#i totally did not forget his tattoos and just threw them on the sail

[sinusoidaldysfunction]

Vulture. Scary evil mobster.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 44-45: Bakura‘s Back for More of This Nonsense

Man, I can’t believe we’re closing in on the 4th season of this show (still in shock I’m still able to make these.) Seems like just yesterday I felt like I had no idea what was happening, and now I’m like “they put in freakin Sans into Smash but not Bakura???” I’ve become one of those people now.

It’s been interesting how, because I have slowed down to watch these, I think I’ve been able to have a much more positive experience with the show. People have been talking about how binging has kind of changed TV from a place where fandoms could chat to a place where...you just watch it all in a weekend and hope no one spoils it and then wait for the next big thing to consume a week later.

But, when you’re watching a 15 year old anime you don’t have to worry about any of that. So it’s like a kind of nostalgic experience of a pre-streaming era despite the fact I’m totally streaming this.

But back to the show, now that the deep and reflective moments for Marik are over, my favorite storyboarder went home and left the rest of this to the night team who are clearly in a real rush to get this all finished. Again, the Yugioh whiplash is going from that high of “damn this is so goo-” then to the reality that the rest of the art direction in this show is “-acceptable. I meant to say acceptable. It’s perfectly acceptable”

Yugi Muto is still strung up by weird shadow magic restraints that must also be around his legs for some reason. I mean...it wouldn’t be so kinky if it wasn't also around his feet. More bits and pieces of Our Boy have been removed over the course of this endless card game, and he’s doing pretty good considering.

Joey has decided he’s had Enough Of These Damn Ghosts.

And so Marik decided that he’s been shamed by Joey Wheeler enough that he will just go away like Joey asks. This may be the only person who was actually bothered enough by Joey Wheeler to walk away in all of Yugioh.

(read more under the cut)

They....

Legit no one told her what had just happened.

They........

Just want to note that while Yugi’s leg burst out a stream of weird purple gas and Yugi screamed in pain, when his crotch disappeared, he did nothing but patiently look over at Pharaoh, who awkwardly winced. I guess the animation team knew better than to animate gas exploding out of that one particular spot, but it is still a rather funny contrast.

Marik has achieved his final form of so many veins, and it is a still frame every time it’s on screen. You cannot animate this. You cannot.

On the other end of the field, Odion has somehow made it down these extremely steep stairs, only to look up and see so many more stairs.

And back on the field is so many cards. So many cards, including the Card Poem. This awful Card Poem I tried so hard to forget.

Bro brings up that maybe this poem sounds way cooler in Japanese but like...I doubt it, right? Like this was a poem that the writers threw together in 5 minutes and were like “we’re never going to actually say the shame poem, right?”

But anyway more cards things happen but why talk about cards when this eventually happens.

I feel like Pharaoh was attempting to use Shadow Magic on Marik like just a few episodes ago so he could have done something now but...maybe he forgot? I dunno. Pharaoh didn’t feel like participating in this particular fight, maybe because his alter ego is holding on to life solely by having extra long emo bangs to count as lifepoints.

and so, Odion gives Marik a pep talk--and I kid you not, this is all Marik needed the entire time.

Yeah.

That was it.

Like maybe Odion had to be awake since Odion has a spell or whatever on Marik but still it’s like...all you had to do was say “This guy is not even a person, Marik--you are the person, just nix him and we’re good”

And so the two alter ego’s fight with eachother in the same body and that must have been a treat for everyone watching.

Man, it’s a good thing Mokuba already has so many PTSD situations under his several belts up to this point, because otherwise I’d be somewhat concerned about this very young kid who is privy to all this type of magical abominations every time his brother just wants to play cards.

and then...Yugi plays a bunch of cards and...um......

......don’t ask me what happened........

After the big group hug, Marik and Marik switch places.

This was because bad Marik was fused with a monster card--which turned bad-Marik into...the definition of a Monster.

So, if you kill the monster card then you can...

...switch places with your alternate half...

...yes...

Basically it’s a more complicated version of what Pharaoh did to Ryou and Bakura in S1, except in S1, Bakura played Ryou as a card and Pharaoh just slammed his hands on the table and was like “Screw it, Bakura! I’m so tired of this! We’re all so individually tired of this! I’m just going to use my Shadow Magic and switch you with Ryou and then we’re all going the HELL BACK TO BED!”

This time it just had to be so much more complicated although we have seen Pharaoh willy nilly switch souls before just two seasons ago.

So, just like Bakura did to his evil side in S1, Marik banishes his evil side to the shadow realm in a card game.

Which worked super good last time, amiright?

I guess we’re all just going to assume that this works now? Even though this absolutely did not work in season 1? Like Bakura went right back to a life of murder immediately?

Then again, Bakura’s an actual dude, and Marik’s alter Ego was a figment of his anger or something?????? Maybe that’s the difference? Maybe that’s why we can be rest assured that this works now?

Maybe they’re just tired of the Marik plot line and are like “listen, he’s kind of hard to draw and we don’t want to do it anymore. He’s dead now.”

