#i think i can safely say i definitely have traits of npd. and am just a narcissist in general (non disordered?)

[comicaurora]

I'll try my best to keep this as brief and as non-personal as it could get when I'm discussing your characters (affectionately), but as someone who's recently came to terms with having Narcissistic personality disorder after years and years of denial I wanted to say that your character, Erin, or "Icarus" as we (the aurora discord) once dubbed him as, I am so thankful for your creation of Erin and the comic in general.

regardless of intentional or unintentional coding or not, Erin is very much able to be interpreted as being neurodivergent, and if thats from your own experience as a person with ADHD or from an objective "I've studied this disorder and now I think I can safely code it into my character without being horribly ableist and stereotypical in a villanous way) I'm so grateful for his existence, the careful weaving of his high sense of self importance and subtle repression of every feeling he deems to difficult to understand about himself.

Like Erin, I also dub myself as "not a good person, but one gracefully touched and given godlike intelligence." Of course, in its most classic and purest form this is a simply a delusion of bizarre grandiousity, a strictly-woven mask of many faces.

"I never knew who I was as a person. I defined myself by my achievements, my obtuseness, my intellect, and my success. My ego is so fragile that a superiority complex has to handle it with care. I am a complex , multifaceted being of many contradictions and that in itself makes me a fraud, right? If I can't define myself by all of this, then I am nothing. Nothing at all but a mask of my own face. It doesn't matter what my intention was, or how it came across, If I am not this flawless being then I am a disgrace to the human race."

These are all my feelings and opinions regarding myself. My brain contradicts everything my heart has to say about this. And thats what makes Erin a very complex and interesting protagonist, because He is all of these traits and more.

Tl;dr,,,, Erin Ruunaser is genuinely such a personal character for me someone with. NPD. I see myself in him and I identify with his very clear struggles a lot, that "superiority complex" type beat. And Erin helped me realize this in myself because for so long ive been in denial because I felt like I must be the most prime example of a human being, the representation of the entire human race and of course im not its just.... Its so nice seeing these traits highlighted and not demonized nor romanticized, yknow? Its so... important. To see someone as flawed and yet just as deserving of love as a character like Erin is...

To summarizd the tl ; dr uhhh erin ruunaser 🙏🤭✨ gotta be one of my FAVE genders . ty for creating thim , Red. <33 simply adored and beloved in every way possible.

That's incredible! I definitely based Erin on some of my own experiences - the way I tend to describe it is that Erin is based on how I was in fifth grade. I'm glad he's resonating with a broader range of experiences than just my own!

[many-but-one]

hiya! just wanted to LYK that furiousgoldfish supports the idea of narcissistic abuse

Hello, this is Jules speaking.

I was not aware of that. I think it's important to note that every abuse survivor has different ways of coping. If their parent(s)/abuser(s) really were narcissists (or had qualities of NPD), I can see why they would have a very negative views of narcissists. Of course I do not share that view because I was not abused by a narcissist and I know several people with NPD who are kind and caring people. Like any PD, therapy and inner work makes a big difference. I was abused by Christian men. I despise pretty much any Christian man, even if they have shown me they can be good people. It's hard to wrap your head around the fact that they really could be good people when people like that have hurt you in horrific and torturous ways that have changed you forever. A very good friend of mine is a Christian man, but I still would never want to be in a room alone with him, even though he has shown me time and time again that he is trustworthy and safe to be around. I have DID, so it's not necessarily "me" that feels this way, but many trauma holding alters that cannot allow themselves to trust most people, but especially not Christian men.

I'm not saying it's totally fine and dandy to preach about narc abuse, I definitely don't condone that because it is a marginalized group of people that are often put into those "evil abuser" categories against their will. I just think it is a very nuanced subject to tackle delicately, rather than to completely block someone or blacklist them because of their opinions. furiousgoldfish also has DID, which can cause a lot of anger and resentment toward abusers and people like abusers. (complicated feelings in general--oftentimes many alters will hate abusers/people similar to abusers, other alters will seek them out and want them around, or even want the abuse to continue because that is all they've known.)

So while I don't agree with that opinion, I did not share a post that was supporting narc abuse because that is against my own opinions. furiousgoldfish shares a lot of extremely educational and worthwhile things about what it is like living with and recovering from abuse in your formative years. Like I said before, these things are incredibly delicate subjects, especially amongst trauma survivors.

I have family members with NPD and an alter with ASPD-leaning traits. Do I think they should have a blanket statement over them that they are evil abusers? No. Anyone can be an abuser, even a seemingly well-meaning Christian man. There can be good people with NPD and great Christians. But it can also be the other way around, and sometimes someone who has been through severe trauma at the hands of people with those traits can have a poor view of them. A lot of people would argue that there are good Christian men, even if I can't see that. Just like I would argue that there are good people with NPD that people who have been abused by people with NPD-like qualities that they wouldn't see. We are all human with toxic qualities. I would be the first to admit I can be very toxic at times, and I'm sure many other people who have grown up in unstable environments can say the same. Everyone has a healing journey, and things like forgiveness or sympathy for people who are similar to those who have hurt you can be difficult. I am not in support of the idea of narc abuse, but I can still understand why traumatized people might have that view.

I am in support of folks with any sort of mental illness, including the cluster B folks, and I believe that even if you have toxic behavior you can improve (whether you are cluster B or not. I am not, but I can definitely say I have toxic qualities. Everyone does to a degree--nobody is perfect.)

I still support furiousgoldfish because they are a trauma survivor that deserves love and support, even if I don't agree with all of their views. I would ask the same of anyone here that doesn't like me bashing on Christian men/religion in general. Everyone has ideas that we don't agree with--nobody is perfect and to expect someone, ESPECIALLY a trauma survivor, to have perfect behavior is just ridiculous. I don't agree with everything my parents believe, I don't agree with everything my best friends believe, I don't even agree with everything my wife believes. Everyone has ideologies that are shaped by what they've been through or how they've grown up. The point is that people can grow and change and learn, and that is a part of healing. I am on my healing journey and am unlearning crappy views (not just religion/men, many other things too.) Hell, if you look at my views just a decade ago they've changed significantly. I used to be a homophobic, transphobic, hyper-religious, anti-medicine person with some really bad biases. Like, for reaI. I lost a lot of friends because of it. I've grown exponentially since then, especially since starting therapy and understanding some of the roots of my anger and biases. I was projecting a lot--I was a queer, trans, mentally ill kid with a lot of internalized hate because of the way I was raised. When I realized how hateful I was I grew from it.

Whether furiousgoldfish keeps their views on narc abuse the same forever or not is not up to me. I don't know them personally and I don't know what they've been through. All I know is that I'm not going to judge people on their views just because they don't line up with mine. Everyone deserves love and support, period.

That's all I've got to say on the matter.

-Jules