#i really need to get a proper duffel bag cause this backpack is nice but not great for more than 1 night

[six-of-ravens]

I packed my backpack and all my clothes actually fit in my bag and that's making me extremely suspicious

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

I Got You (Part 2)

Summary: The reader has a quieter morning with Jensen while trying to convince him that he needs to talk to his family sooner rather than later if he wants to start feeling better...

Part 1

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 5,900ish

Warnings: language, angst, lying, mention of alcoholism, fluff

A/N: Might do more of this, who knows. Enjoy!

_______

Jensen was asleep when you woke, hair messy, covers tucked up under his chin. He’d probably be hungover. He normally was if he’d drunk too much, even if he threw up. Very gently you ran your hand through his hair, surprised when he rolled over to face you and snuggled into your side. He still seemed so small, so unlike the guy that was normally one to shove his crap down inside. He let stuff out in acting he’d told you once. He let it out when he did boxing or lifted weights. He let it out alone. It seemed to work for him so you never thought much of it.

Occasionally you found him upset though. When he was eighteen and almost quit acting. You flew out on a Thursday night after class and stayed with him that weekend, helping him to stop freaking the fuck out. God he freaked out more than most everyone knew. Laid back, easy going, go with the flow, that was the image everyone had of him. The anxiety used to be bad but you knew he acted through it, pretended he was cool with it all and it worked pretty well for him. You could still tell though when he got quiet and let other people speak that it was still there. It was hardwired into him. But it was better than it used to be.

But for the first time in his life you were fairly certain he was anxious to see his family and that was enough to send you into new territory with him.

“Don’t,” he mumbled when you stopped moving your hand through his strands. You started moving again, his face burrowed down under your arm.

“You’re okay,” you whispered, hoping he’d have fallen back asleep. Instead he peeled open his eyes and turned his head up, staring at you with big green eyes. “I love you.”

He smiled and moved his head up to your shoulder, reaching his arm across your waist and holding you tight.

“I love you too,” he said. You leaned your head down and kissed his temple, Jensen squirming a little. “I give you the forehead kisses.”

“You’re just gonna have to get used to me kissing you all sorts of places,” you smirked.

“I am very okay with that,” he said, a softer look about him. “It’s been a bit since I’ve been with someone.”

“I know,” you said as you played with his hair.

“You okay? With the whole Andrew situation?” he asked quietly. You nodded and he stared at you, trying to hide the fact he was happy Andrew was gone but still concerned you were hurt.

“I was on the way out the door with him anyways. He couldn’t respect you and if he can’t do that, he has no place in my life. It’d be like me asking you to give up Jared. It’s just insane.”

“To be fair Jared and Gen are some of your best friends too,” chuckled Jensen.

“But you get my point. Relationships are give and take and he always took. Andrew was tolerable until he wasn’t. I don’t want to spend my life tolerating my husband most of the time and hating him the rest. I’d rather love him and occasionally tolerate, you know,” you said.

“Not for any particular reason but do I have any habits that...annoy you?” he asked. 

“Yes. But I know I can annoy you too. Don’t worry about you. You’re different,” you said. He stared at you and you ran your thumb over his cheek. “Jensen think of it this way. I don’t expect to always like my husband 100% of the time. He’ll piss me off and annoy me and all of that. But I do expect to always love him. Andrew...that never happened with him. But there is someone in my life that even when he frustrates me or bugs me I’ve never not loved. He’s different. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” he said. He leaned up and kissed you, cupping your cheek with a gentle little smile on his face. 

“We waited twenty five years. We can take this slow, okay?” you said. He nodded and lay back in bed, tracing his finger over the curves of your face.

“Always wondered what it’d be like to do this...wake up next to you in the morning,” he said. He booped your nose and smiled. “You’re so soft.”

“I moisturize,” you said, Jensen chuckling. “How was it that I learned how to have a proper skincare regime from you? Shouldn’t this have been the other way around?”

“I wear more makeup than you do,” he teased. “Do you remember that time you slept over senior year unexpected?”

“Very well,” you said as you smiled.

“Hi, Mr. Ackles,” you said, forcing a half-smile as he opened the front door. 

“Hey, kiddo. Jensen’s not home. He’s sleeping over Jack’s house. I’m sure the boys are still there,” he said. You nodded and shrugged, getting a nod as he noticed the bag on your shoulders. “How’s your dad?”

“My parents had a big fight tonight. Dad...he said he was going out to get drunk. Mom doesn’t want me home if he relapses,” you said. 

“Come on,” he said as he pulled you inside. “You eat dinner yet?”

“I’m okay,” you said and he rolled his eyes. “I’m hungry.”

