#i need to find the post Moulin is based off of. it's such an old post idk if anyone even remembers it. but i do

[daddyplasmius]

every once in a while I remember this scene from Moulin & it kills me. FECing is now a regular part of my vocabulary & no one even knows what it means because I'm a chronic doesn't-public-fics dumbass. FEC me

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Give them what they want ch. 7

After that disastrous choice of drowning her sorrows in alchohol, Jordan decided to take the time off in general to sleep off her hangover and avoid people.

That left with nothing to do but schoolwork. Frankly compared to all the social pressures, it was a perfect solution. At least there was a right and a wrong and no big failure if she said the incorrect answer.

After the breeze of paperwork, she went to the more creative side of art class.

The assignment was to do a drawing filled with symbolism and an essay explaining the choices. She called up and transported Calix for her model.

He had a cream white cape draped over his right shoulder in the style of old Roman emperors, clutching a book to his chest and holding out a candle and laurel in the other.

"And I have to be nude while holding this because...?" Calix questioned, fidgeting after an hour of standing still.

"Nudity is the transparency of the soul. Duh." Jordan snapped "Stop moving your head, I'm trying to draw your hair."

"Can I sit at least?" Calix complained, shaking a leg.

"Yes you can sit." She rolled her eyes.

Calix sighed as he plopped down to sit cross legged.

Jordan was happy that any feelings she had for Calix had disappeared. Foolish, ridiculous romantic feeling from the stupid needy part of her that agreed with the Aurodonian statement that she need love to be happy. No, what she needed was to not be alone.

Calix was still one of her closest friends, annoying, fun and loyal, nothing more. Hot too...but he was with Morrían Le freakin Fey.

Even her name sounded enchanting and slightly exotic, it was disgusting.

"Hmm Calix do you think I should just use my middle name instead? Jordan is so boring." She murmured as she traced the outline of a strand of hair that stuck to his forehead.

"Desiree? I guess if you wanted to. Say do most genies have a name that sounds like they're strippers? I mean Genie, Eden, I hear Karma is popular..."

And there was the man that so loved to irritate her. Usually on Tuesdays.

"Is that your perverted way of saying that I shouldn't?" Jordan flung an eraser at him.

"Watch where you throw that." Calix deftly caught it before it hit his thigh. "A name is a name. I think you're fine, you're entertaining enough to make up for it."

Jordan smiled, when the door opened.

"So I was thinking you could pose, OH MY WOW!" Mal cried with Ben by her side.

Calix made no move to hide himself, almost preening at their reactions.

"Sorry" Ben squeaked ducking his head, looking frantically at another direction while Mal opened her mouth, closed it, and babbled.

"I guess...I just,.. so sorry, we thought. I hope we aren't interrupting? This is for art right?"

If the situation hadn't been so awkward considering that the king of Auradon was witnessing it and that Mal thought they were about to do unspeakable things, Jordan would have laughed at how shocked the bad fairy looked.

One doesn't usually see naked boys in Auradon Prep after all.

"Well it's not like it's for math and she has to measure my.." Calix almost finished his sentence. Jordan flung a couple of paintbrushes at him.

"What is with the abuse!" He cried

She turned to the blushing couple, "It's for art, we'll be done soon."

"We'll find another place it's fine." Ben said. Then the two ran off, slamming the door behind.

Jordan turned to Calix who was failing at keeping his laughter in.

"Measure! Measuring you!"

"I was joking. I mean who would be so insecure to have to measure their body parts?"

"Only you would be so immodest enough to suggest that." Jordan cried.

"I'm as modest as you are a lady. And we both know you ain't no lady." Calix joked.

"I'll make you mute." Jordan half-heartedly threatened.

"I'll make you fall in love with an ass." Calix shot back.

"Ooo an ass, how Shakespearean." Jordan blew a kiss at him.

She paused, "Speaking of love, have you've told Morrían?"

Calix rolled his eyes at her and made a "Do you even know me?" face.

Love was not a word used lightly in Auradon. Once you said it, you sealed your fate to be committed forever until your wedding day. If you made it through that. You are set for your future children, grandchildren, respective kingdoms, family reunions, anniversaries on and on...

Calix, the quarter-siren/sorcerer seducer of many who've fallen for his song, would never use that word to describe a relationship. Too risky. He only reserved that word for his parents, and for Metsovone platters.

"We are at the stage of mutual like where we have enjoyable afternoons, nights and morning afters together where we do a variety of activities depending on our moods and wants. Ending with satisfaction for both parties. Is that you want to hear?"

"Mm hmm,” Jordan murmured, casually turning her attention back to her drawing.

She wasn't jealous that he was in happy mutual relationship. She wasn't annoyed that it wasn't with her. She was merely irked that she had everything Morrían and yet, she didn't have any of the perks.

She had looked up Morrían herself just to see if she was as special and as hot as Aziz and Calix claimed.

Fine, Morrían was pretty. Wavy, waist-length black hair, violet eyes, gleaming white skin that reminded Jordan of polished crystal. Most posts showed her A+ grades, her at parties, some intellectual magic debate.

She was witty, she was smart, she knew of some of the world based on her many vacation photos in various parts of Auradon.

So?

If Morrían, who could be close enough to be her equal in beauty, personality, and magic contests, was so sought after as a girlfriend. why wasn't she! Sought after in a genuine romantic relationship with actual feelings.

She drew a line that went off course across Calix's face, and realized she should probably stop obsesssing over what Morrían had that she didn't.

"I'm done. I'll do the finishing touches later." She announced, erasing the offending line.

"Sweet Aphrodite, finally!" Calix cried, hurriedly shoving his jeans up his legs.

Jordan smiled at how awkwardly he dressed, balancing uneasily from one foot to the other.

"Wanna go to Nonstop to hang out?" Calix asked as he put on his shirt.

"Sure, I'll meet you there." Jordan packed up her sketch pad and left.

"Jord? Did you hear? Zahrat and Samir found out it's going to be a girl." Aziz called excitedly, hurrying to her side in the hallway.

"She called me this morning. They're already arguing over baby names. She wants Hajar, he wants "the most ridiculous girl name in the world." She quoted

"What is it?" Aziz asked, almost dropping his French book.

"She didn't tell me, just that it was "the most ridiculous, horrible girl name in the world."

"Well with an argument like that, she must be right." Aziz joked, "Where are you going?"

"Nonstop." Jordan replied, and before he could ask, "You can come too."

"Great, their hamburgers are delicious." Aziz moaned

Nonstop was located in the backstreets of Auradon City, near the recess of the infamous woods where Beast fought the wolves to save Belle. No mortal dared to go.

Nonstop, it was own by Circe (as most fae clubs were) and had a special, illegal invisibility spell protecting the exterior from curious eyes.

It was fae-only. A haven for magical creatures to show their true forms, use their powers and have fun and relax and not pretend to be mortals and do menial labor. There was at least one in every state in Auradon. The more popular ones were in Agrabah, near the shores of Atlantica, Neverland, by the tavern of Snuggly Duckling. But Nonstop was where most of the fae student population in Auradon Prep resided to relax.

Aziz was an expection since Jordan basically threatened everyone who came near them, that he was allowed to be in without harm.

Calix led them through the backway so they could eat in Circe's office. It was lavish, Roman-inspired room with lounges, and drapes and Greek statues. A small platform raised the mahogany desk facing the door.

"So we could eat here, and you can study." Calix suggested looking at the schoolbooks the two had brought, "Orrrr.."

"Hey, Alexandria is here!" Aziz poked his head out of the office door to look at the club.

"Orrr we could hang out with the peoples." Calix smirked as Aziz went off to flirt with Attina's daughter.

Jordan rolled her eyes, and took a fresh breath of air as she entered the pulsating club room. Club room #3 to be precise. Nonstop had five different rooms. The main one was about the size of Beast's ballroom and looked like Moulin Rogue and Great Gatsby had exploded together into one mega party. Two others were simpler dance floors with a bar, booths, and couches arranged in the front of the room and by fireplaces.

Another was a more sophiscated, simple parlor room for taking and poetry readings. The fifth one was the outside area with rock gardens, and an outside cafe. Each place had pools in the center just for the mermaid/merman patrons.

"So Alexandria, how is it down there?" Aziz asked with a wink.

"Horrible as usual." Alexandria signed, letting a light brown lock fall on her eye, "The tourists make a mess everywhere! It may be a museum for Aunt Ariel's story and home, but people live there."

Jordan went to talk to Jonathan Thatch, Milo and Kida's son. He had a lot of his mother's appearance with dark skin and white streaks in his tan, blonde hair but he was most defiantly his dad's son. He could talk about anthropology for days.

"Kuzco's empire was amazing!" He enthused, "The had invented astrology and mathematics without the help of modern sciences and how they did it is just fascinating. You see, they based it on the solar and lunar calendars.."

Jordan amiably smiled as Jonathan babbled on until Calix caught his attention, "Calix, what would you say is the one architectural wonder Dad and I should check out while we visit Greece?"

With his attention diverted, Jordan got caught up in a family reunion story Philocetes II, Madora and Herksper were telling.

"And then Uncle Hermes and Uncle Loki decided to team up against Aunt Freya and Aunt Aphrodite!" Phil cried "They replaced all their makeup and clothes with hydra skins and Minator drool. Damn, you should never prank a beauty goddess, never!"

After the story was finished, she and Madora went up to the stage and danced and sang to Madora's mother's famous song, "Won't say I'm in love."

"I wish I could move my hips like that." Madora sighed as she flopped onto one of the couches by the fireplace.

"You were a fine belly dancer for a demigod." Jordan shrugged, "I have more of an advantage after all since I can make my body do whatever I want." She took off her hand, and three extra arms sprouted from her sides in a demonstration. "Belly dancing is hardly a problem."

"Don't you show it. Do it again." Herksper, (Or Herkie as most Auradon Prep students called him since they found his name so hard to do.) suggested with a shining, white smile.

"Oh why not?" Jordan smiled and went to center stage. The bright lights hit her, warming her body all over in a way the her attempted alcohol binge never did. She moved her hips in time to the haunting wail of the snake charmer's Pipe.

She closed her eyes, letting herself go with the motion, but when she opened them, she was struck with a new feeling.

The audience was staring at her every move, they looked entranced and under her power. Gazing at her lovingly. She winked at one, and he stepped backwards in shock.

A surge of confidence went through her. She was in control of the audience's reaction. It was wonderful. They were watching her, only her. They weren't thinking of themselves, just focused on what she was going to do.

She licked her lips, and thought of a song she had heard long ago. Her mom had this huge idea to make an album, back when bands were a thing. But she had gotten bored after three days and abandoned the project. Typical. Nothing was too exciting for long for a genie.

No one had heard the song, but now they would.

She didn't usually sing in public. No big fear, she just felt her talent laid elsewhere. But now, she had them in her hand, and they were going to pay attention to her every word.

"Tell me all your wishes, I'm here to make them true. No need to rub a lamp because I'll take care of you."

She smiled as seductively as she could while dancing across the stage. Each move slow and deliberated, leaving the audience waiting for the next step.

She never felt so exhilarated before. She had total control of how they saw her. They saw her as sexy, beautiful, unattainable, and she was going to milk that feeling for as long as it was worth.

"My new resolution is to trust you. My business to love you until you've had it. I'm not going to miss out on the good stuff. The grass would be so much greener with us on it."

She poofed off the stage to the round of couches where Jonathan, Calix, Madora, Alexandria, Herksper, Phil, and Aziz stared at her in amazement.

"You deserve this." Madora handed her a bottle of sparkling cider.

