#i think EVERYONE should read a horse walks into a bar btw.

[warandpussy]

14 and 71

14: a book that made you trip on literary acid

i don't really know what this means 😂 i'm going to imagine it's like, a book i read that made my brain go pwhwhwpehpwhewpepwhphwhwww

soo a horse walks into a bar by david grossman. this book is sooo good it's about a comedian doing a set but also telling the story of his life and it's so miserable and everyone hates him and they're not laughing but it was so electric and compelling to read. like the whole book is centred around this framing device of him doing this set on stage.

i had intended to start and do a few chapters and then go to bed, but i couldn't stop reading till i'd finished because otherwise the tension and the delivery and the timing would be lost - like i had to read it as if i were watching it live. oh my god it was so o o o o o good.

71: your favourite LGBTQ+ fiction

difficultttt

this might be recency bias because i read it this year, but i'm going to say her body and other parties by carmen maria machado - it's a collection of short stories.

her writing is incredible. it's so electric. usually when i read a short story collection i read like one story a day or something but i finished it in one sitting because i couldn't stop reading. i think about 'the husband stitch' all the time.

[dhwty-writes]

Chapter 1 - A Broken Witcher

We have now reached the scene that actually inspired me to write this, which is also depicted in @spielzeugkaiser‘s art. Originally, I wanted to stop after this. Now you can expect at least 5 other chapters, it seems. (Btw, if any of you is interested in betaing this, just shoot me a message)

Summary: Geralt and Ciri have been on the run for half a year. Through pure luck their path leads them to Lettenhove. The meeting with the Viscount, however, goes a lot different than they had expected.

part 1 | part 3

Read on AO3

Geralt was more tired than he'd ever been his entire life. They had been on the run for the better part of six months and no matter where they went, someone followed them anyways. It wasn’t necessarily Nilfgaard that was on their heels, he had realised that rather quickly. The problem was that for some reason or another more than half the Continent was looking for the lost princess he had found. In the end, it didn’t matter. She was his and his alone. His to protect, to raise, to care for. He wouldn’t just give her up now.

He wanted nothing but to get home, to get Ciri to Kaer Morhen where she would be safe, where she could grow and learn. He had contacted Yennefer about that, in the hopes that she could just portal them there, but she hadn't even responded the first few times.

Then, she had said that she couldn’t do it. That had been the end of their correspondence, with Yennefer saying she had more important things to focus on.

Then, there had been a fight. Ciri was uninjured, thankfully, but Geralt could still feel the strain days after. He guessed he should have needed stitches. But he couldn’t find it in himself to make Ciri do the gruesome work. His armour was battered and torn in many places and of all things he had lost his silver sword. Well, not lost. But it was in a fucking bad shape with shards and all. He was pretty sure the next time someone breathed too hard in its general direction it would break. Together with the rest of his gear, to be honest.

Then, Roach had died. That was alright, mostly. She had been a good horse and an old one. The end had been coming for quite some time. And she definitely hadn't been well enough to carry two people, even if one of them was a starving child and the other one a starving witcher. Still, she had probably chosen the worst time to die.

Because now they were on foot, hunted by basically everyone without coin for a new horse - or even food for that matter - and without a silver sword to earn new coin. Geralt found himself thinking of Jaskier and suddenly wishing that he knew how to sing. They had rarely gone hungry when they had travelled together. Then again, it probably wasn't the best idea to draw more attention than strictly necessary. On the other hand, he was, quite frankly, running out of options.

And that was exactly when it happened. He didn't know what it was - destiny? luck? Melitele herself come to save them? - and he didn't care: "Geralt!" Ciri exclaimed with big eyes, "there's a signpost! Maybe it can tell us where we should be going!"

He clasped one hand on her too-thin shoulder, guilt coursing through his veins. He hadn't had it in him to tell her that there was nowhere left to go. Instead he had said he had lost his way. He suspected that she knew the truth anyways.

But there it was. A tattered signpost with old letters, yet clear as day. Lettenhove - 4 miles. A tiny sliver of hope appeared before his eyes and he held onto it as best as he could. He knew that place, though he hadn't passed through it himself. Jaskier had mentioned it in one of his endless ramblings. No, not one, many actually. 'It's his home,' he remembered. Which meant that the Viscount of Lettenhove had to be his father. And maybe such a man would be willing to let a witcher and a child surprise stay, for only a week maybe. He could- he could do anything, earn a little coin or food at least and then they would be on their way again-

"Right," he said. "Let's go, it's only four miles left. If we hurry, we will be there before sundown."

