#i read the last 2 in my english class first sem lol

[ilovethecolorpink]

Do you have any book recommendations?!!

i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson, flux by orion carloto, eighteen years by madisen kuhn, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz, the coquette by hannah webster foster, wieland by charles brockden brown

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hey! I saw your blog today and I love it very much!! I see you're an open person so, I also have a question: HOW does one survive studying japanese at uni?? I'm in my first year and only my second (online haha) semester and we started out with Minna no nihongo 1 but we're supposed to finish Minna 2 by the end of this semester, same with Basic Kanji book 1 in the first sem and now Basic Kanji Book 2, all while also learning mostly of Japan's history and others in this semester. Exams will kill me

Hello! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog! I am open to a fault lol. Let me recount my meandering journey through uni, illustrating my feelings through gifs of Noel Fielding because he is my celebrity crush.

Uni is such a difficult time for so many people, trying to figure out who you are now and who you want to be later. It wasn’t until my senior year that I realized what I wanted to do. I started writing out my university experience and it got super long, so allow me to just summarize my “Lessons Learned” here and you can read the rest if you want to know all the dirty deets lol. I double-majored in Japanese and English, so I think that my experience can perhaps be useful to people who are majoring in things other than Japanese as well. 

Hard-Learned Lessons from Uni

Do not choose a course of study because it is “practical.” Choose it because it is something you love. Seriously. Nothing is more important than this point. Do not choose a major because “I’ll make a lot of money” or “My parents are telling me this is good for me.” 

If you are learning multiple languages at once, you must give your brain time to organize what you learned from one language lesson before moving on to the next. You can do this by waiting a couple hours between lessons, getting up and walking around, studying one language in different space from the other, etc. Otherwise, it all becomes a terrible mess in your head.

It’s okay not to know what you want your career to be. It’s okay not to have a specific plan. Life works out one way or the other.

I know how expensive uni can be. (It’s been six years since I graduated and I’m still making hefty loan payments.) But don’t feel like you have to take a full courseload every single semester and graduated asap, particularly if the classes are hard and/or you are working. I took the maximum credit hours allowed every semester on top of working RIDICULOUS hours and it nearly killed me at one point. I’m not kidding. 

It is not unusual to have an identity crisis and/or mental breakdown. Take care of yourself. Know when you are nearing breaking point. Seek out the help of professionals. Most universities have psychiatrists and therapists that will see you very cheaply. 

Surround yourself with good people and look out for each other. 

Do not rely on substances to ease your suffering because sometimes the remedy becomes the malady. Not saying you should avoid all parties or anything square like that, but just don’t be one of those people that parties every night and gets in over their head. 

Let me preface this by stating that I’m an American, and our universities are stupid because they force us to take a ton of “general education” courses that are irrelevant to our majors, and many students spend their first couple years taking only a couple courses related to their majors and minors, and try to focus on getting those stupid gen eds out of the way. 

Year 1: Oh Shit, This Is Harder Than I Thought It Would Be

I come from a town of less than 2600 people. Our high school prepared its students for the following career paths:

joining the military (boys only)

becoming a farmer (boys only)

welding, carpentry, or other practical jobs (boys only)

becoming a housewife (girls only)

So basically I coasted through high school never having to study anything because it was one great big joke, only I thought I was like super duper smart because I was in the top five of my graduating class of 48. LOLLLLLLLLL

I entered university as a German major, Japanese minor. (Japanese was not offered as a major at my uni). I had never studied German previously, but I studied Spanish and French in high school and I just had this feeling that German and Japanese were the languages for me. 

The first semester, I had Japanese 101 and German 101 back to back, in the EXACT SAME CLASSROOM. I can’t stress enough how much of a mindfuck it was to go from thinking about Japanese for 50 minutes, having a 10 minute break, and then trying to switch your brain to German. IN THE SAME ROOM. It actually gave me headaches to try and make that mental jump. Managed to pull through the year with A’s in both, but German was much more of a challenge to me than Japanese. Which was really unexpected. 

I also flunked several gen eds because I didn’t give a shit about them and skipped them and got placed on academic probation and was nearly kicked out of uni because of my poor grades

Basically, I was such a weeb that I had watched enough anime with subtitles and sung along to enough anime songs that I had absorbed about 90% of the first year’s worth of Japanese vocab and grammar through osmosis. I really did have the power of God and anime on my side.

Year 2: The Year of the Mid-Midlife Crisis and Mental Breakdown

There really is no gif that will encapsulate the level of turmoil I went through that year. I looked really hard for one, trust me.

It became apparent very quickly that I could not keep up with German. I ended up dropping it early in the first semester, which meant I had to choose a new major. Thinking of what would be practical to pair with a Japanese minor, I went for International Business for a semester, took Accounting, and realized that I HATE The Man, corporate bullshit, and also numbers as a concept.

All I knew at this point was that I liked Japanese but couldn’t make it a major. I also knew I didn’t want to transfer universities. So I kept taking gen eds, just barely passing them because to this day I cannot bring myself to put effort into something I do not care about, and also taking more classes related to my Japanese minor. It was the Japanese classes that saved my GPA and kept me from getting kicked out of uni.

At the same time, I took a creative writing course because that’s been a hobby of mine since elementary school, and I kinda thought about an English major, but then was like, “Eww I don’t wanna be forced to read books I don’t give a shit about. And also, what will I do with that degree?”

Also, at the same time, I was working full time, and often getting stuck working from 2 pm to 7 am (Yes, 15-hour shifts, because the overnight dude would call in sick last minute and I’d be begged to cover his shift), and then dragging myself to classes and drooling on the desks because I’d fall asleep.

Also also, I started to have possible hallucinations? To this day I don’t know what was going on, but either I was legitimately going crazy, or there was a demon following me around and being quite rude to me, making light fixtures fall and shatter inches from my head, throwing papers around my room, opening and closing doors, turning lights off and on, coming to me in dreams and doing some really, really traumatic things to me in them, and just standing in corners staring at me at all hours of the night. Had me so scared that towards the end of the school year I was waiting to sleep until sunrise, when it would go away. And no, I was not using any mind-altering substances of any sort. Not even going out and getting drunk. 

So, yeah. Year Two was a hard one that I can’t believe I pushed through. Probably the darkest year of my life, I’d say. What got me through it? An unhealthy amount of energy drinks, friends, and my love of Japanese. Also Aerosmith.

