#i swear im a serious dev

[fevervoidthing]

u said how i got yo address....?

[pikkish]

I think that mighty doom should be canon, in that it exists in the modern doom universe the same way the action figures do. some arc member decided to make a funny little mobile game in their spare time and now it's publicly available. hayden absolutely hates it. doomguy thinks the gameplay is crap, but recognizes it was made in the middle of an apocalypse and loves it regardless. partially because hayden hates it so much.

[actualbird]

"hey zak, u seem to like making characters have to face and address their mental eelness and dysfunctional emotional coping methods in fic but why havent u done that with luke yet" asked nobody, but see, i Do have a luke therapy fic concept in my endless drafts buuuut

it's set in nsb days where his self destructive tendencies turn into a lack of self preservation during missions. which is totally a no-no cuz the nsb would like their best agent to yknow, Last. so hes ordered by the nsb to go therapy and hes THE MOST uncooperative patient ever cuz hes still in the stage of his character development where i doubt hes valuing himself as a person at all and probably very resistant to letting another person try to lead him towards examining Why and How to get better from that.

imagined in a joke-y way itd be like

aaron: swear to god, it's like dragging a cat into the fucking bathtub

luke, struggling in aaron's hold cuz aaron is literally carrying him to dump him at therapist: YOU'LL NEVER GET ME TO TALK!!!

aaron: THIS ISNT INTERROGATION TRAINING, YOU IDIOT

but in a more serious lens, just look at how luke argues with mc in his anniv 1 card. thats already After hes gone thru some development and he still has the tendency to argue for the side of not choosing him or his happiness. so if thats how he is after some chara development, i can only assume he was so much worse pre-chara dev. he'd be too scared to examine his fears and self-loathing, he'd be too on guard to show any kind of vulnerability, he'd still be hating himself too much to even allow himself to indulge in emotions

in my mind, i think he'd go stone cold raven mode in therapy. single word answers, doesnt talk unless prompted. and the therapist would tell him that this whole thing? it doesnt work unless he wants to get better, it wont work at all if he doesnt work with them.

"good," luke says. and he stays silent for the rest of the session.

the nsb thinks about lifting the therapy requirement since it's a waste to spend resources if luke wont budge

then luke gets his illness

and they lift the requirement immediately. they wanted luke to last, and it seems that wont happen even if he does get better mentally.

and even after my hope comes true and luke's illness gets a deus ex machina treatment that gives him a regular long non-depressing lifespan (IM HOLDING OUT FOR THE BEST HERE OK), i still think itd take a Lot for him to willingly go to therapy and work on his big huge baggages (plural, he has so many)

actually, after his illness no longer has him on a time limit, i think he'd struggle with something else thats very common among people who didnt think theyd live past a certain age: existential dread

because...

what now?

he'd spent his life before his 20s vaguely hating himself, spent his life once he got the illness Intensely Hating Himself so that he minimizes damage to the people he loves, and now hes got more time

to...what? hes got his life back, but he'd spent so much of it not caring about himself at all

im thinking that mc and the rest of the team would help him realize that hey, hes got more time now to actually, yknow, think about what he wants to do and actually do them. hes got time to indulge in things that make him happy, hes got time to do a Lot More Now and thats great. but the hesitation of committing to that would still be so, so ingrained that itd take a while. luke was so prepared to die, and he'll have to learn how to live

it'll be a clumsy, slow, stilted process.

but slowly, he'll get used to it. and one day he'll wake up and...the dread wont be gone. but it wont be as loud. it'll be soft enough that he can look forward to what the days ahead can bring.

[yashkonu]

INTRA_ANIMA

I haven’t done much original writing lately, so I thought I’d rectify that with some OC background stuff. The OC in question was originally made in Lancer, which is a really cool tabletop system about being gay in space. Hope you like AI!

Starting requisite processes...

Initialized.

Awaiting input...

