#i mean the point of the war is to lose whatever whatever bla bla bla that's not the POINT

[potatoesandsunshine]

they are truly so bad at war in the clone wars like. where’s the lying. almost every single one of their problems could be solved with just a little more lying and one person willing to kill

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Dream SMP Good Omens AU

I wrote a Good Omens AU! It’s on AO3 here, but I’m also posting it here

Sixteen years before the apocalypse, three babies were dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage. Two of them were human as human can be, while the third was prophesied to bring about the great war between heaven and hell, start the apocalypse, and just have a generally fun time. 

How exactly did the antichrist get left on a doorstep on a rainy night?

A few hours before

Our journey starts in a graveyard, where Baby No. 1 was found. 

Now, when I say "Baby No. 1", know that I mean the great destroyer, future doom of the world, bringer of death, currently wrapped in a fluffy blue blanket in a wicker basket, etc. 

He glanced around at the tombstones almost judgmentally, as though to say I don't think this is where one-day-old children go, but hey, I don't know enough about existence to dispute this. 

The wicker basket remained tucked away in the graveyard for a while, a few drops of rain gently falling down. Apparently, the poor weather was what Baby No. 1's escort was looking for, as he appeared as the mist began to gather. 

Wilbur Soot always had a penchant for dramatic atmosphere.

Quite a few lords of hell would call Wilbur the worst demon ever to walk the pit. This was absolutely untrue. Wilbur was a fairly mediocre demon that happened to be walking the pit, but certainly not the worst, putting that stupid fiddle contest bet aside. 

The gossip-mongers would only say things like that (and other, harsher things) because Wilbur had been one of the best fallen angels to ever swear vengeance on a broken sword. 

But it's frankly hard to keep up an emo phase for 6,000 years.

He strolled over to the basket, checked to make sure that there was still a baby in it, and waited impatiently for the thing's ride to arrive. Technically, he was supposed to be the one driving the antichrist to St. Beryl's Orphanage, but he had tickets to see Heathers that night and decided to use that most clever trick: Getting someone else to do his work instead. 

Still, he didn't have much trust in the guy he'd asked, and wanted to make sure that the child actually got from the graveyard to the car.

It was already five minutes past the scheduled time, and the weather was terrible, and he was fine with starting the end of days, but why did he have to work overtime? At least Schlatt wasn't here to laugh at him being on babysitting duty. 

Almost on cue, a raspy laugh came from the shadows of the church in the center of the graveyard. Ugh. Speak of the angel. 

Almost everyone would call JSchlatt the worst angel to ever wear a suit. 

And they would be absolutely right. 

He had no care for heaven, or the great war, or any sort of noble deed. The only predictable thing about him was his biting snark and the ever-present stink of cheap alcohol. 

When he entered a room, everyone there knew that they would soon regret not keeping him out by any means necessary, and he knew that they knew, and he enjoyed that. 

The greatest miracle ever performed in all of earthly and non-earthly history was that he hadn't been thrown out of heaven by his horns yet.

"Are you on babysitting duty, Wilbur?". Wilbur crossed his arms, trying and failing to hide the annoyance on his face. He could have had a cool arch-nemesis, but no. He was stuck with this dick.

"Laugh all you like, Schlatt-"

"Oh, trust me, I am."

"But once the child reaches 16, he's going to bring about the finale of this pathetic excuse for an earth".

Okay, so maybe he wasn't entirely rid of that emo phase. Schlatt looked at him, smug.

"Whatever you say, Soot. Hey, did the lower-downs tell you who's watching over your little finale?"

"I am. I'm watching over the antichrist, being a "corrupting influence" (whatever that means), that sort of thing."

"Well, my higher-ups had a similar idea. They seem to think that if the kid is nudged in the right direction, he'll start the apocalypse and fight on heaven's side. Bla bla bla, defeating Satan and/or Slimecicle, honestly I zoned out during the briefing. Long story short, they thought the kid needed a positive role model, and my name got picked.". 

The idea of "positive role model" and "Schlatt" being considered at all similar rattled Wilbur enough that it took a few seconds for the implications to sink in.

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes. We're going to be neighbors!"

"No, no, no, no-"

"Isn't this exciting?". Wilbur barely restrained a scream, and only shuddered in horror. Before he could lose what was left of his sanity and discorporate anyone, a car horn beeped. It's about time.

He half walked, half sprinted over to the black car. The window cranked open, revealing a nervous foxlike face.

The general consensus was that Fundy was too mediocre of a demon to be worth any notice. 

He'd never been seen doing anything appropriately horrible or failed spectacularly, so according to most of hell he didn't exist. 

In truth, Fundy was about to prove tonight that he was much worse of a demon than they thought.

"Sorry I'm late, I forgot I cursed a major highway, and then I had to drive on that highway to get here, and-"

"Just take the kid.". The basket was passed to Fundy, who looked at it with fear and wonder.

Baby No. 1 didn't look like an antichrist (I mean, he was the only antichrist at this point and could only look like himself, but he didn't look like how one would expect an antichrist to look). He just looked like any one-day-old baby. Fundy tried to disguise how grateful he was about that. Maybe, just maybe, the plan could work. 

He looked back up to Wilbur.

"So, what was the important demonic business?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, you said you had "important demonic business", and that's why you couldn't drive the kid yourself."

"Ah, yes. That important demonic business. Well, Fundy, that's for me to know and you to not know.". Wilbur shifted, hiding the Heathers tickets in his coat sleeve.

"Enjoy your drive!". With that, he teleported away from the graveyard. Schlatt shrugged, and continued eating protein powder out of the jar.

-----------

Fundy drove like a maniac down the highway, swerving off the road to avoid the cursed-induced traffic. 

He'd pulled off hundreds of scams before, but they were all on the humans. He'd never scammed the forces of heaven and hell simultaneously before. He was pretty sure that was called "treason". Which was punishable by death if he got caught. This is the worst idea of my entire fucking existence. 

As he sped down the road regretting his life choices, rain pouring down on the windshield, his co-conspirator teleported into the passenger seat.

"Hey, you ready to do something illegal?"

The executives in heaven had no idea what to make of Quackity. 

They could hardly call him the worst angel when there was Schlatt running about drunk off his ass, and he was even good at his job most of the time. Even now, the executives couldn't quite pin down a time he'd directly broken a rule.

However, he had a habit of taking the rulebook, shaking it out, finding whatever loopholes existed, and using them to do whatever he pleased.

There wasn't a rule saying he couldn't wear yeezys and sunglasses to important board meetings. 

There wasn't a rule saying that he couldn't try to seduce the archangels, that was implied at best. 

And there wasn't a rule saying that he couldn't get attached to the human world. The higher-ups had never considered that anyone would, so it hadn't been written down in the paperwork. 

Their mistake.

Here was the truth: Quackity didn't want the apocalypse to happen. If you spend 6,000 years in any place, how can you not care about it? Sure, humans are there and gone in the blink of an eye, but the things they make to show they were here can stay for centuries.

He knew too much history about the place to just stand back and let it get set on fire. 

So, he'd searched through all of heaven for a collaborator. There was no one willing to help him there, their reactions ranging from "I'd love to help, but I don't want to get hellfire poured on my face" to "If you're insinuating what I think you are, I'll turn you in to get hellfire poured on your face".

So, he took the escalator down to the basement. It took him a while to find someone, even there, but eventually he met a familiar fox-faced demon, and a plan was hatched.

Why did Fundy join in on a dangerous scheme like this one?

Attention, mostly. Humans were the only ones to really acknowledge his existence, even if it was almost all negative attention. Which was fair. He did steal their things a lot.

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."

"Great.". Quackity looked into the basket containing Baby No.1, breathed a sigh of relief that he looked like a normal human, and revealed a cardboard box. Inside the cardboard box was Baby No. 2, wrapped in a green blanket.

When I say "Baby No. 2", know that I mean a quiet mortal child with wisps of light blond hair, born to a regular human that didn't want him.

"I found him on the side of the road.". The two of them sat in silence for a while at that, before Fundy brought up the plan again.

"So, we drop them both at St. Beryl's."

"Yeah."

"And then they think that this kid is the antichrist, and the antichrist is the kid."

"Yeah."

"And our bosses try to raise the kid and sway them to the dark side or whatever, while we raise the antichrist and keep them from destroying the world."

"Yeah."

"Um. Quick question."

"Yeah?"

"If we're putting them both on the doorstep at the same time, how do we know they won't think the antichrist is the antichrist and the kid is the kid?"

"....I didn't think about that.”. They pondered the problem together. Eventually, Fundy conjured a sharpie and wrote "antichrist, this side up" on the side of the cardboard box in bold letters.

"That should work. Also, you need to stop teleporting into my car while it's moving. You could fuse with the seats, and that would suck to clean up."

And so, Baby No. 1 and Baby No. 2 were dropped off on the doorstep of St. Beryl's Orphanage. It was harder than expected to say goodbye to Baby No. 2, but they managed. 

The duo was somewhat confused by the third baby on the doorstep, who hadn't been put there by any of them, and actually just so happened to be dropped off at the wrong orphanage at the wrong time.

Baby No. 3 was in a red blanket, and when I say "Baby No. 3", know that I mean a human child that was currently doing what he would be doing for much of his life: Screaming at the top of his lungs. 

It is assumed that he was born to humans since he was one, but the kid could have been dropped off by a galaxy for all we know.

All that we need to know is that fate had not favored Baby No. 3, and that would continue for a while.

And so, three babies were dropped off on the doorstep of an orphanage, sixteen years before the apocalypse.

--------

Quite a few people (and things that at least looked like people) were excited about this. It was supposed to be a secret that the antichrist was at St. Beryl's Orphanage, so obviously everyone from purgatory to Portland had heard the news.

The lobby was jam-packed with a few demons with extremely good disguises, far more demons with very bad disguises, a mafia-style group of angels, another mafia-style group of angels but they were pretending to be a book club for some convoluted reason, a few very lost ghosts who didn't even want to be there in the first place, the man who was going to burn the orphanage to the ground in a couple of hours, the dread Charlie Slimecicle, hassled orphanage staff, and, notably, the owners of two motorcycles in the parking lot. 

The two motorcycles were a sickly hospital white and an empty-seeming black respectively, and their riders were lowkey famous (not that they liked to brag about it or anything). 

Any and all apocalypse enthusiasts knew their names (or at least their titles), and once they met up with two more friends Doomsday would truly be underway.

But that party wouldn't be started for another sixteen years. 

For now, only two out of the set of four were gathered, and tonight was less about the apocalypse than the drama and firsthand gossip to get. They sat in the corner, watching the chaos unfold with reflective eyes.

