#i still have one more exam to study for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faaun · 7 months

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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful

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shrews-things · 3 months

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The notes for my irodalom záróvizsga are literally over twice the length of my szakdolgozat I hate it here and I wanna sleep for a month

#and that's just literature #there's still linguistics left #I have successfully isolated myself from like two thirds of the people I know over the course of the past few weeks and #my high social needs ass is not happy with it and also I feel guilty for it but then again #I physically cannot muster energy for that #anyway the exam is on 25th so two more days and this all is gonna be over <3 #I know I won't fail but if I get anything under a 5 I will be so ashamed you see I put these huge expectations on myself #and I know it's stupid but here we are still #anyway I collected it all in one biiiig document and I worked for weeks on it so #if any of y'all happen to study at ELTE szlavisztika and need záróvizsga material #at any time in the upcoming week or years #hit me up and I will send it #personal

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clarabowmp3 · 7 months

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like I’ve been generally fine in my teenage years (no more unhappier than from the average dose of teen angst) but man do I miss the excitement I’d get from those fantasy Geronimo Stilton books

#like my worldview on life was so different then #Obv it was Pri school so it was more chill (I was arguably too chill and messed up my psle)#But you know what I’m actually so fine w that! I’m happy that at least in some point in my life studies weren’t hanging over my head #Like a guillotine #And I would find so much joy in the little things like hell yeah new book!!!#because a part of me feels like I’m never going to feel that undiluted childlike joy ever again #And I’ve killed myself so much on every exam since #baby me deserved to have a little happiness in her life #I still think 12 is way too young for the first major board exam #Esp one so heavily surrounded by stigmas/reputation/prestige of the school you get into #like you’re setting a child up for the rest of their life and they’re not even a teen yet #thankfully it’s gotten a lot better (in terms of tangible change in sg societys mindset)#but god was it brutal for me in 2018/2019 #anyways trip down memory lane over heheh

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saeshiraw · 1 year

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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ley-med · 7 months

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The rats in my brain are screaming and running around in circles because I made up my mind and I will attempt to do the EDAIC part 1 exam this year, hopefully stepping one step closer to the end of residency and attendinghood

Did I mention how much I hate exams and writing tests? Because I do.

Whatever, it's compulsory so sooner or later I will have to get through it, might as well have a go at it sooner

#it's either this year or next year #and the oral part of course at the last year of residency #so if i flop this test i still have one more chance to do it next year #oh how much i hate exams #as a consolation im also ordering a remarkable tablet #under the excuse that it's going to be useful for exam prep #but really i just wanted one for years and if im doing this exam and studying stuff i need a bribe

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forgotten-daydreamer · 3 months

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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow

#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw #genuinely don’t do the shit that I do #i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it #always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all #anyway psa aside #I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half #godspeed ig #uni #melatonin #I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place #haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks #been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus #also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough #genuinely so tired of everything in general #I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme #so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other #I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for #it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it #I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take #a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs #and you know me #I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available #then. the demons #wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic #so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew #also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.

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sprinklethetangerine · 5 months

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I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?

#ughhhhh #you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost #if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up #so last week and the week before were spring break for me #and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons #cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying #but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family #and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK #so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to #and even there i couldnt enjoy my time #why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects #so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be #and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated #i got shouted at which was not very fun #whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public.#then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course.#and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying #the only free time i have is when she sleeps #and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here.#but what choice do i really have #its either this or fail the exams #it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT #and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT #idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point #then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying #what does she do? she wakes me up like “alright time to study”#so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she #STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up #i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP #i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.

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hunsa-jars · 5 months

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Bnuuys

#random squeak #heyyyyy look at my fellas #i made these fellas #okay it was more like a joint effort with my mom and my sister #cause i have honest to goodness never sewn before in my entire life but dammit i did my best till i had zero idea how to continue #anyways OUR FELLAS LOOK AT EM #the one with the green ribbon was the first attempt #yeah his arms are very chonky (because i misunderstood the pattern whoops-) but thankfully number 2 looks how she should look #to anyone still reading this howdy i'm so tired #i'm in the middle of kindergarten practice right now and i had to hand craft a whole bunch of stuff beside these bunnies #not even halfway done :')#but next week i'm all done thank god #well not really. have to start studying for my exams lmao #BUT after next week i'll be back. probably. hopefully #seriously i really hope it all will turn out okay gonna hand these floppies over for the exhibition. study for the pre psychology exam #then entertain the kids for 2 hours on Tuesday hahhhh i'm dying #miss you folks see you all soon

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m0onjellies · 5 months

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I have a week and a half of finals left and I am not making it through y’all 🙏

#I js finished my aps on Monday and ap studying is a whole different kind of beast #and so were finals last year #this year finals are light as fuck and that means I will not be studying much this week cuz I cannot get myself to take this shit seriously #like Monday? hell. ap gov and apah on one day #I had to cover 40 percent of apah on my own in the weekend before the exam cuz the teacher didn’t 😭#I also still had to review for gov #so I was spending like 18-20 hours a day on studying for those classes last weekend #and then taking the tests were fun but also horrible experiences #cuz of all the fucking writing #l got to near 20 pages of writing that day #and now I’m spending like an hour and a half max reviewing for anything #I have a final tomorrow and I’m so unserious about it #the only kinda stressful thing is Spanish and bio both being next Thursday #and ig math on Monday #but they’re still pretty light cuz I hv so much time to study #when we don’t hv tests it’s all study hall #so I’m just sitting in a room for 5 hrs working during school #and that’s more than enough time for those exams #like I just have to do 80ish practice problems and make flashcards for Spanish everyday until Sunday #and then I’m gonna check my math study guide on Sunday #and then continue studying Spanish flashcards every day leading up to next Thursday #other than that I have to make lang flashcards and study a bit for lang (prob like 2ish hours) next Monday #and like 6-7 hours of studying bio #like this is not that bad???#and I’m so excited for summer!!!#I alr have so many things prepped I wanna do!!#imma try to read for 24 hrs straight & draw more & get back into printmaking & do an internship & work on speech and debate #& volunteer at a library with my friends & study for next yr & learn to knit/crochet #& listen to music more & get back into piano fr & exercise #ares.txt

