#i know they probably hadnt much to choose from but still

[beenbaanbuun]

glasses w/ jongho

“you’re cute with your glasses on,” jongho mutters from where he lays on your stomach. his chin digs into the back of his hands which just so happen to have found their favourite resting place atop your tummy. his thumbs rub circles into the soft flesh through the t-shirt you’d stolen from him, “you should wear them more often.”

you roll your eyes, choosing to ignore him in favour of studying the words that fill your laptop screen. the machine rests atop his back, his torso squished firmly between your thighs. you complained when he first pushed your laptop away to make room for himself, but it turns out his back is actually a pretty solid desk.

“they make your eyes look really big,” he giggles, tilting his head like a teenage girl staring at a poster of her favourite pop star. you shake your head, once again trying to ignore him as he attempts to catch your attention for himself, “they’re so huge.”

“telling your girlfriend she has huge eyes under her glasses isn’t exactly a compliment, jongho,” you mutter as you increase the size of the text on the screen a little. it looks wrong so you change it back, “no girl wants bug-eyes…”

he laughs a little at your declaration.

“never said you had bug-eyes, honey,” he lifts his head up just enough to slip one hand out from beneath his chin. you hadnt even realised your glasses are starting to slip down your nose until jongho pushes them back up with his finger, “i said they were big.”

he resumes his previous position, well almost. whereas before both hands were above your, well his, tshirt, this time he slips his hands underneath to rest against your bare skin. his fingers dig in a little as he holds the flesh firm in the palms of his hands. you should’ve known, you scoff to yourself as he lays his head back down with a content smirk on his face.

“you said huge, actually,” you correct, “and it’s still not a compliment, jjongie.”

“why not?” he replies instantly, “i happen to like it when your eyes look like i’m staring at them through a magnifying glass,” he ducks his head just in time to miss the scolding tap you try and give him. he giggles more, and you can’t ignore the way his socked feet kick against the quilt. it made you wonder how he had the audacity to argue whenever you call him cute.

you tut at him as he hides his smile against your tummy, quickly bringing a hand up to ruffle his fluffy hair. he leans into your touch, just like always.

“if you carry on, i’ll stop wearing them completely,” you grumble. he knows you’re not being serious, but the glare he gives you in return is still scolding enough to make you regret even joking about it.

“shut up,” he pouts, “you know i think you’re pretty when you wear them.”

you do. he tells you every time you wear them.

“you told me they make my eyes look huge,” is all you have to say in response.

he looks at you incredulously for a second before starting to move. he pulls his hands from beneath the tshirt, placing them either side of your waist so he can manoeuvre himself further up your body. you have mere seconds to catch your laptop before it clatters to the floor and smashes. you place it to the side and open your mouth to scold jongho, but before you can he catches you in a quick kiss.

it’s only moments before he’s pulling off of you again, but it’s long enough for you to get the message - shut up and listen to your boyfriend. you’re more than happy to oblige. especially when he’s wearing that adorable pout.

“you know why i like it when you year your glasses so much?” you shake your head. he hums as a smile stretches over his face, “it’s because they make your eyes look so big. it means i can see all the pretty little details,” he leans down to kiss your nose. you scrunch it up, causing him to laugh as he pulls away. not by much, just a few inches, “like, did you know that in your right eye, on the left side of your pupil, there’s a tiny little fleck of gold? it’s so tiny that you probably can’t see it without them. and your right pupil is always a little bigger than your left, too!”

you didn’t know that. it’s interesting, you guess.

“so you like them because you can study my eyes?”

he shrugs, “i guess,” he says, “but i also just think your eyes are insanely pretty, and having them magnified this much?” your eyes narrow as he teases you, but he pays no mind, “it’s like i’m looking at them through a telescope!”

“you’re annoying,” you grumble.

“so are you,” he refutes.

you pull a face, “if you tell me im ‘annoyingly pretty’ or something cheesy like that, i might puke.”

he shakes his head.

“no,” he smiles and places a tiny peck against your lips, “i’m just letting you know you’re annoying.”

[hannieehaee]

teasing you over your crush on them - vu

hhu, vu, pu

content: gender neutral, very minimal angst, fluff, the crush is kinda implied to be reciprocated.

wc: 705

a/n: i took so long to get to the pu version of this sorry T-T

masterlist

jun -

you'd have to be a bit obvious for him to notice your crush, honestly. someone wouldve probbaly had to point it out to him, telling him that your crush was obvious to everyone but himself. this would change everything for him, instant imaginary lightbulb lighting up in his head. he'd somehow think itd be a great idea to fluster you on purpose to test out your crush, but would grow immediately addicted to his effect on you, amping it up more and more as time passed.

your distancing from him would be noticed almost immediately, with you avoiding him when he'd seek you out. he would feel so dejected (and even a bit hurt) by your sudden dismissal. he'd give you a bit of time alone before confronting you, apologizing if he ever made you feel bad. he had just been so excited at your feelings that his own feelings took over, not leaving him room to consider anything else. you'd make up pretty quickly, with him promising that he'd be the flustered one in the relationship from now on to make up for his actions.

soonyoung -

it wouldve taken A LOT for him to realize you liked him. he thought you were just being nice! would grow immediately overexcited at the thought of you liking him, now going on a mission to constantly impress you whenever he had the chance. would eventually even grow the balls to tease you about it, trying to incite you into returning his flirting.

would feel extremely dejected if you pulled away from him at his flirting. did he read it wrong? did you not actually like him? fuck, did he ruin a friendship over some stupid jokes? eventually he would approach you, pout adorning his face as he asked you why you didnt like him like that. he liked you like that. why was the concept of him liking you so bad that you had to keep away from him? would be shocked but happy at you returning his feelings, explaining that maybe you had misunderstood his reciprocation for teasing.

minghao -

he can be a bit of a smartass at times, so it wouldnt be surprising if be felt a bit elevated at the thought of you having a crush on him. itd start with him chuckling whenever you were flustered at him, eventually evolving into straight up throwing sassy comments at you that would have your face heating up. he just found your reactions so cute, he couldnt help himself.

he'd immediately notice you begin to distance yourself from him at his teasing, deciding to open a line of communication with you right at that moment. would not want to risk having hurt your feelings over something he considered to be some lighthearted fun. it'd be a bit awkward for you, but he would talk to you about your feelings, letting you know that he hadnt meant to make you feel bad, but had found you so endearing he couldnt help his teasing. this would likely be the start of something between the two of you.

chan -

the moment he noticed your crush, he would instantly make jokes about it any time the two of your bantered or joked around each other. wouldnt think too much of it, although it would bring him a bit of an extra confidence boost knowing that you held a torch for him. he was already a pretty charming guy (damn anything his elder brothers had to say about it!) so it wouldnt be hard for him to fall in the habit to subtly flirt with you in the middle of banter.

if he ever noticed that maybe his flirting or his jokes went a bit too far, causing you to drift away from him, he would feel instant regret. feeling like a fucking dumbass, he would immediately go to his brothers for advice, who would all scold him and tell him to apologize. would probably still feel too awkward to do it, choosing instead to give you some space. this would only last so long as his own resolve broke, missing you too much and seeking you out to apologize, maybe even confessing his own recently discovered feelings for you.

[chevelleneech]

See so i think jikook are close def that much i can say, but i dont think they are in a relationship or a serious one at that , i mean we are pretty sure that jk had teh thing with the women (which people for some reason dont agree with or say its a cosplayer , who has teh exact same hairstyle, floorplan, walls, dog, sofa and lights , mannerisms, apartment and very soon after that jk said that "saesangs are still here" , so i dont whats there to disprove over here for those relegious jikook people) and then jm has with the actress who posts his apartment pics, and all of this happened esp with jk at that period when they admitted they werent talking at all, and wouldnt have if they hadnt met, throughout ct it felt that jk was sort of anxious, bored, distracted more like it and felt was upset, all of this also points that maybe they had a fallout a major one perhaps, but now they are better bc hell they went to military together. But all of this factually also puts out that jk and jm are not dating, jk is having his fun, with prob diff people, relationships and same prob with jm. Tae was with jennie, and even rm had a long committed relationship until recently it seems from rpwp songs. so all of this people fighting over taekook vs jikook and how jk seems abusive is redundant , bc they arent in a relationship either of them. what are you thoughts about it.

You including the “Jungkook was anxious and irritated and upset” line tells me you’re a Tkkr trying to hide your hands, lol.

Jungkook may have been nervous at the start of their trip to Connecticut, because Jimin was too, as they both mentioned it’s the first time they’re hanging out after a bit of not seeing each other. But this attempt at highlighting JK only, and saying he seemed uninterested in whatever ways, has been the one thing Tkkrs clung to since the first episode, and it is baseless.