-----------

Now, someone would eventually have to adopt these babies. The antichrist would have to grow up among the mortals, and St. Beryl's Orphanage was always more of an apocalypse creating scheme than an orphanage to begin with, so they would have to find some unwitting soul to take Baby No. 2 and Baby No. 3 soon. 

Thankfully for everyone involved, three humans that showed up that day ready to adopt, with varying degrees of dread.

The first was a man seemingly in his late thirties, wearing a green coat that could almost be considered a cloak.

The second was a young adult with sunglasses and an almost royal quality about them.

And the third was a sweet-looking young woman in a soft striped sweater, who clutched an ancient book tightly under her arm.

They were quickly hustled through the lobby by the head of the orphanage, who tried her best to keep anyone in the group from seeing anything odd happening around them (Which is a bit of a challenge when certain demons think that a fake mustache from a corner store is enough to look completely non-supernatural). 

She rushed around from the tiny waiting room with the potential parents to the room with the babies to the stampede outside, internally wishing that she'd done what she'd planned in college and been a therapist instead of running an orphanage/doomsday cult.

All of the humans in the waiting room were understandably confused, but their questions were unheeded. 

The three of them sat in silence for several minutes. When it became clear that no one would be coming to check on them, small talk was attempted. 

Names were learned (The first parent went by the name Philza, while the second was named Eret, and the third Niki), the weather thoroughly discussed, and finally, the conversation turned to the inevitable:

"So, why are you here?". The question was asked by Eret, who seemed genuinely curious. Phil looked down from the clock he'd been watching, annoyed.

"To adopt a child. Why else?"

"I figured that, but what led you here? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just trying to break the silence.". Phil continued staring at the wall, preparing his words.

Half an hour before

"You want me to what?"

Phil had been driving home when he got the call. If he really had a say in the matter, he would have sent that to voicemail in two seconds flat, but his caller wasn't the kind of person you could hang up on ("person" wasn't even accurate to him). The rain was falling down on the windshield, the traffic was abysmal, and apparently he was supposed to adopt a child. 

"Listen, with all due respect, I owe you nothing anymore. I don't have to do missions for you, I don't have to kill for you, and I especially don't have to take care of a baby for sixteen years for you.". He nodded along as the other side of the call said his bit, before responding.

"Sixteen years is quick? Maybe to the likes of you it's quick, for me it's actually a sizeable chunk of time! I don't care that I have to 'just keep him alive-'". He was cut off, and he waited impatiently for his chance to speak again, which he got.

"You and I have gone our separate ways. Me and Technoblade are both in retirement, and there's no way in hell I'm adopting a child. That's my final word.". 

The voice on the other side of the call spoke how he usually did: Methodical, calm, devoid of mercy. Mentioning Techno had been a mistake, and the conversation eased into detailed and pointed threats. Finally, he gave up.

"If I do this, you'll finally leave me and Techno alone?". An affirmative answer. Phil sighed, already weary of the experience.

"Fine. Screw you, but fine. I'll take your stupid project."

Current

Phil folded his arms, a scowl on his face.

"I'm just very paternal."

For some reason, Eret doubted that, but they nodded anyway.

"I decided I wanted to adopt a few months ago. I mean, I have the money for it, and there are so many kids without parents. I think I just wanted to do something about it, and try to give some kid a good childhood.". They laughed quietly under their breath.

"Sometimes I feel like something else put the idea in my head.". Phil and Eret looked towards Niki, expecting her to speak. She held her book close to her, fingers drumming on the cover.

"I've known for a while that I was going to adopt a baby today. St. Beryl's Orphanage, April 1st, the year I turn 19."

"How did you know?". Niki opened the book, re-reading the same familiar page.

"It's just fate."

-----------

Meanwhile, the two horsemen of the apocalypse were tired of just watching. 

If they stayed any longer without doing anything, this trip wouldn't be worth the motorcycle fuel. 

They rose from the seats in unison and slipped casually into the baby room. The head of the orphanage had been slumped against the wall, exhausted. However, when the duo entered the room, she leapt to her feet.

"Excuse me, no demons, no angels, nothing dead or dying, no refunds, no Charlie, and no one I don't want here is allowed in this room!". The one cloaked in black stepped forward, hands raised in a pacifying gesture and a kind smile on his face.

"Well, I'm none of those things! My name's BadBoyHalo, but most people are kind of formal and call me Famine.". That last bit of the sentence was accompanied by a sheepish eye roll, as though to say I know it's silly, but I can't help being well-known.

"My friend over there is George. What's your name?". The head of the orphanage tried very hard to feel suspicious. There were two strangers in the most important room there, she should have her guard up as far as possible. Yet, for some reason, she couldn't feel any distrust for the Famine in front of her.

"My name is Puffy. Why are you here?"

"Us? We're just here for a look. Right, George?". George hadn't really been interested in the conversation, although it was hard to tell what he was thinking about behind his white sunglasses. He raised his head, looking bored.

"Yeah. Sure.". 

Puffy could see several concerning things about letting two horsemen of the apocalypse take a quick look at the antichrist, but she couldn't quite think clearly.

She tried to focus on the current situation, but all she could think about was how much she wanted a good night's sleep, and a vacation, and a different life. Bad's smile remained constant, cheerful and understanding.

"Is this the job you want, Puffy?". She shook her head, eyes glassy.

"When I was a kid, I wanted to be a hero. Help out people who needed helping. I really have no idea how I got here.". Bad nodded.

"Well, Puffy, you seem tired. There's a lot of muffin-heads outside making a racket, and it seems like a lot to deal with. If you want to just go upstairs and take a quick nap, we can handle things for you!". Puffy quietly agreed and walked out of the room in a daze. Already, she could tell something was wrong, but she felt sapped of the strength to care.

As her head hit the pillow, she made a vow to herself that if she came back and the kids were harmed in any way, she'd personally bring hell to their doorsteps.

-----------

"Bad, did you seriously hypnotize a woman so you could hold a baby?"

"Not just a baby, George! Three babies!"

"That makes it much better, yes.”

"You're just upset that they like me more.". Bad bounced around the babies, cooing over them.

"Who's the cutest little antichrist? Who's the tiniest omen of doom? You are!". He picked up Baby No. 2 and tapped his nose.

"Boop!". George stood there quietly.

"He's going to be mad if he finds out we came here."

"Exactly, if he finds out. Besides, he needs us."

"I know he needs me. You, on the other hand, are kind of on thin ice."

"Calm yourself. Hold a baby.". Bad picked up Baby No. 2 from his box, where antichrist: this side up was clearly visible, and handed him to George. George held the green-blanketed baby, staring intently into his eyes. 

Baby No. 3 started screaming once more, and Bad ran over to pick him up and shush him.

"Aww, it's okay. You're not going to die for another 16 years, you have nothing to scream about now!". Baby No. 3 seemed to take in his words for a few seconds, before shrieking even louder. 

The door was flung open by the ominous angelic book club, who tried to shove their way to the child in George's arms. Bad sighed, exasperated, and shifted into a more monstrous form.

"Seems like I have to do some security work. Can you hold this one too?". Without waiting for an answer, he passed Baby No. 3 to George and walked out into the hallway, using his hollow iron scales to push otherworldly paparazzi aside.

After the first act of Heathers, Wilbur slipped out of the theater. It wasn't a particularly good production, and he didn't see the point in staying. 

He decided that if he wasn't going to do anything else, he should probably teleport to St. Beryl's and do his job. 

The orphanage was even more chaotic than before, and he had to light one or two minor demons on fire to clear his way. 

Finally, he reached the room with the antichrist. The room was mostly empty, except for one basket in the corner, and a familiar stranger holding two babies and panicking slightly.

The stranger turned to face Wilbur, and he realized who he was speaking to. He'd never met a horseman of the apocalypse before, but he'd heard of their reputations and seen them from afar.

"Pestilence. Pleasure to meet you.". Pestilence leaned nonchalantly in the doorway with a smile, which was quite a feat for someone holding two sobbing children.

"Please, call me George."

"George. Interesting name, for someone with your position."

“What's wrong with it?"

"It's fine, your colleagues have just mostly had ridiculous names. I mean, who in their right mind names themself Sapnap? No offense, don't discorporate me."

"Well, relatively speaking, I'm pretty new to the job. Stick around another 500 years, and who knows what will happen?"

"With your name, or with discorporating me?"

"Both, I guess.". Wilbur checked his pocket watch (it had been broken sometime in the 1910s, and he hadn't had the time to get it fixed, but he still liked the idea of checking a pocket watch).

"Fun as this conversation is, I was thinking that I should be the one to deliver the child to his parent.". George opened his mouth, probably to say no, but the sound of the babies crying increased. He stopped, irritated, and nodded.

"Why not? It's not like I actually work here."

"Excellent. Just give me the antichrist, and I'll be out of your hair. Unless you want to meet up again after this-"

"I'm good."

"Alright.". George held Baby No. 2 and Baby No. 3 side by side, as if weighing them. He titled his head from the child wrapped in a green blanket to the child wrapped in a red blanket. Finally, he handed the one in red to Wilbur.

"I'm pretty sure this is the antichrist. I'm a bit colorblind.". The sentence was accompanied by an airy laugh and a small grin, and Wilbur smiled back before leaving the room with Baby No. 3.

-----------

Phil was going to murder him. 

The guy couldn't die, but he was going to murder him anyway. Of all the petty things, he had to threaten Philza and his loved ones just for him to sit in a room for hours for absolutely no reason. 

Was this that creature's sick idea of a prank? 

Five seconds before he was going to storm out, agreement be damned, there was a polite knock on the door. He got up to open it, and Baby No. 3 lay on the floor, silent and peacefully sleeping for the first time in his short existence. 

Phil shrugged, deciding not to question it.

He gently picked the baby up from the ground, and headed home. 

(If he'd been looking more intently, he would have noticed 1) A certain demon sitting cross-legged on the ceiling, having decided that he probably shouldn't come face to face with someone he was supposed to spy on, and 2) His closest friend hiding behind a newspaper in the lobby, ready for some good old fashioned arson).

-----------

Anyway, once the antichrist was safely adopted (or so they thought), all that was left was to find a place to put all of these bonus babies. George picked up Baby No. 1 and Baby No. 2, and headed for the waiting room, where Eret and Niki regarded each other as friends already.

Unfortunately, Quackity decided that he had some meddling left in him for the evening, and he decided to make sure everything was going according to plan. He teleported into the orphanage seamlessly, folding his wings into his coat and looking over his sunglasses.

George strolled into the waiting room.

"Pick a child, any child. I don't have all day.". Eret tilted their head in confusion.

"Isn't there paperwork, or an application process, or something official we're supposed to-"

"Do you want the kid or not?". Niki reached for Baby No. 2, and Eret shrugged and took Baby No. 1.

