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#i truly thought i was losing my mind
strawberrybyers · 1 year
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just a cute lil reminder that exactly a year ago we all collectively watched will byers look mike wheeler in the eyes and tell him he is the heart of the group and that because of mike he doesn’t feel ashamed to be different and basically gave the most precious, heartfelt love confession i have ever seen in my life even if will was coding it as el’s feelings
and then during and after will speaking mike wheeler was looking at him like this??!!??!!
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like the duffers, noah schnapp, and finn wolfhard really said “oh you think pride month is over? SIKE it’s now extended to july 1” because they fucking delivered with this scene
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thekittyokat · 5 months
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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rosykims · 3 months
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im a eurydice = solas truther btw and ill die for my beliefs
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be so serious........ and lavellan as orpheus......
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#I NEED TO BE LOBOTOMIZED. TRULY.#i dont even know where to start i feel like i cant even post abt this bc theres no way all my thoughts can fit coherently lol#like the 2nd act/hadestown soul-selling business is just solas committing to his goals....#who would win eurydice/solas ''i walk the dinan'shiral - there is only death on this journey'' or orpheus/lavellan walking it anyway lol#to find them and bring them home again#also if the solas-is-a-spirit-that-mythal-bound theory turns out true then the hades = mythal parallels well. they are parelleling <3#''And the choice is yours / if you're willing to choose / Seeing as you've got nothing to lose / And I could use a canary'' HELLO????#ik the other popular interpretation is solas as orpheus but idk solas/eurydice just makes me crazy . it works so well#like theres that one interaction thats like#eurydice: “i havent seen a spring or fall since.... i cant recall”#orpheus "thats what im working on / a song to fix what's wrong / take whats broken#make it whole / a song so beautiful / it brings the world back into tune''#and thats very solas coded. BUT its also such a good parellel to high approval lavellan's fixing the world thru the inquisition/anchor#and thru their kindness and curiosity and all the things he thought were lost in arlathan. the things that make him think maybe shes Real#and it could all be real and worthwhile.#solas recognising the depth and personhood of lavellan thru their [from his pov endearingly naive] actions and spirit#''i havent seen a spring or fall since...i cant recall'' / ''you show a wisdom i have not seen since.... since my deepest journeys into the#ancient memories of the fade'' what if i lost my entire goddamn mind. what if i just completely lost it lol#ok im done im so sorry i feel like harrassing every single person ive ever met with this information like idek what to do with myself lol
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kingprinceleo · 8 months
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Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out
i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb
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wexhappyxfew · 3 months
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Okay Shannon, last night I was headed to bed and BAM Kennedy and Bucky thoughts in my brain. Your writing is so good it’s always on my mind.
But anyway, I was thinking about Kennedy and Bucky as the camps start to get to Bucky. Is Kennedy able to keep him grounded? Does she notice it getting to him and help him process? I just feel like having someone there for him in the camps would have really helped. Also having someone to look after would have given him “a job” sort of.
And SECONDLY, I don’t know what you are planning for the forced march or the escape attempt, but I can’t wait to see the girls with them on the March. I just know protective Bucky (and Brady) are going to be full force.
I just had to pop in and share these thoughts lol. Have a beautiful day!
-☀️
HI SUNSHINE ANON!!!!! 🥹🫶 please know i saw this message earlier and was absolutely letting it marinate in my brain and so i am now incredibly excited to respond! 🥰
HONORED TO KNOW THE KENNEDY X BUCKY THOUGHTS LINGERED A BIT BEFORE SLEEP! 🫡🫡🫡🫡 massive massive honor in my eyes haha!!!! thank you for the writing compliments as well omg! 🥺 that means so much to me truly!! :D
under the cut so plz enjoy my rambles <3
To answer your first question - something I ALWAYS think about and ponder on when I have some mindless things and tasks to do - (1) I would definitely say Kennedy does keep Bucky grounded (in an upcoming prompt with Bucky’s POV we explore that aspect a bit more actually yay!). But Kennedy definitely does, and in some ways, Bucky almost doesn’t notice in, it’s so subtle. But from the time she shows up, he realizes that she’s such a calming and equally comforting presence for him. Probably because she’s confident, a loyal and absolutely incredible friend, and someone who can hold her own. And he admires that about her. A. LOT. It also makes him want to protect her.