For realsies though, from what I’ve been told, Marik never goes cray again and gracefully exits the show. But, if they ever want to continue Yugioh back in this direction, you can just have him snap at any time you feel like, we all know this type of exorcism is wholly reversible.

Anyway, the clouds are lifted and we are reminded that it is still hardly even lunch time.

It is at this point that Marik turns to his Brother and his Sister, who all three have no world skills outside of scamming museums and filtering sewer water, and waxes long about all the great times they’re about to have in the future.

Like what future though? You have to go to 20 years of actual real deal school, Marik, you can only read one Egyptian text. Hell knows how many people you possessed in order to get that motorcycle permit. You for sure aren’t ever allowed to play cards ever again. Like what are you going to do, Marik?

...dude what if he just goes back on the boat and just sails away for the rest of his life with his cultists who are equally unqualified to live in the real modern world. OMG what if that’s the real Marik’s Boat Time all along?

Ah. 

I almost forgot about you, Bakura.

Just in time for the British Bake Off to start updating episodes on Netflix, just in time, Bakura.

And following this is actual real thing that happened which, if you told me about, I would have just assumed was a joke or an edit to make it appear like this is happening. But no, it’s strip time.

the hell?

Yo can you believe that like a week ago I was like quoting “One Week” for kicks in these recaps and then this week Marik is, indeed, “in the history of taking off his shirt” ?

Anyway, Marik reminds us that his only purpose in life is to uh...be a book. A book that no one can read because Pharaoh didn’t have the foresight 5000 years ago that no one would be speaking Egyptian anymore and also that his reincarnation would be a 14-16 yo Japanese boy who’s entire brain power is used for selecting cards and selecting matching belts.

I just...Pharaoh’s mind must have been in a real place 5000 years ago and that was before he ever became a ghost.

Also, it is kind of amazing how many times it has come up how illiterate Pharaoh is over the past season and he still hasn’t decided to do anything about it. Like, he’s just kind of hoping that someone else (probably Kaiba) will feed the answer to him like a baby because that’s just how this show has been up to now.

In this case he has a one-ness moment with the tablet and gets the sense of “It’s fine, we’ll figure this out later” which um...

I’m really happy that in this scene, Pharaoh is still tripping balls but everyone else is so used to him doing stuff like this, they just completely ignore it.

So glad I had 2 seasons to build up this back tatt in order to figure out that Marik’s back didn’t help Pharaoh at all. The tablet yes, the back tattoo--no, completely unnecessary. Congrats, Pharaoh’s mole people servants, you screwed up and did this weird ass ceremony on 12 yo’s for 5000 years trapped underground for NO REASON.

Anyways, preteens rejoice, Marik without a shirt is randomly 10 lbs more buffed now, which I’m pretty sure was never a thing when he was wearing that itty bitty pink hoodie. Like maybe the animators are just used to really buffed anime and this is them toning it the hell down, but uh...no actual 16 year olds will ever look like this, sorry to break it to you, preteens.

Man, the horny line running through this show lol.

Letsee, Yugi now has the puzzle, Ishizu’s necklace, the Ring, the Rod, the...

...where’s the freakin eyeball?

Did...where is it? Where is the nastiest of the golden objects?

Did Bakura never bring the eye with him to this trip? Like...is it just hanging out in his desk at home near his secret stash he super hopes that his Mom doesn’t find?

Guys, where’s the eyeball?

Anyway, now that Mokuba has decided Seto can feel joy and smile again, he gives Seto the A-OK to blow the hell out of this moneypit island that has already been violently blown up just a few years previously.

Like this begs the question, why even build this tower if you wanted to blow it up? But then again, that is the equivalent to a small child that builds block towers just to knocks them over, right? Like that part of Seto just never grew up?

So........

My bro, while looking this over, gave me the best spicy bro headcanon I’ve ever heard, and it’s absolutely too ridiculous for this blog that is mostly about what actually happens in the course of this show, but I’mma gonna share it with you anyway. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a common headcanon, but if my bro got it from some random fic he read off Ao3, I don’t know any better. So bro kinda squints at Roland, Seto Kaiba’s most incompetent bodyguard (if “bodyguard” is even an accurate description for the weird fake not-a-job that this guy has to do) and is like “do you feel like Roland has Noah’s hair color?”

and I was like “Bro, if you are suggesting that Roland is the illegitimate son of Gozobura because his hair is the same shade as the darker parts of Noah’s hair, that is one wild headcanon and I love it”

So--using Bro’s logic, lets say Gozaboro had a really stupid illegitimate son he had to hide from his wife. So he just...gives him a fake job. Considers “maybe I can use this son on A.I. Noah?” but Roland ends up being too much of a dumbass to intimidate Noah, so instead, he keeps Roland around on low-tier jobs so he gets keep an eye on him, torture him, etc.

