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johnslittlespoon · 30 days

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askbox question because i've never thrown like, a 'request/idea' offering sorta post out there:

what do you want to see in tough and sweet? like, specific dates you'd like to see the boys go on, certain tropes covered, different kinks/nsfw scenes, scenarios and convos tackled, idk literally anything!

i'm curious because i used to brainrot about it lots here before i started actually writing it but then i stopped so i wouldn't spoil things, and while i'm ofc writing what i love and want to write, it's fun to know what readers wanna read, and to try to incorporate those things where i can. :-) but also my list of scenes to include is So Long i feel like so many ideas will already be in my drafting doc LOL <3

i have the whole fic plotted out, but lots of room for little things in between the bigger plot points, so! no promises obvi, but i'd love to hear your thoughts. the main one i get asked for in comments/asks is about writing a gale pov oneshot, which i'm most definitely doing– sooner than you think. >:) lmkkk, anon is fine!! if i don't reply, i promise i read it, i just have 100+ asks rn and too much to do irl but i appreciate each one soso much :'))

#tough and sweet fic #genuinely have been crying over the kind asks about TAS these past two months. my heart is so so full i'm so thankful #i hope i'll have a day to just sit and reply to them all soon bc i feel so bad just letting them sit there </33 #i read them almost every day tho i'm so srs. i can't even express how much i cherish anyone taking the time to write such kind things <33 #still hiding from comments on ch7 bc i have to get brave enough to open my inbox every time i post a new chapter SHJGDK <3

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caspersscareschool · 1 year

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he literally sews his kids stupid little outfits from scratch does anyone even fucking care

#tmnt #i could talk about this for hours but it pisses me off so bad when people ON MY OWN POSTS are like ooh splinter is neglectful he suuucks #shut up you idiot everything he does is for them he would kill himself in a heartbeat for them #the fact that they even survived past infancy in their circumstances is a testament to phenomenal parenting by any realistic human standard #it's just that a) it's a show about the ninja turtles so of course they're going to have a lot of unsupervised escapades #& it's not fair to read THAT much into his absence b) they are older kids at this point & it's perfectly reasonable for a group of 13-17 y/#s to go to the grocery store without a chaperone and c) his strained relationship with his grandpa heavily informs his approach to parentin #so he thinks that smothering too much at this age will drive them away & he wants to encourage their blossoming independence as much as #possible because that's what he craved at that age #and it's so clear in every flashback that he was a constant nurturing & encouraging presence in their childhood & he misses the days when #they really relied on him hence piebald #and he WANTS to spend time with them he really does. he begged to be in their family band he has to excruciatingly hold himself back from #following them on their adventures at times but again he doesn't want to smother them at this age so he finds other outlets #remember when he bought a 20$ cup of lemonade from raph & leo because he didnt want them to be sad that they got no customers in their #Sewer lemonade stand #he loves them more than anything he's just weird and autistic about it okay. shut up. Shut the fuck up #not really relevant but his room is so baller i'd spend all my time here if this was my room. minifridge and everything

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pigeon-butch · 2 days

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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist

#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here #and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH #but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable #claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find #the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area #be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos #the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas #and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to #learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed #this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly #introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice #damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives #there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them #for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos #the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like #selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces #however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to #4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there #all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt #also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun #based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day

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jrueships · 2 days

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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.

#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over #lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm #screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day #set on fucking Easy mode #and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog #and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy #over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off #sooner #when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate #it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me #for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less #ill get over it ill try harder #i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it #but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born #im so fucking exhausted #anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize #i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes #i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and #i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones #while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here #anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life

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ilottthepilot · 5 days

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so many different experiences in the motorsports fandom. It would simply never occur to me to hate a driver/team for cheating idk

