#however I also saw that at around 5:30 am and I did not sleep last night

[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

Guess what I found on the internet today

[hellodenisestuff]

Sept 10-17, 2023

I had planned to write this blog on Substack but it got too complicated for me so I will continue these African Adventure posts on Tumblr.com.

This will be the journey to Kenya to participate in the volunteer program of African Impact in the Pardamat conservancy of the Kenya National Wildlife Reserve, Masai Mara.

What a long journey from Hawaii to Kenya. Fortunately I have a very good friend, Maggie, in Pacific who I get to visit when I am passing through San Francisco. I stayed two nights in her delightful company and rested up before the long flight to Kenya.

I arrived several days several days after I was exposed to Covid at work. I wore a mask on the flight but where 5 days had passed we thought we were safe, which proved to be true, but I was not fully comfortable till the 14th day had passed. I never got it. Hooray! Those around me could breathe a sigh of relief as well. I am vaccinated up to the gills so maybe that saved me?

Anyway, I digress. i flew KLM. airways which is marvelous. Great service. Seems they were always offering food or drink or hot towels. I watched 4 movies on the first leg which ended in Amsterdam for a three hour layover.

Because I get wheelchair service, I did not find my friend Joanne who was also traveling on the same flight to our destination in Kenya till we were ready to board the next flight for the final leg of our journey.

We got in somewhere around 10:30 PM after an aborted landing because there was debris on the landing strip! Finally after circling and losing our place in the landing line we did so.

Went thru the usual immigration and customs, again not seeing Joanne. I went outside and waited and waited, and was getting worried. A nice young soldier asked what I needed and he called the man who was to-pick us up, who was with Bonfire Adventures and tours. He found us and we waited some more. Finally Joanne appeared and we walked to the car and were driven to Masai Lodge near the town of Rongai. It is on the Southern border of the National Park. The drive took over an hour. The last 3 miles over an horrendous dirt road. We arrived around 1 AM pooped but happy to be back in Kenya.

We love that lodge. It. is mainly for the local people. Despite its name, it is run primarily by Samburu people. the Samburu are cousins to the Maasai. The lodge looks out over the Nairobi Game Park. Animals come into the large green area below the lodge which sits on a hill. There we see warthogs, antelope and baboons. There are tree hyrax and rock hyrax busy in the surrounding areas. The tree hyrax are quite used to people. Cute little creatures resembling a bunny without the long ears.

The 4 nights at the lodge allowed us to get over jet lag and start to get used to the altitude. It is like Denver, a mile high.

I was able to visit my dear friend, Dr. Paul Sayer, my colleague from teaching at the veterinary School in Nairobi back in 1967-1969. It was delightful to be with him and catch up on our lives and reminisce about the old days. (See-my book African Sojourns on Amazon.com to see what we did back then…)

The next day Joanne and I went to visit her friend, Rachel Kabue, who founded and runs The Cat Sanctuary in Nairobi. There are about 170 cats there now as she found homes for close to 130 of the most fit ones recently. Some there are very thin, and I fear may have some sort of blood parasite or Feline leukemia. However most are quite fit; they are all sweet and get along. She also has rescued a few dogs who live together with the cats. It is scrupulously clean with no odor.

Rachel, Some of the cats and dogs, Denise and friend, and Joanne and another rescue.

I spent one day sleeping a lot. Another day we had a guided walk by a Samburu man in full regalia looking very exotic and handsome in his colorful short dress like outfit with knee high socks and beaded ornaments and carrying the spear in case we ran into any aggressive animals. As it happened we only saw Impala and some monkeys and baboons. We met up with two Masai gentlemen in Western clothes who ran a nearby lodge and were friendly and fun. They all wanted photos which Joanne took but I have not got them right now. Will send next time.

The African Impact Driver came for us to transport us to Brackenhurst Conference Center in the Highlands in a town called Limuru. It is at 7000 feet so it has rather brisk evenings. It always tickles me when there, as after dinner, I come back to a bed with a hot water bottle in it. There we rested till the next morning where we would start out at 8:30 AM for the long drive to Pardamat.

I will write more tomorrow about the first week at the volunteer placement.

[nathank77]

5/5/24

5:39 p.m

So I woke up around 4:30 p.m. I had a hard time falling asleep. I ended up taking 2 Hydroxyzine altogether 50MG, after closing my eyes for almost a hour. I played some solitaire for like 20 minutes and I think I hit my weed like 2 or 3 times and then I passed out fast around 9 a.m or so...

I did smoke before bed... and I still laided there for 50 minutes with my eyes closed... so the weed didn't really help but I had anxiety.. was it the weed that knocked me out at 9 a.m or the Hydroxyzine? Was it both? Did the Hydroxyzine help with the anxiety? Was anxiety keeping me awake? Or is my circadian rhythm getting worse? Idk...

The voice was really annoying while I closed my eyes... so I mean idk. Not worse than any other bad night but not easy to try to block out..

I woke up at like 10:50 a.m and struggled to fall back to sleep, I took benadryl and then smoked a little and passed back out.

I have the cardiologist tomorrow so I have to take a 1MG... I'm going to take it around 4:30 a.m cause I have to be up by 2 p.m to get there for 3 p.m..

I haven't smoked any weed yet today since waking up. Idk if I will. I'm still worried about visuals becoming a thing. Maybe I should only do it at night? Idk.... cause it didn't help last night....

I have a hard time with moderation with vaping, I'll rip it like 3 or 4 times...

All I know is I'm already exhausted with being alive. I don't feel like playing a video game the voice is already on my last nerve. I got to shower today.. I'm def going to do that... I feel miserable and exhausted with my life. I know if I took a couple hits I'd want to play something. I'd feel happier and less stressed and not want to piss away my day watching TV to hallucinate a little less....

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Weed didn't seem to help last night when I was trying to sleep but I was truly anxious about something. Yet weed makes this endless hell ever so slightly more tolerable.... if I smoke I'll be happier, have less anxiety in some regards, be much less on edge and feel happy. I'll feel like doing something productive with this whole useless day ahead of me.

I sorta want to play far cry 2 but I mean I don't want to hallucinate..... and I feel annoyed by struggling to sleep. I feel annoyed that I have to worry about making it to an early appt tomorrow...more than annoyed, stressed and worried I won't make it.

Idk, I noticed the change in my mood almost immediately upon smoking weed it made everything more tolerable and actually made me feel alive. Yet now i have more anxiety about visuals.

Not smoking alleviates that anxiety. It can't get worse if I take away the thing that could be causing it. However my quality of life is back at a zero..... when it went up to like a 2 with weed....

What do I do? Deep down I want to game. And if I overanalyze it, I just saw a quick floating black dot. Like just saw it and I'm not high..

Do I risk it? The longer I smoke the less anxiety I'll have over visuals assuming it doesn't make it worse. Was the voice extra annoying last night bc I had anxiety? Or was it getting worse bc of the weed temporarily?

Also yesterday morning it seemed more intrusive than normal and I was high... idk.

I know a few things:

1) the voice feeds off me being anxious and stressed. I hallucinate more. And it can make the stress worse just by existing.... it says often, "you look adorable with your glasses." That's still annoying. It doesn't matter what it says.

2) before I started smoking I wasn't looking for black dots or overanalyzing every little thing... and now that I am I mean I just saw another one. When I shifted my vision and looked back down at my phone...my glasses and blinking can actually be playing a role....

3) I will be less anxious and feel more alive and want to game. The day will be better and I'll feel less anxious about everything except visuals.....

So was it the combo of me overanalyzing it and the voice/my own thoughts putting an idea in my head that I'm going to start seeing stuff, I mean? When I think about it, yes I'm anxious about it but at the same time, life is intolerable....

Weed was making it better until I started overanalyzing it... and now my life feels like a grind to get to the day I stop hallucinating assuming that ever happens...

So was it the voice trying to ruin it for me? Bc my lack of anxiety and my motivation/like will to have fun was back?

Or was it that it's too scary thanks to Kristen dew? Idk....

All I know is I want to smoke and I saw another black dot for 1 seconds when I shifted my vision 4 seconds ago and I'm still sober...

What the fuck do I do?

[jekjekmalupet29]

My Long Distance Bicycle Trip of Tagaytay city and Batangas

John F. Kennedy once said "Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of riding a bike.". Cycling or Bike riding is one of the most fun outdoor activities. It is the perfect "me-time" and can also be one of the best bonding experience with your friends of family. For me, cycling is my escape to reality whenever life is frustrating. In this post, I'm going to share one of my most memorable bicycle ride. This happened during my 8th grade on November 9, 2019.

Ride-Out

I woke up at 4 am and had a breakfast of pandesal and 1 cup of milk. Me and my brother left our house at 5:30 am and waited for our friends in our meet-up place 7-eleven Paliparan II. At 6:15 am, our friends have arrived and we left for Silang, Cavite. I'm not feeling well during in the early stages of this ride because I wasn't able to sleep. Whenever I feel excited about something I can't sleep but that excitement pushed me and boosted me during the whole trip. We're from Dasmariñas, Cavite and Silang is just about 30-40 mins away from us but since our pace is for "chill ride" it took us 35 mins to get there.

First Stop:

Silang, Cavite

At about 7 am , we stopped for a while at the statue of General Vito Belarmino to take a picture and also to rest for a bit at a nearby 7-eleven. 7-eleven branches are very important to cyclists. This is where we refresh ourselves whenever it's getting tiresome and needed a break. Whether it's drinking sports drinks like Gatorade and taking booster drinks or eating chocolates to replenish our energy. After about 15 minutes of break time, we left.

The Climb

It was around 7:10 am when we enter the most thrilling section of the trip. Silang is approximately 12 km away from Tagaytay City. When you enter Silang, you should be ready since this is where the real fun and challenge begins. It's nothing but an uphill. You will encounter many intense steep climb on your way to Tagaytay. This place will make you feel weak and tired. It will make you rethink about the decisions you have made in your life and why did you even dare to go there at the first place. It can also be exciting and thrilling if you're that type of person like me who enjoy challenges. I really love the climbing sections of long rides even though it's the most trouble-some for others since it challenges you to give your best and when you finally finished climbing it feels very worth it. It was very intense along with the fact I was sleepless. It left my heart beating very fast. After about an hour of steep climbs and uphills that feels like an eternity we finally saw the "Welcome to Tagaytay" arch which means we're near our second stop over, Tagaytay Rotunda.

2nd Stop:

Tagaytay, Cavite

We arrived at Tagaytay, Cavite at about 8:20 am. Again, we stopped at a nearby 7-eleven to rest and refresh. I can't express it in words how magnificent Tagaytay City especially getting there via bicycle. It is one of the most visited locations by cyclist for a reason. Once we arrived there it was quite relaxing looking back at the uphills we went through and enjoying the view of Taal Volcano and nearby places. It's the beauty of cycling. It thought me that every uphill is worth it and rewarding just like in life.

Unfortunately some of the pictures we took during this trip were deleted however those precious memories were still embedded in my heart. After about 20 minutes of rest we went for Batangas. Our next stop over was approximately 10 km away from Rotunda but it's not that challenging compared to Silang because most of the steep climbs of this trip are from Silang. It took us about 40 minutes to get there.

Welcome to Batangas

We arrived here at 9:30 am. We stopped to take a picture and have a buko juice break. At this point, I'm feeling very nervous since the last time I was here I was completely overwhelmed. Two months prior to this, Me and my brother, along with his friends also went here. Out of all my experiences as a cyclist, I can say that it's probably the most difficult cycling I've ever had. That's why this trip is very important to me because it's a chance to redeem myself and test the results of my two months of training. After that short break, we left for our main destination. It was a breeze downhill. Although, there is still some parts where it may be a downhill but if feels like a climb. After 20 mins of steady downhill, we finally reached our destination.

Fantasy World

We finally arrived at our main destination, Fantasy World at Laurel, Batangas. I felt very ecstatic. Sure, it was very tiring to get here but I'm finally here. I remember the last time I was here, it made me felt hopeless and tired but this time it's the opposite. Looking at the beautiful castle of the unfinished theme park is very fulfilling and relaxing. It really made me love cycling and life as a whole.

Going Home

We ate lomi Batangas from a nearby restaurant and it was the best lomi I've ever had. After eating and resting for 45 minutes, we finally decided to leave and go home. Even though I should have been tired at that point, for some reason, I feel energized more than ever. It was the most awaited part for me because as I said earlier the last time I climbed back from Batangas to Tagaytay was a frustrating experience. During that time we went farther and reached Taal Basilica and we also didn't anticipate that it would be that difficult but this time I know what to expect. As expected it was very challenging and steep but that excitement and drive pushed me and I did better than last time where I literally cried and wanted to use the "pinagbabawal na technique" for cyclists which is to commute instead of riding out bike. It may have been an almost an hour of steep climbs and uphills but it didn't bother me. After about 50 minutes we stopped for our last stop, which is the Twin Lakes Hotel and of course we went at to a nearby 7-eleven again and admire the fascinating view of Taal and Tagaytay.

At around 12:30 we continue our ride back to home. It was almost downhill during the whole trip. For every uphill we climbed earlier was a downhill for us to enjoy. I think we arrived at home around 2:10. Let's always remember that in cycling, pain is temporary but the memories and sense of pride we experience from such accomplishments are forever.

[the-firebird69]

We placed the lawsuit on stan right in the hands of the judge. He's smirked and asked why I did that and I said I don't want to lose it it's very important to us. And said how am I going to lose it and you read it and said okay and it said Chris ackerly versus John remillard and that's what we filed for the town, last week and we won the case not yet. That case is up for a second hearing in about 2 hours and I'm not telling the truth again it's up for hearing in it is the third hearing today at about 9:00 a.m. and he missed it John remillard now he goes to jail for real a warrant was issued and when the issue the warrant they noticed that he's not in prison cuz they do a check. And they put an APb out on him. And he woke up this morning around 9:30 or 10:00:00 and went outside and started arguing with Terry cheesman was saying you told on me you landed on me ratted on me now you let me sleep through the court thing and he's going I didn't let you sleep through the court thing I said Don't wake me up and he came out and he was serious is he heard it on the radio there's an APB out of him. For missing the court date. And he knew about it and he knew who it was and he slept through it on purpose which is true and he's doing some sort of theatrics and he left and he knows it's against him and he saw you're here and he couldn't get it and think someone else is doing it of course. And he was peering inside about 5 ft away just as he was going to look a little closer she said what are you doing and it was Terry cheesman he just pulled up and it was weird timing. Now he's in trouble he's going to court no he's on the run literally he left town. Well people say that and he's still next door that's what's going on so he can't stand it, so we're going to have to arrest him shortly and a lot of people know about it now people will think that it's that

But everyone involved knows it's the court and they are seeking him here they do see him here and they're going to try and grab him here

There's a lot of people who can't stand them and they hate their act and her son says that's how he gets back into Russia is through Ukraine, so that's what he's up to it for. There's a huge number of people who hate Putin and they heard that and they said we saw him do it once tries again hes dead.

Now they go outside and argue a lot and he doesn't really need to have him there so we're going to stop them and get some the hell out

It was his third try today and there is an APB and we think that he doesn't know it's there and we also think he probably wouldn't care about it but he should because he missed the court date and if he dies our son gets the stuff. He gets awarded the stuff anyways and the court did award him the proceeds requested they were asking the court to deliver it and they're going to get back to us sometime today. And we also filed the case against Stan, and we included what he wants to go on today a fiasco I was calling that no I called it what it is forced labor. And people are now calling this a ridiculous place as it is but that's no way out. Now there's about 10,000 people listening no there are millions of people interested in this case and we found it this morning after John remillard didn't show up and the judge said I'm going to hang on to this cuz we put it in his hands and he knows why we do that and he said I don't like this guy either and we sued and they accepted the case, and there's a hearing except for tomorrow and he's going to be getting a notice to appear today from the court. And they may actually get him the proceeds from this because they want stand to see it and to mess around with him to take his stuff and to eliminate him as an excuse. The proceeds however would be to own apartment complex he's in and for other monies so he would probably evict the two adjacent to him, and there is a law that says if there's a new owner you can evict the people there. A whole bunch of idiots are chiming in.

It's more to the lawsuit please left there we are suing for a lot of money for what he's been doing and what it's done and they did accept it and there is a hearing set for today not tomorrow and it's at 2:00 p.m. and he can't miss it and there's a reason why there's only one chance and it's because we filed criminal charges with it and he has to answer them I'm sticking away and if he doesn't show up he loses and the issue warrants and we think that's what's happening because he will run and he'll try and go to the death Star and to hit people who are after him quite a bit and to hit the court

Bitol and Goddess Wife

[xoxo-teddybear]

Heyo! I'm a REALLY REALLY REALLY! Big fan of angst and your works, so I have a suggestion! So like, in this au Bakugou and Y/N are aged up and they have a daughter (let's just say her name is either Katsumi or Kirumi). So, the child is 4 years old and she didn't get her quirk yet. Let's just say Bakugou got drunk when his friends dragged him to a bar and this woman decided to hit him up and let's just say he cheated- so Y/N found out because kiri just had to tell her because it wasn't manly at all for him to keep a secret and Y/N left him with his child and boom! Bad ending. Please tag me in this one tyy!

Bet.

(Changed it up the slightest bit to make Katsumi remember bc I kinda wanna do a part 2 for this)

Nobody to Blame but Yourself - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: ANGST, cursing, cheating, alcohol consumption

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Pt.1 Pt.2

You have a small, beautiful family. Your loving husband, Katsuki and your adorable daughter, 5 year old Katsumi.

Katsumi was your precious baby girl. She had Katsuki’s ash blonde hair with your silky smooth hair texture. She had your E/C eyes and Katsuki’s porcelain skin. She had Katsuki’s bravery and boldness along with your kindness and compassion. She was a perfect mix of you both.

Y/N and Katsuki have been together ever since their childhood. Their families were close and they grew up together. Katsuki always swore to protect his princess. They got together in their junior year and about 5 years after they graduated from UA high, Katsuki proposed.

—

—

“Be back soon, okay Suki?” You sweetly said to your husband as he got closer to the door. He pulled you in with a smile and pecked your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah Teddy Bear. I’ll probably be back sooner than you think, don’t even wanna go with those losers.” He complained with a strained face. You giggled at his expression and went on.

“Those losers have been your best friends since high school. You love them. You know you do,” you teased. “Besides, you haven’t spent some time with them in forever.”

“Yeah Y/N. I’m a husband and a dad. I don’t need to be around my friends, I need to be with my family.” He exclaimed with a playful voice.

“Well your family will still be here when you get back. Just as long as you always come back to us too.” You said with a wink.

“Always will Teddy Bear.” He said holding you tight. He held you close until you both heard the little pitter patter of feet running to the front door. You both looked down and saw your daughter in her pjs and watched as she jumped onto Katsuki.

“Be back soon daddy!” She said with a squeal. Katsumi was definitely a daddy’s girl. Her and her father were attached at the hip the second she was born. They were best friends and you loved their father-daughter dynamic.

“Katsumi, you’re supposed to be sleeping, love.” You said with a chuckled as you held her tiny hand while Katsuki picked her up in his arms.

“I wanted to say bye to daddy before he went to see uncle Kiri! And uncle Denki and uncle Sero and Auntie Mina!” She said and watched as you and Bakugou lip synced to her voice as she said the Bakusquad’s names. She laughed at her parent’s teasing as Katsuki assaulted her in kisses.

“That’s sweet baby bear. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon. So get to bed you brat,” Bakugou said as he placed his daughter down and ruffled her hair. Others would look down on the rough treatment but you knew Katsumi never took it seriously. She always laughed and played back with Katsuki whenever he put on his ‘mean guy act.’

“M’kay.” Katsuki bent down to kiss her cheek and you followed doing the same action before Katsumi ran back off to her room. You and Katsuki said bye to each other after Katsuki gave you a loving kiss. He walked out the door to meet with his friends as he knew he was in for a long night.

It would soon shock him to see how true that statement would be.

—

The night was going well. Katsuki left around 8:30 and he said he would be back sooner than you thought so considering he was now a family man, you thought he’d be back by midnight. However, you woke up in the middle of the night and saw it was 3 in the morning...and he still wasn’t home. You were starting to get worried now.

If this was back in your earlier years of marriage, you’d say this was okay. Not great but okay, except now, Katsuki has responsibilities and promises that he vowed to keep. He should’ve been home a long time ago. Where was he? You stayed up deciding to sit and wait for him to come home and after almost 2 hours, your phone rang.

You picked it up quickly with a little bit of fear and anger sitting in your stomach. You didn’t even bother to check who it was so when you heard the voice of your husband’s best friend instead of Katsuki, you grew concerned.

“Katsuki! Where are you?!” You asked with worry as you slightly shouted into the phone.

“Hey Y/N..... It’s Kirishima. Umm...I have something to tell you.” He said with sadness detected in his voice.

“Kiri? Is everything alright? Wheres Katsuki?” You asked.

“I’m so sorry Y/N...”

Listening to the red head’s voice made your eyes pop. Your body trembled and tears began to pool in your eyes as you shook your head in denial. Katsuki loved you. You both had a daughter! A family! He would never....he wouldn’t....right? After talking to your friend for some time and getting the crucial information you needed, you made up your mind on what you had to do.

“T-Thank you, Kirishima. Goodnight.” You said into the phone with a hiccup.

“I’m sorry Y/N. You don’t deserve this. You and Katsumi....goodnight.” He said and hung up the phone. You placed it down and sat in silence for a moment. After about a minute, you broke down again and cried into your hands. You sobbed as tears flowed down your cheeks. Rivers of heartbreak and anger streamed down your face as you cried the night away.

Well..you couldn’t cry all night. Katsuki would probably be back in the morning and you had plans. You’d have to save your tears for later. You looked at the time.

4:18 a.m.

You set your alarm for 6 and went back to bed. The whole night, all you could think about was your precious baby girl. This was going to break her little heart. Instead of crying over your husband’s betrayal, you wept for your daughter’s future without her best friend. Eventually you cried yourself to sleep and the sun rose in time.

