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#i think it's my fault tho i shouldn't have mentioned my self diagnosis while we were watcing the good doctor (and later attorney woo)
sherlock-is-ace
·
2 years
Text
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#midnight thoughts before going to bed (feel free to ignore)
#but today i realized two major things about myself and my mental illness
#1. i was reminded that when you have an anxiety disorder your body has a hard time telling the difference between anxiety and excitement
#and suddenly my whole life made sense lol
#the amount of times i didn't do something that i really wanted to do because it caused me MAJOR anxiety
#and it was probably excitement actually but my body went into full fight or flight mode
#and 2. i realized that my masking is actually causing me physical pain
#like this is of course of i am actually autistic. i still feel like i can't say i am cause i have no right you know?
#but objectively i'm like 98% sure i have autism
#ANYWAYS masking is usually just forcing eye contact or not stiming in public (as much)
#but today i realized that when i hear loud noises or too many at the same time my instinct is to cover my ears
#but i don't because that's ''weird'' or will make people ask questions that i don't really know how to answer
#so i don't cover my ears i just sit through it in actual pain and hope for the best
#and the worst part of this is that when i say ''masking in public'' i mean in my own damn home
#because of my mom and the fact that she doesn't believe i have issues
#i think it's my fault tho i shouldn't have mentioned my self diagnosis while we were watcing the good doctor (and later attorney woo)
#because those two are her only reference for what autism is/looks like and i'm not like that
#i mean for the most part... the good doctor was the reason i realize i might be autistic
#and woo's struggle with revolving doors hit a bit too close to my heart lol
#but anyways...
#i need to deal with my out of control anxiety
#and i'm pretty sure i am autistic...
#those are the conclusions of this post lol
#angel talks
#personal
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