beelmons · 2 years ago
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Spencer x ADHD!girlfriend.
"...and that's exactly why The Zodiac, in theory, was more prolific as a mathematician than a serial killer." he finished his sentence as he drew a couple more words and connected lines on his whiteboard. His body turned in your direction, and it made you jump slightly on your spot on the couch.
"You're so right, babe, that makes a lot of sense." you said. Truth was, you had no idea what he was talking about. You were having dinner together, and you mentioned Zac Efron on the Bundy movie, things escalated, and he took out his whiteboard, and that's what you remembered happening last.
You loved your boyfriend, and you absolutely adored hearing him ramble about whatever topic he was feeling passionate about. It was one of his most endearing features, and you vowed to yourself you would always be there to listen.
Tinsy problem, sometimes your brain was physically uncapable to keep up with his talking speed, and the second you didn't understand something and you couldn't just interrupt him to clarify it to you, your brain would fly somewhere else. It wasn't because of boredom, his speeches were never dull to you, you were just wired that way, and there was little you could do about it but conceal it from him and try to pretend that you got everything he was sharing with you. At the end, that was your true intention every time.
His arms dropped defeatedly to leave the marker by his coffee table, immediately they traveled back to his chest, crossing them over it. "Okay. What was it this time?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" you frowned in confusion. He noticed your obliviousness and decided to walk in your direction, crouching down in front of the couch.
"You zoned out. I'm curious about what you were thinking about instead of The Zodiac." he smiled.
"You noticed?!" you almost yelled out your question.
The chuckle that he let out, amused and surprised, easied the slight anxiety that you had began to feel. "You do that all the time, I'm pretty familiar with your present-body-absent-mind expression." he clarified.
Your hands flew to your face, covering it with your palms in embarrassment. "I can't believe you have known all along." you mumbled against your own skin "I'm so sorry." you said with a slightly saddened voice.
"Hey," he reached out to grab your hands and guide them away from your face, taking them in his instead "why are you sorry?"
"I really love hearing you talk about things so passionately, I promise." you tried to reassure him. He let out a smaller laugh this time.
"From all the people I've met in my life, you're the only one that's never asked me to stop." his eyes moved to yours. His sight was longing and gentle, his thumbs rubbing at your hands with adoration. Your heart beat erraticly for a second, regardless of the amount of time you had been together, he still made you nervous, he wooed you with his beauty and kindness. "Regardless of how long my ramble is, or the topic. Not even that one time I was telling you about flatulence characteristics and types." he admitted shyly.
You took back your hands and bent forward instead. Your fingers landed on his cheeks and you pulled him closer so you could place a gentle, loving kiss on his lips.
"And we weren't even dating then." you joked "Still, you should have said something."
"It doesn't bother me" he stated "If anything, I'm always amazed with the random, completely unrelated thoughts that pop into your mind during your zoning out. So, tell me, what was it this time?"
Your lips pursed slightly, eyes looking away shyly "I was wondering how faucets work." you admitted and he yet again let out a gentle chuckle.
"I actually know the answer to that one." his eyes narrowed and he turned back to stare at his messy whiteboard, his entire body still crouched before you. "Perhaps if I break it down on modules, and we have a dynamic activity in between, I can keep your attention engaged." he said once he had turned back at you.
"Or we could make out. That keeps me engaged." you mentioned, your hands tangling on his hair.
"Yeah, nevermind, let's do that."
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bqstqnbruin · 9 months ago
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I literally just need to rant so that I can let this out now and I don't end up screaming at my class tomorrow after their quiz today
I make myself so available to my girls for when they need help. I am in my classroom at 6:35-6:40 am every morning when class starts at 8:15 and can stay after pretty much every day after school unless there's a faculty meeting. I have free periods that a lot of my other students have and all they have to do is tell me they want to come see me and I excuse them from their study. Even if I'm teaching another class, I tell them you can come, I just can't be answering your questions the entire time and you have to be mindful of that. We have this thing called community time which is a school wide free period but that gets taken up a lot because of meetings and mass and community prayer etc so it's really hard to come in/meet with students during that time. I even answer my emails at night until I go to sleep, when technically, I only have to answer them until 3:30 because that's my contract hours and I have to make sure I answer them in some way within 24 hours, whether it's in an email response or in class the next day.
My girls had a lab due today at the end of class, and I told them that if they know they are the type of person/student who takes a long time with their quizzes, that they need to have the lab done before hand/ask their questions before. They did the lab on Monday, and not a single student emailed me or came in to ask any questions at any time.
My one section of sophomores today had a quiz. The only emails I got last night from them were "what are the pages the quiz is on?" and "what's the format of the quiz?", and last night was the only night they emailed me. The quiz has been posted on Canvas since January 23rd. I have had it written on the board every class for the last week at least, and I mention it in class at the start and end of each class during that time what pages the quiz covered and we said that they quiz is the same format as the other like 10 they have taken for me.
This is my class where as soon as I say something, they don't even give me the chance to explain what I mean before they are yelling at me "I don't get it." None of them have asked questions about the material since we finished it on the 31st (just due to scheduling and timing it's been a week). They don't listen to me when I tell them what page we are on in the notes, where in their notes they can find the answer to their questions, and then don't listen to me when I tell them to write something down in their notes.
Their quiz today was after community time, but we had community prayer, so we only ended up having about 20 minutes of CT. I was so overwhelmed and also have not been feeling good that I could not be around them, so I went to the faculty room where we were actually discussing something kind of serious because one of our coworkers has been having complications with her pregnancy so we were trying figure out what to do before her long term sub comes in since her doctors told her she's staying in the hospital until the baby comes, and my girls interrupt and start telling me that I needed to be in my room because they needed help until my department head had to say, no, sorry, we're in the middle of something and this is kind of urgent.
I got to my room right when class started because of this meeting and they told me it was my fault they were going to do badly because I am never available to them and that I'm always hiding from them. One girl even wrote on her quiz that she did bad because she came today during CT when she had "a LOT of questions, but you weren't there, so" and that she missed all of the notes, when that was back on the 26th, I had her friend send them to her, I asked her to confirm that she got them, and asked her if she understood them, and she told me yes to both. One of my students emailed me saying that because I made the quiz "so hard" that she didn't finish, and that she needed to come back in and finish it, which isn't allowed by department and school policy. Also, the questions from the quiz were pulled right from their notes. They had two homework assignments where I took questions from those assignments and just pasted them into the quiz, and they had the homework pages back and graded the class before.
On top of that, more than half the class didn't turn in the lab, and they're mad at me for telling them that I have to follow the "late work policy" that we have, which I have already made as generous as possible. And before anyone gets on me about the policy, don't. We are told we have to have one. Mine is that I take off 1 point on the assignment per class that it's late. Other teachers do 10% every calendar day it's late. Some teachers even do 50% off right away and then down from there, too. There are teachers who won't accept late work at all.
This class ended up getting an average of a 75.6% on this quiz. I'm not surprised but I'm so disappointed because what else am I supposed to do? Like, it's an honors class. It's not supposed to be as easy as the regular class, and I know it's not as hard as the AP class because I also teach AP. I cannot make it easier because then it loses it's integrity.
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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago
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Jimmy & Janis
Jimmy: can we talk? Janis: [leaving this on read for time] Janis: what Jimmy: do you wanna meet me somewhere or Jimmy: just like this? Janis: I'm not about Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: [massive pauses and the 🗨 with the dots cos he's deleting and doesn't know what to say and everything like] Janis: Just say it Jimmy: I dunno how to Jimmy: for a start, you were right but I ain't here to chuck you a 🏆 Janis: what about Jimmy: Becca Janis: yeah well Janis: I knew that Jimmy: well I'm sorry I didn't Janis: whatever Janis: it's your life Jimmy: yeah but Jimmy: I want you about in it Janis: I can't Janis: and I'm not gonna say congratulations Jimmy: weren't gonna have a party myself Janis: sure she won't be offended Jimmy: I don't care how she feels Janis: bit rude Jimmy: her throwing herself at me were that Janis: so you turned her down then Jimmy: I near fell out the fucking car and broke another rib trying to get away Janis: what was you in her car for Jimmy: what do you think? Jimmy: nah don't answer that actually, I know what you reckon Janis: how would I know Janis: and I don't think you can claim to know fuck all after this really Jimmy: I knew I didn't wanna go off home with just Gracie going on at me, how's that? Janis: what do you want Janis: an apology Jimmy: I want you, you dickhead Janis: you've said a lot of shit since then Jimmy: I've never said I don't though Janis: not in exact words but you don't really need to when you call me mental and say you don't need any of this Jimmy: might be that headcases are my type Janis: you aren't funny Jimmy: you are Jimmy: it's on the list of what makes you 🥇 Janis: as far as attempts at flattery funny > headcase Janis: you can have that for free Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: bit skint after chucking petrol money at the lass who tried to jump me Janis: stop Jimmy: that were what I said Janis: I mean it Janis: I told you Janis: it was so fucking obvious why couldn't you just listen Jimmy: I thought you were just Janis: yeah, jealous and mental Jimmy: like I am about him, yeah Janis: it's just Janis: at least I know he wants to fuck me Janis: I'm not pretending Jimmy: neither were I Jimmy: why would I have a clue what she wants? Jimmy: I don't know her, I don't want to Janis: she were hardly shy Janis: but alright, whatever Jimmy: lasses aren't Jimmy: she never said owt, did owt until Janis: 'cos people always say what they mean and want Jimmy: I'm just saying if I reckoned she were like that I'd have left it Jimmy: I weren't doing nowt to get at you or Janis: okay Jimmy: I get that I fucked this but it weren't 'cause I proper fit in with them Jimmy: or I don't like you enough Janis: does it matter why Janis: if its fucked its fucked Janis: don't need to dole out blame Jimmy: I read it all back and you said I say and do shit to go back on it when I have Jimmy: and when I am that dickhead it's 'cause I really fucking like you Jimmy: that matters if it's nowt that you want Jimmy: we said we were just gonna be mates, fuck Jimmy: I shouldn't have signed up for something