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dreamkidddream · 3 years

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So this actually wasn’t a request but I haven’t been giving my mans enough love I fear 😔😔 also I’ve been bouncing this around in my head for a while soooo reader is gender neutral and enjoy! But I really might redo this in the future idk

TW: toxic/unhealthy behaviors, language, violence, the typical yandere behavior, SPOILERS for Chuuya’s backstory/season 3

Yandere Chuuya Nakahara Headcanons

Falling in love with you was not something Chuuya was expecting nor planning. He works a dangerous job, he lives a dangerous life, he has no time or room for romance. As much as he wants to have some type of normalcy in his life (as much as the mafia will allow him, at least), he believes that it won’t happen anytime soon or possibly ever

But he wasn’t expecting you to come along and mess that up. And no it wasn’t like that cliche “love at first sight” bullshit either, he’s not desperate like some people he has the unfortune of knowing (*coughcough THAT BANDAGED BASTARD cough*)

(even though you caught his attention without even trying)

Either way, doesn’t matter if you’re in the Port Mafia alongside him or just a regular citizen, you guys just…clicked. He loves hearing you laugh, he feels his face trying to turn red despite denying it when you smile just for him, your smartass comments didn’t even make him mad seriously, just look at what you’re doing to him! It got to a point where if he didn’t see you every day, he could feel himself getting antsy and his temper flaring up much easier than before, and it made his coworkers both curious and wary to get in his way

When it came apparent with what he was feeling, he tried to force himself away from you. He tried to block you out, hell he even tried to avoid you, but nothing worked. It was like you were haunting him. You were his first thought when opening his eyes in the morning and the last when sleep begins to overtake him. You’re just so intoxicating, he can’t help himself

Chuuya isn’t a fool, he knows that he’s in too deep. He won’t even try to lie to himself that he can move on, that he’ll just forget about you because he can’t. It hurts him when the thought even attempts to cross his mind. So after a push of encouragement from Kouyou (who was just downright tired of him being in denial), he decides that it’s time to get out of this puppy love phase and get what he wants: you

He’s a confident man, and he pulls out all the stops for you. Flowers from the best shop in Yokohama, expensive meals, luxurious gifts, anything that he knows that will put a smile on your face and win you over. It went from just buying you lavish accessories to eventually moving you in with him. This is how things should be; not having you stress about any needs you have when he can easily provide them for you. Why work when he’s here for you and makes more than enough to keep you both more than satisfied? You may whine about it from time to time, but he just laughs it off, “Let me take care of you babe.”

Chuuya is an amazing lover, one who would give anything to protect you and keep a smile on your face, one that genuinely loves you and didn’t have you second guessing him. And your thoughts would have stayed like that, had the red flags not start to show…

(Or had you noticed the red flags earlier)

One thing about Chuuya he is protective. Very protective. Very overprotective. If he so much as thought that someone was a threat to you, he was already on top of it, threatening to smash their face through the concrete if they didn’t back off. It was a little endearing at first, but now it was just starting to get…concerning. You started to notice that his grip around you would get just a little too tight every time you go out together, that the threats he would mumble under his breath didn’t go unheard by you…the list would just get longer and longer

And it wouldn’t help to know that he did keep his word on his threats

Another thing too is that Chuuya makes decisions for you both, he’s the one that takes initiative in your relationship, takes control. For the small stuff, like what to eat or wear, he’ll voice his opinion, but he won’t really stress about it (unless you got something on that he thinks is too revealing, then he rather you wear it for his eyes only). But for major decisions, his word is final in the end. He’ll make sure that you know it’s for the best, that it’s nothing against you or anything personal, but he knows best. He knows firsthand how unforgiving this world can be to people, how it can just chew you up and spit you out like nothing, he has no choice but to make the tough calls

For example, Chuuya believed that you guy reached a point in your relationship that moving in was a no brainer to him, but you would always just dismiss the talk before it got far, so he took it upon himself to make it happen

It wasn’t until you stayed overnight at his place (which he kept saying was yours as well) when you realized he was being serious about you not leaving did you finally admit to yourself that something was really wrong, and he did not take kindly to the freak out you had afterwards

He doesn’t want to keep you locked up in your shared home, but he’s too paranoid to just let you roam without his eyes on you. Granted, you’ll get a taste of freedom and some fresh air when he’s by your side, but only when you’re with him and when he can trust you enough to not make a scene and run away from him

But he doesn’t understand what the problem is, or rather, he doesn’t understand why you have a problem with it. He can protect you, he will protect you, but you’re not letting him. Why won’t you let him protect you, why won’t you let him show you how much he loves you? He doesn’t understand why you’re being so damn difficult

I mean he practically spoils you without you even asking and doesn’t even ask for anything in return (even though a kiss every now and then would be nice)! He just wants you happy and unharmed with him but what can he do when you keep trying to leave?