SO. Having that *want* to care for and protect someone who he cares for (and slowly realizes - oh wow I think I love her like that too???) really keeps him grounded and going at the end of the day. I really like the take you have of just having someone there to care for and protect and love. For me, you can really see how love (all sorts of love, friendship, family, romantic, platonic, etc….) transcends war. Even though war will always be the horror it is, to get through it, people turn to love. And that’s really what we see here with Kennedy and Bucky and I think it’s quite beautiful :)
I think also Bucky having the want and responsibility to care for someone, mainly the boys and Silver Bullets girls, especially Kennedy, makes him want to stay alive. Because we’ve seen Kennedy begin to take notice a bit (and in this upcoming prompt I touch on it a bit more too!), and so Bucky feeling the need to be safe for her and protect her, really plays a big part in grounding him there altogether 😭
AND TO YOUR NEXT PART …… I have absolutely given some thought and time into the march!!! You know me too well haha! Definitely because it is a major and important part and we have a lot of these very human aspects that come out in this specific series of events - the human want to survive and live, caring for your friends and your allies, the want to keep your crew and your people safe. OH THERE IS A TON AT PLAY HERE!!!!!!!
Don’t even get me started on Protective Bucky and Protective Brady !!!!!!!!! LIKE! Those two are about to be so insanely protective towards their crew and the Silver Bullets, I can see it now!!! IM ALREADY SCREAMING PLEASE KNOW!!!!!!!!! 😭
sunshine anon, your thoughts and ideas and takes absolutely brighten my day and i’m always so happy when you and the others want to share! i always welcome it and always always always enjoy it!!!! :) knowing how much people take interest and want to know more and see more with the characters — it just means so much to me and i’m always so grateful!!! <33333 THANK YOU FOR THE KENNEDY AND BUCKY LOVE! THEYLL FIGURE THEMSELVES OUT I PROMISE!!!!!!!!
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apocalypticdemon · 3 months
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so i'm finally reading through the terror scripts and i think this was designed to cause me physical pain.
crozier was supposed to be drinking to schubert..... god
#it's honest to god so interesting to see what was cut and what was rearranged#but the uh. the descriptions of the emotions that were not to be spoken?#the internal thought processes that can't be precisely conveyed without words?#i am Dying. this is Killing Me.#fucking *schubert*. god.#'it is not romantic or charismatic. it is hard to watch.' SEND HELP#the terror#i wish i had more coherent thoughts but like. jesus christ.#schubert also had some truly wretched parts of his life.#he wasn't able to marry women of higher classes than him. this was bc of a law that prohibited it but he was still restrained by his financ#*finances#a thing that sophia specifically points out to crozier in the show#aside from that there isn't much that i know off the top of my head#but his 'winterreise' is truly depressing. and 'die schone mullerin' isn't much better#actually die schone mullerin might be very apt for this.#the narrative follows a man falling in love with a woman that is beyond his grasp. and eventually ends in him fantasizing about his death.#uh. presumably the singer drowns in a brook at the end.#so! yeah! that one line in the script is making me lose my mind.#i am gonna keep reading them but i also think i will be a very sad puddle by the end of it#forgive the tag rambling. schubert isn't a main focus of mine#but i know a bit about him and a good bit about his music. it's. painful. also schubert died very young. like 31 years old young.#but anyway i guess i will find the damndest of parallels everywhere.