—

10:00 a.m

Katsuki opened his eyes to the alarm on the nightstand. He yawned a bit before adjusting his eyes to morning light. The more he looked at the stand, the more he realized he didn’t recognize it. Nor the alarm clock. He looked around and noticed he wasn’t in his bedroom. Katsuki shot up and sat on the bed and looked down to notice he was completely undressed. He looked to the side and saw some random woman. A complete stranger who was also naked in bed with him. His heart grew rapid as his eyes grew frantic.

“No, no, no, no, no, no this can’t be happening..this can’t be happening!” Katsuki said as his hands found way to his hair as he tugged on the blonde locks. The woman next to him awoken to his shuffling and smiled up at him. She placed her hand on his bare chest and cuddled in close to him as she sighed in content.

“G’morning handsome. Had a fun night?” She teased, reminding him of his affair and unloyal actions.

“Get the fuck off me!” He said as he jumped out of bed and found his pants. He pulled them on and continued to scream. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! The hell did you do to me you fucking slut?”

“What’re you talking about? And who the fuck are you calling a slut?” The woman said with sass.

“Just tell me where I am!” Katsuki demanded.

“A hotel! You know, the hotel you dragged me to so you could get your dick wet.” She said as she sat up from the bed but still covered herself with the blanket.

“Why the fuck would I do that?!” He screamed.

“You tell me. All I know is that I saw you in that bar, you drank a hell of a lot with your friends, I came up to you and flirted with you, you flirted back, we shared a few more drinks, and you dragged me here. I mean, I consented of course but still.” The stranger explained. Bakugou shook as he looked around in a frenzy. “Anyway, round 2?”

“You fucking bitch, I have a wife!” He screamed at her as he got himself dressed.

“Heh, wow. Well when your wife leaves you after she finds out you cheated, give me a call.” The woman said as she layed back down on the bed. Katsuki seethed at her as he squinted his eyes in disgust.

“You shameless slut. Like hell I will! And Y/N’s not gonna leave me! She loves me! And I love her-“

“Sure didn’t seem like it last night~” the woman said. Bakugou had enough and blasted the bed she was on with his quirk before cussing her out and leaving her there. He quickly ran out the hotel and found his car. He hopped inside and started it as he quickly sped off home.

“Shit!” Bakugou screamed at himself. How could he do that?! How could he cheat on you?! You were his everything! You and Katsumi! His two girls were his entire world! And he betrayed the both of you by doing this. He could only hope that you wouldn’t find out. He can’t tell you what he did. He would lose you! He can’t lost you! This whole thing just has to pass over and things will be fine. Right? Well something didn’t sit right with him as he inched closer and closer to his house.

—

When the 6 o’clock alarm rang, you woke up, ready for the day to begin and the drama to unfold. You were quick to get yourself ready. Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, a little makeup, and you packed your important belongings and your clothes. Everything else would be replaceable. You put on a pair of shoes and put the rest in the large suitcase you had.

You made a quick call to Mina, assuming she already knew what happened. You asked if you could drop Katsumi off for some time and she of course said yes. After saying ‘thank you,’ you brought all your bags into your car and went back inside to get your daughter.

You walked into your daughter’s bedroom to see her sleeping peacefully. Next to her bed, a framed picture of your once happy family. It was Katsumi’s 4th birthday and she didn’t want to spend it with anybody else except for Mommy and Daddy. Now, you were gonna have to take someone out the picture. You shook your daughter awake and watched as she opened her beautiful E/C eyes that resembled your own.

“Katsumi..hey baby, wake up.” You softly said with a reassuring smile to not alarm her. You watched as she rubbed her eyes with her tiny fist and looked up at you.

“Mommy? What’s going on?” She asked as she looked around in a daze.

“You’re gonna have a little play date at Auntie Mina and Uncle Kiri’s house. Uncle Denki and Uncle Sero will be there too! You excited?” You asked with enthusiasm to hide your pain.

“Really Mommy?!” Your daughter asked with excitement.

“Mhm! Get ready and get dressed for Mommy. They’ll be here at 8, okay?” You said rubbing your daughter’s back before she quickly jumped out of bed and into her own bathroom.

“Okay Mommy!” She said as she ran into the bathroom, turning on the sink to begin her morning routine. Some time passed and Katsumi got dressed and you went back in her room to help her dry her hair. You helped her put on her shoes and by the time they were on, Mina and Kiri were already at the door.

You opened it with a soft smile and the couple looked at you with supportive, sad eyes. “Hey guys..”

“It’s okay to be sad Y/N, we’re here for you.” Mina said. Your eyes teared up at her words but you shook your head and gave her a hug.

“Thank you, but I promise myself I wouldn’t cry. At least, not when Katsumi’s around. I gotta be strong for her. Her whole life’s about to change after all.” You sadly said as you looked down and released your hold on Mina. Your pink friend nodded before walking into the house to find Katsumi in her bedroom. You and Kirishima stayed at the door and talked a bit more.

“I’m so sorry for all of this Y/N. I should’ve been watching him more.” Kirishima said as he looked down in sorrow.

“Kiri, you shouldn’t have to watch him. He cheated and that was his choice. Your choice was being a true friend and telling me. A true man,” you joked. You both gave a little bittersweet laugh before calming down again. “Thank you so much Kirishima.”

The red head did nothing but pull you in for a tight hug. You almost cried on his shoulder before your daughter came to the both of you. “Uncle Kiri!”

You both separated and looked down at the excited 5 year old. She jumped onto her uncle and he happily held her in his arms. “Hey squirt. Ready for a day full of fun?”

“Mhm!” Katsumi replied. You all talked some more before Katsumi said her goodbye to you and went off with Kirishima and Mina. You shut the door and took a break as you allowed a few silent tears to drop. You wiped them away and went to pack your daughter’s bags. Just a few more hours and he’d be home..probably. All you knew was that you’d have to face him eventually.

Finally, you finished packing your daughter’s things and placed them in your car. You put on a jacket and waited for Katsuki to walk through the doors. Soon, this perfect little family would go crumbling to the ground.

—

Katsuki pulled into his driveway and his eyes took notice of your car still there. He smiled at the sight and quickly got out of the car. He slammed the vehicle door shut and ran to the entrance. He unlocked the door in a rush and to say he was happy to see you on the couch, still there, was an understatement.

“Y/N! Hey Teddy Bear! I am so sorry!” He said as he ran to you and sat down next to you on the couch, pulling you in for a tight hug. He was too happy to even notice your jacket and shoes that you wore.

“Katsuki, you were gone all night. Where were you?” You said in a soft voice as you placed your hand on his chest so you could face him.

“I-..I overdid it and spent the night at Kirishima’s. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, love. I was passed out the whole night.” He said and attempted to pull you in again but you pressed a hand to his chest to stop him. You couldn’t believe he was going to lie to you. Actually, now that you think about it, cheating wasn’t below him so why would lying be either?

“So why didn’t Kirishima call me? Or Mina?” You questioned. Unfortunately, you underestimated Katsuki’s quick tongue. He was a good liar, and if you hadn’t already known the truth, you’d probably believe him.

“Shitty hair’s phone died and Alien girl was asleep by the time we got back. By the time he put me in the guest bed, I knocked out so don’t asked me what happened after.” He said. Your anger and fury grew at his lies but he didn’t notice. “Look, I’m so sorry I came back so late but I can make it up to you Teddy Bear. Now would you just give me a hu-“

“SHUT! UP!” You screamed as you pushed him off of you. You stood up from the couch and Bakugou watched you in “confusion.” Bakugou felt his heart racing as he had a guess at why you were so mad but he refused to believe it.

“T-Teddy Bear, whats wrong?” He asked with shaky hands as he tried to reach out to you but you dodged all his attempts.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! You’re fucking lying to me! You’re lying to me after doing what you did! Katsuki, are you just gonna act like you don’t know what you did?! Because I know! So why don’t you?!” You screamed at him. Bakugou still couldn’t believe you knew so he tried his soft attempts once more and reached out to you again.

“Baby, please calm dow-“

“Are you fucking serious Katsuki? You’re gonna tell me to calm down?!” You laughed out in disbelief. You watched as Katsuki’s lip began to tremble and he looked down in shame. “Say it.”

“What?” He spoke softly.

“Say what you did.”

“......”

“Say it Katsuki! Tell me what you did and how you betrayed not only me but your daughter too.” You specified. It took Bakugou a second before he spoke up in a soft, quiet voice.

“I cheated on you...”

“Louder.”

“I cheated on you!” He said while standing up and facing you with tears in his eyes. “I cheated on you! Okay?! I got drunk last night and slept with someone else but baby I swear I didn’t mean it!” He said as he walked to you and tried to hold you. You once again pushed his hands away before speaking back.

“It doesn’t matter if you meant it or not Katsuki! You still did it!” Your voice grew dry as it began to break. Your eyes pooled with tears as you continued. “I would’ve NEVER done that to you. I wouldn’t even be CAPABLE of doing that to you Katsuki! Because I love you!”

“I love you Y/N! I swear I do!” He fought back but you retaliated.

“It doesn’t seem like it! Because you slept with someone else! You promised me you would never hurt me. You promised you would always protect me. You promised me that you loved me and only me! Not only that but you promised your daughter that you would never bring harm to her! Guess what?! You’re the reason her whole life is going to be so fucked Katsuki! Do you realize that?!” You screamed at him.

“I do, Teddy Bear, I do!” He said.

“Don’t fucking call me that Katsuki!” You said with an exasperated voice. Bakugou shook his head as he walked to you and kneeled infront of you.

“Baby, please! I’m sorry! I was drunk, it didn’t mean anything! It was a mistake but if we can forget about this I promise I’ll make it up to you!” He begged.

“Forget? Forget?! Are you insane?! I’m never gonna be able to forget any of this Katsuki. How the hell am I supposed to forget that my first friend, my first love, my first kiss, my first everything betrayed me like this! How am I supposed to forget that my husband, who I’ve known since we were fucking babies, cheated on me?! Tell me!” You said as the tears finally fell.

“I don’t know...I don’t know but I promise I can make it up to you! So please forgive me! Please stay!” He pleaded. The whole time he couldn’t let go of you. Every time you pushed him off, he just came right back.

“How am I supposed to trust that you’ll actually keep that promise?” You said softly with a sad voice. “If it wasn’t clear already, I’m not staying. We’re getting a divorce, Katsuki.”

Bakugou felt his heart shatter. He looked at you with his trembling body and shaky irises. “W-What?”

“Katsuki...you cheated. There’s no other way around it. No explanations or excuses. And you can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I’ve been blackout drunk before too and the idea of cheating on you never even crossed my mind. You have nobody to blame but yourself.” You said with a broken voice and a shrug. “We’re getting a divorce and I’m taking Katsumi with me.” You said and began to walk to the door.

Bakugou couldn’t believe what he just heard and so he got up from his knees and ran after you. He ran in front of you and held you by the shoulders. “What?! No! Baby!! Please, that’s my daughter! You can’t just take her from me, please!”

“I won’t be taking her from you,” you said and pushed his hands off your shoulders. “We can co-parent, but when she’s old enough, when Katsumi asks why we’re no longer together, I’ll be telling her the truth. So you can still see her, but when she’s ready to know, if she decides she hates you and doesn’t want to see you ever again, then you’ll have to accept it.”

At this point, Katsuki began to openly cry as he allowed his fat tears to flow down his face. Hiccups left his mouth as he shamelessly sobbed infront of you. “Y-Y/N....please don’t go. You guys are my family, you’re both my entire world..I-I love you both so much,” he said and went in to grab your hand, which you allowed. “I know I hurt you both a-and I know I fucked up, but please just give me another chance. I swear this was just a mistake, I never meant to do it. Please stay...please let me fix my mistake. I love you.”

Tears once again filled your eyes but you didn’t allow them to flow. “.....I love you too Katsuki,” at those words, Bakugou felt a bit of hope. “But I just can’t stay with you. If it was just me..I probably would give you another chance..but Katsumi is your daughter Katsuki. She’s your own flesh and blood and you betrayed her. You’re supposed to be her hero and you betrayed her like this. I just can’t trust the fact that you won’t do something like this again, and not just for my sake but for our daughter’s too. I’m sorry, but this is where we end.”

Once you said that you walked away from Bakugou, leaving him in shock. He stood there, regretting everything. Not just his mistake, but all the times where he could’ve been a better husband.

‘I should’ve held her more..I should’ve been home more...I should’ve been more for them,’ he thought until he heard the door open and slam shut. He turned to face it and looked around the now very empty house. He allowed silent tears to drip down his face and then he took a little tour of his new environment.

He walked to the master bedroom and saw all your belongings gone. He saw your closet was empty, all your shoes gone. He went into the bathroom and saw all your stuff was missing. The tears flowed faster and when he walked into his daughter’s room, it made it 10x worse.

He opened the door to the pink room and saw her bedsheets missing, all her toys gone, her closet was barren, and her bathroom was hollow. He walked back out to his little girl’s former bed and sat down. He cried on the bed and sobbed into his hands. He broke down as he thought back to your words. You were right.

‘You have nobody to blame but yourself.’

Katsuki looked up from his hands and when he did, he took notice of the picture frame that was left faced down on the night stand. He picked it up and his heart turned to dust. It couldn’t break anymore. He looked at the picture of his once happy family. His beautiful wife, his blessing of a daughter. His two girls who had a protector...that protector was supposed to be him...and he failed. He smiled at the picture but continued to cry. It was a beautiful sight but you left it behind.

He took the picture with him as he walked to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and held the frame close to his chest as he layed down on the cold mattress. Tears still freely fell as a shadow casted over his eyes. No words could be said except for a few.

“N-Nobody to blame but myself.”

@darl1ngmei

A/N: Hey Cubs! It’s been awhile since my requests have been closed AND THEY STILL ARE but the reason why I took this one was because I’ve been on a writing spree recently (I literally have 15 drafts full of different writing pieces🤣) and I rly liked this request! Please don’t start sending requests because they may just get lost. When I open up my requests, then you guys can send some because I love to satisfy! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this piece and thank you to the cub who requested this! 🧸💗

[merakiaes]

Hate You, Hate You Not - Armitage Hux

Pairing: General Armitage Hux x reader

Requested: By anon. 

Prompts: #1 & #58 from the fluff-list. 

Warnings/notes: (SHOULD I MAKE A PART 2 WITH MORE ROMANCE IN IT?) This ended up being much longer than I planned so it's most likely very boring and dull😭 Might be a bit, if not a lot, out of character since this is kinda my test-run for Hux and Star Wars in general. Getting the characters mannerisms in might take some practice. Not proofread so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. This is the first time ever that I write for Star Wars and the first time in like 5-6 months that I’m writing in general so I’m a bit rusty. Please reblog and leave comments to keep my motivation going and let me know if you’d like to be added to a Star Wars taglist <3 

Wordcount: 5632

Summary: One of Kylo Ren’s many tantrums results in your room being inhabitable for a night, which in turn results in you having to share a room - and bed - with the person you hate the most. 

Everyone who had ever, at some point in their lives, worked alongside Kylo Ren in his quest to bring the Order to power, knew how much of a hassle and inconvenience his temper, or lack thereof, could be.

Not much was needed for him to lose his cool and it happened on a much too frequent basis than what was considered normal for a man in his early 30s, at least according to you.

Of course, however, you couldn’t actually tell him that, nor could you think it, with the risk of him probing your mind.

So every time he came back from a failed mission and completely obliterated your hard work, you could do nothing but bite your tongue, clear your head and repair the damages like you’d done oh, so many times before.

That’s what you got for being one of the highest-ranked engineers of the Order, you supposed.

But on this day you would’ve, for the first time in your life, very much preferred to repair the damages left behind by your tantrum-prone leader like you always did. Because if that punishment had to be compared to the one you were now facing, you would’ve chosen the former without even a shadow of a doubt.

But, unfortunately, that was not an option this time around, as the room that had fallen victim to the sizzling beam of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber was your bedroom.

Well, not originally, of course, but sparks had flown from the totaled control panels and a piece of supposedly fireproof metal scrap had caught on fire before you and the other engineers reached the room for a damage-control, starting of as a small flame and then proceeding to spread like wildfire as fire did, in ways completely unbeknownst to you as, like already mentioned, the place was supposed to be safe from fires.  

The licking flames had managed to melt through several walls before you got to the scene, and one of those walls was the wall to your bedroom.

It was late when it happened, only fifteen minutes before you were supposed to end your shift, and as you were on the verge of having a mental fucking breakdown, you personally requested an audience with Kylo and were granted permission by him after a very carefully-worded explanation to start early in the morning.

But that only took care of one of your problems, and only temporarily at that. Now you were left with the issue of finding other sleeping accommodations since your room was currently not habitable. You had no choice but to ask for another room and, of course, Hux thought that to be the perfect time to crack a sarcastic joke about throwing you into one of the prisoner cells.

You had never, in all your years of being alive, glared so fiercely at another human being as you did then. And in your moment of anger, you accidentally let your walls down and let your thoughts run freely through your head – your annoyance directed at the General, but also at Kylo Ren, being exposed.

You felt it before you saw it – that little prickle in your head, that little sting of your mind being probed – and only a second later, Kylo Ren turned his masked head in your direction, walked up to you with patronizingly slow steps and spoke:

“I think you’ll find that General Hux’s quarters will suffice for the night, until repairs can be done to your own. He has more than enough space for both of you.”

He turned his head to look at the baffled man standing behind him, all of the attitude he had previously been harboring against you now completely melted away.

“Isn’t that right, General?” Kylo continued asking, giving him the time he needed to regain his composure.

The general in question had never been very good at holding his tongue, not even when receiving orders from superiors, and was quick to protest.

As anyone would’ve been able to guess, that didn’t go very well, and you weren't even gonna try hiding the satisfaction you got from seeing Hux be force-choked against a wall for speaking out of turn.

No matter how good both of you were at hiding your spiteful thoughts toward him, Kylo knew how much the two of you hated him. And more than anything, he knew how much you hated each other.

Kylo had become very predictable to you during the time you had been there and you knew his ways good enough to know that he wouldn’t have wasted petty energy in putting the two most hateful people he knew in the same room if he hadn’t been pushed to do so.

You knew that you weren’t the reason in this scenario, despite the fact that he had probably felt your spite directed towards him, which only left one option; and that option was the bitter, infuriatingly stubborn ginger currently walking by your side.

You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and glared, clenching and unclenching your fists at your sides in the same manner you had been doing ever since Kylo had ruled his decision final and dismissed you for the night.

His eyes remained trained on the metallic corridor that seemed to be stretched out for miles in front of you and your blood boiled at the sight.

You would’ve lost your shit if he’d had the nerve to even consider looking at you after putting you in this situation, but at the same time, you were also on the verge of losing your shit about him having the audacity to ignore you.

You wanted to scream at him like you’d never screamed at anyone before, but you knew that doing that would only fuel the petty grudge Kylo had against the two of you and give him more ways to cause you torment. The only thing you and the general would ever have in common was not wanting that.

But still, what harm could a tiny bit of friendly banter do?

“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you, Armitage?” The question you’d been sucking on for the past few minutes finally slipped out into the air, making your anger known.

“Don’t call me that.”

“My apologies.” You sarcastically shot back with a dry laugh. “You just couldn’t help yourself, could you, general?”

“No, it was awfully tempting.” Was all that he replied, his eyes not once flickering and neither his stone-cold scowl nor fast-paced stride faltering.

Well, you might have absolutely despised each other but in the very least, you never bothered lying to each other. That had to count for something, right? Not that either of you cared.

No more words were exchanged, and that was probably for the best. Engineers and stormtroopers all moved out of your way as the two of you marched through the corridors, side by side, knowing better at this point than to get on your bad sides when you were together and this obviously angry both with each other and in general.

Soon enough, you finally reached the corridor in which Hux’s sleeping quarters were located and once the mechanic doors slid open, you pushed yourself past him into the room before he even got the chance to react.

He fumed behind you as he watched you make yourself at home, dropping your dirty jacket on his perfectly made bed.

“You’ll take the floor, then?” You asked as you turned around, crossing your arms over your chest and shooting him a forced smile.

“Hardly.” He spat, eyes narrowing, and you scoffed, rolling your eyes in return.

“You must be a real hit with the ladies with those manners.”

At that, he stepped further into his room, allowing the sensory-triggered door to shut behind him, successfully shutting the two of you in together.

“I don’t have time for fooling around with women.” He spat out the last word with such malice that you automatically raised an eyebrow.

“Well, that explains it.” You mused, the corner of your lip tugging upwards ever so slightly.

“Explains what, exactly?” His eyes narrowed further, and this time it was his turn to cross his arms.

“That stick you have up your ass.” You wasted no time in shooting back, and before he got a chance to reply, you continued. “I know this might be news to you seeing as you’re, well, you, but gentlemen are supposed to sacrifice their comfort and offer themselves to take the floor when a lady, due to unfortunate circumstances, is forced to stay in their room.”

You sarcastically smiled at him and sank down his bed, something that he, judging by the snarl overtaking his face, didn’t appreciate.

“You, a lady? That will be the day.” He scoffed. “Even calling you a woman is a stretch with your mannerisms.”

You could only roll your eyes.

“Well, I’m not sharing a bed with you.” The glare that had temporarily been exchanged for a teasing smirk returned to your face. “I’d rather share a bed with Millicent.”

As you said that, you picked up a single strand of cat hair from his bed, held it up for further inspection and raised your lip in disgust.

He stared at you dead serious, hands clasped behind his back and eyes burning holes into the side of your face.

“You’re allergic to cats.” He pointed out, making your head whip back around to face him with a glare equally as fierce as the one you were met with.

“Yes, that’s my point.” You deadpanned. “But it would seem that said point just went right over your thick-skulled head.”

“Do you think I am any happier about this than you are?” He scowled, and you stood up, slowly approaching him and coming to a stop right in front of him.

He took a small step back, a move that made your lip tug upward ever so slightly. The fact that he was so obviously not as tough as he wanted people to believe gave you a special kind of satisfaction and he knew it, judging by the way he only turned stiffer after that.

“You should be.” You smiled sweetly at him, keeping your eyes connected to his. “Because you’re sure as hell lucky I haven’t choked the life out of you yet for getting us into this situation in the first place.”

He glared and you glared right back, challenging, no, daring him to fight back. You knew that he wanted to, you could see that he wanted to, but in the end, not even he was that stupid.