“Put your bag in Jensen’s room. You can have his bed tonight. I don’t imagine you want to go hang out with the boys too much right now,” he said.

“Jack doesn’t like me,” you said. He raised an eyebrow and you shrugged. “It’s a guys night or something. I’m okay hanging out here...if that’s okay.”

“You come here and knock on the door you’ll always have a place to stay, Jensen or no Jensen,” he said. 

“I wish my dad was like you. Didn’t drink at all.”

“I never cared much for it. But as far as you know he hasn’t drunk yet and he’s still seven years clean. That’s not easy.”

“I know. I’ll be back in a minute,” you said. You jogged upstairs and set your bag down in Jensen’s room, passing by his sister’s room on the way out.

“Jensen’s not home,” she said, hopping up and rounding the corner into the hall.

“Yeah,” you said. “I’m gonna stay here tonight anyways, Kenzie.”

“Kenzie! Beth is here!” called Jensen’s mom from downstairs.

“Bye, Y/N,” she said, giving you a quick hug before she ran down with her backpack.

“Later, dork,” you said with a smile. You went down and heard a car pulling out of the driveway, Jensen’s parents both working the kitchen. “Can I help?”

“You can set the table, sweetie,” said his mom. You went to the cupboard with plates and got out three, setting everything down after a minute. You poured yourself a glass of water, smiling when you saw they’d made creamy chicken casserole. Jensen’s dad carried over the dish and set it on the table, scooping some out for each of you. His mom set down a bowl of sweet mashed potatoes and you hummed. “I made extra. I know how much you like them.”

“Thanks, Mrs...my mom called you guys before she dropped me off, didn’t she,” you said with a sigh.

“Yes, she did, and we made your favorite dinner. Sue us,” said his dad. 

“Thanks,” you said quietly. You started to eat, even munching on the broccoli in the casserole. 

“So why doesn’t Jack like you?” asked his dad. You gave him a look and he cocked his head. “Y/N…”

“Cause I’m not popular,” you said. You poked at your potatoes and played with them before sighing. “It’s fine, really. I don’t like him either so it works out.”

“He always seemed like a nice kid,” said his dad.

“I always thought he was a little shit,” said his mom. You smiled and she returned it. “What’s Jensen think of this? It’s not like he tells us anything.”

“He’s seventeen. What are you expecting?” said his dad. “But yeah, what’s he think?”

“It’s fine. We tolerate each other cause we both like being Jensen’s friend. I don’t know. He just doesn’t like me cause Jensen does stuff with me sometimes and doesn’t invite his other friends too. It’s up to Jensen who he wants to hang out with, not me.”

“Well we like you much better than Jack if it’s any consolation,” he said. 

“Thanks. Jensen can hang out with his guy friends without me though,” you said. You pushed your food around a bit before you ate again, his parents shifting the topic to you picking out a major for school the next year.

Half an hour later you were making some cinnamon rolls with his mom when the front door opened.

“Jensen?” she called, his dad sitting in a chair and watching TV.

“I forgot my wallet. We’re going to the movies,” he shouted back. “Mom, where’s my wallet?”

“In your backpack pocket. I told you to keep it in your back pocket,” she said.

“I had practice so I…” he said as he popped into the kitchen and saw you there. “What are you doing here?”

“Just…” you said, looking down.

“Is your dad drinking again?” he asked quietly.

“Maybe. They got in a fight. Mom wanted me out of the house in case it wasn’t a good night,” you said. He stared at you and you looked away, surprised when he was suddenly there grabbing your hand. “Jensen.”

“Come to the movies with us. I’ll pay for your ticket,” he said. 

“I’m making rolls with your mom,” you said.

“They’ll be there when we get back. Come on,” he said.

“Ackles!” shouted Jack from the foyer. Jensen stepped back into view of the hall, taking you with him. Jack saw you and shot you a dirty look. “Jensen you coming or what?”

“Actually, not,” he said. He narrowed his eyes and dropped your hand, going down the hall. He walked outside with Jack, the two of them saying something before about thirty seconds later Jensen was walking back in with his duffel. He dropped it by the stairs and walked back over to you. 

“I thought you were having a guy’s sleepover tonight,” you said.

“Yeah well...fuck him,” said Jensen. 

“Jensen,” said his mom with a frown.

“I’m only his friend because of baseball and if he is so worked up at the sight of you then screw him. I’ll hang out with the guys some other time. I’d rather have a sleepover with you.”

“Better be a no fucking kind of sleepover,” said his dad.

“Alan,” said his mom. 