And as the company falls out around him, Roland gets slowly promoted, as Seto and Mokuba fire basically everyone who worked with Pegasus and the Big 5. And Roland, who is just so bad at everything, forgot to attend the Pegasus coup (and would have no idea what is ever happening), so when the Kaibas returned from Pegasus’ island they still have Roland...sitting there at that long table covered in 4 identical idiot salads and orange juice he laid out for them in his patchy green moustache and his huge Gozaburo shoulders, they’re like “well.....I guess we have to take care of him now.”

And that’s the story my brother has in his head now every time Roland is on screen. It’s not canon at all that Roland is the secret 4th Kaiba brother but damn. What if he’s just the 4th Kaiba brother but has no idea, and Mokuba and Seto do, and that’s why they drag him all over the world with them? Hilarious.

I mean...Seto and Mokuba fire everyone. But they don’t fire Roland, their biggest dumbass. What a headcanon. (and if this joke ends up being real I’ll be very happy)

ALSO, new thing, the necklaces around their necks with the cute picture of eachother that they had up till now to remind eachother of their forever brotherly love--also keys used to blow up things very violently.

I should have expected this.

Anyway, lets check up on Mai---oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Y’all this was WEIRD.

WHAT. THE. HELL.

So after that extremely insensitive joke that made us doubt if bringing back Mai was a good thing, lets have a reminder that we brought back someone else even worse, who, like a parasite, was devouring everything that they love.

(Bakura’s font color has been changed to blue stripes because before he was just too similar to Joey’s yellow and my white. Eventually I will find the right system for coloring everyone’s font legibly, although I know that the patterns are sometimes harder to read for people that aren’t colorblind.)

Ah, local nasty boy is back. I’d love if they had shown more of the food he ate, but they wisely decided to crop that huge spread out of frame. Bakura eating all of the donuts is canon though. Somehow every donut aboard this blimp fit inside of that small boy’s endless stomach.

PS Kaiba Corp makes their own milk. At some point, Seto Kaiba was just leaning back into his work chair, Mokuba on the couch watching TV, Roland completely unable to reload the Keurig, and Seto was like “But what if...I made CHEESE.” (BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE KIDS LOVE CHEESE) and Mokuba was like “OMG you could sell the company back to them at 2 times the price for each share” and he was like “I KNOW.”

and so he marched down to the nearest cheese fields to buy some cows, only to find out that the agriculture market is so strained you can’t sell the shares at a times-two profit now and he‘s like “Ah dammit! I have to do real business! This freakin blows!”

Makes you think.

Anyway, then Ryou throws some shade at us about “PS, I was in Hell! I love you, too!”

Anyway, so it’s about time we ended this season, so how about it? How about we take off, watch it all blow up as a symbolic representation of all the hopes and dreams Kaiba had at the beginning of this tourney, and end this crazy ass season?

Oh wait, that relies on Roland being able to do even one thing competently.

So, that’s where we leave off.

Really truly, honestly, we need to get everyone on this show matching cuff radios because the number of times they’ve needed to call Kaiba is insurmountable. Could have solved so many problems. Really surprised that Roland can’t like...call the Kaibas right now, but now that I think about it, we clarified several episodes ago that Mokuba forcibly kicked Roland off of the radio because he was unable to work it properly.

Good job Roland, the best Kaiba son.

Anyway if you just got here this is a link to read just the Yugioh recaps in chrono order

[pengychan]

Te Rerenga Wairua - Ch. 2

Title: Te Rerenga Wairua Summary: Found by the gods drifting at sea, Maui always assumed he had been thrown in it to drown. When that assumption is challenged, there is only one way to find closure: speaking to his long-departed family. But it’s never a smooth sail to the Underworld, and he’ll need help from a friend - plus a token that fell in the claws of an old enemy long ago. Characters: Maui, Moana, Tamatoa Rating: K

Prologue and links to all chapters up so far here.

A/N: and Moana is finally in this fic as well. Good thing she is, too, because I'm pretty sure that without her Maui and Tamatoa would just keep squabbling and get absolutely nothing done. You know how the saying goes: if you want something said ask a man, if you want something done ask a woman, but whatever you do never ask a crab. I may or may not have just made up the last bit.

***

“Missed again! C’mon, Crabby! This was supposed to be a challenge! What, are you tired? I could do this all day!”

“We have been doing this all day! Can’t you be still for a moment?”

“Sure, and then you want me to paint  target on my face?”

“That would be nice.”

“In your dreams, Crabcake!”

Maui laughed and leapt out of the way just on time to avoid being struck by a pincer barely smaller than himself. It lifted up a lot of sand, which caused Tamatoa to close his eyes and sputter a moment before Maui landed on top of his shell. “Surprise! It’s Maui ti-- whoa!”

Tamatoa spun suddenly and violently, casing Maui to be thrown back. If he’d been holding his fishhook, Maui would have immediately turned into a hawk, but as he had left it propped up against one of the rocks on the shore - their sparring match would have been too unbalanced otherwise - flight was not an option. He fell heavily in the sand, and rolled aside just one moment before a pincer came down on the spot he’d been.

“Got you!”

“Dream on!”