Do I still see that demon? No. He vanished when the school year ended and I moved out of the dorms. Do I believe in the supernatural? Yes, to an extent. Do I think that what I was seeing was actually a demon? I honestly don’t know. I have had actual supernatural experiences verified by multiple witnesses, and a few years before Year 2, several friends and myself had seen an entity similar to what was following me around. But this one in Year 2 only did things when I was alone. So it could have all been in my head, and I will never know. 

Since then, I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and also a form of insomnia that keeps me from sleeping through the night, and I know that my anxiety manifests itself in psychosomatic ways. In other words, my mind will take my anxiety and turn it into a physical symptom that feels real in every way, but is actually not occurring. So far it’s manifested as: sensitivity to sunlight, the symptoms of a stroke or heart attack, half of my face going numb, and headaches in my left eye. Once I realize that the symptom is just my anxiety, I can force myself to ignore and overcome it. But then my anxiety finds a new form to manifest, and the cycle repeats a few months later. It could be that my stress caused me to see this demon for a while.

Should I have consulted a psychiatrist and gotten help? YEP. If you find yourself struggling like that, seek help please. 💕

Year 3: Adrift But Afloat

I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with my best friend, a Japanese girl I met in the dorms freshman year. I will call her Setsuko. Setsuko is basically the reason I graduated uni. She memorized my class schedules and took copies of exam dates, woke me up, forced me to go classes instead of skipping, forced me to go to the library and study with her, and cooked me dinner most days since she didn’t have to work like I did. I can’t express enough how much she did to improve my life outside of school and work, and how much that improved my mental health. She also acclimated me to lots of subtle things about Japanese culture just by living with her, and this helped me later when I moved to Japan. Thank you, Setsuko. 一生の恩人。

I was still doing those bullshit 15-hour overnight shifts way more than I should have, and also had the maximum courseload.

The Japanese classes got a lot more difficult in Year 3. But I loved them. They were the only classes I never skipped. I took more classes towards the minor like Buddhist Philosophy and Japanese History, which I really enjoyed. While polishing off more gen eds, I thought over what to do with my major. 

My family and friends all told me that I should become an English teacher. I had always been good at words and at explaining things. But I didn’t really like the idea of being a high school teacher. I became an English major, though, because I knew that I didn’t hate English. Took grammar classes and HOLY SHIT did I hit my stride.

I realized that I didn’t like English lit. I liked linguistics. So I focused heavily on all grammar and linguistics courses, taking the bare minimum of literature courses required for the major. My GPA improved substantially. 

Yet I still was consumed with this nagging fear. It was Year 3 and I still had no fucking idea what I wanted to do when I graduated.

Year 4: Clarity At The 11th Hour

Urged on by my “Don’t you dare get one of those stupid arts degrees that won’t get you a paycheck” parents, I decided that the most “practical” degree would not be “English,” but “English Education.” I began taking the English Ed classes with linguistics, grammar, and second language acquisition classes. The goal was to become a qualified English high school teacher who could also do ESL (since I had Spanish and Japanese under my belt more or less). 

At the same time, I entered into Independent Study for Japanese with two other students. We were tasked with reading Izu no Odoriko, a classic short story. Independent study was its own beast. It required a lot more concentration and work on my part, obviously. But because Japanese was my first and foremost passion, I centered my efforts on those courses, and then on the others.

The process of getting certified to be an English teacher was lengthy and expensive in my state. This meant my graduation would be further prolonged, and I was worried about money, because I was already about $50,000 in debt at the time, despite working those fucking overnight shifts all the time that were eating me alive.

Then, during the summer vacation when my 4th year ended, I got a scholarship and went to Japan to study abroad. Education majors had the option to study abroad in several countries, and as luck would have it, one of them was Japan, and it was Setsuko’s HOMETOWN! The study abroad program itself was the first month of summer vacation, and Setsuko said, “Okay, just come stay at my house for the rest of summer vacation!”

Never have I said “yes” quicker in my entire life.

On the train headed from Sapporo to the town where I would be actually staying during my studies, I looked at the lush rice paddies and mountains in the distance and my entire heart just hummed with this “This is where you’re meant to be.” I knew then and there that I would move to Japan upon graduation.

What would I do there? Well, teach English, obviously.

My three months in Japan effectively aligned my entire life. My path had materialized before me. It was a roughly hacked, hard-to-see path through thick underbrush, but I could see it nonetheless. 

Year 5: Let’s Hurry It Up, I’m Ready To Live

Come Year 5, all of my Japanese classmates that had been with me since freshman year were gone and I was alone. My professor taught me Classical Japanese through independent study, and it was the must grueling course I took my entire five years there. But I found it invaluable and am eternally grateful to him for teaching me, because you see Classical Japanese a lot more than you’d think you would in everyday life. Particularly in formal settings. 

I still wanted to get certified to teach English in American high schools, because while I knew I wanted to go to Japan for now, I didn’t know if I wanted to spend my entire life there and I wanted a solid job opportunity when I came back to the states at some point.

However, the more education courses I took, the more I saw that the American education system was just as full of red-tape and The Man’s bullshit as corporate America, something else I rebuke with every fiber of my being. I also realized I’d need to take a 6th year of university, and that just wasn’t financially feasible for me. So I switched to a plain old English major with a heavy focus on linguistics and second language acquisition, and continued classical Japanese. 

I took the remaining 3 gen eds online in the summer, graduated, popped up to Chicago to do a month-long intensive course to get the CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages issued by Cambridge.) It’s the most widely accepted and revered certification for teaching English as a foreign language.

So in the span of five years, I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English with a focus in linguistics and SLA, and what is technically a major in Japanese Studies. 40 credit hours were required for a major, and I completed 42 credit hours tied to my minor, so while it isn’t listed on my diploma as a major, I did the coursework. I also got a CELTA Pass B, which only 20% of applicants achieve and never expires. The grand total for all of this was roughly $100,000 USD in loans.

Post-Graduation

The week I came back to my hometown from Chicago with my CELTA in hand, I packed my suitcases, threw a going-away party, and then flew to Sapporo, where I began my first job after uni, teaching English to children aged 0-18 at a private English conversation school. I did that for three years before changing careers and becoming a Japanese-English translator/interpreter for a global company. 

So how useful have my choices during university proven to be?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain that studying Japanese helps me tons with translating Japanese to English or living in Japan lol

Studying English grammar, linguistics, sociolinguistics, and second language acquisition has allowed me to recognize minute nuances that can make the difference between a successful and unsuccessful business negotiation when interpretation is necessary.

My background in education also means that I know how to present information clearly, concisely, and in a way that engages the audience. I am known as “The PowerPoint Pro” at work lol. 