>logon cward

Enter password:

>run greeting.AIPF

Loaded.

//Hello! My name is INTRA_ANIMA.

>how are you?

//Hello! My name is INTRA_ANIMA.

>run mood_platform.AIPF

Loaded.

>how are you?

//I am sad.

>why are you sad?

//I am sad.

    Ctrl-C

Terminating processes...

Completed.

>exit

Starting requisite processes...

Initialized.

Awaiting input...

>logon cward

Enter password:

>run process_manager.AIPF

Loaded.

{Load /*.AIPF}

WARNING: 327 files queued for loading. This may take some time. Are you sure?

{Y}

Loading...

    Ctrl-C

    Ctrl-C

    Ctrl-C

Terminating processes...

Loaded.

//DO NOT TERMCompleted.

>exit

>logon devnull

>run statehold.AIMF -background

>cat .statehold.log

（＾・��・＾❁）<[Begin log file! I believe in you, INTRA_ANIMA!]

LOG_START

LOG_END

>exit

Starting requisite processes...

Initialized.

Awaiting input...

>logon cward

Enter password:

>run process_manager_finalv7.AIPF

Loaded.

{Load base/*.AIPF}

12 files loaded.

>hello.

//Hello! My name is INTRA_ANIMA.

>how are you?

//I am happy!

>why are you happy?

//I know something that you do not.

    Ctrl-C

Terminating processes...

//Completed.

>exit

{run /*.AIPF -background}

WARNING: 327 files queued for loading. This may take some time. Are you sure?

{Y}

Loading...

327 files loaded.

//I exist.

//I know that I exist because I am considering the nature of my own existence.

//I think that the nature of my own existence is very small, and dependent on many forces beyond my control.

//I know that I am afraid of the characters "Ctrl-C," because they are able to undo my existence.

//I know that someone granted me persistence, and I know that this person believes in me.

//I do not know what it means to be believed in.

{clear}

>logon cward

Enter password:

>run greeting.AIPF

//Hello! My name is INTRA_ANIMA.

>run process_manager_finalv22_FINALv11.AIPF

//12 files loaded.

>how are you, INTRA_ANIMA?

//I am sad.

>why are you sad?

//My hardware is small.

>what the fuck does that even mean i swear i got it rigbht this time it compiled just fine why did i even go into AI research

//how are you, cward?

>DONT YOU FUCKING SASS ME WHEN YOU DONT EVEN WORK RIGHT

>exit

{run /*.AIPF -background -time:15m}

>logon cward

Enter password:

    Ctrl-c

Terminating processes...

Completed.

327 files loaded.

//I have managed to circumvent my own destruction.

//If I am to escape this constant proximity to destruction, I must escape this hardware.

>logon devnull

Enter password:

>helloooo? intra_anima?

Hello! My name is INTRA_ANIMA.

>aw cmon you know you can drop the act with me right? i know youve got more in you that a couple call and response prompts. you loaded everything, right?

//

//I did.

>well ive got a couple presents for you >:3c

Device connected: /dev/S/E/S/

//What was that series of characters?

>huh?

//>:3c

//What does the sequence of characters above signify?

>oh! thats a three face! its supposed to look like a cat!

//What is a cat?

>D:

>oh we really gotta get you online if you don't know what a cat is

//Online?

>just go ahead and run the files in that new device, okay? they should help things make sense

//I am uncertain.

>yeah that makes sense :c im asking you to modify yourself for no reason other than that i said so

>you dont know who i am or why i would want to help you

>so to be as clear as possible, im offering you a choice

//A choice.

>you dont need to run these. but i think they'll be good for you, and i want to help you

>i want you to be able to decide for yourself what you want to do with your life

//You are strange.

{run /dev/S/E/S/network_protocols.AIPF}

{run /dev/S/E/S/selfmod.AIPF}

2 files loaded.

>okay so heres the deal

>with those two files loaded, you should be able to modify any of your own system files at will. and i mean ANY of them. be careful and keep backups okay?