You wanna act like such a brat? Fine. He can show you exactly how he deals with spoiled ungrateful brats like you

Say goodbye to the little privileges you did have. You don’t need that grand comforter he picked out just for you, you can sleep on the cold hard floor with this blanket that’s falling apart at the seams. You‘ll still get fed (c’mon he’s not a monster), but expect that to be the only contact that you get, with no words being exchanged nonetheless. As much as it hurts him to isolate you like this, you need to learn your lesson. The saying “this is gonna hurt me more than it’ll hurt you” has never been truer with Chuuya when he has to do this

Chuuya doesn’t want to hurt you, he refuses to, but he can’t let you keep getting away with your behavior. But just because he won’t hurt you, doesn’t mean he won’t resort to hurting others. He’s a mafioso, bloodshed and killing people aren’t new to him, and you wouldn’t want anything to happen to your friends, your family, would you? He’s not the cruelest member in the Port Mafia, far from it, but he’s also an executive for a reason. If he really wanted to, he could easily wipe out every single person closest to you, but he knows how miserable that would make you and it leaves a bad taste in his mouth when he thinks about it, but don’t test him. If things were to get really bad, it’s still an option on the table. I mean all you really need is him, after all

But it’s starting to wear on him how you’re treating him. Believe it or not, but Chuuya has feelings too! He may try to hide how dejected he really feels and try to drown his sorrows in a quick late night drink, but it doesn’t fix anything. Why would you want to treat him, your boyfriend, like he’s a monster when all he’s done is the right thing?

Oh but please don’t call him that. You still decided to scream and call him a monster? Oh, it’s like his world just froze and the only thing he hears is your words echoing in his mind. He already struggles with trying to see himself as a human and not a vessel for an evil being and this is the last thing he wanted to hear fall from your pretty lips. It’s like his world is shattering, the perfect illusion of you two being happy and together, you loving him like he does you, is crumbling apart and he can’t stop it-

But he can.

And he will.

You really believe that he’s a monster, then so be it. He’ll be the monster that you see him as. Like you want him to be

After seeing his reaction, the shock and agony that passed over his face then morphing to just a blank expression left you nervous. Walking out of the room with an eerie calmness surrounding him, he didn’t even look back. It was only when he came back late in the night splattered with blood and missing his gloves that you made sure to be careful to watch what you say

He’s delusional in a sense. He knows that what he’s doing can be seen as wrong, but he’s ignoring it because he’s doing it for a good reason, he’s doing it in the name of love. In his eyes, he’s just taking some extra precautions and measures to make sure nothing can happen to you. He loves you and can give you the life that you deserve, all while keeping you to himself safe! You can have anything you want and he can protect you, he’s really not understanding why you have to be so stubborn against it

Everything seems fine on the outside and normal like before; he still calls you pet names, spoils you, kisses you, confesses just how much he loves you. He still does everything like before and you would be tricked into believing that everything was normal too. But when you remember the extensive locks he has on the doors with passcodes that only he knows, it brings you back to reality

Just love him please, just give him all of you like he’s been giving himself to you, that’s all that he wants. It’s been so long since he’s felt this intimate with someone, and he will be damned if he loses it now. You make him feel like a human, not a vessel for an evil god that has him question his humanity on a daily basis. If it means that he has to put up with the tantrums you would slip up and throw sometimes and the hateful words that you would spit at him, then he’ll put up with it for now. But be warned, after awhile his patience will start to wear thin…

And he won’t hesitate to let anyone who tries to get in his way feel the experience of being crushed by gravity

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs reader insert #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #bsd chūya #bsd chuuya #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya nakahara #yandere x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bsd x reader #yandere

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machiavellinism-blog · 5 years

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‘ what did i do wrong to be so unloved? ’

growling starters. ▓ ▓▓▓▓▓ @ravertia

𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐄—- && he feels it, for sure. it’s worse than the physical aches && flares across his body. but not bad as it could be– because SILENT RAGE runs the strong through him as of late. ( it’s close to yet another anniversary of odasaku’s death. ) they’re fighting, which is nothing new. but with them, it’s never clean fights of just flying fists && kicks. there are BARBED WIRE WORDS && MESSY EMOTIONS. when you love someone, you’re handing them an INFINITE ARMORY of the most effective weapons. you know each other’s vulnerabilities. wounds. fears. dazai stands from where he’d been knocked down. the man leans back against the wall. dark eyes find chuuya’s.