So he said nothing, and once you realized you had finally managed to successfully back him into a corner, you backed away from him again and plastered on another forced, overly sweet smile.

“Now, I need to take a shower. I reek of burnt plastic.” You stated flatly and pushed past him, making a beeline for the one extra door in the room that you could only assume was his bathroom.  

You heard the squeak of his shoes rubbing against the floor as he quickly turned around behind you, and then came the determined steps and the proximity of his body closing in on you. However, before he got the chance to object or reach you, you entered his bathroom and slammed the door shut in his face, smiling contently to yourself as you listened to the muffled string of curses that followed.

You didn’t spend any more time thinking about it, though, not wasting any time before doing what you came in there to do.

You got out of your horrid-smelling clothes, released your equally as nasty-smelling hait from its ponytail and stepped into the shower.

If there was one thing you appreciated a little extra about living at the Starkiller Base, it was that everyone used the same scented soap. Because that meant that you wouldn’t have to go around smelling specifically like Hux, but rather just like you always smelled.

Once you finished washing your hair and body, you had to stop and think for a bit.

Your clothes obviously still reeked and needed a proper wash before they could be worn again, and you obviously couldn’t go naked.

After much thought back and forth, you finally settled with your own leggings as they were the one piece of clothing from your previous attire that smelled the least of smoke, and a plain black, long-sleeved undershirt that you found in a pile of Hux’s clean laundry.

Once you vad gotten dressed, braided your hair and re-entered the bedroom accompanied by a stream of steam, you found it to be empty, Hux nowhere in sight.

You couldn’t deny that you wondered where he’d gone off to, but you shook your head free of his face pretty quickly, settling with believing that he just went to take his frustration out on some poor stormtrooper or low-rank intern like he so often did when things didn’t go his way, much like Kylo Ren beat the shit out of any control panel he could get his hands on.

While you awaited his return, you occupied yourself with going around the room and lighting the small night-lamps like you normally did in your own room before going to bed.

That obviously didn’t take long, however, so you were soon enough once again left alone with your boredom and started walking around the room, inspecting all of Hux’s belongings.

You realized pretty quickly that he was not a person to whom inanimate things had much sentimental value, as he definitely didn’t have much to his name aside from the basic interior that all of the sleeping quarters on the base had.

He had a ring on his drawer, a few books in one of his two bookshelves while the other stood empty, a small bed in a corner for his cat, clothes in his wardrobe, and that was pretty much it. He had no pictures of family, no real personal belongings that could signify any kind of emotional value.

But then again, who did in these parts?

“Is that my shirt?”

You jumped when you heard the sudden voice behind you, quickly turning around where you stood twirling the ring you had found in the light of the lamp standing beside you.

Your eyes found his form immediately, shocked meeting stern.

“Why are you wearing my shirt?” He almost instantly repeated himself when not getting a reply the first time, slowly beginning to walk in your direction with his hands clasped behind his back.

You quickly put the ring back down on the dresser and turned towards him, regaining your composure.

“Well, if you hadn’t noticed, my room and everything in it was burnt to a crisp. The smokey smell on my clothes was giving me a headache and kind of would have ruined the purpose of taking a shower so when I just so conveniently noticed a pile of clean clothes, I helped myself.” You shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, and to you, it wasn’t.

Hux, however, didn’t seem amused in the slightest.

“Yes, you seem to have a habit of thinking you’re entitled to everything you want.” He spat back at you, coming to a stop while there was still a good amount of distance between the two of you.

Any chill you had previously had melted right off and your annoyance quickly returned at the sound of his words.

“Oh, do excuse me. I just thought one headache would be enough.” You retorted and rolled your eyes, before sighing and crossing your arms over your chest. “So, how are we doing this? It’s late and I need to be up early to see to the repairs.”

“I thought that I made myself clear.” Hux was quick to scoff, his glare not faltering for as much as a second. “I’m not giving you my bed.”

Once again, all you could do was roll your eyes. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to suck it up then.” You stated flatly and sat down on the bed, wasting no time in starting to divide the pillows into two piles rather than one.

You took a few seconds to adjust the pillows to suit your needs before looking back up, eyebrow raised at the fact that he had yet to say or do anything.

Your eyes once again met his and you almost laughed out loud at the sight you were faced with, but thankfully managed to control yourself and avoid making the situation even harder than it already was.  

Long story short, Hux had never looked more horrified than he did in that moment.

He basically looked at you like you had killed his cat, and that was putting it lightly.

You took a few seconds to just enjoy watching him squirm and silently scramble to make sense of the situation, but even you knew when enough was enough and raised a questioning eyebrow at him in an attempt to get him moving.

“Well? What’s it going to be?” You asked. “It’s either this or the floor, just like it was for me.”

Hux opened his mouth, hesitated, and then closed it again. He obviously hadn’t been expecting you to actually agree on sharing his bed with him and now that you had, he was left at loss for words as he clearly hadn’t been preparing for anything other than you sleeping on the floor.

But after a good moment of just standing there and looking like an idiot, he finally picked himself back up, squared his shoulders and walked around the bed to the other side with frustrated strides and a snarling lip.

The feigned confidence melted right off, however, when he reached his destination and awkwardly shuffled into bed while simultaneously avoiding your amused and mocking stare, silently grabbing the extra blanket that was folded upon his bedside table.  

Both of you laid down on your backs and a heavy silence fell like a thick blanket over the room. The only sound you could hear for a few moments were each other’s breaths and your own heartbeats. For a moment, only for a microscopical moment, you were actually on your way to admit to yourself that it was kind of nice.

But that thought went flying out the window just as quickly as it had knocked on the door of your mind when Hux broke the silence by beginning to adjust himself to get ready to sleep, and in the process of doing so made the active choice to tug the pillows from right under your head.

The back of your head hit the mattress with a soft thump and you closed your eyes, your lips pulling into a straight, tight line and one, sharp breath being released through your nose as you attempted to keep your cool.

You took a moment to calm down, before you turned your head to his side of the bed where he now laid with his back to you and tugged the pillows back – maybe with a little too much force than necessary.

Hux had quickly rolled over to his other side to take them back and in anger and an eagerness to get to sleep, you exclaimed: “Stop stealing the pillows!”

He met you with a stare cold enough to have anyone else shaking in their boots and spat back. “They’re my pillows.”

You grumbled under your breath and let go of one of the two pillows, letting him pull it back to his side while you held on to the last one.

You stared at each other for a moment, both of you eventually coming to a silent, mutual agreement that you were too tired to fight and therefore he'd let you keep the pillow you were holding on to as if your life depended on it.

He, once again, laid down and turned his back to you, his hands holding on to the pillows under his head while you struggled to get comfortable again, this time with only one pillow.

“Why is your bed so damn hard?” You muttered under your breath as you angrily shoved your elbow into the mattress in an attempt to make it more comfortable – as if that was ever going to help.

“Stop complaining.” He only snapped back.

“How could I when I’m stuck in a bed with you?”

“You could’ve asked for other accommodations when you had the chance.”

“And what, be the next victim of Ren’s lightsaber?” You scoffed. “I’m the one in charge of the repairs that are needed every time he throws a wobbly. I’ve seen the kind of damage that thing can do and I’m not in any hurry to find myself at the receiving end of it.”

You muttered the last part under your breath as you finally managed to get relatively comfortable, plopping back down on your back and folding your hands over your stomach.

“How did you know I’m allergic to cats, anyway?” The question spilled out before you could stop yourself, and before you could even register that it was on the way.

Where did that even come from? Cats weren’t even close to being the subject at hand.

Hux didn’t seem to care much about the random change of subject, however, simply muttering back a reply. “You start sniffling and scratching your arms every time you’re in the same room as me for more than five minutes.”

He was clearly tired. Tired in general or just tired of you, you didn’t really know, but you guessed that it was a mixture of both since that was the case for you.

“Maybe I’m just allergic to you.” You muttered back with a shrug, even though he couldn’t see you, and he scoffed at that.

“Had that been the case I’m fairly certain it would go both ways and, unlike you, I don’t go around oozing snot everywhere I go.”

“I don’t go oozing snot everywhere.” You calmly protested, throwing the back of his head a disapproving glare before turning to lay on your side so that your back was now turned to his.

He didn’t say anything else and neither did you, sleep coming in and catching you completely by surprise and having you knocked out within the next two minutes.

When you woke up early that next morning, Hux was unsurprisingly already gone, Millicent instead laying in his place and looking right at you.

With a disgusted snarl and hesitant movements, you reached over to the other side of the bed and awkwardly patted her head twice, probably very much in the incorrect manner as you had no experience whatsoever with animals.

You got out of bed after that, put on your jacket and shoes, and wasted no time in getting to work once you’d gotten some food into your system, your team joining you in the damage-inflicted area to start on repairs like you’d done so many times before.

Everything was going fine and dandy, just a light-reckon day that started off like any other – if you didn’t count waking up in Hux’s bed with his cat – but a few hours into your workday, the unmistakable sound of Kylo Ren’s heavy steps could be heard echoing through the entire corridor you found yourself working in.

A big share of the Order’s pilots had been either killed or badly hurt a few days prior in an ambush. No one had expected any pilots to be needed for at least a few days but Kylo had gotten a sudden lead on the map that would take him to Luke Skywalker and was now walking around the base recruiting anyone capable of helping him get what he wanted.

Unfortunately for you, you were not only a highly-ranked engineer, but also a pretty decent pilot, and couldn’t say anything in protest when you were whisked away to a ship.

As anyone who wasn’t driven by an unhealthy obsession would have been able to guess, the lead was just too good to be true with a way too simple access.

Just like the last lead, this one fell through when it was revealed to be another ambush. You weren’t completely sure what happened, but over the comms, you had heard something about Leia Organa and some scavenger. 

You didn’t have time to think about retired war heroes though, no matter how much you’d love to pry and the get in on the gossip, as you had to shoot yourself through a big fleet of Resistance starfighter corps, barely getting through with your ship intact.

Your fellow pilots were shot down one by one, only a small amount of you managing to get out of there. And even then, you were met by more starfighter corps just as quickly as you’d gotten away from the last line.

Everything was just a mess after that. You weren’t able to get through to anyone over the comms, only barely being able to make out a “pull back!” before your comm system was blown to pieces along with one of your main engines.

Along with several other ships, you were forced to crash-land on a small planet filled with thick woods and when your ship collided with the ground, your head slammed into the controls, rendering you unconscious for who knows how long.

By the time you came back to it, you were hanging upside down, the only thing preventing you from falling down being the seatbelt keeping you strapped in.

You struggled to get out of there but you managed, and had to take a moment to get your surroundings to stop spinning before moving forward to look for survivors as well as a ship that wasn’t completely beyond salvation.  

You weren’t sure who you’d find, but the person you’d shared a bed with the previous night was definitely the last person you’d expect to have crashed in the same place as you. 

And still, you recognized his ship immediately. After all, you were the one who had personalized it to fit his liking.

Lucky for you, his ship seemed to have gotten a pretty soft landing. As you circled around it, you were able to determine that no major engines had been blown out. Damaged? Definitely. But they looked intact enough to at least be able to put some more distance between you and the Resistance pilots and get you to a safer place. Hopefully, the inside would be as untouched as the outside.

The ramp was lowered to the ground but didn’t look broken, so you wasted no time in jogging inside.

The lights were out completely in the entrance area, and just flickering in the ceiling when you came further in.

The first thing you noticed when you entered the piloting pit was that the pilot was not breathing. How could you tell from that far a distance? Well, let’s just say that something that was not supposed to be stuck in his eye, was stuck in his eye.

Upon further inspection, you noticed another body on the floor. However, this one was very much alive.

You would’ve expected to be met by a desperate “help me”, maybe even some begging and pleading or in the very least a “please”, but instead, even when in the process of bleeding out on the floor, Hux narrowed his eyes at you as you approached him and asked you with ragged breaths:

“Is that my shirt?”

You panted as you dropped to your knees at his side, still pretty shaken up from your own crash. “What? No.” You replied in a breath, and you wasted no time in starting to inspect his injuries.

“Yes, it is.”

“Why would I be wearing your shirt?” You asked simply, struggling to see in the dark as the flickering lights weren’t providing much assistance by means of light.

“That’s my shirt.” He kept insisting, and flinched when your hand made contact with his lower abdomen.

Only then did your eyes register the glimmering piece of metal through your blurred and disoriented vision, sticking out of his side.

You flinched at the sight, not needing any more light than you had to know that it was really bad. 

Your heart suddenly picked up in speed in your chest, and your hands began shaking as they became covered in his blood.

You had never been in the middle of the action before now, you’d always just been surrounded by metal and electricity. The most exciting thing you’d ever experienced was when a new engineer circuited a control panel the wrong way, resulting in it blowing up right by your workplace.

But it wasn’t the action in itself that had your heart about ready to burst through your chest, nor was it the blood in general, but rather the fact that it was his blood covering your hands.

His life was completely dependent on you at this moment and you had absolutely no idea how to behave accordingly.

But if there was something you knew, it was that the last thing you were supposed to do was to show a dying man your panic, so you took a deep breath and tried your hardest to steady your racing heart, going back to the conversation at hand.

“How could you tell the difference, really?” You asked. “All of our shirts look the same. All black, all equally as sufficient when used to stop blood flows.”

As you said that last part, you released another breath and ripped off a big chunk of the lower part of the shirt you were wearing.

A shirt that was, in fact, Hux's.

The man in question let his head fall back against the wall that he was propped against and his eyes squeezed shut when feeling your hands return to his side.

“Do you always wear shirts several sizes too big?” He managed to get out through clenched teeth and you replied without missing a beat.

“There was a mix-up in the laundry room.”

“So it isn’t your shirt?” He continued to be persistent and despite the seriousness of the situation, you couldn’t help but to let a small smile slip.

“Do you want to keep fighting about whether or not this shirt is mine or would you rather maybe, oh, I don’t know, focus on getting the hell out of here?” You asked him lightly and at that, he raised his head to meet your eyes with a distrusting glare.

“Why are you helping me?”

You raised your eyebrow at him, sparing just a second to meet his eyes. “You have a piece of metal stuck in your side, why the hell would I not help you?” You asked and as quickly as you had looked up, you looked back down at your hands to see what you were doing.

“You hate me, and I hate you.” He deadpanned, and you couldn’t deny you felt your heart tug in your chest.

“Who told you I hated you?” You asked, and listened as he let out a dry, struggling laugh.

“You did. On countless occasions.”

He hissed when you accidentally bumped your hand against the piece of metal. You quietly apologized but didn’t stop, knowing you didn’t have much time before the enemy would catch up with you.

“Thinking that I’m entitled to everything I want isn’t the only bad habit I have. I also have a tendency to overexaggerate.” You joked with a smile. “I do find you insufferably infuriating, though.”                                              

Another chuckle left his lips. “Likewise.” He said and dropped his head back against the wall.

You said nothing more, ripping another two pieces off of the shirt, tying them together and wrapping it around his waist like you had the first piece. You tightened this knot significantly more than the first one, though, right above the piece of metal, and just as quickly as he had relaxed, he jerked back forward with a yell.

“I need to stop the bleeding, you need to keep still.” You hurriedly scolded and sternly pushed him back down by his chest.

He muttered bitterly in return, but didn’t protest.

“I bet you’re enjoying this.” He seethed, and you raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing on your lips.

“Whenever I’m feeling down, I just think back to the multiple times I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing you being force-thrown across a room by Ren. Puts a smile on my face every time. But that doesn’t automatically mean I want you to die. So stop wallowing in your internalized self-hatred and put your hand over mine.” You told him, trying your hardest to keep a lighthearted attitude, more so for your own sake than his at this point as you were literally about to pass out.

But he did as told, contributing with the strength he had left when you got to your feet and started pulling him up and into one of the seats that were still intact.

He put a trembling hand over yours and in turn, you put your other one over his and pushed down. He hissed and you gave him a moment to adjust, and when you were sure he was pressing hard enough with his own hand, you slowly removed both of yours and fastened his seatbelt.

“Keep pressure and hold on tight. This is most likely going to be a rough ride.” You warned him, and he slowly looked up at you through a mess of ginger hair.

“It can’t be any worse than the ride here.” He retorted and you nodded, taking that as a “go ahead”.

You wasted no time in getting into the pilot’s seat after pulling the previous pilot out, as well as the thick tree branch on which his head had been impaled, and started up the controls. It took a few tries to get out of the hole the ship hade gotten stuck in when crashing, but soon enough you were up in the sky.

With a bit of dumb luck, you eventually reached your destination and got brought back in to the base by your team of fellow engineers, all ready to repair the wrecked ship.

Hux was immediately taken to the medical bay while you stayed behind to help with the ships, and from two ends of the base, the two of you silently and separately came to realize that maybe, just maybe, you didn’t hate each other as much as you thought, after all.

[ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole]

Claiming Ones Own

This chapter was a pain to write. It's not perfect but will do as brain seems to want to focus on the next chapter hay ho! Enjoy. Cross posted on AO3.

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Chapter 4 - Bedtime Disasters

By the time the trio had finished their meal it was late/early, depending on your viewpoint, but one thing was certain was that it was past Marie’s bedtime. This may have been a good point to try and get her to sleep, but given that a) they are bats, sleep is for the weak as Tim would state and b) Marie had been fed probably not the wisest proportion of chocolate in the last few hours, sleep was not really on the cards any time soon.

Cass and Jason worked in tandem clearing the table and storing what remained of the takeaway in the fridge. Jason had managed to demolish a significant amount unsurprisingly, so there wasn’t much to box up. Marie stood fascinated, watching the adults dance around each other with practiced ease, taking in all the subtle communication they gave to each other.

As Cass started to wash up the dishes, Jason sighed and set off towards the bathroom. Despite his grumbling’s Jason knew it was his safest course of action. The Alfred threat looming over him was not worth the energy fighting over and simpler to just do the task. Alfred, for all his neutrality, was wrapped around Cass’s little finger (much like Bruce), and now Cass was providing him with a great grandchild would give her more protection of Alfreds disappointment. He doubted it would be long till Pixie learnt that skill from Cass either. Pixie had a charm about her and was already working her magic on him and Cass.

Seeing Jason leave, Marie bouncing with unspent energy, quietly followed to see what he was up to. Washing dishes seemed boring to her, and she had already seen the kitchen. She knew where the chocolate was stored which was the key important factor. Silently she shadowed Jason, that was until he went towards the remains of the battle zone.

“No trick here Pixie, I’m just cleaning up the mess. I’m not gonna get you wet, promise. You can watch if ya like or have a look around the apartment. No escaping or running, we’ve just got ya and don’t want to have to save you again from some more bastards!”

The little huff of air as her response got Jason to chuckle. “We care about you Pixie. Cass claiming ya means your family now. Like it or not you’re stuck with us. Cass won’t give you up easily” Jason replied before starting work on tidying the bathroom.

Marie flitted around the apartment observing them both, wondering off briefly exploring before returning to see where they were. Over the meal they gained a small amount of trust, it was clear to see they meant her no harm so was letting some of her walls down for the moment appeared to be ok. She didn’t completely trust them but she didn’t not trust them.

During her apartment adventures Maria found a thing with buttons on. Inquisitively she pressed some of the buttons. She squeaked in surprise as the TV turned on. Cass heard the noise escaping her daughter and ran into the room in a panic. Heart pounding. Was her daughter ok? Has she hurt herself? Has someone however unlikely broken in?!!!

Relief flooded through Cass as she arrived on the scene, Marie hypnotised by the tv showing some baking show. Easing into a smile, Cass went and grabbed a couple of blankets and draped one round her shoulders and one around Maries. Gently guiding Marie to her lap on the sofa they both snuggled on the sofa to watch the baking show while Jason finished off.

When Jason finished, he found the pair fast asleep wrapped up tight in blankets with the TV and lights still on. As he turned the TV and lights off, two drowsy heads glared at him as he backed away before settling down to sleep. ‘Pixie is such a mini Cass in the making’ flashed through his head.

Jason woke to loud banging on his door, groggily he sat up and with a sleep ladened voice groaned, “What do you want Cass”. The woman barged into his room, “Missing” ‘Marie is missing!!! We slept on the sofa, when I woke, she was gone!’ “Help Jay!!”. Slowly shaking he sleep out of his body, Jason finally registered what Cass was saying and appearance. Cass was unnervingly jittery and had glimmers of fear and worry marking her face. To catch Cass’s mask cracking freaked Jason out.

“Fuck” Jason jumped out of bed. His head finally catching up with the conversation. Cass was scared. Pixie had disappeared between the time he’d gone to bed and Cass waking up. Street kids were tricky, they knew how to escape and avoid trouble. Giving what they saw of her on the streets, she had the potential to slip out the apartment without triggering the alarms. They were set up for those slipping in, not out. He thought that they had reassured her enough to stay the night and well hopefully trust them.

“Shit! Fuck! Where have you looked Cass? Are you sure she’s left the apartment?” grabbing some joggers to slip on, Jason walked over to the semi frantic Cass.

‘Looked in living room and bedroom. I couldn’t see her. Doors and windows locked still don’t think she left but I’ Cass looked up at Jason, her anxiety was showing ‘I panicked. Need help to find her’

Systematically the pair hunted the apartment. Looking in all the unusual places a child could hide. Pixie was appearing to be an expert at disappearing.

Throwing caution to the wind Jason looked in the blanket cupboard. Almost missing it, Jason could see a glimpse of hair poking out. Jason could only smile. His niece was hidden, you could barely see her, under the pile of blankets and right at the back so only if you were seriously looking for her. Leaving the girl who seemed content to rest Jason strode off to find Cass.

“Hey Cass, you can chill now. I found your gremlin. She is in the blanket cupboard all nested and asleep still.”

The visible effect of those words surprised Jason as tension and anxiety left his sister’s body. ‘Thank you Jay’. His niece had really wormed her way into Cass’s heart, and his heart too.

…………….

Being a mother was surprisingly more complex than Cass had thought as she reviewed her first almost week.

Meal times had been an interesting challenge to overcome with Marie demanding chocolate ALL the time. That was until Cass thought of chocolate milk. This seemed to appease her quirky child, so though at times convincing her to try new things was harder than it should be, Marie was more co-operative. At least now meals were not food covered in chocolate spread or succumbing to chocolate bar demands.