“Guys, it’s Y/N,” said Jensen. His dad mumbled and Jensen grabbed your hand, pulling you upstairs. “Video games?”

“Okay with me.”

“Y/N,” said Jensen from his bed that night. You had your eyes squeezed shut from where you lay on the air mattress, something his parents had bought years and years ago for you when you were regularly staying over. “Y/N.”

“What Jensen?” you said quietly.

“Are you crying?” he whispered. You rolled your eyes and heard the bed creak behind you. You pulled the blanket over your head but he sat down in front of you, peeling it back. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know,” you said. You sat up and you pulled you into his lap, holding onto you and keeping your blanket around you while you hung onto him. “He’s been sober seven years, Jensen...and he might have fucked it all up.”

“Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. He’s still your dad, Y/N. He’s not a bad guy.”

“Mom said they’d get divorced if he drank again,” you said. “Why can’t my family be normal like yours?”

“You’re my family so you gotta be normal,” he said. You rested your chin on his shoulder and squeezed him.

“Like a sister?” you asked. It was horrible timing but you had to know how he actually felt. For your own piece of mind.

“I love you is all,” he said, squeezing you back. “Best friends forever right?”

“Yeah,” you said. You sniffled a bit more and he rubbed your back. “Wanna go eat the rest of the cinnamon rolls?”

“You’re on, Y/L/N.”

“You know I was so scared you could hear my heart pounding when you asked me if I loved you like a sister,” said Jensen as he sat up in bed. “I was full on in love with you by that point in every single way.”

“Did you get off to me in high school?” you smirked. He shrugged but grinned. “Oh my God. Naughty boy.”

“I swear never when you slept over though or anything like that. You were just...you never thought twice about taking off your shirt in front of me and standing there in your bra and underwear. You were the first girl I ever saw like that. First woman really.”

“My heart would beat so fast when I did that. I always waited for a comment but it never came.”

“I thought you thought of me like your brother. Up until last night I still thought that.”

“Jared’s like my brother. Your brother Josh is like my brother. You’ve never been like my brother,” you said, smiling as you kissed his cheek. “Come on. Let’s get ready for the day. Dallas is a three hour drive.”

“Y/N...I don’t want to go,” he said. You took his hand and laced your fingers together, Jensen shutting his eyes. He took a short breath and his chest rose and fell quickly. “Please don’t make me go.”

“You have to Jensen.”

“Why?”

“Because you love them and they love you.” He huffed and got out of bed, crossing his arms as he walked into the bathroom. You followed him and paused at the door, Jensen exiting a moment later. “They lied. They don’t share your blood. That’s true. But have you ever doubted for a single second that they don’t love you unconditionally?”

“It’s not the point,” he said. He left and you followed him to the kitchen, Jensen making himself a cup of coffee. “Y/N, drop it.”

“We’re going to your parents house. It could be this morning. It could be tomorrow. It could be a week from now but we are going and you will not get out of this.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong! Why the fuck do I have to go talk to them? They’re the ones that lied!” he shouted, turning to glare at you. “Why do I have to be the bigger fucking person? They’re supposed to take care of me. They’re supposed to protect me. They’re my parents. They’re not…” he trailed off, putting a hand over his face again. “I’m sorry for yelling.”

“It’s okay,” you said. You stepped over and pulled down his arm, wrapping yours around his body. He shut his eyes and turned his head away. “Jensen it’s okay if you’re upset and need to cry and shout. It’s okay to feel however you need to.”

“How do I know they loved me?” he asked quietly. “That they didn’t pretend at first...that they didn’t pretend the whole time and I’m just an idiot that fell for it.”

“I know they’ve always loved you Jensen and so do you but this is why we need to go talk to them. They can tell you themselves.”

“How do I believe them? They’re liars.”

“Jensen liars aren’t necessarily bad people. Everyone lies,” you said.

“Why are you defending them so hard?”

“Jensen...my dad was a drunk. A nice drunk. One that just smelled and fell asleep in front of the TV. He never hurt anyone. But he was still a drunk. Jensen your parents gave mine money to help with dad’s rehab costs. They fed me. They gave me a safe place away from the fighting. My sophomore year of college I got too drunk at a party and my parents were out of town on vacation. You know who picked me up? Your parents. I stayed in your room and sobered up. Jensen I am not their child and they have always treated me like I’m one of their own. If they feel that way about me, how do you think they actually feel about their own kid? I grew up my whole life knowing my parents aren’t perfect and I’m sorry you know what that’s like now too. But I don’t love my parents any less now than I did as a child. They screwed up. Your parents screwed up. It doesn’t mean that they are any less your parents today than they were yesterday.”