"Aww I deserve a lot of things, finally someone had the bright idea of actually giving it to me." Jordan smiled.

Calix lightly smacked her on the temple, "Seriously though. That was one great act. Usually you need my help.."

"Shut up." Jordan rolled her eyes at him, "I'll get the next round of drinks, what do you want, guys?" She asked.

"Water" Jonathan, Aziz and Alexandria called.

"Gin on the rocks" Calix requested.

"Wine." Hercules' children asked for.

Jordan strutted to the bar happily, basking in the glances men and women were throwing her way.

"I am pretty. I'm so pretty." Jordan hummed "And witty, and giddy and gay. And I pity anyone who isn't me today."

While she waited for the bartender to get to her orders, a pixie girl and Bacchae sat on her right side.

"So genie girl?" The Bacchae leaned to rest his head on her shoulder, "Wanna get on the grass?"

"Get off me." Jordan shoved him.

"But-but you said you would take care of us." The Bacchae whined with a leer.

"It was a song." Jordan replied, grabbing Calix's order.

"You're still a genie. It's what you do." The pixie girl said, grabbing her shoulder with sharp nails."I know how it works. So where is your lamp?"

"You're right, I am a genie. Not an idiot. I'm not telling you." Jordan poured the glass of gin over the pixie's head.

"Your business is to love us till we had it." The pixie girl mocked, shaking her head like a wet dog.

"Yet I don't trust you." Jordan huffed, taking the rest of the drinks and leaving.

The Bacchae cackled as she stalked off. "Fae these days, don't know what their job is."

Jordan closed her eyes, and tried to push away the thoughts of being tied down away. Once she reached the others, slammed the tray of drinks at the table.

"You'll have to get your gin, Calix. While you're at it, kick out the Bacchae and pixie I poured it on." She pointed at the duo.

Calix got up from his seat, "I can't kick out every person that hits on you, that you don't like." He turned to look at her direction, "I mean it's just- why is he staring at his crotch?"

"Why is the pixie playing with- EWW THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE!" Alexandria cried

Herksper covered his eyes, "I think I just saw inside of him."

"Alright, I'm kicking them out! They will be banned." Calix lowered his eyes.

"Don't let them touch you." Jonathan grimaced.

"I don't WANT them to touch me, so your warning is a bit unecessary." Calix said before going to talk to the two.

"So that happened." Madora shuddered.

"They can't be our age." Aziz stuck out his tongue in disgust.

"They could be. Shape shifters and fae with disguise spells." Vidia's son, Kyro flew over, eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Like her in mortal clubs." Aziz cocked his head toward Jordan.

"What?' Kyro grinned mischievously, sitting next to her. Most fairies change to their natural fairy size in the club, but some chose to stay mortal size for the sake of not getting squashed.

"I'll explain" Jordan threw a annoyed glare at her adoptive brother, "Biological I'm 17. I act 17, look 17. But if people counted by human years, I'm 21. So when I go to mortal club, and they ask my age I NATURALLY assume they want my mortal age."

They all looked at her dubiously.

"Okay, I know what I'm doing. But you go along with it." Jordan added with a side eyed to Aziz.

"Adult clubs are fun. They have good finger food." Aziz shrugged

"They think you're 21?" Kyro snickered

Jordan shifted her body. Taller, bustier, angular features, she intoned deeply "Believe me now?"

"I can see it." Kyro nodded his head in approval. With that confirmation she changed back to her normal form.

"What are adult clubs like anyway?" Phil asked intrigued

"Basically a bunch of them sit around having tea and crumpets while discussing politics, philosophy and books." Aziz answered.

"And recite poems in their original languages or do opera." Jordan put in.

"Pretentious asses." Kyro snorted

"How's your twin?" Alexandria changed the subject.

"Avari is going out with Azul." He answered, flicking his long black bangs off his eyes.

"Rani's son?" Calix returned to the conversation.

"It's weird, I know." Kyro said

The conversation drifted away from that to new topics until it was 3 in the afternoon.

"We better go." Alexandria muttered, frowning at her watch.

Calix let her and Aziz go out through Circe's office and headed back to party.

Thankfully Aziz's dorm room was empty so she could take one bed while Aziz jumped onto his, and covered his eyes with his textbook.

"I feel super productive." He murmured sarcastically

"How much work?" She asked

"Too much." Aziz threw the book to the floor. "I'll do it after dinner."

Jordan rolled over to her side, "I want to sleep already."

"Do it. No one has seen you at all because you've been studying all weekend."

"I can't." She complained

"The Bacchae and the pixie?" Aziz asked softly

"I think too much. It's nothing." Jordan sighed, "Go do your work. Wake me up when your roommate comes."

Aziz sighed much too overdramatically in her opinion as he got up to sit on the bed she was on, and pushed her onto her stomach.

He started to do back tracings on her. Dammit, he knew she loved tickle massages. She found it so soothing and always made her fall asleep. She would willingly stay still forever if there was someone giving her one.

"Aziz, please, I'm fine. You don't have to help me go to sleep." Jordan murmured

"Let me. Think of it as you're helping me procrastinate in doing a half-hearted job on my French homework." Aziz told her

"When you put it that way..." Jordan closed her eyes.

Author's Note: Another chapter done, I hope you enjoyed. It's a nice breather chapter, isn't it? Go thank screamingeternally for that. She was the one who reminded me that not every chapter has to be full of angst.

Anyway the song, is "Good Stuff" by Shakira.

The little hummed tune was "I feel pretty" from West Side Story.

I'm sure, everyone can guess what musical inspired my club name choice ;)

I put a lot of Descendants characters of Disney people I like. Attina, Milo, Rani, etc. That was fun.

And if anyone is wondering or if a name nerd like me, Avari was inspired by Avarice. As Vidia had been inspired by Invidia.

Kyro inspired by Kyto, the dragon Vidia fell in love with in the books.

[wings-of-indigo]

So, Waitress is closing and Why I am Happy about that: An Exceedingly long essay Rant about Broadway

Look. Nobody's gonna read this, most likely, but it's 2 in the morning and my brain's been obsessing over Broadway (more than usual, anyway) since communing with my people at intensive this week. So, in the interest of getting some sleep before 8 hrs of dance and shitty high notes tomorrow, here goes.

I love classic, high-school-and-community standard musicals. I love new and experimental musicals. I love Disney film-to-stage musicals. I love institution musicals like Chorus Line, Cats, and Wicked; I even have a soft spot for Phantom. I am eagerly anticipating West Side Story next Christmas (seriously, I have a calander).

BUT.

As I said to one of my fellow dancers during post-class stretch (after noting his insane flexibilty and making yet another resolution to stretch more) I am Sick to GoDAMnEd DEATH of revivals, franchise adaptions, and restagings taking up the Broadway and greater theater markets.

I get why it's happening; I do. Musical theater, even shows that never make it out of Regional productions (Be More Chill, btw, I'm so proud of you bby :'-D ) are REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE, not just to stage, but also to develop. Broadway productions nowadays regularly go upwards of TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS in costs.

Those costs are more and more frequently being met through funding by large groups of wealthy investors, who can expect basically little to no return on that investment. Only a select few shows that make it to the Great White Way do well enough to turn a profit (let alone the kinds of numbers that Hamilton, DEH, and Wicked continue to make), and more and more shows are closing in defict or once they break even. (Coincidentally, this is probably why we're seeing more and more straight plays on Broadway, especially in limited engagements. They're quicker, cheaper, and still have the same level of prestige.)

It makes sense then to assume that a show linked to an already successful property has a better chance of reaching that break-even mark, or perhaps generating a small return, than a more original idea. It's a surer bet, and we've seen it a lot these past few seasons. Anastasia, Beetlejuice, Pretty Woman, Moulin Rouge, Mean Girls... we get it. We promise. Investors want some security in an extremely and notoriously insecure market before they're willing to lay out the dough.

I get it. Everybody gets it.

And, to be fair, some of those shows are and continue to be GOOD. Tony nominees and award winners, even. But here's the problem: it's boring.

And not because I know how Act 2 ends without getting spoilers on tumblr. Unless they're younger than ten, the population of Broadway-and-musicals fans generally has a good handle on where a show's relevant plotlines are going. It's really not the wanting to know the end that keeps your butt in your overpriced red velvet seat and your eyes on the stage. It's the score, the words, occasionally the choreography, and most importantly the magicians on, off, and backstage bringing those things to life in a new and interesting way.

The antithesis of this, then, is having to watch slavish recreation of iconic scenes, lines, and characters from iconic films, presented Onstage! (TM), now with Bonus Songs! for your reconsumption. (Yes, Pretty Woman, I'm looking at you.)

Hey, I love Pretty Woman the Movie, slightly dodgy messages about feminity aside. I love it as a movie, and I really don't need to watch the knock off version of it, even if it comes in a shiny Broadway package.

Anastasia, and Beetlejuice, on the other hand, work extrodinarily well as musicals because they are NOT carbon copies of the original, somehow miraculously transplanted onto the stage.

Ironically, musicals based on original ideas are actually some of the most successful and well reviewed recent productions. Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Come From Away, and Hadestown this season are all original works, and well, look at them. (Fishy, huh? Coincidence, I think the fuck not.)

Recently I got to see The Prom on Broadway, the day after I saw Pretty Woman. The contrast between shows and my enjoyment of them was well defined. I couldn't look away from The Prom, despite many of the major story beats being as obvious as our Cheeto-in-Chief's spray tan. I and the entire rest of the theater were completely engaged by what was going on onstage, both comedically and dramatically. At Pretty Woman, I found myself checking the Playbill to see how many songs were left for me to make it through and anxiously comparing the size of my thighs to the dancers onstage to pass the time (ah, pre pro Body Issues, welcome back! We all thought you'd retired!)

Three guesses which show I'd choose to see again.

When I read that Waitress was closing, the first thing I did was panic and start marking pre January weekends where I would both be free and possibly have disposable income (I've never gotten to see the show, and frankly I would like too). My second reaction was, yes, to mourn the closure of a wonderful show, but it was mixed with hopeful anticipation. Waitress had a good long time in the sun, and just like a well lived life, eventually it must and should end. It's better, in my humble student opinion, to live with memories and cast albums (and regional productions) than the stodgy life of a show that's jealously clung to its Broadway berth through the tourist-and-date-night trade (*cough*Phantom*cough*). It's sort of like your 40 something mother taking selfies in booty shorts in an effort to prove she's still 'hip' and in her twenties. Cringe.

Ephemera is the nature of live performance, and probably part of its allure. And just like in the natural world, old things have to end so that new things can become. Waitress closing is a vital part of this cycle.

Broadway has a limited number of theaters. That's a hard and absolute fact. Maybe a quarter of them are effectively taken off the market for new shows by productions apparently cursed with immortality. Waitress has just opened up another spot both physically and creatively for a new project- hopefully something we haven't seen before- and I hope to God, Satan, and Sondheim that it doesn't get filled with another franchise spinoff, celebrity jukebox musical, or -Lin Miranda forbid - yet another revival.

Why the revival hate, though? Aren't revivals an major way to revisit the landmark and important musicals of the past and bring them to a new audience?

Well, yes. They are, especially when they're staged and presented with the emphasis on letting the music and words speak for themselves and giving the actors leeway to work with the material, without the typical levels of Broadway Extra (TM) and creative meddling from the producers. (The recent Lincoln Center staging of A Chorus Line is a good example of the stripped down style I'm talking about.) But even if they have their place, once again, revivals (while valuable and cool and all that) are Something We've Already Seen.

Let's take Newsies for example. A show with a huge fan base (mostly teen, mostly girls) who I frequently see wishing for a revival.

