#i know theres a few other animations ive shared in the past but probably not anything im gonna be getting back to

[creaturefeaster]

I figured after the poll I made, I should probably compile all relevant WIPs for those who don't know every one that I mentioned. Just small cuts of each one, plus a few at the end that I forgot about >_<

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

[jaketeachesdeath]

1- 25 💚

Alright. Al here. After trying desktop I had to just copy and past into facebook and then copy back from facebook on mobile

1 - When did you start collecting?

Around 2012

2 - How much has your collection grown since you started?

Massively. Before I had to bring everything back there was probably around 100 skulls. And skulls alone.

3 - What’s your favorite thing to collect?

Probably Sparrows. But Im partial to teeth and antlers too. Bird skulls also

4 - What do you have the most of? (Species, or skulls/bones/pelts/taxidermy)

Sparrows or Blackbirds. Sparrows probably more so if you count everything

5 - Where do you like going to buy or find deads?

I prefer to find them on sites I work on. Cause going to look for deads places and finding nothing is awfully disappointing

6 - Do you have a favorite piece?

Jake of course

7 - Share a photo of something from your collection and tell us the story behind it.

See previous asks

8 - What has been your best find? (In a store, online, roadkill, or woods?)

Probably the Dunlin from Rhyl

9 - Do you process your own animals? If yes, what is your favorite part? What’s your least favorite part?

Yes. Favorite part is putting things together at last especially when they click into the right place. Least being riffling through the squishey bits of flesh and giving em a squeeze to make sure theres no missed bones

10 - What was your first ever specimen?

Jays wing

11 - Do you have any Vulture Culture related regrets?

Theres plenty. From doing things wrong to buying dodgey specimens

12 - Has being involved in Vulture Culture made a positive impact on your life in some way?

Of course. It keeps me happy and occupied. I feel somewhat useful

13 - If you could have any animal part in your collection what would you want the most?

Kiwi skull/skeleton

14 - What is your favorite Vulture Culture experience so far?

Oh good question. Possibly starting this blog perhaps

15 - Share a story about a Vulture mishap or adventure.

See previous ask

16 - Is there anything you wish you’d known when you first got interested in Vulture Culture?

The Laws.

17 - Do friends or family tell you about roadkill they saw?

Yes, colleagues too.

18 - Do you name your skulls, bones, pelts, etc?

Only a few have names Jake, Bastard Birds and friend named my other sparrow Rudolph maybe? I forget (this is why I dont do names)

19 - Do you make Vulture Culture related crafts?

Not really. Just displays

20 - Have you ever thought that you were going to be sick while cleaning something?

Er no not yet though ive got to admit the mummified squizz juice was pretty bad

21 - What’s the biggest mistake you made while cleaning something?

Leaving it in the yard at work so 1) staff threw my buckets away and 2) my managers manager came searching round the yard for me whilst I hid holding a different mummified squizz that I maybe got binned?

22 - Do you talk to your family and friends about bones? What do they think about it?

Yes, my family dont really care but know ill talk anyways even though dead collecting is not agreed with

23 - Can you share a Vulture Culture tip?

Know your laws that and take lots of photos and label everything

24 - What’s one of your strangest finds?

Hmm perhaps the redstart since I hadnt realised they were present in this area

25 - What do you hope to do in the future of your Vulture Culture adventure?

Improve, massively and work my specimens into education

[frigfridge]

just finished rewatching toy story 1 thru 3 over the past few days, wanted to share my thoughts:

i love these movies a whole lot. the first 2 hold a bunch of nostalgia for me because i was A Baby when 2 came out and when i was also A Baby i would just watch our VHS copy of toy story 1 over and over again. this also makes me the exact age group to be emotionally destroyed by toy story 3, which came out just as i was entering high school and hit really close to home

individual thoughts:

toy story: the first thing i noticed was it still looks really nice even watching in 2019!! which i think is kind of spectacular for the first feature-length computer-animated film. it no doubt helps that the plot is mostly focused on little plastic dolls without realistic hair or clothing to animate but the semi-”cartoon” art direction means the human characters also look pretty nice without going too far into the uncanny valley.

also, the plot is WAY darker than i remember?? not because of sid and all the body horror toys, but because for like half of the movie woodys friends think hes an actual (toy) murderer carrying around the severed arm of his victim (!!) like, its hilarious, but also wow theres a LONG way to go between there and the climax of toy story 3.

the soundtrack is probably my favorite of the bunch. part of that is probably nostalgia but i just really like the consistency of having randy newman singing every song. it sort of elevates him to part of the story, like an omniscient narrator singing woodys (and later buzzs) inner monologue. 2 (and especially 3) didnt have as many musical numbers, which i can understand with a shift to a larger-scale approach to storytelling, but i really like the feeling it gives number 1. “you got a friend in me” is an obvious classic thats been remixed and brought back in just about every piece of toy story media im aware of, but “strange things” and “i will go sailing no more” deserve just as much recognition and praise. there just isnt a weak number among them

toy story 2: heres where the story started getting bigger and more existential, which basically becomes the new direction of the series. which makes sense! this one released 4 years after the first, and while theres no real timeskip in the story (maybe 6 months?) it had been a little while since we last saw woody and the gang. everybody in the real world had gotten older, and with the turn of the millennium approaching, the theme of impermanence loomed large in the collective unconscious. well, maybe not in my unconscious, because i was 2. but its really interesting as kind of a “time capsule” to what people were thinking about as the 90s came to a close.

so toy story 2 was a little more grounded, a little more focus on the human world, but it was also more fantastical in its presentation. the opening “video game” sequence (which still looks amazing!!) and woodys nightmare (”i dont wanna play with you anymore...”) show the animators at pixar really found their groove and started getting experimental. and to great result!! the fantasy sequences are a lot of fun and help 2 really stand out.

i would be remiss not to mention jessies flashback song here. its something else they hadnt really done in the first film and i think it really works. jessie in this film unfortunately doesnt get to do much other than fight with woody about whether he should stay or go (except for when she saves him in the end) but this song makes her character work. it also helps that it destroys me every time

also i think this is the movie that gave me an appreciation for the acting of kelsey grammer. i dont really agree with his politics (i also dont know specifically what they are) but he is a damn fine actor and gives the prospector a very genuinely intimidating edge after his heel turn. the casting really makes the character here, but thats nothing new for toy story-- every voice works. if i were the casting director, i probably wouldnt have pulled erudite kelsey grammer for a character named “stinky pete,” but as it is now i couldnt imagine him voiced by anyone else.

the last thing about toy story 2 is it feels like there were a lot more pop culture references? at least as far as i noticed. there are apparently even more than i noticed but i caught on to the “also sprach zarathustra” riff in the opening, and the jurassic park rearview mirror gag. and of course the extended star wars reference with zurg vs. utility belt buzz (and i guess zurg in general.) the references are cute and mostly unobtrusive but really i could take or leave them.

oh yeah also al is hilarious. just this rude, neurotic businessman whos incredibly self-important for the owner of a minor(?) toy store chain. hes such a puffed-up jerk, every time hes on-screen is a delight

toy story 3: this one kills me to death. i always get misty-eyed during “when somebody loved me” but the ending of 3 where andy introduces his toys to bonnie and plays with them one last time made me sob the first time i watched it. and it still does! thats the long game right there, thats the payoff of over 10 years loving these characters. its an emotional ketchup bomb, everything gets all messy and soggy and sweet. hopefully 4 can follow up, but im not really worried about that-- ive heard some good things. damn, its been 9 years since this movie came out, though! it really doesnt feel all that long, but i guess i havent been doing all that much

i actually dont know if i have much else to say about 3. the opening with the re-imagining of the previous films openings (woody versus one-eyed bart, buzz and woody vs. the evil dr. porkchop) is a highlight, although theres a conspicuous lack of bo peep. ive heard she has a big part in 4, but it was kind of weird to see a lot of toys missing and their absence (mostly) glossed over after the first few minutes. i miss r.c. and lenny, but i get they wanted to narrow down the cast so all of them could get in on the plot.

speaking of which, the escape scene is great too. its kind of a crystallizing moment of how close these characters are, and how well they work together. it reminds me a lot of the escape from sids house in the first movie, but there woody was working with sids body-horror toys and seemed to strike up a rapport with them bizarrely quickly. (speaking of which, i miss those toys! their designs were super cool, but i cant imagine they got much merchandise, especially babyface with the sharp, metal spider legs.) here, though, woody and the gang cooperate the best they ever have, and it really paints a picture of how close theyve become over the years, and justifies the emotional climax in the landfill. this is what i was talking about when i said i was surprised how dark toy story 1 got! these toys all hated woodys guts back then for what they thought he did to buzz. they kicked him out of a moving truck! its just weird to think about that conflict between them when you know how long they end up sticking together. but thats, like, neat, so its ok. it feels earned, its just kind of crazy in hindsight.

