#i remember meeting her when she came w my fam for a year-end trip and thinking i scared her off

[strawberrytorte]

my older brother's getting married this weekend and here i am, still stuck in uni, eating hot chip, and crying about another celebrity crush

[ziracona]

Do you have any post ilm Myer sibs (Quentin counts too 👀) hcs? I live for your Myers sib content and it is so gooooood I loved the little tidbits at the end of ilm :)

Sure! I love them so muc TuT. I’ve posted some before, but I can’t remember off the top of my head always which things I have and haven’t said already when it comes to post-ILM headcanons, so apologies if I repeat myself a little.

Michael takes a while to be comfortable around other people in general, but gets there pretty well eventually, and becomes a normal part of the gang. Philip is especially helpful (both to him and all the other past-killers) in working out ways to get through that past.

His cat almost dies the first year he has it, but Claudette is visiting the day it happens and saves it, and he and the cat both love her after that.

Michael has a really weird relationship with Nancy bc her introduction to him was not as The Shape but as “Oh this is Laurie’s weird brother,” but somehow they turned that weirdness into a really great mechanic and vibe well together.

Since Michael thinks Quentin is biologically his brother, then half-brother after he meets Alan Smith, he considers Alan kind of a weird step-father and Anna kind of a weird step-mother. Luckily for everyone involved, he doesn’t think about this much.

Laurie and Michael go mma on each other sometimes after the first few years just for old time’s sake and it’s kind of amazing to watch.

Everybody in the group gets pretty fluent in sign language after a while to communicate with Michael easily. It’s much appreciated by Laurie.

Michael is successfully able to learn how to read and write at adult levels after a few years with Laurie’s help and she is unbelievably proud of him and not afraid to show it, which he finds both embarrassing and enjoys.

Both of them come to stay with Quentin a lot, and it’s really nice for all of them. Alan does a very impressive job of being welcoming to the two murderers his kid has made part of his personal life 🤣 (poor Alan, without context getting Michael and Anna—thank God he has his kid who will give him the world’s most in-depth and sympathetic explanations). Michael gets interested in art by the stuff Nancy keeps/makes out in the shed, and she talks him into trying his hand a little. Sometimes they go do that together, or talk Quentin & Laurie into joining and do a group drawing party while talking or listening to music.

The headphones were a good gift, and listening to music/tuning things out is very helpful to Michael sometimes he finds, when dealing with psychosis symptoms. Sometimes if he’s having a rough time, he will go sit out on the porch in silence and listen to music, and Quentin started going to join him when that happened if he was visiting, and would just sit beside him in silence, listening to his own headphones as a move of solidarity. One time a month or so later, Quentin was having a really bad week and couldn’t sleep, and got up and was just chilling downstairs on the couch, listening to headphones, and Michael came over wearing his and sat with him. Now they regularly both do it as a solidarity act together if either of them needs a break from life. They never really talk about it—just go sit on the porch together and listen to their own music—but they don’t have to. They know. :’-]

Laurie & Quentin have both physically attacked strangers more than one for stuff they said to Michael.

Quentin takes Laurie (and Michael, if it’s a kind he could enjoy, which is unfortunately rareish) to concerts, and does insist to her dismay on bankrolling stuff for her whenever he can once he’s eventually a doctor. Laurie gets this with both barrels, because David constantly does this too, and she appreciates it, but is also low-key stressed sometimes.

Laurie: I’m gonna grab a smoothie real—

David&Quentin, shoving handfuls of money her way: “Here, for the”—“I’ll pay”

Laurie: O_O

Its a little weird for Michale when David & Laurie start dating, and he feels threatened because the man had less than nothing in the entire world before his sister and he worked things out, and he does not want things to change back, but he is assured by both Laurie and David that nothing will change, and after experiencing that/seeing it is true for a few weeks/months, he calms down about it. Eventually kind of likes the idea of having a 2nd brother, as Quentin puts it to him. Already liked David pretty well and gets to know him even better, now that he has a level of personal interest in him, and they get along pretty well. It’s weird, because they are incredibly awkward @ each other, but that gets better and all four of them (sibs + David) have a lot of fun doing things as a group.