“...I didn’t know they helped with the rehab,” he said quietly.

“Our parents are friends after all. I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad is talking to yours right now telling him that it’s not the end of the world what happened.”

“You’re gonna make me go, aren’t you,” he said with a sigh.

“Yup. But I’m gonna go with you.” He dropped his forehead on your shoulder and took a deep breath. “Jay.”

“We’ll go up tonight,” he said. “Deal?”

“Deal,” you said.

“But...I have the condition that we move out your stuff of Andrew’s today,” he said. 

“That is pretty okay with me,” you said. “Let’s take your truck too. I’d rather only have to make one trip.”

“Fingers crossed he’s not here,” you said when you walked into the apartment. Andrew was laying on the couch though, rolling his eyes as you stepped out of the foyer with Jensen.

“Bring your other boyfriend by?” said Andrew, flipping a channel on the TV.

“I thought I made it very clear last night that we’re over,” you said.

“Y/N, we both got heated was all,” he said. “He looks fine to me.”

“Andrew-”

“You didn’t fuck him last night, did you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

“No I didn’t, not that it’s any of your business considering we’re done. I am here to get my stuff and that is it. Jensen, I have some shoes and coats in the front closet. Can you chuck those in a bag for me?” you asked. He nodded and went back into the foyer while you took a box into the bathroom. You tossed most everything in the cabinet in there, leaving the box in the bedroom while you got your clothes in some bags. You emptied your nightstand out and the closet, Jensen grabbing your stuff and carrying it out. You were nearly finished with some small things when Andrew wandered inside.

“Y/N. Come on. Don’t go. I got jealous of Jensen was all. It won’t happen again,” he said. “I promise.”

“Andrew,” you said as you stood up. “Last night was the last straw. I’ve been thinking about ending things for a long time. We both deserve to be with people that make us happy and I’m not that person for you and you’re not it for me and that’s okay.”

“Y/N we’ve been together for two years,” he said. “Engaged for one. You want to throw all of that away?”

“Andrew do you love me?”

“Of course I do.”

“No I mean do you really love me? Down in your soul love me?”

“Y/N I don’t do all that sappy shit, you know that.”

“I’m not talking about romantic crap. I mean...do you miss me even though you saw me two minutes ago. Do you get nervous when I’m five minutes late from work? Do you think about building a fort out of sheets in our bedroom and watching movies in it?” He stared at you and you shook your head. “Andrew you were a decent guy once but you’re not the guy for me. Learn to pick up after yourself too. Girls don’t want to your mom. They want to be your girlfriend.”

“You were the one with the Hollywood best friend,” he said. “How could I not be intimidated by that?”

“Because if you ever took a moment to know him, you would know that he wants me to be happy, no matter who the other person is. You’re just a selfish dick, Andrew. Grow up some before you find another girl.”

“Slut,” he said as he walked out.

“At least I know how to give an orgasm,” you said. You shoved some things back in a bag, Jensen turning into the room. 

“I take it things ended very maturely,” he said.

“As mature as it was gonna get. This is the last of it,” you said.

“Let’s get you home then, Y/N.”

Six Hours Later

“Jensen. You have to get out of the car,” you said, parked in the driveway at his parents house.

“No. No, I don’t.”

“Well you haven’t peed in three hours and you’re gonna break at some point. I will be inside,” you said. You turned off the car and climbed out, Jensen crossing his arms in the front seat. You shook your head and knocked on the front door before you opened it, slipping inside. Your shoes came off and you walked to the back of the house, Jensen’s parents and siblings sat in the family room quietly. They all turned in your direction, his dad nodding. “He’s in the car. He’ll come inside when he’s ready...or has to pee. One or the other.”

“Thank you for bringing him here,” said his dad. You shook your head and took a seat on the couch, his sister a little miffed but the other three looked a bit blank.

“Guys he’s thirty, almost thirty one. Why did you not tell him when he was little?” you asked.

“Because it didn’t matter,” said his dad. “I haven’t thought of him as my adopted son since he was a baby. He’s just my son.”

“Your son is afraid that you guys don’t love him.” His mom shut her eyes and turned towards the back window. “He wants to know that you’ve always loved him unconditionally, that he was adopted because you loved him, not pitied him.”

“He had a heart murmur,” said his mom quietly. “That bitch and that asshole husband of hers got pregnant on accident. She didn’t realize until she was nearly six months. She was very petite. Skipping a period was normal for her so she never thought a thing of it until she gained a bit of weight. She was down visiting when she found out.”

“She didn’t want the baby. He didn’t want the baby. She spoke...crudely about it. It was very clear they didn’t want a child. But they spoke so horribly and they found the murmur and she hoped something would happen and…” said his dad.

