#i think the fact that shouto was left lying there with no hug last chapter

[mettywiththenotes]

Izuku’s Emotional Neglect

Hi so I’m not okay because I keep thinking about Izuku

This kid has been emotionally neglected since he was little. Izuku has had NOBODY to rely on emotionally

He didn’t have Inko, or his classmates, or All Might. Actually, All Might is borderline the only one he’s confided in [since they talk briefly about their connection of being quirkless], but he still holds back

Inko is trying her best and no parent is perfect, I see that, but what she said to Izuku that fateful night damaged that boy and the way he saw himself.

He asks her if he can be a hero, and she cries and says she’s sorry. Not only does this imply that Izuku’s quirklessness is bad, it also implies that she was lying.

And by the way, I don’t mean that Inko ACTUALLY lied that Izuku could be a hero, nor do I think that she meant to mean his quirklessness was bad.

But I need, NEED, to stress that this is how Izuku sees it. This is how he would perceive it, subconciously.

If you’re a child and you think that you can be a hero, your parent encourages it because it makes you happy. But then suddenly you can’t be a hero, and you ask them one more time if it’s possible, hoping that those little wishes you made weren’t fruitless, that maybe somehow this is some kind of dream and she’ll wake you up from it with her smile and her warmth, promising that even with this newfound “disability” you can still be a hero, but instead she cries and apologises to you? That’s going to make you think. It’s going to make you think “Was she lying? if she truly believed in me, why would she cry and say she’s sorry? why isn’t she encouraging me, like she always does? what is happening?”

It’s not the truth, and Inko DIDN’T lie, but subconsciously I feel like it’s something that betrayed Izuku a great deal.

And with the quirklessness. He hates it, he hates feeling useless, and he saw himself as useless when he was quirkless, therefore -> quirkless is something weak and awful.

Time and time again, we see this evidence of the emotional neglect he was subjected to. It’s like actively ongoing and the effects of it are seen even now

We’ll start with the Inko one. I just mentioned it, but here are the panels. It’s really just the language that she uses

“You mean there’s something wrong?”

Apologizing over and over again, like not being normal was a bad thing. Moreso, I think this just meant that she knew how hard Izuku’s life was going to be as a quirkless person, but the way she says it makes it sound like what happened to Izuku was wrong and bad and incredibly awful

Then we have All Might disregarding his feelings and telling him straight up that he couldn’t be a hero

Which then leads to this commentary

“Don’t cry! Let it sink in!!” “Just block it out, just block it all out, just-”

*pats Izuku on head* You Can Fit So Much Denial And Repression Into This Kid!

Then further along, Izuku is seen, and he gets the quirk. He is then surrounded by people that love him, that want to help him, but it’s almost like even the narrative won’t let him have emotional closure.

In most emotional closure scenes (Tsuyu crying, Kirishima vs Rappa, Iieda in the hospital with Shouto and Izuku, Kacchan vs Deku 2), there is an end to it. The character is emotional, crying or upset, and thinking back on their regrets, spilling their guts as they scream, sob, or give solemn expressions. The other characters then cheer/hype them up, reaching some sort of conclusion to the character’s pain, and the situation is more or less resolved.

But that’s not the case with Izuku. He’s always left sorta hanging there, or his hurt and anger get sidetracked by something else. One example of this is the Running With All Might scene in the UA grounds

Izuku is incredibly upset that All Might chose to withhold information on Sir Nighteye and Mirio, and he speaks about how he can’t make sense of it. He’s voicing all his worries to All Might as they run, because he can’t stand the thought of All Might keeping something like this a secret from him.

And then All Might tells him why he kept it a secret, that he didn’t feel it was necessary to let Izuku know about Nighteye’s bias, and then it divulges into him telling Izuku he’s gonna die, and Izuku focuses on that instead.

I am NOT saying that All Might did this purposefully. He didn’t try and steer Izuku’s anger away from him, it was just that it all got revealed so suddenly, so the subject changed.

The narrative tosses Izuku’s feelings of anger aside, and instead Izuku gets emotional over All Might’s potential death. Idk man, to go from angry and upset about withheld information and then immediately shoved into the knowledge that your mentor-father figure is gonna die? That’s the narrative playing with Izuku’s feelings.

Obviously, All Might’s communication skills are awful and he just kinda unloaded all this stuff on Izuku cuz he didn’t think to tell him in the first place, but I still think Izuku’s feelings got pushed around here. He had no time to process any of it

Another example is the cafeteria scene with Shouto and Iieda

The scene goes that Izuku is visibly depressed by the Eri situation and Iieda and Shouto notice. They tell him that he can talk to them when everything gets too much [a parallel to the Stain fight], and Izuku cries. Izuku insists he shouldn’t cry, and Shouto tells him that, actually, Heroes cry too sometimes, and they offer him their food in an attempt to comfort him.

But the thing is, this scene doesn’t offer closure. Closure would be Izuku seeing that he could rely on his friends and telling them how he feels [he wouldn’t have to necessarily tell them about Eri - maybe just phrase it in another way that doesn’t reveal the mission]. Closure would be Izuku accepting that Heroes can cry too, and admitting he’s not okay. Instead, we have this

The scene feels... incomplete? Like there’s no knot at the end of the rope. Izuku is being comforted, but he’s not acknowledging his own feelings of sadness.

In fact, he’s shoveling food into his mouth to stop himself from crying, to shut himself up, to try and move forward and get past his little outburst.

I would go as far as to say this is self hatred eating, trying to quell that vulnerable part inside

I wouldn’t say Izuku HATES himself now. Rather, he just makes connections to his past quirkless self in his mind. It’s the negative emotion connection

Feeling weak? Well, you’re still like your quirkless self before! You’re still not good enough and useless!

Not strong enough? Sounds like back when you were quirkless! All weak and helpless! You can’t help anyone, which is why you need to get stronger, so you can move on from your past self!

Crying? Just like when you were quirkless! You always cried back then, like a helpless kid! You can’t be like that anymore, since you are now All Might’s Successor and A Hero, so stop crying! You’re not allowed to cry anymore!

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Izuku continuously represses these emotions as he gets stronger because he connects them to when he was quirkless. If you associate certain behaviors and emotions with how you were during a vulnerable and traumatic time in your life, you’re going to want to shove those emotions down so you don’t repeat what happened back then [in this case, Izuku sees himself being vulnerable as weak, and he saw himself as weak when he was quirkless, so he’s trying not to be vulnerable anymore].

And the scary thing is, now, we can even see the hatred in real time. I’m sure there are other examples in the manga, but one scene is very prominent in my mind, and it’s this one

Izuku is so incredibly strong now, he has saved many people, but he still can’t view himself as anything other than “useless” or “helpless” unless he powers through death itself just to break himself more. He almost feels like he HAS to do that in order to be seen as worthy, for himself and others. When he’s struggling, bleeding and heavily injured, he yells at himself as if it’s all his fault.

It’s not about whether he’s aware he’s actively dying or not. To him, being worthless and useless is infinitely worse than dying.