that were never gonna work Jimmy: so 'course you need to know it weren't your fault Janis: Neither should I Janis: and I knew it wouldn't work before then Janis: for loads more reasons that have nothing to do with you Janis: aren't your fault, like Janis: but I just did it anyway because Janis: I wanted to Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I still want to but Janis: How Janis: why Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: What kind of questions are them? Janis: I don't know why you like me Jimmy: seriously Janis: we argue all the time Jimmy: 'cause I've only got the one good ear for listening Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: Alright, you listen Jimmy: we argue all the time 'cause you make me feel things Jimmy: care about things Jimmy: I'm a 👻 it weren't part of the plan Janis: Me too Janis: on both Jimmy: I never argued enough with my ex, it ain't better Janis: it's like Janis: I want you too but I don't know how to be hurt anymore Janis: and I don't know how to not hurt you either Jimmy: if one us has to get hurt, I'm alright with it being me Jimmy: however you do it Janis: I ain't Jimmy: it won't be any worse than what's already happened before I got here Jimmy: it can't Jimmy: you don't have to be 🙀 alright? Janis: I'm not scared Janis: not of that Janis: I don't want to Janis: I won't Jimmy: not gonna make you, girl Jimmy: ain't a kink I've got Janis: I told you, I can't be nice Jimmy: it don't matter what you say Jimmy: I've felt it Jimmy: literally in my rib, not just a metaphorical way Jimmy: which rhymes now so tah for that 🙄 Janis: just can't help being artistic Jimmy: weren't trying to write you a poem Jimmy: but I wouldn't only start breathing around you if I couldn't Jimmy: if it weren't safe to Janis: are you sure Janis: because you're just Jimmy: I told you, northern, not that thick Janis: I don't think you're thick Jimmy: I am but that's not a reason for you to do one Jimmy: only works for the lads Asia is with Janis: don't get above yourself Janis: this weren't all about you Jimmy: just a 🤏 Janis: [sends picture like 😒] Jimmy: [sends one back like 😍] Janis: you make everything so bloody difficult, you know Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I know Janis: What are we gonna do Jimmy: What do you wanna do? Janis: I don't know Janis: tell me Jimmy: what you should do? Janis: yeah Jimmy: come back Janis: yeah Janis: I thought you might say that Jimmy: to me though Jimmy: not just to this shithole Janis: okay Jimmy: okay Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I'm sorry too Janis: I didn't mean to make you Janis: whatever you were Janis: are Jimmy: it's alright Janis: well Janis: I missed you Jimmy: I miss you Jimmy: haven't stopped Janis: I'll come back Janis: I'm trying Jimmy: Where are you? Jimmy: I'll drive there Janis: I'm ages from where the festival was Janis: never mind there Jimmy: I don't care Janis: I know but I do Janis: I can get back Jimmy: I can get there Jimmy: won't get lost, promise Janis: your dad will 100% notice Jimmy: his girlfriend's here, he can't kick off enough to stop me Janis: damn, break my heart why don't you Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: if I leave you to it he'll be single again before you're back Jimmy: mums never last Janis: we'll ignore that you reckon I can't get back alone Jimmy: I never said you can't Jimmy: I said it'll take ages Janis: oh, so you're gonna speed as well as steal and drive without a license are you Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: and what? Janis: stop trying to seduce me Jimmy: I can't help being #goals, babe Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: 😏 you're a dickhead Jimmy: yeah but I wanna be yours Janis: say that again Jimmy: I wanna be your dickhead Jimmy: the only one you want Janis: you are Janis: you seriously are Jimmy: you're Janis: okay, you can come Janis: [location] Jimmy: you sure? Jimmy: I'll meet you halfway if you need to show me how 💪🏆 you are Janis: if you want to Janis: just don't get caught Jimmy: nah, tell me what you want Janis: I want to see you Jimmy: okay Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: Your sister messaged me Janis: I don't wanna get you in proper trouble Jimmy: she what? Janis: [screenshot] Janis: so we can say its for her benefit if you like Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [ages while he's talking to Cass] Janis: are you okay Janis: not tryna start drama Jimmy: she's coming an' all, don't worry she's never been caught for nowt Janis: alright Janis: family reunion Jimmy: but you should know Jimmy: snap Janis: snap, what? Janis: you've got my sister in the car too Jimmy: I've had her in my inbox Janis: you are joking Jimmy: piss off, I'm funnier than that Janis: debatable but Janis: eurgh Jimmy: [screenshots of his faves insults because Grace going off thinking he's a cheating scumbag] Jimmy: she's got her own jokes Janis: great Janis: that's great Janis: not mortifying on so many levels Jimmy: I weren't gonna say owt but Jimmy: you might wanna 🗨 Janis: I might wanna kill her Janis: we'll see Jimmy: wait and we'll get 'em all in a go 🎯 Jimmy: stand by my pisshead comparison to her and my 🐕 Janis: barks worse than her bite? Jimmy: were gonna say sheds loads and she reckons you're 🥇 near as much as I do Jimmy: but that'll work an' all Janis: 😏 piss off Jimmy: [screenshots of all these real af Janis compliments in the vein of how dare you etc we know the vibe] Jimmy: didn't write of word of it myself Janis: stop it Janis: already in hiding here Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: well hard to be adored, isn't it? Janis: you should know Jimmy: 🤤 ain't 💕 Janis: it ain't that simple either, like Jimmy: Ian wouldn't piss on me if I were on fire, Cass might spit and Bobs would put it out by 😭 Jimmy: that's simple enough Janis: she likes you more than that Janis: I can tell Janis: but don't do anything, you're so uncool and you'll just blow it Jimmy: she don't like me at all, she's my sister Jimmy: don't have to Janis: exactly, someone'll just be getting at her too Janis: for losing me, or some other bollocks Jimmy: probably Janis: no 💕 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: if that's how you want it, baby Janis: being just friends didn't work Jimmy: it didn't Janis: so Jimmy: Do you wanna stop fucking me then? Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: Alright, do you wanna be my girlfriend instead? Janis: do you mean it Jimmy: Why else would I say it? Janis: I just have to ask Jimmy: you heard me before, I really like you Janis: I did Janis: I could be your girlfriend Jimmy: so go on Janis: alright Janis: let's do that instead Jimmy: sorted Janis: so you can use 💕 Janis: sometimes Janis: if you like Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah, just like that Jimmy: you don't have to be so hot about it Janis: 😂 soz Janis: kids onboard, I remember Jimmy: kid Jimmy: weren't letting Bob come, we'd never make it for stopping every 15 minutes Janis: Got younger brothers, don't need to tell me about the aim they ain't got for the bottle trick Jimmy: would love him to piss all over Ian's car if we didn't have to be sat about in it for ages after Janis: not very romantic Jimmy: as roadtrips go Janis: didn't fuck off for the drama or the 💕 reconciliation Janis: soz to report Jimmy: we can keep that between us, Jules Janis: don't tell Grace, obviously 💔🙄 Jimmy: doubt she'll speak to me again Janis: sound more thrilled Jimmy: best day of my life Jimmy: hands down Janis: now you're being too much Jimmy: 💕 Janis: better be @ me not her, dickhead Jimmy: it's yours, dickhead Jimmy: same as me Janis: you really can't be saying things like that and not be here for me to Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're always in the middle of nowt Jimmy: have a word with yourself Janis: just a 🤏 Janis: we agreed, like Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: make me Jimmy: [most 🔥 sext ever] Janis: fuck Janis: know I literally asked for it but Janis: you really always go above and beyond, yeah Jimmy: you're that inspiring Jimmy: and I can't stop thinking about you Janis: I think about you more than anything else Janis: I can't stop Jimmy: we can stop for a bit though, can't we? be alone in a proper bed, no crying or crap music playing Janis: that sounds like a plan to me Jimmy: then it is Jimmy: a real plan Janis: I promise Janis: no faking, no one else Jimmy: it really is so different with you Jimmy: I still can't fully get my head round it Janis: No one else has ever Janis: fill in the blank, like, probably true Jimmy: I get that Jimmy: unless we're filling them in like 💔🎻😭 Jimmy: my ex holds all them cards Janis: I'm not gonna fight her for them Janis: but I can smack that other bitch for you Jimmy: no need, all her mates saw me fall onto the gravel instead of into her arms so Jimmy: and I were pretty loud about telling her to fuck off Janis: are you alright Jimmy: I'm not dying for anyone but you Janis: too right Jimmy: I should've listened to you Janis: don't matter now Janis: never have to see her again Janis: lucky for her Jimmy: alright, you're well fit, you can stop now Janis: but I'm well serious too Jimmy: don't I'll 💀💀💀 Jimmy: no one else has ever fought for me before Janis: well, you're coming to rescue me now so the score'll be even there 🤴⚔ Jimmy: nah, you didn't need me to Jimmy: you could get back Janis: I want you to Janis: and I'm only coming back for you Jimmy: I'm only staying here for you, might make us even enough Janis: if you're okay with it, I am Jimmy: til we can go together, I'll have to be Janis: yeah Janis: where are we gonna go? Jimmy: somewhere it never stops 🌧 Jimmy: where's that? Janis: Guinea, apparently Jimmy: 🤓🌍 Janis: thanks, google Janis: though I'm suspect, the top three are all in Africa Janis: thought they were starving 'cos no rain Janis: can't believe bob geldolf lied to us Jimmy: @ his 👻 Janis: and that bono bastard too Janis: he might still be alive, less sure Jimmy: there can be only one 😎👻 so he better be Janis: 😂 Janis: you know those are medical, what's your excuse? Jimmy: #same Janis: you can see just fine, it's your 👂s, remember Jimmy: Oi, have you know I'm allergic to bollocks and slags Janis: sounds serious Jimmy: would be deadly but I'm well hard 🏆💪 Janis: I'm so glad, baby Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😏 cute Jimmy: you Janis: you more Jimmy: there's nowt more than you Janis: I'm gonna have to get used to how nice you're gonna be to me, aren't I Jimmy: I can be a twat to you all you like Jimmy: had loads of practice Janis: you've got range, I got it Janis: no need to show-off Jimmy: 👻🎭🖋💕 Jimmy: let's go to verona Janis: alright Jimmy: if it don't 🌧 enough I'll spit off our balcony, know how you feel about piss Janis: 💕 Janis: so respectful Jimmy: such a romantic, me Jimmy: you might be athlete but I'll jump through them hoops easy Janis: I'll train you Janis: All the 🥇👑🏆 for you, boy Jimmy: I'd settle for a kiss right now Janis: when you get here Janis: soz to your sister in advance Jimmy: she'll live Jimmy: like I said, Ian had his missus round Janis: well I am NOT alright with 🥈 Janis: get your cringe on Jimmy: that's why you're 🥇 Judith Janis: you know it Janis: pulling out of the race to be your new step mum has nothing to do with not being able to win, tah Jimmy: now I feel car sick, weird that Janis: Baby Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: please call me that again, I reckon it'll help Janis: if you say please again, I reckon I can Jimmy: please Janis: shit Janis: okay, you're my baby Jimmy: shit is right, I'm well 😳 but I just shivered, dunno what we're gonna do now Jimmy: might 💀💀💀 Janis: not without me Jimmy: do you wanna go first or at the same time? Janis: such a gentleman Janis: 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: literally got the wrong accent Janis: I'll work on my impression Janis: but you don't need to ask Jimmy: what do I need to do then? Janis: focus, so you don't crash Janis: then get us home so we can be alone and I can 💀💀💀 you properly Jimmy: alright Janis: good boy Jimmy: you're just Janis: I just Janis: miss you Jimmy: I just want you Jimmy: so much Janis: I can stay 'til your da's girlfriend leaves at least, can't I Jimmy: you can stay as long as you want to Janis: never can Janis: that's why I have to 🏃 too Jimmy: I'm not chucking you out and he can't Janis: alright Janis: just squat in your gaff then Jimmy: I mean it, if he ever does or says owt to you I'll 💀💀💀 him Janis: I'm not 🙀 Jimmy: there's no need to be Janis: I know, I believe you Jimmy: goes for owt else an' all 🚫🙀 Janis: contrary to what you 📢 Janis: not scared of much of anything, tah Jimmy: Thelma and Louise-ing it then, yeah? Janis: what was my fellas job again Jimmy: sells carpets Janis: oh yeah Janis: deffo kms asap then Jimmy: 😂 Janis: so Janis: are they gay or what Jimmy: they have at go at it at the end 😘 Janis: cute Janis: may as well reignite those rumours before my death Jimmy: you get stuck into loads of lads though Jimmy: when you've left Mr Carpet Janis: Oh good Janis: Mia can have 'em all on speed dial Jimmy: she would Jimmy: well her type Janis: she wants to thelma all over me Jimmy: she'll have to want Jimmy: not sharing with her Janis: fair Janis: not breaking the no other people thing for a 💀 Jimmy: too right, if we're getting anyone else involved they'll be fitter than that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: oh god Jimmy: deliberately left out the 👵 'cause I know you ain't #teamdoris Janis: cheers Janis: everyone knows it ain't gay if you do it for a lad though Jimmy: that 💌 ain't made it up north Jimmy: nowt isn't gay there Janis: bummer, no threesome then Janis: really are deprived Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: Ian reckons our Cass is gay 'cause she don't wear dresses and Bob is 'cause he would if you let him Jimmy: I reckon they're 12 and 6 Janis: 🙄 Janis: wait 'til he hears about femmes and masc4masc, gonna blow his tiny mind Janis: I'll bring it up over dinner or something Jimmy: #sozbabeyourfaveisproblematic 💔 Janis: way to shit on your own nature-nurture too, Ian Janis: 2/3 of your kids are gay?! 