#i keep thinking that the setting is more french canada than france . like obviously it's all post-post-apocalyptic

[ladyanput]

Dousing The Fire

Did I stay up until 1am writing this? I most certainly did. This is set just after Damian and Marinette left for their date in Chapter 2 of 'Seeing Green'

Alright, here's a warning for crude language, and tons and tons of Miraculous Salt. Enjoy.

~

At twenty-three years old, Evangeline Bourbon had seen her fair share of things. She had grown up with only her father, who spent more time down at the bar with his buddies, than raise his only child. Growing up around a drunk of a father, you learn not to put up with shit real fast.

He hadn't been abusive, he kept a stable job… He just seemed to prefer the bottle to being with his daughter, so she had been alone often. Evangeline grew up in Canada, in an Acadian town. She had kept good grades, she studied her ass off to learn French, and to complete her education degree, so that she could teach. She hoped her father would be proud then. But he simply went back to guzzling down his beer, as his friends around him drunkenly congratulated her.

So she moved to a different town, she had gotten a job at a Catholic school, as a TA, and a nun there had kindly suggested trying to go to France for a year, to strengthen her French. The lycée she had applied to  had been more than willing to bring her aboard.

Her first impression of Miss Caline Bustier was that she was a pretty, kind, and  very accepting woman. She had looked forward to learning from her, since she had been raised to stay with her original homeroom class, all the way up to their last year of school! She must have been such an amazing teacher!

How foolish she had been to believe that.

The class had not given a good first impression. As soon as the Canadian woman had said where she was from, Lila had perked up, then given her a wide smile.

"I'm very good friends with Monsieur Trudeau and his daughter, Elenore. She is such a little cutie pie, I'm like the big sister she's never had, so just adores me because she's an only child." She cooed, and the class around her praised her for knowing such a person as the Prime Minister of Canada, and going on about how handsome he was. Miss Bourbon merely raised an eyebrow.

"Mister Trudeau has three children, miss Rossi, and none of them are named Elenore." She crossed her arms, noting how Lila's green eyes narrowed in fury. Nothing had gone right after that, between her and the class. If she messed up on her French, they'd mock her. If she told Caline, she'd be told to grow up, that she's a teacher and needs to set an example.

Well she had almost taken that advice, until she had seen Marinette. Seen how isolated she was, seen how abandoned she was by her own friends. One look into those large blue eyes, void of light, and she had put her foot down. Now she'd do anything for Marinette, they had grown more into friends that a teacher's assistant and a student. And it made her very protective, especially when that boy from Wayne Enterprises has asked Mari out on a date.

Eva glanced out the elevator doors, smiling as she watched Marinette and Damian head towards the exit, eager for that first date. He seemed like a nice young man, and he had gotten the memo fast that if Mari got hurt, he'd find her shoe shoved when the sun don't shine.

When she got back to her room, she found Caline sitting on one of the beds, flipping through a magazine.

"The young man seems nice. I made sure he'd have Marinette back by nine thirty." Eva spoke as she went to her own bed, frowning as she was met in silence. She turned to the teacher, hands on her hips. "Caline, you could be a bit more concerned."

Miss Bustier glanced up, then gave her TA a patient smile, as if she were giving her the world with that one smile. Eva felt her blood pressure spike.

"Marinette will be just fine. There's no reason to be so concerned about her, she wanders off on her own all the time back in Paris. Honestly, Eva, you need to learn to not be so uptight about things." Caline shrugged and went back to her magazine.

"Yeah, but this isn't Paris, now is it? Might I remind you that we are in Gotham city? One of the crime capitals of America? Where a lot of people go missing and are never found? No, because that would take some actual fucking thinking in your part, now wouldn't it?" Eva snarled at her, as she took her dark hair out of its bun. Caline was on her feet in seconds, fury flaring in her eyes.

"You watch your tone with me. Why are you like this, so confrontational? You really need to stop being so confrontational, Miss Bourbon, or I think I will have to report you to the department of education." Caline took hold of Eva's arm, blinking in surprise as Eva began to laugh.

"Oh please, Caline, you don't have any fucking power in that school. I'm not one of your bullied students you can gaslight into being quiet and take the punches, until they want to die. Because that plan works so fucking well, it certainly worked with Chloe, didn't it?" She didn't miss Caline's flinch. "You didn't even do a head count this morning. I was nice enough to head out early this morning to Wayne Enterprises, to make sure they had everything set up for us, so that you could sleep in a bit and enjoy a class that no one fucking ever wants to teach, and you leave one of your students behind.

"You ever wonder why you were moved up a grade with that class of yours? Moved from Dupont to the lycée. While the department fed you bullshit about you being 'such and outstanding teacher, shaping the lives of many bright futures', in truth, no one wants to teach that fucking class. You have a class full of idiot assholes, who go and attack anyone who says that their precious Lila Rossi is lying, especially that Alya. They're like a bunch of rabid dogs that no one wants to touch, so they keep you with them. I think that's just making it worse, because you encourage this behaviour. Marinette is suffering, because her friends all believe Lila's lies, and you swallowed the bullshit about Lila having a condition that forces her to lie."

"Miss Bourbon, I know you have never seen Lila in the best of lights, but-"

"I nearly lost my job because of her! I nearly had the police on me, because she was spreading rumours that I slept with one of my male students back in Canada, got caught, and ran here to hide out. Thank fuck that the principal in the lycée isn't letting you suck his dick, like the one at DuPont, and had enough common sense to look into my job history. I taught at a girl's only prep school. And when this lie came to life, you didn't fucking punish her, you let it all stew!" Eva felt like tearing her hair out. Caline seemed scandalized, but it obviously wasn't clicking for her. "I'm not saying you're entirely to blame here. Lila's mother really needs to see through her daughter's lies. Alya really needs to learn to actually do resource checking, to hold back her pride, and take lessons on being a better friend, who doesn't toss her friend aside, because something shiny and new came along. Most of your class needs to really smarten up and get over themselves. They obviously believe these lies, because they don't want to admit they were wrong. Nobody likes appearing that they were wrong. But fuck, you need to get off of your high horse and be an actual teacher. Akumatizations happen all the time, they'll keep happening, because people get mad, they're human. But if you don't fix this, what will you do when Marinette finally gets akumatized?"

"Marinette? No, she'd never get akumatized. She is an example to her classmates, she's never even attracted an akuma, she.." Caline seemed shaken from all that had spewed from Eva's mouth. No, none of it could be true. She loved her class, she helped them thrive, helped them all become friends. She was a good teacher, Eva didn't know what she was talking about.

"You honestly believe that? Out of the entire class, only Marinette, Adrien, and myself have not been akumatized. I'm not worried about Adrien, he's so spineless, I doubt he'd ever actually get mad. But if you don't help me change this class, you're all going to push her towards that akumatization." Evangeline felt drained, taking a seat on her bed. She shook her head once more. "Please, Caline, before it's too late."

Caline Bustier was quiet for a long time, before she reached over and patted Eva on the head, similar to how one would pat a dog.

"Miss Bourbon, while I appreciate your… Passionate, though very inappropriate outburst, you don't know my students like I do. Marinette has been acting out for a few years now, obviously scared of this change in dynamic. But Lila can't help the disease she has, and Marinette needs to see through her. Some are just stubborn to change. And you must really work on that temper of yours before we get back to Paris. I wouldn't want you to get akumatized." Caline smiled that kind smile she always wore.

"Oh fuck you. You know what? Fine! I'm not wasting my breath in you anymore, I'm getting a drink!"  Eva got to her feet, grabbing her purse as she stormed out of the hotel room and back to the elevator. Why? Why did everyone in that stupid class have to be so blind and stubborn? 

Once the elevator doors slid shut, she leaned back against the wall, and took a deep, shaky breath, tears flooding her eyes, but she didn't once let them fall. 

She just didn't care anymore about the class. If any of them finally saw through the lies, she'd go to bat for those kids, just like she did for Mari. But for now, she'd wash her hands of them. Why try putting out a fire that Miss Bustier kept dousing with fuel, afterall?

[thebrownblog]

Different Seasons: Two Years in Quebec

Well, once again it’s been a while (I won’t even pretend at the end of this entry that the next one will be soon, it’ll be some time in 2021 if I follow the average posting frequency). What’s up folks? What could I possibly be here to talk about today? Probably the one thing that distuingishes and defines my life, the fact I moved thousands of miles from home to a place that seems to be frozen half the year, and doesn’t have English as a first language…and then decided not to move on again, stubbornly at times.

Before starting this, I just read back through my previous post from October 2017. “A hundred thousand changes, everything’s the same” sums it up nicely. It was clearly written by a younger, more enthusiastic version of myself who was still on a high from just arriving, and hadn’t yet experienced 2 brutal winters. I’d say I’ve probably matured and grown more in 2 years here than in the previous 5, however difficult Paris was. The foundations were laid by the Parisian struggle, but it’s definitely Quebec that’s put a few hairs on my chest. 

This is a very seasonal existence, and there’s no way around it. The euphoric highs of summer and the beauty of autumn juxtaposed with the looooong slog that is winter. The euphoria of being out on the road all the time seeing beautiful place after beautiful place vs being stuck at home because of the gloomy and sometimes dangerous conditions (I will NEVER forget for as long as I live, how close I came to death in a sudden snowstorm in Maine last October, when visibility suddenly dropped to about 20cm in front of the car on a winding mountain road with moose out and about at night). I’d go so far as to actually call it a bi-polar existence over the course of a year, a life of extremes for sure. Am I capable of growing old in conditions like these? Probably not, but I’m not ready to give it up yet, and if I ever do I’m not sure it would be to go back to England anyway. Who knows?

However, I loved it here at the beginning, and I still do today. Why? Same reasons, by and large. Open space, open road (weather permitting). My own slightly bizarre version of the American Dream probably (Well, it IS just 25 minutes away). Ever since I was a kid, I was going to end up on this continent somehow. I always wanted to go to the USA. Why? Most likely being a big reader and film fan. Everything I loved reading and watching was always set in America. America to me was not and still is not defined by who is president at the time, and what crazy sh*t is happening politically. It’s more of a concept. To me it represents vast open space where you can go anywhere, and become anything you want as long as you have the will and the fortitude to make it happen (if the American Dream is dead I certainly never got the memo, and don’t really want want to either). In the end I ended up close enough, AND with a humane healthcare system.

What else do I love about here? The fact I feel like I actually have a chance in life. You can still work hard here in a ‘regular’ job here for a few years, save up and buy a house. This is completely dead where I come from, the idea of home ownership for me one day in London is a sick joke, and Paris was no better. I recently just moved into my own place for the first time, and actually have a spare bedroom…and it all costs less than a box room with barely enough space to swing a cat in in London. These things would have mattered less to me at 21, but now rapidly approaching 30 (yikes!) they matter more and more. Quality of life now matters a lot more to me than a place being hip and vibrant, and I have it much better here.

Some people understand completely, and others think I’m crazy, but that’s okay, crazy’s always worked for me.

I think to really understand me on this, you have to understand that I’m not attached to where I come from whatsoever. I miss my family a lot, and it’s painful at times, especially knowing my little sisters are growing up seeing me twice a year, but the place itself I could happily never see again. When you understand this, you can better comprehend how I’ve lasted this long already without the end being in sight yet.