I also have a keen eye for performance evaluation, behavior analysis, and improvement action plans. 

I offered English conversation lessons to coworkers for over a year, and now that is being done in other branches across the company! (Well, they were before COVID haha.) 

I DO NOT RECOMMEND WORKING THE HOURS I WORKED WHILE IN SCHOOL. My grades suffered and I wish I had worked less and focused more on classes. However, by working 15-hour shifts and doing full days of classes, I developed a very good tolerance for overtime, which comes in handy in the Japanese workplace. Just last month I had three 15 hour days in the same week. Sweet, sweet overtime pay. 

All of these facets have culminated in me earning a pretty nice promotion to 正社員 seishain back in February, which means I get nice benefits and basically my job is guaranteed until I die or the company goes under.

Should I decide to return to America someday, I will probably not go into the education field. Too much red tape. I will likely continue translation/interpretation for companies, because it isn’t too difficult and pays well. Though ideally I’d love to just make a living sharing cool information about Japanese and stuff, and maybe writing those stories that are bouncing around in my head when I should be working haha.

Do I think the debt is worth it?

Well, I don’t think I had any other option than to take out those loans. I didn’t have the means to learn the things I wanted to learn unless I went to university. 

Unless Japanese work visa requirements have changed, you are required to have a bachelor’s degree in order to obtain my sub-type of work-visa, so I needed a degree of some kind no matter what. 

Frankly, if I hadn’t gone to that university and met my best friend Setsuko, I don’t think I’d be where I am right now, living the life I am now. So just having met her is worth any price to me. 

Paying off all the loans is daunting, especially when yen is weak to the dollar. There were months I had to ask my parents for help, especially early on. But now I’ve got multiple loans paid off, my salary has increased, and the “omg i have money and no supervision so I can buy whatever I want” idiocy has mostly gone away. But I did get a super sweet pair of blindingly silver Converses a couple days ago that I definitely didn’t need

Do I have any regrets regarding my time at university?

I still regret dropping Old English for a stupid English Ed class. Seriously, how cool would that have been? But I still have the textbook, workbook, and I contacted the professor last week and she was kind enough to send me a syllabus. God bless her. So now I’m working on that bit by bit, which is fun.

I wish I hadn’t been such a cocky, naive idiot my first year. Thinking I could just “show up for tests” was the stupidest thing. It messed up my GPA, and my parents forbade me from retaking classes so I couldn’t go back and fix my mistakes. I think I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA out of 4, but my English major GPA was 3.9 and my Japanese GPA was 4.0. So it’s pretty frustrating to have those gen eds and my dumbfuckery mar my transcript like that.

I really didn’t party at all. Most all of my friends were straight-laced Japanese exchange students, and I was also working ridiculous hours so I just didn’t really have the time. A part of me feels like I missed out on that part of the college experience.

Recently I’ve been putting more effort into improving my creative writing by reading a lot of books on the subject. Not a small part of me wishes that I had gone with a Creative Writing major instead of English major, because I still would have studied all the grammar and linguistics. Then again, I do believe that creative writing can be self-taught.

I wish I hadn’t worked as much as I did. There were a lot of times I couldn’t complete assignments or I missed lectures because I was just so drained. It wasn’t even good money.

Well...I did not intend for this post to become as long as it has. I’ve been cooped up in my apartment with nothing but two goldfish for company for over a month now and I think I’m a bit stir-crazy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who bothered to read all of this and become my therapist for a bit haha. Love you all. Stay safe and well. 💖

[crankgameplaysgifs1]

Forensics babbbyyy

Okay so I’m gonna nerd out here so keep scrolling if you don’t want to read this lol

So I asked if you guys would be interested in me talking about my major, and a couple of you did! @drowninginsideofmymind​ and @staffyouresobadatrunningawebsite (I cannot tag you for some reason)

I’m now a junior in college working towards my bachelor of science in forensic science. I chose this path because A) yes, I do love all the crime shows and have watched most of them, but B) I just think it’s really cool and really fun! 

This major is really tough, I’m not going to lie. BUT IT’S GOING TO BE SO WORTH IT!!! If you guys are interested in forensics these are some of the classes you may be taking---

Some more forensic-heavy classes I’ve taken so far include crime scene processing, forensic photography and reconstruction, and physical evidence analysis. I’ll be taking toxicology, body fluid and DNA analysis, and more in the future. 

Last year, I had a bunch of boring gen ed classes like university foundation, english 1 and 2 (even though I had taken AP englishes in high school already, smh), precalc and calculus (already took those in high school) and a general science course. I also took advanced biology (again basically just a repeat of the AP bio I had taken in HS, but whatever). This year, however, was entirely different and seriously challenging. 

First semester, I had general chemistry 1 and its corequisite lab. I also had crime scene processing and the corequisite lab for that, and anatomy & physiology and the coreq A&P lab as well. I took a communications course as well, but only to fill the gen ed communication credit lol. 

This semester, I had general chemistry 2 and the lab, statistics, forensic photography and reconstruction (a lecture/lab combo class) and physical evidence analysis and the coreq lab for that class. 

Next year, I’m going to be taking Organic chemistry and lab (level 1 first sem, level 2 in the spring), Molecular and cellular biology, and physics and its lab (again, level 1 physics in the fall, level 2 in the spring). I’ll also be taking biochemistry and its lab in the spring. 

Senior year, hopefully, will be much easier! I only have a few classes: Instrumental analysis and lab, genetics, toxicology, body fluid & DNA analysis, a couple electives, and my senior capstone (BIG senior project basically). 

My eventual goal is to become a CSI, a crime scene investigator/processor. I’ll be the person that rolls up in the crime scene van, searches the scene for evidence, packages it, and documents the scene. I’m so excited for the future. 

For now, I’m in Phoenix, AZ. The summer RIGHT after graduation (class of 2022 anyone?), I’m going to move across the country to the east coast-to the beach. I love the beach, and there’s a TON of CSI positions open on the East coast. Man I cannot STAND this freaking desert haha. I’m a beach person, and I’m stuck in the hottest state in the country. YUCK. 

Each of the classes in my major are vital to the world of forensics and will prepare me in different ways: 

-Any of the biologies: forensic biologists collect and analyze biological evidence found on clothing, weapons and other surfaces to determine the time and cause of death.

-Any of the chemistries: Chemistry is used in forensic science to uncover information from physical evidence. In criminal cases, chemists analyze substances such as blood, DNA and gunpowder residue to attempt to determine when and by whom the crime was committed. In civil cases, chemists analyze DNA to authenticate valuable products and to identify fraudulent activity. Chemists also determine information from unsolved crimes and mysteries of long ago through other means of DNA analysis.

