regardless of how this turns out, do not continue actively supporting Alex Kister. I am sure that, whatever his intentions were, he did still harm people and that is not okay.
Also, this is all just my own opinion, based on what I know; I was not in the discord, I don't have Twitter, I don't personally know anyone involved and I have not seen everything regarding the situation as a whole. I simply felt I should state my current opinion, as I'm seeing a lot of people freaking out and spiraling and just leaving the fandom entirely. I wanted to remind people that it's okay to still enjoy this fandom and be a part of it, without Alex. My opinion may change some with new information I find, but overall, I am of the opinion that Alex should not be supported, while the Mandela Catalogue itself can be separated from him and still be enjoyed and appreciated.
And, whatever happens... Adam Murray, Jonah Marshall and Thatcher Davis are officially honorary characters in my stash of little guys. If he's not fit to keep them then they will become my creative outlet instead (and others who love them, obviously). They're very special characters to me, I can't express just how many things I have written and drawn to do with them, and I refuse to give them up.
(another addition, regarding the apparent 'alter egos' Alex apparently had: Possibly consider DID? I know a lot of people with DID will often mistake it for other things, including simply being gender non-conforming, when in actuality they really have alters that just identify differently. Not diagnosing, I don't know enough about him to make any real claims--it was just a thought.)
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Could I request Jill roberts x fem reader where maybe reader finds out Jill is ghostface but decides to stick with her and not turn her in, thanks!
It's Okay
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[pairings]: Jill Roberts x fem!Reader
[Summary]: You find out Who Jill really is, but still decide to stick with her.
[Warnings]: Blood, maybe swearing, kissing
A/N: Definitely not my best work.
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You are waiting in your living room for  your girlfriend to arrive. She is around 30 minutes late so you are getting concerned. She was never late to your movie night-dates. Ever. You sigh as you sit down on the couch and decide to call for the fifth time tonight. You may be overreacting, but you didn’t care as you put your phone up to your ear. 
“ Jill Roberts here! Leave a message. “
You groan as your mind goes over the things she would be doing. Was she cheating? No, she is not like that. You are about to dial her number again, but suddenly someone busts through your door. You got up quickly and ran to the front door. When you get there you see someone you did not expect to see. Ghostface. He is clutching his stomach and is panting as if he has just ran miles. Your eyes widen and you gasp. He looks up immediately and sees you reaching for the hidden gun under the table. 
“ Wait! Wait! Y/N! “  He quickly pulls off his mask to reveal your beloved girlfriend. You gasp a little louder this time and your hand stops reaching for the gun and falls to your side. “ It’s me. I’m sorry! “
“ Jill? “ Is all you could let out because of the shock. She started nodding and took a step closer to you as you took one back. 
“ Look, just let me explain! “ She begs as she sees the fear on your face. Suddenly all you could hear was the fast beating of your heart and your heavy breathing. She stepped closer to you  and held your face in her hands and looked at your scared face. “ I’m sorry, love. But-”
“ I can’t believe you! “ You snapped back to reality and pushed her away.
“ Love, please! Don’t call the cops! I-I-” At that moment she was the one that looked scared. Desperate even. You rubbed your hands over your face then looked back at her. “ Please “
She begged once again as she started to take off the black coat.
You groaned “ I can’t believe I'm letting myself do this. “ You mumbled to yourself then looked at the ground. “ I-I won’t call the cops.” 
She ran to you and picked you up to spin you around in her arms “ Thank you! Thank you! “
You smiled slightly and wrapped your arms around her neck as she stopped spinning. She looked at you lightly smiling. She kissed your lips tenderly. 
“ But it doesn’t mean you are getting away without an explanation. “ You frowned down at her but she quickly ran to the living room and sat you down on the couch. She nodded and sat beside you and started explaining.
-
After she was done she looked at you, trying to see your reaction. You look into her eyes and nod. “ Okay. Okay. I-........and you did and are doing this on your own?” 
“ Yes, and no you are not joining me. “ 
“ I wasn’t going to ask that, I just wanted to tell you to stay safe “ She nodded in a mocking manner, but then she processed the last part of your sentence. 
“ You are letting me continue? “ She suddenly sounded excited. You nodded and she pulled you into her lap and kissed you passionately. You both laughed and kissed again. She was slowly getting lost in the kiss, the taste of your watermelon flavored chapstick, your perfume and simply everything about you made her get lost. 
You pulled back after a while and looked at her as her arms went around your waist; pulling you closer. “  But we have to set some ground rules. Okay? “ She nodded slowly as she hugged you; burying her face in-between your breasts. You smiled and put your fingers into her hair. 
“ The first one is, not killing our friends. Even if they have a crush on me. “ You said- referring to Kirby- and she hummed in agreement. “ Second one is, “ You leaned your head down beside her ear “ You are going to wear the costume when we are having sex.  Not always just, sometimes. “ She chuckled and nodded. "Hmm, I think that’s it for now. “
You reached behind you to get her hands off and got up as she whined.  You laughed then looked down at your now bloody shirt “ I don’t wanna know who’s blood this is so just let's go shower. “ 
“ Together? “ She asked as she stood up. 
“ Of course.  Why?  You don’t want to? “ 
She shook her immediately, grabbed your arm and started pulling you towards the bathroom. 
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A/N: Why are my fics getting shorter and shorter?
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scuttle-buttle · 3 years
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Chapter 10
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WC: 1633
Rated: E
Chapter Tags: anxiety, angst, brief fears of infidelity, discussions of childbearing and marriage/gender roles, psych theories, some manipulation, age difference, brief mention of domestic violence (there is none)
A/N: If you have any questions regarding the tags for this chapter and want to ask me about it before reading please do so! The chapter is not necessarily dark but I understand that some may want me to give a more detailed warning/context. I want all my readers to be as comfortable as possible 💙
🧠
It started out small. He would bring up Dr. Stratton during conversation more and more often. Three times now he had been late to office hours, causing you to have to wait outside his room, nervously checking the time. But it’s nothing, you continue to remind yourself. They’re just good friends that haven’t seen each other in years. And you trust them both.
When another Friday night passed with Laszlo skipping drinks in favor of meeting with Karen, you decided to stay in as well. It had been a month since they reacquainted with one another. In those weeks you had seen less of him outside work. Your sex life was stagnating too, much to your annoyance. He had even canceled at the absolute last minute on a dinner date. Naturally, you had begun to feel a twinge of jealousy at his lack of attention. He kept saying it was work related. Nevertheless, the sullen temperament you'd adopted went unnoticed by the doctor. You felt foolish; you weren’t so needy that you had to make a big deal about it. So you said nothing on the issue.
You sat on the old couch in your apartment. Bitsy was getting ready to go out with Lucius for date night. Picking at your fingers, you decide to ask your roommate for advice. “Hey Bits?”
“Yeah?” she called from her bedroom.
“Can I ask you a question about Lucius?” you start.
“Sure, what’s up?”
You pause as you think of how to word your thoughts. “Do you ever, like, get jealous? When he hangs out with other girls I mean.” Her head pops out of the door frame as she finishes fastening her earring, eyebrows raised in question. “It’s just that Laszlo has been spending a lot of time with Dr. Stratton now that she’s back in town. I trust them and everything, but I’m starting to feel a bit left behind I guess…” you trail off.
“Oh honey, that's normal.” She waves a hand through the air as she speaks. “There’s this girl at the lab that Lucius works with and for the first month I was convinced she was trying to steal him away from me. Turns out she just wanted Marcus, his brother!” Bitsy lets out a cackle.
“Right…” you pick at the skin around your fingernails. “I just feel silly about it. I’m sure I’m overreacting to the whole thing, though. Laszlo would never do anything, and I don’t think Dr. Stratton would either,” you remind yourself outloud. "There's just this thing John said to me about them having a past and I can't get it out of my head."
“It's not silly.” Bitsy had moved further into the bedroom, causing her voice to be slightly muffled. “But if it bothers you that much, talk to him about it. He’s a psychologist, it’s kinda his job to understand emotions and things like this. And if he loves you like you say he does then he’ll put a bit more effort into giving you his attention.”
You marinate on what she’s told you. Bitsy is right, if it bothers you that much then you need to bring it up with him. Be an adult, use communication, and all that. “Why’re you always right and level-headed about everything?”
“Someone’s gotta be, with a hot head like you,” she snarks. Her phone buzzes letting her know her date is downstairs. With a squeeze on the shoulder she bids you goodbye, telling you to let her know if you need anything.
_
The atmosphere in Dr. Stratton’s office felt off. What was usually so open and warm had felt forced and awkward. You were still ignoring the guilt of your jealousy at the doctor. She wasn’t as talkative today, unlike usual. Instead, it was strictly business. You chalked it up to her having an off day.
The two of you discussed in more depth the fetishes and kinks from the list you had compiled. Unfortunately, due to spending less time with your boyfriend the last few weeks you hadn’t had much of an opportunity to try any of the new tricks you were learning about. Therefore, you had little to really talk about in that regard. You found that you didn’t particularly mind, as you were feeling less inclined to want to share about your love life due to your envy towards the woman in question.
Dr. Stratton quietly gathered together her notes from the session and placed them into the folder. You were about to ask if she needed anything else from you when her lips parted before closing again. She leaned forward on her desk towards you. Her fingers steepled under her chin.
She licks her lips. “There is something I wish to discuss with you unrelated to the study.”
You didn’t like where this was going. Dread pooled in your gut at the concerned look on her face. “O-okay.”
“Now I want you to understand that I only bring this up out of concern for your wellbeing and emotional health. But some of the things you have told me over the course of this study have me worried.”
What on earth could you have said that would cause this sort of reaction from her? She was the most calm and collected person you had ever known. To have her speaking out made your heart race in your chest.
She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before opening her mouth again. “In truth I worry about your current relationship. I fear that-”
Brows furrowing, your mind goes to the worst conclusion. You blurt out “what? No! He doesn’t hurt me or anything, I don’t know what would have given you that impression but I- ”
The doctor reaches out with her hand to settle on your forearm. “My dear take a breath, I meant no such thing.”
You take a deep inhale to compose yourself. “Then what are you talking about?”
“Speaking as your friend, and as an alienist, I fear that this boyfriend is potentially using you for your youth,” she begins the tale she concocted, unbeknownst to you. “In my experience as a psychologist, the young women such as yourself that I encounter with significantly older male companions find themselves locked into the relationship. Typically, it is from dependence on money at first. Over time, the male pressures the woman to be compliant in things like marriage and childbearing. I understand how difficult it is for a woman as driven as you to balance your aspirations with relationships and domestic matters. Do you want children?”
Her statement and question take you back. Confusion is written all over your face. Marriage? Children? Neither you nor Laszlo had ever brought up either subject. You didn’t even know if it was something he was interested in. “Wait what? I'm not sure I follow…”
“Men around his age go through an identity crisis in which they begin to become aware of their mortality. A change in priorities. The most common desire is to procreate, to start a family in which to pass on their wisdom is strongest here. Are you prepared to give him children soon? Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother, it is a very noble role. Yet you do not strike me as someone ready for such a large step.”
You can barely form a coherent thought at her onslaught. The whole conversation was so out of the blue that you felt incredibly lost. Did you want children? Did he want children? Now? You wrap your arms around your torso to stave off the uncertainty and anxiety you feel creeping in. No words come to your defense at her interrogation. You are speechless, jaw dropped.
She stands and crosses the room, placing her cool hands on your cheeks. “My dear you are still a child yourself. This is something you need to consider. To… consider the possibility that you can’t give him what he needs. That he may need someone closer to his age with the same priorities, someone more willing to give in to his needs now. I don’t think you’re ready for that. I’ve seen the cost that these girls face. And the societal pressures and judgement you would face being with someone so much older? I think it could throw you into a state similar to after your friend passed. I wouldn’t want to see you in that position again. I want you to have your freedom."
Dr. Stratton looks up at the clock suddenly; “oh! My, I’m going to be late for a meeting, you’ll have to go. I don’t believe we need any more sessions for the study, but I will let you know if anything changes.”
You are too in shock trying to process everything she said to you as she ushers you out of the door with a “think about what I said, dear.” The door shuts behind you.
Karen sat with a huff. She felt a tad guilty for what she had said to you. She had no idea if Laszlo wanted marriage or children, he hadn’t when they were first together. But times change. She hoped that by using the angle of kids and identity crises that she could subtly plant a seed of doubt in your mind. Strike quickly and overwhelmingly, plant the doubt that you weren’t right for him, then push you out before you have the chance to seek answers or reassurance from her. It seemed you bought her false concern as actual worry. You were a great girl. But you were just that - a girl. You couldn’t give Laszlo what he needed, not like she could.
Now she simply had to wait and let your mind eat away at itself, leaving him for the taking.
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Text
I heard you didn't get a secret santa gift yet. So here we are, here is what I wrote for you. I have no idea what it even is but it ends where it ends because I like the number of words there are right now.
I just hope no one finds this because it is a mess just like me hehe
Ehmmm.... I don't know how to write so sorry what I actually wanted to say was: just a beta writing a Beta-Story (okay hope you get it I'm sorry)
@spookypotato yes this is for you wifouuuuuuuu
characters by @lumosinlove
The Surprise
“Hey, Black wait up!”, trainer Weasley shouted completely out of breath trying to keep up with the captain. Sirius slowly turned in front of his car looking back at his trainer completely drained in sweat. He started laughing and looked confused at Arthur.
What could he want from him after training? Was it something important?
Something about Remus having to leave the team? He got scared for a moment but when his trainer smiled back at him, he started to relax again.
“So, you know…” Arthur started but stopped himself quickly looking around the parking garage, anxiously trying to find something. After what seamed like an eternity he finally looked up. “So, we all saw Remus play at familyskate last year and I..” he stopped again looking around searching for something. He even ducked a bit to look under the cars. Sirius who couldn’t keep it together laughed at his trainer ducking in front of him, almost crawling on the floor. Black finally decided to say something, “What is it Arthur, just spit it out.”. “So”, he laughed “Well, Remus went home already, right?”. “Yeah, he left hours ago”, Sirius replied.
“Okay”, Weasley said, clearly relaxing a bit “Well, so, we can’t keep Remus as our PT anymore, the league, they, they won’t allow it, but…” Sirius couldn’t stay silent at that “They are gonna throw him out because he’s gay? What the actual fuck, he’s gonna lose his job because of love? What even is the league? What do they want from us? Can’t they just shut up and let us live our lifes?”… he could have continued for ages, screaming at his own trainer.