Taking Marie shopping had also been an experience she, and Jay, would rather forget. Marie disappearing for 30 minutes had caused an awful lot of fraught feelings for Cass and Jason as they hunted manically for her. When Marie reappeared she seemed quite content with a collection of jewellery and nonplussed about the chaos and anxiety she’d left behind her. Her pickpocketing habits would need to be addressed as she kept the ring she obtained but she gifted the rest to Jason and Cass. The gift given would have been sweet if it a) wasn’t stolen and b) she didn’t think that she needed to buy love/care. Shopping also unraveled that the girl was particularly picky about clothes and distrustful of strangers. All in all, it resulted in a lot of stress for the Wayne adoptees. Shopping trips were now off the table for a while if Marie was involved.

Though these were issues and problems, Cass felt she had managed to overcome them or at least manage to for the most part. Ok, that was a lie but she had plans semi in place.

Her current headache at this moment in time was sleep! Well more the waking. She wasn’t sure how she would survive a month of parenthood at this rate. Every, and she really did mean every, morning Marie was missing only to be found in another location. It was causing her more distress that she’d like to admit.

She had hoped that the first blanket nest situation the first night was a one off. Turns out that was a no. Jason was finding it all too amusing as well!

After night 1, night 2 was spent coaching Marie to sleep in her bed. Buying a new bed hadn’t crossed their minds after the shopping fiasco, and Jason wasn’t currently willing to relinquish the spare room. Something about his guns and personal space. Getting her into a soft bed still required too much chocolate bribery. Waking up to Marie missing. Again. Freaked Cass out. Eventually she was sound curled up in a suitcase on top of the wardrobe.

Night 3 Cass slept in the bed with Marie, hoping that it would convince her to stay in the bed all night. That failed when she was found asleep under the bed. At least that time it was semi easy to find the girl.

Night 4 Cass burrito’d and swaddled the girl up in blankets. Restricting her movements may help her settle and remain in bed. That failed too. Marie was found sleeping in Cass’s wardrobe this time. Slightly easier to find again.

By night 5 Cass was close to pulling her hair out. The morning drama’s were getting to her and Jason finally conceded the spare bedroom to her daughter. The amusement was still there but not as strong. That was a sort of win, Marie gaining her own space and hopefully learning to trust them more.

That was a complete disaster as Marie disappeared again this time. The girl was eventually found wrapped in a blanket nest in the kitchen cupboard amazingly hidden behind the food. An impressive way to hide. Chocolate wrappers were also found.

‘Jay! Help. I don’t understand. Why won’t she stay in bed? What am I doing wrong?’

“You’re doing great Cass! Chill a bit. Pixie is eating more than chocolate and we are finding her quicker each day. She’ll run out of new hiding places soon which will mean we will find out her favourite space to sleep”

‘Nooo Jaaay! Help! Please she needs to learn to sleep in bed. I can’t introduce her to Alfred otherwise. He’d want to meet her. Which brings the rest of them. And I don’t want to loose her! The others would be too much!! Please! Please! Pleeeease Jay!!! For Alfred if not meee!"

Jason could do without the morning stress too and Cass did raise a good point about Alfred and the rest of the bats. Sighing, Jason pondered over what Pixie was doing and recalled his time adjusting to the manor.

“Cass, she likes small safe, hidden spaces. Open spaces leave her vulnerable and open to attack. I think she knows that we won’t do that, but it's a hard habit to break. Plus she is a stubborn girl, a true bat I guess. I know I didn’t like the big rooms at the manor to begin with. Perhaps we can create a safe nest in her room to see if she’ll stay. A small safe space. The room is too big currently for her to be used to it.”

Smiling Cass nodded. The logic sort of followed.

That evening Cass and Jason worked together to make a blanket fort nest in the corner of the room. Marie watching with curious eyes. Playing with the ring she’d taken to wearing on a chain. When Cass started to take the bedding off the bed into the blanket fort, Maries eyes’ turned to saucers as she worked out what was happening. Tugging on Cass’s arm ‘Marie help?’ caused Cass to smile in pride and nod. Marie was starting to sign more delighting Cass and semi trusting them.

The next morning Cass woke to find Marie still dozing in her blanket fort and smiled! This obstacle was conquered.

Note: thank you to PickledPlumFan on AO3 for the chocolate milk idea/concept.

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[stylesluxx]

imprint (II) – p.lahote

[warnings: angst?? and minor swearing]

summary: in which y/n thinks it’s just the imprint talking | part one | next part

word count: 3,740

masterlist

You shakily lifted your hand and knocked on Jacob's door. If you were in your right mind, you would've just walked in but you didn't want to feel like an intruder twice in one day.

The door opened and you greeted your childhood friend with a forced smile while looking at him through your wet eyelashes. The rain had started as soon as you were out of Paul's sight and with no warning drizzle, it just started pouring. But you were grateful because you knew Jacob wouldn't be able to tell apart the tears from the raindrops.

"Y/N, what are you doing here? You're soaked! And whose ugly brown shirt is that?" He interrogated as he took your hand, pulling you inside. "Why did you knock? Where's your key?"

You sighed at his questions, not wanting to exert the energy it took to answer them. You slipped off your shoes, leaving them on the mat whilst Jacob shut the door behind you.

"Are you okay?" He asked, picking up on the fact that none of his questions got answered and you were eerily silent. You stayed silent and just looked at him for a moment, thankful that you had someone you could always run to no matter what. "Alright, if you're just gonna be mute, I'm gonna go get you some sweatpants. I know those jeans are uncomfortable-"

"I just- I just needed to be with you. You're my friend. My brother. By choice. Right?" You cut him off with a faint voice as your lip started to tremble and your eyes began to water all over again. You knew you looked pitiful and feeble but you just needed the reassurance.

"Where's this all coming from, Y/N? Is it Paul? I told you he was bad new-"

"Right?"

He sighed once more and pulled you into a hug, not bothered by your damp body, "right. I choose you. Every time."

You nodded and slowly wrapped your arms around his waist, your hold tight. You held him as if he'd disappear right from your arms. It grounded you.

"Come on, let's change you out of these clothes."

—

You didn't show up to school until Thursday. You needed a break from everything and you weren't ready to be in the same vicinity as Paul just yet. As soon as you got home from Jake's house, Saturday evening, you turned your phone off. You wanted to just disconnect and spend some time with your thoughts.

Maybe you were being too dramatic. Maybe the imprint was a good thing. It was an easy way to find your soulmate, that's for sure, but you couldn't get over the thought that Paul wouldn't have even bothered with you had it not been for him phasing. And while you were debating the imprinting business, you were also trying to process that someone you knew could transform into a huge wolf. It shouldn't be humanly possible, however, you saw it with your own eyes. You honestly wanted to believe that it was all just a dream and you'd wake up and everything would be back to normal. You don't know where you wanted to start over: before Paul even knew you existed or before Paul told you he was a shifter. You wanted a life with Paul. But you wanted a life where Paul chose you.

On Tuesday, you were resting on the couch, binge-watching Criminal Minds, when you were interrupted but knocks at the door. You quietly got up, despite the soreness of your body, and looked through the peephole. Your breath hitched as your eyes caught sight of Paul. You frowned and backed away from the door as quietly as you could and returned to your spot on the couch.

It seemed as if your body thought you were rejecting him and the aching in your chest only grew. You curled into a ball and pulled a blanket over your body, trying to push the image of Paul to the back of your mind while you continued to watch tv. The knocking continued as well as huffs and comments like: "Y/N, I know you're in there."

He finally gave up around 5:30 PM, having been there since school got out. You heard the engine of his truck when he started it up and soon the sound lessened as he pulled out of your driveway and drove down the street. The further he was from you, the more your body ached, and the harder it seemed to breathe. You'll admit, the time you spent with Paul was as easy as breathing, but now if you felt like you were being suffocated. It seemed like you were in the cold ocean, your head bobbing up and down trying not to drown.

And though you told Paul you could be friends, you still needed time and space to process everything. You didn't want to rush to be with him right away just to end up swimming in the misery of your thoughts. And your misery doesn't love company; you don't enjoy spreading your misery with others.

So you ignored Paul and your friends when they came to check up on you on Wednesday.

On Thursday morning, you dragged yourself out of bed despite the soreness and tautness that filled your body, while preparing to be interrogated by your friends. You arrived at school in a pair of leggings and Paul's (now clean) brown shirt and saw the group standing on the steps leading up to the school, chatting amongst each other. And even though Embry was standing right there, it seemed like he was on a different planet. He was brooding, his arms were crossed over his chest, and he wasn't engaging in the conversation. He didn't even flinch when you walked over to them.

"Y/N, we've been trying to call you! Where've you been?" Ashley asked, hauling you into a hug. "You left me with these three idiots for three whole days!"

"Sorry, I, uh, turned my phone off for a couple days. Think it's still off if I'm being honest," You responded and pried yourself out of her death grip.

"We went to your house yesterday, but I guess you were sleeping and your parents weren't home. Jake wasn't lying when he said you were a heavy sleeper," Quil spoke up from next to Embry.

You nodded and glanced over at Embry to see he was now glaring at the ground, refusing to speak.

"Yeah, guess I am," You nodded, going along with their assumptions.

"Paul asked about you. Said he went by on Tuesday but he didn't get an answer either," Ashley added on, her eyes narrowing on you in concern.

"That was nice of him," You coughed and let your eyes fall to your feet while you scratched the back of your head.

"And this shirt again? Since when did you like the color brown?" Jacob scoffed, critiquing Paul's shirt yet again. "Whose shirt even is that?"

"Uh, it doesn't matter. But I'll see you guys inside, alright?" You changed the topic and pushed past them, walking through the main doors and to your locker.

You got the notebooks and textbooks you needed from your locker, before sighing and letting your shoulders fall in dread. You shut your locker and walked over to Paul's, which was down the hall. You were appreciative of this distance because it gave you a chance to prepare yourself. You weren't sure if you were ready to face Paul just yet, but you knew you knew you had to for the sake of your friend. Embry's brooding reminded you of Paul's before he disappeared and you vaguely remembered how Jared was before he too went on a leave of absence.

Jared spotted you before Paul did, making him tap his arm and point toward you.

Paul turned around and his confused and worried expression turned into one of relief but there was still worry in his voice.

Your aches and sores seem to instantly dissipate once you were in his presence and face to face. First, your body relaxed, and then your chest released all the tension you were holding in. And as soon as your body calmed, your heart started to beat erratically. You'd blame it on his beauty but you hadn't even looked at him for longer than a second. Maybe it was his cologne or just his aura, or maybe it was just the imprint thing.

"Hey," You greeted him awkwardly, your eyes cast toward the ground.

"Y/N, where have you been these last couple days? I came by your house and didn't get an answer. I even asked your friends if they knew anything, but you were ignoring everyone. You can't do things like that, Y/N," He scolded you, the concern laced in his words.

"Yeah, sorry, I just needed-" You started but then remembered why you were even talking to him in the first place. "You told me to tell you if one of the boys seemed off."

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, Embry seems off. I just thought I'd let you know. I'll see you in class," You expressed before starting to back away and go to first period.

"You're wearing my shirt," He noticed, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'll see you in class, Paul."

—

The rest of the week goes by fairly quickly, but to be fair, it was only two days. Embry was absent on Friday which you figured would happen, so you didn't get to see Paul, and your body was slowly starting to crave him again. You were starting to tense up and the aching and emptiness in your chest were making a reappearance.

You saw how your parents looked at you when you trudged down the steps and into the kitchen. Their faces displaying worry and pity, so you figured you'd do something about it, just so they wouldn't have to worry.

But you were also doing it for yourself. You missed Paul. It was weird for you not to talk to and see someone that you were so used to talking and seeing every day. It's not like Paul didn't try to reach out and talk to you, because he did, you were just being stubborn. He texted every day to make sure you were alright and the only reason he wasn't banging on the door, threatening to tear it down, was because you left your read receipts on (the only thing that indicated you were still breathing).

You didn't want to be a bother because you knew he would be helping Embry all weekend, but you needed to at least see him.

You got in your Jeep and drove to the address Paul had texted you a few weeks ago, the day you shared your first kiss.

"If you ever need me, go to this address. I'll text it to you. They'll know where I am and how to reach me," He said while sending the text.

"Is this your house?" You asked him.

"No, well," He shook his head and sighed. He turned to look at you, still contemplating what he wanted to say. "It's not where I live but it's my home. My home when I'm not around you."

"I see," You nodded and looked down shyly, realizing he considered you to be home.

It was a sweet notion that you reciprocated. You felt safe with him. He was always so sweet and never pushed you to do anything you weren't comfortable with; the complete opposite of the public's perception of him. He was always calm, rational, and considerate. Patient and understanding. Everything he did had a meaning behind it. He was flirty but he wasn't sleazy or lewd. And though he saw you as home, he still got nervous around you. He was still trying to do right by you as if he was still trying to prove himself worthy of you.

After school on Friday and in the afternoon on Saturday, you found two shirts messily placed on the driver's seat in your car. Friday, it was a black shirt and Saturday it was a white one. You thought it was weird to come out of school to a random t-shirt in your car, so you looked around trying to spot the culprit but with no luck.

You carefully picked up the shirt and smelled it, instantly melting. Your heartbeat sped up knowing it was Paul's shirt, the same black one he wore to the movies.

He was so thoughtful that it blew your mind. He wasn't at school that day but he still came by to bring you one of his shirts and he went out of his way to bring you on Saturday as well. He was everything and more and you started to feel bad about how you left things.

You pulled up in front of the small brown house, already amazed at the seclusion provided by the trees. You took a deep breath, got out the truck, and walked up the steps to the house. You took one more breath before reaching up and knocking on the hard part of the screen door. The main door was open, giving you a clear view of the kitchen and a woman by the stove.

She jumped in surprise at the knocking before walking over to the door, opening it to greet you.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asked as a smile graced her face.

She was stunning; copper skin like Paul's, dark brown, almost black, eyes that were sparkling with happiness, and jet black hair complemented by bangs. The right side of her face was scarred from where her hairline started to her jaw. Three jagged thick red lines, despite them being fully healed. You gulped once you realized it looked like scratch marks but you pushed the thought to the back of your mind.

"Sorry to bother, but is Paul in?" You asked and quickly decided to elaborate. "He said if I needed him, someone here would know where he was."

"You must be Y/N! Come in," She gasped and stepped back so she could usher you in. You walked in and gave her a soft smile. "Sit!"

The house was warm, much warmer than outside. You were wearing a grey long sleeve with Paul's black short sleeve on top and a pair of jeans. It would've been smart for you to bring a coat but you figured you were going to see Paul so you didn't need one.

You understood now why Paul thought of this as his second home. Besides the welcoming host, the house too was welcoming. You wanted to kick your shoes off and lay down for a nap after a huge meal or ling day at school. That was the vibe it gave you. You loved it. And if Paul loved it and he felt at home, then you loved it ten times more.

"I don't want to impose," You mumbled, already regretting your decision to come. Emily was nice and you were happy that she wasn't a grouch but despite her kindness and the homey feeling of the house, you still felt like an intruder. This wasn't the first time you were conflicted about how to feel about something pertaining to Paul.

"Nonsense! You're always welcome here. Now sit," She demanded softly, making you nod and listen. She offered food and drinks but you only asked for water to help calm your nerves. She poured you a glass before sitting at the table, in the seat directly across from you. "You're more beautiful than Paul described. I'm Emily, by the way. I already know so much about you, you're all Paul talks about."

"Oh, thank you," You said and let a small smile show on your face, the tenseness escaping for a second.

"Paul's out with Sam and Jared, helping out Embry. Embry's a friend of yours, right?"

"Yeah, he's like my little brother. How do you know the boys, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind at all! I'm engaged to Sam. He was the first to phase so he's been helping the other boys out. It's not a cult or... a gang like everyone thinks it is," Emily's smile turned into a frown at the end. "But they should be back any minute now.”

Her smile returned as you talked to her some more. She was someone that you never wanted to see upset. You never wanted to see anyone upset but you felt she was too unsullied to frown.

“Oh! Paul told me you enjoyed the spaghetti I made. Well, to be fair we both made it. He was really eager to learn how to make it,” She remembered up and you smiled at the memory of Paul nervously handing over the bowl.

“Yeah, the spaghetti was great. I was shocked he even brought some for me,” You nodded.

“Paul can be a real sweetheart when he wants to be,” She smiled and winked at you.

The screen door creaked open and three pairs of feet shuffled into the house. Your head snapped up, hoping to see Paul but you only saw Jared, Embry, and who you assumed was Sam, all shirtless. All three looked tired but Embry had bags under his eyes and looked beyond fatigued. While this wasn't much of an upgrade, he wasn't brooding anymore so you assumed he was gaining control over his shifting.

"Sam, Jared, this is Y/N," Emily introduced you two the two. "Y/N, this is Sam and Jared."

"I know Y/N; we've been going to the same schools since we were kids. I used to sneak her snacks from her lunch tray," Jared chuckled.

"Wow, so you were the asshole that was stealing my snacks? Figures," You scoffed playfully. "But it's nice to meet you, Sam."

"It's nice to finally meet the person Paul fills the mind link with," He smiled as his deep voice rang through the house, before leaning down to peck the top of Emily's head.

Sam was the biggest of the four boys in the pack. You didn't know if it was because he was four years older than them or if it was because he was the alpha. He was tall, 6'6", and had a tattoo like Paul and Jared that decorated his round and protruding muscles.

"Y/N, what're you doing here?" Embry questioned warily while shifting his eyes to look at Sam and Jared who were now seated at the wooden table.

"It's okay, Embry. She knows," Sam nodded, relieving Embry almost instantaneously.

"Oh good, I hated being away from you. And you're literally all Paul thinks about. Ya know, wolf telepathy. I thought you were obsessed with him. Tuh, have a peek into his mind," Embry rambled. Once he finished, he pulled out of your seat and into a hug.

"Um last time I checked, you guys were obsessed with him. Not me," You laughed and hugged him back.

"You done torturing him?" Jared teased immediately after biting into his banana that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. His words made you frown and bury your head into Embry's chest some more.

Despite phasing, gaining some muscle, and growing a little over Jacob's height, he was still your Embry. Long hair and tattoo-less but you weren't sure for how long. Emily was filling you in on all the small details about the wolves so you knew Embry would have to cut his hair short.

"Ignore him, Y/N. Paul should be coming in soon," Embry said and rubbed your back comfortingly.

"What about Paul?"

The voice made you shoot out of Embry's arms as the heat was settling throughout your body. It was your Paul and your body was happily reacting to being in the same space as him.

He walked around Embry and was ready to sit at the table when he spotted you, making his dark brown eyes gloss over in a mix of joy and admiration.

"Y/N!" He breathed out, still taken aback by your presence and the sight of you in another shirt of his.

Embry chuckled and moved by you to take your seat at the table.

"Hey," You whispered. You tried to look at the boy in front of you, but you only grew shy. "Can we talk?"

"Y-Yeah, of course," He nodded eagerly and held out a hand for you to take. You looked at it for a moment, hesitating, but you grabbed it and squeezed it tight. Now that he was in your grasp, you didn't want to let go. "We'll be back. Don't let Jared eat all the food, Sam," He said before walking out of the cozy house, taking you with him.

He led you into the trees, and it seemed like you're walking forever until you sat down on a log.

"Sorry we had to go so far, wolf hearing," He shrugged and kept his eyes on his fiddling hands that rested in his lap.

"And they know what you're thinking?" You curiously asked.

"I can... keep things to myself if I really wanted to. If I try really hard I can almost block out their thoughts as well; make them quiet," He tried to explain.

You just nodded and kept your eyes down, letting the silence surround you. It shouldn't be like this though. It shouldn't be awkward between you when before you couldn't stop talking to each other.

You felt your eyes fill with the predictable wetness, making you sigh, "it hurts to be away from you for too long. I literally can't breathe. I don't know if it's the imprint or separation anxiety but I need to be with you. The shirts aren't enough."

"Come here, Darling," He invited you, opening his arms for you to lean into which you happily obliged. "I just need you to understand: it's not only the imprint. You mean the world to me; spending all that time with you, you became my best friend. You're my everything. Even without the imprint, I'd feel the same way. The imprint doesn't make the relationship romantic. That was us."

You nodded and held him tightly as he pecked your head and rubbed your back gently.

"It's not just the imprint talking?"

"It's not just the imprint talking," He confirmed. "I choose you."

[AN: I was not expecting so many people to like the first part so it took me by complete surprise when I was being asked to make a part two !! also, I want to write more for this relationship, like blurbs because I think they’re so cute so let me know if that’s something you’re interested in. but thank you for all the love and support these past couple days, it means a lot. and my inbox is always always open if you need to talk, rant, laugh, or request anything. i'm so warm and fuzzy. k bye !]

[tags: @sana-li​]

[thoughtfulturtleprincess]

Angels and Demons AU where He Tian and ZZX are demons and JY and MGS are angels.

1. He Tian and Jian Yi are both princes of their respective realms. Mo and ZZX are both soldiers/underlings.

2. He Tian is the most powerful demon prince of The Underworld. He can overwhelm those around him simply by releasing his demonic aura into the atmosphere.

3. Jian Yi is widely regarded across all realms to be the most beautiful angel to ever exist. He Tian used to agree with that, until it didn’t matter anymore because he met Mo Guan Shan.

4. ZZX is fiercely loyal to the He family reign and had a hard time coming to terms with falling for an enemy.

5. He Tian had no issues with being attracted to angels. He did not struggle internally when it came to his feelings for Momo. He did, however, consciously protect Momo from any potential push-back from his family.

6.  Momo is rebellious, feisty but ethereal and mesmerising. He Tian would argue that Mo is actually more hypnotising than Jian Yi because once he saw him, he couldn’t look away. This was not a widespread opinion amongst the angel of the Heavens. To most, Guan Shan is a mere soldier. A servant to angelic royalty. Dispensable. Replaceable.

7. omg what if they don’t manifest their spiritual identity(demonic/angelic) until a certain age, so they all meet in school as ‘humans’. Nobody knows for sure which side they themselves or others will end up being. But it was more obvious for some than others. 

