#i put up with best friends bc we have baggage and shit that we haul together so i am essentially trapped
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why is it so hard talking to humans 🙃
#sometimes i do wish i didn't have like any best friends and only had shallow relationships#i'm not good at these types of things#people tire me out and request too much emotional attention that i can't really give me#and then there's the constant trying not to be rude and overstep boundaries and whatnot bc the more you know about a perosn#*person/the easier it is to upset them bc you know what makes them tick#you have to figure out ways to not upset people all. the. time. i hate it it's exhausting my introvert shell is coming back in#because people really are just so tiring right now#probably bc i am back home but gosh#are all people this exhausting?!#like as soon as you get super close to them why does it feel like such a chore to be around them#literally every person i am close to irl it's just so tiring like having to keep up with them talk to them and whatnot#shallow friends are easier bc i don't have to talk to people all the time#i don't have to take care of them or give them emotional attention#they take care of their own life i do the same#this is why i so firmly believe that romantic love is a waste afdasdfasdf#i do not think it's real alas bc all relationships whether familial platonic and romantic are hard work#and i work enough as it is i don't want to work more in a relationship that i have yet to find is worth putting up with all this work#i put up with family bc i still live under the roof but the minute i don't have to there dead in all aspects but physical to me#i put up with best friends bc we have baggage and shit that we haul together so i am essentially trapped#like jesus this is all so much work#are all relationships supposed to be this draining 24/7?#like why do people even have friends or relationships if that's the case humans sure do like pursuing these that have very little realistic#gain bc i mean honestly i see people as data and that's my worse habit i know but like#if you can't be pragmatically something worth keeping than i don't see that point of you being there#which is how i view my family as well i mean if i were to run an analysis and find that most of the things are negative than positive#than in my eyes i will associate with you but won't have any#thoughts about you like you've just diminished#anyway time to go soak in a bath and reset my brain
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