#i psych myself out. i think i kinda hit these 'i'm not good enough my reply isn't gonna be interesting enough' potholes

[byanyan]

the thing about me is that even if i'm super pumped about a thread, i'll still end up taking months to reply to it a lot of the time

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1227: The ReBirth of a Rockin' Icon!~

3:15 p.m. Secret Future Foundation Headquarters: Capsule Pods Room...........

Hajime: (Walks into the Room with Fuyuhiko as he Writes Something on his Mini Notepad) Alright. We've finally managed set the defensive up and ready, with the help of our resident powerhouses.

Akane/Nekomaru: (Happily Walking by, Chanting) Power-Houses Power-Houses Power-Houses POWER-HOUSES YEEEEEAAAAAAH!~

Gundham: (Follows Behind the Duo Along with Sonia) Let the raise of the Three Powerhouses of Pandemonium COMMENCE! FUWAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Sonia: (Happily Applauds her Prince of Darkness) Very remarkable group name indeed, my dear~

Fuyuhiko: (Rolls his Eyes a Bit) The noisist powerhouses is more fitting........

Hajime: (Softly Glares at Fuyu) Be nice. ('Yawn') You missed Gundham and Nekomaru just as much as the rest of us here, no used in denying it......

Fuyuhiko: (Raises an Eyebrow at Hajime) Just like how you should be missing your bed by now. Did you get any sleep last night?

Hajime: I have. (Rubs the Back of of his Head Back and Forth While Turning his Head Away a Bit) Two....to three hours of it......

Fuyuhiko: That's not nearly enough sleep time.

Hajime: ('Sighs in Defeat') I know.......Work and preparation kept getting in the way of that. I'll get an actual, proper one as soon as we get everything situated in here.

Fuyuhiko: I'll believe it when I take you back to your room and see it.

Hajime: ('Sigh') Come on, man, you really don't think I can take of myself?

Fuyuhiko: I know you can. Just want to making sure you don't end up passing out on the cold, metal floor. 'Less you want Sonia to take you instead.

Hajime: (Grimaces at the Thought) No thanks. I really don't want my ear to be pulled again today.....

Fuyuhiko: (Simply Nodded in Agreement) You and me both.

The duo then turn their attention towards the capsule pods right in front.

After the long, emotional driven trial against Junko has reached it's conclusion, our five remaining survivors ventured through acient ruins of Jabberwalk Island and discovered a room where the rest of their classmates placed inside their individual pods, in comatose states.

So far, the awakening process has been going along rather smoothly, with Gundham and Nekomaru, who is now a full fledged human again, being the first ones to leave out of their pods, with no signs of despair within either of their psyches. The gang can only hope it would be he same for everyone else, Mikan and Nagito especially.

Hajime: (Starts Nodding at the Pods in Fronyt of Him) Everything seems to be going smoothly so far, that's nice. (Suddenly Notices Something) Oh, look! (Points Fuyuhiko to Ibuki's Capsule) Ibuki's about to wake up soon.

Fuyuhiko: (Looks Down at the Percentage Number of her Capsule that reads 95%) Looks like it. (Rolls his Eyes Again) Sure can't wait to hear some of her obviously loud music again.....

Hajime: (Chuckles Lightly) Yeah. We might actually be able to blow the roof off the venue this time around.

Fuyuhiko: Probab- Wait. (Turns to Hajime With a Raised Eyebrow in Confusion) We?

Hajime: Ibuki and me. We formed a band together in the past. I'm the drummer.

Fuyuhiko: You can play drum?

Hajime: Ehhh... Kinda? She really hasn't taught me much besides hitting them really hard with the sticks. (Chuckles Lightly) I remember all the band practices she would always beg me to joined. We sounded terrible in every session, but hardly bothered any of us considering all the fun we had. (Smiles Softly at Ibuki Sleeping inside her Pod) I always had a good time when I'm with her.

Fuyuhiko: (Forms a Teasing Smirk) Well, look at you being all happy and shit~ You're having feelings for her already?~

Hajime: Ye- (Eyes Widened Before Blushing) What? (Quickly Turns Back to Fuyuhiko) N-No, of course not! I was just....Reminiscing on the times we had is all. Besides, there's a lot of things to do right now before I could get into any of that romance stuff.

Fuyuhiko: (Simply Nodded in Agreement) Fair. But it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot afterwards. You deserve a little happiness in your life after all the fucked up shit you've been through.

Hajime: WE deserve every bit of happiness we can get, you especially. I know how much you've missed her these days.........

Fuyuhiko looks over to Peko's pod with it's percentage reads 69. Even in her comatose state, she looks truly at peace, even more so than she ever was her whole life. As happy and relief for him to see his childhood friend and love interest safe and sound this entire, the Ultimate Baby Gangster still couldn't help but feel terrible and guilty for everything that led up to her original demise.

Fuyuhiko: ('Sigh') There never been a time or day where I haven't think about her. But she can wake up whenever she's ready- (Turns Back to Hajime with a More Genuine Look on his Face) I'll be right here by her side, to greet her when she does.

Hajime: (Gives his Friend a Soft Smile) And we'll by your side as well. Just in case you need us.

Fuyuhiko: Thanks, man.

Pod: Loading Process Complete For Ibuki Mioda's Pod

Fuyuhiko: (Turns Back to Ibuki's Capsule) About time.

Hajime: (Quickly Stops Fuyuhiko From Taking Another Step Closer to the Pod) Hang on a sec, Fuyu. Let's be cautious about this. Despair can still be at large. There's no telling what will happen when she wakes up.

Fuyuhiko: (Sighs While Giving Hajime a Single Nod of Agreement) Right. In that case- (Takes his Phone Out From his Pants Pocket) I'll put everyone else on speed dial if anything insane does happen here.

Hajime: (Simply Nodded as Well) Good. Now, let's step back a bit.