But Arthur reached forward grabbing the captains’ shoulder. The touch stopped Sirius from screaming, he looked up, his eyes filled with tears and anger. After a few moments Arthur started again “but there is an opening on our team, I’ve talked to the lions management they are willing to give Remus a position…..”
He was stopped by Sirius letting out a loud scream. Arthur could have sworn anyone who was still at the rink was able to hear it. Sirius who couldn’t believe it asked “is this real? Is this really happening?”.
“Yes, it is. He’s gonna stay whit us” Weasley said clearly relieved by Sirius’ reaction and then it had already happened coach was rapped up in a tight hug not able to feel any of this body.
“Could you..” he breathed out, feeling a bit dizzy from the lack of air in his lungs. Sirius understood and quickly let go of his coach.
Black couldn’t believe his luck he was gonna play on the same team as his boyfriend. They were going to be out there together. He couldn’t believe it everything he dreamt of since familyskate was coming true. He wasn’t alone anymore they would train side by side, always together. He stopped his mind circle to look at Arthur
“You haven’t told him?”. “No, I haven’t, I wanted to wait for the right time. Well,… I couldn’t find a time to tell him so…, do you have any idea when and where I should tell him?” Sirius who still couldn’t believe his luck simply breathed out “wedding”. But Arthur knew exactly what he meant, everyone would be in a good mood and it would suit the occasion to celebrate.
As Sirius returned home that day, he had a really hard time trying to not ruin the surprise. Seeing his boyfriend looking sad but trying to hide it by overreacting to the jokes on the TV-show they were watching, made it even harder for Sirius. He really didn’t like seeing Remus this sad. They hadn’t actually talked about Remus leaving the Lions but they both new it was about to happen. Well now Sirius new more but he really didn’t want to ruin the surprise for his boyfriend. Only a week to go he told himself, only seven days and he’ll know. Only 9 days till you can skate with him, at the rink, at practise, with your team, your team that now included Remus. He started smiling into the air, he must have looked really really stupid but he didn’t care and only stopped when Remus asked him if he was alright. Sirius turned towards him maybe a bit to abrupt and his boyfriend shrug back.
Both of them started laughing at that and Sirius pulled Remus into his arms tucking him closely to his side. He just needed to feel his boyfriend close, he needed this so he could believe what coach had just told him.
The week could not have gone by slower. Practise after practise and there was the time Sirius had to spend alone with Remus. He had already almost ruined the surprise three times by Wednesday.
He barely stopped himself from a fourth time on Friday. The whole team was sitting the lockerroom starring at the empty stall next to Sirius. No one knew who it was for. Coach had decided to surprise the whole team, well he didn’t trust the cubs with any information that should be kept secret. So there they all were wondering who the new player would be. The cubs came up with Regulus or Krupin but no one thought it would be Remus. Well Sirius shock his had to all of their answers, this must have looked really suspicious because Finn stared at him with a smirk “You know who it is. Don’t you cap”. “Well, it is…” he was silenced by coach Weasley walking over to him and asking him questions about this new technique he wanted to try out. They both knew that this new technique wouldn’t work but it definitely worked as a distraction to Finn, who had already turned around and was now kissing Logan.
The practise went by and Sirius new that tomorrow would be the day coach would tell Remus, the day he could finally share his excitement with the whole team especially with his boyfriend, with his teammate boyfriend.
Sirius hadn’t slept a minute he had held Remus tight in his arms trying not make any movement. He still couldn’t believe it, today would be the day… the day Remus would officially become a part of the Lions. A part of his team Sirius thought and smiled. He got out of bed carefully shoving the sleeping Remus of his chest. He heard a little grumbling coming from his boyfriend which made him chuckle on the way to the shower.
When he came out of the bathroom Remus was still sleeping. Sirius loved how his boyfriend looked when he was sleeping, he looked so innocent and cute. For a moment Sirius thought about just getting back to bed, snuggling up to his boyfriend but then it came to his mind again the !wedding!. He grabbed a pillow and threw it at Remus who immediately started laughing. Remus sat up and playfully threw a pillow into his boyfriends’ direction.
Sirius laughed and then said in a more serious tone “You got to get ready mon loup. You don’t want to be late for your best friends’ wedding, do you?” His boyfriend rolled out of their bed and got to his feet still looking a little wonky on his feet. Sirius walked over to him and wrapped him into his arms, kissing him softly. “You better go shower” he said. Remus grumbled but slowly slipped out of his boyfriends’ arms and went to the bathroom.
An hour later both of them were outside getting into the car. “You look amazing, baby”, Remus said as he watched Sirius start the car and drive them out onto the street.
The time they arrived at the location of Lillis and James wedding everyone was already there. They walked to their seats both blushing at the fact they managed to be late to one of the most important days this year.
Once the ceremony had started everything went super fast, rings were exchanged and the first kiss was given to the bride. The longer Sirius sat next to Remus the more anxious he got. When would coach tell him? How long would he have to keep it a secret still? The ceremony ended and the whole party was moved to a large room, beautifully decorated with lots of flowers.
Sirius looked at Remus who was smiling over both ears, he could have sworn the last time he saw him that happy was when they had won the cup. But Sirius didn’t care he knew that most of his sadness would be gone after today. All of the sadness due to having to leave the team would be gone at least Sirius thought and smiled back at his boyfriend who was looking at him now. He leaned down and gave him a kiss.
The wedding was almost over when coach Weasley finally walked over to them and asked to talk to Remus. After what seemed like ages to Sirius Remus came back smiling even brighter than before. “Did,… did you know?” his boyfriend breathed not knowing how to really talk at the moment. Sirius just wrapped his arms around him and smiled. Of course he knew.
Remus pulled Sirius out of the main room and into the corridor leading to the hotelrooms all of the wedding guests were staying in. They reached their room a few seconds later Sirius stopped in front of their door pushing Remus against it. He whispered into Remus’ air “How does it feel to be a Lion, mon loup”. His boyfriend just looked up and kissed Sirius hardly. They basically fell into their room because Remus who was still pressed against the door tried to open it with his free hand and well it didn’t work out as planed.
They finally parted after a few more kisses and Sirius reached into his suitcase pulling out a square package wrapped in christmaswrappingpaper (there you go it is a secretsanta story so somewhere needs to be christmas right) Remus smiled “What is that?”, his boyfriend just sat down next to him on the bed and handed him the package. Sirius couldn’t keep his excitement in “open it, open it already loops” Remus clearly confused started to tear open the package and into his hands fell a Lions-jersey with his name on it. With Lupin and the number 6 on it, it wasn’t like the one every staff member got no it was different it was his, his own with his name and number. He started crying, this made it feel real, he was going to be a lion just like Sirius he would be on the same teams as Sirius. He took the jersey and held it to his heart, this mean so much to him.
Sirius laughed at his sobbing boyfriend, then leaned in and whispered “You better wear it for me, non”. <3
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ma-gic-gay · 4 years
Note
Knock Before Entering
If Chase had simply knocked before he went in that room, there would be nowhere near as much awkward tension right now between the three of them.
But alas, he hadn't knocked and they were all in an uncomfortable position.
Let's set the scene: Just an hour ago, Michael and Willow had made their marriage official. In Wiley's playroom they were supposed to be painting stars on the ceiling in so their son could have stars to see when he was an astronaut. He was going to be one when he grew up and so they had begun painting them when the annulment papers had came in.
Instead of annulling their marriage, however, they'd finally said everything they felt about each other to each other- and acted on it. Several times.
They'd decided to go again and were making out like fifteen year olds when Chase barged into the room.
The mood had never been killed quicker.
Glaring at Chase, Michael and Willow threw on their shirts and tried to look somewhat presentable as Chase was standing there awkwardly, looking at everything but the sight in front of him. Willow blushes a deep red color, more embarrassed than upset. For her especially, this is an awkward situation.
When everyone's fully dressed, she excuses herself to go find Wiley. As she leaves, Michael's glare returns, as well as his bulging neck veins. "You wanna explain what you're doing here right now?"
"Brook Lynn and I made a deal where if she and Ned talked, I'd talk to Willow," Chase explains, clearly digging himself deeper and deeper into the hole he's created.
"Why are you and Brook Lynn making deals? And what do you have to say to Willow?" Michael asks.
"We're friends. For God's sakes, she's living on my couch! So, since we both have things we don't want to do but should, we made this deal. She tries to work things out with her dad and I tell her how I feel."
Confused, Michael asks, "What do you feel for my cousin that involves Willow?"
"No, not Brook Lynn. She's great, and very interesting, but I don't feel that way about her. We're just friends, nothing more. The deal was I tell Willow what I feel for her. Willow, she told me you two were getting an annulment so I thought it was my final chance to tell her how I feel about her."
Taking a deep breath, Michael asks, "And what do you feel for my wife, Chase? Please, tell me. I'm dying to know. I'm dying to know how you feel about her."
Chase can sense the anger in his tone as he says, "I love her. I-I know what you two-"
"You cheated on her with Sasha. The two of you broke our hearts when you did that, and I don't think you can say you love her if you can have an affair. I get that your conscience might not have let you date Sasha afterwards, but you still managed to cheat on her while you were supposedly in love with her. It's been months Chase, months since the affair," Michael reminds him. "So don't tell me you love her when you broke her heart and didn't care about that. Don't you dare do that."
"I didn't have an affair with Sasha! We faked it for the custody case, so you two would get married and keep Wiley safe from Janelle and her manipulations," Chase exclaims loudly.
Suddenly, everything comes to a halting stop. How loud was he, could Willow hear? Could Brook Lynn hear? What had he just said? The affair was fake?
Willow walks back into the room, confused. "What did you just say?"
"Willow, I love you. Sasha and I never cheated on you and Michael, we made up the affair because you two needed to get married for Wiley's sake. Now that you're getting annulled, I thought this would be my last chance to tell you that I love you and I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you. I need you to know that I still love you." The look on Chase's face is one of anxiety, but it's obvious he's telling the truth.
"You two were making out on a couch! That's still cheating, you just didn't have sex. Do you want an award? Some applause? Chase, you broke my heart. You broke Michael's heart. I've moved on and I don't love you anymore. It's best you move on too," Willow explains to him.
Brook Lynn opens the door, seeing the three of them in an awkward conversation. "We heard yelling from Chase and it was decided I'd be the best to come up here and figure out what's happening."
Angry, hurt, and annoyed, Chase kisses the Quartermaine girl intensely. Is he using her? Only slightly. The kiss feels right though, and so they pull away moments later breathless. Neither were expecting that to be... That. For a first kiss, it was a solid 10/10.
Anger fuels through Michael as his cousin actually kisses him back. "What the fuck are you two doing? Chase, you love Willow but somehow you're making out with her? You can't make a decision for the life of yourself. When you chose to play god with all of our lives, you knew what you were doing. And now you don't want to deal with the consequences of your own actions."
"Michael! I'm an adult, I can take care of myself. Look, I'm fine, alright? That was the first time him and I did that," Brook Lynn reassures him and his breathing calms slightly.
There's a pause before Michael's anger at Chase continues to spew, uncontrollable. "I can't believe you! Saying you're in love with my wife one minute and the next you're making out with my cousin. Brook Lynn, I trust you can take care of yourself, and I trust you told the truth. But Chase, how can you do that? How can you break someone's heart and then say, months later, that you love her? Tell me, please. I'm begging to know. Maybe I can break someone's heart who doesn't deserve it like you did!'"
"Look, let's all take a deep breath before we do anything we're going to regret," Willow suggests, bringing Michael back to reality: they're still in the playroom, trying to solve a problem. With annulment papers conveniently somewhere around here if they so choose to get them and sign.
After that momentarily breather for everyone, Chase says, "I do love Willow, and I think you might love Sasha still, Michael. Things could go-"
As he says that, Michael can't hold back and, neck veins bulging, punches Chase. It's a good punch, one Jason taught him to throw years ago. There are perks to having your mother's best friend being a hitman and your father being in the mob, and one is punching lessons. Well, really more self defense lessons, but still. It's a perk to growing up in dysfunction.
Chase and him fist fight for several minutes to the protests of Willow and Brook Lynn, who both were trying to stop it. But alas, nothing can stop two angry men from fist fighting each other like 12 year olds over an XBOX.
They finally stop the fight, both having taken good punches and thrown good ones. Fury burns in Chase's eyes as shame fills Michael. He let his temper get the best of him and this happened. "Look man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown that punch and started that-"
The detective throws another punch, this time leaving a bloody lip. "Damn right you shouldn't have. But now, you're going to be arrested for assault."
"You do not want to arrest him. Arrest me," Brook Lynn suggests.
"As much as I'd like to, Brook Lynn, you don't have any grounds for arrest at the moment and he does," Chase reminds her.
"Chase, please don't do this. At the very least, let me take care of his bloody lip," Willow begs and Dante walks into the room.
Whistling, Dante says, "What the fuck happened in here? It smells like sex and Michael's got a bloody lip and Chase has what looks like a bruised forehead. Is this some weird sex thing I don't know about because if so I feel like it's illegal."
"Do not start that conversation or there will be more blood," Brook Lynn warns him. "But currently all I know is Chase told Willow how he feels and Michael punched him when he said that she still loved him and he still loved Sasha. But I'm guessing that the sex thing came from Michael and Willow, so I'm pretty sure that's actually encouraged in most religions. Also Chase made out with me."
"How much did I miss? But Detective, arresting him is a shoddy at best move. Trust me, I was with the police department for a while." Dante chuckles.
"Thank you for your input Dante, but I'm going to go and bring Michael to the station," Chase says before reciting the Miranda rights to him. "If you don't want him to be in jail tonight, I suggest you go to the police station."
"I feel like this is harassment and that that's how the commissioner will see this as well," Dante informs him.
But the protests of his family don't have any meaning as Chase handcuffs him and he's dragged out to the police car, absolutely silent while everyone sees him being arrested by his former best friend.
An hour later, Diane's there and clearly displeased with him. "Michael. I would expect this behavior from, say, Jason or Carly. They've actually both been in a situation like this at one point. Irony's a beautiful thing. That's not the point. You are supposed to be the good one! Not the one fist fighting people with no real reason except you're mad they're in love with your wife!"
"I know, I know. I overreacted to it and I'm sorry for that and I let my anger get the best of me which I shouldn't have and I feel like hell but it was so great finally punching him. But, in my defense, he also said false things that we'd already said we're false and made out with Brook Lynn after insisting they were just friends. And he gave me a bloody lip, so I'd say we're even," Michael struggles to defend himself. "Is it still bloody?"
