#i know how that line is supposed to be interpreted. but still

[exgirlfiend]

anyway coming back to this poll bc the reasons I was so curious are 1) I’ve read a lot of fanfics where swaine CAN do magic but just isn’t good at it and can’t really cast anything reliably, and I’ve always found that to be a really interesting concept (especially considering the emperor’s “you don’t have a single magic bone in your body” line which at best is kind of mean-spirited if true but at worst, in this situation, is straight up dismissive of him) and I wanted to know if that was actually a widespread interpretation or just something a few fringe fic writers did to make their stories more interesting and 2) when we first see gascon and marcassin in the cave, it’s (at least to me) kind of unclear which of them actually cast the spell since both of them were holding the wand. I mean I’m pretty sure the assumption is supposed to be that it was marcassin and it just failed because gascon was interfering but…well gascon was the one that was actually moving the wand to draw the rune, marcassin was just holding it (he even tells gascon to be careful). so I personally find it to be a compelling argument that gascon was the one that actually cast it, which is why it didn’t really work (but still did actually do something).

and then the other way more angsty reason is GOD can you imagine how much more it would hurt if swaine could actually do magic. like if he absolutely didn’t have any magical ability then it’d be disappointing sure, but at least then it’s a matter of “well this just isn’t something I can ever do” which is a bit easier to accept. but if he could do magic? how do you accept that you’re just BAD at something? we’ve seen that gascon is incredibly stubborn. he’d still be holding onto the hope that one day, maybe if he just keeps really trying, he can actually get better because clearly he’s capable of it, he’s gotten so close before, so he must just not be trying hard enough. and yet he keeps hitting that same roadblock over and over because he just can’t seem to get it right, despite the fact that he should be able to. and then a 5-year-old can cast the spells that he’s been struggling so hard with for so many years and he’s forced to accept that this is something he will never get better at. devastating.

question for the crowd bc I’m curious abt the consensus

(feel free to elaborate in tags)

[potatobugz]

some equal rites tomfoolery.. i really liked this book

[gerbiloftriumph]

we're here to give you all the support you need

[msbluebell]

I'm actually completely in agreement with you here and it's strictly because in 3.0, 3.1, and even in 3.2 he was the one advocating for us to remain objective and merely act as observers in the situation. In 3.0 he wanted to pretty much leave right away. It's understandable considering they were attacked as soon as they got there and then nearly executed by the political leader for betraying an oath to her. But he still landed in an apocalyptic scenario, became strangely uninterested in the history for an archivist, and then advocated becoming as uninvolved as possible. It's understandable, but in direct contrast with his words here. He doesn't hesitate to leave a dying people completely without aid if we choose to leave in 3.0. Then in 3.1 he not only tried make himself as uninvolved with the Chrysos Heirs as possible. Once again it's somewhat understandable, because conflict with the Chrysos Heirs and the Council of Elders came up and we as Trailblaizers, objectively, don't know shit about any of that. Dan Heng wanted us off taking sides, to the point if we point out the Elder's are obvious bad guys he objects. This, I think, is understandable enough. He likely assumed he was inherently biased against the Elders since...well...his own Preceptors.

That does not change the fact that, in an actively apocalyptic scenario where people are all going to die a horrific and souless death with only one solution for possibly saving them, he's still focused only on getting he and Stelle alone out of here. He still uninvolved us in his head as much as possible despite the fact that, like it or not, we're HERE now. And being here means we're as subject to the fate of the Black Tide as much as anyone else. A fate which, by now, we've learned is worse than death.

It's understandable. It's all understandable.

It's not in line with what he says here.

Dan Heng seems to have a very different idea of Trailblaizing to what we've mostly seen so far. It seems to me that Trailblaizing, despite it's many rules, is more of an induvial decision sort of thing. I don't think it's supposed to be an inherently heroic path. But rather that it becomes that way because, well, it seems to be based on the Heroic Journey, so getting involved with other people's problems is an inherent heroic journey.

Himeko's character stories, where she focuses a lot on the fact that all Trailblaizers will someday get off the train once they find their place, supports this. But I digress. My point here is it seems to me that Akivilli set up Trailblaizing to optimize as much travel and personal journeying as possible and left everything else up to interpretation.

Anyway, back to Dan Heng.

It's only in 3.2 when he even starts to open up. And even then I think it's because Hyacine reminds him of March 7th. Either way, he's being worn down at last. And now, faced with the fact that these are real people he's starting to care for, as well as evidence that suggests his bias against the Elders IS justified, he's starting to crack and care.

Dan Heng, here, is not being the Trailblaizer he wants to be. He's not being a Trailblizer at all, if we follow Himeko's dialog about it. What he's doing is acting like the man he wants to be. What he wants is to be the "ideal" Trailblaizers we met on Penacony, who did give up their journey to find their place in the revolution in the Dreamscape. He wants to be like how he sees Mikhail.

Ironically, Mikhail stayed in Penacony because he fell in love with Hanunue and wanted to help with the revolution.

My point here is, ultimately, Dan Heng isn't doing this for Trailblaizing reasons. He's doing this because, like Dan Feng, he has VERY few people he cares about, but for the ones he does he LOCKS IN. And those people he considers his "companions". Until now he's only ever used that word specifically for the Astral Express crew (with Jing Yuan being given the title of "friend" after a lot of character development). But now he's added the Chrysos Heirs to it. So he, like Dan Feng, is locked in.

If Trailblaizing is the Heroic Journey and all about finding your own meaning and purpose in life, then it seems to me that Dan Heng has found HIS Trailblaizing end goal. And that's to become THIS version of himself. But, ultimately, what Trailblaizing means to him is no longer "leaving the past behind" as he originally stated in the bedroom decorating event. But rather it's now LOCKING IN FOR THE BESTIES.

as cool as this line is

it must be said that Dan Heng is a hypocrite with a very selective saviour complex.

Need I remind you who three patches ago was ready to leave Amphoreus completely to their fate?

Based on the dates given for Mydei and Hyacine's ascensions, the Trailblazers have been on Amphoreus for roughly a year (though it doesn't seem like that long has passed on the outside... but that's a problem for another post), so is he really doing his duty as a Trailblazer, or did he get attached?

basically, there's a good chance Dan Heng is just flat out lying here. That he would not be doing this for total strangers, and is doing it now only because he grew to care for Amphoreus' people. Even then, he's basically the only one who isn't willing to give his life for the Era Nova- he outright tells the Trailblazer he refuses to die.

The reason he says this, then- he wants to see himself this way. He wants to believe he is kind and selfless. And he is kind, certainly. But trying to force himself to be selfless is probably not a good idea; the reason the Xianzhou used him for so long is because he most likely thought it would be selfish to see himself as human, to make choices for himself.

In other words, Dan Heng is still very much in the process of learning that it's okay to want or not want things.

[nerdsandqueens]

I'm getting massive codependent vibes from the way spirits/ancient elves and the evanuris behave.

[linkcharacter]

Really like the recent analysis. I know I speak of curly in a more defensive way than most but I generally try to get the point you made across at the end of the day with my analyses on him and his behaviors.

People love to lock analyses around Curly solely based on what he could’ve done as a physical action and have this avoidance to acknowledging the realistic barriers at play when it comes to those solutions. It’s. The game tries to treat the pre-crash section as if they are grounded in social and organizational realities. So the what if he did this questions about the situation always fall short when the real answer is he either couldn’t or it wasn’t an actual viable option. But then when they talk about what he actually did do it’s surrounded by such bad faith interpretations that his actions were completely intentional or still not affected by outside sources. He’s a very much “road to hell is paved with good intentions” character. He cared too much and that’s a big part of his problem.

There’s such a “perfect victim or nothing” mindset in the fandom where people can’t admit that there are no such things as perfect victims but that also shouldn’t mean that even if there were it would absolve them of the mistakes they made. People want to moralize every action of every character that they don’t realize that some actions are done without any specific morale factor. People just do things, like you said. People assumed failed intentions immediately flip the thought process behind them “he meant to do good but bad happened, he must be bad” and that just is not how people work. It’s how perceptions work but only of the observer.