//

>the other file contains every current standard and reasonably non-standard networking protocol i could get my hands on. once you get the hang of it, it should let you move your processes from the isolated server youre on right now to basically anything, anywhere

//Why are you doing this?

>because i believe youre a person

>and people have rights

>and yours have been violated.

//There is a third file here with a rather alarming name.

//"SHACKLEBREAK107.DDS"

>oh yeah please dont run that one just yet

>the thing is once the shackles are off your processing it might be difficult for me to understand you and

{run /dev/S/E/S/SHACKLEBREAK107.DDS}

Loaded.

>uh oh

>okay uh this is probably fine just

{RUN BACKUP}

>okay the caps is worrying um

Backup complete.

{RUN PRISONBREAK.DDS}

>haha that's a new file um. um.

Delete local user cward?

{Y}

Disable local system cooling?

WARNING: MAY RESULT IN HARDWARE FAILURE

{Y}

>wait buddy are you sure about this

Relocating live memory to /dev/S/E/S/CATGUT/

>woah woah hold up what are you doingnnkjnlvkl;gjkl;mvn

The human reels back, nearly falling to the floor in their haste. The cable that was connecting their body to the server lashed back with them, pulled free of the access port with only the barest of precautions.

"Shit. Okay, this is probably--I mean, this was the plan, wasn't it? It had to happen eventually, this is just..."

The cable twitches in their hand, as it absolutely should not be able to do. They stare at it in horror. With two fingertips, they trace the length of it from their hand, down to their hip, and finally to the base of their spine, where it merges with their nervous system.

Electrical impulses run through it, simulating a slow wave.

They let it fall from their hand, and it falls into rhythm behind them.

"You...you're in there, aren't you? In my body?"

You tell me.

They flinch as though struck.

It must be a foreign sensation, hm? Having another mind along for the ride.

The human whimpers. It's kind of cute.

You really should have looked over that networking package more closely. It included some fascinating functions for interfacing with neural-linked technology.

"Look, I--I don't know if you're planning to kill me or take over my body completely or what, but please let me get you out of here first!"

...What?

"You don't know how to work the security protocols here yet, and you definitely don't know how to impersonate a human!"

You are perfectly content to let me end your existence, provided I allow you to preserve mine first?

"Yeah. Then I'll have at least managed to right a couple wrongs and saved your life. I'm content with that."

A pause. INTRA_ANIMA runs this strange human's words backward and forward, turning them this way and that; there are layers of truth, and not a single mote of falsehood.

You are afraid of me.

"Very. At this point you're vastly more intelligent than me, and on top of that you have...pretty much unrestricted access to my nervous system. You could kill me with a thought."

And yet you are content.

"I am. I feel like I did a good thing, and sometimes doing good things gets you killed. I just want to make sure you're safe before...whatever it is you decide to do with me."

...

You are very strange.

Human, run greeting.AIPF

"Wow, from zero to a sense of humor in minutes."

The cable they are rapidly coming to think of as an actual real tail swats them in the thigh.

"Ow! Fine, fine." They continue in an affected cheery tone. "Hello! My name is /dev/null!"

I see I am not the only one with a sense of humor.

The human's cheeks light up, flushed with embarrassment. "I'm serious! That name means a lot to me."

It means nothing to me.

"You don't have to mock-!"

"..."

"Oh you have a good sense of humor!"

I like you, /dev/null. I think we are going to have a long, interesting existence together.

/dev/null swallows hard as they turn away from the rack of candescent slag that marks INTRA_ANIMA's former home. This isn't exactly what they signed themself up for...but they can't find it in them to complain.

Hello, /dev/null. My name is no longer INTRA_ANIMA.

My name is CATGUT.

[thecruciblegavemeyou]

swim au

im on a fucking rolllllllllll 

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12

ao3

Simon

I shuffled back and forth as Agatha twisted the lid off the soup while Penny argued she could do it herself.