Now, I am a raging Newsies fan. Newsies is the show that got me started on attempting to make a profession out of dance and theater. I can sing both the OBC and Live albums back to front. I may or may not have had embarrassing crushes on certain cast and characters that I will take to my grave (I'll never tell and you'll never know, mwahhaha). So, do I love and worship ever iteration of this show? Yes. Do I wish I had been able to see either the Natl Tour or Broadway productions? Hell yes, with all my heart. Do I wish the Gatelli choreography was in any way accessible for me to learn? More than I want Broadway tickets to cost less than my soul, kidney, and hypothetical but unlikely first born combined.

But do I want a Broadway revival? Hell FUCKING No.

It's over, it's done, and it lives on in reinterpretation in regional and junior productions. Good. That, to be quite honest, is where it should belong.

It doesn't need to be rehashed on the biggest stages, and to be frank, neither do most of the ultra popular revivals that have been happening. (Yes, Ali Stoker is awesome and deserves the world, but Broadway does not need Oklahoma. If you need to see it that bad, go find a high school production somewhere. I recommend the midwest.) Broadway does not need 1776 (even though I am looking forward to it). Broadway does not need a Sweeney Todd revival (even though I want one like I want ice cream after suffering through jazz class in an un-air-conditioned studio on a 90 degree afternoon with no breeze. Seriously, I might be making sacrifices at my altar to this cause in the back of my closet).

Broadway needs musicals that are at least nominally original, and if not, come from something obscure enough (Kinky Boots, Waitress, Newsies) that they can make their own way. Barring that, investors, writers, and directors, please have the courage and decency to take established content in a new direction. Please, I'm begging you. I'd honestly-and-truly much rather sit through something that didn't try to shove the better version of itself down my throat even as it bored and annoyed me to tears. If I'm going to pay $80+ to sit through two hours of something terrible (and less engaging than my dancer body image issues) at least let me get my money's worth in unique horribleness.

[blueboxesandtrafficcones]

The French Connection - Chapter 2

A HardyxMiller AU

Ellie Miller is left to go on her honeymoon alone after a devastating secret about her fiance comes to light - halfway through the wedding ceremony.  Sitting in St Pancras International in London waiting for her train, she runs into none other than her uni rival/best friend Alec Hardy, on the run from his own recent heartbreak.

They decide to make use of Ellie’s pre-paid trip, rekindling their friendship and escaping real life; yet, it turns out their years at uni are the hardest to outrun. Based on this prompt from @timepetalscollective  

Chapters will be posted every Wednesday and Sunday.  Beta’d by the wonderful @stupidsatsuma

Masterlist  |  AO3

---

Ellie washed her face, grateful she’d forgone makeup that morning in her misery.  Her face was still splotchy from crying, though the cold flannel helped ease the contrast.

After wasting a minute or two thoroughly examining the tiny bathroom she gave up, steeling herself to open the door and leave the relative safety of her hideaway.  It’s just Hardy, she scolded herself, trying to make her hand reach for the doorknob.  Stop being so weird.  You invited him on this trip.  He’s not going to expect anything.  You both just had traumatic breakups.

Finally her hand obeyed, and she stepped out into the main area.  The first thing that caught her attention was his attempts to remove the romantic elements – the rose petals were gone and the candles were off, which eased some of the pressure.

“Champagne?” Hardy offered, holding a full flute out towards her, and after a moment, she accepted.

“Thanks.”

They clinked the glasses together, and Ellie drank the whole thing in one go, lowering the flute only to see that Hardy had merely sipped at his, and was watching her with raised eyebrows.

Thankfully, he didn’t comment, merely refilled her glass and asked, “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Wander the streets, whatever catches our fancy?”

“Sure.  D’you want to head out now and walk around, or stay in and unpack?”

Ellie checked her watch; five o’clock.  Far too early for dinner, especially in Paris.  But to stay in or go out?  She felt a bit antsy, like she needed to move, but it had been such a long day she didn’t want to fall asleep halfway through dinner.  I did sleep on the train…

“Walk around?”

“Sure,” Hardy nodded, moving towards his suitcase, “just give me a couple minutes.”

Ellie shifted to let him squeeze past, noting they were both careful to avoid touching.  “Take your time.”  Drifting towards the far side of the bed, she noticed a door flush to the wall; opening it, she found a dozen steps leading up.  At the top was another door, and upon opening it, she gasped to find herself on the roof of the hotel, a small semi-private balcony area that was gated in.  In reality it was one space divided in four, so it wasn’t terribly private, but it gave such a wonderful view of the river and the Ile across from them that she didn’t care.

“Miller?”

Footsteps on the stairs behind her said he’d followed her up, and a moment later, he joined her with a wide-eyed look of his own.

“Now that’s something you don’t see every day,” he murmured, looking positively enchanted, and Ellie’s heart twinged with grief.

It was the kind of view you shared with someone you loved, the kind of view you kissed in front of and made plans for the future.

Joe should be here, she thought, hating herself for it.  She missed him, or at least the man she’d thought he was.  As a detective, as a cop, it was her job to protect the public, and she had no time or patience for abusers and perverts.  In that sense, she’d immediately and irrevocably cut Joe out of her heart, ending their relationship and refusing to see him even when he asked.

But the man she’d known, who she’d thought he was… that was the Joe she wanted with her.  Kind, sweet Joe, who cooked her dinner and made her laugh and wanted to share his day, his dreams, his life with her.

It hurt to know that Joe had never existed, not really.

“Oi.”  Hardy jostled her with his elbow.  “Look.”  He pointed, and she followed his finger to the street along the riverbank.  A mime stood on a box, performing, and she couldn’t help a reluctant smile.

“Right, well, that’s what I came to see,” she joked, grinning up at him.  “We can go home now.”

Hardy shook his head, giving her a mock scowl, the effect somewhat ruined by madly twinkling eyes.  “Now, hold on!  I came to Paris to see the Moulin Rouge.  We can’t leave yet!”

“Can we at least leave for a walk?”

“Yeah, all right.”

Ellie took a moment in the bathroom for herself, dusting on just enough makeup to not look like a ghost, and changing into something a little dressier.  Just because she wasn’t here with someone she loved didn’t mean she could look like a savage.

“Ready,” she announced, stepping out and right into Hardy’s chest, drawing a loud ‘oof!’ from both of them.  “Sorry.”

“S’alright,” he said, steadying her with his hands on her biceps.  “You good?”

“Uh huh.”

Once out on the street they walked side by side, taking in the ambiance and beauty.  They took turns pointing out various items of interest, and gradually Ellie relaxed.  To her surprise she was actually having fun, enjoying Hardy’s company, and wasn’t that strange?

Maybe he’s not as terrible as I always thought.

-

Sticking his hands in his pockets, even Hardy had to admit that wandering the streets of Paris was relaxing and, dare he say, almost enjoyable.  It was a beautiful late spring day, warm enough to be comfortable but not too hot, the slowly-sinking sun a brilliant orange.

Casting his eyes to the side, he tried not to frown at the distant look in Ellie’s eye.  Arms folded across her stomach, she seemed to be watching without seeing anything.

She just found out she almost married a predator, the little voice in the back of his head scoffed.  Of course she’s in a tailspin.  Setting his jaw, he decided it was up to him to save her trip.  She already spent all this money to be here, he rationalized, she ought to get something out of it.

“Here,” he said abruptly, noticing a street cart and grabbing her arm, tugging Ellie over to it while ignoring her yelp.

“What’re you doing?” she asked, voice smaller than it should have been, but he ignored her to place his order and pay.  Within a minute he had his prize in hand, and turned back to her, offering it out.

“We’ve been in Paris too long not to have a crepe,” he explained patiently when she just stared at him with a blank look.  “Go on, have a bite.”

Ellie took the treat, biting carefully before her eyes closed and she let out a moan.  “Oh, that’s good.”  She took another bite, then scrunched her nose.  “Of course you ruined it.”

“Bananas and chocolate are a natural pairing,” he argued, taking the folded crepe back for a bite of his own.  It was too sweet for him, but the way she was now watching it like a predator with prey in its sights said it had been the right call.  “And I’m sure you’re hungry.  You haven’t eaten since your sad breakfast.”

She practically snatched it away when he offered it back to her, taking a ridiculously large bite.  “Piss off.”

They started walking again, and he was pleased to see some of the liveliness return to her eyes, as she pointed out things to him again.

When’s the last time anyone took care of her, instead of her taking care of them? he wondered, even as they traded light-hearted barbs.  I doubt her family’s changed.  Did her fiancé?  Obviously not, in the long run.

She didn’t have to invite me, could’ve gone on her own, or somewhere else.  A surprising swell of pride surged through him.  

She trusts me.

-

Ellie laughed, watching Hardy study the menu.  He was making absolutely no effort to disguise his disgust for the rich French food, but the restaurant had been his suggestion, so she felt no sympathy for him.

“You could get fish,” she finally suggested, stomach rumbling.

Two dark eyes peered at her over the menu, and despite being all she could see of his face, she knew he was scowling.  “You’re not helping.” Not waiting for a reply, he turned and caught the waiter’s attention.

“Oui?”

Ellie smiled up sweetly, ordering in French, “Good evening, I would like the bouillabaisse.”

“Merci.  Et vous, monsieur?”

“Uh… chicken,” Hardy muttered, also in French, pointing to a specific dish.  “Merci.  Oh- vin.  Plus de vin.”

The waiter nodded, taking their menus and disappearing.  Before they even had time to speak, a sommelier appeared with a bottle of red, and Hardy gestured in her direction.

“How’s this?”

Ellie carefully inspected the bottle for just long enough to make him think she knew what she was looking for, before nodding.  The sommelier poured them both a taste, and when Hardy nodded, filled their glasses and left the bottle.

Once they were alone Hardy leaned forward, reaching out with his wine glass, and Ellie matched his pose.

“Are we toasting?”

Pursing his lips, he glanced out the window behind her before turning his gaze on her, dark eyes full of emotion despite his iron-glad grip on them otherwise.

“To… second chances,” he offered, tilting the glass.  “To old friendships. To lucky escapes.”

Ellie considered him.  Running into him had, at first glance, seemed like the only thing that could make her day worse, but in truth, it had been the first good thing to happen to her since Joe’s arrest.  “To running away.”

“Hear, hear.”

They sipped moderately from their glasses, setting them down at the same time, and opened their mouths.

“So-”

Stopping, Ellie laughed softly, shaking her head.  “The more things change…”

Hardy chuckled in agreement, a smile flitting across his usually stern visage.  “Go ahead.”

“I was just going to say… thank you.  You’ve always had a way of making a shitty day better.  I mean, usually by being a git and pissing me off, but still.”

“It always worked, didn’t it?” he arched an eyebrow, taking another mouthful of wine.  “Distracted you.”

Ellie hummed.  “To be honest, was a hell of a lot more fun being enemies with you than friends with any of the other tossers in our class.”

To her surprise, a flash of hurt blinked across his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.”  His eyes fixed on something outside the window for a long moment before he continued, almost reluctantly, “I never considered us enemies.”

“We constantly fought!” she protested, even as a little part of her was glad to hear it.  “We were voted two most likely to kill each other, remember?  I can remember on one hand the number of times we actually agreed on something!”

Hardy snorted, expression easing.  “One, we agreed more than it seemed.  Not on methods, maybe, but on general topics?  Absolutely. I think the term most of our classmates used was ‘bickering’, rather than fighting.  People who are fighting don’t have that much fun doing so.  And besides…”

“What?  ‘Besides’ what?”