-Physics: Important, for example, when analyzing movement through crime scenes. Shootings, blood spatter, and more are common applications of physics in forensics.

-Forensic photography/reconstruction: I learned how to photograph crime scenes and how forensic units (in coordination with detectives) recreate the scene through theory and science. 

-Physical evidence analysis: This is the other side of forensics-the job that I want only involves collecting the evidence. This class is about how different types of evidence are tested in the lab after I collect it. For example, how we can piece back together broken glass, and how arson evidence, body fluid evidence, and more are examined. 

-Crime scene processing: EASILY my favorite class. I learned how to walk through crime scenes and identify evidence, take notes, collect evidence, and document the scene. So much fun!! My final in this class was a mock homicide scene where we had to walk through and mark and find the evidence, collect it, and photograph the scene. 

-Others: Genetics (typing DNA in the lab, etc), instrumental analysis will help with how to work in a lab, and body fluid&DNA analysis is crucial in biological evidence. 

Here’s a fun vlog that really shows what my day to day life will be like in the future, if you wanna watch it: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3HW4m2KQV8

This major is putting me through a lot, to be honest. However, I love forensics, so I’m going to put myself through this degree-even if it kills me lol. 

If you guys love forensics or are interested, DON’T be discouraged! It is tough, but you learn so much and it’s so worth it. STUDY STUDY STUDY!! It kind of is a niche major, but it feels like a family to me. At my college, we all know each other because there are so few of us. There are a ton of resources out there for you. Please feel free to message me, even! (Message me on my main blog, @bossninja1 I can’t message people on here).

There are so many different jobs you could get with this degree: CSI, lab analysts, detectives, criminalists, and more. (And they pay really well too hehe 😉) 

I graduate in the spring of 2022 and I’m so excited for my future. I can’t wait to be a CSI and to finally be independent and move to my first apartment. I’m going beachfront babyyy! I don’t have a lot of money but I’m saving up and I know where I want to live already and I can’t wait. 

Here’s to the future, and here’s to the nerds!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

how to keep yourself together during uni semesters in australia:

im not gonna lie: over the past 3 years at uni, i have never kept myself together. so, im probably not the right type of person to give anyone advice on how to keep yourself “together” at uni lmao. but i felt like doing it, since im close to finishing so here you go, people:

class/subject and degree advice:

- if you’re not doing a double degree (which will probably give you four or five subjects to do each sem, and a full 4-5 days at uni each week, like some of my friends), stay home on your days off. take those days both to relax, and also fill yourself in to do some of your readings (although i’ll admit i only started the “doing my readings” thing this semester after two years of ignoring them, lol whoops.) this will help your stress levels a bit (hopefully) bc at least you know what the fuck you’re talking about in class and can actually say something during your tuts/lectures.

- if you’re doing a single degree or even a double degree (again i know some people who’ve done it with double degrees), and your full load of 4 or maybe 5 subjects is stressing you the fuck out, drop down to three units per a semester, if you want to actually keep a full load for certain things. yes, it will make your degree go slower in most cases, but not as slow as going part time. it will obvs make your load a tad lighter (if you’re a full-time student), and it’ll free up your days spent at uni. it will give you fewer deadlines to worry/stress about. 

on another note, go part time if you want to/have to. i met one person at a careers fair this year who’d been at uni for five years doing her commerce degree with just one subject a semester bc it gave her less stress and plenty of time to actually work at her job.

- go to your faculty’s/school’s help desk to find out whether your course progression is right. also book meetings with the head of your faculty whenever you can; according to the head of the students bookings are open or wherever possible in your timetable. doing this lets you know whether you’re progressing with your course in the right time-frame, or right time-frame for you. remember, these people are there to help you. this saved me hours of worrying throughout my degree. 

- TRANSFER DEGREES IF YOU HAVE TO: if you feel out of your depth, or completely disinterested in your degree, transfer from it. in some cases (mostly if you’re in the same faculty and the degree is a flexible/general one) you can easily get the first year subjects in transfer credit. this is what i did in first year, when i realised that i felt very out my depth, personality-wise and for other reasons, in the bachelor of communication and media studies in 2015. i knew, after one semester of it, that it was not what i wanted to study.

I realised that forcing myself through marketing and management subjects and studying blogging at uni just bc i had a tumblr- yes, that was my kind of ridiculous and super misguided reason for picking the course, believe it or not- would “kill” me, (like obvs not literally) but it would drain tf out of me if i continued w/ it. but  luckily, since it was in the same faculty, all i had to do was do an extra subject in spring sem in 2015 (bc degree changes required you to have 24 credit points in a semester to transfer at my uni for most courses), and that sem sucked, but i got a years worth of credit in my degree, so i finish one semester earlier.

- for classes in a single degree, try and find your ideal amount of days at uni. my ideal is three days. i almost had the opportunity to have a two day week at uni this sem, bc the timetable gods were almost good to me. but unfortunately, the timetable gods were assholes and managed to let a two hour tut for one class (editing) on tuesdays ran through my US literature lecture. but i also didn’t really want just 2 days at uni, bc i knew that i probably wouldn’t be fucking productive at all in the 3 remaining days i had off during the week.

- go part-time if you have to, no matter whether you’re on a single or a double degree. do your degree on your own terms.

- don’t listen to your parents spiel on your degree or what majors/minors to do. same goes for running your subject choices by your parents. 

- or if uni is really, really getting you down, you can defer for six months and go back later. (also, for mental health, see a councilor/psychologist either from your uni or outside of uni, i started doing this after a mental breakdown in second year). 

- on feedback from your professors/tutors: okay, so. i’ll admit here that i’ve become the asshole student that literally only gives a shit about the number grade, rather than the quality etc comments that the professor (usually) gives back to me after they’ve marked my assignment, bc i don’t really have the heart to read what they’ve written etc. but, like. actually read their feedback... or listen to it. 

if you have an odd professor that likes to give audio feedback (one of my philosophy profs did this, and no. i didn’t listen to it on either assignment, particularly bc it was my least fave subject that sem and bc i had a drama with the essay that lost me like 20% of my grade for that subject), listen back to it and see what they say on your (presumably, i have faith in y’all) well bullshitted essay. their feedback is valuable. also don’t be afraid to approach your tutors for feedback either.

