#i ticked all the other boxes in an obvious way that went unnoticed because their display was Adult Friendly

[lesbianreasons]

i swear the only reason i was never diagnosed autistic as a child aside from Gender Bullshit™ is because all my pattern recognition skills went towards language instead of the stereotypical math

[barbsplanehdr]

"Spy Dog”

Didn’t everyone want to be a P.I. when they were growing up?  I know that I ‘did’.   

 Was this desire fueled by so many favorite TV Shows, movies and fiction novels?   The characters in these shows/movies/books like:  Magnum PI, Remington Steele, Charlie’s Angels, Rockford Files, Moonlighting, Nancy Drew, John MacDonald’s Travis McGee, Sue Grafton’s Kinsey Milhone, Simon Templar, Sherlock Holmes, Sam Spade, Inspector Jacques Clouseau, ACE Ventura Pet Detective, etc., all painted an exciting (and even comical) image of what a PI’s live was like.

I have to admit I was secretly excited when Jack told me he was going to become a P.I.  He finished the Private Detective training and now begins a two year apprenticeship.  I was thrilled to join him on his first ‘stake-out’ last week.  His mission was to surveil this person  and find out where they live.  We wondered what this person was guilty of--did they allegedly committ insurance fraud, with false claims of debilitating injuries, or what?.  We would ‘tail’ them from their place of employment to their home.  Up to now, they  have been elusive with no current ‘known address’.  My job was to capture the video and stills.    Sounds exciting, huh?

I hurried home from work, changed clothes, and collected my camera gear so that we could get into position.  Bella joined us to enhance our cover as a ‘normal family’ and make us look very inconspicuous.  Sounds good right?  

We were scrambling to get in position and had to grab a dinner from McDonalds.  I felt like Kinsey Milhone right out of a Sue Grafton novel.  It was ‘novel’ and exciting!  We began by locating her car and checking the license plate to be sure we would be following the correct car.  It felt very wrong and suddenly felt painfully obvious as we drove through the parking lot.  The reality is that we went unnoticed.  We positioned our self for the long wait only to realize we could be locked into this parking lot.  This put us driving in circles for awhile trying to find the perfect new location.  Now we were much more visible.  The windows on my car are very tinted…but how invisible/visible were we truly?  We concocted our cover story in the event that we attract any unwanted attention. The story:  we were waiting for our daughter…no! our son…(no confusion onto which name to use), to arrive to help them shop for a new car.

There were moments of adrenaline sprinkled in with long periods of monotony and Yahtzee.  Yes, there was Yahtzee that we played on our iPhone.  The rule was that if it wasn’t your roll; you were ‘eyes on subject’.   “There she is!”  “She’s on the move!”  “She’s made us!”  You could feel our breath in those moments.  Do we duck?  Do we leave?  Those moments were frenetic with one being the voice of reason, “No, they didn’t see us and why would they think anything of us?” to “They looked right at us!  They know!”  It’s those moments that I doubted what was ever so alluring about being a PI.  We were KeyStone cops, or Ace Ventura, at best.  Bella played her part the best.

“She’s on the move!”  “Get the camera!”  She geared up to leave work and brought her car out of the back parking lot; repositioning it, so that it wouldn’t be locked in.  The minutes ticking away were palpable, as she waited until the moment that she could leave with her co-workers. They stood outside the front door, smoking and generally looking in our direction—waiting and LOOKING our way!  You knew they were waiting until the moment they were free of work....but, the looking at us?  The adrenaline was pulsing and we decided we had to move!

We relocated and parked in a nearby Waffle House parking lot.  It gave us a safe distance, yet good vantage point.  Jack left us on foot, to get a better & closer visual  of her car.  I was instructed to wait for his call to pick him up.  After a few minutes the uneasy feeling started to sink in as I looked at the 3 or 4 other cars parked near me.  All black big SUV’s with one or two intimidating individuals standing near or in-front of their vehicles.  I looked inside the restaurant—no one inside.  I looked to the street and it was alive with skanky creatures scurrying about in the darkness.  The street was ALIVE and heavily populated with sleazy looking individuals:  druggies and hookers.  I again looked at the SUV’s near me and I felt the adrenaline again.  Who doesn’t fit in this scene?  ME!  What was a single female doing here?  The only people here were either selling or buying drugs or sex or both.  OMG!  I didn’t have my gun! I felt their eyes on me!  I felt like prey waiting to be pounced on!  The eyes of the thugs by their SUV’s, were fixated one me.  They were now  glaring at me!  It was at that moment I realized my presence seemed much more sinister to them—“I” was there to either buy or sell drugs or sex!  My skin crawled!  It was time to move!  There wasn’t anything about this adventure that I was enjoying.

It wasn’t long before Jack came running to the car…she was on the move!  Traffic!  So much Traffic!  She darted in and out of traffic; changing lanes to hop skip aroound the cars that impeded her escape.  “She’s made us?”  She was getting away!  We were in hot pursuit and realizing…this ‘tailing’ thing isn’t as easy as you would think.  We finally caught up to her at a red light. Jack starts the frenetic doubting, “She knows we are following her!  These head lights and grill are very distinctive!”  I covertly tried videoing her license plate (some lovely bokeh and blurry images) as I wiggled about.  Again, videoing from a moving car is not as easy as you would think!  “She knows we are following her!  She’s trying to shake our tail!”  It’s doubtful she truly knew we were following her,  rather that she was a seasoned commuter that was mearly dodging around slower moving cars (cars shopping for the wares of the street—eww! ) and eager to get home.  The comedy continued:  “we lost her!” “there she is!”  “move over to that lane!” “get closer,” and finally after about 40 minutes…..”we’ve lost her!”  Truth was we had lost her 20 miles earlier.  The P.I. that Jack is working as an apprentice under, was not pleased that we lost her.  His first assignment too.  The condescending tone in his voice screamed ‘amateur’ and ‘looser.’  

I was glad to have had the experience as “Kinsey Milhone” or “Nancy Drew” (grown up), but just as happy to retire as a P.I.  “Checked that box off.  I don't want to be a P.I.”  I meant it.  

Until…..the next opportunity to “keep Jack out of trouble” (I told myself that).  This time we were seasoned and left Bella at home.  Should I put my hair up, where a ball cap?  We drove a different car, and we picked a better, more discrete stake-out spot.  We had the knowledge of knowing her habits and which direction she would be leaving work.  “We got this!”

“She’s on the move!”  and we were in hot pursuit.  I was the DM (Driving Monitor — taken from pilot rolls) giving direction:  “move over to the left lane,” “get closer”, “she’s moving over…” etc.  We totally had this down!  The adrenaline was addictive.  When she took a detour around traffic and a traffic light; we followed—covertly, nailing it.  But, we did loose her as we got stuck behind a car that blocked us (reading text messages or such).  We considered the night a success, as we had gotten so much further.  

We drove by ‘last known or possible addresses’ looking for the vehicle.  We narrowed it down to ‘the one’ it had to be.   “We were so close!”  

It’s obvious, now I have to come up with a PI name -- because clearly I’ve got this and I can’t wait for my next opportunity to resume the chase.  

#PI #SpyDog