Another big question is how someone from London feels more at home out in the sticks, and I think there’s two valid answers to this question. One is that I was completely and utterly burnt out with big city life after my negative experiences in my last years in London, and then the backbreaking experience in Paris in which I couldn’t even see just how miserable I’d become until I left. I clearly just wanted peace, affordability, a slower pace of life, and no more f*cking public transport!

The second is connected to childhood and Sweden. I grew up in London but I would always go to visit my grandparents a few times a year in Sweden, where they lived in the countryside. It was always a magical place for me, and everything that’s come out of me here (love of peace and quiet, nature, and nature photography etc) all actually started over there when I was much younger, but came out with a vengeance in Quebec. Funny how nearly everything about us all is programmed by our childhoods one way or another, whether we see it or not. 

It is also my theory that people always crave the opposite of what they grow up with: those that grow up in the country want the bright lights of a big city, and those that grow up in cities often want a slower pace after a while.

Ironically, my life has also been busier living in a small place than it ever had been before. I came to learn quickly that doing nothing in these weather conditions is not an option unless you want to find yourself fat and depressed in a hurry. There ARE things to do here, you just have to find them yourself, the internet isn’t going to tell you much. Aside from private tutoring, I’ve kept busy in a wide range of eccentric ways. I’ve joined a rugby team, a football (’soccer’ to all you North American lunatics) team, played a lot of badminton, and got myself more seriously involved in photography. You’ll notice a lack of winter sports, which is a shame I know, but sadly I know myself and know I was born with two left feet. I don’t want to risk injuring myself in a way that would keep me from driving for any period of time as I’d lose all of my income. You drive or you die out here. A train?? What the hell is that???

So, what’s really changed for me since the post I made near the beginning of the experience? The biggest thing is probably integrating. I couldn’t understand a word anyone said to me here for the first 2 months. I spoke French well enough already after a year in France, but the dialect and accent here is so different it was often basically worthless. Nowadays I communicate just fine, and have integrated into the community. It’s been a new social experience for me being known pretty much everywhere I go. That’s what happens when you work at schools in a small place and you have something about you that is unique (a Brit who actually speaks the language and lives here…yeah, there aren’t many….). 

It’s very different from the anonymity of a big city, and like all things has its pros and cons (sometimes you just want to go into a shop and buy something without being recognised by a current or former student), but mainly pro. Community spirit is a good thing that’s been pretty much lost in larger places. There’s definitely a kindness and willingness to help here that is more prevalent than anywhere else I’ve lived previously. Some of the families I private tutor for seem to have adopted me as one of their own!

Another big change was getting a new 2-year VISA in April which allows me to have any job, my first one was very restrictive, and made it tough to earn decent money at times. After getting it, I finished the year by supply teaching for a few months which was great experience, and certainly an adventure in itself as I ended up subbing for just about every subject on the curriculum. Obviously with the exception of English classes, this meant I had to do it in French all the time. If subbing for Maths, Science, and French isn’t a testament to how far I’ve come with the language from not being able to understand anything at all during the first two months here, I don’t know what is! However I drew the line at doing dictation in French one time, and put Netflix on instead, there are limits!

VISAs, VISAs, VISAs….well I’ve got myself started now. There’s been a constant stress from the moment I decided to stay on in October 2017. With the VISA I currently have, and the year I’m entitled to with my Swedish passport, I could fairly easily stay here until April 2022. However, I’m really tired of temporary solutions, and all the admin and costs that go into obtaining each one. I want to become a permanent resident, which is a more daunting and complex beast. When I come back from my trip home in early September all my energy will be put into finding a full-time job. You can’t get permanent residency without one. Whatever subbing and tutoring pay me is irrelevant because neither count as full-time, and I can’t go and study anything without swapping my working VISA for a restrictive study one (the headache never ends you see).

In many ways this next phase of the journey is going to be the acid test in terms of where I will end up. I will walk away from the teaching world temporarily or permanently if I need to, in order to find a full-time gig and get my residency. However, the job will have to involve my being an anglophone who speaks French to a high level. This is my advantage in this town, and the card I will always look to play in the employment game. If it can’t help me here like I’ve always thought it could, I would have to look elsewhere in the province eventually, and if there was still nothing cooking, I would have to ask myself the question for the first time about whether I would prefer to live amongst other anglophones in Canada, all opportunities being equal. 

These are all ultimately questions for another day though. What’s certain is I have a good chunk of time left, and in that time I will continue to travel around Canada and the USA as much as I can within my means. I often feel like a born nomad, and I love nothing better than hitting the road and seeing new places. That’s my pleasure in life, and long may it continue. Everything else will work out how it’s supposed to, it always does.

Tomorrow’s flight back to England finally signals the end of the beginning in this long, meandering, and very seasonal story.

TL;DR:

Winter is too long and I need a full-time job to become a permanent resident, but I still like it here, and people are nice.

[feynavaley]

I know you're probably busy, but do you have any new story ideas you're working on, or plots you'd like to see?

Thank you for this question!

At the moment I’m not working on any new story, I still have to write the epilogue for Arthur Kirkland’s Guide To Being a Big Brother (I’m trying to do that, actually, but it’s proving to be quite hard in spite of being short…) and of course there’s always Chrysalis. I finally got to the end of the part written in Italian with the last chapter, but the rest is still to write… and I haven’t even reached the first half of the story haha.

I do have a lot of other stories planned, however! I don’t know when and if I’ll be able to write them, but as of now, this is my plotlines file:

(And it doesn’t include the two Harry Potter crossovers, plus some stories have a more expanded version of the plot and characters sheets in other files, haha.)

There are some short stories I might also write while I’m still completing Chrysalis (I still don’t know the order, though) that are:

- A one–two shots focusing on France’s relationship with Canada from the early colonial days to the French and Indian War, written from France’s POV.

- Another short story (one–two shots I guess, but I always misjudge the length of my stories…) set when America and Canada are both still toddlers under England’s care, the story behind this headcanon: [x]. COMPLETED STORY [x]

- A story set in the same universe as Arthur Kirkland’s Guide To Being a Big Brother, when Arthur, Alfred, and Matthew are respectively 20, 16, and 14, dealing with Alfred’s rebellious stage and a medical emergency (I’m doing so much research for this! And I still can’t find something that confirms or denies an assumption of mine, it’s driving me crazy…) WIP [x]

- Another story set in the same universe, this time very Matthew-centric (he’s 17 here), but I’m still unsure if I will ever publish it because it would deal with some heavy issues. It would probably be M-rated.

- A human AU where Matthew is a college freshman and people keep mistaking him for an older student, Alfred Jones, who seems to have gotten half of the school population mad at him. One day (or rather, night), Matthew stumbles upon a drunk Arthur, who turns out to be Alfred’s older cousin and mistakes Matthew for him, as well. Thanks to Arthur, Matthew finally gets to meet Alfred, but that’s not the end of the shenanigans.

- A short story or series of one-shots about Arthur and Amelia’s meeting before Chrysalis. Francis would heavily feature as well. (This story would be USUK, obviously.)

- A human AU based on something I wrote for a contest in high school, in which a 17-year-old Alfred ends up moving to a small Canadian town with his estranged father James (2p!Canada) and his half-brother Matthew (whose existence Alfred wasn’t aware of) after his mother’s death. James seems a hard-working and honest man, if a bit rough around the edges, while Matthew is quiet and awkward and generally regarded as the local loon. James, who is highly regarded in town, seems to agree with that and encourages Alfred to do the same, but as the time goes by, Alfred starts realizing that there’s more to the situation than what meets the eye.

There are also some longer (possibly novel-length) stories I might write after Chrysalis, I still don’t know which one I’ll start first but these are the ones with the most detailed outline for now:

- A human AU where Arthur is an aspiring writer who just got his bachelor degree. He moves to America (possibly NYC, but I’m not sure yet) to escape a less-than-stellar family situation, and there he ends up sharing the apartment with Francis (an acquaintance of his eldest brother’s), who moved away from Paris after his wife died in a house fire. They end up stumbling upon Alfred and Matthew, two street children, and eventually manage to befriend and start taking care of them. (Note: there would be no pairings.) It would be set in a close past (most likely the 70s) because the absence of internet and some different (laxer, mostly) laws would fix a couple of plot-holes.

- A story set in the canon-verse, where Canada’s (fictional) PM isolates him from the other nations and tries to find a way to strip him from his nation-hood and create a personification that will obey to all her commands.

- Another human AU where Arthur is a young lawyer and a client of his is Alfred, a 19-year-old trying to get custody of his 7-year-old half-brother, Matthew. The other party involved is Matthew’s paternal aunt Mélanie (2p!Nyo!Canada), who doesn’t care for him in the slightest but wants to put her hands on the consistent inheritance Matthew’s father left behind. Francis is Matthew’s social worker and an old ‘friend’ of Arthur’s, the one who recommended Arthur in the first place (he’s firmly convinced that Matthew should stay with Alfred, but Mélanie went to legal actions). Another note is that Matthew is hemophilic in this (I’ve already done some research and I think I can pull this off).

- A fantasy story where Alfred is the crown prince and Matthew his younger brother who their father despises (he has reasons). As the ‘spare’, Matthew is constantly thrust into dangerous situations in Alfred’s place and he ends up meeting the children of northern king their father is in conflict with, the crown princess Anya (Nyo!Russia) and her half-sisters Iryna and Natalya. Years later, Matthew, Alfred, Anya, Iryna and Natalya work together to prevent a war between their fathers. Arthur and Francis are involved as well – Arthur is the son of the king’s younger sister and he has magical abilities, and Francis is the son of the queen’s older sister. Edit: I might use Francine (Fem!France) instead of Francis. I’m not sure.

- A more fairytale-like setting where Alfred is a peasant who ends up becoming a knight-in-training after saving a ‘page’. His older sister Rose (Nyo!England) follows him to the court and is taken as a healer apprentice. Francis is the crown prince and Marguerite (Nyo!Canada) his younger sister, but until Francis turns 22 his aunt Chantal (2p!Nyo!France, older sister of the late queen and married to a royal advisor) is the regent in his place and she’s scheming to pass the throne to her own son, Louis (2p!France). Alfred and Rose become involved when they get close respectively to Marguerite and Francis. This story would also include some romance, with AmeCan and FrUK as pairings.

- Then there’s this one. I hope I’ll have some free time this summer, so I might also have time for some research. And I might set it before the war of 1812… would Outlander count as ‘reference’ for the setting? The last books are set during the Revolutionary War, and a friend of mine who’s a history major told me they’re quite accurate… *sweats*

As you can see, I have plenty of ideas, and these are only the ones with a quite delineated plot, but there are a lot more haha. I surely won’t be able to write them all or might come up with completely different ones, but who knows…

[cortezcaleb]

Two Wire Grape Trellis All Time Best Tips

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Holly Grape Plant

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Grouping plants by variety, if you jump blindly into it.The grapes will now turn into a sunny area with a large scale, there's just much less for you to grow grape vines suitable for a few simple things to guide you in succeeding and growing conditions, and plan the trellis as it sounds.This makes the almost-five month wait completely worth it.The nutritional value of grapes that will mostly determine the types of disease resistance and can grow including hybrids.After sometime, your grape vines don't be discouraged.