Michael got to see like, none of the world at all most of his life, so he greatly enjoys travel/sightseeing, and is interested by most of what is out there to see. The first time he went boating was a really great day for him, and kind of a fantastic experience. David took them out on a lake (p early on, year 2) and it was one of the best feelings he’d experienced. Since age 6, all he’s really gotten to see or do was walk around and stab people in small realm cages, or sit still in a white room from age 6-21, and the world couldn’t be a lot more full of wonder. Laurie takes to casually explaining how things work a lot out loud when they go places as little fun “did you know?” Kinds of facts, so that in case he doesn’t know, he won’t have to ask or feel embarrassed about it. Several of the others start doing this too after a bit.

Laurie plays piano, and Michael is fascinated by that, so Laurie teaches him how to do that too. Sometimes he and Quentin, who is still learning guitar, will practice together. Laurie tries to pretend she doesn’t love listening as much as she does but it kills her w happiness when they do.

After quite a few years, Laurie tries out teaching literature, history, and philosophy at a local high school. She’s incredibly nervous. Technically she doesn’t have a college education and is using forged documents, and just has private study and some courses in those areas specifically out of love for the topics/interest, and she’s afraid she won’t be good at it. Her friends try to talk her up and reassure her. Quentin and David throw a celebration for her first day when she gets back, and all her friends/the realm fam & extended family (Nancy, Alan, etc) come. The biggest help is Michael, though, who just goes and stands outside all day near the school where she can see him through the window—which should be horrifying, all things considered, but actually helps. It’s just incredibly funny to her, because it’s visually so similar and contextually couldn’t be more different from the last time he stalked her at a school, so she chills out and gets through the day fine. Runs outside and hugs him at the end of it. Michael is very proud of himself. Then Laurie has an amazing surprise party when she gets home.

Laurie does not stay a high school teacher for that long, but she really enjoys it while she does it.

While Quentin is at school with Nancy and Claudette and Philip, Laurie and Michael come to visit quite frequently, and sometimes the whole group of six has game or movie or book nights, or goes off on a mini trip or night out.

After a couple years of their tradition with Judith, Michael and Laurie start to invite Quentin along too and he is both touched and nervous, but goes, and comes to quite a few of the picnics regularly, because he’s a sibling of the family too. Michael is excited to introduce him to her. :’-]

[shytiff]

Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

[rkxblue]

happy #rkfifth !

i told myself i wasn’t going 2 do this b/c ... i’m lazy bean, but here we are anyway! let’s get it!

but anyways starting off rookies was kind of like a vacation to me, rp wise. before rk i had my own rp that lasted a while but during 2013, there was just some drama between members that i constantly had 2 deal with and honestly it was like ... dragging me down, making admining seem like a chore and i loathed logging on to the main b/c i knew there would be some shit w/ these certain people that i had to deal with. so seeing rk in the tags being a different kind of idol roleplay ( and shout out rk for being a trendsetter ) /and/ the fact that reserves were filling up so quickly for a new rp, i quickly sent in a muse.

and it was a little ... idk at first. i did feel out of place considering most came from a different rp in the beginning and i wasn’t, and on top of me being v awkward w/ talking 2 people on instant messengers, there was a bit of time where i felt like i didn’t fit in and almost dropped like 2 weeks after i joined, LOL. luckily at the time a lot of things were going on which helped w/ plotting and meeting new muses, and everyone was super friendly and nice and that’s what kept me here!!!