"Yes, it's still bleeding. Carly, Sonny, and Jason have been made aware you're here, and I'm sure that you and Chase have very different sides to the story but, provided he drops the charges, you'll be let free. If he doesn't, someone will need to post bail money for you and this petty case will be taken to court."
Chase walks back into the interrogation room. "Michael, I think we can make an agreement. I'll drop the charges if you and Willow get annulled."
Diane steps in, chuckling. "This form of agreement seems harassing, as does the proposition in question. Detective, I understand you decided to arrest him on the grounds of assault but a jury or the commissioner will just see this as you harassing my client. Additionally, the annulment papers were received by them today."
"Diane, we're not getting annulled. We, uh, we decided we're staying together. Chase, he walked in when we were making out and then told us he'd lied about the affair and that he still loves Willow and so Brook Lynn came upstairs to figure out what was happening and he made out with her and I asked him how he could do that and he insinuated several things about my love life so I punched him, not hard, and he fought back so we had a minor fist fight and then I apologized for throwing the first punch because that wasn't smart or productive and he gave me a cat lip," Michael explains.
"Detective, I strongly advise you stop harassing Mr. Corinthos here because that's what it looks like to me. Willow can make her own decisions, that's her choice who she wants to be with. She is not to be sold as property."
Chase, exhaling, says, "You're right. I shouldn't have arrested him in the first place, and I'll drop the charges, but someone does still need to bail him out."
"What is bail set at?" Diane asks, smiling.
"$500. I'll alert his family, which is loudly congregated out there," Chase says, standing up from the table.
"Thank you," Michael smiles.
As Chase leaves, Diane's smirk widens. "What's this I hear about no annulment? Did your grounds for it become, how shall I say this, void?"
"Well, the Quartermaine's already know, why not you. Yes, we did decide not to get annulled. It isn't something either of us want, so sorry for wasting your time."
"It's your private life so I'm not going to dig into it, Michael, but for what it's worth, I wish you and Willow the best on your marriage. Trust me, she's probably the only woman who both of your families will agree is good for you and who can deal with the chaos that is your life."
"Thanks, I think," Michael chuckles as she leaves and he finds out his bail has been posted and gets uncuffed.
He walks out of the room, embarrassed but fine minus the bloody lip, and sees that there's a good fifteen people out there for him; Carly, who's pacing and talking to Jason very loudly, Jason, who's remind her they're at a police station, Willow, who's trying to just ignore the situation, Brook Lynn, who's harassing Chase about how he acted, Dante, who's smirking about everything that's happened, Wiley, who clearly isn't comfortable with this situation, Sonny, who's just scrolling through his phone, Diane, who's discussing something with a disinterested Sonny. Dysfunction at it's finest.
Willow looks up and sees he's there and runs up to hug her husband. "You're okay? Your lip's not bleeding, but are you sure you're okay and we don't need to go to the hospital right now to get you checked out?"
Chuckling, Michael says, "Willow. Look at me. I am fine. Trust me, I've been through worse than my busted lip and soreness. You have absolutely no reason to worry."
"You were arrested! For punching him over me! I feel like there was plenty of reason for me to worry and be upset," she smiles.
"Well, I promise you, I am fine and don't need to go to the hospital. Your overreaction is, though adorable, unnecessary right now. I'm fine, Wiley's fine, you're fine, and that's all that matters," Michael assures her.
Smiling, she quickly kisses him which is convenient seen by everyone there. "Promise on your life?"
"That's a bit extreme."
"Then you're going to the hospital," she declares as Carly and the adults are laughing. "What's so funny?"
"How casually you two just kissed. Yesterday, you were getting an annulment and today there's this. We clearly need to be caught up on what happened. Besides, your concern is just so much like a wife, you two really are married now," Carly laughs.
"I'm still making him get checked out at the hospital. Would any of you like to join me?" Willow asks, earning another chuckle from them.
"Sure, why not?" Dante chuckles as the rest of them minus Brook Lynn agree to join; she's doing a thing she does where she just stares blankly while you talk so you can't see her emotion with Chase.
"You are way too worried about me," Michael protests.
"You wouldn't swear on your life."
"You're lucky you're my wife."
"I am," she agrees as they walk out, him kissing her forehead. "And you're lucky I'm your wife."
"That I most certainly am."
wsdfgbhnjm words
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rwbyremnants · 6 years
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NOTES: Riiiight. So. This one is a little weird, but it didn't really fit very well within the actual White Noise pages. It happens a little before Chapter 32, for those of you wondering. Plus most of the readers aren't there for Sun Wukong since the main fic is a very lesbian-leaning narrative. We just had another side-story within the universe we thought we could tell... and that Valentine's Day was the perfect time to drop the lovin'! Hope you guys like the break from the usual plot, and all the naughtiness!
And for those of you who saw the Tumblr teaser post... no, this isn't that fic. That's a totally new AU that will be coming very soon!
-NBW
=CHAPTER ONE
The box wasn't as heavy as it should’ve been for its size. Nevertheless, Blake Belladonna still winced under its weight as she shifted it to her hip so she could fetch her keys from her pocket. The contents were too important for her to drop them on the floor.
Ever since Yang Xiao Long had confided in her that he - no, she - wasn't the gender she had been presenting as for their relationship, things had been strained. But that was Blake's own fault. She wasn't conservative, but she had been ignorant on several LGBT issues before that point; not realizing that trans people sometimes came out later in life, and that their friends and families would have to adjust their thinking the way she had. And from the point where she finally understood, she had begun to feel horribly, horribly guilty about her initial reaction.
But no more. Today was a new day, and she was going to be the most supportive girlfriend from that moment forward. She was so confident that she even started to hum an upbeat little tune as she unlatched the door and strode into her living room.
Laying across the sofa was Yang, having not moved from where Blake found her earlier. Simply staring outwardly at the laptop set up on top of the desk opposite. Quite often the two would lay together and watch a film before bed, given it was the only furniture in their college apartment that could fit them comfortably. Besides having to share a bathroom with the other students, it was home all the same.
And home was where Yang had kept herself all day. Feeling too physically ill to go for her studies, Yang skipped one of the lessons in favor of remaining home, wallowing in her feelings. She felt confused, troubled, like a failure to her girlfriend. Why would Blake want to stay with a man who suddenly said he wanted to be a girl? Who would want someone like that? That was one of a few thoughts for the shaggy haired blonde as she lay still.
But as soon as the door unlocked, she jumped upright, bracing herself for possibly more arguments.
"Oh," Blake said when she spotted her there, just bumping the door closed with her hip. "I… didn't think you'd be home yet."
Shutting the laptop up rather quickly, she sniffed instinctively, pushing her hair back up in a futile attempt to get it out of her eyes. It was too long to do that, but too short to stay behind her ears. Still, that didn't stop her getting up.
"I-I didn't go." It was almost strange how deep the poor girl's voice was from the huskiness of tears. No wonder she was still feeling odd about herself. "Wasn’t feeling so hot, so I skipped it. Here, lemme give you a hand."
Nodding, Blake let Yang take the other end. "We're just setting it on the coffee table." Together, they lowered it, and then Blake straightened, her amber eyes peering up at her boyfriend - girlfriend uncertainly. "You… didn't feel good?"
Immediately she placed a hand into her hair. If Blake had learnt anything about her lover of a few months, it was that when she was upset or stressed about things, she would always grasp at it. She'd never pull any hair out, somehow it was far too thick for that; but the sign was right there.
"About last night." That was when things took their turn, when Ying had tried to explain how she was a girl all this time, and had felt like it for a while. However… "J-just… please forget about it. I-I was being stupid, I think. I mean, come on, me as a girl? You… you’re right, I just… I don’t know. Need to-"
"No, I'm sorry," Blake immediately blurted out, reaching for her - and then drawing her hand back when she saw Ying tense. "I… overreacted. I really did, it… you were just trying to tell me something about, um, a part of yourself. And I made it all about me. I've been thinking about it a lot, actually."
"Because it is about you, too." Already she could feel her eyes beginning to well up with tears. The poor girl seemed as though she'd been on the verge of it all day. "This isn't fair on you, I can't do that. I shouldn't do that. I-I'm your… B-boyfriend. I'm not supposed to be like this, I'm supposed t-to just man up, and put our relationship first. You’re the most important part of my whole life!"
The tears made Blake step forward, wrapping her arms around Ying before he - she could back away. "No. No, you don't have to be the only one who's strong, that was… I was wrong. I was wrong, okay?"
"No, you're not." Still repressing her feelings, she barely even hugged back. Only finding herself shaking slightly. "P-please, j-just forget it okay? I really was being stupid. I don't want you to think I-I'm a… a freak."
Before she had done so much soul-searching, she would have given anything to hear such words from her boyfriend. But her boyfriend was a woman; she saw it now, she saw what she meant when trying to explain who she was. Now they only shredded her inside, made her feel all the guilt she had been trying to assuage before.
But she had a plan of action. Pulling back, she said, "I don't think that. But… maybe you should see what I got you first. Just something to say how sorry I am that we argued."
When she pulled back, her eyes glanced down toward the box. "This is for me?" When Blake nodded, she looked down at it, managing to grasp the tape at one of the sides to begin to prise it open, tearing it off from each of the flaps. "I thought you'd bought your books for next year or something, though now that you mention it, it's way lighter than books."
Grasping the flaps and throwing them open, the sight before Ying made her suddenly freeze up. Unlike anything before, this particular gift had her speechless.
"Um… I eyeballed your size," Blake said in an awkward voice. "But I'm usually pretty good with that, and I remember your, um… the sizes of what you already own. So all of it should fit, but I still have all the receipts if some of it doesn't."
Clothes. In the box were all kinds of different girly things; from bras, to tank tops, to panties, to frilly skirts. All of it was female orientated, with not a single shade of black or brown like she usually wore in sight. And along with that, there was a long, blonde wig - and a good quality one, at that.
Letting go of the flaps of cardboard, Ying's hands came to her month instead as she looked down, feeling her eyes watering all over again. "Oh my god…"
"And!" Blake said hastily, reaching down to move aside some of the clothes, "I got you… this!" Out she drew a small, carnation-pink, heart-shaped plastic case. The front said "My First Makeup" on it in bubbly letters. "It's for little girls, but… but you never got to be one, so… I know it might be silly, but um, I have plenty of grown-up makeup, so I figured this was something you might want that… that we didn't have."
Completely overwhelmed, Ying was still trying to take everything in. Clothes, hair, make up, it was all here. All in this one box that Blake had bought for her. Blake, her girlfriend. It was in that moment she realised how much her girlfriend truly cared, how much she really wanted her to feel better in herself. And with that, she quickly pulled her in for a tight hug, burrowing her head into her neck where the tears finally falling freely.
"I hope those are tears of joy," Blake whispered with a shaky laugh as she embraced her back, rubbing up and down along her spine. When the tears didn't cease, she began to whisper, "Oh, you're okay. You're okay, Ying, it's… it's going to be okay. I love you, alright?"
Sobbing one last time, she drew herself back from Blake's shoulder again, quickly rubbing her eyes to get rid of the tears. "I'm so sorry! I'm just… I-I can't believe it. Y-you got all this for me, it…" Sniffing loudly, she looked back to the contents of the box again, smiling through her tears. "It means so much!"
As she stared at Ying, Blake could feel her heart breaking. Both from the loss of her boyfriend, from having to get to know such a different person from who she thought "he" was… and from how much such a simple little thing meant to the woman in front of her. Her own eyes were wet, but she forced herself to continue.
"Do you, um, want to try some of it on? The shoes might not fit, but we can give it a shot."
"Oh god, yes I do!" Right away she picked up one of the yellow tank tops, one with a fiery heart design that she'd seen on one or two shirts she'd admired before but had never been brave enough to get. It was always a feminine brand. But when she picked up one of the bras as well, a lacy designed black one, she looked back toward Blake a moment, shoulders beginning to shrug. "I-I'm… Sorry if this gets weird."
"It will." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Listen. I'm trying to be okay with this. It's my problem. I'm the one whose ideas are… old-fashioned, and I'm getting over it. But I want you to be YOU. Not just… the you I thought you were, okay? I…" Opening her eyes, she walked forward and grasped Ying's wrists. "I want to help. But I'm apologizing now for… for if I give you a weird look, or say something stupid. I'm working on it. So just ignore that for now while I’m, uh, growing up."
Blinking back at her in surprise, she was once again shocked by Blake's words. She wasn't going to be completely alright with this in an instant, that was too much to expect. In fact it would be rather odd if anyone was that calm about things from the off unless they already knew a lot of trans people; but this next-day reaction was better than anything she'd have ever hoped. And so using the hands grabbing her wrists she pulled her in, delivering a kiss on the lips.
"You've done more for me than I can ever dream of. All this is… Is incredible. God, I'm so lucky."
At that, Blake allowed herself to smile again as she leaned in to kiss back, a few more times. Then she drew back and forced a nervous smile. "So. If you want a more complete experience, we can try water balloons, or maybe tissues?" When Ying just blinked, she quickly added, "For the bra. You know, to uh… fill you out?"
Looking at it once more, she found her cheeks beginning to turn a faint shade of red at the idea. "Maybe I'll use some socks…"
A few moments later, Ying vanished to the bedroom. Out of fear of freaking Blake out too much by changing gradually in front of her, she'd taken a few items to get changed into all in one go. In the end, she did settle for a pair of socks in each side of the bra, just enough to pad it out somewhat. It didn't look natural, but it was a baby step. She'd picked the shorter pair of shorts along with the yellow tank to wear with it, finding them fall somewhat oddly on her body. Ying had hips, but not enough to fill out a pair of shorts like those. Not yet at least. Finally, she managed to tick her shaggy hair into a hair net, restraining it enough so she could wear the wig over it. Her head certainly felt very warm from it, but when she looked in the mirror and saw the change already, she smiled to herself.
And finally, she opened the door to the living room. Nervously shrugging her shoulders, she poked her head out and said, "Ready for my makeover."
"Oh?" Blake turned around from where she was playing with her phone. "Hey, it's only me. You can come all the way out now." Then she flinched. "I… didn't mean that how it sounded. Just out of the bedroom!"
"Well, I think I'm out in that regard as much as I can. Buuut…" Moment of truth. She stepped forward out of the bedroom to show her. Her hands were nervously kept behind her back while she shrugged her shoulders lightly in fear. While the clothes didn't fit her body as accurately as they would a woman, it still did wonders to slightly shift her shape to the eye.