Actually, the way Izuku practically yells at himself in this panel reminds me of when he was walking home in chapter 1 after his chat with All Might [shown above when talking about All Might’s impact]

There are two translated versions of this actually that ring alarm bells in my head. There is the panel already pictured above, but I chose this panel too because I simply think it hits harder

“Don’t cry! You knew already, right?! This is reality...”

In either translation, he’s chiding himself. For crying. For being emotional.

And once again, I totally think this stems from emotional neglect. Trying not to get too personal here, but I know what this feels like, and I know the effect it has had on me. I can’t be vulnerable or spill my feelings in front of people, it just feels illegal or smthg. Like it shouldn’t be done. And like... if you’re taught from an early age that, one way or another, your feelings don’t matter and that nobody is going to pay attention to you, why try, right?

Then you just begin to Not Feel Properly, and you become incapable of expressing your feelings in a healthy manner

Current examples of this?

Izuku literally not giving himself time to process anything, like worry, grief, sadness. If anything, the only emotion he gives time for is anger. And he specifically directs it at All For One, cause that’s his target. [we saw little bits of this in War Arc but it also applies to the current arc]

He can’t cry. He feels emotional, sure. But he never lets his tears shed.

And one last bit of evidence

I’d say most if not all of these sound about right

In conclusion I wanna hug Izuku

[mrs-takami-keigo]

King of the Clouds

Chapter 2

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

————————————

‘His niece? HIS FUCKING NIECE?!’Hawks whipped his head around the room trying to find the newest hero in town, spotting her talking to Mirko at the bar. He was mad for a number of reasons, one he knew the organization had to have been lying to him and he needed to know why. Two Endeavor could have just told him instead of going for the dramatic route. And finally he was pissed at the fact she still had the one up on him. He could hear Quinn’s voice as he got closer to the bar. “Your thighs are so in shape, I would honestly kill for them.” “Are you kidding me? You’re body is on fire. To be very honest it’s nice to see another women with curves like ours in the room.” Mirko said making Quinn laugh. If he wasn’t in such a mood he would have paid more attention to the butterflies that fluttering his lower stomach but right now he didn’t have time for that.

“So you’re a Todoroki?” He said as soon as he reached the two women who were in the middle of a conversation.

“Well hello there Hawks. Please, cut us off it wasn’t like me and Quinn weren’t having a lovely conversation just now.” He know it was rude of him to just interject himself. Sighing he turned to the white haired women, “My apologizes Mirko, may I borrow Phoenix for a second I wanna compare wing sizes.”

“I’ll just text you later girl.” He watched as Quinn hugged Mirko before turning to him fully. “Follow me.” Her voice was calm no malice or mocking behind her words.

Phoenix POV

My Uncles words rang through my head, ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover.’ I sighed, he was right. I’m way to old to be playing these ‘I’m better than you’ games with Hawks. I lead the younger male to my office which was down the hall from Endeavors. I would have used his but he was in there with some pro’s.

Opening the door I moved out of the way so Hawks could walk in first, when he passed me I caught a whiff of his cologne. It was musky but with a hint of sweetness to it. ‘Focus Quinn!’ I shut the door before turning to face him. I could see he was about to say something but I stopped him before he could.

“I apologize for how I acted earlier today. I don’t know you and it was just rude of me.” I saw the surprise on his face, which was expected.

“I was not expecting you to say that kid.” He leaned on my desk crossing one foot over the other while his arms did the same. Once again that thought of if were in a different time and place I wouldn’t have minded him taking me home. But I hated when he called me kid. Taking a deep breath I knew I had to keep my composure. Making my way across the room to my desk, I pulled my chair out, “Let’s have an adult conversation shall we?” I gestured for him to take the seat across from me. We both sat down, I leaned back crossing my legs. “My name is Quinn Bailey-Todoroki. Born and raised in New York where I am the number one hero and number three in America. My powers I’m sure you are aware of are telekinesis and fire control. And last I am not a kid I am older than you by about 5 years, so no more of that kid nonsense okay?”

He eyes had never left mine while I was talking. It was refreshing to see, to have someone listen instead of just gawk at me.

It took him a moment to say anything to me. The wheels in his head were turning I could tell. “And you couldn’t have said all this when you first met me because?” I rolled my eyes just when I thought he stopped being a complete jackass.

“Because unfortunately my temper comes from the Todoroki side. So once again I’m sorry can we start over?” I stood up putting my hand out waiting for him to shake it and call truce.

“So you are a Todoroki?” Why was he so obsessed with this question. I just nodded my headband stuck my hand out even further. Hawks followed suit and grabbed my hand shaking it. “Good, now I have a party to get back to.” I tried to take my hand away from his but there was a grip from his end. Looking back at the blonde I watched as he brought my had up to his lips, gently kissing the back of it before letting it go.

“What the hell are you doing Hawks.” I wiped my hand on the back of my skirt, trying to hide the fact that it sent butterflies to my stomach. He chuckled and walked back to the door opening it while using his other arm to cross in front of his torso before he bowed his head.

“I always wanted to kiss the hand of a royal.” I hated this man with my entire soul.

-Next day-

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling not even caring that the alarm clock on my phone was going off I just kept hitting the snooze button. Today was my official first day as a pro hero and for some reason I felt off. Thinking back to last night I remember the conversation Endeavor and I had in the car.

“I saw you go into your office with a bunch of pro hero’s, anything I need to know about?” He could tell from my tone that I was being deathly serious. The one thing about the dynamic between us was there was always respect and no secrets.

“There have been some more Nomu sightings throughout Japan. We haven’t seen them since the Kamino incident so this is interesting if true. We aren’t sure if they are rumors or not.” I could see in his face this was worrying him. I knew about the Kamino incident, everyone did. All Might’s retirement effected everyone around the world.

“Any sign of the League of Villains? Wherever the Nomu is one of them is sure to follow.”

“No sightings of them and that’s what really concerns me, what could they possibly be planning?” We both didn’t say anything after that. Just the thought of what they were capable of doing sent shivers down my spine.

“Are you going to turn that alarm off or not?” Jumping a little I looked at the door to see my Uncle standing in my doorway already in costume.

“God you scared me! Ever heard of knocking?” I grabbed my phone and aggressively hitting the stop button.

“I did but you didn’t hear me. It’s almost the afternoon I’m heading out for a meeting. I’ll be back later tonight.” It was always right to the point with this man. Hearing his footsteps go down the hall I got out of the bed. Stretching my arms up above my head I felt my shoulders pop back into place. I didn’t have patrol until later tonight so I was thinking of using the day to look for apartments. Putting on my house slippers I made my way to the kitchen to see if I could whip anything up to eat.

“Oh Quinn you hungry?” Fuyumi was sitting at the table with her laptop open and papers scattered around her.

“Yeah but don’t worry finish your work I can make something.” I waved my hand at her while opening the fridge. Fuyumi was just as kind and thoughtful as she was when she was a little girl. While growing up she always followed me around and it was the cutest thing.

“Do you work today?” She was typing away on the computer but I knew she was talking to me.

“Yeah I have patrol later to night probably won’t be back till the early morning.” I decided to make a sandwich, nice and simple I wasn’t in the mood to make a mess. “But I was thinking about going apartment hunting and since your home wanna have a girls day my treat?” The clicking sound of the keyboard stopped, “oh my god yes please! I feel like I’ve been stuck in the house forever!” The excitement in her voice made me smile.