Jungkook is allowed to feel however he felt, but we also all watched the damn show. He was smiling and happy during every single episode thus far, and reiterated his joy many times over. He also said during the first episode that he wanted to keep traveling and filming with Jimin after enlistment. He wants to do it until they’re 50. Was he exaggerating? Most probably, and him being tired at some points was a given due to him being in the middle of promoting his solo work. Outside of that though, he was happy and willing to do the show.

Jungkook and Jimin traveled together because they chose to, because they wanted to. So whatever was going on behind the scenes between them, is something we will never know the full picture of. So if you don’t think they’re together, okay, but I don’t think you ever did, because I’m pretty sure you are a Tkkr anyway.

Regardless of what you ship though, smoke and mirrors are not good indicators that people are dating. Jimin and Jungkook flirt and put their mouths on one another. They choose each other over and over, so no matter the fact that there is a woman claiming to be or trying to insinuate she is Jimin’s girlfriend. Without him ever confirming that, she’s just a weirdo.

Not to mention, why would any of their actual partners post the way she does? If Park Jimin was my man, I do not need to vague post and try to show off bits and pieces of our lives to convince his fans of it. Never mind the fact that it’s his private life. So if they are together, unless Jimin is okay with her stirring shit up in the fandom and posting his house on IG… that’s not something a grown woman, who is famous adjacent herself, dating an incredibly famous person would do.

In comparison, Namjoon and his potential boyfriend situation is the near exact opposite of what that woman is or was doing. We have no idea who the man (or men) is in the pictures Namjoon himself posted. Maybe some people do, idk, but the point is, there is no way to determine who they are nor what they mean to Joon outside of fandom speculation. Yet the speculation makes sense and is believable, because Namjoon himself played into it. He wasn’t deterred by people questioning his sexuality nor relationship status, he posted a heart over a man’s face, and was posting all types of loves songs as he traveled with his family and a man. Yet when he seemingly had his heartbroken, he deleted all photos of the emoji covered man (or men), started talking shit about relationships, and posting sad queer music.

That, imo, is how I believe a relationship between any BTS member would go. Not the heartbreak, but a “quiet launch”. Tae and Jennie were even along similar lines. They unfortunately didn’t post their pictures themselves, but even in the middle of the drama, they kept seeing each other in public spaces. They just didn’t publicize their whereabouts.

So if two members of the group can seemingly date both famous and presumably non famous people, and take pictures and be seen out and about with them, why can’t Jimin? Why is his relationship shrouded in mystery, and only fueled by the woman claiming to live with him all the while he makes no move to imply there’s truth to the rumor?

If he and JK have absolutely nothing going on, why is he out here letting his girlfriend look goofy, all the while biting hickies on a man? While flirting with a man on live and asking him to get naked? While traveling with the same man, getting his ass slapped by him in bed? Enlisting in the military with said man, using a program that keeps them together the entire time?

So again, you don’t have to ship Jikook nor think anything of them, but if you’re going to pull in Taennie and Namjoon’s possible situation to use as examples of the members dating, keep it steady across the board. Jimin and Jungkook’s speculated relationships with women do not match up with Taennie nor Joon’s situation, yet Jikook does.

They travel, sight see, share meals, stay up late, take cute selfies, and cuddle up. So what makes Jikook less likely, aside from them being in the same group for a decade? Which only adds reason to why they may have had some communication issues or whatever, and needed time apart.

[mekatrio]

literally so much has happened in tota jfsdjvnsjafk so here are some of my thoughts bc. So Much. has happened. and i think this is a good moment in gameplay to step back and review things before Even More Stuff Happens and i forget these thoughts. wanted to do this last night but i was too sleepy so 😗

where i am currently... literally just left the house and reached yulia city after lowering the outer lands like wow. the game was reallyyyy hyping up the battle with van to be The Last Battle but like theres no way right..... i didnt know what to expect but a one month timeskippy skip was not one of them so. this will be interesting. but ill babble more abt that later ummmm i think ill pick up from. natalia and her father making up.

that was a really sweet moment.... and Yes i did cry and also OMG the english voice acting in this game is amazing. i think its really cool how neither natalia or luke are the 'true' heirs to the throne although their situations are completelyyy different. though i do kinda feel like it came out of nowhere LOL while i love the story so far i do think it has some weak parts, primarily with its build up.. like the game is very dense with arte mechanics lore + politics and i dont think it does the best job of easing it into the story. theres a lot to take in and even now theres still stuff i dont completely understand like what. is an isofon. and also how come asch can make hyperresonances too Huh i thought only luke could cuz hyperresonances are when two 7th fonons collide and luke being a replica kinda made two 7 fonons in him but apparently no. what. huh. and also another instance i remember is like, as of Now i know that the score is a big deal, but before the legretta boss fight i didnt really get that cuz luke (and by extension me) was too busy learning basic societal conventions and the importance of the score was not one of them. so like yeah. still enjoying the game in spite of this but it could stand to be smoother

moving on um. let me babble abt guy. guy is a wonderfully complex character likeeeee the type of dude i love to rotate in my mind. skilled at hiding their negative feelings which is sooo interesting in conjunction with the time hes spent w luke and the fabres, bc he has a very valid reason to hate them, BUT he also genuinely cares for luke. probably. like its spelled out by the game that luke deliberately chooses to trust guy despite him having every reason to betray him and that is just SOOOO compelling and interesting like wow. and its also incrediblyyy compelling that guy is able to deeply sympathize with our main antagonist van bc they are both survivors of hod and its just like.... yeah very fascinating dude.

also interestingly enough i think tear's character narrative is the weakest to me despite being a character we've been around the longest? like shes similar to guy in that they both have close relations to the main antagonist, but guy had actually experienced the same thing that van had experienced, while tear had only heard abt it second hand. shes got her loss of faith in mohs / the score / the order going for her + her miasma sickness, but the story hadnt really touched on that tht much. with that said tho, i hold faith that the rest of the story will adequately flesh out the rest of her character, bc theyre gonna have to resolve her miasma sickness at some point and i think that's when she'll get her proper arc, along with asch's and van's characters which are also currently unresolved.

also my currently favorite moment of hers is from one of her training flashbacks with legretta, where in the present day she knocked out a monster that was about to attack luke, and in the flashback legretta killed a knight that attempted to attack tear. and legretta was telling her um... fuck i didnt take a picture so i cant precisely remember X( but it was something about the value of life, and showing enemies no mercy. but tear defied her and moved on from her teachings bc she chose to heal the monster bc it had children nearby. and that was a very sweet moment to me :') im looking forward to having more tear in the storyyyy

also speaking of legretta. jesus christ the sheridan massacre was crazy... and unexpected too. the antagonists are really crazy huh. like obvs they make a point abt freeing one self's from the score / "fate" but also like... the War Crimes.... idk ill have to see where the story is taking this but how it stands right now its like... compelling but also kinda weird because the question tota poses is... kinda theoretical?? but also not?? cuz a lot of whats being questioned is abt the score, which we, real world people, Do Not have a modern world equivalent for.. but its also not completely abt the score and is kinda like saying, "Is it ok to hurt others if it's believed prosperity will be achieved from it?" which is also kinda like saying "Is there any justifiable reason to destroy others?" and also when you throw replicas in there its like "For what reason are you alive for? If the reason for your life is already dictated, must you follow it?" something like that...... also im curious abt how the game will frame the church in the end bc like... ya mohs and the oracle knight are portrayed negatively, but our homie ion is shown positively like... its surprisinglyy nuanced but i wonder if it will steer around w that at the end. especially considering the numerous mentions of the church subsisting from donations which well... Can Be Problematic, to say the least.

speaking of the problematic church.... aniseeeeeee 🥺 at first i wasnt very interested in her character bc a young boy-crazy girl is a trope that im kinda sooooo over with.. but then it turned out that omg? anise isnt that at all but is actually a gold digger LMAO that is awesome?! and its very compelling how her reasoning for being one is very sympathetic, with how her parents are poor followers of the church and anise is trying to attain a better life for both them and herself. and the way we learn that shes not really boy crazy is really cool too with how she does a 180 and becomes completely (and justifiably) nasty to luke after akzeriuth, i think her meanness and brattiness is sooo awesome. but shes also very kindhearted like the.. oh....

this made me very teary eyed like T_T oh..... to see the first time we ever see anise crying is over someone who she probably used to be friends with.. and also how shes also been shown being sympathetic to dist, jade's former kinda maybe friend.. she is a very great character and not at all what i thought she'd be like initially, which im very thankful for.