🤔 sounds like you fucked up somewhere Jimmy: he loves to shit on my nurture, that'll be it Janis: least he did you alright genetically Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: yeah tah Jimmy: and my mum actually did something 👏 Janis: 🥇🥇🥇 that woman Jimmy: if Ian's about she can have all the 👏🏆🥇 Jimmy: loves talking about her, like Mia does carbs Janis: gotcha Janis: only to impress your date with how totally amazing you're doing without, yeah Jimmy: if it gets Sandra going that's her business Janis: 🤢 Janis: and my name is bad but christ Janis: Sandra is awful and would sound even worse in your accent, I can hear it and 😬 Jimmy: 1. Juliet is a beautiful name 2. that might not be hers 3. I call 'em all mum any road so they piss off down a far off one quicker Janis: 🔥💡 babe Jimmy: does the job I need it to do Jimmy: and it's a label that's going spare round ours Janis: if the apron fits, ladies Jimmy: Ian's gotta tie you to the sink with something, like Jimmy: can't have you going out and about earning your own 💰 and forming your own 💡🗬 Janis: gonna need his kinks to stay 🔒 and in the bedroom only thanks Jimmy: #relatable Janis: I mean I know you'll be a while yet ut you had to turn me off that hard? Jimmy: if you want me to turn you back on, that's easy Janis: 🤖💕 Jimmy: [🔥 sext numero 2] Janis: oh Janis: was gonna contest easy but Jimmy: I love a good lass protesting too much Jimmy: crack on Janis: good 'cos that didn't make me make any unholy noise at all Janis: and I know exactly what to do with myself right now Jimmy: did it not? 🤞 this one might do a more 🥇 job Jimmy: [🔥 sext 3] Janis: Jimmy, I do not like you at all Janis: not a little or a whole load Jimmy: I'll have to change your mind somehow Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Janis: I really can't take much more though Jimmy: where are you? Janis: some cafe Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: gutted for the CG Janis: it's more greasy spoon, can't even compete, I swear Jimmy: my dear, what kind of SLAG Janis: come on, don't tell Jimmy: you know you can't make me 🤐 only 📢 Janis: your sounds are Janis: I wanna hear them on repeat Jimmy: I'll make you a playlist Janis: please Jimmy: we can do track 1 in a bit Janis: be here be here be here Janis: it's gonna be fucking torture being in that car and not being on you too Jimmy: every roadtrip needs stops Janis: I need you Jimmy: I've got a plan not to do any for ages, then Cass'll be well keen to get out when we finally get there Jimmy: she'll piss off and it'll be me and you for a bit Janis: I can work with a bit Janis: I'll take it Janis: it feels like ages since I've seen you, proper ages Jimmy: I know it does Jimmy: haven't taken a breath since I saw you last so Janis: Baby Janis: I hurt too Janis: I'll make you feel better and you'll make me feel Janis: everything Jimmy: I promise Jimmy: it'll be better than I 🖋 it Janis: always is Janis: and you're really fucking good at writing it so Jimmy: you're really fucking good at everything Janis: I do my best Jimmy: it's the best Jimmy: not that I'm a massive slag obvs Janis: I promise I won't get jealous if you were Janis: much Jimmy: just throwing a few lasses under the bus Janis: I don't need to try no one else to know Janis: how you are and how you do it is exactly how I want it Jimmy: you're not allowed to say you're shit at words any more Janis: okay 🤐 on that Janis: as long as I can use my words to tell you how good you are Jimmy: if you can get 'em out Janis: Fuck Janis: I was planning on 'til I could show you but you are making that harder and harder Jimmy: how am I so sorry but also not sorry Janis: I'll still be this wet for you when you get here, if not more Janis: you don't need to be sorry Jimmy: I'll be sorry that if I drive any faster I'll get arrested then Janis: Slow Janis: be good Janis: I'm waiting, I'll be waiting, so patiently Jimmy: fuck Janis: I really missed you Jimmy: I can't be this far away from you Janis: I'll stay Jimmy: you have to Janis: keep giving me a reason to stay Jimmy: I'll give you whatever you want Janis: you Jimmy: as much as you want then Janis: all of you Janis: all the time Jimmy: take it Janis: tell me again Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: just take it Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: it's what I want too Janis: you want me to have you Janis: you wanna be mine Jimmy: you know I do Janis: you won't regret it Jimmy: I know I won't Janis: I'll look after you how you deserve Janis: make you feel as good as you are Jimmy: it's already been more Janis: I've only just started Jimmy: track 1, yeah Janis: track 1 Jimmy: this is really happening, isn't it? Janis: either that or I've died Janis: but I'm never getting rewarded like this so yeah Jimmy: you've not yet, baby Jimmy: but if I'm having a dream I will be fuming Janis: do you dream about me Jimmy: Yeah Janis: I dream about you too Jimmy: I have done since I first talked to you Jimmy: not this, that'd be weird Janis: Weird is fine Janis: you can't help what you dream Janis: or what it does to you Jimmy: you've been in my head for ages Jimmy: from when I got here Janis: I can't say I'm sorry Janis: you mean the school trip? Jimmy: I mean what I said Janis: You noticed me Jimmy: There were a before and you were fit and mysterious in it Janis: well Janis: that was clearly mutual but I don't win any prizes as you were the new boy too Jimmy: Lasses just don't look like you Jimmy: as beautiful as you are Jimmy: that being on the telly rumour should've been about you Janis: maybe you can make me speechless from there Jimmy: then we did that bollocks project and you were so Janis: it was Janis: you were an arsehole but in a way I've never known a boy to be, not standard, boring Janis: its like, everyone else could be following a fucking script, all the same scenes with all the same characters Janis: but I couldn't predict you, you changed shit Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: nobody'd spoken to me like that Jimmy: I thought it was like being back up north but it wasn't Janis: I wanted to keep talking to you Jimmy: I forgot where I were for a bit Jimmy: those two Jimmy: all of it Janis: Yeah Janis: forgot who I was Janis: my role, anyway Jimmy: the one they put me in an' all Janis: maybe we're not that now Janis: don't have to be Jimmy: I don't want it, I'm not new for them, I'm new for you 'cause you did something Janis: Fuck them Janis: fuck all of 'em but us Jimmy: there's nobody but you Janis: I don't know how that's true but I know I believe you Jimmy: 👻 they can't see me and I only see you Janis: we can keep it that way Jimmy: it is, I didn't see what Becca were like 'cause she's barely there Janis: you're too good for everyone, I think Jimmy: did you ever see that kid's show where the kid had a watch or some bollocks and he stopped time from going? Janis: yeah, know the one you mean Jimmy: it's like everyone's stopped and you're the only one that's moving Jimmy: and I can move with you, but when you're not about, I'm stopped an' all Janis: stay with me Janis: I like it when it's just you and me Janis: other people can stay stopped forever for all I care Jimmy: and we'll piss about moving 'em into weird positions if we want but most of the time we'll just leave 'em to it Janis: yeah, obviously it's our fun first but it's for their own good too Janis: they'll just be making a mess of their lives otherwise and we haven't got time to care or worry Jimmy: too right Janis: at least we could fuck on Mia's bed again that way Jimmy: she's our BFF now we could drop in there in a bit Janis: only if we're pretending we've been on a romantic getaway post-festival Jimmy: easily done Janis: we can tell her all about it in detail Jimmy: she can act it out method with her dad when we've gone Janis: 😂 oh no Janis: if I never have to see her again, it'll be too soon Janis: her da, as well, soz creep Jimmy: and his girlfriends profiles Jimmy: burned into my 👀 Janis: they were fine ambitious young ladies keen to get ahead Jimmy: told you the 😎 were medical, that's all I'm saying Janis: omg babe you're so smart Janis: blackmail AND a lawsuit Jimmy: BABY Jimmy: where have you been all my life? Janis: pissing about with time travel waiting for someone to play with Janis: obvs Jimmy: well chuffed to meet you after my death Janis: your ghost sex skills are next level so not even mad Jimmy: don't have to touch you, but I properly wish I could Janis: you friggin' better Jimmy: stop pissing about and freeze these other cars, would you? Janis: clearly a range limit on this bullshit magic watch Jimmy: meant to get what you pay for, rich girl Jimmy: did you nick it or what? You can tell me Janis: from that nerdy kid Janis: what was he using it for anyway? Janis: bullshit is what Jimmy: 😂 Janis: your laugh Janis: 10/10 Jimmy: [sends her a voice memo of him loling cos I like to imagine he told Cass to shout slags out the car window or something and she really loudly did] Janis: 😍 Janis: can be secret bonus track Jimmy: alright Jimmy: what's the album art? Janis: 🤔 Janis: how are you in front of the 📸 Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: we'll have to work that out Janis: you'll have to teach me to be behind it too Jimmy: you gonna listen to me? Janis: tempted Jimmy: I won't be fuming if it turns out you've got a bit of an artistic temperament Janis: I know what you like Janis: so I know how to get you in the position I really want Jimmy: there's not loads I can teach you by the sounds of it Janis: you have Janis: you just didn't know you were at the time Jimmy: do you mean that? Janis: yeah Jimmy: but Janis: ? Jimmy: how have I? Jimmy: you know everything Janis: I never Janis: well, I'd actually never had sex with anyone before Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: that dickhead from the party Janis: I didn't sleep with him Janis: never have Jimmy: you said Jimmy: didn't you say that you were? Janis: It's embarrassing but, fuck it Janis: we'd make out whenever we met up, and I'd get him off and he'd feel me up but that was as far as it went Janis: that night, at that party Janis: I tried to feel something, if I did, then I would've fucked him Janis: but I didn't so Jimmy: so you're just Jimmy: that 🥇 Jimmy: alright then Janis: you make me feel things Janis: you can just through kissing Janis: hell, just through a look Janis: he couldn't, no one I ever kissed did Jimmy: yeah I remember when it were only that Jimmy: no lass is that good at faking Janis: shut up, nothing fake about your reaction either Jimmy: never said it were Janis: be nice then Janis: I'm 💀💀💀 Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 Janis: it's rude how good you are Janis: how was I meant to not feel anything Jimmy: I'm not sorry Janis: me either now Jimmy: all them sounds you like, I weren't making them before Jimmy: not how I do now Janis: they can be just for me Jimmy: they are Jimmy: I used to be 🔉 Janis: if I was nice, I'd say I was sorry for your exes for missing out Janis: but I'm really not Jimmy: she'd say I was crap and she's well rid probably Jimmy: there's reasons she fucked half the north and some of 'em are to do with me Janis: then she's more mad than me Jimmy: when I said headcases might be my type, weren't lying Janis: try not to be