- on asking for help/advice on your assignments or the subject in general from your profs/tutors: DO THIS. of course, it’ll just be general guidance in their consultation hours or via email, but, don’t be scared to ask them! it might boost your marks a bit or help you clarify your essay’s argument or something like that. i was too terrified for the better part of my degree, and then too stubborn to ask for help from my profs/tutors and i think that’s why my marks and my mental health got kinda shitty. idk how to ask for help. but then again, idk how many people actually do this in the courses i did. but y’all do it.

for the general side of this, they can help you by giving you extensions (if they’re not an asshole) or whatever to help you sort your shit out. this is something i never did. but do it when you need it.

- on the topic of marks, they don’t matter. but don’t try and settle in the “p’s get degrees” mindset... even though i say this whenever i get a final mark and it’s a pass. i aimed for a credit average tbh, marks wise. i’m dead average lmao. but then again, i’ve never been a straight-A student, born to graduate uni with like high class honours or the like.

general uni life and life advice:

- GET YOUR P’S OR BLACKS (i.e. GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENCE Y’ALL), if your family circumstances permit it or if you’re motivated enough, before you get to uni. it’ll open up so many opportunities on campus (if you don’t live on the campus and you live far away from it). and also other ops outside of uni. (but then again you might not bother driving to uni everyday  bc like uni parking, depending how it is at your uni, will always be a fight for spots.

- although i said earlier to use your days off to do some study... also use them for self-care and like life admin meaning the following:

face masks

actually take a looooonnnnngggg fucking showers y’all. the shower is the one place you’ll actually fully relax while you’re at uni. also it’s a good place to mentally plan and map out your essays etc.

yes, netflix

BUY A KINDLE (if your budget permits ofc). although it was a big cost on the outset obvs (its like $200), it was the best investment for me. i saved a fuck ton of money for some subjects, bc the books were either free or like $20-$30 cheaper on my kindle and not anywhere between $20-$40 for some texts in the uni shop. like, textbooks for english lit/creative writing or even philosophy (sometimes) etc subjects, can amount in costing to $200 or more in total for buying separate texts, just like a single, average business/law/nursing/science textbook.

read books from outside of your prescribed texts, and get totally engrossed in them if you can. i did this in first year with the complete tomorrow, when the war began series and the ellie chronicles (it’s sequel trilogy) by john marsden. and yes, i completely ignored by readings for these books, bc i hated like 90% of my uni texts. but i’ll admit that it made uni a tad more bearable, though.

if you have free days, do not go into uni. use them to catch up on sleep. or do my next point.

apply for jobs. maybe you’ll be lucky to get one and learn how to balance study with work. also it can keep you sane, money wise. something i didn’t get to have during these last 3 and a 1/2 years. but you’ll also get to know how hiring works, in general.

make yourself a fucking study timetable. this will help you get an idea of when you’re set for study. and i know, i know. it’s so hypocritical of me to suggest this bc i never bothered to make one for myself anf instead went with “i’ll study when i feel like it”......... which, um, barely ever happened all throughout uni... until this sem. lol whoops. try and stick to your timetable.

if you can, delete you fucking tumblr. 

COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! MAKE THIS BEVERAGE YOUR FRIEND.

if your uni has a bar, don’t avoid it. you might make friends there. i was alone at uni for a vast bulk of the time, so i avoided the bar and mostly stayed in the library.... which didn’t give me much time to make friends.

if you make good friends at uni, talk to them often, so that you can coordinate some of your classes/tuts with them and so you can exchange not w/ each other to save time come exams. it’ll also save your ass in some classes where the prof passes around the roll in the lecture and doesn’t really check the attendance

also try and pick subjects that have recorded lectures, those fuckers save your ass come essay writing time etc.

if you’re doing literature/creative writing etc subjects, read some of your prescribed texts in the uni break- in either the november-march break or the june/july break. yeah, it’ll drive you insane bc you’re reading for a class in the holidays, but, fuck. it’s saved my ass a couple of times with books that are anywhere between 200-400 pages long (e.g. wuthering heights, lady chatterly’s lover, the grapes of wrath, any of shakespeare’s plays etc etc) giving me either a lighter reading load bc I’d finished the book during break or I’d left a few pages near the end of the book, but had read the bulk saving me a fuck tonne of reading time during the heavy part of the sem.

AUDIOBOOKS BITCHES. i only started using audiobooks on youtube when doing shakespeare. but damn. they’re amazing if you don’t really want to be engaged in a physical book sometimes, and great for gauging the tone of whats being said/picturing the characters more clearly when doing literature/creative writing subs. i’ve heard several times that they’re particularly good for commuting to and from uni, if you live far away. but sometimes they can be a bit pricey.

buy secondhand textbooks y’all.

DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS IN ADVANCE, in some cases. i did this for a lot of my subjects, and some times one to two of the texts changed each year... or in one case, THE WHOLE FUCKING READING LIST CHANGED. LITERALLY, and i’d spent like $200 buying the books in advance. but also, i got to read some good books by accident. don’t waste your money. but if you can find them cheap (like old editions in other fields obvs, that students are selling, buy them if you hella need the book)

take lunch in to save money on expensive campus food. but on that same note, don’t forget to spoil yourself with some of the nice food on campus every once in while.

also for lit/creative writing subjects, go to your local op shop or thrift shop to find some of the older books and get them for like $2 or 90cents instead of the fucking $15-$30 that your uni will have you sell your soul for.

Feel free to add more!!! and defs for other fields! 

[benterps]

all of the questions..

Okay I’m putting this under a read more because THIS IS A SHITTON OF QUESTIONS CLAUDIA.

1. What is you middle name?

I don’t have one.

2. How old are you?

23.

3. When is your birthday

July 11th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Cancer

5. What is your favorite color?

Green

6. What’s your lucky number?

4

7. Do you have any pets?

Nope.

8. Where are you from?

The Netherlands (centre of the country if more specific)

9. How tall are you?

1.73 / 5′8

10. What shoe size are you?

38.5/39 / 8??? 

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Um… I have three pairs of boots (two casual, one for work/important presentations etc. lol), two pairs of sneakers and some flip flops.

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember.

13. What talents do you have?

I’d like to think my talent is being average in a bunch of things :)

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Lol no

15. Favorite song?

I don’t really have a favourite song, but I like songs by Sleeping at Last, Imagine Dragons and all sorts of musical theatre things.

16. Favorite movie?

The Harry Potter movies hehe

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I don’t even know at this point, but I’d say someone who is kind, loyal and appreciates me for who I am.

18. Do you want children?

Yes.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nope.

