#midnight thoughts before going to bed (feel free to ignore)

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[sook9i]

— NAKED IN MANHATTAN

⋆｡°✩ After a drunk conversation leads you to question your feelings for your bandmate and friend, Hueningkai, maybe a night together in Manhattan is just what you need to clear the air.

. . . GENRE ! Hueningkai x reader | smut | fluff | friends to lovers

. . . CONTAINS ! virgin!kai, virgin!reader, 6th member!reader, afab!reader, talks of virginity, mentions of alcohol and alcohol consumption, swearing, loss of virginity, unrealistic first time? (not that i would know), no established dynamics, fingering, protected sex 🙏, some aftercare, a little too much foreplay, consent checks, kinda just porn with plot, the other members tease them about their virginity (don’t do that)

. . . WORD COUNT ! 4660

. . . NOTES ! i’ve been writing this for,,,literally ever and i’m so glad it’s finally done !! this is inspired by naked in manhattan by chappell roan however considering that it’s a sapphic love song i’m still kinda unsure if i’m going to keep the title of it for this fic. if anyone has any opinions let me know!! anyways i hope you enjoy!!

. . . ADMIN ! written by callie 😼

Bright lights twinkle across the floor like stars. You can’t see the real stars up in the sky, but you make do with the high-rises lighting up the horizon. Cars beep and blare their horns stories below you. This sweet symphony fills the cold, empty hotel room like a lullaby. However, it isn’t really empty. You’re there, staring out across the Manhattan skyline. Kai’s there, just there behind a closed door in the bathroom. Bare only for the comforting hot water of the shower he was in. He’s there, racing through your thoughts like always. Around and around; an ever-looping track of vice. This boy, your friend, your bandmate, driving you crazy just by standing beyond a wall.

This isn’t exactly how you imagined spending a night in New York City. The rest of the boys took full advantage of the free night. Taehyun had wanted to explore, last you heard he was in Time Square. Beomgyu and Yeonjun had gone out to get some dinner and god only knows where they ended up, now five hours later.

Soobin, on the other hand, was the reason you ended up in this position. Having approached you after your radio show taping and apologetically begging you to let him have the single hotel room for the night. And how could you say no? You cared for your members, and your leader especially seemed like he could use a night with just himself. He was probably spread-eagle on the hotel bed, 5-steps deep into his skincare routine right now, and watching whatever show he’s been raving about for the past week; probably having the time of his life. However, when you agreed to give up your room, you failed to think about the implications. You didn’t consider that you’d now be rooming with whoever Soobin had left behind. You didn’t even think about how he usually roomed with Hueningkai. Not a single thought passed through your head, except sweet old sympathy for your leader. Now, you were considering disavowing kindness for the rest of your life because of where that nice gesture landed you.

You heard the water shut off in the bathroom like the final clock strike right before midnight. Face embarrassingly hot, you keep your back to the door as it opens. New light slants across the floor, fluorescent and harsh. It mingles with the soft rush of humidity into the room and claws at your pajamas. Begging you to turn, to look, to face the perpetual inhabitant of your dreams. You tried to ignore the way your heart sped up simply hearing him shuffle around behind you. Still, your blood ran hotter, building up in your cheeks and neck.

You’ve had your fair share of innocent crushes over time, including the one you’ve harbored for Huening over the past 4 years. However, none ever left you feeling like this. This disoriented, this flustered, this desperate despite actively trying to dismantle your feelings for months now. He’d manage to send you tumbling back down, head over heels, in one quick night. Just the thought of his voice, the way the words came to him so easily, kept you spiraling.

The night’s high spirits had long settled down. Celebrating the start of your world tour with drinks and food had kept the mood quite energetic. Now, spread out on the dorm floor, nursing a half-empty soju bottle, you find yourself prattling off to silence.

“Sooo…what are you guys most excited for in America?”

Yeonjun snorts from the couch above you, “You sound like every American interview we do.”

“Okay, well…you can be like 100% completely honest with me.”

“I wanna try some cool food and drinks or something.” Beomgyu jumps in, “Like the themed ones from specialty bars that people always post.”

The oldest hums in agreement, “It would be pretty nice to go out one night.”

“We’re in New York for a few days, I’m pretty sure we have an open night there.” Soobin pipes in, curled up in the couch corner.

“Maybe I’ll go visit the Lego store.”

A sudden chorus of laughter erupts at your words. Struggling to sit up, you frown at all the amused faces now in view.

“What’s so funny, assholes?”

“Y/nnie, you should get out more.” The words coming from Beomgyu were almost hypocritical.

“You’re one to talk! And, yeah, that’s why I’d go shopping.”

“We mean, like, get out and meet people. A different country is a great place for that, especially for us.” Taehyun sits in an armchair taking a slow sip from his can, “Go out, have a fun night, and just make sure they sign an NDA afterwards.”

Another round of laughter strikes up and it dawns on you what they’re actually talking about. Your face feels hot and a pout stretches on your lips.

“You guys all suck! I told you, it’ll happen when it happens.” You cross your arms, almost whining like a child, “Why don’t you ever tease Huening about this? I’m not the only virgin in the group!”

Yeonjun snorts, “Damn, way to throw Kai under the bus.”

“Wait, no,” You frantically turn your head around to his seat behind you. “Huening, I didn’t mean-”

He breaks a small smile, “It’s okay, Y/n, I get what you meant.”

“We’re, like, virginity pals.” You stupidly bump your shoulder into his which elicits a very awkward laugh.

“Let’s talk about something else.”

Beomgyu is quick to the draw, immediately beginning to ramble on about his latest meet-up with Jeongin. You don’t get a chance to catch much of it as lips brush along your ear.

“You know, if you ever want to fix that, you can just ask me.” His voice is low and even, his breath leaves goosebumps along your neck. The words swim up and around your head, wiping away some of the haze; snapping you into a brief sense of clarity to process what he just said. You feel your heart almost sputter to a stop. Unable to choke out a response, you turn to look at him only to find cold air. Huening is up and away in the kitchen getting another drink, leaving you alone and flustered. Caught in his words’ web like a helpless fly.

They’ve been plaguing you since their utterance 5 days ago. Orbiting your brain like an ever-present moon. Driving you so far up the proverbial wall that, once you come back down, you will surely die on impact. You’ve never felt this confused, wondering if he meant what he said, if he even remembered it. Perhaps you were driving yourself insane over something inconsequential to him. How were you going to survive this night?

“You wanna watch a movie?”

So easily, he has you trapped. You have to face him, face this, and act completely normal. Act like your thoughts haven’t been full of him; the things you’d let him do to you and the things you’d do to him in return. Act like the way water drips from the edges of his hair, tracing his bare collar, isn’t driving you mad. Wet spots decorate the thin, white shirt stretched across his shoulders. It sticks to the vaguely visible skin trailing down his torso. A pair of sweatpants hang dangerously low off his hips, you struggle to bring your eyes away back up to his face. There his face is soft, head tilted and eyes crinkled, expecting an answer. You want to shrivel beneath his sweet gaze.

“I-um, yeah, sure. W-what movie?”

“Oh, I don’t really know. I was just going to see what’s streaming, maybe order some room service.” He drops a laptop onto his bed. Crawling atop the sheets, he flips it open and looks back at you. Waiting, expectant. His hand softly pats the duvet beside him and you have nowhere to run.

The sheets are standard fare for a hotel and the mattress is stiff as you sit. You’re practically almost hanging off the edge trying to keep a safe distance from Kai. If your skin so much as brushed his, you’d be broken. You weren’t willing to risk bumping knees. If he thinks it odd, he doesn’t say anything. Looking at the screen, he’s now scrolling through a bunch of movie options. Title after title flys by. Two of his fingers push along the mouse pad. The muscles of his hand twitch with every movement; veins shifting, knuckle tucking in and out. From fingertip to wrist his hands are huge, probably enough to completely cover your face. His fingers especially, are very long, so thin-cut and delicate. It can only make you wonder just how deep they could reach. If he knew how to really use them.

You feel your brain melting into a cesspool of depravity the longer you’re around him. Squeezing your eyes tight, the thoughts barely dissipate. Although, you’re granted a small peace as he picks your mind with something else.

“How about Spider-man?”

“Hm?” Peeking back at the screen, his cursor had landed on a Spider-Verse movie. Although, you didn’t really know which one. Your head feels so cotton-stuffed, you simply nod without a thought. So he clicks on the card to play. Opening credits roll in and you fall further into the static. This movie should’ve been the perfect distraction, something exciting and enjoyable. However, the soft heat of the boy curled beside you permeates your skin like a fever. It’s no use, you can’t fight the speed of your heart. The blood rush through your ears takes up everything in the room. Eyes, laser focused to the laptop screen, yet mind somewhere far away. So far you don’t notice the sound of the movie stopping suddenly.

“Y/n?”

Kai’s knee softly bumps yours as he faces you. It’s like a lightning strike right to the chest. Heartbeat rocketing, your words get jumbled. “Wha-um-what?”

“I…Is something wrong? Did I do something?” He avoids eye contact, hands twisting up.

“N-no, no-um, Huening…what’s up?”

“I just…I feel like you’ve kinda been avoiding me? His eyes slowly drag up to your face. “Like, you won’t even look at me.”

All you can hear is the blood rushing over your chest and cheeks, it’s all you can see as well. Kai’s eyebrows are knit together in an expression that should not be nearly as hot as your overdriven brain thinks it is. The words jumble up in your throat, a 4-year confession and a week-long confessional-in-the-making. Your brain goes blank. Everything seems to spill out.

“I-I’m not…upset. I’m-Kai-it’s um, just…do…do you remember that conversation we had…like the night of the first show?” Your stomach twists, ready to eat itself up in embarrassment.

“Um, maybe…” His eyes flit around as if trying to grasp the memory from the air. Brows draw in tighter before he stills. A chill settles between you two. His face explodes in Saharan heat. “Oh god.”

The realization fills up the room with its horrible heated mortification. Your head hangs, guilt pooling in your lap.

“Oh-oh god, Y/n, I’m so sorry! I’m so so sorry! I should’ve never said that, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m so sorry-”

“No-no, you-you didn’t. I just-” You bury your head in your hands. Your cheeks burn the skin like a radiator, your heart feels like a supernova. The room is caving in on you. This wall you’d built up, a protective shell around your fragile heart, crumbled. The words taste sour on your tongue. “Did…did you mean it…what you said?”

Silence sinks into your bones, shriveling under the weight of your humiliation. You can’t bring yourself to look at Huening. You want to run, hide, jump off the roof, but you're stuck to the mattress; to the darkness of your eyes; to his sharp intakes of air.

“I did.” An angry red flush covers his face and a pillow now covers his lap. His voice and eye contact remain steady, nonetheless.

The room is too small, too hot. You need to crawl out of your skin and cool off, but the words just keep coming.

“S-so…if I wanted to-um-take you up on your offer…”

Your hands fist the sheets fitfully, you can’t meet his eyes beneath the weight of your shame. This is all you have thought about for the past week, and, suddenly living in your fantasy, you feel like a creep.

The touch of soft fingertips brushing over your jaw jolts to your already frayed nerves. He turns your gaze up to his. Something deep and unfamiliar has settled in his eyes; a darkness that bores right down into that depraved nest in your heart.

Somehow, his voice keeps calm, “Can I kiss you?”

“Please-“ You can't finish the word before you’re silenced. Smooth, honey plush lips blanket yours, like something out of a daydream. The first sensation to hit is his taste: mint toothpaste and vanilla chapstick; you have to fight the urge to bite at his lip for more. Your crossed-knees touch, bodies leaning forward to meet in the middle. Your noses knock and bump awkwardly before you settle into a rhythm. He borders an intense line between inexperienced eagerness and hesitant care. Keeping your hands firm at your sides, unsure how to move, he runs his fingers up and over your arms, coaxing them to cradle the nape of his neck. In turn, he does the same.

He unravels you. The rigid rod holding back your shoulders dissipates; fingers curl into the soft, still damp hair at the base of his neck. A sigh pulls at your lips as you lose yourself to this building heat. Slowly, inhibition slips away. You find yourself moving with an unprecedented fervor. Kai leans further into you, tilting your head back to his will, nails scratching deftly at your scalp. A conflicting pain trembles over your skin, swirling with an untapped pleasure until the two are indistinguishable. He pulls a jolting gasp from your chest. The sound which follows, you can only categorize as embarrassing. A strangled sort of noise; something long built-up, catching in your throat and struggling out in a breathy whine. Your face flares up, you wanna disappear as Kai pulls away slightly. Softly, his breath hitches. Creaking open your eyes, you’re met with a sight that almost drags the sound out again.

Kai’s eyes, half-lidded and dark, bore down on you, haloed with pink, heated cheeks. His lips are kiss-bitten red and glossy. A wet dream come true. You tug him back to your lips, a new heat building in the kiss.

You aren’t sure who makes the first move, who bites first, but when his tongue pushes up against yours, you succumb fully to this new feeling filling you up. An unfamiliar greed beats in your chest, a rabid craving for more. More and more sounds mingle between both of you, unabashedly. With every sweet whine of Kai’s, the hunger grows. Your fingers tug at his hair, his press hard into your waist. Air is inconsistent and unnecessary.

“Kai-” Lips keep moving against yours. “More.”

“Can I-”His hands fumble around your waist a bit, mouth still keeping in time. “Your shirt.”

You begin nodding without even thinking about it. Finally, you break from each other. His hands hike your shirt up your chest before you peel the rest off. You move to do the same for him but he’s already ahead of you. His shirt comes up and over his head before being tossed alongside yours. The porcelain skin of his chest lays out before your eyes. Heart beat picking up, you trace each ridge and jut and mole back up to meet his gaze, one just as entranced as you are.

As your lips meet again, they move with much more care. Something deep and unspoken swimming on your lips and stirring up your chest. Fingers drift gently over freckles and goosebumps running up both your sides. Your back melts into the mattress; Huening’s intoxicating touch burning up your brain. His hands glide up and circle your chest softly. Brushing the sensitive, supple skin, more whimpers tumble out. Your hands copy his, nails dragging faintly down his soft stomach. His lips shudder against yours, breathing groans over your tongue. Knees sit on either side of your hips, keeping Kai’s body hovering precariously over you. The tantalizing promise of his weight above you draws your fingers lower. Just a fingertip dipping into the waistband of his sweatpants. The hitch in his breath is slight.

The kiss disconnects once again as you look at each other, drinking in the sight. His hair mused back wildly and eyes blown wide, a million emotions fly between you. Keeping your eyes locked, that curious hand of yours hesitantly slips from its place. Pulling out of Kai’s waistband, it snakes atop the fabric, coming to cup the prominent bulge beneath it. Your heart stutters at the heavy feeling of him in your hand. Kai’s eyes widen infinitesimally. Your curious fingers squeeze softly and you watch as the last bits of his composure crumble. Head dropping into your neck, his moan is guttural and desperate. His hips buck further into your palm and it becomes incredibly apparent just how big he is

“God-y/n, please…” The desperation with which he speaks your name, the whine and groan and guttural need pouring from his throat, finally breaks you.

For a moment, the only thought running through your head is how quickly you can get his sweatpants off. He seems to be thinking the same as his fingers pluck at your own waistband. However, as you’re about to give in, something stops you.

“Kai…” Embarrassment floods your face, “Do you…have a condom?”

His eyes widen, jaw dropping softly. A subtle red paints his cheeks as he slowly crawls off your body.

He awkwardly shuffles over to his bag on the floor before pulling out a small box of condoms. “I-I wasn’t, like, planning on using them. Or anything…Yeonjun-hyung put them in my bag…”

“Well, thank god for Yeonjun, I guess.”

Laughter eases the embarrassed tension as he rips open the packaging. Although he hesitates to take out the latex. You eye the clothes still covering both your bottom halves.

“I-I can…take mine off first. If you want?”

He matches your gaze, moving back towards the bed, “Are you-Do you want this? Like, 100%?”

“Yes.” Your head nods before you can even think about it, “Yeah, I-I do. Do you?”

“Yes.”

Leaning up, your lips meet his in a soft, sweet kiss. You slowly take his hand in yours and move it back down to your hip, to the bare skin beneath your waistband. Then, you tug your shorts down with his fingers. Finally, fully unclothed, you muscle through the timidity to open your eyes. The pure reverence in his face nearly calms your beating heart.

“Kai, please. Touch me.”

Huening makes quick work of his own bottoms. They pool at his ankles though your eyes are glued to the way his cock smacks against his stomach. He rolls the smooth latex down his skin and your eyes follow with a shiver. Even with little-to-no frame of reference, you’re all too aware that he’s big. Standing at the edge of the bed, towering over you, he is just as entranced with you as you are with him. Any room for embarrassment melts away into an unrelenting need.

You yank him back and his lips messily onto yours; tongues mingling and meshing. His fingers wisp up your bare thighs, sparking a lingering electricity. Your mouth lands on his neck with kisses and kitten licks. The breathy groan you pull from him with a soft bite sounds like heaven. Hands move further toward the inside of your thighs, brushing over your core. He fumbles for a moment before you reach to take his hand in yours. Awkwardly, you guide two slender fingers up to your clit, starting them in a circle motion. Your back arches into the feeling, head sinking into the pillows. Huening watches your reactions diligently, slowly gaining more confidence in his movements. The fingers slip away from the nub as one of them trails down to cautiously push into you. It takes a moment for the odd stretch to settle and melt into pleasure, but as your hips buck into his hand, Kai takes the hint. He uses his thumb to keep circling your clit while experimentally curling two fingers against your walls. This foreign pleasure is overwhelming and not enough.

“I-is this okay?”

Your voice feels stuck so you nod enthusiastically, eyes screwed tight. Fingernails dig into Kai’s scalp as you frantically pull him back to your lips. You work your tongue over his lips and onto his. Running your teeth down his jaw into the juncture of his neck, you litter the skin with soft bites. Lost in the pleasure, your movements feel crazed; desperate. That ever-looming climax is so close yet so far. You need it, like oxygen.

“Need more. Need you, please-please, Hyuka-”

Emptiness only fuels your desperation. Kai’s hips shift squarely over yours as his hand moves up between your bodies. His hard cock brushes your oversensitive thighs; the fog in your mind thickens. In the haze, you take Huening’s, now messy, hand into your mouth, licking over the fingers and tasting yourself on them. They tickle at the back of your throat, freeing a pleased hum.

Kai’s poor cock twitches against your leg and his chest stutters as you keep two lidded eyes on his. The fingers slip from your lips with a slight pop. His agape mouth falls onto yours, devouring your taste on your own tongue. That spit-slick hand guides his weeping tip down through your folds. It catches on your clit and teases your entrance. A gasp breaks your mouths apart. Kai’s fluttering breaths paint your cheeks.

“I-I’m gonna…can I…?”

“Hyuka, just fuck me. Please.”

“Oh-okay-uh, tell-tell me when to move.”

With a deep breath, his hips begin pushing into yours. The stretch sets in; a fire rippling between your legs. Like being ripped apart while still getting stitched back together. A contradicting pain, spreading slowly with Kai’s hesitation. He breathes sickly sweet whimpers into your ears and cradles your hands with his. They mingle in the sheets; an echo of heaven. It’s nearly enough to distract you from the pain as he bottoms out.

“F-fu-shit-ah…you-you’re so…” His forehead hits your shoulder, punctuated with fluttering kisses. “…amazing.”

Pain subsides steadily in a flurry of sensations. The excruciating stretch melting into numbing pleasure. Kai’s touch and affection; everything about him surrounding you everywhere. His heat pressed into your skin, his breath mixed with yours, your hearts beating in tandem as you join completely. You are full of him, of love for him, of need for him. Like you’ve pushed all the air out of your body to make more room for him. Every part of you yearns for everything he has to give.

“Kai-god-” You gasp out. “Y-you can move.”

Shakily, he draws his hips back. You feel every ridge and vein run along inside you. And when he pushes back in, your chests shudder in unison; moans and groans filling the hotel room. He continues slowly; falling into overwhelming pleasure. It muddles your thoughts and weighs down your tongue. And—when Kai’s sloppy thrusts settle into an eager, consistent pace—it numbs your mind in ecstasy.

The room devolves into heady grunts and sharp whines echoing in your ears. A mantra of his name builds—a plead, an oath, a prayer—spilling from your heart, coating your lips. Huening answers the call, swallowing your desperation with his own. You lose yourselves in each other. In the heat of your skin and lips meeting recklessly again and again. You need him closer, deeper; filling up your lungs and pumping through your veins. He wants more. Fingerprints and hickeys litter their way down your body at his discretion. His teeth sink in your shoulder, your nails scratch down his back. It’s instinctual and awkward, yet perfect.

The whirlwind in your stomach grows stronger, closer and closer to imploding. You felt yourself teetering, standing on the edge of an unfamiliar precipice. With his breath and pace picking up, it seemed Kai was right there as well. His hand detached from its bruising placement on your hip. Moving his thumb over your clit in deft circles, an extra jolt of pleasure arcs up your spine.