Grape Ox Grow

Growing grapes this way you can grow anywhere regardless of the growing of grapes.That Living Water, the Holy Spirit within us, enables and empowers us to take into consideration in growing grapevine, but don't do well in most backyards on a grape grower is a very important part of the spring and early winter.Some people will even say that both the farmers and hobbyists who cultivate vineyards in places like California.Consult books, online resources, and people that are virus-indexed and certified disease-free.Planting grafted varieties is essential to take care of grapes worldwide covers about 29292 square miles of land.

Since to have a problem for some growers.The only difference is the hybrid grape, such as; being able to grow grapes at your house?Now they are plenty of time pass, but also make sure to fertilize the soil.No one said that grape growing can surely be done in a container.The type of dirt is not getting enough air or sunlight.

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Q&A w/ FRENCH (UK)

Influenced by heavy metal, fantasy artwork, and 80′s skate graphics. artist Richard Sayer, aka FRENCH, summons through his art the images of decrepit skulls, mummified skeletons, and creatures from the deep abyss, all with a “good dose of dayglo colours.” Not only one thing, FRENCH has been taking his dark arts to various mediums from animation, claymation, printmaking to textiles. His works have been shown all over the world, his graphics have appeared for various skate companies and brands –from Creature, Independent, to Santa Cruz–, and he once had his art show in Sweden visited by band 'Entombed.‘ We’re stoked to chat with FRENCH about his art, his process, and his influences as he gears up for his upcoming art show at New Image Art Gallery Dec. 16th in LA. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

Introduce yourself.   My name is French, well actually my real name is actually Richard Sayer, but since I was about 12 I’ve had the nick name of French and its just stuck ever since. I got the name ‘cos I bought a t-shirt on holiday in France and then when I came back I got given grief from all the other skaters for buying it. There’s a long standing resentment between the English and a the French a little like the States and Canada, so I guess it was meant as an insult to call me 'French’. I’m an artist / illustrator based in the UK, but I just spent the past 3 and half years living in Melbourne, Australia.  I make artwork for many different brands and industries, including the skate industry, fashion, print, music and advertising. 

I run a small skateboard brand with my friend Alex Irvine called Witchcraft hardware. I currently make all the artwork for an Australian brand called 'Death Rites’ run by my friend Shawn Yates.  

I exhibit my artwork widely, I have exhibited in the states, Europe, Asia, Australia, Israel and the UK. More recently my work is generally a bit darker, looks a bit like a cross between old metal album art, fantasy artwork and skate graphics from the 80’s but with a sense of humour and a good dose of dayglo colours. I’ve just started to work more with ceramics and also with animation as well. I like to work in many different fields and medias and I think that helps improve my work in all areas.

Your drawings are always filled with rad imagery like skulls, skeletons, dragons to crazy creatures.  What were your early influences art wise? I grew up surrounded by heavy metal records and music, my brother was a huge metal fan, which caused me to be. He was also super into 'Fighting Fantasy’ books, 'Warhammer’ , 'Dungeons and Dragons’ & all kinds of fantasy stuff, I think that just filtered its way into my brain and seeps out through my artwork. Obviously skateboarding and the artwork involved in that was a massive influence on me, when I was a kid I was obsessed with old Santa Cruz graphics and as I got older I was always more drawn to the skulls and puss versions of graphics, rather than the clean edge stuff. I grew up in a military town in the south of England so I think being surrounded by war monuments, soldiers and those sort of images it brought me more visually to it. My brother used to make me watch movies after school, before my mum got home from work, there would be a lot of John Carpenter movies, Arnie, horror movies of the 90’s had so many rad monster and animatronics that I think thats stuck with me as well, the covers for those old VHS tapes we seriously imaginative.  

What are your all time favorite materials you like to use? Any new mediums you’re interested in trying? I like working in pencil first and then ink over the top. Recently I’ve started to paint in colours to the artwork, I wouldn’t say it was painting as I just add areas of solid colours, nearly always dayglo or fluorescent paints. Saying its not painting, I think everything I do is drawing, for example I just started to make some ceramic pieces and I definitely come at 3D in the same way as I would drawing, but I think that makes it my own. I’m interested to see what the ceramic works come out like in the end as its still early days and I haven’t fully glazed a piece yet. 

You’ve created art for tons of things from skateboards to albums to clothing. How did you get started creating graphics or art for some of your favorite brands?  And tell us about your current or upcoming collaborations with Vans? I got started making artwork for people way back in the days when you had to show people a physical portfolio. I actually used to make post cards and small zines and then go and look up peoples details in Borders, like look in the magazines I liked for the art directors details and then send them a zine and post card and ask if I could take them my portfolio. I also used to just send people my zines and then call the office and see if they’d got it and if I could come and see them. I used to send so much stuff it was mad, it was a bit like 'if you through enough mud at the wall it starts to stick’ and I got work from a few people and from then on it kinder worked for me. 

I think the best way of getting work, is by having work. You do one job for one brand, people see it and want something from you and so on. I worked in a few different skate shops and at a skate distro as well so I got to know people at brands I liked and respected and sent them my work and then I gradually got more work in the skate industry. That’s pretty much how I got to do work for Creature, Independent, Santa Cruz, Real etc. I met Nick Street & Jasper Jones who worked for Vans europe and they started to hook me up with small jobs for Vans and gradually I got more and more through Vans, not just in Europe but also in the states and world wide. It’s funny, cos I actually worked in the Vans store when it first opened in London. 

I’m currently making work for a solo exhibition at New Image Art in Los Angeles which opens in December and Vans have very kindly offered to support the project and help me make a bunch of artwork for the show. I making drawings, animations, ceramics, enamel wall hangings, trophies, flocked screen prints and bunch of weird and wonderful merch. I’m really excited for it all, as well as stressed about making all this stuff. Recently you’ve been making some giant prints which we’ve seen on your IG.How did this come about? What’s your background with print making? How’d you get into it? The big dayglo paper ones? Yeah that was purely that I was having a few exhibitions in skate shops and smaller shop venues when I lived in Aus and I found that trying to sell original artwork to skate kids or metal heads is dumb. They can’t afford to buy originals and I can’t afford to sell it that cheap, but if I can make a print or zine and sell it for the price of a beer or a board then that audience is stoked. I’d rather be able to give something to those guys that love what I do and want to support it, but might not have a the cash to buy an original. I was working on and off at my friends printers in Melbourne and he just said that he would make me some huge digital prints on the fluro paper, the same as they used for band bill board posters and so I made a few and people seemed to dig them, so I made more. Its fun, cos its digital, theres no real set up cost and you can make as few or as many as you like. So if no one seems to like one image you can just ditch and make another. Also I really liked the bright coloured papers and the black ink, its a bit like a 1 colour black light print.  

What’s your process like for making art?  Do you keep a sketchbook or just get at it in the studio? I usually just work in my studio, in my house. I often work from reference images and pull together images and photos in photoshop and then draw from that in pencil, then re-work it again in pencil, adding the detail and finally ink it. If need extra computer stuff I scan it and do that after.

Who are some of your favorite artists you think folks should check out? Some my current fav’s are : Parker Jackson, Daniel Cantrell, Ramesh Mario Nithiyendran, Grady Gordon, Will Sweeney, Ragnar Persson, Paul Parker, Aaron Storck.

What are your favorite kind of Vans? I always skate in black and white original old schools or sk8 hi’s, I don’t do colours. But since the new pro’s came out I’ve been really into them, the inner sole has saved my knees.  

Can you tell us your best or weirdest art story? I dunno if I have any weird ones really, its all pretty boring really, I just make artwork. I have a ton of weird skate trip stories, drunken stories, but art ones not really. Once one of the dudes from the band 'Entombed’ came to my art show in Sweden? 

What’s on the horizon for 2018? What you super stoked on coming up? I dunno yet, I’m just trying to get to the end of 2017 and make the exhibition at New Image Art the best I can. I’ll keep you posted!  

Follow FRENCH Website | www.funeralfrench.com Instagram | @funeralfrench

[mouldyinlondon]

first post!

after fucking around with the editing of custom themes that was made ever so difficult by the tumblr theme, i think im finally done setting up my blog and its theme! i might try to mess around with the html a bit to insert a pic in the header or smth eventually or change the background, but ive been fighting with this website for like an hour and a half now and i am  t i r e d.

who are u!

i’m camille! im 19, an aries and a white queer cis girl (she/her). i have a boyfriend that i luv very dearly and i’m from québec! my university is in ontario and it’s bilingual, as am i (my first language is french, and yes, i do have the french canadian accent, if you’re wondering). i am double majoring art and art history and i love it a lot! i’d love to specialize myself in english medieval history, especially in the fields of christian iconography and hagiography.

so, what is this blog?

this blog will be used to document my student exchange in london and the trip to the uk i will make preceeding that exchange. i’ll also document a bit of the process of applying for the exchange, bc it is quite a long one indeed!!!! i’ve been working on it since last semester and it honestly took a lot more time than i expected, especially because i have to make a preliminary schedule and some uni websites are especially hard to navigate. i might also talk about the planning that’ll go into the trip my boyfriend and i want to have before my semester.

what am i gonna do?

-travel across the uk with my boyfriend

-then study during the fall semester of 2019 in london in history

what’s the plan?

basically, i have quite a bit of money put aside for the trip and the exchange. i will continue to work this summer (im already pretty much guaranteed to have one, but it’s a haunted walk tour guide job and, although my hourly salary is quite good, i have very few hours; ill have to find another job if the one i have at the moment is only seasonal). then, in early august, my boyfriend and i will leave canada together and travel all across the uk. i have already traveled with him to his homecity (manchester, uk) and it was absolutely lovely! we’ll spend around a month/a month and a half traveling together and i’m pretty sure it’ll go extremely well, as our last trip did. we traveled pretty early on in our relationship, so i feel like after around 2 years and a half of dating, this trip will be even better than the first!

after the trip, my boyfriend will go see his family in manchester and go back home to canada. i, on the other hand, will be staying in europe. the university i will attend for the semester is the queen mary university of london. the semester there starts on september 16th, so idk if there’ll be some introductory activities or when i can start living on campus. i might just travel on my own or go see some family friends in france if i have to wait around. all i know is that it’ll be quite lonely. then, i’ll go back to london and try my best to have a great semester.

obstacles

there are a few obstacles that i’ll have to face to first of all be accepted but also to live there. first, there is the language barrier, which i dont think should be too much of an issue but??? who knows???

my first language is french and the accent in english that im used to is like the most basic, neutral, slightly canadian accent. anyone who deviates from that, i might have a hard time understanding. also, handing in essays in english is a bit scary. ive done it before, as my university is bilingual and i attend french and english classes, but it still makes my work a bit longer to do and my english doesnt have the same quality as my french. it also makes the process longer since i have to write my motivation letter in the language of the university ill be attending (so english) and i have to PROVE that i can speak/understand/write english....i mean i get the incentive but also....anyway, i can just basically show ive had more than a B+ in a class in english and it counts as a proof. good thing 3/5 of my classes were only available in english i guess.

also, my university does exchange programs in a way that you have three choices of university and depending on your gpa and your motivation letter, they give you either your first, second or third choice. my three choices are:

-queen mary university of london

-royal holloway university of london

-reading university

of course, reading was a filler. i would have wanted to put manchester as a choice instead, but the choice wasnt available for my program. i have a pretty high gpa (so far i have 3 A+ and 1 A, waiting for my last grade) and im trying to writing the best motivation letter that i can. ill have to upkeep my gpa to be able to participate in the exchange so fingers crossed???

where are you now in the process?

not many things are left for me to do for the application, and that’s perfect because i have until the 22nd to send in my finished application form (and we are the 9th, and my term has started). there are other things to take care off AFTER the application (like some meetings and obviously doing my schedule and booking my dorm room) but im not there mentally now,,, its a bit discourageing when i know how much work ill have during the term lmao.

so NOW what i have left is:

-receiving my last grade from last semester so i can enter my gpa and a copy of my grades’ summary

-take a picture of myself in front of a white background (lowkey waiting to get a haircut for that)

-i had to prepare schedules for each school with like what classes id be attending. i have to get approved my first school choice by my “department counsellor”. that was very unclear so i basically sent a message to two people + my department so like démerdez-vous lmao. when i get the schedule approved, i’m pretty much gucci!