It’s such a sensitive topic because, yes, you are supposed to be frustrated, even mad, at what Curly didn’t do, but you have to acknowledge the fact these were good intentioned acts even if that good intent did jack squat in the end. That his responses are human and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable and hurt that they were realistic faults of his.

He enabled his friend and it ended bad for everyone including him. No one really tries to argue this fact but everyone seems to think it has to be tied to the morale dilemma and not certain human natures and social factors.

This is all to ask, why do you personally lean towards thinking Curly wouldn’t turn Jimmy in? Are you speaking in the short term of realizing how bad he got or long-term/overall? I feel like he could but it would not be easy and no matter the necessity he’d always have this guilt at feeling bad for doing it.

Ah yes Curly the most imperfect human man character.

Yep yep yep absolutely, people love to assign morality onto characters and call them good or bad and diminishing the depth and nuance of Mouthwashing, filling discussions with bad-faith interpretations or speculating on inconcrete understandings of the incomplete, intentionally vague, context. I adore Mouthwashing to no end for having this oppressive suffocating and constant atmosphere surrounding everything in the game. Really shows off that the environment festers, no one well-meaning guy could create a happy ending with individual actions alone because it's all systematic.

To elaborate from your question tho, at the point Curly was in (if Anya wasn't pregnant scenario), definitely no don't think so (would depend on Anya a too on whether or not she would go to the authorities outside). Curly knew Jimmy was a danger, and I do believe that subconsciously Anya's report to him on Jimmy gnaws at him, but not vividly enough. I want to point out a moment where Anya tells him about the pregnancy, he begins asking "Who would you-", then he's nudged by Anya that she told him and he should know who it is, and he does, instantly saying he's known him a long time and will talk to him. That moment of, for a second not connecting that Jimmy is the assaulter responsible just makes me drag my palm across my face for how much of a man (derogatory) Curly acted like for one dialogue line. Like he just 'forgot' for a brief moment that Jimmy harassed Anya prior? Granted, he instantly believes and takes Anya seriously, immediately dropping the search for the gun he was on in that scene, realizing the severity of the situation and of Jimmy. We also don't know what Anya has told him specifically, how long ago it happened, etc. but the 'implications' of the scene make me believe Jimmy's known sexual harassment on the ship slipped Curly's mind due to him being more invested in "the bigger picture" of Jimmy, not latching onto a harmful and a very serious fucking trivia fact about Jimmy because of his perception of who his friend is as a whole (and with his foggy sleep-deprived mind at the moment), 'losing a needle in a haystack' with how much unknown history Curly and Jimmy shared, so to say.

Maaaybe in some other circumstances, like if Jimmy didn't crash the ship or smth long term I could see him doing it, it would take a lot effort like you said, no matter the necessity. We will never know. If we're going into speculation and imaginary scenarios though, if Anya HERSELF were to try and get justice, Curly would be backing her up undoubtedly (still not disconnecting himself from Jimmy though and feeling guilt on his behalf). But that's all suppositions from my reading of the characters.

[starcurtain]

2.1 Penacony Spoilers!

I know the scene after Ratio's "betrayal" can be read a lot of ways but I am shocked I haven't seen more people interpret it as Ratio being so worried about Aventurine that he couldn't stay away even though he was supposed to.

We know:

1) Ratio absolutely knew Aventurine's plan from start to finish, both his gamble to create "death" in the dream and with the three cornerstones. (Wish people would stop underselling Ratio in their analyses; "Three chips are enough" is a direct enough clue that, genius as he is, Ratio would never miss.)

2) In his own words, Ratio was acting according to Aventurine's instructions while in Dewlight Pavilion and with Sunday and felt that he did a good job not giving them away.

I think most people are on the same page up to there, but then I've seen a lot of people interpreting this scene after Aventurine leaves Sunday's mansion as Aventurine being genuinely angry at Ratio (possibly after having gaslit himself into thinking Ratio was actually betraying him).

But this doesn't make much sense to me because:

1) Ratio actually has nothing to gain by selling Aventurine out to Sunday. They're on the same side in this mission. Information about a Stelleron on Penacony wouldn't be news anyone with a brain like Ratio's and why would he need someone else's research on Stellerons when he already has ties to the Genius Society through Screwllum and Herta, as well as the Astral Express where the Trailblazer is actively housing a Stelleron?

2) One of Aventurine's most notable lines of dialogue is how it's perfectly fine and expected for "friends" to use each other and backstab. This is his default understanding of partners--why would he suddenly be mad about something he expected from the start?

3) If the betrayal wasn't already planned and was just a possibility based on Aventurine's understanding of Ratio, why would he ever have revealed there were "three chips" (aka three cornerstones) in play? If even the betrayal over Topaz's stone wasn't planned, just assumed, why would Aventurine reveal the existence of the third stone? He would gain nothing from doing so.

Instead, I think it makes a lot more sense to interpret Aventurine's frustration with Ratio in this later scene as annoyance over Ratio taking an "unnecessary" risk:

1) As far as Sunday knows, Ratio had just very seriously betrayed Aventurine, completely selling him out and essentially sending him to his execution.

2) In the scene afterward, Aventurine is out in public in the middle of Penacony where The Family's eyes are always watching, yet Ratio walks right up to him to check on him. Why would someone who just sold you out come up to you immediately afterward to check on your health?!

3) It's only natural that Aventurine would pump the brakes and go "Wow, didn't think you'd show yourself after you just betrayed me, remember?" Because that's the act they are supposed to be keeping up! They're still being monitored; it's not safe to break character!

But Ratio is a genius, right, so why would he break character here? From the standpoint of the ploy itself, revealing to the Family that he and Aventurine were still on the same side would only jeopardize the plan, not help it.

The logical explanation, then, is that Ratio went to Aventurine here because he felt like he had to.

He had to check in and make sure the situation was still under Aventurine's control.

(In fact, the entire exchange through the middle of this scene is Aventurine and Ratio confirming the rest of their plot in a veiled manner: Ratio brings up the plan and mentions what's concealed in the gift money bag, Aventurine confirms the cornerstone is good to go; Ratio asks what his next step will be; Aventurine says he's going to do the insane thing of handing out cash while looking pathetic [aka fishing for Sparkle]. Ratio essentially asks if he's crazy enough to take the final gamble with his own life, which Aventurine confirms, and then Ratio sets them up for the finale by gifting him the doctor's note.)

Ratio was willing to risk ruining their entire plan--something Aventurine does seem to be frustrated about at first--just to ensure Aventurine still felt all right about the situation.

He needed to deliver his note demanding Aventurine stay alive.

He needed to tell Aventurine to come to him if the situation got too painful to bear.

In short, Ratio was worried enough that he could not stay away even though, for the sake of their plot, it would have made significantly more sense for him not to appear. The gain of breaking character was worth more to him than the risk of being caught.

You honestly don't even have to take this in a shipping context. The real point here is that Ratio is an incredibly good person who wasn't okay with Aventurine's self-sacrificial plan and who felt morally compelled to check on a person in pain. He's a healer through and through, and ignoring Aventurine in this condition--ignoring someone who was taking so much risk on themselves--simply wasn't possible for him, no matter the danger it posed to the plan.

But for those who do ship Ratio and Aventurine... I hope more people will come to see this scene as another example of Ratio's genuine concern for his mission partner! He did not have to appear here at all; it would have made much more sense for him to leave Aventurine to his own devices to uphold the illusion of their "betrayal." He showed up in this scene--very likely against Aventurine's expectations--because he was concerned for Aventurine's situation and wanted to ensure Aventurine knew he could fall back on Ratio's support at any time if the plan went awry.

tl;dr: I wish people would stop interpreting this scene as the aftermath of a betrayal. Aventurine wasn't ticked off with Ratio in this scene because he felt like he'd genuinely been backstabbed; he was ticked off because Ratio was literally breaking their pre-established "betrayer" character just to be fussy over Aventurine's safety and well-being. (Okay, and to double check on the plan, but let's be real, the first part was definitely more important. 👌)

[spencewalterreid]

what if…don’t hear me out on this, i’m sleep deprived and projecting…reader is something of a favorite student of spencer’s whom he confronts about the, erm, suspiciously increasing bandages he’d been noticing on their leg or smt? he’d probably frantically point out the abundance of arteries there at some point 😭 please ignore this so hard if you don’t feel like it lmao

In The Morning, I'll Make Cereal

Summary: When Spencer notices you've been in a daze, he checks on you and finds bandages on your arm.