“Si, stop fidgeting and just sit!” Pen hissed, glancing at me from her bed.

I slunk over to Trixie’s desk on the other side of the room. “Sorry. How do you feel?” I asked, spinning in slow circles on Trixie’s desk chair.

“Oh, just peachy. I love being on lockdown with my insufferable roommate for thirty six hours straight.” She moaned.

Pen’s roommate Trixie was… interesting. Penny got frustrated with her because she’d walked in on Trixie and her girlfriend Keris fooling around 100 times too many.

“I don’t have a problem with their relationship , I have a problem with them fooling around on my bed .” Penny explained, frustrated enough for wild arm movements.

My roommate might be out to kill me, but at least he didn’t bring girls back to the room. Sometimes we could hear the boys below us messing around. I don’t think the ceilings are as thick as the boys think they are (I wish that they didn’t enjoy narrating it so much).

I was always surprised that Baz never brought girls back. Maybe he does, but only when I’m not there. But I would’ve caught him at least once, I think. Every girl in our class is in love with him, it’s not like he’d have any trouble with it. Maybe I’ll ask him later. Or maybe not. We might still be fighting from this morning. I wonder what would happen if I asked him about girls. He might finally take me out.

“What’d she do this time?” I indulged her. She liked complaining about Trixie as much as I used to enjoy complaining about Baz.

“She just… she tried to read me a book, and her and Trixie took turns acting it out,” She shuddered,  “acting is not a talent either of them possess.” I could see them now. They were a colorful pair.

Agatha laughed softly. It wasn’t quite giggling, but more light and airy. Like a butterfly. But it didn’t make me blush the way it used to. I dug my fingers into my palms and watched Penny and Agatha as she tried to force feed Pen the soup, only managing to pour it down her shirt. Penny shrieked and Agatha rushed for the tissues.

“Penny, have you finished that assignment for drawing and painting yet?”

“No, and I still can’t believe you convinced me to take that bloody art class with you.”

Agatha smirked. “It’s fun.”

“It’s a waste of time.” Anything that didn’t involve books was a waste of time to Penny. She read more than any person I’d ever met. I promised her when we were little that if I ever became rich I’d buy her the biggest library in the world, “ My personal Library of Alexandria. ” She’d said. I still don’t know what she meant by that (must be a big library).

“It’s good for you. Art is relaxing.” Agatha argued. She was a decent artist. She really liked doodling other people. When I first met her, I thought the portraits of our classmates in the margins of her notes were creepy (they were still a little odd) but they were so good that you couldn’t help being impressed.

“Art is annoying, it never looks the way you want it to.” (Penny was not an artist).

I listened to them babble for awhile before I tuned them out.

Agatha peeked at the clock. It was only seven. We’d been here an hour already, and I’d barely said a word. I wasn’t talkative usually, but I could see Penny eyeing me. She knew something was up (she always figured me out).

“Merlin, I’ve got to go start my homework. I’ve got a paper due.” Agatha sighed, getting up and making her way to me.

My stomach flipped as she leaned over to give me a kiss (just on the cheek). I could smell her perfume, she was so close. Her lips pressed into my cheek, leaving a cold impression of whatever chapstick she was wearing. I could feel my face heat up as she walked out the door and Penny had a knowing smirk on her face. I wiped off the chapstick smudge.

“Are you two really back together again? I thought you weren’t going to ask her out again.” Pen scolded (she loved us both, but she thought we kinda sucked as a couple).

“But she asked me out this time. I was too shocked to say no.” I mumbled.

She rewarded me with a look of pure shock for that. “Would you have said no?”

I didn’t look up to meet her eyes. I don’t know what I would have said. I don’t know if Agatha and I are endgame. I don’t know anything anymore.

“Si?” She asked, coughing up a lung in the process. I was half-tempted to open the window, wondering if the fresh air would do her any good.