Blake's face slackened for a moment, and she gulped as she looked at Yang. At her girlfriend. Of course her face and body looked strange with those clothes and the wig; she knew they would, she had spent some time looking up pictures of other people transitioning. The results were varied. Some girls looked so close to cis they were indistinguishable, and some weren't as fortunate. But they were all people, all trying to be themselves despite society judging them.
So she smiled for the reason she could smile: that Ying was being herself in front of her. That she trusted her, cared about her enough to do that. Even if looking at her terrified her inside.
"You look great."
"For real?" She had to double check. Even if it was hard for Blake to see her this way, she had to be absolutely sure. It was difficult when she was at her most sensitive, like the hard shell of her former self had moulted and she'd have to wait a long time to form a new one. But when no answer came from Blake, she took it as a yes. "I went for the booty shorts. I don't have much of a booty but… enough."
And then something shifted. As Blake watched Ying turn to one side, looking down at her own booty in said booty shorts, she saw it a little more clearly than before. Saw her. No, the anxiety didn't vanish, but it lessened.
"Yeah, girl! Work it! And you can change your exercise routine a little; build more muscle in your hips, thighs, and glutes, less around your waist."
That was something she hadn't even considered! She used the college's gym every day when she could to keep herself in top condition, but that was mainly her arms and legs. Changing her routine, and even diet, could change her dramatically.
"That's a great idea!" She grinned from ear to ear, walking right up to her on the sofa.
"Yeah, it's…"
And then a new notion came to Blake. She was dating a woman. Before she had just been thinking "I can't date a man who thinks he's a woman," and then "what will happen to my relationship if Ying transitions?" But for the first time, now that she had reconciled herself to Ying's gender, she suddenly found herself in a lesbian relationship. That was something she'd never, ever planned for, and there it was, staring her in the face with a huge, already-feminine smile.
When finding Blake was staring off into nothing a little more than usual, and unfortunately, by coincidence, at something rather awkward, Ying ended up closing her legs more than usual. She had heard of many cases where women could hide their stuff more accurately, but with this being her first time wearing both booty shorts and panties, she hadn't thought about how obvious she'd be.
"S-sorry, I'll get a cup or something to hide it."
"What? Oh. I… could help you tuck?" Her voice was a little less sure of itself than before. "I've touched you there before, right? It wouldn't be strange if I did. Would it?"
"A little." She giggled nervously. But when seeing she was completely serious, she scratched the back of her head gently, forgetting it was a wig. "Maybe another day… I mean, this is comfortable right now, don't wanna push it all on the first day."
Nodding, she held up both hands. "Right. You're right, it's… this is just us! You can have a little bulge down there, I won't mind. And we can work on hiding it later." Smiling up at Ying, she stood up to kiss her cheek, then said, "Now then! Makeover! Nail polish and eyeshadow, lipstick? Blending techniques? I mean, we can do a little of it or all of it, just so you get the basics."
"Yes please!" She was already excited. Numerous times she had watched before how Blake would do her own every morning, in hindsight she realized she was looking for tips. But she always marveled at how much more feminine it made her face. She only hoped it would do the same for her. Fetching the small kit from the box, she sat down on the sofa, ready.
"Ohhh we'll need more than that - but we are going to use it!" she made sure to tell her once she saw Yang's smile slip. "Just… I'm gonna get my stuff, too. Be right back."
Within minutes, Blake had returned from the bathroom with a large tote of makeup, and the bedroom with a small plastic tub containing dozens of bottles of nail polish in all shades. She moved the box carefully to one side, then set those down on the coffee table.
"Now," she began with a mischievous little smile. "Where does Princess Ying wanna start?"
She could already feel her tears beginning to well up again. But before they could fall, she quickly wiped her cheek. "I think at the moment, unless you got waterproof stuff, we should wait on face makeup." Then she held one of her hands out toward her, fanning out her fingers. "Maybe nails?"
Blake felt a little lump rise in her throat looking at Ying's nails. They were short and a little ragged, as most guys would keep them. Another thing Ying would have to learn. But instead of giving a big speech, she merely took out a file and an Emory board.
"Let's just buff these up," she said in a tone that wouldn't have been out of place for a worker in a salon, starting with Ying's right hand.
“Thanks. Oh, and um... can we try something else?” When Blake only looked up curiously, she flushed a slightly darker shade. “Can you call me... Yang? Just to try it out.”
“Yang? I mean, is that... is that your new name?”
“Maybe. We’ll see, right? I, u-um...”
But the minute Ying started to look panicked, Blake whispered, “It’s okay, Yang. Whatever you want. Let’s get started, okay?”
To make things easier, Yang took a seat on the sofa so they could both be comfortable, allowing another soft smile to pass her lips. She'd always bitten her nails out of habit, or nervousness before. That would be something she'd have to work on, even if she went down the path of keeping her nails regularly maintained.
"So… Is this the part where you ask me if I'm going on any vacations? Like, salon small talk?"
Grinning, she whispered, "I do remember who you are." But then, in a louder, more nasal voice, "So what's the occasion today, honey? Just a spa day, or you got a big event? Maybe a wedding?"
"Oh god…" She laughed with her, trying her best to keep her hand perfectly still while Blake filed the ends. Playing along however, she tilted her head. "Weeeell… A very special person to me thought I should be pampered. And sent me here."
"Sounds like a true friend. Or maybe more than a friend?" She quickly moved from finger to finger, finding the edges weren't too bad.
"Oh, she's very special, alright." Yang smiled in delight, watching how easily Blake managed to smoothen her nails. Something she'd never much tried herself. "She must have spent a fortune on lots of stuff for me. I just wish I could make it up to her." She made sure to watch for Blake's reaction.
After switching hands, Blake said in a voice more like her own, "Maybe she's just happy to help, and you don't have to pay her back." Then she bit her lip. It was odd, but even though so much was similar to Ying, it was as if she were dating Ying's long-lost twin sister now. Which gave her both "new relationship" feelings and "holy shit am I gay?" ones.
That seemed to be something that was on Yang's mind as well, given that the positive expression began to fade from her face. Mainly replaced by a questioning one as she shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe… I still feel a little… a little bad. I've put her in an awkward as hell situation."
Blake could tell Yang was feeling guilty again, so she tried to make a joke of it as she switched from filing to buffing. "Ooh, sounds kinky."
It did the job, making her suddenly laugh instead when she offered her other hand next, giggling in amusement. "Well, if you wanna put it that way."
"Maybe I do wanna put 'it' that way," she giggled. Then she blinked and asked, "Um… I can still make jokes like that, right? Does it make you uncomfortable?"
"Jokes like what?" Till she looked to Blake's confused face and the penny seemed to drop. "Oh… I-I wasn't even thinking about it as a… y'know, an actual thing."
"It's okay, it's okay. I just meant jokes about your little friend. I… I don't wanna assume it'll be fine the way it was before." Then she put the Emory board aside and kissed one of Yang's hands lightly. "Whatever you want or need is fine by me."
"Well, my 'little friend' isn't going to change overnight." When kissed gently by the soft pair of lips, she smiled lightly. "I had looked that up a couple of times, when I was questioning. Just out of curiosity, but… I dunno… I-if I…"
To help Yang from feeling too pressured, she began to sort through her nail polish as she asked, "If you what?" That way, she hoped the blonde would know it was no big deal to her.
"If I wanna change… that." This was the more awkward part of coming out. Everyone she'd spoken to online had agreed, the difficult part was discussing what changes they wanted to feel more like themselves, and the parts that made them feel dysphoric. Although it was the most obvious part of her that would make people believe she was her true gender, her penis was not one of those bits that made her feel ‘wrong’. It was everything else, basically.
"And do you?" Though her voice was casual, Blake was screaming on the inside. That was her favorite toy! Even though she knew this was about Yang's comfort, her identity, she couldn't deny it would make her sad if she decided to surgically alter herself down there. But it was more important that she supported her girlfriend than to voice her own petty misgivings, so she made herself shut the hell up.
"That's what I mean. I don't know." Finding herself looking down at the slight budge in her shorts, the only overwhelming reminder left despite her clothing, she sighed. "I mean… I don't feel bad about him, not really. It's more the lack of boobs… Or hips. Or booty."
"But you have all those things," she reassured, beginning to put a clear base coat on her nails as they spoke. "Just… smaller. But we can work on that, and there's hormones. We'll get you there."
"Hormones… bye bye, money," she joked, looking toward the various colors and shades in the box Blake had brought over. So many combinations! On special occasions, she noticed Blake wore some particularly darker shades that matched her clothes, or would add glitter, or other things. The question was, what would suit her?
After Blake finished one hand and moved to the other, she noticed Yang eyeing the shades and smiled. "Trying to make a decision? Don't forget, it can all come off if you don't like the color."
"It can?" Snapping back to looking at her again, she ended up grinning. "That's a relief! I always saw you using the same shades so I just assumed it was on till it wore off… So much I gotta learn."
With a huge smile, Blake picked up a large bottle of clearish-purple fluid. "This is polish remover. It smells… well, nasty, but you put some of this in a tissue or a cotton ball and just scrub until the polish comes off. But I'm pretty good with painting nails, so if you like the color we shouldn't need to use any."
"Oh god - that's what that smell is! I remember it when you came back from a night out and thought you got some chemicals from your chemistry labs on your coat or something." Although the small bottle was making her think of something. The color of it. Purple was always a color she liked, along with yellow. They matched her eyes and hair, respectively. Thinking that yellow would be too bright and would clash with her top if it wasn’t the exact same shade, she asked, "Got anything the same shade as that bottle?"
"Like a lavender or a lilac? Hmm… I think…" Leaning over, she began to paw through all the bottles. After a while, she pulled back up with two. "I don't, but I have white and a darker purple. If I put the white down first, and then a thin coat of purple on top of it…"
"It should make a lavender kinda color," she managed to finish with a dawning smile. Never before did she even know the colors could overlap! She had severely underestimated the skills women learned from a young age. All skills Blake would teach her now. And then eventually…
She could barely even think about that. Ruby. She didn't know, and was still in high school, where children were at their cruelest. If the other kids found out, she could be a laughing stock by association. That wasn't even thinking about her father and what the reactions would be in his work place. His only son, ‘wanting’ to be a woman…
"I think…" Yang began, taking a deep breath. "I think, for now… We should only do this in here. I don't want people laughing at you through me."
"What? I don't care if they laugh at me." The words were delivered firmly as she shook up the bottle of white to get the liquid inside homogenous. "You're still going to be gorgeous."
"I dunno about that…" An unfortunate part of the first steps was that they would be tiny. There would be no dramatic change in an instant, no magic spell. It would all be a steep slope. And an expensive one. "I still… I don't want to tell Ruby and Dad or have them find out just yet. I don't know when I will tell them, but not yet."
Frowning, Blake paused in her opening of the bottle for a moment. After a second or two, she shook her head and continued. "Nope. You're right, you should tell them when you're ready. Not my job to rush you or say anything." Then she smiled a little. "But I have a feeling they'll be okay with it. Your family are good people."
Shrugging, she now concentrated on keeping her hand more still than ever. This was one thing she didn't want to screw up. "Dad and Ruby, probably. Qrow, probably not. You remember how he was at Christmas to you after he had those drinks?"
"Yeah," she scoffed as she painted each nail carefully with the white. "There was no need for him to know if I'm on the pill, or if I'm 'taking care of the greatest nephew in the world'. None of his business." Then her disgruntled face turned a bit sadder. "He'd have to say 'niece'… I think I get what you mean. Your dad and sister would adjust to that a little easier than him."
"Ruby, I can see being pretty cool with it. She'd probably say something like 'so this is why you like making flower crowns' or 'does this mean you'll be borrowing my razors for your legs?' Shit like that. I'm more worried about what her school friends would think. Kids aren't exactly kind, y'know."
"She could just not tell them. It's none of their business, right? And even if they don't agree with your decision- I mean, not 'decision' to be who you are, but to start dressing how you want to dress. Yeah." Clearing her throat, she forced herself to move onto the next hand along with moving past her own mess-up. "A-anyway, even if they're dumb like that, it doesn't make any sense for them to give Ruby a hard time about it. She's not you."
"Maybe… There's just a lot to think about." Admiring Blake’s work so far, she eventually smiled. "But the baby steps like this… I guess I can enjoy. You're pretty good at this!"
The raven-haired girl's smile was gentle but pleased. "Thank you. My mom taught me, and then me and the other girls in junior high would do each other's nails a lot. For a while, that was the only makeup I was allowed to use, so I guess I got really into it."
"That always confused me, like, when is the acceptable age to wear make-up? I mean that set you got me's for kids, right? How come those are available but the instant they wear it they're suddenly too young to do it?" Once the white was done on her second hand, she held out the first again, ready. Soon it would be the moment of truth.
Putting down the white and taking up the purple, she sighed and said, "Who knows? Every parent is different. My mom wasn't the worst, at least she let me use polish and play dress-up, all that stuff."
"Your mom's pretty great, when she's not working." Yang smiled. As she watched Blake turn the dazzling white into a much softer shade of purple, she smiled in delight. It was a perfect match to what she wanted! After thinking a moment, she stared down at herself and added, "Wonder what she'd think of this…"
"Pretty sure she'd be okay with it. I mean, she's not religious, and she voted in favor of gay marriage. I know it's not the same thing, but kind of shows her state of mind." Blowing on the nails briefly, Blake then took up the other hand and did the same to the white, just to make sure it was dry before she started in on them again.
"Yeah, you’re probably right. She's always been great to me." Admiring the job again, she held her hand up so the nails were quite visible by her eyes. "So, you think it matches?"
Blake glanced up before starting in on the remaining hand, grinning. "Looks great! But nothing can compete with your amethyst eyes."
Beating her eyelashes in her direction, she tried to pitch her voice as high as she possibly could to play along. "Oh stop it you! You'll make a girl blush!" Though that's when it seemed to drop for her as well. Such a big thing really did impact Blake directly. Even if it wasn't something she was thinking of at the time. "Wait… Does this mean I'm now in lesbians with you?"
The question made Blake leave a long purple streak down Yang's middle finger. When she felt her flinch, she looked up and said, "N-no, don't worry, it'll wash off your skin really easily. I promise." Then she cleared her throat and went on with what she was doing. "And… I'm not sure about that. Been thinking about it, though."
