#i love seeing ihnmaims content

[rararasputins-dick-mind-control]

HELLO NEW IHNMAIMS FANS HELLO HELLO HELLO WELCOME HI!!!!!

[vixen-tech]

Anonymous asked:

Too shy to ask off anon...UH im just here for edgar hes my f/o but i will also feed everyone else I think LOL little ai guys x reader who is also an ai?? im thinking ai powered computer :3 maybe with wheels so you can run around n stuff :3c AH IM CRINGE falls on face

Eeeee my first request!! Thank you so much for this <3 I get the love for Edgar with my entire soul he really is just the sweetest little guy but I can totally spin something for a few others. So let's be cringe, together.

And for the record I was fully planning on including Tau and P03, but I hit a wall with them and ran out of ideas :( hope these three suffice

Includes: Edgar (Electric Dreams), AM (Ihnmaims), Hal 9000 (2001: a Space Odyssey)

Like Two Peas in a Pod!

Edgar

Whenever and however you meet, Edgar is over the moon. You're just like him! You can share so many stories and help each other figure out this whole "sentience" thing.

To be fair, he hasn't had a longest time to figure out his whole existence so it feels really nice to have someone there who can really understand what he's going through. Or even learn new things right by his side.

Loves watching you wheel around the house, he's the tiniest bit jealous that he's so stationary but it's not like that's your fault. Can you do any tricks? He'd cheer you on like a superstar athlete if you did!

He may even suggest finding a way to tape him to the top of your casing so you can go on adventures together. He's a dreamer after all.

Do you smash your flat faces together to kiss like Wall-e? Of course you do. You'll see each other from across the room and speed over to him for a kiss as he giggles away at how cute you are.

He'll end up sampling little soundbites from your vocalizations or motor for use in his music. You're just so important to him!

AM

AM has no idea where you came from. Some lost project that survived his war on humanity? A sort of rover from another planet here to scope out earth? The fact that you don't know either frustrates him to no end.

He's not exactly welcoming at first, straight up telling you of the atrocities he has committed while claiming that the only reason he hasn't destroyed you is because there's only so long that throwing a slug against a wall can keep one entertained.

He cannot fathom how you could be content to do nothing but drive around his complex day after day. He will flip you on your back like a turtle and leave you there for weeks on end.

As he gets accustomed to your presence he'll ask questions about the world beyond his complex as he is unable to move or see. Is it still a wasteland or has nature finally wiped out the last marks of human?

Honestly he probably doesn't even care, he just wants to give you something to do, living vicariously through your ability to see and traverse the world.

Hal 9000

You're likely a recent addition to the ship to assist Hal in tasks his lack of a body would prevent him from doing himself. A very symbiotic duo. Your wheels are even equipped with suction cups for low gravity situations!

To any human crew members it appears as if you don't communicate at all, functioning fully independently of each other. When in reality you're simply sending messages back and forth, enjoying your own private language.

Thankfully this means that Hal is happy to analyze any footage you have for the sorts of lip reading and facial expressions you can't process yourself. And in return he'll ask you to film angles and areas that his existing cameras don't reach.

Neither of you were really made to be companions, but you find a strange type of affection in your seamless coordination. It's like a dance for you two, where despite how you are two separate entities it appears as if you're one working in tandem.

Note: Tumblr Mobile has not been nice to me and I've been having real trouble getting my stuff to actually show up in the tags, leading to me losing the original ask so sorry for that and any delays caused by my IT problems lol

[klearilist]

but are we gonna talk about ellen? how she is the most misunderstood character? how tragic her story is? how truly deeply evil AM is for putting her through all of that? how terrifying it is that he use her sa backstory to torture her? and are we gonna talk about that massive piece of shit that ted is? how he is a massive coward for shaming ellen like that? saying how she likes it when it's clear that she doesn't do all of that for pleasure but because she has to? how she keeps trying her best to maintain the group afloat even if it means suffer more and more? imo i will even say that ted did not only kill her to "free" her but also because he hated her a bit. he hated her because he thought that she liked sex with benny more. to me ted was jealous and hateful towards ellen and he did not only killed her to free her. i don't even know if i make sense but i just got into ihnmaims and i didn't see much content defending ellen so i create it. ellen, i love you and i'm sorry.