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faaun · 1 month

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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immamapletreekid · 5 months

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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha

#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF #im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries #and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future #IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN #i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and #finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes #and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades #isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade #it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that #dictate every single fucking part of my life #and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb #ra and stats and calculus and cs #haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates #i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table #yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first #god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive #all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is #i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again #haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future #i hope i can still have time for hobbies #why si everyone at school so good at everything #ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent #i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states #my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo #meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day #how do i become like them #why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence #i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore

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edupiii · 5 months

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me as of right now

i told myself that as a treat, ill buy myself the dog N plushie as a reward for finishing my first year of university. i live by the little treat system and i mcfucking deserve it

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yohankang · 1 year

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bad day at work. again

#i've been here 3 weeks and it's not going too well... maybe i'm not cut out for this kind of work #one of the managers asked me if something happened bc i looked sad 😬 yeah buddy i'm constantly on the verge of tears but thanks for asking #and people are asking me how i feel abt this job at least 10 times a day #and i don't know how many 'i'm still adjusting but it's fine' i have left in me #quitting is not an option and i know things will get better with time but god. i feel pathetic #i feel anxious at work i feel anxious just existing in my new apartment bc my flatmates don't talk to me and on top of that #i have another final exam tomorrow and i haven't even started studying yet. and it's one of the worst exams this semester #but it's tomorrow at 10 am and then i'm free #it doesn't matter if i fail it or not i'm going to a patisserie to treat myself #and then i'm going to REST #k.txt #just a week more and my finals will be over and i'll have time for my hobbies and for long walks #and then i'll be fine!!! i hope lol

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ctl-yuejie · 9 months

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love this system that is like "oh you work for 2 years while we barely pay you - it's not called a wage for a reason, duh - have you come to class and write an exam every week but in class - just for funsies - we won't actually teach you what you need to know for the exams but a lot of practical stuff which doesn't apply for your work because that is way more specialized"

glad i can skip the classes since i moved outside of town for this part. while i have to teach everything to myself, everyone in class is non the wiser and at least i don't lose the hours.

#ctlyuejie writes #really thought i could get some studying in until february since starting february my work schedule will be hell #but alas #idk how the people cope who have to work more hours than me #if i take anything away from this is that i am damn lucky with my supervisors #and the knowledge i could still find a job at my current workplace if I fail the bar #just had a meeting to discuss one of the mock exams: they are not allowed to hand out the correct solution just discuss it #and since a lot of it is the outline and basically formatting stuff it really isn't helpful to have someone explain where to put a signatur #and letter head etc with no visual aid #and there's also no textbook examples because every fucking region does it differently #i just love that in the exam i am drafting administrative decisions - letters to court - letters to citizens etc which in reality you'd use #internal templates for #but just for the nonsense of it all you have to memorize the formats for the bar (besides getting the material law correct obviously)#me copypasting the template for writing charges when i was working as a prosecutor vs me in the exam having to draw the state coat of arms #into the correct spot so i don't fail on a technicality #(guy who was correcting the mock exam got mad because i wrote “coat of arms” in letters instead of drawing it...my dude...it's a mock exam)#(i will draw the horse for the bar and not before that)#shouldn't have started my training in a state that has a horse on the coat of arms #also highly enjoyable how this must read like madness to anyone taking the bar in another country (besides the bar being madness anywhere)#at this point i have the equivalent of two bachelors two masters and a specialization and i still might not make it #just collecting fun letters that go behind my name

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kimmkitsuragi · 10 months

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i should spend more time studying german 😑😑😑

#ughhhh in the beginning i was really studying and writing things all the time #but these last weeks my life has been consumed by this application thing and my silly rpg game 😑#so i really should spend more time studying #i will have the a1 certificate exam in like 2-3 weeks i think 😑#but i still have the other applications to work for + a competition + article thing aughh #this isnt even anything btw like im just not build for all this #i would probably give up on all of these stuff if i had school/work rn #and it's crazy like. baby just grow up and learn how to do stuff 😑 how will i live i wonder #sometimes im like. even IF i can get into one of these programs; can i like. do it in the first place. lol #but then i feel like im underestimating myself #but then im like. im a loser tho. anyway #🗒#the epic highs and lows of learning a language

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lieutenantselnia · 1 year

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Damn I'd really love to make some art for self/safeshiptember this year🥺 I actually already picked out my favourite prompts (from two different lists), I hope I can do at least some of them. If not I just might finish them late though🤔

#I started my internship on monday so my everyday routine's changed a bit #I still have to get used to it but overall it's been good so far #my boss and coworkers are really nice even though I am still a little clueless and confused😅#one thing I actually like about work so far is that when you get home you're just ... done?#like you don't have homework or projects to work on or exams to study for - feels odd when you've been used to that for the past 14 years #however I feel like it takes up more of my day (I'm doing full-time and also have to travel to and from the office)#I could do home office but at the beginning it's probably better to be around people who I can talk to if I need help with something #also technically I don't have just free time after work since I also need to work on my bachelor's thesis🫠#but while I'm just settling in to work I pretend to not see that

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