As ordered, Fuyuhiko takes a few steps back along with Hajime as the door of Ibuki's pod begins to automatically opens in it's own pace. As it's widened upwards, the Ultimate Musician finally begins to rise and awake from her slumber, right on cue.

The duo position themselves a little as they watch Ibuki slowly gets herself up from the capsule seat she's been laying on, takes a very, very deep breath and..........

Ibuki: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD OM NOM NOM NOM MORNIIIIIIIIIIINGGGG!!!!!!~

Hajime: (Taken Aback and a Tad bit Flabbergasted by Ibuki's Sudden, Loud Yelling) ........uh......

Ibuki: (Does a Little Dance as She Starts to Sing) I-Buki Mio-Da!~ Put it all together and what do you get?~ Ibukiiiii Mioda!~ (Puts on a Cutesy Looking Smile on her Face While Making a Peace Sign in Front of her)

Fuyuhiko: (Makes a Deadpinned Look on his Face While Putting his Phone Back in his Pocket) Yep. That's Ibuki alright.

Hajime: ('Sighs in Relief') That's a relief........

Ibuki: (Let's Out a Loud Gasps as She Set her Eyes on.....) HAJI!~ (Happily Runs Over to Hajime and Hugs Him Very Lovingly) It's been so long since I've seen that cool face of yours! Hiii!~

Hajime: (Chuckles Lightly While Blushing) Good to see you too, Ibuki.

Fuyuhiko: (Smirls at Hajime) Nice to see you happy there, Haji~

Hajime: (Gives Fuyuhiko a Deadpinned Look) Shut up, man.

Ibuki: (Looks Down at Fuyuhiko) Hiya, Short Stuff!~ Long time, no see~

Fuyuhiko: Likewise. Also, don't ever call me that- (Suddenly Felt Ibuki's Hand Patting his Head) Hey!

Ibuki: So, I see you've grown a few inches these days. Have you been drinking your milk?~

Fuyuhiko: (Angrily Swipes Ibuki's Hand Off of His Head) Will you quit that!? (Crosses his Arms While Turning Away) ........... I ocassionally drink low fat milk a d-Ah!

Ibuki: (Happily Hugs and Picks Fuyuhiko Up While Twirling Him Around a Bit) You drink your milk!~

Fuyuhiko: (Comically Glares at Ibuki) Get the fuck off me!!

Hajime: (Smirks at Fuyuhiko) Come now, Short Stuff. No need to make a huge fuss about it.

Fuyuhiko: (Flips Hajime Off) Piss off.

Ibuki: Now, now, boys. (Finally Puts Fuyuhiko Down) There's no need to fight now that Ibuki's backl to rock n' roll!~

Ibuki inhale her breath to ready herself to sing only for Hajime to quickly cover her mouth with his hand, in the neck of time.

Hajime: H-How about we do that some other time? We got to get you situated and up to speed first. How are you feeling right now- YEOUCH! (Suddenly Felt Ibuki's Teeth Bitting his Palm Before Quickly Removing his Hand From her Lips) Ibuki!

Ibuki: (Giggles Apologetic) Sorry, Haji. Ibuki couldn't resist. Buuut to answer your undying question: Ibuki is a-okay!~ A little light headed at the moment, it's nothing she can't handle. (Uses her Finger to Tap on her Cheek While Thinking) Althoooough, there are a couple of memories circling around Ibuki's inner noggin right now.

Fuyuhiko: How much do you remember exactly?

Ibuki: (Smiles Brightly) A bunch of cool stuff! (Points at Fuyuhiko) Like how you became a pirate, my rockin' performance at the Titty Typhoon, the Despair Di-

Her sentence was cut off abruptly as Ibuki's eyes begins to widens in silence at the ongoing memory. The Despair Disease.........She remembers she was one of the few that had it at one point, it completely changed her into something not even she could recognize.

She then remembers the night when she was taken in the hospital room, only to then, mysteriously walk out, one night, and walked all the way back to the Titty Typhoon .......and meeting her unfortunate demise in the process.

Two of her more closer friends, Hiyoko and Mikan, were also in the memories as well, but it was too blurry for the rockstar to mentally see clearly due to overwhelming thoughts going through her mind right now

What had gotten over me that night?

How could I let someone or....someTHING bring me to my final curtain call?......

...........And why........

......uki...........buki..........Hey.......Ibuki!

Ibuki: (Gets Startled as She Finally Comes Back to Reality) Ah!- Uh...Yeah?

Hajime: (Frowns Worryingly at Ibuki) Are you okay?

Ibuki: Oh! Uhh...(Puts on a Bit of an Awkward Smile on her Face) Yeah, yeah. I'm cool, I'm hip. Just thinking about those......Gosh darn memories! From the hospital, all the way to.....(Slowly Starts to Frown).....the......Titty.....Typhoon........

Fuyuhiko: They're hitting you like a truck, isn't it?

Ibuki: ('Sighs Heavily in Defeat') More like speeding bullet train......That was so weird and scary.........I hate it.

Hajime: ('Sigh') So do we. (Looks Down at the Ground, a bit Somberly) To tis day, I regretted not being quick enough to save you that night. We're really sorry.....

Ibuki: (Gently Places her Hands onto Hajime's Face and Have it Facing Hers) Hajime, no. Don't apologize. You guys did everything you could to do so, right? None of you have anything to apologize for at all.

Fuyuhiko: You really think so?

Ibuki: (Nodded at Fuyuhiko) I know so. Besides, if anyone who should be apologizing it's me for worrying you and causing you all this trouble to begin with.

Fuyuhiko: Hey, come on, you weren't yourself that night. You know now, right?

Ibuki: Yeah, but.....(Turns Away) I still feel bad about it.

Hajime: (Places his Hands on Top of Ibuki's) Don't be. That's all in the past, you have a second chance at life now. (Gently Grabs her Hands and Slowly Lowers it Down in the Middle) And we promise to keep you and everyone else in our class safe from here on out and if there's anything that's been bothering you, please don't hesitate to come to me for help.