also i fucking love her dynamic with jade it is SOOO awesome AND funny af cuz like, when u see these two you might expect a fucking, endearing older man looking after a younger child dynamic. but thats not what u get with these two at all, they are two very capable soldiers and jade is shown to rely on and trust anise and vice versa, and also jade is a very haughty and somewhat mean-spirited person, and anise can match with that perfectly. like when jade was being a well meaning douche casting suspicion on guy, which led to luke restating his decision to trust in guy, anise followed up with teasing jade like 'awww youre going soft on them teehee XD'. and also like this convo is so awesome

where epic observant anise points out to jade that 'Hey you care about these people dont you?' and its SOOO awesome that this is when jade realizes like 'LOLLLL apparently i do!!! 🤣'

and JADEEE like omg he is also a really cool character because like. during that moment where his sister speaks alone with luke to warn him 'hey my brother is Fucking Crazy and you are a Science Experiment so Watch out' i laffed bc it kinda felt like it came out of nowhere to me, but as the game progressed and jade's genius became more evident + when he admits this

thats when it really clicked to me that ohh..... jade is kinda Apathetic Af. and yet i find it very VERY cool that despite lacking empathy for others, jade is portrayed rather positively. like yes he's made unfathomable mistakes and has hurt others and yes he lacks basic empathy But he still cares about others enough to help everyone to save the world and he cares abt the party members in his own weird way like i think this is the first time ive seen a character that lacks empathy being portrayed positively like this and i think thats really really awesome.

i have a lot more to say but um i kinda wanna stop putting down my thoughts and play the game instead LOL so im stopping here yayy

[thedoover-if]

I don’t know if you need to hear this…Pleeeeeeease don’t change your story for pressure! (I think there might be more…disagreement in the future). Write it the way you wanted to. Forgiveness or the opposite despite the time passed, is also a valid topic for a FICTIONAL story. And as I’m sure of, a lot of people (at least me) want to read that path and they are here because of it.

The MC and their EX may not end up together again but from the sound of it, both of them could use some more closure. As long as there’s some way that give the readers freedom to move on/opt out from them or hold a grudge (can we do a slap lol). Just let readers choose. (there gotta be a lot of writing and coding involved lmao)

I been looking forward for this story because all the characters are 30+ and has been through all sorts of shit in their life. Hope everything goes well!

*anyway, u don’t have to answer this and English is not my first language but at least, I hope I get the support through:)

hi thanks so much for this lovely message!!!💗 i definitely wont change them or the story i want to write and by the way i wouldnt even have known english isnt your first language if you hadnt mentioned it!!!!

LOL you could probably do a slap but not sure if the ex would remain still instead of swerving

[safetycar-restart]

Okay now that I have notifications again (thx tumblr) I’m back. And with sb!Mick.

You’ve been really busy at work, and Mick has been doing his own things, making sure everything is as it should be, but neither of you have really had time to spend the time that you want together. So, you basically end up scheduling an all-day meeting one day and arrange to work from home. Mick knows about this and thinks it’s an actual meeting but you surprise him with a lovely breakfast in bed and cuddles when he wakes up.

Mick is so genuinely surprised and touched by this that it’s almost overwhelming and he tears up, but he lets you pamper him all day and neither of you wear many clothes for the duration of your ‘meeting’. You end the day watching your show together, and Mick falls asleep on your thigh.

I am so happy to see you in my askbox again!! And I think that the sugar baby au is criminally underappreciated, especially soft thoughts in that au, so this is just amazing.

Firstly, I think Mick is a pretty high needs sugar baby? In the sense that he really needs constant reassurance that you actually enjoy being with him and buying him things and letting him stay at home while you work.

If you leave him for too long, he'll get caught up in his own head and think he's not good enough and just be so sad.

Most sugar babies are happy to have a few days to themselves, but not Mick. Mick wants to be with you every single day, because he's your sugar baby! He needs the attention and affection far more than he needs the gifts and money. He'll get all sad and pouty if you don't have enough time for him, and no amount of expensive gifts can make him smile again, only being with you can do that.

This time, you had already warned Mick that you would be having a very busy two weeks where you'd be working very long hours and overtime on the weekends and you probably wouldn't have time for him. You felt so bad, but it couldnt be avoided.

Mick, because he's just the best, tries so hard not to show how sad and lonely he is, because he understands that you didnt choose this and he can see how stressed you are. He would never want to make you even more stressed by showing you how lonely he's feeling.

He still does all his day to day things, still cleans the apartment and takes the dogs for jogs and goes out with friends. He needs to keep up appearances so that you don't get too worried about him, but of course you can see right through him.

You can tell just how lonely and sad he is, and it breaks your heart, but luckily you had expected this. That's why halfway through the second week, you took a day of work. You booked the day in your shared calendar with Mick as a meeting the whole day so that he would have no idea.

When Mick saw that you had one very long meeting, he got even sadder! Usually you'll text him between meetings, just a quick message to let him know you're thinking of him and love him and he looks forward to those messages so so much. He thought that if you were in such a long meeting, you probably wouldn't get any time to message him and that just breaks his little heart.

So on the Wednesday, he wakes up in a very bad mood because you aren't in bed so he thinks he's somehow slept through your alarm and you're already at work. Which means he thinks he didn't even get a kiss goodbye!

The poor thing is nearly in tears when you suddenly appear in the bedroom, carrying a tray of breakfast with a flower. At first he's confused, asking why you aren't at the meeting.

When you explain to him that there is no meeting, but that you felt you hadnt been giving him enough attention since you've been so busy so you took a personal day to spend with him, then he really starts crying. How could he have gotten this lucky?? He has no idea.

You hand feed him breakfast in bed between kisses, and of course you can't resist and simply have to give him a handjob too. Being so busy meant that mick hadnt been getting the sexual attention he was used to either and the poor thing was so worked up! He's so so sensitive and in just a few strokes, he was spilling all over your hand and shaking again, mumbling thanks over and over again until you bring your hand up for him to lick clean.

The whole day is spent like that, cuddling and talking and fucking, just making sure that your sweet sugar baby is getting all the attention he needs.

Mick, meanwhile, is in heaven. This is exactly what he needed without even knowing. He just lets you pamper and play with him the whole day, allowing his body to just be a plaything for you, which is exactly how he likes it.

You take the dogs on their walks together, stopping at a little cafe for coffee and sharing a treat before walking home again. Mick is all smiles, so so happy that he got to spend the entire day with you like this.

Maybe after that, you start letting Mick come with you more? If you're working from home, then he's allowed to come sit with you while you work, and if you're just in your office not doing meetings then he's allowed to sit on the couch. He just needs to be with you and then he's happy.

[evilcatgirlwizard]

an idea keeps haunting me

we werent soulmates, but our souls will always remember the others' shape. in our last lives we hated each other, we were rivals, we were obsessive and possessive and cruel. we fought like hell and if we hadnt come to an agreement we would have killed one another. but as fate had it we were stuck with one another for a greater prize than your blood on my hands (or my blood on yours). as we grew complacent with one another we forget where the line of passionate hate and passionate love was penned. i always admired your cunning (exclusively for cheating) and you admired how i hurt other people more than i had ever hurt you. maybe we even still fight, but our fights resemble lovemaking more than violence. i miss your flesh between my teeth. you miss my hair in your white knuckle grip. we work well together, and somehow, life becomes peaceful. i cant say i love you, but we know. we both know.

then we die.

and our souls remember one another even as we are put into lives that are less violent and stressful. we lock eyes and its like a bomb goes off--i hate you, i love you, i need you. i dont even know if the line between how much i hate you and how much i love you exists. you are everything, and i dont know why. you look at me like a tasty piece of meat or a tantalizing foe rather than the strangers we are. were. cant be. some people call it weird, and theyre right, but after a life of hell its nice to only need to bite you because you like it rather than to tear shreds of safety or food or necessity from your hands. its nice to have a hand in my hair that can choose whether to tug or not based on our conflicting opinions on breaking bad rather than if i admit i stole from you.

the peace does feel weird though. we didnt notice it before we slotted together like puzzle pieces--the peace is weird. we're anxious and paranoid when around one another, our souls conjuring images of forgotten foes in the shadows of your shitty studio apartment. we really should break up and go see psychologists. we wont. theyd probably tell us wanting to eat one another alive is unhealthy and weird. but we know better

[rottentiger-art]

tag people you would like to get to know better

Thank you @gigantomachy1916 and @litterateur97 for the tag!! It's crazy how much we have in common lol

1. Three Ships

Ooof, I got so many, I'm gonna put the three I'm currently obsessed with (bc I'm not sure I could choose just three as favorite)

Vegebul, my beloved, my OTP, the light in my life, the best anime couple imo

Trumai (yes, both versions), the successor of Vegebul, they have me in a hold just as strong as them, it's such a weird but fun pairing, I adore them

Hurrem x Suleiman (look at themmmmm) everytime suleyman spoke his poems to hurrem I melted, no ship has ever have such romantic quotes. Plus, i use a lot of their scenes for royal aus, it's just gold

I know you said three but I gotta give an honorable mention to Lawmane, who's ever present in my mind, even if I dont post about them as often as before. They would've been THE couple if only Misa hadnt fallen for that gay republican

2. First Ever Ship

I think it was either Sparrabeth or Quogan, I'm not too sure (Quogan was the first ship I've read a fanfic of tho). I'm still obsessed with both, maybe more than when I was younger. I remember wanting Spareabeth to be endgame and to know more of Quogan's life after the show's end, but now it's a NEED

3. Last Song

Funeral by Mon Laferte. It's an amazing song, it speaks of being in a loveless/passionless relationship and wondering how it got that way and wanting nothing more than for it to finally reach its end. My favorite part goes something like this: "While I prepare breakfast I feel so terribly alone, suddenly I want to die, I want to run away from you. I wish I was on the ocean, letting the waves carry me away, I want to stop breathing; dont wake me up, I want to keep dreaming about our funeral" not a perfect translation, but you get the point. The narrator feels so helpless and is so desperate to find a way put an end to that relationship, other part of the song reflects her regret on how they both let the relationship die and wishes she could go back in time and prevent it, but nonetheless their love has died and they're both wasting their time by still being together.