❝ —not everything is about you. ❞

dazai spits blood onto the ground.

❝ you think i LEFT the port mafia, because you weren’t enough of a reason to stay?? ❞ saying those words feels like CHOKING UP BROKEN GLASS. after having the fragments lodged in his throat for years, you could say that he’s grown used to it. but now, it’s just hell coughing it back up. for someone that considers WORDS to be his best weapon— dazai fails to be articulate right now. he doesn’t even know where to start.

&& TRUTH is that it makes him so fucking sick that the man he loves is loyal to the bastard that dazai can’t – fucking – stand. in general, dazai is indifferent about people. but when it comes to mori— WHY ?? why does he still exist? why does HE get to live but ODASAKU HAD TO DIE ?? the SHEER FUCKING HATRED dazai feels towards mori is damned near overwhelming. it’s DEVOURING him from the inside out. this malestrom of vile emotions have been brewing inside of him for years. whereas chuuya had support from kouyou, && was surrounded by the mafia regularly— dazai was ALONE. && he accepts that. he deserves to be alone, to keep digging his fingers into his own wounds, rip out the sutures, tear the injuries open wider. he doesn’t even deserve to call losing odasaku as ‘ trauma ’ in his own mind. ( even if that’s what it is. )

❝ i left—– && it hurt you. i broke your trust. i betrayed you, ❞ he states it out loud, to let chuuya know that he’s damned well aware of what he did. it’s not as if dazai’s ever been oblivious to the consequences of his decisions. ❝ do i regret breaking your heart ?? yes. everyday. I’LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF for that. but do i regret leaving the port mafia ?? ❞

—-now, he smiles. it’s proof that the DEMON PRODIGY, the MONSTER EXECUTIVE never truly died. he’s just locked up in a cage, but the lock’s never been in place.

❝ only thing i regret is that i didn’t BURN THE MAFIA TO THE GROUND. ❞

dazai wipes the blood off his chin with the back of his hand. not caring that it stains from of the bandages. there’s a lot of UGLINESS on the tip of dazai’s tongue. but he won’t say it. only because it’s chuuya. so, dazai takes a second to calm his breathing. slam the button on ‘ extreme compartmentalization. ‘ shut down these BULLSHIT EMOTIONS. ❝ my reason for not staying goes far beyond you, ❞ he says, looking chuuya dead on. ❝ && my reason for not telling you why is because i love you. ❞ the truth will shatter everything chuuya’s built his life && sense of belonging && stability && family on. dazai won’t take that away from him.

maybe this isn’t going to work out between them. hell. maybe just LIVING isn’t going to work out for dazai. the siren call for A DEATH BY HIS OWN HANDS is louder than ever. he turns his head, looking away. tears burn at the edges of his eyes. he’s tired. tired of fighting. tired of losing what he loves. tired of trying to become something he never can be: a good man.

❝ i don’t know how to love you the way you want. the way you need, ❞ he confesses. ❝ so, you can tell me how. &&i will give it my all to work towards that. or—- we can END THIS now. ❞ black ice creeps into his veins. dazai feels himself receding into who he was after odasaku’s death && before leaving the port mafia. THE SPREE KILLER. taking on suicide mission && suicide mission. it’s tempting– because it’s easy. how EASY it would be to reshape his sole purpose in life to KILL && KILL && KILL—- especially when he’s good at it. maybe it’s inevitable. maybe when your hands are stained with too much BLOOD, you can’t be part of the LIGHT. maybe you can’t become a better person.

𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐫. 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡.