toy story 3 was also obviously made long after the first two-- by comparison, the lighting is way more sophisticated, the humans are a lot more detailed. theres just a lot more detail In General. the main cast is, like, super dirty for the middle 90% of the film, and it feels like, yeah, We Have This Technology Now. we can render so many individual glitter sprinkles suck to hamms ass and they will be in every single scene. the “fur tech” on lotso and buster is also an obvious clue, especially in the flashback to lotso trudging through the rain back to his owners house. its like “look! we can make this teddy bear SO wet!” and wow! yeah! you did! so wet!

lotso himself is also an interesting villain in terms of sheer bastardness. he is just a huge jerk. he could have hit that button so easily! and he was so mean to the baby! but at the same time hes a great character in how he slowly “changes” throughout the movie. he is kind of an obvious “pixar ‘twist’ villain” but again, the amazing performance by ned beatty really saves him. also he does get a nice comeuppance at the end, which was necessary because hes really the biggest villain in the series so far. hes knowingly malicious and doesnt have any greater motive, hes just an embittered megalomaniac who (apparently) has sent other toys to be broken, thrown away, and incinerated at the landfill. he honestly deserves worse than being strapped to the front of a truck but it works for a family movie.

i have a couple more thoughts on 3 (i guess i did have a fair amount of stuff to say about it) but im getting tired of writing. the music is good as usual, but the vocal stuff being entirely back-loaded (in the credits) is a bit disappointing since ive always been a fan of the songs, but i get that they were going for something different. the jokes about ken being, uh, ‘flamboyant’ felt out of place, mostly the one at the end (”uh, buzz? barbie didnt write this”) because it comes from one of the gang and not unnamed lotso goon #3, but i guess its pretty tame in the scheme of things.

overall im really looking forward to seeing what 4 does with the series. whew!

[paladin-andric]

Blackheart, Chapter 31: A Final Respite

It had been quite some time. Deep in the heart of the Citadel, things had changed considerably.

A while ago, the survivors had evacuated to the countryside. Before they did so, Basilrin was sent to bring word of the situation to the surrounding lands, in hopes of summoning the forces needed to push to the Blackheart.

The portal was said to be in the very center of the city. To get there, all they needed to do was take the main road. Only problem was the demons. Their corrupted thralls swarmed the main streets en-masse. It was why they had spent their time creeping down alleyways and side streets.

Soon...soon, the time for skulking would come to an end. Soon, the army would begin their assault.

Alexander ran the blade of his sword over a whetstone, looking it over carefully. He had forgone wearing his armor, seeing as it had been a few days since Basilrin’s return.

It was quite the wonder, seeing not only his return, but the arrival of the Lady Protector herself, Gira. The Black Dragon, as she was called, arguably the most important figure in all of Geralthin. She had been there for the entirety of its history, after all.

She and Basilrin had assured them that the army was indeed on its way. Already a few of those towns and villages nearby had arrived, a few guards and citizens armed with the bare essentials now joining them in the Citadel.

It was a good start, but they had to await the mass of royal forces before they could dare start their push.

Gira was another one. Now they had three dragons. That was three beasts of legend to rain destruction on their foes. Alexander could only imagine how marvelous that kind of support would be for the army.

All in all, things were looking quite hopeful. With a force like this assembled, pushing through the city really seemed more than a mere pipe dream.

All they had to do was cause a gap, if only for a moment, in the demons’ defenses. Then Alexander could slip through, enter the Blackheart, and destroy whatever artifact was anchoring the portal to their world.

“Hey.”

The knight turned to see Wurie walking up to him. The wolfman took a seat on the ground beside the knight, flashing him a nervous smile.

“Hey captain. What’s the matter?”

Wurie looked off into the distance as Alexander continued sharpening his blade. “I just...can hardly believe it, you know? That we’re so close.”

“It won’t be long now,” the knight answered.

“It’s been quite the journey.”

Alexander smiled. “Yeah. I think we’ve all learned things from this.”

“Really? I feel like you’ve been the one teaching ME here, sir knight!”

The man shook his head and sighed. “You should know better than that, Wurie.”

The wolfman frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Captain, when I first came here...I must admit that I didn’t feel the same way about you and the others then I do now.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Well...I was raised surrounded by other humans. Not once had I even laid eyes upon another species, aside from Stilich, the doctor.”

“Stilich?”

“One of the shellbacks,” Alexander admitted, “Father hired him to take care of us...but that was the extent of my knowledge. He was one of a kind as far as I was concerned. When I joined the army, I was deployed at the northern border. There, was my first experience with the wolves...with your people, Wurie.”

The captain grimaced. “Not, uh...not a good impression,” he whispered, his voice reflecting pain.

“That’s an understatement. I thought your people were animals, barbarians, monsters...I had a similar view for many of the peoples of Geralthin. In truth, the edict didn’t rattle me as much as it probably should have...it meeting Sigvin to change my mind about a “universal evil”. Even then I thought he was the exception, but now...I see I was quite mistaken.”

“Sigvin?” Wurie’s brows furrowed. “Alexander, you said...Sigvin?”

“Yeah. We commissioned him as pathfinder, during one of our expeditions into tribal territory. We chatted at the camp. Told me all sorts of stories about him and his people. Really helped me understand the wolfmen more than I did.”

Wurie’s eyes were a near sliver now.

“What? What’s with that funny look?”

“Alexander...was...was Sigvin a bard?”

The knight was caught off guard by that one. “He...mentioned he wanted to become one...how on earth did you know that? Wurie, have you met him?”

The captain gave Alexander a serious look. “...follow me.”

He paused only to put his whetstone away and sheathe his sword before he hurried after Wurie. The implications behind this left only one possibility…

Turning past another group of tents, Wurie called out to a figure facing a firepit. “Sigvin!”

The person turned around, sitting on a small wooden stump. In a rather puffy, fanciful striped and dyed suit, was a familiar face. Sure, the clothes, quilled hat, and lute was a far cry to the rags he was wearing all those years ago, but Alexander recognized him all the same.

“Sigvin...you’ve got a friend here.”

The unarmored knight stepped forward, eyes widening. It wasn’t just a shared name. It was him. It was really him.

“Sigvin…?”

The wolfman bard frowned. “Err, I’m sorry. You might be…?”

“It’s me, remember?! It’s Alexander! From the war up north? The Pureclaws!”

The bard’s face scrunched up as he tried to recall those memories. In a moment, his eyes shot open. “A-Alexander?!”

“Yeah! It’s me!”

The wolfman jumped up excitedly and put his lute down. “Hoo boy...Alexander! How have you been, friend?!”

The knight laughed as Sigvin grabbed and shook his hand wildly. “Ah, you know! Pretty busy. How the hell did you end up all the way down here?!”

“I TOLD you I was gonna move to Geralthin! I even went to college! All was going according to plan when, uh...this all happened.”

“Right...you were kicked off with the rest of the exiled.”

“Mmhm. I must say, I saw you here before, but I never imagined the man under the armor would be you!”

Alexander shrugged. “Well, here I am regardless! God I can’t believe we’ve been so close all this time!”

“I’ve been...unable to be of much help,” Sigvin admitted with a sheepish smile. “I, uh...I’ve been hiding back here. Thinking, mostly.”

“Well, why didn’t you leave with the other citizens?”

“Because he wants to help!” Wurie said with a grin, “Isn’t that right, Sigvin?”

“Yessir!”

The knight tapped his foot, looking worried. “Ah, but...what are you planning on doing, than? Not joining the front line, I’d hope!”

“Oh goodness no. I’ve never been a warrior, you know that! I AM a bard, though. My music does more than you might expect. I hope to rally and inspire the real warriors when we attack!”

“You really have become what you’ve always wanted, huh?”

“That’s right!” Sigvin said with a grin, “My dreams are...well, they WERE coming true...but hopefully! Hopefully, after all this, I can finally get back on track!”

Wurie nodded. “You will. We’ll see to that, won’t we, Alexander!”

“Yes...we will. I must say Wurie, it’s good to see you looking up like this. You, uh...weren’t in high spirits, the last few times we spoke.”

“What can you do?” the captain asked with a shrug. “I’ve been seeing and hearing some awful things. It takes its toll, but...it’s almost over. We’re so close. If there’s a time to believe, it’s right now.”

Alexander smiled. Despite everything, even the most mournful seemed full of hope now.

“Hope is a powerful thing to have. We’ll see this through Wurie, I swear.”

The trio sat around the firepit, Alexander looking back at Sigvin. “So...got any songs planned for all of this?”

The bard smiled. “Ah, well I’ve got a few popular tunes, but generally I let the music take me where it goes.” His smile quickly turned into a frown. “I do have...one song in the works though. An...ode to your friend, Alexander. The red dragon. Hopefully, my song will travel across the land once this is over, and all will sing of his sacrifice. I figured such an individual deserves nothing less.”