I listen to it a lot when I need to think an angst AU or something lol. But the singer is so good and shows such emotions through her voice, it makes me relate, even tho I've never been on that situation (thankfully)

If you want to get into Hispanic music, I definitely recommend Mon Laferte, she's one of my favorite artist, "Se me va a quemar el corazón" is another amazing song of hers that I recommend.

4. Last Movie

The Menu (2022)

Amazing movie, it was fun and light to watch and not to be taken too seriously + it has my gf Anya Taylor-Joy (ORGULLO ARGENTINO), I took a peek at its tag on ao3 out of curiosity and I'm embarrassed to say who I'm shipping now, but if you know me, you can probably guess

5. Currently Reading

Nothing new, I've re read my favorite books, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and Chronicle of a Death Foretold by GGM. The little prince was the first book ive ever read, I always heard it's a book you should read as a kid and then later as an adult, and my God, it's true, it's a completely different experience. 6 yo me thought it was a fun book about a man hallucinating in the desert, 24 yo me cred like a baby full of longing for a childhood I didn't appreciate and grief of the kid in me that inevitably died as I grew up and became an adult.

I never tire of reading CoaDF, everytime I expect the end to be different even tho the very beginning tells you what's gonna happen.

I dont have much time, so I choose those too bc they're a short read. However, I'm gonna start to reread asoiaf books too, bc I can never get enough of them

6. Currently Watching

Like I said, I have no time, so I stick to Sitcoms I can put on the bg while I work. I'm currently rewatching The Nanny, I forgot how much I loved it. And I swear, I'll start dressing as Fran as soon as I have time to buy new clothes, her style is just, mwah chef's kiss, obsessed.

And omg, I forgot how slow the burn in this show was, its Season 5 and they're still not dating!!!! Immabout to throw gasoline at them!!!!!

7. Currently Consuming

I ordered some Pizza, it should be here any moment, I'm sure you can guess why

8. Currently Craving

TIME PLEASE, I NEED TIME TO BREATH, I HADNT DRAW ANYTHING IN SO LONG AND ITS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH

I also need to finish my fic and socialize more. So I crave time, I need a vacation.

9. Tagging

@tomwise @emcads @littlewomenpodcast @mslilylashes ❤ anyone that wants to do it, feel free to!

[stealingbones]

can i just,, rant about south park? (spoiler warning obv)

I never thought id be into basic american adult tv buthere we are- I recently got into it, feb 19th i started watching and finished the whole 26 seasons and two games (sot and tfbw) in a month. Just finished tfbw game earlier today and almost lost my mind fr bc wth man.... anyway, theres your background for how mentally ill i am, now-

South park characters have so much detail in their characters, right down to the little things, like cartman having to finish singing sail away or kenny liking oragami, like??? i love the little character details that nobody thinks about hello??

Its so hard to take them seriously with that stupid artstyle (the artstyle has grown on me and i love it sm but still, theyre hella goofy) but seriously some parts cut deep- especially the whole fucking covid thing, never in my life did i think id cry at fUCKING SOUTH PARK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I see a lot of angst and it actually makes sense??? And just,, a lot of stan's stuff is really depressing, i hate the episode(s) 'youre getting older' holy fuck. The fact that stan knows how to drive at 8 years old most likely because his dad is an alcoholic who drives drunk too is graaAAA,, I feel so bad for butters too, the innocent child who gets all the trauma dumped on him 💀 none of the kids in south park are safe from trauma, not even 'new kid' (they fr made you choose a parent, dude.....) one of my favorite serious moments though actually is when kenny tries to get them to remember his deaths, the like "TRY AND FUCKING REMEMBER." is so dramatic and im fbedhunfinjecnijef

also cartman being the only one to remember kenny's deaths waa,, Cartmanland he says 'what kenny? he dies all the time' and when kenny tries to make the others remember,, cartman isnt there so á, then cartman isnt shocked when kenny escapes wherever tf cthuhlu sent everyone. cartman did drink kenny's ashes so that could be the reason he remembers epic

also also, i didnt even think about it before until i seen just kenny and kyle at the bus stop, but stan and cartman moving away and just having two of the main four left at the iconic bus stop scene is so upsetting,, I enjoy the older seasons best 💔 Like season 10 and earlier man,, their early seson voices too omg <3 When they started doing season long stories was kind of annoying (edit bc new episode dropped, they put cartman back lmao,, still missing stan though man...)

Switching topics- No wonder style is more popular than stendy, it has more content than stendy even though theyre cannon dating 💀i think cartman and wendy interaction more actually. Wendy's kind of cool and i wish theyd make an effort to show her and stan together more often (even small things like they do with creek) and a few times its even shown how little stan cares, like with the texting thing or the time they broke up for a bit stan had said he hadnt talked to her for weeks... Stan doesnt deserve wendy tbh, i also always forget she killed someone for stan lol, they really dialed her crazy back,,

I probably have more random thoughts but these are the main ones,, the little guys have been doing laps around my brain for a month straight and i feel like im going to explode

[estellamiraiauthor]

So, can someone help me figure out what I did wrong here? (Or not… I think it’ll make me feel better just to vent even if no one interacts but feel free to comment if you see something I could’ve done differently.)

So I’ve been reaching out to a couple of artists lately about commissions. Most have been great, and I’ve got one commission underway already and am considering a couple of others. But this one artist like… rejected me as a client and I don’t know why.

As a bit of background, this artist was one who had done Phantom-related stuff before, and the VERY first question I asked was whether they would be okay with drawing characters from MY retelling. Personally, I don’t see all the different retellings and reimaginings as “competition” because I think people who are interested in one version are MORE likely, not less likely, to seek out others… but I knew it COULD be an issue and asked, and they said it was fine. So at that point, when they had a super easy out, they were apparently interested in potentially taking my commission.

So I provided my character info files, which admittedly have more information than anyone needs for any one artwork, because they’re master files that I use for ALL commissions. They include some visual references including past commissions, some written physical descriptions, and stuff that may not be important like age and place of birth and personality, which is there for reference, and if an individual artist doesn’t care about it they don’t need to read it.

I also provided a file with a description of the specific scene I wanted. I gave a short description of what I wanted drawn, and maybe a 1.5 page excerpt from my actual book. Again, this is for reference… it seemed to me that having what happened immediately before and after the specific moment I wanted drawn might help with the emotional aspects like facial expressions and body language? But again, it was there for reference; i figured too much information was better than not enough, and it was a page and a half, not an entire chapter or anything. It also had a very rough sketch of the pose and props I had in mind… I’m not good at drawing, but I’ve provided similar sketches to artists before and been told they were more helpful than nothing?

I told the artist to tell me if they needed anything more, and the response felt a little cold, but I know you can’t always tell how a person really feels about something via text, with no intonation or facial expression. They basically said: 1. There is more than one scene here, which do you want? (It was only one SCENE, in a writing sense, but I guess they probably meant more than one pose), 2. Give me a pose reference, tell me what they LOOK like not just what they’re saying, 3. Tell me exactly what they’re wearing.

So I went back to the file and highlighted the specific part (about a paragraph) I wanted drawn and added a more specific note that the rest of the scene was provided for context and reference. I deleted an image I’d provided as an example of the kind of “vibe” I wanted but that was NOT the exact same physical pose. I told the artist that my sketch had been intended as a pose reference, but that I would try to find a photograph or existing art instead. I was trying very hard to find something but had not found it yet. As for clothing, I’m actually not super picky and would be 100% fine with the artist just making something up based on the previous art and references in my character files but since they asked me to choose, i was planning on finding some clothing references. I hadn’t gotten to it yet because i was stuck on the pose.

