#i often repeat things that i write in english like it's an echolalia thing

[idkimnotreal]

i need to speak english in real life...

i'm brazilian, english has been part of my daily life since i was 14 (before that in school, but out of school only since i was about 14), i consider myself an advanced to fluent speaker (short vocabulary, i don't really know or forget mundane or daily things in english, my vocabulary is mostly related to book english), but i've never once spoken english with anyone in real life or even on a call. i was always afraid i'd blank out. it's a deep rooted thing for me.

so i recently moved and as it happens my neighbor one floor down whose apartment includes an outdoors patio that i can see from my kitchen window (to an inner open space in the middle of the building, i'd only need one word for this in portuguese but i have no idea how to say "light pit" in english*) has an american dad and they speak really loud (i know it's an american thing) and i felt... this sense of joy from hearing them talk english. hearing spoken english for the first time in my life that was not coming from tv speakers or headphones, but actually from real human voices near me (i was a kid at the time of the world cup so i don't really recall people speaking english, i have a vague memory of it, but not vividly). there was a child too, her half sibling, and i don't know, the whole bonding experience they were having using the english language made me happy to experience it.

i guess i need international friends that i can really talk to (not just text). not brazilian friends to talk english to, that's just boring, like i actually want people from different cultures that i can use english as a bridge to connect our life experiences. it's about that. it's what i figure is so exciting about english. it's... the world. english is everything. when i heard english, i heard everyone. for the first time in my life, near me, physically. it means i'm not necessarily tied to brazil. it reminded me of that, maybe. which is why i'm sad now that they're apparently gone. i keep expecting to hear their voices again, speaking english, and whenever i hear neighbors talking loudly in the halls i get hyped. but i think they're gone, back to the states. to the center of the world. and i'm here. too dysfunctional to leave this place.

(i'm not actually looking for language buddies on tumblr, there's a reason why i've never spoken english in real life which is like i mean uhh social anxiety/trauma)

*that's atrium thanks chatgpt

[just-a-random-person24]

I HAVE BEEN PROMPTED SO HERES MY HEADCANONS FOR FREEMIND, STARK, AND FELIX (MIGHT MAKE A SEPERATE POST FOR BARMEY, ADRIAN, RYAN, AND ARLEN <3)

content warnings for: death

Freemind

he uses he/they pronouns. However, he's only people comfortable with people he's close with using they/them on them.

met Eddie in high-school, and didn't become involved with her crimes until college

was really close with his mom

after their parents died, Gordon cut all contact with Felix up until he got Felix his job at Black Mesa because he wasn't able to cope with their death

"I can't be bi cause I like women! and everyone finds guys hot every once and a while" kind of guy

has horrible joint pain and hearing issues post res-cas

autistic but refuses to get diagnosed cause 'everyone does x/y/z'

whenever getting caught doing stupid shit at school, they would lie and say he was Felix

learned other languages partly because it's just useful and partly to know if people are talking about him

worst handwriting since he ties to write fast

meows as a stim

echolalia, often repeats people or sounds

they find the idea of being seen like a god cool, but in practice found out it's super annoying having people follow you everywhere

random infodumps about various subjects (like different cancers)

would rather die than let anyone know what he's feeling

finds Barney to be super annoying, but somehow doesn't hate him

Felix

he/him pronouns (not cis but doesn't think too hard about it)

looks a lot like his mom (part of the reason why Gordon cut contact after her death)

adhd, also undiagnosed

panromantic, doesn't realize it until White Forest

still really likes Chell despite him thinking she hates him

lived in Canada for a couple months after college, managed to pick up some French there

even before Half Life 2:ep 1, he's had a shitty memory

idk what the word is, but you know those guards in Blue Shift who have to let you through doors? He was one of those, but for the scientists

if he's close with someone (or wants to annoy them) would hold them up at whatever door they're trying to go through to talk about random things

does not know when to shut up and often gets into 'too much info' territory

found most of the tech at Black Mesa East to be interesting, but just couldn't understand any of it

doesn't express his emotions well

Stark

aromantic & asexual

like Freemind, has horrible joint and hearing issues post res-cas

autistic

writing is either cursive or chicken-scratch with no in-between

able to speak english and japanese, picked up some spanish

despite Felix telling him about Chell multiple times, he does not think she's really Felix's girlfriend

sort of friends with Felix and Barney? His relationship w/ them is 'friends of a friend so I'll try and be nice' since they're more of Ramirez's friends

doesn't usually drink soda but favorite would be sprite

never got much sleep even before the res-cas

if he's close with someone he doesn't mind being a little bit silly with them

often works during his lunches

often has to be the voice of reason between Ramirez, Felix, and Barney. But could still be convinced to do dumb shit with them

him and Freemind surprisingly worked fine together, even if they didn't like eachother

[tatturmemes]

SPEECH MAGIC ANONS!

I think part of being a writer is to accept a challenge, so why not practicing different types of speech!!

Anon Decides Length of Time: "_____." is the length of time, you fill it in. If no time frame is given, Mun decides the time frame. Remember, these are meant to be a writing challenge! So take them!

Here's the list:

Mute: My muse cannot speak at all for _____.

Stutter: My muse has a stutter for _____.

Him/Her: My muse can only refer to themselves in the third person for _____.

You too: My muse can only refer to those they speak directly to in the third person (Instead of saying "Do you like..." it would come out "Does [muse's name] like...") for _____.

All Threes: My muse can only speak in third person about everyone and everything, including themselves and those they speak directly to for _____.

Pronouns: My muse cannot mention pronouns (I, my, his, her, she, you, they, etc.) in their speech for _____.

Ye Olde: My muse can only speak in what they think Old English sounds like for _____.

Question Mark: My muse can only speak in questions for ____.