20. Are you religious?

No.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Not for anything worse than a severely sprained ankle for myself, and otherwise only for family members.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Only Dutch ones (had to sing a solo for this Dutch singer when I was 11, it was terrifying) 

24. Baths or showers?

Showers. Always.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Literally the only pair of pink socks I own lol

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Never. I don’t like attention lol.

28. What type of music do you like?

All sorts of music, mainly movie scores, musical soundtracks and easy listening/indie-ish. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

No.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

I have two pillows on my bed, but I only sleep on one. 

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I switch around all night, but default is fetal position (is that how you say it?)

32. How big is your house?

I don’t know how to compare it, but it’s pretty average size?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Bread or yoghurt.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope. Only a laser gun.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No.

36. Favorite clean word?

I don’t know if I really have a favourite word, but I do like the word ‘gezellig’ because it’s such a Dutch word.

37. Favorite swear word?

‘Kut’ :)

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I don’t know? Probably 40-ish? 

39. Do you have any scars?

Yep, mainly from being a clumsy-ass idiot.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Lol no

41. Are you a good liar?

Depends on the situation. I can be if I have to be.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I like to think so.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Yep.

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t know? I guess it depends on who I’m talking to and in what language. In Dutch I don’t have an accent, but with English I guess a little? I don’t know….

45. What is your favorite accent?

Irish cause it reminds me of my friends :)

46. What is your personality type?

ISFJ 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Probably my winter coat, those things are expensive. 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes.

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie.

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

No, unless they’re bigger than we have them here. I’m not really scared, but I’m not a fan.

52. Favorite food?

Stewed pears, pot roast and potatoes. Or sushi.

53. Favorite foreign food?

Sushi 

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Both? 

55. Most used phrased?

I don’t know.

56. Most used word?

Eh 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Half an hour if I don’t get lazy. I usually take an hour and a half though, because I want to be lazy.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t think so?

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Start with sucking and then I get impatient and bite.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

ALL the time.

62. Are you a good singer?

I don’t know, I’m good enough for community theatre musicals so I guess I can sing a little lol.

63. Biggest Fear?

Losing those I love. 

64. Are you a gossip?

Not really, though I can be at times.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Oof so many? I’ll just go with the most recent movie that made me SOB cause otherwise I’ll get stuck on this question and I don’t want that lol: The Impossible. 

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Both.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I think I can get close?

68. Favorite school subject?

English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Yes and I had a panic attack and immediately got back on the boat :)

71. What makes you nervous?

Lol what doesn’t. Tests, presenting, talking to people, confrontation, scuba diving, swimming in the ocean, swimming when I can’t touch the ground, being late, getting in trouble, when I think people are mad at me, when I think people don’t like me, I could go on omg.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

No, only when I think there might be an intruder in the house (because why not come up with those things whenever it’s dark and quiet right?)

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

When I feel like it’s okay to, yes. 

74. Are you ticklish?

Hella.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

I don’t think so. If I have, it wasn’t intentional.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yes. God - I had to take charge of an entire IT team in both the Netherlands and France during my internship. 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

No.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No.

79. Who was your first real crush?

A guy from my high school class.

80. How many piercings do you have?

None.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yes.

82. How fast can you type?

Pretty fast, I think?

83. How fast can you run?

Not very fast, I’m more of a diesel lol

84. What color is your hair?

Brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Some meds, mint, dust, most hairy animals, probably fresh cranberries (not sure about that one yet lol) and I have hay fever.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I used to, but I got a little too busy.

88. What do your parents do?

My mum’s a teacher and my dad is a product owner at a software company. 

89. Do you like your age?

Guess so?

90. What makes you angry?

A ton of things – racist, sexist and unfair people. People who walk too slow, people who aren’t decent to other human beings, people who hurt others, people who hurt animals, etc. 

91. Do you like your own name?

Yeah, it’s a pretty rare one, so that’s both fun and annoying, but I like it.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I have thought about it a little (okay I do have a notes file on my phone for when I hear a name I like oops?) I like Jesse and Sem for boys, and Lieve, Julia, Mette and Tessa for girls.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I don’t really care?

94. What are you strengths?

I’m a good listener and trustworthy, I’d say?

95. What are your weaknesses?

I’m very emotional and hella insecure so basically I always feel like shit is my fault.

96. How did you get your name?

My parents liked it I guess?

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I don’t think so, but they were the first owners of a castle nearby where I live, so maybe that counts a little? xD

98. Do you have any scars?

Lol this question is in here twice XD

99. Color of your bedspread?

At my mum’s it’s grey, and at my dad’s it’s a christmassy winter one with grey and light pink hues. 

100. Color of your room?

White. 

[roadtripdad]

Jan 3 - Eames Does Shit

Classes: When in the fuck is my BA seminar pt. 2, winter quarter; please oh please oh please let me into your class prof. darby english sir

RLST (BA Thesis - Bibliography): Primary source reading: Summa Theologica; De Trinitate; Church Dogmatics (I.i, III.2); The Trinity and the Kingdom: The Doctrine of God; The Trinity (Rahner) //  Secondary source reading: God and Difference; Search for the Christian Doctrine of God; Trinity, Time and Church; Speaking the Christian God; Jenson’s Systematic vol. 1; Gender and the Nicene Creed; Holy Trinity, Perfect Community; The Trinitarian Faith; Jesus, Humanity, and the Trinity; Sexuality and the Christian Body; God for Us; God Sexuality and the Self; The Triune Identity; She Who Is

RLST (BA Thesis - Work): writing; Theoretically, would like to have a full draft by 1/8; Thesis due 4/7

MAPH (MA Thesis - Bibliography): Primary Source Reading: El Machete, Revista de antropofagia. // Secondary Source Reading:  Book typography;  Conversando con Siqueiros: “ya pintaba en el vientre de mi madre”; Editors, scholars, and the social text; El mercado del libro en América Latina: situación actual y perspectivas;  Estética e política;  How the page matters;  Las vanguardias literarias latinoamericanas y la ciencia: Tablada, Borges, Vallejo y Andrade; Oswald: itinerário de um homem sem profissão;  The myth of print culture: essays on evidence, textuality and bibliographical method;   The triumph of Brazilian modernism: the metanarrative of emancipation and counter-narratives;  Uma política integrada do livro: para um país em processo de desenvolvimento.