When Tamatoa’s pincer came down again, Maui was ready: he met it halfway, grasping it with both hands, and held his ground. It wasn’t as easy as he tried to make it look like: Tamatoa was_ strong,_ and caused part of his legs to sink into the sand as he fought to push back, muscles trembling with effort. But he had to hold on just a little longer, any moment now… any moment...

He didn’t have to wait for long: Tamatoa grinned down at him and, exactly as Maui had expected, he lifted his other pincer to strike him sideways. Only that in doing so he shifted his weight, and gave Maui exactly the opening he needed. With a grin of his own and a triumphant cry, Maui grasped the pincer more firmly, turned and pulled, throwing Tamatoa over his shoulder. He was heavier than before, having grown even bigger through the years since they had first met, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

“YAAAHHH!”

“Wha-- HEY!”

Tamatoa let out a cry that sounded much like a yelp when his back hit the sand. He immediately squirmed, legs kicking in the air in the attempt at getting upright again, but Maui knew it was useless: once flipped, Tamatoa was unable to get back up - let alone on a tricky surface like sand. With a cry of triumph, he jumped on Tamatoa’s abdomen, entirely ignoring his ‘oof!’, and grinned, arms crossed. “I win.”

“You cheated!”

“Hey, we said it was brawl without rules! How do you cheat if there aren’t rules to--”

“Fine, fine. Let me up!”

“First you’ve got to say I’m amazing.”

“Forget it,” Tamatoa huffed, and threw him off with a swipe of his claw. Maui laughed, rolling on his back on the sand.

“Pout all you want. You know I’m the best,” he said, resting his head down on his folded hands before glancing up. Well, it looked like they had really been sparring all day: the sky was already turning pink and orange, and he could make out some stars starting to appear right left of the peak that dominated the whole island.

Tamatoa had mentioned there was a cave beneath it, inaccessible by land but connected to the sea, and that it was where he’d grown up. Maui had never seen it, but he knew that was where Tamatoa kept the trinkets he collected - including the ones Maui brought him when he dropped by to visit, in the spare time between one heroic deed and the other. “It’s a nice island you’ve got here. Surprised humans are not all over it,” he finally said.

“There used to be some, until a while ago. Then they kind of left,” Tamatoa said, scratching his chin with a pincer. “Don’t know where they went. They left some shiny stuff behind, too.”

“They were probably Wayfinders. That’s what they do.”

“Leave shiny things?”

“Sail away to find other places to be.”

Tamatoa snorted. “Good riddance, anyway. They kept trying to skewer me with their arrows and pointy sticks all the time. To test their courage or something,” he added, making quote marks with his claws. “Good thing they never found out the entrance to my cave, ‘cause none of them could hold their breath for long enough to swim in it. But really, let them see you one time and bam! They have a new stupid Coming of Age tradition to hunt the monster, and you become target practice. Way to make a guy feel welcome, chasing him with sticks. I bet they didn’t do that to you.”

The smile that had been on Maui’s lips immediately died down, and suddenly the twilight lost all of its beauty. He let out a non-committal grunt and sat up. “... Nah. Guess the mortals love me too much, huh?” he said, unable to force any enthusiasm in his voice.

Which, of course, wasn’t lost to Tamatoa. “You, uh. You usually sound happier about it.”

“Do I?”

“And insufferable.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. So, help me up and explain what’s gotten into you?”

Maui sighed, holding his knees up to his chest and focusing on a seashell half-buried in the sand. On his upper back, his tattoo seemed to burn. He usually ignored it - easy to do as he couldn’t see it - but it would always, always be there. “Well,” he finally said slowly. “Before I… I wasn’t born a demigod. Before I was Maui, I was actually--”

“Maui?”

“No, I’m telling you. I wasn’t. I was born--”

“Maui.”

With a sigh, Maui turned back. “Are you going to let me finish one sentence?” he asked. Far from impressed, Tamatoa wriggled his legs.

“Help me up first. I put the sentence in that order for a reason. Help me up and explain what’s gotten into you. I’m getting all lightheaded here.”

Oh. Right.

“Sure. Just a sec…” he said, standing up, and grabbed Tamatoa’s shell with both hands. “One, two… three!”

Tamatoa shifted his weight to his left side, and Maui’s push did the rest: with a big huff, Tamatoa was flipped back upright. “Those were three seconds,” he grumbled before settling down, legs folded beneath him and chin resting on his pincers. “Fine. I’m listening.”

“If you interrupt again, I’ll smite you with my hook.”

“No you wouldn’t.”

“Would you bet on it?”

Tamatoa grunted, conceding the point. “Fine, fine. Won’t talk.”

“Good. I appreciate the effort that being quiet will take you.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Heh.  As I was saying before a certain someone interrupted me, I wasn’t born a demigod…”

***

Maui hadn’t expected things to get awkward.

The way he had envisioned it, he would swoop down in Lalotai to find Tamatoa back upright. He’d say something clever to mock him, show off his abilities and… well, he hadn’t been totally sure of what would happen next. Maybe Tamatoa would attack him first - not too likely now that he was powerful again - or cower at his mere sight - much more likely - but, either way, they would fight. And, of course, Maui would come out of it as the winner. The hero.