#i'm just reading elizabeth blackstock's article on why fans have turned against josef newgarden and i'm like ??#i support him even though he did do all that #and i support scotty mac blatently lying about not knowing about the p2p #to be fair when i was new to f1 and i heard about spygate for the first time i thought it was the funniest thing i'd ever heard #me hearing about that damn mclaren wing every day: your honor who cares? like who caaaares #like as long as you're not hurting anyone?#it's not like other sports where you can just do doping (bad!) you need to be way more creative. and if it makes for a good story i love tha #i'm not saying don't punish them though! the fuck around and find out is half the fun

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v-arbellanaris · 9 months

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here's the thing, right. like. okay, let's take everything up to the title showing up as the 'origin' style opening for dai, where you establish character. but like. literally what about that opening establishes character. you get brought to the chantry in haven where they briefly discuss executing you before declaring the inquisition. you can either begrudgingly support the people who have actively threatened you repeatedly or you can go uwu i'd love to help you guys out im so excited to be working with you. like. hello.

#throughout most of the haven stuff you don't get to develop your own opinions on anything. key information is shoved into codexes with #no other information or dialogue contradicting what was said. if you do express an opinion the game goes out of it's way to have every #single companion hammer you over the head with the 'correct' opinion. and for some reason they're almost ALL on the same page.#for example. DORIAN advocating for the circles so southern thedas doesn't ''become like tevinter'' like hello what. WHAT.#magic dangerous. apostates bad. blood magic evil. wardens bad. tevinter evil. qunari evil. dalish bad and stupid. ferelden bad and stupid.#chantry good! templars good! seekers good! orlais good! colonialism good!#like somehow. ALL OF THEM.#when it's to that extent like it's clear they're trying to push you towards some kind of conclusion. rather than letting you make your own.#or even be able to express it. AS AN ACTUAL CIRCLE MAGE I CANNOT EXPRESS COHERENT ARGUMENTS TO SUPPORT THE REBELLION.#like HELLO???#sorry but there IS no moment or period in time where the herald gets to establish their character. they're immediately thrown into #the deep end of the plot. you get IMMEDIATELY THROWN into the resolution of the mage-templar war. with barely any info except what you #get from your advisors and companions. and some codexes if you go out of your way to read them. which. considering they push you to go to #val royeaux as soon as possible. is just.#like come on. let's be real here.#tbd #dai critical

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crazysnakey · 20 days

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Vislor Turlough my beloved you are so so special to me because of. how circular you are when you start off, character and motivations. his life in exile is basically a loop between "I want to go home (I want to be somewhere I belong)" and "I can never return home (I will never find a place where I belong)" and. and idk but that hurts and kind of reminds me of the doctor.

like. you want to go home. you can never go home. it’s all you’ve ever known. you have no idea what’s happening there. it’s where you were born and raised. you don’t know how things have changed since you left. it’s associated with your good memories, of family and friends and education. it’s also associated with some of your worst memories, of war and death and separation. but you want to go home. that’s the problem, isn’t it? you can’t help yearning for it, that familiarity that can’t be replicated anywhere else. it’s your home, your people, you don’t know where else to go, where else you could go. you can't go home. if you go back you will be exiled again or executed. but it’s the one place you may truly belong, you're tired of being an outsider and you want to be somewhere you belong. you will always be an outsider, you will never find somewhere you belong. you want to go home. you can never go home.

#doctor who #classic who #vislor turlough #my thoughts #character study #i'm just jumping around dw istg #i get obsessed with one character and their angst for a few weeks and then jump on another character and do the same thing w them #THERE IS NO END TO IT #also i was reading trivia on turlough #and apparently trions (his species) don't like to look back and prefer to live in the present #which is both ironic and sad for turlough #bc i KNOW he spent most of his time on earth miserable and hating every second of it #and we always see into his mind after he's left earth but never when he was on it #looking back on his time there as he travels with the doctor #but never when he thought there was no way to leave and he'd be there until he died eventually #so i like to imagine that even tho it hurt he was always looking back on his days back on trion to distract himself #(maybe avoiding bad memories like the war and his mom's death)#then again he's a bit of a pessimist/realist so he could have thought about those too #especially since he associates those w his exile and misery on earth #and his desperation to leave #oh well #more angst for us yea baby!!!#thank you for coming to my ted talk