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celestriix · 2 years
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the whole 'temenos finds out that partitio has a crush on hikari and won't stop teasing him about it' is hilarious
but
whats equally as hilarious is if partitio's crush gets to the point that it starts to really annoy temenos
imagine if temenos and throné were about to interrogate and ambush someone and partitio stops them like "we can't be attacking the poor folks here guys"
temenos: so its ok for hikari to go and challenge simple townspeople to fights, but i cant interrogate them?
partitio: uh... yeah
or like
hikari: ah... I don't have enough leaves to bribe this person
temenos: not to worry hikari! allow me to be of assistance-
partitio: hey hikari, here!! take some of my leaves!!
temenos (watching them both completely ignore him): are you kidding me. WE DONT NEED TO WASTE OUR FUNDS I CAN JUST INTERROGATE THEM.
and this poor guy has to deal with listening to partitio talk about how pretty hikari is for at least an hour in the tavern
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space-sheep08 · 5 days
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I think you might find the mother-daughter sexual abuse angle in Black Swan of interest if you haven't already delved into that
yesss
I was really taken aback by their relationship when I first watched the film because the incestuous subtext was pretty blatant and I hadn't seen any discussion around it beforehead. The idea of the abusive mother is still pretty hard to register for certain people, so when you add sexual abuse into the mix, plus inflicted on another woman, it mostly disappears from analysis.
#asks#it made me absolutely crazy when I watched it at the time cause NO ONE was talking about it and I felt like I was just making connections#which weren't there#but so many things hint towards this interpretation and tbh it's not that surprising that it's an overlooked subject.#it's very often reduced as mommy issues as many relationships in other medias are without looking much further#(Sharp Objects for instance. like... how can you read the book and not see that. anyways)#Some of the interractions they have can be read this way (like the scene where Nina licks Erica's finger or 'are you ready for me?')#But the one where it truly clicked for me was when they showed Nina's room opened right after she wakes up from her night with 'Lily'#plus the 'Sweet Girl' during the sex scene#Tbh I can't really say if anything really happened between the two at this moment. but it's extremely telling to end the scene this way#The interpretation that Lily in this moment is a projection to think of somebody else while it's Erica who's truly there is plausible#However I don't know if Aronofsky thought of it that way. I think it was supposed to be read as an hallucination through and through and#given the incestuous undertones established earlier in the film it was more to be seen as a psychosexual/Freudian dynamic#But idk. Erica still violates Nina's boundaries repetively and says things concerning how attrative and sexually desirable she is#which are beyond the simple dominating role most people associate to her#SO YEAH ! I spent quite some time thinking about this relationship last year since I thought I was losing my mind at first#might have to rewatch Black Swan now...#black swan
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finished work tonight and flopped onto my bed to just take a few moments to breathe
a few minutes into this i really couldn't ignore a really bad smell that seemed to be just within range
my cat's had some stomach issues lately and honestly it smelt like one of her hazardous shits and i was worried she'd laid a ripe one somewhere she shouldn't have
so i started searching around and it was the weirdest thing, i absolutely could not pinpoint the smell, it didn't get stronger in any direction except MAYBE my room but even that seemed to come and go. honestly started convincing myself i was imagining things because there was just no constant source anywhere, it would just disappear entirely at times. i searched every corner of my room and nothing. but i could've sworn i was still smelling it periodically
then i thought to check under my bed - not really enough room to lay a nugget but well, it was the only place i hadn't looked
my cat. was under. my bed. the whole. time. did she take a shit under there? no. not at all. was she periodically letting rip some of the most toxic foul smelling farts recorded in the history of ever? yeah. i assume so. so i'm laying on top of the bed like far out why does it smell so bad suddenly? why does it keep coming and going? where is it coming from? and my cat's just underneath farting her little heart out with the stink rising rapidly into my nostrils. no wonder i couldn't track it, there was a stinking culprit not a shit pile
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i don't know how people who write long fics all the time do it because the past month has absolutely lain waste to me
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Guess what I found on the internet today
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kit-katsuki · 1 month
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ohhhb venting...