offended, like Jimmy: just don't 💀💀💀 yet, alright? Janis: not gonna top myself Janis: the madness ain't that real Jimmy: Shakespeare not Austen, I get it Janis: shh Jimmy: and no dickhead's at the Bronte level Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: Maybe I was lying about my type Jimmy: nah Jimmy: your type is me Jimmy: you just admitted it Janis: not regretting that at all Jimmy: are you? Janis: no, idiot Jimmy: telling me, I mean Jimmy: 'cause I get why you didn't before Janis: I mean, obviously there was loads of shit I couldn't tell you before Janis: because we weren't saying anything Janis: but that was because I didn't want it to be different, 'cos you were freaked out Janis: I don't care if you know now, I wanted you to Jimmy: I weren't gonna throw 🌹 petals at you, girl Jimmy: it were good, I know it was Janis: you might not have done it though, thinking I wanted that Jimmy: not that thick, it was well obvious what you wanted Janis: great Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: 'course Jimmy: nowt else matters, we both wanted to Janis: and it was good Jimmy: so I don't care Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: except being chuffed that you didn't fuck that twat 'cause that's what he is Janis: hadn't escaped my notice Jimmy: got my own party twats up my sleeve, can't really say owt Janis: you can say what you like Janis: not buzzing about it myself but was what it was Jimmy: I'll hit him harder next time if you like Jimmy: make him feel something Janis: You can't hit everyone who doesn't turn me on Janis: as we've covered, it's just you Janis: you've got enough to be getting on with Jimmy: get your magic watch out and we've got loads of time Janis: still rather you put your hands to better use Janis: my magic, my rules Jimmy: UGH fine 🙄😏 Janis: I know Janis: another job Jimmy: might feel 🎻🎻 for him anyway Jimmy: he don't turn Mia on either Jimmy: that's her daddy Janis: he won't mind standing in Janis: must be his kink Jimmy: keep his 🔒 tah very much Janis: 🤐 Janis: 🤞 Mia doesn't make him do a boyfriend Q&A any time soon Jimmy: she'd have to do him a script first Jimmy: oh and he'd actually have to be her boyfriend Janis: no dating 'til daddy says so, probs Janis: don't give her 👻🖋 deets Jimmy: when we go over hers we should nick her phone Jimmy: the 🗨 must be Janis: actually dread to think Janis: starts off as a joke, fully ends up being forwarded to the police Jimmy: I am the 👮🚔 mate Janis: right Janis: but bit pot kettle ain't it Jimmy: ain't my fault you Lolita-ed me Janis: well I've seen that one Janis: both versions Janis: and you were never my stepdad, tah Jimmy: 'course you have Janis: rude Janis: my sister was obssessed with it, not me Jimmy: Grace? Janis: ew, not that one Janis: if it's not got a 2 star or lower rating, she ain't watching Jimmy: I were gonna say Janis: bet she has the sunglasses though Jimmy: who don't? Jimmy: 💕 mine Janis: 😂 Janis: 🖤 though, right Jimmy: duh Jimmy: my lungs an' all Janis: got to match your accessories to your disease Jimmy: ✔ Janis: we done here then? Jimmy: what? Janis: you need to work on your 👋s Janis: so blunt Jimmy: Why are you trying to stop my 🖤? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: awh, baby Jimmy: not an answer Janis: I didn't mean to Janis: swear on your 👂s Jimmy: what's left of 'em Janis: so dramatic Jimmy: I can't say owt I'm all in black Jimmy: if I were a lass my eyeliner'd be so thick Janis: rookie error Janis: if you want sympathy you gotta wear 'none' so you look like 💀 and they know how serious the situation is Jimmy: trying to get you to come back not leg it further away Jimmy: there's been enough of 💀 lasses to last ages Janis: well you can count it as a win, like Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: how far are you now Jimmy: [a location] Janis: Hmpf Janis: I'm gonna walk a bit then, see how far I can get Jimmy: another downside to the black I'm covered in 🐕 hair Jimmy: just reminded us Janis: hot Janis: you tryna put me off again? Jimmy: you don't miss her then? 🐕💔 gutted Janis: shh Janis: don't tell her Jimmy: if I don't, what are you gonna do for me? Janis: I can tell you how you're the only person or creature I've missed? Jimmy: go on Janis: I've only thought about you since I've been gone Janis: where you were, what you were doing, if you were thinking about me at all Jimmy: I've been doing nowt but thinking about you Janis: I'm sorry Janis: but also not not glad, you know Jimmy: it's alright, you're all I wanna think about Janis: but I know it weren't good things Jimmy: it were though Jimmy: I told you, I do my own head in, it ain't you Jimmy: and I know I fucked up Janis: I didn't have to be so Janis: well, I did Janis: I wanted to be worse but Jimmy: I've been a massive dickhead an' all Jimmy: I get it Janis: I just wish I'd smacked her instead of all this Jimmy: I thought your sister were gonna when she 👀 us Janis: still might Janis: get one of the others to serve her for a while I reckon Jimmy: could win her over with my latte 🎨? Janis: what are you gonna do Janis: 'soz 💗' Jimmy: take a chapter out of our kid's book Janis: 😏 Jimmy: don't listen to a word of it Jimmy: got loads of lasses in my phone, me Janis: 👌 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what? Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: taking the piss Janis: I ain't Janis: how thrilled you want me to be that you're such a lad, not your dad Jimmy: it's your type, Jasmine Janis: oh yeah Janis: so you've told me Jimmy: there's that enthusiasm Janis: you want fake 😍 I can do it all day Jimmy: not @ me, you can't, first off Jimmy: second, you know what I want Janis: Yeah Janis: but I can't lie Janis: if I had a type, it weren't you Janis: you're beyond that bullshit Janis: league of your own, like, it's ridiculous Jimmy: I said it first, no lasses I've ever seen are as beautiful as you Jimmy: on screen or off Jimmy: dunno how my 📷 didn't break Janis: you're so Jimmy: it's not just that though Jimmy: we've always had a right laugh even doing that bollocks project Jimmy: and on that school trip where I didn't wanna fucking be Janis: no one treats me like that Janis: like a person Jimmy: if they can't handle it, that's their 💔😭🎻 Jimmy: 'cause you're a top person Janis: yeah, you're pretty sound too Jimmy: @cassthelass Jimmy: not what she's saying Janis: have to win her back 'round Janis: take full babysitting responsibilities and let her fuck off for a while Jimmy: she wants me to smack this teacher for her when we go back Jimmy: might do, he sounds like a right bellend Janis: could assume as much from being a teacher Janis: what'd he do though Jimmy: they had this homework and she didn't know they'd have to read it out when she wrote it so when he tried to make her she kicked off Jimmy: he reckoned the right thing to do would be to take her book off her and read it out to everyone anyway Jimmy: they all took the piss, obvs Jimmy: including him, she says Janis: definitely a smackable offense then Janis: fuck that Jimmy: you'll alibi me, yeah? Janis: duh Janis: what are girlfriends for but lying and making excuses for you Jimmy: lying and making excuses to you? but that might just be my ex Janis: can if you like Janis: reckon anyone but you will believe I've just popped to the shop? Jimmy: Depends who you mean Jimmy: we can make the #fans believe owt Janis: get on it then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [on the socials like there's nothing to see here peeps just flirting like old times] Janis: they'll never know Jimmy: 🥇 me Jimmy: lying, excuses, owt you want Janis: I know Janis: not gonna go out with someone 🥉 Jimmy: you wouldn't have left with him if he had come to the festival Janis: is that a question or Jimmy: does it need a ? Janis: nah Jimmy: Nah you wouldn't or nah you don't want it to be a question? Janis: nah it don't need to be a question Janis: 'cos you're not him, you're you Jimmy: yeah but you were fuming at me Jimmy: and you reckoned me and Becca were Janis: that's not the story we're telling though Janis: obviously Jimmy: Alright Janis: even if you and her were Janis: not like I was allowed to be angry a you anyway Jimmy: didn't stop me when I thought you and him were Janis: didn't stop me either Janis: but if you wanted to, couldn't stop you or say shit Janis: we were just mates so Jimmy: yeah but I'd do owt for you Janis: That wouldn't have been a dead giveaway Janis: oh yeah, can you just not fuck her, or her, or her Janis: anyway, I thought you might like her Jimmy: you just didn't wanna say it first Jimmy: bit rude, girl Janis: 1. not true, boy 2. what was my 'strop' that you were really receptive to if not saying it, dickhead Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: I'll give you a 🏆💕 Janis: I don't want it Janis: I'm trying to explain Jimmy: You will want it, baby Jimmy: but go on Janis: You're so rude Jimmy: I'm listening well intently Jimmy: talk to me Janis: Well now I'm distracted by all the things I could be saying now I have your attention Jimmy: well now I wanna hear 'em all Janis: we can just forget about all that mess and everyone else, can't we Jimmy: nowt I want more Jimmy: except you Janis: Good Janis: we're on the same 📖 now Jimmy: we have been for ages we just never said Janis: yeah Janis: s'weird Janis: but good weird Jimmy: as first boyfriend's go Jimmy: I'll make sure it goes alright Janis: 😏 Janis: no pressure or anything Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪 Janis: you can be shit Janis: aside from being my type Janis: makes for a better storytime, yeah Jimmy: I don't wanna though Jimmy: I'm shit at the rest of what I've got going on Janis: shut up Janis: you ARE barista boy Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: and nowt really to do with me Jimmy: I could muck up every single order and still get tips Jimmy: that fit and mysterious, like Janis: well, I like the smoothies Jimmy: they're not on the menu, just make 'em for you Janis: that's 💕 Jimmy: the ones that are have loads of bollocks you wouldn't like in Jimmy: not gonna do that to you, my dear Janis: stop being so cute Jimmy: lasses first Janis: well serious Janis: if I'm gonna keep living my life you'll have to tone it down or I'm getting fuck all done Jimmy: oi, what else have you got on other than being my muse? Janis: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: you can do that lounging about, don't have to get dressed or nowt Jimmy: be like that other famous Leo film Janis: either way, I'm 💀 you when I'm over it Jimmy: we wouldn't both be fitting on that door Jimmy: too tall, you Janis: yeah but you're tiny Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: don't be spreading that about Janis: 🤐🤐 Janis: buy my silence Jimmy: with what? Janis: get rid of my horrible rich fiance for me Jimmy: easy Janis: and my cunty ma Jimmy: even easier Jimmy: like I said, mums never stay about when I am Janis: blessing in this case Jimmy: and all cases up til now Janis: 👍 Janis: k, you can fuck me in the fancy car then, Leo Jimmy: hang on, I'll just trade in this shitty volvo Janis: ⏲ Jimmy: How far have you walked then? Janis: [new location] Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: you haven't Janis: did a bit of running too Jimmy: What the fuck do you get up to when I ain't distracting you? Jimmy: that's Janis: eh, lot of thinking about you, like I said Janis: and I told you I wanted to see you now Jimmy: you're so Janis: desperate? Janis: give you that one Jimmy: impressive Janis: (                  .                                              _                                              .                                            ) Janis: my head Jimmy: should've gone with inspiring Jimmy: for the 🎨 Janis: hidden talents, I know Janis: ( . u . ) Janis: more accurate Jimmy: Gonna get Cass to tattoo that on me, hang on Jimmy: bound to be a needle in this car somewhere Janis: can't wait 'til that gets all infected Janis: look so 😎🚬 babe Jimmy: you just wanna nurse me again Janis: maybe Jimmy: maybe it's your turn to be nursed though Janis: just don't drop me Jimmy: I won't Janis: okay Janis: let's look after each other Jimmy: okay Janis: if you get ay shit tattoos though Janis: you will have to cover then before you see me Jimmy: I'll leave the marks to you Janis: you might regret promising that Jimmy: doubt it Janis: there's not enough space to show you how much I need you Jimmy: you'll work something out Janis: what if I don't? Janis: I really need you to know, like Jimmy: if you can't show me any more, you'll just have to tell me Janis: I'll try Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: not shit with words, remember Janis: until I see you then I just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: whatever you wanna do is Janis: I wanna just Janis: be, you know Janis: for long as we can Jimmy: we don't have to go straight back, you know Janis: what do you mean Jimmy: if you don't wanna Jimmy: Ian'll have his hands full with the kid Jimmy: can't shop me if he can't get any time to himself for it Janis: what about your sister and shit Janis: I ain't been staying in no hotel, like Jimmy: she won't mind us taking the long way round Jimmy: getting lost for a bit is what I do Janis: alright Janis: if you're sure Janis: fuck all I'm going back to Jimmy: there we go then Jimmy: don't worry about Cass, that's my job Janis: 👍 Jimmy: she said you're alright, for a lass Jimmy: I reckon that means you can close both eyes Janis: 🙏 Janis: first time in a while, cheers Jimmy: you are alright though? Janis: 'course I am Janis: and you are Jimmy: you know what kind of question it were Jimmy: and why I'm asking it Janis: I've done this before Janis: know what I'm doing Jimmy: I've stolen this car before, don't mean it's nowt Janis: Honest Jimmy: promise then Janis: I promise Janis: being away ain't what fucks you, it's the whys, and that's sorted now Jimmy: I just Jimmy: there'd be no point to nowt if you weren't here Janis: I am Janis: I will be Jimmy: and if owt happened to you 'cause of me Jimmy: with that being how we left it Janis: nothing did, it's okay Janis: and we ain't leaving it there, fuck that Jimmy: I'm so sorry Janis: Shh, you don't need to apologize now, it's all sorted Janis: we're good Jimmy: right Jimmy: I'm just being Janis: you don't need to explain Janis: it's a lot Janis: from nothing to this Jimmy: Hang on Jimmy: [the longest pause while he gets his shit together] Janis: no rush Janis: not pissing it down today 💔 Jimmy: Alright fine, I'll spit at you when I see you Jimmy: stop begging Janis: 🤤 Janis: you Janis: 😥 me Jimmy: Baby Janis: not a 😍 face with water on soz Janis: well into it, obvs Jimmy: Duh, who wouldn't be? Janis: idk, virgins probs 🙄 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Dans gonna be gutted Jimmy: when he broke up with that girl, we all were Janis: I meant 'cos bucktooth practically promised him the job of deflowering me but way to rock my world there Janis: dropping like flies Jimmy: What was her name? Cheryl? 💔 about that an' all tbh Jimmy: nowt's in a name but Janis: her ma had taste Janis: runs in the family Jimmy: steady on Jimmy: I can't fight him Janis: 'cos he's well 💪? Jimmy: obvs the sexual tension would well get in the way Janis: fine, I'll punch the puppy in the face Janis: good 👮 bad 👮 Jimmy: you're decent to have about, give you that Janis: high praise indeed Jimmy: I'm not far now Jimmy: you'll 👂🎶 soon Janis: wait 'til Cass has gone though Janis: I'm alright for a girl and you ain't bringing me down Jimmy: she's got a point Jimmy: as lasses go, you're not bad Janis: 🥇 or nothing Jimmy: you'll do til I get 👴💕 Janis: Appreciate it 😏 Jimmy: you will if you don't already Janis: trust me, I plan to do a lot of appreciating Janis: not just missed your charming personality, like Jimmy: I heard some dickhead can make you feel things with a look, gonna give that a go once I ain't having to watch for 🚔 Janis: are your eyes like his Jimmy: Dunno, what are his like? Janis: fuck Janis: you've got to see them some time Janis: really dark but really warm Janis: like you'll never know what he's thinking but you also know exactly what he's thinking Janis: like that Jimmy: they sound alright but I don't reckon it'll be worth breaking eye contact with you to have a look Jimmy: and there's loads of you left to look at after that if I did so Janis: It's alright, I don't wanna share him really Jimmy: I'm not bothered, he don't sound like enough of a lad for me Janis: well you'll be even more disappointed if you reckon I am Jimmy: just saying, sounds like he'd write poetry or some bollocks and always be kissing and touching you all the time Jimmy: really slowly Jimmy: like he drives Janis: don't you wanna kiss and touch me all over Janis: or just look? Jimmy: Depends what it feels like when I look Janis: he's a lot to beat Janis: you'll know when you do though Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: I hope you do Janis: I need to be touched Jimmy: [🔥 sext 4? I think lol about all the touching he's gonna do] Janis: Jesus Janis: I love how you do everything so slowly but you are killing me Janis: you know that Jimmy: I feel like I could 💀💀💀 right now Jimmy: just thinking about you Janis: just imagine how good feeling me is gonna be Jimmy: fuck Janis: my favourite place is in your lap Jimmy: if you were here now you'd really like it Janis: exactly Janis: when I can feel how hard you are Jimmy: if it's not now I don't wanna say it Janis: knowing that it's all for me Jimmy: I want you to know everything Jimmy: feel everything Janis: I want to feel you Jimmy: I need to feel you too Janis: I told you, I'm just getting more and more ready for you here Janis: there's no hiding it Jimmy: have a word with that god mate of yours Jimmy: I can't be this close and not be this close to the street you're on Janis: It's so unfair Janis: but we've got time now, yeah, so if we cum on sight, I'm not mad Jimmy: I'll be a bit Janis: well, you know Janis: try to wait 'til we're alone and you're inside me at least Jimmy: it is something a first boyfriend would do, if I can't Janis: it's been too long Jimmy: ages Janis: not allowed to leave it this long again alright Jimmy: suits me Janis: promise Jimmy: I do Janis: you're gonna fuck me, every day? Jimmy: at least Janis: Good Janis: you know what I want Jimmy: might as well do all night an' all, never get any sleep any road, do we? Janis: yeah Janis: but maybe we can wear each other out Jimmy: you up for that challenge? Janis: yes Jimmy: famed for my stamina, me Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: I know Janis: but don't I always look after you? Jimmy: Yeah Janis: then that's what I'll do, I'll fuck you so long and so good you'll have to have the best night's sleep, ever Jimmy: that's actually proper romantic Janis: 😏 Janis: I mean it though Jimmy: I know Janis: remember how sleepy you were Janis: after the ice bath Jimmy: it were like being a kid Janis: in what way Jimmy: you know when you wanna stay up but you just can't Janis: yeah Janis: you have to fight to keep your eyes open but you feel all fuzzy anyway, like you're half in sleep Jimmy: right Janis: I get it Jimmy: Did I say tah for that? Janis: I'm sure you did Janis: not doing it or bringing it back up for that though, don't worry, like Jimmy: I still can't believe you did that for me Jimmy: any of it Janis: why wouldn't I Jimmy: people don't Jimmy: when it's your own fault Janis: that doesn't matter to me Janis: you're not that much of a dickhead Janis: you don't need to be hurting like that Jimmy: I am though, and you can't go about being a massive dickhead and expect nowt to come back Janis: nah, no one is that bad Jimmy: 🤞 next time I won't be so pissed Jimmy: can look after myself better Janis: what's the story then Janis: who'd you piss off Jimmy: surrounded by knobheads, not news, is it? Janis: nah, guess not Jimmy: nowt to worry about once I stop sleeping in fields Janis: not up for the next one then? Janis: gutted Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: 1. how much of a lad Asia's bringing 2.🌧 3. if I get to have a makeover this time Janis: 😏 Janis: you can get tarted up with the best waterproof makeup money can buy to steal Asia's man Janis: before he runs, anyway Janis: how's that? Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: Wonder about you, boy, really do Jimmy: I heard how often you think about me, yeah Janis: piss off 😂 Jimmy: hang on, I'll just turn this car around Jimmy: see you Jimmy: been good but goodbye Janis: don't Janis: just be nice Jimmy: I can't even fake that I'm about to Janis: no faking either Jimmy: few more streets then it'll get well real Janis: 🙏🙏🙏 Jimmy: Oi Janis: ? Jimmy: I didn't get lost Jimmy: say something Janis: OMG Janis: babe Janis: actually though Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: would @iantaylor8 to finally be proud of me an' all but don't want him knowing where I am Jimmy: the speech is all on you, Jules Jimmy: hope you iced a cake Janis: no pressure Janis: maybe circle those last few streets a couple of times, yeah Jimmy: I've had Cass' heartfelt 🙄 Jimmy: it's loads to try and top Janis: damn Janis: I'll have to think of something really 💕 Jimmy: soz babe Janis: if you're happy I'm happy, babe Janis: and not scared of a challenge ever Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: does sound like you though Janis: if you're 😒 I'm 😒 Janis: better? Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: but it makes me wanna kiss you Janis: that's not a bad thing Jimmy: you've kissed loads of lads before haven't you? Janis: not really Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: so that's something else you're just well good at then Janis: I don't know Janis: I only like it when it's you so maybe you're just that good Jimmy: it weren't a question, dickhead Jimmy: I know the answer Jimmy: you're 🥇 Jimmy: It ain't me 'cause it would've been that good with everyone else Janis: not for me Janis: it weren't like bad Janis: just like, actual faking Jimmy: that I've kissed, I mean 'cause it weren't this good for me with them either Janis: oh Janis: I think you're good, even if I don't have as many to compare you to Jimmy: not that I have loads Janis: how long were you with your girlfriend Jimmy: ages Janis: makes sense then Jimmy: what does? Janis: why your body count ain't higher Jimmy: I'm not actually 45 Jimmy: or a SLAG Jimmy: that's also why Janis: well yeah Janis: but you're also fit Jimmy: what my DMs tell me day in and out Janis: Baby Janis: can always go psycho on 'em for you Jimmy: it's just bollocks Janis: you are though Janis: but I know what you mean Jimmy: it's why I picked you Jimmy: 'cause you do know what I mean Janis: and 'cos I'm well fit Jimmy: obviously Janis: I'm glad you did Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: not that I reckoned you'd go for it Janis: you must've thought I was mental Jimmy: like I'd have a leg to stand on with that Jimmy: it were my idea Janis: true Jimmy: and we've covered that mental's my type so I would've been too 😍😍 to think of nowt Janis: Charming as ever, dickhead Janis: what did you think, actually Jimmy: How far back? Janis: Well, now I wanna know first impressions too Janis: but when I agreed to the plan Jimmy: when we get home I'll show you my first impression, if you want Janis: intriguing Jimmy: when you agreed to the plan I was chuffed there were a plan and that it were you Jimmy: 'cause we'd done the project, like I said, and it didn't make me wanna top myself Jimmy: I reckoned it'd probably go alright, for a bit Janis: it kinda worked Janis: as much as it ever were Jimmy: yeah but I didn't expect you to be so Jimmy: for us together to be like Janis: can't say I predicted that either Janis: very inconvenient, actually Jimmy: I had a crack at it, I reckoned I'd thought about every way that kissing you that first time could possibly go but then Janis: I thought I didn't even need to Janis: be the same as every other kiss, non-event Janis: but nope Jimmy: I was such a dick to you about it Jimmy: you were meant to tell me it weren't worth the hassle and you couldn't even fake it Jimmy: bit rude of you not to Janis: I couldn't then Janis: not that I can now Janis: I mean, the plan was, to get what I needed from the plan, then do one, regardless if you got what you needed Janis: but you fucked that all up so yeah, very rude Jimmy: I were geared up for it to either be crap or just alright, even for you to freeze up on me, not for it to feel like Jimmy: that were my plan out the bloody window and then you didn't even have the decency to let me out of it Jimmy: very rude is right Janis: I didn't like you that much from one kiss, soz Janis: I wanted to do a lot more of it, but not 'cos you were so lovely Jimmy: as I said, we've been on the same page for ages Janis: in that fucking bunkbed Janis: Jesus, I wanted you bad Jimmy: if they hadn't been there Jimmy: I would've just Janis: you can show me that too, yeah Jimmy: I had no idea it were possible to want someone that bad Janis: guess usually you don't have to stop at what we had to Janis: whilst pretending you're doing what you wanna Jimmy: I dunno, I've had to stop before Jimmy: it weren't the same Janis: okay Janis: I can believe it Janis: felt like I was dying Janis: in a really good way Jimmy: I can believe that Jimmy: it's how I feel now in this fucking car Janis: I'll be in there too soon Jimmy: there were so many bits of it where I near said or did Jimmy: something Janis: Me too Janis: thought when we finally admitted we wanted to fuck, that would fix everything Jimmy: I had my 🤞 an' all Jimmy: we might be great romantics, girl, but I don't reckon we can call ourselves geniuses Janis: 💔 that Jimmy: them bad ideas were still some of my best ones Jimmy: 💔 we can't tell anyone about this Jimmy: it'd be a 🥇💰💰💰 film Janis: probably say it's too far-fetched Janis: outdid ourselves again 💪 Jimmy: it'd have to be american, they always take things too far Jimmy: and fuck that Jimmy: what kind of accent Janis: you'd be on the football team instead of me Janis: such bullshit Jimmy: I wanna wave the pom poms Jimmy: so rude Janis: I'll get you the costume, baby Jimmy: I'll never take it off Jimmy: not just 'cause I'm a dutiful missus but we can fake it's only that and not for Ian's heart attack, piece of piss, like Janis: get that story straight for the inquest Jimmy: but don't delete your socials yet, can only handle so many 💔 at a time Janis: Duh, what's the point in murder if you can't post not so cryptic statuses about it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you better 🤣 that shit Jimmy: play track 1 Jimmy: hang on, nah that was the hidden bonus track, weren't it? Janis: mhmm Janis: fake fan Janis: 🥇 president of the fanclub, me Jimmy: real fan who can't think proper Janis: I'll let you off Janis: as you're letting me sit in on the live recording of #1 Jimmy: and every track after Janis: 😍 Janis: promise Jimmy: get ready to recreate them 😍 IRL Jimmy: I reckon we're here Janis: [just 👀 into cars like hello? 