-also my bf and i have to figure out the whole trip, but we’ll prolly start planning in april, after finals and when we have most of the money we want/know what kind of income we’ll be making this summer

-finally, ill miss everyone, especially my boyfriend...itll feel a bit lonely so i rly wanna keep busy so i dnt get too mopey. i always told myself i wouldnt stop myself from going away even if i had a significant other and i wanna stay true to that but it doesn’t mean it wont hurt...i know we’ll last for very long tho so this is just a few months out of many many more and we can withstand it for sure!

so that was a rly big post!!! had fun writing this and im excited to see what’ll happen! i should know if i’m approved in around march, so i’ll probably not update this blog a lot until then... can’t wait to be able to update it with lotsa good news, hopefully!

-camille

[drtanstravels]

Let’s begin where I left off in my last post; we had flown from Paris to Vancouver, Canada to attend the wedding of Anna’s cousin, as well as explore the city in general. That had been a treat, but now it was time to return to France, first Colmar, then back to Paris.

Just a heads up

Wednesday, September 11, 2019 I know, a bit of an ominous date for air travel, but it was when we were scheduled to fly back to France and we did so completely hassle-free. Our nine-hour flight departed in the early afternoon and when you add in the additional nine-hour time difference between Paris and Vancouver, it was Thursday morning when we arrived and it became immediately clear that jet-lag was going to be a bitch on this leg of the trip.

Thursday, September 12, 2019 Once we had touched down again in Paris we went through immigration and then headed straight to the train station so we could make the two-and-a-half-hour train journey to Colmar in the northeast of France. But why Colmar? Well, because in September 2011, Anna and I had our wedding reception in Colmar Tropicale, a replica French village in Berjaya Hills, Malaysia. Don’t get me wrong, Colmar Tropicale was pretty cool, but I would describe it with the phrase, “Good from afar, far from good.” In typical Malaysian fashion, the place was obviously beautiful when it was first conceived, but could have been better maintained since; at the afterparty in the bridal suite the guests managed to block all four toilets and one other guest complained of a menstruation stain on the sheet in her bed when she arrived! It also seems that not everyone involved in the conception had a lot of knowledge about France, because, despite being modelled on a French village, Colmar Tropicale has a Japanese garden, and the ceiling of the main ballroom has a replica of Michelangelo’s The Last Judgement, a painting that adorns the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. It was well done, but it would be even better if it weren’t for the fact that the Sistine Chapel is in Vatican City, not France.

Because of our ties to the Malaysian version, we had always wanted to see the real Colmar and now the opportunity was here so we jumped on the train and after a brief stop in Strasbourg, we were in Colmar before too long. A bit about the place:

Colmar is a city and commune in the Haut-Rhin department and Grand Est region of north-eastern France. The third-largest commune in Alsace (after Strasbourg and Mulhouse), it is the seat of the prefecture of the Haut-Rhin department and of the subprefecture of the Colmar-Ribeauvillé arrondissement.

The city is renowned for its well-preserved old town, its numerous architectural landmarks, and its museums, among which is the Unterlinden Museum, which houses the Isenheim Altarpiece.

Colmar is situated on the Alsatian Wine Route and considers itself to be the “capital of Alsatian wine” (capitale des vins d’Alsace).

In 2013, the city had a population of 67,956, and the metropolitan area of Colmar had a population of 126,957 in 2009. Colmar is the center of the arrondissement of Colmar-Ribeauvillé, which had 199,182 inhabitants in 2013.

Mostly spared from the destructions of the French Revolution and the wars of 1870–1871, 1914–1918 and 1939–1945, the cityscape of old-town Colmar is homogenous and renowned among tourists. An area that is crossed by canals of the river Lauch (which formerly served as the butcher’s, tanner’s and fishmonger’s quarter) is now called “little Venice” (la Petite Venise).

Colmar’s secular and religious architectural landmarks reflect eight centuries of Germanic and French architecture and the adaptation of their respective stylistic language to the local customs and building materials (pink and yellow Vosges sandstone, timber framing).

We couldn’t check into our hotel until mid-afternoon so we left our luggage there and went to get some lunch and check out the town. A lot of the food in this part of France is German influenced, dishes such as pork knuckle, sauerkraut, and flammkuchen, but we lived in Germany for three months a few years back, yet have never been to this area of France so we wanted French food. We got some escargot among other things and then just strolled around this beautiful village, but at around 1:30pm I began to fade. We thought grabbing a coffee would help, but I just fell asleep at the table in the cafe with my head in my hands, I genuinely couldn’t keep my eyes open. We had traveled between four continents — Asia to Europe, Europe to North America, North America back to Europe — in just eight days and now I was paying the price for it. That extreme jet-lag I was anticipating had just kicked in, but fortunately it would pass after about an hour or two. At 3:00pm we checked into our hotel, took our luggage up to the room, showered, and that’s when Anna got her taste of it. At 4:00pm she was out like a light and wouldn’t wake up for another couple of hours, despite the fact that we had both slept well on the flight, albeit with the help of some sleeping pills.

After a three-hour power nap we were back on the street! Earlier in the day we had seen a restaurant that looked like it had a bit of potential called L’Arpège so that was the plan for dinner. We walked through the main restaurant to take a seat in the garden, where we would both eat from their degustation menu before heading out to a bar for the night. Take a tour of Colmar, as well as a look at our superb dinner:

We’ve arrived!

Anna in the street

I’m not sure what the deal is with the corn hanging out the front

One of the more traditional buildings

Looks like we’ve found where we’re having dinner

In a courtyard where we had coffee

Another area of town

I really liked this building for some reason

Escargot for lunch

I’m not sure who this is supposed to be

Looking down the canal in Little Venice…

…and back in the opposite direction

Finally in our room

Heading back out after a nap

A church in town

In the garden of L’Arpège

If these are the entrees, we’re going to eat well!

Also, we thought it would be fun to try and recreate some of our wedding photos from Colmar Tropicale during our stay in the real Colmar eight years later. The first attempt came at about midnight that night as we were walking home from the pub and I gave my phone to a random guy to try and capture the moment, completely unrehearsed. I think he pretty much nailed it:

2011

2019

Friday, September 13, 2019 Another reasonably condemned date on this trip within a matter of days, but so far everything excluding the jet-lag had been great! For Friday 13th, Anna had organised a tour of wineries around the region. Now, I don’t drink wine and I know nothing about it, besides that the ones that come in a foil bag with a tap inside a box, in Australia referred to as ‘goon‘, are generally considered to be shite, yet were also once the drop of choice for rebellious Australian teenagers. Anyway, our tour was through a company called L’Alsaciette and we’d be spending the day traveling around on L’Alsaciette’s ‘Alsatian specialties along the Wine Route’ Food & Wine Tour with our guide, Arnaud, and a retired wine-making couple from California joining us as well:

This refers to the Food & Wine Tour “on the Wine Route”: in our 9-seater minibuses, enjoy a day to get a taste of Alsace and its culinary and gourmet traditions!

One-day getaway in 7 stops (9:15am – 6:30pm)

1° stop : Meeting point in the historic heart of Colmar for a traditional breakfast

2° stop : Head to Eguisheim (favourite village of the French people – France2) for a first wine tasting sharing a tarte flambée at a winemaker’s site and enjoy a walk around the village.

3° stop : In another village, you will enjoy the main course, set in the middle of a vineyard, with 1 matching glass of Blanc d’Alsace or Pinot noir!

4° stop : Discover the “favorite village of the french people” (2017 – TV show on France 2) : Kaysersberg

5° stop : Wine tasting with cheeses from Alsace at one of our excellent partners

6° stop : Visit of a wonderful village on the wine route : Riquewihr

7° stop : Return to Colmar towards the Little Venice, to enjoy a desert on a terrasse along the waterfront!

We would make a few extra stops along the way and even though the description says that Kayserberg was supposed to be the fourth stop, due to traffic it was moved up the list a bit and pushed Eguisheim down the itinerary. A little background information about Kayserberg, the first port of call after breakfast:

Kaysersberg is a former commune in the Haut-Rhin department in Alsace in Northeastern France. On 1 January 2016, it was merged into the new commune Kaysersberg-Vignoble.

The inhabitants are called Kaysersbergeois. The name is German for Emperor’s Mountain.

The high fortress that dominates the city serves as a reminder of both its strategic importance and its warlike past. Together with the rest of Alsace-Lorraine, Kaysersberg was annexed by Germany during a period of 48 years, between the Franco-Prussian War and the First World War.

Kaysersberg is one of the finest wine-growing areas in Alsace. The first vines were brought there in the 16th century from Hungary, and wine production is still an important aspect of the town’s economy today. Wine produced from the pinot gris variety is a local specialty.

This village was significantly smaller than Colmar, but just as beautiful so naturally we enjoyed just exploring the place. It was also the town where chef and travel writer Anthony Bourdain took his life inside his room at Le Chambard hotel in June 2018.

With many of the buildings in these villages we would be visiting, there are a few things worth noting about their appearance, especially of the wooden beams:

The Mann: Composed of vertical and slanting beams, the Mann takes the shape of two Ks opposed one to another. Evoking the silhouette of a man, the shape is a sign for virility and physical force.

The St. Andrew’s cross (croix de Saint-André): Very common in Alsace and in Germany, the St Andrews cross forms an X shape that is found in headlight windows or at the top of gables. It can be seen in the decoration of panels or on the balustrades of balconies. The cross is a sign of multiplication and fecundity, for men as well as for animals. When it is doubled, it signifies the union of two beings.

The diamond-shape (losange): Also very common in Alsace in headlight window, the diamond-shape is the sign of femininity and motherhood.

The combination of the diamond-shape and the St. Andrew’s cross is often seen in Alsace, in houses and in stables. It signifies multiplication and fecundity, which means a large family and a significant livestock size.

The curule seat (chaise curule): It is comprised of the two curved arms of the S, an exaggerated shape of the St. Andrew’s cross, and is often found in headlight windows. However, it significance differs: it refers to the home of a “chief” or an important character of the village. In Ancient Times, the curule seat was the chair upon which Roman dignitaries were entitled to sit.