so then rk turned from a vacation you didn’t want to leave from -- i ended up slagging off p majorly on my responsibilities as an admin at my own rp for a while because i was having such a good time at rk -- it rly brought back my love for rp and muse and tbh if you look back at rksunyoung’s archive back in 2013 - early 2014, i don’t think i’ve ever written as much on tumblr as i did back then, LOL. rk has definitely had it’s ups and downs and i’ve dropped both of my muses before -- but it wasn’t too long before i was bringing them back because there really isn’t a place like rk within krp. that, along with the dedication between both members and admins, is why it’s lasted so long and is still thriving with a super active dash after five fucking years. that’s crazy!! i think i remember mei saying something similar on twitter -- but when i see old rp friends and they ask “omg ur /still/ at rk???”

so it’s obvious to see why this rp went from feeling like a vacation to a home, right?? it’ll always have a special place in my heart  ♡

anyways moving on to my characters too -- when i first brought rksunyoung, now miss rkxblue, i never thought that she would last more than a couple of months, much less be involved with so many things within rk’s history!! it’s ... p wild to think about, especially since i’m someone that has a hard time committing to hobbies and such. it’s been a fun ride watching her go from someone who was wild and reckless and had a problem with love and a little bit of anger issues to someone whos a lot more well rounded, a soft idiot LOL. she even finally got herself the sweetest boyfriend after four years of being shipless on the rp, which i still can’t wrap my head around because denying herself love and believing that it doesn’t exist was one of her /things/ for the longest time. the list of stuff she’s done is so long and now that it’s lead to her finally debuting it’s ... scary yet exciting for her, to be honest, she thought she’d be a trainee forever!! i’ve had a lot of ups and downs with her muse as well, to the point where there was like years ( i think ) of inactivity on my end and she should have 4238972389 more points than she does atm because of that. i do feel sorry for her b/c that was just me being lazy ofc, but in the end i’ve gotten my shit together on her and have been pumping out replies p consistently this year and plotting w/ trainees which has done wonders for her muse. and although hyomin was literally /the/ perfect fc for her considering her personality, the fc change 2 yura has also helped majorly with my muse and it’s been so much easier to plot and reply and even with her characterization too.

as for miss rknvna!! she hasn’t had as much development as sun, aside from her tumultuous rls with a former song minho and being a royal trainee during her first run, and that’s mainly been due to my laziness again jfkafl;a. the good thing tho is that i’ve finally been able to experience life as a rookie with her, considering the times my girls have become trainees were v quick ( sun’s first time was like a week or two after the rp opened, then 3 months after i rejoined w/ her, and nana became a trainee only a month after she joined the first time ) so it was nice to experience the freedom that came with being a rookie!! since 2018 has been sun’s year, i’m going to focus on nana for 2019 so that she can branch out more!!

i guess before i move on i should give shoutouts to all my other rkmuses throughout the years whose lives were so short that i can’t even remember their urls LOL -- my song jieun, park kyungri, goo hara, and choi jinri muses!! i’m sure there’s at least one more that i’m forgetting, but they all lasted around 2 weeks so...

but i also want 2 thank rk for allowing me to be more social as well!! i’ve said this in the last anniversary post i wrote 25238957 years ago but i used 2 have a phobia of sorts when it came 2 instant messengers, so i didn’t rly have one when msn was popping and therefore, didn’t talk 2 many people ooc wise in rps. i made an aim when i came to rk and just ... diving in and talking to people helped out a lot with that, even if i do still get anxious from time to time w/ just simply messaging people. :(

i’m a shy individual ( and for some reason its only exacerbated online??? idk fam ) and unconsciously rather private as well, so that definitely hinders me from making friends as much as i would like to, but it’s a day by day process!! it’s something i’ve come 2 terms w/ as of late and will seriously work on within the next year! but even w/ me being the way that i am, i’ve been able 2 meet a couple of people that have made my experience in rk just a little bit brighter so a ( very brief ) shout out 2 them ~