Quackity watched the process take place through the keyhole. 

This seemed alright. They both seemed like non-horrible humans, and he'd be fine watching over either of them for the 16 years. Then, he noticed the book under the young woman's arm. 

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. First edition, which should be impossible, unless she's some kind of descendant. And I'm not dealing with lying to a witch. 

He tried to remember which kid was the actual antichrist and which was the fraud. 

The green one and the blue one were both important. The blue one was the fake, and the green one was the real deal, right? Or was the green one the fake, and the blue one fake? Wasn't there a red one at one point? Fuck. 

At the last moment, Quackity decided that he couldn't just stand still and risk it. He did the first thing that came to mind and killed the lights. 

The lightbulbs exploded, leaving everyone in darkness. In the chaos, he telekinetically switched the babies.

Alright. No witches today, thanks. I'll just follow the other one home from afar, and everything will be fine.

----------

Later that night, when the orphanage was almost empty, a man set his newspaper aside and crept through the building. 

He lit Molotov cocktails with precision and chucked them wherever a fireball seemed needed. Flames weren't his usual method of destruction, but he had to get creative sometimes. 

His plan had been slowed down by Phil showing up at this "orphanage", but once he left the game was back on.

If anyone wanted to start the apocalypse and take away everything the two of them had worked for, they'd have to go through Technoblade.

The entire building was consumed and burnt to the ground. The arson case would remain unsolved, like most of his work, and Techno hadn't seen any potential casualties that would make people want to investigate. 

Sadly, there was one person left in the building when it burned, and she couldn't wake up from her dreams of the sea and a sword in her hands to smell the smoke.

----------

Wilbur followed Philza home unnoticed, disguised as wisps of shadow and cigarette ash. 

In lieu of a cradle, Phil temporarily arranged a drawer as a bed for Baby No. 3 and set him down. Once the baby seemed safe and calm, he left to collapse on the couch. 

Wilbur frowned. Where's his name? Names were important. They could be bargained with, broken, foretell fate, and be used as a lifeline if need be. You didn't just leave a child without a name.

This had to be remedied. He conjured a post-it note and a pen, and snuck over to the drawer considering the merits of different names. 

Kraken? Should I name him Kraken? No, he doesn't seem like a Kraken. The child stirred once, yawning, bright blue eyes nearly opening.

His name is Tommy.

The realization hit Wilbur all at once. Tommy wasn't a particularly demonic name, but it just felt too right to pick anything else. 

So, he wrote "Tommy" on the post-it note and stuck it on the blanket, hoping that Phil would think it had been there the whole time. 

The baby grabbed his finger as he pulled back his hand, not letting go. Wilbur's heart wasn't melted at all. Not a bit.

"I'm going to need that back, Tommy.". Carefully, he took his finger out of the tiny hand's grasp.

"It's very nice to meet you. My name's Wilbur. I'm your guardian, Tommy, and you're going to burn down the world one day."

-----------

At the same time, Quackity followed Eret back to their home (although mansion might be more accurate. Was the chandelier really necessary?). 

They'd been planning for this for months, and anything that Quackity could worry about had already been taken care of five minutes ago. Baby No. 2 was even named quickly and with care.

The angel breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing evil could be named "Tubbo", right? 

Eret disappeared to a nearby room, allowing Quackity the chance to formally meet him and Fundy's charge. He teleported down to the cradle and contemplated the kid.

"Hey, I know that this has been a long day, but I'm Quackity. Me and my friend are going to be looking after you for a few years, because Tubbo? It's up to you to save the world. Good luck."

-----------

At the same time, Niki went back to her home. 

The rain finally stopped, and she put the Nice and Accurate Prophecies back on the shelf to hold Baby No. 1, the real prophesied end of days. 

I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know anything about being a mother, or stopping the apocalypse, but I'm expected to do both.

The child opened his eyes. They were the one usual thing about an otherwise average baby: One eye was a fiery red, while one was a leafy green. They vaguely reminded Niki of a forest fire.

She set up the cradle and cast various charms, determined to get this right. 

She was so focused on protecting her son (for he was her son, now) that she didn't notice a skeletal green hand reach out of the shadows for her book and cut out select pages and phrases with a knife of bone. 

Niki gently put her child down, already full of intense care for him.

You're going to be okay. I don't know about heaven or hell or any of those idiots, but I can promise you one thing, Ranboo: I'll make sure you're safe. I swear it.

Hope you enjoyed!

[nottooldforthisship]

🎬   It Had To Be You , by @fullonlarrie (When Harry met Sally AU) : Harry and Louis are strangers who share the drive from Chicago to NYC after college. They don't have anything in common, don't get along, and at the end of their trip, they're both glad to say goodbye. During a chance meeting five years later, they find that nothing has changed, and they part ways expecting never to see each other again. Ten years after their first meeting, Louis and Harry meet once again, but this time they become friends. Eventually, things get complicated.  (45k, M)

🎬  Take My Breath Away   , by @realitybetterthanfiction​ (Top Gun AU) : There is a prestigious school in the British Royal Navy classified as Premier Delta - or as it is known by its flyers, 1D. These select pilots are an elite set of Naval lieutenants who are trained in the skill of aggressive aerial combat. They are instruments of war, trained in times of peace. They are dogfighters, relentless and fearless in their mission to protect their beloved country. From their lofty vantage, they are always watching, waiting, and ready to lay it all on the line.Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground. (153k, M)

🎬 everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold   , by  sarcasticfluentry  (Inception AU) : Inception-inspired AU. Louis Tomlinson is the most respected and skilled extractor in the dream-sharing business; together he and his point man Zayn have been hired countless times to steal hundreds of valuable secrets straight from the minds of CEOs and politicians. One day, a mysterious and wealthy client contacts Louis and Zayn, offering them triple their normal rate in exchange for successfully completing a job that other extracting teams have deemed "impossible." The one catch is that this client wants the very best - so he's decided to team Louis' skills up with those of Louis' most hated rival, another highly-respected extractor named Harry Styles. Can Louis and Harry work together to complete the job and get the payout, or will they lose their minds along the way?  (49k, E)

🎬  Paint The Sky With Stars , by kiwikero (Titanic AU): On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom.Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform.By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help.Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending. (62k, M)

🎬 If You Wanna Try Me On  , by zimriya (The Devil Wears Prada AU):  To be fair, Harry’d been half asleep when Niall convinced him to put in his CV in the first place. Like, Harry wants to be a proper serious journalist--he’s not about to give up that dream in favour of becoming a personal assistant at a fashion magazine, or...whatever. Harry’s not actually all that sure what Tomlinson Styles even is, beyond his ticket to fame or any of the other things Niall’d spouted off at him, but when he shows up for the interview and is unceremoniously shoved into an office with the Tomlinson part of that equation, all Harry can really think about is that he would like to be a Tomlinson-Styles.  (19k, E)

🎬 Just Hear This and Then I'll Go , by @allwaswell16​ (Pride and Prejudice AU) : Former boy band member Louis Tomlinson can’t stand pompous indie artist Harry Styles, but with a new record label to launch he is going to have to endure his pretensions to snag up and coming new artist Liam Payne, who happens to be Harry’s oldest friend. Luckily, Liam seems to be very interested in 78 Records and maybe a little more than interested in Louis’ best friend. Too bad Harry won’t be making this easy on any of them. Or a modern day Pride and Prejudice--Louis is Elizabeth, Harry is Mr. Darcy, Zayn is Jane, and Liam is Mr. Bingley. Oh, and Niall is Mrs. Bennett. Obviously. (44k, E)

🎬  Life as We Know it , by  Rearviewdreamer  (Life As We know It AU) :  When a couple dies unexpectedly Harry and Louis are brought together to care for their daughter. (34k, M)

🎬  Who Painted the Moon Black    , by throughthedark  (Hunger Games AU) :  where Louis Tomlinson is district six's victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven's victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.  (95k, E)

🎬 don't be afraid, it's only love , by threewhitehorses  (The Proposal AU) : A proposal!AU where Louis is at risk of being deported back to England and Harry just really wants a promotion. (14k, E)

🎬  The Dead of July , by  whimsicule   (Captain America AU) :  Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him. or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years. (117j E)

🎬  got the sunshine on my shoulders , by @hattalove (Sweet Home Alabama AU): five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn’t have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he’s rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he’s forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who’s spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.(124k, E)

🎬  You Drive Me Crazy (but it feels alright) , by MrsStylinson  (Bridget Jones AU) : “Harry is not short for Harold,” he corrects, his voice as thick as molasses. He lowers his eyes to Louis’ sequined lapels, rubbing one between two fingers. “Is this small or extra small? It looks lovely.”Louis breaks away from his grip with a petulant huff and pushes him back with two fingers.“You’re mocking me. Again.”Harry smiles and it's a real honest swoop of his lips this time. Louis’ stomach swoops with them. (102k, T)

🎬  Let's Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay  , by  embro  (George of the Jungle / Tarzan AU) : where Louis is a model who meets Wild Man Harry in the Congo. He was raised by apes and barely speaks a word of English and turns Louis' life upside down.  (134k, E)

🎬  Love Actually, is all around, by satellitemoments  (Love Actually AU) : Louis is Prime Minister and Harry his fortunate catering manager.  (16k, M)

🎬  Keep on Dreaming, This is Hollywood , by popfly  (Pretty Woman AU) : Louis Tomlinson, a pop star manager, makes his way to LA with a pop star (and his new music demands) and a very busy schedule.Harry Styles came to Los Angeles with a dream and ended up sharing a flat and an occupation with a male prostitute from Ireland.What happens when Louis meets Harry, and makes him an offer he can't refuse?AKA A Pretty Woman AU where Louis is the high-powered businessman and Harry is the hooker. No, there is no necklace scene, but there is definitely piano sex. (31k, E)

🎬  Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too) , by orphean_account (If Only AU) : “What would you do,” Louis begins, knowing that this will only hurt him more, “If this was your last day on earth?”Harry thinks for a bit, brow furrowed in concentration, and then he says sort of cheekily, “Go skydiving. See my family, see my friends.” “What else, Harry?” (9k, E, TW for MDC)

🎬  I would name the stars for you (I would take you there) , by                    impetuous (Notting Hill AU) :  "Harry Styles is a poem waiting to happen, Louis thinks, eyes tracing peach flesh and the undercurrent of blue veins. He wants to write him all down, to capture the image of green eyes and red lips and skinny wrists... dark ink spilled across the page." Or a vaguely Notting Hill-like AU (or that made for TV Disney movie Starstruck if you’ve seen it… no? Just me?) starring popstar!Harry and bookkeeper/soulful poet!Louis; and including guest appearances by Fate, a wise elderly aristocrat, and lots and lots of pining. (91k, M)