In other words, the file wasn’t ready yet. I hadn’t found all of the additional resources they had asked for, so I HADNT CONTACTED THE ARTIST ASKING THEM TO CHECK THE FILE AGAIN. It’s a Google Doc so they absolutely COULD go back and see the changes in real time, but I assumed they either wouldn’t check the file at all or would assume it was still in progress until I told them I’d updated it.

But then I got a DM this morning that said they would have to charge me FOUR TIMES their typical price for two characters because it was “full illustration” rather than a portrait. Now, I was expecting it to maybe be a LITTLE more because I’d asked for a couple of props. And it was a request for a specific scene, not just two characters looking straight at the “camera”. But four times the price on their commission sheet felt a little like they were trying to discourage me from actually commissioning them.

Now, I used to do freelance editing. I know all about the asshole surcharge…. But I don’t think anything I’d done up to that point was assholey? Maybe I included too much written information and not enough visual information but I was actively working on fixing that, and I wasn’t finished looking for everything they’d requested, which I explained. I asked if the higher price covered things like creating a pose based on the written description or if they still wanted me to keep looking for a visual reference, and how long it would take to complete if I agreed to the price…

And they responded with “I don’t know if it’s a language or cultural thing about communication” and I… JUST DONT KNOW? Like, I told them I was located in Japan so they’d know what I meant when I said “tonight” or “tomorrow,” but… English is my first language. I lived in the US until I was 19. Did they mean THEMSELVES? That THEY had a language issue? Did they mean that quoting me four times the listed price was supposed to mean “hell no” and that I should’ve understood that? Or did they just assume that because I live in Japan there would be a “language issue”??? I just don’t know.

Because again, former freelancer here, and there are other ways to reject a client you just don’t like. “I’m sorry, but this just doesn’t look like a good match for my skills.” “Actually, I just got offered another major job that’s going to keep me occupied for the next few months.” Etc?

So at that point I basically said “You really seem like you don’t want to do this so I’m going to pass at this point.” And they replied with “As a client I’m going to pass” (which kind of makes me think maybe it WAS a language issue on their part??? It was just such a weird way to say it, and like I HAD JUST SAID NO. I had already ended the potential working relationship, they didn’t need to pass too?)

It just… feels like they took one look at my characters and specific scene request and from that point just really didn’t want to do it, and it’s really hard not to take that personally. I actually kind of HOPE I committed some horrible faux pas that I’m just not seeing but I HAVE NO IDEA.

[ventingoutmyass]

11.23.22

yes, yes, the halloween job was as cool as I wanted it to be. It brought up some very dangerous reminders of a certain very dangerous person, and in the form of a new much-more-dangerous person. But since the job has ended, I’ve remained pretty out of touch, and their favoritism toward me has left my field of vision. 

other than that though, the job was all around wonderful. Great people and a pretty easy job. I haven’t experienced horrendous physical effects of dire financial stress in almost two months, and my hips are loving the new stretch I found about two weeks ago. 

all around, not too bad. 

i’ve opted out of christmas gift exchange this year, and although few people are actually choosing to respect that, the mental stress of the holidays has been the biggest weight off my shoulders this time of year since elementary school. So that’s a bit funny of an experience, not one im sure whether I like yet or not.

I am, at this moment, not doing bad. The job kept me just busy enough, just exhausted enough, made me just enough money, that i’m sat at pretty much the perfect spot I could be in. 

Trying to mingle back into my online friends has proved a bit more unnatural than I had expected, since i’d distanced myself pretty much completely since I had that job. getting a new job, I knew something would give. I felt lucky enough that what was sacrificed didnt impact my physical well-being as what uually does, but the mental anguish did take some toll. its all about that **human connection** nonsense. calling it nonsense, is nonsense. I like my friends. I like them so much, actually. 

I’m having a hard time accepting that i’m their friend too. ya know, the whole fear of perception and rejection dysphoria, thing. it’s not the end of the world if they know what i sound like, right? it cant be. i dont know. its so much easier when im a green name on a screen, versus a voice that i hate to hear anyway, let alone the pictures i sometimes want to send, because they’re my friends and i want to share my life with them, but im too terrified to share myself with them.

they’re my friends, they like who they know i am, who ive chosen to show them. they wouldnt hate me if we met in real life. they care about me, at least my well-being, at least on some surface level. they probably care about me more than most close friends i’ve known in real life. still it took three weeks to ask over my disappearance, but i know thats my dumb brain doing its dumb things.

well, sure i didnt talk to my friends for over a month. sure, im still not quite back into the routine i had before to talk to them everyday, but i do think about them, and i care for them, and i always hope their days are better than mine. because they deserve as much, they’re such wonderful people.

anyway, since the job only lasted five weeks, and i was only working about 25 hours those weeks, the energy i took from seeing my friends somehow managed to be enough. I still slept pretty good, I ate pretty much fine. I showered just as often, if not more. and it got me a bit active, which i hadnt realized was as bad as it was. the scarring on my feet is not going away any time soon. 

and i can afford groceries, have I mentioned that? I bought groceries for the last time in like,, eight months?? something like that. it’s nice, ive even bought myself underwear. havent bought myself underwear since high school. 

happy thanksgiving, if you celebrate it. if not, good. the food sucks, and obv its a terrible holiday anyway. thanks for listening. thanks for being here. shoutout to my internet besties, yall keep me going. you make me feel like i can belong somewhere. thank you <33 -rcp

[jade-04]

Dove (Part 9)

Eddie Munson x fem!Henderson!reader and Steve Harrington x fem!Henderson!reader

first part | part 8

Summary: Dustin Henderson’s older sister finds herself in a predicament having to choose between Steve “the Hair” Harrington and Eddie “the Freak” Munson

a/n:�� i’m pretty sure this is the last part, im gonna pretend like im not sad that it’s ending, but theres probably gonna be like a “homecoming and y’/n and Eddies life together” part knowing me. Also the gif I chose, once again has nothing to do with the chapter, I think this is just how Eddie looks at y/n

Warnings: cussing, mention of a deceased parent, this is just pure fluff

taglist: @happiejoon @simonsbluee @nervouslaught3r @7minutes-tomidnight  @sl-tfor-joseph-quinn @witheringawayagain @kik51199

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You were still feeling a little shaken, but the heart to heart with Dustin was much needed and it really helped you to figure out where your mind was at. You loved Steve, but you couldnt see him as much more than a friend and you couldnt stand the fact that you knew that would hurt him, it could even possibly lead to the possibility of you losing him. Eddie made you so happy, even Dustin said that he hadn’t seen you this happy since before your dad died. You had only been dating him for a week, but he came to your rescue when you needed it most and knew where to take you and what to do and that meant a lot. When you left Dustins room you had noticed Eddie was leaning against the kitchen island, staring off into the living room with a stressed look on his face. You walked over to him and wrapped him into a hug before he could say anything. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to him.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, Eds. I just felt so lost.” You squeezed your eyes shut, to keep you from crying again. “When Steve kissed me then told me he liked me, it scared me. I was scared about what to do because he’s one of my only friends. I couldnt stand losing another person, so I did what I do best. I shut down.” 

“Its okay, love.” Eddie ran a hand through your hair. “I just wanted you to be okay. Yea, I was pissed at Harrington, but I cant blame him for fallin’ for ya. You’re the best girl in Hawkins.” He could feel you smile against him. 

“I thought it was going to end up being a choice between you and him, but I’m so glad it wasn’t. He could still be my friend and obviously, I’ll still have you. Only if you want me though?” You leaned back from the hug to look him in the eyes. 

“Of course I will. I want to be able to be there for you when this happens. You’re not losing me anytime soon.” He gave you a quick chaste kiss. 

Dustin came out of his room a bit after you knowing you would want to be alone with Eddie for a bit just to talk to him about how you feel and what happened. He was happy to see you and Eddie just sitting there enjoying the company of eachother. He knew he was the right guy for you, there was no denying it. The moment was interrupted when the phone rang. 

“I’ve got it.” Dustin said walking over to pick up the phone. When he answered, there was a mix of two voices arguing like they hadnt noticed that someone was speaking. “Henderson residence, this is Dustin.”

“Dustin, thank God.” Robin said into the phone. “Look, Steve here fucked up big time.” 

“I’m quite aware.” Dustin interrupted before letting Robin finish. 

“Okay okay, Henderson. I need to apologize to her and I dont know how.” This time it was Steve speaking into the phone. “I figured you’re her brother, you would know what to do.” 

“Uhhh…” Dustin looked back at you, covering the receiver with his hand. “Hey, (y/n)? What kind of flowers do girls like?” 

“Personally, I like daisies, but a lot of girls like roses. Why?” You quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Oh…uh, Lucas wants to get something for Max.” He nodded before turning back to the phone. 

“Still there little man?” Steve asked.

“Yea, yea I’m here. Give her daisies or roses, I recommend daisies, thats what my sister likes.” Dustin then moved to put his hand over his mouth to whisper into the receiver. “Bring them to the gig tomorrow. It’s at the bar near Lover’s Lake.” 