“We looked at one another, Alan and I did, didn’t discuss it all and told them we’d adopt the baby when it was born. By the time three months later got there, the hole had sealed up and Jensen was perfectly healthy. We loved him before he was even born. We were there for him before he was born, when he was born. Everything was true what we said, it just wasn’t me that had him,” she said. 

“Last year they tried to contact Jensen,” said his dad. You frowned and he nodded. “They said their son was a successful actor and they’d like to meet him. I told them to fuck right off. He was never their son. They didn’t love him. They didn’t give him a bottle. They didn’t clean up after him and hold him while he cried. They didn’t give a rat’s ass about him until they could brag about him. They hated him which is perfectly fine because we got him and he got a real family, one that never cared that he was a little bit different than the rest of us. We didn’t tell him because I haven’t thought about the fact my son is adopted in over twenty years. He’s just our kid to us. That’s it.”

“You could have just said that instead of just staring at me last night,” said Jensen quietly. You all turned in your seats, Jensen stepping out from the front hall. He stayed half hidden behind the wall and his mom was out of her seat quickly, Jensen stepping into the family room to meet her for a hug. “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have swore at you like that.”

“No, we’re sorry, sweetie,” she said. “We didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” He took a seat beside you on the couch. He glanced at his dad and nodded. “Why’d they want to talk to me last year. They want money or something.”

“They make probably more than you do which is saying something. I think they wanted to be able to boast that their son was a big star,” said his dad. 

“If I asked, would you tell me how to get in contact?” 

“Yes, we would,” he said. 

“Why?”

“Because you have that right.”

“What did they say about me. Before I was born. What made you pity me?” said Jensen. Your head snapped in his direction and he ignored you. “What was it? Were they going to try and get rid of me? Give me up for adoption? What?”

“We’re not telling you that,” said his mom as she took a seat. Jensen scoffed and she did it right back. “You do not get to-”

“I get to know whatever the fuck I want to about this situation,” he said.

“You don’t get to know that,” said his dad.

“It’s my life! I have the right-”

“You have the right but it doesn’t mean we’ll be fair,” he said. Jensen stared at him and his dad shut his eyes. 

“What’d they say. What the fuck did they say to make you feel so terrible for me.”

“Jensen, just-” you said as he got up and walked in front of his dad.

“Tell me what the fuck she said!” shouted Jensen.

“Mom had a miscarriage,” said his brother quietly. He had his head in his hand, Jensen turning to face him. “When I was little. Before you. They said mom might not be able to have more kids. They were gonna adopt a baby whether it was you or somebody else. I think when your fucked up bio parents started talking about what pills she could start taking to help get rid of the baby early, mom and dad, who’d just found out they couldn’t have that...well I learned a lot of new swear words that day.”

“You had…” said Jensen as his mom looked down. “Is Kenzie-”

“She is biological. You saw me pregnant, sweetie,” she said. “But she was a very happy surprise.”

“We didn’t pity you. We were jealous,” said his dad. “We wanted you and then the more we got into the conversation we knew you had to be ours. We could love you and keep you safe and protect you. We’d never hurt you. We were scared of you being alone with those people. We didn’t know what they’d do. All we are guilty of is lying. Nothing more, Jensen.”

Jensen sat back on the couch beside you, biting his bottom lip before he caught his brother’s stare.

“Did...you...you know…” said Jensen. He smiled and nodded.

“You’re my little brother, dork. Always. I kinda forgot to be honest.”

“I think they should have told you. And me,” said his sister, Jensen smiling. “But nobody was trying to hurt you, Jensen. Everybody’s been calling and texting all day worried about you.”

“Sorry for ruining your birthday party,” said Jensen.

“You made it lively,” joked his brother. Jensen wiped off his face and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just...I got scared,” said Jensen. “You didn’t love me.”

“You’re kinda a dumbass, you know?” said his brother. Jensen laughed and nodded. His mom got up to hug him. You sneaked out as the rest of them joined him but not before a hand caught your shirt collar.

“Where do you think you’re running off to?” said his dad. “This is a mandatory hug.”

You turned and joined them for a moment, Jensen relaxed when they broke apart. 

“Okay?” you asked him and he nodded.

“Yeah. Thanks for dragging my butt up here,” he said. He gave you a kiss and you smiled, his whole family staring. “Y/N and I got together last night. She broke it off with her fiance. She’s staying at the house with me now...can you all stop smiling?”

“About time,” said his brother and sister.

“Shut up,” he said.

“You’ve been crushing on her since you were twelve,” said his brother.