He knew that it was just as likely that their various pursuers had found out about Jaskier's origins and that they would be waiting there for them, but he quickly pushed that possibility away. And if that were the case, well, it would only hasten a process that seemed already overdue.

In the end, he had been right. They arrived just before sundown to find a heavily garrisoned estate with the gates barred to them. He sighed and banged on the door.

"Who's there?" a guard called from the parapet and peered down at them. There was no disgust or fear when he took in the two swords and the armour. Geralt took that as a good sign. Still, he answered: "We haven't called for one of your kind."

"I know!" Geralt answered quickly, frantically thinking of words to say. Fuck, Jaskier had always been good at that. Geralt wasn't.

"Then why are you here?"

He felt Ciri's small hand in his and suddenly he felt better. "I am seeking refuge," he answered truthfully. “For my child and I.”

"Then seek it someplace else!" The guard turned to walk away and something inside Geralt broke. He looked at the frightened girl next to him, who looked up at him with wide eyes, as if he were a knight come to save her, as if he were a hero and thought of the fate that awaited her if they were turned away and-

"Please," he heard himself say, "I am a friend of-" He racked his brain, searching for the right title. "I'm a friend of his lordship's son!" he finally gave up.

"Master Julian?" the guard called down. "What do you want of him?"

"He is here?" That was the first good news he’d heard in months. "Please, if he is, relay this message to him: I thank him for the invitation. And I am in desperate need for apple juice." The guard barked a laugh and he ground his teeth. He knew it sounded ridiculous. "Just, please, tell him; I only ask for five minutes of his time."

The guard looked down at him and Geralt thought to see pity in his eyes. He ducked his head and hunched his shoulders as if that could make the two sets of eyes on him go away. He had always thought himself a proud man. They had called him many things in his long life. Monster, Mutant, Butcher. He had never caved. He had never begged. But now? What other option did he have?

"Wait here," the guard said and vanished.

Ciri tugged at his hand and he leaned down. Not that he could hear her better, he could hear her just fine when he was standing. But he had discovered that it made her feel calmer when he did so. ‘It makes her calmer when I act like the humans she knows.’ "Are you sure we will be safe here?" she asked.

He nodded. "More than anywhere else. Remember the stories I told you? About Jaskier?"

She looked at him with wide eyes. "Your friend?"

"I-" There was a lump in his throat that didn't belong there. "Yes, my friend. His father is the lord here." 'Or so I hope,' he didn't say. "And it seems he is here, too."

"So, he will let us stay?"

He clenched his teeth. He shouldn't get her hopes up, he knew. There was still a chance that they wouldn't let them stay after all, there was still a chance that they wouldn't want to take a risk, there still was a chance that Jaskier's sympathies for witchers didn't extend to his family- Melitele's tits, there was a chance Jaskier was mad at him with how he treated him the last time they had seen each other. ‘Fuck.’ A rather big chance, now that he thought of it. Still he said: "I'm sure they will."

They sat outside for nearly an hour. Geralt tried to distract Ciri from the wait and the hunger by pointing out different plants and their uses nearby. Unfortunately, none of them were edible. ‘And even if they were, we couldn’t just take them,’ he thought with a sigh.

The sun drew dangerously close to the horizon and he was just about to give up, when, to his surprise, the gates opened. There was a young woman, dressed in a colourful livery and walked while dragging her feet across the ground, accompanied by two armed guards. "The viscount will receive you now," she said quietly, "if you would follow me."

Geralt stood and put a protective arm around Ciri, gently nudging her forward. The guards fell in step behind them and the gates shut with a loud bang. Overall, it could have gone better, he supposed. Though, it probably also could have gone worse.

They were led through a nice and bright courtyard with roomy stables Roach surely would have liked - the thought hurt, though he would never admit it. There were flowers all over, flowing from pots on the ground and spilling over the railing of the gallery that framed the courtyard from all sides. The timber framing was light brown, nearly no contrast against the white infill and the sepia sandstone and the shingles were crimson red. It was so bright and colourful and peaceful, so very Jaskier and such an antithesis to the grim reality of Geralt's life.

Then, the doors opened and it hurt even more. There in the foyer of the north wing was Jaskier staring at him. Well, not Jaskier. A younger version of him, etched onto the canvas of a large painting. He was surrounded by four sisters and what he supposed had to be his parents, dressed in expensive silks and standing tall, as would be expected of the heir. He couldn't quite tear his eyes from it.