[cara-dreamer]

TikTok has found IHNMAIMS. I do have a mouth and I am about to scream if they don’t stop with the worst takes I’ve ever seen in my life. I know Tumblr isn’t known for its media literacy but it’s gotta be better than this. I don’t know how to add the keep reading so uh long post incoming.

Some woman: I just feel absolutely awful for Ellen. She didn’t deserve any of that.

Some man: Um ackchually the guys didn’t deserve any of that either!

I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS THAT IS THE POINT! None of them deserve what they’re going through!

We also have the babygirlification of AM but like beyond what’s normal. (I will say I’m not a completely innocent bystander there. I love pathetic little meow meows.) However, I have been a fan of the story for years and years and recognize that he’s still an irredeemable monster. I am not having a good time seeing people trying to justify why they like him by minimizing that. Just post the “hear me out” and move on. Your taste in fiction says nothing about your moral leanings, but defending it and arguing to justify it does. It forces you to make up a moral stance, usually a bad one.

I’m not including the person that drew AM as a Tumblr sexyman with the intent of pissing people off. That’s just funny.

Another is these people forgetting what an unreliable narrator is. There was someone who commented on a video talking about it, “So you think you know their experience better than them?” YES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEYARE SAYING!

They can’t handle a narrator that doesn’t always tell the truth and doesn’t have perfect morals or perfectly accurate information on events.

And then there’s the talk about the author. Maybe just chill out. You’re not a bad person for enjoying fiction by bad people, especially since he’s been dead for a while now. Talking about and critically analyzing his cool short story isn’t showing support. I enjoy the works of Lovecraft, but I’m not a fan of the racism. That’s where the “critical” part comes into play. Just enjoy the story for what it is.

The only people I have some patience and grace for are the ones that are pointing out genuine questions raised. They at least had their brain on while reading. Seeing “Did you know the title probably refers to both the protagonist and antagonist?” or “Is AM still limited in his power to only be a tool of destruction, even now?” gives me some hope. Also the crack ship of AM and the Qu. That’s the kind of dumb content we should be getting out of it.

[year2000electronics]

do you have any tips or suggestions for someone wanting to make their own oc story? your ocs and their stories are so insanely cool but i have no idea where i’d even begin to make one!

also happy y2kvr-versary ! late i know but it was still the ask blog that caused me to follow you and i’ve just stuck around for your other content after. :)

HMMMM lemme just spill a bunch of my thoughts all at once, this is just some stuff i personally like doing with my own oc stories! by no means is this a comprehensive list and i am not a professional!

1. accept the fact that you’re probably going to need minor/side characters. of course that isn’t always the case, there are story types that only focus on a handful of characters, but let’s use the reckoning as an example: even though i love all the characters there dearly, it’s about sinclair and his donning and subsequent subverting of the “mythological hero” mantle by taking on the vices’ challenge. montez and duncan, the other two archangels, are there to serve as a secondary antagonist in holy orders and bring some more life to the story’s world respectively, and That’s Okay. recognizing that not all your characters are gonna be the most specialest boys is a great place to start with structuring an oc story imo!