to maria ( @rkjinkis ) : my sweet angel!!! i’m so glad that rk brought us together because you’ve honestly become one of my closest friends from this rp and in general tbh!! ur so super sweet and caring and a blessing 2 my life, just as much as jinki is to ahyoung’s!! i’m sorry that sun is too independent for her own good but she’s working on it okay!! baby steps!! i love how genuine u are and how we can rely on each other through thick and then, and honestly i want the world for u and more. i love love love LOVE u so much, and i’ll make sure u never forget it!! thank u for being my friend and my source of happiness!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡ 

to hamin ( @rksoohyun ) : despite the fact that we knew each other from snu it was rk that actually got us 2 start talking and i’m so grateful for that!! u literally are the cutest girl in the entire world and ur just as outgoing irl as u are online; seeing morning musume ( a group i thought i would never see live ) w/ u was truly a highlight in my life!!! and ofc soohyun will forever be nana’s fuckin child and she’ll always be rooting for her happiness!! i love u u sweet buttercup and i can’t wait until ur back so i can talk 2 u again!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡ 

to mei ( @rkariel ) : man i admired u for the longest b/c i’ve always loved the way u write and ur characterization of tiffany / ariel, so when years ago nick told me that u were actually paying attention to the minana plot and threads i was so shook i nearly tripped over myself LMFAO. i’m happy that we actually started talking b/c of that tho!!! it’s so easy 2 write w/ u and i honestly have so much fun regardless if we’re just talking about our characters, getting carried away on dash or twitter, or hurting each other w/ headcanons!! ariel has become nana’s rock p much and w/o her i’m not sure how she would of fared her time w/ mino w/o her and their discussions!!! i hope that we can become closer in the future!!

to razel ( @rkcheri ) : hiya boo!!! ik we don’t rly talk anymore but i still wanted 2 mention u b/c u were one of my first friends in rk when i felt kinda lonely, and that was definitely one of the reasons i was able to stick around!! i loved writing w/ u b/c ur writing style was always so unique that i could actually point u out whenever we were in past rps together and it’s an honor 2 even write w/ u fjkalf;a. i’m sorry that sun is such a shitty friend and i’m looking forward 2 the day jihyun kicks her ass about not telling her about jinki b/c she deserves it LOL. but just, thank u!!!!

to amy ( @yienrk ) : are u surprised ur on here?? HAHA we don’t talk too much either but i do appreciate u checking up on me whenever i’m down and just generally being supportive and nice!!! also i’m in awe about how knowledgeable u are about idols in general ( i remember one of our first convos being about how sixteen came 2 be and the collapse of all of jype’s trainees and such ) and i love yien and nana’s supportive relationship too!! i can’t wait 2 see how they develop, and i hope 2 get closer 2 u in the future!! ; u ;

to eclipse girls ( @rkariel , @rkaudrey , @rkhaseul , @rkjennie , @rkyeri ) sun couldn’t of asked 2 debut w/ a better group of girls and i’m so glad that they harmonize w/ each other so well!! i’m excited 2 see what debuting brings for them!!  ♡ ♡ ♡

and a shoutout 2 snu crew too ( piper / hoonji, nanu, @rksang, @rktomu, @rksoohyun , @rkjinhwan94, @rkpcy ) : even tho ik majority of u probably won’t see this i’m still tagging and talking about y’all anyway!!! i have so much fun reminiscing w/ u guys whenever we can, and i’m happy that i’ve grown closer too u all as well!! i’m sorry i was such a shit admin back in the day, and what brought y’all together was bad circumstances, but i’m glad it’s something that we can all look back on and laugh at now. i miss being together w/ all of u at once but i hope y’all are doing okay!!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡

and naturally, the admods too!!! thank u guys for putting up w/ all my shit whenever i was in a slump or i sent in points late or fucked up the points ( honestly kyle u are such an angel for real LOL ), and for just keeping the rp in tip top shape!!! ur the back bone of rk and we couldn’t of made it this far w/ each and every one of u and ur contributions and dedication 2 the rp!!! i’m super proud of u guys and am proud 2 call u my admins!!!!  ♡

and ofc shoutout 2 everyone that i’ve ever plotted and threaded w/ in the past and present -- i’m super shit at replying 2 those in general so thank u for being patient w/ me even though i don’t deserve it. i don’t know how else 2 end this b/c i’m also super shit at ending things so uh.... happy fifth year anniversary rk!!! here’s to many more!!!