Fuyuhiko: Or me and the others either. (Gives Ibuki a Reassuring Smirk on his Face) We got your back this time, Mioda.

Ibuki: (Heart Begins to Melt in Pure Happiness as Tears Starts to Build Up in her Eyes) You guuuuuys....('Sniff') (Pulls Both Hajime and Fuyuhiko into a Tight, Loving Hug) THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!~

Hajime: (Winces a Bit in Pain Along with Fuyuhiko) No....problem, Ibuki......

Fuyuhiko: How the hell are you this strong!?

Ibuki: Hm. I dunno. I guess Ibuki's determination to see her friends again has boosted up my strength somehow. Plus, I reallllly do miss you guys and-

Fuyuhiko: (Rolls his Eyes) Yeah, yeah. Feeling's mutual or what have you. But you know- (Forms a Teasing Smirk on his Face) Your drummer boy here been missing you like crazy these days.

Hajime: (Glares at Fuyuhiko) Dude!

Ibuki: ('GASPS') Hajii~ I miss you like crazy too!~ (Starts Kissing on Hajime Cheek)

Hajime: (Starts Blushing Up from his Bandmate's Affections) ..........C-Cool.

Ibuki: (Looks Back at the Pod She Was In) So that's where half of our classmates been sleeping at that whole time, huh?

Hajime: Yep, just like we found you. The speed of the percentages may vary at time- ('YAWN') So, it's gonna take a while for any of them to fully wake up in there.

Ibuki: (Gently Rubs Hajime's Head) Haji, are you getting sleepy on Ibuki?~

Hajime: (SIghs Before Rubbing one of His Eyes) Kinda? Been working all day that I haven't really gotten the chance to sleep today honestly.

Fuyuhiko: (Whispers into Ibuki's Ear) And when he does sleep, it only lasted about 2-3 hours.

Hajime: Fuyu!

Ibuki: (Let's Out Another Gasp Before Pouting at her Precious Drummer) Well, that won't do at all! Everyone deserves a longer sleep schedule, especially cool, smart guys like you, Hajime! (Wraps Hajime's Arm Around Her's) Is there's a bedroom in this joint, Short Stuff?

Fuyuhiko: (Points at the Doorway) It's a in a few rooms back. I'll show you guys around. (Walks Out of the Room)

Ibuki: (Somply Nodded to her Fellow Classmate) Thank you. (Follows Behind Fuyuhiko Along with her Drummer Next to her) Come, Haji. Our bed awaits us.

Hajime: But what about everyone else? Don't you wanna see them first?

Ibuki: We'll see them in due time. Right now it's urgent that Ibuki gives her precious the sleep and cuddles he oh so deserves!~

Hajime: You're not gonna take "no" for an answer no matter what I say, aren't you?

Ibuki: Yeppity Yep-Yep!~

Hajime: ('Sighs in Defeat') Thought so. Good to have you back, partner.

Ibuki: (Lays the Side of her Head Next to Hajime's Shoulder) Likewise~

@on-2

[snickerdoodlles]

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

(prev) hmm, maybe Hair-Trigger? like, it got a good response, i'm very grateful to everyone who's read it ❤❤❤ i don't mean in a 'im looking for more hits' sort of way, i just really love Porsche & Kim as a duo and spin them around in my head like a shiny rock all the time. this mostly manifests in me spamming tortoise with Kim & Porsche snippets and thoughts that never seem to flesh out into proper fics, so Hair-Trigger has a special spot in my heart because it's my one finished Porsche & Kim fic and I want everyone to look at Porsche being extremely fond of Kim and Kim feeling all sorts of things about how fond Porsche seems to be of him (surely???? this is a trick????? he is so nice and smiley????????? a mystery)

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

i like them all!! i genuinely enjoy all "types" of comments for different reasons, it feels weird to rank them against each other. so long as the comment is excited to engage with me/gush over idiot nerds together, i'm excited to answer and chat with them (although, i am. very behind on my inbox rn. hjghjg im sorry friends, i promise i will respond even tho it might be v late 😂💦)

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

I've actually been rewriting a *checks date* 5.5 yr old yoi WIP (*winces*) for a while now. very slow as my attention gets drawn away, but i love epistolary fic and there's a funny satisfaction without pressure to re-writing it.

but the story rewrite that actually has been sitting on my head for...forever really, is my ft story Jinxed. i was very new to fandom/writing fic when i first posted it, and at the time i'd just posted what i wrote and then went "...wait, how the fuck do you write a multi-chapter story???" and i really psyched myself out of posting more for it.

however, it's always like...sat in the back of my head, even after the fandom bullshit and when ft went to shit. because i just...don't like soulmate/soulmark AUs. 😅 the reasons behind my dislike for the trope are uh...kinda long and extensive actually, so i'll save that for a different post if anyone cares enough to ask, but the premise in this story of two girls with mismatched timers who fall in love and choose each other anyways is one i'm extremely drawn to. and i'm still like, figuring out how to write long stories, and i'm never going to write again for ft, so whenever i look over the old story drafts and notes, i'm actually thinking about it as an original story. not one i've started and maybe i'll stumble into a fandom that i want to apply this premise to, but...after i figure out long-form stories, i really want to swing by this one again, if simply to have it stop haunting my brain every few months.