“Once I’m done eating I’ll go get dressed and then we’ll head out.” I saw her nod before going back to what I’m assuming was grading papers.

-later that day-

“I really really like that last apartment we saw.” We were in the car on our way back to the house trunk full of shopping bags and bubble tea in our hands. Before we went to the open houses in the area, I took Fuyumi to the mall and let her get anything she needed. I knew it wasn’t easy taking care of three men when you’re the only women in the house. I want her to know she doesn’t have to have that burden on her shoulders while I’m here.

“It was nice but the third place we saw might have to be the one. It had access to the roof which is perfect for me when I just wanna fly home after a hard day. And I’m also a sucker for floor to ceiling windows.” Taking a sip of my taro bubble tea I looked at my cousin, from her side profile she looked just like her mother.

“How is aunt Rei? Have you guys seen her?” Fuyumi looked down at her hands as she started to play with her thumbs.

“Me and Natsuo try to see her as often as we can but it’s Shouto who ends up going the most. She’s a lot better now! We’re all hoping she’ll get all hoping she’ll get released soon.” Her face lit up at the last sentence it made me smile.

“Maybe we should go see her, I still have plenty of time before I have to go to work.” I leaned forward to tell the driver about the change of plans only to be stopped by the emergency alarm coming from everyone’s phone in the car. My stomach sank I knew what it meant. There was a fight happening and we were close.

“Quinn it’s dad.” Fuyumi had a look of horror on her face. I quickly leaned over looking the phone with her.

‘Were here in central Fukuoka where a hooded figure crashed through the window of this building. Fortunately two heroes were already on the scene, Endeavor and Hawks!’

My body started to shake as I watched the hooded Nomu land a punch on my uncle sending him back through the already broken window. The screams of the people trapped in the building and the people down below that were trying to escape the falling glass were ringing through the speaker of the phone. ‘I have to go! I have to help them!’

“Sir please drive us as close to this area as you can!” At first he was hesitant of my request, “PLEASE!” His hands gripped the steering wheel before the car sped up.

“Quinn you’re gonna go?! You don’t even have your costume!” The worry in Fuyumi’s voice was evident but I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing I was a hero.

“That’s why I asked him to get us as close as he could if I use my wings to fly there from here my clothes would be all burnt up.” I know she didn’t want me to go but I had to and she knew that.

‘There seems to be more Nomus appearing out of nowhere!’ There were Nomus climbing all over the buildings but other hero’s arrived on the scene to take care of them while Endeavor and Hawks took care of the stronger one.

Their movements were fast but I caught each and every one. I watched as I say red feathers carry civilians down to the ground and reattached themselves back onto Hawks wings. The camera was trying focus on him but he was fast. With Two large feathers in his hands as swords he took a few swings to the animal only to be hit his yellow visor broken in half. Most of his feathers were gone trying to save people so he couldn’t stable himself in time before he fell on top of a building.

Endeavor took this time to try and beat the Nomu only to receive a cut to his face sending him flying as well. This was bad very bad. With both of them down and out for the count I could hear the sheer panic from the people. I needed to get out of this car and get to them fast.

“Miss this is as far as I can go.” The driver pressed hard on the breaks as to not hit the car in front of us. “It’s only about ten minutes driving distance from here but I’m sure you can get there in no time.”

“Thank you so much. Please keep Fuyumi safe for me.” I patted his shoulder before turning to my little cousin. Taking my hand in hers I looked her in the eyes. “I’m going to be alright, we all are I’ll make sure of it.”squeezing her hand once last time I opened the door, jumping out wasting no time to take to the sky. ‘Please be okay!’ The city below me zoomed right by my wings taking me as fast as the could. I could feel that the t-shirt I wore was already buried where my wings were but I could care less. That feeling I couldn’t shake from this morning was back, my instincts have been trying to tell me something all day but I just ignored it.

I could hear the commotion from the fight in the distance, the scream’s of the people. It made me so mad, how could anyone take joy in doing this to people!

“Endeavor use my feathers! Let me help you go faster!” It was Hawks, trying to find where the voice came from I found him on top of a building. His face was serious but also banged up. I could see the blood coming out from where his visor broke and from his mouth. Hawks was looking up towards the sky I tried to follow his eyesight and when I did I covered my mouth with my hands. Endeavor was giving his last little bit of strength to take this monster down. He was far away from me but I could feel the heat coming from his flames ‘He’s over heating!’ The feathers Hawks sent him pushed him faster to the goal. The next thing I saw was a flash of bright light and a scream from my Uncle. I had to close my eyes from the light but the force of the flames was like a gust of wind that you could only feel during a hurricane.

Everything seemed to go quite after the wind and the light died down. Opening my eyes I caught a glimpse of Endeavor falling back down to earth. I flew over but slowly, scared to see what I would discover. ‘Please be alive, please!’ I kept chanting that in my head as the cloud of smoke started to disperse. That’s when I saw it, My uncle standing there with his fist up in the air standing on both his feet. I could feel the breath I was holding in my chest leave my body. ‘Thank god he’s alive.’

“Endeavor are you alright?!” Hawks was next to him in a flash trying to hold him up but his strength was just as weak as Endeavor’s was. His once large bright red wings were much smaller. Having had to use the feathers to fight, save people and still be able for him to fly took a lot out of him.

“What a nice show there you gave us Endeavor!” It was a voice I wasn’t familiar with. “I was supposed to bring High-end back alive what the fuck am I supposed to do with a dead burnt up Nomu. Not very hero like of you!” This guy had a lot of anger in his voice. He was y’all that much I could tell. The thing that caught my attention was the scarred skin he had. It was all over his body, arms, neck, chin even under his eyes. Just by the looks of him I knew he was part of the league.

“This was the day I’ve been waiting for though, the day when I can finally get rid of you Endeavor!” I saw blue flames shoot out from his hands aiming towards Hawks and my uncle.

Third person POV

“What the fuck am I gonna do now? My wings won’t be able to carry the both of us and Endeavor is barely holding on to consciousness.” Hawks growled under his breath. He knew there was no way out of this situation and the other hero’s were to busy trying to get everyone to safety.

“This was the day I’ve been waiting for though, the day when I can finally get rid of you Endeavor!” Hawks heard him shout while blue flames started to appear from his hands.

‘Think Hawks think!’ He felt the heat of the flames but not the flames themselves. Looking up he saw the sight of Phoenix standing in front of them both her hands had flames coming out from them. ‘Where did she come from?’

“Hawks are you alright?” He looked at the older female, she looked different than she did yesterday. He couldn’t put his finger on it just yet.

“I’m fine how did you get here?!”

“Don’t worry about that now can you get him somewhere safe?” Hawks could see that her shirt was all burnt in the back and she was starting to sweat.

“Yeah, but what about you?” He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about her.

“I’ll be fine,” Phoenix turned her head to look over her shoulder at Hawks. “Plus I don’t think this I good match for you dove. Now go!” She faced her opponent again this time her flames became hotter and stronger.