[mnovenia]

VISAKU KELARRRRRR <3

God thank you so much for believing in me. Thank you for this privilege, I still can’t believe that this is the time, to live out something that I’ve been dreaming of. I can’t believe how gracious You are, to allow me experiencing this. Sometimes I even wonder what do I need to exchange for something dreamy like this. After all these time, I was taught to ‘always’ be tough, ‘life is hard’, ‘nothing comes easy’, even while I’m being happy, I need to be prepared for I don’t know that something bad would happen. And to go through such a hard hard time, has become something that common in my life. I feel like I never deserve to be treated as a loving daughter or a woman. But with this, I learn that at some point in life, God also teach us to LAUGH, SMILE WIDELY, ENJOY, even you know the truth that we are ‘constantly fighting’ in this world.

Lega banget urusan Visa akhirnya selesai, berjuang naik bus pagi-pagi dan colongan ijin kantor pun berbuah hasil. Seneng juga pertama kali ke kedutaan Belanda, kayak gini toh yang di google tulisannya Embassy of the Kingdom of The Netherlands. Liat orang-orang berjuang berangkat pagi ke Jakarta, jadi sedih sekaligus merasa beruntung juga, gak harus berjuang kayak mereka setiap harinya, tapi di tengah-tengah itu semua, selalu masih ada orang baik yang make life make sense again, contohnya: abang2 yang nolongin penumpang susah turun dari bus saking banyaknya motor di sampingnya.

Anyway, theare are many praises that I would like to address to you God. Iseng2 email ex-penghuni rumah Mba Siska di Groningen, namanya Meilani. She’s nice and quite open to give opinion about her stay in Groningen. And she said at the end of her email: 

“By the way, I left my bike there. It is still in good condition, only the left hand break does not really work properly. I have discussed with Mba Siska that if you want you can just use it. Just please take care of it.

Good luck with your preparation and study. Hope you will have a nice time in Groningen as well!”

See? Small things that I don’t even think about, already been prepared by the Lord. He’s just too big to be understood, but thankyouthankyouthankyouLORD. 

The last few weeks of being in Indonesia was quite busy. I need to arrange moving out, handover my job at office, bank & money for my family, also the never ending farewell. 

I came back and forth to Bandung for mom’s 100 day, etc. Always a ‘hard’ time being there, idk, I guess I just don’t belong there anymore. Well, it’s also depend on the companies, when it’s with Cililitan, I enjoyed every second of it. I said goodbye to Monik & Charlotte, Jutek & Arbi, Noi & Uleel, as well to the big fam from my mom’s side. 

Not so much happen after that, going to pre-departure briefing was a highlight. I got to meet a lots of new friends from all over Indo going to all over Netherlands. Then things went so fast. Meeting with my cousin Amanda, Patty, Kemang hangout w Mayang, Tina & Shan (thanks for the treat Madam), farewell sleepover w Memeh, Gallery National w Cikez n Bebey, farewell Trip w Eteng & TJ, farewell at cyber & w beloved Asiatic, and also w Angin Ribut. So overwhelming because I know there are so much task and checklist that I need to do, and at the same time overwhelmed with the emotion as I don’t know when will I meet them again. Thank you so much guys for the gifts, team Asiatic (Pak Wandi, Ci Silvi, Icha, Tansi, Agustine, Fikka, Alpin, Pak AA, Bu Tri) you guys are so thoughtful in many ways, I bring everything to Holland and really appreciate them as I remember you. Gift after gift came to my house.