“K-kai, there-please, please, please.” His name tumbles out in whimpers, as does to yours from his lips.

“F-fuck-close-I’m-” A shudder runs through his body, his pace becoming sloppy and erratic. His finger keeps tight to your clit. Your lips clash as the bubble between you pops.

White explodes behind your eyelids. Mind-numbing pleasure fills your every limb. You’re floating on bliss like you’ve never experienced and everything else falls away. Except for Kai. He surrounds you, he fills your lungs and makes you whole. His weak whimpers and moans trail off in your ears like the sounds of heaven. His hips keep moving, stopping jerkily as pleasure seeps into overstimulation. Kai’s arms buckle trying to keep his full body weight off you. He rolls off of you, landing on his back.

Silence fills the air in the aftermath. You exchange heavy breaths, staring off at the ceiling. As the high slowly fades, so does the fog in your head. Realization settles sharp in your bones. Dread and elation stir in your stomach, brewing a dangerous cocktail of words.

“I like you.”

Huening sits up a little, “Huh?”

“I…god, I’m so sorry-” You pull yourself up and look back down at the man, turning the words over in your head until they spill out. “Kai, I really really like you…I have for the past 4 years! And I know this is probably a horrible time to be saying this, but I just…I don’t want this to ruin us or-or the group and I-”

“Y/n! Y/n…” He pulls your hands into his. A bright smile splits his cheeks, shining on your face. “I really like you too.”

Air collapses in your chest, soft and scared. “…R-really?”

His eyes shine and melt into raspberry cheeks with an eager nod. “I didn't mean for it to come out like this, but…”

“Maybe you should get tipsy more often.” Both of you spill over with giddy giggles. A brand new kind of ecstasy fills up your chest, beating in time with Kai’s heart.

“Maybe…”

Your heartbeat speeds, building with each passing second as you look at Huening. Sweet chocolate eyes you could drink in, overindulge, and just never stop. And they look right back at you with the same adoration that’s pumping through your veins.

“I’ll, uh, go get a towel so we can clean up.” Kai shifts off bed, disappearing into the bathroom to discard the condom. He returns with a warm towel, as promised, and begins to gently wipe up your thighs, staying cautious around your still-sensitive folds. The heat soothes some of the worse marks littering your skin, combined with Kai’s delicate kisses over them.

After he works his way up, he ends with your lips. You move in harmony, swapping sweet giggly pecks, fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces. The way his hands cradle your cheeks—all encompassing, trapping their heat—feels like home. Neither of you can contain the joy flooding your faces with huge smiles. They remain even as he pulls away.

“Can we still finish that movie?”

“Sure, hyuka.”

Peace fills the space between you. Love wrapping around and around, building and keeping you safe in its embrace. The world melts away leaving only this room, this moment, the breaths shared between you, the heat of your bare skin melding into his. Curling together beneath the sheets, you bask in it; this revelation of reciprocated love. For a moment, nothing exists beyond you and Kai among the Manhattan skyline.

[georgeclarkesgf]

forgetful | george clarke

the minute george stepped into the flat, he knew something was off.

"y/n? you here?" walking further into the flat, he found y/n in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, "hey, sorry i'm back so late. we missed t-"

"don't. i can't believe you. all i asked was that you not plan to film today and i wake up to a message telling me you've gone to film a video for arthur. do you even know why i asked you to stay home today?"

he was trying to remember, really he was. but his mind was blank and the guilt began to seep in, only just noticing the tears that left stains on her cheeks.

"no. of course you don't. my parents are in town george. i planned a nice lunch, maybe go on a walk, come back to the flat for a few drinks, but all that went to shit because you left to film a stupid video and then ignored my messages all day. you know how important it is to me that you get along with my parents so having to cancel on them last minute because you weren't even here was not something i wanted to have to do." the tears in her eyes were threatening to fall again, hating how needy and pathetic she sounded.

"we can sti-" george tried, again quickly being shut down.

"no george, i'm mad at you. you don't get to say it'll be alright and that we can still do something. we're not playing happy families. you've hurt me. when we sort this out, then we organise something else."

now the guilt was in full swing and he immediately started to think of ways he could make it up to her, knowing it would take a lot of grovelling to get back onto her good side.

"i'm going to bed, i love you." a soft kiss being placed on his lips.

"i love you too." slight relief evident on his face, knowing she'll never not say 'i love you', even during an argument.

she rounded the kitchen island, starting to make her way to his room and get ready for bed. george watched as she closed the door, still stood in the kitchen, contemplating whether to follow her or give her some space.

he decided on the latter.

--------

it was nearing midnight when george decided he needed some sleep, and the dip in the bed as he got comfortable was enough to wake y/n, a groan leaving her lips.

"sorry. i didn't mean to wake you," she let out an agitated hum of acknowledgement and rolled over, curling into george's side, unable to resist the heat his body always provided, "still mad at me?"

"yep." she responded, accentuating the 'p'.

"okay. can we talk about it?"

"i've said my peace. you go."

"i really am sorry sweetheart, i feel awful," her nails were running along the lines and dips of his stomach, a habit he'd grown accustomed to over the several months they'd been together, "the video was planned ages ago and i didn't even realise the dates clashed. when you reminded me of 'that thing' that was happening today i thought you meant filming. i promise to make it up to you. and your parents. please say they don't hate me."

george hoped it was enough, not that he wouldn't do anything she asked to get her to forgive him, but he couldn't stand the thought of her staying mad at him.

in y/n's head, he was forgiven. during her time alone, she realised she didn't even give him a chance to explain before locking herself in his room for the rest of the night.

"i'm sorry too," george was slightly taken aback by this, unsure what she was apologising for, "i shouldn't have stormed off like that. not even letting you speak before i disappeared all night. and my parents don't hate you. we can do dinner tomorrow if that's okay with you?"

"that's more than okay. i have my whole day free to spend with you and them. we can do whatever you guys want. i love you."

"i love you. so much. even if you are forgetful."

and george stuck to his promise. safe to say y/n's parents like george more than her.

a/n have this as an 'i'm sorry i haven't posted in a while present' <3

[joelscruff]

feelings on fire (joel miller x f!reader) 18+ PART FIVE

previous chapters | kofi | i'm honestly amazed that i actually completed this chapter today; as a lot of yall know i've been dealing with a lot of shitty life stuff lately and part of me expected this to not even get posted this month. and yet!! here we are. thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and amazing, this chapter is for you and i hope you like it 💖 chapter summary: you're starting to feel a bit insecure about your relationship with joel. perhaps a late night visit to his house is what you need 👀 rating: 18+ explicit warnings: age difference (reader is in her 20s, joel in his 50s), innocent/inexperienced reader, corruption, praise kink (joel calls reader babygirl, sweetheart, etc), dirty talk, mentions of religion (reader’s family are very catholic), fingering, handjobs, comeplay word count: 9k (woops) ao3

The rest of the week goes by gruelingly slow. Joel is busy every day and has barely any time to talk, so you mainly communicate through texts. The "conversations" are slow and broken, Joel only able to text when he has a free moment, which doesn't seem to be very often. You don't talk on the phone again, as much as you want to hear his voice, and you don't sext again either. It's a bit weird, a bit confusing, but you navigate it as best you can. It's not like he's ignoring you, he always responds, but it's just not the same as that first day.

you still wanna do this, right?

You type it around midnight on Thursday, hands trembling a bit as you hover over the send button. In one way you're afraid to ask him, afraid to seem clingy or young or inexperienced; but you're all of those things. When he's actually talking to you directly there's no fear, no question about what he wants, but going so long without hearing his voice makes you more and more insecure about what exactly he's thinking.

You erase the first message and start to type another one:

i know you're busy but

You shake your head and erase that one too. This is so stupid. Of course he still wants you, you idiot.

He'd said he was okay with the lie you'd told, had even said he would actually teach you guitar now too, but you're an overthinker, always have been. You can't help but feel dread whirling around in the pit of your stomach; he wants to end it, it's too complicated now. You've turned something sexy and fun into something ridiculous and unnecessary.

You lock your phone without sending anything and roll around in bed a bit, trying to sleep. Your thoughts make it impossible though, nagging at the front of your mind worse than your parents. You sit up and slide the tip of your thumb into your mouth, biting down in thought and staring at the blank screen of your phone.

What if you just...

are you home?

He hadn't sent you anything earlier to confirm he'd gotten back; you've discovered over the past few days that contractors really like to drink after their shift. Joel's been at the bar every night since that first day, often 'til late; you have to admit, it makes you a bit jealous to imagine Joel and his contracting crew out having a great time while you're laying in your childhood bed with a curfew. Bar hopping and partying has never appealed to you before, at least not when your college friends did it, but now the thought of it doesn't seem so bad. Not if you were doing it with him...

Your phone buzzes and you feel excitement burst through you at his reply:

Got in about 10 minutes ago, didn't think you'd be up. You okay?

You soften at his concern, cheeks warming. You don't hesitate, knowing if you think too much about it you'll end up changing your mind. You type your your response and hit send before you can talk yourself out of it.

can i come over?

You stare at the screen with bated breath, watching as his typing bubble appears. It takes barely any time at all for him to reply:

Of course you can. Door's unlocked.

--

Sneaking out of your house is much easier than you thought it'd be. You've never done it before, had almost expected the bottom half of your house to suddenly have some kind of security system with lasers and cameras, but nope. Nothing out of the ordinary.

You're wearing one of your old nightdresses, pink and frilly; you'd opted to start wearing them again the other day, liking the way they made you feel, accentuating your legs and breasts like your old Sunday school dress. You'd changed quickly every morning before going downstairs to save your parents from the heart attacks they'd have seeing you with so little skin coverage. But there's no need to change now, not with where you're going. You yank on a jacket and sneakers and carefully open and close the front door, scurrying out into the cool night air.

Joel's house isn't far, just a street over. You try not to run, as much as you want to; you know you'll end up all sweaty and messy haired - the opposite of how you'd like to portray yourself tonight, but your skin is practically glowing with anticipation. You hold the short hem of your nightdress down as you speed walk through the dark suburban streets of your neighborhood.

Your heart starts pounding when his house comes into view; the living room window is dimly lit. You jog up the front steps and take a deep breath before turning the handle, smiling to yourself when it opens easily; he'd really left the door unlocked for you.

"Mr. Miller?" you call in a hushed tone, shutting the door behind you and turning the lock.

He emerges from the living room and you feel your eyes widen. All he's wearing is a pair of loose fitting plaid pajama pants; nothing else. No shirt, no socks, and probably no underwear. You swallow, eyes trailing up and down the naked solidness of his chest, the greying hair smattered along the skin. He's got a softness to him, a bit of a pudgy belly that makes you want to smile, but his rugged sexiness is even more apparent. His strong pecs, freckled arms, the hair trailing down his stomach and into his pajama pants... it suddenly leaves you unable to breathe or form a coherent thought.

"There's my girl," he says, voice low and husky; he must have talked a lot today, called people's names, ordered them around, "C'mere."

Your brain is still muddled and awestruck as you feel yourself rush forward, arms immediately wrapping around his bare torso. His skin is softer than you'd thought it'd be, warm under your touch as you carefully press your cheek to his chest. You feel the scratch of hair against your skin, reminding you of his age; fifty six. The thought gives you an ache between your legs.

He holds you close and rubs your back, presses a kiss to the top of your head. Your eyes flutter closed at his touch, fingers splaying across the wide span of his back. You find yourself able to breathe again, but all you inhale is his scent, fresh and masculine. It's then that you realize his skin is slightly damp, peppered here and there with little droplets of water.

"I just got out of the shower," he says quietly, answering your unspoken question, "Was about to get in bed when you texted but I figured if you were comin' over I should clean myself up a bit."

You hum against his chest, still not sure exactly what to say. The ache between your legs is growing stronger the more you stand here in his embrace; somehow you hadn't expected to feel this way just from hugging him, although you probably should have guessed.

"I wanna get in your bed," you say softly, opening your eyes again and pulling back to look at him. His expression says it all, eyes going dark as they fall to your lips.

"Then let's get in my bed," he murmurs, just as quiet.

--

The last time you were in Joel's bedroom there'd been more of a sense of urgency, when he'd sat with you in his lap on the edge of his bed and held you open in front of the mirror. Now things are much slower, more quiet. You slip in behind him and unzip your jacket, taking it off and hanging it carefully on the hook behind his door.

"That's pretty," he says behind you, and you feel him reach out to gently touch the pink material, hand ghosting the bare skin of your chest. Your breath hitches and he smiles, "Tiny little thing, isn't it?"

"I've had it for a long time, I thought you might like it."

"I do," he pulls you toward him, then reaches his hands up to thumb the thin straps of the nightdress. You watch with hooded eyes as he slowly pushes them off your shoulders, "I'm gonna take it off though, that okay?"

Your brow furrows; he notices your reaction and his hands freeze, "Not okay?" he asks, confused slightly.

"N-no, it's okay," you say quickly, "I just... I'm still a little self conscious."

His eyes widen slightly and he shakes his head, "You have nothin' to be self conscious about, sweetheart," he reassures you, "I wanna see you..." he pushes the straps down your shoulders and you stand there trembling slightly as he pulls the dress down, exposing your breasts to him, "There you are."

You shiver a bit under his gaze, but not out of discomfort or fear. You feel safe with him; you know he'd never do anything you didn't consent to. You're just not exactly sure what you want, what exactly you've really come here for. Before you'd left the house you'd been so afraid that he was losing interest, already getting tired of you; now he stares at you like you're some kind of rare gem, making you feel bashful and beautiful under his gaze.

"I wanna touch you," you whisper, the shakiness of your voice betraying your nervousness - or anticipation.

His hands freeze for a few seconds but he regains composure quickly, tugging the dress down further until it's cascading down your legs, putting you completely on display. He swallows audibly, taking you in. You look at his face and feel yourself pulse under his gaze, the way he's staring directly at your bare pussy.

"Let's get in bed," he murmurs, "I think there's a few things we can touch."

His words send a buzzing warmth through your body and you cross your legs unconsciously, an action that makes him smirk. You turn away from him with heat flooding your cheeks as you climb into his bed; it's large and comfortable, but you already know neither of you will be taking advantage of the big space. You sit up against his headboard and pull the duvet up over yourself, hiding your breasts from view - as if he hasn't already seen them.

"I'll keep these on" he says softly, tugging at the band of his pajama pants, "Don't worry."

Your heart leaps to your throat and you nod quickly - probably too quickly. It's not that you're scared to see him naked; you've already seen both halves now and that's taken away a lot of the fear, but the concept of being in bed together, both naked... you're not sure you're ready yet. And you're glad he understands that without you having to say it out loud.

You watch as he climbs into bed and positions himself up against the headboard like you, scooches in next to you so your sides are touching. His skin against yours is unlike anything you've felt with him up until this point; he's so warm, a firm and large presence at your side that immediately has you feeling intimidated. Your nerves are already beginning to set alight just by having him so close. You open your mouth to speak but are unable to say anything when he inches even closer, his bare waist pressing firmly against yours.

"Hey, you're okay," he breathes, reaching up to gently thumb your cheek in a calming motion, brow furrowing slightly, "You don't gotta be nervous, sweetheart, it's only me."

"I'm not nervous," you whisper back, and while you're not exactly being honest there's certainly something else you're feeling, "I'm just..." you cross your legs again under the duvet, "I'm getting really wet."

He makes an odd sound in the back of his throat that makes you smile a little, cheeks burning under his gaze. He reaches over and slowly pushes the blankets down from your loose grip, exposing you to him once again. He moves his hand down, fingertips trailing along your bare chest until carefully bringing one of your breasts into his palm and squeezing gently.

"You don't gotta hide these from me, darlin'," he murmurs, thumb dragging across your nipple, sending tingles throughout your body, "They're too pretty to stay outta sight."

You shiver when he carefully tweaks your nipple between his fingers, his gaze firmly set on his movements. You watch together as he plays with it, toys with it, rolls it between thumb and forefinger. The warm and tight feeling sends an odd tingling sensation from your breast to your pussy, like they're connected somehow.

"I'm gonna put this in my mouth," he says softly, "Suck on it a little bit, that okay?"

You can't help but feel a bit unsure, biting your lip, "Is that... does it feel good to do that?"

He nods up at you, thumbing your nipple again slowly, "Feels really good, I promise. You got a lot of nerves here, just like your pussy. Really sensitive."

Your eyes are hazy as you nod to him slowly, "Th-that sounds nice."

At your words he leans his head down and brings your nipple into his mouth, dropping his fingers and replacing his thumb with the warm suction of his lips. You gasp out in surprise, hand coming up to immediately cup the back of his head.

You've never felt anything like this; the suction of his mouth is so new and strange, that tingling sensation returning as you cross your legs tighter and whimper aloud as he sucks your nipple. His tongue is wet and warm, tracing the shape of you in little circles, while his free hand comes up to squeeze your other breast, tweak it with his fingers. Your breath begins to come out raggedly, brow furrowing and legs tightening together as he suckles.

"Oh my god," you hear yourself whimper, hand tightening in his hair, "Why does that feel so good?"

He pulls off your nipple with a quiet laugh, peering up at you, "Yeah, you like the way that feels, babygirl?"

You nod quickly, swallowing and trying to get your breath back, "Yes," you whisper, "A lot."

He smiles at that, "Then how 'bout you lay back for me?"

It's an offer that's impossible to refuse. You quickly pull yourself down from the headboard and slip beneath the covers, head coming to rest on one of his pillows. He slips under as well, then very slowly positions himself on top of you, a leg on either side of your trembling form. You look up at him with wide eyes, unsure whether you're more nervous or excited.

"You're okay," he reassures you again, inching downward a bit and pressing a few gentle kisses to your neck, "Gotta be on top to do this right, so it feels good."

You nod slowly, "I c-can feel..."

"What?" he whispers, "What do you feel?"

Your arms are loose at your sides and Joel's are pinned above you, but there's an unmistakable feeling of something prodding into your thigh, large and thick.

"Your cock," you manage to whisper, voice trembling, "I think."

"That's right," he murmurs, "It's 'cause I'm gettin' hard from suckin' you like that, touchin' you," he trails his fingers down your sides gently, making you shiver, "You like feelin' it there?"

You feel yourself slowly nodding, eyes going even more hazy and hooded, "I wanna touch it."

"I know you do," he whispers, "I want you to touch it too, sweetheart. But I'm gonna play with you a little longer," he leans his face down and licks a small stripe against your other nipple, making your hips buck, "Then I'll teach you how to touch it, that alright?"

"Yes," you breathe, "Please."

"You like when I play with you, don't you?" he murmurs against your breast, then captures your other nipple in his mouth and starts to suck.

"Y-yes," you repeat, hand coming up again to tangle in his hair, already overwhelmed by the sensation, "I missed it."

He hums, sending another cascade of tingles throughout your body. To think that less than half an hour ago you were laying in bed wondering if he still wanted you; now you're naked and he's on top of you with his mouth on your breast. How is this your life?

"What did'ya miss?" he pulls off for barely a few seconds, scruff scratching perfectly against your sensitive skin, "Tell me, babygirl, wanna know what you've been thinkin' about."

You whimper when he goes back to suckling, your fingers threading through his greying curls. It's hard to get your thoughts straight when he's making you feel like this, every tight suck and wet lick going directly to your aching core.

"J-just missed you touching me," you breathe, voice rough and wanton with pleasure, "Missed your hands on me, your fingers..."

At your words he carefully brings one of his hands downward, caressing your body gently as he goes. Your breath hitches when he swipes his middle and index finger down your wet seam, urging you to open up for him. You uncross your trembling legs, looking down to watch as he continues to suck on your breast while his fingers dip down to your wetness.

"Inside," you whisper, finishing your thought but almost giving him a command at the same time; he doesn't hesitate, immediately pushing both fingers past your entrance and slipping them inside your throbbing hole, "Fuck," you whimper, closing your eyes and throwing your head back, "Like that."

You can feel the head of his cock through his pajama pants, pulsing against your thigh, leaving a sticky spot in the fabric. The fact that he's getting hard just by doing this to you, getting wet in his own way, it just turns you on even more.

He pulls off your breast with a wet pop and tilts his head up to look at you, pressing little kisses around your nipple and then pulling himself up a bit to hover over you. You feel his clothed cock prod your lower belly and you shiver again.

"Wanted to be full again, huh?" he murmurs, eyes dark, "Missed havin' these big fingers inside you?"

You nod and tug at his curls, urging him to lean his face down toward you. He takes the hint immediately, smirking a bit before reaching down to press his lips to yours and kiss you hungrily. You sigh into his mouth, contentment and arousal flooding through you as he slowly pushes his fingers in and out of you. Your hand moves from his hair to cup his jaw, loving the feeling of his beard beneath your fingers.