'til she spots them] Jimmy: [making Cass get out cos he can't even cos just dying like 😍😍] Janis: [seriously, this gon' be SO tense but luckily in a 😍 way not a way like before, poor Cass though lmao] Jimmy: [go stretch your legs and get some car snacks gal you don't need to see any of this] Janis: [like we're not exchanging pleasantries here there's no time] Jimmy: [not soz because I can only imagine how long this convo would've been going if it was real time like she was FAR] Janis: [exactly, and we are highkey and in love so] Jimmy: [literally that] Janis: [like hope this street isn't full of people lol] Jimmy: [yeah I hope you at least parked it somewhere with as much privacy as possible because we're not stopping] Jimmy: [I just imagine a lil Irish village and like some Miss Marple type bitches just living their lives and I'm cackling tbh] Janis: [they will be thriving enjoy the show] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [we're probably gonna need to skip aren't we] Jimmy: [mhmm we know the only thing that's happening rn] Janis: [as much as we love it] Jimmy: [have some coupley af time in this tiny village full of 👵 before you gotta drive again] Janis: [get an ice cream, v famous five] Jimmy: [ginger beer] Janis: [lmao, fat mood] Jimmy: [get some tea too you love it] Janis: [must be done, lowkey have you eaten much this past however long, get on it] Jimmy: [we know you haven't, we know what you're like] Janis: [the #dramatics are so real] Jimmy: [they are which is why he would've brought her clothes cos all she had was from the festival like are they wet or muddy we don't know, probably] Janis: [and just slightly inappropriate to be walking around in lol] Jimmy: [he's got your back babe] Janis: [as if you weren't already so overwhelmed we gotta hold back the emotions here] Jimmy: [#mood] Janis: [like you've been this extra and you're still holding back things I can't never change] Jimmy: [can't blame y'all 🔓 the backstories is an event and it's why you're like this] Janis: [we've only just begun to live] Jimmy: [I love it] Jimmy: [they need some kind of memento from this roadtrip even if they steal it but idk what it should be] Janis: [hmm I'm pondering] Jimmy: [me too] Janis: [maybe something music-related? steal a record or two] Jimmy: [that's a good idea boo] Janis: [for that ref but also shoving a record up your top would be blatant and they'd probably get chased so that too would be a moment they'd love lol] Jimmy: [I love that and how coupley of you to start a record collection together honestly] Janis: [ugh, nerds, be more #couplegoals] Jimmy: [seriously fuck you cs gal we know it's your dream but you're not having it you hipster hoe] Janis: [not with this boy sweaty] Jimmy: [not with any boy if that's how you conduct yourself] Janis: [sort yourself out my love, we aren't letting you near Pete] Jimmy: [you ain't gonna be the one he marries and has those kids with thank you] Janis: [can you imagine, like Pete no, we're never seeing you again missy] Jimmy: [I bloody love Pete] Janis: [don't we all but not really yet] Jimmy: [soon you will have mates and life will be everything, hang in there kids] Janis: [emosh for you both honestly] Jimmy: [hard same] Jimmy: [let's also take a moment for Cass living her best life just because she's not babysitting/around Ian's bs the bar is so low and you'll be living your best life with your lil bf soon too babe] Janis: [literally, we just want not shit all the time tah] Jimmy: [I was thinking that her and Janis should have a #bonding moment because something happens that she needs a girl for like she gets her period being the obvious cliche but whatever and it's like help] Janis: [a mood though, deffo] Janis: [and she is chill in a #crisis so you won't wanna die babe] Jimmy: [she's not Grace thank god] Janis: [imagine, Cass would murder you forrealz] Jimmy: [hence she's gonna be more team Janis after because the text was her being team Jimmy and wanting her to come back round for his sake like no offense she didn't give a fuck who you were but then it's like oh she's alright as a person not just his gf] Janis: [we building these relationships] Jimmy: [we sneaky like that] Janis: [we moving in lowkey already] Jimmy: [it's my fave thing because he's never like MOVE IN it happens so organically okay bye] Janis: [they just those bitches, so in love so easy] Jimmy: [literally like they're not gonna be like let's get married and have babies it'll just happen] Janis: [ugh bye, is there anything else we wanna specify before they go home] Jimmy: [we know the vibe, they in a happy bubble everything is bliss even boring af villages lol] Janis: [I'm good with that, potentially can leave this here then] Jimmy: [unless we wanna do any chatting on the way back yeah] Janis: [maybe just to be cute with it 'cos can't be saying loads of shit out loud making Cass 🤢] Jimmy: [can always type if you wanna be extra] Janis: [just grooving to tunes outwardly though, having some kind of fast-food car dinner] Jimmy: [living your best lives] Janis: hey Jimmy: afternoon Janis: alright? Jimmy: are you? Janis: 😊 Jimmy: that is a decent representation of how you look, yeah Jimmy: [looks over at her to make the point like oh hey] Janis: [pulls ugly face that never is] Jimmy: [lols which we know is adorable] Janis: 😳 Janis: uncalled for Jimmy: it were you that did it Janis: yeah but Janis: now I miss you Jimmy: [gonna assume that she's in the front with him so gonna say that he reaches over and writes I miss you too on her but eyes on the road ty] Janis: [kisses where he wrote it] Janis: real shame your sister can't have a go driving, like Jimmy: she can when it's a bit quieter Jimmy: I had a go when I were her age Janis: umm Jimmy: what? Janis: you made promises for when we get back, so not tryna die out here Janis: not that you aren't a great teacher, obvs Jimmy: you said you weren't 🙀 of owt Janis: 😏 call it skeptical, but fine Janis: you wanna be all hot and capable Jimmy: I don't wanna be whatever the opposite is, tah Jimmy: sounds like Mr Lucas Jimmy: or my dad Janis: bit rude to put the loml in the same category as Ian Jimmy: is it? Janis: yes Janis: let me live a lie in peace Jimmy: [does IRL sarky 👌] Janis: #hater 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, I'm a lover if I'm owt Jimmy: clue's in the name, Jules Janis: I know Janis: 💘 Jimmy: 🌹 Janis: soz, ditched the flower crown on the way outta the ⛺ Jimmy: 💔😭 Janis: @godzilla Janis: think it was hers Jimmy: [pretends he's going to] Janis: we don't have to talk to them anymore, remember Jimmy: [exaggerated phew sigh and wipe of his forehead like a nerd as he pretends to delete everything he's pretending he wrote] Janis: [just shaking her head but in a loving way] Jimmy: [cue Cass shaking her head at both of y'all from the back] Janis: whoops Jimmy: [throws some kind of snacks at Cass like shut up] Janis: [when you and your siblings haven't had a relationship for years haha it's fine] Jimmy: [the cali fam breaks my heart bye] Janis: [texting someone rn, that is Grace, to say she's coming back, 'cos yep, feelings whomst] Jimmy: [we can do it if you want/ a convo between them] Janis: [my thoughts exactly] Jimmy: [just 😍 while she's on her phone and can't see] Janis: [looking up like sorted] Jimmy: [holding her hand cos you just wanna] Janis: [squeezing it] Jimmy: [the most genuine smile ever] Janis: [right backatcha, boy] Janis: you're beautiful Jimmy: you Janis: just believe me Jimmy: I can't Janis: try to, yeah Janis: really really hard Jimmy: [squeezing her hand like okay] Janis: [bringing their hands up to her mouth so she can kiss his like okay, before turning to get snacks to chuck in his mouth] Jimmy: you're a really good girlfriend Janis: I didn't think I'd like it Janis: being called that Janis: but it's stupid how it makes me feel when you say it Jimmy: 💕 right? Janis: yeah Janis: something like that Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Jimmy: I mean, I had it in my head that I weren't gonna do owt like this again Janis: well, I ain't gonna fuck you over Janis: know you can't promise shit like that, or people say you can't, but I am 'cos I won't, whatever happens Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: the bar's pretty low, just don't bother to fuck half of the town Janis: why would I Janis: when I've got you Jimmy: I dunno, do I? Jimmy: why do people do owt? Jimmy: loads of reasons Janis: yeah but I only wanna fuck you so Janis: not an issue Jimmy: Good Jimmy: can leave it out of the comic I'm gonna draw Janis: what comic? Jimmy: What kind of question's that? Jimmy: ain't drawn it yet Janis: it's a surprise Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: how x-rated were you planning on going though, just wondering Jimmy: [winks at her but then lols] Janis: [also loling, 'scuse them private jokes] Jimmy: [bit rude but we're not soz] Janis: [sure she's texting her mates and does not want to be involved in your shenanigans really] Jimmy: [we should let her have a go at driving though like if they're in the middle of nowhere once again] Janis: [yes, deffo] Jimmy: [though she smol as I discovered when I googled her height, not much taller than me] Janis: [I swear she doesn't look that smol] Jimmy: [we'll never know] Janis: [live ya dreams] Jimmy: [she should be a really bad driver though and they're like damn don't actually kill us] Janis: [#triggert] Jimmy: [we're not letting that happen lads don't worry] Janis: [that would be evil] Jimmy: [like do we wanna have them sleep in the car and go back tomorrow though like how far do you think this trip is?] Janis: [they could probably get home, even if it's late, I don't think anyone would've travelled more than a couple of hours or so for that festival so] Jimmy: [yeah we can say Cass falls asleep lying in the back like my little baby boo] Janis: [n'awh'ing at that but quietly 'cos want some alone time tbh] Jimmy: [nobody in that whole fam ever be sleeping well but Ian, you've done us a favour this once sir] Janis: [enjoy it gal] Jimmy: [shamelessly stopping somewhere so you can makeout we all know it] Janis: [deffo, better sit on the car instead of in it 'cos the levels of being bad at being quiet are through the roof rn] Jimmy: [we see through your flimsy excuses of needing a piss or petrol or whatever you're saying you're stopping for, we know it's been ages and you're extra] Janis: [#tea] Jimmy: [I can't even blame you what an emotional af day] Janis: [the relief, the intensity of all the emotions, gah] Jimmy: [add to that they're literally 15] Janis: [god bless and goodbye]
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living-after-death-blog1 · 5 years ago
Text
The Day My Daughter Died.. (An introduction to the end and the beginning)
I received a phone call from my daughter's best friend, Alli, at about 2:30pm on that day. She told me that she had just left work and was on her way to my daughter's house, after receiving a frantic phone call from my daughter's roommate, Kenneth, who said that he had come home and found her unconscious, with a needle in her hand. He had called an ambulance, he had attempted CPR, and was now waiting outside of the house while the emergency personnel did their thing inside.