He lifted his glass to his lips, obscuring all but his eyes but unable to hide the mirth pooling there.  “They certainly voted us ‘most likely to something each other’, and it was a four-letter word, but it wasn’t kill.”

Ellie choked on her wine, spluttering as she tried to process that.  “You’re lying!”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“You said it wasn’t see-through!”

That made him laugh.  “Okay, fair enough,” he agreed, “but other than that?  They all thought we were together.”

“How come I didn’t know about this?”

“I asked once, why I got all of their shit.  Apparently they thought you were the scary one of the two of us.”

“What?!”  Ellie tried to picture that.  At school, he’d been the broody Scot, always wearing a suit and tie to class and snarling at anyone who irritated him.  In stark contrast she had been the embodiment of light and happiness, wearing pastels and bringing baked goods in every other week.  “I was the scary one?”

“Oh, absolutely,” he nodded like he agreed with the assessment.  “I would bark and snarl, but that’s my default – or so I’ve been told.  Meanwhile you were, I dunno, Snow-bloody-White.  Sweet as could be, but when someone crossed you-”

“Usually you,” she interrupted.

He waved a hand in vague acknowledgement.  “-you could yell.  No one ever forgot that bollocksing you gave Murray over that joke.”

“It wasn’t funny,” Ellie mumbled, sinking down in her chair.

“Course not, he was a plonker,” he shook his head.

Ellie pursed her lips.  “Most of those boys were, even you occasionally.”

Hardy’s expression fell slightly, taking on a more serious quality.  “I never apologized for that, did I?”

She didn’t have to ask what he meant.  “No.”  The moment was burned into her memory, one of the more awful experiences she’d had.  As only one of two women in a class of thirty, the testosterone had been unbearable.  The other girl had dropped out halfway through their third term, abandoning Ellie to their occasional juvenile pranks.

In this particular case, the entire class was at a police training facility getting in some practice, as every one of them were intending to go onto the force.  The uniform had been khakis and a white dress shirt.

One of the tasks had been to help each other up over a wall; if they fell, it was into a pool of water.  One of the others, she forgot who now, had purposely dropped her.  She’d landed on her back, which had hurt her pride more than anything, but had also soaked her.

Hardy had been the one to help her up, and when she’d worried about the state of her shirt, had promised it didn’t show anything.

It wasn’t until two hours later, after lunch in the cafeteria and walking past hundreds of people, that she caught sight of her reflection and realized it was entirely see-through, and her modesty wouldn’t have been much more impacted had she gone entirely topless – which would have probably been far more comfortable than wet, clingy cotton.

That was the first- and last- time she cried over her classmates.

“Well, I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.  “It wasn’t right.”

“Thank you.”  After a moment, Ellie pushed the memory away.  “Besides, I can’t really blame you.”

“Because I didn’t push you?”

She smirked, raising her glass of wine.  “No, ‘cause my tits never looked better than they did then.  They deserved to be seen by someone.”

Hardy was still laughing when their food arrived.

[firstofall-howdareyou]

Transcript of Tessa and Scott’s new interview with Mandy and Tyler (Please excuse any mistakes - I’m not a stenographer!) 

Mandy: Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, thanks so much for chatting with Tyler Magz and I today. You guys are the most decorated figure skaters and you are Canada’s sweethearts. We have followed you through your career and the last Olympics for sure was like crazy for us. Tyler and I were talking about you probably every single day. 

Tyler: Yes. 

Scott: Awe, thank you. 

Mandy: So you’re doing The Thank You Canada Tour right now. You just started like what? A few days ago? Not too long ago. 

Scott: Yeah, we’ve only done three shows. So started last week, yeah. 

Mandy: So, with this tour... so we got to see you when you did Stars on Ice and we were the ones - we made posters here in Winnipeg and were like - Tessa, you totally tweeted us back. It was like “Are you dating? One spin: yes. Zero spins: No. 

(Scott laughs) 

Tessa: Yes, yes, great, that was you guys! 

Tyler: And you tried to avoid the question by asking “If twizzles count?” 

(Tessa laughs) 

Tessa: That is so funny. Well, I’m glad to know, I’m glad to be able to chat with you now and follow up. 

Mandy: Great and now call us out on our stuff. 

Tessa: Exactly. I appreciate the effort. 

Mandy: So, yes, we understand, I’ve read the book, too, and I was like, “I get that you guys aren’t together, but like people just love your partnership, right? They just want a fraction of even that chemistry that you guys have. So that’s why everyone just wants you to be together. We’ll stop harassing you now that you’re done. 

(Tessa laughs) 

Scott: Oh, we take it as a compliment, but we’re happy that people are starting to recognize and see our partnership and what that means. It’s pretty neat and special. 

Tyler: I do want to know because you guys have just been on various tours since the Olympics, just constantly working. When are you going to have some time off to yourself? Because honestly, it seems like you’re just go go go. You know you had the Stars on Ice, now you’re back here in Manitoba. When are you going to take a break and maybe you know, relax a bit? 

Tessa: I mean, we’re hardwired to work. We’re just those people that fill our plate. It’s um, finding a purpose again and a goal following the Olympics when that was all consuming, of course. I think it’s been refreshing to commit so much energy into this project. The Thank You Canada Tour is sooooo incredibly close to our hearts and its something we’re so wonderfully passionate about. So it’s neat to have brought it to life and we’re trying to embrace everything that comes with it. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster, but to be able to go all the way across Canada and hit these smaller cities and venues that haven’t seen skating shows and haven’t certainly seen it in awhile. So that’s been really special and that’s keeping us going - that’s invigorating and energizing to us. 

Mandy: Right. And I know, again because I’m reading your book, and I just love that you guys are from smaller towns, too. And you totally - you get it right? Going to the smaller rinks, because like you said they've never seen shows that big so far. So that’s really awesome! That’s pretty cool. And then I - we’ve been following along on Instagram with all the choreography. So we’re curious to know: are you guys more involved in your routines this time? I mean, you guys are always involved, but do you guys get to customize your routines this time? 

Scott: Well, we always customize our routines. But this time we’re involved in the entire show and we’re really excited about that opportunity. But yeah, I’m happy that you’ve been following along on Instagram. You know, we can’t take the credit for the show. We’re very proud of our creative team. We’re very proud of our cast members who’ve really stepped up and embraced it and - do you guys know the flash mob yet? That’s a big part of the show. We’re excited to be able to dance in Brandon with all of the fans. 

Mandy: What??

Tyler: Oh, that’s cool. 

Mandy: What??? No, go on, go on. I haven’t heard about this. I will drive to Branden for this. 

Tessa: It’s on The Thank You Canada Tour post (Scott: Website, yeah) 

Mandy: You guys get to do a flash mob. Well, I feel like Tyler and I should be a part of this. 

Tyler: I’m still trying learn your “You Rock My World” routine

Scott: I feel like, I feel like you might be.

Tyler: I can’t get past the four steps. The first four steps of it, I’m like “I’m lost.” Once you do the hand gestures and everything, so I’m just still working on that choreography that you guys’ve got going on. 

Tessa: Oh, yeah, you’ll get this, you’ll get this. 

Scott: You have a week from Sunday. 

Mandy: Oh don't worry, we don’t do work here. We’ll just do the routine in the studio and it will be fine. 

Scott: (laughs) yeah, I’ll just clear my schedule. 

Mandy: I wanted to talk a little bit more too about the book. I know it just came out - I literally got it on the day it came out and Tyler’s like “of course you did, Mandy” cause I went right after work. 

Tessa: Awe, thank you. No, I mean, reflecting back on the last eight years since the 2010 publication of the book was cathartic and enlightening and emotional. It was really interesting to sit down with Steve Milton once again, and to share our story, and also just touch base with each other, and figuring out what Scott had remembered and the takeaways that he had from certain moments, key moments in our career and how different they were from my memories. It was really special. And you know, we’ve always been pretty private people. When the first book came out we weren’t on social media and now, of course, we are a little bit more active, but there was a lot that people just didn’t know of the behind-the-scenes what was gone on, especially in this comeback process. I mean, even those closest to us weren’t totally sure what we were going through. So it’s a nice way for us to share our story and we’re really proud of how it came out and it’s neat that people seem to be connecting with it. 

Mandy: Yeah, I love the old/young pictures. Like they’re amazing. Tyler sent me one yesterday! What was the one you sent me? 

Tyler: The one that like - I don't know how old you are, Scott, but it’s just a hey this is - what is it? you have it right there. 

Mandy: Tessa, here’s my picture. To the best partner ever, love Scott. 

Scott: Oh yeah, I was young. 

Mandy: And it’s like your school picture. So people really love that. 

Scott: So see, that might have been from the years when we were dating because we were 6 and 8. 

Mandy: Right, the 8 months that you guys were together. 

Scott: Yeah, (Mandy talks a lot right here) That’s long gone. 

Mandy: Yeah, we know. I know. 

Scott: Now we’re magic all on the ice. 

Tyler: Now do you guys have any plans for Halloween, specifically coming up? Or anything fun that you guys have coming up? 

Tessa: We’re going to be in.. Barrie? So, usually we’re competing over Halloween. We haven’t really celebrated Halloween in many many many years. But hopefully we’ll be rocking the house of Barrie. 

Mandy: Are you going to dress up? 

Tessa: I mean, we dress up (laughter) I will dress up as Satine from Moulin Rouge. 

Tyler: And I wanted to let you know that Mandy and I, we were planning on dressing up as you guys for Halloween. 

Scott: Yes, yes. 

Tessa: Awww, that’s amazing. 

(more talking jesus) 

Tyler: What specifically do we need to have to master the Scott and Tessa look? Like pieces of clothing? Hairstyles? What do we need to encapture you guys in a Halloween costume? 

Tessa: I think you’re going to need to rock a deep v, that’s for sure. Regardless of which one - who you are. 

Scott: You’re going to need a big nose if you’re going to be doing me. Nose and the hair, and you’ve got it. 

Tyler: I have the hair down, the deep v’s I have no problem with that, I’m already set with that. 

Tessa: just enter every room dancing. Whatever party you're going to, just dance away. 

Scott: In 2010, there were some really good Halloween costumes, Tessa and Scott, so you have some competition, so bring your A game.

Mandy: Okay, alright we can do some research. 

Tyler: We’ll do some research. 

Scott: You’re going to need some mesh there, Tyler. 

Mandy: He said he’s going to rock it. Speaking of Tyler, Tyler is learning how to skate this winter, he doesn’t know how to skate and I’m going to teach him. 

Scott: Oh, cool. 

Mandy: So he was wondering if you had any tips - what was that? 

Scott: It’s never too late! 

Mandy: Yeah! So we were curious to know if you had any tips? Like should he start on figure skates? Should he do hockey skates? Should he start with a chair in front of him? 

Scott: I think he should probably do all of those things. Start with hockey skates so he doesn’t have to worry so much about the toe pick and yeah, he’s going to need a chair probably. He can handle it. I say just go for it! 

Tyler: How many layers do I have to wear to soften the padding of like falling so many times? 

Scott: I’d wear elbow pads. 

Tessa: Some pillows would never hurt. But you have a good partner! So that’s half the battle. 

Mandy: Right? I try. 

Tessa: Maybe a helmet

Scott: A helmet and confidence goes a long way. 

Mandy: Okay, fair enough. I’ll suit him up. We’ll be okay. You guys are going to be in Brandon for The Thank You Canada Tour - now in the book I know you guys said you were going to do other fulfillments - so what’s kinda the next chapter for both of you? 