8. For instance, it is obvious to everyone that He Tian will manifest as a demon. It is also obvious that Jian Yi will manifest as an angel. ZZX manifesting as a demon is quite surprising, but nobody knew what Mo would be.

9. Except for He Tian. He had suspected that this boy will manifest as an angel since their first meeting. But most people are too distracted by his feisty/defensive facade to notice to the obviously positive, albeit damaged, underlying spiritual energy.

10. ZZX also noticed that, which was why he said that the Redhead is not that bad of a person after their fight. JY had also come to his own realisation about this soon after.

11. Momo didn’t know what he would manifest as. He saw himself as a damaged person. He thought he’d manifest as the most detestable demon of all realms. But he’s wrong about that ofc :D

12. He Tian’s infatuation with Guan Shan grew and grew over time. At one point, He Tian started calling Momo ‘my little angel’ or ‘my angel’. He’d say things like ‘don’t be afraid, my little angel’. Momo would get all flustered and confused. He thinks he’s not going to manifest as an angel.

13. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ He Tian would say. ‘even if you manifest as a demon I’ll still call you my little angel. Because you will always be an angel in my eyes.’

14. Mo would get super flustered and say something like him and his whole family are angels. Classic :D

15. They’d calm down and there’d be a pause. He Tian would either think or say out loud, that in all seriousness, he can’t imagine Mo manifesting as anything other than an angel. Mo is inherently angelic. Anyone who pays attention can tell.

16. When Mo manifests as an angel, He Tian’s with him. He Tian had invited himself over for the night. After a lot of push-back, Mo had somehow agreed to He Tian sleeping in the same bed as him. When He Tian woke up, there were beautiful, white feathers everywhere. He Tian tries to sit up but giant, white wings fill the space around the bed. Momo was hidden somewhere among them.

17. He Tian is amazed, elated and in love. He ever so gently strokes the part of the wing in front of him, and calls out, ‘Guan Shan.’ He knows Momo would be emotional. He Tian gently pushes aside the feathers to find Momo kneeling on the floor, head buried in his hands.

18. He Tian has seen this before. Angels looking radiant and ethereal. But somehow, Guan Shan’s angel form makes his heart skip a beat. It’s like he’s seeing it for the first time all over again.

19. ‘Hey,’ He Tian reaches out to gently stroke Guan Shan’s soft, red hair. ‘It’s okay.’ He slowly removes Guan Shan’s hands, and puts a hand under his chin to tilt his head up.

20. He Tian had honestly never seen anything nearly as beautiful. He is incredibly happy to be the sole witness of Guan Shan’s angelic manifestation.

21. The first time Momo sees He Tian as a demon, he had yet to manifest as an angel. He Tian was so powerful that he was terrified to the point of trembling and paralysis. However, He Tian tones down his demonic aura when he’s around Guan Shan so the other feels safe rather than threatened.  

22. After manifesting their spiritual identities, the boys are sent to their respective realms to continue with their education. 

23. Years pass. He Tian is crowned prince. He still thinks about Mo every day. 

24. The Underworld wages war on The Heavens. As a part of the training regime, Momo had been brainwashed so that his memories of He Tian would not get in the way of his fighting. Jian Yi’s memories remain intact because he is not a soldier and is not expected to go onto the battlefield.

25. He Tian had heard about this. The day he parted ways with Momo he had vowed to protect him. But before his brother and his father, he feels powerless. When he heard about the brainwashing, and saw from intelligence data that Momo was one of the angels that was put under this programme, He Tian had raged, causing a huge fire all throughout The Underworld. He had attempted to charge straight to The Heavens, but was ultimately stopped by his brother and father and was ultimately subdued.

26. Helpless, he reaches out to Jian Yi through spiritual telepathy, a power possessed only by spiritual royalty. 

27. ‘Jian Yi, where is he.’ Jian Yi shuddered. Jian had seen the wrath of a demon, but this was nothing like it. This was completely different. 

‘Okay, easy He Tian. He’s fine. He just doesn’t remember -’ 

‘Then he’s not fine!’

‘Right, sorry. No, he’s not fine, because he doesn’t remember you.’

‘I want you to lift that spell. Right now.’

‘He Tian, you are being emotional right now. We can’t talk about this properly when you are like that.’

‘Like what?’

‘Well, unreasonable, you know? I can’t go up against my fucking dad for this. I love Guan Shan in my own way -’

‘Don’t you dare. Don’t tell me you love him when you don’t understand what that means.’

‘Okay, sorry. Look, he’s my friend. I didn’t want this to happen. But there really wasn’t anything I could’ve done, He Tian, you know my dad. He would’ve tortured -’

He would’ve tortured Guan Shan if Jian Yi went up against him. For being a bad influence on his son.

‘Stop. I know.’ 

At least he didn’t get tortured.

‘Listen, He Tian. They’ve got intel on you and him. They scanned his memories. They know, He Tian. They know that you were in love with him.‘

I still am.

‘They think you may still be, so they are going to use him to kill you, He Tian. They know you won’t be able to hurt him.‘

He Tian stills. Sick bastards.

I’m not going to let them win. They aren’t going to make me kill him with my own hands.

28. After numerous battles, the Heavens proposes a truce. They had promised to bring a gift to the crown prince of The Underworld. He Tian and his family meet the angels that have arrived upon their doorstep. 

‘Prince He Tian,‘ an angel bows. ‘Allow me to present you your gift.‘

The angel moves aside and gestures towards two angelic guards and between them, a veiled angel, dressed in the most exquisite garments.

The guards backed away as He Tian moved towards them. Slowly, he lifts the veil.

That chin. Those lips. That nose. That porcelain skin. Those fiery red eyes. 

It’s Mo Guan Shan.

He Tian stops breathing for a split second. It’s Guan Shan. His Guan Shan. His little angel. 

He Tian gently takes hold of the angel’s chin and tilts his head up. He didn’t know what kind of expression he was making, but Guan Shan seemed surprised at the eye contact, and quickly looked sideways.

‘You are safe now. Don’t be afraid, my little angel.’

Something triggered in Guan Shan. A tear falls down onto his cheek. He stares at the demonic crown prince in front of him as the latter gently wipes the tear from his cheek.

‘Gentlemen,’ a demon administrator calls out. ‘please adjourn to the royal dining room. Take the gift to the guest room.‘

29. That evening, He Tian returned to his room to find Guan Shan waiting for him. 

‘Prince He Tian. You must be tired. Please allow me to bathe you.’

30. As He Tian stretches out in the bathtub, Guan Shan approaches from behind, dagger in hand, ready to strike. Just before the tip of the dagger makes contact, it vanishes into thin air. Guan Shan’s hand lands on He Tian’s shoulder instead. The prince turns around and sees the angel cowering in the corner, trembling in fear.

31. ‘Don’t be afraid, little angel. I will not hurt you,’ He Tian says as he carefully approaches the redhead.

‘You were sent here to kill me, right? How dare they make you do such a thing, my poor Guan Shan. I shall put you out of this misery. Then I shall make you my bride. I shall keep you safe from all those who have harmed you. And I shall have you willingly in my arms.’

‘How do you know my real name?‘

‘My dear Guan Shan. They put a spell on you, you see. I know you from before spiritual manifestation.‘

Guan Shan’s brows furrowed.

‘They wiped me from your memories so you can kill me. But because my memories are intact, there was no way I would ever have harmed you. The Heavens think this will be my demise, but we must never let them win.‘

‘Who am I to you?‘

‘You are my little angel, Guan Shan,‘ He Tian takes Mo’s hand in his, and presses a chaste kiss onto the back of his hand. ‘I have loved you since before spiritual manifestation.‘

Guan Shan recoils, but He Tian pulls him towards himself.

‘Come here, my little angel! I am finally with you at last. I have dreamt about you every moment since we parted. I had longed for you to be in my arms. And now that I have you, I must never let anyone take you away from me ever again.‘

Guan Shan tried to squirm free of He Tian’s hold, but to no avail. He felt a gush of spiritual energy enter his body. His head was spinning and he was going limp. The last thing he felt before losing consciousness was He Tian planting a kiss on his forehead.

32. He Tian carries an unconscious Guan Shan in a princess hold, and places him on his bed. 

They don’t know that I know which spell he’s under. They don’t know I have the power to undo it. They underestimate me.

33. Guan Shan wakes up to find He Tian lying next to him, embracing him from behind.

His memories are back. A tear rolls down his cheek. He leans down to place his forehead on He Tian’s chest. He Tian awakens to find Guan Shan sobbing in his arms. 

34. He Tian keeps his soon-to-be bride in his room, away from others. His father is enraged when he finds out about the Heaven’s hidden agenda and orders for Guan Shan to be eliminated. He Tian clarifies that he’s lifted the spell. They do a scan of Guan Shan’s spiritual energy and found no traces of the original spell he was put under. He Tian’s father senses no intent to kill or harm He Tian in the redheaded boy. He Tian claims that he loves him. He Tian’s father lets them be.

33. The Underworld announces that the war is not over with The Heavens, that the truce is off because of their ‘gift’. They engage in further battle, until the elders are killed, and Jian Yi and He Tian are left to rule over their kingdoms. They establish an everlasting truce that will ensure that the 2 realms will coexist in peace forever after.

34. Guan Shan finally falls in love with He Tian, and He Tian makes him his bride.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

scrubs - 4.

pairing: doctor!sebastian stan x biomedical scientist!reader

warnings: angst, swearing

< previous chapter

    - So ... - Miriam rolled her chair near Y/N’s, a little smirk on her lips as she finally caught her without any trainees surrounding her and without any particular tasks. She was merely looking at the printed reports from everyone in the laboratory, double checking and adding some notes as well as writing her suggested course of treatment if necessary for any doctors who chose to took her advice. - How is he?

     - Miriam, the last thing I am going to talk to you about is my sex life. 

     - Yeah, because you never really had one but now it is interesting. Come on, is he soft or is he aiming to be the doctor version of Christian Grey?

     - He’s a nuisance, that’s what he is. - she pushed her glasses back on, returning to her paperwork but Miriam was keen on not letting that happen.

     - What’s his place like? Is it a bachelor pad?

     - Listen to me, I am tired, I am slightly hangover and sore in all the right places. Now do with that what you will and let me go back to my work. - she pushed Miriam chair with her foot, sending the office chair rolling away from her. 

The day was mostly non eventful. She dragged herself through sleep and headaches, supervising over the newbies and even running some tests herself, at least those which didn’t made her more nauseous than she already was. Turns out the whole of New York decided to have infections as of late as it seemed only her department was being swallowed with samples after samples and more samples. Luckily for her, only 5% per cent of them required her to write down a very polite email calling the upstair staff incompetent due to changing names and even genders. How hard was it to insert the numbers into a computer and print a right label? Apparently too hard. 

As she finished filling out the error filled paperwork and signing some portfolios for training biomedical scientists, the laboratory manager entered her department. He was a man in his 60s, mostly business related and if the rumours were to be believed, only became a biomedical scientist so he could eventually manage something. Y/N deeply disliked him, the moment she started training back when he held the position she held now, he only called her sweetheart and constantly made snide remarks about how the medical industry was starting to be overtaken by women. Yet again, he was still her superior and as such she had to answer to him.

    - Miss Y/L/N. - she grimaced. Great, he came her to talk to her. - Where are Dr. Stan’s sample results?

    - Which ones?

    - You know which ones. The ones which should’ve been delivered yesterday, sweetheart.

    - They were labelled wrong. If I had gone with it, the hospital would be open to all sorts of liabilities. 

    - Now, sweetheart ... - he put her hand on her shoulder. - I would love it if I didn’t get the chief of medicine complaining to me each day about his doctors getting his test requests denied by my staff. I do not care if you and Dr. Stan slept together, I don’t care who you take to bed, I do care about having people complain to me about you. 

    - My personal life has nothing to do with my professional life, sir. 

    - Those results better be delivered today.

She saw red as the man left, and looking to her right she saw the file containing the precious results. Normally she wouldn’t push cases in front of the others but this, oh this was an important. She grabbed the file and headed towards the staircase, not even bothering to wait for the lift. Y/N made a beeline towards the reception where most of the nurses were.

    - Do you know where Dr. Stan is? 

    - Looking for seconds? - Y/N ignored the harsh remark and merely took it upon herself to find the man who’d better be off dead. She made it to the locker area where most of the make shift bedrooms were. If she was correct, and she was, Dr. Stan would probably be sleeping in one of those bedrooms.

She made through them with a thunderstorm rage, walking from room to room despite the warning from the nurse. Normally she’d let healthcare staff sleep, the shifts were unforgivable and sometimes you just needed a quick nap for 30 minutes so you wouldn’t go inside. Dr. Stan, however, was no longer deserving of said nap and instead of waking him up by screaming in his hear, she merely let all the heavy files fall on top of his face. He woke up in a frenzy, looking side to side before looking at his pager. 

   - Here are your results, Doctor. - she gave him a passive aggressive smile.

   - Thanks?

   - Next time you want your results on time maybe label the samples right. I mean, why go through all the trouble of sleeping with me and then telling it to my laboratory manager so you can get your results? It’s easier to fucking know how to use a laptop.

   - What?

   - Fuck off, Sebastian. - she turned around to point her finger at him. - Why don’t you just go and page the whole team about you sleeping with me?

   - Y/N, wait up ...

   - If you need anything from the laboratory talk to Miriam. Don’t you dare ever speak to me ever again.  

She was severely disappointed in him, hurt even, and for the first time she had to hold herself together not to start crying in the hospital wings. She always thought he at least respected her as a professional but clearly he did not. Everyone was commenting about it and she could even hear some remarks thrown her way, poking fun of her attitude and even asking if she came back for more and she found it harder and harder not to break down crying. As the lift doors closed, she cleaned the tears that had start to pool up on her eyes. She munched on her lip, hand in front of her mouth as she tried to pull herself together. It’s only gossip, it’ll be okay and she’ll be damned if she let anyone bring her down. She wouldn’t be the first woman to have a night stand and definitely not the last.

She walked in the laboratory with the goal of continuing to do what made her happy and that was run some tests herself. Sure her new position was good and it gave good pay but it was mostly training graduates and do some paperwork as well as look for mistakes. Hadn’t it been for her, this hospital would’ve gotten sued a thousand times. 

    - Stop being in a fowl mood.

    - Leave me alone, Miriam. 

    - Since you’re already ready to kill, Elizabeth has been on break for 30 minutes longer.

     - Seriously? Why didn’t you do anything? 

     - You’re the supervisor of the microbiology department, I am merely your best friend. - she rolled her chair by her side. - Besides I want to go on my dinner break, please.

She rolled her eyes at this comment, getting up once again to go upstairs. It was almost a mechanical move and for the first time, the detail oriented scientist was as distracted as one could be with everything but details in her mind. Maybe had she not been distracted, she would’ve noticed the sheen in the stairs. Unluckily for her, she only noticed it once her head thumped against the stairs, almost as if her head had hit a trampoline surface. She grimaced, pushing herself on her hand to feel her ankle gave up on her whenever she tried to get up.

     - Are you okay? - Miriam checked, poking her head out the laboratory only to see her on the stairs. - Y/N, it is not the time to be dramatic or to be sleeping, I’m hungry.

    - I can’t get up. - she grumbled, sitting down to massage her ankle. Miriam jumped from the laboratory, walking up to her. - My ankle hurts and my head is pounding. 

    - Oh okay, hum ... hold yourself on me, we’ll get the nurses to check on you. You’re fine, right? You’re fine.

    - Yeah ... - she grimaced once again as she got up, arm over Miriam’s shoulder as he led her to the lift. First she sleeps with the Doctor who is intent on burying her reputation, then the whole hospital gets to know about her drunken one night stand and then she falls on the stairs. It just can’t get any worse, can it? Well, of course it can. 

    - What happened there? - Dr. Stan perked up from behind the desk where he and some nurses were looking at the files. 

    - None of your business. 

    - Y/N fell and hit her head, also her ankle hurts. - so much for none of your business. 

    - Sounds like my business. - he walked up to the two women but Y/N merely rolled her eyes. - Come on, I’ll check it.

    - I’d rather be run over by a car.

    - Great. - Miriam interrupted Y/N before she decided to walk back to the laboratory even with a painful ankle.

Great. It can get any worse. 

taglist: @rebekahdawkins​

[whydoyouwantmyname]

Imagine being Sirius’s daughter {Part Two}

Part one

-Remus took you to James and Lily’s funeral, knowing that you had no idea what was happening, but he had to go..... he had to know it was real.

-He also took you to Peter’s funeral.

-On full moon nights Dumbledore would come get you from the cabin and take you to Hogwarts. He had a spare bed set up for you in the office, and you would sleep there under the window, Fawkes perched at the foot of your bed standing guard. 

-When you were older some nights you would stay with Hagrid in the Hut. He loved having you around, and would teach you all about the garden, the grounds, and the magical creatures.

-You often asked Remus when your father was coming home. He didn’t tell you until you were three that Sirius wasn’t coming home for a very long time.

-The first year you lived with him, he would find himself going to bed heartbroken, exhausted from trying to be strong for your sake all day. His tears freely falling as his mind flashed back to a happier time.

-After that first year it happened far less frequently.

-Remus built you a spare room, and filled it full of the books Lily bought you from the flat, along with photographs of the past events.

-He also got your stuffed animals that represented the Marauders, and added to it a stuffed Lily. They sat on your bookshelf.

-One of the photos was of Harry and you, and when you first saw it you asked, “What happened to Harry?”

“Well, he went to live with Lily’s sister.”

“Can we go see him?”

“Unfortunately not, see Lily’s sister is a muggle, and Auntie Lily always said that her sister was not a fan of wizards. So I doubt she would find our presence welcoming.”

-One night you were sitting at the table when you asked, “Uncle Mooney, did Daddy kill Uncle Prong and Auntie Lily?”

“No my love, he didn’t. They were killed by a very bad wizard, who wanted to hurt Harry.”

“But why? Harry is just a harmless baby, right?”

“You are far smarter than your father.” Remus smiled, “You are right my love, but this wizard was scaried of Harry, and that why he attacked Uncle Prong, and Auntie Lily.” Remus sighed, before standing, “I am going to my room very quick, is your bag packed for Hogwarts?”

“Yes Mooney.” You replied with a smile, as he retreated towards the master room, and towards his bed. Crouching down he withdrew a old shoe box and pulled back the lid to reveal a stack of envelopes, each filled with parchment addressed to both you and him, your father’s handwriting filled the pages. However it was the envelope at the bottom of the stack that Remus needed to reread.

Mooney,

I have to apologize, for these last few months I have been withholding a secret from you, I thought you had turned on us. I was convinced that you had switched sides, and convinced our own friends, our brothers that you couldn’t be trusted. This assumption also lead me to make the worst decision of my life.

I convinced James and Lily to name Wormtail as their secret keeper, in fear that you had told Voldemort I was the Potter’s secret keeper, since I was their closest friend, and The Godfather of their child. James was insistent that he didn’t trust anyone more, but my desire to protect my family led me to lead them to their ultimate demise. That is why I went after Wormtail, and unfortunately he escaped. My guess is he is in some sewer somewhere as the rat that he is, cowarding away from the truth of his crimes.

I am sorry I ever doubted you, and I am sorry my decisions have now no doubt forced you into the role of fatherhood, a role I know that you have always longed for, but never felt you desired. I know Dumbledore has probably brought you my sweet [Y/N], and asked you to take her in. I know you love her as much as James, Lily, and I did, but that you are scared she will judge you once she learns of your condition. I promise you she won’t. I only ask one thing of you Remus..... don’t let her grow up thinking her father betrayed his friends, tell her the truth, tell her I love her.

My dearest brother, I love you, and I ask that you forgive me for what I have done. I will make this up to you, and when I get out, I will not only hug my daughter, but also you.

Padfoot

-Remus never told you about the letters

-The day after you returned from that trip you looked at Remus, “Uncle Mooney, can we plant lilies?”

“Of course Love.” He smiled, as you both went out to the car he had stored away in the garage, and drove to town. That afternoon you both planted Lilies in the entire flower box infront of the cabin windows, a smile on both your faces as you chattered.

-Hargid loved when you visited, you were obsessed with learning about the different creatures on the grounds.

-Remus loved having you in the cabin with him, he tried as hard as he could to raise you the way he imagined Sirius would want you to be raised.

-Remus hated your traumatic threes, he remembered Lily once joking with Sirius about how you will be a rebellious two year old once you hit the terrible twos, but he was not prepared for it to hit when you were three.

-However there was no doubt in his mind you were Sirius’s child, even at a young age you and your father shared a similar sense of humor.

-When you weren’t being a rambunctious toddler, Remus enjoyed taking you for strolls in the forest, he would watch as you touched every tree, and tried to smell all the flowers. He would carry a book with him as well filled with all the different plant varieties, and whenever you found a new one, you and him would sit on the forest floor and rummage through the book until you identified the plant.

-The night after the full moons were always the hardest on Remus, he was still wide awake from sleeping all day, but Dumbledore always brought you back after the great feasts. Remus would sit with you on the couch as you raved about all the professors he had loved while in school, and then at 9:30 he would put you to bed. As soon as you would drift off though he would sit there and watch you sleep, his mind racing with all the possibilities life had to offer you. It also though was flooded with the occasional dread, for you were the daughter of Sirius Black, a man who was now marked as a traitor and a murderer, he feared this would make you the victim of relentless teasing, and isolation among your peers. But he couldn’t let that consume his thoughts as he watched your chest rise and fall.

-Remus always made you pancakes for breakfast, a lesson he learned from Lily when he went to visit her one summer before their fifth year. Her handwriting still graced the page of his journal, which he had open on the counter every time he made them, even though he had already memorized the recipe.

-Snack time always consisted of chocolate.

-He began homeschooling you when you turned 4, your favorite lessons were writing, and defense against the dark arts.

-You once asked why your father never wrote you, Remus lied and said he had no idea, even though Sirius wrote you and him letters constantly. He stored them all in the box.

-When you would go to Hogwarts McGonagall would always bring you into her classroom after lessons were over, and tell you about her days as a quidditch player, and about how your Uncle James was the best chaser she had ever seen.