“Okay, I’ll be there. Do you want me to bring you?” Steve asked. 

“Yup, I’m gonna hang up now. Bye.” Dustin hung up the phone, pleased with the fact that both of the men he looked up to could still be civil with his sister, but could they be civil with eachother? 

-------------------------------

Saturday night came fast, you were anxious for your first performance. Eddie tried to convince you to just sit this one out after everything that happened yesterday, but you weren’t going to let the hard work of the band not pay off. You also were extremely excited to perform, especially because you were going to be performing with your boyfriend. Even on the ride to the bar Eddie would not let up on checkin in to make sure you were okay.

“Are you sure, (y/n)? I can turn the car around right now.” He would ask every few minutes just to hear you reply with the same thing over and over again.

“Yes, Eds. I’m fine, I will be fine.” 

He asked one last time as he pulled into a parking spot by the back entrance of the building. You replied with the same answer you had been giving him for the past 20 minutes and he got out to open your door. You both walked into the bar, Eddie’s arm around your waist. You noticed the rest of the band was already there and they were pretty much set up. You decided to head to the bathroom to make sure you looked okay, but also just to have a minute of alone time before getting out on the stage. It was colder in the bathroom than it was in the bar, which helped to ground you a bit. You walked in front of the mirror to make sure you outfit looked as good to you as it did when you left the house. Luckily, you still liked the outfit. You decided to wear that lacy top you wore to auditions with a red leather skirt and some ripped tights, your boots tying the look all together. You felt like Joan Jett, a definite confidence booster since you were nervous about this whole night. Taking a deep breath, you looked in the mirror one last time before walking on. 

The plan for the performance tonight, was for Eddie to introduce you as the new lead singer before singing the first song. You waited in the wings anxiously as the bar owner introduced Corroded Coffin, but you were instantly soothed at the sound of Eddie’s voice.

“How we doin’ out there tonight?” Eddie said, getting a few whoops and cheers in reply. “So, before we start, I want to introduce everyone to our newest, and most beautiful, band member…(y/n) Henderson.” Eddie motioned to you at the side of the stage, singalong for you to walk out. The walk onto stage was nerve-racking, but when you looked out into the crowd, you realized this was definitely something you could get used to. The cheers from the few people in the bar there to see you guys perform, but the one thing that caught your eye was your little brother standing with Robin and Steve towards the back of the crowd. It made you so happy to see the smile on Dustin’s face as he cheered for you as you walked on. By the time you were center-stage, Eddie had met you there and place an arm around your shoulder. “She’s my little dove and honestly, being with her has felt so damn freeing… also helps that she’s the peacekeeper in band arguments.” He chuckled a little. “She’s probably the best woman this band has ever seen and that I’ve had the pleasure to perform with and I can’t wait for you guys to see her work her magic.” Eddie leaned over to give you a quick kiss, he was immensely happy to be here with you and also he wanted to show every man in the bar that was eyeing you, that you were his girlfriend. 

Even though Steve had told himself that he was going to be just your best friend and sit on the sidelines, it hurt like hell to see you and Eddie kiss on stage. He was proud of you though, he remembered the first time he heard you sing. It was the beginning of the work day and the mall hadn’t even opened yet. You were walking past Scoops Ahoy with your headphones on, singing along to Storms by Fleetwood Mac. You were so carefree and didn’t care if anyone heard you. It was early in the morning and the song comforted you and it was your favorite song to sing. It was also the only song that reminded you of your father that you could listen to without crying. He introduced you to Fleetwood Mac and Journey and pretty much all the music you listened to. Now, in the present, Steve was excited to get to hear you sing once again.  

You took the microphone from Eddie’s hand. “Alright! Who’s ready for a show?” You said into the microphone as the band started playing the intro to Rock You Like A Hurricane. You performed the song just like you had practiced with Eddie, well almost exactly like you did with Eddie. You tried to focus on singing to the crowd more and also, you didn’t want to scar Dustin. The whole performance was amazing you were having probably the most fun you’ve had in a long time. You sang the last song of the set before bowing to the crowd and saying thank you. You turned around to look back at the band to see they were still set up to perform. Eddie walked up the microphone you had set down. 

“Now I know we typically only do 5 songs, but I wanted to add an extra song in here tonight. This one’s dedicated to the best girlfriend a man could have.” He looked over at you and winked. “I know this song brings a lot of emotions for ya, but I couldn’t help but learn to play it when you told me the story behind it.” 

The band started to play the intro to Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’ by Journey. Your mind was brought back to the day you cried in the van with Eddie, telling him about how your parents used to slow dance to this in the living room. You remembered the tears streaming down your face and Eddie comforting you. That was the night you guys kissed for the first time. It was only a week ago, but it felt like he had been yours forever. When it got to the part where he would just repeat the “na na na na’s” he turned to the boys who continued to sing for him. He made his way over to you, hand held out saying he wanted to slow dance with you for the last minute of the song. You happily obliged. It felt amazing to be slow dance with him just the way your parents had when you were younger. Tears were streaming from your face, though this time they were tears of joy. Maybe you hadn’t completely checked all of the boxes of being exactly like you’re father, but it sure felt good to check this one off. 

At the end of the song, Eddie held onto you for a second before letting you go. Both of you turning to face the crowd and bowing. You made your way off the stage and over to Dustin. He has tears in his eyes and you couldn’t tell if it was from joy or sadness, but either way you gave him the biggest hug ever. 

“That was awesome, (y/n)!” He wiped a tear off his face. 

“Thanks, Dusty.” You wrapped him in another hug before turning to Robin.

“Proud of you, girly.” Robin said opening her arms for a hug too. You hugged her back, both of you squeezing each other so much it felt like you couldn’t breath. 

Then you looked at Steve, you hadn’t talked to him since everything that went down the day before. He offered up an awkward smile which you returned. You noticed he was holding flowers. A small bouquet of daisies and roses. You looked from the bouquet to him, expecting him to be the first to say something. 

“You did great out there, kiddo.” He apparently was a kind reader or just knew that the silence was becoming extremely awkward. 

“Thanks…what’s up with the flowers?” You raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“I wanted to apologize and Robin said I should call Dustin to see what would work. He told me flowers and what you liked so, so I got those.” He held out the bouquet towards you.

“Oh…thanks…” You hesitantly took the flowers from him, once again giving an awkward smile. Eddie looked over from the stage where he was putting his guitar up to see Steve handing the flowers to you. He was a little nervous that Steve was trying to make a move on you again, so he made his way over. 

“What’s goin’ on over here?” Eddie came over and wrapped an arm around you before looking at Steve then bouquet. He didn’t want to sound overprotective, but he was a bit weary of Steve after the events of yesterday.

“Shit, I’m just now realizing how romantic this looks. I’m not trying to make a move, I promise.” Steve held up his hands, eyes darting between you and Eddie.

“Steve’s trying to apologize for yesterday.” You looked over at Eddie. “Dustin gave him the idea of flowers. He’s extending an olive branch…minus the branch, plus flowers.” You gave him a reassuring smile as if to say it’s okay.

“Ahh okay. I was a little nervous there for a moment, Harrington.” Eddie nodded towards Steve.

“Yea, completely understandable. I just want (y/n) to know I’m sorry. Truly am. I shouldn’t have done that, I still hope we can still be best friends. I know you’re scared of losing people and you’re not gonna lose any of us. Okay?” Steve motioned to the group surrounding you. 

“Okay.” You smiled. “Is it okay if we hug?” You asked Steve, nerves in your voice. 

“Of course.” Steve smiled before pulling you into a hug. The rest of the group joining in. 

This was pure bliss. After the 48 hours you’ve had, this hig with your favorite people was the cherry on top of a perfect night. You and Steve decided to stay best friends and you’re relationship with Eddie stayed perfect. There were ups and downs with both of them, but with both of them being some of the Henderson’s favorite people, they learned to get through it. You really were the dove of peace for them.