He tried to pull Endeavor up but he was to heavy for him. Just as the winged hero was about to try again the bright red and blue flames ceasefire.

“Well well look who it is, Phoenix right?”

“Aw that’s not fair, you know me but I have no idea who the fuck you are.” Phoenix cocked her head to the right staring at the man that was across from her.

“The name is Dabi. Glad I could be the last thing you see before you die.” The scarred man put one foot behind him to steady himself before another huge ball of blue flames came at her, but this time it was much bigger. Everything started to happen in slow motion for Hawks. The wind around him started to pick up. He could feel a strong power emitting from the women in front of him.

“Phoenix, d-don’t it’s too dangerous!” Endeavor’s voice was weak but Hawks heard him.

Bright red and orange wings appeared on her back as she started to hover above the ground. The blue flames circled her instead of blasting her to burnt bits. It was like what he saw in the video she was absorbing the flames. But something was different this time. Hawks watched as her back arched making her face the sky, eyes wide open. She was in pain and he could see it. Stopping his assault Dabi watched in amazement “Well that’s different.” He’s seen people deflect his flames or even try to stop them but never absorb them. “Too bad for you but I’m not dying anytime soon motherfucker!” Her back was still arched while she spoke. But the voice that came out of her was scary it sounded like multiple people were talking at the same time. Letting her back straighten out she made a straight dive for Dabi.

“Ever have your own flames try to kill you?” Phoenix was smirking as she released those same blue flames back onto her opponent. She was terrifying, her power sent chills down the spines of many like how All Might’s used to.

“Like you said I’m not dying today either.” As soon as he said that a black circle appeared behind him, sucking in Dabi and the corpse of the Nomu right before a bright blue flash hit the spot he was standing on. Hawks had covered himself and Endeavor with what little wings he had left. Peaking over the wing he saw Phoenix walking back towards him. Her t-shirt burnt falling off her body in little pieces her sports bra showing and her jeans had burn holes in them as well.

“Phoenix are you alright?” He could tell she wasn’t. With each step she staggered and stumbled, her face was void of any emotion and Hawks knew this wasn’t good. Reaching her uncle she fell to her knees on his right side. Her small hand reached out putting it on his back. A sigh escaped her lips as she bent her head down.

“Thank goodness you’re both safe.” Her voice was soft but the blonde could hear her. She was staring at her fallen uncle while she did that. Soon her brown eyes locked with his golden ones.

“Thank you for protecting him Hawks.” A smile passed on her lips before she too collapsed on top of her uncle.

“Quinn!” ——————————————————————————————————— I’m very proud of this chapter! Thank you so much for the likes on the first chapter! Please don’t be afraid to comment! Comments help me know that people like what I write

[kittymochi-art]

Ch 6 is up! 

The days pass by one by one. As each one ends, Shouto realizes something’s amiss. Whenever class ends, his seat mate goes straight back to her room. She’s seen in the common room less and less and is seen by herself more. At first, Shouto just thinks Momo just wants to focus on her studies(more than she already does.) But then he notices the way her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, or the way she’ll look out the classroom window solemnly with her hand tucked under her chin. Most people might dismiss these small changes in Momo, but Shouto sits next to her everyday. He got used to the way she energetically answers questions, sticks her tongue out when she’s deep in concentration, and radiates a pleasant aura around her that makes everyone feel comfortable.. She hasn’t been acting like herself. One day during class, Shouto finds himself glancing over at Momo again. She’s wearing that same distant look on her face like she’s not fully here. Shouto rips out a piece of his notebook paper and scribbles something on it. He folds it and when Aizawa isn’t looking, he tosses the note onto Momo’s desk. She hears the paper land and looks down at it and then back at Shouto with her mouth open forming an ‘o’ shape. She mouths, “For me?” and Shouto just nods his head towards the note to indicate that she should read it. Momo hesitantly opens up the note and reads what’s inside. “What’s wrong?“ The note reads. Momo shoots her head to look at Shouto who just raises an eyebrow at her. She hastily writes her reply in perfect penmanship and carefully hands it back to him. “I didn’t take you for a note passer, Todoroki-san. However, you mustn’t worry. I am quite alright.“ Shouto rolls his eyes at the obvious lie written so perfectly. “Don’t lie to me.“ Aizawa faces the class again while he lectures the class on sidekick etiquette. About five minutes pass before he turns his back to write stuff on the chalkboard. “I’m just a bit tired as of late.“ “For the past week?” Momo bites the inside of her cheek. Has she really been acting gloomy lately? No one else besides Kyouka had noticed, but that’s because she knows about Yousetsu’s confession. Maybe Shouto is more observant than she thought. While she’s doesn’t want to disclose what happened yet, she doesn’t want to keep lying to Shouto either. So she settles on a vague answer. “I’ve had a falling out with a friend. It’s just going to take some time for things to go back to normal... I hope.“ Shouto is about to pass his note when Aizawa calls on him to answer a question for the class. Luckily he was paying attention to the last bit of the lecture and is able to give a decent enough answer. Aizawa turns around which gives Shouto a chance to give Momo his reply. “Maybe if you stopped passing notes during class you would be able to answer better,” Aizawa says while still writing on the chalkboard. Shouto’s ears turn red at being found out. Damn he’s good. Momo reads the last note. “I’m here if you want to talk about it,“ it reads. Momo gives Shouto a grateful smile, and then they continue their full attention on the remainder of class. When everyone’s excused, Shouto realizes what’s been different lately. Usually after class, there’s the presence of a certain spiky haired-boy hovering by Momo’s desk. As of late, Shouto can’t remember seeing him at all this week. And that’s when it hits him. Is Awase the friend she was talking about? As he ponders this, Shouto thought he would be happy that he’s no longer around. But is it worth it? Momo is troubled by this. If that’s the case, why didn’t she just say he was the friend she had a falling out with? It doesn’t make sense to Shouto. What could have happened between them anyways? These thoughts swirl around in Shouto’s head for the remainder of the evening. He finds himself in the common room watching some fighting movie with Eijirou who keeps mentioning how manly everyone is every few minutes. Denki is sitting on Shouto’s other side with a bowl of popcorn and keeps making some witty remark at each line of dialogue. How did he end up here? Shouto is the only one left there after the credits finish. Denki left a mess with the popcorn bowl and other various snacks he kept getting up to munch on. Shouto decides he better clean it up before Katsuki comes in and yells at everyone again about picking up their trash. As he’s bending down picking up popcorn kernels out of the carpet, he hears quiet footsteps go into the kitchen. It sounds like they’re wearing slippers. Shouto gets his trash and heads to the kitchen to throw it away. “Good evening, Todoroki-san,” Momo greets. Her hair is down and she’s wearing a big t-shirt, some pajama shorts, and fluffy pink kitty slippers. Shouto finds himself eyeing the ridiculously adorable slippers. Momo follows his gaze down to her feet. “Aren’t they cute? I got them recently in the mall.” Shouto just nods his head. When he doesn’t say anything, Momo continues brewing some chamomile tea. There’s a silence between them as they continue doing their own separate tasks, but it’s not awkward. It’s more of a comfortable silence. Shouto finishes cleaning up the Bakubro’s mess and digs in the fridge for his leftover soba. Cold, just the way he likes it. He says his thanks and then digs in. “Awase, right?” Shouto says after chewing some of his food. “Pardon?” Momo asks, genuinely confused. “Did you and Awase have a fight?” He presses with a serious expression. “Oh, no, nothing like that. If anything, it’s more of a one-sided type of thing.” Shouto just stares at her, obviously waiting for more context to her vague answer, but he doesn’t push her on the matter in case she doesn’t want to talk about it. Momo takes a deep sigh and lets out a self-deprecating chuckle. “I think I ruined our friendship...” She says to herself. Her head lowers and she can feel tears begin to well up. “That seems impossible,” Shouto states. Momo jolts her head back up to look at him. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know for a fact he wouldn’t just abandon you as a friend. He cares too much.” “But that’s the problem! He cared too much, while I-“ Momo’s voice cracks and she covers her mouth with her hand to stop herself from crying. No more crying! Shouto sets his soba down on the table and slowly makes his way over to Momo. He gently rests his hand on her shoulder which prompts her to look at him. “Yaoyorozu. You’re a great friend. To everyone, including me. Whatever problems he’s dealing with right now, he’ll get over them eventually. And when he does, he’ll come back because he’d be an idiot to let you go as a friend.” Momo sniffles at Shouto’s sincerity. Deep down, she believes everything that Shouto said is true. She understands that because she rejected Yousetsu, he needs his space to get over her and hopefully return as a friend. She gets that, but it’s still hard to deal with it all in the present. It’s hard hurting a friend. In the past week, Momo was feeling alone and guilty. After hearing Shouto’s kind words, she finds her body moving on its own. Her arms wrap around the half-n-half boy in a hug. Shouto is obviously startled by the sudden contact, because Momo feels him flinch at first, but then feels him start to relax and hug her back. He gently rubs her back while she quietly sobs on his black turtleneck. Momo can’t help but be reminded of her own similar turtleneck hanging in her closet. They stay like that for a while, so Shouto rests his head on her shoulder for support. He’s left there staring at her fluffy pink kitty slippers until she stops crying.