“Jensen’s had a hard enough day. Let’s cut him some slack this time,” said his dad. He did smile though and you shook your head. “Well...now that that’s dealt with who wants ice cream?”

Two Hours Later

“Hey,” you said, taking a seat on the old swingset in the backyard beside Jensen. He kicked lightly, dragging his sneaker along the grass. “You okay? You never came up to bed.”

“Just feel stupid now, for reacting that way. I mean I threw up on you last night.”

“Not the first time and not the last,” you said. You swung over to the left and bumped him. “Jensen it wasn’t stupid. You were scared.”

“I don’t get scared like that. You were as cool as a cucumber and I was freaking out.”

“I have sat up with you crying my eyes out since I was a little girl. It’s your turn to be the freaking out one,” you said. He bumped you back and found your hand, grabbing it in his. “Don’t feel stupid over being human.”

“I’m really glad I called you,” he said.

“Me too. I needed to leave Andrew too. I really needed that,” you said. “I didn’t realize how unhappy I’ve been.”

“Promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“If this doesn’t work between us, and I am fully expecting it to work, but if it doesn’t or if the long distance element gets too hard...still best friends forever?”

“Always,” you said. You squeezed his hand and he pulled on it, brining your swing over closer. “What?”

“People will hate you just because you’re with me. They already hate me for stupid shit. It used to bother me. Some days...it still does. I can’t protect you from it,” he said.

“Jensen anytime you post me in anything I get called a slut. Andrew called me your whore to my face. I don’t give a flying fuck. I have a lifetime of thick skin. I can handle some petty little bitches. Your real fans are good. Don’t worry about the haters.”

“Just wanted to give you one last chance to back out,” he said. “Before I inevitably make you fall in love with me and spend the rest of my life with you. No pressure though.”

“Oh well when you put it like that,” you said. “I really should think about this.”

“You really should.” You hummed and tugged on his arm hard, spinning him over towards you. You caught his shoulders and planted a deep kiss on him, Jensen blinking when you broke it off. 

“Satisfied with my answer?” you smiled.

“Very,” he said. “But you are very cold and we should go inside now.”

You followed him up to his old room, Jensen shutting the door after you. The bed was a full and you both could certainly fit if you really tried but it probably wouldn’t be all that comfortable. 

“I have an idea,” he said, booping your nose. “Wait right here.”

He left and was gone a few minutes, returning with a mess of blankets. He laid them out on the floor and grabbed the covers off the bed along with the pillows. 

“Looks perfect, Jensen,” you said. You gave him a side hug and saw a call from Andrew’s mom pop up on your phone. You wanted to ignore it but Jensen nodded and you sat on the bed, picking it up. “Hi, Karen.”

“What happened with you and Andrew? He just came home very upset and says you cheated on him with that Jensen guy.”

“Karen, that is not what happened,” you said, Jensen raising an eyebrow and listening in.

“Andrew says he’s willing to forgive you if you two go to couples counseling. Half the wedding is already paid for,” she said. 

“I did not cheat. We broke up yesterday. I broke us up because I don’t love your son. I moved out today. I also told you not to put money down on anything. That is your fault if you did.”

“Y/N, I’m really trying here. Please come talk to Andrew. He’s willing to-”

“Your son is an ass, Karen and we are through,” you said. “Don’t call again.”

You hung up and tossed your phone aside, Jensen frowning at you.

“That sounds like it didn’t go well.”

“He’s now claiming I cheated on him. Forget all of them. I just want to lay down with you,” you said. He smirked and picked you up quickly, giggling as he spun you around and plopped you down on the floor. “You’re cute.”

“Am I?” he teased. 

“Yes,” you said. You kissed his cheek and then his lips, Jensen laying down beside you. You knew he was still tired after the long day and broke it off, his hand quickly catching your cheek. 

“Don’t stop doing that,” he said. 

“Whatever you say, Jensen.”

________

[astraeagreengrass]

Right Where You Are, That’s Where I Am

Sometimes, finding yourself means finding someone

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 1.904

Warnings: Angst, allusions to violence and PTSD, fluffy ending

A/N: This is my submission to @wkemeup​’s 4K Writing Challenge. My prompt was “Mariner’s Apartment Complex” by Lana del Rey. Thank you Kas for having me and congratulations on such an impressive milestone! ♡

Disclaimer: I don’t own Bucky Barnes or any other fictional characters mentioned in this story - they are property of Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. The title belongs to Lana Del Rey. The plot is my own creation.

You lose your way, just take my hand  You're lost at sea, then I'll command your boat to me again

The plane left you in the border of Burundi.