MAPH (MA Thesis - Work): Read other precept proposals [1/5]; Proposal re-Draft [1/23]; Final Proposal [1/27]; ~5 pages of engagement with primary objects [2/6]; Partial Draft 7-10pp [2/20]; Partial Draft 10-15pp [3/10]; Partial draft 15-20 [3/31]; Complete Draft 25-35pp [4/17]; Thesis Abstract [5/8]; Thesis [5/19]

ARTH (Modernism on the Margins): Questions of Modernity, Mitchell [1/5]

SPAN (Theater and Performance in Latin America): Roach, Austin [1/4]

@avventurierisenzapaura homebrews:  The Cult of the Keeper; CTA Dungeon Crawl; Pandemonium Day; Police Station Dragon; Lich in the Library; Tooth Fae, Snow Day

King’s Goblet Irregulars: Graceland Cemetery (see in particular strange dimensions for enclosures)

Classical Entertainment Society: bring KBP and Bacchae props and costumes to CES Storage, CESfest proposal

Attori Senza Paura: finish dealing with financial chicanery

Sundry Chores: unpack, vacuum room, vacuum living room, dishes, clean kitchen, clean bathroom, get groceries, clean out refrigerator, take out trash, put away booze table, laundry, pick up UPS packages, pick up mail

wouldya look at that i’m back in classes and i have reading assignments to do (one of which i read last quarter which is frankly my favorite kind of reading assignment)

Also lol i just got a good night’s sleep for the first time in 3 weeks and i love my bed more than anything which is proving an impediment to doing shit

[grxceblqckthxrn]

❖ 50 questions tag ❖

thanks to @tinylix for the tag !! 

1. What takes too much of your time?

- watching yt, daydreaming, “writing” where i just sit there and Don’t Write™

2. What makes your day better?

- talking to my friends whether it be online or irl, reading a good book, watching crack vids, 

3. What is the best thing that happened to you today?

- this was not the best day :((

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

-  HOE IM READY TO TELEPORT INTO TSC

5. Are you good at giving advice?

-  tbh i think so? i hope so?

6. Do you have any mental illnesses?

- not as far as i know, but i dont have the best mental health

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

- unfortunately 

8. What musician inspired you the most?

- hmmm tough one. skz, mamamoo, billie eilish, jeremy zucker, olivia o’brien, alec benjamin, alessia cara, twenty one pilots, etc lmao there’s alot

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

- nope and not planning on it kids

10. What’s your dream date?

- i dont like coffee but im a hoe for cafes 

11. What do others notice about you?

- my hijab lmao

12. What is an annoying habbit that you have?

- everything about me dkfhsdj

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

- the nonexistent one?

14. How many ex’s do you have?

- none

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

- i think about 300? oof

16. What instruments do you play?

- noneee

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

- felix and zendaya but at one point i had a whole spam of pics of hwall lol

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

- VENICE (all of europe tbh)

19. What is your zodiac?

- virgo but i dont believe in themm but no hate if u do!!

20. Do you relate to it?

- not really 

21. What is happiness to you?

- being at a high idk if that makes sense but i cant explain it

22. Are you going through anything right now?

-  :((( life sucks

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

- first of existing was a terrible decision-

24. What’s your favorite store?

- micheals has a really nice vibe!! 

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

- its your choice, no one else should decide for you

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

- no but i want to

27. Do you have a favorite album?

- all of jeremy zucker’s recent ones, skz’s I am WHO? (damn that one hit me hard) and bulow’s recent album

28. What do you want for your birthday?

- idk yet jfdsj

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

- tbh i think people feel im super friendly to the point where it looks like im trying too hard

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

- 90% of people assume im 17-19, which is older than i am

31. Where do you keep your phone while sleeping?

- on my desk beside my bed

32. What word do you say the most?

- gotchu kfdskf

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

- umm no ideaaa

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

- see: above but tbh not a lot younger 

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

- social worker jdjdsd

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

- pop/kpop and just whatever i like fkdj

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

- italy or new zealand

38. What’s your current favorite song?

- sweet little lies by bulow, the entirety of skz’s new album, domino by 1the9, xanny, bad guy, and strange addiction by billie eilish, told you so by HRVY(!!!) i have alottt

39. How long have you had this blog for?

- definitely over a year, maybe two? i dont remember

40. What are you excited for?

- school to end im so tired

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

- listener tb, talking depends on who im with

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

- some science hw and research

43. What do you want for christmas?

- i don’t t celebrate it haha

44. What classes do you get the best grades in?

- atm it’s geo and english and last sem it was family studies

45. On a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling right now?

- like a solid 3

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

- working to achieve the career i want

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

- one time this guy i liked unfollowed me on insta after i posted

48. At what age do you want to get married?

- no idea, but def past 23

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

- doctor, then teacher, then journalist

50. What do you crave right now?

- death 

- idk for the whole drama in the skz fandom to end 

- i want to read gotsm and CoG :((

-ill tag @kit-blackthorn @ladyshadowqueen and whoever else wants to do it!!!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

ultimate uni feels blab 8272:

ok so this last sem of uni was actually pretty cruise-y, making it seem as though uni's getting a bit easier bc I'm finally used to the grind of the assignments etc. I get my final results next week on the 6th of July, and I'm feeling like I'll go ok... considering when I got my essay back for English this sem I got 80 for it which gets me over the line (I hope) after my dismal 39% on the in class test for that subject... and I feel like i did alright in the exam that I did a couple of weeks back like I wrote just over 1,000 words (like 1,100 or something) even though I spent far more time on one of the texts on the essay (jean Rhys' voyage in the dark) than the other (Kafka metamorphosis). but it's the most I've ever written in an English exam in 2hrs so that's good. 

next we have creative writing, where i got 84 for my poetry (WHICH WAS A MARK OFF A FUCKING HIGH DISTINCTION LIKE FUCK YOU PROFESSOR JUST GIVE ME THAT ONE MARK TO GIVE ME MY FIRST HD!!! lol) and then 80 for my story which I got back like last week. i liked the subject even though it was so early on a Monday morning (8:30am). I think my professor didn't like me much considering the fact that I just point blank kinda refused to do the readings lol. or I did them sometimes at 2am and then forgot what I'd read when I got to class at 9:30 lol. 

then philosophy. philosophy was hella good this sem. like yeah it was confusing as always and hella technical considering the fact that it was philosophy of mind, but it was so interesting and the textbook was good (when I was actually bothered to read it for assignments lol). I got 62 on my essay for that mostly bc I only used like 2 sources, the textbook and one other paper for 2,500 words and plus I was like 300 words under the limit bc fuck it and plus I didn't really critique anyone's arguments either so there's a loss of marks. but for my takehome exam I got 76 which is a distinction so that's good.

but as for next semester, I'm a bit on edge. my two English subjects both have presentations which are worth a moderate portion of my mark for the subjects (30%). my last two presentations that I did last year (one in English and and one in that god awful ancient history subject on Ancient Greece I did) and they were both disasters. 