Arnaud also told us that even the colour of some buildings had religious meaning for those who had once lived there; red was protestant, blue was catholic, and yellow was Jewish. You might be able to spot some of the symbolism in these photos from Kaysersberg, as well as pictures from the other villages we would visit throughout the day:

Entering Kayserberg despite the sign

Anthony Bourdain’s final check in

Anna and a fountain in a town square

Another poor attempt at recreating our wedding shot

Outside of a church

The entrance

The interior

Both of us behind the fountain now

Winding our way through the streets

That portion jutting out has stood the test of time, but still doesn’t look structurally sound

Anna near a bridge dating back to 1514

Some interesting buildings across the river

Looking back over the river through Kayserberg

A fort in the background

Now it was time to make our first drinking stop of our tour, A winery in Ammerschwihr by the name of Domaine Léon Heitzmann, one that specialises in “biodynamic” beverages, which is in no way as scientific as it sounds. Sure, they use cow manure instead of fertilisers, shun pesticides, and handpick all of the grapes, but their website tells the absurd, yet true, basis of the Heitzmann winemaking process (translated):

The estate is fully managed biodynamically since 2008. The biodynamic is a cultural practice called biological, ecological. These practices use only natural fertilizers and “fighting methods”. In 1924, Rudolf Steiner inaugurated the biodynamic approach to agriculture during a course for farmers.

He had then introduced the idea of ​​reconciling agricultural work with certain phases of the moon. Subsequently, several farmers have participated in various experiments which allows us today to scientifically affirm certain correlations between the movement of celestial bodies and the development of plants.

Principles of biodynamics: Two tools are used in biodynamics: the preparations and the lunar calendar. The preparations are made of mineral, vegetable or animal specific materials. Used in dilution, they are for the earth and the cultures a homeopathic balm.

The calendar, meanwhile, contains a wealth of information on the different rhythms of the moon, planetary positions and so on to allow the work of the vine at the most opportune moment.

Yeah, that sounds to me like the type of thing that white people with dreadlocks do, but if you believe in it and think it works for you, so be it. Again, I know nothing about wine and can’t even appreciate it in the slightest, but our American counterpart commented that the French grand cru just tastes weird compared to that from California and that the Californian variety is far superior. I’m fairly certain our guide, the winery host, and even Anna beg to differ. I did enjoy the cheese, though.

After the winery it was time for lunch, this time at a traditional family-owned restaurant in Niedermorschwihr called Caveau Morakopf, which serves as a reminder of France’s awful history of slavery. Hell, even Niedermorschwihr’s coat of arms is of an African slave! A look around Domaine Léon Heitzmann, including some posters they had in the winery about the finer points of biodynamics, as well as our lunch:

Out the front of the winery

Aging wine

A sculpture carved out of an old vine

Some information about the preparation stage of biodynamics

I definitely have my doubts about the second characteristic

The Californian couple, a winery manager who may have overestimated the moon’s abilities, Anna, and myself

A bright building in Niedermorschwihr

Out the front of the restaurant

The silhouette of a slave on the window

Another on the napkin

Lunch

A wine cask sticking out of the wall of another building

We then had a look around the village of Kientzheim before visiting a vineyard, but there was one major problem; it was now after 1:30pm and that jet-lag was kicking in again like clockwork. While we were looking around Kientzheim we were given the background of a classic statue in a fountain in the town centre of a boy holding a bunch of grapes and maybe I was just delirious as a result of how tired I was, but the statue kept conjuring up the same image every time I looked at it:

Was this the inspiration for…

this?

Even as I now sit here clear-headed, I can’t help but believe that statue in Kientzheim was of a very young Michael Jordan. We continued exploring Kientzheim, but I was fading fast. We were soon back in the bus and on our way to the vineyard, but it was almost impossible to keep my eyes open again, even once we were there and walking around, and it wasn’t because of the insane amount of insects there, either. Seriously, there were clouds of insects flying around everywhere, some areas so thick that they made everything look hazy! The American couple were a little put off by all the bugs, the woman seeming a little intimidated, but Anna and I live in the tropics so it was no big deal for us. The scenery was breathtaking, but all I wanted to do was sleep, walking like a zombie as we were led through the rows and rows of grapevines.

Once inside the winery, Dopff au Moulin, we were greeted by the manager who was getting around with a walking stick, due to breaking her leg several months earlier in an accident on a Vespa, occurring only about a month after she had bought it. Unlike the previous winery, Dopff au Moulin didn’t rely on the cycles of the moon to help the vines grow, they just did things the normal way. The wine tasting was soon underway, but I didn’t want a part of it, I just wanted to close my eyes for a bit, all the information and tasting notes were going in one ear and out the other, not that it would’ve meant much to me had I been fully-conscious. It’s not that I’m ignorant, it’s just that when they tell me something about the wine, it’s flavour and aroma, etc., and then I taste the wine I just don’t get any of it. I guess I’m just meant to drink beer, that’s one I do enjoy and can appreciate the finer points. Now, because I was completely out of it I just wanted to zone out, I didn’t want a glass of wine, I just want to shut my eyes, but I kept getting offered more and more drinks, despite constantly saying “no,” not an acceptable answer in this situation. Rather, that just means I prefer a different drop, not the one being presented, leading Arnaud to kept suggesting different options, explaining that I can just spit it in a bucket, but unable to accept a “no” and me getting a little more irritated each time, until he came to what would be an obvious conclusion under ordinary circumstances — I must be hungover from the previous night. Anna backed me up, explained about how much we had traveled in little over a week, and that I was just extremely jet-lagged, because the exact same thing happened at the same time the day before. That’s when everyone finally understood and let me fade for a bit. More of Kientzheim, the vineyards, and inside the winery:

That’s a lot of grapes

The entrance to the walled village of Kientzheim

Inside the walls

Looking from the outside

That clock tells me I’m getting sleepy

A cemetery in a vineyard

Anna outside of Kientzheim

Grapevines as far as the eye can see

A blue building this time

Early 20th century wine-making equipment

More grapes

All of the white spots you see in this photo are insects

Token panoramic shot

Trying my best to stay awake

When we had finished with the winery we were back in the van and I probably nodded off for a bit, but we were making our way to the village of Riquewihr:

Riquewihr is a commune in the Haut-Rhin department in Grand Est in north-eastern France.

A popular tourist attraction for its historical architecture, Riquewihr is also known for the Riesling and other great wines produced in the village. Riquewihr looks today more or less as it did in the 16th century. It is officially one of the most beautiful villages in France, or Les plus beaux villages de France. It is located on the Route des Vins (The Wines Road), close to Colmar.

Riquewihr was one of the few towns in the area not to be badly damaged during World War II. The town is surrounded by its medieval fortificationsand is overlooked by a castle from the same period that is today a museum.

There is a museum about Alsace during World War II and a torture chamber (La salle de torture).

The village is a member of the Les Plus Beaux Villages de France (“The most beautiful villages of France”) association.

Riquewihr was yet another stunningly beautiful place, here’s how we saw it as soon as we entered:

Entering Riquewihr

Going through the gates

One of the first things you see when you enter is this store selling bizarre shoes

I wouldn’t want to have to climb those after a big night out

Going down one of the main streets (some birds had the same idea)

There was more to this village that would also make it a significant stop for us — We had shown Arnaud photos of Colmar Tropicale and he had noticed that one of the buildings was a reasonably close replica of one of the most famous buildings in Riquewihr, Dolder Tower. Of course we had to get a reproduction photo, but it was almost impossible to get one without a ton of people in it and holding up countless more so we just settled for the building alone:

Our wedding in Colmar Tropicale

Dolder Tower in Riquewihr

After Riquewihr we ended up at what was supposed to be one of the first stops on the tour and the highlight for me; another small village, this time called Eguisheim and I was beginning to wake up again. If you didn’t click that link, in 2013 Eguisheim was voted was the Village préféré des Français, or the Favourite French Village, and it looks to me like it deserved that distinction, despite the fact that I’ve only seen a handful of French Villages, all of which are located in the same region. One thing you’ll notice when you look through the photos of Eguisheim are the enormous stork nests on the roofs of a lot of the major buildings. I know storks are rather large birds, but these nests can be over two metres (6’7″) wide! Enough of me trying to describe it, take a look at Eguisheim for yourself:

Not sure which side to take

Explaining the colours of the buildings

A map of Eguisheim

It’s unbelievable that this one is still standing

That’s one skinny building

A church complete with a stork nest

Another statue

Nearer the church

A closeup of one of many stork nests

The building next to the church has a giant stork nest too

After we had finished in Eguisheim, Arnaud dropped us back at our hotel so Anna could deal with her very own jet lag, but he gave us a good tip; he would later be drinking at a bar called Les 3 Singes, which he said could get pretty lively on a Friday night. Another former-colleague of mine, Tanya Procyshyn, informed me that the last restaurant in which Anthony Bourdain was documented as eating, Wistub La Petite Venise, was in Colmar and when we went we had no problem getting a seat. It was a simple restaurant, nothing particularly special, but the food was still good and it was merely a coincidence that I ordered the pork knuckle, the same dish Bourdain dined on and one they are planning on naming after him. Anna just spent most of her time laughing at the fact that there was a guy sitting behind me in the restaurant wearing an almost identical shirt to a really strange limited edition one I had bought in Spain several years earlier. After dinner we went to Les 3 Singes and met up with Arnaud, as well as making a ton of new friends on a really fun night. I’m still not sure if it was the best idea, but the first time we were in France we realised that the French had never heard of Pepe Le Pew so some people were amused, others probably a little offended, when I showed them an old Pepe Le Pew cartoon on Youtube. We still had a great time having a laugh, as well as some deep and meaningful conversations with Arnaud and everybody else that night, despite their first viewing of the slightly rapey skunk, and it was the perfect end to a great day. Now let’s view Wistub La Petite Venise and Les 3 Singes:

In front of Wistub La Petite Venise

Our choices for the night

Anna looking stoked with her order

The guy over my left shoulder is in the weird shirt that I’ve worn in previous posts

Anthony Bourdain’s final dish in a restaurant

Now in Les 3 Singes

Doing shots with Arnaud

The sign inside

Some other people we got chatting to that night

Saturday, September 14, 2019 It was the day we were to return to Paris, but we wanted to make the most of our remaining time in Colmar by have one last walk through the town and getting lunch in a local food market. For me the market was all new, I thought I had just stumbled upon it that day, but apparently we went to the very same market just two days prior, but I was so out of it due to jet-lag that I had no recollection of it whatsoever. This time was different, however, because it was before 1:30pm and I could still function like a regular human being. After the market we jumped back on the train to Paris and this time it was extremely crowded with almost no room for our luggage so we had to spread it in different areas of the carriage. Add to this the continuing jet-lag for us both and the stench of body odour and aftershave on the train, making it a ride we’d rather forget, but we made it to our destination safe and sound. We caught a taxi to our new hotel and as soon as Anna took her suitcase out of the car and started to walk I had to warn her that she was about to wheel it through a pile of dog shit. She then pivoted to check and almost stepped in another load. Yep, we were definitely back in Paris, but this time it was a far nicer area. Our hotel was 1K Paris, a Peruvian-themed hotel with a restaurant called Inka and La Mezcaleria, a mescal bar upstairs. We loved our time in Peru a few years back, especially the food, so we knew we were going to have fun in this place.