🎬  When In Rome , by @nowweare9direction ( Roman Holiday AU ) : A modern day Roman Holiday AU, where Harry is the prince of pop on a European tour desperately in need of a break and Louis is an expat in Rome just trying to make rent. (19k, T)

🎬  Serendipity, Actually  , by  somethingsilly   (Serendipity AU) :   AU where Harry truly believes in Destiny and Louis just happens to cross his path at the right moment. Featuring a world with the size of a stamp, Liam as the best friend ever, Niall as a social butterfly who knows everyone and Zayn who always knows what's going on. Or where everyone is at the right place at the right time. (142k, M)   

🎬  the new romantics , by wildestdreams (John Tucker Must Die AU) : After being blindsided and dumped by his boyfriend Isaac, Louis does the only thing he can do: wallow and mope. But when Harry tells Louis that karma’s going to get Isaac eventually, Louis decides karma isn’t moving fast enough. He takes matters into his own hands, and if he has to drag Harry into his schemes and seduction plans, then so be it.orJohn Tucker Must Die AU featuring drunk dance sessions, bad disguises, and a seduction plan gone wrong.  (36k, E)

🎬  the sound of shooting stars, by  theseblueskies  (Sleepless in Seattle AU)  : where Harry is Sam, Louis is Annie, and the universe has a twisted sense of humor. Guest starring: fate, magic, destiny, and one little girl who unknowingly changes everything.  (33k, NR)

🎬  After Hours  , by  Velvetoscar (You’ve Got A Mail AU)  :   Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are the bane of each other's existences. Unfortunately, they're already in love--even if they aren't completely aware of this minor detail. (26k, NR)

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 18-19

Chapter 18

We’re in Nor’s POV again, so prepare for edge. Though that can be said about literally every chapter in this book.

Nor is having a dream about how she’s being crushed by a small rock that feels like a bunch of very big rocks. And then she falls into an abyss (relatable), and into a big ol’ fire.

It’s very dramatic, and also? Symbolism.

Extremely symbolism. 

She wakes up.

She was so cold. Her body, coated in sweat, was attracting the frigid recycled air that clung to her like a second skin.

How does one “attract” air? I know what they’re trying to say but like, at some point you just gotta stop trying to twist more meaning and drama out of every meaningless detail. 

People say show don’t tell, but here, Shinsay follows up their telling with really dubious showing. Why do you do this? Just to pad the word count? More words doesn’t make you a better writer.

We’re introduced to Zahn, who is Nor’s bodyguard and also lover. They cuddle for a bit and Nor thinks about how nobody but Zahn is allowed to see her this vulnerable. 

“I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think, Zahn.” She lifted her prosthetic hand to her face to wipe away the tears, then dropped it, disgusted by the sight of the gold metal, of the scars marring her upper wrist. Disgusted with herself for feeling so weak.

Ah. We’re doing this now, are we?

It’s okay though, because Zahn takes her fake, disgusting hand and kisses her tears away! 

How sweet.

“You’re safe,” he said with a sigh. “I will always protect you, Nor.”

“I don’t need protecting,” she whispered.

I know this is supposed to be deep and not true, but she’s basically telling him, her bodyguard, that she only pays him to sleep with her. 

To many people, Nor was the stone-cold ruler who haunted the nightmares of her foes. But to Zahn, she was just Nor. The love of his life, as he was hers.

Cool cool. The narrative then continues to talk about how they were there for each other when the war took their families and how he’s the only one who’s seen her at her weakest and bla bla bla.

This chapter is literally just a massive infodump about this new rando. You couldn’t have woven his existence into the narrative in a more elegant way, Shinsay?

“Don’t leave me,” Nor said, looking up into his eyes. Seeing the passion mirrored there.

“I would never dream of it,” he said.

Their lips touched, and his hands slid down her bare back, gentle at first. Then hungry for more as she let him lay her back down.

“I love you,” Zahn said. “My Nhatyla.”

The lingering fear from her nightmare trickled away as a very different sort of feeling took its place.

“A very different sort of feeling,” Shinsay?

Are you two grown women or twelve actual years old, combined? Why is this so coy? You can’t have both all these MATURE and EDGY characters who are all about TEH SECKS and VIOLENS while basically giggling like tweens whenever you make a reference to fucking. 

If you don’t want to deal with the subject, why include it at all? This is YA, isn’t it? Teens can handle discussions and references to sex. You could probably even get away with sex scenes if you write them carefully and don’t make them too explicit.

If you wanted to be completely PG, why is everyone always making grody sex jokes? If you wanted them all to have amazing sex lives, why don’t you have them (and the narration) speak maturely and openly about the subject?

I do not understand the reasoning behind any of this.

Chapter 19

We’re back with Dex, who, if you recall, kissed Andi without her consent in chapter 17.

DEX HAD FORGOTTEN how fast Andi’s reflexes could be when she was mad.

Furious, actually, he thought, as he watched the shock on her face melt into a mask of pure, boiling rage.

The sentence above, my friends, is a perfect illustration of why I have such problems with purple prose and using a bunch of “pretty descriptions” that don’t mean jack shit just to show off how deep your writing is.

Allow me to be extremely nitpicky and go off on a tangent while I analyze this ... word vomit.

Melting happens when something gets warm enough to change state from solid to liquid, but without necessarily boiling. In writing, the word usually has positive connotations. ”Molten” metals are often used as eye colors for love interests, people “melt” when another person does something sweet or romantic for them, et cetera. 

It makes people think of warmth, softness, pliability. 

When Andi’s shock melts into “a mask of rage,” it implies that the rage is solidified, but also that it’s fake, because it’s only a mask. Then we’re told that it’s actually boiling still. The fact that her shock is “on” her face doesn’t help.

Now, I know what you’ll say: Eff, this isn’t literal! It’s all just a metaphor!

But metaphors have to make sense, and conflicting, confusing visuals and concepts do nothing but shine a spotlight on the author’s carelessness. They’ve picked these words because they have inherent meaning and they sound good and intense, but without understanding how to use that meaning to their advantage.

If Shinsay wanted to keep the “hot rage” angle, I’d suggest something like this:

Dex watched as the shock on Andi’s face boiled over into white-hot rage.

Jesus Christ, I’m only two sentences in.

Anywhoo, Andi beats Dex with a chair. I would’ve killed him on the spot but I’ll take what I can get.

Andi spat on the ground, then rubbed her lips with the back of her sleeve. For one moment, she looked purely Andi, angry as a wet feline and terrifyingly beautiful.

...

So uh. For future reference: Comparing to your badass, ruthles space pirate to a wet cat 

is probably the dumbest fucking thing you can do.

I guess Dex is also impressed that Andi looks like Andi. 

And here I thought standards couldn’t go any lower.

Maybe there’s a message of positivity in there? Dex loves you if you look like you, girls! Just be yourself, and also angry as a wet cat.

Then he saw the moment when Andi’s face changed. She transformed into someone else entirely; an actress playing the perfect part.

So you’re gonna describe to me how her shock melts into a mask of rage and how she looks angry like a wet cat, but you won’t tell me how Dex sees her slip into the role of an actress playing the perfect part? Something that would actually be quite interesting to witness?

Figures.

Andi starts acting like Dex cheated on her and Lira and Breck join in as the other women, which for some reason confuses Dex, the ultimate mastermind that he is. He catches on eventually as the other patrons start surrounding them in the hopes of a juicy fight.

Breck kicks him and he flies across the room, which is absolutely delightful and I love it. She kicked him into the table of the Lunamere guards (finally someone does something smart) and a fight with them breaks out. 

Dex wasn’t the tallest man by Mirabel standards, but what he lacked in height, he made up in speed and agility—and above all, the desire to win.

And as we all know, people who lose always actually want to lose, and the guards he’s fighting against just don’t want to win enough!

Makes perfect sense.

He was all grace and glory as he spun and whirled, taking out Lunamere guards as they rushed forward in hopes of sinking their knives into his gut.

Don’t make me do a GLORY count. Blease.

We switch POV to Andi. This entire chapter/fight scene is for some reason broken up into chunks, even though it’s all the same one scene and at one point we don’t even switch POVs, but the scene break is still there?

Who edited this?

[The Lunamere guard] howled and dropped, and then she was off again, leaping over his fallen form, her hands itching to raise hell, draw blood and spread the glory of her name.

The Bloody Baroness was here.

She’d make sure every single one of them knew it.

THE GLORY OF HER NAME

Note how Andi seems to just love this. I guess when the narrative needs her to be ruthless and badass, she’s all about being the Bloody Baroness and loves to SPREAD HER GLORY, but when she’s angsting, it’s all about how much she hates murder and remembers every single person she’s killed.

Cheap, Shinsay. You’re cheap and so is your book.

Another POV skip. We’re back with Dex. It’s still the same scene, same fight.

The plan was in place. Everything was glorious, beautiful, blessed disarray.

GLORIOUS

Another scene break. We’re back with Andi. Holy shit, this is such a terrible, disconnected, patchy mess. 

Dex was cornered with his back against the bar, fresh green blood oozing from a cut on his brow.

Proof that his blood is actually green, in case y’all didn’t believe me. 

Idk what this means or if it will ever be explained, but whatever.

Every part of Andi’s soul told her to get the hell out of there before the Sparks went off. She could abandon the mission. Leave Valen Cortas in prison, with Dex beside him once the warden of Lunamere caught wind of this.

But as she stood back and watched the clock tick down, some tiny part of herself, some animal thing deep down, began to claw its way back up and out into the smoky pub light.

The Bloody Baroness never turned away from a fight.

See? Andi enjoys this, and willingly chooses it when she can do otherwise. So then why does Shinsay insist on making her all angsty and sad about the people she murders?

YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND FUCK IT TOO, SHINSAY.

With a sigh, she pushed herself forward, swinging her borrowed knives as if they were extensions of her body. Little pieces of heaven clutched in her hellraising fists.

With a sigh? Why is she acting like she doesn’t have a choice and this is a chore, like her mom told her to clean her room? Oh my god.

And yeah, I had to look at “little pieces of heaven clutched in her hellraising fists,” and now so do you.

Anyway, the “Sparks” (if they were explained, I didn’t pay attention) that Andi’s team set up around the bar go off and:

Then the whole world exploded around [Andi and Dex].

God, I wish they could die in the explosion.

[so-tell-me-will]

Thank you Koen for this...

So very important somebody with an open sacral center that they understand first of all that level in other words they are not here to be super slaves, they are not, they are not Generators. They are not here to go to bed when they are exhausted at night, they are not here to respond, they are not Generators yet they are being conditioned, and strongly conditioned to be Generators.