(rest under the cut because i am rambly lol)

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

hmm Silver for Truth is the obvious one since i whined about it taking a yr+ to write, but i think everyone understands when i say Tawan is an annoying ass bitch to write.

i'm actually going to cheat and say the freezer!Kim WIP i'm writing with @majestictortoise. there's a few different POVs in this story and one of them is Porsche's POV, and there is something about Porsche's POV specifically that i find very hard to capture. even when i know what i want from his arc and character struggles, post-canon Porsche carries around some conflicting beliefs and mindsets that i find really tricky to write, plus he's also a guy of action who's been forced to a standstill and i want to capture that trapped feeling without making it obnoxious. he's just tricky to me in a way that other characters aren't. (i actually ran into this issue with Hair-Trigger too, except it wasn't so hard because that's a fic about him Doing A Thing He Wants To Do, which is why i was able to write it within the timeframe i did. oh Porsche, ilu, why do u stick in my head so. orz)

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

everything? idk, my reaction after i post a fic is to either Stare At My Inbox or desperately try to distract myself from the fact that i Posted A Fic, which really go to show how secure i feel about my writing 😂 i try very hard not to let a fic's reception get to me when i post because i've been down that road and it's really bad for me. all fic i post is fic for me, but i haven't hit the carefree attitude of "idc what you think, its for me first and foremost" yet.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

there's nothing that makes me want to give up on writing specifically. i wail and cry when stuff isn't flowing right, but like. so i had an irl thing run me over like a truck april/may of this year and it's bullshit kept spilling out through june and july too, so i had like no time or energy to write or even spend much time on fandom stuff for four months, and i went absolutely bananas. i need to do something creative to feel good, and writing is my favorite of those.

posting...posting is a different story 😂 weirdly if im chasing the high of posting a fic/the high of comments on fic, i dont like to post as much. the hill in my head is too much to get around, so that ig.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

*points up*

also prev

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

...this is such a weird question lmao (not u, the person who made the question list should have deleted this). i've always found writing as a good way of examining my internal biases and preconceptions i might not have otherwise had opportunity to find and reflect upon so clearly, and i'm going to leave it at that.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

fuck if i know what my writing style is 😂

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

*curls up in more shy* hmm, i really like reading my own stories. like, i always have cyclic periods of "oh god this is garbage what the fuck was i thinking" feelings for each of my fics, but i know now that feeling is brief and it'll be gone soon enough and it will stay gone longer than it comes. the person who reads my stories the most is me, and the fact that i want to go back to read them again is really important to me.

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

i don't think i linger so much on the actual posting of the fic, but i return to my fics a lot and i've also started paying more attention to how much i post. i'm trying to find a balance between acknowledging that i posted stories vs "oh god, im not posting ENOUGH," but back at the turn of this year, i was really bummed that i didn't get as much posted during december as i had set out to do, specifically because i felt like 2021 had been a really strong year and i'd let myself down not finishing as many fics in 2022. then i actually checked my AO3 stats for 2021 to 2022, and realized i'd posted 4x as much in 2022 than i had in 2021. over 100k words altogether even!

i think i'm getting off topic, but between rereading my own stuff pretty frequently and trying to get a better grasp on how much i've actually posted vs what's in my head, i think i celebrate pretty often? idk 😂

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

characters!!! everything's built around the characters. i love worldbuilding, making up worlds is a lot of fun, but i worldbuild through the lens of "what am i interested in?" (which starts with characters) and "how does this affect x?" (because if it doesn't matter to/affect the character, it shouldn't be a priority to me). similarly, plots exist for me to put Specific Guys Into Situations. a plot can be objectively interesting, but i'm not going to stick to it if i don't care about the people going thru it, my brain just doesn't focus like that.

the actual writing of the story is lowest priority on my list. there's a lot of writing types i don't like, but i can muscle thru a lot in the name of a good cast or plot. similarly, i don't give a flying fuck how pretty or polished a writer thinks their sentences are, if the actual story is boring or OOC, i am not reading it. or i am reading it and bitching extensively in friends DMs, which is worse. 😂

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

honestly, hard for me to answer because i'm actively trying not to think about what sort of response i do get. i guess one that still amuses me quite a bit is the response to my fic Shining Dishonesty (howls moving castle AU for haikyuu!!). i love this story to bits and i really love the comments i have on it, but it's weird/funny to me because it's my most recommended and mentioned fic on twitter, but it's one of my lowest in terms of kudos & comments. idk what's up with that 😂

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

*big shrug emoji* nothing that comes to mind???

maybe Silver for Truth, just a little bit???? everyone got the message of "get fucked Tawan" but there was also a little more pity for Tawan than i'd expected. like, not really, because Tawan's annoying, but i don't know that everyone quite caught Khun's trap for Tawan in it. Tawan could've completely turned things around for Vegas and ruined Kinn's lie by confessing his own failures/betrayals and accepting the consequences, except Tawan puts himself before all others, even someone he claims to love.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

honestly? i don't remember the specific writing issues once something is done. even for something that takes me a while to write. usually my writing hang-ups are related to irl stressors. Pitch It was an extremely hard fic for me to write, but that was because it had a deadline attached to it while i was also trying to come up with money for a new car after my previous one was totaled 😂 and while i approach all stories with a vague plot in mind, it's purposefully vague so i can adapt to where's best for the story to go. that's the part i look forward to the most when writing lol.

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

lol i don't even have to sort my stories to know which one is my least number of hits/kudos. it's by dawn's early light, which i wrote for the bnha myths zine, and it is literally one of my favorite fics i've ever written. there's some stuff i would've done differently now, but i liked it when i finished it, i liked even thru that fucking project's mess, and i liked it enough to post it after the project was finished, and that is probably the highest praises i can give that particular fic.

(this response probably doesn't make much sense to anyone who hasn't participated in a zine before and i'm not going to burden you with context if you haven't, but like. trust me. that's saying a lot 😂)

🍭why did you start writing?

to make a dick joke. i haven't changed.

💎why is writing important to you?

it's just fun. i really like doing it and i really like connecting with people over it/through it.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

i re-read the story about a bajillion times in that first week. you'd think i'd be sick of it by the time it's posted, but the satisfaction of having finished something changes the way i read it and i just bask in that.

📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?

another terrible question in this otherwise nice questions list.

i like it, so i do it, and i'm lucky enough to have made friends through it.

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

i'm excited if anyone wants to make a podfic of my work and i give general permission for it, but it's not something i seek out specifically. i have very bad ears, it just doesn't really cross my mind.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

*points up however many questions ago* it's very fulfilling for me and i like it a lot. i'm lucky enough to have also made connections to others by way of writing, but first and foremost is i enjoy the actual act of it.