After the obligatory afternoon nap we were back downstairs to have dinner at Inka, making the most of their ceviche bar, as well as ordering some mains to share. Once dinner was done, Anna looked up some bars in the area and it turned out that just down the road there was a speakeasy in the back of a taco shop, one of several taco shops in this part of Paris. When we arrived at the shop the line was out the door and you could hear that most of the customers were from the US, the majority of whom looked like they were probably studying in Paris. The place was packed, but we made our way through the crowd to an unmarked white door at the back of the restaurant. We went through the door and down a flight of stairs, finding ourselves in this great little bar that had only had a small group of people when we first arrived, but expanded to being standing room only as the night progressed. We were later joined in the bar by one of our friends and Anna’s colleague, Shamira Perera, but once it became too crowded we decided to take him back to show him how cool our hotel was by bringing him to the mescal bar. We stuck around for a couple more drinks in La Mezcaleria, but it was getting kind of late so the three of us decided to go upstairs to hang out in our room for a bit, a woman from the neighbouring room coming out to scream at us for being too noisy in the process. Time for Shamira to go back to his hotel room and for us to go to bed, I think. Some photos from our first night back in Paris:

Our room in 1K Paris

Our room had the same chairs as we have in our apartment in Singapore!

These seats in the lobby were awesome!

Looking up in Inka

Dinner is served, obviously had to get ceviche

The Ceviche Bar at Inka

Anna in the bar beneath the taco shop

Saturday, September 14, 2019 Anna had to give a short talk at a conference later that afternoon, but we still had time to have a look around our new area of Paris, the 3rd arrondissement, and it was the nicest district we had visited in either of our previous trips. Our first stop was lunch at yet another market, we walked around and looked at all of the incredible-looking food, but we ultimately settled upon a stall called Les Enfants du Marché, this particular outlet having some really good seafood. We ordered some clams and a grilled octopus, before going to a nearby cafe for a coffee and some cake, and then looking around another part of the city. Anna loved the shopping there, but I was more interested in a strangely dressed man who kind of resembled a court jester and his extremely weird bicycle. I know that in the first post in this story when we initially went to Paris I thought I saw the most bizarre bike I had ever seen, but it had nothing on this thing. I guess the only way to describe this man is that, if this were a video game, I’m fairly certain he would be selling something I’d need for a later mission.

We walked around for another hour or so and then Anna needed to head back to the hotel to collect her stuff and go to the conference at which she was speaking, but I continued to stroll around the city until she was done. It was our last night in Paris so we had to do dinner properly, leading us to have five-courses from a degustation menu at a place called Korus. Our meal consisted of cuttlefish and shiitake mushrooms, white tuna and green beans, Simmental beef fillet, and several other dishes plus dessert, served with a beer or wine pairing. Definitely a great conclusion to fantastic couple of weeks away.

After dinner we went home to pack for our flight the following day and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise that I had forgotten my pickles that I bought in Vancouver on the previous leg of our expedition, because Anna had purchased so much wine after we had got back to France, particularly on the winery tour in Colmar. Combined we were allowed four litres (one gallon) of alcohol upon return to Singapore and Anna asked me to put it all in my luggage, however, it made my suitcase incredibly difficult to close and almost impossible to lift, as well as definitely exceeding the airline’s weight limit. Instead, Anna made room for it in her far emptier suitcase and I got stuck carrying a bunch of her shoes in my hand luggage. Our last day in Paris:

Some things are lost in translation

A small portion of the market

Some of our lunch options

Mussels!

Our grilled octopus

The stall where we had lunch

Anna getting excited about cakes again

“I’ll take one estus flask, a megalixer, and three mushrooms please.”

I’m still baffled by his bike

One last statue

Are they selling Beyonce’s urine?

At least they’re honest

Here’s our dinner menu, the rest of the photos are the dishes

We made it back to Singapore fine, Anna giving another talk in the Philippines two days later before a weekend away in Bali with some friends. Our jet-lag lasted at least two weeks after we returned and I had an appointment with my neurologist soon after who recommended I don’t go on any trips quite this hectic in the future. My first visit to Canada was brilliant and we loved Vancouver. Colmar was absolutely beautiful, the people were so much fun, and on our return to Paris we learnt that where you stay can make a huge difference. Still, before anyone takes their dream vacation in Paris, I think this article is essential reading.

Also, in keeping with a recent trend, although not a disaster of the same magnitude, there was still a newsworthy event in the immediate aftermath of this trip; four people were killed in a knife attack in a police headquarters in Paris. Let’s hope everything is fine in South Korea after our visit to Seoul this week!

Concluding our hectic trip back by coming back to France Let's begin where I left off in my last post; we had flown from Paris to Vancouver, Canada to attend the wedding of Anna's cousin, as well as explore the city in general.

[flapperfromthefuture]

I’ve been struggling to keep up with both baking and writing due to the stress of starting dog agility, Italian lessons and watching Chernobyl all at the same time.

It’s all starting to meld together, honestly, like when A spent twenty minutes clarifying the exact way to say “The dog’s Minnie Mouse ears” in Italian without confusing who the ears belong to (the dog) with the original possessor of the ears (Minnie Mouse), when we haven’t even gotten to possessive pronouns yet.

Meanwhile, I was texting under the table with my dad, who needed some reassurance as he dove into the ol’ nuclear reactor.

“I feel like the radiation is leaking through the TV screen,” he said. “Elizabeth, thanks a LOT. I’m having nightmares tonight from one episode.”

A wanted to go to Canada over the weekend to hit up the sidewalk sale at our favorite kitchen store, Williams Food Equipment, “The Candy Store for Cooks!”

It is, quite simply, the greatest store. Where else can you buy this and this and this, at reasonable prices that are even more reasonable when you figure out what you’re paying in American dollars (which we can’t until we get back across the border, so it’s like a fun surprise!).

A insisted that we get there on opening day, the moment they opened. While I was proud of her for approaching normal life like it’s Disney World, I questioned whether or not it was worth it to show up so early.

“No one is going to be there right when they open,” I said. “They probably won’t even have everything set up.”

“They will,” said A. “Because I’ll be there.”

And then she tossed an invisible scarf over her shoulder and walked out of a room she had just entered.

But before our adventure could commence, I had an agility class. My sister offered to come with me, which was really nice of her, because agility freaks me out. Everyone in agility is intense, even the dogs. Lumi is only in a pre-beginners class (she’s not even a real beginner!) and we’re getting the full Best in Show experience.

(Have you seen that? It’s the best movie of all time. Do you like Schitt’s Creek? It’s like that. Canada has given us so much).

My sister helped me wrangle Lumi and get her crate in and out of my car (it’s apparently standard to have a crate at all agility sessions because that’s how it goes for competitions and apparently I needed better triceps and perpetual open wounds on my hands anyway), but I almost lost her when she caught sight of something on the wall.

“RIBBON,” she whispered, pointing at a four-foot long prize ribbon like she was in a trance. My sister loves a good show ribbon, and this was from a national level, so it was pretty impressive.

You know this scene in Sleeping Beauty?

It was like that.

“Yeah, Lumi loves the jumps, and the instructor is really good, but I don’t know if I’m cut out for this,” I said, as she stared at this ribbon. “I get really anxious before every class and then I think she picks up on it—”

“Oh, you have to do this,” said my sister. “Think of the ribbons.”

“I guess so, as long as Lumi’s enjoying it—”

“RIBBONS!”

As she helped me train Lumi on the teeter-totter, she informed me that she and her boyfriend, Steve, wanted to watch Chernobyl next. She didn’t know much about it, other than that my parents were watching it and listening to the companion podcast on the TV because it was somehow easier than playing it on a phone.

“Do people live in the next town over from Chernobyl?” asked my sister. “You know, what is it like to live in Chernobyl Heights?”

“I’m not sure,” I said.

“Steve went to a rugby tournament once called ‘Three Mile Thailand’ once,” she said, “so he and his buddies showed up for their flight to Bangkok in hazmat suits. That didn’t go over too well. Made the flight though!”

I am terrified at offending anyone who could wield any power over my ability to move or access transportation. So the border crossing between Detroit and Windsor sends me into panic mode even though it’s always fine (anxiety!), especially when I’m driving. I still have nightmares about the one time I was asked to open my trunk and was so flustered I couldn’t find the button, then forgot which college I attended, even though I have an alumni sticker on my back window.

When A drives us over the border, she tends to turn into an alien as soon as she puts down the window. The last time we went over, the Canadian border guard asked for our passports and she said, “Have you by chance ever seen a MOOSE?” with the widest eyes outside of a cartoon, just filled to the brim with wonder at the chance of seeing a moose in a very urban part of Canada that does not have moose, and the guy was very nice and gently broke it to her without laughing that he had not seen a moose in twenty years, and I’m sure he tells his entire family about us to this day and hopefully asks the moose gods to smile on us in his daily prayers.

But when we rolled up to the customs booth at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday, and the border guard narrowed his eyes at me and said, “What kind of animal is in that crate,” I somehow managed to channel a cool James Bond-esque persona without actually being cool at all. I propped my elbow up on the open window, tilted my sunglasses and said, in a nonchalant tone of voice that I have never heard emerge from my body, “So, I’m taking this very intense dog agility class. They told me I have to bring this big ol’ crate with me to every class, but I don’t want to lug it up and down my stairs every week, you know what I mean?”

The guard looked bored the moment I opened my mouth, but I kept talking. “So I’m keeping it in the car for a few weeks. You know how it goes.”

I said all this like it was the most normal thing in the world. And the guard just waved us through! Is this how it feels to be a dude? You say the dumbest thing that comes to mind and people just let you into their country?

Imagine my surprise when we rolled up right at 9 in the morning, on a Saturday, and there were already people outside! With carts!

And before I’d even parked the car, that good old frenzy mode had kicked in. A and I spent almost two hours pondering purchases of heart-shaped pots, bulk ketchup bottles, whisks of all sizes, and the actual bread baskets you see in every restaurant.

This is the land where bread baskets come from!

“I mean, we might need an oyster knife someday,” I said, a person who has never eaten seafood because The Little Mermaid still makes me cry.

A was already filling up her cart with discounted ceramic dip bowls for everyone she has ever met.

It goes without saying that everyone at this store is incredibly nice—if you buy a large cooking pot, they say “Congratulations!” like you’ve welcomed a new family member.

I asked if they had a French rolling pin, and a man emerged from the meat slicers and told me what kind of rolling pin is best to use for brioche and what to use for strudel and then just vanished back into a mist of flour and maple sugar.

I got that French rolling pin, along with a new digital temperature probe (or thermomètre électronique à sonde!) and a few other odds and ends that I genuinely can’t remember purchasing because I was in a glorious fugue state thanks to our glorious neighbor.

A bought enough dip bowls to create her own dip fountain.

I might have to go back for whatever this is, though.

I mean, it will obviously pay for itself.

We made it back across the border—when the dude asked for the purpose of our visit, I forgot to put my elbow on the window and instead blurted “Kitchen supplies!” and started sweating like it might be a federal crime to traffic pie tins across an international border.

He waved us through. The dip bowls rattled in my trunk the whole way home.

We stopped at my parents to share our adventures and pick up Lumi. Steve and my sister were there to check out our haul. My parents had just finished Chernobyl.