The strongest Generator conditioning is sexual. This is what Generators do to the other three types, is that they condition them sexually. All of the sexuality that we know about in the world is originated in Generators. There is no sexuality anyplace else. That is the heart of what we call our human sexual drives, the 59th gate the genetic imperatives in bonding all of that is coming out of the sacral center. Which means the sacral conditions all of the sexuality in the world. Conditions all the other types.

So what we have is Projectors, Reflectors, and Manifestors saying, “hey, wait a minute, what are you doing to me?” Think about the classic situation sexually. Whatever the age of losing your virginity is, those standards, those times change, whatever the general trend is, imagine somebody with an open sacral. They are an open sacral center and they have their first experience in sexuality. And if they are going to be with a Generator or in a combination it is a Generative field that is created, the reality is that they are being conditioned that that’s what sexuality is. Remember that is what their conditioning is. This is what sexuality is, and that sexuality may be minor petting and the missionary position.

In an era where your first lover you married which was for most of history for most societies, think about what that means. What that means is that however that sacral being operates sexually, that’s going to be your amplified sexuality for the rest of your life. And that you are never ever, ever, ever going to know any others, and you are never going to know which one is right for you. You won’t.

I was part of a lucky generation. The post-war baby boom generation and the 60s in America, and the sexual revolution, and the pill, and all those things that made it possible for us to experiment sexually. For somebody like me with an open sacral when I went from my 1st lover to my 2nd lover it was an astonishing experience for me. Because what I did with my 1st lover was actually not very interesting. And what I did with the 2nd one was really exciting. But the reality is that by the time I got to the 3rd one , the 3rd one was different than the 1st and the 2nd one. And I thought well wait a minute with the 3rd one I decided well let me try to do what I tried to do with the second one. I couldn’t do it. It just wasn’t possible I was being conditioned. And I got to see very quickly that you can be conditioned in so many ways. And they are all different.

And I began to see that there is this pattern and there is this pattern and there is this pattern, but that is the serendipity of my time that you can actually have a taste for that as an open sacral. And to recognize that no matter where I go in my sex life I have to surrender to my partner, because it is not my sexuality. It’s not.

And of course the moment you are dealing with sexuality and you are dealing with something that is never yours, it is second hand, that’s the thing about open centers, always second hand, and the moment you are dealing with second hand sexuality you can always find a place inside of yourself that says that there is something else. I’d like something different, I’d like something that is over here, and you can’t change your partner.

I have had hysterical laughter over books that were written over the 60s and 70s about how couples can advance the quality and the nature of their sex life, hand books for having a more exciting sex life, things to do you know massages, fruits, you name it, whatever the whole cross section of those things and when you think about it if you are a Reflector or a Projector or a Manifestor all of that is horrendous! Because it is not yours, and you can’t change it. You can’t then say to your lover, “okay let’s do it another way.” They are a fixed sacral being, they can only do it the way it’s right for them to do it. They can only do it the way it comes naturally out of their sacral system, there isn’t anything else that they can do. They can only be what they are. The open sacral says, “yeah but what about me? Not only do I have to do it your way, I have to do it more your way than you even do it. I have to amplify all of that.”

So when you look at Projectors, Reflectors, and Manifestors they are people that have a lot of sexual problems and most of the sexual problems that they have is that they have sexual problems that say, “yeah okay but there must be a place where I can have an orgasm, there must be a place where I can have a better experience, there must be a sexuality that is the kind that I think that I should have,” and what happens is that that’s what they get caught up in.

In other words they recognize right away they are trapped in the sexuality with their partner and because at the deepest level within them they know that that’s not who they are, at the deepest level they know that that is not them, that its their partner, and if they had another partner it would be another way. And because of the many things that have to do with all of that cultural things and the way that the not-self operates most of them just suffer through.

My work with thousands and thousands of women and how many of them are bored to death with the sex life with their partners, and things aren’t simulating and bla bla bla, and so much of it is because of the fixedness of the sexual pattern that is generated by sacral beings. The moment you enter into things correctly, if you’ve got an open sacral and you enter into a bond with a Generator correctly then you are getting what is right and is going to feel good. And then there is not that question inside of you of “oh, yeah I could do it another way, but I would have to do it with somebody else to do it another way.” Think about what that means in terms of instability in the relationship that the not-self has who are non-sacral beings.

In the gender relationships in the cross gender relationships you can see that non-sacral always have this thing in them, “I could have a better sex life with…” and so you have all this temptation there and of course it takes people away from what is really possible in their relationship. Nobody which is going to come and learn Human Design is going to be in a correct relationship, none of them after all. They can find out whether it could be correct. I know many, many people who have started their process in design and they have seen difficulties in their relationships, because it was a not-self relationship and you actually resolve that by dealing with each other correctly. Seeing whether they have a legitimate relationship to each other.

All of that if fine but you really got to see the people that are coming they are not in the right relationships and those people with open sacral systems they are coming with that problem. They are coming with the limitation, “not only do I have to have sex the way they want to do sex but I’ve got to do their laundry every day. I’ve got to drive the kids back and forth from school and I’ve got to do the meal and then I have to do this and I’ve got to do that.”

In other words you get this, “man am I being burdened by all of that.” And the point is you can’t think your way out of that, you can’t say to your partner, “you know I am really tired of this position, could we try something else?” you will see it won’t work. That’s the horror. The horror is that the book says to you, “you and your partner can have an extraordinary…” it’s all this woo woo programming, “you can change this,” “and you can change that,” “you can change the way you make love,” and bal blab bla. “Let’s do touch therapy with each other,” “let’s explore ourselves in the dark,” it’s a joke…

Sacral centers, a sacral center has as you go around it we’ve got 9 gates, each of those 9 gates, each of those 9 gates represent a different theme of sexual availability. The sacral center is about availability and the emotional system is about sexual drive. So when you are looking at the sacral center you are looking at the kind of sexuality that is available and whether or not that’s the availability in that sacral.

So for example let’s take a look at, let’s take a look at the queen mother for example, I won’t talk about her dogs, when we get to the 5th gate we get to the gate of patterns, and the moment you get to the 5th gate you will see that the availability of these people is that it has to fit into their pattern. “I only make love when I go to bed at night.” “I only make love in the morning when I wake up, it’s part of my pattern.” “And I like to make love in the morning when I wake up every three days,” whatever, it’s a pattern, and if you don’t fit into that pattern they are not going to make love to you, even if they love you. They just won’t, ‘it’s not in my pattern.” “It’s not in my schedule today, no, no, no, this is Tuesday, tomorrow morning not this morning.” That’s availability.

So if you’ve got a sacral center and you don’t have any gates in the sacral, Osho no gates in the sacral…you are caught t up in the mystery of life, and what you can end up being is, caught up in the torment of endless sexuality. The endless hunt. My joke about a friend of mine I would say he would f..k a dead snake, whatever it was, wherever it was, it wouldn’t make any difference. When you go to the sacral that’s what you are dealing with. If you have an open sacral and you’ve got a partner with a 5th gate you wake up in the morning and you are horny as hell, its Tuesday, there is nothing you can do. Nothing, nothing. You can try everything in the world, oil, massage, turn down the lights, turn on the music, put on pornographic films, you name it anything. Nothing, nothing. “Sorry I am not available, tomorrow.” So what you get to see is that availability is something that is built in.

If you are a 29th gate you are only going to have sex if you are really ready to make the commitment to love. These are the ones that are monogamous. Want to be anyway genetically. They are the ones that say, “yes I will only make love to you if I am committed to you. If I can make that commitment, if you are committed to me.” “Will you love me in the morning?” all that kind of stuff that is a typical 29 business. So the open sacral makes love to the 29th gate, gets up in the morning and is ready to go away and they say, “Aaahhhh you lied! You used me.” But it’s the way that it works. This is the thing to understand its so many problems human beings have are easily explained by just simply understanding what the mechanics are. It’s just the mechanics and the mechanics say, “look this is just the sacral center, this sacral center is the heart of these things.”

It’s like somebody who has the 9th gate. 9th gate is the little things. “I am not going to make love to you, first have a shower, now.” “Put on my favorite…” whatever. “and let’s get all the little things around, we need the tsatskilars on the table, the right piece of music over here.” The weather has to be right, you name it, all the little things have to be in place, the rose has to be there...it all has to there, little things, no little things? No sex.

And again as you go through you get to see that these things, these dynamics we all become in our ignorance victims of the dynamic and then hate it, resent it. “Why should I wait for Wednesday for Christ sake? What’s the problem with now? Can’t we just make it today and forget tomorrow?” No, and of course it doesn’t work, and of course what happens to that person is what happens in all conditioning. What happens is that there is a resentment that builds up, and yet at the same time that person that wakes up horny on a Tuesday isn’t going to divorce that partner because of it, they are just going to carry that resentment. And they are going to carry that conditioning and they are going to go along with it, “okay.”

One of the things to recognize is that if you have an open sacral center and you enter into a relationship with a 5th gate, if you enter into it correctly you don’t want to have sex Tuesday morning. You’re not going to wake up like that, you are not going to get that situation, you are going to enjoy waking up Wednesday morning, because then it is correct because that was what was correct for you to enter into as a conditioning field, and then you don’t have to have all this animosity, and then you don’t have to have all of this thing.

The funniest is the 34 and the 34 is a great one, “I can’t I am busy, if I have a chance and I am not busy,” “no, no right now I have to read the newspaper,” “right now I have to clean the kitchen” or “no, no, no right now I got this other thing that I’ve got to do,” “no I don’t have any time right now.” ONLY, ONLY when they are not busy, and of course busy becomes a headache so I am busy with my headache, I am busy with thinking of my problems, I am busy with this, I am busy with that, I am busy with the other thing and eventually they become so busy that they don’t have sex with you. And this is why the 34 is called the asexual gate. Because they can be so busy because it is not so much that they are not sexual, it’s just because they are so busy they don’t have time for sex.

And of course a lot of that just has to do with the mechanics of the 34th gate, because it supports three different connections and because there is so much energy that is used in that 34th gate that truly only when they are not busy, then they are busy being tired, it is an asexual gate. So you end up with that, again just in briefly touching those things to understand something, most people are combinations so sacral people have very complex sexual dynamics, that are built upon those aspects of coming together, so there is conditioning elements in that in terms of how they operate as a whole…

Those people that have open sacral, all of that resentment that they have built up over the years and it is not right, it is not correct, it goes back to them. If they are going in correct, they will not have an objection of being conditioned in that way and that is true of all conditioning. This is the whole point about embracing conditioning. You embrace conditioning as yourself and then you learn. If you don’t embrace conditioning as yourself you remain not-self. And you remain distorted and all of those things that make your life more difficult, nothing more difficult than having problems with your partner. All the things that make life more difficult, they just get bigger and bigger and more overwhelming, embrace that it’s not that like the defined sacral center is not designed to be fixed. All open centers are to be conditioned. And the thing you are here to discover is what is right for me, and it doesn’t mean that you make love to every sacral you can find, because in the end there is not enough time, there is 3 billion of the other sex on the planet there is not enough time so they only way that you can really know is simply by entering into it correctly.