[peerless-soshi]

Hearts in reflection (Ch. 1)

Title: Hearts in reflection Fandom: Boku No Hero Academia Relationship: Momo Yaoyorozu/Shouto Todoroki Setting: Snow Queen AU Genre: Romance/fairy tale retelling Rating: T (elements of domestic abuse, death themes)  All chapters: Prologue Word count: 3682 Links: AO3, FFN Summary:  “…And so the castle turned into a mirror; if a good heart looked at the lustrous surface of frozen walls, then they would see the Snow Queen and nobody else, forever and ever…”

Being raised among books, Momo remembers these words by heart. Every year, along with the arrival of first frosts, the girl was forbidden to look in the mirror for fear of the Snow Queen. But her childhood days have finally come to an end. Momo goes to celebrate the Winter Solstice, but instead of the queen in the white sleighs, she meets a boy with ice powers who turns the town into ashes. The line between tales and reality becomes less clear as Momo delves deeper into the books and notices inaccuracies in popular interpretations.

Does the Snow Queen kidnap children? And does the boy really have a shard of mirror in his heart? To find answers, Momo is walking on very thin ice.

The tale of Momo

"A few snow-flakes were falling, and one, the largest of all, remained lying on the edge of a flower-pot.The flake of snow grew larger and larger; and at last it was like a young lady, dressed in the finest white gauze, made of a million little flakes like stars. She was so beautiful and delicate, but she was of ice, of dazzling, sparkling ice; yet she lived; her eyes gazed fixedly, like two stars; but there was neither quiet nor repose in them. She nodded towards the window, and beckoned with her hand. "

*

The day Momo wore the poppy red lipstick was the first day of winter.

The sky was dripping with wet and puffy gray, like an umbrella unfolded over the town to announce the coming snowstorm. Sitting on the windowsill in the spacious living room, with her head resting on the glass, Momo wondered if the snow would last until morning. If it was cold at night, tomorrow she would find her fluffy muff and check whether the river froze at the edges. The beginning of December was fickle, and meteorological maps have taught her that low temperatures would melt before January, but today everything would ice over.

The river and the bridge, the one with the red railing, always froze on the Winter Solstice.

Her warm breath left hazy freckles on the window. What can you do with them? A quick creativity test: soft bunnies, snowflakes, roses similar to those blooming under her window in spring. Momo sighed and thought about painting a fictitious picture on the glass, but she stopped herself – instead, she let her fingers skim across the mirror lying beside her. The dim light reflected there together with the copy of her red lips, not so different from the roses, shining on the porcelain skin, and ebony hair tied in a ponytail. She looked so dignified this morning – so much like anadult – that she wanted to ask her mother where she kept her old skates, and if the ice would come tonight, and if Jirou would bring her sled…

But Jirou was an adult, right?

Momo really wanted to sledge, but it wasn't something a lady would do; it looked funny, but it could destroy the winter dress that her mother just ordered.

Jirou would like to tie the rope of her sled to the largest carriage, too – Momo knew it and smiled at her reflection. And she wouldn’t do it, too. Jirou would look at Momo in disbelief, that sarcastic Jirou, shrug and snort, and add that she wouldn’t make a fool of herself. Only children and boys go sledging! –she could say, Momo thought – not fifteen-year-old girls. And later she would watch Kaminari and Kirishima from the side, with a frosty blush covering a shame blush, and laugh out loudly only at their falls in the snow...

"Knock knock! Don't sleep, Yaomomo, or the Snow Queen will come and take you through the mirror!"

Jirou was standing in her door.

"You didn't hear me?"

"Not many people can take pride in such a sensitive hearing, Jirou. Recognizing a person after the sound of their steps is a gift, not a universal skill," Momo said, putting down the mirror and smoothing her dress.

"I... A gift?! Oh please… Sometimes you say absurd things, girl."

Jirou sat on the sofa facing the window and hugged her knees. Momo laughed but didn't add a word because Jirou sheltered her flush with a strand of hair.

A grown-up—or someone who believed herself to be grown-up.

"When will we start the lesson?" Momo asked, changing the subject.

Jirou let her head fall back, not even concealing relief.       

"Mom is downstairs, your mother caught her. I don't know... I guess we have about half an hour? I wonder why adult women talk so much?"

"I assume they are discussing the financial issues; since it's the beginning of the new month, it's only logical to think that they would settle the payment for my piano lessons. Mother will most likely use this opportunity to find out whether I have showed any progress. It is also possible that based on my skills, they are trying to choose songs that would be the biggest challenge... or, assuming the worst possible scenario, they agreed on the fact that there is no music future for me, therefore there is no reason to worry about piano..."

Jirou was looking at her with her eyes wide open.

Momo cleared her throat, sat up straight. "It was strange, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was." Jirou nodded. "Very strange. Nobody can go into this… lecture mode… only you.” She laughed. “That's why I come here: once you get used to it, your explanations become interesting."        

"Some consider it to be a lack of propriety, so..."

 "Forget about them," Jirou said and blew out some hair from her forehead.         