-You figured out Remus was a werewolf, you were five, and while he tucked you in you let it slip that you knew. He just looked at you in disbelief, but you just smiled, “I mean it makes sense, Uncle Mooney, I mean why else would they call you that?”

“How long have you known about my.... condition?” He finally asked, disbelief still in his voice as you shrugged, “Since about a month before my fourth birthday.”

-One day you offered to stay with Remus during a full moon, however he looked at you and smiled, “No my love, I will be fine, besides I know then that you are safe, and I promised your father I would keep you safe.”

-When you were in the castle, Snape avoided you.

-Dumbledore had already guaranteed that you would be attending Hogwarts, much to Remus’s joy.

-Normally he would read to you from the thousands of books he has filled your room with, however occasionally you would look at him and ask for a story about him and the rest of your family, and with a pained smile he would reminisce about the 10 years of friendship he had.

-When you were 5 he explained to you what Azkaban was, and how that’s where your father was.

-When you turned 6 he took you to Diagon Alley for the first time, you absolutely loved it.

-You were 7 when you asked Remus, “Uncle Mooney, how did Voldemort find Uncle Prongs, and Auntie Lily?”

“What do you mean darling?”

“Well they were in hiding, he shouldn’t have been able to find them, I mean they were apart of one of the most intelligent wizarding organizations in London, and I am sure the Order would have the necessary tools to hide them. So how did he find them?”

“Only one person knew where the Potters were hidden, they were the secret keeper...”

“You mean my father?” You cut him off, as his eyes met yours, “Are you trying to tell me Daddy turned them over to...”

- Your eyes were watering, and Remus watched as your mind processed the new information. After several moments of silence you bolted from the kitchen and slammed your bedroom door.

-After a few hours Remus softly knocked on your door, “Love, can I come in?”

Your room was silent, but the door slowly opened several seconds later, and the imagine broke Remus’s heart. Your eyes were rimmed red, and bloodshot, your face flushed, and the shine of your tears reflected the cabin lights. Your fingers did a quick pass against your cheeks as you whispered, “My father would never turn on the Potters.”

“I know Love.” He lied, because even though he got letters daily from Sirius, pleading to his best friend to believe he was innocent and to give him any news of his little girl, Remus wasn’t sure if he even believed Sirius.

-That night Remus told you the story about how he first met you, and how shocked he was when James called him after speaking to his mother, who had spent the whole day helping Sirius prepare to be a father. You smiled the whole story, as you cling to the black dog plushie Lily had bought you.

-After that you both never brought the subject up again, however you always knew your father was innocent.

-When you turned 8, you had basically mastered basic potions, and whenever you visited Hogwarts, insisted on showing Snape.... however he would tell Dumbledore to watch, and leave the dungeon.

-The day before you turned 9, it was a full moon, meaning you spent your ninth birthday in the castle. You desperately wished that Remus could have been there, but before you left he gave you a big hug, “I promise Love, when you get back I will have the grandest cake for you.”

“You say that every year Uncle Mooney.” You smiled before looking to Dumbledore, “You know if you two would just let me go to Olivandars you wouldn’t need to come collect me all the time.”

“Yes, and we would all get in trouble for you having a wand before you come of age, and for using magic outside of Hogwarts.” Dumbledore reminded you as you rolled your eyes at him, both smiling as the Black sas came out.

“Yes, but Dumbledore if I remember correctly you have connections within the ministry, prehaps...”

“I fear not even I would be able to save you from the punishment of those crimes, however don’t worry my dear, two more years, and you will have the wand of your dreams, and be able to practice magic at Hogwarts, just like everyone else.”

“You two are no fun.” You retorted as the two men just looked at each other and chuckled.

-That night you went to Hagrid’s hut, the lights shining on the freshly cut grass as you climbed the stairs alone. Your tiny fist pounding against the wood as you waited for the warm glow from inside to wash over you. When Hagrid opened the door however you saw he was wearing a party hat, “[Y/N]! Just the angel I wanted to see.”

“Hello Hagrid, seen any exciting creatures today?” You leaned forward and hugged the tall man, his lips curling up as he replied, “It just so happens I did, tell me [Y/N], have you ever heard of a Billywig?”

“Don’t joke like that Hagrid, Billywigs are only in Australia, and besides they are extinct.”

“I saw it in a book, see Professor Kettleburn was here showing me one of his new textbooks, and they have a whole section on those nasty little buggers.”

“Oh, I do love when he gets new textbooks.” You smiled as you noticed the small cake on the table, “Hagrid, why is there a cake on the table?”

“Well it isn’t every day that your favorite little girl turns nine.” He replied, “Baked it myself, figured you would rather a homemade chocolate cake instead of one made by the elves in the kitchen.”

-It was a small, round, pink cake, with your name written in green frosting (it looked very similar to the one he made Harry on his birthday), a huge smile on your face as you looked over to him, “I love it.”

-That night you slept on Hagrid’s couch, which had happened many times before. Fang laid on the floor in the front of the couch, your hand gently touching his fur with your finger tips, as Hagrid laid a quilted blanket over you.

-That day you sat in Dumbledore’s office, your nose in a book from the Library, your legs curled up under you as you flipped through the pages. Fawkes sitting with his eyes on you as you sat in silence, which was interrupted by a chuckle from Dumbledore.

“[Y/N], have I ever told you about the time your father played muggle music on his Walkman at top volume, and danced around the great hall when he returned from Christmas break?”

“Never.” You replied, closing the book, and looking towards the elder, for he had never really told you anything about when your father attended school, or was in the order.

“I believe the song was called Cry For Me Argentina, somehow James and him had planned out an entire choreographed dance, in which James was throwing rose petals behind your father, who was dramatically twirling down the center aisle of the Great Hall. Poor Remus and Peter trailing behind them, trying their hardest to make it look like they knew what was even going on.” Dumbledore reminisced, as you smiled.

-That’s how the rest of the night went, and at some point McGonnagall joined in, adding her own stories. “Your father is the reason I stopped using the word serious, ever time I did in class, or in the common room he would reply, They’re not serious, I am.”

-When you returned that evening to the cabin, Remus had decorated the entire cabin, streamers hung from the ceiling, as the floor was littered with balloons. The table was set, and platters were stacked high with all your favorite desserts. A bowl filled with chocolate sat on the coffee table, and in the middle of the counter space sat a chocolate cake, covered in your favorite fruit, and homemade frosting.

-He let you stay up extra late that night, both of you sat on the couch with your noses in books. Once midnight came around, you looked to Remus, and excused yourself. After hugging him and shutting your door he let out a sigh and opened the drawer to the side table, his hand pulling out a perfectly new envelope, addressed to you, and opened. His fingers slipping into the tear and extracting a piece of parchment,

My Sweet [Y/N],

Today you are nine, oh how I wish I could see you. I am sure you are just a beautiful as I was at your age, and probably just as troublesome to your Uncle Remus. Someday I hope to see you again, or hear from you, so that I can tell you just how much my heart longs for you. I can never make up for the years we have lost, I have tried to think of a way a thousand times but every solution is never enough, nothing I can ever say or do will ever make up for the fact that I am the reason they are dead, and that the real traitor is still free, probably hiding in some dumpster somewhere, as the guilt of his actions naw away at his soul, or for the fact that my best friend is now the one tucking you in at night, and reading you stories, and feeding you chocolate after 10pm, just like he did to me countless nights. You are in good, safe hands my darling [Y/N], but alas they are not the hands you belong in. I would kill for just one chance to see you again on your birthday, I can still picture in my head how you looked on your first birthday, when your Aunt Lily decorated her entire flat, and slaved away for hours on your cake. Poor Prongs had to come hid out at our place just to avoid stressing her more. I doubt you remember that, but sometimes I like to think you do still remember them, and how much they loved you. You were the star we all needed in our blanketed midnight sky, and I can only hope you are that same joyous light for Uncle Mooney, who sometimes forget there is joy in life, and that our alements don’t define us. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you, or the little family we had.

Happy Birthday my Love,

Dad

-Remus’s eyes watered as he read the letter over and over before walking into his room and adding it to the box, his mind wandering far from the current moment in time, and back to that small flat 8 years ago, when they were all smiling with happiness on your first birthday.

-That night he chose to stay in his own room, and look through his own memory keepsakes from his time at Hogwarts, tears freely running down his face as silent sobs scratched at his throat.

-When you awoke the next morning, he had already dried his tears, and wore a smile for you, as though nothing had happened.

-When you turned 11, Remus took you to Diagon Alley, and bought you everything he remembered needing his first year of Hogwarts.

-You were so excited to go to Ollivander’s, your grin was ear to ear as he stated, “No doubt you are a Black child, you have the same wildness behind your eyes as your father and uncle, let us hope however you are not as twisted as...”

“That is quite enough.” Remus interrupted, “We would like to see your finest wands please?”

-That was the first time you had ever experienced someone directly saying something negative to you because of who your father was, your heart torn as you took the first wand into your hands, “Unicorn hair core, black walnut wood, 10.5 inches.”

“Well give it a flick dear.” Remus encouraged, however at the flick of your wrist, all the wands rocketed off of the shelves.

“I’m sorry Mr. Ollivander, but I think we might need to try another.” You smiled shyly, as you placed the wand down immediately.

“I would say so, let me see if we have something more appropriate.” He forced a smile as he retreated towards the back, “Prehaps this will be more family appropriate, your grandmother had a similar one, Dragon heartstring core, black walnut, 8 inches.”

-When you gave it a flick, a small beam shot out of it, and landed on the papers, causing a small fire to overtake the top of the stack. Withdrawing his wand Remus quickly extinguished the flame, however Ollivander’s attention was on something else, and quickly he turned on his heels and made his way towards the wands scattered on the floor, mumbling to himselfbefore loudly exclaiming, “This is the one, I can feel it my dear, almost exactly as another wand I sold back in the day, it is just a 1/4 inch shorter, measuring at 10 inches, it’s made of cypress wood, and the core is unicorn hair.”

-Remus’s eyebrow raised as Ollivander named off the characteristics of his own wand, but before he could say anything you had the wand in hand, and without even a flick, it immediately started to shine, a slight breeze overtook the room as Ollivander smiled, “The wand chooses the witch Miss Black, and it seems you have far more in common with Mr. Lupin than you thought.”

-When you returned home you looked at Remus, “Thank you for today, I had a lot of fun.” You smiled

“No problem Love, however I am exhausted, so how’s about we turn in early for the night.”

“Of course Uncle Mooney.” You replied as you turned into your own room, and shut the door, leaving him to stand in the living room and wonder about the future.

-He addressed his issues to Dumbledore the next time he saw him, “You don’t think the others will bully her for her father’s crimes, do you?”

“I highly doubt any of her peers will even know the story of her father’s crimes, she will be fine Remus.”

“And what shall we do about Sirius, I mean I wouldn’t put it past him to send her a letter while she is at school. I don’t want her head filled with his lies.” Remus inquired, as he looked out the window to see you tending to the lillies.

“Sirius is no threat to her at Hogwarts, she will be safe Remus, I promise.” He reassured him as he let out a shaky breath, “I would hope so.”

“Besides she has Black blood in her, and was raised by 1 of the best tricksters in Hogwarts history, and was brought up with James Potter, she can no doubt handle herself if trouble arises.”

-You were insistent on taking the train your first year, even though Dumbledore offered to take you straight to Hogwarts, “I want to be treated as a normal student Dumbledore.”

“And so you shall.” He smiled

-Remus was secretly falling apart on the inside when he was walking you to platform 9&10, his mind filled with thoughts of all the trouble you could get into, the things you could be bullied for, but also at the sense of loss he was going to feel, the longest he had ever been away from you in the past nine years was 24 hours, and now he wasn’t going to see you again until Christmas. However all of that melted away when he saw your smile, and for a second it was like he was seeing the smile of an 11 year old Sirius Black.

-You got to 9 3/4 beautifully, Remus right behind you as you pushed your cart towards the enormous train, the platform was filled with adults and students, all trying to sort through the chaos.

-Before boarding you wrapped Remus in the tightest hug you could muster, “I’ll write you every day, and I promise I will be on my best behavior.”

“I know Love.” He whispered, as you looked up at him, a excited smile on your face, “I love you.”

“I love you too Uncle Mooney.”

-Those were the last words you said to him before boarding the train, his feet planted firmly on the platform until the train pulled away, his eyes watching as the train got smaller the further it went towards the horizon, until it was completely out of sight. A shaker breath released from his lungs, unaware he was even holding it in, as the reality of the situation set in, for the first time in a long time..... he was completely alone.

-Upon arriving home, the cabin was pitch black, and silent as the grave. His hands reached out towards the light switch, which flooded the room with a harsh yellow glow. His feet carried him straight into his room, to where his bookshelf stood. His fingers running across the spines of each book until he found the one dated for 1979, withdrawing it he looked at the cover of the photo album and retreated to your room. Once inside, he took a deep breath and was overwhelmed with the scent of you, a ping of sadness overtaking him as he sank onto your mattress, and opened the book to see the animated faces of his friends. Each page holding a memory, both before and after you entered their lives, as he relived the moments in his head. He stayed up all night looking at all the albums he had created those past 11 years.

-When you boarded the train, you were looking for anywhere there was available seating, and you knocked on the glass of the first one you saw, “Mind if I sit here?”

“Not at all.” One of the two identical ginger boys exclaimed, his face was slightly rounder than the other boys, and his smile was large as you sat down across from him, “Are you a first year too?” the other asked.

“Yeah, I’m [Y/N], and you are?”

“I’m Fred, He’s George.” The rounder faced one replied

“I’m George, he’s Fred.” The other replied right after

-You spent the whole train ride joking with the twins, and found that you all had a similar sense of humor. However soon the conversation shifted, “So which house do you think you’ll be sorted into?” George asked

“Probably Hufflepuff, honestly I have a sweet tooth, and the closer to the kitchen the better.” You joked as the boys chuckled.

“Well as Weasley’s there is only one house we’lol get sorted into.” Fred replied cocky, “Our whole family has been Gryffindors.”

“Ah so you are lions.” You joked as Fred and George let out fake roars, just as the train stopped at a platform. With smiles you three rose and made your way towards the exit, and once on the platform you heard a familiar voice, “All first years come with me, everyone else make your way to the carriages.”

-“Hagrid!” You exclaimed, separating from the boys as you ran towards the half giant, who extended his arms open and caught you.

“[Y/N]!” He exclaimed, “mighty fine seeing you here, how was the ride?”

“Splendid, just like I imagined, tell me, did the elves make Yorkshire pudding tonight?”

“Course they did, it wouldn’t be the first day feast without it.” He smiled, “However your friends seem to be looking a wee bit confused.”

-When you turned around Fred and George were just looking at you, and with a smile you joked, “What, have my lions never seen a half giant before?”

“No, we are just wondering how you know each other?” Fred questioned

“Now that boys is a secret I shall never tell.” You smiled, before taking both their hands, “Now come on, we don’t want to miss the boats.”

-It was in the boat that you met Lee Jordan, and soon realized he would be joining your friend group.

-Once outside the great hall you turned towards the boys, “Now we make a promise here, no matter what house we get, we will still all be friends, no matter what.”

“Unless one of us gets Slytherin, no one in Slytherin ever turns out being a good guy.” George replied

“Even if one of us gets Slytherin.” You replied, to which the three sighed, but ultimately agreed.

-When McGonagall started calling names you smiled at the members of staff, and watched as each of your friends got sorted into Gryffindor. Finally you heard McGonagall’s voice say your name, “[Y/N] Black.”

-A hush feel over the great hall as you approached the hat, McGonagall smiled at you as you slowly took your place upon the stool, and felt the fabric of the talking hat touch your hair, before it’s voice filled your head, “Ahhhhhhh another member of the Black Family, this should be easy to sort out, I mean you’re a descendant from a long line of Slytherins. I think your father was the only oddball of the family, what you might call a black sheep.”

“Please, don’t put me in Slytherin.” You thought, your eyes closed as you thought it louder

“Oh why not, someone with your talent could excel in Slytherin, besides who doesn’t love a cunning woman with a bit of poisoned blood in her veins. I mean your father was a traitor, whose to say you won’t be the same.”

“My father was not a traitor, he was a loyal friend, and a fighter. He would never turn his back on his family, because you might say I am a descendent of Slytherin but everyone in my family were...” 

“Gryffindor!” The hat screamed, as the table cheered loudly, your eyes opening as your face cracked a smile. Your feet excitingly carried you to the place beside George, as you looked toward Dumbledore, who wore a proud smile on his face as well.

-Your first week of classes was a breeze, Fred and George were baffled by the fact that you knew all of them, and were glad that you were their friend, since you were clearly the brightest witch of your year.

-You went to Dumbledore’s office once while you were free and looked at the hat sitting atop the shelf, “Are you sure you put me in the proper house?” You asked

“Of course I am, you showed true bravery standing up for your father, and loyalty. Both are vital traits of a true gryffindor.”

-You and the twins were inseparable, and within the first two weeks of school were already plotting on who to prank, and how.

-You sent a letter to Remus everyday as promised, and everyday he would send you a reply. However a month into school, you one day received two letters. The first was from Remus, but the second bore no return address.

-You waited until you were in your dorm room to open it, safely seated on your bed, you closed the curtains and tore the envelope open, withdrawing the parchment, you read the scribbles on the page,

Dear [Y/N] Euphemia Black,

Hello, it is odd to think that these are the first words you will ever be reading from me, even though I have written you a hundred times before. However knowing how stubborn your Uncle Mooney is, I doubt he has even told you that I have been writing you since they locked me away.

Where to begin, words can’t even describe how I have been feeling since they ripped me away from you, nor can anything make up for the lost years of communication we have had. Not a single day goes by where I don’t envision your beautiful [Y/E/C] eyes, or how your face looked, or remember how you used to dart around the house like a child overdosing on sugar. Truly your impact on my life has been the only thing keeping me sane in this insane asylum prison all these years. I am sorry I can’t have a similar impact on your life.

You are 11 now, meaning g you have just started the best adventure of your life, it was at Hogwarts that I met your Uncle Prongs, and Mooney, and unfortunately met Uncle Wormtail as well. I wish some days I never met that traitor, or that I wasn’t so self absorbed in my own beliefs. I was wrong to doubt your Uncle Mooney, when the real traitor was right under my nose the whole time, and I gave him the loaded gun to destroy our entire friend group, and your childhood. No child should ever have to endure what you and Harry did. How I wish I knew where he was, since I doubt that they would give Mooney both of you, and I have no idea where Auntie Lily’s family is. I just know where you are, and that you were safe in Uncle Mooney’s cabin all these years.

I would love to hear from you, written on the back is how to reach me. I have so many years to catch up on, and so little time to do so.

I love you my darling, never forget that.

Dad

-By the time you reached the end of the letter you were crying, and every time you reread his words more tears started to flow down your face. Soon your vision was blurred and the words manifested into blobs on the page, but by that point you had already memorized most of it.

-You stayed in bed the rest of the day, and once night had fallen over the castle you made your way to the common room where a very concerned set of ginger twins sat on the stair to the first year girls dormitories with Lee., who was leaning opposite them in the doorway.

When he saw you Lee looked at you with concern, causing the boys to turn and look as well. Wasting no time they jumped up and wrapped you in a tight embrace. When they pulled away Lee wrapped you in a embrace, and then they led you to one of the secluded couches. They kept asking you what was wrong and finally you broke, and told them that you just found out your pet hamster had passed away. Not wanting them to know your family secret.

-The next day you responded to your father’s letter, and started what would soon become a weekly interaction with your estranged father.

-You never told Remus or any of the professors you were in contact with your father.

-your father was so happy when he received your first letter, and cried as he read the seven pages of parchment that you sent him.

-You helped the tricksters with their assignments, and the pranks.

-McGonagall couldn’t help chuckling to Dumbledore one day, and stated, “Isn’t it funny how she has found herself her own group of tricksters?”

“It is, especially since she has become just like Remus.” Dumbledore compared to her as she groaned, “Does that make the Weasleys James and Sirius?”

“I fear it does.” Dumbledore replied

-You were at the top of the class when Christmas break came.

-Before leaving you and the boys decided to do secret Santa when you all returned from christmas break. Each of you wrote your names on a piece of parchment and put it in a hat, drawing one by one. You were the last to draw, and you had gotten Fred.

-When she went home that Christmas Remus was waiting for her anxiously on the platform, however before you were reunited with your uncle, Fred and George followed their brothers towards their family, each of your hands in one of theirs as they led you towards the other Weasleys to introduce you.

-When they heard your last name they immediately knew who your father was, and why he was in Azkaban, but later that night after Arthur expressed his concerns Molly defended you, “We can’t judge her because of her father, and besides, did you see how smitten the boys were to introduce us to their best friend.

-When you saw Remus, you broke away from the twins and ran towards him, your arms snaking around his neck as he picked you up.

-You immediately introduced him to the twins. He looked at both of them and smiled, “So you are the boys my niece has told me so much about?”

-When you got home, you immediately started tell Remus about all the non secretive stuff you left out of your letters. Once you got inside though you looked at him, “Uncle Mooney, have you ever heard of the Marauders Map?”

“Why?”

“Fred and George knicked it from Flich during one of their detentions, and on the front of the parchment it states master Mooney, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prong. I only know four men whom go by those names.”

-He told you everything about the map, and you immediately wrote to the twins to tell them how to open the map. When you were done, and sent the letter off to them, you turned slightly and looked at Remus, “Uncle Mooney?”

“Yes Love?”

“Why have you been hiding my father’s letters from me?”

-He was silent, his face paling, as his hand slightly started to shake. He felt hot suddenly and lost the ability to talk, as you continued, “I want to see them please Uncle Mooney.”

-All he whispered was, “How?”

“He told me, please Remus.” His real name sounded so foreign slipping off your tongue, “I deserve to know.”

-He got the box, and sat at the dining room table, as you slid into the chair across from him. Your fingers casually slid along the lock as you opened the lid and revealed 9 years worth of unread letters. Remus’s eyes focused on the table, never lifting as you read each letter in silence, and finally you reached the first letter, where he had pleaded to his friend his innocence.

“You had all of these for years.” You whispered, “And yet you still doubt him?”