"Wanna know what I missed?" he asks against your lips, voice deep and breathy, "Missed this tiny little hole, so tight, all for me," at his words he curls the tips of his fingers inside of you, making you emit a loud whimper that makes him grin, "That's right, takin' my fingers so well, angel. Bet you could take three now," you feel another one of his fingers prod you alongside his others, "You want that, babygirl? Want three of those big fingers?"

You swallow nervously but slowly nod, tugging your bottom lip into your mouth, "Yes, Mr. Miller," you whimper, "Wanna be full."

"Good girl," he murmurs, brushing his nose lightly against yours, "You're such a good girl, aren't you?"

You hear the sounds you're making but you're not quite sure where they're coming from or how you're making them; you sound pathetic and breathless as he fucks you with his fingers, teases the third at your hole and leans down to kiss you again. His tongue slips past your lips and you feel the vibration of your own moans in his mouth when his thumb gently teases your clit.

"There you go, angel," he mutters against your lips as his third finger breaches your entrance, slowly pushes past the other two, "Thaaat's it, babygirl."

You tremble underneath him, feeling your body tense up at the new intrusion. You've had three of your own fingers inside yourself, but not three of his, long and thick and so much bigger than your own. You hear your whimpers turn into cries as his fingers fill you up, your own hands coming up to grip his back, nails digging into the skin.

"Shhh," he soothes, trailing more kisses along your face in an attempt to relax you, "You're okay, sweetheart, you're okay." And you are okay, being underneath him like this, being entirely at his mercy as he pushes your limits, helps you discover something new. It burns a bit, stretches and pulls and stings, but he talks you through it, whispers reassuring words in your ear, and you know you're safe.

He stills once all three fingers are deep inside, then pulls himself up a bit to look at you, pushing a stray hair behind your ear and peering down with a soft expression despite the depraved circumstances.

"How's that feel?" he whispers, voice gentle and soothing, "Tell me."

You're still making whimpering noises, shaky and quiet, but you're able to reply with the only word you can bring to the front of your mind: "Full."

He smiles down at you, brushes his nose against yours, "You did so good, angel," he murmurs, eyes not leaving yours, "I'm prouda you."

He knows what he's doing with that phrase; immediately you feel yourself loosen beneath him, hands going slightly limp against his back. He presses a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth and slowly begins to move his fingers again, pumping them in and out at an even pace.

It's amazing. It's so different than just two fingers, so much bigger and fuller - you've never felt anything like it; something so dirty but somehow passionate and warm. He kisses you as he fucks you with them, hovering over you with his hot skin emanating onto yours, wisps of hair from his chest and stomach tickling you everywhere. He thumbs your clit again and you moan loudly against his lips, your orgasm swelling in your belly as your hands tangle in his hair and pull him closer.

"You gonna come, angel?" he asks you softly, sweetly, pulling back a bit to stare deeply into your wide eyes, "Yeah, you're gonna come on those big fingers, huh? Can feel your pussy gettin' all tight around me, she wants it so bad doesn't she?"

You moan even louder as you frantically nod, "Yes, gonna come, gonna come," you cry out, overwhelmed by the thickness of his fingers and the way he's looking at you, the way he's talking to you; everything is just him.

"That's right, give it to me, sweet girl," he urges you, plunging into you faster and faster as his thumb rotates mercilessly against your clit, "Make a mess for me, soak those fingers, there you go."

You keen, high and borderline ridiculous as you stiffen beneath him and begin to shake, pitiful sounds escaping your mouth as you come. He fucks you through it, watching your face every step of the way and not stopping his movements until you've come down completely. You lay beneath him, chest heaving and eyes closing involuntarily as he strokes your thigh tenderly, reassuringly. He keeps his fingers lodged deep inside of you, not moving but simply keeping you full as you come down from your orgasm; you find yourself hoping he doesn't pull them out just yet.

"Can I show you somethin'?" he asks softly, and you open your eyes to find him still peering down at your face. You can't speak, can only nod as you bite down on your lip and try to catch your breath, your entire brain focused solely on the way his fingers feel inside you. As if he can read your mind, he's suddenly pulling them out and bringing them up to hover between the two of you.

Your brow furrows in confusion, suddenly feeling beyond empty as you pout up at him. He just chuckles to himself, still holding his three fingers - wet and glistening - in front of you while his other hand reaches down to the waistband of his pajama pants. Your eyes go wide, lips parting a bit as you look from his face to where his hand is and back again.

Without words from either of you, he slowly reaches inside and pulls out his cock, thick and dripping. You make a weird sound in the back of your throat, sitting up slightly as you peer at it with wonder. He's showed it to you before, it's nothing new, and yet...

"That's about the same width, wouldn't you say?" he asks you quietly, bringing his dripping fingers down to his hard cock and aligning them side by side; he's right - the thickness of all three of his fingers is relatively similar to the thickness of his cock. There's certainly different aspects - the length being the main difference - but the overall width is pretty spot on.

"Y-yeah," you say softly, eyes glued to it, "Pretty close."

You watch as he carefully drags his fingers along the thick length of his cock, still soaked with your release. He spreads your juices along it with his thumb and fingers, fists it gently and very slowly fucks his fist once. Your eyes are hooded and dark, saliva beginning to pool inside your mouth for reasons you can't even begin to understand.

"You just took three fingers," he continues, thumb tracing the base of his wide tip, "So wouldn't you say that answers a question you've been worryin' your pretty little head about?"

Your eyebrows scrunch together, trying to figure out what he means. It's hard to focus on absolutely anything else when his dick is right there in front of you, practically begging to be touched, the fat head pulsing and drooling under your gaze.

"Oh, this is gonna be a problem, isn't it?" he says, amused as he continues to slowly stroke himself, "Can't even think when there's a cock in front of you, huh?"

The words snap you back to reality, but only slightly. You smile sheepishly as you will yourself to look up at his face and away from his dick, "Wh-what question, Mr. Miller?"

He chuckles, "You were afraid it wouldn't fit inside you, babygirl," he reminds you gently, "But it will, we just proved that."

Your brain slowly makes sense of what he's saying and you can't help but feel a wave of relief wash over you; he's right. It had burned a bit, been uncomfortable for a moment or two, but ultimately you'd been able to take all three and enjoy it. You feel a smile spread across your face, and you notice his eyes soften slightly as he looks at you.

"You're right," you say breathlessly, smile still wide, "I did it, didn't I?"

His expression softens even more and he smiles back at you, laughing quietly to himself. He opens his mouth to say something but then seems to think better of it, pulling one of his legs back and moving to sit beside you on the bed instead of over you. Your brow furrows a bit in confusion.

"What is it?"

He just shakes his head, still smiling softly to himself, "Nothin', you're just... you're adorable."

Your cheeks warm at that, unable to help feeling a little self conscious. Now that you've come down from your orgasm you're suddenly hyperaware of your nakedness, of the fact that he can see every inch of your body. You draw the covers up around yourself quickly, hoping he won't mind.

"Such a shy little thing," he murmurs softly, but makes no move to pull the blankets down again like he had before, just watches you with a smile as your gaze slowly falls back to where he's hard and aching.

"Can I...?" you can't bring yourself to say the words, feeling flustered and nervous at the very thought. He just nods and reaches over to touch your hand, strokes your trembling fingers in his grip.

You watch as he carefully maneuvers your hand toward his crotch and slowly places your hand on his cock. Your fingers curl around his girth almost instinctively, imitating what you've seen him do before. Your lips part, breath hitching as your skin touches his most intimate area, a place on a man you never thought you'd ever be able to feel, at least not until you were married.

It's soft. Not in terms of arousal but just in texture, a silky and smooth feeling you hadn't been expecting. You stare down at your own hand in slight awe as your thumb gently strokes along his shaft, brow furrowing at how different it is than what you'd imagined. It's surprisingly just a body part, just an extension of Joel that usually remains hidden and secret; it's not as scary or intimidating when you can touch it like this, play with it like he plays with you.

"Wow," you say softly, barely aware of it as your fist ever so slowly moves along his length, pumps him just once in that hypnotic way he'd showed you; he's still covered in your own release, wet and slippery, but somehow you don't feel grossed out by it.

"You're a natural," he replies just as quietly, and your skin heats again when you look up to see his face, see the desire and pleasure in his expression, "Don't think there's much I need to teach you, to be honest. My parts are a lot simpler than yours."

You smile to yourself and pump him slowly again, this time brushing against the wet and throbbing tip. He makes a faint grunting sound that makes your eyebrows go up.

"This part..." you say quietly, thumbing the head ever so slightly and feeling your heart race when it pulses beneath you, "It feels different?"

"Yeah," he murmurs, biting down on his lip for a moment, "That part's sensitive, kinda like your clit."

You nod slowly, pushing your thumb up a bit and slowly rotating it along the sensitive area. He inhales sharply, grunts again when you prod the spongey head with both your thumb and index finger, teasing it like he'd done with your nipple.

"Fuck," he mutters softly, voice heavy and breathless, "That's it, angel, you got it."

His praise is like a warm blanket, shrouding you in safety and comfort as you slowly pump his cock again, teasing the head intermittently and trying not to smile too much every time he makes another one of those breathy grunting sounds. You feel pride swelling in your chest, the knowledge that you're actually making him feel good pushing you to continue on.

"What about these?" you ask softly, stilling your hand on his cock for a moment to gesture toward his balls, round and heavy beneath the base, "Does it....do they feel good when they get touched, too?"

"Yeah," he murmurs, voice dark and full of arousal, "They do."

"Can I touch them?"

The sound that emits from his throat sounds almost like a growl, low and husky, "Yes," he groans, "Go ahead and touch 'em, sweetheart."

The tone of his voice is slightly desperate, bordering on depraved. Your eyes travel back up to his face and his jaw is slack, eyes hooded as he watches you touch him. You've never seen him like this, almost completely wrecked by something you did.

"Gotta be real gentle," he continues, taking a breath through his nostrils and reaching down to pull his pajama pants down a bit more for easier access, "They're sensitive too."

You resume your slow pumping of his cock with one hand while your other reaches down to lightly trail the tips of your fingers along the shape of his balls, round and tender. You cup them gently, teasing them one by one in your palm. He hisses in pleasure, eyes shutting tightly as he leans back a bit against the headboard.

"Feel good?" you whisper, trying your best to fall into the role Joel usually takes on, the role of the person giving the pleasure.

"Yes, baby," he groans, pressing the backs of his hands against his shut eyes, "Yes, feels so good, sweetheart."

Your pumping gets a bit faster, a bit wetter as precum continues to drool from the tip and down his shaft. It's unbelievable that you're really sitting here in a man's bed, a man about thirty years older than you, pumping his cock and making him come apart like this. You can feel yourself throbbing beneath the blankets, getting wet all over again at the reality of the situation, and when your movements cause the blankets to fall from your chest and expose your breasts again, you don't bother trying to cover up.

Joel groans at the sight, reaching over to tweak one of your nipples between his fingers, making you whimper, "You know what happens when a man comes?" he asks you suddenly, brow furrowing in pleasure, "You learn about that in school?"

You nod quickly, feeling sweat trickle down your face as you continue to stroke him up and down, "Yes," you whisper, "I know what happens."

He groans again, swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath as he begins to palm your breasts, "I'm about to come, darlin'. There's gonna be a lot, need to know where to aim it."

You bite down on your lip, trying to keep all your focus on making him feel good and not on the hands now squeezing your breasts, teasing your nipples. "Wh-where do you want it to go?" But you already know the answer.

"Here," he grunts, thumbing your hard nipples, "These. Wanna come all over these pretty tits, sweetheart, will you let me?"

You nod, "Y-yes, Mr. Miller."

It's everything he needs to suddenly pull himself up from the bed and pull your hands off him, gesturing for you to lie back against his pillows. Your heart races in anticipation, eyes going wide and lips parting again as he leans over you and starts to jack his cock, fast and unrelenting. This is what he'd done the other night, when you'd talked on the phone; you'd tried to imagine what he'd looked like, making his own mess... now you're about to find out.

"Stay just like that, babygirl, just like that," he grunts out, pumping himself over and over as he aims the tip toward your bare breasts, swollen from all the attention he's given them tonight. His expression is tense and so is his body, soft stomach suddenly taut with pressure, chest heaving as he works his hand. He looks almost pained, brows scrunched together as he pulls himself over the edge.

"Come," you find yourself saying quietly, a shaky whimper playing at the edge of your voice, "Come for me."

Within seconds of your words your skin is hit with long ropes of a warm, white liquid, splattering across your breasts in uneven patterns. You watch with hooded eyes as Joel slows his strokes, groans louder than he has all night as his release spurts continuously from the head of his cock, painting you all over. His tense expression eases into one of pure bliss as he tosses his head back again, moaning up at the ceiling.

Wow.

Without asking for permission, without even questioning whether it's proper sex etiquette to do so, you find your hand travelling quickly downward to your wet pussy. You frantically begin to rub your clit, still gazing up at Joel's pleasured form, feeling his come slipping down the sides of your breasts onto the sheets below. You throb and pulse beneath your fingers, whining softly to yourself as your body readies itself for your second orgasm.

Joel looks down at you then, cock still in hand, slowly beginning to soften. He sees what you're doing immediately, and the devilish smirk that crosses his face is enough to send you over the edge.

"Fuuuuck," you moan out as you come, trembling in the sheets and curling your toes in pleasure, "Mmmm," you squirm and writhe beneath his gaze until it's over, then lay still and loose on the bed with barely any thoughts floating through your mind.

The room is filled with the sounds of heavy breathing, both of you coming down from your orgasms and trying to collect yourselves. You can't help but look down at your chest, see the thick patches of come splattered all over your breasts, your nipples. How all of that could come from one person is wild to you; this certainly hadn't been taught in any of your health classes.

The memory of being so naïve, so innocent... it makes you grin. Because you couldn't be further from that person anymore, the one who did everything that was asked of her, never listened to her own heart, stayed on the sidelines and focused on math and extracurriculars and God while other people had these experiences. And now here you are - actually having them.

"I guess I'm not a good little Christian girl anymore," you find yourself saying with a shaky giggle; you suddenly feel reinvigorated, sexually liberated... free.

Joel laughs at that, breathless and genuine. He grins down at you, releases his cock and shuffles downward to lay beside you, "You're my good little Christian girl," he says softly, bringing a hand up to cradle your face, "You did so good."

"Did I?" you ask sincerely, "Be honest, I wanna know."

He just smiles and thumbs your cheek, eyes going crinkly, "You were perfect, babygirl, I swear." He leans forward and kisses you gently, sweetly, like you both didn't just do something completely filthy and depraved - but you're starting to realize that maybe it's normal to do things like this, not as taboo and sinful as you'd always thought.

When you part, you're suddenly painfully aware of the state of the bed, not to mention both of your bodies. You're both covered in a sheen of sweat, you've got come dripping down your skin, and both fluids are already beginning to stain the bedsheets. You make a face.

"Can we...can we change the sheets? And can I maybe take a shower?"

Joel chuckles at that, stroking your cheek one last time before pulling back to extricate himself from the bed, "I'll change 'em, sweetheart. You go get in the shower, it's right across the hall."

You slip out of bed on shaky legs, losing your balance a bit and having to grab on to Joel's bed side table for support. You both laugh, and you find comfort in the casual intimacy of it all - both of you standing there naked without any shame or embarrassment. It's strange and new but so refreshing, that familiar safe feeling warming your skin as you make your way to the bathroom. You pick up your discarded nightdress as you go.

You stare at yourself in Joel's bathroom mirror for a bit longer than necessary, eyes wide as they trail up and down your bare form. Splotches cover different parts of your skin, especially your breasts, nipples swollen and dark, not to mention covered in come. You feel an ache between your legs again at the sight and almost roll your eyes at yourself - when will you stop being this insatiable?

Unable to push down the urge to do so, you carefully drag one of your fingers through the layer of white splattered across your chest, fascinated by its sticky texture. He'd marked you, in more ways than one.

The shower is pleasant and relatively quick; you want to get back in Joel's arms as soon as possible. You try not to think too much about the implication of that desire, the safety you feel when you're with him versus the anxiety you feel when you're not and what exactly that means. You try to remind yourself of your roommates and their experiences, their ability to sleep around without catching feelings or getting attached. How do they do it? How do they do it when being close to another person like this is so intimate and special?

You change back into the nightdress after your shower and slip back into Joel's room, finding him laying in the freshly made bed beneath a new duvet. For a moment you think he might be sleeping, quietly shutting the door behind you and tiptoeing over to the bed. However when you get close enough he opens his eyes and looks at you, a sleepy smile spreading across his face.

"Hey there," he murmurs, reaching down to pull back the blankets on the other side - your side, "Get on in."

Your heart pounds harder than it probably should.

Climbing into bed beside Joel feels surprisingly normal, easy. You wriggle underneath the duvet and cuddle in beside him, immediately wrapping an arm around his solid form and nuzzling your head against his shoulder. He's wearing his pajama pants again but his torso is still bare, the hair on his chest tickling your skin. You feel him press a soft kiss to your hairline and you can't help but smile.

"I'm glad I came over," you whisper with a content sigh, "I was... I was starting to worry you didn't want me."

"Really?" he asks softly, brow furrowing, "Why's that?"

You shake your head and nuzzle in deeper, "Just me being self conscious and insecure, as usual."

His hand comes up to rub your back soothingly, circling it with his palm through your thin nightdress. He pulls you in a bit closer, kisses your forehead again with a bit more firmness.

"It's normal to feel that way," he murmurs against your skin, "But I do want you, babygirl. You're all I think about lately, I mean that." You shiver at his words, closing your eyes and willing yourself to believe that he really does mean them like he says. "Most beautiful little thing I've had in my bed for a long time."

You press a gentle kiss to his collarbone in response, nose trailing along the skin. He didn't shower but you're sort of glad he didn't; he still smells like sex, a deep masculine musk that you can only attribute to him now, a scent that makes you feel safe.

"I just feel bad...making us sneak around and all that," you admit, "I know it's childish and silly, but I'm so scared of disappointing my parents. I shouldn't be but I am."

"You're young," he says softly, tenderly, "That kinda stuff still matters, especially when you're livin' with them. I get it, honey. You don't have to defend yourself."

You grimace against his skin, "I just wish this could be more normal. That you could just be a guy I'm seeing instead of my guitar teacher," you shake your head, "It's not fair."

He pulls you in even closer with a soft chuckle, "Well, if it's any consolation, I'm lookin' forward to teachin' you how to play."

You make a face, "Hymns," you say with a roll of your eyes, "You're teaching me how to play hymns. I don't see anything exciting or sexy about that."

"We'll make it sexy," he murmurs, inching his face downward so it's more level with yours, eyes casting down to your lips, "Thought you were my good little Christian girl."

All thoughts suddenly seem arbitrary when he's looking at you like that, your gaze immediately going hazy as he leans in and kisses you deep, pushes his tongue inside your mouth softly and tastes you. You hum against his mouth as a response, thighs tightening together as if on instinct the second you feel yourself begin to throb again.

"Are you?" he asks huskily when he pulls away, eyes dark but tired, "Are you my good little Christian girl, baby?"

You nod, swallowing down your arousal, "Yes, Mr. Miller."

"You gonna let me touch you while I teach you guitar?"

You nod again, biting back a whimper, "Yes, Mr. Miller."

His eyes dart back down to your lips, hand on your back traveling downward to cup your bare ass beneath the nightdress, "You gonna let me fuck that soft little pussy while you play one of your hymns?"

"Yes, Mr. Miller," you repeat, leaning forward to bury your face in his warm skin and inhale him again, moan softly against the hair on his chest, "Yes."

He squeezes your ass for a moment and then brings his hand back up, pulls you to him and wraps his arms around you tightly, "See, babygirl?" he whispers, "Told you we'll make it sexy."

--

Joel's alarm wakes you around six, rousing you from one of the best sleeps of your life. You open your eyes groggily, feeling him lean over you in bed to turn it off, warm chest brushing your arm. You roll over in bed and cuddle into him again, humming sleepily to yourself when he pulls you in close.

"I gotta get ready for work," he murmurs gently into your hair, "Go back to sleep, I'll wake you when it's time to go."

You frown sleepily but don't have the energy to protest, eyes closing again as you melt back into his pillow. You feel him release you from his embrace and press a kiss to your forehead, a simple reminder that this isn't some dream you're having, it's somehow reality. You smile and fall asleep again within seconds.

--

He wakes you up again after about half an hour, seats himself on the edge of his bed and strokes your hair. You peer up at him with a sleepy and satisfied expression, unable to stop the words that fall immediately from your lips:

"Kiss me."

He doesn't need convincing, still thumbing your hair behind your ear as he leans down and kisses you softly, bumps your nose against his and lets your tongue lazily explore his mouth, tasting mouthwash. You sigh contentedly, pulling back to smile at him while he strokes your cheek.

"Sleep good?" he asks you softly.