She had a habit of doing this: checking her hair, making blunt comments. Momo was perfect – her hair was long and combed, her tongue was impeccable, her lips were red and dresses were snow white or gray. Jirou was irregular – her hair was short and uneven, her tongue was spiked with sharp thoughts, her black pants were everything but feminine. Nobody understood why two girls became friends, and it didn't matter. Momo couldn't explain that the daughter of her music teacher was the only child visiting the cold house filled with sumptuous fireplaces, that they had slid down the banister even when Momo had been afraid and drunk hot tea with cake that Jirou couldn't afford in her own home. Nobody knew it because in their eyes Momo was too bright and Jirou was too dark; nobody noticed how artistic their souls were – though Momo lived on words, Jirou on music. It didn't matter as long as Jirou was playing the piano and Momo was writing lyrics for her.

Momo loved the wise twinkle in her friend's eye, the one telling the world that music taught her all she needed to know. The one she gave her now.

"Are you going to the Winter Solstice, Yaomomo?" Jirou asked, nodding in the direction of the window, where the frost was glazing like stained glass, and then on the mirror, exposed on the windowsill. Momo felt the urge to hide it.

"Today at six, in the main square, where they decorate the Christmas tree and stop sleighs," Jirou announced instead of asking.

"You perfectly know that it's not simple..." Momo began. "I can't get out whenever I feel like it. Especially on a day like the Winter Solstice..."

"You're crazy about this holiday, Yaomomo," Jirou interrupted good-naturedly, "Don’t worry so much. It's about time to take part in the festival and see the Snow Queen in person... At least I hope so, even if she hasn't come here past few years."

"Since winter constantly starts at the same time, the Snow Queen must travel nearby and bring snow with her," Momo pointed out. "It looks like she just stopped participating in the official celebrations."

Jirou glanced at the clouds, dark and round, filled with snow. They weren’t there yesterday; the Snow Queen brought them from the North. "I'm not surprised. The musicians at the festival play like a cat crashing a piano keyboard. I live nearby, so I know. My ears bleed. Maybe if they don't get drunk, we'll see her today."

Momo had seen the Snow Queen.

But even Jirou couldn't know.          

"I'd like to see her myself. It would be cool." Jirou sighed. ”We’re fifteen, so this year we can go out and have fun legally. You're gonna miss this opportunity?"      

"Of course I’m…"

Momo blinked. She felt stupid. Adulthood, a dream she had been chasing for so long that she passed it. Adulthood - like snow, falling tonight to disappear before Momo can enjoy it.

Jirou was right – only children were in danger of vanishing into thin air on the Winter Solstice. She and Jirou were safe. The Snow Queen couldn't curse their reflections; she couldn't wrap the ermine fur around them; she couldn't imprison them in the ice palace. At the age of fifteen, they came of age and their eyes learned to distinguish good from evil, and even the enchanted mirror wouldn't change it. That's what the books said, and Momo tended to trust them more than humans.

"Yaomomo." Jirou smiled gently. "I didn't tell you yet, but... Tonight I'm gonna sing in the main square."

"That's wonderful!" Momo exclaimed.

Jirou silenced her with a wave of her hand. 

"I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. But this is scary. The whole town will watch me - listen to me. And I will think about them... about this crowd... about these numbers...” She faltered. “You know. About everything.”

“I understand, yet it’s a wonderful chance. You deserve to show off your talent… Who knows, maybe a patron of the arts will pay attention to you? The first impression is especially important. Did you choose the song?"

“Yes, The rose and the wind. And... I want you to come,” Jirou admitted on one exhale, and explained, “I'd feel better if I could focus on one person."

Jirou sounded as if she had been looking in the mirror and practicing these words.

"Will you come?"

Excitement. Pride. And dry mouth.

"I'll try," said Momo.

A coffin thought Momo.

“Thank you.”

I live in a glass coffin.

"You are welcomed, my dear.”

I'll try... I always try. Everyone around me is doing what I'm trying to do. I can try... to ask for permission. To go out. To break the glass. Observing from behind this glass, reaching out, pounding in the lid. Nobody opens. They look at me. And fine, I don't need help. In the end, I can do this on my own. I have books - fairy tale worlds seen through the colorless walls.

Jirou's voice rang in her head, in her ears.

"Maybe I can talk with your mom? Otherwise, it's on you."

"There's no need to help me, really. It’s your day. We must prepare!" Momo smiled. Honest, beautiful, wide – the smile of a porcelain doll. "I'll ask her myself. As usual, I agree with you. We are fifteen. I know what I want."

Jirou thought about it. And then she said something surprising. "Yaomomo, tonight you should use your red lipstick. It looks good with snow. Besides, you look good in red."

The bells were ringing.

In a way, everything started with Jirou and the red lips. Later, Momo often wondered what would have happened if her friend hadn't said those words, that magic spell. Maybe nothing? Maybe Momo would have lived in her glass coffin, a beautiful and cold coffin. Maybe she would have died in a fire that came later. Perhaps on a certain December morning she would have been buried under the frozen ground.           

She'd have never thought about the redness, her cheeks would have never turned pink. And she’d have never reached for the mirror... but the mirror fell on the floor and broke into a thousand pieces, shining like the rays of sunshine peeking through the ice.     

Momo wouldn't have cut her finger.

But she did.

"Ouch!" She jumped to her feet.

"Are you all right, Yaomomo? Show me!" Jirou demanded, her voice full of panic.

Momo didn't hear her. Stay calm, she told herself. Her hands were shaking. No. Not this mirror... No. Calm down. It should be cleaned, disinfected and then bandaged. The cut was small, but droplets of blood were dripping and blossoming on the windowsill where she was sitting a moment ago. They left red stains.     

Momo raised her head, looked at the window...

And there was a boy.

Crouching on the frozen ground in a gray, traveling coat and with a white scarf wrapped around his neck, he looked like one of the sculptures her mother brought to decorate the garden. Momo tried to knock on the window but he didn't react - she only left petals of blood on the glass.

The bells were still playing in high tones.

"What are you doing, Yaomomo? Give me your hand." Jirou approached her.

"Someone is downstairs, in the garden," Momo explained.

"In your private garden?! What the..." Jirou glanced over her shoulder. "You’re right. Do you know him?”

Momo tried to take a closer look at his face. Unsuccessfully.

“I have no idea who he is.”

Jirou winced.

“So? Are we going to call someone?"

Momo shook her head. "Tonight takes place the Winter Solstice festival, right? Many people arrive from the periphery. Maybe he got lost and needs our help?”

“He’s in your garden, not at the front door. Remember?”

“Don't you think that if he was a thief, he would hide in a less visible place? That person definitely does not care if he is noticed. I think it is a good idea to check the situation before we decide to bother others."

Jirou crossed her arms over her chest, but said "Well, if you think so."

Momo grabbed the handle and pushed. The window was heavy, it froze to the frame. But winter was yet to come! Momo pushed up harder against the stubborn window, the icy wall, the pellucid lid of the glass coffin that imprisoned her in this beautiful house. She shouldn't think that way... The end of her nail broke, it fell like a flake. Finally, the window gave up and Momo felt coldness.

"Watch out or you’ll fall!" Jirou cried, putting her arm around her friend’s shoulders.