“[Y/N]...” his voice was barely audible, but the heartbreak in his tone and body language was loud, your watering eyes meeting as he took a shaky breath, “I love you.”

“Yet you knew my father was reaching out, that he is rotting away in a cell alone, and you..” your voice cracked, “you let him rot in there alone.”

-You left the table immediately, and went into your room, where you stayed for two days, until you came out to Remus asleep on the couch, the house a mess. You immediately started cleaning as you walked around, along with covered Remus with a blanket. When he awoke, you were seated on the floor facing him, his eyes bloodshot as you whispered, “I love you too.”

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

[ye4gerismarchives]

the bachelorette: the wedding

an: h-hey guys😅 a whole month w/o rhe bachelorette. y’all prolly forgot about it. fortunately, i haven’t😭 sorry yall, i’ve been up all night for the past month reading about nasty white men instead of writing for the bachelorette. this chapter has 4768 words, so i guess that’s a plus.

tags: black, fem reader. i don’t have any triggers off my head, if something does trigger you, do let me know

taglist: @taybird

5:00 am

You had plans to send Levi to his grave. How dare he wake you up at like four in the morning only to start your makeup and hair an hour later? The makeup and hair team were completely respectful towards you and respected your space, considering today was going to be full of emotions.

As your face was getting beat, there was a knock at the door. The makeup artist working on your face stopped so that you could address the person at the door. "If your name is Levi, don't bother coming in," you say. The door opens and your heart jumps because

Her Royal Highness Princess Historia and her girlfriend, Ymir, were in YOUR room.

"Oh sh*t, Your Royal Highness," you let out. Members of your team start to curtsy and bow to Historia. Ymir stands awkwardly behind her. She must have been getting used to the royal bs around her.

You stand to curtsy as well but Historia raises a hand to stop you. "Today is all about you. Ymir and I are going to be your bridesmaids today! Levi called us and we decided we would support you today!" she says cheerfully.

So, Levi probably wasn't going to die today. Now, you couldn't bring yourself to be mad at him but you still side eyes him. He was a powerful guy- you were still under the impression that he said something to Mikasa during the show and caused her unusual behavior.

"O-Oh?"

"Yeah! Ymir and I will get changed but we'll see you in your dress."

And with that, the princess and her girl left your room. It was like a dream.

5:30 am

Weeks before the wedding came, you went dress shopping. However, it didn't go how you wanted it to go. Ideally, you would be dress shopping with Sasha, Mikasa, and Connie. There was no way in hell you would call Sasha and ask her to go with you. You called Connie, who refused to pick up. You thought about calling Mikasa but you felt uneasy about it. So, Levi and his husband, Erwin, went with you.

Erwin was a complete angel. He asked you respectful questions about your life and even made you laugh. Spending time with Erwin made you realized how...dark Levi was and even made you question why they were even together. But your thoughts couldn't stop you from seeing how Levi melted under Erwin's touch. They loved each other. You hoped that You and Jean would be like that.

With their help, you managed to pick the perfect dress.

Slipping it on for the second time was just as magical as it was the first. Your team awed and cooed over how beautiful you looked. Historia and Ymir entered in matching pink outfits and immediately started fawning over how good you looked.

You felt your face redden up and you couldn't help but smile. But all of that went away when a familiar face entered.

"You...you look good, y/n."

"Mikasa...what are you doing here?"

Mikasa was standing in front of you in the same pink color that Ymir and Historia were in but her outfit was a sleeveless wide-legged jumpsuit. Her bangs were brushed away from her face and the rest of her hair sat behind her ears- well, mostly.

"Levi called me. He apologized for everything and told me to come over to apologize to you too. And then he forced me to be your maid of honor," Mikasa explained.

Levi forcing her to come over sounded like him but apologizing? He must have realized he went too far, especially since Mikasa was his niece. Levi was too caught up in creating and entertaining drama that he probably forgot Mikasa's relation to him.

So, you decided to let everything go.

You walk towards Mikasa with arms open and she's shocked but she doesn't hesitate to envelop you in her arms are well.

"I'm so sorry, y/n. I know was so out of line. I'll never let any man get in the way of our friendship again," Mikasa said as she squeezed you harder.

"Same here. If things don't work out with Jean, I'll marry you instead," you joke. You can feel Mikasa's laughter vibrate against your neck. She pulls away first and you proceed to ask another question. "Have you been in touch with Sasha?"

Mikasa purses her lips and shakes her head. "She's been radio silent. I can't tell if she got more backlash than me. She's off social media and just unwilling to speak with anyone. The hate probably got to her and she's just hiding for now."

You weren't too surprised. Mikasa was doing a job- a terrible one- but Sasha went out of her way to sleep with one of your guys...but she was drunk. You could imagine Sasha being the most discussed and debated online. Without speaking to her, you wouldn't know what was really going on in her mind.

"Oh! You never said hi to Princess Historia or Ymir. They're my bridesmaids for the day," you point out. The color leaves Mikasa's face when she realizes who's in the room with her. "Sh*t. Your Royal Highness," Mikasa curtsies. Historia lets out one of her signature giggles and begins to introduce herself and Ymir to Mikasa. As that goes on, your team starts helping you with your dress again.

You were slightly glad Mikasa was by your side today. The situation between the both of you was awkward but you were willing to give her another chance.

7:30 am

In the last two hours, you've done photoshoots and chat with everyone around you. Now it was time for Jean to be yours and for you to be his. You did question the early wedding time that Levi gave you but this would probably be the last time you saw that man so let's just let him do what he wants.

You were visibly nervous. You were gripping onto Mikasa's hand like it would be your last time doing so. "Hey, just remember, he's not your real husband. At least for now. This is all show," Mikasa reminds you. She was right. Jean may have been romantic with you but also he got his hour of fame, he could possibly leave you. Maybe he would get married to Connie.

You started to take a few deep breaths as you pulled up in front of the venue. Levi had rented a beach (not the one you and Connie were on) for your wedding.

From what you could see in the car, there were multiple seats and people were filling them up. You hoped that Connie's family had no ill-feeling toward you and decided to show up. It would be a shame since you were caught on television talking about how you would love for them to be there.

Your car came to a slow end. "y/n, do not worry. Remember, THIS is all fake. Only you decide if it's real," Mikasa reminds you. Levi opens your door and offers his hand to you. "It's go time." Mikasa helped you with your veil making sure that it wouldn't hit the ground.

"y/n, I know I may have been a menace but I'm happy for you. You might have had the most popular season yet," he says. Him bringing up ratings was no shock to you. You don't reply and Levi have his moment.

You like to think that Jean would like to spend the rest of his life with you. You knew that wasn't the case with many Bachelorettes and Bachelors but you look at Levi and Erwin...ah well, that wasn't a good example, considering that Erwin wasn't a contestant. He was the previous host. 'CALM DOWN,' you tell yourself, 'YOU AND JEAN WILL BE GOOD. AND IF HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, ITS WHATEVER BECAUSE I'M THE BEST THING EVER.'

Minutes later, you're at the end of the aisle. Jean has his back turned and he's pacing back and forth slightly. Next to him is Connie. You know this because you recognize his big egg head. You're happy he put everything aside to support the both of you.

Mikasa takes her place in front of you and the music starts. Levi offers you his arm and you take it.

This was really happening.

You looked into the audience with a smile on your face but everything was moving so fast, you couldn't recognize their faces.

Before you knew it, you were by Jean. He still couldn't look at you- not until Levi gave you away. The marriage officiant clears his throat and begins to talk.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of Jean and y/n. Welcome friends and family! We're glad to have you with us.

Today is the beginning of a remarkable journey for this couple. Drawing on their mutual admiration, respect, and trust, they are ready to embark on the next chapter in their lives. We celebrate the love and light evident in their relationship and wish them well on this joyous occasion.

Who gives this woman away?"

"I do," Levi answers. He takes Jean's hand and places it on top of yours. Jean then moves his under yours so that he could hold it. He looks down at Levi and mouths 'Thank you'. The shorter male nods and takes a seat.

The officiant gives you and Jean a moment to face each other. Jean had the biggest smile on his face when his eyes landed on you. "You look gorgeous," he whispers. "You're not so bad yourself," you reply.

The officiant continues. "If anyone has cause to object to the forming of this union, speak now or forever hold your peace." You look over Jean's shoulder to see Connie. You couldn't see his whole face, thanks to Jean's height, but you could see his eyes. They were narrowed and looking straight at you.

You wanted to feel bad, but you couldn't. YOU decided that Connie would not be your spouse, and that was final.

No one responded to the officiant's request, so he continued.

"Marriage is an integral part of the human tradition. Let us remember, as we stand here before the Universe, that the vows taken today hold great importance, just as they did to our ancestors. As individuals, we choose to enter the union of marriage to share all aspects of ourselves with our soulmate. Today, this is true for Jean and y/n."

Soulmate. You hoped that was true for you and Jean. You did meet him on a tv show.

"There are few greater joys in life than finding someone with whom we truly "click." In that spirit, I will now share a short reading on soulmates from author Richard Bach:

"A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

Under the eyes of Ymir, together we take a moment to acknowledge the seriousness of the commitment being entered into today. With great joy, we also recognize the special bond shared by Jean and y/n.."

This...this was a special bond indeed. Not only that, it was completely random. The next part of the wedding was your vows. The next part of solidifying your relationship.

"I will now invite the couple to share their vows. Jean and y/n, the promises you make today are sacred; they are the groundwork from which your marriage will grow and blossom over time.

Jean, would you like to begin first?"

Jean nods and squeezes your hands. "y/n, hopefully by the end of this ceremony, you will be my wife. I know there's a lot that you're worried about but I'll do everything to make you happy. I'll always protect you and keep you satisfied."

"y/n, your turn."

"Jean. I'm not too sure what to say...you've out-speeched me," you joke. Jean chuckled. "But...I too promise to love and protect you. I'll also make sure we're on the same page because that's very important for our relationship. I'm willing to fight for us."

You look at the officiant, letting him know that you were done.

"Let us proceed. Jean, before your family and friends, do you take y/n as your beloved Wife, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?"

Jean is silent for a moment. He's rubbing the back of your right hand and staring straight into your eyes- almost as if he was reevaluating everything. This made you nervous. Jean was a smart guy. You know you couldn't hold him down and force him to do anything he didn't want.

"I...I do," he finally answers. The weight on your chest dissolves.

"y/n, before your family and friends, do you take Jean as your beloved Husband, to have and to hold, through laughter and in sadness, through challenges and successes, so long as you both shall live?"

"Yes, I do," you answer quickly. You hear small laughs coming from the audience.

The officiant gives you a small smile before continuing. "Wedding rings are a traditional symbol of the strength of the bond between two soulmates."  Connie comes from behind Jean with the wedding bands and gave you both one.

"This bond is never broken, and continues in a perpetual circle, glowing with the warmth and eternal light of two souls in a perfect union. By wearing these rings, you will be always reminded of the connection you share and the vows you have made today. Jean, please, repeat after me;

I, Jean..."

"I, Jean..."

"present you, y/n, with this ring..."

"present you, y/n, with this ring..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love."

"Let it never lose its luster..."

"Let it never lose its luster..."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

Jean, still gently holding your hand, slips the ring on (whatever finger your culture uses for weddings!). He can't help but admire it for a moment. He looks back up at you with the biggest grin. All you had to do was place the ring on his finger and your marriage would be "official".

"y/n, repeat after me. I, y/n..."

"I, y/n..."

"present you, Jean, with this ring..."

"present you, Jean, with this ring..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love..."

"as a symbol of our everlasting love..."

"let it never lose its luster..."

"let it never lose its luster..."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

"just as my love for you will never fade."

You slip the ring onto Jean's left finger.

"By the power vested in me by the Ymir Life Church and Paradis, under the eyes of the Ymir, I happily pronounce you Husband and Wife! Jean, kiss your bride."

At that moment, everyone disappeared. It was just you and Jean. Jean places a hand on your waist and pulls you in. You find your hands riding up his chest and resting on his shoulder as you get closer. You and Jean connect and all of sudden, you're not in that bubble anymore.

"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, I give you Mr. Kirstein and Mrs. l/n!!."

You and Jean left together as "spouses". The first thing you did was official wedding photoshoots that were to be spread all over Paradis and all over the world- thanks to social media. Y'all kinda look like Meghan and Harry tbh.

Anyway.

You both got an opportunity to change in your reception outfits. After that, it was another car ride to the reception venue. Jean held your hand and couldn't stop talking about how beautiful you looked. You were so flustered, you couldn't get a response out. When you reached the venue, the driver helped out first and Jean slipped out of the car after you. He took your hand and entered the reception venue with you.

When you entered the dining hall, you were welcomed by cheers and claps. It was extremely overwhelming- not in a bad sense, however. You looked around the room and caught some familiar faces. You saw Bertholdt and Reiner sitting at a table with another unfamiliar girl. Across the room, Mikasa is seated with Connie, Historia, and Ymir. Everyone else is family that Levi most likely reached out to.

You and Jean take a seat and the cheering calms down. You lean on Jean's shoulder and sigh. The day wasn't over yet, but you were already so tired. Jean places his head on top of yours. "I can't wait to just be with you. I don't know what you had planned tonight but to be honest, I just want to sleep. I haven't realized how tired I was until now," Jean says quietly. "I have to agree. Let's just take a shower, cuddle and just pass out."

Jean brings his head up and smirks at you. "A shower? Together?" You only roll your eyes jokingly. "Oh, look, I think Levi is gonna call us up to have our first dance." "Don't worry, I'll get my answer sooner or later, y/n. You can't run from me." Jean pokes your arm teasingly, which causes you to squirm a little bit. Levi calls you up and Jeans takes your hand to lead you to the dance floor.

(Song of your choice) starts playing and you're not even sure where to start. Jean has a hand on your waist and is holding your free hand. You have a hand on his shoulders. "I'm not even sure where to start, we never practiced," you whisper. Jean smiles softly. "Don't worry about it. We're in this together aren't we?" He begins to move, taking full control. You stumble a bit but your reception dress hides your clumsiness. After a bit, you weren't stumbling anymore. You rest your head on Jean's shoulder and he pulls you even closer. Your movements get even slower. The music slowly disappeared and so did everyone else. It was just you and Jean.

When the music actually came to an end, you pulled away slowly. "You did great," Jean says softly. "So did you." You both go back to your seats. Waiters started to come out and take everyone's orders for dinners and started to pour drinks- meaning a toast would be coming up.

Mikasa comes up to the dance floor and awkwardly clanks her glass, trying to get everyone's attention. Everyone turned their heads and it wasn't because of the awkward clanking of the glass. There were some 'What the hell is she doing here?'s and 'Eren's b*tch?'s. You could visibly see Mikasa's nervousness so you attempted to lock eyes with her. It took her a while but she could finally look you in the eye. Mikasa clears her throat. "Um, hi. You're probably wondering why I'm here but today is not about me. It's about y/n and Jean. I was once y/n's closets friends until I was pressured to do something that I wouldn't normally do." Mikasa gives Levi a side-eye. The shrimp man crosses his arms and rolls his eyes.

"y/n is absolutely amazing...I can't really put it into words but there's something about her that just make people want to be around her. I can see why Jean fought so hard to be with her."

Jean squeezes your hand when she makes that comment.

"I often think to myself about how y/n could have easily met Jean at a café or a movie theatre or something rather than on TV show. But at the same time, this was good for her...and all of us. Here we discovered the lengths of our friendship and who we really were as people. I believe these ups and downs helped y/n find Jean- her true love. Honestly, I wish you both a happy future. Make it worth it."

Mikasa raises her glass and everyone clinks their glass with their neighbors. Connie begins to walk up to the dance floor as soon as Mikasa leaves.

"I'm going to be really honest with you. This is was unexpected. I honestly thought that today was going to be about me." Connie raises his eyebrows at Jean, who furrows them.

"But I guess it's a good thing I didn't marry y/n. I wouldn't have been enough to handle. So, congrats to you, Jean. You're tolerable."

Connie gets off the dance floor without giving you or Jean a look. You look at Jean and he's hurt. "H-hey...maybe he's drunk or something. In his feelings, you know? Don't let him make you feel bad," you say. Jean gives you a small smile before sipping down his drink.

Moments later, it was time for parent dances. Jean got up to dance with his mom. It was a little bit uncoordinated than yours but they looked like they were having a lot of fun.

Next was the bouquet and garter toss. You started with the garter first. You sat in a chair with your legs cross. You knew this was going to happen but it wasn't rehearsed. Jean could see your uneasiness, so he started doing a silly sensual dance. It made you laugh and your laughter got louder once he started shimming down to the floor. He got closer to your thigh and you felt your face heating up. You slapped your hand over your mouth once he starting biting the garter and pulling it off. As he continued, you cupped your face. When Jean was finally day, cheers erupted and you uncovered your hot face. Jean closes his eyes and throws the garter into the crowd and it lands in the hands of Reiner. The guys cheer even louder for him as he awkwardly glances over at Bertholdt, who is a few people away from him.

Next was the bouquet throwing. You closed your eyes and the guest counted you off. Once you heard the number three, you threw the bouquet. You open your eyes and turn around to see that Bertholdt had gotten the flowers. His face is so red...he look like a tomato.

After your guest settled down, it was time to cut your cake, meaning that your wedding day was almost over. You picked a (cake of your choice) for tonight. "It looks delicious. I can't wait to try it," Jean whispers in your ear. "It is. You'll love it," you respond. You pick up a knife. Jean wraps his hands around yours. You both gently place the knife on the cake and pushed it down. You lean back to give Jean a kiss and he gives you one. Jean grabs two forks by the cake and hands one over to you.

Jean scoops a piece of the cake first. He places a hand on your chin and you open your mouth. "Ladies first," he says as he places the cake in your mouth. You take a minute to savor the taste before swallowing. You also take a piece of the cake and get on your toes to feed Jean. He chuckles softly at your struggle before taking the fork from you and feeding himself. "You're right, it's good," he says after swallowing. He bends down slightly to give you another kiss.

The night was slowly coming to an end. There was no sight of Connie after his stupid speech and Levi and Erwin were getting ready to get home. Historia and Ymir had left right after the cake cutting ceremony but had promised to call you once everything had settled down. You and Jean formally greeted your guest and started your goodbyes.

Mikasa had gone up to you with a slightly awkward face. "Today wasn't so bad, huh?" she starts. You give her a kind smile. "It wasn't. Did you enjoy yourself?" Mikasa pauses to answer. "Your wedding was beautiful...however, I can't get upset over the reaction about me being here. y/n, I have to apologize again. What I did was completely wrong. I shouldn't even be blaming Levi for everything. I could have told you at first and-"

You pull Mikasa into a hug to shut her up. "Mikasa, move on. Come on, we're adults! At least you're apologizing and trying- unlike someone we know," you joke. You pull away. "Hopefully, if Jean and I have a real wedding, it won't be as awkward for you." Mikasa nods. "I'll see you around. Congrats." As Mikasa walks off, Reiner, Bert, and this mystery blonde come up to you. Inside Reiner's pocket is your garter sticking out and Bertholdt is clenching your bouquet.

"Hey," you start," Thank you for coming. Who's your friend?"

Bertholdt looks over at the blonde. "Thank you for inviting us...um...this is Annie. My dad thought you were her."

Now, why did Bertie's dad think you was this yt girl?😟

LMAO. "Nice to keep you, Annie. You Bertie's girl?" you ask.

Annie shakes her head no frantically. "OH, NO. Never in a million years, no. Yuck!" she answers dramatically. Reiner throws an arm over Bert's shoulder. "He's actually my boy now," he says proudly. "OH-! Congrats! So we're having a wedding for you soon, yes?" You tease. Reiner nods and Bertie tries to hide his face in Reiner's hair. "When did this all happen...? I just eliminated you like...two weeks ago?"

"Well...Reiner and I were still in contact and when I left, he reached out to me. We met up a few times and we hit it off," Bertie explains. "Congrats. I'm really happy to hear that," you answer. You turn around to look for Jean. He's talking to his mom. He gives you a small glance before continuing his conversation with her. "I better go catch up with Jean. It was nice to see you...and finally meeting you, Annie." The trio say their goodbyes before leaving.

You make your way over to Jean but you're stopped by the human fit of annoyance- Levi. You were so tired of him but you threw on a smile since Erwin was walking over as well. "Yes, Levi? I thought we were done here," you say in a singsong voice. "Aw, you're ready to go?" Levi says sarcastically. You open your mouth to answer but he cuts you off. "For starters, thank you for adding on to mine and Erwin's paychecks. We really appreciate it. Arrangements for your hotel and honeymoon have been put together. You're tired of me, but don't hesitate to call me if something goes wrong. Besides that, I wish you luck. Make everything worth it."

Levi walks past you and Erwin stops to hug you before following his husband.

Jean makes his way up to you, his mom following behind. "Everything good? I saw shrimp talking to you." You take Jean's hand. "Everything's good." Jean pulls you into a side hug. "Aw, you guys are so cute. I really do hope you last," Jean's mom comments, "I've always wanted a daughter."

"Mom, nothing's official yet-"

"I'm glad you think of me as your daughter, June."

"Well, I'll see you later. Jean, take care of her tonight. Be good to her and listen to her. Don't be rough, she's not a rag doll," June warned her son. She had a finger up in his face and everything. Seeing their relationship on the regular was going going to be hilarious.

Jean swats his mom's finger out of his face before waving her goodbye. He then fully wraps his arms around you. "No offense. But I'm glad this is over. We'll get to know each other one on one now," he says. You can't help but agree.

ITS FINALLY OVER. well not exactly. i have one more chapter to write and y’all will never hear about levi, 12 guys, and dates ever again😭 but since this series has reached its goal (you getting married) please do me a favor and rate my series, it would be appreciated!

[jekjekmalupet29]

My Long Distance Bicycle Trip of Tagaytay city and Batangas

John F. Kennedy once said "Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of riding a bike.". Cycling or Bike riding is one of the most fun outdoor activities. It is the perfect "me-time" and can also be one of the best bonding experience with your friends of family. For me, cycling is my escape to reality whenever life is frustrating. In this post, I'm going to share one of my most memorable bicycle ride. This happened during my 8th grade on November 9, 2019.