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a/n: okay so this is basically the “last part” to Dove, unless you guys want a Steve ending or I decide to write a part where it’s the future of y/n and Eddie, but for now I’m gonna work on some other fics Ive been thinking about for a while. I really hope you guys liked Dove &lt;3

[brlankinney]

✨a long awaited michael hate list✨

last year during the first lockdown i decided to rewatch queer as folk again after a few years break from the show. michael has always been one of my least favourite characters and i just needed to rant about how annoying he is, so i have compiled a list of his worst moments. you’re welcome. i wrote all these in my notes app while watching and you will get them without any editing whatsoever. in chronological order: 

s01e03 when justin turns up at woodys to find brian and michael yells at brian because he doesn’t want to babysit. while justin is talking to debbie!!! justin is just a young gay teen trying to fit in and michael is go angy? fuck off you piece of shit 

s01e04 “this is about brian’s one night stand!” / “not just one” / “don’t bet on it”...... my dude.... my good dude michael..... i am pretty sure justin knows more about his own sex life than you do

s01e04 “unfortunately not this one” referring to justin when they were talking about the high suicide rates with gay teens.... michael was so jealous of a guy who had sex with brian that he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling suicidal? cant relate 

s01e10 when justin moved in at debbie’s place, getting michael’s old bedroom. why was he so annoyed? you’re a grown man, just turned 30 and that bedroom still has all your childhood things in it? grow the fuck up you childish man baby!!!!! 

s01e17? when david and michael held the fundraiser for that senator and michael purposely didn’t invite any of his friends/family because he found them “embarrassing”, then porceeded to yell at his mum when they showed up anyway. the entire storyline of him feeling like he was sooo much better than all of them because he had been to france and got expensive stuff from david? horrible horrible man 

s02e06 saying the only reason brian spends time with justin is because he feels guilty that justin was attacked. it’s almost like he doesn’t know his best friend? what a surprise!!! 

s02e12? getting angry that brian and ben fucked at the white party long before michael even knew ben? brian had sex with everybody how did michael expect to find someone who hadnt fucked brian already? and why are you angry over your partner’s sexual history from before you even knew them? 

s03e01 getting angry at justin for breaking up with brian (which is what he wanted to happen since fucking day 1) and then telling him that he isn’t part of the friendgroup anymore, as if they only tolerated him as long as he was with brian. fuck youuuuuu!!!!! honestly just the ENTIRE episode? upset that justin came to mel and lindsay’s party and that he brought ethan? it’s not your party! you don’t decide who is invited! SAYING BRIAN SHOULD HAVE LEFT JUSTIN DYING ON THE GROUND? literally just scum of the earth!! even if it was just because he was upset on brian’s behalf that should have never even crossed his mind!!!! 

s03e04, he knew what kind of father brian was to gus so why was he so angry at the way melanie and lindsay wanted him to be a father to their next child? he would be the sperm donor and the child’s dad but he wouldn’t be part of the kid’s life more than brian was in gus’ life? how is that so hard to get? it’s not YOUR child? get your own if you want to be an actual dad???? 

s03e07? getting so pissed that ben didn’t want to include him in his HIV-positive life that he “threatened” to infect himself? show some support for your boyfriend instead maybe? what kind of weird move is it to almost stab yourself with a used needle? i totally get what he was trying to do but it’s a fucked up way of going about it 

s03e08, while i dont completely agree with ben taking in hunter from the start and letting him spend the night (which probably has more to do with me being a woman who would have trouble defending herself in case anything should happen), the way michael acted as if hunter didn’t deserve any compassion was.. really bad? he even rolled his eyes when ben gave hunter money and a contact number for them that he could keep. hunter was a CHILD on the street, selling his body for money!!! how are you not more concerned!!!

bouncing off of that s03e10 why is michael getting angry that ben wants to care for this child!! he was in the fucking hospital and i get that now it’s a money problem but you are not listening to your partner? you are talking over him and not trying to come up with another solution to help care for this child!!!! i am FURIOUS 

s04e08 convincing justin that they shouldnt mention to brian that they were aware that he had cancer and had the sugery, but then breaking down the first chance he gets and crying to brian about it? first of, this is NOT about you michael so sit your ass down!! and second of, i get that he was scared of losing brian but at least give justin a heads up that he told brian?? that’s the absolute least he could have done 

THE ENTIRE FIFTH SEASON!!!! michael needed to SHUT UP about melanie and lindsay’s relationship problems in relation to jr because guess what? you’re not the primary parent, this doesn’t concern you! you were the sperm donor who was lucky enough to still be called the dad and be part of jr’s life!!!! shut up about how the baby lives in a broken home and how you want the baby? she’s not yours!!!!!! what is your PROBLEM!!! i will fist fight you

both him and debbie kept saying “whatever goes on between you [mel and linds] it doesn’t matter, the baby comes first”. don’t you think parents living seperately are better than parents living together but fighing all the time? the entire thing makes me so ANGRY 

i MEAN the way michael thinks he is entitled to all information about lindsay and melanie’s relationship just because he was the sperm donor to their baby? insanity 

“why won’t you let me have her?” GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHAEL 

s05e04 i get that michael might have been embarassed at the “housewarming” gift that brian got them and also at the word choices that brian makes but come on? monty and whoever started out by insulting not only the way brian chooses to live his own life but also his business? it’s a civil conversation and yeah brian could have used less harsh words but brian’s lifestyle isn’t new to other people? not even people outside of his small social group? let him live his own life and also let him defend his choices

e05e07 like i get it okay? brian came in late at night and shouted and blamed michael for his and justin’s breakup so of course michael would be annoyed but the way he said “he [justin] left because of YOU. who wouldn’t?” was completely uncalled for? it just really fucking bugs me? this is your best friend who is CLEARLY going through a bad breakup so maybe choose your words more carefully? MAYBE have some compassion just maybe? 

when hunter left in season 5 and michael said “who else would have taken him in? made him family?” WHY WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT michael really thinks he is the absolute shit and deserves the world for doing the smallest thing? 

going through the show again really just fleshed out how fucking bad of a person he could be from time to time wow whats YOUR worst michael moment????

[smilesvt]

honey muffins | pt.1

pairing: seungcheol x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, possible angst later on,,

warnings: slight suggestive but nothing smutty!

summary: a stranger who catches your eye leads to a swirling discovery of your fates. will you succumb to the forbidden love that lies between you?

‘You know we shouldn’t be doing this right now Cheol.' You whined, hands pushing against the mans broad shoulders.

Yet your complaints made him even more riled up. The fact he could taste you when he wasn’t supposed to made the adrenaline rush faster through his veins, the sounds of your sweet voice echoed in his mind and filled him with even more desire.

'Says who?' he whispered, his lips like shadows of your own, his soft breath seeping into your very self.

You had never wanted something so bad, to feel his lips against yours as he whined into your mouth, helplessly and at his very edge.

But you had self control.

And you would never let your desire get a hold of you.

~~~

You mustered the energy left in you to fully shove the man away, however his strong hands still gripped onto your sides.

'You know exactly who.' you sighed, as if you hadnt had this same conversation with him plenty of times before. The man scoffed, looking away with his tongue pressed firmly in the side of his cheek.

'Seriously? That’s all you can think of right now? Whilst you have that pathetic look in your eye thats practically begging me for more? Don’t make me laugh.'

Cheol had never got angry at you; and he wasn’t about to now. But the tinge of annoyance mixed with desperation hidden in the depths of his voice made you feel slightly guilty.

'Fine.' You managed to speak out, your voice calm and steady, yet your eyes looked down at your lap, unable to make eye contact with the man.

'Do what you want with me. Anything and everything. But you know what risk that comes with. Is it worth never seeing me again for a night of pleasure? I would hope I mean more to you than that.’

His hands fell from your waist and onto the cold kitchen counter you were sat on.

‘Of course you do. You know that.’

‘Stop coming so close to losing me then.’ You poked at his chest, and tilted his head up to look at you.

He smiled, but it didn’t seem to reach his eyes.

——

Yours and Seungcheol’s families had never liked each other. It was a decades long feud, started when your great great grandfather opened a restaurant with his best friend, Seungcheols great great grandad.

The business had a slow start, what with the two men only being teenagers when they started selling their food to local people in the town. Little did they know, over the years, their seemingly perfect business would gain traction all over the country and earn them more than ever expected.

But as with most co-owned businesses, one half of the duo would become increasingly greedy, wanting more than the other.

And so the feud started. Seungcheols family had accused yours of stealing money from the joint bank account, and the business relationship crumbled.

Your great-great grandad opened his own bakery chain, specialising in his favourite, muffins: whereas Cheols turned his into a patisserie.

Fast forward to now, both of the families had stores around the country. You would have thought, what with the huge amounts of success from the two businesses, the family beef would have been quenched. Yet both of your families were stubborn: refusing to ever apologise or simply even acknowledge the other’s existence, despite walking past each others stores nearly everyday. And thats when you and Cheol came into the mix.

~~~~

You remember that day as clearly as if it were yesterday.

3 years ago, sometime in December, a fairly handsome man had walked into the bakery whilst you were working.

His beanie was pulled down low, with a few strands of espresso coloured hair peaking through. However the casual headwear contrasted the grey suit he was wearing, a burgundy tie pulled down in exhaustion and shiny black shoes at his feet.

You had had many weird and wacky customers walk in during your part time shifts at the family bakery (you worked in the heart of the city after all, weird was practically the usual) but something about this man had struck you. Your eyes had followed him as he perused around the store, occassionally stopping and observing the packs of bread. He looked way too interested in the baked goods, and you smiled to yourself as you looked down at the book you were reading.