Alexander’s face scrunched up. “Ah. I see...I’m sure he’d be proud.”

Sigvin nodded sadly. “Yeah. I think he would.”

…

“Hey…”

The holy man didn’t look up as he continued reflecting over the words of the scripture. “Yes?”

“I, uh...I’m going to go with them, you know!”

Andric frowned. The paladin opened his eyes and turned his gaze to Senci, visage firm.

“I would strongly advise against that.”

The kobold looked hurt by that. “Oh, come on, master! They’re counting on me to help them!”

“And I’m counting on you to make it through this in one piece.”

“I’ll make it through just fine! I can do it, you know I can! I was trained by the best, after all.”

“Senci…”

“I’ve make it this far, haven’t I?!”

Andric turned around, shifting from kneeling into a sitting position. The pair were inside a tent, taking stock of their inventory and preparing for the final battle.

“I just don’t want anything to happen. I heard about your little stint in the medical tent, you know.”

“But master-”

“What if that happens again?”

“Master Andric…”

“You nearly died, Senci! I cannot abide by this! If I were to let you leave my sight, you could-”

Something snapped inside of Senci, if only for a moment. For the first time since he could remember, he snapped at his mentor.

“I’m not a damned child anymore!”

Andric’s brows raised at the kobold’s shrill yell. He couldn’t remember the man ever being stricken silent like this, but these were exceptional circumstances.

The young warrior felt immense shame and regret almost immediately. He could feel the heat well up in his face and fear creep over him as he looked at his stunned father figure.

“I...I’m sorry…”

The paladin grimaced as he looked the other warrior over. The small lizard shifted uncomfortably, head lowered and eyes full of guilt. Like he was about to be lectured.

Andric sighed. “It’s...fine. I understand. I know this is important to you. I just...I came all this way to make sure you were alright, you know? If something happened, I…”

The man’s lips pursed. “...I don’t know what I’d do. Over a decade, Senci. For twelve years, I’ve been making sure you were okay. For twelve years, schooling and training you...”

“I...I know,” Senci said quietly, “B-but, master...you...you have to let me try! I’m a grown up now!”

Andric shot the kobold a guilty grin and scratched his beard. “Well, actually, you’re still a year away from being an adult at the moment…”

“T-that’s close enough!” Senci insisted. “Listen...I...I’m thankful for everything, really, I am. I’m so lucky I have you to train me...but eventually, you have to put that training to the test! Master...you must let me loose on our enemies! You’ve prepared me for this moment, and I must follow through now! I can’t be useless in this battle, I can’t let everyone down! I HAVE to help!”

Andric frowned and closed his eyes, reflecting on the kobold’s words. Eventually, he opened his eyes and moved forward, wrapping his arms around the young warrior.

“Senci...I know. I know I can’t stop you from doing this...and I understand how much this means to you. You can go.”

Smiling with wide eyes, Senci returned the hug, Andric patting him on the shoulder.

“I won’t let you down. I promise.”

“The only way you could do that, Senci, is if you didn’t come back...so make sure you do, alright?”

Senci grinned wide. “Yes sir!”

…

Razorwing pulled back on his bow, getting a feel for the tension. He sat on the ground beside the tent he had been staying in, his supplies laid out around him.

After this brief test of his bowstring, it seemed like all was in order. He had brought a few extra with him just in case it snapped, but there didn’t seem to be many issues. He’d been using this one for about a year, but he was very fussy about maintenance, so everything still worked as intended.

“Is that the great hero Razorwing, playing around with an unloaded bow?”

The bird turned his head towards the source. Of course, there was no mistaking that voice, despite the additional cheer it seemed to be carrying today.

“You work with crossbows. You know full well the need to test and maintain.”

The human sat down beside him. Despite the mask, his eyes made his amusement clear.

“Obviously. I’m messing with you, dope.”

The koutu shot him a cocky grin. “You sure? You know, if you don’t know about weapon upkeep, I could teach you.”

“Yeah yeah, alright, ya dumb bird.” A light punch to the shoulder made the hero chuckle.

Paul took out one of his own crossbows and looked it over. It was a fair bit smaller than the ones the armies used, seeing as this was made with the ability to hold and fire with one hand. Still, it had enough force behind it, and the bolts were large enough to still be deadly. The downside was that without the heft of the larger models, punching through armor proved...problematic.

Not that this was generally a problem for Paul. As a bounty hunter, he generally worked to end combat before it began. He’d become a good enough shot and a quiet enough sneak to hit targets in their weak spots, while they were unexpecting.

“Hard to believe it’s almost over huh?” the human mused.

“Yes...quite remarkable. We’ve come quite a far way, we have.” Razorwing put his bow down and grabbed his quiver, beginning to examine his arrows.

“It’s been rough. The close scrapes, the demons...listening to you blabber on about nonsense,” Paul said with a laugh.

“Oh? You got pretty mad when I stopped ‘blabbering’ though, didn’t you?”

The bounty hunter looked away as the koutu grinned like mad. “Well...you know how it is...the silence in this hellhole is maddening. Any voice is a relief...no matter how dumb what they’re saying is.”

The archer raised a brow. “Oh ho! I see! So what you’re saying is I’m just a voice to you, huh? Just a distraction? Just something any other person could have been?”

“T-that’s not what I meant!”

The hero put a winged arm around the human’s shoulders. Shooting him a grin, he leaned in. “Don’t worry! I’m just...what was it you said? ‘Messing with you, dope’?”

Paul groaned, which drew another laugh from Razorwing.

“Seriously, though. You and I, friend...we’ll go far, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean by that?” with the birdman’s wing still wrapped around him, he looked over questioningly.

“You remember how well we worked in the streets. How long we spent without the luxury of a team, or any support. Just the two of us, against the demons. The scouting we did for each other...we make a perfect duo, don’t you think?”

Paul looked away, sighing. “We, uh...you’re right, but...I don’t know.”

“Aw, come on, pal! No one can beat a team like us!”

“I know,” Paul admitted, “We make an excellent team. Still...I don’t know if I’ll...be doing this in the future.”

Razorwing frowned. “Huh? What’s...what’s that mean?”

“Look. You’re a famous hero. You fight monsters, and lead parades, and have songs sung of you...and I’m a shadow. No one besides you knows my identity. I stalk the shadows. I slit the throats of thieves and killers. I hide from the fame that comes with the work I do. I’ve built a reputation as an ender of lives...despite no one knowing who I am.”

The hero gave him a funny look. “You’re saying we’re incompatible?”

“Well, that’s one part of it-”

He was cut short by Razorwing squeezing him, tightening his arm’s grip around the man.

“Come on, Crux! We’ve been through enough to know that’s nonsense!”

Paul’s eyes narrowed. “Argh. You wanna let me breathe, bird?”

“Very well.” Razorwing let go of him, the pair sitting beside one another once more.

“Hah. Well, besides that...I have an identity to keep concealed. We were able to do that AND work together because, well...we’re in a fog-covered city cut off from the outside world. If we started working together once this is over...I fear your renown, and the attention you draw would...make my secret impossible to keep.”

It seemed to finally dawn on the hero, now. His gaze softened, turning into a saddened, wincing visage.

“Ah. I...I see. You...we can’t...be friends anymore.”

There was a lengthy, uncomfortable pause. Both of them had their heads down, unable to look the other in the eye.

Paul’s voice caught Razorwing off guard.

“You know...you’re the only friend I’ve ever had.”

The archer blinked, eye widening. “Paul…?”

“I, uh...I made an effort to keep my distance from everyone...just so something like this wouldn’t happen.”

The human looked over at Razorwing. The koutu’s head hung low, looking defeated.

“I...there must be something we can do…”

Paul crossed his arms, his weapons checking long forgotten. “Is there...some place you go to all the time? I don’t know if I could leave a paper trail to keep in touch, but if we happened to be around the same places…”

Razorwing smirked. “I’m all over the place. The parades and plays and, well, you know.”

“Of course.”

“Well, my estate’s always open to you. Hey, maybe you could come over sometime and meet Eignach!” “Eignach…?”

The koutu looked surprised. “Oh, I didn’t tell you? We’re...together.” There was a short pause before Razorwing continued hurriedly. “Err, that’s uh, why I wanted to tell you, by the way, that I’m spoken for. I didn’t mean to...hit on you. I-I don’t drink, so, uhh...I wasn’t thinking clearly. My apologies.”

“Don’t worry about it...lightweight.” Paul was grinning. The way the fabric around his mouth was stretching gave it away.

“Well EXCUSE me for practicing a bit of clean living!” the hero laughed and shook his head. “Well, at any rate, we’ve been together for...not too long. We were just friends at first. Poor fellow was expelled from the kingdom during the exile. He grew up in Geralthin. He may be one of my people in body, but culturally, he was a human. Our homeland was alien and frightening to him. I took him in, seeing as he lost his home and...the rest is history.”