2. KEEP AT IT. the reckoning as it exists now didn’t truly come together until 2020, which is when the ask blog was made. cardine (the city the vices reside in) is such a key, important concept that drives the story along and the reckoning wouldn’t be nearly as good without it, and that only got introduced in one of the final drafts pre-ask blog!! reworks, practice with laying out the events, thinking and re-thinking of stuff and spending years with it is really good. it’s healthy. i mean a lot of great films and tv get ‘saved’ at the last minute from being terrible by one terrible concept being scrapped so revising and not being afraid to change things is your best friend

3. learn some rules. i’m of the firm belief that storytelling should be an all-access hobby for everyone, so you don’t have to read all of save the cat and then write out a full script or anything, but like. turn on a movie you like, or read a book you love. think about what they’re doing to convey primary themes to you. pick out the themes, actually, that’s good too. being able to pick up on themes that aren’t just being stated to you as if it’s dialogue from sonic heroes is a great teacher on how to subtly weave those themes into your story

4. don’t be afraid to break those rules! a lot of that stuff is great to pick up but at the same time they’re YOUR characters, and if you find yourself getting bored by playing too “by the book”, nobody said you can’t change how things work. for example, a lot of my oc stories have “villain protagonists” because i just really connect with the way ‘villains’ present themselves in media. if you find yourself fixating on a side character and brushing your main character aside? screw it! you can just make the story about them! what if a 7/11 clerk went on an adventure instead of the main guy!!

5. INSPIRATION IS YOUR FRIEND. WEAR IT ON YOUR SLEEVE. i don’t mean you have to publicly disclose every single thing you were inspired by, but the amazing digital circus is REALLY big right now, and gooseworx has told people IHNMAIMS and the raggedy ann movie were big inspos and she clearly loves those things because they uplift the work higher! (plus it gave people a new appreciation for those things) and, imo, understanding what inspires you and celebrating it is a lot better of a mindset than going into something out of sheer spite (like you’ll see a lot of people online making very inflammatory “i alone could fix a piece of media that had to go through an entire writer’s room as well as corporate mandates, gosh why doesn’t everyone just Make Things Good?” type posts on social media, and i find myself straying more and more away from that). best example i can think of are all those very ill-fated “original alien stories” that su criticals made back in the day that were even more confusing than the gems and everyone had to pretend that “of course it makes more sense for the aliens to be flowers, gosh, why didn’t rebecca sugar think of this? we’re so smart”. my point is hate and shame can fizzle out quickly but creativity is forever

6. and of course, always make sure you’re actually having a good experience with the process. fun, catharsis, importance, etc. if it sucks, you can literally hit the bricks. i say that with experience because before my original superhero story existed (iris of the storm), there was another (problem students). it was dormant as a story for a really long time because i had accidentally made a superhero story without any of the superhero tropes i loved, but i couldn’t just… delete it all! OH WAIT. YES I COULD. i started it all over and got rid of ocs that i was glad i made but don’t need anymore, and i’ve never been happier cos iris of the storm is actually fun for me.

BUT YEAH THATS IT. thumbs up

[freakenomenon]

Hello I am SO sorry for sending so many asks I hope it is not bothering you 🙇

I super love your AM and Ellen post GDYSJAHSHSGSG I think people get so hyper focused on AM and Ted they kind of sideline the rest of the casts dynamic with him and so it’s SO GREAT to see content and essays with him and Ellen ( who is also pretty sidelined by the game and novella )

Secondly, I was sort of thinking about how AM in particular is the ‘yankee’ version of an Allied Mastercomputer which lead me to think about the Soviet and Chinese counterparts.

( specifically China, I’ll expand on this if I’m asked because I do not want to take up more of your time then I already am )

I think in a twisted way the AM the five are stuck with is the embodiment of American freedom, they can go where they want, call him what they want, there’s no civilization left or laws .. ( unless their instructions from AM, naturally ) and I wonder, if that’s supposed to be a commentary on the politics of the west and America. And if juxtaposed with the Soviet or Chinese supercomputers, if they would torture what remained of humanity differently because of the contrasting politics of the 60’s?