like the one I did in autumn sem last year in English, i opened the WRONG FUCKING FILE WHICH WAS HALF FUCKING FINISHED to do my presentation and I was super nervous and everything and tired. and my tutor made people ask me questions after it which I wasn't prepared for so I was even more frazzled and desperate to sit down and never talk again in that class. it was worth like 15% or 20% in that subject I can't remember. and it had to be like 15-20 mins long. which I think how long these two in English have to be this incoming semester. at least I got 62 for it I think and at least my tutor was nice about my mental breakdown during it lol. 

but the one on ancient history though good lord. I dodged it the first time after having a meltdown before it bc I hadn't started it until the day before or whatever. Idiot me chose the Ancient Greek drama and theatre topic and I got so lost amongst all the stuff for it that I just gave up and became really disinterested in it. i went to class on the day I was MEANT to do it only bc my tutor wanted me to turn up lol but I had a nervous breakdown before going into class and stuff. when I did it the second time tho, like properly, I heavily relied on YouTube videos and stuff so that I didn't have to talk much and thank Christ I wasn't asked questions on it like I was in English last year. I got 75 for it in the end but I never turned in my annotated bibliography for it lol whoops bc I kind of forgot about it and it was only worth like 10% while the presentation was worth like 15%.

one of the presentations in these new English subs tho comes with a follow up essay which I would've preferred to be just a fucking essay or a critical or creative piece. like Christ it's children's literature for fucks sake why can't we write a short story or something??? instead of doing a shitty af presentation that I know I'm not gonna cope very well with. and the same goes for Shakespeare, which is my other English subject.. except make it a 5 minute dramatic reading or something of a monologue or whatever to make it fun??? and which i would much prefer to do than a presentation. anyway, I'm preferring my philosophy subject this incoming sem bc it's about the philosophy of science and stuff. and it only had two essays and no presentations. thank fuck. but the only problem with the two essays is that they're both worth 50% bc of the stupid restructuring my uni's doing with arts subjects. but I think I'll go well enough (hopefully) like I did this semester.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

uni feels blab post 2525

so, this semester has got me feeling some shit bc it’s my second last one, as i intend to finish my degree at the end of autumn session next year and graduate in july 2018, granted if i pass everything (fingers crossed!). 

let’s start on last saturday night, when i was organising my important documents. whilst doing this to avoid my assignments (two of which are due next week and i still haven’t bothered to start lmao); i found my uni acceptance letter that i received in 2014 to say that i had spot in the bachelor of communication and media studies (BCMS) at uow. obvs, i transferred out of the course bc i felt at the time i felt like i didn’t fit into it... and i still feel that way when i’ve debated with myself whether i should go into a double degree with it or not (and fyi, the answer is a resounding NO on that one). 

but the point is that i just can’t believe how far i’ve come from then, let alone the end of high school. like, at the end of high school in 2013, i wasapproaching my higher school certificate/HSC and i was incredibly depressed and anxious, so much so i didn’t believe that i could even get into uni to do philosophy or theatre or english literature etc etc etc. i also believed that every one i knew from both of the high schools i had gone to (st joeys and lake) as well as my tafe class; thought i was to brainless (insert other words that mean “dumb” or “stupid” here bc it’s late and  can’t bothered to think of any) to get anywhere the required mark to get into the course from school (an atar of 70). I was still like that in 2014 while i was attending business college for my advanced diploma... up until about june. this is where, after my tutor gave us a big talk about marks not mattering in the real world blah blah blah, that i picked myself off the floor and realised that my worth wasn’t based on my marks. i kinda threw myself into that course in 2014 to prove to myself that i could something with myself. and i did. i got into uni, lmao. (and pls mind that i know that i talk about this a lot, but its bc it means a lot to me lol)

of course, over my time at uni, i have had times where i feel like my success is wholly dependent on my marks, like my dad keeps telling me to do honours but my results don’t meet the requirements (i.e. to 75′s/distinctions in 300 level english subjects and a WAM of 75). i do qaulify for a new PG course my uni offering though to my wam range, a masters of research... but honestly, i couldn’t be fucked to carry on with study. i’ve done enough for now, in a way. and then all of the internships/grad programs i look at half a minimum req. of a credit average (a wam of 65), which is what i’ve basically got (67.5), so its good enough.

ANYWAY. back to this semester. i finally received my mark for my first essay of the term, one in kid’s lit. we had to close-read one paragraph in a 300 page book and write 1200 words on it. im pissed as fuck with my tutor/lecturer who told me to use the paragraph i chose bc it was a good one to use.... bc he said in the marking comment that it “didn’t really lend itself to close reading very well”.... and it’s like “then why the fuck did you say it was ok to use???” and “then what the fuck actually constituted as a good length paragraph to use???” 

bc i picked a load of para’s for him to look at and all he said was” “no, that’s too long... if you take half of it out it will lose its meaning in your essay, and there’s too much going on there. so, no, you can’t use it” (mind you, some of the ones that elicited this comment were like half a page long so maybe it was fair enough...) or “no that’s too short! you won’t get enough out of that!” so it was like “honestly, what the fuck man... what the actual fuck type of fucking paragraph from the book was i meant to fuckin use????” overall, though, i got 68 for my all nighter effort which is good enough for this complete bullshit assignment and good enough for being completely fucked around by my teacher. also, he marked me down for my MLA referencing at the end... which i got off my uni library’s website bc apparently it was wrong???? honestly im livid at this guy lmao. my professors in my philosophy and shakespeare subjects have finally got their shit together and posted the questions for our first essays for the term... one is due next week (philosophy) he gave us an extra week to do it (wahoo) after forgetting to post them... and my Shakespeare one is due on october 6th...  and my presentation of shakespeare is due ext thursday and i still haven’t bothered to research merchant of venice properly or even read it fully lmao, fuck.

anyways... overall this sem has been quite cruisy due to me picking to do most of my assignments right at the end and my profs mentioned above forgetting to post shit. i’ve also decided to downgrade my philosophy major to a minor to finish faster, thank christ.  but the one thing thats got me stressed now is finding jobs. i have a careers consultation next week and i still have no idea where i want to go... like my linkedin is sort of helping giving me editing/writing/publishing jobs to look at as well as events/marketing/communications and PR jobs to flick through. but ugh. its terrifying. and too bad that the entry level for most of them is at least 2-3 years experience in a similar role. i want to die. and thats my emotional mid-sem breakdown post completed. if you read it, i hope you enjoyed it lmao.