#i think ive also called peoples arguments stupid but again. thats not harassment..............

[cryptideye]

ANYWAYS ive decided that im going to be nice for the rest of the week dont unfollow me for being annoying on main wait where are you g

but also in all seriousness. very telling to me that two ANONS who left me rude and insulting messages BOTH accused me of harassment when i have literally never sent a mean message to ANYONE over petty fandom bullshit. like i challenge any of you to find any mean replies or reblogs or asks ive sent to people. i guarantee you dont be able to find any, because if i see a post that bothers me SO MUCH that i cannot ignore it, i either try to make an actual counterargument (without any insults that i send with my real blog) or i make my own post not directed at ANY one blog saying something like "wow saw a bad post today rlly unbuttered my biscuits" or "i dont like it when people say this thing for x reason." the only anon messages ive ever sent were either compliments or questions i was too embarrassed to ask, like asking someone what brush set they use for a piece of art.

you realize that my IMMEDIATELY jumping to "this person made a post on their own blog disagreeing with my opinion and saying its bad, therefore they HARASS people who hold said opinion" is more telling of how YOU function on the internet than how I function on the internet, right...? like just bc YOU send people rude anonymous messages when you disagree with their mild take doesnt mean everyone else on the planet does that

[themself]

final thoughts about 1984

i lied. this is final but its not about 1984, because it never was about 1984, it was never even about my post or the things i said. its about the version of me and my arguments that’s been constructed by other people, that they’ll continue to argue with.

the post has been circulated thousands of times, screenshoted to twitter to have hundreds of people dunk on me and call me stupid, say i don’t know how to read, etc. i got hate messages telling me to commit suicide and to detransition. it was funny at first. but i’m tired. i never wanna read the year 1984 again. ive started to doubt myself and wonder if there was a secret truth that all of these people had tapped into that i somehow missed and nobody has ever been explain to me, that nobody else has ever written about in all of the writing ive found on the book and everybody gets but me

first, i twote what i twote

i said what i said. could i have worded it better? YES. but i was making a kneejerk reaction to a poorly written post, that was worded in and simple way so i phrased it poorly.

i do think that reading about rape in a classroom is inappropriate and potentially traumatic to readers, i think that experiencing violent misogyny without a discussion is harmful. i dont actually care what orwells intentions were because i dont know them and neither do you. hes dead. his words still hurt people and thats not okay to expose people to without a discussion about it.

i also think that media analysis can be taught with any work. you can perform media analysis on the goddamn mcu and find something worthwhile there. i fundamentally think teachers meeting students where they’re at, validating their interests and teaching the same strategies learned for classics! despite reading lots of classic literature, i never learned how to perform actual proper media analysis until i was in college! my reads of classics were often dismissed by teachers, i was forced to memorize their analyses instead of being able to think critically about works on my own! meet students where they’re at! encourage passion! use it to help teach new techniques and help them engage in and love material!

you don't know me

you know, in the tons and tons of messages and random ass people coming into my DMs demanding a debate, i realized something. they’re not arguing with me. they’re arguing with the version of me that exists in their head. i remember in particular somebody came at me and said “why do you think there’s no merit in 1984 because of some bad things” and i replied that i never said that. they said my message wasn’t clear enough so of course everybody would assume that.

i wrote a two second response girl! i wasn’t trying to create an essay for people to respond against. but who i am doesn’t matter. it never really did. people have constructed me to be the type of person who exemplifies fandom and cancel culture or whatever coming for classic novels, who thinks that anything new and shiny with fandom is better, and that i don’t know how to read and think anything problematic or with hard topics is canceled and not worth any merit.

the truth is i haven’t read a fanfiction since i was 12 or engaged with a fandom since i was 17. my two favorite works of fiction are boogiepop and we know the devil, both of which deal with really heavy topics, have main characters who make bad sloppy choices and hurt people. neither of these works have big fandoms. i think fandom has merit, and i am interested in people who perform literary analysis on popular nerd culture texts. that’s not me, but i support peoples’ right to do that. but i like indie art! most of the media i consume is experimental indie videogames, and a lot of lgbtq independent projects.

again though, who i am doesn’t matter, because nobody here was ever arguing with me, they were arguing with an idea of me based on two sentences, a being constructed from those terms with other peoples assumptions plastered on. i’ve just become somebody to put that being on. that’s kind of how everybody talks to each other online, and i’ve come to recognize that now. hell, i’ve been the perpetrator of that stuff towards other people online too! thats why i don’t hang out online anymore, why i don’t read arguments anymore, and why i am trying not to let the nasty stuff people say to me bother me because it was never about me

can y’all leave me alone now?