#ravertia #{{ :' )#{{ i'm sorry for this monster of a starter aldksfj #{{ also i think this was sent before chuuya moved blogs so i hope this is ok !!#{{ i d .. . idk which verse or timeline or whAt this is #{{ all i know is that it's A N G S T

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chuuyay · 6 years

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What I liked about Dead Apple

Akutagawa fighting his own ability was The Good Shit™, also because it shows how much he can do WITHOUT it

All the scenes with Chuuya in them, I don’t think I need to give an explanation for that

Though I still feel a bit iffy about what they added to Atsushi’s backstory with him actually killing someone, I loved the exchange he had with Shibusawa in that room. That whole flashback scene was just amazing

In general I found Shibusawa’s character more interesting than I expected?? I actually liked him more than Fyodor even though he was, you know... Kind of really crazy and tortured Atsushi for his own gain

The Agency fighting their own abilities

Tsujimura falling asleep while Ango was talking

Agatha Christie being disappointed she didn’t get to burn down Yokohama because the scent of a burning city goes well with tea

“You don’t have any friends, do you?”

Kyouka constantly dragging Atsushi along because he can’t get his shit together, driving a fucking car even though she’s only 14, and just being a badass. I got emotional when her mother showed up

That one minute screentime total of Odasaku. Also, Dazai’s flashback

Ango’s interactions with Chuuya

Chuuya smashing the dragon with a building repeatedly

What I didn’t care for

I don’t know about you guys but I’m actually starting to get tired of this ‘I’m smarter than you’ 'No I’M smarter than you AND I’m going to betray you’ bullshit that’s going on between Dazai and Fyodor. I enjoy it more in the manga, maybe because the pacing in the movie felt a little slow at times.

Atsushi yelling whenever he doesn’t understand something and getting defensive.

Fyodor in the second half of the movie after he betrayed both Dazai and Shibusawa.

Mori acting gross with Elise. I find his character very interesting but please, no more of that. Just stop it.

How many more fucking times do I have to see the guy with the mushroom haircut telling Atsushi he’s 'scum’ and that he needs to 'get lost’, they keep repeating the same lines over and over too

Things that made me go ’???’

Why the dragon? Like I get what they were intending, and it showcased just how fucking powerful Chuuya is, but it felt a little… Too much. I feel like the anime in general is a little more 'dramatic’ and 'shounen’ with things than the manga (like SSK fighting Fitzgerald, all the yelling and exaggerated expressions) which is probably why I tend to stick with the latter

How the FUCK did that castle get there? It’s absolutely humongous. Did it just magically appear? Did it drop from the sky?

Why did Fyodor not do shit after he resurrected Shibusawa? Like we didn’t see him again after that until he was standing on top of a building with his cape flowing in the wind a la Akutagawa. Did he know Shibu was gonna get defeated and it was all part of his plan? If so… I’m exhausted.

Why did we only see Mori when they could’ve shown us Kouyou and Hirotsu? I call Port Mafia erasure

Overall rating I’d give it a 6.5/10. I generally enjoyed it, some parts were fantastic and others were just… I didn’t care? The ending left me confused. I don’t think it added much to the series to be honest. But that’s my (unpopular) opinion. My top 2 moments would be the joint flashback with Shibusawa and Atsushi (featuring Abusive Bowl Cut Priest), and Akutagawa battling his own ability.

#bungou stray dogs #dead apple spoilers #unpopular opinion???#idk it was just a little underwhelming for me even though so much happened #maybe it's because i've been in the fandom since way before the anime began airing so i have high expectations

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memswrites · 7 years

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Aftercare

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs Pairing: Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya Rating: Gen. Warnings: None

Summary: Dazai's always there to bring him back, and there in the days after, too, when Chuuya needs him just a little more.

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Entry for @soukokuweek 2017, Day Two - “That’s what being a partner means, right?”

The apartment is still, almost too quiet for the middle of a weekday. Dazai has kicked everyone out – all the visitors and well-wishers, every person with curious, prying eyes and pressing questions, too. The only person he hasn’t is Kouyou, but there’s no kicking Kouyou out of anywhere and she’s left on her own already; she simply knows when space is needed.

And Dazai needs it, badly.

He leaves the living room, littered with cards and slowly browning flowers, bags of get well soon gifts and other bullshit that’ll probably end up in the trash, to head tiredly to the kitchen. There’s scotch in the cabinet with his name on it, fresh ice in the freezer and he pulls out a glass and fills it full with both. He sighs as he does, long, drawn out, too weary for someone that hasn’t cleared seventeen yet and while he’s got his mind on Kouyou and how maybe, perhaps, he could have done with her in his space after all right now, she likely wouldn’t approve of his methods of coping.