You nod, remembering the closeness the two of you had shared all night, the soft hugs and tender cuddles, the quiet intimacy you've never experienced with anyone else. "Amazing," you whisper.

He kisses you again before you get out of bed, then takes your hand as he leads you downstairs. You grab your jacket on the way out of his bedroom, still hanging on the back of his door. You look down at yourself as you both reach the top of the stairs, realizing there's no way you'll be able to walk home in an outfit like this without certainly being accosted by a nosy neighbor.

You push down your worry when you reach the kitchen, unable to stop the grin from spreading across your face when you see that the kitchen table is set with breakfast; scrambled eggs and bacon.

"You made me breakfast?" you ask in awe, looking from the food to Joel and back again.

He laughs, walking over to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup, "I did," he says with a smile, "And as much as I'd love for us to just sit and enjoy it," he looks down at his watch with a grimace as he takes a sip of coffee, "we have about ten minutes before I gotta drive you home and then get to work."

You sit down at the table, picking up your fork and immediately digging into the eggs, "You're gonna drive me home?"

He seats himself across from you, watching you enjoy what he'd cooked with a fond smile, "Can't have you walkin' home in that tiny little thing, can I?" he says teasingly, "Your parents would wring my neck."

You groan, "Oh god, please don't even joke about that. If they knew..."

He just chuckles and starts to eat, looking up every now and then to give you one of those crinkly-eyed crooked smiles that makes you weak. You smile through mouthfuls of food and feel your skin alight every time you feel his gaze on you.

"I don't usually eat this fast, I promise," you say through a mouthful of bacon, covering your mouth, "It's only 'cause we're on a time crunch."

He shakes his head, still smiling, "You're so damn cute."

You try your hardest not to reach across the table and pull him toward you for a kiss.

--

The drive from his house to yours is extremely short, no less than two minutes. Still, you enjoy the short time you spend in his truck, his big hand spread out on your bare thigh while he hums along to a tune on the radio and gives you soft little sideways glances that makes your heart flutter. You can't help but feel like someone else when you're with him, someone more carefree and outgoing, happier and more experienced. It's only when you slowly near your house that you realize maybe this person is who you really are.

"Stop here," you tell Joel with a grimace, still a few houses away, "My parents are still home."

"How're you gonna get in?" he asks with an edge of concern to his voice, eyeing your house, "Think you can climb the fence?"

You bite your lip, "Probably. I've never done it before but I don't have much choice," you lean your head against the backrest in irritation, "God, why did I choose now to rebel? I coulda learned how to do all this shit when I was a kid if I hadn't been so obsessed with being perfect."

He gives you a sympathetic look, thumb stroking your thigh reassuringly, "I'll stay right here 'til you're inside."

You yearn to lean over the small space between you and kiss him, but you know there's always a risk of a neighbor coming out of their house and seeing you. Instead, you place your hand atop the one on your thigh and squeeze his fingers gently, giving him a small smile.

"I had a really nice night," you say quietly, unsure how exactly this kind of thing is done, "And morning."

"So did I, sweetheart," he replies, voice tender, "We'll do it again, promise."

With one final squeeze of his hand you slip out of his truck, tying your jacket around your waist to cover up your legs a bit. It leaves your upper half more exposed than you'd like, your eyes going wide when you realize how much cleavage this nightdress really shows.

"Here," Joel says, understanding your reaction immediately, "Wear this on top." Without giving you any time to protest he's unbuckling himself to undo his plaid button down, shirking it off his shoulders and handing it to you. It leaves him in a t-shirt and jeans, your eyes trailing to his strong arms without meaning to, the arms that had held you close all night.

"Thank you," you murmur, brow furrowing a bit, "You're sure?"

He smiles crookedly and buckles up again, "I'm sure, angel. You keep that."

Your heart flutters as you wrap his shirt around you, slipping your arms into the much too long sleeves and inhaling the scent of him - your new favorite smell - surrounding you. You're never getting rid of this. Ever.

With a wave you hurry down the sidewalk, feeling slightly ridiculous in your layered and baggy outfit but relieved that you're covered up. You eye the tall white fence of your backyard, trying to formulate a plan in your head as you go. Hop the fence, get a ladder from the tool shed and climb up to your bedroom? But did you even leave your window open? You can't help but feel rage in your chest for your parents rules, the curfew, all the nonsense you've been living with for your entire life. Why the fuck don't you have a fucking key to your own fucking house?

You can feel Joel's eyes on you when you reach the fence, still sitting in his truck a few houses down.

Please, God, you think to yourself as you slip one of your sneakers in between the fence posts and yank yourself up, I know I've sinned. I know I'm a mess. And I'm not even sure I really believe in you anymore. But please, if you're there, don't let me make a fool of myself in front of Joel Miller.

Surprisingly, your prayer seems to work. Climbing up the fence is relatively easy; you keep an eye out for your neighbors as you quickly pull yourself over and flop down on the other side, extremely grateful that neither your jacket nor Joel's shirt gets caught on anything. You hurry to the tool shed, eyeing your bedroom window as you go and feeling beyond relieved when you see that it's wide open; God bless Texan summers.

You decide to wait inside the tool shed until your parents are gone, not wanting to draw any attention to yourself with the ladder. You close the door behind you and sink to the concrete floor, heart pounding in your chest as the reality of what you've just done overwhelms you.

You snuck out to see a man. You slept in his bed. He drove you home so you could sneak back in.

Quiet laughter fills the tool shed, all coming from your own mouth. You grin to yourself and shake your head in the darkness, leaning back against the door and closing your eyes. Who are you? Who is this new person you've become? You don't know, but you love her.

You find yourself pulling your phone out of your jacket pocket and typing out a new message, but this time it's not to Joel - it's to your friends from college:

i think i'm officially a bad girl.

[wttcsms]

for the last time ; simon “ghost” riley.

pairing simon “ghost” riley x f!reader word count 2k synopsis simon is greeted by an image that haunts him the most: you, completely still and no longer breathing.   content contains death mentions, mentions of blood, slight angst, hurt/comfort, pregnancy, pregnant!reader, the two of you are married, obsessive!ghost notes takes place in the same timeline/au as this fic! ; title is inspired by miss taylor swift’s line in ‘anti-hero’ (stream midnights, btw) where it goes “i wake up screaming from dreaming one day i’ll watch as you’re leaving and life will lose all its meaning for the last time”, so do what you will with that information! 

Is it possible to be so afraid that you can taste the fear on your tongue?

Simon Riley finds himself questioning this as he takes one step further into his home — your home, the empty residence that has never known warmth in between its walls until the first time you graced them with your presence — the foyer eerily quiet.

Usually, you have the TV playing in the background for company when he’s away. Maybe none of the shows airing were to your liking; that’s fine, he reasons. There’s no need to panic. No need for his heart to bang against its ribcage barrier, almost as if it’s trying to break free to search for you itself.

The house is dark, but after years of tactical operations held in worse places, his eyes easily adjust to take in these familiar surroundings. His eyes dart around the room, looking for any sign of trouble. He doesn’t know whether he should be relieved or not to find nothing out of the ordinary.

He moves quickly through the house, searching for any sign of you that he can. You’re not a quiet person — not when you’re in the comfort of your shared home, not when you know that you’re safe to live as freely as you want because Ghost will always see to it.

When he put that ring on your finger, he had promised to always keep you safe. Even before it, you were always going to be under his protection, and ever the honorable soldier (and lovesick fool), it’s a promise that he intends on keeping.

When he doesn’t hear the familiar sounds of you humming in the kitchen or the running water of your hot showers, he starts to feel the panic rising in his chest. It’s fine. You’re fine. He’s a rational thinker, quick and calm in a battle. He doesn’t lose his cool, never loses true sight of his mission.

He’ll find you, he reassures himself. He’ll find you, because to lose you is to lose himself, to lose the last remaining shred of humanity he has left in him. Burned, betrayed, abandoned — every moment of suffering he’s endured throughout his life has left him hardened and cold. Perhaps the universe is a merciful thing; after all, it gave him you. You, who only needs to give him a smile meant just for him to reverse all the pain he’s accumulated over the years.

He never thought he would be able to feel again. And now because of you, he’s feeling entirely too much.

He heads to the last room left: the bedroom.

He’ll find you there. You’ll be sleeping peacefully, tucked into the sheets that will cling with the scent of your body wash, blissfully unaware of your husband’s silly anxiety. Nothing could possibly happen to you — no one even knows you exist, save for the select few who Ghost finds himself able to trust.

He turns the knob, slowly and gently opening the door out of fear of interrupting your slumber, only to be greeted by the sight that haunts his every dream.

You’re lying on the bed, eyes shut, but there are thin, red rivulets running down your face — the face that he can perfectly envision in his mind, down to every eyelash and minuscule mark — and instead of the steady rise and fall of your chest…

…There is no movement.

The acidic feeling of bile rising up his dry throat burns, but he swallows it back down, ignoring the acrid taste in favor of forcing himself to approach your still body. He reaches out for you, noticing the erratic, shaky movements of his hands. When was the last time he had ever been so nervous, so scared, that his hands started to shake?

He doesn’t want to believe it. Your body is cold to the touch, and he finds himself daring to grip you tighter. He doesn’t want to leave a bruise, darling, he promises. He’ll apologize tenfold when you wake up. He shakes you, not as gently as he wants to, because he needs you to wake up. You have to wake up.

“Love?” His throat feels so choked up, he’s surprised he can even manage to speak. He shakes your body again, his knees almost buckling to the heavy weight of immense grief. Your blood stains the otherwise crisp, white sheets of the bed.

He’ll never sleep again if you don’t wake up.

He takes a hand to rest against your baby bump, desperate to feel the familiar kick of his son sensing his father’s presence.

“C’mon, kid.” He pleads and he begs, only to be met with nothing but silence.

He chooses to cradle your face instead, taking in your sweet features and trying desperately to pretend like he doesn’t see the blood spilling, ruining your otherwise perfect visage. The syllables in your name are broken up as he tries to say your name but finds himself struggling to speak properly.

Did you know that Simon rarely cries? Of course, you do — you know everything there is to know about him, down to every traumatic experience that has shaped him into the man he is today. You know that the last time Simon cried was because of his father, and it was very early in his childhood. Even as a baby, Simon was considered to be a very quiet child.

But now he feels the corners of his eyes watering, and he’s not ashamed of the tears — he’s ashamed of himself. You’re not breathing, your body’s gone cold, and he will never get to meet the boy fated to be his son. Is this why the universe had tried so fucking hard to keep him from making attachments? Had fate known that he was undeserving of having a family?

He couldn’t protect you, either of you.

The anger comes — he’ll track down whoever is the cause of this, and he will slaughter every single person involved, knowing that it’ll never be enough, even if the streets are permanently stained red from the amount of blood he’ll spill. But even those thoughts can’t chase away the agonizing grief that is crushing him from the inside out; it takes root inside of his heart, and he feels a part of himself snap.

Rage and agony blend together as the reality of his situation tears him apart. He will never love again; you’ve taken all of what he had to offer straight to the grave. Despite the persistent beating of it, he refuses to acknowledge having a heart, cold or otherwise. There’s nothing. There is no meaning to his life anymore if he cannot share it with you.

His pained screams seem to reverberate around the four walls of your bedroom, and his eyes are instantly open. He sits up, gasping for air, cold sweat dousing his body. He needs several seconds to calm down, and the erratic beating of his heart only quickens its pace when he realizes that all of it was merely a nightmare. But if it was only a bad dream, why does he turn his head only to find your side of the bed empty?

“[Name]?” He calls for you, throwing off the blanket from his body and leaving the warm bed. “[Name]?”

He sounds desperate and frightened — feelings he normally doesn’t display because he usually doesn’t experience them.

He’s gone about most of his adult life knowing that he doesn’t care about what happens to him, but now — now, he actually has something to live for, something to lose. He’s given up so many parts of himself, all for the sake of survival or for a mission. Whatever he hasn’t given away has been stolen from him (boyhood had always been a short-lived concept in his household; his father made sure of it). And then you came into his life — or rather, he infiltrated the building you were held captive in, and suddenly, the world had color again.

He didn’t ask you to fix him, and you never saw him as someone who needed it. You always tell him that he saved your life, even going so far as to call him your hero. You know everything about him; everything but the fact that you saved his life, too.

More accurately: you brought him back to life.

And now his life will go back to being nothing but static and self-sacrificial motivations.

He calls out your name in the darkness of the house, only to be greeted by the sound of his own heart beating against his chest. He stumbles through your home, only to find you rummaging through the kitchen, the light inside of it glowing against your skin and making you appear as an angel.

Breathing becomes significantly easier for him now.

It takes him little to no time to erase the distance between the two of you, and the familiar feeling of your husband’s strong arms wrapping around your body envelopes you. His embrace is comforting albeit a bit suffocating, and you choose to lean into his warmth, allowing him to bury his face into the mess of your hair.

The scent of your shampoo mixing with your own natural scent overwhelms him, and he only attempts to bring you impossibly closer to him.

“Simon?” The sound of your voice is his favorite thing to listen to; even more so when it’s you saying his name so sweetly and softly.

“Simon, what’s going on?” You don’t sound scared, but you take a hand to put over his, massaging his knuckles. It’s nearly one in the morning, and while you know that Simon is secretly clingy, especially when the two of you are sleeping, the way he’s hugging you… It’s almost as if he’s scared that you’ll evaporate the moment he’s not touching you.

“...You weren’t there.” You can feel the movement of his mouth and jaw, his head still very much buried in between the space between your neck and shoulder.

“I wasn’t… Oh.”

The turning point of your relationship had been the fact that Simon was always there every time you had nightmares. It wasn’t until the two of you moved in together that you realized he suffered from some of his own, as well. They’re few and far between nowadays, but sometimes, he’ll thrash in his sleep, tiny, pained groans waking you up from your slumber. You know the memories of watching his former teammates die in front of him haunt him in his subconscious when exhaustion leaves his mind defenseless. Those bad dreams have stopped coming for a long time.

He refuses to tell you about his new nightmare that’s been plaguing him, but either he’s an open book or you’ve just gotten too good at reading him because you think you have a sneaking suspicion as to what’s been scaring him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You whisper softly, and it should be impossible, but his hold on you only tightens up at your words of reassurance. “Nothing bad is going to happen to me.” You take his hand, and he allows you to adjust it to where it’s resting against the swell of your belly. “Nothing bad is going to happen to us.”

He refuses to go back to living that bleak, miserable existence that was his life before you. It’s okay to starve when you don’t know what you’re hungering for; it’s torture when you know you’ll never have what you truly need to survive.

“Let’s go back to bed, Simon. Please?” You plead with him, and after a minute, you feel him nod in agreement.

“You’ll be there when I wake up?” His words come out rough from having not spoken in several hours, but there’s something in his voice that reminds you that there are still remnants of that little, heartbroken boy Simon had to destroy in order to survive his childhood. Those fragments of himself are buried deep through layers of tough skin and pseudo-heartlessness, only coming out in his most vulnerable moments. So far, you’re the only person to witness it. If he has it his way, you’ll be the only one who does.

“I promise. I’ll always be there.”

True to your word, as long as he’s sleeping in the safety of the walls of your home, Simon Riley doesn’t have to find himself waking up alone ever again.

[nothing-tolose]

Foolish One.

warning: reader being so dumb bcs she always ignores every signs and dreaming too much <3

if you have criticism and suggestions to me, you can just knock my dm or send it to inbox <3

a/n: this whole fic was messed up like REALLY REALLY MESSED UP please bear w me ;) have fun anw

wc: 6K

daily click

Cards are on the table. It's way past midnight, yet the living room is bathed in light, and laughs from your friends all over the room. Here you are, having a sleepover for four nights with your friends and now playing UNO cards with them. None of you all can sleep, that's why now you were sitting on the dining chair, with three cards on your hand.

"Ellie! It's your turn!"

You glanced at Ellie, who was sitting across the table, as Sophie called out her name. God, you couldn't help yourself but screaming inside your heart as you saw her smile on her face. Those freckles on her face, green emerald eyes, and the scar on her eyebrow, she literally got your attention.

You knew that you were already fell in love with her, ever since you saw her on Aimee's instagram story 3 months ago. Head over heels even. But one thing you can't help it from yourself everytime you fall in love, you were too afraid to reach her out. Of course, your friends giving you a lot of advice so you wouldn't be afraid to start a conversation with Ellie. You already tried on their advice, such as texting her through direct messagw but always ended up you delete it before you could even send the text.

So many negative thoughts when you tried to reach her. What if she doesn't like me? What if she call me a freak? What if she hates me? A countless what-ifs lives rent free on your mind. And it explains why you weren't close enough with Ellie, you were too afraid and too shy to start a conversation.

You knew all about her from your friends. They'd tell you what's her interest, what she likes and hates, what she afraid of, and so much more. You do realize that you can't just got her news only from your friends, so you've been following her instagram account by your not really a suspicious fake account named @/16candlesf00l. Thank God her account isn't a private account, and thank God she didn't block your account!

You've also been following her TikTok with another fake account since she was pretty famous there with around 8,000 followers she has, and that makes you can easily leave comments on every video she posts without worried about she's going to confused, you usually leaving comments like, "Oh, you're really pretty!" and other flirty remarks. Then one day, you comment, "Did you cut your hair?" and she responds with just "Yeah." Despite her brief reply, you respond enthusiastically with "Should we get married?"

A single word, 'Yeah,' had already sent you into an hour of rolling on your bed, giggling, and playfully kicking your feet against the pillows.

She didn't reply to your comment after that, and you didn't mind. At least there was a bit of interaction with you, right?

"Hey!"

Snapped back to the reality by Cassandra's tap on your shoulder, she leaned in and whispered to you, "Girl, I know you're head over heels for Ellie, but how long are you going to just stare at her, huh?"

"What-" You cast a quick glance at Ellie, unable to believe what Cassandra had just said. Yet there she was, looking back at you with that slight smile on her lips, her fingers idly playing with the cards in her hand. It was clear she had been watching you for at least a minute or two.

You quickly turned your head left and right, let out an awkward chuckle to Cassandra. Oh really, you lost your words.

"Uh- Cass- I.. Uhm, what color-" You stuttered, you started feel like this situation was fucking embarrassing especially when Ellie still looking at you, not moving even for a second. Cassandra and the others waiting you pull out your cards.

And for God's sake, you really wanted to hide yourself in a closet right now.

"Hey, why did you stuttered? It's blue, go pull out your card, babe!" Cass slapped your back (not in verbally way obviously. Immediately you pulled out your card, you didn't see the number first but the color.

You saw Ellie suddenly get up from her chair, she handed her cards to Chloe who's already won the game first, "Chloe, can you play my cards for me? Em—" she stopped, clearing her throat before she continued, "I have an emergency, I'll be back later,"

Chloe just nodded without giving her a glance, hands taking the cards. Meanwhile your eyes were never leaving her gesture leaving the dining room to backyard porch.

3 hours passed after the moment where you got caught by your friends for staring at Ellie for too long. Everyone was asleep, except you. It was really really boring because you're being the only one who can't sleep, meanwhile everyone is drowning in their own sweet dream.

The silence in Sophie's bedroom was so quiet that the ticking of the clock feels so loud here. You get up from the bed really slow and careful as you didn't want  to disturb Cassandra's sleep, as she was a light sleeper. As you made my way out of the bedroom, you cast anxious glances at Cassandra, concerned that the door might creak loudly upon opening.

You turned your heels towards the backyard porch, then leaning your back against the fence. Your hands grabbed a cigarette and lighter from your pocket. As you took a drag, you sighed, your mind replaying the moment from two hours earlier. After revealing your cards, Ellie had turn aside her gaze, yet you couldn't shake the feeling that she was stealing glances at you every few minutes.

Okay, maybe you're really delusional.

"I thought I'm the only one who couldn't sleep?"

You fixed your position and looking around to find where the voice came from, an that's when you spotted Ellie from the house, pulling on her gray hoodie as she stepped to you. Did she just talking to you? Like, for the first time ever?

Jesus, 'No fucking way,'

You chuckled, "I guess my eyes weren't in the mood for sleep," you said. She joined you, resting her arms on the railing right beside you. "So," you said as you turned and tossed the cigarette into the trash bin below the porch, "What keeps you awake from sleeping? I mean, it's three in the morning and everyone else is asleep except us."

"I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders, and you tilted your head, "You don't know?"

"Yeah, I just… I don't even know what I'm doing before I realize it's already 3 AM. I guess I was thinking about something, getting lost in it, and then I forgot it once I realized I'm still awake," As she spoke, her smile broadened and she turned her head towards you, her gaze firmly fixed on yours.

You nodded in response. You couldn't look at her directly for fear of blushing, even as you sensed her gaze from the corner of your eye. Deep down in your mind, you found it hard to believe what had just happened. The girl you had a crush on since three months ago, the girl you always adored from afar because you were too shy and afraid, the girl you've been flirted on her TikTok post comment section are the same girl who just talking to you a few seconds ago.