Finding Tamatoa stuck on his back about to be eaten by a giant lizard and then proceeding to save him from said lizard by bantering was not how he had expected that whole ‘rematch’ thing to start out.

“You know,” Maui finally spoke, leaning on his hook once and breaking the silence. “Having saved your life and all--”

“You didn’t,” was the dry reply.

“I’m so sorry to twist the knife, but yes. I did. You’d have become Pilifeai’s lunch if I hadn’t showed up, which means--”

“I was doing _perfectly _fine,” Tamatoa snapped, and began twisting in the clear attempt at pushing himself upright. Maui raised an eyebrow, allowing himself a few moments of silence to watch his fruitless efforts before speaking again.

“... Having saved your life, whether you like it or not, I would expect you to at least say the two magic words.”

Tamatoa grunted turned his left eye stalk to keep glaring at him even as he kept struggling to get up. “Nu-uh. I know what you’re doing and I’m not gonna say it.”

Maui blinked, feigning confusion. “... Say what?”

“Thank you-- no, wait--!”

“You’re welcome!”

“AAAGH!”

As Mini Maui added another point for Maui and gave him a thumbs-up - Mini Moana was covering her mouth with a hand, which did little to hide her snicker - Maui grinned. “Hey, no need to be ashamed. We all need help. Happens to the best of us, let alone to the worst,” he added, grin widening when Tamatoa glared death at him.

“If you’re not going to - _uugh _- be useful, how about you leave?”

“How about I stay here and wait until the next big guy comes over for a nice serving of crab meat? Hey, I could even be that guy,” he added, and lifted his hook with a grin. “I’m starving, come to think of it.”

Maui had expected Tamatoa to scream, and at least on that he was not disappointed: with a surprisingly high-pitched and rather undignified shriek, Tamatoa doubled his efforts to roll back upright and, possibly, run off. In doing so he almost, almost made it on one side; not enough for him to get up, but enough for Maui to have a good look at his shell and realize that something was missing. Plenty of things, really.

“Wait, what happened to your trinkets?” Maui asked, frowning. There were still a few shiny things gleaming gold in the very middle of Tamatoa’s shell, but it wasn’t much - nothing compared to the huge amount that was there before. Where had it gone?

Thud.

The ground shook when Tamatoa heavily fell back down on his back, staring blankly upwards. His legs stopped scrambling and instead curled over his abdomen, as though to protect him from a physical blow. He suddenly looked like he was trying, with very little success, to make himself as small as possible.

“... Is it all gone?” he asked without looking at him, his voice oddly small. Uncomfortably so, really.

“Well,” Maui found himself saying, very slowly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Not all of it. Just about, huh. Ninety-eight percent?”

Maui had expected him to scream this time, too. He wasn’t wrong.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Tamatoa screeched, and covered his head with both claws.

“Okay,” Maui said with a shrug, and looked down to glance at the back of his hand.

“I TOLD NOT TO LOOK AT ME!”

“Am not,” Maui replied, taking a closer look at his nails.

“I’M HIDEOUS!”

“I know.”

There was a moment of silence. “... That’s not helping.”

“You said you don’t need my help,” Maui reminded him, still examining his nails.

“They stole my treasure! The other monsters - the tiny sneaking ones!”

Maui shrugged. Again. “Tiny, sneaking and now rich.”

“They had no right! It was my stuff!” Tamatoa added. The more he spoke, the stronger the whiny quality in his voice got. It made Maui grin, but he didn’t look up and focused on the tattoos on his arm instead.

“Hu-uh.”

“I’ve got to get it back! I’ll find them all and take back what’s mine and have them as snacks!”

“Well, good luck.”

Another moment of silence, then Tamatoa huffed. “Can you at least look at me while I’m talking to you?”

“You told me not to look,” Maui pointed out, flexing his bicep. “Besides, why should I look at something hideous while I can stare at these?” he added, and flexed his bicep again, causing the tattoo on his skin to ripple. “Hah! I could do this all day! You know, I can’t really blame you for being inspired by my tattoos. They’re awesome, aren’t they?”

“... Yes. I think my favorite is the one where your mother is _dumping _you.”

It shouldn’t have stung, not anymore. He should know by now that he had worth, that it didn’t matter at all whether or not the mortals who had put him into the world could see it. The Ocean had seen it; the gods, the mortals and Moana most of all - they all had seen it. It shouldn't hurt, not anymore.

Except that it did, as though Tamatoa’s remark had just poked dormant but still infected wound. It hurt exactly like it had last time. But now there was something different. Now he had his hook and, most of all, he could use it.

And, if the look on Tamatoa’s face the moment Maui glared at him was anything to go by, he was just realizing he had made a huge, huge mistake.

“A-- All right now, wait a sec, maybe that was just a little out of li--”

“CHEE-HOO!”