Regardless of his ill-timed regrets, he’s got his scotch, anyway, and the burn of it down his throat when he tosses it back is welcome. Dazai hasn’t been able to feel much of anything but a general, encompassing numbness since that night, and as feeling slowly ebbs on in, he can’t help the desire to chase it all away again with more burning alcohol, and feel a little less human than his mind and body are trying to make him.

It’s not the first time that they’ve done this, but each time he has hopes it’s the last time, as unlikely as that is. They still don’t have a decent handle on Corruption – no clue how long Chuuya can actually last while in it, no real idea what it even is, though Dazai has some guesses and none of them are particularly pleasant. It doesn’t really matter they’re inexperienced with the whole thing, and the fact that they can’t safely toy around with it is part of the reason Chuuya’s knocked out in his bedroom, pumped full of painkillers, practically dead to the world.

They’re tools. They’ve always been tools. Dazai doesn’t fool himself into thinking that they’re anything more to Mori; he lost that childlike ideation years ago and Mori’s never done much to prove him wrong. Perhaps to the others… yes… there’s something more there with the others, like Kouyou and old Hirotsu, and even little rabid Ryuu-kun, but the others aren’t the Boss, and what the Boss wants the Boss gets – nice little demonstration of his prized Double Black.

You could have said no. That we weren’t ready. You’re his partner, you know that better than anyone else –

Dazai shakes his head. You know better than that though, don’t you? He’d have told Mori no, if he thought it have done any good, but he knows Mori and knows sooner or later, he’d have gotten what he wanted, anyway. Mori hadn’t gotten the chance to see Corruption up close, after all, and it’s always been a fascination among the Mafia since he and Chuuya discovered it as children. Whatever other methods Mori would have used outside of a polite request would have been less than pleasant for either of them or anyone else involved. It’s as inevitable as the next drink Dazai slings back, and the second, and as unavoidable as Dazai passing out on the couch that evening.

Some partner you are.

The first thing Dazai does when he wakes up in the morning is trek to his bedroom, wobbling with a sloshing, unhappy stomach. His head feels like Kaiji exploded a truck load of lemons over it, and he can’t exactly see straight yet, but he knows his own apartment, damnit –

“Ouch, shit –!”

…except for when he stubs his toe on the door jam leading into his bedroom, it seems.

Chuuya’s still there, in his room, still in the same position on his back in the middle of his bed, arms folded atop the two layers of comforter that Dazai and Kouyou tucked him into the night before. There’s bags beneath his eyes that don’t belong there; even sleeping he looks tired, and the corners of his mouth sag down in a frown. His hair fans out over the pillows, and the vision is almost picture-book, strawberries and cream, until Dazai reaches out and runs his fingers through the sweat-greased tresses that haven’t been washed out in days.

Ahh… He’ll love that when he wakes up.

But he’s not awake yet. His chest rises and falls steady in his narcotics-induced sleep. Chuuya snores like an old man, something Dazai’s always expressed as an annoyance while finding it mildly endearing.

If he lingers any longer, he knows that he’ll start to think a little too hard on everything. So, he leaves Chuuya in his bed, giving a small little pat to his forehead, and decides to do something constructive on his day off.

The apartment is a mess, between what others brought over for Chuuya and his own mildly chaotic system. It’s a surprise to many to learn Dazai is the one that likes to live in organized chaos and not Chuuya, but Dazai knows if Chuuya wakes up to a mess after having been pushed through Corruption, a mild hospital wing stay, and no shower for days, it’ll only heat his already hot-headed mood. It doesn’t usually bother him; Chuuya’s frustrations with his sloppy living are usually amusing and really, does he care if Chuuya’s a gross, unshowered mess? Not really, not on a normal day, but it’s not a normal day and he recognizes it’s one of a few of the least things he can do at the moment, because Chuuya will care. He’s able to bring Chuuya back, after all, not fix the aftermath and that’s honestly the most annoying of the failings of his ability.

No point griping over things you can’t change.

He gathers the bags and the cards, scattered about the living room, as well as the flowers, and brings them to his bedroom. Flowers arranged on the nightstand, bags of gifts over by the window, out of the way. Cards to the nightstand, too, after he thinks about it, and then he sets to straightening the rest of the apartment.