You enter into a relationship correctly you are going to get the sexuality that is correct for you even though it is a limitation. It is the right limitation for you. And you will discover that it feels good…

But you also as an open center wherever it is, I am not only talking about the sacral. To be able to see that embracing our conditioning is part of our process and that the only way we are going to be enriched in that so that we can enjoy the other because that after all is what conditioning represents it does represent the other if you reject the conditioning you are rejecting the other. If you resent conditioning you are resenting the other. The whole point is be correct. You are being correct by following your strategy. With Manifestors, Projectors, and Reflectors they can have the right relationships and they can and will have the right kind of sexuality...

The whole point is to see that the conditioning is something that is wonderful if you embrace it with awareness. As long as you embrace it as yourself and then you get the value of it.

~Ra Uru Hu

[koriginaladdict]

Do you think Dean truly loves Sam or is he in the same situation as with Cas (all familial love, not destiel of wincest)

sorry i didn’t understand, the question is does dean love sam and cas equally or does dean love sam romantically? what i think is that no matter what, sam will always be dean’s priority, not even their own parents come before, it’s always gonna be sam above the entire world, even above sam himself, dean just can’t let him go, even if the means to do so will hurt sam (s9) he’ll do it anyway because he loves sam too much and he’d rather him being alive and hating him than dead, and also it’s for himself as sam perfectly said, dean can’t be in a world where sam isn’t there, i don’t think that it’s romantic at all, it’s just that when they were young dean grew up that way ever since he held sammy in his arms when their mom died, he practically raised him and was always taught that sam comes first, so it stayed, i just see it as a really really close unique bond they have

as for cas and dean, it’s so much more complicated as the dynamic changes each season, depending on the writers and their biases, i got carried away so it’s a bit long (by a bit i mean really long)

it’s not the same situation with cas, both cases are completely different in my opinion, the first time dean knew about cas his reaction was “so you’re angel you have powers do all my work” he didn’t see him as a person, just something powerful that should be used at its fullest to save the world, and i think that mentality stayed with him a very very long time, then he got to see that cas “isn’t just a hammer” but it didn’t change much, every time dean has a scene with cas it’s to ask for his help, then in 4x22 he basically said “why do you care about your life? sam sam sam sam is above everything else to go kill yourself for us you spineless souless sob”, on s5 dean didn’t have much regard to cas as a person, like forcing him to be in that whorehouse, or when he was mocking him, or how he shrugged off “5 minutes and we already lost the angel up our sleeve” but dean had some decency too, like how he wanted gabe to give cas back, or how he sent cas some cash when he was in a hospital, it wasn’t all bad, there was a certain balance, cas got to call dean out sometimes

going back to how dean felt about him, from his actions they were both having the same goal, working together to stop the apocalypse, they had some good friendship moments but it was always “cas’s life is a price worth to pay, but my and my brother’s lives aren’t” mentality, even at the end sam chose to give his life, but we’re talking dean, but there was a tiny litte respect

s6 dean became an entirely different person, he wasn’t reasonable, completely selfish, he heard cas say over and over again “raphael will destroy the world i’m in the middle of a civil war” and all dean hears is “bla bla bla i can’t be here to do your bidding bla bla bla” and it was so unfuriating, as a dean fan who saw what used to be a selfless hero not caring at all about the world,only himself and his brother, and as a person who likes cas, who didn’t mind dc and saw how unfair he was being to him, whatever respect dean had for cas was gone, whatever self respect cas had was gone too and we were stuck in a mess when dean became the commander, and as much as it really hurt cas “your problems always come first” he still obeys him anyway

at that point dean saw him as nothing more than a tool, a tool that should only listen to him, that he gets to mock and yell at as he pleases without the narrative ever showing how wrong it is, even turning it into a joke (that most people including “cas stans” do like “baby in a trench coat”) he says “you’re my friend you’re family” but those words were always to manipulate cas into listening to him, in dean’s mind cas being “family” is only when it’s convinient for him, to listen to him and help him, die for him, giving that support back and having at least some respect and understading for cas wasn’t part of it, dean wasn’t cas’s family but cas was his, it was a one way street even cas said it “you say you’re my friend and i’m your friend too, i always come when you call, do what you as, shouldn’t that trust go both ways? i earned that dean?” and dean was like no, but he’ll use the same thing to try manipulate godstiel ? nah there was so much bias and narrative on dean’s side when he was the one in the wrong it was sickening

s7 that only got worse, it’s one thing to mistreat someone in their right mind it’s another to lie to an amnesiac person about their own identity and actions and guilt trip them, yeah dean maybe cas was a “bad guy to you” but that’s just YOUR POV not what happened, and cas took it all, when it should’ve been “i shouldn’t have broken sam’s wall, i shouldn’t have treated you worse than sh*** for the whole year, and you did save the world i was wrong” it was “dean is the victim and cas is just the stupid arrogant angel who unleashed some monsters for fun, look at how horrible he is” and then when he gives dean what he wants what does he do? of course trade him to a demon then gtfo, and when he sees him again and he’s crazy, he yells at him throws stuff when cas was basically in a childlike state and it was all turned into a joke, do you imagine if that was sam instead of cas, no one would stand for that but what can i say cas has shippers pretending to be his “stans” so they chose to defend dean over his safety

s8 was like s6 but instead of “cas you’re so horrible for saving the world how dare you” he’s like” cas you’ve been tortured and brainwashed it was all your fault how dare you i don’t need you …*does actually need him* hey cas i’m praying to you come here and save my baby bro i was just kidding” it might have seemed that dean was “making progress” and cared about cas in purgatory but to what end? he thought cas slipped up and all he did was tell everyone he’s dead, ruining his chances to be saved so that dean can feel better about himself, that’s the problem he was too self centered, even his help for cas was so that he won’t feel guilty for leaving him, and instead of “cas is off what’s happening to him we should help him” it’s “cas is off something bad is probably happening to him, so we ward ourselves against him and only call him when he need to use him”

s9, when your very human angel friend who has nothing, no cash no id, is lost what’s the logic thing to do ? look for him or sleep on your warm bed and leave him to starve and freeze until a fucking case happens to be where he is?  i mean i know i got carried away from your question but instead of taking quotes and narrative i take dean’s actions to determine how he felt about cas because that’s what really matters, and then when he found him but he was dead he was upset a little, yeah he got used to the angel and all, and he’ll have no one to help his ass but it wasn’t that sad, we saw dean’s reaction to losing his loved ones billion times but it wasn’t 0.01% of it with cas, of course he gets brought back and all,and gadreel tells him to kick him out but did he tell him to not give him anything? did he forbid him from renting him some cash, fake id fake credit card? no he did that was all on dean being uncaring, and to top it off when cas succeeds in something he’s always there to mock him and bring him down, like when he got his job at gas n’sip and he was like “you were a great angel who fought wars now look at you” even your enemy wouldn’t be so bad to you, and when he has the angel army dean’s first instinct is to humiliate cas instead of support him, or just stfu and it says a lot about how he feels about him, he’s his punching bag, he uses him when needs to, throws him away when he doesn’t , and mock him in the mean time and ruin his life, and he doesn’t care at all or try to understand cas as a person because he’s so above that

s10 well no one cared about cas dying, except hannah, but there was less low blows than in previous seasons, either because cas didn’t have much going on or because dean wasn’t in a right place

s11 was so contradictory in itself, dean before 11x10 “cas is fine he’s always fine” dean”s first words to cas after he almost killed him was to ask for more help from him,  usual dean, then after that dean is suddenly “cas we need to save cas it’s not an IT it’s cas” and i feel like it was done just to make the whole situation about dean’s manpain, that’s spn’s specialty after all, but well it was kinda out of nowhere and complete 180° shift in his behavior, i don’t even know how to explain it if i just look at his character because the reasons behind it are so transparent and are more to influence the audience than actually tell a story, but i guess we could say dean finally started to care a little about cas, thus the speech in the finale (that was basically thanks for sacrificing yourself for us, which was new and i was expecting a ‘how dare you he almost killed sammy you always screw up”) i guess the writers wanted some character development for dean which is good (even if i would’ve prefered cas don’t throw away your life like that)

and this season, it’s like dean finally came to terms with stuff, sam will always be his brother no matter what, and while there were still some pettiness and mocking cas and that whole “i’ll give cas the silent treatment because he saved my mom, and had consequences, not that i did the same every season or anything” i just hate when dean closes his mind like that and wants people to beg him to understand even if it’s really isn’t that complicated but he has to so that all the attention goes to him, his POV instead of the situation itself, it’s not the first time doing that, it was hypocritical to make dean be like “why do you let him talk to you like that?” like “why do YOU always talk to him like that”, you know but idk cas’s feelings are the ones focused on, i wish we got a little something from both brothers to cas, a speech like his when they also own up to all they put him through and apologize for it because they never did, only cas does

but dean’s feelings right now? he does care about cas, he sees him as his friend, he seems to make some progress by helping cas and not leaving him behind when he was dying, which about damn time bro took you 9 years to act like a decent person, but it’ll never come close to sam, no one will not even himself, but i do think he even has a closer bond with cas, more caring for him than his mother, and i think it’s kinda logical since she’s at this point just the one who gave birth to him, cas was there for him in ways she never was or could, but basically dean is experiencing some character development maturity and it’s letting him be more of himself

[automatismoateo]

Lost my best friend because of Christianity. Just want to get this part of my life off my chest. via /r/atheism

Submitted November 10, 2017 at 06:09PM by Life123456 (Via reddit http://ift.tt/2i1z6Yg) Lost my best friend because of Christianity. Just want to get this part of my life off my chest.

My former best friend and his now wife (who was also a close friend) just got married. He asked me to be his best man this time last year, but after everything we went through I barely had the strength to show up to the wedding.

I'm 25, I've been Agnostic for as long as I can remember and I remain Agnostic even after deep diving into Christianity this past year. What a year it has been. I was sort of a loner in high-school and in college. My last year of college however I commuted myself to making friends, and it became one of the greatest years of my life because not only did I meet and make many new friends, I met someone who would become my best friend. He and I decided we wanted to be roommates about two years ago. We got along great! We always had conversations about life, spirituality, and always came to the conclusion together that it is who you are that matters...Your character, not your creed. I was so happy. Then he got a girlfriend, who he fell head over heals for, only there was a big compromise to be made for their relationship. Monica had been a Christian all her life, and told Nick that in order for them to be together long term he would need to be born again in the name of Jesus.