"Sorry," she muttered. While that part was humorous to her, for Blake, it was something else entirely. Coming to a realization that one was anything but a standard-issue cisshet was always difficult ��� as she was rapidly learning. She shrugged her shoulders nervously. "I guess… you were dating me when I thought I was… a ‘he’. So that kinda overrides the question, right? Shit, I never thought about this."
"Ying, I love you," she blurted out in a rush. It was too sudden, perhaps, but she couldn't help it; listening to Yang doubt herself was too heart-wrenching to be allowed. Then she caught herself: "Yang, sorry. But I meant what I said. All the rest is… we'll figure it out. But I know you're important to me, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
Looking away from her hands and into the amber eyes of her lover, she stared deeply for a moment. She could tell Blake was completely honest and true to her word, and that regardless, she would love her anyway. That was what she needed, a certain part of her life remaining constant among the rest of her uncertain and bumpy path. With that in mind, she leant in, delivering a quick kiss to her lips.
"Thanks. And… I love you too."
Blake couldn't help but grin back into the kiss. That was better.
Soon enough, a shiny topcoat was on Yang's nails, which she also had to explain was to protect them from chipping too easily. It also made them shinier, and she spent a long time grinning and admiring how they caught the light. When she had begun to move on to paint her toes, Yang seemed hesitant.
"Aww, you don't want your toesies to match your fingers?" Blake said with an indulgent little innocent smile.
"But… no one's gonna see them." Although when Blake looked up at her, with seemingly the biggest puppy eyes she had ever seen in her life, she stayed down on the sofa and folded her arms as best she could, without disturbing the polish at least. "Fine. You win."
"I'll see them," Blake muttered through her pout. But then she smiled up at her as she went back for the bottle of base coat. "And you will, while you're around our dorm."
"I'll have to wear socks when I go to the kitchen. I know Nora and Ren are pretty chill, but… that’s something I don't want to test yet." She brought her nails up close to her mouth to give them a blow, hoping it would quicken up the drying process. Thankfully it was a quick drying solution Blake had used, but that didn't stop her impatience.
Pausing before she started in with the paint, Blake pulled Yang's feet into her lap and grasped two of the middle toes, wiggling them back and forth. "I think there's nothing wrong with having a little paint on your nails, even if you were a boy. But that's just me, I know." Then she shrugged as she unscrewed the cap of the base coat. "You could even just say I did it 'to' you; it wouldn't be completely untrue."
For a moment Yang giggled when her toes were manipulated and pulled about, unable to resist wriggling them just for Blake. "True… true. I've always done dumb stuff before for a laugh, guess this'd be no different."
"Keep them still for a minute!" Blake laughed as she hovered over them with the brush. When they stilled, she began to put on the base with quick efficiency; the smaller nails on the little toes took less time. "What kind of stuff have you done 'for a laugh' like this before?"
Yang simply rolled her eyes, smirking. "I believe you dared me to put on some lipstick before and give Ren a massive kiss on the cheek just to annoy him. Still remember how long it took him to scrub that off."
"Well, it was long-wearing; I didn't mean to hand you that one." As she finished up and screwed the cap on, waiting for them to dry, she asked, "I'm curious… and you can tell me to mind my own business. But haven't you ever tried makeup before now? Like, any?"
Flexing her toes back and forth in an attempt to aid the process, Yang tilted her head once more as she thought about that question. Unfortunately for her, it did set the wig very slightly askew on her head but it wasn't noticeable just yet. With the rate her hair grew, if she waited a few months she'd have hair that length naturally.
"Hmm… Well, apart from that dare, I had to wear a little when I played my guitar for the school play. Just foundation and eye shadow, everyone had to."
"Really? You never played dress-up with girl clothes or anything?" As she unscrewed the white, she said, "Sorry if I'm being pushy, I just read that a lot of girls like you did that when they were younger."
Sighing, Yang seemed to sink more into the sofa as she stared off at the ceiling into nothing. "A lot of girls like me had moms whose wardrobes were accessible. I didn't exactly have that chance. And Ruby was too small for me to steal any of her stuff, so that was out… Although…"
Only glancing up briefly from her work, seeing Yang smiling, Blake prompted, "Although?"
"Well, this is going way back. Apparently, when I was six or seven, just before Mom died; I'd sneak into her room and just look at the dresses and skirts she had. Never really tried them on, just wanted to look. Once she did put one on me to see how I looked, but that was kind of it. Don't think that counts, right?"
"She did?" Sitting back from finishing the white application, she capped it and just stared across at her girlfriend. "That… yeah, I think it does, kinda. Maybe she could tell that you were a little different already; like that you wouldn't hate it or look as funny as most little 'boys'. Who knows?"
"Yeah… Maybe. Apparently I'd always ask if she'd take me shopping with her, even if it was for groceries. Most little boys would run all over the stores screaming but me I just, took her hand and walked by her side. Happy to be there. I was a mama’s boy, really."
While blowing on Yang's polish to dry it more quickly, Blake thought about that. The more she considered, the more things made sense. Of course it was silly to say that women were always more emotional, but Yang tended to be more emotional than she was. Had always been self-conscious about taking off her shirt, even in private. A lot of little things that, by themselves, they weren't significant. However, taken together…
"Well, now you can be a daddy's girl," she said at last, stroking up and down her calves and speaking in a low, calming tone. "Once you come out, I mean. And you and Ruby can do sister-things!"
Looking back down toward her, she smiled with delight. That was a good thought for the future. Her and Ruby had always been close when growing up, often in a sisterlier manner then a brother-sister relationship. But the freedom of being able to do all the things sisters do, nights out, sleepovers, make up sessions; that was something to look forward to.
"Heh. I'll still give an asswhoopin’ to any guy that doesn't treat her right though. That should be a gender-neutral thing!"
"Oh, we can all use tall, strong 'big sisters'," Blake laughed as she began with the purple. "You can't always depend on guys to know when to punch somebody and when not to; they're too biased." After a moment, she added quietly, "Wish I had a sister like that."
Blake had come from a rather lonely childhood. Just her and her mom against the world. Not a lot was said about her father that Yang knew of, only that she wasn't going to have a little brother or sister any time soon. There was a lot of Blake's mother reflected in her, even if she didn't like admitting it.
Rolling with the joke however, Yang tilted her head. "You saying I need to be punched in the face?"
"What?!" she burst out, luckily jerking her hand up and away instead of across Yang's foot this time. "Why would you?! I don't-" Then she frowned. "I don't need protection from another girl, and especially not from one I'm dating!"
But Yang only laughed loudly, even keeling over slightly from just the sheer force of it! That was something else that could be a small sign; her laugh was always relatively high pitched, far more effeminate than any other of the men in their time at college. Even compared to Ren, who was by most people's standards 'femmy'.
"I was going with the joke, dingus! You said you needed a big sister like-" But Yang had given Blake too easy of an opportunity to retaliate. Reaching down with her free hand, she scratched her own nails lightly over the sole of one of the feet in her lap, an annoyed purse to her lips as she did so.
"Aaah! Ah ahahaha!" That brought about a small yelp half way through her laughing. Her feet were always sensitive! The problem was, Blake knew it all too well. In the end, she gently placed her foot back, looking as puppy eyed as possible. "Nawh… I'm sorry for teasing you, kitten. Forgiven?"
"Yes, of course." Picking it up by the ankle, she pressed a little kiss into the area she'd tickled. "And I'm sorry, too, my little dragon."
Blake walked right into that one. Smirking down at her, she raised her eyebrows. "Little? Are you suuure?"
At that, she put her down again to start finishing up the purple. "Okay, so parts of you are big. But I didn't think you'd want me to call you 'my big, strong dragon' anymore. Well… I didn't know for sure, anyway."
For a moment, Yang shrugged again. And then absentmindedly brought one of her arms up, admiring when she flexed her muscles the decent mass that was there. It wasn't particularly enough to give her the shape of a body builder, but just a satisfactory amount to define them when she flexed the muscle. "I could still be big and strong. You've seen me play World of Warcraft, imagine me as a burly Orc babe or some shit."
"You really ARE gonna turn me into a lesbian," Blake said in an exaggeratedly shy voice, fluttering her eyelashes. Then she finished the last couple of toes and began to blow on them again, watching Yang's feet twitch from the air currents. Grinning, she glanced up at her. "Your feet are actually kind of cute. Guess I just didn't notice because I wasn't thinking of them as girl-feet before."
"You were just thinking of them as stinky man-feet," Yang teased. However to wind her up even more, she lifted said leg up, only to kick her lightly in the shoulder to push her back, giggling contently. "Well, you're done with the feet, shall we do my face?"
"Who says I'm done with your feet?"
Blake drew the foot away from her shoulder, let her tongue hang down near the tips of the toes. Just watching Yang to see what she'd do. In response, Yang could only blink. She only just adjusted her wig again to it's real position, then stared right at her girlfriend just as she was about to lick her toes. God, how she loved that tongue of Blake's. It could do wonders.
In the end, she denied Blake that pleasure. But with a promise. "If we do my face you can lick more of me later, maybe. Okay?"
"Okay," she giggled as she lowered her foot. "Besides, I really just meant that I'm not done because you don't have top coat on." Opening the bottle of top coat, she felt her own eyebrows knitting. "Although after seeing how you reacted just now, maybe I will take you up on that. Could be fun.
"Oh… Oh yeah! Sorry, I forgot." Bringing her feet back out for Blake to manage, she shrugged her shoulders again however. As much as Blake was helping with things, and knew that she wanted to keep helping; that was something she felt slightly odd about. "If… If you do want to do that, I can always take this stuff off again so you'll be comfortable. No big deal."
"Hmm?" Glancing down at the clothes, she shrugged. "No, it's okay. The whole point is for you to get used to it, and… and me, too. I'm glad for the opportunity, really." Then she smiled awkwardly as she continued to put down the top coat. "Is that weird? That like, seeing you like this helps my brain accept it?"
"Not really, I guess. But I get you wanna be comfortable with me, but… sex is different. It's something for us both. I don't want to wear this if you aren't gonna be comfortable with me doing so, you know what I mean?"
Blake blinked over at her, the hand running the brush over her second-to-last toenail coming to a gradual halt. "Oh. I didn't… get that's what you meant, at first. Sex. Right." Then she shook her head and forced herself to finish up quickly, capping the bottle. "Well, now we just have to help these dry." She began to blow on them.
Flexing her toes yet again just to give them a look for herself, Yang was already beginning to feel embarrassment. There she was pushing things too far as usual, going routes that no one else was just yet. It was something to be thought about, but this soon was a mistake on her part. Scratching the back of her head she nervously muttered, "Sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry. It's…" Shaking her head, she moved Yang's legs aside and scooted over closer, sliding her arms around her girlfriend's middle. "You're fine. My head was just still in makeup-space."
"While mine's apparently somewhere else." It was a typical joke for Yang to make. If the mood was right, she'd always be the first to fire any innuendos or comments, usually resulting in laughter from her peers or Blake to be wound up. However she didn't feel so much like making those jokes anymore in recent weeks. And now, aside from that one, it was more obvious why.
Shaking her head again to try and get herself out of that negative thought patterns, she looked to her. "Okay! So, nails are done; what's next, kitty cat?"
"This." She kissed Yang briefly on the lips - not once, but twice. Then she smiled and said, "Okay, did that. Next up is going to be foundation. You want me to do you up pretty this time, and then we can work on you putting it on yourself another night? Or do you wanna take the wheel?"
With a grateful smile, she took the container for herself and began to stand again. Even she knew they'd need a mirror for this part. "I suppose… I'd better take the wheel myself. Though you can always guide me if I'm screwing it up?"
"Oh, I definitely wasn't going to leave you alone with it! Don't worry." Standing with her, she took up the other things. "Alright, off to the bathroom."
"Uuuh…" Shifting nervously again, she looked more to the bedroom. "No offence babe, but, I'm not going outside the room like this yet."
With that they headed to the bedroom. A smaller room compared to the living room, but one which they made their own, by converting the two single beds to a larger bed for them both. Blake had claim to the dressing table, but today, Yang did as well.
Sitting her down in front of the mirror, they began work right away. With Blake's guiding hand, she slowly managed to add a thin coating of foundation, and even a small amount of blush to her cheeks. Even with that alone, it was helping her see changes; the very slight five o’clock shadow was hidden, to start. Next came the eye make-up, which Blake had to take control of after a couple of failed attempts at applying mascara. A faint amount of purple eyeshadow was added, along with eye liner to bring out her eyes more vibrantly. A little lipstick was the finishing touch.
Yang stood up and looked toward Blake again. Made up, long hair, and clothes to match her personality, she bashfully looked to the ground a moment. Since they didn't have a bigger mirror, she had to go off Blake's opinion on her appearance.
"How do I look?"
But Blake's eyes were already shimmering, hands clasped just under her chin. A few deep breaths later, she was finally able to force out a whispered, "I've never seen a prettier girl in my entire life, Yang."
"C'mon, I mean honestly." As much as she could see Blake's eyes welling up, how truly at awe she looked, she just couldn't believe it. Not yet. This was only her first time being in fully female attire, there was no way she'd look all too convincing!
But when she got out her phone to turn the front facing camera to look, she too had to pause a moment. She really did look good. Not to the point of passing properly, the eventual goal, but to a point where people could quite easily see she was making an effort. And after one session!
"Wow… I… Okay." After staring at herself for a few seconds, Yang saw a finger sneak around the side of the phone to tap the shutter and take the picture. “Huh?”
"You'll want that," Blake said from the other side. "To look back on when you started becoming you."
Through at first she flinched, Yang then nodded right away. Rather happily, she posed again this time, taking another picture at a decent angle, and without the camera jerking as much. Then made her lips pout a little. But after one or two, she came up with an idea. Something to possibly give an insight into their current dilemma.
"Come here." She wrapped her arm around her girlfriend. A habit Blake always had while they were out in the evenings was grab Yang and take a few pictures together, and while she never protested, she always made it clear she was camera shy. This time, it was the other way around, and Yang confidently held the screen up to fit them into the frame. "Milestone selfie!"
And though Blake laughed at being moved around so much, she posed for the picture, smiling gently. Several shots were taken to make sure they got a good one - the last of which had Blake pressing her lips into the side of her girlfriend's cheek.
When Yang drew the phone back to look at them, that seemed to be the one she favored. Given how she flicked through the others, yet focused on that specific shot in particular. To the point where she was even tapping the screen. "You know what? That's gonna be a new wallpaper." Looking toward Blake before she tapped to confirm however; "If you don't mind?"