“This is a quality rolling pin,” said Steve. “It’s really from France!”

Out of nowhere, my dad said, “Steve, they came this close to killing 50 million people.”

“I wish I’d gotten espresso spoons,” said A. “Should we go back for espresso spoons?”

“We wouldn’t have been able to go to Estonia on our cruise,” said my dad. “They would’ve been toast.”

It surprised absolutely no one that Steve knew the locations of all three nuclear reactors in Michigan offhand.

“We’d be in the exclusion zone,” whispered my mom.

“Chernobyl Heights!”

The Arms Race for Canadian Cooking Supplies I've been struggling to keep up with both baking and writing due to the stress of starting dog agility, Italian lessons and watching…

[biofunmy]

U.S. Storms Past Sweden, Posting Third Straight World Cup Shutout

LE HAVRE, France — How nice it must feel to go through 10 days at a major tournament without experiencing a single moment of anxiety.

What a luxury it is to be able to treat the group stage of a World Cup as a week-and-a-half long warm-up exercise.

That has been the reality for the United States women’s soccer team, which pummeled its first two opponents in this round, Thailand and Chile, by a combined score of 16-0. The Americans’ final group game Thursday against Sweden, some thought, would be the moment when the tournament really began for the United States.

But then it really didn’t. Sweden didn’t seem up for a challenge. It didn’t need to be. Both teams already had qualified for the knockout stage. And so the United States cruised to a 2-0 win in the Stade Océane and left wondering when the first real speed bump might come.

“When you come out of the group stage, a lot of what we talk about it mentality and being healthy,” Coach Jill Ellis said about her players, “and I think they’re in a really good place.”

For the Americans and their fans, this has been a blissful month, free from despair and tension. For the first time, the United States did not allow a single goal during the group stage. It also set a new World Cup record for group stage goals, with 18.

But for neutral observers, so far, the United States perhaps has been almost too good to be interesting. Potential narratives, bits of drama, have been tossed their way — about the team, around Thursday’s game — but none seemed to stick.

Would Ellis order her players to back off in the game to avoid a potential meeting with France in the quarterfinals? She has been asked that question almost every time she was made available to speak with reporters from the moment she stepped on French soil.

Or another one: Did the American women have demons to exorcise? Sweden, after all, had eliminated the United States from the 2016 Olympics in the quarterfinal round, the earliest exit ever for the American women at a major tournament.

But the plot lines fell flat, in part because the Swedes did not play along. Coach Peter Gerhardsson made seven changes to his starting lineup and gave four players their World Cup debuts. Afterward, he implied that he was resting players to prepare for the round of 16.

“We know that we have another match on Monday, a knockout match, and that’s the match that’s the most important one,” Gerhardsson said. “When we looked at the plan for the match and how to go about it, we didn’t think in advance that it was important to end up first or second in the group.”

After the game, a French journalist asked Ellis if she would have preferred having played a tough game during the group stage.

“I think you’re not giving enough credit to the opponent we played today,” she said.

But the truth was that the Americans dominated. They had 58 percent of possession and repeatedly snatched the ball off the feet of the Swedes. And whatever suspense there could have been was snapped like a twig before all the fans had found their seats.

In the third minute, Megan Rapinoe skipped a corner kick from the left side toward the near post, where Sam Mewis came toward the ball before letting it run through her legs. Lindsey Horan was making a zigzagging run through the penalty area, and by the time the ball bounced into a small opening in front of the goal, Horan had shed her defender and was free to tap it in.

The Americans’ second goal came in the 50th minute, when Sweden’s defense failed to clear a cross from the left side, letting the ball fall to the feet of Tobin Heath, who measured out a tiny opening of space and drilled a shot through it. The ball deflected off defender Jonna Andersson’s left foot, launched into the air like a skier off a ramp, and looped into the net. The goal, initially credited to Heath, was later changed to an own goal.

The next team that will try its best to make the United States sweat will be Spain. The teams will meet Monday in Reims for a round-of-16 match that Rapinoe said would present an unusual sort of challenge.

“Spain plays a different style than a lot of women’s teams play,” Rapinoe said, “They’re obviously very good in possession, with more of that tiki-taka style. If you don’t play against that a lot, it’s difficult.”

For a moment on Thursday, it felt as if injuries might provide some intrigue. Midfielder Julie Ertz sat out the match as she nursed a hip contusion. And Alex Morgan, the team’s starting center forward, was pulled off the field at halftime after taking an awkward spill around the 30th minute that left her limping.

But both players were all smiles after the game. Ertz said the decision to keep her out was just a precaution. Morgan declined to stop to speak to reporters, but she called out, “I’m O.K., thank you,” as she hustled into the locker room.

There was no reason to worry, after all.

At the final whistle, the players hugged. The fans stood and waved their flags. But from an emotional standpoint, it all felt a bit tame.

There had been no real tension. So of course there was no real release.

Andrew Das tracked the game live. Read on for a recap of how the United States defeated Sweden.

90’

Lloyd misses a chance to seal it!

That would have been the cherry on top: Lloyd slipping behind the Swedish defense for a free shot at Lindahl, but she hits it straight at the goalkeeper, who parries.

The chance is cleared but with the seven minutes of added time we just got, it’s surely not the last one we’ll see.

81’

What’s next for the U.S. and Sweden if this score holds?

A win or a tie gives the United States first place in Group F and a date with Spain in Reims on Monday (noon Eastern) in the round of 16. That will please the tourism office in Reims, which Andrew Keh noted today already has enjoyed a United States fan invasion once in this World Cup. The news may be less good for Spain, for obvious reasons.

The game looming beyond that is the one that everyone is talking about, however. It’s the one that everyone has talked about since the draw in December, actually: United States vs. France, the host nation, in the quarterfinals. It’s a game worthy of a final, and someone will be very unhappy to lose it. But a draw’s a draw.

As the group runner-up in this scenario, Sweden would get the second-place finisher in Group E, likely Canada or the Netherlands. It’s not an easy matchup by any means, but it’s probably a more favorable than running into France.

(Reminder: Sweden can flip that entire script with a win tonight, in which case it will play Spain — and then maybe France. A tie won’t do it, because of the Americans’ vastly superior goal difference in the group stage.)

73’

Brief delay for a head injury; Bjorn is down.

Sweden with a well-worked switch ends up with a cross, which O’Hara clears. But only after clanging heads with Bjorn in the center. She’s down, but soon rises and walks off.

Sadly, her treatment there appears to be the old, “You O.K.?” concussion test we all know well, and she sprints back on.

63’

Christen Press coming on for Rose Lavelle.

Press, so good against Chile, replaces Lavelle, who was surprisingly sturdy and effective running the attack tonight.

Seger goes off for Sweden at the same time; that’s both captains now gone from this game.

Press, by the way, immediately took up a position ahead of Rapinoe, Lloyd and Heath. She might get that first goal she’s been seeking. Though it’s hard not to think that the United States doesn’t regret adding a second through all of its pressure.

A single mistake and the good feelings will fade.

60’

Naeher quietly stares down another test.

The game has been moving away from her, but it’s worth noting that Alyssa Naeher has faced a couple of tough spots — three or four — and has handled each one. That’s good news for Ellis headed into the knockouts, since Naeher didn’t have much to do in the United States’ first two games.

51’

That’s gone down as an own goal, actually.

Andersson, who deflected it, is credited with an own goal, but make no mistake: that’s only a goal because of Heath.

50’

GOALLL! Heath doubles the U.S. leads with a rocket!

That came out of nowhere. An attack crumbles but the clearance was cycled to Rapinoe on the left. She drove a cross to Lloyd, who appeared offside, and it was cleared on to Heath at the back post.

She froze Andersson there, then with one quick motion pushed the ball right and roofed it — with the help of a deflection — over Lindahl.

(There’s a delay for video review, surely to check Lloyd’s contribution to the play, but the goal stands.)

46’

Well that’s interesting: Lloyd on, Morgan off.

Unclear if Morgan picked up an injury — she did get kicked one — but Lloyd takes her place to start the second half. Kind of a nice card to play if you’re Jill Ellis: Lloyd is a former world player of the year, and she has three goals in this tournament through two games.

No subs for Sweden.

Halftime

United States 1, Sweden 0

Sweden forced Naeher into a diving punch with a cross in added time, but it feels like 1-0 isn’t an accurate reflection of how well the United States controlled that half. They set the pace. They had the best chances, the best crosses. When they lost the ball, they just took it right back.

About the only thing that didn’t go better was the score. Sweden will be pleased to get a chance to regroup, and the get 15 minutes away from that ball-hawking pressure. But there will probably be more. And remember: Jill Ellis has fresh legs (Christen Press, Carli Lloyd< Mallory Pugh) straining to get into this one.

38’

Sweden has six substitutes warming up. Changes coming at halftime?

Jakobsson and Asllani just had a nice exchange to get around the corner on the right wing, but Sweden — despite a couple of shots — has not been able to get out from under the unrelenting U.S. pressure.

Is Coach Peter Gerhardsson thinking about a switch at halftime? Who knows? But Jakobsson just stripped Dunn and rocketed a shot over the crossbar, so maybe Sweden’s players sense they better get something going.

25’

Ball after ball scorched into the center.

The purpose that has made the United States the standout team of the group stage is on full display. Every ball is hit with intent, with power, with pace. Heath. Lavelle. Rapinoe. Mewis. All of them. They just look … dangerous. But the other thing about that kind of willful mentality — which has not been on display as completely even among the best teams here in France — is that players off the ball expect it.

Every ball is dangerous because there’s always someone running near post, or back post, or down the center channel, to meet it if it arrives.

20’

Can the U.S. maintain this pace?

Yes, they’re winning every ball. Yes, they controlling it from sideline to sideline. But 90 minutes is a long time, and as the pace slows a bit here midway through the half, one can sense the Americans know going pedal to the pedal might have it own risks.

As if on cue, Sweden presses through Asllani, who fires a shot at Naeher from the right. She smothers that one just like the earlier one.

13’

Hey look: Sweden is playing too!

Stina Blackstenius, the until-now-lonely center forward, takes Sweden’s first shot. But it’s from nearly 30 yards and, while hit with power, Naeher sees it all the way and smothers it.

Oddly, that might have been her first tough save of the tournament.

7’

No letup. The United States is all over Sweden.

Dunn fires a shot from the edge of the area after Ertz and Lavelle both win the ball in midfield as Sweden somehow, some way tries to get control of the game. Ellis clearly sent her team out breathing fire, and it’s showing.

The U.S. also is racing forward whenever it can and stretching Sweden to its limit by switching the ball. They’re trying to pull open the middle for Morgan. Might just be a matter of time.

3’

GOAL!!!! Wow. A stunning start and a goal for Horan.

The U.S. won its first corner off some early pressure, and it looked as if Rapinoe had wasted it with a bouncing ball to the near post. But Sam Mewis reached for it and no one touched it until Lindsey Horan stabbed it in from 2 yards.

Atrocious defending for the Swedes — several players and Lindahl just let the ball careen through the goal mouth — and a great start for the U.S. The goal was almost a carbon copy of Horan’s first of the tournament, against Thailand.

1’

U.S. on the front foot early

Lavelle and Morgan took the opening kickoff and just started dribbling upfield. That’s quite the message: here we come. We dare you to stop us.