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

maybe? idk, i leave comments because i like to leave comments. i like hearing back, but its not like im leaving a comment looking for that. wrong mindset for this question, u know?

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

*sighs* this fucking questionnaire maker lmao.

responding to fics is fun for everyone. it's a great way to make new friends if that's the fandom experience you're hoping for (same goes for responding to edits, art, etc). if you're anxious to start talking to people or leaving comments or whatever, take the babysteps you need to try to push and expand your comfort zone. and be gentle on yourself -- there's no "right" way to interact with fandom, and you don't have to be perfect at what you want to do right away either.

but if that's not the way you want to interact with fandom, you don't have to. there's nothing wrong with "lurking" and frankly i care about my stuff being enjoyed (even if i never hear about it!), not the ~proper~ way to be in fandom or whatever. furthermore, my healthy fandom experience is regulating and maintaining my own reactions to the reception (or lack of) i get when i post so that it stays fulfilling for me, and that's how i create my healthy fandom experience.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

mostly i look inwards to see what exactly im dissatisfied with and examine why. there's plenty of stuff that i wish had a bigger reception, but i focus on things that i can control (what im happy with in a story, what i enjoyed about the process, talking about it more in my own blog space so people can choose to engage or ignore, etc) and push myself to that framework of mind. the worst thing you can do is focus on things you can't control, especially something as random and fickle as other people's reactions or a post/story hitting the trend wave just right.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

timeloop AU!! (prev)

timeloop AU will be 3 chapters + an epilogue. first chapter is Kim POV, the second one is Big POV, and third is Chay POV. Kim is the first one trapped in the timeloop. Big joins him later. Chay never does.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

in my fic Single Star Review, Khun goes to university and then starts seeking extra therapy help. i am Extremely excited for this one, but one of my favorite-favorite parts of it is Khun dismissively says "it's not like i can call Kim and gossip about boys" and Flop (the therapist, no that's not actually his name) asks Khun "why not" and Khun stares through a wall for a solid three minutes realizing hey, he CAN call Kim to talk about boys actually.

-later that night-

Khun: Kim! Kimmy-Kim my littlest kin! forget your other plans, tonight we are painting our nails and gossiping about BOYS

Kim: what the fuck

Khun: my therapist thinks i should try talking to you about stuff

Kim: THERAPIST?!

Khun: THAT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART HOW DO I HANDLE HAVING A CRUSH

(Kim is, ofc, over the moon and extremely excited when his brain catches up with his ears, even though he's a total little brother about it.)

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Red Line fic is the first installment of a 4-fic series (tortoise is laughing at me for thinking it'd stop with 1). mostly because it immediately dived into one of my favorite variations for how Chay kills Korn.

Korn's death is not a fix-it.

[celestialholz]

Celestial Live-Reacts: STP 2.2, 'Penance'

Well I've already seen at least twenty very interesting gifs of this episode, let's fucking goooo

The red grid's everywhere?

"How 'Yesterday's Enterprise' of you." This man's been on the screen for three seconds and he's already breaking the fourth wall, I fucking adore him 😍

"You're the very board upon which this game is played." Q into roleplaying confirmed? Entities You Don't Want As Your DM include 😂

"Old, yes! How unfair time is... so many wrinkles. So many disappointments." Ah well, good to see that three decades hasn't harmed de Lancie's ability to sell the absolute shit out of a scene, my god. The bitterness is almost tangible 😭

That almost face-touch was him stopping himself because he doesn't want to actually confirm his own words and touch the wrinkles, I'm fucking done

"The chase is cut, Picard; the chase is bleeding, the chase is dying in your arms, and I am but a suture in the wound." Jesus H. Christ John, your acting sir? Honestly, you don't just come along and be a perfect foil to the brilliance that is Patrick Stewart, and this man's always managed it effortlessly ❤❤

This whole scene is so gay, I adore it to tiny pieces 😍😍

Today on 'Celestial Hazards a Guess': this situation is putting Q under considerable mental strain to amend because it's so widespread. I don't actually think it's a physical health issue? I'm going with PTSD. 🤔

... He didn't want to tell him that did he, oh dear

He's saving his fucking life and entire timeline because he loves him and Picard still won't look twice at him, I am dead my dudes 😣😭

We're in an AU fanfic boys, get hype

"You see, I thought to myself, I thought - I really must see Jean-Luc." This whole exchange is ice-cold, but this? Yeah no, this is the only honest thing here

"So I simply sought out the nearest explosion." 😂😂 Valid

"Oh I could tell you, but you're far too clever to listen." Very Tapestry...

"We're never too old to be students of our own behaviour, Jean-Luc..."

... And then he hits him? Actually fucking PHYSICALLY?! Brooo, there is DEFINITELY something wrong with this entity's psyche, as if he would ever 👀

"And I've had enough of your obstinance, your stubbornness, your insistence in changing in all ways but the one that matters!" You, erm... way to show a guy your heart there, good lords above ❤

'Penance'... a punishment laid upon oneself for their transgressions. This man has not done his homework and Mr Q is angry 😶

I'm kinda loving these clicks where nothing much seems to happen until it does - I'd say it was lazy, but I'm thinking it's indicative of the mental state now. No flashiness, all substance - his usual opposite 🤔

Mirrorverse? Are we really mirrorversing right now

"Through a mirror, darkly - and here, the man who holds the glass is darker still." I get that this is Picard's horror story, but the 'man who holds the glass' here is Q in showing him all this, and I love that dichotomy

... That's Gul Dukat? Oh shi -

Martok and Sarek? Mirror!Picard is pantomime levels of evil, damn sir

A girl needs to write a Qcard mirror fic, clearly

"This is the only life you understand"????? What

"But don't worry - I won't let you do this alone." My heart. 😍😍

"Do you wish for me to respond to the designation 'Q', sir?" Look what your nonsense has wrought Picard 😒

This really do be Tapestry 2 my dudes, fuck

This is still a James Bond intro sequence

The roses, though, murder me personally - rose-tinting, Tapestry roses, symbol of general love, and courage...