A flick of the fishhook, a flash of light, and Maui’s giant hawk form darted up, high above, before looking back down at the trapped monster beneath him. Then, after allowing himself a smile coldly, Maui changed again into something else, something that came crashing down on Tamatoa the next moment, giving him no time to even scream.

A whale.

The impact was violent enough to make the ground shake. Maui’s whale form barely felt it, but Tamatoa certainly did: when Maui took his human hide again, standing on his abdomen, Tamatoa was gasping as though all wind had been knocked out of him. He looked up at him, pincers limp on the ground, and tried to wheeze something, but Maui wasn’t in the mood to listen to another word.

“I like you best when you keep your mouth shut,” he snarled, and lifted the hook above his head, ready to bring it down on his head. “You understand nothing about my tattoos - they’re not some decoration. It’s who I am, and you know what? I am proud of every single one of them - but even if they were taken away, I would still be Maui, while you can only lie here and whine. Since the day the Gods found me cast away like I was nothing, wrapped up in just_ hair,_ I’ve achieved--”

“Hair?” Tamatoa wheezed, causing Maui to trail off and blink. That was… an odd thing to remark on, all things considered.

“Well, that too. I mean, I _do _have great hair if I say so myself, but it’s not really the first achievement I’d-- wait. What is it?”

No answer. Tamatoa stayed perfectly still, eyes staring upwards without seeing anything. Maui frowned and waved his hook in front of them.  “Hey? Hello?”

Still no answer. His eyes didn’t even follow the movement. “Anyone home?”

Silence.

“Aaaall right. What’s gotten into you now? Am I supposed to guess? Because--”

“Hair,” Tamatoa spoke suddenly. His eyes were still staring straight ahead, pupils wide, and his voice sounded oddly distant. “You were wrapped. In. Hair.”

“Yes? As I just said. A bit weird, but--”

“You never told me that.”

“What, was it an important detail?”

Tamatoa didn’t answer. He just rested his head back down on the ground, staring up. For a few moments he remained silent, then he did just about the last thing Maui expected him to do in his current predicament: he began laughing. And laughing. And laughing.

… All right. Fine. So apparently losing his shiny collection had made the giant crab lose his marbles as well. It was the only explanation Maui could think of - until Tamatoa spoke again, that was it, at which point he decided that his old enemy just _must _have a death wish.

“You… HAHAH! Thousands of years with abandonment issues! HAHAHAH! And it was for nothing! Man, oh man!” Tamatoa laughed again, reaching up to wipe his eyes with a claw and entirely missing the fury twisting Maui’s features. “All for nothing! This is hilariou-- ow! OUCH!”

His cry was met with a snarl, and Maui used both hands to twist the leg he had grasped harder - a leg from the side that was already missing one. “If you really wanted to get another leg ripped off, you should have just said so right away,” he spat. “I’ll be happy to comply. Now tell me, what’s so funny?”

“Yowch! NO! Hey! Stop!”

No sign of amusement now: only dawning panic. Good, Maui thought, and gave the leg another twist. A little more force, and it’d break. “You’ll start making sense right now, or I’ll--”

“SHE DIDN’T ABANDON YOU!” Tamatoa cried out, his voice several octaves higher than usual. “I was there! I WAS THERE! She-- she thought-- please please please don’t do this!”

She didn’t abandon you!

Maui let go of Tamatoa’s limb like it has just caught fire in his hands, mind reeling: whatever he had expected to hear, that definitely was not it. As Tamatoa whined over his aching leg, Maui grabbed the hook again and pressed it against his throat.

“Explain,” he said, his voice a growl. “In a way that makes sense.”

***

“Whoa, look!”

“So many trees!”

“I want a coconut!”

“I want two!”

“I want a hundred!”

“Let’s go check it out! Last one to get to the trees is a chicken!”

The calm of water rolling onto white sand was broken with yelling and splashing as children jumped off the boats before they even reached the ground and half-ran half-swam onto the new island. Until that day, none of them had set foot on land outside Motunui: now there they were, rolling into the sand and laughing like they had never before seen it, or rested in the shade of a coconut tree. Everything was so different. Everything was so familiar. Everything felt so right.

We are voyagers.

“Moana? Aren’t you coming?”

Her mother’s voice snapped her from her thoughts, the dreamy smile that had been spreading on her face turning a bit sheepish. She had heaved the canoe to a stop without thinking, staying behind as all of the others’ larger ones reached the shore. Her people had proved quick to learn - it was in the blood, after all - but she had decided to come along that first true journey in the smaller canoe she had used to sail to Te Fiti, so that she’d be able to go from one boat to the other if anybody was in need of help.

None of them had needed any, except for an overly excited child who had fallen in the water while trying to reach for a turtle. But he had never been in danger of drowning: when Moana had turned her boat to go pick him up, she could have sworn she had seen _something _beneath the surface. When the boy had claimed a giant manta had kept him afloat, the other children had laughed. Moana had laughed along with them, but for an entirely different reason.

There is nowhere you could go that I won’t be with you.

“... Moana? Are you smiling at the chicken?”

Oh. Right. Her mother was still talking to her.