From the muddy, narrow airstrip to the meeting point it took you four hours in a 1977 Jeep CJ-7. The air-conditioner was broken, forcing you to roll down the windows hoping for some breeze, but no such luck. Your hair was stuck to your nape and your skin collected mosquito bites as you drove through the heart of Africa, trailing the Mwiruzi river, guided only by an old printed map and a vibranium compass.

You reached the village at nightfall. Less than twenty houses formed a semi-circle around a tiny square, a well right in the middle of it. It was similar to hundreds of other villages you passed through on your way, but a rune drawn in white paint on the door of the house closest to the road gave it away as the right one.

You parked the Jeep beneath a Tamboti tree, tucking the keys under the passenger’s side seat cushion. Taking your backpack and a black duffel bag, you exited.

Nakia was waiting for you at the porch of the seventh house, a fussing baby in her arms. She was trying to soothe him with a lullaby sung in xhosa, her melodious voice the only sound apart from the crickets, but the child was insistent. Realizing she wouldn’t acknowledge you until the child was calm, you sat in the rickety wooden porch step, tucking your head between your knees. You hadn’t slept in over two days and finally finding Nakia gave you some unexpected relief that allowed the exhaustion to creep in.

“We’re leaving in the morning” she announced a few minutes later, when the baby surrendered to sleep. “You can rest until then.”

You wouldn’t, but it was nice of her to offer.

“It’s safe here” she added and you just nodded. That wasn’t enough guarantee to let your guard down.

Nakia sighed, only minor frustrated. Your behaviour annoyed her, but she knew she couldn’t demand much from you, even if you did look dead on your feet.

“Come on” she said, mentioning with her head for you to follow her inside. The house consisted of a single room, a kitchen, and two long, pic-nic style tables. It was relatively full, which immediately startled you, but your deft gaze was quick to assess that these people were more suspicious of you than you were of them.

There were no adult men, only women and children. The oldest boy appeared to be around twelve, and was carefully tucked to his mother’s side. There were other babies like the one Nakia extended to a girl sitting by the door, before exclaiming in igbo:

“Ayo! The milk is here!”

Ayo was a middle-aged woman mixing food by the stove. She nodded, but made no move to step away from her careful cooking.

“Are you hungry?”

You were, but it didn’t look like you were welcome. Regardless, Nakia mentioned you forward. Taking the black duffel bag from your hands, your host started taking out the cans of milk formula you bought in Johannesburg.

The request seemed odd to you at first: why did Nakia, the Kenyan heiress turned Wakandan spy, needed dozens of cans of milk formula somewhere in Tanzania? It looked as though this room was the answer.

Ayo wordessly placed a bowl of githeri in front of you. It was delicious and you didn’t hesitate when she offered you seconds. While you ate, Nakia and the cook stacked the cans in neat piles on the cabinet under the sink. You were still eating when they finished.

"We'll take your car to Mukigina" Nakia stated. "Someone will get us there."

"When?"

"In sixteen hours."

"How long from here to Mukigina?"

"A little over seven hours if we go off the road."

You shrugged. You've been going off the road for a while now.

"Can I ask you something?" she leaned closer to you. Nakia could easily be mistaken by one of your sisters, with her flawless features and deadly skills. But the gleam in her eyes, still present after all the terrible things she's seen during her undercover work as a War Dog, set her apart from the daughters of the Red Room. She wasn't broken, battered and bruised on the inside like you were. And all the horrors she'd witnessed weren't caused by her. "How did you know he was in Wakanda?"

You met Nakia at an underground casino in Busan right after the fall of Hydra. She was following a lead on a poacher of and you were following a lead on him. When the poacher  turned out to be more vicious than she expected, it was your bullet in his head that solved the problem. You never met again - until two weeks ago, when you saw her standing next to the Wakandan king at the United Nations.

"My sister was with your king in the summer" you explained. "In Germany."

"Oh" her eyebrows rose so high they disappeared under her headscarf. "Romanoff?"

"Yeah."

"That explains how you know him."

You snorted.

"How did you think I knew him?"

"I don't know..." she trailed off. "Honestly, for the past two years I've thought about you constantly. You saved my life and I couldn't even say a proper thank you before you disappeared. I thought maybe you were an Avenger, but you're too squirmish for that. And none of them wear black, do they? They love their bright colors."

You laughed, the first real one in a long time.

Nakia patted you on the shoulder gently.

"I meant what I said earlier. You should get some sleep."

"Sleep isn't really my thing" you muttered.

"Every single girl in this village was rescued from the Boko Haram. We secured this location a couple of months ago because these men, these terrorists… They don't care about the women they steal, but they do care about their children. Especially if they're boys. So don't be ashamed of your nightmares, 'cause we're used to them around here."