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seventh-district · 4 months

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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

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natsmagi · 7 months

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Hi!! Ive been wondering about something... That line at the end of element where tsumugi says hes growing his hair for a reason and cant cut it till he fullfils his vow, do they ever adress that again? I've not read every single switch story... i was really curious about that, if you dont mind my asking you?

yes they do!! its directly referenced in Next Door!!

this is the only time outside of WG where its been directly stated hes growing it out for natsume iirc?? though in !-era most of natsumes jabs at tsumugis hair would be met with tsumugi being all "why are u being so mean!!!" in contrast to !!-era where tsumugi has caught on that natsume actually really likes his hair which i think is a really fun and cute development KAHJSFKJHKJ

(source: Magic Lantern)

EDIT: I JUST REALIZED THE STORY U LISTED WAS ELEMENT AND NOT WONDER GAME. SO HERES THE WONDER GAME SNIPPET LOL

ignore tsumugis image not loading i hurried over to get this ok

#THEYRE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAKROUAFUSOIAUJGTFHAUOHGUJSHUHJFHJFGH #every day i tell myself i need to reread switch stories I MISS THEM SO BAD #BUT IM SO LAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #but i should do it just so ill have an easier time remembering my sources #i was searching for that ND dialogue for like 15 minutes bc i only remembered the dialogue and not the story #this is what i get for binging like everything at once and not really taking into account what story it was i was reading #ask #embarrassing blunder on my end misreading the ask Sorry when i thinkof tsumugi growing out his hair my immediate thought is #oh! wonder game!#so i thought that was the subject AUSKFHAUSDHKASHDG #IM SO TIRED GUYS

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foxgloveinspace · 2 months

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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.

#delete later #I know I’m not a good friend #but i think it’s trauma related #and I know that’s not an excuse #but a reason #and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me #I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so #I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives #and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear #and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life #but I’m just so tired of being alone #I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too #and I wanna hang out with people #and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling #like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong #but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done #for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back #I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends #if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant #sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health #my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant #I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again #I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit #I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…

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saturdaymournings · 10 months

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ohoho boy tomorrow is gonna be so bad but yanno what I’m gonna be a brave little guy and I’m gonna treat myself to back to back bath days so it’s all gonna be good in the end. Today was so bad today was fucking dreadful but there will be a way !!!!! I have to remember the small joys I have to stay strong

#I hate driving lessons. I’m sick of pretending that I don’t dread them every week. The guy who teaches me can tell and it pisses him off but #I HAVE to learn to drive I just have to and I WANT to be able to drive I just don’t wanna have to do it.#Plus idk what I’m gonna do bc it snowed today and if it’s still snowy out where I drive it’s gonna be cold asf and I’m gonna hate it !!!!#It’ll be fucking SCARY I’m already scared driving normally #And then I have psychology which isn’t even bad but I had a really bad consolidation task and ever since I haven’t been able to delete that #Connotation between the two in my brain.#I’m gonna create plans tho im gonna decide what im wearing for the next three days and a couple fun things that are going into my schedule #So I can look forward without worrying about offsetting the routine which is what ruined today (fuck snow)#I’m gonna try and read more and spend less money!!!!#Now I’m happy because I’ve got a bit of chill time tonight and then Friday’s horrors will fly pass effortlessly I’m sure and then before I #Know it it’ll be Saturday and the worries will be gone especially as now I know work bestie hasn’t like. Died (work bestie was like really #bad sick last week)

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ereborne · 8 months

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What is a Monday? A miserable little pile of obligations.