'Excuse me.' A deep voice as smooth as honey had spoken from the other side of the counter. You quickly stood up from your stool and walked over to the till.

His golden eyes met yours over the rim of his thin gold glasses, with a sweetly intense gaze.

'How can i help you?' You had smiled at the man, your customer pleasing voice hiding your slight nerves.

'I was wondering, say you had a date coming up, and they really loved bakeries and such, what would you treat them to?'

The question had taken you aback, and he smiled as he noticed you pause to think of an answer.

'Well I’m personally a sweet sort of girl, so I would probably subconsciously choose something dessert like. A good neutral choice would be a muffin of some sorts-' you glanced over the array of treats that lay on the counter in front of you. 'I’d strongly recommend the blueberry honey one, it’s sweet yet not too overpowering, but I guess it’s all down to their personal preference.' You looked back up at the man, who flashed a warm smile at you.

'Perfect. I’ll take 2 of those then.'

---

It had been the day of your graduation when you decided to treat yourself to the slightly boujee patisserie down the road from your bakery.

Seungcheol remembered it as clearly as day.

The bell at the front entrance had jingled as a familiar girl waltzed through, a bright smile plastered on her face. He instantly recognised her; the pretty one from the bakery just up the road. She seemed to have recognised him too, as she slightly bowed her head towards him as she walked over to the till.

'How can I help you on this fine day mademoiselle?' he had questioned, taking the girl aback as she slightly giggled.

'Well I was wondering, say you had a person you wanted to impress and they really liked sweets, what would you treat them to?' He smiled at the words coming from her mouth, the ones that mirrored his own.

He gazed upon the small crescents your hazel eyes made as you laughed, a warmth seeping through his body.

His heart had never felt that way before.

---

From that day on, Seungcheol visited your store more often than he would like to admit. Sometimes he wouldnt even buy anything, he just wanted an excuse to be able to speak to you.

When the shop was filled to the brim with customers, he would simply wait at the end of the long line and you would smile at how stubborn he was.

~~~

'Its raining and you still stood out there.' You sighed as he shook his wet, curly hair in front of you. 'Worth it.' He flashed you his comforting gummy smile and your heart burst into smithereens.

'No work today?' You asked, looking down at the mans grey sweats and oversized hoodie, a backpack strewn over one shoulder.

'Fortunately not. There’s only so much pretentious business ladies in pencil skirts buying mille-feuille that I can handle.’

'I can imagine.' You sighed, glancing out at the thousands of raindrops hitting the shop window.

'At least its your day off tomorrow.'

You smiled internally: he knew your work schedule probably better than he knew his own.

'You might as well get something since you were stood out there for so long.' You started, opening a brown paper bag and waiting for the mans response.

'Hmmm...Is this new?' He pointed through the thick glass of the display.

You giggled. 'I’m glad you noticed. It’s a little something new we’re trialing, made by yours truly.'

'You shouldn’t have said that, I’ll end up buying the whole stock for you.'

'Don’t be stupid.' You chuckled, handing him the treat over the counter. 'Get going you idiot, I have to clean up.'

He took the bag with a smile. ‘I’ll see you soon, and let you know how good it tasted.'

---

Yet you never did see him soon.

The man stopped turning up after his shifts finished, he stopped waiting behind the long lines of customers. You would catch yourself staring out of the shop window, waiting-or maybe,hoping- to see a familiar mess of jet black hair pop into view, a gummy smile that made your heart burst, an outstreched hand waving excitedly at you.

But you never saw it.

'Are you expecting someone?' Your mother had asked you one day, when the shop was calm and empty, shaking you out of your daydream.

'No, why do you ask?' you wondered.

'You keep looking out of the window as if someones meant to be there.'

You nearly sighed, running a hand through your hair.

'It’s fine, just bored.'

‘Well the banquets tonight, hopefully you wont be bored there.'

The banquet had slipped your mind. It was a fancy dinner for corporate directors of companies around the country. Of course, you and your family had been invited. You knew your mom was hoping for you to meet some handsome rich man; she was always asking when you were ever going to get with anyone.

It was dumb you thought, constantly thinking of the man from the patisserie. You knew nothing about him, just his name and where he worked. Other than that, his whole existence was an enigma. That’s why it hurt when he stopped visiting, because you couldn’t even call him to ask what was up, or visit his home to check in.

He was a mystery man.

Then why did you care so much?

---

The truth was, Seungcheol wasn’t allowed to come see you. As he walked into his house, munching on the chocolate tart you had so carefully handed him, he couldn’t wait to tell you how good it was.

'Are you actually being serious?' his younger brother had said to him as he walked over to the fridge.

'What is it?' he turned around, chocolate circling his mouth.

'That’s from THEIR bakery... oh you are in so much trouble when I tell dad.' His brother ran off in the direction of their fathers study.

Dumbfounded, Seungcheol wondered. What was wrong with the bakery? It was just a local joint, surely no place his father would have any issue with.

However, as he turned the brown bag around to see the logo adorned on the front, he nearly dropped the tart.

There was no way.

No way he had fallen for someone he couldnt have.

----

So when you saw your parents disgusted faces as they looked at the family on the opposite side of the banquet hall, and your eyes fell upon a disgruntled Seungcheol, you had to stop your jaw from falling open.

It suddenly made sense, why he had seemingly ghosted you for weeks. His family mustve found out about him seeing you at the bakery.

His eyes met yours as you sat down at your table, and you swore you saw them light up.

You weren’t going to give up on this mystery man just because of your parents.

-

So fast forward to now, nearly 2 years later, where you were sat on your kitchen counter, the now not so mystery man in front of you.

Over the years, you and Cheol had been secretly hanging out without your parents' knowledge. You thought it was dumb, how the two of you, both adults with stable jobs and social lives, were meeting up in secret like teenagers hiding a relationship. Yet you knew if either of your families were made aware of this, they would do anything to stop it.

‘I’m sorry.' The man breathed out with a heavy sigh, his eyes suddenly glistening with the type of glow you hated to see. 'It’s okay.' You replied with a soft smile, patting the top of his head. You were used to this, Cheol getting too ahead of himself and apologising like a child getting caught stealing sweets.

It wasnt like he had never felt you before, the hotness of your skin against his hands as he ran them down your arms, your spine, your legs was something he knew well.

He had had all of you: apart from one place. Your lips.

You knew if your lips ever grazed upon his, you could never go back. And as much as you wanted it, as much as your body was craving it, you knew of its consequences.

'I’ll get going now.' He whispered, pushing himself away from the counter and picking up his suit jacket from the sofa.

-

You leant against the corridor doorway, watching the man pull on his dress shoes.

'See you tomorrow then? I’ve got some new cupcakes coming in that I think you’ll like.'

His ears shot up at the sound of sweets, and you giggled.

Some things never change.

He kissed the top of your head before opening your front door.

'See you tomorrow muffin.' he smiled, before walking out and closing the door behind him.

And everytime you saw his back in front of you, you hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

~~~~

a/n: ahhhh this is my first ever fic on here so if anyone reads this- which honestly im not expecting much- i hope you enjoyed, heres to many more xo

[buoyantsaturn]

i am having. thoughts about three of cups will again. okay so first off does he just ace every test because he already has seen what all of the answers are??? like is he valedictorian??? also wills powers bring up a lot of philosophical questions. like if he already knows what’s going to happen does he have any free will? because no matter what decisions he makes in the present will lead to the future like. how does he not go insane. he could also make an incredible amount of money from gambling because he already knows who the winners are. sorry for rambling lol i have alot of Thoughts™️

no so true ok so i will try to answer these as best i can

does he ace every test because he's seen every answer?

basically yes! think of it like he has a photographic memory. he does still have to attend his lectures and do his readings in order to Get the knowledge that he will someday have but like he doesnt need to do any sort of extra studying for tests or even like. go back to his readings when he's writing papers even to cite sources. he remembers having written the paper and therefore he writes the paper as he remembers it. he wouldnt remember having done it if he hadnt done it before you know?

2. does he have free will?

he is a character in a story that i am writing so technically no! but like i think he's actually just like. incredibly disciplined. its almost more like he knows how his life will turn out if he does everything in a very specific way and that relieves SO MUCH anxiety so he just like. knows not to stray from that path. he still chooses what to wear and what to eat every single day because its not like he can remember exactly what specific outfit or meal he had at any time of any day, but i do for sure think that he is Choosing to follow the path that he has seen

3. why he doesn't gamble even though he could make so much money

i mean like he Could. but that would make him stray from his path and i just dont think he would want that u know. like as it stands he hasn't Seen any lottery numbers so he chooses not to play the lottery. nico probably tries to trick him into giving up lotto numbers once or twice just to see what happens but will probably always hits him with the "why would i play the lottery when i already hit the jackpot with you?" or something cheesy like that

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?