The sounds of scuffle caught the boy's attention. As Momo leaned out of the window and looked at him, the breeze that smelled like white flogging her face and tugging her hair, the boy looked back. He was probably at her age, or maybe a little older, judging by his pale face – the gray face of the garden figures – marked by seriousness. As if he has seen too much. His eyes were stone-cold; one was gray and faded like snow covering those endless winter deserts Momo had seen in geographic books, the other was turquoise, bright as corridors of ice caves. His hair was in two different colors too – pure white and intense red, very inconsiderate in the winter landscape, giving him a flame of life. He looked like someone who came from far away. Far, far away.

Jirou pushed Momo gently to look at him.

"Hey! Who are you?! Are you lost?"

The boy was still looking at Momo.

She shuddered; she had the odd sensation that she should protect this scene. Of course it was nonsense. She never made hasty decisions. But the boy in the garden suddenly reminded her of illustrations from children's books: old, dusty, worn-out by time and turning the pages.           

"Have we met before?" Momo asked.

Her voice was so quiet that the boy probably didn't hear her.

Jirou gave her a quizzical look, so Momo gazed away and spoke louder, so loud that the boy who ignored Jirou's question seemed to stare at the sound of her voice, "This garden is my family's property, ergo my property. If you got lost, I will be more than willing to show you the way. However, good manners require you to introduce yourself and explain your presence."

"It's better now," Jirou whispered in her ear, "You were a little pale. Are you okay?"

"Yes," she replied.

She didn't feel good. No. The boy stared at her with his eyes frozen like this garden. Like winter. And she felt uncomfortable.

Her broken nail tapped on the windowsill.

"Todoroki."

"What?" Momo asked, taken aback.

"You asked me for my name. It’s Todoroki," the boy repeated louder. As if they were having a normal conversation. But she indeed asked him; maybe they had. 

And then he got up and turned away. Just like that. Without a word, without a single look. He ignored them. The cold wall seemed to grow behind his back... Why was it so cold? The boy – Todoroki – was sliding on the frosty ground, mingling with the ubiquitous white air and walking away from Momo, from the window, from the garden, from the glass prison. Looking at his back, a knot in Momo's chest untied a bit. It melted. Because now she noticed why he was crouching there.

"Hey you! Stop!" Jirou exclaimed. Her voice was like a bell rising above the sound of the wind. Not like sleigh bells. "Didn't you hear our question? Who are you, by the way?"

Momo put her hand on Jirou's shoulder.

"What if he didn't get lost. Give me a moment, please."

"For what?" Jirou asked, blinking.

And Momo leaned out again.

"Do you like Christmas roses?"        

As expected, the boy stopped, although he didn't turn his face to her. Momo leaned her elbows on the windowsill. It was so cold that it almost caused her pain. Her breath turned into small clouds. Surely by now the river was freezing over.

"I saw you watching my flowers. They are commonly known as Christmas roses," Momo recited, "A plant from the glaucoma family, characterized by a very unusual period of flowering, as it's one of the few species blooming in December. I think that it gives them a unique... a creative charm. Or a fairy-tale charm, if you prefer."

Outside, there were no colors. The roses that bloomed in her garden were white. Growing in the even row, they looked like small crystals, as if Momo had planted seeds of ice. The frost shone on their petals like crushed silver.

Only his hair was red. And the blood on her hand.

Like spring roses.

"In my homeland, they are called hellebores," Todoroki said, finally turning to them. The frost shimmered in the white part of his hair, like between those white roses - Momo didn't know if it was possible - but white was clinging to silver, silver to white.

His eyes stopped on the flowers.

"Where are you from?" Momo asked, following his gaze.  

He disregarded the question; maybe he decided there was no need to answer.

"Do... do you like roses?" she repeated.

Todoroki was silent for a moment. "Not really," he admitted. "I don't like flowers. It's a waste of time. And they wither too fast. I don't like watching how they die after a while."    

Indeed, Momo thought that he was looking at the flowers like at living beings, bending under the breath of the wind, shaking with cold; whose life was short, beautiful and chained to the winter garden.

What would the flowers have told her if they had spoken?

And what did Todoroki find in those ordinary frosted petals that he clenched his hand and hid it in his coat pocket? 

"Well, then..." Momo started, her voice sounding much more timid than before. "Despite this, you were looking at my roses, weren't you? I love them. In summer, I also plant camellias… I wanted to say that I plant them earlier…” She took a deep breath. “Christmas roses… They are my favorite. They usually bloom on the first day of winter."

"I know."

"So you know?" Momo raised her eyebrows.

Todoroki only muttered something in response. He didn't give the impression of a talkative person. In fact, he clearly wanted to leave; he was blinking, hopping from one foot to another. And he didn't go. He was standing under her window as if something was holding him there, some invisible and unimaginable bond.

"Do you want to take one of them?" Momo asked with a smile.

He looked puzzled.

"I don't need this," he only said.

This was one of many moments Momo couldn’t explain later on—not to herself or to Jirou. But the answer disappointed her. As if she offered him something important, something valuable. And maybe Todoroki wasn't that bad at reading emotions, maybe he noticed, maybe felt that sparkle and sudden death of her smile as he added:

"I don't like flowers, but someone important to me likes them very much. Those specific flowers you’ve planted here."

"Ah, I see..."

Momo's arms were covered with goose bumps. Cold. So cold. She wanted to go for a shawl.

"Why don't you take one of them for that person?"

"That's impossible," he replied surprisingly indifferent.

She was waiting for explanation - any kind of explanation - but Todoroki was silent. So she started to look for a subject, one of those necessary to rescue a conversation in danger of drying up before it even starts. The one that would let her know why the strange boy in the traveling coat, with eyes from another world, knelt under her window, looked at the flowers, talked to her now. It was strange, it was unrealistic. It wasn't something that happened in the glass coffin.

Strange people knocked on your window only in books.

"I have to go now," he said quickly. "I've spent too much time here. I shouldn't enter your garden without permission. Sorry."

"Are you traveling? If that’s true… then the sleigh with bells that I’d heard earlier belongs to you?"

"What bells?" Jirou interjected. "I didn't hear anything."

Momo almost forgot that Jirou was here. The girl watched Todoroki, waited, analyzed. When the sun came out from behind the clouds, for the first time today, and the puddles in the garden reflected the light like yet another mirror, Momo had to squint. Everything became brighter, almost dangerously exposing and real. The frost glimmering on the trees. Jirou standing next to her. The boy who shouldn't be there.

"Goodbye," Todoroki said.

She still had so many questions. She had to ask them now, before the stranger turned into the anonymous memory of a certain day of winter and melted like snow in the spring. She had to ask them now because Momo was curious, and the more you know about the world, the better you can experience your life. And she was especially curious about people from different fairy tales.

"My name is Momo! Momo Yaoyorozu!" she screamed.

He was almost gone, almost somewhere else. Back on his way and his own life. But he looked at her. "Goodbye, Yaoyorozu. And thank you."

"What for?" she asked.

"For flowers. They are nice. You have a green thumb."

He hid his head under the warm hood, became the white air. Todoroki was almost at the fence when he stated:

“You look like nice people.”