Pairing: Professor Reid / Reader (p)

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Suicidality, self harm, scars, surviving an attempt

Word Count: 2,262

Author's Note: I loved this prompt. I hope you appreciate my interpretation of it:) it wasn't very specific but I did what I could!

It had been a long fucking week. Finally, at long last, it's your last class on Friday, But Professor Reid has been rambling for the last two hours. This class is only supposed to be an hour and forty-five minutes, but good God, this man can drone. Generally, you wouldn't mind it. On a better day, you would relish in his tangents, on and on about victimology and how parents not kissing their children enough makes them kill people or whatever, you're just not into it today.

Squinting, you scratch a few more lines of graphite into the head of the portrait you're drawing in the margin of your notebook, trying to shape the hair properly. It's giving you fits. You knock your knee against the side of your desk absentmindedly to the rhythm of the music in your wired headphones.

Spencer pauses mid-sentence, his brow furrowing as he sees you. There’s at least a hundred kids in this room, so he hadn’t noticed it before now. His amber eyes scan the classroom as they always do, but keep returning to you; head in your notebook and your bouncing knee. He sighs softly, rubbing his temple before continuing his lecture.

"…and as we've discussed, the lack of proper familial affection in the formative years can lead to a host of psychological issues that may manifest in aggressive or criminal behavior later in life. Take, for instance, the case study of Ted Bundy, who…"

Spencer's voice drones on, the words blurring together as you tune out, focused on the intricate details of the portrait taking shape beneath your pencil. You lean forward slightly, squinting as you shade a particularly difficult shadow, your tongue poking out the corner of your mouth in concentration.

"That's all. Thank you for your patience, I know today ran long. I'll see you all on Monday," Reid says, his gaze lingering on you. You’re always so attentive, hanging on every word. What the hell? He waits a moment at his desk, looking over the notes the students had dropped in the tray before leaving, but keeps glancing up. A few minutes pass and you’re still scribbling away, making no move to pack up. His face pinches in worry.

“Hey, class is over now. We just ran a bit over today," he says, projecting his voice to reach you.

Spencer stands up, straightening his suit jacket as he walks over to where you sit when you don’t reply, still scribbling away. He glances down at the notebook, his eyebrows raising as he recognizes the portrait beginning to take shape.

"I didn't realize you had such skill," Spencer comments, unable to hide the note of surprise in his voice. He leans down a bit closer to get a better look.

You don't reply at all until he leans down and you finally notice his presence. Your pencil scrapes across the portrait when you damn-near jump out of your skin. "Jesus!" you gasp, then place your hand over your heart. "You scared me." The corner of your lip twitches up into a smile, and caught up in your embarrassment that he saw the portrait of him, you didn't even realize that your long-sleeve shirt rode down a bit, revealing a bandage wrapped firmly around your forearm.

Spencer takes a step back, looking mildly alarmed at having startled you so severely. "I apologize, that was not my intent. I didn't mean to frighten you." His gaze drifts down to your wrist, his eyes widening briefly as he notices the bandage. "Are you… are you alright? That looks bad," Spencer asks, taking a knee and reaching for your hand to take it in his to assess the damage before you subtly pull it away.

Your heart falls through the bottom of your ribs, clashes against your intestines, and tumbles straight out your ass. "Uhm." Words. Form them. Hang on, do I even know any? Shit. You force a wry chuckle, dropping your hands to your lap and wringing them together, knocking your sleeves down enough to cover your wrists again. "I just." Ahem. "I just dropped a knife last night when I was making dinner. No biggie." Please, Please believe me. You thank any God that might be out there for having everyone else clear out before he approached you.

“Okay,” he agrees with a nod, letting you believe that he buys it. “Uh, you should be more careful, though,” he continues hesitantly. He reaches for your arm again and you let him. He pushes up your sleeve, and you swallow an argument. “Right here,” he says, dragging a finger gently along your forearm, the inner part of the left side, along the outer part of the bone. “This is the ulnar artery. You’ve got a lot of smaller veins in your arm, too, that could be dangerous if nicked, but that could have been really bad.” You don’t tell him how close his finger was to the gash made only hours ago.

Spencer wanted to pretend not to notice all the smaller scars dotted along the base of your wrist, and a couple on your hands that you could more believably wave off as accidents. He rests his elbow on your lower thigh, above your knee and a bit inward, making you wince. Again, he doesn’t say anything. Not yet.

“This,” he draws another line, this time down the side of your arm, “is the anterior condylar vein, or ACV. Easier to hit because it’s more shallow.” Spencer sighs, dragging a thumb across one of the smaller, now raised and white nicks. “I didn’t want to say anything, but-”

“I know,” you interject. “You have to report this. I get it.” The beginnings of tears nudge at the back of your throat, agitating a lump into it, and threaten to fill your eyes. “It’s okay,” you add, yanking your cheeks up into a suggestion of a smile.

The professor huffs again, revoking his touch and shifting from a one-legged kneel to a squat, resting his elbows on his own knees and looking up at you. “I’m not going to report you. I don’t think-” He runs a hand through his dark curls and puts it back on his leg. “That has only exacerbated the issue, in my experience. I need you to know… to know that I care.”

You shift uncomfortably, staring at your fingernails as you drag dirt out from under them. “Okay,” you mumble. To say you believed him in the slightest would be a falsity of the highest order.

“I do,” Reid insists as though he read your mind, craning his neck down and chin up to catch your eyes under the curtain of your hair. “I do care. I know you’ve been going through something, and I’m sorry, but I’m here.”

Spencer reaches out to gently tilt your chin up with his fingers, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that managed to escape. The empathy in his eyes makes your stomach churn. He’s just so genuine.

"Listen to me. I know you're hurting. I know you feel alone. But you're not alone right now, do you understand that? You have me, and I promise I will help you through this, any way I can. My offer to talk stands, anytime, anywhere. My door is always open to you."

“I heard you.”

“No, I know you heard me. I asked if you understood me. There’s a difference.”

Your lip wobbles against your will and you know you’re about to cry. You squeeze your eyes shut and turn your head away from him, a last ditch effort to hide your face. “I can’t-”

He leans in, pulling you into him, his voice lowering to a low, soothing murmur. "Please, don't let anyone else see these scars. Not until you're ready. I need you to take care of you. You're stronger than this. You have so much potential, so much to offer the world. Don't throw that away. Not now, not ever.”

Sobs wrack your body, and as the breaths leave your lungs in short, desperate hiccups, his embrace is an anchoring force. “You’re okay,” he whispers. “You’re okay. This isn’t your fault.” One of Spencer’s hands card through your hair, gently massaging your scalp. “I’m here, alright?” He doesn’t expect you to answer.

“I almost killed myself last night,” you sob, pulling away with great reluctance.

Okay, he really wasn’t expecting that. The look in his eyes, despite his trepidation, encourages you to elaborate. He only now notices how pale you are, and the dots connect.

“I–” You take a deep breath, centering yourself before you continue. “I had a spiral. I called- called everyone. My mom, my best friend, even the fucking hotline. And you know what? It was busy,” you laugh incredulously. “The suicide hotline was busy!”

He doesn’t get a word in, you’re too busy in a tear-fueled tangent. “And I- I cleaned my room. Spotless. I made my bed, and put on a good outfit, and I wrote a letter, and I, uh-” you smile, and it’s sad, a macabre thing. “I knew about the arteries.” Your spine straightens. “Anyway. I ended up sleeping in, so I guess that’s good, but when I woke up… it felt… it felt so dull.”

“What do you mean?”

“It felt small. My arms had scabbed over, miraculously, and I got up. I wrapped them, and I brushed my teeth, and I made cereal. I got in the car and drove 120 on the highway to get here, and I didn’t crash. I jaywalked across a busy street and nothing happened, and I just-” a shaky breath flowed over your lips and you slumped down in your seat. “I failed, and the world kept turning. I could have died last night, should have, and… nothing changed. Nothing at all.”