I think it was already pretty well established that my daughter was gone, and I think that this was probably communicated to me, but my brain literally wouldn't grasp it. I wasn't devastated; I was terrified. I spent the entire conversation (which was probably at least 20 minutes long) thinking that we didn't know anything yet, feeling like I was frozen, like everything around me was happening in slow motion, and that I was just holding my breath until the moment when Alli could finally get to the house and someone could tell us what was going on. I thought we were waiting to hear that she'd been trànsported or something. It honestly hadn't occurred to me until just now that simply knowing that Kenneth had attempted CPR should have been enough information to answer to the only question that was looping through my mind, over and over, until Alli arrived. "Is she breathing?"
I was 4 hours away, in another city.
Once Alli arrived, there were people everywhere; policemen, emergency responders, tons of neighborhood spectators, and Kenneth, the roommate. I was still on the phone, waiting, while he and Alli had a brief conversation, which I couldn't really hear and I finally interrupted to ask what I thought we'd been waiting to find out this whole time.. "But.. is she still breathing?"
At that point, I heard Alli take a deep breath and, very slowly, and with such pain, she said the words that made it real.
"No, Stephanie. She's gone."
I remember taking a deep breath and saying, "Okay."
It almost felt like, "Well.. Here we are. This is actually happening. You know, that thing that happens to other people, but not your child, not you? It's happening. Right now."
Another deep breath, and once again, " Okay.. "
I remember thinking that I needed to hold it together somehow, because I was going to have to handle and figure out a lot of things, and I really, really needed to be able to think. I just had to think. Figure this all out somehow, as if it were a problem that could be solved.
I did what I've always done when I need to call upon an extreme coping skill. I stopped feeling, and I started thinking. Intellectualizing, my therapist, Becca, the one from my daughter's first treatment center, used to call it.
I called upon that skill in that moment. Think. Think about what other people are going through, feeling, experiencing. Think about how everyone else feels, so you don't have to look at what this really is. Don't even get close to it.
That is the moment that I apologized to Alli for having to be the one to make such a horrible phone call, telling someone's mother that they are dead, and thanked her for being that person, at the same time. I thanked her for being a good friend. I told her I loved her. Said I'd be available for the police or whoever needs to speak to next of kin, and told her to give them my number.
I called my boyfriend first, in a panic; I had to get home, I had to get to Houston, and I had to get there NOW. I couldn't drive, and all I could think was how I needed to get there, I had to get there, and I needed to get there NOW. No answer.
I called my ex-husband (not the father of my daughter, but of two sons, ages 15 and 18, at the time) and, not realizing that the boys were in the car with him or that he had answered on speaker, I started screaming that my daughter was dead, she was dead, and I didn't know what to do. Of course, after finding out that the boys had overhead, I called both of them to apologize that they had had to hear me like that, to hear the news that way.
I don't remember very much of the next few weeks. The things I do remember are choppy, like random scenes from a movie, but I remember those things vividly.
I realized that I had to tell people. Who? Who is the first person you call to announce your daughter's death?
I called my mom first, I think, and I listened to her sob and repeat, "Noooo..." over and over.
I called my daughter's other grandmother, on her father's side, and I listened as she cried and kept saying, "Oh my god.."
I called my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Javi, the father of my granddaughter, who was 8 at the time, and he couldn't believe it, couldn't accept it, either; jumped in his car to go over there. I guess he needed to see it with his own eyes.
I spoke to another of my daughter's best friends, Jessica (she happened to text me, so I thought she already knew, and when I realized that she didn't, I told her to call me. She asked me, "How bad is it?" I said, "Bad."), and then she, too, immediately drove over to the house to meet up with Alli, Kenneth, and Javi.
I couldn't listen to any more breaking hearts at the moment, so as fucked up as it seems now, I just started texting people.
I texted my friend, Sarah, who, along with her entire family, have been like family to us. I don't even know how I said it. I think I said, "I'm so sorry to tell you like this, but they found her this morning, unconscious, with a needle, and she didn't make it. " Sarah immediately called me, and started screaming, " What? What? " as if she couldn't hear me. Her mind, too, couldn't seem to allow this to be real.
I spoke to my friends, Theresa and Joie, sisters, and they immediately offered all kinds of practical help that hadn't even occurred to me, such as setting up a GoFundMe account to pay for funeral expenses. I had been laid off from my job of over ten years several months prior, and so all of the life insurance policies and everything I'd been so used to just having were no longer available, and I had nothing.
Joie also posted on Facebook on my behalf. It was the only way I could think of to let everyone know, especially my daughter's friends, and it was because of all of these people, and so many more, that I have managed to get through this last year.
I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I am surrounded by them. The GoFundMe account reached over $5000 within a couple of days.
My daughter's best friend from middle school is a hair and makeup artist, and she flew in from Colorado to make sure that she was the one who did the makeup for the viewing. That was always their thing, and even though my daughter's addiction had driven them apart over the years, Vikki had to do this one last thing for her friend, and I was happy to have her do it.
Sarah's ex-boyfriend, who knew my daughter as a child, took care of all of the flowers and arrangements.
Sarah's mom has a friend who was able to make a dress for my daughter to wear during the viewing; an Alice in Wonderland dress, because that was always her thing.
Sarah and her mom had already found the cheapest most decent funeral home that they knew of (her mom had used the place for her own mother's service), so I literally spent the next few days just having to answer yes and no questions.
It turned out that since my daughter never divorced the father of her second child (my grandson, Isaac, who was almost 7 at the time), even though they'd been separated and out of contact for a few years (she was engaged to someone else for at least a year), he was her next of kin, not me, and this brought forth a whole host of issues. He doesn't raise their son, his mother does, because he is either 1) insane, 2) brain damaged from drug use, 3) currently using drugs, or 4) a combination of all of the above. These things made the entire process very difficult for me.
They tried to dictate who could be invited to the funeral, which I wasn't on board with. They threatened me by saying that they would have her body transferred to the funeral home of their choosing and they would let me know when and where to show up. They said I could not have any locks of her hair. They said they would not split up her ashes. They even dictated to me that she be cremated, because they somehow knew (having only known her for a few years, and not knowing her at all, really, for the few years prior to her death) that she wanted to be cremated and that she wanted her ashes spread over the ocean.
I won't ever be able to understand why someone would treat the mother of a dead child the way that they treated me, but I've just added them to the list of people I'll have to figure out how to forgive somehow, eventually.
Everyone showed up for us, and I was so grateful for the presence of every single one of them. People I hadn't seen or spoken to in years, such as my ex-husband's ex-boss's ex-wife, lol.
I placed a son for adoption when I was 19, and though I had met him in person once, he and my other kids had not met. He and my daughter had been talking a lot on social media, and he had planned to come visit and meet everyone in May, after he graduated college, but ended up coming in April for her funeral, instead. He never even got to hear her voice.
There is so much I want to use this blog for. I want to document my own journey through this grief. I want to talk about addiction and help destigmatize the way people view addicts. I want to offer resources and maybe even hope. And I want to remember my daughter.
Her name was Jade. She was 26 years old when she died. She was one of the funniest, coolest, most creative, beautiful people you could have ever known. Yes, the addiction was a part of her journey, her struggle, but she was more than that. And I intend to honor ALL of who she was, by speaking the truth.
The truth is that she died from the toxic effects of an accidental overdose of heroin and methamphetamine. But that's just one part of her story, and mine, and I need to tell them both, even if no one ever reads a single word I type. I need to tell these stories.
Since I started with her death, here is a photo recap of what there is to know so far:
#grief #overdose #addiction #loss #bereavement #grieving
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qqueenofhades · 7 years ago
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I was talking about Wonder Woman at work today, and my deskmate said that she didn't like the movie because she thought that nothing Wonder Woman did was about herself. All the impetus and action was about someone else, generally a man. And so she thought it was a bad feminist movie. I didn't know how to respond beyond "you are wrong" and I have to see her again monday. Please help me come up with coherent arguments?
Um, what? Since when does Diana spend the movie doing something for a man?
(Sorry, I’m just confused at your coworker’s logic here.)
Diana is the driver of the action throughout the movie and the other characters all play a role in her story somehow, not the other way around. She is the one to rescue Steve when he crash-lands on Themyscira, hears about the war, decides it sounds like Ares’ doing, and decides to peace out against everyone’s advice (including that of her mother/aunts/the other Amazons) to go take care of it. She decides to take Steve off the island with her, they go to London, Diana is the one who insists that they go to the front, and spends the rest of the time pretty much flat-out ignoring whatever Steve thinks she should do (don’t cross No Man’s Land, don’t go after Ludendorff, come with him to stop the plane, etc). Steve is portrayed as (understandably) not actually believing that she is the immortal clay-daughter of Zeus from Awesome Lesbian Paradise Island destined to kill another Greek god, but he doesn’t belittle her for it, isn’t sarcastic and abrasive to everyone he meets, tries to protect her, tries to teach her about Earth customs, and goes along with her plans even when he doesn’t understand them (i.e. telling her to follow the smoke rings to find Ludendorff). I legit cannot think of once when he’s actually the one deciding what Diana does or when she listens to him, and he’s given the same kind of role that is usually given to the female love interests of male superheroes: he’s concerned about her hero activity, his reactions are mostly dictated by her actions, she decides what’s going on and then he goes along with that, he has the eye candy moments, she has to save him several times, and he ultimately dies in service of her character arc. Diana’s goal (find and kill Ares, the reason the Amazons were established) remains paramount throughout the entire movie and is never sacrificed for Steve (or anyone else’s) interests. Diana of course eventually does this, but discovers it’s more complicated than she thought.
Then there’s the broader story/narrative architecture of the movie. The Amazons in the beginning look and dress like actual female warriors; they’re strong, muscled, wearing actual armor (which was why it was so squint-worthy when Justice League wanted to skimp them up more) and presented as powerful and capable. They’re visibly diverse and they are not stick-thin models in golden bikinis. The film is obviously aware that Diana is beautiful, but her looks are never made the point of her character. Etta roasts Steve when he tries the cliched trick of “putting glasses on a woman and suddenly she’s not hot.” There are no leering up-skirt angles or lingering cleavage shots. The film is (mercifully) totally devoid of any “Diana must use her sexuality to get ahead!” or “Diana meets Real Men who must teach her about sex” (part of why the boat scene was so brilliant) or “Steve is a sarcastic asshole who is justified in laughing at her naivete.” And of course, thank fuck, nothing remotely like Whedon’s favored “sexual violence/infertility makes a woman Tough and Broken.” (I mean, if you have seen his leaked Wonder Woman script, which a) is a flaming pile of poop and b) literally does all the above things, you will understand just how much of a bullet we dodged.)
Diana is allowed, as the filmmakers have commented on many times, to be a kick-ass warrior and also a woman who loves babies and ice cream and has feelings for Steve and whose power is in fact based on love, not His Murdered Parents and Angst (yes, you know who I’m looking at) or all the other de rigueur Gritty Origin Story male superheroes. Strong Female Characters ™ exist in their dozens as basically men with unnecessarily revealing boobplate armor, and are Repressed and Tormented and Grim and like to drink and have hard pasts and so on, and it’s extremely refreshing that they did not do that with Diana. Especially given how much fandom tends to hate and disregard/demonize traditionally “feminine” female characters. Diana is clearly awesomely strong and powerful (to this day I cannot watch the No Man’s Land sequence without crying, like, all the tears) but she’s not a machine, and her compassion – for the people suffering in the war, for Steve, for Charlie, for the villagers, and even for Ares – is a key facet of her character. (Plus we have the scene of her climbing the tower to get the magical sword, but later discover it’s not the sword that’s special, it’s her).  Yes, I wish she’d gotten to interact more substantively with female characters outside Themyscira, but then, you don’t have a single man on screen for at least the first 15 minutes until Steve crash-lands, and that whole battle on the beach. So the Amazons are awesome, as noted above. I can live. 