The atmosphere turned really awkward when neither of you continued the conversation. The only sounds were from the insects on the ground and the occasional car passing by on the street. You humming, for at least the situation wouldn't be too awkward if you do that.. maybe.

Ellie opened her mouth, "How did you met Sophie?"

"Hm?" you glance at her and gasped the next second, "Oh, Sophie! I thought you were speaking some words," you fall silent, hummed, and let out a little chuckle from your lips, "I've known her since the first year; she was my first friend at school before she introduced me to Aimee, Cassandra, and Chloe. We've gotten along ever since… until today. And.. what about you?"

"Sophie has been my friend since childhood, we were on the same school when I was 7, her dad was my father's fishing buddy for years and we were on the same neighborhood. Now she's more like my.. older sister," she stopped, before pull herself away from the railing, "But whenever I'm with her, it feels as though I'm speaking to an old woman who lives for a long time. She told everything to me, the dos and don'ts, and even offers five minutes of advice whenever she thinks I need it!"

You groans between your laugh, "Really? No way, she did the same thing to me all the time! She's truly the mom, isn't she? Oh, you know what? One day I was scammed by someone claiming to sell tickets for my favorite singer's tour. I ended up losing about 200 bucks, they blocked my numbers and didn't say anything! And she—"

"Wait, 200?!" Ellie interrupted, her tone a mix of surprise and shock. You nodded and chuckled as you saw her mouth fall open. "That's… quite a lot," she added.

"I know! Jeez, I was so dumb at that time, and Sophie was the first person I told, and she really scolded me for an entire day. She keeps bringing it up in the middle of any conversation, as if I didn't hear her the first time," you paused for a moment, taking a breath before continuing, "She even said things like 'I told you so, I damn well told you!', 'If only you had been patient, you wouldn't have been scammed', and 'With that money, you could've bought your precious expensive book,' ugh, I wasn't born for those words!" you imitated Sophie's voice, laughing lightly as you did.

You both laughed, the conversation continues as you both found a lot common in each other's interests when you mentioned your favorite comic book. You swore she's the sweetest when she's talking, eyes always locked on you, the funniest jokes she tossed, it all raises your hopes too high. Two hours flew by, until you started feeling sleepy and decided to head back to the bedroom, but when you were already laying down, the sleepy instantly gone.

You were talking to yourself in whispers before you asleep, mind keep thinking about Ellie and there was no any signs to stop thinking about her. So many wishful thoughts and imagines if you were dating her. Yet, no matter how long you could keeping her in your mind, there's always some voices showed up in your head and saying such things like;

'You really never learned from your past,'

'There's so many girls out there who maybe caught her attention,'

'It'd seem so sad if you're the only one who fell to her and she's not.'

'Aren't you afraid if she end up with someone who's not you like how the last time you fell in love?'

And you really hate those voices, trying to block them all out without giving a single damn to it. Instead, you tried to believe that things will work out with Ellie, unlike the last time when you fell for Robin—the girl who started dating someone else the day after you confessed your feelings to her.

No, you're not going to end up the same like that. Not now, not with Ellie.

"What if she confesses her feelings to me?" you mumbled, biting your lower lip as you began giggling and buried your face in the pillow, "God, I'm so fucking delusional!" although you said that, you couldn't stop for imagining if she were tell you about her feelings, going on a date to somewhere, chilling at her house or yours, and discussing about every novel you both likes.

It was so.. cute, you thought. However, you didn't realize that you were projecting those images as hopes onto yourself and it'd lead you to breaking down if you weren't aware.

You push the pillow away from your face, shifting into a side-lying position. A smile remains ever-present on your lips. You breathe in and out slowly, then closed your eyes, it's literally five in the morning and you haven't sleep.

"Have a good sleep, Ellie,"

Ugh, you did not.

Two months down the line. Returning home from Sophie's holiday house was quite late, a full day after everyone else had left. You had the option to ride with Cassandra or take up Ellie's offer, but you were waiting for your mom, who had promised to pick you up. She didn't show up for four hours, then she texted you that she would be a bit late, and you ended up waiting her until the next afternoon.

You've called her phone countless times, but she never answers. You can't turn to your dad for help either, as he's been in Greece for three months. And your brother? He would never waste his time just for drive ten hours from his place to Sophie's home and then take you to your apartment.

So, how did you managed to get home?

Ellie came back the next night after Sophie mentioned you to her. You were overwhelmed with guilt for having declined her offer to drive you home the day before, especially since she returned just to take you home, facing a five-hour drive. She knew you weren't really in a mood after waiting literally a night for your mom who texted you that she couldn't pick you up after you were already with Ellie. She knew that. That's why she made a stop at convenience store, bought a lot of foods and drinks before taking you to the closest beach for some relaxation.

You've been getting along with Ellie. Ever since the day she made sure you got home safely by driving you home, there hasn't been a day without texting, talking, and even meeting up with her. And indeed, for heaven's sake, she made you fall deeper for her, more than ever. The way she acts around you, the way she talked to you, the way she is paying her attention at you every time you tell her your story. She really keeps your hopes still high.

She always asks you to go out at least three or four nights a week, and you've never said no. After all, it's not a waste of time when the girl you have a crush on—the same one you always comment on her posts—is asking you out. Every time you went out with her, she was incredibly sweet, as if you were girlfriends. But sometimes, she'd leaving you too soon, she would be saying sorry because she had an emergency. And it wasn't just once. But you didn't mind at all since she still brought you out to any places.

Ellie would purchase everything for you; even when you babbled thoughtlessly, she would disappear for a bit and come back with an item you had mentioned in her hand. You have always warned her against purchasing such items without your consent-literally all the time, and although she agreed, she never heard your warning.

"I swear to God, Ellie. I just told you an hour ago to not buy me some things I babbled about!"

She smiled, "Oh.. really?" you scoffed, couldn't hide the smile from your lips, "You're smiling."

"Shut up, Williams!"

A couple weeks had gone by, you started to questioning yourself about what were you to her? Girlfriend? Or were you just trapped in situationship? The worse, you were only a friend to her. You couldn't find the answer. It seems like she might have the same feelings towards you. She made you flustered, made you felt like you were the luckiest person alive. On the other hand, she never mentioned what relationship you both are in right now. You couldn't even tell if you were deserve to feel hurt or not.

Despite everything, you know how to pretend you're fine when you're hurt, right..?

Now go back to the present, you found yourself resting your head on Ellie's shoulder, half-watching the netflix show on the TV. Instead of watching the show, you were busy on your own thoughts. Confused. Who are you to her? Just friends? Situationship? You knew it too well, it felt like you can call her as yours but in reality you were not.

"Everything's alright?" Ellie interrupted your thoughts as she spoke. You nodding your head in response, lied. And unfortunately you weren't good at hiding expressions. She can feel that you were far from alright.

"Are you sure?" she asked, paused the show. Then she pinched your cheeks, leaving you laughing and grabbing her wrists as you pleaded with her to stop, "You know, you can tell me if there's anything wrong. I'll help you," she added, her fingers stopped pinching your cheeks now.

You chuckled, "That's so nice of you, Williams. But trust me, nothing's wrong now."

You keep resting your head on her shoulder, your gaze wandering around her apartment. Three minutes later, you find yourself sinking back into your daydreams. About someday, when you both are older, these moments would be the things you always laugh about over the tea every morning while Ellie watching the news.

"It was so funny back then,"

"Yeah! Oh, remember when you drove me home but the you stopped at the beach!"

You huffed, realizing once more that it was all just a dream.

"Ellie," you called her name all of the sudden, with you playing with your fingers, "Yeah?"

"Do you ever... believe that if we were patient enough to wait someone we had a crush on, they'll coming to you?" you don't know, why the question was suddenly came out from your mouth.

She hummed at first, and laughed, "No.. I guess. Because, what if you were already waiting them patiently but apparently they weren't the one for you?"

You went silent, she tilted her head to you, "Why did you asked suddenly though? Did someone caught your attention for a while and you're waiting for them?" and you nods.

"Who?"

'It's you, dumbass.' you secretly rolled your eyes.

"I won't tell you," you sigh out, "I've been waiting them for these past 5 months, and for God's sake, she's too hard for me to reach!" you slammed your hands into your thighs, inviting her laugh.

"It's almost half of a year, and you still waiting?" you nods to her question, biting your lower lip and avoiding her gaze. You heard her letting out a heavy sigh, "What if they never come to you? As if their love were never gonna come either?"

You froze, losing all your words. Why was she asked you like she knew you were talking about her?

Thereafter her phone buzzed leading Ellie quickly flipped her phone like she doesn't want you to curious, "I'm going out for at least ten minutes, you don't mind?"

And who are you to said no and pleaded to stay here? You were her guest on her house, nothing more like that. In the end you answered okay, almost whispered.

You were spying her through the corner of your eye as she walked out onto the balcony and closed the door. You could see her from inside when she walked back and forth with a big grin on her face, occasionally laughing. You really wanted to know what was going on, what the conversation was about that made her laugh so freely. But you knew your boundaries; you weren't supposed to ask her personal questions.

At one time she talked too loud you could even hear it from where you sit, "You'll come back? You're kidding, right? I swear to God, Emma, I missed you so much!"

Wait, who's Emma?

Ellie looked so excited on conversation with someone she just called Emma. From what you've heard through friends, Ellie didn't have many friends, and they mentioned only Jesse, Dina, Aimee, Chloe, and Sophie when you first confessedyour feelings about Ellie to them. So.. who's Emma then?

What if she were Ellie's girlfriend? No, there's no fucking way. Five months ago your friends said she was single, so that.. can't be. You immediately get rid all your negative thoughts about the girl Ellie mentioned on her phone call.

Enough staring her too long and overthinking. You shrugged your shoulders, act like you didn't care at all, 'I shouldn't think about this.. No. Please, please, please, try to think how sweet Ellie when she's with me..'

You changed the show into the romance one, you cannot stop smiling, you dream up if those romance scenes you watched right now was you and Ellie. The thought from you think about when you were couldn't sleep at Sophie's holiday house came back, 'Will Ellie ever open up about her feelings for me?'

It was so dumb. Do you ever think like that? The answer is yes, but who cares?

Your phone buzzed, and as you glanced at the screen, a notification was displayed.

911 sophie

hiiiii babe let me tell u i'm at aimee's rn

You

helllooooo what r u doing w her?

911 sophie

aimee was about to inviting you to her house tonight, and the others too. but her phone was DEAD RN she's planning on making a whole fucking meal like.. for 6 people??!! anyway wya???? she told me to buy some foodstuff at supermarket but i'll be fucking bored if im alone since she cant go out she's too busy with her other food creation or idk whatever she called it sooooo do you want to accompany me say yes i'll pick you up RIGHT NOW

You chuckled as you saw her text. Aimee was definitely too focused on what's her doing right now. You could tell how bored Sophie was there.

You

does she invite ellie too? anw pick me up pleaseeee ms. torres;))) at ellie's house love u!

Your gaze went to Ellie's, seems like she already finished the call. It's been 4 hours since you got here, and maybe it's enough for today even though you haven't finished the show you're currently watching.

911 Sophie

yeah she invited ellie too why? huh you were at what??? ellie?? GIRL HOW

You

mmmm i'll tell u later ;p JUST PICK ME UP ALREADY

911 sophie

OH CMON okay i'll be there in 10 xo

You paused the TV show and rose from the couch, reaching for your sling bag on the floor. At the same time Ellie, had came back from the balcony, you could tell how good her mood is by her smile.

"Where are you going?" she asked, noticing that you had already slung your bag over your shoulder. She made her way over to you, her fingers were scratching her back neck.

"I… Uh… Sophie asked me to go out for buy some foodstuff.." you pointing your thumb to behind before falling silent for a moment. "Is… is it okay if I leave now?" you ask, feeling a wave of regret wash over you immediately after, cursing on yourself for even questioning why she wouldn't be okay with you leaving.

'God, I'm so weird!'

"Oh… Okay," Ellie glanced back before turning her head to stare at you, "I was about to leave as well. Where will she meet you? And maybe I can drive you—"

You cut her off, shaking your head, "Actually… she said she'll pick me up here in ten minutes." Ellie nodded in response, her mouth forming an 'O'. She made her steps into her bedroom after she smiled at you and came back with her wearing her green jacket.

Your other side was sooo curious. Where is she going? Why did she smile so happily after the call? And what made her so excited during the call earlier? Will she be with someone, or will she be alone? You don't know, and you want to know. You really want to know. Curiosity inside you feels like started to eat you up. You immediately shook your head, pushing away your curiosity. You started talking to yourself in a really low voice, as if you hadn't said anything, "I should stop doing that."

"Ellie, I…" you were staring at her as she hummed, her gaze was met yours, "I think I'm gonna wait on the front porch." You were about to make your way to the front door, but her hand grabbing your wrist stopped you. "Ellie?"

Your eyes locked on hers; her expression was different from a minute ago. It was... guilty? Sad? You couldn't even tell. What's going on now? Was this related to her call minutes ago?

"I just... want to say sorry,"

You tilted your head. Seriously, what's going on?

"So, did you mean she was saying sorry to you without explain everything?"

Now, you were in Aimee's kitchen with Sophie, picking up the conversation that had been put on hold hours earlier. Aimee was in her bathroom, and here it's only you and Sophie whereas the rest on the dining room. You did tell her everything what happened today, once you asked her who's Emma, but Sophie wasn't sure if she know that girl because Ellie never told her about Emma. You already asked Aimee too, and all she said was, "I think I've heard that name.. I don't know." they literally left you all disappointed.

"I was about to ask her why she was apologizing to me, but I couldn't because you came to pick me up," you said, rolling your eyes at Sophie, which was followed by laughter from both of you.

"Whoa, so it was my fault, young lady?" her tone was changed along with the tip of her lips moved down shaping like upside-down 'U', "Maybe she did something wrong and you didn't notice it. Don't take this seriously because I'm just trying to speculate."

You scoffed at Sophie, "I don't know, Sophie. As far as I remember, she didn't do anything wrong that would make me mad or upset," you said, turning your shoulders down and positioning the knife between the apple slices you had cut earlier.

"Try to ask later, babe. I'm pretty sure she'll tell you later," Sophie placed her hand on your shoulder, before she moved to your left side. You gave her a disagreement gesture, huffed so loudly, made her expression was changed in seconds.

"She haven't talk to me since she arrived here, Soph," head down as you resting your hands to the counter surface, "What?"

You huffed once again. Indeed, Ellie hadn't spoken to you or even glanced your way since she arrived. It was as if you had done something to pissed her off, but you hadn't. She didn't text or call you like she always did after you left her apartment, the last message was when you told her you were already at her house. You were too desperate to find an answer or even to asking her. She seemed like a different person, completely changed from when she last spoke to you hours ago.

You both went back to dining room, sitting right next to each other while Ellie was sitting in front of you. She didn't give you a single glance, as if you weren't there. It's not like what she did when the night at Sophie's holiday house back then. She checked her phone every 10 minutes like she's waiting something important.

Your eyes were never left her gestures during the dinner. Even when your friends tried to talk to you, you just answered them briefly because you weren't in the mood to talk. Twenty minutes later, Ellie excuses herself and leaves everyone else, including you. She takes her steps to the kitchen. You see her hiding her smile by biting her lip.

Does she even realize you're here?

"Is everything okay?" asked Chloe, sitting next to you. "You seem a bit off, and I noticed Ellie haven't been talking to you either. Is there something wrong between you two?" she moved her chair so she can move closer to you.

"We're fine," you claim, but it's not entirely true. You might be pretending, yet you're actually okay with Ellie since you've never argued before. Chloe grunts, sensing the dishonesty in your words.

"I know you're lying. C'mon, you can be honest with—"

You shake your head, you don't want this conversation to continue too far. Enough for tonight. "We're really fine, Chloe. Believe me."

Chloe nods, she's back to her position, "Okay then. But still, tell me—no, I mean, please tell us if something's wrong with you two, we can help."

You excused yourself to the bathroom, but Ellie's voice in the kitchen halted your steps. You never realized what are you doing in front of the bathroom door, until you found yourself leaning on the wall right next to the kitchen where you heard her voice. She sounded so happy, laughs between her words, saying jokes that she had already told you.

The ache in your heart was undeniable. Who could she be talking to on the phone? Emma, perhaps?

You bite your lower lip, your hands wiping away the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. You enter the bathroom and sit on the toilet, head bowed.

"Why does it hurt so much? I'm just her friend, right?"

Right, you had no right to be jealous or hurt when Ellie never thought about you being her girlfriend even though she treated you like one.

The next day, neither Ellie nor you started the conversation on messages like you two always did every morning. It felt so empty to you as you woke up and didn't find any signs of Ellie texting you.

You did your morning routine as usual without giggles and smiles. Everything went too quiet. You didn't mumbled or even talking to voice notes that you'e always sent to Ellie.

As night fell, time passed quietly. You didn't venture out, choosing instead to isolate yourself from the world, turned on the do not disturb mode on your phone even though Ellie hadn't sent any messages. The conversation remained where it was left off yesterday morning.

You couldn't resist the urge to text her, yet it all seemed no use when you deleted every word you were about to send.

You walked back and forth in your bedroom, hand holding the phone as your fingers scrolling through TikTok. None of the videos you watched, all you did was scroll and scroll, not really in a mood though but you were bored. Really bored.

Fingers stopped as you saw the profile picture, recognizing it too well, more than your own profile picture. It wasn't a video, but photos with a song called 'The Perfect Pair'. You knew who the figure in the photo was: auburn hair, sitting in the driver's seat, wearing the same jacket you saw yesterday, and the gray baseball cap she always wears.

Your eyes caught the other figure: long wavy ginger hair, sitting in the passenger seat, her hand holding the person you recognized before. God, your heart was beating faster than you could pant.

Slowly you sit on the floor, leaning onto your side bed.

You saw the caption, 'Soft launch' with some hashtag she always put in there. And the user she tagged, @/user3291emms.

That was the time you felt like something crashed your heart and broke into hundreds pieces. You know if you were too curious, you'll get the consequences. You opened the comment section, there was she commented on her own post, 'Welcome back to Boston, sweetheart.'

You feel like you're the most foolish girl who ever lived. Suddenly, you remember something that you had forgotten when you had a conversation face to face with Chloe.

"I heard from Dina, Ellie had been talking to someone for a while, the girl named Emma or something."

You didn't listen to Chloe that day because you were too busy adoring Ellie, who was playing her guitar far from you. You cursed yourself, mind repeating all those moments you always thought it meant nothing to you and her. All those moments became signs that Ellie wasn't the one.

The moment when she excused herself in the middle of UNO games, the moment when she always left too soon after she took you out, the moment when she was on the call on the balcony and she got too excited. The moment she was about to go, she was going to pick up Emma from the airport. And when she left the dinner party earlier than others, she was going on a date with Emma.

You were crying so hard, you put your phone right beside you while you buried your face between your arms.

"How could I not see the signs?" you spoke between your tears.

The voices in your head were right; you never learned anything from the past. Now, the voices were telling you why did you always ignore the signs. Because you were too busy loving someone, which led you to forget the worst-case scenario if they weren't loving you as you did to them.

Maybe you'll finally learn your lesson.

You sit there alone on the bench, at the park that Ellie always used to take you. Eyes never leaving two figures from afar, they seemed having fun on their own. Ellie hugging Emma tightly, giving her a lot of kisses while laughing at something. Thoughts of imagining if Emma were you came, which immediately you push away.

Ellie never texted you again or called you, or even talking to you, and you were trying to get used to it. Every single day, you tried to resist the urge to check the messages that had started to be abandoned.

You smiled slightly, you stood and picking up your bag, ready to leaving the park soon. Taking a small step into the exit.

You didn't know, Ellie noticed your existence right after she's done hugging Emma. Her eyes locked on your gestures, she didn't move even for an inch. As you get up from the bench, she did the same thing like she was about to take her step to you.

Oh, she did it anyway. Your wallet dropped without your knowledge. Ellie told Emma to wait for a minute and hurried over to you. She picked up your wallet and noticed the Polaroid of you and her from when she took you to the beach before. Something stirred in her chest as she wondered why you still held onto the Polaroid despite her having hurt you by avoiding you like a completely stranger.

"Hey, your wallet dropped," she tapped your shoulder twice, before you turned around.

You were surprised, Ellie was right standing in front of you. After all these months of being a stranger to each other, she showed up suddenly. You cleared your throat, took the wallet immediately, and put it in your bag. "Thanks," you said.

Everything went quiet again between you two, none of you were talking or leaving.

You felt like the goodbye was screaming in the silence. You seeing the visions of the past, maybe you just got her longing glances while Emma got her rings. You huffed, doesn't know if this was the last time you'd see her or not.

"Ellie," her smile disappeared as you called her name.

"Is it okay if I tell you that I still love you even though we haven't talk since Emma came to Boston? I'm sorry, Ellie. But I couldn't bear my feelings," you confessed to her, all those words just out from your mouth.