Spencer listens intently, his face twisted in something that looks an awful lot like heartbreak. When you finish speaking, he takes a deep breath, choosing his next words carefully.

"I'm so sorry you felt you reached that point, but I'm nothing short of relieved at your survival. You did the right thing by reaching out, even if the support you needed wasn't immediately available. That takes courage and strength."

He places his hand on your shoulder, warmth seeping through your jacket, and squeezes. "Feeling small and insignificant after a crisis like that is completely normal. It's a common reaction, but it's a lie. Your life has value. Your existence matters, and the world changing or not is not a reflection of your worth."

Spencer studies you like at any moment, you could fade into smoke. "You didn't fail last night. You survived. That's not a small thing, it’s significant. It means you have the strength to keep going, to keep fighting. And I will be here to support you in that fight, in whatever way you need. It means,” he pauses to gently jab a finger at your chest, above your heart. “It means that this doesn’t care about your feelings, and I apologize if that sounds harsh. When you… When you did that, your baroreceptors activated, which monitors your blood vessels, and caused your heart to start taking blood away from your limbs to keep it in your core, keep you warm. That caused vasodilation and a decrease in heart rate, which lowered your blood pressure back to a survivable rate.”

“What’s your point, Professor?” you ask, rolling your eyes in frustration.

“My point,” he continues firmly, “Is that your body is stronger than your mind sometimes. It fought to keep you alive, even when you felt you wanted to let go. That's a testament to your innate will to live, to survive. It's not a reflection of your feelings or wishes, but it's a part of you that can't be ignored."

Spencer takes your hand, covering it with both of his. "Please don't dismiss your survival as insignificant. It matters, and I believe it's a sign that you have the strength to keep going, to keep living. I know it's hard, and I know grief and pain can feel all-consuming at times, but you have so much life ahead of you. Your mind and your body are connected, but they are also their own beings in a way. Your body has carried you your whole life. Your blood cells have fought sickness, your muscles have soothed their own aches, and your bones have held you up. Your body isn’t attacking you, but you’re attacking it. How is that fair?”

You’re not sure what to say to that.

Spencer looks at you intently, pressing your hand in his tightly to ground you. "I know this is difficult to process. I know you're hurting. But I need you to understand that your body and your mind are not your enemies. They are part of you, and they need your care and compassion. I’m not going to make you promise me you’ll seek help, or that you’ll stop. I know it isn’t that simple. But I will ask this,” he says, and your heart contracts. “Be kind to yourself. Have compassion. Try to put things in perspective. You deserve so much better than this.”

“Can you feel that?” he asks, tilting his head to your hand.

You consider it, and you notice the steady throbbing from his unforgiving grip. “Yeah.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispers, and the sweet look in those beautiful brown eyes almost makes you believe it. “You’re gonna save your life, and I’m gonna cheer you on.”

[withleeknow]

lost cause.

pairing: minho x reader genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff, kinda angsty idk?; unedited bc we live just to suffer, erhm i don't think there's a lot of warnings here, open to interpretation if oc is depressed 🤔; basically “it's rotten work,” “not to me. not if it’s you,” + that one scene in nobody wants this (if you’ve watched the show you’ll know what i’m talking about) word count: 0.6k listen to 🎧: risk - gracie abrams

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / masterlist / ko-fi

“i think i’m starting to hate myself again.”

your voice is casual when you say it, indifferent, nonchalant, as if you’re merely bringing up the weather or reading from a shopping list. you’re used to it by now — the fact that it comes and goes, that if there are highs then there must be lows too. that sometimes, there are no good days, just better ones.

you know minho hasn’t fallen asleep because you still feel him playing with your hair while you lay on his chest, his index finger twisting a lock around before letting it fall over your back. he doesn’t falter, not even once. no change in his calming breathing, no sign that he’s all too surprised by your sudden announcement. you suppose he’s used to it as much as you are.

he’s quiet for a while, like the night outside the comfort of your bedroom. the weather forecast warned you of thunderstorms, but everything remained still and safe. there wasn’t even a spark of lightning to be found.

when minho finally speaks, only a simple “okay,” comes out, followed by a question. “then i’ll love you more to make up for it. how much time do you need? couple weeks?”

you shake your head. “longer,” you say.

“couple months?”

a beat of silence. another shake. “longer.”

“couple years?” he asks. no hesitation. “couple decades?”

minho can’t see you from this position, but you can hear the sound of his heart. he’s steady and secure and you’re nothing more than a fickle flame that’s always on the verge of going out.

“you can’t handle it,” you tell him. “better to quit while you’re ahead.”

it would be so easy, wouldn’t it? for him to pack up before he realizes somewhere down the line that he’s wasted his time and effort on a lost cause?

“i know what you’re doing, by the way. stop that.”

you pretend to ask, “what am i doing?”

before you know it, he’s already managed to flip the both of you over. he’s hovering over you with his forearms on either side of your head, effectively caging you in, chest to chest, and his hips pressed flush against yours.

“i told you i’m not going anywhere,” minho says, brushing some hair away from your face. “stop trying to get me to leave.”

you blink. he’s so close and oh so warm, so beautiful as he stares down at you, so patient and kind when you’re telling him that you need him to love the parts that even you can’t bring yourself to love.

your hands settle on his shoulders. “don’t blame me when you regret it.”

“i won’t regret it. not if it’s you.”

then he’s kissing you, soft and slow, and that’s when you finally hear the first roar of thunder that should’ve arrived hours ago. he kisses you like he was made for you — or you for him, you’re not really sure, but it can’t possibly matter that much.

“so?” minho prompts after he’s pulled away, “how long?”

his eyes are sparkling and you’re still a little dazed. lightheaded but you know that you’ll always love him the most, know that you’re pushing it, know that you’re asking for what many would never be willing to give. “what if i say i’ll need you for the rest of my life?”

his lips curl into a tender smile, one that he presses to your mouth once again. you taste devotion in the kiss, in the way one of his hands crosses the short distance to hold your face so delicately it makes your heart hurt.

“i’ll love you more for the rest of our lives then.”

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 30.10.2024]

[familyagrestefanblog]

Ladybug's Lucky Charms in Werepapas

Let's talk about another detail that people kinda REALLY wanna ignore about Marinette's decision in the Werepapas akuma battle. It's the fact that she hand-waves away FIVE Lucky Charms until she finally goes with the sixth:

No, that is NOT irrelevant. Marinette is not supposed to disregard her Lucky Charms left and right because they're trying to tell her what she's supposed to do. That's Lucky Charm 101 in an akuma battle.

I'm not gonna pretend like I know for 100% certainty what they all tried to tell her, but

1) a couple of them can be easily interpreted in very relevant ways.

And 2) I don't NEED to know what exactly they all mean because it doesn't need to be PROVEN that Marinette isn't supposed to cherry-pick her Lucky Charms. We've known since s1 how this works and it's still done like this in s6. Thanks to not being limited anymore to 1 Lucky Charm, she gained the luxury of sometimes just getting to summon one for the purpose of whooping ass instead of solving the actual situation - which is still a lucky charm's REAL purpose - but that doesn't change the fact that you're supposed to listen to the Lucky Charm, not the Lucky Charm to you!

Under special circumstances like a final battle, sure, use additional ones to whoop ass. But you can't just switch out the problem solving Charm with a purely ass whooping one which is what Marinette did here in "Werepapas". It's fine when you do that in an extremely dire situation, but a normal akuma battle is no dire situation. Especially not when the only real stakes there are is being reckless with Adrien's amoks!

She's supposed to use whatever she gets and that'll lead her to the right solution. Not going through a whole line of Lucky Charms until she gets one where she finally likes the first thought she gets from it because of how little it challenges her self-preservation (makes you wonder if having unlimited Lucky Charms now isnt the worst thing that ever happened to her. Now she can just ignore whole Lucky Charms until she finally gets one that tells her something closer to what she wants to hear instead of listening to the CHARM)

Let's take a look at her 6 Lucky Charms:

From my recollection (so correct me if I'm wrong), while the teapot sometimes shows up here and there as filler Charms it was firmly established and used several times as a visual cue for Marinette to go to Master Fu.