"Nah, go for it." Privately, she was a little worried about someone seeing it and thinking she was gay, but she also knew Yang had it so much worse. Bigots would hate them both equally, but for whatever reason, people seemed to have a much stronger hate for any "man" dressed like a woman. It was something she hadn't been that sharply aware of a week prior, but now, she could never forget.
"Sweet!" Yang seemed to sing in a higher pitch, finally tucking her phone away so she could give Blake a real and proper hug. Even if there were still worries for them both, especially when Blake essentially had more to think about now other than helping her partner out; they could at least live in the present. And in the present, Yang was enjoying every moment.
So much she kissed her cheek again hard, knowing exactly what the lipstick would do. No better time like the present to let out the inner woman she'd bottled up for years.
Of course, the kiss got Blake grinning sheepishly, and she kissed her back as she took the phone from her, for the purpose of possibly snapping a few more pics. "Okay, now – your toes should be dry. Do you want to try on the shoes? I'm pretty sure they'll fit, and you can try walking in heels."
"Right! Prepare to laugh," she warned. Thankfully the shoes weren't all too difficult for Blake to get a hold of. Yang was blessed with reasonably small feet for a trans woman, making the search for heels slightly easier. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she slid her feet into the heels, already twitching her feet back and forth to get used to the feeling of the heel itself.
"Oh man… That's always so weird. Like remember when I tried on yours once, just goofing around?"
Blake rolled her eyes. "Yeah, 'just goofing around'. Can't believe I didn't figure this out before now." Biting her lip as she stared down, she then raised her eyes and breathed, "Those make your calves look really good."
"Let's hope I can balance long enough for you to get a good look." And finally, she pushed herself up from the bed. Her stance was quite shaky at first, just as it was the first time she'd tried heels. But once taking one or two steps away from the bed, she straightened up. Turning one of her feet outward, she looked down.
"Hmm… Booty shorts and heels. I'm kinda putting my own kinks onto me."
"You have a heels kink?" Blake asked in a soft voice, eyes completely on Yang's legs. They weren't exactly feminine, but they weren't exactly masculine, either. And standing in the heels definitely made them more appealing, regardless of why. "You never told me. Though I do remember you complimenting my legs a lot when I wear them…"
"You really didn't notice? Every time you wore them, I would need to keep thinking of other things to stop myself getting excited in public!" Beginning to feel braver, she took a couple of steps forward into the room, before straightening her back to try pacing slowly. It was strange to have gained a little more height than usual, but even stranger to have the constant 'tip toes' feeling from how steep they were.
As she clapped, Blake stepped out of her flats and crossed to the closet. "Well, in that case… let's make this interesting." She got out a pair of her own stilettos, black compared to the brilliant red of the lower heels that she had found for Yang.
One unintended side effect to walking in heels Yang found was the way she had to move. She was swaying her hips far more than she would normally. She didn't notice at first, but after she did, she instead smirked to herself. And on her next pace, deliberately exaggerated that movement, placing one hand on her hip and the other swaying in unison. A typical catwalk-walk.
"Oh yeah, I got this thing doooown."
"Yeah, you do," Blake encouraged, having slipped into her own heels. But she didn't join Yang on the "catwalk"; just hung back, watching her girlfriend get more comfortable with herself.
Girlfriend. She could handle it. This was, all in all, the same Yang she had always been with, just more comfortable with herself. That was what she would have wanted regardless of what it meant.
With a bout of confidence, Yang gave a small spin on one of her feet, unable to help giggling when she maintained her balance. She really was doing well! This was how things were meant to be, but it took her years to discover it. Although when she turned and noticed that Blake was now joining her in the heels part, she stopped. And instead, found herself groaning outwards. Already she was enjoying the sight.
"But that's not faaaiiiir…"
"Isn't it?" she giggled. But when she noticed Yang staring, she took a step or two, crossing one foot in front of the other each time. "Is… it too much for you?"
"Haaaaahh…" Continuing to stare all the while, she found her muscles already beginning to relax simply from enjoying the sight. All she had the power to do was reach out toward them, and make a 'grabby hands' gesture.
That gesture made Blake pause, smirking to herself, still curious about these things Yang wanted and wanted to be. Tapping her foot slowly, she said, "What would you do with my heels if you got ahold of them? Honest question, not just teasing you. Wear them? Or… something else?"
Slowly, such a gesture was beginning to stop. Rather than the heels themselves, Yang was far more interested in how they made the woman wearing them look. Now that Blake had mentioned how her own heels made her calves look good, she suspected that was why she always found Blake so attractive in them. Because it defined her legs all the more.
"Why would I want just your heels, when I can kiss the woman in the heels?" she flirted with a grin.
"Then kiss her." The offer was made very casually, though she strode closer in the same slow, meandering fashion, heels clacking against the floor. When they were nose-to-nose, the same height because of Blake's taller shoe, she breathed, "Or kiss the heels. Whatever makes you happy, girl."
'Girl'. Before the last few weeks, that would be an insult, or something to degrade her. Now it was quite the opposite. It made her feel stronger, happier, valid. After so long of thinking about it and hiding it away, it was a true joy to feel one hundred percent herself in the presence of her partner. And so Yang slid her arms around her lover's shoulders, and pulled her in toward her. The reddened lips met with Blake's natural ones, where she kissed her rather softly, intimately. Far more meaningfully than the pecks she had been giving out every so often. Yang's kisses were always soft; she never truly did kiss like a boy. But tonight, that fact was far more obvious than it ever had been before.
And Blake kissed back - but differently than she had before. Up until that point, she had been the type to melt into Yang's kiss, leaving herself open and pliable, enjoying it but taking no control over the action. This time, she was more aggressive. Pushing Yang's head back and forth with her own slightly, fingernails gouging into her back. Leaning in herself more instead of letting herself be leaned in on.Seeming to appreciate it, Yang's touch on her girlfriend became softer. She didn't grab and clutch like she would before, she softly touched. She let her fingers glide through Blake's hair and over her back. The tiniest bit more feminine than the Ying of before – who had already been a gentle lover.
After a few more kisses, Blake pulled away to look across at Yang's makeup-dusted cheeks, at her eyeshadow. At the slightly-smeared lipstick and the needy look in her eyes. One of her hands came up and laid gently against her neck.
"Wow," she breathed so softly, her own features pinching as she was struck with the realization. Yes, it was one she'd known in her mind, but now her heart was finally figuring it out. "You're really a woman."
"You're damn right." In direct contrast to the start of the evening, Yang was believing it herself. And why not? She had the look and the clothes, and always had the heart. It was a shame it took her so long to take steps to help herself.
But for now, she wanted to help herself to something else. In particular, a rather attractive woman who was already in the room, whom she adored. Idly twirling one of the strands of black hair, she maintained eye contact with those amber eyes. Her face slowly turning into a sultry, needy expression as she whispered rather huskily, attempting to keep the pitch high.
"Do you want me?"
A nervous giggle escaped Blake as she flushed, averting her eyes shyly in a way she hadn't since they first started dating. Because, in a way, they were starting over. So she decided to really give it her all, and she could do that by being honest.
"I've… n-never been with a girl before. Do… you want me to…?"
“To what?”
“Well... I could get out my little pink friend. Try, um...”
And Blake reached down to squeeze Yang’s rear. Stroking her back gently, she thought about that for a moment. There had been a few times she let Blake be in charge, whether it was from riding her or pinning her down to take her with her mouth. But this was too new, and didn't feel appropriate. Not after all Blake had done for her already tonight.
"What about...” Stepping in toward her to back her further and further up to the bed, she smirked. “Your first woman taking you?"
"Th-that works," Blake managed to force out. She wanted to make Yang as comfortable as possible, to support her new womanhood… but at the same time, she was more than fine with taking her luscious cock again. But that didn't mean she couldn't do something for her. "Do you want me to leave the heels on?"
Now there was a thought. And one that Yang certainly wasn't going to turn down. Pushing her further back until she was forced to sit on the edge of the beds she smirked. "If you want to, you can. I'm certainly not gonna complain."
It was probably silly how excited Blake found herself. Having sex with a woman. This woman had been in her life all along, but without knowing about it, she couldn't seem to change her past memories; those were times she had slept with a man, with Ying. Of course, that wasn't really how things were… but that was hard to change for her. So this really was going to be her first "lesbian encounter", and it sent electricity into every atom of her being.
"Good. Then… then what do you want to do to me?"
As Blake began to crawl a little further back onto the bed, Yang followed eagerly. She crawled over her girlfriend's body as she eventually laid herself down, pinning her down below.
"Well, I'm not like most other girls, you see…" She managed to reach toward the bedside table; one where Yang had always kept her supply for their evenings in. This being no different, she held the small packet by her lover's mouth. "But I can definitely make you scream. Bite the corner so we can get this open."
With a grin from being back in familiar territory, Blake bit down on the corner, tugging until the packet popped open. Instantly, the smell of latex and lube filled her nostrils; one that she didn't enjoy, but had come to associate with sex with her partner. Now, it was intoxicating to her, a promise of what was to come.
As Blake held the edge of the packet still in place, Yang looked down between them. She was still wearing the shorts, which were getting more and more of a bulge by the minute. Looking back up, she asked, "Shorts on? Just nod or shake your head."
Blake only nodded. If Yang was comfortable being intimate while wearing shorts, then she wasn't going to stop her. They looked good, and felt good, as Blake knew from her own pairs. Managing to reach down between the both of them, she made short work of the button and zipper, popping them open in no time. Thanks to how ready she already was down there, things certainly stayed more in place once she did. Once her erect length was out in the open, she then pinched the packet back out of her mouth.
"Thank you, babe." But more or less straight back into the action, her hand went back down below again to finish the rest of things. Sliding the latex covering over her member as far as she could, she then smirked down at her lover instead. "What about yours?" Although her own heels then contacted Blake's. "Apart from these, I mean."
"Whatever you want." Realizing that probably sounded unhelpful, she whispered, "I mean it - do you like me in just heels? Or what? I just wanna look good for you."
"You always look good to me," she clarified. Although taking another glance downward to her clothed form, it had her blushing again. It had been a long while since they last did things together while in their clothes, and seemed only fitting to shake things up in spirit of this new phase in their relationship. Reaching down to Blake's own zipper, she whispered in a sultry manner, "But I think we should get you hot and sweaty, huh?"
All Blake could do was nod, rolling her hips up to allow Yang to shuffle her shorts down… but she didn't. That made her heart beat even faster. "I'm already pretty warm, so… you don't have far to go."
Grinning with delight at that comment, Yang had only shuffled them down enough to pull her panties out of the way so they could get started. Before they would however, Yang's lips crashed into Blake's again. Kissing deeply, hungrily, she rolled her hips forward, rubbing her covered length straight against Blake's exposed lips in the midst of their passionate embrace.
"Hmmhhhh," Blake moaned into the contact, being made unbelievably hot in seconds. Yang wasn't playing around! Her thighs drifted apart obediently, yearning for as much as she could get. Desiring everything Yang had to offer, both lips and elsewhere. And soon enough she'd get it. In addition to the length she could feel down there, Yang's hand was guiding it where to go. After a bit more teasing, she was guiding it further down, lining up the head as she was so used to doing until with a single thrust…
She was in. It wasn't soft, nor was it rough. It was a typical in between that suited Yang on most occasions. As she moaned quietly into the kiss, she rolled her hips forward again, growling with delight at how much pleasure she was already feeling.
The low groan that had been issuing just from the light pressure grew into a full-blown scream, muffled by the lips tasting hers. Yang was inside of her. Yang's cock, the cock that belonged to a woman was deep within her body now, filling her with pleasure. How it was the same... and yet it wasn’t. She wanted more, she wanted Yang to go harder, but she also didn't mind the slow grind she was levitating around at present. Getting there was ALL of the fun.
The past week or so, Yang couldn't bring herself to be this intimate with her girlfriend, or even with herself. Blake noted very well each time Yang pushed her away, or ended up heading to bed early just to avoid physical contact. Now that she knew the cause, and they both worked on it together; it was the release they both needed after being pent up for days on end. Now they were back into the swing however, Yang couldn't remain at a slow speed. It was only just hitting her how much she had missed this. Rolling her hips back and forth over and over again, she settled on a medium pace to get them started, breaking away from their kiss so she could moan more easily.
Hearing the low, masculine moan tripped something in the back of Blake's brain. How much was she faking that every time? How much was she putting into pretending to be the "man" she had thought she was dating? That rankled immediately. Even through the intense pleasure radiating from the cock inside of her, she couldn't leave it be.
"I… want to hear you," she panted up at Yang when they broke the kiss. "Be loud for me, Yang…"
Well, that was a little direction that she didn’t mind taking. So with the next few, harder thrusts; she did more than her usual low toned grunting. She opened her mouth more, becoming louder. Now, far more noticeably than ever before, she was moaning. Everything she was doing now seemed more feminine, seemed more herself. This was the woman Yang was truly meant to be! And while Blake would normally be closing her eyes by then, letting the sensations wash over her and losing herself in them, now she was wide-eyed. Watching the woman above herself moan and thrust, strong but soft, filling her completely and making her feel both owned and cherished at the same time. She craved it, and the craving was being sated even as it increased.
"Oh Blake… Blake!" She managed to rasp among the various moans of ecstasy. Each and every thrust felt like she was making love for the very first time, a whole new venture for her. And she loved it, and knew that she wanted to keep doing it again and again in the future.
However there was a downside to how long they'd put this off – and how hot she found the high heels. While Blake was craving her own satisfaction, Yang was nearly at hers. It had barely been a few minutes but she could already feel her legs beginning to quiver, and hear her moans getting even higher in pitch.
"Ohhh… oh?" The moan went up at the end when she felt Yang getting close. She could still do something for her. "Yeah, fuck me! Fuck me, Yang!" Maybe using her new name - her true name - would help her along.
"HAAAAH, BLAKE!" she yelled out. Quivering uncontrollably against Blake's body, she could already feel the latex covering around her member being filled by her own fluid, just after it throbbed inside the body of her lover. White hot pleasure seeped through her body. One of the best orgasms yet... and it was all thanks to Blake.
And Blake's body felt fantastic under Yang's. Sure, she didn't have the opportunity to build herself all the way up to her own climax, but that didn't mean it felt "bad" in even the slightest sense. She always enjoyed Yang's body regardless.Once Yang began to slow down and pant, hanging above her, she reached up and caressed her cheek, smiling at her clearly-sated expression.