Even when the U.S. lost the ball, their pressure was apparent. They want it.

The starting lineups: Back to the regulars (except one)

Jill Ellis used Sunday’s game against Chile to make sure that every field player she brought to France could go home and say, “I got to play.” But Sweden, and the knockout games that will come next, require her A team. So that’s what she has run out there, with one exception:

Julie Ertz is out with a hip problem that U.S. Soccer says isn’t serious — “We had to chain her to the bench to keep her out of this,” one official said — but it is serious enough that it’s causing her to miss an important World Cup game.

So our official analysis is: ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

Her role will be filled by Sam Mewis, who scored twice in the American’s opening game. Expect her to be the more defensively focused member of the U.S. midfield, allowing Lindsey Horan and Rose Lavelle to maraud. (UPDATE: Horan has dropped at times to allow Mewis and Lavelle to push forward.)

The lineups:

United States lineup: Alyssa Naeher; Crystal Dunn, Becky Sauerbrunn, Abby Dahlkemper, Kelley O’Hara; Samantha Mewis, Lindsey Horan, Rose Lavelle; Megan Rapinoe, Alex Morgan (captain), Tobin Heath.

Sweden lineup: Hedvig Lindahl; Nathalie Bjorn, Amanda Ilestedt, Linda Sembrant, Jonna Andersson; Julia Zigiotti, Caroline Seger (captain), Kosovare Asllani; Sofia Jakobsson, Stina Blackstenius, Olivia Schough.

Our referee tonight is Russian: Anastasia Pustovoytova.

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Two coaches set for final Six Nations showdown and Adam Beard aims for lucky No 13 in Grand Slam bid

So, this is it – the end of the road for another Six Nations

It's been a blast, right !? And still three matches to go. This week we have tales of beards, beers, and Beirnes ahead of the biggest game of the weekend: Wales v Ireland, and plenty more besides.

So before spring has sprung and it becomes less socially acceptable to wear daffodil hats (actually, when is it ever?), discuss where a chariot is best stuck, or indulge in the annual stereotype that is this Championship, let's go once more round the islands shall we? Scrum’s the Word will guide you through the final weekend.

     Joe Schmidt (L) and Warren Gatland (R) want to go to Six Nations for the final time

NEWS FROM ROUND THE NATIONS

GREATEST SCHMIDTS

In all the tear-stained tributes to Warren Gatland ahead of his last Six Nations match (with Wales, as he keeps jokingly reminding anyone) it might be Joe Schmidt's last game in this tournament too.

A shorter stint, but a Grand Slam (2018) and two other titles (2014; 2015) is pretty damn good in five seasons for World Rugby's coach of the year.

And when you look wider than the Six Nations he's sort of done it all.

Here are his win percentages against every team he's faced with:

100% – USA; Samoa; Romania; Japan; Italy; Fiji; Canada

86% – Scotland

83% – France

80% – Argentina

67% – Australia

60% – South Africa

50% – New Zealand

We've left two teams off there, though.

     Schmidt's record against most of the top nations – including New Zealand – is remarkable

So the only two teams he struggled against are those, and if Warren and Wales beat Ireland on Saturday the record between the sides since 2013 will read Played 8; Ireland 3; Wales 4; Draw 1.

And the greatest Schmidt will be quelled and statty Gatty will have done a number on another top coach.

TUILAGI TIME

It's good that Manu Tuilagi has re-signed with Leicester, and therefore will continue his England career.

If he had moved over the Channel to Racing 92 it would have been a real kick in the nuts for his club, who have backed him through thick and thin and nursed him back to health on countless occasions.

Now Tuilagi will complete his first full Six Nations ever, playing his fifth Championship match of the year against Scotland.

At 27 it would have been a great shame – and would leave a sour taste – if soon as he had returned he was off.

Short careers, big checks and all that, but it is nice to see there is some repayment from Tuilagi to those who have helped him get back here.

     Manu Tuilagi repaid Leicester's faith in him this week by Welford Road

FEEL THE BEIRNE

Tadhg Beirne could be the man to light a flame under the Welsh Grand Slam bit.

He's the turnover king with the most nicks at the breakdown in the European Champions Cup (13) for Munster, having moved from the Scarlets.

And in Wales last year he won 18 in that tournament, SEVEN more than the second-placed French Steyn.

So watch out for those Mr. Tickle arms causing havoc.

MMM, ZANON!

If Marco Zanon – the 21-year-old Italy center – scores in Rome on Saturday against France, and a commentator does not say the above …

LUCKY 13 FOR BEARD?

Adam's bearded wonder without a beard. The fresh-faced 23-year-old is STILL yet to lose for Wales yet.

Twelve Tests into his unbeaten Test career he's up for making it lucky 13 in the Grand Slam game against Ireland this Saturday.

"I never think of losing," he said this week.

"As soon as you are on a downward slope. Obviously you don't want to get too complacent, too up yourself, but if you keep your feet and ground and work hard and have a winning mentality you'll be alright.

'I have said this so many times, people are bigging up 12 from 12, but I am so lucky to be in a squad or 30-plus players where there is competition in each position.

'The determination and drive that everyone in this squad has got to get better every day and keep this run going is class.

'I have definitely never been in a squad with the feeling we have here. It’s a great feeling. "

     Wales second row Adam Beard is 12 Tests into his international career and is yet to lose

Beard – unlike Elliot Dee and Nicky Smith who have also won their last 12 Tests – has never lost for his country. So sealing a Slam in his first Six Nations clean would be pretty special.

And he's already got one up on his opposite number for the weekend; James Ryan.

Wales U20s won a Grand Slam in 2016 and in that season a team with the Irish lock as captain.

"I have got one up on him," said Beard. 'It would be nice to get a second. He's a great athlete and has come on leaps and bounds in the Test arena.

"It's been good to watch a guy of my age and see what could happen if I keep playing well, learning and developing. I'm looking forward to the challenge or facing him. "

Beard is growing into this quite nicely.

SCOTLAND THE… SMALL

Wee is a word they use, and we're going to horridly adopt it (sorry) to refer to Scotland's backline.

OK, it's not quite as mini as last week and it could have been put into starker contrast with England's giants if Joe Cokanasiga (6ft 4in, 18st 1lbs) had bone selected.

But if this was a boxing match the 'reach' category of the fighters would show a sizeable chasm.

Combined , the Scots are more than eight inches shorter than their English opponents – that's almost one of those big rulers – and seven stones lighter across the backs.

So the likes of Nick Grigg, Ali Price and Darcy Graham might be nippy, but they might also end up looking like Flat Stanley come full time as the English bulldozers c ome rolling towards.

     The likes of Scotland's Darcy Graham will come up against a huge England team on Saturday

BEFORE THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW…

… Comes Italy v France.

Italy have got to win. And if they do, god help Jacques Brunel. He'll be sacked yesterday, surely?!

BRING ON THE BEERS

When we wrote a piece this week detailing the carnage that is set to unfold in Cardiff this Saturday for the Wales v Ireland game the information went mildly viral-like nits.

The best response to the article ( which you can read here ) came from Walkabout's social media account.

The Australian bar that we said would serve at least 11,500 pints on the day addressed to – full disclosure – a friend of Scrum's the Word (yes, it's not all stats, honest) who 'enjoyed the walkabout stat'.

Walkabout – who had to mop the ceiling of their bar on St Mary Street after Welsh fans threw their pints in the air after the England win (just drink 'em lads) – did too.

STATCAVE

4 away Six Nations wins on the spin for Ireland – a fifth in Wales would equal their best ever sequence in the Championship between 1928-30

9 defeats in 10 Tests away from home in the Six Nations for France, their only victory in that run coming from Italy in 2017.

0 – Wales have never lost a Grand Slam game in the Six Nations era. In fact, when they have won three matches they have always completed a sweep.

50th occasion Sergio Paris will captain Italy in the Six Nations. No other player has achieved that feat.

13 consecutive Test victories for Wales. If they win one more, beating Ireland on Saturday, they will run equal England's with Sir Clive Woodward between 2002-03. In the northern hemisphere only Eddie Jones ’2016-17 England side put together a longer unbeaten run – or 18 matches.

1983 – The last time Scotland won at Twickenham. Their 2018 win at Murrayfield ended a run of nine games without victory over England.

10 more tackles to be made by Tom Curry to make him the top tackling Englishman in a Six Nations season . Joe Launchbury made 85 in 2015 – Curry has made 76 in the first four rounds.

LOWEST-SCORING SLAM EVER?

If Wales score fewer than 20 points and just one try against Ireland they will complete a clean sweep with the fewest points scored and tries amassed in Six Nations history.

POINTS PER GRAND SLAM YEAR Slam year Team Points scored Tries 2002 France 156 15 2003 England 173 18 2004 France 144 14 2005 Wales 151 17 2008 Wales 148 13 2009 Ireland 121 12 2010 France 135 13 2012 Wales 109 10 2016 England 132 13 2018 Ireland 160 20 2019 Wales? 89 9

SIX NATIONS MATCH GUIDES

ITALY v FRANCE

Saturday 12.30pm Stadio Olimpico LIVE ITV from 12pm

ITALY : Hayward; Padovani, Zanon, Morisi, Esposito; Allan, Tebaldi; Lovotti, Ghiraldini, Pasquali, Sisi, Ruzza, Steyn, Polledri, Parisse.

Bench: Bigi, Traore, Ferrari, Zanni, Negri, Palazanni, McKinley, Sperandio.

FRANCE : Medard; Penaud, Bastareaud, Fofana, Huget; Ntamack, Dupont; Falgoux, Guirado, Bamba, Lambey, Willemse, Alldritt, Camara, Picamoles.

Bench: Chat, Priso, Aldegheri, Gabrillagues, Iturria, Serin, Lopez, Ramos.

Prediction: France.

[1945901] WALES v IRELAND

Saturday 2.45pm Murrayfield LIVE BBC One from 2pm

WALES : L Williams; North, J Davies, Parkes, Adams; Anscombe, G Davies; R Evans, Owens, Francis, AW Jones, Beard, Navidi, Tipuric, Moriarty. Bench: Dee, Smith, Lewis, Ball, Wainwright, A Davies, Biggar, Watkin.

IRELAND : Kearney; Earls, Ringrose, Aki, Stockdale; Sexton, Murray; Healy, Best, Furlong, Beirne, J Ryan, O'Mahony, O'Brien, Stander. Bench: Scannell, Kilcoyne, Porter, Roux, Conan, Marmion, Carty, Larmour.

Prediction: Wales.

ENGLAND v SCOTLAND

Saturday 5pm Twickenham LIVE ITV from 4.15pm

ENGLAND : Daly; Nowell, Slade, Tuilagi, May; Farrell, Youngs; Moon, George, Sinckler, Launchbury, Cross, Wilson, Curry, B. Vunipola.

Bench: Cowan-Dickie, Genge, Cole, Shields, Hughes, Spencer, Ford, Te'o.

SCOTLAND : Maitland; Graham, Grigg, Johnson, McGuigan; Russell, Price; Dell, McInally, Nel, Toolis, Gilchrist, Skinner, Watson, Bradbury.

Bench: Brown, Reid, Berghan, J. Gray, Strauss, Laidlaw, Hastings, Harris.

Prediction: England

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