Identity Crisis: My muse refers to everyone as their own name rather than the muse's name for _____.

Exclamation Mark: My muse will speak as if they are extremely excited about everything, even when they are not, for _____.

Accent Mark: My muse speaks in an _____ (anon decides; if none provided, then mun must completely invent a fictitious one) accent for _____.

Shy: My muse speaks very quietly, the only way you can hear them is if they speak directly into your ear for _____.

Repetition: My muse repeats themselves unnecessarily for _____.

Drunk: My muse slurs their words like they're extremely drunk however the muse completely sober for _____.

Limitation: My muse can only speak up to 7 words at a time for _____. (Think of the speech pattern, Alogia.)

Past: My muse can only speak in the past tense even if speaking about something that occurred in the present or something to occur in the future for _____.

Present: My muse can only speak in the future tense even if speaking about something that occurred in the past or something to occur in the future for _____.

Future: My muse can only speak in the future tense even if speaking about something that occurred in the past or present for _____.

Hilarious: My muse starts laughing uncontrollably when they start speaking, regardless of their true emotions, for _____.

A metaphor of a Simile: My muse can only speak in similes ("like" or "as") or in metaphors regarding whatever it is they're speaking about for _____.

Reminisce: My muse will share a memory whenever they speak to someone else as though they have no filter to keep it to themselves for _____.

Wisdom: My muse will use sayings, quotes, phrases, proverbs, and fortunes (like the ones found in fortune cookies) to express themselves for _____.

Education: My muse will speak dumb if they are smart or intelligent if they're dumb and if they are average, mun decides whether they speak smart of stupid for _____.

-Verted: My muse will act introverted if they are an extrovert or extroverted if they are an introvert for _____.

Expressive: My muse's facial expressions will be the exact opposite of what they speak (if they're speaking of a sad topic, they'll look over-joyed, etc.) for _____.

Wishy-Washy: My muse will speak as though they are very uncertain of what it is they're talking about, about everything they discuss for _____. (Can be like Evasive interaction, like "I... er ah... you are uh... I think you have... uh--acceptable erm... uh... hair.")

Narrator: My muse will speak as if they're the narrator of their own thoughts, words, and actions for _____.

Contraction: My muse speaks in an excessive amount of contractions (don't, shouldn't, doesn't, could've, etc.), even archaic ones, for _____.

Spitter: My muse spits at the end of every sentence they speak for _____.

Interruption: My muse will frequently stop the train of thought they had mid-way and change subjects abruptly for _____.

Broken Record: My muse will mimic the vocalizations and movements of those they interact with for _____. (Think of Echolalia. This may involve repeating only the last few words or last word of the examiner's sentences. or can be like "What would you like for dinner?", "That's a good question. That's a good question. That's a good question.")

Flighty: my muse will speak excessively fast and will often fragment their sentences or include unrelated concepts or ideas in conversation for _____. (Think of 'flight of ideas,' which is seen in mania, schizophrenia, and ADHD.)

Telegrath: My muse will not use speech conjunctions (and, but, or) or articles of speech (a/an, the, etc.) with the meaning of their words will still be retained) in their speech for _____.

Illogical: My muse will make illogical conclusions (ex: "Do you think this will fit in the box?" draws a reply like "Well duh; it's brown, isn't it?") for _____.

Incoherent: My muse's speech will become completely incoherent (ex: the question "Why do people comb their hair?" elicits a response like "Because it makes a twirl in life, my box is broken help me blue elephant. Isn't lettuce brave? I like electrons, hello please!") for _____.

Inventive: My muse will invent new words for things, (ex: "I got so angry I picked up a dish and threw it at the geshinker.") for _____. (Think Neologisms)

Fluffy: My muse will speak words or phrases that are flowery, excessive, and pompous (ex: "The attorney comported himself indecorously.") for _____.

(Feel free to add something but please do not delete anything.)

[undiagnosedautismfeels]

ITAAT

-Is it an autistic thing to not be able to properly pronounce words you've only seen spelled  I think that could just be due to language being a hard thing... Especially English. You cannot really know how a certain word is pronounced if you havent heard it...

- I articulate far better through writing than I do with speech, which I struggle with. Is that an autism thing? Could be, sounds also like an anxiety thing. Or just an introvert thing.

-I pretty often (generally at least once a week) will *need* to hit, break or throw something when I'm overwhelmed , in pain, or stressed. I have some control over what item I "attack," and it's usually unimportant and related to the source of distress/pain. I can also usually stop myself beforehand, if I really have to (at work, for example) or at least do something that looks accidental, like putting something away with more force than I need to. Could these be meltdowns?

Sounds like aggressive outbursts. Those could be related to PTSD or maybe they are even meltdowns? I am not quite sure. (Other mods?)

That’s how my meltdowns tend to end up but I’m pretty messed up generally, including PTSD

-Iiaat that I'll listen to a song once and then I'll repeat parts of it after it's over? Like, it's not directly after that part, it's after the whole song ends, and I usually don't even think about it, it's just reflex. Is that echolalia or do neurotypical people do it too? - ninja 

I don’t know. It could just be that the song is stuck in your head.

-So pretty often I’ll like be in a really good mood and then something will happen and I’ll crash and stay like that the rest of the day. Is that autistic burnout? I know it’s not depression because it happened even when my depression wasn’t bad. But I’ve always heard of burnout being from having to act neurotupical but could a stressor cause it? And does it still count even if I don’t go nonverbal? -otter asks

I don’t think that is an autistic thing. I am not 100% sure. Autistic burnout is more from long-term stress (running out of spoons, essentially). Really it depends what the “something” is. Also, you can be mildly depressed and other times more severely depressed. What you are describing sounds like depression. You could be burnt out, too, but depression can also be a sign of burn out!