semester turnover restructure

generate/send out error reporting

figure out how to separate out unique counts

create polite reply to Massive Dick Move email

finish the bad book >:(

bò kho (not an obligation. dinner)

laundry

lizard bath

#yapping tag #I spent my weekend trying to sleep and now all my chores are due today and I wanna complain. grump grump grump whine.#the semester turnover restructure actually is a pet project so that part I like! I wish I could take my time with it though #the error reporting is. well it's easy to generate (it's actually running now) and it's tedious but uncomplicated to send out #but then I'm going to spend the rest of the day getting passive-aggressive responses from everybody #in a just world my coworkers would respond to careful itemized lists of all their fuckups with 'thank you Alexis you're so helpful #we really appreciate you flagging our mistakes two weeks before the system final-saves them forever into stone. have a cookie!'#but alas #if I'd been any less stressed and frantic when I first established the error reporting I'd have set up a separate address to send them from #write up some template emails and let the reporting all come out of the mythical 'automatic system thing'#--every 'automatic system thing' in our college is me or IT on my behalf. even the people who hired me for this don't seem to realize #if only I'd known from the beginning that nobody would ever connect me and my systems! I'd be exploiting the shit out of it--#the unique counts is going to be a headache. no idea how I'm going to structure the coding for it. might be fun to invent? we'll see #the Massive Dick Move email response also will be an invention. 'hello Mr Massive Dick I am karma here to smite you' but polite #the bad book >:( I don't want to read any more of but the deal I made with my friend is he sends me free books and I report back #we did not discuss a special 'get out of book free' card for when the main character is a godawful shit sibling. (should've done though)#beef stew is good! mostly it's on the list so I don't forget to set the timers #laundry and lizard bath can wait until tomorrow if they must but they shouldn't wait any longer than that. lizard and I will get stinky

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saeshiraw · 1 year

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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stillfruit · 6 days

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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this #i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked #so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage #could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better #my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real #otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking #spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc #what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active #so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible #without spiking my hr to zone 4 #so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything #i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards #outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is #i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me #based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not #some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works #but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again #because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now #i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog #but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less #i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis #so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important #this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty #shit talking

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bunnihearted · 10 months

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📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me.#everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing)#i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/#ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :((#i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/#but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again.#i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

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acourtofquestions · 2 months

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Officially starting Chapter 65 of Empire of Storms!

… I have a little less than 100 pages left in the book… I’ve got bonus chapter/chapters for after (to hopefully give me some consolation) and Tower of Dawn at the ready (actually looking forward to it quite a bit)!..

I may have cried wolf before but I’m prepared this time (got my books, got 20 days worth on renewals, got my dog who has been informed to follow in its ancestors footsteps & comfort me like Fleetfoot😂, All Too Well TS tissues at the ready to bawl my eyes out, my favorite kind of tea (okay so I guess that one’s just thanks to Kroger re-stocking), blankets and warm lighting, a whole day off from work (the first and only for a hot minute & the following days to come), and introvert time to read my book in peace… or distress… idk😅) and as much as I love these books and never want them to end, it’s been months and it’s time to know what happens and enjoy every second of it… hopefully😅😅 re-reads may be kinder 2nd time around😂🤣 so — ITS TIME — we shall see how much reading gets done today between the emotions of whatever the heck is about to happen, but EoS ending shall be occurring in T-Minus sometime in the next 12 hours. Probable spam to follow? We’ll see 😅😅😂🖤😁

#first read #up next #currently reading #read with me #read along #reading reacts #spam warning #Will try to keep up with spoiler warnings but most EoS tags today/this week will be full #EoS ending #no spoilers please #weird annotations and fangirl nonsensical ramblings to follow #EoS #Empire of Storms #Throne of Glass series #TOG series #SJM #sarah what are you doing #Maasverse #I love Fleetfoot #maybe Chaol and Nesryn can go visit her for me #oh wait there in Terrasen with Murtaugh not Nesryns father which hold up was he in Rifthold oh shit that could be bad #I miss Chaol I want to know more about Nesryn Im excited to have more Yrene & I’ve always liked them all even if there were times I didn’t #I may binge read the book but I will love every second of it #KoA even available if need be #thankfully my library didn’t fool me this time jk I love them #keep calm and semi trust in Maas but mostly Aelin jk love them both #scientific study of the day: how does tear production effect reading speed😂#Tower of Dawn after #then onto KoA #I love these books and it’s time to read them all

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