“A bird frightened of his own flock…” Paul pulled out his dagger and inspected it for any nicks and scratches.

“I suppose! He’s adapted well, though. You know he was a fan of mine? He was absolutely starstruck when we met. Even fainted and everything!”

“Everyone has a hero to look up to, I guess. You happened to be his.”

“That’s right.”

Razorwing turned to look at the human, still running his hand along his dagger.

“Hey, Paul?”

“Yeah?”

There was a brief moment of hesitation. “Whatever happens out there...we’re a team, alright? I’ve got your back.”

Paul lowered his dagger, turning to look at the archer. His eyes ran over the other man, taking him in.

“And I’ve got yours.” He held a gloved hand out to the koutu, who took it without hesitation. The pair shook.

“Domnall...it’s been a pleasure. Let’s cast these beasts back to the deepest pits of hell.”

Razorwing radiated confidence as he sat up straight. “Hah! The armies of hell themselves will learn to fear our names!”

Paul nodded, a smirk etched in his mask. “That’s what I like to hear. Let’s you and I give em’ something to call hell...bird.”

…

“Looks like everything’s ready.”

“Just about.”

The man and woman were sitting inside a small tent, just the two of them and their supplies. The man was sitting idle, while the woman was chewing on a piece of jerky. He looked at her with a near unreadable expression.

“Hungry?” she asked in between bites. He shook his head.

“Not a fan of jerky?”

He shook his head again. “I don’t care what I eat, Leianna. I’m just not hungry right now.”

The cleric shrugged, still chewing. “Suit yourself.” Taking another bite, she looked off to the side in thought. “Man, all they’ve got left around here is cheese and jerky.”

“Not much else can last months without spoiling,” Lexius noted.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. Food’s food, and cheese and jerky are damn fine.”

Lexius sighed. The priest looked sullen and out of it. Leianna noticed this, and gave him a questioning look.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just...I wish I could have...been of more use.”

“How so?”

The man held his hands out. “I...I was poor support on the field. I’m an awful combatant. I spent half my time here bedridden. I failed to come prepared. I...I even...Leianna, if I had been with you when we split into two groups...perhaps Basilrin’s brother and Tourthun would be-”

“Hey. Monk boy.” Leianna gave him a firm glare, as if chastising him. “Listen to me, you fool. You came here of your own volition. You waltzed into a hellhole full of the darkest beings the world can offer with scrappy armor, a chipped iron blade and a tiny wooden shield. You never trained for combat. You healed a goddamned DRAGON, Lexius.”

He was about to respond, but Leianna put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. “You kicked ass out here. No one expected some guy from a church to make it this far, but here you are.”

The priest lowered his head and laughed. Leianna raised a brow. “Err...Lexius?”

“Heh...yeah, I guess you’re right. No use in feeling sorry for myself. I did what I could. That’s...all you can really do.”

“Hey, that’s the spirit!” Leianna grinned and patted him on the shoulder. “Look, I’ve got plenty of things I wish I’d done differently too, but there’s no turning back the clock. You live with what you do, and you do the best you can.”

Lexius looked up at the cleric hopefully. “Sister Leianna...could you join me in prayer?”

The woman shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” She shoved the rest of the jerky in her mouth, chewing loudly as she rushed to finish her meal.

Lexius took out his cross, from under his armor. The small, wooden symbol appeared hand-carved by him, if its quality was any indication.

Leianna wiped her mouth and took out her own, pulling it from a pouch. The handheld crosses were more good luck charms than anything, not blessed or magical in any way. It was a simple reminder of God, carried on each church member’s person to serve as a constant source of hope and faith.

Lexius bowed his head, cross clutched underneath his hand and held onto by both hands. Leianna followed the gesture.

“Through God and the intercession of Saint Martin, we stand firm against the work of the enemy,” Lexius said, his voice low and clear.

“We thought we may have died and been sent to the underworld for our transgressions, for we are surrounded by grinning faces of demons,” Leianna continued. The pair continued to alternate between each line.

“Even in death, even in the underworld, despite our true odds, we will never waver. Such is the burden of the faithful.”

Lexius’ eyes were squeezed tight as he brought the prayer to a close. “Guide us now, for we do the bidding of the Lord, our God. Allow us to fulfill our duty, no matter the cost. No matter the cost…”

“Amen.”

Despite having reached the end, Lexius did not rise as Leianna had.

“No matter the cost…”

The cleric looked at the priest with a notable degree of concern. “Lexius…?”

“No matter the cost…”

…

“This catastrophe was man-made! I’ve seen it for myself!” Charles stood among a group of humans, the first few militiamen who had answered the call. Several of them, in their light uniforms of cloth and wielding simple weapons, leered at him in disdain.

Though Alexander and the others had been through enough with the magician to trust him, but as he had always been told, the common folk saw him as little more than a monstrous chimera.

“What the hell do you know?!” one of the levies shouted, eliciting cries of agreement throughout the crowd.

“I recovered documents from the college! One of the wizards said himself that he did it!”

“Oh yeah?! Where’s your proof?”

Charles frowned. “I gave them to my friend, the professor. He left with the rest of the citizens in the evacuation.”

“How awfully convenient,” one of the men mused. A few voice called out in agreement once more.

“Whatever!” the dragonoid cried, throwing his hands up, “I don’t care if you believe me or not! The truth will come out on its own!”

“Yeah right. I bet YOU did it!”

“M-me?!” Charles reeled back, “Why would I do that?!”

“It’s in your blood!” Cheers erupted through the crowd at those words, the magician clutching at his shoulders defensively.

“T-that’s not true. I make my own path...my origins do not determine my future…”

“Yeah, right! Say, if you’re one of them...I wonder if you’ve got any secrets you’re hiding…?”

A few men stepped forward, their stances clearly hostile. Their eyes glinted with malicious intent, and their grin were anything but friendly.

“W-what’s this?!” Charles shouted, shaken. He backed up, nervous about where this was going.

“Why are you wearing that?” one of the men asked, reaching out for his wizard hat. Though he grabbed it, Charles threw his arm away, clutching onto the hat possessively.

“Don’t touch me! Don’t touch my things! They aren’t yours!”

The man smirked. “Are you hiding something under there, beast?”

Their approach quickened, even as the dragonoid began backpedaling.

“L-leave me alone! Stop it!”

“Show us what you’re hiding!” Several shouts rang out through the Citadel. Some from the mob of soldiers, some from citizens around the camp that saw what was happening.

Charles, focused on the approaching men, failed to notice a rock behind him. His foot slipped as he tripped over it, falling to the ground on his back. He sat up, and just as it looked like the mob was about to descend on him…

“That’s ENOUGH!”

Blinking, the fallen dragonoid looked over to the source of the bellowing voice. Sure enough, the knight was stomping over, though not in his armor. Still, he had his sword on his hip, and looked suitably authoritative enough anyway. Behind him, a few others followed, most notably Wurie.

“Causing trouble, are we?”

The knight’s demeanor seemed to shake the mob of levies out of it, many quickly backing away from Charles.

“W-we were just-”

“Harassing the people you were sent to help? Yeah, I noticed. What’s next? Gonna mug a few of the wolves? Attack the birds?”

“No,” a single voice answered meekly. The knight scowled at the group.

“Which one of you imbeciles is in command here?” He demanded. A lone soldier answered.

“Captain Howard, sir. He’s outside.”

Alexander stepped forward and grabbed the man by the neck, pulling him close. The others gasped, but didn’t interfere.

“Tell your captain to get his men under control,” he growled, voice dripping with venomous hostility, “NOW.”

“Y-yessir,” he squeaked, stumbling backwards as Alexander released him.

“Crawl on out of here, all of you. You’re not welcome.”

As the group turned to leave back through the sewers, the knight called out one last time.

“If I catch you attacking any more citizens, you’ll be hanging from his majesty’s gallows for treason!”

As the group fled, Alexander turned to Charles, still sitting on the ground. He quickly extended a hand. “You all right?”

“I-I think so.” the magician grabbed the man’s hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet with a grunt.

“Ah...thank you, Alexander.”

“Don’t worry about it. The nerve…!”

Charles smiled as he dusted himself off. “I’m thankful to have friends in such affluent stations…”

The knight grimaced. “I don’t like throwing my weight around, but in these situations I hardly have a choice.”

“What in the world was that?” Wurie asked, “They were like...common rabble! Like the thugs whose fights I had to break up back in the day!”

“That’s what happens with the army,” Alexander noted. He frowned as he looked over to the exit, hands on his hips.

“These aren’t elite soldiers of the king. These aren’t contractors or professionals. These are levies, militia and common folk. They don’t have the discipline a lifer has. Force them to stay on duty without an enemy to fight, and eventually they’ll starting picking their own fights.”

