#i know ive always gotten either useful or sentimental gifts so i could always have use for them in the long run
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#i love being home#however i got so used to the atmosphere at uni that i cant cope here#it's understandable i cant be all over my friends like usual everyone is with their family and all#however we dont do shit with my family and after xmas eve dinner its just welp staring at my phone until i feel sleepy#and it's gonna be worse tomorrow cus my mom's side is gathering and it's gonna be at least 2 arguments and ppl prying into my business#asking me abt stuff i dont like to talk about#and yeah yeah it's NORMAL i get it but i dread it every single year#i get irritable which leads the to get angry at me which leads me to have a foul mood which LEADS to me ruining the holiday#used to it? idk anymore#plus i havent goten gifts for anybody#we have as a family but personally i havent#which i feel shitty about but i dont have money to spend anymore#also xmas is prime time for my jealousy to come out#i know ive always gotten either useful or sentimental gifts so i could always have use for them in the long run#but it sucks when i see other ppl get interesting stuff for their hobbies or whtv#that's the thing do i don't have hobbies 😭😭😭😭😭 ig my hobby is studying#and i got a joined present for xmas and my bday for a programming course which is amazing#but ive always been like this i would get shit like bandaids and a bag for cmas whilst my cousin would get a fucking hamster roller-coaster#did she ever play with it after she got it? no. did i still feel jealous? yes#anyways this will pass and i will get over it#i started this rant as sth else fuck well i realised when my friend said that she has returned to her conservative town that she cant..#..be herself anymore and i def feel that#i have like 2 friends here too that i dont allow to be fully myself with them bc it gets weird#well fuck after the holidays i have to start studying so the days will pass by quickly soooo i will get to return to uni#life rambles
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