It’s a distraction, mostly. A purposeful distraction but one nevertheless. It keeps him from looking at the clock every few minutes and instead only every hour or so, trying to gauge if Chuuya’s slept a little too long or if he can afford to let Chuuya sleep longer. Eventually it gets late enough and it’s been long enough since his last meal that he thinks it’s time to fix something to eat – and by fix, he preps instant noodles and dresses them up a little better than the packet of powder seasoning that comes with the noodles will do.

They’re good enough, for the moment. Chuuya will need more than instant noodles or… He looks through his cabinets and there’s bread that’s not too hard to make sandwiches with, and about a spoonful of peanut butter in the bottom of his peanut butter jar… rice… more rice…

He sighs. He hates cooking, and doesn’t do it very well on his own, either, but he drags his ass out after finishing up his noodles to see if he can bring back something decent for when Chuuya wakes up.

Dazai pulls a recipe from online, and has Kouyou on the phone.

“…and that’s boiled now, Dazai-kun?”

“Yes, Kouyou-san.”

“Whisk in the miso paste then.”

He does, keeping his phone propped between his shoulder and ear. He’s never made miso soup, but the simplest of recipes seemed easy enough to make. He calls Kouyou merely for a second opinion – he’s an Executive, and therefore definitely self-sufficient, after all.

“Ah, got that. Then –”

“The onions, tofu, mix those in too.”

“…alright. I think it’s all done –”

“What is?”

Dazai isn’t often taken by surprise, but he doesn’t hear Chuuya leave the room and looks over his shoulder a little wide-eyed when Chuuya speaks. Chuuya doesn’t look much better, if he’s honest, even with the twenty-six going on twenty-seven hours of sleep. If Dazai didn’t know better he’d have been steam-rolled, but that’s entirely beside the point. He stares at Chuuya, who glares tiredly back at him, before slowly approaching with stiff steps on legs that peek out under the oversized shirt Dazai put him in, with the intention being that sleeping in his shirt and boxers would be a little more comfortable than sleeping in his works clothes and harness.

Chuuya peeks into the pot of miso boiling on the stove. He sniffs at it, and Dazai’s pleased he doesn’t seem by put-off by the scent. Chuuya gives it a curious stir as Kouyou tries to get Dazai’s attention again on the other end.

“Is that him? He’s awake? Dazai-kun?”

“Hm? Ah, yes, Kouyou-san, he’s awake.”

“…how does he look?”

Like he needs another twenty-four hours of sleep. Like he’s going to topple over any second now. Like he needs to never do another damn thing Mori says again –

“Better.”

Kouyou sighs, a tired sort of relief in her voice.

“I’ll let you go, Dazai-kun. I’ll call later and check on him. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Kouyou-san.”

The line goes quiet and Dazai hangs up. Meanwhile, Chuuya’s still stirring, almost listlessly, watching the tofu and onion swirl around in the miso broth.

“Doing that won’t make it taste any better,” Dazai says after a moment. Chuuya doesn’t have to look at him for Dazai to know that he’s rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe you cooked.” Chuuya’s voice sounds raw, like he’s speaking through a sore throat. “You didn’t poison it, did you?”

“As if I’d kill you in such a lackluster manner.”

“Heh. Funny.”

It’s not, not really, but they lapse into a silence and it’s not too uncomfortable.

“Seriously, I can’t believe you cooked. You never cook.”

“I cook.”

“Tch. Instant noodles doesn’t count. No, you don’t.” He pauses. And Dazai counts down the seconds to the inevitable question. “It was bad this time, wasn’t it? How long have I been out?”

Dazai shifts against the counter, idly playing with a loose string from one of his bandages.

“Since coming out of it, or since being here?”

“What do you think?”

“That you’re hungry, which is why you’re so annoyed.”

That’s not the case, but Chuuya doesn’t argue with him about it as Dazai pulls down a bowl. Dazai spoons it full of miso, salts and peppers and plops a spoon into it before sliding it across the counter over to Chuuya. Chuuya merely stares down at it, and then around the apartment. One of his brows raise as he does, and Dazai has the urge to slide his fingers through Chuuya’s messy, greasy hair if only to distract him.

The food does that for him, though. Chuuya takes a spoonful, and then another. He coughs, once, and Dazai realizes he was maybe a little heavy handed on the pepper.

At least it’s not killing him….