Here is my special thanks, a note so then I will never forget that I wouldn’t be able to go without their helps. Tribute to:

1. Bu Abeth, Nadia & Engeline, for contributing a lot for my flight ticket, and your time & care, Bu Abeth, your prayer and never ending support, I can’t thank you enough for believing in me since the very start.

2. Ci Sis, Tante Susi & Ci Debby, thanks so much for everything, doa dan perhatiannya and the thoughtful gift. They gave me Euro even when I hadn’t buy any. And heat tech yang aku pake selalu, loph you full acik <3 Thankyou udah bersedia aku repotin dengan banyak hal yang aku tinggalin di Indo

3. Tepi & Yoan, my supporters & cheerleaders, thankyou walau kalian sibuk tp masih sempetin pergi2 sama aku & coming all the way from mei2 just to spend time together. Continue to pray for you both <3

4. Vina & Kajuls Family, aku sampe ga enak banget sama kalian sampe harus kasih bgitu.. I just wanted to say goodbye properly and being relieve to see Vina & her new life, also pamit ke Kajuls & Boy, tapi malah kaliah yg terus memberi selama aku hidup ini perasaan, terharu banget for your thoughtfulness to spare some (that I believe you also need it) for me. THANKYOU, i will never forget!

5. Ka Armand & Ka Claudia, thank you that you show how proud you are of me. You guys are the most supportive family (esp from my mom’s side), your words and opinions are things that I value the most and will remember as I am being in the Netherlands. Also for ‘the gift’, banyak banget sampe gatau lagi mau bilang apa.. THANKYOU SO MUCH!

6. Tante Pin, thank you a sincere love, invited me to dinner, bought me Jacket, and the laptop, they all mean a lot to me. Even roti tante aku bawa and makan di kereta di Belanda. Thankyou for your never ending love for my family

7. Shannen & Family, for opening your house for my stay at the few last days, and giving me roof and enjoyable stay. And to pray for me, to pack all the stuffs for my travel, and feed me A LOT.

8. Janis, thank you for your concern and the friendship over these past year. And your willingness to help and contribute for my study ‘fund’, thankyou for being supportive and keep saying ‘you deserve it’, that means a lot me

9. Mayang & Lina, my buddies, (and also Launy and team), that successfully made a beautiful farewell party. I love you guys so much.

10. Nongky & Thendra, for everything since months ago, you’re not giving up to encourage me, sending me different links to keep trying, and even to the very last minutes, you guys still care to meet me, think about my future and most importantly, keep me in your thoughts and prayer.

11. Peter & May Yee (and family), over these past year God sent you into my life. You may have no idea of how much I was encouraged to know that you care for me so much, while none of my own family do. I never know how to repay your kindness, and sometimes I ask God why would you even do all these things to me. It's very hard to accept love that I never thought I deserve, but through you & Peter, I know it exist, even when I feel like I'm useless to you. Thankyou once again May Yee, I'll never forget. For the farewell dinner, and the gift that is so much to me. I know God will repay you in return.

12. And Fenny (and family and Mike), for buying my house and being so gracious. DANK JE WEL

And many many others that I may forget to mention. But I do, I do really appreciate you.

After all, I just realized of how much God loves me through all of you guys. Sometimes, I don’t even know what did I do, that made God moves your heart to help me, in different forms. But from this experience, I just want to testify that: He who promised is faithful. 

John 14:16 I will ask the Father, and he will give you another helper who will be with you forever.

Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD is the one who is going ahead of you. He will be with you. He won’t abandon you or leave you. So don’t be afraid or terrified.