... Hang on, all of that was just the cold open? Fucking damn son, this series goes hard lmao

Picard is space Hitler now. Okey-doke 🙃

"Colombian roast, black." "... This really is the circle that Dante overlooked." 😂😂

... I mean this timeline's garbage, buuuut Picard also doesn't suddenly have a random romantic interest from nowhere, so...

'Eradication Day'. Oh fuck

Oh hello Seven, you beautiful lady you 😍😍

Is she married?

Where do I get me an electronic candle that realistic

If they had to give Seven a husband, it should have been Robert Beltrane for full and complete levels of sitcom nonsense

General Sisko, god fucking help us all 👀

Love this bloody friendship between Rios and Seven, it's so wholesome ❤

What did you do to my son's girlfriend

The matriarchal love 😍😍

"I want this one kept alive - for questioning!" "I don't know anything!" 😂 Precious child, bless him ❤

Even in the mirrorverse, Agnes is operating on -100% and I feel that spiritually

Spot-73 is an icon. He's giving me absolutely nothing and I love him 😍

... Are they about to finish exterminating the Borg? Oh, very good - I await Picard's split opinion with great interest 👀

Even the Queen thinks Agnes is too quirky, damn 🤣

'The Borg Queen has a kind of trans-temporal awareness' - ahhhhhh, intriguing

That is a spectacular villain HQ

These little interlinks to how they reconnect are wondrous

"Say what now?" Oh Raffi ❤

Ohhh, so she has 'commitment issues'? Well, that explains something in this show, for once

... It's not an AU?

'Mr Alphabet' 😂😂

"This morning, even for Q, he seemed... unstable. Not quite sane." Is that concern I detect Jean-Luc, good lord - a writer might think you care... 👁👄👁

Elnor completely missing sarcasm gives me life

"A friend, a foe, and now..." Now what exactly

Spirk mention, hurrah!

Jeri is on fire here, this Queen chemistry's glorious

Annika 'Seven Shots'? Up your game sweetie, you'd never have survived my university 😂

Noooo Elnor 😣

So many relationship issues in this show, so little build-up

YES ELNOR 😘

"Time travel is not a way to make me feel better, about anything" - me during 95% of Trek time travel storylines

I'm with Rios here, fuck connecting that to my ship

NOOO ELNOR 😭😭

"Killed whilst rescuing a Borg." I, Borg Picard would never

... Wow, guys.

Celestial Rating: 8/10.

Whatever the fuck the space husband's up to, it's hugely compelling - and this new, dystopian alternative future's beautifully realised. Even Agnes didn't irritate me this week. Very promising.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 46 - watching notes

Full disclosure: I'm not in a particularly good mood today. Have you seen that "no productivity. Only guild." Meme flying around? That's me today :|

Hopefully this will distract me (though distraction was the problem in the first place 🙈)

I apologise for any typos you'll finde in this post 😅

To recap, the last thing I learned was that apparently, Jiggy married his own sister because Jin Guangshan was a scumbag who raped more women than he could possibly remember

I was told by several people that this episode is their favourite. No pressures or anything :D

The way someone is dragging up Jiggy's secrets has a lot of poetic justice to it. Everyone is outraged and gossiping. Consensus is reached quickly. Kinda makes me feel that that someone (who probably also wrote the letter to jgy) knows exactly how to use the sect world's worst qualities as a weapon

Yao what's-his-name, resident gossip queen, at it again

Don't look at me my memory is as bad as wwx when it comes to names :D

I was about to write who is Lianfang Zum again and then I remembered that it's jiggy's honorary title. See what I mean? ^^

What does it say about me that my heart makes a leap when I simply see wwx leaning close to lwj to whisper to him? 😅 I'll probably die reading the novel, that's what that says

Oh so it was the maid who sent the letter

Come on Wei Wuxian! That was cruel

Yeah Yao what's-his-name, why would you need to know the identity of who ever is behind this? It's not like you've ever been deceived before!

What's... with that bracelet?

I love it how everyone looks positively startled when Lan Wangji says something unprompted :D

Wait ... Zwei Jun is in his hands? Shit, i don't remeber what happened there. Where did Xichen go again? 😬

I'm so confused right now 🙈 I can't watch and read the subtitles and type

Okay, watched the whole conversation again, now I'm following

I reiterate my earlier statement that whoever is pulling the strings here knows exactly what strings to pull to get the clans to act

Great, another mob 🙄

Loooool

NOW you want his help? 😂

Sure, as soon as he can serve YOU with his "evil tricks", that's okay!

You can see how much wwx changed because he does not hold their hypocrisy to their faces. He mostly seemed tired of it

And Jiang Cheng just realised that wwx might indeed not be responsible for Jiang Yanli's death, didn't he? He's almost stunned 🥺

Or is BEAUTIFUL to see Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji move in such unity! 😭

Oh ... those are the graves of his foster parents, right? :(

And Yanli ... oh God I forgot about Yanli 🥺

I'm crying again. Nothing on this show will ever hit as hard to me as the Yunmeng siblings' fate

I couldn't help myself, I legitimately just stroked my laptop screen where Yanli's plate was 🥺

So many conflicting emotions

Thanks to a friendly anon, I know that these three bows together are marriage thing! 😭😭😭

So yeah, they're married now. I dont make the rules :')

Somehow, this feels like them asking wwx's foster family's blessing

And now I'm imagining Shijie smiling back at them gently and I'm crying 🥺

And by God, I love lwj's gentle teasing :')

This whole scene, he's so soft! 😭

And it think that Wei Wuxian probably thought that he'd never get to step into Lotus Pier again. But here, he can finally say his goodbyes to his Shijie properly. He can heal! 🖤

And again, I cannot stress enough how wonderful that is! And how rare and precious in a show like this. So often character's get put through unimaginable trauma, but they either brush it off no problem or the show/movie ends immediately after the main action and you are left to imagine the number it did on the character's psyche. There are so rarely fantasy shows that really dive into the emotional fallout the plot has on their characters and then give them time to heal. Thus show does both and I'm so goddamn overjoyed my it!