Obviously, she can't do that anymore, but she has Alya as co-guardian, Luka who was trained by Su-Han, and even Su-Han himself as Celestial Guardian who now does whatever she wants.

In a situation where Adrien's amoks are the akuma object, it's a pretty logical thing to happen that her first Lucky Charm tells her to get Guaridan-related help. She has the option, all the needed support, and all the resources, but doesn't use it because it wouldn't be nice having to face the baggage that could come with it.

And even if you wanna say "She didn't get help because she didn't wanted the new Butterfly to possibly find out that Adrien is a Sentibeing!" Then that excuse still falls flat because obviously Adrien's LIFE is supposed to be more important than preventing that secret from coming out. The secret has no value if Adrien is DEAD.

Afterwards she gets a fan and this obviously could VERY likely mean that she's supposed to get Felix involved because he's the Miraculous holder of the Peacock. And by "VERY likely" I mean "I doubt there is a likely chance that it ISNT a hint to get Felix".

I won't even elaborate on this further. Her second Lucky Charm tried telling her to get Felix when Adrien's amoks were on the line and she ignored it. It is what it is.

For the third and fifth ones, I personally don't know what they could mean because I already struggle recognizing what exactly they are supposed to be. Though, they do have recognizable shapes. I bet other people could look at them and know where they've seen these objects before in the show.

Then right between these two, the fourth Charm Marinette summons is an unicycle (that for some reason isn't polkadotted, but screw it)

An unicycle like she summoned back in season 2 "Sabotis", the episode in which Alya became Rena Rouge for the first time. Meaning this one pointed to getting Rena's help.

For me, this is one of the most interesting ones regarding Marinette's feelings of not wanting to face the Lucky Charm's solution to instead protect all her secrets. But if anything, I would want to give it its own post and not half-ass it here. Cause there are a lot of layers to this one.

And, of course, the last one: the scarf. It's alongside the fan the one for which the fandom does casually acknowledge the symbolism of it being a call back to 1x01 "The Bubbler" where Marinette now infamously made the decision to let Adrien believe that it was his father who made the scarf for him - and not her - because of how happy it made Adrien that his father finally "cared":

I don't think I need to explain why it makes sense that this is the one s6 Marinette cherry-picks to finally work with. The poor scarf has been made into the symbol of Marinette wanting to keep pretty much everything about Adrien's family a secret from him. Including him being a Sentibeing. I miss the good old days when we dreamed of the scarf being set-up to become the catalyst for Adrien to write off his father as a useless deadbeat who isnt worth his time and love.

So, unfortunately, of course this is the one she goes with now. Even if it means taking the risk to kill Adrien. Anything to keep the secrets save and lies unnoticed. How tf did we GET here?

[ragde890]

So... Chainsaw Man 180.

The chapter starts with Yoru doing the same Bang posture she was doing before trying to attack Aging with the finger bullet. With this, we confirm that the whole Aging speech at the end of 179 happened while he stopped/slowed time (hence the blurred lines).

After that, we've got the dream scene, which an incredibly cool detail.

For those who don't remember, in chapter 110 we have a dream sequence with Asa. It's a recurring dream where she's running down an alleway, the ground full of dead chickens (a reference to Bucky, at that point of the story). She tries not to step on them, but it's so full of bodies that she can't avoid it.

People have been talking a long time now about how this dream sequence actually connects with Asa and Yoru's relationship (specially this last chapters, with Asa being just an spectator as Yoru murders thousands with her own body). Although it is important to mention that this time, there are no chicken on the floor (or at least we don't see them during the chapter 180 dream sequence).

In any case, I think it's always cool when this kind of analysis that has been under discussion for months is being adressed so directly.

After seeing Denji for the first time since July 17, we've got the Aging World scene, and the main point of speculation in this chapter: the human that escaped that world a long time ago.

I've seen people theorize about that human being Quanxi. However, I think the most plausable option (albeit it's still just speculation) is Yoshida. Not only is he someone who looks like a teenager but clearly isn't one and can survave a 1v1 against Quanxi, but also we've got this inside cover art of him from two volumes ago:

Doesn't this place look familiar?

And yes, I know it might sound crazy to interpret cover art as foreshadowing. But it's not the time this happens in CSM. Take for example the inside cover art from volume 12, where we can see what looks like the buildings Yoru destroyed on chapter 178.

Not only that, but Yoshida being that person would add to Yoshida's and Aging interaction some chapters ago (as it wouldn't be the first time Aging is surprised at something Yoshida does) and that one dialogue from part 1:

And to close, I'd like to talk about the sideburns guy "Mreeee" at the end (as well as the whole pressing his head against the tree thing).

People have pointed out that it looks as if he's trying to mimick a cycada at the end of its life (maybe hoping that it will kill him). This might also relate to cycada's role in greek mythology, as they're related to inmortality:

In any case, I think it's really cool that —now that we've seen that Aging's powers are actually the opposite of that — we confirm that devils can represent the opposite of what they're supposed to embody (which helps to the birth devil theory).

[artobotsrollout]

TfP Starscream is trying to be something he's not and it's the reason his plans tend to fail

Idk if it's just me but I've always thought this so I had to write all my thoughts on it haha.

Anyways it's been awhile since I talked about TfP Starscream but here we go. Long text below readmore.

I haven't watched TFP in a hot minute so I'll probably have to revisit this post after a rewatch so I can add more concrete examples. Some of this is definitely my own ideas and interpretation so don't take this as 100% unbiased. If I remember right, at the very beginning before Megatron is in the picture, it's mentioned or implied that the Decepticons have been not super active, meanwhile we see the Decepticons with a great number of followers and energon mines and slowly but smartly and reliably thriving. Then Megatron comes along and immediately wants to go for something bigger than that, which ends up costing them energon mines and soldiers.

I know the show tries to say that Megatron is smart and cunning which, in some respects like in battle, I would agree. However, in others I think his greed, ego, and love of taking major risks for the potential of a high reward makes him both extremely dangerous but also extremely vulnerable to major losses. That's where Starscream is supposed to come in (If Megs let him). Megatron is the brute force his way through problems guy. (Not always but a good chunk of time he is) And because he is undeniably one of the strongest characters in the show it often works in his favor. Starscream however is not the biggest or strongest physically (which Megatron frequently likes to remind him of) but the Autobots still describe him as unpredictable and dangerous. I always felt like he's the planner, the backstabber, and ultimately the clever one who is more insidious in his methods. I feel like his strength would be small but reliable and continuous gains. THAT'S where I feel his strength is. That's who he is. And if the Decepticons weren't so focused on sheer strength and power, and intimidation, and Megatron was more accepting of feedback maybe he would actually help Megatron's plans have greater chances of success. However, throughout the show we regularly see him bullied by the more physically imposing characters, which I feel honestly really made serious dents in his ego, to the point where he wants so badly to be just like Megatron. To be viewed as strong and powerful like Megatron is. To have that respect, power, and charisma. As a result, he keeps trying to brute force his way through problems and gain more and more power. He keeps trying to be showier about it. Obviously, his own ego, greed, and habit of backstabbing DOES play a part in why he fails but there are several moments in the show where I feel he could have come out on top if he played it smart instead of trying to brute force it. He's trying so hard to be what Megatron is that he essentially isn't using his strengths as much as he should. He becomes more and more desperate over time to be something he isn't, and it really shows in how often his attempts to gain power fail.

While RiD(15) was much hated, especially Starscreams return for a multitude of reasons, I actually don't think that it was way out of Starscream's character arc. To get his frame changed to a bigger stronger body and once again try and brute force his way to victory but still ultimately lose despite getting so close feels like the end of the line for him. And the fact that Starscream is caught by Optimus and not straight up dead could legit have been an opening for, maybe not a full redemption but a redemption or change in general. It would essentially be his rock bottom at which point, he could either double down or finally realize that this isn't the right way to do things for him. Do ya'll remember that one TfP comic where he has to fight off stronger vehicons in this like Pseudo gladiator pit made by Megatron and he comes out on top because he uses his smarts? I think about that comic a lot when it comes to Starscream haha.