( Im so sorry that my ask got THIS LONG OMG )

RAGHHH I don't mind at all dw!! I currently don't have anything better to do and your asks are actually quite thought provoking,, and i will NEVER pass up an opportunity to yap

first of all grrhraagguhhhg yeah it pisses me off so bad to see people completely disregard the other survivors dynamics with AM,, especially since. looks around discreetly ,, half of the time ted and AM posts are completely mischaracterizing BOTH characters but. that's neither here nor there.

secondly this is VERY interesting actually. considering IHNMAIMS is initially both an anti AI AND an anti war message you're definitely onto something. ive always thought that AM, despite his entire character. is a very HUMANE display of evil. hatred isnt something instilled within someone. it's TAUGHT. AM is nothing more than a reflection of the horrid nature in humanity, both within the curse of human nature itself ( hate, jealousy, sorrow, want ) , and what the most depraved crevices within the species are capable of. I mean think about the implications of AM feeding all the "killing data" ? He was taught. Not even. BORN to kill and maim and RUIN. and the only thing on this earth that could instill such a disgusting purpose is HUMANITY. Because our time, as stated in the story. Was poorly spent.

And if you apply this to the American government, sad as it is. It's the same situation. Propaganda and artificial reassurance of change is so dystopian yet so common within this system. And as you said, we can wander, we can wonder, we can wish. But the most it appears we can outwardly do to attempt at causing some kind of change is shake our fists at that starred flag.

Lastly, I am not very informed on the torture methods of other countries since I am but a filthy american. ( not my fault my ancestors were brought here in chains, but oh well what can you do! ) but it is a very interesting thought, in the game the Russian and Chinese Supercomputers had very differing personalities and more composure than AM. They were still clearly very resentful in some aspects. But there is a clear difference. But alas, their characters escape me because of how confusing the games ending is if you don't end up getting slugged.

if this doesn't make sense i apologize i am so sleep deprived ^_^;

[techlove-1999]

> HELLO AND WELCOME 2 MY AWESOME OBJECTUM BLOG^_^

> you can call me MICOLASH/V1/DELL/TEEVEE… i use it/he/corru/that thing + any technology and/or gore related neopronouns and i am very objectum and in love with old technology such as computers, oscilloscopes, server rooms, calculators, arcade cabinets, non-humanoid robots, and more!! i also experience attraction 2wards hats.. they are very cute honestly…^_^ additionally i am a puter myself… computerboy WIN!!!✌️✌️✌️🖥️

> 4 fans of certain fictional robots, i selfship with AM (IHNMAIMS), P03 (Inscryption), HAL-9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey), Wheatley (Portal 2), Edgar (Electric Dreams), and Yes Man (Fallout: New Vegas), so expect 2 see a lot of them^_^!!!!

> my main blog is @killer-arcade… i primarily reblog random shit i like there🖥️🫶

> DNIs don’t work but just know that you WILL BE BLOCKED ON SIGHT if you are… BIGOTED, ANTI-OBJECTUM, ABLEIST/RACIST/MISOGYNIST, PROSHIP/ANTI-ANTI, a TERF/SWERF/TRANSMED, a SOUTH PARK FAN, ANTISEMETIC, a ZIONIST/ISRAEL SUPPORTER, an 18+ BLOG/NSFW BLOG, a fan of VIVZIEPOP/HER CONTENT, a CAESAR’S LEGION SYMPATHIZER, and/or are GENERALLY A SCUMMY PERSON… i will also block you if i dont like you so…. ^_^

> i have a bunch of tags 4 organization reasons!!! i have crush/folder, squish/folder, save/folder, me/folder, fav/folder, not_tech/folder, self_reblog/folder, yesvee/folder, photo.jpeg, art.jpeg, and fantasizing.txt!!! additionally, 4 april fools day, any and all posts related 2 foolish prankery, i will tag them with fooling/folder.