Come to think of it, it reminds me of a very good hurt/comfort fic 🤷‍♀️

Jiang Cheng pleae, fir once, try not to be angry immediately when you're hurting :(

He still takes special offence that lwj is there. Makes me wonder if he still feels like wwx chooses lwj over the Jiang sect and is still hurt by it 😔 (note that at the same time, he reminds wwx that he's very much not a member of the Jiang clan anymore. God, the man has not worked through his own feelings ...)

For once, as much as I love it when lwj defends wwx (especially when it's not against any physical harm, but because he doesn't want wwx to be hurt emotionally) I think him interfering with this particular conflict does not help

Okay sorry, but no! lotus pier was not destroyed because wwx saved lwj in that cave. That was just an excuse for the Wen sect. They would have come eventually anyway

Ohhh

So there's my answer

He's still hurt because he feels wwx chooses anyone else over his family, which is to say him

And he probably can't understand because their positions are so different. The (future) sect leader and the son of a (dead) servant and a rogue cultivator who never felt quite like he belonged 😔

It's so goddamn tragic how much between these two was destroyed simply because they have such a different status in society and could never quite understand each other's perspective

And again, wwx just takes it 💔

Until, that is, lwj's honour gets besmirched

Don't fight in front of Shijie 🥺

Jiang Cheng's every action screams that he still loves his brother and that amidst all that pain for his lost family, is also deep betrayal and grieve for the brother he thought he could always count on 🥺💔

Can we appreciate for a second how much this shot tells us? From Jiang Cheng's angry desperation, to Wei Wuxian's quite acceptance of his rage (which must be so confusing to Jiang Cheng and probably hurt him even more. Because fighting is always how these two resolved their issues!) to Lan Wangji who is in full on protective mode (which I find more than heartwarming,but still think probably isn't helpful rn)

He ... what?

I still don't quite understand when exactly wwx's lack of golden core shows. Why does he have a nosebleed here?

What?

Oh!

Wen Ning 😱

I get what he wants to do!

Have we ever seen him this calm and determined before?

Abd they understand 😱😱😱

The look on all of their faces! Shiiiiit

I'm crying again

Oh wangii is crying 🥺

Wen Quing 💔💔💔 I'm crying even harder just looking at her. I've MISSED her 🥺

Lan Zhan your FACE!! 😭

The way he's looking at wwx in his arms, as if he's seeing him fir the first time

And by god, I can only imagine what he must be thinking

He must be reevaluation every single interaction they had since wwx started down the path of demonic cultivation 😭

I'm a bit in awe of Wen Ning here and how much he must have been holding in. That's the steadiest and most confident he's ever been

Oh Jiang cheng 💔

That looks like a man whose entire world has just been shaken to its core

And Lan Wangji is crying so much 🥺

God I hope he doesn't blame himself even more 🥺

Aaaaaaahhhh, so that is why he wouldn't just carry the sword for appearance sake and why he just had a nosebleed!

Jiang Cheng probably needs about a month to process all that :/

And therapy ...

Aaaaaaahhhh! The boat scene! I've seen gifs! 😍😍😍

A penny for Lan Wangji's thoughts ...

Oh I'm so so so so glad that Wen Ning gets to say thank you to the man who raised his ... cousin (?) :')

Oh god we get to see!!!!

Oh little a Yuan 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I wonder now, did Lan Qiren know who the child was that his nephew suddenly brought back to cloud recess?

I'm glad that we all learned from this that keeping secrets from the people we love, especially secrets that concern them personally, will eventually come back to bide us in the ass. Than you for delivering that important lesson, wen Ning!

Which reminds me that I hope they eventually tell wwx that they know 😬

I swear to god, one of these days I will melt from the gentleness in lan Wangji's gaze :')

Shit. He had to be awake? 😳

You can pinpoint the moment Lan Wangji's heart breaks for all the suffering wwx endured and how close he came to loosing him even then 🥺

Waking like that in you lovers arms in the middle of a lotus pond - that's the dream *sighs* (minus the passing out bit)

It's weirdly cute that wwx thinks that it's Jiang Cheng's insults that have lwj so upset 😅

Oh GOOOOD ...

I can't

The moment Yanli's themes started to play and she appeared I started to bawl 😭😭😭

And he's sharing the lotus pods with them ... oh please, lwj, please understand what he's saying. That's his pove language! His sister's food was how he received love and right now he passes it on to you! Please, please understand it! 🥺

Oh lwj, don't 🙈

Awwwwww ....

He's breaking the rules for you!!! Just to make you smile!!! 😭😭

And holy shit look at their expressions 😭

By now you should know that he's willing to break the rules for you :')

And poor third wheel Wen Ning 😂

Now there are glittering butterflies???

Do they have some kind of romantic aesthetic bingo going on in this episode???

Oh okay, messenger butterflies

Please appreciate wwx almost climbing into lan Wangji's lab in excitement :D

Thay scene transition was pretty af!

Hey! Why do they bully wen Ning? 😤

*shakes wwx by the shoulders* DO YOU GET THAT HE LOVES YOU NOW???