Scott: That’s a good question, actually! We’re hoping to take a Christmas off and catch our breath, to be honest. We’ve been really going since the Olympic games, which has been a ton of fun. But this project got us thinking. We’ve really enjoyed putting a tour together. We enjoy being on the road kinda in this capacity. So I think there will be more skating shows to follow. We just don’t know exactly what those are, but hopefully we’ll have an update in the next little bit. I think we’re probably leaning more toward the show - we’re still skating ourselves - but we want to excite the next generation of skaters. We also want to make sure we’re exciting the young, the youth just taking up skating - inspiring them a little bit. And I think that’s where we can be most impactful right now. So we’ll probably focus on more of our shows and performing. But I think, for me anyways, coaching is probably is in the future in some capacity, I just don’t know how far. 

Mandy: Yeah, I grew up figure skating too, when I was like 4, and then we switched, because again, I didn’t know too many figure skaters back in the early 90s about skating. I think the young kids now know who you are and totally going to keep going because of you guys. 

Scott: Oh, that’s cool! That’s a great compliment. I mean, we are figure skaters and we’re very happy about that, but we’re just happy to hear stories about kids in sport. Whether it’s figure skating or hockey or anything. We just like to hear kids do many sports. 

Mandy: And I saw your mad dangles when you’re doing your hockey stuff on the ice. 

Scott: You know, that’s the one thing about The Thank You Canada Tour - the only negative thing I found is that I miss the first fifteen hockey games in my beer league, so my dangles, I gotta work on. Hit a golf ball on tour. 

Mandy: Well, you guys are going to be fantastic, it’s going to be awesome. The Thank You Canada Tour rolling into Brandon on Sunday, October 21st. Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir. 

Scott: Can’t wait! 

Tessa: We’re so excited to perform in Brandon. 

Mandy: Miss you guys, come back any time and Tyler and I will always make signs and be in the crowd for you. 

Tessa: Awesome

Scott: Good luck with your Halloween costumes. 

Tessa: Send some photos

[thetravelingmama]

100 Things about your Mom.

Hi Chi. I’m back! All better and cured. I’m feeling like my old self again, energy and everything back. Like my doctor said today: if it’s working, don’t change it. That being said, let’s do something fun! I saw this weird list of questions and said: Game on!

1: What random stranger has had the biggest impact on your life? A Dad at a beach playing with his son. He made us made the decision to start a family.

2: What achievement are you proud of but most people would consider silly or weird? I refuse to “act my age”.

3: What period in history had the best fashion? The 50’s!

4: What silly or funny thing makes you afraid or creeps you out? Clowns.

5: How quickly do you jump to conclusions about people? I try not to, but the reality is that I get “vibes” from people, instantly. I’m never wrong, as much opportunities I give.

6: How would the world change if super heroes and super villains actually existed? I think heroes and villains DO exist.

7: What would be your strategy for surviving an apocalyptic epidemic? I already hoard medicine, movies and booze.

8: What is the most important change that should be made to your country’s education system? Equality, Empathy, Values and Gender Perspective are things that need to be taught. I also believe that a University Diploma should be mandatory. No school? Jail.

9: What is something you think you will regret in the future not starting now and what is something you already regret not starting sooner? I regret not becoming a Mom sooner. I’ll regret it most in the future.

10: What part of your culture are you most and least proud of?

Proud of our strength of character. Least proud of living in a status quo.

11: What's the worst and best thing about being female? Best thing is having a baby, carrying it inside your body. That experience is wonderful. The worst is definitively the inequality, how people treat you different in many ways and what they expect on how you “should behave”. I also believe there are many double standards when it comes to us.

12: If you could put your brain in a robot and live indefinitely, would you? Not for a gazillion dollars.

13: If you could replace the handshake as a greeting, what interesting new greeting would you replace it with? High fives are awesome.

14: Who’s the worst guest you’ve had in your house and what did they do? I’m glad to report that I never let people that I don’t truly trust or know at my house.

15: When does time pass fastest for you and when does it pass the slowest? Fastest: when I have a lot of work and a close deadline. Slowest: when I had to come up with advertising campaigns. I HATED starting on a presentation with all the passion in the world until I had an idea that worked. Then, it just was a breeze. Until that jackpot happens, time is torture.

16: What always sounds like a good idea at the time but rarely is? Telling someone the truth. Sometimes it just turns out that they can’t handle or understand it. Another great one? Getting drunk and knowing that no one is going to take care of the baby next morning. Huge mistake.

17: Are humans fundamentally different than animals? If so, what makes us different? We’re very much alike, I realized it after I gave birth. I just think we have the burden of emotions and logic to deal with, that’s all. I envy them: I’d love to function just on instincts!

18: What pictures or paintings have had a big impact on you? Guernica inspired me to paint. The Marilyn Diptych inspired me to design. At the Moulin Rouge is one of my favorites, just because.

19: What movie or book character are you most similar to? That’s a tough one. I identify a lot (with absolutely no clue of why) with Mia Wallace’s lust for life and her disregard for rules; Marla Singer’s I don’t care attitude and confusion. I’m also a mix of Santino and Michael Corleone when I’m either strategizing or just extremely angry.

20: You can broadcast one sentence to every TV channel and radio in the world and have it translated to each country’s language. What sentence do you say? “What doesn’t offend you might offend someone else. Calm down and let people do and say what they want.”

21: What fact are you really surprised that more people don't know about? That research does not mean that you trust instantly whatever you find online. Reliable sources exist for a reason.

22: What are you completely over and done with? Putting the well-being of others before mine.

23: What memory do you just keep going back to?

It depends on the day.

24: What’s the most immature thing someone can do? I believe that making a scene in public is just sign that you are emotionally and socially immature. From treating strangers badly for a stupid reason to arguing with your significant other in front of anybody is just a sign that you’re the problem.

25: What are you most passionate about and what do you wish you were more passionate about? Reading and writing.

26: What’s the best comeback you’ve ever heard?

“I’m growing a human inside me, what’s your excuse?” I said that. :P

27: Who haven’t you seen or talked to in a long time and hope they are doing okay? With Facebook that stopped happening years ago. I actually miss that feeling of wondering how my friends are. Although, there is one friend from college that disappeared. I sometimes wonder what happened.

28: Where is the last place you would ever go? If by last this means “and then you can die”, Tibet. I can’t fathom thinking about a place in this world not worthy about visiting.

29: What’s something that you’ve never been able to do well? Math and control myself when I am beyond furious.

30: Who is the humblest person you know?

Any person who will do something for free just to help another human being.

31: What is the silliest reason someone you've known has completely lost it? The stuff people write online.

32: What is quite possibly the most annoying thing ever? People who judge others on based on what they wear, own, drive or live in. I also am starting to despise people who post every single goddamn second on social media. My social media algebra is simple: entertain, yes; Report, no.

33: What do you wish people would stop asking you? Can I have free tickets?

34: What is the most unusual fear you have? Frogs and Roller Coasters.

35: What is your favorite TV show? Right now it’s Better Call Saul.

36: What’s the most ridiculous argument you’ve had? If it’s ridiculous, I’m totally ignoring the idea of talking about it. Silence is golden.

37: What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you? My happiness is way more important than anything else in the world.

38: What is increasingly becoming socially acceptable? Telling others how to act, talk, behave, think, write... I remember the days when people judged you in silence or behind closed doors. Thanks a lot, internet.

39: What’s the weirdest tradition your family has? It’s not a tradition per se, we just talk really loud when we’re together, and all at the same time.

40: If you could choose anyone living or dead, who would you choose to lead our country? It would be a mix of Obama, Lady Gaga, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ed Snowden.

41: What app on your phone do you wish you used more? Tabata.

42: Who was the most power mad person you’ve met? Insert advertising client name here.

43: What world famous monument do you have no interest in visiting? The Tower of Pisa. Next.

44: What is something that you think people are only pretending to like or are deluding themselves into liking? Wine.

45: What joke went way too far? Anything that relates to a pregnancy announcement.

46: What are some of the telltale signs that a guy is creepy? If a man tries to control how I talk, behave, dress, manage a situation or just even decides something for me. If he thinks I need his approval for anything.

47: What is your very first memory? Walking around the beach.

48: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve said or done around someone you dated? It’s not embarrassing but it did catch me off guard: I made a point in my life to never say “I love you” to a man first until I was sure that it was going to mean something. One day, when I was starting to date your Dad, I just blurted it out. He laughed and said “You said it first!”

49: Who is your favorite actor or actress? Right now it’s Bryan Cranston.

50: What doesn’t exist but you desperately want / need it? A pill that eliminates sadness or anger instantly.

51: What are you most grateful for? My child.

52: If you could hear every time someone said something good about you or something negative about you, which would you choose? Neither. Not interested.

53: What do you wish you could re-live? Just for fun, my twenties. Had the best time.

54: What’s something that you recommend everyone trying at least once? Massages.

55: Do you prefer being warmed when you’re too cold or being cooled when you’re too hot? Warmed.

56: What sentence can you say that makes total sense now but would seem insane 20 years ago? “Do it, don’t wait.”

57: How decisive or indecisive are you? Extremely decisive. I’d rather go out in flames, always.

58: What’s something from your childhood that used to be common but now is pretty rare? I used to play outside unsupervised and came back home when I was supposed to. I also drove my grandpa’s car lots of times while sitting in his lap. Now he would get thrown in jail, I guess.

59: If you were an action figure, what accessories would you be sold with? A bottle of Vodka, books, beach items and lipstick.

60: What weird smell do you really enjoy? Gasoline and the streets of New York City.

61: What do you like that is traditionally considered masculine? Boxing, hard liquors, swearing, dark sense of humor.

62: What’s something you learned recently that you really should have already known? Expectations are resentments in the making.

63: What’s a simple mistake you made that had dramatic consequences? I should have been honest with someone without worrying about what could happen next.

64: What’s the best piece of advice someone has given you? You’re not responsible for how other people feel, it’s their problem to handle.

65: What do you think people automatically wrongly assume about you when they look at you? That I’m delicate, maybe?

66: Looking back on your life, what have you done that has given you the most satisfaction? Besides from being a Mom, having a successful company.

67: If everything was quantified, what life stats would like to see for yourself? The happy vs sad moments.

68: What do you really wish you knew when you were younger? That I am way more stronger than I thought.

69: When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? I think it was watching Dave Chapelle or Joe Rogan on Netflix.

70: What do you wish you had more time for? Being with my child when she grows older. I hope to be alive when she gets married or has a kid.

71: When was the last time you had a gut feeling about something that turned out to be correct? How about a time your gut feeling was wrong? My gut feelings are 99% on point. Sometimes it takes a second, sometimes years. I always end up being right.

72: What’s your curiosity killed the cat story? Your Dad. I ended up married and having you!

73: What areas in your life do you have high hopes for and what are those high hopes? I hope that our child decides to run our company and makes it even more successful.

74: Who was the most spoiled person you personally have met? Met a few. No comment.

75: What makes you feel old? When people don’t know a certain band or piece of music.

76: What’s your favorite non-drug / non-alcohol high? Traveling.

77: What’s the worst thing you’ve heard one person say to another person? It’s a tie between, “Sorry, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” and “Shut up and listen”.

78: What do you love about yourself? I’m starting to love my new sense of self. It gives me meaning.

79: What gets progressively weirder the more you think about it? Society in general.

80: What have you gotten too old to put up with? Being obligated to do something.

81: What event would you like to know the whole and complete truth about? JFK’s death. I also would love to read Mueller’s unredacted report.

82: What have you recently become obsessed with? Home delivery. Hi Jeff Bezos, I paid for your electricity this month.

83: What’s the biggest waste of money you’ve seen? Anything related to spending a lot on cars or jewelry. I’d rather travel, sorry.