Wurie tilted his head. “Sounds like you’ve dealt with this before.”

“Comes with the territory. Command enough armies and you know the best and worst of it inside and out.”

“Still...unacceptable,” muttered Wurie. He looked deeply wounded by the proceedings.

“Captain? You okay?”

The wolfman shook his head. “It’s...nothing. Just remembering the exile.”

“Similar treatment?”

“Very.”

Alexander crossed his arms. “Things are going to change around here. I don’t know how, but they will.”

Wurie smiled despite himself. “I...appreciate the optimism. I would say I don’t believe it but...I already said that about you saving our people. I fear I’d be eating my words yet again if I said such a thing!”

The knight shrugged, a small smile at the corner of his lips. “Guess we’ll just have to see, huh? So how about…”

A shadow taking up the entire middle of the camp cause him to trail off. While the twilight wasn’t much, it was noticeable now that it was gone.

He barely had a moment to look up before a green dragon dropped down the hole and into the Citadel. Basilrin.

“They are here! The king’s men are here!”

There was a lengthy silence as the crowd looked at one another. A few citizens walked over at the dragon’s call, including the others that had been journeying together with Alexander all this time.

Looking back, the knight gave them a nod. At last, the end was here. Alexander closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’s time.”

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[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

[adelaideattractions]

Three-letter code every hostie dreads

Many a hostie will tell you with a glint in their eye theyve seen it all in the skies. Theres a great horror story from a New Years Eve flight on an unnamed airline. Twin Americans boarded with cannabis gummies in their system and promptly took turns to green out, becoming very paranoid and unwell. The flight attendant said as soon as one of them was manageable, the second brother lost his mind too. From rogue body fluids to gruesome cargo items to privileged passengers these anonymous stories show why the coveted job of flight attendant isnt always the most glamorous. So strap in and prepare for a bumpy ride as cabin crew take to the internet to share their war stories, courtesy of the New Zealand Herald. SOME OF YALL ARE RATHER ENTITLED Reddit user and hostie Zlinerlabs relates a story of sky-high entitlement. Every so often we get the odd straggler who boards last who finds a vacant seat in first or business thinking that we wont know that they are from coach, they said. Spoiler: This doesnt work.

media_cameraThere is so, so much more to the job than simply this. Picture: iStock User Notweirdthrowaway had this to say. Not an attendant but was on a flight with really bad turbulence. It went on for about 10 minutes then the old lady next to me reaches up and presses her button. Attendant walks over to see if the woman is okay, the woman begins to yell at the attendant for the rough flight and that shes been flying her whole life and clearly the pilot has no idea what hes doing. The stewardess just walked away. Another person on the social media platform had a blood-boiler to tell. I remember flying into SFO (San Francisco airport) and going through the final walk-through asking everyone to wake up, buckle up, headrests forward, tray tables up and collect trash, they said. Halfway through, the pilot said, Flight attendants, be seated immediately which indicates a lot of upcoming turbulence. So I quickly started to trot through with my trash bag to my jump seat when a man yelled HEY! I was a few rows past him and he had his cup and wet napkin in his hand. I quickly said, I have to sit down and turned back towards the back galley. I then felt something hit me. I looked back and he had thrown his trash at me and was staring at me like the little (expletive) he was. I heard a few people gasp and everyone in the last eight rows or so was tuned in to the drama.

media_cameraFlight attendants put up with a lot of bad behaviour. DONT TRY TO SWAP YOUR WAY INTO AN UPGRADE User ConstableBlimeyChips is an attendant and this is their pet peeve. A type of behaviour Ive unfortunately seen too much of: Couple will book separate seats, the man in a premium economy seat with extra leg room, the woman in a normal economy seat, they explained. The woman will then play the sad sack and ask another passenger to give up their comfy seat so they can sit together. If the other passenger refuses (usually because they paid extra and literally dont fit in a regular seat), some will even complain to the crew. And all this to save a few bucks on the second premium seat. Doc_Choc added: I never understand the logic of this and how it works on anyone. Ive been the random person in a premium seat a few times, and when asked I decline and tell them theyd probably have more luck if the person in the premium seat traded theirs away. They always act like they hadnt thought of that and then move on to someone they hope is an easier mark. I cant imagine how Id react if someone tried to get the staff to move me. User I_got_em_coach reckons you might just have to play dead. Sir were are going to need you to move. Passenger, clearly reading a book, immediately goes completely limp in seat.

media_cameraWed keep those bare feet off the floor too, kid. IF YOU KNEW, YOUD LEAVE YOUR SHOES ON Please do not ever walk into a toilet with bare feet. I promise you, 9 times out of 10, that is not water on the floor, writes Reddit user HausofDarling. The toilets are often absolutely disgusting and get deep cleaned only at the end of a route For us this could be from one side of the world to the other imagine how lovely they are at the end of a 12 hour flight with 200 people using them. Seeyou_never adds: So many incidents occur on the plane that everyday passengers dont see or consider. My last flight an elderly man accidentally sh*t on the floor, stepped in it, and walked on like it was nothing. Pee and poop happens, all over. I feel like I witness an accident regularly; in their seat or in the lav. People get nose bleeds or their wounds open. Obviously, when we land, it is thoroughly cleaned. But in-flight our resources are limited. DONT CHANGE YOUR BABYS DIAPER ON THE TRAY TABLE. This also happens all the time. Its unsanitary and people use the tray table to eat! DEAD ON DEPARTURE As the crew members continued to list the horrors unknown to plane passengers, things took a dark turn. There is more often than not a lot of horrific things in the cargo, HausofDarling wrote. As flying is the quickest way to transport cargo, passengers may be unwittingly sharing their flight with some unusual items. Usually, the only people who know are the flight deck (pilots) and the manager/senior crew member. Dead bodies, organs, blood are obvious ones, but we also carry everything right up to Formula One car parts, exotic animals, marble tables, oversized televisions everything. HUM is the code for human remains and the cargo most aircrew dread, said user Rosiulia who worked in the booking department of a long-haul airline.

media_cameraDont think it doesnt happen. While there is need for speed when transporting these shipments, the same urgency is not always met when the cargo arrives on the ground. When we have these kind of shipments we need to contact the family to make them aware when the plane lands and when to come to pick up the body, explained Rosiulia. And guess what. The body arrived in Shanghai in time, and no one picked it up for days. Legion3382 has the grimmest of news. Im not a flight attendant but I work the ramp, they said. We do send full bodies on planes a lot. Some in caskets some not. Twice in the seven years Ive been doing this has fluid leaked out of the boxes the bodies are in and got all over the luggage. HORRIBLE LITTLE GOBLINS (YES, US) Sadly for hosties, it their living passengers give them the most grief. The items left behind are perhaps the most unpleasant things kept secret from passengers. People are generally disgusting on planes, acknowledged ex-attendant Boopboopster. People frequently do disgusting things on their tray tables (Ive seen people change diapers, clip toenails and wipe boogers to name a few). However, these discoveries pale in comparison to human faeces under a seat. Nodealreddit chipped in, having dated a flight attendant. One common story was about the Delta miracles. Passengers in wheelchairs would board the plane before everyone else, but they had to wait for everyone else to disembark before they could get rolled out. It is apparently common for people to be healed during mid-flight and no longer need assistance when they reach their destination.

media_cameraIts a tough job. Picture: iStock THANK GOODNESS FOR AUTOPILOT? Giftofnarwhals had this genuinely terrifying tale. I used to work with elderly people, and one of my clients was a former pilot that finally quit when he realised in the middle of a flight his dementia had progressed, and he couldnt remember where he was supposed to be flying to. Meaning he had been flying for a commercial airline with dementia for quite some time before that. A FINAL NOTE Lets hand the final word to Seeyou_never. It is NOT the responsibility of a flight attendant to lift your bag, they said. There are multiple injuries caused from flight attendants lifting heavy bags to be friendly, and then theyre out of the job for months to a year (on average). If you pack it, you lift it. If its too heavy for you, its too heavy for us. On your next flight, spare a thought for your crew and try to chill out on your next adventure. And cross your fingers for a mentally sound pilot and no corpse juice. What are the odds, right? This article originally appeared on the New Zealand Herald and was reproduced with permission Originally published as Three-letter code every hostie dreads https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/travel/travel-advice/flight-attendants-spill-secrets-including-the-sinister-meaning-of-the-code-hum/news-story/90af5f08c90674a44b7cf505c6cca2a4?from=htc_rss

[lesbianyennefer]

ok ive finished andromeda and so im gunna collate my final gathered thoughts below:

All in all its been a good game but for the first time in my life in not just a mass effect but a bioware game i dont LOVE it i cant even say i think its very good - ive even been edging on outright disinterest and boredom at various points throughout. bioware games for all their faults have always made me get fully into their stories get completely immersed in the world and in mass effects case in their characters too. but andromeda is the first time ever that i find myself saying if someone asked me how good it was i would say meh. if someone asked me how the latest installment in my favourite thing to exist on this planet was i would say meh. as someone who for whom the original trilogy is genuinely my favourite thing in existence there arent words for how much it upsets me. im not even like ‘i wanna play again!!!’ like i usually am because im usually still so immersed in the world. here are some thoughts and delving deeper into the things that stood out to me:

- the writing: its poor. there have been a few funny moments and lines and most of the main quest dialogue lines are good but compared to what we are used to from mass efefct it PALES. only one moment of real enjoyment stands out to me in the entire game and that was the movie night one - of the only moments in the game I got happy about like the original trilogy. the writing for dialogue not just with npcs but with companions is often clunky, nonsensical, boring and adds nothing to furthering knowledge/relationships. i honestly couldnt tell you a lot about many of them because the conversations didnt pertain to actually getting to know them. it says in the codex that they all consider me close friends but its never been mentioned that they even considered me one nor can i recall when the friendship actually got going or how we reached the ‘close’ part. similarily a lot of criticism from critics was about the base elements being rehashed from the original and its true. so much has just been copy pasted from the ot in a way that actually makes this version less interesting. the big ‘reveals’ in the story are also so badly done that when jaal mentioned the angara were made by the jaardun is it? i didnt have a wow moment like mass effect has given me in the past i was so confused by everything going on i was just like what? nobody seemed to make a big deal out if either considering an entire race just found out they were genetically engineered. the only real ‘wow’ moment i had in the game was finding out ellen ryder was still alive and jien garson was murdered and even then you cant tell anyone and its pretty much forgotten!! ryder knows that jien was murdered by possibly this benefactor who seems to have ulterior motives for all of them and she also knows the reapers invaded and as far as shes aware eradicated the entire milky way. maybe thats something that should be shared with leadership hmm? (as much as i hate tann)  

- the plot: touching on the last the plot was, to me, nothing to write home about. ive always enjoyed that mass effect has a linear storyline that you get stuck into and follow through at a good pace. now i know they said andromeda was going to be more exploration based game - which i would normally like! - but not when the exploration has almost nothing to do with the main story and is so fucking much that you could play for 3 days 12 hours a day and not get to the next bit of the main storyline!! when you space it out too much the audience - or i - loses all connection with the sporadic main plot and what we are actually supposed to be doing so much so that by the time you go to play the next segment you dont even really know why youre there or whats going on. similarly the plot never made me go :O which the ot did a lot. an example ive mentioned before is that seeing the citadel always makes me go ahhh!!! the nexus by comparison is pretty boring. despite its flaws i love the storyline surrounding the reapers and it always gets me each time i play. sitting her writing this if you asked me to detail the main plot of andromeda i honestly couldnt. i cant remember what i did or in which order. theres no substance or linearity.  

- the exploration: i again cant believe im saying this but swtor a mmo game from 2011 has more interesting open worlds with more MANAGEABLE and relevant side quests than andromeda. they might be beautiful but none of the worlds stood out to me - though i loved elaaden and the downed remenant ship star wars reference. i dont mind doing a few bland side quests but when there in the 50s and they lead you on goose chases across entire planets i begin to get agitated. i cant recall the amount of times i had to go back to planets like kadara for one 5 minute firefight and a couple of lines of dialogue. going through the galaxy map animations, the landing animations, the lift down to the slums then crossing the threshold to actually reach the map to THEN find your destination? yeah im pretty done by then.    

- side quests: tying into the above side quests! bioware hinted theyd learned a lesson from dai and taken inspiration from the witcher 3 for their approach to side quests and they appear to have done neither. there are MORE side quests than there were in dai and i actually didnt mind dais but andromedas have become an issue for me - probably because there were so godamn many. they dont have any baring on the story and they are bland and uninteresting mostly fetch quests. i hate bringing the witcher into this because i dont like giving praise to cd projekt red but the truth is bioware could stand to ACTUALLY learn from the witcher 3. the side quests in that are small in number, long in plot and actually connected to the main story. they dont make you feel like youre straying from the plot, their content is deep and very good and they quite often have major consequences. see triss’ quests in novigrad.  one thing i will say is they did seem to take a little of the last into andromeda. some choices have consequences ie saving the salarians over the krogan. that was pretty cool but still underdeveloped. 

- the relationships: by the end of the story i  can say I love all my squadmates despite the fact that i feel like i barely got the chance to know them (the only one il say i dont know at all well enough to love em is gil who has no content aside from the incredibly uncomfortable jill storyline and i wonder why hes the negelected one hmm?). i loved how they moved around and talked to each other but the amount of times i went round to see them and they had nothing to say was a LOT compared to the fact that in me3 everytime you went to see someone they had something (or multiple somethings) to say often without having to enter into a cutscene style animation just to see if they actually want to talk. in terms of romantic relationships ( i romanced peebee) i was disappointed by how little your romanced companion interjects on the story. at least in peebees case there was very little content and she seemed hardly bothered when my ryder got injected then killed herself and then died AGAIN to save them aside from a little snarky “hands off” comment when the archon grabbed her face. she mentioned a little bit back on the ship but compared to me3 and how liara/garrus/ash/kaidan would interject a lot on mission and have hints to their romance sprinkled throughout it felt like another forgotten thing. not one person on the ship mentioned me and peebee aside from a quick thing from sam when i went to see him in my cabin. also jazzed up sex scenes dont mean anything if the rest of the relationship is bland and overlooked. i prefer liara and sheps me3 scene 10x over peebees (my little gay heart still cries). 

- the music: WHERE WAS THE MUSIC??!?! one of my favourite things about games FULLSTOP and the cherry on top of mass effect has always been the music. to this day i love the atmosphere that noveria creates and vigil makes me fucking cry. the suicide mission gets me pumped and leaving earth leaves a gaping hole in my chest. (diverting a bit even dai had fantastic music. in hushed whispers, the lost temple and thedas love theme are among my faves.) aside from the heleus galaxy map music and the ambient from that one destroyed planet i cant recall a single piece of music that stood out. i can remember about 3 tunes overall the map, the main menu and the one that plays a lot when you fight kett. there wasnt even any proper ambient music for the worlds!!!!! there arent words for how upset i am that theres no fucking mission themed bangers. im just really sad about this.       

i think at the end of the day a big reason for me why i havent loved it is because as ive said before it doesnt feel like mass effect to me. to a pretty great extent i think the reason for this is the decision to move to the Andromeda galaxy. the absence of shep and the crew and the normandy is another huge factor but rather unavoidable in terms of continuing the games, but moving to andromeda has robbed the series of everything that made it mass effect. the mass relays, the citadel, the council, the alliance, earth, thessia, palaven they all made mass effect mass effect. Not to mention the quarians (one of my fave races ever), the drell, the volus, hanar, batarians, vorcha they were all a part of what mass effect IS. even the architectural style of the colonies, the nexus its all different and it doesnt have any connection to the ot and the world it created. andromeda feels like its own game completely unrelated to mass effect and one that when considered on its own has an incredibly shaky foundation and sporadic storytelling. at the end of the day it was fun to pass the time but as a huge mass effect fan i feel it was incredibly disappointing and to be quite honest i dont consider it a part of the mass effect i love.   

[whenismuna]

1-50 :)

:)

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called? mostly just steph/stoof. prefer to be called Big Lesbian.

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read? my bee book, my shark book, my rachel carson biography and my women in science history book :)

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? like...never

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? i just make up a scenario and think lol

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it? i literally never leave my house unless im going to class so i think i could last pretty long

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? depends

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know? michelle

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? usually make it unknown unless i know everyone

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be? probably smell or hearing and id give up the sense of abandonment that i feel from everyone ive ever interacted with

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? if front camera counts too, then a lot

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? i used to think that india was a continent on its own? i had literally zero reasoning i just always thought it was

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? my sweet baby boys :)

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? idk??? i mean its not like a competition yknow?

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections? never

15. Which animals scare you most? Why? none? like actually zero animals intimidate me because i know that if they could kill me, like they dont have morals so theyre just doing what they know idk

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? i will do literally anything to avoid a conflict

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured? the other day like 3 people complimented my bernie pin on my jacket? 

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? everything :-)

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain. if i have a habit of doing something, i will do everything in my power to not break it

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain. i constantly want to talk to people but will also ignore everyone. im sorry.

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits? every time i walk up the fucking stairs

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? very few close friends bc im anxious and in middle/high school everyone hated me

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? wtf?