"This way, please, Sir Witcher," the servant said and after a moment he followed. There were another two guards standing in front of a heavy oaken door that opened for them when they approached. The hall that laid behind it was just how he had imagined: bright with a high ceiling, decorated with murals of flowers and fighting knights and he could swear some of them carried two swords. Ciri gasped and wanted to run off to marvel at one of the tapestries, but his grip on her shoulder tightened. Hopefully, there would be time for that later.

They were led to the dais at the narrow side of the hall, where three people sat on wooden thrones framed by twice as many guards. The two women on the left and right he though he recognised from the paining in the entrance hall, though they had grown much since the time it had been drawn. And in the middle of them sat- "Jaskier!" he exclaimed in surprise. Jaskier as he had never seen him before, dressed all in black with a sword at his hip and a stony expression on his face.

"The Right Honourable Viscount Lettenhove," the servant announced - corrected? -, "Julian Alfred Pankratz. And his sisters, the Honourable Janina and Józefa Pankratz."

Geralt blinked in confusion. That was not how he had imagined this reunion to go.

"You may bow, witcher," the older of his two sisters said.

Geralt frowned. "I don't understand," he said and took a step forward. At once he was met with crossed halberds and steely glares. "What is happening, J-"

"You may address me as "my lord", witcher," Jaskier interrupted him with a voice as cold as ice. There was not even a trace of recognition in his face.

The faintest hint of panic crept up his spine as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Did Jaskier not remember? Had he been cursed, maybe? But when he looked into his eyes he understood. "I-" His heart sank. Of course, Jaskier remembered him. And even though his face did not betray a thing, his eyes spoke of unbearable pain. 'Fuck,' he thought. "Of course," he said and bowed reluctantly, "my lord."

If Jaskier noticed the slight change in his voice, he didn't let on about it. "I am told you wanted to speak to me."

"Yes," he gritted out, forcing himself to keep his eyes cast downwards. "My lord, I am asking for refuge. We- we have nowhere to turn. A fortnight, maybe, or a week, if you will. For my daughter and I."

"Is this her?" the viscount stood and walked over to them, measuring Cirilla with his glare. "You're certain?"

"I am." He looked at him pleadingly. "Jaskier, please," he said quietly enough that no one else heard, "a week is all I ask, anything-"

"Józefa," he called to his sister, "take the girl and show her to a room where she can rest. And feed her, for Melitele’s sake. She looks as if she is about to keel over from hunger."

His sister stood and hurried over to them. She even smiled, fuck, and it looked so much like Jaskier. Jaskier had never not smiled when they had seen each other again. ‘Looks like I did a lot more damage than anticipated.’ He only tore his eyes from his apparently-not-friend when Ciri tugged on his hand and looked up at him unsure.

He just nodded. "You can trust her," he told her. 'We have to trust them.'

"The rest of you, leave, too." Jaskier made his way back to his place on the dais. "Not a word about any of this. I will have no rumours. Witcher, stay."

It took a few moments after the doors shut behind the last servant and a couple more of awkward silence before Geralt started speaking: "You're wearing black."

"Your observational skills are as formidable as the tales make them out to be," Jaskier answered, sarcasm dripping like poison.

‘Hm.’ In the past he had counted himself lucky that he had been able to evade Jaskier’s words that cut like swords. ‘Seems like I’m all out of luck.’ "It doesn't suit you."

“I’m in mourning.” He wrinkled his nose. "That's an insensitive thing to say to a man whose father has passed not a month ago."

Ah. ‘Shit.’ That explained a lot. Geralt silenced his tongue. He knew he could never win a verbal duel against Jaskier. The man in question, however, did not seem in any hurry to move the conversation forward. In fact, he looked quite content, glaring and keeping quiet. It made him uneasy. After a while he broke: "So?"

That seemed to amuse Jaskier, but he wasn’t sure. "It seems you are waiting for something, witcher."

Fuck, he had been able to read the man like an open book. Everyone had been able to do so, he had never met anyone nearly as expressive as Jaskier. ‘Where have you learned to hide all of that, you bastard?’ he thought and for once in his life he wished that his opponent could read minds like Yennefer.

His “Hmm” was met with more silence.

He shot him a look. Jaskier didn’t communicate without words anymore but that didn’t mean Geralt couldn’t. ‘Is this the way we’re doing this?’ it asked. ‘Fine.’ Jaskier wanted words? He could have words. "It seems you are stewing, my lord."