She barely heard him. Momo didn’t answer – it wasn’t something she was used to comment on.

"Take care of yourself on the Winter Solstice. And don’t go to the festival."

And he left. Momo stood there.

Everything has changed.

Suddenly, it stopped being so cold.

Thinking back, I feel that Momo inviting her friends to study in her mansion was one of the first moments when I thought that I love her. It was a comedic moment, but it made me rather sad. Her reaction suggested that she had no friends, no company. Nobody, just books. Since her early life was never further explained - and stayed deep in my heart - I decided to grab this thread and weave Momo as lonely, despite her positive nature. I hope it didn't feel out of character.

If you like it, don’t forget to leave a word :)

[r95irth]

Cut in the future Enji and Satoru One-shot

As you probably remarked I'm in a slump with my writing and drawing lately...I try my best to get out of it and write as much as I can but only tiny parts of planned one-shot. And so I was working on the Satoru and Enji’s One-shot...And realized that I had contradicted myself with what I’ve previously written in the todomomo week. (As I’ was writing that Momo would be knowing that Satoru was training with Enji, when she had no clue in the todomomo week one-shot) So I had to rewrite it. Which is an exercise that I really, really hate and usually take me FOREVER (literally) to do so. Beside I hate cutting words when it’s so hard to actually write them down. 

So here for you, if you’re curious, is the part that will be cut off of the next chapter. You can see that as a preview, maybe. Why not. I don’t know I just didn’t want o erase my work and share it with whoever could give a fuck about it xD Thank you, whoever who will read this this make me feel better uu

Context : the chapter happens during the one year that Satoru was home-schooled at Peace office, (the following year after better care events, before the epilogue). The Peace program was just launched so it also takes place after brothers in laws and but bit before Satoru meeting Max and Tsubaki. 

Anecdote : since I had a broken ankle this past month, I inflicted it to Satoru too, because I could. *evil author*

Enji grunted, and Satoru didn’t need his power to know that he disapproved the very idea. Though, it was not his permission Satoru cared about.

As expected, as soon as he called her with the phone of the playroom, she got there within minutes (and the child didn’t like the idea that she -or Shouto- would drop everything just for him, he always felt like he troubled them when they do). Momo managed to hide her disapproval of Endeavor’s presence in the children playground quite well, especially since her first words to the kid when they went to talk alone were:

-Is he bothering you? Do you want me to tell him to go away?

Satoru would have said that he could tell Enji to go away himself, but he wasn’t so sure of this fact. The man was scary, and loud -in a very aggressive way- Satoru’s every instincts told him to curl up on the floor and brace for the next hit every time Enji opened his mouth. The fact that he knew what Shouto’s life was as a kid, as Enji’s son, didn’t ease his fear at all. Quite the contrary, Satoru’s brain kept repeating each time “this is a bad idea, he’s going to hit you, he is going to hurt you” yet despite that...He also kept reminding him that he needed to learn how to fight, and worst ; that Enji was like mom and death-pair.

He missed his mother and death-pair sometimes.

Not their presences or places in his life, though, it was far simpler than that ; he missed the fact that he didn’t manage to help them at all. He knew they had done bad things, and needed to pay for that -just like Enji did. But so had Satoru, and yet the boy was there, unpunished and cared more than he’ve ever been. It was a bit unfair that he got to be okay while they were either dead or alone.

It was easy to wish for someone to be punished, when they hurt you, but it was harder to watch them being punished once you were okay and safe. Seeing someone being sad and hurt made him sad and hurt too, in some extent. Satoru wondered if it was part of his power, or just a personality flaw he had. No matter what the truth was ; the fact didn’t change.

Satoru couldn’t fix Enji’s relationship with his children -and didn’t wish to, since it would hurt Shouto to make the effort and hurting Shouto was the last thing Satoru ever wanted. But as far as he was concerned, Satoru could interact with Enji in a way that wouldn’t make the man sad. Right?

-It’s okay, he didn’t hurt me, he assured to Momo ; which was true, because despite his anger -and to Satoru’s surprise- Enji didn’t hit him. He said mean things, yes, but nothing Satoru never said to himself before.

Momo didn’t seem convinced by Satoru’s words, but she didn’t accuse him of lying, instead, she said:

-He is not authorized to be here without someone watching though. Especially without Shouto knowing it.

-He offered me to teach me self-defense. Can i?

-No.

The answer was so spontaneous it surprised them both.

-Why?

Satoru knew his question was stupid the moment he heard it.

-Because you have a broken leg and a cast! Answered Momo as if it was an evidence.

Fair enough ; he really should have seen this excuse coming.

-So, when i’m healed i will be able to?

-No!

-Why?

Momo put a hand on her forehead, and closed her eyes, obviously dealing with a upcoming headaches.

-You know what he did to Shouto, she started. -He is…

Momo was too polite to call Enji an abuser, but the word nearly passed her lips, Satoru felt it rolling on her tongue. She managed to correct herself before actually saying it:

-He is not able to understand of a child’s limits at best, doesn’t care at worst. He might hurt you, and i will not not -neither will Shouto- allow it. You suffered enough Satoru.  

It was strange to hear that from the people he trusted the most, and yet not being able to be convinced by it. He didn’t want to suffer anymore, that he was sure of, but he still found it odd and uncomfortable sometimes, how much he was okay. Shouldn’t there be some kind of equilibrium, where he would be at peace with his mind and the reality? Some part of Satoru hoped that helping other would make him feel better, feel his luck a little bit more legit. Give him a reason why he was saved and so loved now, when so many like him didn’t have this opportunity.

-But he tries to fix things, tried to explain Satoru as much as he could. -How can he get better at it if we don’t let him try?

-First, because it is not your role to be his crash test. Second because, just like you with your grandmother, Shouto doesn’t want to forgive him even if he becomes a better man. And it’s his right. We can’t change that.

Satoru could understand that, and he never expected Shouto to forgive and get along with Endeavor ; it was more of a personal task he assigned to himself. But explaining it with words was harder than he imagined it. It felt logical in his mind, and but like a selfish whim aloud.

-He looks sad, he finally said, unable to come up with a better excuse.

And yet, for the first time, his argument moved Momo, as words echoed inside her head ; Do you need a reason to help someone? Her worried motherly looked softened up a bit and she whispered, a hand on her heart, before pulling him into a hug:

-Oh Satoru, you’re such a sweet boy.

-I just want to help a bit, and since it’s helping me too, why is it bad? He sincerely asked in her arms.

He felt her mental struggle, hanging between them, as she was aware how naive it was, and yet, not wanting to repress this kindness she was so fond off. She didn’t want him to be hurt in the process, she didn’t want Shouto to be drawn again in his family troubles. Yet she, as a hero, as the mother she felt like, wanted to help to. She wanted Satoru to think he could save someone too, that sometimes if you tried hard, you could make things easier for at least one person. She wanted him to believe that one could make a difference, even if sometimes life was more complicated.

-Let’s compromise, she finally whispered. -You can train a bit with Enji, only once a week when he is here at Peace office, and under my supervision. If he ever goes too far, we stop.

Satoru liked this security, and most of all, not to be left alone in the same room as the violent man. So he agreed on that.