So Nick started going to church with her. At first, nothing seemed to change all that much. Nick's values still reminded me of why he was my best friend. The more he and Monica talked about the bible, their experiences at church, the people they were meeting, the more I became interested in giving it a chance. So then I started going to church with them last summer. How could it hurt, maybe I would find a new perspective.

The services were unlike anything I remembered from my early childhood Catholic upbringing. The sermon started with about 20 minutes of loud worship music. Most of the songs were about how 'worthless' we are and that we deserve sin, but Jesus is King and saved us but we're still worthless' Okay... But the 30 minute sermon delivered by the Pastor was usually very good. Opened up my eyes to some things- but the general premise was always the same, Sunday after Sunday...'You are a sinner- we are all sinners, but we are going to Heaven because Jesus died for our sins. BUT, you are only saved if you believe in Jesus, and that the bible is the literal word of God otherwise you are damned to hell'

This is where things go slightly downhill. Just beneath the warm, loving surface, most people were extremely intolerant and judgemental. ESPECIALLY my friend and his girlfriend. My friend and I began to have far too many religious talks (no longer spiritual, religious) where he would insist the bible 'must' be true, despite the fact that you literally have to forgo logic and reason to arrive at that conclusion. He used to agree when I would say "Listen- we all have our believes, but at the end of the day none of us KNOW. Just be a good person" But then he began saying he did know that he was right. Being a good person doesn't 'save' you, you have to believe in him etc. Things were beginning to get very frustrating.

Around this time, I was also attending a bible study with them thinking I might learn more about the history and symbolic meaning of the text. NOPE. The time was spent with everyone trying to convince each other (and themselves) that the bible is God's word. This made me the most uneasy out of everything, as the bible study had a cult-ish feel to it. I remember a particular time when a woman was talking about how she destroyed a statue of Buddha in her basement with a bat because she thought it was displeasing to God. Everyone in the room congratulated her with a job well done. Meanwhile, my mouth was left agape at how backwards and barbaric that act was.

Witnessing the psychology behind it was fascinating. People spoke at the bible study not really to share, but to get acceptance from other humans. My friend for instance, would not listen to what people were saying but think about what he wanted to say, what would sound good. And then he would come up with something, and keep raising his hand until he got an opportunity. Then while he was saying whatever it was, would have a huge smile on his face, and then he'd blush after he was done and look around the room for approval. It wasn't just him, it was everybody that behaved like that. Misfits that just want love and acceptance.

One night after bible study, Monica came home to our appartment with us and started celebrating the fact that she converted me and I'm now a follower of Christ. I was very afraid to tell the truth at this point, because I felt like if I didn't become a Christian my friends wouldn't love me the same (I was right). But at the time I was naiive and believed Nick would always be my 'brother' best friend' etc. so I told the truth, that while I believe a God may exist I still firmly believed the Bible was a man-mad concoction. She ended up telling me I was going to go to hell if I don't believe, no matter how good of a person I think I am. We had a 2 hour talk about it, and my best friend remained silent throughout most until the end when he began siding with her "If you actually believed in JESUS, then you would be a real CHRISTian... JESUS says this in verse bla bla" That was hard. I cried a lot that night. The next day, when it was just he and I, he said he didn't believe I was going to hell, that he'd be a horrible friend if he thought that. That made me feel much better, but he couldn't say that with her there?

The intolerance, inability to accept, refusal to listen to reason, and fright of leaving their Christian bubble just got worse. Monica stopped talking to me, Nick said I was right that she is purposefully withdrawing from me as a friend but wouldn't tell me why. I can only assume it's because I still have a slight ability to keep Nick out of the Christian bubble, and because she wasn't able to get me to abandon what makes me me at my core as she did with him.

Soon after, Nick tells me we can't be roommates because I'm not Christian enough...He needs to find someone he can pray with all day, not just before meals, and read the bible with constantly. It's all an ego thing... "I believe in this, so I MUST be right, those who don't agree with me are lesser". It's how wars start, it is what is wrong with the world. I was devastated but still foolishly tried to believe I was his best friend.

We were fighting a lot. But things finally got bettered when he apologized, and said his judgement of me was not 'Christ-Like' but that he still didn't want tot renew the lease. Whatever I thought, it sucks but atleast we'd still have eachother in our lives. We decided to spend a 'bro' day together the next day after work...This was the end. On our way back from the gym, he decided he missed Monica (Even though he saw her every day) and made plans to hang out with her that night. I was really hurt because he knew I was in a vulnrable place with all of the religious stuff and he was being such a shitty friend. He felt really bad and said it was a stupid move, that he was sorry and he felt like a dick. I said it's allright. Before he left we bought tickets for the three of us to go visit Nicks family in CA, something we were planning for months.

He goes to see Monica...He avoids me the next day...Two days later he said he felt very uncomfortable with the trip, that he wants to cancel and is moving out immediately. Because according to him and Monica, I manipulated him into buying the plane tickets. Even though it was HIS idea, and HE was the one who kept saying things like "I can't wait to see your face when you see the redwood forest, I can't wait to show you this restaurant, etc. etc." I don't remember ever feeling that level of pain in my life. I drove to my moms and sobbed like I hadn't since my brother died. We had so many good times together. We never feared to tell the other what they meant to us, "You're my best friend" "I love you" "You're the brother I never had". We had the deepest conversations, we knew everything about eachother. It was the most fulfilling friendship I've ever experienced. And he just walked out of my life.

He's tried to apologize since, but it will never be like it used to be. He uses words to say the right thing, but he never means this. His words are bullshit, it's his actions that show his true intentions. If he really was sorry, and really wanted to rectify things he would have asked me to be in his wedding party. I got shivers going to his wedding, because the whole thing was held in that culty church. It was really hard not being in the wedding, even though in hindsight I realize he's a shitty person and my life is better off without him. But my current best friend (who is not religious) was his best man (another long story, but the three of us were like the three amigos). That was hard, I really wanted to be a part of that like he asked me to be.

That is my experience with Christianity. It has left me very bitter towards religion. It has taken my best friend and my roommate away. It has devastated me. I will no longer be going to church, but I will continue to live as I always have, believing that you should do unto others as you would have others do unto you. The Christians I've met have all seemed to miss that part.

TL;DR -Submerged myself in a Christian church with best friend and his new, always Christian gf this past year. I don't believe bible was divinely inspired. She does, so by association he does, which has lead to the downfall of our friendship because of her inability to accept people for who they are, and his insecurity of losing her.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 11-12

Aka the last of the preview bits! 

After this post, we’re in completely new territory.

Are you excited? I’m excited.

Chapter 11

We’re introduced to a woman named Nor Solis, who is the queen of Xen Ptera, the planet that’s, like, super shitty.

It used to be a beautiful “kingdom” (well, it’s a planet, but go on), but now it’s all gone to shit because their varillium mines ran out of juice. We’re talking constant earthquakes and acid rain and all that jazz, which makes me wonder how the population survives and why they don’t just move somewhere else, but I guess we’ll find out.

Actually, with the new addition to the ahem ... “lore,” and I use that term loosely, we find out that once their varillium ran out, Nor’s father had turned to the other systems for help, and they all refused to “offer enough,” which then lead to a war that was so hardcore that it’s now called the “Cataclysm” and which apparently fucked up the ecosystem and atmosphere of the entire planet.

The wording also implies that once they were out of varillium, the people literally started starving and disease started spreading easier. Did ... did they eat the varillium? How the fuck did they survive before the discovery of varillium? I can see their trade and status in the galaxy suffering massively, but why did their people start dying?

Literally all of this sounds like complete and utter nonsense. 

Flowers ceased to bloom, and real water was now a dream as artificial water tablets took its place.

Artificial ... water ...... tablets ....

I don’t .... I don’t think that’s how that works .......

As Nor is angsting about how terrible things are, some cyborg girl comes in to disturb her.

A girl in the doorway was half Xen Pterran, with smooth, tanned skin, and half metal parts, a whirring gear where her heart should be. A wonderful find, the girl, plucked from the streets of a collapsing sector of this damned city.

A cyborg girl stood in the doorway, patches of metal spiraling across her burned skin, a whirring gear where her heart should be. She was one of the few who had been saved from radiation exposure even after it had done its damage.

Why is their race of people named after their planet like it’s a country?

I mean ... I guess you could call a human an earthling but not without looking like an actual alien.

Update: As you can see, this has been edited, along with the color of her skin. Also I don’t think you can be saved from radiation exposure if your entire planet is radioactive, especially not after it’s done its damage, because once that’s happened, everything is radioactive. Which, on top of the radioactive soil ... They’re all like, double radioactive at this point. I don’t even know what the word means I’ve used it so much. 

Nor flips her shit that this servant did what servants are supposed to do and entered her quarters.

Nor had always loved the sound of her own voice  -- powerful, yet pure all at once. A voice that brought even the strongest, bravest men to their knees. A voice that could make heads roll, should anyone speak a word against her.

More SJM influences, I see. Is this our BIG BAD BITCH?

Watch as Andi and Nor are described exactly the same way but Andi is arbitrarily better because Shinsay says so.

Seriously, switch out “Nor” for “Andi” and that sentence could’ve been more wank about how great and badass Andi is.

Nor cast a glance backwards. The sharp, spiked collar of her midnight gown stabbed at her throat, but she relished the pain.

It reminded her of the pain she would soon inflict.

What?

She’s wearing a collar? Is this supposed to show how weird and kinky and evil she is? I don’t mind that, kinky people are literally the fucking devil, but it’s still pretty weird.

Update: This has been removed and I am deeply disappointed.

But it’s okay, Shinsay. You may have removed my favorite bits now, but I have another 80+ chapters to comb through, and this time, you can’t edit shit.

Whatever. Nor goes to the person who called for her.

“You think so highly of yourself, Darai, that you summon me to your quarters?” Nor hissed.

Why’d you come then, you fucking idiot?

1) Darai is implied to be below her in rank (he’s her advisor), so the fact that he even did this in the first place makes no sense.

2) If you think you’re superior to him, and you are, why the fuck did you come when he summoned you?

3) Why couldn’t he just like ... send her a message? This is the future, yes? Why didn’t he just do the hologram thing like they do in the Avengers? It turns out that he doesn’t even have to show her anything, just tell her something, so this makes no fucking sense.

4) It also turns out that he’s delivering some pretty important info, which makes me wonder why the person didn’t just notify Nor directly instead of going through her advisor.

5) Couldn’t the servant girl deliver this message, if they’re so technologically impaired?

Does Shinsay not know of any other ways to show how eeeeevil Nor is?