There was a crack in the facade, minuscule and nigh unnoticeable but below slumbered a bard lost for words after being told an unsavoury lie about his singing. A smile tugged at the corner of Geralt's mouth and apparently, that was enough to make him break: "You're an idiot, witcher," he hissed, quiet enough that he never would have heard without his enhanced senses. "What were you thinking? Coming here, knocking on my front door in the light of day? Couldn't you have snuck through the kitchens at night like any other person?"

He blinked, taken aback by the onslaught. “I didn’t even know you were here-,“ he tried to defend himself but was quickly cut short: “How dare you? How dare you turn up here of all places? There’s a whole continent for you! Only one Lettenhove for me.”

He measured the man who had been at his side for so long with his eyes. No banter, it seemed. No excuses either. ‘What do you want, Jaskier?’ he tried to ask him with his eyes. ‘Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you for us to stay.’

But he remained silent, neither his mouth nor his face betraying a thing.

Alright. He took a deep breath. He had begged a guard already. He could beg his not-friend, too. "I'm sorry, Jaskier,” he said truthfully, “but I have nowhere left to turn-"

"I know!” He was angry. Very much so. “Which is why I haven't cast you out, yet. You are relatively safe here for a while, what with Nilfgaard’s defeat."

His head jerked around to him. "Nilfgaard has lost?"

“Have you not even wondered why their goons stopped chasing you?”

He shrugged. “Can’t say I noticed. There were enough others to continue where they started.”

No answer.

“What happened?”

"You really don't know," he realised. "There's been a battle at Sodden. A second one. My reports say over thirty thousand dead, among them fourteen mages."

"When was that?" Fear ran down his spine. "Yennefer-"

"She's alive, as far as I know. But she was gravely injured." He leaned back in his seat. "Which is why she can't come and get you. Though I wouldn't advise it anyways. It might be safer for you to continue travelling on foot. How’s Roach?”

“Dead.”

“Pity. How long will you abuse my hospitality?”

He hunched his shoulders. “Until I think of a plan. Or until you throw us out.”

Jaskier frowned. “I will think of something. You’re no good at that.”

He shrugged. Jaskier was probably right about that. "And how do you expect me to repay you for your kindness?"

"Do not call it kindness, witcher, for it is not. Had you arrived without the girl you wouldn't have entered the keep at all." He folded his hands in his lap. "A promise will be enough, for now," he conceded.

He quirked an eyebrow. "A promise?"

"I will not ask for your oath; I know how little you like to get drawn into the affairs of us petty humans. But my shelter comes not without a cost."

"I didn't think it would." He had, actually. At least until he had stepped into the hall.

"You’re a terrible liar. I protect you with my name and walls. I clothe you and I feed you and those who are yours. In return you council me and protect me with your sword and body. At least, that is how it normally goes." He sighed and leaned his chin on his palm. “You see, were the circumstances different, I would not require such a promise at all. Alas, they are not. I am sure that pains you and me alike. You see, my momentary trust in your… loyalty is a bit exiguous at best.”

He ground his teeth and looked at his feet. "Right..." A flattened oath of fealty. ‘Jaskier, you bastard, if I had another choice-‘

"Unless you prefer the road."

"I do not."

"I did not think so." He extended his hand where a heavy signet ring rested.

He shot him another look. ‘Really?’

Jaskier quirked an eyebrow.

Geralt opened his mouth to ask if that was necessary but before he could say anything, Jaskier said: “It is.”

“Fine.” Reluctantly, Geralt drew closer and took the hand delicately between his own. He cast one last look upwards, pleading, almost begging – ‘Don’t make me do this, please.’ – but Jaskier remained stone-faced. Slowly, he bowed and graced the metal with his lips. "I am... at your service," he said warily, "...my liege."

"Good." Jaskier withdrew his hand and Geralt straightened himself. "Go now. I am in no need of you, witcher."

He exhaled forcefully and turned to follow the command grudgingly. When he had come to Lettenhove he hadn’t expected the day to end like this. He didn’t know what he had even expected but not- this.

He had come with the last of his strength, yes, but proud and standing tall. Now he was humiliated, humoured and honour bound by a man he had considered his friend for a long time. ‘And never said it,’ a traitorous voice in the back of his mind hissed.

And for what? For the hope that the man he had sent away would now not sell them out and save their lives. ‘Fuck,’ he thought not for the first time, ‘what have you gotten yourself into?’