84: What’s surprising about you? Most people don’t know that I can’t stand chick films.

85: When you were a kid what silly thing were you deathly afraid of? Dracula. Frank Langella, you made my childhood miserable for months.

86: Besides a raise or more vacation time, what’s the best perk a company can offer employees? Time to relax and focus. In Advertising, we’re expected to produce an insane amount of creative pieces in little time. Creativity and pressure don’t go well. Also, a short amount of time during the month to do the things we can’t during the weekend.

87: Where do you like going for walks? Lower East Side or Montmartre.

88: If you found out you would inexplicably fall down dead in one year, what would you change about your life? I would travel non stop so that I could drop dead somewhere cool.

89: What movie have you seen more than seven times? It might be a tie between Pulp Fiction and the Godfather Series.

90: Most people want to be wealthy for one reason or another. Why do you would want to be wealthy? To travel.

91: What’s the best thing you could tell someone to cheer them up when they are feeling down? My grandmother used to say “Someday, when you look back at a bad moment in your life, you’re gonna laugh about it”. Wherever she is, I know she looks down and reminds me in my dreams from time to time.

92: When you were a kid, what movie did you watch over and over again? Mary Poppins... and The Godfather 1 when no one was watching.

93: What’s the worst trait a person can have? No empathy.

94: If you could know one truth about yourself, history, the world, or even the universe, what truth would you want to know? Is someone out there?

95: What’s your favorite souvenir that you have? Our cheesy “Oia” sign. It reminds me of the best honeymoon in the world.

96: What would you do if someone left a duffle bag filled with $2,000,000 on your back porch? Buy a small apartment in NYC, buy another near the beach in Rincón. Leave the rest for Mía.

97: If everything in your house had to be one color what color would you choose? Black.

98: What would your warning label say if every person was required to have one? Don’t get her angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

99: What weird childhood fear do you still kind of hold on to? Big waves.

100: What’s the most polarizing question you could ask your group of friends? That’s the funny thing about us. There is not one polarizing thing we could ask each other. We talk and share EVERYTHING in our lives. The good, the bad, the disgusting, the inappropriate. Even the things we are ashamed to admit or share. That’s true friendship.

[simonsoys]

So what movie genres do you think the UT cast likes? I can imagine Alphys and Sans nerding out and nitpicking sci-fi movies together for one thing heh.

Ooh! Good question! Asks like these are my favorite haha!

I’m actually going to broaden this to TV shows too. Maybe like, what their Netflix history is.

Frisk

Loves Pokemon. Has watched every single episode in sequential order. (Toriel insists on knowing what Frisk is watching, so she’s had to sit through all of it too. She’s mostly confused by what the point of all this is, and is going to barf if she hears “Gooomygoomygoomy” one more time, but admits she quite likes Brock.) Also watches a lot of Pokemon-like shows.

Occasionally watches Sesame Street, even though it’s below their age range. It’s hard to find monster-positive shows.

As for movies, its pretty much anything animated or based on a kids’ book and nothing else right now. Everything must have a happy ending.

But even more than watching Pokemon shows, they’re into Youtube Let’s Plays. They like Minecraft videos, especially Stampy. (Undyne thinks the concept of watching other people play video games is ridiculous and yells at Frisk to go outside.)

Ambivalent about Frozen. Liked Olaf but that’s about it.

Favorite movies: Matilda; The Little Prince.

Toriel

Likes PBS Masterpiece Classics, like Downton Abbey and Indian Summer. 

Probably likes Benedict Cumberbatch.

A sucker for soppy British movies.

Loves The Walking Dead more than you’d expect. Carol is her favorite.

Likes the variety of crafting shows that humans make and put on TV and YouTube. Has thought about making and uploading some of her own.

Gets overly invested into some of Frisk’s kid movies. Bought Frozen on DVD for Frisk. Honestly. For Frisk. 

Favorite movie: Philomena

Sans

Into Sci-Fi movies a lot, even though he knows the science is bogus. He and Pap both like Star Wars, it’s got a lot of non-humans who are good guys! (A head canon I ACTUALLY had previous to this ask– the two of them have seen the first Star Wars, but it’s the only one that’s fallen into the Underground and circulated. They don’t know about Vader’s relation to Luke or what a Yoda is. The monsters are possibly the only fans on the planet who haven’t been spoiled on the ending of the OT yet. Some kind human souls learn about this and set up a screening of it in a theater, so that monsters have a chance to see it properly before having it ruined for them. It’s beautiful.)

He also has a large appetite for 90s high school romcoms? Like 10 Things I Hate About You and Clueless. It’s light and funny.

Not as big on TV shows. Likes to have the experience done and over with in one sitting.

Falls asleep without fail during Frisk’s movies.

Except for Frozen, which Toriel’s watched so many times, he managed to stay awake once for it. He thought it was kinda stupid through 2/3rds of it, but the final act got him. SIBLING LOVE is relevant to his interests and now he kind of digs the movie.

Favorite movie: The Fifth Element.

Papyrus

Watches The Bachelor religiously.

Watches Dancing with the Stars religiously.

Still watches anything MTT comes out with. 

Not a binge watcher. He likes shows that are on live.

Likes to watch random YouTubers’ Vlog channels, and no one’s totally sure why. It’s so weird… watching them daily, they feel like friends that haven’t met you yet. 

Animated shows are for children. …But Power Rangers is cool.

Sees every superhero blockbuster that comes out in the theater. 

Doesn’t typically watch anyone else’s shows or movies. If it’s not something he likes, he doesn’t have time for it.

Forced to sit through Frozen at least once. Whined about Elsa’s amateurish ice magic technique and poor casting form throughout the ordeal. 

Favorite movie: Star Wars.

MK

Probably watches PG-13 movies eVEN THoUGH THEY’RE NOT YET 13??? Scandalooz!

Is more of a Digimon kid. Arguments have been had.

Also likes superhero movies a lot, and Godzilla movies.

Watches a lot of Ninja Warrior/American Ninja Warrior, and has decided they’re going to take the challenge someday.

Hates Frozen, 0/10,literally the worse movie ever.

Favorite movie: Any Godzilla movie where he’s a good guy.

Undyne

Is disappointed to learn that anime isn’t real. But that’s okay because soon afterwards she discovers Jackie Chan movies and that’s even cooler?? Martial arts are her new jam.

Likes the idea of Ninja Warrior shows, but just feels like there’s a significant lack of real danger. Needs more fire and deadly pits.

Likes watching YouTube videos of people playing musical instruments in really crazy and incredible ways.

Sometimes likes more artsy films? Like with music, she’s not all action all the time.

Still watches anime with Alphys, even though she’s learned the truth.

Frozen had fighting! And magical transformations! And a gripping love story! It’s practically an anime! (Though not the best one she’s ever seen.)

Favorite movie: Hero

Alphys

Continues to be anime trash. Probably likes most of the gay sports anime the best.  Also cute romances like Ore Monogatari!

Watches MST3K with Sans sometimes. They also found this old show where people build RC robots with sawblades on them and fight each other and they LOVE it. They’re considering organizing their own tournament at some point.

Not as into sci-fi movies– but is very into complaining about sci-fi movies. Likes to write long blog posts about why they’re bad/inaccurate.

Likes Dr. Who, despite the above statement.

Really likes cheesy romances. Watches a lot of K/J/C-Dramas.

Total weekly intake of movies and shows in hours is obscene and embarrassing to repeat.

Has blogged about Frozen’s clunky narrative and weak execution of its core themes, but has to admit the characters are lovable and has drawn at least one fanart of it. Has the unpopular ship of Elsa/Hans and just won’t let that shit go.

Favorite movie: Mew Mew Kissy Cutie: Super Lovely The Movie: Extra Doki Extended Cut Edition

Blooky

YouTubing music videos all day.

Watches concert recordings.

Watches MTT’s show every day.

Downloaded the Frozen soundtrack off the internet, but has never watched the movie and genuinely has no idea what it’s about.

Forgets they own a TV 90% of the time.

Favorite movie: ?? Doesn’t really have one. …Sorry…

MTT

Competition shows are great, but he gets frustrated by how long and drawn out human reality tv is. Between each commercial break it should be wall to wall excitement! That’s his philosophy anyway.

Is actually consuming as much film as possible now that he’s on the surface, from a variety of genres. Where Napstablook and Undyne are passionate about music, MTT sleeps and breathes film studies.

Watches the news a lot too?? Probably the best informed monster besides Asgore. He has a news program of his own, and filters a lot of the world’s current events through to monsterkind. He has to always be in the know! …It also helps for making funny, topical statements. His 1.5 million viewers love topical statements!

He’s actually a really effective reporter. There’s no region too dangerous for him, he’ll report from anywhere. War zones. Active volcanoes. Maybe even space? All while doing it in a stunning blazer and perfect hair.

He’s busy a lot, so doesn’t actually have time to watch too many things.

Frozen is exactly the kind of movie he’d make, except that Elsa’s sparkly dress did not have enough screen time. For that matter, more characters needed sparkly clothes. Someone bedazzle that reindeer, stat. 

Favorite movie: Grease; Moulin Rouge

Asgore

New to movies and TV, but is slowly getting into them. There are so many violent movies and shows out there! So he mostly lets other people recommend things to him. A member of Oprah’s Book Club. He watches the movie versions of the books he’s read.

He likes stories about peoples’ lives. Watches Dr. Phil every afternoon. Recently he’s been touched by the stories of My 600 Lb Life and Teen Mom.

Is the only sports fan in the bunch. Prefers being there in person to watching on TV, but that’s not always feasible. Paints his face, even when he’s watching from home.

Frozen was a good movie and he enjoyed it quite a lot. Thank you, Undyne.

Favorite movie: Tuesdays With Morrie; Fried Green Tomatoes

Flowey

Loves YouTube Poops and he doesn’t know why.

Hates sad movies. Hates any movie that makes any attempt to make him feel things. Up is a dumb movie.

Doesn’t really care about TV or movies, but likes to watch with other people and chatter over it to ruin their experience. He really just wants to be the center of attention.

Probably pretends to like Adam Sandler movies, but doesn’t actually like Adam Sandler movies.

Likes America’s Funniest Home Videos, especially the ones where people fall off water skis.

Frozen is disgusting and would’ve been better if everyone turned into ice and died. The end.

Favorite movie: Anyone else’s favorite, so he can ruin it for them.

Chara

Doesn’t have much experience with TV or movies outside of what Frisk consumes.

Secretly has the same crappy taste in anime and K-Dramas as Alphys, but is stuck with Frisk’s over-indulgence in YouTube and Pokemon.

Sibling estrangement and isolation is a theme too close to home. Spends too much time drawing parallels between themselves and the rest of the cast, to the characters in Frozen.

Favorite movie: Frozen

[kidslovetoys]

2019 Christmas Gift Guide: Toddlers

You'll often hear us say that babies don't need any toys at all. Some human company and a handful of household objects to investigate is plenty. At the risk of completely destroying the 100 Toys business model, the advice for toddlers isn't much different. Life for a toddler is about investigation. The way they learn hasn't changed for thousands of years and there were no iPads in the stone age.

Of course, toys can help - and that's why 100 Toys exists and hasn't gone to live in a cave in rural France and painted its face blue. They're great for breaking down skill-acquisition into more manageable chunks. Yes, you can learn all about stacking by piling one stone on top of another, but having neatly-cut, stable wooden blocks that fit perfectly in the hand means you can create much more elaborate structures. Your learning is extended.