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? shai and i are convinced we saw a ghost once in a hospital. it was wild

25. What do you think about more than anything else? that one insta pic :) such a happy boy

26. What’s something that amazes you? that one insta pic :) such a happy boy

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why? i mean like you should definitely be honest, but dont be rude yknow? im sensitive 

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest? it used to be cats closet and sammy t’s but theyre both closed :’( so now its the river probably

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? idk

30. Do you have a catchphrase? nah

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them? i think its important to talk about what you believe in especially when people disagree with you because you can learn different viewpoints and where people are coming from. the point where i dislike someone is when their beliefs infringe on other peoples existence/human rights

32. How and where do you prefer to study? i dont know how to study :)

33. What position do you sleep in? one leg bent and the other on the other side of the country and on my tummy

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why? prague :0

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? girl, tall is always a plus, ya gotta be funny boi

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you? well having two older brothers and being the only girl made me have thicker skin so theres that, but my parents also have higer expectations of me bc the boys fucked up constantly and im nothing like them (apparently)

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? id fix my GOTDAM knee! i wanna be able to workout without limitations!!!!!!!!!!!

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? oh lord -_-

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? idk probably like sarah? ive always liked that name

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? it depends...

41. What do you consider unforgivable? a lot. i dont forgive easily tbh

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? depends on what it is. mostly no

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? again, i will not forgive people. like if youre my friend and you fuck up badly, ill still be your friend but ill never forgive you or forget what what you did, believe me. i hold strong grudges.

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? i will die for a single grain of rice.

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain. i like to trust people but others in the past have made it hard for me to do that to people in the future :-)

46. In what area of your life are you immature? all

47. What was the best news you ever received? when i found out i was going to see michelle in japan last year :D

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular? if my words are hurtful i wont say it, but if theyre unpopular i literally dont care

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first? on tuesday but thats whatever i guess... we talked twice and now we dont anymore but its,,, whatever..,, i dont think im friends with people i didnt like at first

50. When do you find yourself singing? when im driving or home alone.

[chaosamplified]

Answer all the questions!

Alisons: Sexuality?

gay 

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

he/him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?

January 23, 2000

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

I think so

Baneberries: Favorite song?

im really feeling Dimple by BTS right now

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

my home family is me, my dad and Cammie. before college I saw my mom once a week. my dad’s side of the family is a bunch of Polaks, my grandma says she isn't polish but we have other thoughts (thats a joke...kind of) they are all mostly not affectionate and they show they care by making fun of each other and if you look at it from the outside it looks like we all really hate each other but thats just how we do things. my moms side is not like that at all, they all pretend to really care about each other but theres a split where half of them are really liberal and the other half is very conservative and borderline racist. I don't doubt that they all genuinely love each other and they do provide for each other in crisis times but they don't really....like each other u know. and the two sides of my family could start world war 3 with the hatred they have for each other 

Begonia: Favorite color? 

steel blue 

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

turtle 

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person 

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

id be a cat they are always so chill and they know they can do whatever they want and they're right  

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

the house I lived in only had 1 story that was safe for children to be in so I was very bad at using stairs until I was 12 because I never had to 

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth? 

if I could do whatever I want id probably visit my mom and apologize for all the things I would never say otherwise. spend some time with Charlie and Lio. tell him all of the things im too afraid to say now. and end the day with Cammie and my dad, probably crying. 

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

greece maybe? somewhere on the Mediterranean that isn't Cassis because I want variety 

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  

not yet

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  

2 in each ear 

California Poppy: Height?  

5′1

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

no but I wish they were real

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  

green sweatshirt, black “skinny” jeans, black vans, green and orange floral hat 

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I kept my closet light on every night for the first like 10 years of my life 

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  

Lio

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

courier new 

Columbine: Are you tired?

eternally (not actually, im chillin right now)

Coneflower: Dream job?

head songwriter/performer/art coordinator/all that shit for a touring solo act (me, im the act)

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

Puppy and Fred were both Dalmatians, and then Allie and Tom who were cats (I still have all of them at home except for puppy)

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Aquarius 

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

ive done lots of things that are worth having me remember, im not sure that ive done anything worth having other people remember 

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  

literally not care at all

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

Cammie I think

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

talking about things when they actually matter 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

I finished editing one of my songs! I performed live for the first time in over a year! I uhhh started growing a penis!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

fine, not extraordinarily good but not bad 

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

not one bit 

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?  

nothing :) sleep?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

fantasy ideal is like. waking up and making out with my boyfriend and then going to an amusement park for a couple hours just cuz we can, spending the evening performing and then getting wasted with that same boyfriend in our luxurious house 

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  

play piano and lay on piano 

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

like 5 that I would genuinely consider friends 

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

I try too hard at some things and not hard enough at other things and never the right amount about literally anything

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

I can see anything as art or potential art 

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  

hm. well. inability to talk about things when they matter. boobs. ugly in general. lazy. the list goes on

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

I really liked creating entire universes. like literal different planets and creatures that live there and relationships between them and the way they live their lives. 

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  

my mom going to jail

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

I picked Sam as a holder name while I was discovering that I was trans because it was very easily gender neutral and started with the first letter of my birth name and then when I came out I still hadn't picked a better name but I didn't want to hear my birthname anymore so I just said I was going by Sam. when I changed it legally I made it Samuel because I no longer related to gender neutrality and I never had a nickname growing up and wanted Sam to be my birthname. Somehow Alexander just came to me as a middle name, I didn't really think about it at all and was doodling things about names and wrote “Samuel Alexander” and was like huh. and didn't think about it for months. and then in class one day I said “guys I don't even have a middle name” and Hailey was looking up names and came up with a couple and wasn't satisfied with her findings and then she found Alexander and was like “ok this one for sure” and I had never even mentioned to her that I was considering Alexander and then I was like well this is it. later I realized that when I was little I usually picked the name Alex as my character names but then decided I couldn't use it because I wasn't cool enough. I still feel like im not cool enough for the name Alex but now I go by Sam to some people and Alex to others 

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Jackson, Michigan. I usually thought that it sucked because theres not a lot for like teenagers to do there. but I was never one of those who despised it there, which is how most people who live there feel. now that im in Ann Arbor I realize that there just aren't a lot of opportunities for what society says teenagers should do, but that we made do. I realize now that Jackson is actually pretty rad and I can't wait to go back there tomorrow. I miss it a lot. 

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

really awful lavender walls with pink, green, yellow and blue butterfly decor everywhere. my sister and I shared it and never changed anything about it from the years of 2003-2012 (2012 being when we moved out)

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  

I kind of mentioned this before. It sucked in lots of ways. I was really suicidal for a long time. I hated all of my family situations. I thought I would never amount to anything, I thought I would never have the courage to come out as anything. I didn't think I was gonna go to college. but I also had some really awesome lovely friends in middle and high school, Max, Hailey and Eli in particular. Eli and I have some differing views and don't talk a lot anymore, and Hailey and I had a really bad falling out, but we had no tension it was great. with Max is where most of my “teenage fun” (?) happened tho. he had a car and we did dumb shit like go to Cascades and random parking lots and grocery stores. we smoked weed once and got drunk once. those days were great and I never thought about my family and was never suicidal when I went out with Max on random high school nights

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

we were moderately close when I was really little, and then my parents started getting divorced and some shit went down between us and we didn't talk for 6 months. when I started talking to her again things were very tense. I didn't like her and I didn't want her in my life at all. our relationship is still strained but I love her now and were never going to agree on everything and she's always going to hold to a lot of her ways, and were never going to have the relationship I wish we did. but she's doing her job as a parent now and thats what I care about. she has a very specific personality based off of pop culture and ive kind of developed some of that in my own life. she's hard to explain

Onions: Tell about your dad.  

until I was like 5 I genuinely thought that he hated me, but in reality he was just stressed and worked all the time and didn't really know how to be a parent. we were never exactly close when I was young, I was kind of afraid of him. then the divorce happened and he realized that I am a person with thoughts and feelings and goals and that he was in charge of helping me develop, now all on his own. he didn't do a great job with that transition, and kind of just started treating me as an adult. but it worked. we got really close and stayed that way for a few years. then he got in a new relationship and all of her children moved in with us and they were awfully behaved and him and his girlfriend treated my sister and I as if we were also awfully behaved even though we aren't, so for that time period I had strong feelings that he wasn't being a good parent and was quite frankly being neglectful, which honestly was true. now that they no longer live with us (them? I don't live there anymore) I feel like our relationships is a lot better. could also have something to do with the fact that ive moved out. now that im rebellious and don't care what he thinks my life is a lot better. aside from parenting, he's a really cool person. he plays guitar and has lots of knowledge about musical equipment, he is the reason I took this path in life and he supports me because that was his dream too. he is also so good at being a mechanic like his customers are so loyal that he moved companies and most of them came with him, he's great at it and has so much knowledge. he just in general has a lot of knowledge and great stories and is very funny. I love him a lot

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my Papa (grandpa on dads side) was my entire heart. he loved me more than anything and I felt the same about him. he died when I was 6 and I can't really get more into it because it is one of the saddest thing that has ever happened to me and I don't think I will ever get over it. his wife, my grandma, has surprisingly been one of my most supportive family members with my transition. she took me to France and not any other grandkids. I think im her favorite no offense. I also lived with her for a long time so we're moderately close. now that im older and don't care what my family thinks of me its really easy for me to talk to her. my grandma on my moms side lived with us 4 months of the year but she had some sort of mental problem that never got diagnosed that made it slightly uncomfortable to be around her, but she loved us with her whole heart and I love her too. her husband I only met twice in my life and I don't care about him at all

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

I met my crush by force 

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I don't really have anyone that I look up to in the traditional sense 

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

in love. making sufficient money off my music that I can take extended break periods and my partner doesn't have to work. having exciting adventures all the time

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

god. lol

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Cammie

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

not to be narcissistic but genuinely probably when I play a whole song on piano and can feel that im playing everything correctly 

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

this is an unfair question! I usually put the nerf in the middle of the night at Michaels story because its lit. 