[tinyolsen]

Odds!

o 1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? Sort of level but if anything more milko 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Post it notes, traintickets, bus tickets, anything tbho 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes if my mouth is open/ showing some teeth cos idk it feels weird but to quote my mate I have “a cheeky lil smile” so o 7: do you name your plants? I have a mini cactus called oucho (see ed and oucho from cbbc) o 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes if no one is around, I was singing in the kitchen in my uni accom and the cleaner walked in, I nearly diedo 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? Bert box, hughhhhhhhh and hades without any of the weird shito 13: what’s something that made you smile today? I went to a talk by sunny Jacobs and peter pringle and when they said we have 4 goats and live together, I beamed they are sooo cute (btw look them up their story is amazing)o 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Venus is 462 Co 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I wont dye it but like dark blue/ black like gabriella in hsm 2o 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I do I have three, one for cute memories, one for random facts and one that has doodles in it mainly of my dogo 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. My fav bag is no bag ever, cos effort to carry but my mufc hold all, has been to football tournaments, dance shows, America and back and its now under my bed at uni with spare towels and tea towels ino 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Play guitar, catch up on tv just chill, don’t think about work, go to the park and just sit and take pictures, dance in the kitchen (opps thing)o 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? I have never broken in anywhere o 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Cherry o 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? one of them does a sideways smile when you say her nameo 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love patterned socks, football socks, trainer socks, slipper socks, but I have to wear just plain black trainer socks otherwise I think someone is judging me, but I really love my monkey and banana ones they are burgundy I also just got iron man, spiderman and captain America ones from my mateo 33: what’s your fave pastry? Puff, comes ready rolled, is vegan and I use it to make cheese straws for my flatmates (I have just been told that this means pastry thing, in which case cheese straws) o 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yessssss! I just bought purple and blue highlighters cos I had to get rid of my old ones (long story) and they are awesomeo 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I like it lived in but not messy, and clean o 39: what color do you wear the most? blacko 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, its just inspiredo 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Someone who I dated for a bit but id like to forget that plsssso 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? lol noo 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Custard o 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Not really cos I often don’t like full albums, unless its Rumors – Fleetwood mac but I bought when you love someone (acoustic) – James TW on itunes if that countso 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? My brother and little things cos we have a funny joke with it (funny to us)o 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? yes, no, no , yes/ loved it, n/a, n/a, and loved it.o 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? eaten a tub of ice cream to prove that I could bite ice cream for more than just one bite, I stared the girl in the face and bit every spoonfulo 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Awake, course, you are lying if you say you don’to 59: what’s your favorite myth? The Trojan horse was the first one I ever learnt in year four and it will always be my fave, but Icarus and Daedalus comes closeo 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? This all happened this Christmas, I gave my dad a mug saying “im retired (emphasis on the tired)” and my mum gave me bin bags (im an excellent gift giver just ask my family, I out do them all every year) o 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?  As long as the books are upright with small in the middle, large at each side idm, and my music is on specific playlists on my phone (i.e fast walking playlist, chill walk playlist)o 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? Quite a few people from school, and the three awesome people who made my dance class epic (going to uni and leaving them sucks)o 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Awesome, if im okay anyway cos its so prettyo 69: what are your favorite board games? Monopoly cos I rule at it, block us and scrabble with my grandparents cos they like to use non English words/ made up oneso 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? Good ol’ cuppa (Yorkshire tea bags) o 73: what are some of your worst habits? I isolate myself, blank out, cant react to other peoples emotions and I pop my shoulder in and outo 75: tell us about your pets! Omggg, Alfie the cute lil puppy is my bae, hes the light of my life, hes a cavalier king Charles spaniel and he’s the best boy, the only guy bar my lil brother I trust. And then my rabbit, leon the lion lop, died just before xmas, I miss the lil fluff but he was the cuddliest thingo 77: pink or yellow lemonade? After learning that this probably means American style lemonade, yellow. But uk style, lucazade pinks one is pengo 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? My best mate gives my the best handmade cards all the time, that and a date gave my guitar picks with my name on onceo 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. grey pebbles imagine if you put the clearest water blue stripped though out it or a grey and blue stepsil mushed together o 83: what’s some of your favorite album art? Idk tbh not gonna lieo 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? On and off, and probs the one amazing fantasy ive reado 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Dead poets society, 50/50 and some others I cant think ofo 89: are you close to your parents? Ish, um naho 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Back home and idk where else yeto 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Side parting and just brushed, nothing fancyo 95: what are your plans for this weekend? Do uni worko 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Infj, Aquarius and ive had Hufflepuff, ravenclaw and Gryffindor in recent weekso 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Scars to your beautiful, facing west cover and halo- lewis Watson

thank you :)