"You looked… SO gorgeous just now."
"I did?" There were a few deep breaths. A few more. "Wow… Well, it felt good too. More… me." Slowly drawing herself backward to pull her member out, she rolled over to one side, laying on her back right next to her girlfriend. She couldn't even be convinced to take off the condom just yet, not when she was exhausted. "How did you feel? Was that… weird?"
"Not at all," she whispered, curling around her side automatically. An old habit from when she was Ying. "Oh… is this weird? Like, this positioning."
"Huh? Oh! No, nope, y-you're good." Still dazed from exhaustion, she stared up at the ceiling for a while longer. While she was about to run her hands over her face, she suddenly stopped, remembering the make-up that remained. It'd take a long time to get used to that. Although upon feeling the cuddled form of Blake at her side, and how calm her breathing was in comparison, she rubbed one of her hands up and down Blake's back slowly, beginning to smile. "But someone hasn't had their happy ending…"
All Blake could do was grin into Yang's shoulder and whisper, "You noticed." After a few more seconds, she added, "You always do. It's… yeah, I guess a girl would notice another girl hasn't gotten off, wouldn't she?"
But Yang only raised an eyebrow. Without fail, she had always finished off her partners if they didn't finish through intercourse, with the only exception being the very first time with another woman. But even then, she stuck around for the end result. "Wait, guys don't? I mean, regardless of gender stuff I thought that was common sense."
"Well… some of them don't even know women CAN orgasm. Or they don't know how to do it, so they give up and just assume she'll take care of herself." Her smile widened. "But you were never like that. Not that guys can't be, y'know, attentive… but it’s another clue. I should have figured it out sooner."
"Wow… Guys are dicks. Least I only have a dick." Talking of which, she had to lean out of Blake's grip for a moment to remove the condom, leaning over to put it straight into the basket on her side of the bed. Only then did she roll on her side to face her, and began stroking her stomach. "So, ma cherie… What will it be tonight?"
"You don't have to do anything special for me," Blake hummed huskily. "This is your night. So… just make me wetter until I explode." But her eyes were mesmerizing, and pointed directly at her love. Waiting to see what Yang had in store for her.
"I know just the trick to make you wetter. Although…" Understandably, a head full of thick hair being covered by more hair was making Yang a little more warm than she wanted to be. So she tugged the wig free and laid it on the bedside table. "I can put it back on after, it's just to avoid getting anything… anywhere."
"Oh, no no, I get you," Blake whispered, feeling oddly… sad. It took her a moment to identify that as the feeling, but yes, Yang had looked so much more like herself with the wig on. But she reached out and fluffed up her natural hair to compensate. "There. There's my girl."
"It will be. Once I grow it out…" Blessed with a head full of hair anyway, and if she took hormones in the future, she knew a head full of long hair wouldn't be a difficult goal. Already she was considerably more feminine than most hair styles anyway.
But they had business to tend. The first clue for what she was going to do next came when she crawled down, and began to tug Blake's pants and underwear downward. She could already see just how wet and eager her lover was, and understandably why.
"Mmmhhh," Blake moaned encouragingly. When Yang got them down to the ankles, she grinned and whispered, "You can take them off and put them back on." She waggled her stilettos for emphasis.
"Or…" Yang wasn't a quitter. Lifting Blake's legs enough so she could crawl under them, she managed to part them enough so she could get between. The pants at her ankles actually had the advantage, of locking Yang into place. Plus this way, she could feel her girlfriend's legs resting on her back. "Better?"
"Definitely," she sighed breathily, already feeling her excitement returning from Yang's breath caressing her inner thighs. Licking her lips, she lay back with her arms overhead, allowing her eyes to droop closed.
"God, you're always so sexy," she couldn't help but comment. And it was all here to conquer. Leaning in, she pressed a few kisses against her inner thighs, noticing something very particular when she made one kiss harder than the norm; two crimson crescents of lipstick. "Oooh… You're gonna have a few reminders of tonight."
Craning her neck, she tried to see what Yang meant. "I what?" Then she did notice. "O-oh, I- oh. Well… that's…" Her face was flushing and she didn't know why. Yang had gone down on her dozens of times. Why did a little lipstick make any difference?
Leaning against one of her legs while Blake was seemingly trying to make head and tails of everything, Yang could only smirk all the more, content in knowing it flustered her as much as it did. Even as a girl, she could make Blake weak at the knees. But before too long, she went back to work. Although she was only continuing to kiss her inner thighs more, her fingers began to wander in that area. One of her hands could be felt parting the lips, exposing her to the open air. The other began to trail through the wetness with her fingers, picking up as much as she could.
Little by little, Blake began to move again, hips squirming from side to side as she was toyed with. With some trial and error, she was able to angle her legs so that the stiletto heels dug straight into Yang's back. She didn't know if her girlfriend would be into that type of thing, but now might as well be when she found out – and it seemed to make her hum with delight as she continued kissing the skin below. A firm reminder Blake was still wearing them was what she needed to continue pleasing her. Heading inward, she kissed at the side of her lips as she held them open; but now the fingers began to poke at her entrance.
"Oooh, yes…" She couldn't help the excited, breathy laughter that spilled from her at the feeling of Yang just edging past her fragile folds and into her body. Delight filled her every pore. This was the best part.
Smirking with each kiss, Yang knew just how to get her lover going. Each time she pushed her fingers inside, she curled to hit that particular spot. Over and over she pushed in, finishing with a light stroke over the nerves she found there. While it was exciting to do this for her girlfriend, there was a hint of jealousy to it. Yang couldn't ever experience pleasure in this way; not unless she was prepared to take a few steps further than many would, and expensive steps at that. And while that idea didn't particularly frighten her, it didn't appeal too much, either. So she would have to keep playing the 'male role' to get any pleasure of her own until such a time as she decided to go through with surgery.
Or would she?
Meanwhile, the girlfriend she was currently sliding her fingers in and out of was moaning into the ceiling, writhing back and forth like a woman unhinged. By her calls, it was obvious she was close - VERY close. One of her hands came down… and she did something she wasn't used to doing with Yang. Normally, she would just put her hand behind "his" head and hold "him" there… but there was something girls typically liked. Even though Yang was trying to grow her hair out, she really wanted to see how she'd respond. Therefore, she reached down and took a solid handful of her hair and gripped hard – not pulling, just holding on.
Turns out she did enjoy it. Her grip was strong enough for the experience to be satisfactory, and even coaxed a moan against the lips she kept kissing. As it turned out, a mixture of pain from both the heels digging into her back and the pulling at the roots of her hair were giving her that extra pleasure she didn't know she needed. Hence forward, she rewarded her lover by finally kissing the small nub at the top of her sex more and more, and pumped her fingers in and out at a faster pace.
That didn't take much longer. Within a few minutes, Blake was writhing and screaming, legs shivering and back nearly coming up off the mattress. Several times, Yang's name fell from her lips…
And each time, it was her real name. She had known from the moment they’d grown intimate that she would need to watch that, and it had become the only thing she focused on, the only thing she devoted mental effort to other than simply enjoying what was happening to herself.
Below, that only caused more of a smile on her face as she kissed Blake's clit over and over again, delivering one or two more firm thrusts into her to keep that finish going for longer. She'd done it again, brought Blake to the orgasm she deserved when her member couldn't. Talking of which… The downside of satisfying Blake again after was becoming apparent. Already she could feel herself getting harder again. She'd only just finished, yet she wanted more! While it was usually a passing thought and only made her semi-erect, this she could feel was growing more and more. Maybe she'd need to jerk off afterward.
"Ohhhhhh, yeah," Blake groaned out in a satisfied tone, lying completely limp and spread eagle. "That was… good. Now clean your fingers off and… get up here…"
Nodding as she drew the fingers free of her lover's body once sure she was done, she cleaned her fingers on the bedsheets as requested, well aware they were due for a wash sometime soon, and ducked under Blake's somewhat restrained legs from the lowered pants and underwear. Once she was free, she cuddled straight into Blake's side, nuzzling into her neck.
"Hmm… glad you enjoyed that, babe."
The brunette's face was pure satisfaction as she snuggled back, wrapping her arms tightly around Yang as their legs entwined. "Mm, you have no idea." Then she felt something against her thigh and giggled, "Or maybe you do."
Hiding her head in the crook of Blake's neck, she groaned lowly, shaking her head very lightly. No longer was she too concerned about smudging her make-up, she was too tired for that. "That's kinda embarrassing… all finished and still got a semi…"
"Not embarrassing. I… like feeling that you going down on me is fun for you, too." She reached down with a hand and teased over the surface of Yang's shorts slightly. "Not that we have to do anything with it."
Drawing herself back out from the space in Blake's neck, she laid her head against her shoulder instead and relaxed. It was the position that usually Blake would find herself in against Yang, rather than the opposite way around. But there was something about it that felt more natural. She enjoyed being the taking submissive role more than she thought. Looking back toward where Blake was stroking against her clothes, she shuffled around.
"Maybe we should get undressed now… Was fun while it lasted though."
"Really was." When Blake began to push at Yang's shorts, sliding them down, she felt her hips rock slightly; just the barest amount. Then she had a thought that, once having it, she couldn't get rid of: she could try doing for Yang what Yang had done for her. Would it work out? She honestly had no idea, but it would be worth it if it made her new girlfriend feel like more of a woman.
To that end… "Hey. Are you totally worn out, or do you want to try something?"
Beginning to slide her shirt over and off her head, she hesitated a moment instead, and tilted her head toward her lover. "Try something?" Though when she noticed Blake was particularly staring toward her semi erect length poking out from her underwear still, she instinctively closed her legs together. "Honestly babe, I'm not worn out, but I'm not in the mood for a blow job, if that's what you mean."
"That wasn't… quite what I had in mind. Be right back."
It wasn't easy, but Blake managed to prise herself up off the bed and run into the living room. Within a minute, she was back with a flouncy white skirt, one with ruffles at the bottom.
"Switch those shorts for these," she urged in an excitable voice.
"Oooh…" That did look a little more alluring than the booty shorts did. How could she have missed that in the box? Eager to obey, she finally took the heels first, giving a soft sigh of relief once her feet were free again. As she was just about to push down her shorts however, she asked, "Panties… On or off?"
"Whichever feels better for you." As she spun the skirt to be able to put it on properly, she winced. "You… probably think I'm being lazy, never making decisions, but I just want you to enjoy yourself tonight."
"Yeah… yeah, of course." She eventually made her decision, and unexpectedly, she slid down both the shorts and the panties. Whilst it was fun to have worn them, and helped make her body more effeminate, if she was after comfort for this upcoming moment, they would have to go. "They're gorgeous, but will take some getting used to."
"Yeah, but it's also…" Biting her lip as she began to slide the skirt up Yang's legs, she said in a quieter voice, "Sorry if this isn't like, what you want to hear, but… your cock in a pair of panties… very sexy." By the time she finished her sentence, Blake was blushing. She knew it might not be politically correct, but she wouldn't be being honest with Yang if she didn't tell her.
"You really like them that much?" While shuffling from one side to the other to aid Blake's efforts, she found herself smiling rather smugly. Kink or not, she had to admit it was nice to hear from her girlfriend. Neatening the skirt a moment she gestured toward the pile. "Can always wear them again, if you're that desperate."
"Maybe another time," she laughed. Then she smirked. "Now… I know I'd just be acting, but… would you want me to put on some of your guy clothes and, um, treat you like a lady? Just an idea - not married to it."
There was a thought. Blake often wore her clothes before all this, mainly when she wanted a big shirt after her shower as something to cuddle up to Yang in rather than anything, and some hoodies for that reason. This would be a lot more different she sensed. Although, it did get her questioning, "Do you want to? I don't mind things being more ‘lesbian’ here. Guys I can give or take, you've always known that."
"Y-yeah, true. I just… wanted to give you that experience, if you wanted it. Make you feel extra womanly."
Petting Yang's leg briefly, she picked up one of her old band tees and drawstring gym shorts, changing them out for her own outfit. Though she left her panties in place, she whipped her bra off in a hurry. Then she grabbed a baseball cap Yang only wore when feeling too lazy to do his - her hair and put it on backwards, making sure most of her hair was out behind her.
Though uneasy about the situation, Yang was willing to give it a shot. She knew Blake's intent was purely to try and please her; but this wasn't something she would particularly need. All she needed was her lover, no matter what she wore. But since they were already trying…
"So, I'm a cheerleader and you're the jock, right?"
"Yeah," Blake said in a comically deeper voice. They both giggled at it, and she tried again, pitching it just a little lower than usual, drawing out her syllables a little longer. "I've been meaning to get my hands on your pompoms for a while now."
"My Pom-poms?" When Yang's voice sounded deeper than hers still, she quickly cleared her throat. Already she found herself slightly more paranoid about that part of herself. That was something that would take some steady work, or eventual surgery if vocal training wasn’t enough. As best she could, she tried to raise her voice's pitch to play along but it sounded strained. "And what makes you think you'll get them?"
But Blake didn't laugh, didn't flinch. She just smirked and shrugged, shoving her hands in the shorts pockets. "You already kicked your shoes off and sat on my bed. Seems to me like a girl who does that knows what she wants."
Again with the same voice. She needed to work on it, no time like the present. "Girls like me don't usually get a lot of offers. Can you blame me for being a little eager?"
"Not many offers?" Blake felt her heart sink when she realized Yang meant in real life. She didn't expect anyone else to want to sleep with her because of her situation. But she decided to dance around that.
"Probably not. Pretty girls like you… guys like me think you're too good for us. That we don't stand a chance."
While it was a part of their roleplay, Yang couldn't help but feel a little saddened for herself. Although she was with Blake, it would have been nice to be able to at least flirt with a few men while they were out with friends and things. No doubt they'd see her for what she was from a mile off though, and that could be dangerous. But for now, she shook her head. That was a bridge to cross later. She wasn't even out yet after all. Sitting herself back against the pillows, she smiled.
"I don't know about that, but I'm glad you asked anyway."
"Me, too. Just looking at you on my bed… damn, girl." Blake traced a finger over the sole of Yang's left foot, just a quick, lazy circle. "Too much to handle."
Shivering from the teasing touch, Yang asked, "Really?" It was partially playing along, but also a genuine question. Along with: "You really think I look that good?"