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

uhhh being abused. haha

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

easy when they are social issues or they don't personally affect me. hard if I have to tell another person my personal views on them or something they do

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

Cammie

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 7 hours with waking up approx 6 times in there 

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

school. sometimes thats not enough and I don't get up

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

I don't have a job

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

I really like my blue/gold/white sweatshirt and the green and orange floral hat im wearing now (bc its from cassis)

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  

gay punk alcoholic wannabe skater kpoppie 

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

I reallllyyyy want a Yoongi funko pop at this moment in time. in general I never know.

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

not knowing if he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

literally 0. i haven't read a book like last march (?) when I sped read The Kite Runner in 48 hours for a class 

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

I have no clue! hahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

unfortunately 

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I want to dye my hair a fun color but am afraid 

[this-blog-should-not-exist]

It’s a blog for a reason

Idk if i’ll keep up with this actually or not but its a blog for a reason, they’re places were you can talk about whatever the fuck you want. I said Id do the same thing with my personal blog but also I follow some friends on that blog and they probably don't want to hear about the stuff I get up to or my little depressive episodes. I mean sure they’ll show their concern but that only goes so far I guess. 

Idk I mean it’s just a place for me to talk, I once started a google docs document where I had the idea to start writing like a guide? i guess you could call it but where I would write the name of someone I knew, one of my friends, a family member, ex boyfriends, whoever then I would create an entry of who they were, their interactions with me, my relationship with them and what I thought of them or their like defining character traits or actions that stood out to me. The benefit with this though I guess is that I can just type whatever comes to mind as i type it. Sometimes it could be organized and tie into older posts if I keep up with it or it could just be on the fly stories and recollections of thing that have happened to me or what I’m feeling at the time. Ive meant or at least had the idea to actually physically write this or start a journal where I could do the same thing but that would take me much longer to do where typing I can do much faster and get more thoughts out. Plus writing for so long and about so much makes my hand hurt after a while and I can’t talk about all I wanted to because I can't keep writing. I don't have that problem with typing XD

I guess I could start with some recent events that have been on my mind. So I guess about like 2 months ago? I had gotten a Tinder. That in itself was an event XD Ive always been both curious and scared of it because in my mind meeting someone on tinder doesn't feel as genuine when meeting someone by chance or passing or words between friends to meet someone new. But I had gotten one and within a few weeks I had made quite a few matches, however none of them seemed really into it. Half of them never messaged me back and only seemed to be there for the sake of getting a match, others may have talked back but didn't seem interested in trying to start something or meet up for a date. I had finally gotten one guy to go on a date with me, I had never really talked to him but Ive seen his face around because we had some friends within the same social group but like I said, never really met or talked to him only seen him on like instagram before. We had gone on one date and texted a bit but he just wasnt for me. I called him a “real flower child” is the best way I can describe it. Now I don't mean to offend anyone but also who the fuck is gonna read all this, this is only my first like text blog post no one really cares its more for me to get this out. Anyway I call him a real flower child because he's very outdoorsy and loves nature and Lana Del Ray and has the whole nose ring piercing, curly hair, circular glasses, he actually said once “the world make me sad” as he took a bath with candles and a bath bomb, he also said “wine makes me cry” which I mean ok maybe wine does make people drunk cry but still its all about his aesthetic. Its a fun aesthetic but that’s just not for me.

After him I had an occasional match but I ran into the same problem where either no one wanted to talk and was just there for a match or they never seemed interested. I had given up on the app really but I kept it around because in the back of my head I'm thinking like alright, its all good, I'm a patient person it just takes some time, you never know I may meet someone actually, and then last week I matched with two guys. One that lives on the other side of Columbus and one that lives just outside of Easton. The one on the other side of Columbus is really cute and had a lot of the same interests and is just kinda quirky and fun, I just haven't met him yet but we both want to meet up. Now the other one I’ll just say J, he lives outside of Easton and I went on my first date with him on Sunday. It was a good day, we had wandered around Easton, gone out to eat and saw a movie. He also has a lot of the same interests as me, video games, some anime, youtube, but thats about it actually now that I think about it. He's a little rough, like more aggressive but in a sarcastic way I guess. But we vibe well together i feel. Shorter than me, has contacts, wears glasses occasionally mostly at home really. He's 21 as well which I mean sure Im 19 but I guess thats where Im also attracted to him because he's a little older, he’s more mature than some of my past boyfriends but also has a childish side like me. Thats where we’re similar. We went and saw Mother! which I guess was supposed to be a phycological thriller but it was really dumb to us, it didn't make much sense. I was during the movie where I first kissed him, I had wanted to earlier as well but I didn’t feel like it was right yet. It made me laugh though that that was the movie we saw and decided ah yes, this is a good movie to kiss and cuddle and hold hands to. 

After the movie I didn't quite want to leave yet because I was getting pretty attached to him that night so we went back to his apartment for the night. I watched him play Skyrim for a bit, he let me try out Overwatch while him and his roommate had gone to get her some pizza. Which I thought like alrighty, this is okay, just leave me alone at your apartment even though I literally just physically met you today. They came back after like a half hour, eventually me and him went back to his room, we made out for a good while on and off. He wanted to take a bath together which I had never done before. My last boyfriend had suggested it but I never really wanted to much. We got the water running for a second but I was really anxious, I had gotten my shirt off but I didn't take off my pants. He was already in his underwear, it took me a second but eventually he also kinda forced me as in getting close and kissing me then pulling down my shorts and underwear. I was really awkward at that point. It took me like 2 months before my last boyfriend had seen me naked and no one before him has seen me naked, its just not my thing its weird, I just don't like it much. But anyway so we had gotten in the shower instead, I was still pretty anxious. My legs were shaking I was hugging my body, it was just generally uncomfortable but within a few minutes I had mostly gotten over it. It just make me feel really weird. After the shower we got out and just laid on his bed for a bit still naked. I had gotten over it by that time but there was still some after feelings that I guess I didn't notice as much since we were making out again. Eventually we but our underwear back on and a t shirt and went to bed after about another hour or so.

The next morning we just stayed in bed really until I had to leave to go back home because mom was wondering where I was, I had texted her last night that I was staying there with him so that was taken care of. Eventually I got home and that was that. He had actually invited me to a party one of his coworkers was having that night but I had already stayed with him one night and I had to but up early the next morning for work so I told him no I couldn't which of course he was pouting over a little but in a playful way that you would when your flirting with someone. So that night I actually ended up going to a party at my other friends house till like 1am but THAT was ok because he only lived like 5 minutes away from home compared to an hour that J lived. That was  Monday night, the first date was Sunday and I stayed with J Sunday night. I worked early on Thursday morning but then he came out to my house that afternoon. We played some Mario Kart Double Dash at my house then drove out to my friends house Ive been housesitting for to technically grab some wires for my Wii but then we ended up taking another bath in their huge bathtub with jets for about an hour and a half which was nice. I was used to being naked with J by now. We watched some youtube while in the bath, made out for a bit again. Then we got dressed and drove back to my house. By the time we got back it was about 1am when I wanted to get to bed because between Sunday and Monday night I had gotten about 8 hours of sleep total. So he left and that was Tuesday. Now yesterday, Wednesday I worked again early in the morning, then I went back out to Columbus and saw J again for a few hours, we played some gamecube again, I went with him to get groceries, then me and him went out to eat. Came back and laid in his bed in our underwear again watching youtube and cuddling and kissing until it was about 11:30 then I went home again. 

Idk what to make of J, I like him, he's the farthest Ive been on a first date thats for sure. I enjoy his company but do I? Or is it just because I haven't had any sort of attention like this in almost 6 months? Like I had said we share some similar interests. Video games, some music, a little bit of anime and legos. He's pretty sweet with me but also he's a little more aggressive than me, which I mean Im okay with kinda. challenge me a little, don't be afraid to playfully challenge and fight me. But don't be an ass about it. Idk theres the other kid on the other side of Columbus who I've been snap chatting as well but Ive been giving J most of my attention.