With furrowed eyebrows, she averted her gaze before fixing it on yours. "And would it be too late if I told you that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for these past few months, even after avoiding you? God, I wish I could have told you sooner."

Your eyes widened. Just before you could say something, she left, leaving you all alone with her words lingering in your mind until God knows when.

a/n: i made this because i just found out that the girl that i had a crush on for months already have a girlfriend <3 (i've been crying nonstop) ANYWAY big thanks to taylor swift for the names <33333

[missfrustration]

a psychic walkthrough (reigen x fem!reader) 18+ **WITH AUDIO, NSFW**

A/N: hi friends! this is my first tumblr post, because only tumblr can embed the audio! audio was made with elevenlabs, and will be sprinkled in with the fanfiction. feel free to play or not while you read!

tags: 18+, mdni, pwp, nsfw, first-time sex, loss of virginity, fingering, vaginal sex, praise kink, drunk, boss/employee relationship, mild dubious consent, one-night stand, saliva, talking you through it, disheveled rat man nomnom, audio fic, whats it finna play-WOAHHH

word count: 3.3k

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Drinking straight liquor tonight was not a good idea for you. It made you irrational and impulsive. You would always wake up with half the bottles empty, a killer headache, and always something to think about. 

Nevertheless, you kept calling your boss, Reigen, until he picked up. 

“Mph, hey,” Reigen calls out your name, voice raspy. “What do you need…? Middle of the night, y’know, we have to go to work in the morning.”

You are caught so off guard by the huskiness in his voice that your drunken mind can only freeze the words on your tongue. 

His voice comes out as a growl when it calls your name again into the night. You can tell Reigen is concerned, yet you can do nothing but feel turned on by his stupid voice.

“I… uhhm.” You moan out into the night. Immediately, you close your mouth in surprise and panic-end the call before Reigen can get another word in. You slam it onto the table next to your bed and instinctively curl into yourself out of embarrassment. 

You can’t even pick up your phone when it vibrates off the table–you almost booty-called your boss, for fucks sake! You know Reigen will keep bothering your line, but accepting any call could result in ratting yourself out and ruining your job position at Spirits and Such. There is no way you can do that. 

You neglect the floor phone, taking a nice cold shower to forget your horned-up mind. You don’t bother gathering clothes before turning on the shower and hopping in, feeling the cool water on your hot skin. It almost relaxes you from the dirty thoughts you’ve been having. If only you could tell your boss how you feel, how you want him. Even if you haven’t lost your virginity, you’ve seen enough videos to know what you want–and boy, did you want a lot. 

Okay, that’s enough thoughts about fucking your boss for one night. 

After half an hour shy of meticulously cleaning every inch of your skin, you get out of the shower feeling satisfied and refreshed. Your arm reaches for the fluffiest towel you own, covering your moistened skin. 

You frown at the bare shelf where you usually put a clean change of clothes, now regretting not taking the extra minute to get them earlier. However, you can’t dwell on it much when you hear a noise outside the bathroom.

You freeze when you hear constant knocking on your front door, nearly shitting yourself at the fact it’s past midnight and someone wants to see you.

“Hey, I know you’re in there!” The voice says, calling your name out.

You would prefer if that voice were foreign to you now, but you know exactly who’s at the door. You have half a mind to ignore it when you end up reaching for the knob and slowly peeking an eye into the crack.

It’s Reigen with scraggly hair, bloodshot eyes, and undereye bags. You could tell his clothes were hastily put on, and he seemed out of breath and agitated. 

“Reigen?” You’re nothing less than bewildered. “Why the hell are you here?”

You open the door an inch, forgetting Reigen knows where you live. You remember him taking you home after a work party at the bar because you were way too drunk that night to get there on your own. He must’ve remembered where you were, which is both endearing and inconvenient for the time.

“Me? Are you okay?” Reigen takes the liberty of pushing open the door, concerned about your health yet oblivious to what you’re wearing.

Within the second of bursting open the door, he immediately realized why you cracked the door so narrow. Although your towel is fluffy, it’s barely enough to cover your nipples and crotch, giving Reigen the most liberal view of cleavage and legs that he could ever see. 

Your wet hair drips down to the floor, and Reigen realizes what he’s walked in on. It doesn’t help that he’s already inside your house, the door now shut from his initial push. Under his quick eyes, you cannot deny the feeling bubbling up your stomach. 

“Shit.” He rasps, immediately looking away when he realizes what he’s walked in. “Shit, okay, I’m sorry I- goddamn.”

He turns away his back entirely now, “I’m sorry for intruding, shit, I will–okay, I need to see myself out, now.”

“Hell no. Not when you’ve seen me like this, Reigen,” You say, grabbing his arm and spinning him around. Nevertheless, his head looks away. “Take some accountability.”

“Okay, alright, I’m sorry! You were calling, and I needed to make sure you weren’t dead.” He holds his hands to shake back and forth, then turns to you while covering his eyes. “What the hell happened?”

“Oh, I…” You trail off.

He leans forward and sniffs the air, glancing to your right to see the opened liquor splayed over the kitchen countertop. 

“You’re drunk?”

“I was, but I’m fine now. I promise it was no big deal. I just–”

He removes his suit jacket, “Here, before anything else, let me give you this so you can cover up.”

“No, I don’t want that.” You stop his hands that hold out the jacket, rejecting any part in it. 

“What?”

“I want you, boss.” You grit. You snatch his grey suit jacket before tossing it to the floor and stepping closer.

He looks back at you and blinks a few times, shaking his head.

“No, you’re drunk. You need to go to sleep, seriously.” Reigen groans. His voice contains an edge you can’t quite name, yet he doesn’t seem at all mad.

“I’m not drunk anymore,” You sputter, “And I know what I want, Reigen. I want you. Don’t you want me?”

“Jesus, you cannot just say that to me, especially as your boss.” Reigen covers his face, peering at you between his split fingers. 

“I don’t care. I want you to teach me things you shouldn’t, and I’m ready to learn.” 

“Teach? Wait, are you…?” Reigen stops himself from saying any more, knowing the exact answer when you nod. Reigen stares in shock, slack-jawed in disbelief. “No, there is no way you could be.”

You ignore his remark as your face glows in heat, gripping onto the edge of the towel with a resistance that’s desperate to let go. It only takes the swipe of your hand before the towel's grip succumbs to gravity, draping to the floor to expose your entire body.

“Reigen, don’t you want me?” You seductively say. 

“Yes, God, I do, alright? Now, put something on before I do something I regret, or I cannot promise this will end well.” He covers his eyes again, feeling for the doorknob behind him. 

“Why don’t we test that?”

You take his tie in your clutches, using the brevity of alcohol to do your mind’s bidding. Your arm yanks Reigen over to you until he practically topples over you in a passionate and hastily kiss. At the last minute, he stops the fall by slamming his hand on the wall right over you, making your knees buckle into an awkward stance. 

His lips feel so warm against yours, with both dehydrated from the effects of the long night. Chapped lips caress chapped lips, and you hook your arms on the back of his neck as your body thuds against the floor, subsequently taking Reigen with you. 

You wouldn’t think he would follow you to the floor so freely, immediately towering above your deliciously bare frame. His arms are planted on both sides of your head as he takes the lead in the domination of tongues. You feel caged between the arms you work under, yet the treat that is his guidance feeds you. Your lips, which have seldom kissed before, effortlessly mesh into his as he puts his weight against you. 

It’s clear what’s ahead of you and your boss, and no amount of forgetting or reasoning will cleanse your questionable business relationship to a blank slate. Right now, it’s about filling that craving for you and, ultimately, your boss. Reigen must’ve had the same thought when his lips left yours, and he started to get up.

“We’ll think about us after. Right now,” Reigen gets off you, crouching at your side before scooping you in his arms. “I’m taking you somewhere else.”

“Second door to the right,” You whisper, letting him carry you to your bedroom. 

He kicks open the door, promptly placing you on top of the bed and standing back up to undo his tie. The way he rips off that pink tie you see on him every shift before plucking open his shirt buttons from top to bottom has your mind spinning, especially when his eyes drink in your body every second he’s not touching you. By the time he gets down to his boxers, he’s back on you. 

“I didn’t know that drinking made you a liar. I’m sorry, but there is no way you're a virgin.” Reigen snorts, caging your body between his arms once more.

“Why is that so hard to believe, dumbass,” You mumble.

“Come on. We see each other every weekday, and I find it hard to believe that someone hasn’t put themselves between these pretty little hips before. I cannot be the only one, much less the first.” His knees nudge between your legs, slightly opening them. 

“As truthful now as I am about this,” You forcefully take his hand, pressing it on your exposed, hardened nipple. His hand stays there, eyes and hands now frozen from the contact. 

“Fuck.” Reigen snaps out of his hypnosis, groping your breast, taking his fingers and gently rolling the hard nipple. You pant from the foreign sensation. He watches your reaction like a dog, almost hysterical in how his eyes widen. 

His mouth takes your lips with force, then follows to the neck as he nibbles down the skin, then to the apex of your breast. Reigen’s lips coddle your areola as his tongue teasingly flicks the nipple, and his hands slowly caress the small on your waist down to the wideness of your soft hips. 

Reigen leans back to gaze at all your delicious curves, particularly the ones in between your legs that ache to feel him. He gently pushes your left leg to the side with his knee before sighing. 

“I’m not sure it’ll fit. Not right away,” Reigen starts. “So I’ll do this instead. Do you need me to guide you?” His fingers lift, showing you what he plans to start with. The display of his fingers alone makes you tremble, yet you nod your consent. 

He starts his lessons on you. The only tool he needed to show you was your body right now. You are so wet that he wouldn’t even think of lube. Not for his fingers, at least. He still felt the need to dip his fingers into your mouth. 

“Lick them, and keep your eyes on me,” Reigen says.

You obey. You flick your tongue around the pads, tasting the saltiness of his skin. You’re sure he darted straight over here when he woke up from your calls. Your mouth lingers on him, lubricating his fingers with your spit until he’s satisfied. 

“Take them for me. Let me know if it’s okay first.” You nod, and he dips his arm down.

One finger starts to slowly enter inside you as you shift your body at the feeling. Reigen carefully studies your body language. After a few moments of his first finger entering, he puts another in. 

“Damn, nobody has ever touched you like this, have they?” Reigen asks, looking into your widened eyes as his fingers start to move. He seems almost delighted by the thought of deflowering you, causing that desire to transfer to your core tenfold.

“No, Reigen. I wanted you… to be my first.” You cannot deny the aches you suffer at night after your shifts with Reigen or the long nights you endure your lust for him, yet you would never surrender your own hands to take care of it. 

“How does it feel?” His fingers gently pry your tight hole, causing your back to arch, giving Reigen’s eyes a generous view of your body.

“So, so fucking good,” You pant, gripping the wrist that invades your pussy from your lust. You make it move at a faster pace now, holding onto his arm like it’s a damn stress ball. 

“Good girl. Tell me if I need to stop.”

You feel your insides writhe in you when his fingers start to curl, constantly pushing in and out of you in a calculated rhythm. He knew exactly how much this made your body hot. His constant eyes that glance down your body up to your face tell you he’s enjoying himself, yet his thoughtful eyes still check yours, ensuring you’re okay. 

“You’re so wet for me.”

You can hear your pussy squelch now with your juices. All for Reigen, all for the man who pleasures you. Even then, it’s not enough for Reigen as he palms his erection through his boxers.

“It’ll be painful if we don’t use lube,” Reigen says. “Do you have any?”

“No,” You whine in between huffs.

“Shit…” Reigen mutters, slowly pulling his fingers out, assessing the liquid practically dripping down his fingers. “I don’t know if you want to go farther then.”

“We can go without it,” You whine, rubbing your legs together from the emptiness. 

“Are you sure you want that?” He asks. “That’s going to be a lot for you.”

You pull him in for another delicious kiss, properly exploring his mouth before answering.

“I can take it.” 

Reigen leans over you, taking his hand to thread through your fingers. He uses his other hand to free his cock from his boxers. Suddenly, you realized why he was so worried about you– over it not fitting. 

“Fine. Squeeze me as hard as you need to, okay?”

You gulp down your anxiety nod, opting to replace it with your hunger from his dick as he positions himself. Reigen’s tip protrudes in between your legs; he takes his hand and starts adding pressure against your slit. 

Your pussy can only take the very top of his penis before you begin to feel pain, worry bubbles in your stomach. 

Almost on cue, Reigen can tell what the disturbed look you sport means, the uneven rises of your chest, and the squeezes you put on his hand.

“Breathe, pretty girl. I know you can do it.” Reigen orders.

His words cut into the pain, helping you recoup your senses as he presses on; the pain persists as you take his head, which was the thickest part of him. The pressure inside feels foreign, and the pain continues when your pussy swallows his shaft. 

“You look so good taking me in. Keep going.”

His words make your pain subside when he pushes his whole cock inside you. After letting you adjust to his length, he looks into your eyes, asking if he can keep going. 

“I can take it.” You repeat, blinking away the water that gathered under your waterline. You moan out, “please, Reigen.”

Reigen looks at you like he’s never seen anything so beautiful. “Good girl.” He whispers. 

He’s three pumps in when you start panting like a dog, and your hand is still entwined with his as he squeezes. 

“Open your mouth for me.” You instantly oblige to his request, opening your mouth with tongue hanging out.

His lips purse slightly before puckering, releasing a string of his saliva into your mouth; your eyes widen before taking the gracious liquid into your mouth, tasting it like it’s the last drops of water on Earth. You practically growl as you pull his body down to you. 

“Feels good?”

He has his answer when you crash his mouth into a deep kiss, tongues exploring each other so hard that it’s scandalous. You moan out into the cavity of his mouth. “More,” you pant. 

“That’s my girl.”

His arms tuck under your torso, his hands grip your shoulder caps, and he leans his head near the crook of your neck. Your thighs spread out more until his shaft has full access to your pussy. 

He thrusts the way he’s been earlier, but with the position he has you in, plus the extra spread in your legs, his entire cock claps into your hole, earning a loud whimper out of you. Despite the volume and jolts your body takes from him, you can’t help but encourage him with the siren cry of your voice.

“That’s it. Let. it. out.” He grunts in your ear, immediately picking up a devil's pace. Your sopping wet pussy sloshes like thunder each time he thrusts, balls slapping against your ass. Your arms and legs wrap around him in a vice grip that he has a hard time reeling back each thrust of his sex into yours.

Reigen clicks his tongue. 

“Tch, you’re making it hard for me not to pull out right now.” 

You don’t think about anything else but the overwhelming sensation that has taken over any other feeling. You have no control over it, yet you feel no reason to stop it as it builds and builds.

“I… I feel funny.” You breathe out, clawing at his skin with your nails, you can’t stop yourself from the sensation. 

“Ah, I know. I can feel it.” 

“What is it? What do I-” Reigen kisses you again, and you let out an accidentally loud moan into his mouth as his lips take you.

“Follow it for me, pretty girl,” Reigen whispers. His hand darts down, assaulting the neglected bud at the apex of your pussy. Your mind goes blank as white-hot fire engulfs your core. 

“Cum for me.”

The overwhelming sensation takes over your body like a train, rushing through every vein like electricity. Your hands latch onto his hair, roughly pulling at the soft locks and scratching down his back. A noise you’ve never heard from your throat rips out like a tidal wave, crashing and chipping away at any thought you could’ve had that didn't include him. Dear God, was this a delirious feeling.

Reigen’s voice didn’t carry to your ears when he talks you through it. The soft whispers of him, “I know, I know.” are lost from your waves of pleasure. 

His dick and balls clap into you like thunder a few more times before quickly pulling out of you, groaning as he uses his hand for the rest. His seed gathers onto his fingers shortly after, dripping onto the top of your stomach as he leans over you. 

Your eyes meet, gazing into each other’s eyes with bated breath, watching your faces once contorted, now relaxing to faces of bliss. After a moment, you get up to get some tissues across the room, leaving Reigen to wipe his cum off of the both of you. 

“Fuck.” You moan out. “Please tell me it always feels like this.”

“It does now,” Reigen catches his breath, giving you a goofy smile and tossing the tissues aside. “It sure as hell does now.”

You giggle at him, and he ungracefully, dramatically flops to your side–in proper Reigen fashion.

“Well, I’m calling out tomorrow.” He whistles, absentmindedly sweeping his fingers on the skin of your stomach, still partially covered in his cum. 

“It’s not like you’ll be hungover tomorrow morning.”

“You’re too dense for your own good. Look, when I have you in your own bed? I’m not letting you go anytime soon. I really need to reevaluate our business relationship when I leave this room.” 

“I guess I’ll have to keep you here then,” you jest.

“Hey, I’m not complaining.”

[lihhelsing]

(i'll hold on to you)

Gone were the days when Steve would be excited for a party. 

It used to make him feel alive and reckless and independent. It made him feel like he was the king of the world. King fucking Steve. 

It felt like a big fuck you to his parents who never gave a fuck. 

He threw parties because it made him feel likable. 'No, you don't need to bring booze, there'll be plenty there' he would say as he and Tommy hit the store before a party, giving money and free beers to whoever agreed to buy them alcohol. They never left empty-handed. 

Now, everything just felt wrong. 

Now he knew people liked the idea of Steve Harrington. Not so much the person he was. 

Despite being in a weird place with Tommy and Carol, Tommy had asked him about Harrington's New Year's rager and how could Steve say no to that? Especially when it felt like one more chance. One more try. 

Steve had promised himself he would try more. Convinced that the reason why things between him and Tommy felt weird was because he wasn't trying enough and not because he had been feeling some type of way about his best friend for a while now. 

And not because Tommy had kissed him and things had never been the same again. 

So yeah, Steve was desperate to grab whatever piece of normalcy he could have. If he pretended long enough, maybe things would eventually be ok again. 

The party was… What parties at the Harrington's always were. Loud, crazy, bursting with people. Everyone who knew anyone was there and Steve barely paid attention to who they were. It didn't matter. He was just hoping the loud noises would be enough to drown his self-pity. 

They weren't. Amongst the music and the yelling it wasn't even midnight and Steve's head already felt like it was about to split open. He thought maybe a beer would help. Thought maybe he would grab one and go hang with Tommy and Carol and just tried.

As he approached them, though, Tommy seemed to sense he was coming as he grabbed Carol by the waist and pulled her into a sloppy kiss. Steve stopped where he was, feeling his stomach in knots. 

It was just coincidence, was what he told himself even as Tommy detached his mouth from hers and pulled her body close, his hand curling on her ass, fingers brushing right at the hem of her skirt. 

It would be nothing more than a coincidence if Tommy wasn't looking straight at Steve as he let Carol kiss his neck. As he let his fingers dip under her skirt. 

Steve turned around, refusing to look. 

He went back to his room at almost midnight and he drank his beer all alone, the lingering feeling of not belonging swimming inside his aching head. 

Steve listened as everyone shouted a countdown for the new year and he listened as the party went on. No one to notice he was gone from it. 

x

The doorbell rang at 10 am the next morning. 

It couldn't be his parents because they wouldn't dare come back a day early from their vacation to the Bahamas.

The scariest part was that Steve couldn't think of anyone who would be ringing his doorbell at that hour on January 1st, 1984. 

He thought about ignoring it but the idea of not saying a single word out loud that day scared him enough to make him move. He pushed himself from the bed, threw on a shirt, and combed his fingers through his hair to try and not look so disheveled. 

Downstairs he tried to ignore the absolute mess the house was in. He still had a few days before his parents got back and even if they didn't care enough about Steve to worry about him throwing parties, they did care about finding the house spotless. Almost as if it had never been lived on. 

At least that meant Steve would have two days' worth of chores to keep him busy. 

He swung the front door open, ready to send away whatever salesman was standing there - wondering if there could be a girl's scout selling leftover cookies because Steve could definitely go for a pack of Thin Mints - just to be taken aback by a familiar face. 

One he wouldn't expect to see standing in his front door in a million years. 

"Eddie Munson," Steve let the name roll off of his tongue as he looked Eddie up and down. 

He couldn't say he knew Eddie. He knew of him because who the hell didn't? The guy walked on tables and was loud as fuck. He was also always throwing daggers at Steve. 

But in broad daylight, Eddie looked almost out of place. He was wearing all-black, as usual, with his hair tied up in a bun. His cheeks were flushed from the cold and even though it was January, for fuck's sake, he wasn't wearing any gloves. Steve let his eyes linger on the way Eddie kept playing with one of his rings, sliding it in and out of his index finger. 

"Hey, Harrington," Eddie said. Or purred was more appropriate. When Steve looked back up, Eddie was smirking at him as if he had noticed the way Steve's eyes drank him in. 

"Did you need anything?" Steve asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. His head hurt and now that he had talked he wished he didn't because it made the pounding even worse. 