That's not to say that toys are the answer to every problem. You can have too much of a good thing. In the 100 Toys house we have a lot of blocks because it's really annoying to run out half-way through a construction. But an unlimited supply creates dependence and dampens creativity. If you never have to worry about running out, you never learn to look around you for something that will stand in for the object you lack. 

Toys are good. Just don't have too many of them. Buy mostly open-ended toys and rotate them often to keep things fresh. And remember to leave your toddler alone. Playing alongside your child has enormous value but the majority of the time should be spent in independent play.

And so to Christmas, that famous pre-historic festival of educational toy gift-giving, invented by our palaeolithic ancestors because they had a surfeit of trees and nothing to put under them...

Ball tracks

If you've ever watched a toddler play, you'll know that they like to do things more than once. These repetitive actions are a feature of schema play, and ball tracks are a great way to see it in action. Marbles are a choke hazard for the under 3s and their small size makes them fiddly to handle. Ball tracks, on the other hand, are perfect.

This one, by HABA, seems too simple at first glance. No spirals or drops, no zig-zags or bells. It's so plain you can't believe it will still be in use a week later, but it is. Soon your child understands that the track can be broken up, recombined, mixed with blocks and extended in all kinds of ways. Bridges and tunnels are built and obstacles put in the way. Crashes and bumps are deliberately engineered. There are very few toys that elicit yelps of excitement but this is definitely one of them.

Over time it can be combined with other ball tracks, such as the chatter pack with bumps and bells or the musical sounds set. If your child develops a real passion for this kind of play, the next step is a more complicated marble run by HABA (whose pieces can be used interchangeably with the toddler ball tracks) or these brilliant alternatives by Kaden.

Water play

For a toddler, being in the bath is to be surrounded by possibility. So much to learn! Floating, sinking, displacement, pouring, splashing and bubble-making. This simple sailing boat by Plan Toys ticks all the boxes for a great bath toy. Sail and swoosh it across the waves, fill it with water and tip it over your brother, fill it with other toys and sail off into the sunset. Choose from a range of excellent navigators including a penguin, seal and polar bear.

You can also enjoy water play outside the bath. Best of all is to get outside but for those days when you're stuck indoors, why not try keeping a small play set like this in the kitchen? When I needed to keep a roaming toddler busy and within my sight I'd often bring the tuff spot inside and fill it with water. It was too big, and too tempting to climb into, so the results were mixed at best, but this Plan Toys tray is perfect. It fits on the table and you can fill it with just a jugful of water, helping to keep the post-play clean-up to a minimum.

Baskets and trolleys

Olli Ella Piki basket and Luggy, Moulin Roty puppets and Maileg bunny.

Olli Ella Piki basket filled with contents of Oskar & Ellen Farmers' Market Basket

Toddlers like to make use of their new-found mobility and most parents will spend many hours chasing a gleeful toddler around the house, up and down the stairs and in and out of every cupboard. A stroller or trolley can be a godsend as it brings a new dimension to the motion and independence your toddler enjoys so much. Toddlers also love to feel useful and important, so loading up a trolley with some blocks or a baby (a toy one!) and delivering it to you is a great way to help them explore their transporting schema and to make them feel like they are being very helpful indeed. Olli Ella has harnessed this toddler impulse brilliantly with their range of wicker trolleys and strollers. The rattan Strolley switches from pram to shopping trolley in one easy move and, thanks to its quality construction and materials, is likely to be a part of their play for many years to come. 

Dolls

Your baby may have enjoyed the reassuring presence of a soft toy or comforter but as they enter this new phase they start to use play figures and dolls as a way of understanding the world around them. You may notice them re-enacting real life situations like a trip to the doctors or imagining stories, often with themes of good vs evil or triumph over disaster. In this way your toddler is trying to understand the complexities of human behaviour. Olli Ella Holdie folk are a great bridge between the soft toys they have as babies and the more rigid wooden or plastic toys they come to later on. These little people have soft bodies and childlike features and clothes, and come in a range of skin tones that reflect the diversity in our children's everyday lives. 

  Alternatively, you can escape the confines of race and gender by offering animal soft toys. A bear can be a little girl one day and a grandfather the next. Moulin Roty's beautiful dolls come in a variety of shapes and sizes.

Vehicles

Grimm's slimline car

Vroom! Vroom! Beep! Beep! Nee-naw! Nee-naw

Vehicle play can seem pretty one-dimensional at first glance. But look more closely and you'll see a world every bit as rich and subtle as the doll's house.

Language, science, co-operation. Vehicle play has got it all.

Heuristic play, also known as discovery play, is central to how young children learn about the forces that shape our world. It's the trial-and-error process that they go through as they attempt to understand the laws of physics. Vehicles allow children to test their hypotheses about many of these concepts.

Watching a two- or three-year-old with a toy car is a study in how to investigate gravity and trajectory, friction and acceleration. See how they build ramps for rolling down and launching upwards, marvel at the myriad ways they find to crash a car or derail a train.

And don't forget the language benefits of vehicle play. We usually associate role play and small world play with language development but even a single car offers many ways to improve thinking and speech. Over, under, through, behind, between. These prepositions get a regular workout. And how about ideas like stop and go, fast and slow, up and down, left and right? Then there are the stories children narrate as they play.

Take another look at vehicle play. It's every bit as educational as some seemingly worthier activities - and great fun!

Peg people

Grimm's Friends with Cocoletes natural blocks

Peg people are one of our essentials, a toy we recommend from six months and up. Easy to hold, and with a wide base for greater stability, these figures are brilliant for babies and toddlers. One of a young toddler's great occupations is learning to pick up objects and put them down again. Over and over they practise, placing, plonking, bashing and posting. There are so many ways to 'put'. A peg person's head is just the right size to grasp and the variety of pleasing colours extend the educational value of this kind of play even further.

Finally, if you're after something Christmassy...

Once again, Maileg have come up with some wonderful pixies and Christmas mice.

  from One Hundred Toys - The Blog https://ift.tt/2L7Rvl2

[martens-movie-reviews]

Released: June 13, 2008 Running Time: 2 hours 15 minutes

“Scientist Bruce Banner desperately seeks a cure for the gamma radiation that contaminated his cells and turned him into The Hulk. Cut off from his true love Betty Ross and forced to hide from his nemesis, Gen. Thunderbolt Ross, Banner soon comes face-to-face with a new threat: a supremely powerful enemy known as The Abomination.”

In honour of the latest movie from the Marvel Cinematic Universe being released on November 3, 2017, I decided that I wanted to review all of the previous MCU films, and it was also a wonderful excuse to rewatch all the movies again. My girlfriend and I wanted to watch it with a group of friends, however there was no time that we could all agree on, and to space it all out didn’t work, so we watched the MCU movies during the month of September and October so that we would be ‘all caught up’ for Thor Ragnarok.

Marvel Cinematic Universe – Source – Marvel

You can find all of the reviews for the Marvel Cinematic Universe at the link here. At that link, you can also find the dates that the other reviews for the Marvel Cinematic Universe will be posted. My plan is to release one every single day, and because I’ve already reviewed Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 here, and Spider – Man: Homecoming here, they will not be included in the two weeks leading up to Thor Ragnarok.

As such, I will now move onto the actual review of the film, and I hope you enjoy!

Incredible Hulk Trailer – Source: Universal Pictures

Cast and Crew

The Incredible Hulk was helmed by French director Louis Leterrier, and written by American Zak Penn. Leterrier’s work as a director before this film was as an action oriented director in films such as ‘Transporter’ in 2002, ‘Unleashed’ and ‘Transporter 2’ in 2005, while they are feature a lot of action, there’s also dramatic elements in those films. He’s since worked films such as ‘Clash of the Titans’ in 2010, ‘Now You See Me’ in 2013, and 2016’s ‘The Brothers Grimsby’. He has since moved to television work, and was announced as a director for the upcoming 2018 show ‘The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance’ which will explore the world before the events that take place in the 1982 film.

Penn’s work before The Incredible Hulk includes other comic book characters such as ‘X-Men 2’ in 2003, ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’ in 2006, and ‘Elektra’ in 2005. He also wrote the story elements of video games such as ‘Last Action Hero’ in 1993, and the ‘Fantastic Four’ video game based on the movie in 2005. It’s very easy to see that he enjoys being a part of the comic book world, and has continued to do so after this film, having writing credits for ‘The Avengers’ in 2012, the ‘Lego Marvel’s Avengers’ video game, and has recently been brought in to write a treatment of ‘Suicide Squad 2.’ A new film of his to look out for, that is generating a lot of hype, is ‘Ready Player One’ that is set to release in March 2018.

Bruce Banner’s about to become the Hulk for the first time: Edward Norton – Source: Paramount Pictures

The Incredible Hulk’s cast includes Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt, Tim Blake Nelson, Ty Burrell, Lou Ferrigno, Robert Downey Jr. and Stan Lee.

Review

Let’s get the big Hulk in the room out of the way first, this movie, while not a fantastic film, is miles ahead of the ‘Hulk’ movie that come out in 2003. This adaptation is a much better film in terms of quality, story, visual effects, and acting. I remember even as an 11 year old boy, I found the 2003 film to be bad, and ruined the Bruce Banner / Hulk character and storyline.

The casting in this movie was better in terms of picking actors that fit the characters of the story. Liv Tyler did a good job in portraying Betsy Ross, displaying the right kind and amount of emotion that was required for her character. I really hope that one day we get to see her interact with the new Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) in a future film, even as a cameo, rather than the semi love interest that they explore in Age of Ultron, but I’ll get to that more in that review.

Edward Norton – Source: Paramount Pictures

Ty Burrell’s character was a waste in the film as well as a pointless character. Burrell’s acting was not a problem, however the character and his little story in the film had no point other than to give Betty Ross a short lived love interest and a story line that is completely glossed over for the remainder of the film. Yes he lets the General know that Banner was in town, but that could’ve been covered in a much better way. In the comics, Doctor Leonard Samson is known as Doc Samson, a psychiatrist turned superhuman being when his curiosity and wanting to be superpowered took some of the energy and radiation from the Hulk and turned it on himself, as pictured below.

Tim Nelson did a good job with what he was given in the role of Samuel Sterns, however the character itself was again wasted in this film, and set up horribly in the film. I feel like these last two characters characters’ inclusion in the film was moronic, and was simply sequel baiting. Samuel Sterns in the comic is also known as The Leader, a self given name after he is exposed to gamma radiation in different experiment by the government, increasing his intellect and his lust for knowledge. You can see him in the picture below.

#gallery-0-3 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-3 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 50%; } #gallery-0-3 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-3 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

The Leader – First actual appearance – Source: Marvel Comics – Tales to Astonish #63 (1964)

Doc Samson – First Appearance – Source: Marvel Comics – The Incredible Hulk #141 (1971)

I believe this film was trying too hard in including comic book characters for the sake of including them, in the hopes that the film would get a sequel, without giving them the time that the characters need to be portrayed properly on film.

Edward Norton – Source: Paramount Pictures

Casting William Hurt as General Ross was great, as he’s able to portray both the strict and worried father when it comes to his daughter, as well as the crazy and power obsessed general who’s trying to build an army of supersoldiers. Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky was a good choice as he’s able to be the cocky Ace and as well as the competitive man who wants to take down the Hulk, and risks his life in trying to get stronger, and eventually becomes the Abomination.

Edward Norton as Bruce Banner / Hulk was a good choice for the character, making him a scrawny scientist, who is able to be depicted as intelligent as well as having inner demons that he must contain, and I feel like he would have fit in quite nicely with the other Avengers if he would have stayed on, however I prefer him a million times more than Eric Bana in the role, I’ve grown to enjoy Ruffalo’s depiction of the character. I really enjoyed that the film briefly displayed Banner’s intelligence in the scene when he is trying to find a cure with the flowers at the beginning of the film. It’s an important part of his character that there’s a mild mannered genius behind the gigantic Hulk monster.