even if 1984 was worth all this discussion,  i want to be able to turn anonymous messaging on again, i want to be able to have my DMs open without it being an invitation for people to accuse me of not knowing how to read. go bother somebody else with your time. you have the time to write to some random ass bitch over 1984? write letters to prisoners to help alleviate the trauma of the carceral system! go harass nazis on twitter if you want somebody to be mean to! instead of telling me to detransition, go cry about 14 year olds sending u anime jpegs or whatever the hell terfs do! i promise y’all it is NOT deep enough for you guys to be hounding me the way you do. your time is valuable! dont spend it bothering random bitches on tumblr!

if youre gonna bother me over some typo on this post consider that i don’t actually give a shit and you could be spendin the time having sex instead or doing something else that makes you happy. i’m not reading this post again and i’m not talking about this topic again. deuces

[dyonoi]

Davekat is one of the ships I'm not as into because it's ruined by the fandoms Biphobic nature. Dave and Karkat are both into girls and it's totally Normal for them to want to eventually date Jade too when they're older and mature, and it doesn't make them less into each other because you think it makes them Less Gay. It just didn't work out this time, in this timeline. Keep hating Jade Harley for getting into your sexy ship.

have you ever considered that a huge chunk of people in the homestuck fandom, especially on twitter/tumblr are...in fact lgbt themselvesdid it ever occur to you that youre sending this shit to actual bi people

im unironically gonna pull out the NO U card here and say the idea that bi people "cant pick" or are naturally drawn to polyamory and/or promiscuity and equating poly to bi is infact biphobic here. not to say real bi poly people dont exist or are doing anything wrong but this concept is often a negative portrayal of bi people in media

let me tell you my own experience here so that MAYBE you can understand someone elses perspectiveback in the midlate 2000s in highschool i dated a bi guy called brennan. i obviously had no problems with this, but in the lead up to this my friends had a whole discussion with me and basically told me not to date him. because he was bi. basically what it boiled down to was "theres double the chances of him cheating on you, you have to look out for him being friends with ANYONE" and "hes probably a manw***e." i dated him anyway for around 4 months before i found out he was cheating on me with 2 other people at the same time. the response i got from everyone was "I TOLD YOU SO" and i internalized this shit for years.

fastforward like 2-3 years and im in a relationship that im still in to this day. im a committed person when it comes to relationships and i am straight up monogamous. so thoughts of being bi were pushed down since i was 16 because i thought admitting to it or even exploring the idea would make it come across like i was less into my bf and an affront to him, that i would potentially wander off or be unloyal because i internalized that all bi people would be secretly unhappy unless "they had both" and that it would come across that way. it took me a ridiculously long time to be able to realize i could admit to finding some girls hot while staying monogamous

so...dave and karkat being bi AND monogamous is important to me. not just because of personal stuff, but also cause ive literally written multiple fucking essays about how its so crucial to karkats character and elevates him from "character i enjoy" to "incredibly well written and compelling character writing that im very invested in, and likely the only vehicle to his actual happiness." as for dave, it just straight up goes against his existing character and sometimes saying "this doesnt add up" is a legit reason not to like something. i find the argument that poly is something that has to happen as a byproduct of them "maturing" and that monogamy is inherently immature in contract is pretentious and condescending as fuck

i dont know how else to explain this multiple fucking times. all this is completely divorced from jade, and this would still stand if it was john, terezi, jane, tavros, obama, or whoever the fuck else in her place. though now the epilogues made it even WORSE in my mind because of the fact that she sexually harassed them for years and people are conveniently ignoring that but thats besides the point

and this idea that i think that bi people in het relationships arent "gay enough" and thats why i hate djk is... incredibly STUPID, considering thats the arrangement ive been in for a large chunk of my life.

im very sorry that i dont fit your neat little one-dimensional narrative that davekat shippers hate jade and are biphobic

anyway if you wanna ignore all of karkat and daves long standing characterization regarding this, and wanna ignore jade (and i wanna make clear here again- i do not hate her, i hate what she did, but it makes me find her WAY more interesting. i LOVE character flaws and think theyre extremely important and honestly jade needed more of them) and everything she did... have fun lol