We find out that something that Nor’s been waiting for for months now is in its final stages of development.

Superweapon? Superweapon.

Update: It’s now outright stated to be a weapon.

[...] “Then we should prepare ourselves at once.”

Darai stood from his desk, his long robes sweeping behind him like a curtain. “Highness Nor, if I may suggest…”

“Speak now, Darai Uncle, before I grow tired of you.”

If you want him to speak, why’d you fucking interrupt him you dumbass?

I dunno why they made Darai her uncle (though they’re not related by blood), since it didn’t change their interaction at all, but ok.

Darai tells her that timing is important and that they must wait until all pieces fall into place before making their move. Very ominous.

Nor out-edges him, though.

“The final piece is already in place,” Nor said, with a wave of her metal gold prosthetic hand. 

Seeing it only reminded her of the past. The explosions. The loss. The need for revenge that empowered her.

The past was what fueled her present.

[...]

“When we bring the galaxy to its knees,” Nor said, a smile slowly appearing onto her rouged lips, “I’d like to repaint this room. Perhaps, With the blood of every man, woman, and child who has ever lifted a finger against my planet.”

[...]

“Majesty. My dear” His voice was slippery, as if drenched in oil. “When we bring the galaxy to its knees, you can paint the entire palace in blood, if you wish it.”

Nor closed her eyes, and smiled.

She could see it, taste it.

And it pleased her.

Christ.

“The past was what fueled her present” is actually a pretty decent line, though I would suggest changing “was what” to “that” to make it smoother and fit with the line before it. 

I know Nor is supposed to be super evil and all that, but does she genuinely think that children have personally done something to hurt her planet? The war was fifteen years ago. Depending on how we define “children,” most were probably born after it already ended. 

Chapter 12

Andi is sulking around while the Marauder is being prepared for their mission.

Breck asks how Andi knows the general won’t betray them once they’ve delivered Valen, and Andi says that he made the Arcardian Vow, which is significant because:

The Arcardian Vow was as binding as two souls becoming one.

What does that ... mean?

No? All right. Who cares, I guess.

Andi angsts some more about how even if she wanted to return to Arcardius, it would never be the same and bla bla bla. 

Traveling to Olen had become a fool’s journey ever since The Cataclysm ended. There was still the peace treaty in place, preventing the massive Olen System, with its capital planet of Xen Ptera, from attacking the other Unified Systems of Mirabel. But those living in the Olen System weren’t exactly friendly with the Unified Systems.

You’re telling me ... that this system, whose capital planet is dead and whose people are starving and radioactive, is an active threat? 

I would’ve understood it if they had superweapons they could threaten people with and it was a North Korea type situation, but they’ve been specified to have nothing, and even if they do have secret weapons, the other systems aren’t aware of them, so logically, they should’ve just forgotten about them all and left them to rot.

Also, who cares if they’re not friendly with the Unified Systems? You’re pirates, specifically chosen because you’re not associated with the Unified Systems. On top of that, presumably you’ll be trying to sneak in anyway, so what’s the fucking dealio?

Gilly expresses skepticism about their odds and Andi’s response is:

“We can’t think of it like that. If we do, we’ll end up overthinking every move we make. It’s just another job. A grab and go.”

Yes, Andi. Overthinking. That’s definitely y’all’s biggest problem right now.

Gilly and Breck fuck off to check the new weapons. 

Lira stayed remained behind, watching Andi with those all-seeing Adhiran eyes. They’d been together the longest, shared countless stories over bottles of Cosmic Cram until their eyes became as glassy as the stars.

What does that even mean?

And can we stop reminding the audience of how DIFFERENT and ALIEN Lira is?

She’s Adhiran. We got it the first time you mentioned it. Trust me.

Lira says that she can tell Andi isn’t feeling great, and it’s “clear as varillium.”

I get it, Shinsay. You invented some indestructible glass for your cool space book. Can you stop mentioning it every five fucking seconds now? 

“I’m just in shock. Seeing Dex again after I thought he was gone for good...I stuck a knife through him, Lira. And now he’s come back to haunt me.”

If you stuck a knife through him, it kind of implies you were 100% done with the guy. You know, considering you tried to KILL HIM. I get being surprised that he survived (except I don’t, you didn’t even stay to make sure he was dead so of course there was a chance he’d survive you absolute moron), but this comes off as Andi not being over her ex, which is exactly what it is and it makes no goddamn sense.

Look at this ruthless murderer losing her cool because her cute ex-boyfriend is back and she still has fee-fees for him even though he’s a bad, bad boy!

Update: This has been changed to Andi just telling Lira that she needs time alone.

For once, she wasn’t positive what the next step would be, besides rescuing the general’s son. Beyond that was an expanse of complete uncertainty.

A death sentence pardoned. An entire planet waiting for her . But after all that had transpired and with the wounds she still held inside...could she ever really return?

So Andi doesn’t know what the next step would be, but is already planning her return to Arcardius? I don’t think rescuing the general’s son will be as easy as you make it sound, pumpkin.

I love how it says “for once,” as if Andi usually knows what to do at all times, right after we watched them do nothing but get defeated and captured for the first ten chapters.

Andi angsts and has some more flashbacks to when she was younger and wishes she’d just become a soldier like her father instead of a fancy Spectre:

Her earliest memories of their time together were of training days, bruised fists and bloodied knuckles.

I feel like bruised firsts and bloodied knuckles are essentially the same thing, but alright.

We find out that Andi had a TEMPER in school, because what’s a badass female character without anger issues (because emotions are the only acceptable motivations for a female character’s violence, you see), and that her parents put her in dance classes as a way to combat that (wut), and that’s how she met and befriended Kalee, and also why she was chosen to be her Spectre.

Alfie approaches Andi for no reason.

The android AI’s body was see-through, like the Marauder’s walls, and Andi could see all the gears and wires inside its body from head to toe, clicking and whirring silently, like an old-era clock.

1) How can it click silently? A click is a specific type of sound. Who edited this?

2) “Old-era?” That’s awfully specific. Too much worldbuilding! Tone it down!

3) What’s the point of making an android that doesn’t look human? 

Ah, so now they’ve removed the android thing, and it’s just an “AI” this time.

Anyway, apparently AIs were briefly banned because that’s what Xen Pterra used in their army, but now they’re back. Woo!

“Oh, I see you’ve met Alfie,” [Dex] said, looking between the two of them.

“Alfie?” Andi asked, confused by the name.

“It stands for Artificial Lifeform and I added the “ie” to make it less boring.”

“It stands for Artificial Lifeform Intelligence Emissary ,” the AI said, staring at Andi with those strange eyes. “But you may call me Alfie.”

And more stupid? They fixed it. 

And thanks for clarifying she was confused by the name, the context clues were just too subtle to pick up on!

[...] [Andi] turned around and sat back into her chair.

Dex crouched down next to her, lips level with her ear. “You know, you were a lot more fun three years ago.”

Is her chair embedded in the floor if he has to crouch to get their heads at the same level? Great visual.

Update, I can’t find the chair bit, but Andi is still sitting down and Dex is still crouching, so uh. Ya didn’t fix this one, Shinsay.

Andi gets all flustered when Dex is near her, and remembers the scar she gave him when she stole his ship.

Tenebran Guardians were known for taking pride in their battle marks, but the scar she gave him—whether it still existed or not—was not one he should be proud of.

“Whether it still existed or not?” Meaning you people do have technology that repairs skin? 

WHY IS ANDI STILL WEARING HER STUPID CUFFS THEN?!

What she also noticed was how her heart no longer fluttered like it used to when he looked at her. Her heart, the traitorous thing, fluttered for a moment like it used to when he looked at her. She used to love his eyes, their unspoken words. The feel of his skin against hers during their passionate nights,. but 

Now those thoughts made her cringe.

Oh sure. Of course. That’s why you think about how handsome he is and about all those passionate nights you had before. And why you’re worried that he’s back. Because you’re toooooohhhtahhhllly over him!! Makes sense.

You’re fooling nobody, Shinsay.

Update: Well, at least they’re a bit more honest this time. 

Dex says how it’s good to be back on his ship, to which Alfie responds that his records say that the ship belongs to Androma.

Which ... makes no sense. Alfie is the general’s assistant, meaning his records are most likely official documents. Andi stole the ship. Dex never transferred ownership of the Marauder to her. It should still belong to him.

Anyway, this doesn’t matter because it’s only there so Andi can have the last laugh, to which Dex doesn’t even react, so I don’t even know why this was changed.

Dex.

Even his name was poison in her mind.

Don’t you mean a blade of poison in her heart?

In a different time At another time in her life, Andi would’ve felt guilty for her coldness toward him. But that time was long gone.

“Felt guilty?!?!?!?” YOU TRIED TO KILL HIM!!!

ONCE YOU REACH THAT POINT, YOU’RE KINDA PAST GUILT AND REGRET, NO?!

Remember, she’s supposed to be hating him now, so the fact that she’s even considering guilt make no goddamn sense. She didn’t feel bad about killing him, she’s feeling bad that he’s back and she still wants to ride that space dick.

Or is she?

GOD I CAN’T EVEN TELL WHAT THE CHARACTERS ARE FEELING OR WHY.

Now she was made of ice, too afraid full of anger to get close to him again, for fear that he’d melt her all over again from the inside out.

SEE?!

I FUCKING TOLD YOU SHE’S STILL NOT OVER HIM!!

Update: They fixed this too. Why didn’t you hire me as your editor if you’re gonna use my comments to make your book better, Shinsay?

He’d betrayed her, and so she’d betrayed him.

One shredded heart for another.

1) Edgy.

2) Can you ... just ... pick one. Do you hate him and feel no guilt or are you feeling sad and still want him?

And I know what you’ll say: “Oh but Eff, she could be feeling confused and conflicted!”

THIS ISN’T CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED. SHE COULD BE FEELING CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED AND I WOULD’VE THOUGHT IT MADE SENSE BECAUSE IT WOULD MAKE SENSE. RIGHT NOW, SHE’S HAMMERING ON ABOUT HOW OVER HIM SHE IS AND HOW SHE FEELS NO GUILT IN ONE SENTENCE, AND IN THE NEXT, SHE’S LUSTING OVER HIM AND TELLING US HOW SHE’S AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM AGAIN.

AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT BOTH OF THESE FEELINGS ARE ONE AND THE SAME AND SOMEHOW MAKE SENSE TOGETHER.

I’m ... I’m tired.

Hearts were pathetic things, too easily broken. The Bloody Baroness couldn’t afford such a weakness. Especially not now that Dex was back at her side.

Edgy.

She’s still afraid she’ll fall in love again.

There would be another tally added soon, accompanying the others on her blades.

It had Dex’s name written all over it.

And now she wants to kill him again.