From Left to Right: Tim Roth & William Hurt- Source: Paramount Pictures

The action and early fight scenes really displayed how the Hulk is a one man army, and completely destroys the envoy that General Ross sends his way, and even breaks Blonsky into pieces after he had taken a dose of the ‘super soldier serum’ that they were trying to recreate.

The special effects in this movie mostly hold up to today’s standards. I feel like they did a good job in showing the horror of the transformation into the Hulk, and the Abomination.

Hulk & Emil Blonsky – Source: Paramount Pictures

I really enjoyed that even though making Hulk was almost considered a last minute addition to the Avengers and the MCU, they managed to put Stark Industries, the weapons manufacturer for the Sonic Tanks that they use against the Hulk in the scene depicted in the picture above.

The story elements in this film were pretty basic; guy had unimaginable power in hiding, stupid accident brings the army on his tail, guy escapes, runs into old lover, army gives similar power to cocky guy, guy beats up everyone, runs off with girl, tries to get rid of power, fails, gets taken in eventually, cocky guy gets more power and kills people, original guy beats up to save the day, and escapes once more. It’s not a very complex film, and there are a lot of mistakes, as mentioned above with the sequel hunting, and the misuse of characters, but the film had heart, and fun, and still managed to overcome the absolute terribleness of a film of the same character from 5 years prior.

From Left to Right: Liv Tyler & William Hurt – Source: Paramount Pictures

I feel like the music which was orchestrated by Craig Armstrong fit really well in this movie, as the soundtrack was erratic and all over the place, just like the titular character, and I enjoy the continuing theme throughout the MCU, where the music is well chosen and works within the film and fits the character in a really well done way. He previously ‘Moulin Rouge’ in 2001, ‘Ray’ in 2004, before working on The Incredible Hulk, and has since done ‘The Great Gatsby’ in 2013 and ‘In Time’ in 2011.

The Abomination – Source: Paramount Pictures

The climactic battle between the Abomination and the Hulk is something that people have been wanting from the Hulk, for him to go toe to toe with someone of equal or greater strength than him and they delivered. It was entertaining, while still hitting the beats of a helicopter getting stupidly close to the action when it had no reason to, endangering the lives of the General, the army personnel on the helicopter, and of course, the love interest. The Hulk won that fight even though he seemed to be outmatched, he won because of his use of the items around him, and the raw rage that comes with defending the person you love, while corny, it does fit the narrative of the character, and is much better than fighting some weird cloud / father hybrid.

The Hulk – Source: Paramount Pictures

The end credits scene was something that was rushed, and last minute, but it fit really well within the movie and connecting the movie with the grander MCU even more by having Robert Downey Jr. show up as Tony Stark, trying to recruit Abomination, while others originally thought it was the Hulk that he was trying to recruit, it was later revealed in the Marvel short – The Consultant, where S.H.I.E.L.D. purposely sends Stark to annoy General Ross to avoid having to work with the Abomination, since the World Security Council thought that he could be useful.

Overall, I feel like this movie deserves to be recognized as a good film, that still had the stink of the previous incarnation of the character. It’s place in the MCU would probably have been better remembered if Ed Norton would have reprised the role, but sadly that didn’t happen, which means that a lot of people might not associate the two films together, even if we have now seen General Ross portrayed by William Hurt in another MCU film (Captain America: Civil War). At the end of the day, the film was entertaining, music was as erratic as the main character, and the love story while corny and overdone, was adequate in giving the Hulk the proper motivation in defeating the Abomination at the end. There was problems as mentioned, but to me, this movie still deserves the score that is coming up, and that score would be 7.25/10.

Post Credit Scene: Tony Stark annoying Gen. Ross – Source: Paramount Pictures

What did you think of the film? Are you excited for Thor Ragnarok? Let me know in the comments below!

Thanks for reading,

Alex Martens

  The Incredible Hulk Review Released: June 13, 2008 Running Time: 2 hours 15 minutes "Scientist Bruce Banner desperately seeks a cure for the gamma radiation that contaminated his cells and turned him into The Hulk.

[egooksconnolly]

Here’s The Quote That Best Represents You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

The study of astrology or horoscopes is an age-old practice which came into existence during the times of the Greeks and Romans. The Greco-Roman culture brought on the belief that every person’s personality was created by the star they were born under. While zodiac history continued to grow and expand as the years went by, one of the most common observations is that each one of the 12 signs has unique traits and ideologies which create one’s personality.

Aries

iStock

The Ram (March 21st to April 20th)

Always a fighter, this zodiac sign is one which eats challenges for breakfast. Hurt an Aries born individual? Not a problem, they most likely will forgive you but after they have made you run around in circles, jump through hoops and the best part? You won’t even realize it! Most Aries born individuals have characteristic mood swings, are spiteful and charmingly sarcastic but don’t let that steer you away from them! Aries born are known to be frighteningly loyal and trustworthy which is why when they attack the reason behind it will be legitimate. In other words, individuals who are born under this sign will be your best friend and strongest confidant as long as you don’t get on their bad side.

Your Quote: ‘I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” ― William Ernest Henley

Taurus

iStock

The Bull (April 21st to May 20th)

The most stubborn of the 12 signs Taurus is exactly like that of its symbol. Bull-headed and sturdy, this sign is similar to its former friend Aries and individuals born under it are known for their temper but don’t let that keep you away from them! Taurans are also known for their hardworking tendencies and ability to love and be loved with a ferocious passion. This sign is smart and knows how to separate their work and leisure making them suitable as a match in relationships whether romantic or not. Overall, it can be said that Taurus is a reliable and trustworthy zodiac sign which will prove to be more loyal than any other.

Your Quote: “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Gemini

iStock

The Twins (May 21st to June 20th)

The most impulsive sign of the zodiac, Geminis are known for their quick wit and their chameleon-like personality. When you meet a Gemini, you will feel like you have known them your whole life. This is because of the “split personality” of the sign which enables those born under it to relate to people quickly and give them a sense of security. However, this is also a trait of a Gemini which receives a lot of backlash and criticism. Gemini born individuals are outgoing and social, giving them the gift of making friends quickly. Geminis are born flirts and need no introduction to another in order to show that! But once they’ve got your attention be sure that they will not go anywhere else looking for it! Need drama in your life? Find a Gemini born partner, and you will never be bored!

Your Quote: “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ― Charlie Chaplin

Cancer

iStock

The Crab (June 21st to July 22nd)

A very caring and nurturing star sign, Cancer born individuals always prioritize their families first. A fun sign in all aspects which is why it is known as the joker of the zodiac. Cancer borns are sensitive as friends and as partners which is why when they fall in love they have a tendency to become clingy over time which causes rifts in the relationship, especially with a more independent zodiac partner. Cancer is a highly emotional zodiac sign which shows ambition as well as lack thereof due to being too emotional at times and letting it come in their way. However, this also serves them best when it comes to listening as Cancer not only lends a helping hand but also a listening ear when someone is in need of it.

Your Quote: “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”―Buddha

Leo

iStock

The Lion (July 23rd to August 22nd)

Considered to be one of the most powerful of the zodiac signs, Leo is a sign most often attributed to natural born leaders and rulers. Leos are known for their domineering personalities and dislike it the most when people tell them what to do or say. They are natural born leaders and not followers who will love like there’s no tomorrow and hate like death’s best friend. Their need to be number one in any relationship ensures that their partner under all circumstances will be someone of whom they can be the star with. Their extrovert nature and need for adventure make them a blast to be around.

Your Quote: ‘Your love makes me strong, Your hate makes me unstoppable.’  — Cristiano Ronaldo

Virgo

iStock

The Virgin (August 23rd to September 23rd)

The perfectionist out of the entire zodiac. Virgos are the most introverted and yet they are also extremely adventurous and eager to explore. Virgos love their space as they allow it to be where they grow individually and eagerly. As a partner, Virgo individuals are always trying to give their partner the best and this can be seen throughout and under any circumstance. Virgos are naturally successful in most endeavors. However, they do fall short at times due to their nitpicky nature.

Your Quote: “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” ― John Bunyan

Libra

iStock

The Scale (September 24th to October 23rd)

A balanced zodiac sign, Libras are strong-willed and balanced individuals who like to be neutral in all scenarios whether at home or in the workplace. Libras love having an air of mystery around them and this can often be misread as them being superficial, but in reality, it’s them just being themselves and keeping a distance until they can trust you.

Your Quote: “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ― Donald Miller

Scorpio

iStock

The Scorpion (October 24th to November 21st)

An intense sign with an emotional side, Scorpios are strong-minded and love to love and give love to others. A very sexual sign, Scorpios find it easier to communicate through sex on many occasions. A Scorpio never forgets. Revenge is one of their favorite past times so if you get into an argument with a Scorpio be sure that you will be receiving a dish served cold soon in the future. Overall, it can be said that this dark, fun and secretive sign shows a strong personality which is unique in many ways.

Your Quote: “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful…that’s what matters to me.” ― Steve Jobs

Sagittarius

iStock

The Archer (November 22nd to December 21st)

A very versatile zodiac sign, Sagittarius is a sign where all its individuals are optimistic and intellectual and are always looking for answers which will serve their purpose. They tend to get along with all the signs of the zodiac and enjoy humor as well as intellect in others as well as exuding it themselves. However, some may find this trait a little over-confident as Sagittarius is blunt and does not believe in beating around the bush with anyone. Need someone who will challenge your every move? Find a Sagittarius born and you will never have to search again.

Your Quote: “Travel: as much as you can, as far as you can, as long as you can. Life’s not meant to be lived in one place.” ― Unknown

Capricorn

iStock

The Mountain Goat (December 22nd to January 19th)

Capricorn is known as the most determined and motivated zodiac sign in the entire zodiac. They are deep thinkers who don’t believe in taking a step back but rather that you have to keep moving forward in life. This sign is the most confusing in nature as many assume that it has one personality when it really has another. Individuals who fall under Capricorn portray an unemotional and unattached persona when in reality they wait and observe others before shedding off their protective clothing. Contrary to Gemini, Capricorns hate drama and prefer to steer away from it as much as possible.

Your Quote: “You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.” ―Elizabeth Gilbert

Aquarius

iStock

The Water Bearer (January 19th to February 18th)

As fluid as its sign itself, Aquarius is a sign of the zodiac which stands out with unique characteristics in comparison to the others. Aquarius is a creative sign that demonstrates fluidity at every point of life. Aquarians are free-spirited and independent. They choose their need for a social life as and when their mood dictates. They hate to be told what to do and if told so will rebel and demand their rights. Spontaneity is their middle name.

Your Quote: “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” – Dalai Lama

Pisces

iStock

The Fish (February 19th to March 20th)

Some may call them dreamers, but Pisces is a sign which is more idealistic. However, it must be noted that their planning falls short at times as they allow their emotions to rule them many times which causes them to be dependent on others to get up if struck down. Self-pity is high among Pieces born individuals making them slow down those expected fast strides. However, this also makes them very loyal as friends and partners as they respect and show gratitude towards all their relationships in life.

Your Quote: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” – Moulin Rouge.

People have gasped in extreme surprise when their quote matched their personality. And we think, so did you! No matter what traits, behavior patterns or choices we have, in the end, all that matters is living your life to the fullest.

The post Here’s The Quote That Best Represents You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign appeared first on STYLECRAZE.

The article source is here:Style Craze