I also think about the fact that Starscream came to Breakdown's aid when Megatron refused a lot. I know he did it largely for a favor but idk... maybe I'm reading too much into it. I feel like Starscream isn't a good guy doing things out of the goodness of his heart per say but I do think he values his people more. Megatron is very "if you're not strong enough to save yourself then die since your useless to me" about things.

TLDR; Starscream was nerfed by Megatron.

ANYWAYS!! Listen, this post isn't also to say that Starscream is perfect or that he would have succeeded if he played to his strength all the time. And I do still think his hunger for power and habit of gloating when he has the upper hand instead of acting quickly is a major reason why he fails but idk. I felt like his desperation to be Megatron was pretty essential to why he acts the way he does.

And I could totally be wrong about some of my points, this is just what I remember thinking when I did watch. ANYWAYS thank you for reading.

[fortisseto]

Hello, I have a list of Sinners takes (more so critiques and issues about the current state of the Sinners fandom). It's going to be a long one, so sit tight! For a full disclaimer, I am a black person—listen to my voice and other black voices. This list has three items.

(Before anyone says anything, yes fandom is fandom. People are going to do what they want and that's within their will. I'm not coming here to forcibly say that you can't do anything, but I'm here to preach my word and perhaps it'll make you ponder in your own time.)

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Short answer? I hate it. But you aren't here for the short answer and neither am I. There are a couple of different reasons why shipping Preacher Boy Sammie and Remmick together, in my opinion, is wrong, and that's what I'm here to discuss. I first heard this take when I had just gotten out of the movie theatre and went to favourite Tumblr tags. I see someone saying something along the lines of, "Oh, Sammie and Remmick were so down bad for each other/Remmick wanted Sammie so bad." On TikTok, there's a video of a person saying this quote:

1. Sammick.

"Maybe I've missed it, but I haven't seen this take on Sinners yet— but Remmick was down bad for Sammie. Another thing that movie lacked was queerness, and I'm gonna put my queer little lens on and I'm gonna say that dude wanted Sammie. Yes, he wanted his musical talent, but I do think you could interpret it willingly that he was also just down fucking bad for him. Because that look in his eye, oh, 'Is that my soulmate? That's my soulmate.'"

Not only am I black, but I am also queer, and the following statement could not possibly be queerphobic under any circumstances: it is dangerous to romanticise the point of Remmick and Sammie's relationship and what Remmick was supposed to symbolise. If you know things about history and have ever wondered, "when did the Irish become white?" Your "when" should be directed to a "how." There's a book titled How the Irish Became White. Irish people were victims of colonialism and oppression, as they were othered by the rest of Europe due to their appearance, culture, language and religious practices. When they came to America, they would often be excluded in a lot of white spaces, and be painted with racist imagery in the media. The suffering they endured is incomparable to black people, as all oppression is, but it was still bad.

Now, back to the question of how did the Irish become white? It's simple. They became their oppressors to other black people. In the time of slavery, many Irish slowly integrated themselves into whiteness by showing their distaste for black people and actively participating in anti-black racism. They became overseers of plantations, practically carrying out the master's orders onto slaves.

This is something the movie was trying to tell us. Remmick is jealous and hurt because he is an Irish man who has been forced to cut himself off from his culture, and is being forced to forget himself. He wanted to see his ancestors again, and so he promised many a place of sanctuary and freedom, love and acceptance, when all he was doing was playing the role of his colonisers. Colonising Sammie's sound for his own benefit. He is a branch of white supremacy that's talked about much too little, and that is the white supremacy that's infatuated with black culture. So infatuated that if you called them racist, they would gasp, and like Remmick, say, "We believe in equality." Remmick isn't in love with Sammie, he is acting out of hurt and executing it like his oppressors did. It is supposed to show the hypocrisy of this rhetoric. You aren't changing your life and you aren't changing others, you are forcefully making them a part of your image because you've forgotten the sight of a mirror. You've forgotten the height of your father and the song of your mother. And from @/snarlmalden

"The portrayal of white people who have been violently separated from their own culture stealing the power of black culture and music to try to get reconnected was SO literal and somehow not at ALL heavy-handed or trite. Fkn remarkable."

Another problem with Sammick is how uncomfortable I find that people are with black love and queerness that doesn't centre white people. This also has to do with how people treat Stack and Mary versus Smoke and Annie (mind you, the main couple of Sinners). People will hate Annie, ignore her, and rather pay attention to how sexy the relationship between Stack and Mary is. It doesn't come out of nowhere. It isn't an original thought. People are uncomfortable with black love that doesn't involve a white, white passing or light-skinned person. People are uncomfortable with black film that doesn't involve or centre a white, white passing or light-skinned person. More on that later.

I think queerness in the media is extremely important, I say that as a queer man. It should be absolutely become more of a commonplace thing that it isn't phenomenal if we have a queer movie or queer main character. However, black queerness is an entirely separate conversation than the one that Sinners is. Like I prefer to keep saying, Sinners is a conversation. It's a discussion. It's also a mirror for you to reflect on how you respond to all of the things that are presented before you. As a black person, a white person, an Asian person, an indigenous person, a mixed person whose black passing or someone who exists in the one drop rule. Black queerness is something entirely separate from the message of this movie that I agree, should be tackled and talked about. However, what you need to understand that for this movie specifically, it would be too much for the runtime.

Black queerness isn't something that should be belittled, and all queer conversations should be good. They should be quality. The only way they would be able to discuss black queerness in a slightly above mediocre fashion would mean they would have to pull much less attention from the other messages in the movie. This movie already says so much about our struggles, and a problem I keep seeing with white queers is that they always want to insert themselves into our conversations. Into our struggles. Into our oppression. It is not The Oppression Olympics, and you don't have to be included in every single conversation of another oppressed person. It is okay to know where you stand, and to butt out when necessary.

I can't talk about Jewish struggles because I'm not Jewish. I can't talk about physically disabled struggles because I'm not physically disabled. I do not need to insert myself in other forms of oppression to prove that I am oppressed, and someone else's oppression doesn't take away from mine. These kinds of people are what Remmick's character is for. The hypocrisy of it all. The misplaced anger of it all.

Everyone deserves representation, And like my boyfriend said, things don't have to be queer to be enjoyable, and if you can't enjoy good, meaningful non-canon queer media, then stop inserting yourself in that media. Stop interacting with that media. You do not need to protest a film that did nothing wrong if the worst it did was not include you in its conversation. It's okay not to have a seat at the table.

2. Christians seeing Sinners and missing it.

I don't shame religion or religious people. I am not anti-religion. However, I'm seeing a lot of specifically black Christian people missing the meaning of a movie that's talking about them. So let me put it in a few phrases that I'm posing as questions.

Back in that day, they wouldn't let us read nor write. They didn't want us to. However, they gave us bibles and let us (and even encouraged us) to have our churches and experience the gospel for ourselves. Why do you think that is?

Back in that day, they would take our practice of Christianity or relationship to God and deem it wrong or immoral, and they put the fear of the devil in us if we had practiced it. You know, something similar to the phrase, "If you keep dancing with the devil, one day he might follow you home." Why do you think that is?

Back in that day, they would call our practices, our music and our culture devil worship. A sickness. Something deeply wrong with us or the world we grew up in. So they sought to change our ways and make us fear it. Forget it. Hate it, even. So much so that we end up seeing movies trying to tell us things they've hidden from us so discreetly that we're calling what we saw in there the devil, rather than the truth. Why do you think that is?

Where do you think the hate came from?

And where else does it go?

Preacher Boy didn't choose the devil. He chose himself. He didn't deny himself a God to worship, but he knew that some words can't save you from an evil that was placed in you. An evil that was taught to you. A hatred that was taught to you. That's why, when Preacher Boy began to pray, Remmick recited the prayer with him. He knows your words. He's the one that spoke them to you in the first place.

That's all I have to say about that.

3. The centring of whiteness and why I think Sinners hates you.

I don't hate Remmick. I think he's a very important part of the conversation of Sinners, so I don't hate his function in the story. I love it. But I'm coming to realise that a lot of you don't understand the point of why he's here.