You scanned the room. Most of the girls had left, but there were still three huddling by the stove, listening carefully to Ayo's instructions. They didn't look a day older than sixteen. At sixteen, you'd already killed more men than you could count with both hands. You wondered if they'd kill their kidnappers if given the chance.

Nakia's room was in the house next door. Moonlight filtered in through the curtainless window, bathing the small chamber in silver glow. You were asleep before your head hit the pillow.

In less than a day, you'd gone from old cars and dirty roads to spaceships and hover carriers.

Birnin Zana - The Golden City - rose miraculously under the savanna sun. Skyscrapers as high was the eye could see, a protective dome and cutting-edge technology - all of it coexisting in perfect harmony with nature and ancient traditions.

Nakia placed you in a hut in the outskirts of the city - close enough that you could visit Princess Shuri’s laboratory everyday but far enough that the locals wouldn’t be bothered by a foreigner’s presence.

The first week was torture. Blurry recollections of your past haunted your dreams, leaving you gasping for air, staring out the window until the first light appeared behind the trees. From dawn to dusk you'd stay at the lab, guarding his frozen body like a ghost.

It finally got on Shuri’s nerve.

“That’s it. I'm kicking you out."

She sent you to the Dora Milaje. Their leader, Okoye - tall, gorgeous and intimidating - was apparently looking forward to meet you. On a grassy field overlooking the river she handed you a wooden stick.

"Let's set how you fight without a gun" she said with a smirk.

It was disastrous. Okoye and the other warriors were graceful, silent and fast like cheetahs, meanwhile you were a hippo in heels, scrambling with the wooden stick. Madame B's voice taunted you, like the devil on your shoulder, seething everytime they bested you. On the fourth day of training your demons finally caught up to you and you broke down.

Okoye held you, whispering in soft Yoruba that you were safe.

A month later you braved the market. Manioc, okra and tomatoes in a booth, turmeric, cardamom and nutmeg in the other. The smell was intoxicating, swirling in your brain in gormandize like never before. You left chewing on a ripe piece of watermelon, pink juice staining your lips, with a pot of African violets cradled in your arms.

The violets were placed in your kitchen table - two seats, one for you and one for him when he came. Soon afterwards they were joined by a banana bunch, plucked from the tree in your yard.

The discovery of the banana tree made way for lettuce, eggplant and pumpkin. The seeds were gifted to you by Queen Ramonda herself and they took to the soil like sand to sea. When you noticed the first green leaf sprouting from the earth, you wept. Your hands, once made for killing, were now giving life.

The food welcomed the children. They'd play in your yard, sidestepping the flower beds like a dance. When they grew tired, they barged in, all five or six of them demanding lemonade and strawberries and questions.

"What does snow feels like?"

"Do you miss Russia?"

"Is it true the Americans think Africa is a country?"

Like ground ice. No. Some of them do, yes.

It was late December when Shuri gave you the news.

"We're ready to wake him up."

They placed his sleeping body on the bed, saying that he should rise by himself in a few hours. Suddenly, you were fourteen again, waiting behind bulletproof doors in a secret facility in Siberia, waiting to meet him for the first time. Only he wasn't the Asset or Soldat anymore. He had a name, a history, a mind of his own.

You'd killed for him. Tortured innocents. Thwarted governments. Broke a thousand rules just to be closer to your forbidden lover. Schemed and lied looking for his freedom, uselessly. Lost yourself trying to find him.

"Come with me" Natalia pleaded. "That spy I was supposed to kill in Budapest… He spared me. Said he can take us both to America. S.H.I.E.L.D. will offer us protection."

"I can't" you refused. "I can't leave him."

"You'll die before you save him."

Your sister was wrong: you survived. And now, halfway across the world, fate gifted you with another chance.

The children woke him. They scurried out of the house, laughing and chanting. Emhlope ingcuka, they called him. White wolf.

James Buchanan Barnes found you gazing at the horizon beyond the lake. Slowly, testing his legs, he walked over to your side.

"Good morning" you smiled.

"Good morning."

"How are you feeling?" you asked.

"Good."

You turned then, eyes catching his in the warm daybreak. A breeze ruffled his hair and your skirt, a gentle reminder that it was real. You were real.

"James?" you tried, hesitantly.

"Bucky" he declared in triumph.

"Bucky" you liked it. It suited him. "It's nice to meet you, Bucky. I'm sorry it took so long."

His right hand squeezed yours. Callus and scars met callus and scars. Your rough edges molded into his in a perfect fit, in this new land that took you in as its own.

You were home.

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