Huh, this episode was a roller coaster. you guys did NOT exaggerate! I loved it to pieces. I'm floored once more by all the actor's performances. Wen Ning revealed a lot about his character, Jiang Cheng broke my heart, Lan Wangji made it melt and Shijie is still able to make me bawl in an instant. But ... I'm not left with a bitter feeling. Sure, jiang Cheng and wei Wuxian havebt reconciled, but the truth is the first step to even have that possibility. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are both healing and whatever happens in the last 4 (4!!!😭) episodes, I'm not dreading it that much right now. I feel like we're climbing upwards :)

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose thank you guys for staying with me for this crazy ride 💙🖤💙

Also one last thing: please don't tell me what happens differently in the novel in any given scene. I am still reading it (about half way through rn) and I'd like to still be surprised by stuff like first kisses and love confessions 💙🖤

I should have put something like this at the end before, but I always forgot. That's on me 😅 so don't feel bad, if you've shared something before :)

[drowninginblox]

Thrown into it(3)

Part 3- I don’t think I am

Hamilton- the musical- enforced in me many lessons. Many of which I took to heart. One of them being that every action comes with an equal, opposite reaction. I guess that's why once Nighteye was done evaluating my life, he ordered the police to escort me to the nearest government facility. Bastard must’ve seen all the shit I’ve done to his not so biological son- Mirio- and his friend. Lowkey don’t regret it though. Tumblr fanfics are the shit.

The ride there was awkward to say the least. Not because of the quiet, I did my best to stir up some conversation and light up the bleak situation. I mean yeah, there were only two officers and a pro hero in this van with me, not much to do anyways. I The pro was more interested in what was going on outside than me while the officers where stone cold. I was expecting that from Rock Lock but c'mon not all the side characters had to be dead inside like Tokoyami. 

“Hey um.. You guys like Jazz?”  I asked. I couldn't tell if the cops even glanced at me because of their visors but I kept going. “Back home a lot of people would laugh at that.. or just cringe now that I think about it.” I glance out the tinted windows. Apparently where I was being held was in the dense city. Which one I didn't know. Now we were somewhere into the country since there were more trees than people. “I don't think you guys are allowed to tell me where I'm going, but can I ask you if there is good food there?” I glance back to see one of the men smirk for a moment. At least where I'm going isn’t all deprived of humanity. “Hopefully they have KFC there.” I added while glancing back at them. No response.

My thoughts washed over me after that. First thinking about the little things like how the car was just warm enough, then to outside, but then all plummeted when I saw the sun. It's so bright, kind of like Mirio’s smile. Wait- Mirio- what would happen to him? Is he’s gonna lose his quirk still? No. No that can't happen! I refuse to let that happen! I mean Eri is cute but no way in hell is he gonna be a glorified babysitter, waiting in the wings until the plot calls him forward. I gotta do something! I can't just sit and watch his life be torn apart! “Hey, kid? You alright?” one of the officers asks from the front of the vehicle. I blink in surprise. Huh, why are my eyes watering? “You were crying. I just wanted to know if you were still with us.” I hesitate before feeling my cheek. Damn these handcuffs. They were right, it was damp and my cheeks felt a little hot. “Mfine, I just need to talk to Sir Nighteye.” From the corner of my eye Rock Lock glances at me. “Why?” he inquired at my request. My hands shook a little out of intimidation. Man this guy had one hell of a stare. I gulped before catching myself. I couldn’t just outright say what was gonna happen but at the same time i cant just let too many people get hurt! “L-look- it’s complicated. And even so, I don't think you’d believe me.” From his seat he scoffed out “Try me kid. I heard a lot and saw more.” I glanced ahead at the guys in the front seat. The one driving seemed to have his eyes glued to the route we were taking while the other was looking through the rear view mirror. A sigh escaped me. Fine lets see how much crazy this guy has seen. “You wont believe me but, this is all a manga- where I’m from that is.” The guy looking back at us cracked a smirk and shook his head slightly. From the corner of my eye, Rock Lock held his forehead in his right hand in an exasperated fashion. “Why do I get the crazy ones?” He mumbled under his breath. I don't even try to argue. My head slowly fell, my hair getting into my face while my vision grew cloudy. “I told you so. Noone will believe me.” While time passed tears fell. I still couldn’t grasp it. I didn't bother to scream or cry out for help since it would only hurt me in the long run. Thoughts of my family ran through my head. Smiles, tears, laughs, hugs, smells, and plenty more things I will never experience again hit me. Each time I would scrunch into myself more and more. “I’ll never see my family again..” I mumbled. 

“What do you mean?” I hear the pro ask. “What is there to explain? I will never see my family again. They don't live in the 22nd century it they somehow existed. Was it the 22nd? There is so much to know about this universe. It kinda gets jumbled together after a while..” I looked down at the floor of the car for a bit when it suddenly stopped. “We’re here.” One of the guys stated, a moment later the door on my side opens. I look to see Nighteye and Mirio accompanied by many swattmen. “Come with us.” The older of the two ordered. I look back at Rock Lock before I turned back to the pair. Mirio held his hand out for me to take. As scared as I was for what was coming, I took it. 

Automatically a warmth overcame me kind of like entering a cabin after trekking through a snowstorm. “Will you guys hurt me?” I asked while Mirio helped me down. “Not unless we’re forced to.” Night eye confessed. “But seeing as you don't know fully what's going on, I don't think that will be necessary.” I nod. Looking back on it i should’ve been offended but that wouldn’t have helped my situation. Through his response my gaze couldn't be removed from Mirio. The same could be said for him on me too. I can't explain why but I had the sudden urge to look him over to make sure he was okay. And once that was done I was glued to his eyes. They’re so simplistic why was I staring at them? Can't for the life of me tell you why he was staring at me though. This thick chick cant get the attention of no guy unless they wanted to judge me. “Excuse me?” A short, bald, man in a lab coat breaks the..moment? Is that the word? Whatever was going on between Mirio and I. “You must be one L/n Y/n if I'm not mistaken?” He asks with a smile. His bushy mustache raises a little. “Thats me..” He reminded me of the doctor in Izuku’s flashback. Was this the guy that was stirring up all that drama in the fandom a few months ago? Something to do with his name right? “Well if you’d follow me, we can perform a physical and psych  evaluation on you before the pro’s ask you a few questions. If you’d follow me?” Glancing back at the crowd of people I nodded and followed, unaware of what will result from this.