“Uh. Sorry, I sort of. Well. What was it again?” she asked. Her parents exchanged a glance before looking back at her.

“Your mother was asking if you’re not coming to shore,” her father said. He had been sailing the largest canoe of all, with most of the children and elderly on it, and he had been doing so like he’d been born to sail. Which was pretty much how it was, really: he had felt a call to the ocean long before Moana was born, after all.

It was good to see him getting such joy out of it, after losing so much to the unforgiving tide.

“I will soon,” Moana said, tilting her  head towards the other end of the island, where an impressive peak rose over the sea. “I’d just like to take a quick look around. It won’t be long,” she added. The truth was that she wasn’t quite ready to walk on land again: she wanted to sail just a bit longer, listen to nothing but the waves and the wind filling her sail. Afterwards, returning to the sounds and voices of her people would be all the sweeter.

“Are you sure? The sun isn’t as high as I’d like for this.”

“I’ll be back before sundown. This island is not too big,” Moana reassured him. “Just, uh… take Heihei with you. I think he’s had enough of the ocean for today,” she added, and picked him up to hand him over to her mother. “And make sure no one eats him.”

“Bwoook!”

“I’ll protect your chicken _and _pig with my life,” Sina declared. At her feet, Pua tilted his head. “You be careful.”

“Of course.”

“Just one thing, Moana,” Tui added, his voice suddenly serious, causing Moana to frown.

“What is it?”

“Stay within the reef.”

Moana stared at him, then raised an eyebrow. As a response, her father laughed. It was something he did often in Motunui, too; his laugh had always been deep and pleasant. But now, after their first true journey together, it sounded different and familiar at the same time.

And it felt just right.

***

“She thought I was stillborn. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes? I mean, that’s what I assumed. You were so quiet and wouldn’t move at all, I thought you were dead, so--”

“How can you be sure it was _me _you saw that day?” Maui cut him off, stopping mid-stride to look up at him. He’d been pacing back and forth like a caged tiger shark for most of Tamatoa’s tale and, to be honest, he was starting to make the giant crab feel kind of seasick. Being still upside down wasn’t helping.

“Look, I’m just… I’m guessing, all right? I hadn’t thought about it in a _long _time. I never even thought it could have been _you _until you brought up the hair thing! You were so sure they had dumped you, I just thought that was it!”

“... I _assumed _they had,” Maui conceded, his voice a bit quieter.

“See? I thought I had seen some other kid being buried at sea. I hadn’t even watched that closely, anyway - there was this shiny thingie she had left in the sand and--”

“And you _stole _it from a grieving mother while she buried her child.”

“Hey now, it sounds bad if you put it that way! How about, huh…” Tamatoa paused, reaching up to tap his chin with a pincer. Maui raised and eyebrow, tapping his foot. Finally, Tamatoa let the pincer fall back on the ground. “Fine. It sounds bad however you say it. I guess it wasn’t a very nice thing to do.”

“You guess?”

“But it was so _shiny, _and she had just left it--” Tamatoa began, only to trail off when Maui suddenly pointed the fishhook against him.

“Just _how _long ago was it?”

“Uuhh…” Tamatoa mumbled, and tried to remember. Keeping track of time wasn’t that easy in the long run, especially since he had spent much of the previous millennia slumbering in his lair and occasionally awakening to feed and admire his treasure. Or himself. “Something like… five thousand years? Give or take a few centuries?”

It fit with the time Maui must have been born, of course. Even if he didn’t already know it, Maui’s expression would have been a dead giveaway. “Five thousand years,” he repeated. “If what you’re saying is true--”

“It is! Do you think I’d _lie _to you?”

“... Honestly?”

Tamatoa sighed. “All right, all right. Got a point there,” he conceded, lifting his claws in surrender. “I could be making it all up, I guess. But why _would _I?”

“To keep me from ripping off another of your limbs.”

“... That is another good point.”

Maui scowled and, with a leap, he was back on Tamatoa’s abdomen, hook pressing against his throat. “Just so we are perfectly clear,” he said, his voice low and frighteningly calm. “I will look into this. I have ways to find out whether or not you lied to me. And if I find out you did, I will be back. I will tear away every single one of your limbs and leave you here as monster bait. So this is your last chance, Crabcake. If you lied just say it now, and you’ll make it out of this without anything more than a few blows--”

“I didn’t lie!” Tamatoa protested, his voice a lot higher than he would have wanted it to sound. It made him sound terrified but, honestly, he was. Anyone would had been in his place, with that hook pressed against their throat and Maui talking like that. “Honest! I saw it just as I described, and… and… I can’t be a hundred percent sure it was you, man, give me a break! I just thought… the baby was wrapped in hair, and so were you and the time frame fits, so… so maybe?” he croaked, and winced when Maui’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not lying! I know what I saw and I think it was you! That’s it! That is all! I can’t know it for sure!”

There was another moment of silence then, finally, Maui nodded and the hook was pulled away. “You better not have lied to me, bottom-feeder.”