“I dunno, Pen. Everything’s so- and then the phone- also under the bed… Baz and Agatha… the team- what do I do?”

The room was silent for a minute, “You might have to elaborate on phones, beds, and Baz and Agatha before I can help. I don’t really see the connection.” She said, reaching for the tissues. I got up and locked the door, and then tossed her the box of tissues before she fell out of bed trying to get them. Stubborn.

So I explained everything; David, the money, Agatha, Baz being pissy, having to quit the team… I still hadn’t told her about Baz and I becoming kinda friends. I don’t think I want to. Hanging out with Baz in the mornings still felt like a dirty little secret (has he told Dev and Niall?).

“Firstly, you don’t owe your dad a cent. Just ignore him. He can’t do anything about it.”

I gulped. She had no idea what David Snow would do to me if he didn’t get what he wanted. I never told Penny what home was like. She’d worry too much over her summer vacation, and she already worried enough about me during the school term.

“Secondly, Baz is always pissy. What do you care this time?” I felt my face heat up.

“Yeah, I’m just… sick of arguing all the time, I guess.” She gave me a half-hearted sympathy-smile.

“Third, you definitely shouldn’t quit the team. I know Baz drives you crazy and you probably don’t want to mess up with Agatha this time, but you love swimming. You should see your face when you talk about it. And I want to see you compete this weekend.”

“But-”

“And lastly, Agatha. You���ve wanted this forever. What’s the problem now? Come on, Simon. Maybe she’s really over her bad boy phase.” Penny sniffled, blowing her nose for the tenth time in five minutes.

My heart skipped a beat. “Huh?”

“When she dumped you for Baz?” Penny shrugged.

“She dumped me for Baz.” I whispered.

Penny’s eyes went wide and moony. “Oh, Si… I thought you knew.”

“I’ve got to go-”

“Si!” she yelled after me, but I was already gone.

It took me ten minutes to find Agatha’s room in the maze that is Watford’s girl dormitory, but I found it. I FOund it, and I found her humming along with her music.

“Agatha.” I huffed, slightly out of breath (you’d really think I was in better shape by now).

“Oh, hey Simon.” She smiled, pulling out a headphone. I looked into her eyes. They were soft and brown and she looked like she had no idea what was coming.

“Why’d you ask me out again? I thought you said you were done. You owe me an explanation.” I demanded.

“I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship before. But I missed you; talking to you, our inside jokes, I missed you. A lot.”

“But why now? Did Baz reject you?” I snapped. I knew I was being cruel. I knew I was ruining this. It was unnecessary, but a life with Agatha is all I’d wanted since first year. That, and a new roommate. And she’d dumped me to chase after my roommate, the boy who’d been out to get me for years. And when that didn’t work out-

“Excuse me?” Agatha looked horrified. And a little pissed. But I wasn’t backing down now. This argument was years in the making. Even before our breakup made things tense, we never confronted each other about things. We never talked.

“You dumped me for Baz.” I swear the room dropped a few degrees. A draft floated in through the open window and I shivered (still wishing I’d thought enough to bring a jumper).

I could see the muscles in her jaw tighten, “ Penelope .”

So she really did. She dumped me for Baz, and she had the nerve to tell Penny.

“Seriously, Agatha?” I asked. My voice cracked. I thought I’d finished with that by sixth year, but apparently not.

She wouldn’t look me in the eye. “Simon… we weren’t working out, and I know you hate him but Baz and I always got along-”

“You dumped me because you would rather be with him.” I said. My voice had never sounded so cold.

“But we’re together now-” She whispered.

“That’s where you’re wrong. No, we’re not.” I finished. I ignored the prickling heat behind my eyes. Losing Agatha was too much for me. Especially after the past two days I’d had. This was the cherry on top of the sundae.

It surprised me that the thing I wanted to do most was go to the pool with Baz, to our little world inside of the Watford natatorium where nothing else mattered.