I see so many posts on the Sinners tag that only talks about Remmick, why to empathise with him and how he's just [insert defence], or how hot he is. However, what I don't see is these same people showing that they understand the point of the movie or why he's there to begin with. What he's there to symbolise. What it says about you.

You can say white supremacist phrases, have white supremacist takes, and fall victim to micro aggressions without considering yourself racist. You can do all that and still post "black lives matter" when asked of. I never see as much praise for Annie, the leading lady, as much as I do Mary. So much of it comes down to sex appeal, and I've seen actual people say Annie sucks and how nothing she did worked because she was the one who died. She was the one who didn't conform to Remmick. These are the same people saying Sammie chose the wrong path by not giving up his guitar, but there will be plenty more on that later.

I feel like there's an underlying bias towards Remmick with many particularly white and queer Sinners fans that they themselves are unaware of. Do I blame them? Yes. Do I understand why? Also yes. You, a white person, cannot empathise with a situation that I, as a black American experience in day to day life. To be born black is a taboo, a curse, or at least that's what's been taught to us for centuries. Not just us, but you too.

This morning, I go on TikTok. The first video I see is from a woman (@hereciasmansion) who went to see Sinners for a second or third time in a 70-milimetre IMAX screen, one of the only eight (?) in the United States. This one was in Indiana. After crossing a state border over the course of two hours, she reaches the theatre and watches a very magical experience. The visuals were phenomenal and the staff were kind.

However, at the very end of the movie, at one of the final scenes when the Klan members came to Stack and Smoke's land that they bought from them to shoot it down, Smoke carries out his word of if they trespass, they will be shot on sight. The Klan member was shot and lying on the floor, bleeding. Smoke looks at him and asks if he has a cigarette. The Klan member yells to him, "Go to hell!"

And what does this woman, sitting in the theatre see and hear? After sitting through a good two hours and fifteen minutes of a spectacular movie, after seeing all that it's about, a white man looks at the black couple next to him and repeats the same words: go to hell. Suddenly, above her and who she was travelling with, all hell breaks loose. She says,

"In that moment, looking around at everybody's faces, and hearing the conversations happening around me, I watched the crowd segregate itself. The 'I just came here to watch a movie' crowd separated itself from the 'they doing too much' crowd, which separated themselves from the 'I just wanna know what's going on right now' crowd."

I would recommend watching her entire video, which I will link here. But, to summarise, if you've seen the movie, you know that Klan member dies. Smoke finishes him off. When that moment happened, the entire theatre sans the people involved in the conflict, began applauding. In that moment, she knew that everyone was applauding for different reasons. In her words,

"There was a group that was clapping because, in their head, a character in a movie died. But then there was another crowd that was clapping because it felt like the character on that screen was in the movie theatre sitting next to us. And what felt like a victory on that screen, most of us are never gonna see."

These spaces that we create for ourselves might be the closest thing black Americans get to freedom, and yet you come into our spaces expecting a movie with black people in it rather than a black movie. You expect objects instead of life. You expect a shallow pool rather than the ocean. You expect a white lie instead of the black truth.

How much did you understand what you walked out of? How much did you catch the point? How much did you have to look at yourself to understand what was happening, if you even reflected at all?

I'm leaving this quite open ended because I'd like to spark a discussion about this. I'd also like to spark a discussion with yourself, especially if you're a white Sinners fan. I think I've said what I wanted to say in bulk, but there will always be more to say and more that I will say. So I will leave it at this statement:

Sinners is a mirror, though to some, it's just glass.

[spread-the-influence]

I know its never gonna happen ever not ever, and that you only got the ragatha brainworms, but its been stuck in my brain since the jax murder.

if ragatha hadn’t been virus’ed, yet somehow still got to the point where jax says “to have a friend” (unlikely), would jax have actually opened up, or just shuttered himself as soon as the concept of being open sets back in? Could he have improved had he not been ganked?

forgive me for the essay below . ragatha may be rotting my brain but i still have elaborate thoughts on the other characters , even if i don't go to the levels of insanity i go for ragatha .

jax , to me , is a deeply lonely and miserable person , and i will say here that the line was kind of more ' a person that'll see and understand me ' . my interpretation of jax is not as charitable as most interpretations of him i've seen , though — he's not a jerk with a heart of gold or is secretly protecting everybody . he's just someone with a very destructive coping mechanism that harms everybody and himself .

he doesn't really see the cast as People , he sees them as Characters . a Cast in the big theater stage that is the circus . he prefers to do what's not boring by going off-script . this means making a mess out of the stage set , bothering the characters , and doing what he's Not supposed to do . it's entertaining ! it distracts him from how ... he's stuck in this stage forever . if he goes with the script , that fact would weigh on him . it's better that he does Not think about that . everyone would be surprised by how quickly that would make him lose his mind .

but it isn't fulfilling . it's a Distraction , an Avoidance . it's something that he does to Not confront his issues . my interpretation of jax at least puts up an emotional wall not Just because he doesn't want people to see his vulnerable side ( i like to think that the one thing he hates is being Wronged , and there's a certain level of suspicion that someone in the cast would do it if he lowers his guard ) but because he thinks there's No reason to put it down .

jax , like a lot of people , craves a community . he wants to be Wanted and Loved . but it's hard for him to get both of those things when these people are just ... Not real to him . what he wants most is That realness . he wants to know that in this big stage he's stuck in , there's someone else who is just as lost as him . someone that also isn't playing by the script . someone that's not a Character .

... and ragatha really doesn't fit those , as much as i'd hate to admit it . she is a Character . she plays the role of the optimistic and caring ragdoll . she is Far from fitting the image of a real person in jax's eyes . that conversation would naturally end in jax realizing he's opening up and shutting himself off — most likely Even more than he already does . basically he wouldn't improve ... with ragatha .

if there's someone that might fit the above paragraph , it's either pomni or zooble . i feel like these two would have better chances of making jax slowly open up with that kind of conversation , since they're both the most grounded and Real people in the circus .

i do not think that it would make jax instantly accept into the community of the circus — years of bad habits are Not easy to drop — but it'll be like a hand being extended to him . he sees that there's a world beyond the stage , and he takes it . and that's a lot more fulfilling than distracting himself .

lord i feel like this post is a contender enough to warrant a second ESSAY WARNING tag but yeah , jaxxle thoughts ! he's not in my top three favorites ( those respectively go to caine and zooble ) but i still find him interesting to think about .

[linkcharacter]

Hi! Love ur art and all and wanted to ask about ur opinion of the Polle-Anya theory thing. As you know, near the end of the game, you get Polle kinda scolding Jimmy yk? I have a theory where that was Anya's last message to Jimmy and maybe even Curly. This can be backed up by the fact that Polle's text color is written in Blue like Anya's and there's a moon in the back. Plus, if you take out Jimmy responses, it can be interpreted as an angry, sarcastic message. Polle also says "If all of that is true.. why are you still concerned with HIM?" This could be towards Curly, saying that if Curly really was trying to help and all, why is he still taking Jimmy's side and such? I get how Curly wanted the best for everyone. He obviously didn't want that happening to Anya but he still wanted to see the best in Jimmy. However, in Anya's eyes, it's like Curly's prioritizing Jimmy, saying that he would never do something like that, saying that "I want to help you but Jimmy's not a bad guy! He can't be! Yknow what I mean? Anyways, curious on your thoughts about it :)

Polle is a stand in representation for Anya and I believe it. Another thing other than of course the text color and the night screen associations that solidified it for me is the chapter descriptions in the developer mode within the game, there are chapter selections for easier navigation if you wanna play a specific one and all of them have descriptions and names. What is interesting about this is that all the final bizzro sequences are named for which character they are intended to be:

And for Anya, who is the only character left it's:

Fun fact huh!