#its getting bad again!#and i don't know how to talk about any of it#my brains main thoughts throughout the day are 'im going to fucking throw up' and 'i should kill myself'#the anxiety has been giving me legitimate chest pains lately (i think its the anxiety)#and i cant lie down to sleep without my brain going all ballistic and self deprecating#i relapsed sh again and i fucking hate it because i was almost a year clean#it got so bad my brother dmed me asking if im okay#i have to be positiveee this is a manic depressive episodeee i wont do anything permanent#i feel like im gonna throw up. and kill myself. i wont. but oh my fucking god i thought i was over this#i dont know what to tell my brother like do i admit im fucking losing my mind or do i try and keep it palatable.#like 'yeah ive been uhh convincing myself not to walk into the street on the way home wbu'#what even is there to say#i feel like im too much for what im worth#people care about me and it only makes their lives harder#people have problems and theyre all my fault#i wish i could just not exist. even if for a short period pf time#i feel like im bringing more stress and anger into this world than the good things that come of me#i feel like everyone that gives me a chance is going to end up hating me#i feel like everyone that loves me will only see who i really am and end up resenting me#i feel like i cant breathe without ruining something good for someone#im sorry#i dont think ill ever feel like im truly doing okay
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recitedemise · 11 months
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𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. "With my condition as volatile as it is, I fear that any undue… excitement, may tip it over the edge - so to speak." For a year, he has endured the sinking teeth, that aching bite of the Netherese orb. It siphons magic from his body, complicates his ability to draw from the Weave, but even beyond that, all those matters more arcane, it denies him the freedom to boldly feel. To want in excess, indulgent and fierce. Or to anger, too, hot and spiteful. Any emotion, to be frank, that can rile his heart is, with that blight, remarkably paled. Gale's learned to school his reactions, often tempering sudden flashes of both hate and yearning, forced to but skim from the very top. With the orb unrestrained, he doesn't indulge in racy thoughts, is too careful to go for kisses or chase verbal spats, and turns often instead for his humble tent. He loses himself in books, goes down intellectual quandaries, and thoroughly distracts himself with repeated practice. He doesn't let himself revel in feelings. To be fair, he's not allowed to. Whenever Gale dares, his branded chest shimmers like jewel, and all his ribs and his veins start to grow their teeth. As a consequence, unfortunately, it makes the smallest things mountainous. Even the most innocent things can thunder his heart, and even the smallest of hopes can having him running.
Honestly, this is shown no clearer than in any attempt to romance Gale. During the scene where Gale shares in that magical, wonderful moment with the Weave, there is the thought to kiss him madly or, far more innocently, to join him on a walk, hand in hand. Regardless of the option, Gale blusters visibly, and with the color sprouting delightfully up his throat, there, too, springs awe and waves of yearning. It throttles him like a freight train, surprise grappling at his nerves, and he wants to want. He wants to chase. But he has to pull back, his blight singing its fierce disapproval before Gale contents himself with their half-shy smiles. Of course, he, too, didn't think this possible. Having tempered his feelings for so, so long, the idea that someone likes him is remarkably stunning. He almost thinks it a dream, especially after his fall with Mystra, but now with hope, he doesn't know what to do. He tries to distract himself with their journey and books. His orb scolds his heart. It's becoming much harder. And even after Elminster tames his condition, Gale still, for a time, schools his feelings 'knowing' his fate.
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pawphin · 1 year
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ABSOLUTELY DECIMATED BY THIS PANEL. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HE SHOULDERED SO MUCH BY HIMSLEF AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE HE DESERVES ALL TH HUGS CRYING FOR A MILLION YEARS
(Im almosy done w the manga!!! Thank you for bearing w me so far :] )
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millionancientbees · 4 months
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I made a post about my cat needing dental work (I think she has a tooth infection) and was freaking out about how the fuck I was gonna cough up like $600 for it, offered commissions, etc
And my friend messaged me asking if my graphite drawing of 11 hands was still unsold and asked how much
THEIR FRIEND JUST BOUGHT IT FOR $750
I SOLD A GRAPHITE DRAWING. FOR $750.
I am going to literally pass out. I’m going to start frothing at the mouth. I’m going to start ripping my clothing off and barking in the street. That is literally just under my monthly income. I’m. Losing my mind. Oh my god??? Oh my GOD??? Holy fuck?????????? I can get my cat taken care of??? I don’t have to crawl around and hunt for money??? I sold a graphite. Drawing. For $750????????????????????
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NOBODY READ MY FIC YET I LEFT IN SOME NOTES TO MYSELF BY ACCCIDENT
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