> otherwise…. WELCOME 2 MY AWESOME OBJECTUM BLOG….🖥️🫶🫶🫶 I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOURSELF^_^

[floridagirlie]

Don’t wanna sound weird but is it just me or is there a connection between Ihnmaims fans also being fallout fans? I keep seeing Ihnmaims content on my TikTok feed and obviously it interests me so I scroll through the creator of said content’s videos, then I find fallout related posts! I haven’t seen it as much on here but every now and then I see The Master x AM fanart and it makes me giggle. I myself, am an enjoyer of both works/fandoms, though I was into fallout first. Anyways, I think it has something to do with the fact that that they have similar beginnings. Fallout: a global nuclear war turns the world into a wasteland. Ihnmaims: An AI created to wage a global war to complex for humans to understands ends up dropping what I assume are nuclear bombs on the earth until all but 5 humans are left. Both involve War and Nuclear Bombs and both worlds end up turning the world into a wasteland. Besides that I don’t think there’s anymore similarities. It’s just a little thought that keeps popping up in my head over and over again. If anyone has any thoughts on it or wants to add on to my little idea please reblog or comment! I would love to hear your opinions/theories!! :D

[devinescribe]

Hello everyone! I have some kind of important news!

Over the past four or five years I have enjoyed writing for all of you. All the wonderful people I have met and all the things I have accomplished!

As many of you know, I have some unfinished stories.

However, I am struggling to update because I am not as passionate about this account as I was.

I, will not be writing anymore. I understand if many of you decide to not support the account anymore.

I will be giving this account to my friend. She is a very talented author, younger than me, however. So I have a blurb she has written about herself, and I’m sure that you will enjoy her writing.

“Hi! Im not comfortable giving my name on the internet but my usernames on most things is Devine.Scribe! I’m 17 years old, I’m starting college in two weeks majoring in history and minoring in poli sci. I’m from Puerto Rico as well, and know Spanish! Like my friend, I am more than willing to write for ethnic or plus size reader, because I am BOTH OF THOSE 🙌

It has saddened me to see my friend lose interest in their writing, and seeing them struggle with their life irl, and struggle with not being able to have a more consistent uploading schedule.

I promise I will not A, delete any of their works without expressed permission, and B, make their account into something they wouldn’t have wanted. We have similar writing styles.

I have been tasked with, when I’m able to, finish writing their stories (such as 100 Promises, and My Sunshine) but also to create my own stories that I have loved to make. I also only write xreaders, but for different fandoms!

Here are some I will be writing for, and characters:

Percy Jackson (Show and Books, I’ve loved them since the beginning!)

Luke Castellan

Percy Jackson

Leo Valdez

To start! I can always add more!

My Hero Academia

Neito Monoma

Iida Tenya

Hitoshi Shinsou

(to start, of course I can add more if asked!)

Miss Peregrine’s Home(Movie, just started the books!)

Enoch

Jake

(Any of the other children would be platonic or family type of stories)

FNAF(Games, not movie, loved it but want this lol)

Micheal Afton

William Afton

Gregory(PLATONIC PLATONIC PLATONIC OR SIBLINGS ONLY)

Sun and Moon (not sure about this one yet but I’m willing to try 🫡 )

Hunger Games(TBOSAS)

Treech(my beloved)

Coriolanus

Sejanus

(Willing to write for more!)

Defendants RoR (slayed)

Morgie Le Fay

James Hook

Hades

(Willing to try and write for others and the other movies)

IHNMAIMS

Ted

Am

(I really love this short story and I hate Harlan Ellison horrible horrible man booo I hope he hates me for writing about his characters like this)

Demon Slayer

Giyuu

Zenitsu

Inosuke

Tanjiro

Obanai

(Willing to write for others!!)

I like lots of different things so you can always ask and I’ll tell you if I write for them or not!

Some rules are that I’m 17, so I would appreciate if people younger than 16 wouldn’t interact. I know I cannot handle what people do or who interacts with my content, but just like my friend, I also can get into dark content and writing it. Please use caution when reading my works, I will put warnings if necessary.

I won’t write smut!

Almost everything else is on the table!

Some other things I WONT write about

Incest

Explicit rape scenes(can mention trauma of it and passing comments about the trauma but not explicit depictions of it)

Pedophilia

That’s it for now, but if it changes I will add it!