"Why? Am I interrupting something?" Eddie said, angling his body so he could look at the dark, empty house. Steve could lie, of course. Say that there was a girl upstairs waiting for him to come back. He could even add some crass detail about it to see if it would get a rise out of Eddie. 

But for some reason, he didn't.  

"Look, Munson, I'm not in the mood for your little games. Either you say what you want or you get the hell out of my face."

Eddie batted his eyelashes at Steve. "Oh, someone's touchy. Would that have something to do with the way those two friends of yours were ignoring you all night yesterday?"

Steve felt his head spinning. Was Eddie Munson at his party yesterday? Had he not noticed him even though Eddie seemed to have noticed a lot of things? 

"Whatever," Steve said, pushing the door closed. He didn't have the time for that anyway. A lot of cleaning to do. 

"Wait!" Eddie said, moving his body so he could stop the door from closing. Steve was beginning to feel very annoyed. "Sorry. My uncle says I never know when to shut up."

Steve frowned at that piece of information. "Well?"

"I, uh… I think I left my lunchbox in here somewhere. Did you happen to find it?"

Steve had to fight his immediate urge to just say no and close the door in his face. It wasn't his problem if Eddie couldn't hold on to his shit at a party. But he could see the anxiousness bleeding on his expression, his hand going back to pick at his ring almost as if he was unaware of doing it. 

"Haven't really looked," Steve said, shrugging. "I'll let you know if I do."

There was no reason for Steve to be nice to Eddie but he couldn't find a reason to not be nice. Now that he was looking at him, Eddie looked almost distressed. 

"Shit. Look, man. It's, uh, important. It's my-"

"Drug lunchbox. I know. I'm not dumb."

Eddie's eyes widened and he rushed his words out. "I don't think you're dumb. Just didn't take the King for someone to know things about his subjects."

Steve crossed his arms, refusing to acknowledge the way the nickname stung. 

"Whatever. I haven't started cleaning, but I'll let you know when I find it. Don't want my parents finding that shit here anyway."

Steve was pretty sure his voice sounded final. He didn't care about the lunchbox, had no reason to fuck with Eddie about it because who would bring weed to his parties if he did? But Eddie was still standing there looking like a kicked puppy. 

"What is it?" Steve asked, exasperated. 

Eddie chewed on his lip and looked down. "I really need it. It has all my inventory and my money in it. Do you mind if I… Can I look for it?"

Steve stared at him but Eddie wouldn't meet his eyes. He wanted to say no, just send him away with the promise that he would give it back when he found it. But seeing Eddie that anxious was doing things to Steve. It was making him want to fix it. 

"Please," Eddie said again, almost a whisper. "I'll help you clean if you want."

Eddie finally looked back at him. His eyes were shining in a way that made Steve uncomfortable. He wanted to push him away. Whatever. He didn't need the freak helping him clean the house, even if he had ulterior motives for doing it. 

But his mind wandered to the empty house. To the quiet, suffocating house. To how pathetic it was for him to be all alone, cleaning the house after a party he didn't want to be at, thinking about whatever shit his ex-best friend and his girlfriend were doing without him. Feeling sorry for himself. 

"Shit. Fine. Come on in, Munson."

Steve wondered if he was going to regret that. 

[iliketangerines]

Hello! I can’t help but notice the extreme lack of Geras related stuff online, especially tumblr. I don’t know if you write for him (if you don’t feel free to ignore this). But if you do then could you write something for him? He’s (in my opinion) extremely underrated which I guess makes sense considering he’s kind of an underused character in the franchise compared to characters like Johnny (love him but wow!)

Also sorry if this request is worded weirdly at all, I’m fairly new to this app and this is my first time using the request feature. Your writing is gnarly and I hope this is okay! I’m just so desperate for anything related to Geras, I’ll take anything at this point. I really love him in both mk11 and mk1 and I feel like you could write him pretty well.

to long for you

a/n: i lied, i only want the hurt of hurt/comfort

pairing: geras x gn!reader

warnings: ANGST

Geras stares at you from across the training fields next to Liu Kang, watching as you train with the others, bantering with Johnny, smacking Kung Lao in the head for stealing your food earlier

he stares down at his hands and then back up at you, clenching his fists and letting out a short huff of breath as he looks back at you

sometimes, the construct wishes that he was less than what he was, to be a human, to live out his life in the village or the city and just live

to not have to constantly worry about the universe collapsing and that anything could go wrong at every second, to not have to always be on alert and look for any possible threats

sometimes, he craved to just have an empty mind, clear of any thoughts or stress or despair or work, to just float in an empty space of nothingness

he craved being able to hold someone in his arms, to feel their warmth underneath his fingertips and to feel what so many described as love

and he wanted that person to be you, warm and bright and happy and so loving

you gave it away so freely, rolling your eyes at Johnny and forcing extra food onto his plate, kicking at Kung Lao before giving in and massaging his aching muscles

everything you did may have hid underneath a facade of irritation, but you loved, loved so freely and openly even if it could break your heart

even if you didn’t have a smile on your face, you always strived to make the others laugh at least once, and you never once treated Geras like he was a god

you poked and prodded at him, made jokes and laughed with him, gave him an extra bowl of food that you had ‘accidentally’ made for a midnight snack when you passed by his place of work

his temple was on the opposite of the entire complex, isolated and lonely so that he and Liu Kang may concentrate on their work in silence

and yet, almost every week, sometimes multiple times a week, you would show up with two bowls of food past midnight and eat with him and watch him work in silence

Geras didn’t need food, had never needed you, hunger was a strange emotion to him, and yet he found himself craving food when you hadn’t come one week

he found himself craving you, your warmth, your bright face watching him work, the fullness in his stomach and the slow curl of something in his body

and when you came the next night, he had wanted more than for you you to just sit a few feet away and watch him eat and work through the night until you went to bed

he wanted you to sit with him, talk with him, do everything with him, he wanted to explain his work, to just be with you

it was unfamiliar to his mind and yet it consumed him all the same, the flames of his want for you only blazed and roared, craving and howling for you

Geras started going to the training field just to watch you, to just be around you even if all you did was wave at him

he always left before you finished, too frightened that you wouldn’t approach him afterwards

and then only a few days ago, you had come up to him while taking a break and handed him a cup of clear fresh water and sat down to talk with him

not Johnny or Kenshi or Kung Lao or Raiden

but him

he wishes he could just love you back the way you loved him, so full and warm and comforting, like the gentle licks of a fire or the soft sand spilling between his fingers

however, as much as Geras wanted you, craved you, you were only human, and he was an immortal construct

you would die eventually, and even the thought of that pains his heart, sends something so cold and barbed into his very being that it rips him apart

he could not get any closer to you, could not risk caring for you any more because one day the grief and pain would tear him apart until he ripped apart universes to find you again

if only he was human

but now, when you wave at him from across the training room, Geras does not wave back, he only stands up and walks away from you

it was the best course of action for you, for him, for everyone, and Geras takes in a breath and crushes the threads of his being screaming at him to go back at you

he would only ever long for you, to never hold you in his arms, to never kiss you softly and sweetly, to never love you like you loved him, and he would just have to live with it until the end of time

[marmorafarms]

hi! can i request a sebastian x gn reader soft smut where theyre already together? like reader comes back from the mine at like midnight and they’re decently hurt w/ a limp and they pass behind sebastian’s house as he’s returning home so he sees them and freaks out (in the anxiety-ridden, introverted fashion, naturally), so he goes back to the readers farm with them and helps them get patched up which leads to deep convos and soft touchies! :D i know you said in your rules that you don’t write gore so if this counts as that then feel free to ignore :) ty!! <3

Yes I can!!! This sounded so nice to me! I really should've asked before hand about the wording you wanted for the smutty part. I tried to keep it as neutral as possible!

Also, if you'd like to see other fics with a gn reader, just let me know! Totally down for that!

As always, I gotta specify that this is...

18+ ONLY!!!

It's very soft and sweet. I hope you enjoy!

"What time is it, Papa?"

"It's time for YOU to go to bed!"

"But it's still light out!"

You chuckled to yourself at the memory. Your dad always used to say that, even if it was morning. But if he was here now...he'd be so right.

Wait, why were you even thinking about that?

Your vision was fuzzy around the edges, and honestly, you'd been having some weird thoughts after climbing out of the mines. Those crazy cave flies had really done a number on you. Usually you took care of them no problem, but you forgot to bring supplies this time.

You could feel blood trickling down your face. Vaguely, you realized you must have a head injury. Probably from when you fell off the ladder and right onto a rock crab.

What you needed to do was get to Harvey's. What you were going to do was find the path to your house and collapse on your bed. Hopefully you'd feel somewhat better on the morning.

Suddenly, your leg gave out, and you tumbled to the ground. You cried out in pain, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. Your ankle was definitely twisted, and you supposed the gash on your knee wasn't helping.

There was a voice, but you didn't register it. You weren't even really sure where you were. The voice got closer and you wondered why it sounded familiar. Before you could place it, you slumped over, and everything went black.

"Shit shit shit!"

Not the most beautiful or comforting words to wake up to, but you still felt a sense of calm wash over you. Pacing nearby was your boyfriend Sebastian. Just seeing him put you at ease.

"Seb...Sebastian?" you croaked out. His head whipped around, and there was clear panic in his eyes. In seconds, he was kneeling by your side.

"Are you okay?" he blurted out. "No of course you're not. That was a stupid thing to say. Um...fuck. I don't...what do I do?" He was actually tugging at his hair with both hands.

"I have first aid stuff at home," you muttered.

"I'll bring you there," Sebastian said. "I'll clean you up. Okay. Okay, we have a plan." He seemed calmer now that he had some sort of idea of what to do.

You were about to struggle to your feet, but your beautiful boyfriend got to you faster. He scooped you up bridal style, and began to carry you towards the path leading to your farmhouse. It was easy to forget how strong he was, muscles built from having helped his mother chop wood and break stone.

Sebastian managed to get your front door slightly ajar, and kicked it open once he was able. He didn't let go of you until you were in the bathroom.

"Sebby...why are we in here?" you mumbled. He set you down gently on the floor and started up a bath.

"You're covered in dirt and blood," Sebastian said, voice shaking slightly. "You need to get cleaned up."

You suddenly blushed when you realized you needed to get undressed. It wasn't as though you hadn't been naked around him before. But for some reason, you felt nervous every time.

"Let me help," Sebastian said. He carefully undressed your top half, and shimmied you out of your pants and underwear. It felt strange to be completely naked and have him clothed, but you tried to ignore that.

Sebastian lifted you again, and placed you into the warm water. You hissed as the water touched your cuts and scrapes, and Sebastian whispered gentle apologies.

There was a rag by the tub, and he slowly ran it over you, getting the grime off. He was trying to be clinical about it, but you could see his eyes lingering in certain places.

"You gotta stop doing this," he said, dabbing at your head wound. It was bleeding the most, and the rag he was using was now soaked in blood. Head wounds always bled like crazy.

"Doing what?" You asked as he helped you out of the tub. He leveled you with a look and you sighed.

"If you mean going in the mines..."

"You never come out of there in one piece!" Sebastian scolded, gently patting you dry. "Every time, you're covered in cuts and bruises. I never say anything, but this time is too far!"

You blinked at him as he handed you a fluffy robe. Anger wasn't an emotion you had ever seen from him before. Irritation, yes, but anger?

"I have to go down there," you said calmly, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Says who?" Sebastian said. "Tell me!"

"I need the ore. Gold ore is 750 G a pop at Clint's. I'm not made of money! Mining is way more cost efficient!" You said. Sebastian stared at you.

"Cost efficient? You should've seen how you looked when I found you! You could've died! I love you so much, I don't know what the hell I would do without you!" he wailed.

"You...love me?" you said softly. Those were words you hadn't spoken yet.

"Yeah. I do," Sebastian said, tearing up. "You're my partner. The only person I ever want to be with."

"Sebby..." you said, wobbling over to him. He gave you a tiny smile and sighed.

"Let's put some bandages on you, yeah?"

It took a while, but soon you were patched up and lying in bed. Sebastian was at your side, and gently kissed your cheek

"You know..." you said, looking over at him, "I feel the same. I love you Seb. I...you and me forever," you ended awkwardly.

"You and me forever," he repeated before softly kissing you. His hands explored your chest before tweaking a nipple. You gasped, and his hand traveled downwards, gently brushing between your legs. Your eyes fluttered closed and he moved his hand your inner thigh.

"Why'd you stop?" you said, looking up at him. His expression was soft, and he gave the tip of your nose a quick kiss.

"Want more?" he asked.

"Mmhmm," you said.

"You sure? You're hurt," he said, biting his lip. "I don't want to make it worse."

"I'm not hurt there," you pouted. He chuckled, and gently pulled his clothes off.

He was still careful, moving inside you gently. It felt nice, loving. Sebastian touched as he moved, giving you as much pleasure as possible. You came with a soft moan of his name. This sent him over the edge, and his lips pressed against yours as he released inside you.

"I love you," you murmured, and he smiled.

"I love you too."

[hoedamn-eron]

sick bug

Silas is ill with a bug.

Warnings: As usual, Nathan is his own warning, but mentions of throw up so emetophobia warning. Mentions of breastfeeding (a fed baby is a happy baby, whether bottle or breast). One mention of Nathan drinking and being hungover. Slightly proofread. Word count: 1,296 F!Reader, no use of Y/N.

Yet another dad!Nathan one shot (this is the last one I have planned for now). A part of the same universe as Shut up, Kid and Bluey! but can also be a stand-alone.

You sigh tiredly as you walk into the kitchen, Silas plastered to your chest and gripping your shirt tightly with his little fists, where he was still fighting sleep after a restless night. He had barely eaten anything this morning, only managing half a slice of toast before he had cried for you again. You gave up any other sort of food for him and took him in your arms, letting him nurse from you, the only comfort he seems to want (you were more than willing to give it to him). Nathan was pouring you a cup of coffee, feeling like you need it after the 12 hours you’d had (you wish you could inhale cup after cup, but the thought of pumping and dumping gives you hives). 

“He settled?” Nathan asks, passing you the cup as he glanced at Silas, his dark eyes looking at his son with concern. 

“Just about,” you mutter, taking the cup and having a sip as you lightly sway Silas. 

You’d been up all night with your son; he’d been hit with some sort of sickness bug and had you up from midnight, where he had started screaming before immediately throwing up in his crib. Nathan had a meeting in the afternoon, so you’d taken your son and tried to settle him, but after a while you just ended up in the living room, trying to settle him with water and snuggles on the couch. Silas – thankfully – stopped throwing up at about 4am, and had fought sleep ever since, just wanting to be with (on) you, with your breast in his mouth at all times. 

You feel dead on your feet as you drink your coffee, but you daren’t take a seat. The moment you stop moving, Silas will scream the place down again. You continue to sway, almost putting yourself in a trance as you drink your coffee. 

“You look like shit.” 

 “Thanks,” you deadpan, ignoring his cursing. You’re too tired to even scold him for it. 

“I’ll take him,” Nathan says, taking a step towards you. “You go and sleep.” 

“You have the board meeting today – “ 

“Already cancelled it,” he said, gently wrapping his hands around Silas to lift him from you. 

Your shoulders sag in relief as Nathan takes Silas. As soon as the kid knows what’s happening, he immediately starts to cry, stretching his arms out to you as big, fat tears roll down his cheeks. Soon he’s openly sobbing, his voice hoarse from all the crying he’d already done. 

It breaks your heart, but you need to go and sleep. 

“Mama loves you sweetie, but I need to go to bed,” you say to Silas, wiping his tears away as Nathan holds him. “You’ll get lots of cuddles from dada.” 

Silas continues to cry as you give Nathan a quick peck before you disappear quickly towards your bedroom. Out of sight, out of mind (in Silas’s case, anyway). 

Nathan felt Silas’s forehead, satisfied that the kid didn’t have a fever, but picked up the bottle of Tylenol just in case. He got a sippy cup and filled it with water, before looking at Silas. “Come on bud, let’s go sit down,” Nathan says gently, before walking from the kitchen into the living room, medicine and sippy cup in his hand free hand. “We can watch some Bluey, huh? We like Bluey.” 

Silas’s cries soon turned into small whimpers as Nathan places the cup and medicine down within reach and grabs a blanket that was bundled up on the other side of the couch, which was coincidentally hiding Silas’s favourite pacifier (which was promptly placed in Silas’s mouth). Nathan gets them both settled on the couch wrapped in the soft blanket, which faintly smelled of you and Silas, before turning the TV on, switching to Bluey. 

Silas goes quiet from his place on Nathan’s lap, laying his head against father’s shoulder as he watches the TV, his eyes still watery from unshed tears. After a few moments, he subconsciously reaches up and threads his fingers through Nathan’s beard, just holding on lightly. Nathan was used to it, and it comforted the kid. It wasn’t like it hurt. Silas did the same with your hair when it was in reach. 

After a while, Nathan stroked Silas’s back lightly, finding his own comfort in the closeness of his son. He never thought he’d be doing this; being a dad, sat on the TV and watching a cartoon of a family of dogs. He didn’t see his life going in this direction, settling down and having kids, and Hell, he even enjoys it. It wasn’t until he met you that he even started thinking about these things. 

Nathan gives a small huff through his nose as he takes out the pacifier and offers Silas some water from the sippy cup, which the kid accepts, taking a few sips as his eyes don’t leave the TV screen. The kid looks just as exhausted as you. 

“You feelin’ better, kid?” Nathan said to Silas before turning back to the TV. “Been there bud. Before I had you, when you were just swimmin’ around in my nutsack, before you were even a possibility, I had killer hangovers all the time. Your mom hated it, she always had to tidy up my shit after. It’s not the same, but it still didn’t feel great.” 

Silas doesn’t even react as he held the sippy cup in his hands, watching the TV. Wordlessly, Nathan took the cup back and placed the pacifier back in Silas’s mouth. It wasn’t a few seconds later that Silas buried himself back into Nathan’s shoulder, watching Bluey again, his fingers curling back into Nathan’s beard. 

Nathan went back to stroking Silas’s back for a while, but he soon felt Silas suddenly get heavier. He looks down and sees that his son had fallen asleep, his restless night finally catching up with him. Nathan lightly chuckled to himself, before releasing Silas’s fingers from his beard and trying not to jostle Silas too much as he manoeuvred the kid into a more comfortable position. 

He freezes for a moment when Silas makes a small noise of protest, but Nathan relaxes as his son settles back down. 

Nathan just stares at him for a few moments, still baffled that this kid, this kid, was his. His journey into unexpected love and fatherhood had been a tangled web of conflicting emotions, and challenging, to put it nicely. And he wouldn’t change a Goddamn thing about it. As a man who was engrained in his own brilliance and seclusion, he never foresaw himself entangled in such human...complexities. He made this kid, and not with his genius, or in his lab (although the opportunity was there). He made this kid with you. 

Fuck, he loves you so much he willingly made a kid with you. 

He sighs in content as he sits back on the couch, his head leaning on the back of it. He closes his eyes, happy to just sit and feel the rise and fall of Silas breathing against his chest. 

Hours later, you emerge from the bedroom with a yawn, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. It's suspiciously quiet. You were half expecting the sounds of an upset infant. You walk towards the living room, where you pause, your heart melting at the sight. 

Nathan was fast asleep on the couch, his head hanging over the back, his hands securely on Silas’s back as the kid sleeps against Nathan’s chest, one hand in Nathan’s beard, the other curled up towards his own chest. Bluey was still playing on the TV at a low volume.

You snap a quick photo, giggling quietly to yourself. You deem it Nathan’s newest desktop wallpaper. 

[kasdeyalilith]

Midnight Rain

Warning/s: Angst

Character/s: Scaramouche x Reader

Synopsis: Reader finally breaks away from Scaramouche as he chooses Haypasia over you to help him in ascending to godhood.

Note: I wrote this before 3.2 so there are errors in regards to the lore with how scara will be defeated and when I saw the trailer midnight rain plays in my mind as Scara looks over at haypasia. Also I'm influenced with Auntie Taylor's new album so here's a brainrot.

You replay your lover's words over and over in your head, and your face in clear disbelief. When he started talking again, you still didn't comprehend what was going on.

He favored an Akademya researcher, a lesser scholar, over you.  Haypasia was it?

Anger hardly scratches the surface of how you really feel; the only person you trusted has betrayed you. You've sacrificed so much for him, and now he's going to waste everything in order to reach his goal? Were your attempts fruitless? You have basically given your life to him, killed so many, and committed countless other horrible things, all of which you cannot even begin to untangle lest you lose your mind from guilt.

Scaramouche ignores your cries of anguish as he moves around to check on the sleeping researcher, his eyes examining the green-haired maid; his plan is in motion, and no one—not even his lover—will ruin it.

He's almost at the pinnacle of success, about to surpass even his pathetic mother. Exactly how does an archon handle two gnosis at once? He relishes at the thought, chasing the feeling of being in power this time.  