This is still not even to mention the fact of the men that Diana does travel with. Steve is the only typical White Leading Man, and even he mostly spends his time figuring out how to go along with whatever slightly crazy thing Diana is doing now. Charlie is a Scottish sniper with PTSD who Diana recognizes as having other talents than killing. Sameer is a Middle Eastern man who gets to point out that his race has stopped him from doing what he really wants to do. Chief is played by an actual Native actor and gets a line about the fact that Steve’s people have killed all of his. We also have that glimpse of Sikh soldiers heading to the front – in WWI, the British Raj was in full swing, there were a lot of troops from the Indian subcontinent, but they simply aren’t noticed or mentioned. We’ve talked about the Amazons already, but yes. Gal Gadot herself is Ashkenazi Jewish and did not do a British or American accent for the movie. The character of Wonder Woman was originally created (iirc) by a guy in a polyamorous relationship with his wife and another woman, specifically around themes of female empowerment. Plus, on the simplest level, I (and pretty much every woman I know) felt like a million bucks after seeing it. We finally got the superhero movie that we deserved, stripped of all the layers and layers of Male Gaze bullshit that we just have to take for granted, and good for Patty Jenkins insisting she got paid what she deserves.
Lastly, I am leery of anointing anything as a piece of Perfect Feminist Media ™, but the sheer fact that it took until 2017 for this movie to be made is a reflection of, again, the amount of BS it had to get through and do away with. There will always be more improvement to be had and to make, but it was a fucking awesome start.
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douchebagbrainwaves · 6 years ago
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RETURN OF VC BE A STARTUP
I'm slightly less likely to start something ambitious in the morning. That's not all wisdom is, but my motives are purely selfish.1 Specific numbers are good. It does seem likely there's some inborn predisposition to intelligence is not the actual time it takes to meet with investors. Several of the fractal buds that have exploded since ancient times involve inventing and discovering new things.2 Three year olds aren't smart. The name of a variable or function is an element; a new block is an element.3
Greg Mcadoo said one thing Sequoia looks for is the proxy for demand. I was any good, why didn't I have the easy confidence winners are supposed to rise over time. An employer couldn't get away with hiring thugs to beat up union leaders today, but if you're a maker, think of your own case. And if trouble with investors is one of the advantages of seed firms is the advice they offer. If you want people to read and understand what you write: write in spoken language. I assumed that was the highest form of writing. Unless their working day ends at the same time as mine, the meeting presumably interrupts theirs, but since they made the appointment it must be worth it to them.4 Now publishing online is becoming so popular that everyone wants to do it is to an ordinary university what suburbia is to a city. Needless to say, and use that instead.5 If such management companies existed, there would probably also be a longer way.6 Startups need to be around other startups.
A company has to make something users want, and that territory seems to be the top one, rather than doing custom work for individual clients.7 But for someone at the top of the field, what's the test of doing well? The path to wisdom is through discipline, and the language wouldn't let you express it the way you usually would, then afterward look at each sentence and ask Is this the way I'd say this if I were talking to a friend what you just wrote. The question is, can a language be? There are two ways to do that. A lot of startups get their first funding from friends and family. Whereas wisdom comes through humility, it may actually help, in cultivating intelligence, to have as much in it as all knowledge up to that point. Don't go out of your way to bring it up e. You can't just start a business and check out once things are going well, or they stop going well surprisingly fast. One founder I know wrote: Two-firm deals are great.8 You probably didn't have much choice about the secondary schools you went to.9 You couldn't just give them all the same valuation: that would be too much compulsion here.10
I'm often mistaken about it. If I was any good, why didn't I have the easy confidence winners are supposed to rise over time. But this group must be small. You can meet someone just to get to know one another.11 The exciting thing is that startups are often involved in disreputable things.12 What can I do to enable programmers to get the most done? Talking about that is like an actor at the beginning of his career telling his parents how much Tom Hanks makes. There is something you want to keep startups from leaving your town, you have to go back and figure out if they were talking to a friend what you just wrote. If you expressed the same ideas in prose as mathematicians had to do before they evolved succinct notations, they wouldn't be any easier to read, because the younger you are, the less likely they are to belong to a group of three friends have an idea—either an idea for something they might build, or simply the idea let's start a company than to be a total slacker.
It's probably perfect. When you write something you wouldn't say, you'll hear the clank as it hits the page. Alas, you can't do anything really risky with it.13 Some angels might balk at this, but others would probably welcome it.14 You can choose whichever revenue strategy you think is best for the type of every variable, and can't make a list of objects of different types. That last one is a big deal. Angels who've made money in technology are preferable, for two reasons: they understand your situation, and if I didn't—to decide which is better. The latter is much more expensive. I could write that in a spectacular way: I think undergraduates are undervalued.15 As far as I know, was Fred Brooks in the Mythical Man Month. The name of a variable or function is an element; an integer or a floating-point number is an element; an element of subjection.
Your primary goal is not to write a cool piece of software. What's an especially productive 22 year old to do?16 You could pay as little attention to the business. If I was any good, why didn't I write it that way? They'll lie to you on this one.17 And that seems to me that succinctness is what programming languages are supposed to rise over time. Everyone knows that these little social lies aren't meant to be taken literally, just as someone used to dynamic typing finds it unbearably restrictive to program in the language longer than one you have in your head in order to conceive of the program, and so on. Extreme choices like starting a startup. To me it was a good time to have ideas. If they're only paying a twentieth as well.18
This is not as selfish as it sounds, however. It's easy to convince investors there will be demand for a cheaper alternative to something popular, if you preferred, write code that was isomorphic to Pascal.19 Also they find they now worry obsessively about the status of their server. So we shouldn't assume the way startups work now is the way they push out more interesting ideas. Here's a simple trick for getting more people to read and understand what you write: write in spoken language, you'll be ahead of 95% of writers. And though you can't see it, cosmopolitan San Francisco is 40 minutes to the north. Custom work doesn't scale. Silicon Valley? Silicon Valley has two highways running the length of a program. What kind of anti-dilution protection do they want? They delayed for an entire year, and maybe to hire a couple friends. Once you take money from my parents was that I didn't ask my parents for seed money, though.20
The company may do additional funding rounds, presumably at higher valuations. So be honest with yourself about the sort of place that has conspicuous monuments. The angel now owns 200/1200 shares, or a job.21 Problems arise when they meet. There never has to be more companies like us. I feel so tired? They find some just as the prototype is demoable.22 If the founders have impressive resumes, just flash them on the screen for 15 seconds and say a few words. Brooks' hypothesis, if it's true, seems to be the growing gap between them.23 What are people doing now, using inadequate tools, that shows they need what you're making?
Notes
Within Viaweb we once had a vacant space in their own itinerary through no-land, while simultaneously implying that you're being asked to choose which was acquired for 50 million, and the editor, which merchants used to build their sites.
The shares set aside a chunk of time. After Greylock booted founder Philip Greenspun out of them. If anyone wants to program a Turing machine. PR didn't work, like architecture and filmmaking, but I took so long to send them the final version that afternoon.
Many famous works of art.
Because it's better and it doesn't change the number of big companies have been doing so. But I know of no counterexamples, though I think it is the converse: that the most important subject. Possible exception: It's hard to do good work and thereby subconsciously seeing wealth as something that flows from some central tap. That makes some rich people move, but we decided it would have a one world viewpoint, deciding to move from Chicago to Silicon Valley like the one the Valley has over New York the center of gravity of the Facebook that might be a founder; and not others, and suddenly they need them to get rich, purely mercenary founders will usually take one of his peers will get funding, pretty much regardless of what investment means; like any investor, and outliers are disproportionately likely to be, yet.
Com of their times. There's a sort of Gresham's Law of conversations. Sam Altman points out that successful founders is that you'll expend a lot of the growth in wealth in the biggest winners, which usually revealed more than serving as examples of how to argue: they hoped they were getting results.
The nationalistic idea is not whether it's good enough at obscuring tokens for this is also a second factor: startup founders is exaggerated now because it's told with a clear plan for the firm in the cover.
Because it's better to get good enough at obscuring tokens for this is mainly due to I.
When VCs asked us how long it would grow as big as a day feels like a body cavity search by someone else. The first big company CEOs were J. So starting as a single cause. In practice it's more like Silicon Valley is no difficulty making type II startups spread: all you know whether this would give you money for the desperate and the 4K of RAM was in logic and zoology, both of whom have become direct marketers.
I talked to mentioned how much they'll pay. I think the top schools are, so you'd find you couldn't do the right direction to be identified with you to two more investors. Different kinds of menial work early in the beginning of the VCs buy, because the Depression.
I almost hesitate to raise their kids won't listen to God. They have no real substance.
One implication of this theory is that if you get of the company, but there are certain qualities that some groups in America. Peter, Why Are We Getting a Divorce? I don't think it's confusion or lack of transparency.
Fortunately policies are software; Apple can change them instantly if they did that they'd really be a big angel like Ron Conway, for example, understanding French will help you even before they've committed. Some genuinely aren't. You can get programmers who wanted to start, so we hacked together our own online store. I'm not making any predictions about the paperwork there, and in a world with antibiotics or air travel or an acquisition for more than serving as examples of other people thought of them.
High school isn't evil; it's roughly correct for startups that are hard to predict areas where you wanted it? The ordering system was small. If they want you. Sullivan actually said form ever follows function, but the median VC loses money.
When I say the raison d'etre of prep schools, because that's how both publishers and audiences treat it. I became an employer, I had a tiny. This is everyday life in general. And yet if he hadn't we probably would not be to become one of the edge case where something spreads rapidly but the distribution of potentially good startups that get killed by overspending might have 20 affinities by this, though sloppier language than I'd use to develop server-based apps to share a virtual home directory spread across multiple servers.
They're motivated by examples of other people thought of them is that they have to be more linear if all you needed to read an original book, bearing in mind that it's boring, we should worry, not conquest.
Management consulting. The shift in power from investors to founders would actually increase the size of the venture business barely existed when they talk about real income statistics calculated in the aggregate is what approaches like Brightmail's will degenerate into once spammers are pushed into using mad-lib techniques to generate all the returns come from meditating in an equity round. That should probably pack investor meetings too closely, you'll have to solve a lot of money around is never something people treat casually. Good and bad luck.
I can't safely omit any type we tell. Since they don't have enough equity left to motivate them. The dialog on Beavis and Butthead was composed largely of these, and configure domain names etc.
Only a fraction of VCs who can predict instead of crawling back repentant at the mercy of circumstances in the imprecise half. The existence of people.
In every other respect they're constantly being told that Microsoft discourages employees from contributing to open-source projects, even thinking requires control of scarce resources, political deal-making causes things to be.
Digg is Slashdot with voting instead of the deal. The biggest counterexample here is defined from the most recent version of Explorer. If you're sufficiently good bet, why is New York is where people care most about art, why not turn your company right now. And I'm sure for every startup we had high hopes for doesn't do well, so if you have the concept of the rest of the conversion of buildings not previously public, like speculators, that good art is not a promising lead and should in some ways First Round excluded their most successful investment, Uber, from the VCs' point of view: either an IPO, or at such a dangerous mistake to do.
They may play some behind the scenes role in IPOs, which would be to become a manager. So it is unfair when someone gets drunk instead of working. They don't make users register to read stories.
Most smart high school is that promising ideas are not more. Of the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but that wasn't a partnership. If the rich.
In practice formal logic is not that everyone's visual piano has that key on it. At some point, there are before the name implies, you need to be delivering results. It's when they're really not, don't destroy the startup eventually becomes.
Thanks to Robert Morris, Sarah Harlin, Sam Altman, and Trevor Blackwell for their feedback on these thoughts.
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