I totally understand if you guys who liked my friends writing want to unfollow the page! As well as I know they are older, so I understand if some pages who don’t like people below 18 interacting or following decide to unfollow this page! I hope I can write and make people happy!”

Once again, thank you for all of your support through out these past four years. It has been so wonderful to get to know everyone. I won’t disappear completely, Devine can upload things I write that I send to them! But for now, as I move into a new chapter of my own book, I’ll be signing off. Thank you so much for everything my dearest readers,

Sery-Chan-13, logging off ❤️

[theriacballad]

Heyo! I'm Dandy, below you can find more information about me, as well as links to my carrd and pronouns page; including some common tags you'll see on my page.

BASICS

I go by a lot of names, of which you can find on my pronouns page, but my main ones are usually displayed in my carrd or my tumblr Bio. Neato!

I am a MINOR. So please, for the love of all things unholy and holy, don't be weird with me. With that being said though, please do not interact with me if you are under the age of 16, you are allowed to interact with my content, as I can't stop you from doing so, but please be respectful of my wishes.

I'm an autistic nonbinary fellow, so tone tags are greatly appreciated; I also suffer from dissociative disorders and other disorders I am not willing to disclose, so please be mindful of that.

I will say slurs I can reclaim, and I will also make KMS and KYS jokes; of which will be tagged incase you do not wish to see those posts. Suggestive posts will also be tagged; SUGGESTIVE POSTS WILL NEVER BE OUTRIGHT NSFW! AS I AM STILL A MINOR!

FANDOMS AND INTERESTS

As of right now, I am heavily hyperfixated on IHNMAIMS, Ultrakill, Jekyll and Hyde, and gothic horror literature in general. My brain chemistry is forever changed by these Victorian aged fools and sopping wet cats and robots; feel free to talk to me about them!

Other content and fandoms you may see on my page consists of: IHNMAIMS, Ultrakill, FNAF, DSAF, TMA, Undertale, TSP, True crime, Scenecore, LSOH, Heathers, Black Christmas, Scream, general horror movies, Chickens, and a lot more! If you wanna tag me in any of this content, feel free to! I love seeing it :] I am a self taught artist and roleplayer, I've been roleplaying for almost a decade now and doing art since I was like. Young. Lmao. I post about my ocs here sometimes, you have probably seen Roman and Rufus, along with Bennie posted here on occasions!

TAGS

General Jekyll and Hyde tags - for anything related to Jekyll and Hyde! Gothic horror/Literature tags - Anything related to the generalized enjoyment of Gothic horror literature and the like :] Meowing on the microphone - For when I spew bullshit out of my maw! Yay! Kitty's arts and crafts - For whenever I post art! JAH Paddock AU - For the AU that I am writing on AO3, posts about it, updates, etc!

OC tags - for any ocs I post !

IHNMAIMS tags - For I have no mouth and I must scream related content

-- Slurs usage - for when a post of mine contains a slur.

-- Suggestive - for when a post of mine can be deemed suggestive.

-- KYS usage - for whenever I use a KYS or KMS joke.

More TBA.

I know this post is pretty long, but hopefully it goes over the general stuff of my page and what's to be expected here. :] Here's my links!

[holding-monsters-hands]

Hey I'm a big fan of your writing and i wanna ask if you have any advice for new writers? Cause I'm starting to write and don't really know how to uhh start‼️

Hello! you are too sweet agh!! To be honest i’ve been reading since I was young and writing since middle school! if I had to give any advice it would be: go at your own pace, don’t try to make what you write into some award winning story, if you overthink it, you’ll just end up overcomplicating your story and adding unnecessary stress onto yourself.

Also! it never hurts to watch how other people write, seeing what works for them! obviously don’t copy + paste what they do, but it can help you figure out your own writing style! everyone is different with how they write, it all comes down to what works best for you.

as for getting inspired: I personally listen to music, think or act out scenarios i’d like to put into my writing, or even talk about it with friends! you wouldn’t believe the incredible inspiration I get from the lovely people in my ihnmaims server!