A flare of anger replaced the fear, and Tamatoa found himself snapping. “Don’t call me that!”

“Why not? Now you don’t even have your gold to hide behind. Once a bottom-feeder, _always _a bottom-feeder. And if what you say is true, you stole from a woman who was burying her child,” Maui snorted before jumping off him, landing in a crouch. “There are _worse _things I could call you.”

Tamatoa opened his mouth to protest, but words died in his throat when he realized that Maui was walking off towards the geyser leading to… wait a minute...! “Hey! Help me up!” he called out, kicking his legs in the air. “You can’t leave me like this!”

Maui glanced at him from over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised. “Says who?” he asked, but he did stop walking.

“I do!” Tamatoa blurted out. “You know I’m monster food if you leave me like this!”

“I was about to let Pilifeai have you for lunch less than a hour ago. What makes you think anything changed meanwhile?”

“I told you about your mother - or at least I think it was her? Well, anyway! I told you that you were _probably _not abandoned! That’s a big deal, right?”

Maui turned to fully face him, eyes narrowed. “If it turns out it was actually me.”

“But it’s a possibility to look into and I told you about it!” Tamatoa pointed out. “Just cut me some slack, man! It’s _got _to count for some-- HEY!” Before he had the time to add anything else, Maui let out a roar and charged. Tamatoa screamed and made another frantic attempt at getting up, but there was no chance for him to get away: the next moment something struck him and sent him tumbling across the ground, and then against a rocky cliffside.

The impact was violent enough to leave him breathless for a moment, even though his shell shielded him from any actual harm. He fell heavily, mind reeling to the point it took him a few moments to realize that, this time, he could feel the ground _beneath _him. For the first time in days, he was back upright. “You could have been _gentler _about it,” he protested, pulling himself up.

There was no reply. Tamatoa looked around, still slightly dizzy, but he could see no sign of Maui anyway. He had left - and, for the first time since he’d known him, he had done so in silence. Leaving him treasureless, and alone.

And he’d never even told him whether or not he had liked his song.

***

The ocean, Moana had come to realize, had a song of its own.

On the surface, it was rolling waves and splashing water. Deep beneath, there was the song of wales. Deepest of all, there were the songs of those who had crossed the sea before her, preserved in the memory of water. All together, they were a harmony Moana would never grow tired to listen. She would just sail her boat in silence and lend her ear to that song, letting a sense of peace pervade--

“Skreeeeeaw!”

… Well, so much for the sense of peace. Moana looked up just as the shadow of a giant hawk covered the sun, and found herself grinning, waving at him with the hand still holding the oar. The hawk screeched again before diving down, fast as lighting, only turning back to his human form moments before landing on her boat and making it rock as though hit by a sudden wave.

Not long before - honestly, not even two weeks before - it would have been enough to throw Moana off balance as into the water. Now, she simply shifted her weight without even stepping back, sure-footed as she’d have been on land, and looked up at Maui.

“Well, the hero of men and women is back! Changed your mind about coming to meet my vill--” she began, but trailed off when Maui looked back at her. The look on his face was something she’d only seen once, when he had first realized he was unable to use his hook; for the lack of a better word, he seemed lost. “... Maui? Is something wron-- whoa!”

Moana dropped the oar when Maui grabbed her on both sides and lifted her up at her same eye level, as easily as she’d have lifted a twig. “Maybe I was,” he said. “Maybe I _have _been wrong all along.”

“About what?”

The expression that twisted Maui’s features for a moment was hard to describe, a mixture of wonder and grief, and something not too far away from hope. “About my mother.”

***

Just as Pilifeai had said, the part of treasure Tamatoa kept back in his lair - everything shiny he had collected after running out of space on his shell - was gone as well; not a single golden coin or bauble or trinket left. All gone, alone with the sneaking freaks of nature who had certainly stolen it and, by now, certainly left Lalotai. Of course they had: no one would be dumb enough to steal his treasure and then hang around for Tamatoa to get his claws on them.

He should hunt them down, find and _devour _them before taking back what as his. It was what he’d sworn he’d do. Except that he had no idea where they went. Except that he was so tired.

Reaching back with one claw, Tamatoa slowly scraped what was left of his treasure off his shell and put it down on the ground to take a look. It was a small pile, and nothing more. Hardly even worth looking at.

It’s not enough to hide the ugly truth, is it?, Pilifeai’s voice echoed somewhere in the back of his mind. In the end, you’re just a crab. Not much to look at.

Tamatoa scowled down at the pile, trying to think of a comeback. Pilifeai long since left, but maybe yelling it at his empty lair would help… except that there was _nothing _he could think of.

Now you don’t even have your gold to hide behind. Once a bottom-feeder, always a--

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” Tamatoa snapped, his voice echoing in the lair, and in his fury he almost brought his claw down on what little was left of his treasure. Almost, become one moment before he did something caught his eye, causing him to go still. Something he recognized, because he knew every single piece of his treasure like the back of his claw, no matter how old and small. And this one piece was both old and small.

A tiny golden hairpin, misshapen and burnished by time.

***

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