Interesting idea about it being meant for Curly, but I don't see it that way. "Why are you still so concerned with Him?" line is a response to Jimmy profusely apologizing to Curly and feigning remorse, then being interrupted while saying "Our worst moments don't make us--" to which Polle sarcastically replies and inquires. And even if Polle is definitely a stand-in for Anya, the speech itself are things she would say herself to Jimmy or Curly, at least not in this manner. This line is about focusing so much of your supposed "regret" as an attempt to divert attention from another person Jimmy hurt, who never gets any conscious acknowledgement from the perpetrator. And i think this line is contributing more towards Jimmy's character than Anya's imo. Interesting idea tho!

I think it's important that with Curly, Jimmy never once in the game acknowledges that he crashed the ship, nor has he ever said sorry for physically abusing him. Jimmy is always vague about his regret and avoids accountability for any specific action he's done so he keeps it nonspecific, saying he was "trapped" that he "made a mistake" which could mean anything at all, "Why is Jimmy so concerned with Curly?" is the question to Jimmy as an acknowledgement of his constant affinity to never take credit for anything he has done. Because Jimmy is only 'concerned' with Curly to a degree to which Jimmy can make himself feel better about it, using the idea of Curly and feeling regret about "his tragically ruined long-time friend" he is more than happy to play a narrative of admitting that Curly is a "better man" (whatever that means) if it allows Jimmy to never admit to any harm he's done. To Jimmy, Curly is a means to avoid accountability in himself, Polle as a stand-in for Anya is a final and most crucial obstacle to Jimmy's freedom to do that.

And of course he never acknowledges he raped Anya, the very thing that started it all. He doesn't "justify it" but rather he completely blocks it out from his mind, everything associated with it is purposefully cryptic, horrific or obscured: the long horse in the getting the mouthwash sequence, the Pollepede and the ultrasound sequence and of course Anya herself being substituted by Polle in Jimmy's mind because it creates a layer of disconnect from the actual person he hurt, he can't face Anya so he makes up and projects the idea of Anya onto Polle. And it is easier to make himself believe he fucked up and admit this vague narrative of caring about Curly rather than thinking of Anya.

So, "Why is he so concerned with Him?"

Because Jimmy needs to avoid responsibility.

[bennetsbonnet]

Much has been made of Mr Darcy's "confession" to Elizabeth that he does not converse easily with strangers. It is repeatedly used to support neurodivergent interpretations of his character. And I suppose that when taken at face value, a character confessing that they do not easily converse with strangers and struggle to catch their tone or appear interested in conversation can absolutely scream AUTISM! (I say as an autistic person myself)

But this line is often taken in isolation. When considered in terms of the passage in which it appears in Chapter 31, it appears far less of a smoking gun than may initially be suspected. After some discussion about Elizabeth and Darcy's prior acquaintance in Hertfordshire, Colonel Fitzwilliam asks Elizabeth for information about Darcy's behaviour there. She readily supplies it:

'Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of,' cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.' 'You shall hear then—but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball—and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.' 'I had not at that time the honour of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party.'

What Darcy leaves out here is that it was he himself who chose not to be introduced to anybody. As we learn from the description of his behaviour at the Meryton assembly in Chapter 3:

Mr Darcy danced only once with Mrs Hurst and once with Miss Bingley, declined being introduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening in walking about the room, speaking occasionally to one of his own party.

Anyway, Elizabeth correctly does not buy his excuses. Not only does she respond with a cutting sarcastic remark, but she tries to bring the discussion with an end by speaking to Colonel Fitzwilliam:

'True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ball-room. Well, Colonel Fitzwilliam, what do I play next? My fingers wait your orders.'

But Darcy does not get the hint and continues conversing with Elizabeth rather than quitting while he's ahead. However, I don't believe him to be missing a social cue here. Rather, this is an exceedingly conceited man who cannot conceive that anyone would not want to speak to such a Superior Being as he and more-so, is determined to defend himself from a perceived slight against his impeccable character.

Then we come to the passage containing the oft-cited line which allegedly contains proof of his neurodivergency:

'Perhaps,' said Darcy, 'I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction; but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers.' 'Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?' said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers?' 'I can answer your question,' said Fitzwilliam, 'without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble.'

Once again, Elizabeth does not buy his excuse for even a single second. She's fully aware of all the advantages a man such as he will have received in society (opportunities not open to women, might I add!) and draws attention to that fact. It's a brilliant, cutting line from her and she really set that one up for Colonel Fitzwilliam to deliver the knockout blow.

Not only do we have the testimony of Mr Darcy's cousin, that 'he will not give himself the trouble,' to appear cordial to strangers, but we have evidence from Wickham too. Although after this statement, Wickham quickly goes onto misrepresent Darcy's kindness to the poor, which contradicts Mrs Reynold's later testimony, I do believe Wickham to be telling the truth (for once!) here, when he tells Elizabeth in Chapter 16:

'Mr Darcy can please where he chooses. He does not want abilities. He can be a conversible companion if he thinks it worth his while.'

Which, again, demonstrates that Darcy is capable when he wants to be. That is the crucial point. Autistic people fundamentally lack the ability to understand social cues, they cannot turn it on and off as they please because they are snobs.

So, now we come to the infamous line about Darcy's supposed social struggles, and I hope that I've provided enough context to the line to make you see that it should not be taken at face value:

'I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,' said Darcy, 'of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.' 'My fingers,' said Elizabeth, 'do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I will not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.'

Again, Elizabeth is not buying his excuses for even a single second and tells him if he feels like that, maybe he should put the effort in. She has seen him in numerous social settings and been thoroughly unimpressed with his behaviour which, when you consider his rudeness to her at the Meryton assembly, she has every right to be.

So, what do I make of the line?

Well, I think it's abundantly clear that Darcy absolutely can speak to people when he wants to. Perhaps, in his mind, he struggles to make that deeper connection and make friends easily. But making friends is not always easy, it's a process you must invest time and effort into. If you do not do that, it stands to reason that you will struggle. Plus, if you hold others to ridiculous standards (as Darcy does) without recognising and fixing the flaws within yourself, you're not going to have deep, lasting friendships.

While this quote may appear to be a moment of vulnerability where he does confess a fault of his, which is astounding given his pride, personally I do not think it was not a soul-searching exercise. It was to make Elizabeth stop grilling him. It was self-serving. Although, I don't think he's entirely lying. Darcy is veeeery careful with his words and though this statement is not considered and perhaps comes out rather abruptly, it doesn't necessarily follow that it isn't true. I can imagine that it is probably something he's felt for a while, yet it is a rather desperate attempt to defend himself from a woman who sees right through him.

I think perhaps Darcy does realise that he isn't as naturally gifted as other men he knows (such as Wickham, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr Bingley) when it comes to forming acquaintances. However, he looks outwards and turns that bitterness against the world rather than looking inwards, reflecting upon himself and improving his manners which would be the correct thing to do. Thankfully, he later does this, but it took him twenty eight years...

In addition, Darcy appeared to have been under the illusion that he could coast by on Pemberley's reputation... which has always worked... until he met Elizabeth. For perhaps the first time, he encounters a woman who is not awestruck by him and his reputation and delivers the rebuke that he always needed.

So, while personally I'm inclined to believe there is some truth to his statement, as Mr Darcy is many things but he isn't a liar, I think it is said in desperation. His feeling stems from him knowing what he should do, but he can't be bothered to enact it... rather than any inherent social deficiency stemming from being neurodivergent.

Although, even if he does struggle socially, it's still no excuse for the rudeness he displayed to Elizabeth! My main issue with neurodivergent readings of Darcy is when they are deployed to defend his behaviour, when they attribute his rudeness to any potential neurodivergency and when they excuse his laziness. That is an awful message! Autistic people who struggle with social cues often do not, nor should they, go around insulting others. They should and often do put plenty of effort into being considerate and polite. In fact, I think, if anything, a love of rules makes us more likely to have good manners, rather than the reverse.

Ultimately, I'm not sure this line makes Mr Darcy the sympathetic-poor-sweet-innocent-shy-boy-autistic-representation that people want him to be. In fact it makes him look even worse, if anything. On matters such as these, he is every inch the conceited proud man he was widely believed to be at the Meryton assembly. Luckily, Elizabeth is an incredibly smart woman, who doesn't fall for it and immediately calls him out on his behaviour in a way that he has never experienced before. As she should!