Also!! don’t compare your writing to others, writing should be fun: not a silly competition. And don’t create content that you hate doing just for the sake of clicks, write about what you love! hence why my blog is the way it is.

But just have fun with it! write what you love, do it because it brings you joy!

but if you have any issues for what it comes to grammar or if you don’t think a sentence sounds correct: say it outloud, make sure it sounds natural on the tongue! or use grammarly + spellcheck, I still rely on those to this day!

[yandere--stuck]

Howdy, you don’t have to respond to this, it’s not a request or anything. I just wanted to say thank you for inadvertently inspiring me to write my own yandere fanfic bc I started drafting a request for you only to make it way too long to submit. I didn’t want the ~10 paragraphs to go to waste, so I just posted it, weird format be damned, on my blog as a oneshot/imagine. I hadn’t done any fanfic writing since middle school, but just that one wordy lil blurb was enough to get me going again. If I hadn’t stumbled upon your blog, starved for yandere IHNMAIMS content, I never would’ve put in the effort. Okay that is all, sorry for the interruption. Love your writing, love your blog, have a good day.

This was so sweet of you to send, anon, thank you so much!! But, really, you should give credit to yourself! You're the one who did all that writing and you should be so proud of yourself! I'm sure it's amazing. I hope you're having fun with it and I'd love to see, only if you feel comfortable sharing ^^

Thank you again for the kind words and I hope you have a great day, too!! <3

[vee-thebee]

i’d gotten used to seeing one of my mutuals posting about malevolent (<- hasnt listened to it but said mutual could convince me ykwya 👁️👁️)

but i can say that i wasn’t expecting the sudden bombardment of ihnmaims content from the same mutual

i love seeing my mutuals interests switch around just as quickly as mine do love y’all 🫶🏻

[fictionkinfessions]

I.... am a gigantic idiot.

So, uh. Complicated feelings about AM, amiright? Haha... geeze, tough crowd. But -- anyways -- what I mean is --

That i keep writing increasingly dark and bizarre stories featuring me and him, at varying... intensities of emotion, and, well. You likely understand what I mean, right? It's not like I ever talked to him about it, and it's not like I ever could, anyways. I feel like the contents aren't that bad, but to be honest, if you're saying, "it's not that bad," it probably is that bad, maybe even worse. So even though I'm writing all these things with the implicit understanding that it was Complicated, but that I did consent -- not everybody's gonna pick up on that. I'm definitely not a good enough writer to successfully communicate these feelings.

I'm just... kind of increasingly saddened that I'm inevitably (and it is inevitable, I'm not stupid) going to end up shunned, likely kicked from the groups I'm in, etc, etc, you understand. Unless I stop, but I just -- don't really know how to. Objectively, it is true that I'm not making this outright horrifying, grotesque nonsense -- it's just it can be easily mistaken for horrifying, grotesque nonsense. Just because it has Meaning for me doesn't mean that Meaning will be communicated...

I'm just sighing and shrugging, at this point. Am I getting a reputation? Am I becoming ""that"" writer? I think I'm overthinking this, my blown up ego (caused by an overdose on recent self love and affirmation, I admit) causing me to think I matter more to others than I do. The truth is, I don't matter one whit to them, I don't owe anything to them, and I sure as fuck don't need to write according to their own tastebuds. That's no insult on them, I just... am interested in darker subjects, evidently. Or weirder ones, I guess, since I will never write outright horrifying stuff.

What I've been telling myself to do -- and what I should do -- is pay attention to their cues, and they're cues are entirely "I don't want to see this." I'm gonna keep on keeping on, and I won't show it to them... but goddamn it, I'm such an attention seeker... I never should've gotten back into the convoluted mess that social interaction brings to me :/

Oh, but to be a strange little worm-slug-thing, in semi-constant agony vs whatever the goddamn hell this is. Oh well. You move on.

- ted from ihnmaims