Blake nodded as she leaned down, pressing her lips into Yang's ankle. Then she began to crawl forward, leaving light kisses over her shin as she went. All the while, she tried to maintain as much eye contact with Yang as possible. Letting out a breathy sigh of delight with each kiss, Yang found herself beginning to relax back slowly. But the further upward she got, the more nervous she became.
Breaking her character, she whispered, "Hey, remember we said no BJ's, okay?"
In the same man-voice, Blake said, "Aww, come on. How can I give a girl a BJ? That's crazy talk, yo." When she began to get close to the skirt, she inhaled, and whispered in her normal voice, "Even if you do smell really good right now."
Biting her lip again, she continued to watch as Blake continued to ascend. At least she wasn't doing as she first thought, but that left another question. What was she going to do? Was she really building these characters just to jerk her off?
As Blake climbed higher, she had continued to form plans in her mind. She thought about Yang, and how she talked and treated her when going down on her - not just that night but all the other times they had been together. And she thought about the anatomy she would be finding there. There had been some other incidents she remembered, things that Yang had either been uncomfortable with or had mentioned. She had a few ideas.
"There she is," Blake said from under Yang's skirt. She had decided not to lift it completely; this way, Yang could try and imagine she had what Blake had, if she wanted.
The instant Blake's hand contacted with her sex, she suddenly gasped again. It really did seem as though the sole purpose was to jerk her after all. As much as it was a letdown, she wasn't about to reject it; this was still her girlfriend trying her best to meet her halfway.
"Yeah… There it is." She didn't give it a gender like Blake did. Perhaps if she never did, it would make any possible decision easier.
"Mm…." But the hand didn't close around the length. Instead, it trailed down, pressing gently into the area just below. Between the two spheres that lay hidden in the soft sack and into the muscle underneath.
"A-ah!" Unable to help herself, she ended up twitching her legs, curling her toes in response as she arched her back. While she was used to Blake fondling and playing, her soft sack was something she wasn’t used to being touched at all. Not even by herself. Having Blake actually begin to stroke along it was something new altogether.
When Blake's mouth did fall to the area, it was to draw in small wrinkles of Yang's skin between her lips, to lave over it as Yang did with her own labia. All she could do was hope that it was doing something for her new girlfriend; that it wasn't just her being stupid and not understanding how her body worked in tandem with her mind now.
Yang didn't know what to think, so she ended up lightly squirming back and forth. Clutching the bedsheets as she shifted her hips back and forth, she continued to gasp at the strange sensations to a place that usually got no attention whatsoever. Switching hands, Blake moved to the other side and repeated the action, using both lips and tongue to toy with the skin. Once, she even drew the small sphere into her mouth as well, holding it there to see how Yang would react. Cradling it on her tongue.
"Haaaah…." Finding herself quivering repeatedly, her opposite leg began to twitch. How much of this torment could her poor body take? It was good, but very weird at the same time. A confusing mess she'd need to decipher over time.
"You like that, baby girl?" she continued in her guy-voice, kissing the skin again. Then she spread it out further before pushing her face right into the area, shoving her tongue hard up against the muscles that lay beneath the soft skin and running it up and down over and over. As if she were really pleasuring a female organ. Yet again, Yang was shifting her hips side to side, gasping and shakily moaning from all the strange sensations.
Grasping the covers all the more, she couldn't help but shakily call out, "W-what is that?! I-I've… N-never felt that b-before!"
Blake laughed - directly into the contact, letting the vibrations echo into her muscles. She spent a few more seconds lapping and pushing against her there, moaning and sliding her fingers up and down the sides. Then she drew back and out so she could gaze at Yang again.
"God… why didn't you tell me your pussy tastes so good?"
Biting her lip, Yang stared upward at the ceiling and tried to restrain her moaning. Whatever Blake was doing to that area between her length and her dark opening, she was enjoying it. She had no way of confirming it, but could only imagine this was the same sensations Blake felt when she treated her to this play. Entirely different to a typical blow job, that was for sure.
Meanwhile, that dark opening was something that interested Blake now. Before, it never had; Yang had teased her there once or twice, but when Blake had patiently asked she direct her attentions to her primary pleasure center, she obliged easily. Now… she couldn't help but think it was the only entrance her girlfriend had. Did she want any attentions there, or was it too much of a "gay man" thing? But for now, she kept up what she was doing, licking a little lower now and then. Mostly, she kept her attentions on the sack itself, but now and then she would flash her tongue over the little bridge of skin between there and the hole below. Just testing the waters.
Something strange was happening that Yang could feel for herself. Beneath the skirt, among all the pleasure, her length wasn't increasing in size at all. It remained the same, semi rigid state as it did before. In fact, if anything it was becoming even softer. What possible thing could she be doing to grant her pleasure without the need to pump her length or penetrate other areas?
Either way, she could feel her legs beginning to quiver again. One of her hands sank between her legs to grasp a hand full of Blake's hair, copying her actions and freezing her there.
"Mmmm," she rumbled gratuitously from the hair-pulling, again for her pleasure. Then she whispered, "You… really like this. You want more." So she pushed her tongue in harder; it wasn't the easiest thing, and it wasn't something she was used to attempting, but being that Yang appreciated it so much, it was worth possibly getting a tongue cramp over.
She couldn't help it. The moans increased in volume again, and in pitch as Blake went in for the kill. Grip keeping her head firmly against that area, she quivered and squirmed while the pleasure washed over her again and again. But that was impossible.
"Blake!" The pitch was almost naturally high now from how pleased she was. "Blake, I-I think I'm… T-Think I'm gonna…!"
"Really?" she breathed as quickly as she could, between generous licks and nibbles. The longer she went at it, the more delicious she found the whole experience; why had they never done that before? The real answer was, because most boys would find this activity strange. Only Yang being a woman could have opened the door for such atypical fun.
And Blake wasn't quite done. As quickly as she could manage, she allowed her tongue to lick just a little lower that time, barely touching the rim of the tightly-puckered skin below.
It was all commingling into one final wave of pleasure. She hadn't expected it at all, but that sudden attention to the very outermost perimeter of her opening had sent her into her finish. Arching her back and grasping both Blake's hair and the bedsheets tighter, she felt her entire body quivering as pleasure raced through it. It was a different kind to what she was used to, something deeper and more intense. But just as, if not more than, satisfying.
And yet, to her surprise; there was no 'evidence'. Apart from the odd drip of clear precum that had been present from the start, there was no other evidence of what they were doing coming from her sex. And it was soft, it couldn't. Whatever happened to make her orgasm so hard, affected her so much she didn't ejaculate. And it was the strangest thing she'd ever felt.
Slowly, Blake rose up from under the skirt, staring at her love. After watching Yang pant for a few seconds, she smiled mischievously and muttered, "That was something. That was something intense. What… what happened there?"
A hand was circling her cock. Gasping and panting, she tried to regain her breath. She couldn't help herself! It really was an exhausting experience for her. Lifting her skirt to try and see the aftermath however, she was pleasantly surprised. Dry as a bone.
"Damn," she whispered. "I have… No idea. What were you doing?"
"Just like, massaging you where your vagina would be, I guess?" She pressed her fingers into the area in the center of Yang's scrotum again, all the way in until she hit solid mass, now that Yang could see it. "Right here. I didn't know if you'd be into it, but thought it might be something to try…"
"Hhhhuuuhh…" She growled outwardly again. Biting her lip nervously, she managed to keep her eye contact with Blake as she fiddled around down here and tried new things, even if it was strange. "G-god it's just so… Weird! Although, I'm shocked Nora and Ren haven't heard me screaming."
The lips and fingers kept teasing her, now in full view with her legs up closer to her head so that Yang could better see. Then she abandoned both and slid up so that her cheek was resting against the semi-soft length, still the tiniest bit damp from the earlier climax and the lube on the condom.
"The walls are pretty thick. We both know how loud Nora is, and we barely ever hear her."
"They don't do it as often as we do though… Then again, that's probably why we only hear Nora." Although when Blake continued to lean against her length, slide her hands over the soft skin, she couldn't help but begin to curl her toes again and twitch in response. As much as she could let Blake go again…
"Come up here?" she asked, opening her arms out. That was a clear message. She crawled up along Yang's body and wrapped one arm and leg around her, pressing in close.
"Yeah?"
Instead of saying any more, Yang just kissed her lips again, taking a long moment before she drew back, and laid her head back on the pillow. "Thank you so much… For all of this."
Smiling gently across as she began to relax into the pillow, she breathed, "You're welcome. I… just wish I could have been like this last night instead of a day late." Her fingers drifted up and ran through Yang's hair. "You're so important to me… I need you to know it."
"I know… I guess it's about time I started believing that." She shrugged her shoulders as she rested on her side, already beginning to feel the exhaustion from their activities taking over. But that didn't mean she was done talking.
"I was just worried I'd hurt you. Because, girl or not, I still love you to pieces, and I know this is a lot to take in. Not what you signed up for."
"Yeah, I thought I was hurt by this… but that was me making it about me. This is about who YOU are. And I love you no matter what." She pressed a kiss into Yang's cheek, sighing contentedly as they settled in next to each other.
"I love you too. I'll never forget what you've done for me tonight. You've helped me take the first steps to being the woman I am. And you… You've given me my life back."
Blake couldn’t even reply; all she could do was smile with tears just touching her eyelashes. Giving Yang her life back was all she could hope for.
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thelifetimechannel · 7 years
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Well, us lgbt peeps are getting our youth centers set on fire, we're being kicked out of the military, and the SCOTUS is just about to let businesses discriminate against us, but i'm glad we have people like you to erase what little positive representation we get! When only bigots are pissed about rosemary "Trying to make everyone happy" equals "Trying to make the bigots happy". You don't have to answer this, just think about it. Your work already has that reputation. Do you want it to stick?
Let’s assuage one concern right off the bat. Rosemary is going to be fine. Rose talks about backing off, but in the same conversation she admits she’s being silly and overreacting. Earlier in canon, she assumes Kanaya wants to break up with her and claims “my girlfriend thinks I’m an idiot”. With her insecure belief that Kanaya is disappointed in her, a brief consideration of following in her family’s footsteps and bailing seemed in character to me. But she knows that’s kneejerk and prompted by insecurity rather than reality, and instead, she’s going to talk to her about their issues. A truly revolutionary move, to be sure. 
I have those conversations written. I did research, to more confidently write about how addiction can strain relationships and hurt the people you love. I wanted to explore what their dynamic looks like now with all those stressors in play and give them a chance to talk it out and make their relationship stronger. So Rosemary will be fine. Don’t worry about them.
With that out of the way, I’m tucking the rest of our responses under a cut.
Pal. Anon. Buddy. 
Yes, these are scary fucking times right now. A lot of people are frightened and for very good reason. A lot of people feel powerless to do anything against the soulless wastes of skin in the US government. A lot of people are lashing out at things they think they can control instead. I understand turning to fiction when times are stressful; if someone finds solace in my work, even for an hour or two, that makes me more glad than words can properly express at 2 AM. 
However, what I’m not appreciating is taking that stress out on queer content creators themselves. Further more, I get the funny feeling - something I’ve been getting for a long time now - that your message was made less as a letter to the editor from a genuinely concerned reader. Because, you know, we’ve gotten messages like this before. Instead, it sounds like a blatant co-opting of these very real, very scary issues in order to moralize why you don’t like a fan fiction that has less than 250 favs on MSPFA. 
This is not the first time we’ve received a message like this on this blog and I suspect it won’t be the last. But I’m writing a draft response this time instead of Kat because I saw this first and it’s 2:30 AM and I am very, very, VERY tired of this goddamn concern trolling.  
Canon, Anon, is always going to be there, will always have Rosemary, and will literally always be fathoms more popular than my dorky fan comic. Rosemary will continue to be an extremely popular canon ship. Rosemary ain’t going anywhere because of one fanfic that doesn’t have as much of a focus on it. Emphasis: as much of a focus. It’s what we call a “gen fic”. Calm down. 
I get getting defensive about your ships when people are assholes about it. But if homophobic a-holes are drawn to my comic because we’re not heavy on gay ships because that’s where the story is right now, that is on them. And there are much better ways to deal with that problem than sending passive-aggressive notes to small fry like us because we’re not dropping everything and scrambling to get more shipping content onscreen. Yeah, we’re right there. Our inbox is open. I get it, it’s easy to take our your fear and your anger with messages like this because we are such small time members of the community. But will you please grab some patience? Holding off because it’s not the right moment for it to be in the story =/= erasure, we will get there, and we will get there after I get some freaking shut eye so I can wake up so I can draw the next flash and the next update. Rinse. Repeat. 
Also literally every time I have drawn Rose onscreen for months now she’s been in one of Kanaya’s shirts. If you’re going to criticize my comic, at least do me the decency of sounding like you’ve read it first. 
-Gill
For once, I’m going to be the crankier one. 
Simply, how dare you? How dare you waltz into our inbox pretending that any of this is new to us? Neither of us is cis or straight. I select nonbinary on anonymous surveys and then turn around to put female on official paperwork because my state doesn’t include sexual orientation or gender identity as protected categories for employees. I came home from rallying in front of my scumbag senator’s local office for health care and called him up about the military ban. I have poured so much mental time into this project partly because it’s a relief to have a distraction from the world falling down around me. And you pop in to compare two queer content creators to the people in power stripping their rights away. You even write that you’re not looking for a response. You’re not looking for a conversation. I’m 99% sure that you’re the same anon we’ve gotten over and over again claiming we have a “bad reputation” when you’re the one person who keeps yelling at us, and you completely ignore everything we say to you in favor of harassing us. Do you go through AO3 leaving these comments on everything that doesn’t meet your specifications? Is this fun for you?
I have tried many responses every time you reappear in our inbox. I have expressed sympathy toward your frustration. I have provided detailed explanations of why our project is the way it is. I pointed you in the direction of projects that might be more your speed. I’ve offered to write fic for you personally, for god’s sake. But I’m done. I’m tired. I get it - you’re scared. I’m scared. We’re all scared. And when it seems like no one’s listening and there’s nothing you can do, you want to hit out at something. You want to find an enemy and slay it so you stop feeling so powerless. I can relate. Take that impulse and do something constructive with it. Call a representative. Volunteer at a local activist group, if you’ve got the time, accessibility, spoons, etc. I know it feels like spitting into a wildfire, believe me, but it can help lift a little of the emotional weight of feeling entirely helpless. But us tearing each other apart isn’t going to help anything, and life is hard enough right now without me allowing myself to be your punching bag.
Further asks on this will go unanswered.
- Kat
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