#i knowsww im being irrational but do you know what being tortured for hours every day does to a man

[our-inspire-verse]

Bark bark *vent under readmore*

Im nottt in a super great spot rn but im fighting hard every fucking day. Im gonna go fucking insane. Im tired of suffering no matter what i do. My ENTIRE body hurts so bad. Christ and i have work in like 8 hour again. And im nauseous and haven't eaten enough.. and i noticed today that im losing weight. I didnt hit 70 pounds til 4th grade and when i was 18 they said i was clinically too underweight to donate blood. Im supposed to be putting on weight. Not losing it. Whered my belly go. God i have a thigh gap now. I need to escape this fucking place. I have to get Out im not doing great. Im okay, of course i am, i am surviving and finding joy and solutions and coping but. What do i do. What now. Everything hurts and i feel like its my fault.

But what do i do then. Just keep finding rides to work. Keep waiting for a chance to get my license back. Keep waiting til i can get a car. I just need a fucking car. If i get a car things will change COMPLETELY. Maybe i can even go get Some Action. Maybe i can hit up some other friends. Maybe i can be more free. I cant Stand this hellhole. My skin is rotting off my bony body. Its just like when i was 5. Its just like when i was little. Lmao! That makes me feel great! Im having an interesting time. Its like, okay. I'm really allowed to be unwell rn. Thats okay, ill survive. Tuck n roll am i right? Try not to die, and keep the government off my ass. Fuck. Im going to die