Chuuya’s tired blues scan the apartment while he eats, and it’s only a few more quite spoonfuls that he eats before he’s talking again.

“You cleaned, too.”

“How uncommonly observant.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

Trying not to.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Like shit, Dazai. Drugged shit.”

“Fun.”

“Not really.”

Dazai doesn’t have anything else to say to that, and Chuuya goes back to eating. Dazai lets him, and watches how Chuuya shovels his bites into his mouth. His hand shakes, spills a little, but he doesn’t hover too bad, only goes to grab a paper towel and hand it over to Chuuya to clean up for himself. After another few bites, Chuuya speaks again.

“Has he at least satisfied with what he saw?” Chuuya doesn’t have to say who he is.

“He said we were above and beyond expectation.”

“Well, great I guess.”

“I told him it wasn’t going to happen again.”

Chuuya pauses his bite, and looks over at Dazai. The bags that were there while he was sleeping still hang under his eyes, somehow more than they had before. Last time they had gone through with Corruption, it had been out of necessity, and it hadn’t left Chuuya looking so weary. What a waste of the ability, doing it for show, letting it drag out the way it had.

Dazai can tell that Chuuya’s not particularly convinced by his assertion, though he supposes that’s fine; he’s not convinced that Mori took it to heart, either, and can see it in the shrug that Chuuya gives before he goes back to his soup.

“You’re going to unravel those if you keep picking at them, you useless mummy.”

Dazai hadn’t realized he was still picking at his bandages, but stops and shakes his head.

“Come on. Finish up.”

“Why the hurry?” Chuuya grumbles out.

“I need a bath and you might as well take one with me, too.”

Dazai preps the bath while Chuuya finishes eating. Nothing fancy, but it’s warm and bubbly with a bit of liquid soap poured in while it was filling. Dazai strips, out of clothes and bandages and piles them out of the way on top of toilet. When he sinks into the water, he sighs, leans his head back, and waits for Chuuya.

I told him it wasn’t going to happen again.

There’s a number of ways he could make it happen, and if he thinks enough on it, a handful of those ways he could do and get away with, without getting himself into too much trouble. It’s less himself in trouble and more Chuuya, though. Mori likes using him as leverage, sometimes. Mori likes using a lot of things as leverage. It didn’t used to work… there was a point where he didn’t have a lot to care about, but now it seemed there was a lot – comparatively speaking.

I’ll tell him it’s not something that can be controlled right now, even with No Longer Human. He wouldn’t risk Chuuya like that… Chuuya’s too powerful and useful in the long run he needs him more than he needs –

“Are you trying to drown?”

Dazai opens his eyes and looks over. Chuuya’s already out of his clothes and has two towels bundled in his arms. For the first time that evening, Dazai smiles, a little.

“That wouldn’t be very pleasant, would it?”

“Don’t know; never tried to drown.”

“It’s not very fun.”

Chuuya rolls his eyes, but there’s a tug of a smirk of his own at the corner of his lips. Chuuya walks in, still wobbly even if he tries hard not to be. He sets the towels aside and lowers himself gingerly into the bath in front of Dazai, back to chest. Dazai reaches out to help him, splaying his fingers along Chuuya’s back while his other hand takes Chuuya by the wrist to steady him.

They don’t say anything while Dazai washes him. He soaps up a sponge with the same liquid soap he’d used for the bubbles in their bath, drags it and suds along Chuuya’s scarred, bruised back. He’s gentle with it, at least, while Chuuya sits and slowly his hands ease out the tension in the way Chuuya sits, until he’s slumped forward a little. He mutters something, as Dazai brings his hands up and over his shoulders.

“Hm?”

Chuuya doesn’t respond immediately, but Dazai just keeps washing him until he does.

“I said thank you,” Chuuya says, louder this time. “For the soup. For this.” Then, quieter again – “Mori’s a shit-head, you know?”

Dazai pauses at the wavering in Chuuya’s voice, used to Chuuya being free with his emotions though never quick to tears. It’s unsettling. Angering. But he knows Chuuya won’t want to be coddled even if he’s appreciative of… this. He’s always been appreciative of this, after rough missions.

His arms wrap around Chuuya, holding him about his waist while he settles his chin on Chuuya’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” he mutters. “I know.”

#soukokuweek #skk week #soukoku #double black #fic #fics #ayyeeo

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