He looked at you, his face emotionless, as if you were staring at a statue. A chill ran down your spine as you realized that the person you've grown to love has vanished and been replaced by the monstrosity he's conjuring.

You're naive to think that after all these years he'll finally agree to give up his ambitions and give in to yours so that you can live the comfortable life you've always imagined.

You wanted that comfortable, he wanted that pain.

You wanted a lover, he's making his own fate

Chasing that fame

You stayed the same, while all of him changed like Midnight Rain. 

Accepting defeat, you packed up everything you owned at the Akademya.

You glanced back at the door and hesitated; leaving him, leaving everything you've known, hurts, but you know that he won't give up his dreams for you the way you gave up yours, so you kissed his sleeping form and disappeared into the night.

Scaramouche didn't inquire why you weren't at your side of the bed when he discovered you weren't there; he isn't going to let weak human feelings stand in the way of claiming his fate.

He ignores the void that is slowly forming inside of him because he knows you'll be right back by his side no matter what. He'll let you throw your tantrums and wait for you to return, astounded at his new form.

The traveler stopped his ascent, beating him when he was at his weakest. As the traveler utilizes the akasha to distract the Balladeer, painful memories of past betrayals flood his mind.

After freeing Scaramouche from the pipes holding him in place, the metal creature sighs and totters to the floor, its knees weakening under its weight.

Scaramouche looks up, tears streaming out of his eyes, but he doesn't appear to care.

Like a rainstorm that gradually dries up, he has let the hurt of losing you seep into every crevice of the cracks blossoming in him.

The balladeer's eyes scan the crowd gathering around him hopefully for your presence, but you're nowhere to be found.

He's taken the privilege of being yours for granted, discarding you like his mother did. He cries on the floor, surrendering to the pain of living in a life without you to tether him.

[vinamari]

a headcanon i really like is that since hunter is a grimwalker and made with stonesleeper lungs, he has the stonesleeper trait of liking to be scratched behind the ears lol. would love to see a oneshot about that ^^

A/N: That sounds really adorable

TW: Mentions of past trauma

You had been sitting on the couch watching tv until midnight with Hunter. It was almost 11, and you wanted to go to bed. You weren't very tired yet, but you were going to get there soon enough. You could feel your eyes drooping as your head fell back against the couch, and your gaze settled on Hunter. He was sleeping peacefully on his side in front of you.

It had been a while since you and the others found out that he was a grimwalker. However no one treated him differently, you continued to flick through channels and decided to turn off the tv. Making a mental note to find a good show to watch later.

The night before you and Hunter had decided on something else, however as usual Hunter insisted that you choose what you wanted to do. You knew belos’s actions had left an imprint on Hunter, always asking what you wanted to do and never what he wanted to do.

You let out a sigh, throwing your head back on the couch as Hunter continued to snore. ‘Hm, if I remember correctly..Hunter has the trait of a stonesleeper’, you thought to yourself. Without realizing you had brought your hand to the back of his cut ear.

As you did, your mind traveled back to the first time you saw Hunter for the first time, when you had been fighting him to free the palismen. “So…how did you get those scars? Never seen anything like them.” “You humans talk a lot, don’t you?', he said completely ignoring what you asked.

You couldn’t help but scratch the back of his elf like ears. They were so cute. You watched as Hunter shuffled around a bit, you decided to pull the blanket more over him. As you went on with scratching the back of ear, you watched how it twitched just from scratching.

A soft sound of content escaped Hunter's lips and you felt butterflies in your stomach. The smile came naturally, and you couldn't stop yourself. If you could describe his actions when being scratched, it was almost cat-like.

You couldn't stop rubbing his ears until you got tired. It didn't take long for you to finally stop, but you made sure not to wake him. Leaving you to your thoughts, ‘grimwalker or not, his reactions are everything when sleeping’. You rubbed the under of his eyes, he really needs to sleep more. ‘Maybe I should teach him some skincare’, you thought thinking how it would be a nice way to bond together.

You squeezed him slightly before placing a kiss on his ear, only for it to twitch and turn a shade of red. You pulled back and laughed softly, he was so adorable, even after having been asleep for an hour. You leaned down and kissed his cheek gently and then gotten comfortable, only to wrap an arm around his waist. ‘Goodnight’, you whispered before drifting off to sleep.

[b0ther]

baby, no attachment

toji has nothing to do on a friday night.

pairing : fushiguro toji x reader (feminine pronouns. afab) rating : explicit, not safe for work (sexual content) type : short one-shot???? bro idk tags : deadbeat situationship toji, vaginal fingering, a bit of dubcon, the usage of the word “baby” and “sweetheart” word count : 870

author's note : title from 'casual' by chappell roan. idk what this is it's just hot... also send requests and i'll see what i can do cuz i'm stuck doing this commission and i need a breather lmfao. toji is so obviously an ass dude it's almost painful to me.

( masterlist │ ask/request │ ao3 )

Your not-boyfriend boyfriend who somehow always ends up spending the weekend in your apartment, bending you over in ways you never thought was possible is there once again on your queen size bed, one hand on the back of your thigh as you type away on your laptop, revising some stupid report due at midnight.

Swinging your legs, you tune out the sound of obnoxious ads playing from the television—and everything is going well until you feel Toji squeezing your flesh, rubbing the skin of your thigh up and down, occasionally tugging on the hem of your shorts.

“Don’t you have a fucking job to go to?” You say, irritated, propping your upper body to look back at him.

Toji shrugs, his hand behind his head against the wall. “No,” he continues massaging the inner part of your thigh, “Besides, it’s a Friday night. What kinda dork works on a Friday night?”

You slant your eyes, knowing damn well that he is probing on your buttons the same way his fingers are trying to probe on your clenching opening. You huff. He’s too easy to read—you can smell his excitement from where you are lying on your stomach.

“Not my fault Masuda’s a greedy bitch,” you mutter, turning your torso around once again, ignoring the obvious hardening bulge under his pants.

“Mhm,” Toji says in a concurring tone, despite not knowing your boss at all. He continues his touch, kneading on your thigh before slipping his hand under the loose opening of your shorts, his wide fingers palming the entirety of your ass cheek. “See, that’s something Masuda and I have in common.”

“Right,” you close your eyes, burying your face in your hands for a moment, taking in a deep breath as to not give him the satisfaction of hearing you moan. “And I so totally would let Masuda bend me over in my free time.”

Toji lets out a low chuckle, his point finger circling the jiggly surface of your ass. “You seem like the type of girl to let an old man have his way with you like that.”

He tugs on the band of your panties before letting it go, letting the rubber sound ring through the room.

With your eyes shut, you tell yourself to calm down. But you end up jerking back to him a little, seeking the heat emitting from his electric touch.

“Ohh…” Toji breathes, shifting on his seat when his middle finger slips in between your ass cheeks and is immediately greeted with how wet you are.”Masuda gotcha this wet?”

“Shut the fuck up,” you groan, pressing your face harder on the mattress, raising your hips to ease his access, now ignoring the impending deadline before you.

His thick digit is lubed up with just your juice—he wastes no time in prodding around the opening of your cunt while massaging your lips before pushing one finger in. Just as good as you remember it: thick, rough, spreading you open with a sudden thrust as he shoves another finger in.

“Fuck—” You gasp, freeing your face from the bed sheets, damp from your slobber. “God, Toji—”

He only hums, curling the top of his two fingers inside of you, feeling the way your walls mould to the shape of his fingers. You can never fill yourself up the way he does with just his fingers—anything else you’ve slipped inside of your soaked cunt, any other cock can’t satisfy you the way he does.

As he tugs your shorts and panties aside, you can feel the cold air of the air conditioner hitting your sopping pussy lips. 

“Hurry,” you cry—urge—for him, wiggling your ass. “Finger my wet cunt with your fingers, fuck me haard—”

“Patient,” Toji grabs your ass cheek, squeezing before landing a sharp slap on its jiggly flesh. He slowly drags his fingers out, also taking his sweet, sweet time in pushing them back inside.

“I don’t have all night, Toji,” you hiss, and he chuckles.

“Well,” he lands another slap on you, “I do.”

He curls his fingers again as you open your mouth, ready to launch another string of curses at him, and your mind is suddenly filled yet again with fogs. You feel drowsy with his fingers inside of you, like he’s able to dumb you down with two fucking fingers.

“Fuuuck…” You push yourself off your position, sitting on your two knees.

“Hmm?” Toji tilts his head at your newly found position, adorning his stupid face with a look meant to be innocent.

You snake your arm around his head and pull him in for a kiss, sinking down on his fingers. 

“Ohh, shit,” you mutter against his chapped lips, pressing your forehead against each other. You bite your lips, lifting your body before slamming yourself down yet again on him. “My baby’s sooo big,” you quietly praise with a laugh under a sluggish smile.

“My baby’s sooo tight,” he chuckles, mocking the way your words slur.

You roll your hips, running your hand amongst the strands of his hair. “You better finish what you started, you asshole.”

Toji licks his lips, pressing a firm kiss upon your lips. “I’m gonna be workin’ hard tonight, sweetheart.”

[lostindarkclouds]

ALASTOR HEADCANONS *⁠.⁠✧

♚ ♛ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟ ♔ ♕ ♖ ♗ ♘ ♙

I don't believe that Alastor would fall in love with someone naive or stupid.

you said something or did something that would interest him. he liked it.

It doesn't matter if you fall into hell before or after. He is always stronger than you. you knew that.

You must have touched something in his heart to get his eyes.

I imagine you are intelligent, planned, fun, observant but obedient.

oh dear, how you entertained him!

He will not immediately notice that he likes you. you amused him. Can you be his friend? Are You Enough For This?

Oh, you're definitely funny, open-minded, smart, and have good taste in clothing and food, you are brave... how cute.

He will realize that he likes you very, very late. You will be friends first. Alastor is intelligent, disregarding personal space, acting on his own pleasure, mysterious, selfish, self-preserving and funny.

You took walks with him on the streets of hell, drank coffee and chatted, went to the radio station and even played a song for you on a broadcast.

The poison slowly poured out and spread and rotted wherever it touched.

The clues were always in front of you. you knew . he knew.

Now wasn't it your fault for ignoring all this?You knew it was dangerous.You deliberately became his friend. You thought you could play it safe. You were careful.Sudden mood changes, facial expressions, voices, body language were something that you observed for years and even became an expert on.

Where did you go wrong?

When did it all start? when he starts touching his arm or shoulder often? When you sing sweet songs for you and dance from midnight to dawn?When you start eating dinner at his house, not at the restaurant? Oh,His mother's holy jambalaya 😩✋Or when you move to hazbin hotel with him? While staying in opposite apartments...

You weren't sure.

your eyes scan the landscape with burning anger.His arm is wrapped around his waist, his long thin fingers combing your hair. He gently unties the knots and kisses your head each time you let out tiny moans of pain.

"Dear, what did you do to make your hair get so tangled?"

You look with flaming eyes.

With a sigh, she pulls her fingers off you and looks at the strands of hair tangled in her fingers. The look carries a false sadness

"You're always arrogant. Why don't you be a good wife and properly wait for me in bed? "

You don't make a sound. What could you say anyway

"Silence doesn't suit you, my dear. You know if you're too quiet you might lose my interest."

you swallow.

"Hahaha don't worry dear. As a good husband, I will never leave you indifferent. After all, I don't want you to be bored."

............ ♙...........

Oh my first try. I'm so excited.

( Feel free to warn me for typos )

[hischierdevils]

Uh-oh | J.H.

note: this was based on the song Uh-Oh by Tate McRae.

summary: you try to avoid jack to hide your feelings but it’s harder than you think 

warnings: EXPLICIT CONTENT below the cut! 

wc: 2.1K

Part II

You make me really, really good at makin' bad decisions All my friends know where to look every time I go missin' Seven texts and two missed calls Know I can't ignore 'em all Said that I'm gonna be sleepin' at mine I lied 

Jack had been blowing up your phone since you arrived at the club with your friends. You ignored him, vowing to yourself that you were done with the games. The back and forth of your situationship was becoming too much for you and you didn’t want to do it anymore. 

“I thought you were done messing around with Jack?” Your friend asks you as your phone starts to ring on the table with an incoming phone call. 

“I am.” You respond as you send Jack to voicemail. You notice a couple texts from him before you lock your phone screen. Ignoring them, you get up in search of more alcohol. 

The more you drink, the harder it is for you to ignore his texts and phone calls. Dancing with cute strangers isn’t enough when you know that the man you want to be with wants to be with you too. 

“Where are you going?” One of your friends questions you as you walk back to the booth and pull on your coat. 

“I’m heading home, I'm kind of tired.” You lie easily as your phone begins to buzz in your pocket again. 

She gives you a knowing look. “It’s not even midnight yet, y/n. How are you getting home?” She knows that’s not where you’re going but she plays along anyway. 

“I’ll get an uber. See you guys later.” 

Uh-oh, I couldn't help myself I'm almost at your house again, again Uh-oh, I'm one foot in the door My clothes are on your floor again, again

As soon as you’re outside you answer your phone. “Y/n! I’ve been calling for-”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” You cut Jack off, not wanting to draw the conversation out. 

You can hear him smile on the other end of the phone. “I’ll buzz you in.” 

You don’t allow yourself time to second guess your decision as you uber to Jack’s building. He buzzes you in like he said he would and you make your way to his door quickly. 

“Since when do you make me wait?” Jack questions as he opens the door for you. 

“I told you we can’t do this anymore.” You answer as you pull him down to you by his t-shirt and kiss him deeply. 

He groans into the kiss as he turns the two of you and kicks the door closed behind him. “You always say that.” He begins tugging at the hem of your shirt so you pull away from him, raising your arms so he can lift it off of you. “You never mean it.”

Once you’re standing in front of him in just your bra, he leads you into his bedroom, pulling his own t-shirt off as he goes. Before you can undo the button on your jeans, he’s unclasping your bra. He bends down to pull one nipple into his mouth as he rolls the other one between his fingers. 

“Oh.” You gasp as you arch your back, pushing your breast more into his mouth. He uses his free hand to help you remove your jeans and underwear so you’re standing before him completely naked. 

“You’re so beautiful, y/n.” He mumbles before moving his mouth to your other nipple, giving it the same amount of attention as the first. 

This is what makes your situation with him so messy. Sex isn’t just sex with him, he’s always so intimate with you but then claims he doesn’t want anything more. It’s led to feelings on your part and you getting hurt over and over again. 

“Just fuck me, Jack.” You beg as you pull at the waistband of his shorts. 

Roll your eyes like you do Shoulda known it's always the same with you Tryin' not to feel our connection But, oh my god, it's kinda temptin'

“You’re so needy, baby.” He rolls his eyes as he pushes you onto the bed. You want to point out that he was the one that texted you seven times but before you can open your mouth, he’s spreading your legs apart and kissing the inside of your thigh. “Let me make you feel good.” He tells you before sucking your clit into his mouth. 

“Oh my god.” You moan and squeeze his head between your knees, effectively keeping him right where you want him. You run your hands through his hair, softly tugging at the roots as he runs a finger over your wet folds before inserting it inside of you. “Jack…” 

“That’s right baby, say my name.” He mumbles against you and the vibration from his voice sends an extra jolt of pleasure to your core. You feel a familiar coil in your stomach as he inserts a second finger inside of you. 

You’re a moaning mess in seconds as he continues to suck on your clit and pump his fingers in and out of you, hitting just the right spot. “Jack I'm gonna…” 

“Come for me, pretty girl.” He removes his tongue from your clit and replaces it with his thumb, rubbing it in just the right way that you arch your back right off the bed. 

“Fuck, Jack.” Your voice comes out breathy as your control completely shatters and your orgasm takes over your body. He keeps his fingers inside of you, feeling your walls spasm as you come down from your high, before he pulls away from you to remove his shorts and boxers. 

His hard cock hits his stomach as he stands in front of you and you can see a glint of pre-cum on his tip as he uses his hand to pump it a few times. “I want you to ride me.” He tells you as he pulls a condom out of his night stand and puts it on. 

“Okay.” You push yourself up on your elbows, panting heavily as you make eye contact with him. He’s looking at you softly and before you have time to try to decipher what he’s thinking, he leans down and kisses your forehead. 

He gets on the bed beside you and sits up against the headboard before he grabs your hips and pulls you on top of him. “You’re so perfect.” He mumbles as you straddle his hips. Your heart swells at his words, wishing for the millionth time that he actually meant them. 

Placing your hands on his chest to steady yourself, you slowly line him up at your entrance. As you sink down on him, he leans forward to capture your lips in a searing kiss. You moan into his mouth as he stretches you and he gives you a moment to adjust before thrusting into you. 

“Yes, yes…” Your fingers are in his hair as he wraps his arms around your upper body, pulling your chest into his face again. He takes turns licking your nipples and praising you as he thrusts up into you. 

The sweet words he’s whispering send you to the edge faster than usual and you find yourself pushing his head away from you. “I thought you wanted me to ride you?” You question as you begin to rock your hips, hitting that perfect spot over and over again. 

He smiles and flicks your left nipple as he watches you ride him. “Yes, y/n, fuck.” He groans as you start bouncing up and down on his cock. His hands make their way to your hips again, guiding you to grind on him. “I know you’re close, baby.” 

You close your eyes, the loving way he’s looking at you is almost too much for you to bear. “I-” His lips are on yours again as he wraps one arm around your upper body and brings his other hand to your hair. You moan as he tugs on your hair, the slight pain just enough to send you over the edge again. 

“Such a good girl.” Jack murmurs as you collapse against his chest, your body still twitching from the second orgasm. “You take me so well, y/n.” He kisses your forehead again before gently laying you on your back so he can kneel between your legs. 

“Jack. I can't…again.” You try to catch your breath as he leans down to kiss you again. 

“Yes you can, pretty girl.” If he hears the double meaning in your words he doesn’t acknowledge it. “One more time.” 

“Jack.” You moan as he enters you again. His hands are on either side of your head and he presses his forehead to yours as he pumps into you.

“Fuck, baby you feel so good.” He groans as his pace picks up. “Kinda glad you made me wait.” He chuckles and kisses the tip of your nose. 

You’re having trouble remembering why you were avoiding him in the first place. As you feel your third orgasm of the night approaching, you reach up and wrap your hands around his neck. Pulling him down to you, you kiss him hard, nipping at his bottom lip before licking over the sore spot. He moans into your mouth as he bottoms out and then quickly pulls out of you. 

“What are yo-” 

He slams himself back into you and you immediately see stars as his thrusts become more erratic, clearly chasing his high. You lift your legs, crossing your ankles behind his back so he can have the best angle. 

He places sloppy kisses on your neck, sucking harshly on your skin as he intertwines the fingers on his left hand with yours. “Together, okay?” He says through gritted teeth. 

All you can manage is a nod as he places his right hand on your chin. “You’re mine baby you know that right?” 

You whimper as he hits your g-spot and he smirks as your eyes nearly roll back in your head. “Such a good girl taking all of me.” 

“Jack…” You’re at the edge of the cliff again, your legs shaking from being around his waist. 

“Me too, baby. Let go.” He kisses you gently as you both orgasm, his body stilling as he spills into the condom.  

I get a little drunk and it's all I want Tomorrow I'll be sick, but tonight I'm numb Uh-oh, now we can just pretend We won't do it again, again, again

He pulls out of you and makes sure you’re comfortable before walking into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. 

With shaking legs, you get off the bed and attempt to find all of your discarded clothes. There’s marks all over your neck and chest from him and your nipples are still so sensitive you’re not sure if you can put your bra back on. 

“Where are you going?” Jack’s surprised to find you standing up when he comes back into the room. 

“Home.” You respond as you pull your underwear back on. You shouldn’t have come here tonight. 

Jack picks his t-shirt up off the floor and hands it to you. “It’s late, y/n. Let’s go to bed and I’ll bring you home in the morning.”

You hesitate for a moment as you stare at his shirt in your hands. You shouldn’t stay the night. Deep down you know that but you’d been drinking earlier and it’s always harder to resist your feelings for him when you’ve got a little alcohol in your system. 

“Do you want some water?” He asks you as he pulls on his boxers and shorts. He knows you’re not going anywhere. 

You put his t-shirt on and nod. “Are my makeup wipes still in the bathroom?”

“Yeah, right where you left them baby.” He goes into the kitchen to get you both some water as you make your way into the bathroom to take off your makeup and put your hair up.

Even though he said it, you’re a little surprised to find your things exactly where you left them. You didn’t think you were the only girl he had over but your basket of things on the corner of his bathroom counter had you questioning your beliefs. 

Once you’re both back in bed, he pulls you close to his chest, kissing your forehead before resting his cheek against your head. “Good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Jack.” You know tomorrow you’re going to wake up and regret falling back into his bed. But with the way he’s holding you right now, it’s easy to let yourself believe that he actually has feelings for you. “This is the last time.”

“Okay.” He chuckles and presses a kiss into your hairline. “Whatever you say.”