[stay-neurotic]

found one of those old survey things in my journal i used to kill time with, redoing it with my new answers <3

When's the last time you ran? - ran back to the car with juan after renfest, cause we were fucking freezing and ready to go home lmao. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them? - my work pants have holes from my bigass thighs rubbin against each other, but that’s about it. What are you dreading right now? - hmm. surprisingly nothing? i dunno. i guess confrontation. over the past few days i’ve come *this* close to running into certain people i don’t wanna talk to. Do you celebrate 420? - lmao hell yeah my dude Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night? - usually manage to get between 6 to 7 and a half. i don’t even get a full night’s sleep on the days i sleep in cause my body clock’s been fucked up and also my cat is noisy. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do? - i’ve become a pretty flexible person, if someone wants to come and chill w/ me they’re more than welcome to. so long as i don’t have to entertain them i don’t mind the company. Who last grabbed your ass? - @thefacelessghoul​. too easy. next question Have you ever been on your school's track team? - fuck no Do you own a pair of Converse? - still have the black knee-high converse i mentioned the first time i answered this question. i keep em’ for cosplay purposes Did you copy and paste this survey? - yes? Do you eat raw cookie dough? - doesn’t everyone Have you ever kicked a vending machine? - vending machines have thankfully never done me wrong in the past Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over? - doesn’t everyone Do you watch Trading Spaces? - nope, don’t watch a lot of TV in general. is this show even on the air anymore? How do you eat oreos? - whole, dunked in milk, the way god intended Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone? - oooooohhhhhhhhhhh yes. my high school days were spent staring at a computer screen, this happened often Are you cocky? - af Could you live without a computer? - lol holy fuck no Do you wear your shoes in the house? - no? people do this? Who or what sleeps with you? - a juan, a max, and a million pillows At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real? - don’t remember what age I was but it was on Christmas morning lol. i had suspected for a while but my suspicions were confirmed when santa’s gift to me still had the tag from target How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house? - i have one cell, juan has two. his second cell came from the lost-and-found of winn dixie, it’s out of service but can connect to wifi so it’s basically a social media/music device What do you do when you're sad? - hmm. umm. sleep a lot. starve myself. lose the ability to say ‘no.’ Who would you call first if you won the lottery? - my significant other followed shortly by my aunt Last time you saw your best friend? - well i haven’t seen her, really, we’re tumblr buddies. but the last time i talked to her was yesterday Are you in high school? - graduated in 2012 What jewelry are you wearing? - promise ring <3 nothing else because i’m in my fucking pajamas Is anyone on your bad side now? - my roommates for being the opposite of understanding/supportive with our (mine & juan’s) living situation and fixating on the money aspect. they’re still my friends but, just, could have used a little more empathy from them. also, the friend group who proved how ugly they all were when the drama started happening. (someone ask me about this if ur curious, i’d love to rant) What's the first thing you do when you get online? - check tumblr. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy? - again with the tv thing.  How do most people spell your name? - usually just rachel. sometimes they try really hard but end up with racheal. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes? - i wear juan’s things to sleep a lot lol. he’s also given me a few of his shirts/jackets. Where do you work? - tgi motherfucking fridays. come get ur endless apps bitch, we literally will be fired on the spot for complaining about ur nontipping ass What are you doing tomorrow? - helping juan move his stuff from storage back into the apartment <3 Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson? - nobody is becoming the next michael jackson Favorite name for a girl? - i love all names that start with vowels for girls Favorite name for a boy? - papa emeritus iii Will you keep your last name when you get married? - potentially. we talked about juan taking my last name. but i’m not really that attached to it at the end of the day. When was the last time you left your house? - yesterday morning, to go to work Do you return your cart? - fucking always. literally if u dont ur an asshole Do you have a dishwasher? - yup. there wasn’t one in our first apartment, and after washing dishes by hand for a year we agreed that anywhere we move had to have one or it was off the table lmao What noise do you hear? - the fan of my computer, my cat licking his paws, roommate’s music muffled on the other side of the wall. Would you survive in prison? - the only thing i’d fear is maybe pissing off the wrong person by accident. but i feel like i’d be protected by all the allies i’ve made in my cell block Who is the youngest in your family? - technically me. i have a younger sister but she was adopted as a baby and now i know nothing about her. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would most likey overpack? - fucking juan Do you know anyone with the same name as you? - uhh. yesterday one of my customers was overjoyed because i was the first rachael she’d met in her life who spelled my name the same way she did. does that count What's the last thing you purchased? - a sweet-ass leather & chain harness from the medieval faire. and also a lace choker. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you? - @cvnt-ish​ if she bought me a ticket to see her in portland then i could answer yes to this question <3 What brand are your pants right now? - not wearin’ any! Ever been to Georgia (the state)? - visited thomasville one day during a vacation with eden’s fam. it was super quaint! What irritates you most on the internet? - hmm. nazies. niceguys. trump supporters. no, you know what, just...people with shitty opinions/beliefs who are provided a forum where other people will validate their shitty views. the internet can be an echo chamber a lot of times and it’s terrifying What brand is your digital camera? - this survey was composed back when digital cameras were still a thing Do you watch movies with your parents? - can’t say I do much of anything with my parents. :/ What song best describes your life right now? - Do You Feel It? - Chaos Chaos Do you own expensive perfume/cologne? - nope. though i would like to make a trip some day soon to bath & body works and get some nice-smelling lotion. Are you taking college classes right now? - none at the moment. if my financial situation resolves itself before march then i will start with my architecture degree this fall, though. Do you like sushi? - do you breathe air? Do you get your hair cut every month? - i cut my own hair, mostly. right now though i’m just letting it grow. Do you go online everyday? - yall dont need me to answer this. you know. Will you pass this survey on? - yeah sure. whoever wants to reblog this and do it i guess. lmao. Boyfriend/Girlfriend Survey What is their name? - juan c: What pet name do you like to call them? - baby. babe. my sun & stars. How long have you been together? - just over three years. How did you meet? - through a mutual friend. she introduced me to the group and it was the beginning of the end, lol. What do you like the most about them? - how creative he is, how driven he can be when he finds a cause worthy of his effort, how introspective and intelligent and talented he is. how forgetful he can be and how dorky he always is. <3 What do you like the least about them? - his tendency to let his emotions get out of hand - though that’s something he’s making really great strides on recently. What is the best thing they have ever done for you? - kiss me, those three years ago on that chilly morning before work. starting us out on this journey together. Have they met your parents yet? - both my parents are out of the picture, but he’s met my aunt and uncle and grandma, which is what counts. and they love him to pieces of course. What would you kids look like if you had kids? - oh! i actually did one of those picture merger things one time to find this out...i lost the screenshot unfortunately though. they would be white/puerto rican mixed with really big noses and beautiful eyes. What is the worst argument you have had? - ooh. this one’s bad. we had two, during the breakup, that were extreme in a way none of our other arguments had ever been. during the first, he lashed out at me because i told him “you have a week to get out.” by the end of it we were screaming in each others’ faces and name-calling. it was ugly. the second one was when he told me he was gonna date the other girl. i was so livid i was seeing red and twice i tried to go up and hit him but he backed away from me and then got in his truck and drove off. i’m still ashamed of that. Do you still kiss a lot? - god. i lose track of how much we kiss every day... Who asked who out? - we went from being best friends to flirting pretty hardcore for a couple days, until he closed the gap suddenly and kissed me. so i guess you could say it was him. lol. Do you think you will get married? - the future is an uncertain thing, so i try not to look too far ahead anymore. still, i would like to, one day... Can you see yourself growing old with them? - again...taking it day by day. What is the one thing you would like to change about them? - absolutely fucking nothing. ...no, you know what, i’d like him to be able to remember that hot beverages go in mugs, not glasses <3 What do you think they would like to change about you? - hmm. my insecurities. they pop up fairly often now after all that’s happened. it takes a lot to reassure me. What is the first gift they ever bought you? - roses, i think. he made a lot of art for me as gifts rather than buying things. Do you have a favorite song together? - ohh, plenty. the first one that pops into mind is definitely Evidence - Marilyn Manson Which famous person do you think they look like the most? - OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE Would you say the two of you are a good match? - only in every conceivable way.