Ride-Out

I woke up at 4 am and had a breakfast of pandesal and 1 cup of milk. Me and my brother left our house at 5:30 am and waited for our friends in our meet-up place 7-eleven Paliparan II. At 6:15 am, our friends have arrived and we left for Silang, Cavite. I'm not feeling well during in the early stages of this ride because I wasn't able to sleep. Whenever I feel excited about something I can't sleep but that excitement pushed me and boosted me during the whole trip. We're from Dasmariñas, Cavite and Silang is just about 30-40 mins away from us but since our pace is for "chill ride" it took us 35 mins to get there.

First Stop:

Silang, Cavite

At about 7 am , we stopped for a while at the statue of General Vito Belarmino to take a picture and also to rest for a bit at a nearby 7-eleven. 7-eleven branches are very important to cyclists. This is where we refresh ourselves whenever it's getting tiresome and needed a break. Whether it's drinking sports drinks like Gatorade and taking booster drinks or eating chocolates to replenish our energy. After about 15 minutes of break time, we left.

The Climb

It was around 7:10 am when we enter the most thrilling section of the trip. Silang is approximately 12 km away from Tagaytay City. When you enter Silang, you should be ready since this is where the real fun and challenge begins. It's nothing but an uphill. You will encounter many intense steep climb on your way to Tagaytay. This place will make you feel weak and tired. It will make you rethink about the decisions you have made in your life and why did you even dare to go there at the first place. It can also be exciting and thrilling if you're that type of person like me who enjoy challenges. I really love the climbing sections of long rides even though it's the most trouble-some for others since it challenges you to give your best and when you finally finished climbing it feels very worth it. It was very intense along with the fact I was sleepless. It left my heart beating very fast. After about an hour of steep climbs and uphills that feels like an eternity we finally saw the "Welcome to Tagaytay" arch which means we're near our second stop over, Tagaytay Rotunda.

2nd Stop:

Tagaytay, Cavite

We arrived at Tagaytay, Cavite at about 8:20 am. Again, we stopped at a nearby 7-eleven to rest and refresh. I can't express it in words how magnificent Tagaytay City especially getting there via bicycle. It is one of the most visited locations by cyclist for a reason. Once we arrived there it was quite relaxing looking back at the uphills we went through and enjoying the view of Taal Volcano and nearby places. It's the beauty of cycling. It thought me that every uphill is worth it and rewarding just like in life.

Unfortunately some of the pictures we took during this trip were deleted however those precious memories were still embedded in my heart. After about 20 minutes of rest we went for Batangas. Our next stop over was approximately 10 km away from Rotunda but it's not that challenging compared to Silang because most of the steep climbs of this trip are from Silang. It took us about 40 minutes to get there.

Welcome to Batangas

We arrived here at 9:30 am. We stopped to take a picture and have a buko juice break. At this point, I'm feeling very nervous since the last time I was here I was completely overwhelmed. Two months prior to this, Me and my brother, along with his friends also went here. Out of all my experiences as a cyclist, I can say that it's probably the most difficult cycling I've ever had. That's why this trip is very important to me because it's a chance to redeem myself and test the results of my two months of training. After that short break, we left for our main destination. It was a breeze downhill. Although, there is still some parts where it may be a downhill but if feels like a climb. After 20 mins of steady downhill, we finally reached our destination.

Fantasy World

We finally arrived at our main destination, Fantasy World at Laurel, Batangas. I felt very ecstatic. Sure, it was very tiring to get here but I'm finally here. I remember the last time I was here, it made me felt hopeless and tired but this time it's the opposite. Looking at the beautiful castle of the unfinished theme park is very fulfilling and relaxing. It really made me love cycling and life as a whole.

Going Home

We ate lomi Batangas from a nearby restaurant and it was the best lomi I've ever had. After eating and resting for 45 minutes, we finally decided to leave and go home. Even though I should have been tired at that point, for some reason, I feel energized more than ever. It was the most awaited part for me because as I said earlier the last time I climbed back from Batangas to Tagaytay was a frustrating experience. During that time we went farther and reached Taal Basilica and we also didn't anticipate that it would be that difficult but this time I know what to expect. As expected it was very challenging and steep but that excitement and drive pushed me and I did better than last time where I literally cried and wanted to use the "pinagbabawal na technique" for cyclists which is to commute instead of riding out bike. It may have been an almost an hour of steep climbs and uphills but it didn't bother me. After about 50 minutes we stopped for our last stop, which is the Twin Lakes Hotel and of course we went at to a nearby 7-eleven again and admire the fascinating view of Taal and Tagaytay.

At around 12:30 we continue our ride back to home. It was almost downhill during the whole trip. For every uphill we climbed earlier was a downhill for us to enjoy. I think we arrived at home around 2:10. Let's always remember that in cycling, pain is temporary but the memories and sense of pride we experience from such accomplishments are forever.

[definitelyseven]

deal | nine

summary: when your step-mom unexpectedly offers you a deal you can’t resist, you decide to give her a taste of her own medicine by seducing her potential suitor, Im Jaebum. 

one (m) | two | three (m) | four (m) | five | six (m) | seven | eight (m) | nine | ten | eleven | twelve (m) | thirteen | fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen - final |

You quickly grabbed your bag and ran downstairs. It was 8:45am and you had work at 9am. You’ve overslept. 

“Running late?” Eunbi asked with a smirk.

“Where’s Jaebum?” you asked while putting on your heels.

“He left already. Please don’t tell me you’re expecting a ride from him everyday. He’s a very busy man you know,” she said with her arms crossed. 

“You can’t give it a rest, can you? You’re bitchy every second of the day,” you commented as you walked past her and out the door. You quickly caught a taxi down the street, but even with no traffic you were going to be 30 minutes late. 

“You’re late,” Anna spatted at you as soon as you walked into the office.

“Sorry,” you said trying to catch your breath and straighten out your clothes.

“Come on, there’s a meeting in 5 minutes. You need to get the conference room set up,” she said handing you a box of files to lay out on the table. You didn’t have time to change your heels this morning and running around to get to work made it worst but you sucked it up and did your job. Just as you were about to finish setting up, Jaebum walks in the meeting room. He completely ignores you and sits down at the table.

“Mr. Im, can I get you something to drink?” you asked professionally. 

“Anna, will you please get me an iced americano?”

You let out a small sigh before moving on to the next person to take their order. You did nothing wrong and if he’s going to treat you like this so be it. 

Another handsome looking man walked into the conference room - he looked familiar. He was the guy that taught at your gym. You’ve taken his classes before. He smiles at you before sitting down next to Jaebum. 

The whole day was no different from the conference room. Jaebum did nothing but ignore you. Whenever he needed something, he would ask Anna to take care of it. 

“Working late?” someone called from behind. You quickly turned around to see the same guy at the meeting. “I’m Jackson,” he smiled as he extended his hand to you.

“Y/N,” you replied, reaching out to shake it. You looked at your watch, it was already 10pm. You got stuck with all the bitch work towards the end of the day again, but the only thing different was that Jaebum wasn’t here to help you. 

“I saw the lights still on and wanted to see who was working so hard,” he teased. 

"I was just leaving,” you laughed as you picked up your purse.

“We’ve met before, you know?”

“I know,” you smiled. “You used to teach at the gym I went too.”

“Can I give you a ride home?”

“Oh...that’s alright. Thank you though,” you politely declined before walking away.

The bus schedule showed the next bus was supposed to arrive in 10 minutes, but you’ve been waiting for 30 minutes already. As you were able to give up and call for a taxi, a black car pulls up next to the curb.

“Get in.” It was Jackson. “Get in, it’s late.”

You nodded and got in the car, “Thank you.” You buckled your seatbelt as he drove off. “My address is...”

“I know where you live,” he interrupted. You looked at him confused.

“How do you know?” Jackson doesn’t answer but only smiles at you. The question wanders in your mind during the whole ride home. He didn’t seem like some kind of stalker, but thirty minutes later, he was pulling up to the front of Jaebum’s house. “Thanks,” you said as you unbuckled your seat belt.

“Did you know we have security cameras inside the training rooms?” he randomly asked. You looked at him confused again. You paused, rethinking what he just said.

“Oh God...” you let out as you feel your heart drop down to your stomach. “Oh my god...” you repeated before running out of the car.

“Y/N...” Jackson calls after you. You sighed and turn back to confront him.

“Do you still have the footage?” you asked biting your lip.

“Don’t worry. I deleted it.”

You nodded. “Thanks,” you awkwardly said before walking away again. You didn’t get far before you turned back around. “I’m not his girlfriend,” you explained. “I’m kind of his step daughter,” you gulped, nervous to see to his reaction.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not judging,” he smiled while rubbing your arm.

“Eunbi married my dad and then he died and moved onto Jaebum. She doesn’t know about the gym thing and I’d like to keep it that way,” you hinted.

“Are you sure she doesn’t know?” he asked.

“What?”

“Everyone on that floor is one of Eunbi’s spies. Everyone secretly reports to her because she’ll be their boss’s new wife.”

“I didn’t know that but thank you for telling me,” you smiled.

“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me,” Jackson reassured. 

“Thank you,” you sighed in relief. He was Jaebum’s friend, he wouldn’t tell his secret to everyone. You were sure of it. “I should go inside now.” Jackson nods, waving goodbye.

As soon as you walked in, you see Jaebum waiting by the stairs with his arms crossed. “You’re home late.” 

“Yeah...work,” you replied softly before walking past him.

“Y/N,” he called. He’s been ignoring you all day and now he wants to talk. 

“Yes Mr. Im,” you responded with a fake smile. 

“Don’t be like this,” Jaebum said grabbing your arm.

“Be like what?”

“Petty and bratty.”

“No I was being professional. You were being petty,” you clarified. You were annoyed and pissed at him. He was the one who ignored you. He was the one who wasn’t acting professionally. Jaebum pins you against the wall in frustration. “What? Am I wrong?” you pointed out. Jaebum reaches under your dress and towards your panties. “What?” you scoffed. “Now you want to be with someone like me?” He looks at you confused. “Come on Jae. We both knew what you meant last night. A slut like me right?”

He stands there shocked at your words. There was no denying he implied it last night. He was overwhelmed at you questioning his marriage and his way of taking care of his son.

“Daddy!” you hear Minguk yell from outside. As quick as he pushed you against the wall, Jaebum lets go of you and walks towards the door while you straighten out your clothes. “Daddy!” Minguk screams again jumping into his arms.

Minguk’s interruption gave you the perfect opportunity to slip away upstairs. You weren’t proud of your actions - sleeping with someone’s man but this was different. At first you wanted Eunbi to suffer, to make her feel what you felt when she married your father; when she stole everything from you. But now, you wanted to show Jaebum that Eunbi wasn’t the woman she made herself out to be. She won’t be a good mother to him and you couldn’t let that sweet little boy get used like that. However, Jaebum didn’t seem to mind. He seemed convinced that Eunbi would take care of Minguk like her own, but you were the perfect example; even with money, she abandoned you. 

“Meet me at the wine cellar,” Jaebum texted. You contemplated on whether to ignore him or meet him downstairs. You didn’t have the energy to argue with him or convince him otherwise, but you missed his touch. You made your way downstairs to the wine cellar. Jaebum was already there waiting for you with an open bottle of wine. “I didn’t think you would come.”

“I just wanted to clarify something,” you said walking towards him. “I’m not proud of what I’m doing but I’m no slut. I didn’t force you to sleep with me. You wanted it just as much as I did so don’t make this my fault.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. 

“No you’re not. You’re only sorry because I’m hurt by what you said,” you explained. 

“I didn’t ask you to come down here to talk about this,” Jaebum said, sipping his wine. 

“Right...” you nodded slowly. “You called me down here to fuck.”

“I...” he tried to explain. 

“What she can’t satisfy you anymore? I wonder what’s going to happen when you get sick of me,” you snapped before walking away. Jaebum grabs your wrist and pins you against the wall again. You groaned at how rough he was being with you. “Are you going to keep doing that?” 

“Are you going to keep talking back to me?” he whispered with his lips close to yours.

“What are you going to do about it?” you argued. He smirks, lifting your legs up to wrap around his waist. He pushes his lower body up against yours. You let out a small moan once you feel his hard member poking at you. 

“Not talking back anymore, huh?” he snickered. 

“Shut up and kiss me,” you tell him as he slams his lips against yours. He was rough with you as if he was taking out all his anger on you. Jaebum’s hands roams up and down your body. Your core was already wet at the thought of him fucking you. His fingers quickly found your panties, pushing it to one side before slipping his digits in between your wet folds.

“Look at you, so wet for me already,” he whispered in your ear. 

“Are you going to keep talking or are you going to fuck me?”

“Shh...what a filthy mouth you have,” Jaebum said giving your neck a light suck while rubbing your clit in circular motions.

“Jae!” the both of you hear Eunbi scream as her footsteps grew closer and closer. 

“Fuck,” the both of you whispered. Jaebum drops you to your feet before walking away from you. 

“What the hell are you guys both doing down here?” Eunbi asked, angry. 

“Relax Mother. I’m here to grab a drink and then I’m leaving,” you said calmly. You grabbed the glass of wine on the table and walked away. You let out a sigh once you got back to your room - that was close. 

You woke up earlier this morning, afraid that you’d be late to work again. You also didn’t know if Jaebum was going to give you a ride or if you’d have to take the bus. 

“I can take you to work today,” Jaebum called from the living room as you put on your heels. “Have breakfast with us,” he calls again. Just as you were about to respond to him the door bell rings. You went to open the door and see Jackson smiling at you. 

“Ready for work?” he asked. 

“What?” you responded, a little taken back at what he said. 

“I’m here to drive you to work so you don’t have to take the bus,” Jackson clarified. Jaebum comes up from behind you, staring at his best friend. 

“What are you doing here?” Jaebum asked.

“I’m here to take Y/N to work so she doesn’t have to take the bus. Let’s go,” he urged. 

“Actually I’m taking her today,” Jaebum said reaching out to grab your wrist. You stood there frozen and confused. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Jae. Enjoy your breakfast with Minguk and I’ll take her,” Jackson smiled sweetly before reaching for you. 

You didn’t expect Jackson to show up this morning nor did you expect them to fuss about driving you to work.

a little note from jennie: hello loves! sorry i didn’t post last week. i’ve been really busy at work and needed to take a break, but i’m back! hope you enjoy! :)

[deanandthephantoms]

Perfect Harmony Pt.1 - Reader x Charlie

Soo.. This is my first attempt at writing a story. This story is, in a very short summary gonna be about how the reader and Charlie Gillespie met, became best friends, drifted apart, and found each other again. Thank you @happinessinthedarkesttimes for giving me the idea to write this. I hope you’ll enjoy! This is chapter one of.. who knows how many, it might become a long one. Oh and all feedback is welcome :). You can read chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here !

Start of something new

When Y/N was 16 years old her mom thought it was a good idea to send her to a summer camp for teenagers to young adults. Now that may sounds like a fun thing, but Y/N was always very shy and very insecure at first, I guess that’s what 10 long years of being bullied on the regular does to a person.. As you can imagine going out and meeting a insanely large group of new people was a pretty terrifying thing to her. So when she was on her way in a bus to the summer camp surrounded by other camp-goers she was in full panic mode thinking things like; WHAT AM I DOING? I DON’T WANT TO GO! WHAT IF THEY’RE ALL GONNA BE MEAN TO ME?! there however was no turning back now.. Luckily it was only a week, she would survive.. Right?

When the bus arrived at her home for the coming week y/n was overwhelmed by the amount of people that were already there.  Luckily a camp staff member came up to her soon enough and told her she was placed into a smaller group with 8 other people from around her age. Still scary but focusing on meeting 8 new people sure was a lot less scary than having to meet at least 100 people all at once. The counselor also showed Y/N where her room for the week was.

When Y/N stepped into her bedroom for the week she saw 3 pairs of eyes looking at her. One of the girls jumped up from her bed and said; “Hey! I don’t think we’ve met yet? I’m Madison! That’s Savannah” she said while pointing towards the blonde girl sitting on one of the beds, Savannah gave you a smile and a small wave. “And that’s Jadah” she said while gesturing towards the girl making her bed. “hi!” Jadah said with a big smile. I took Madison’s held out hand and shook it. “Hey nice to meet you all.” You smiled shyly. “You’re right it’s my first time here so I haven’t really met anyone yet.. My name is Y/N by the way.” “ Nice to meet you too Y/N!”Madison said. “So since you’re sleeping in our room I bet that means you’re also in our group, right?” “Oh.. eh.. I’m not sure..?” “I replied. Is that usually how this works? Have you 3 been here before?” I asked while claiming my bed for the week. “Yeah!” They all said at the same time, sounding very excited. This time it was Savannah who continued to speak; “I’ve been coming here every summer since I was 13. That was also the year I met Madison and Jadah and the rest of our group, who you will meet soon enough. We actually have become really close friends over the years so we keep coming back here to see each other. You’re gonna love our group!” I smiled at her excitement. “I sure hope so.” “So.. Jadah began, how did you end up coming here?” “Honestly? I said, my mom thought it would be a brilliant idea to send me here, to meet some new people..” “You don’t sound very excited about it”Jadah noticed. “You picked up on that huh? You’re right..” I quickly explained to the girls that I’m very shy and insecure at first which makes meeting new people a hard and scary thing. They all nodded understandingly. “Hey, Madison said, we got you okay? no need to feel scared or anything.” The 3 girls smiled at me and for some reason I felt they meant it. “Thank you I said, that really does mean a lot. So.. while we’re on the topic of meeting new people, when will we be meeting the rest of our group?” I asked nervously. “In 30 minutes or so Madison replied, our first group activity starts at 3pm”.  “Group activity?” I asked with a nervous look on my face. Savannah laughed,”don’t worry they call it a activity but it’s basically just some time to meet everyone in your group and the leaders of your group.”  “oh, that doesn’t sound tooo bad” I replied, still feeling very nervous but at least I had those 3 girls who genuinely seemed nice.

3pm came sooner than I wanted and before I knew it Jadah was dragging me along to my first group activity. When we got there the rest of our group and our two older leaders we’re already there. Jadah sat me down next to this boy with brown hair and hazel eyes the boy greeted Jadah and gave me a smile. I soon would learn that his name was Charlie. He came to camp with two of his friends, Owen and Jeremy who were also in our group. Then there was this boy called Taylor and another girl called Tori and last but not least our leaders, a man called Ray, who seemed super chill and laid back and a woman named Rose who seemed to be the sweetest person. During that first time meeting everyone I actually started to feel more comfortable, they all seemed pretty nice. Maybe this week wouldn’t be so bad after all.. Soon after meeting your group it was time for dinner with the entire camp. Madison gestured for you to come sit with her, an invitation you happily accepted you had met enough new people for the day. During the dinner the head camp counselors asked for everybody’s attention. They introduced themselves to us and told us some crazy story about how we were gonna play ‘glow in the dark paintball’. Madison laughed at my confused face. “I hate to break the fun but this all just means we’re having a dropping later tonight. they try this every year. They try to prepare us for an intense, active night without actually saying they’re dropping us in the middle of nowhere.” She whispered to me. “Oohhh” I simply replied, actually feeling a bit disappointed.

-Later that night y/n found out Madison was right, the group and their two leaders got dropped in the middle of nowhere and as we speak were trying to find their way back “home”.- 

I found myself walking next to Charlie, he was chatting away about all kinds of things I learned all about his family and about his girlfriend who apparently was a staff member on this camp and he promised me, he would introduce me to her. I had to admit, I had the worst experience with boys I had kind of decided that I hated all of them, but this Charlie dude was very easy to talk to, he has this energy that just makes you feel at ease and the other boys seem very nice too.. Charlie ripped me away from my own thoughts, “Sooo Y/N what kind of music do you like? Please tell me you like music..” I couldn’t help but laugh, “If I like music? nah”. I left a short silence before continuing;  “I love music!” even though it was dark I could tell he smiled at that answer. “What kind of music is a hard question though. I literally listen to all kinds of things from rock to silly boybands.. I enjoy it all.” It was that moment a song of  the band Linkin park popped into my head and I softly started singing it “When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.” Realizing what I was doing I quickly shut up again. “Y/N, were you just singing a Linkin park song?” Charlie asked me. “Yeah..” I replied half ashamed, “they’re one of my favorite bands actually.” I said. “NO WAY!”He replied all excited. “I love them too!” And without any warning he continued singing the song I started singing. – this boy can sinnnng I thought to myself before joining him and singing along, it only took Owen, Jeremy and Taylor 5 seconds to join us and before I knew it we were walking through the woods at night just singing apparently this entire group really loved music and i was not complaining. After a good while of singing all kinds of songs we quieted down and just had many conversations about everything. And after a few hours of being lost we found our way back. Me and the girls wished the boys a goodnight which apparently goes along with a lot of hugs, this is where I learned Charlie gives the best hugs. They’re some of the tightest hugs I’ve ever had, but at the same time the most comfortable and save feeling ones as well.. I went to sleep as a happy girl that night, so glad all of those people were so nice to me I actually may have found myself some new good friends here.

When I stepped out of my room the next morning I saw Charlie talking to a girl. “Y/N!” He motioned for me to come over, so I did. “Morning Charlie” I said. “Good morning” he replied ,sounding a lot more alive than I felt. “I promised you I would introduce you to my girlfriend didn’t i? So Y/N this is Emma. Emma meet Y/N it’s her first time here and she’s part of our group now!” “Ohh,” Emma replied. “It’s so nice to meet you! I hope you’ll have a lovely time here” she smiled at me. “It’s nice to meet you too, Charlie has told me quite a bit about you” I told her with a smile. “Only good things I hope”, she said more to the boy than to me. “Anyway breakfast is about to start so I should go and meet my fellow staff members”. She gave Charlie a quick kiss and gave us a ‘I’ll see you soon’ before running off. “So that was Emma, she seems nice” I told Charlie. Charlie smiled, “She is! She came into my life when I was feeling very low. In some way she really saved me you know.” “Well I’m glad she did” I told him. I couldn’t imagine this happy, social, excited boy being depressed.. this Emma girl sure did something right.  “Yeah me too” Charlie replied, “should we go get some breakfast?” And before I could even say anything Charlie was already on his way.

The rest of the day was filled with playing games with our group against other groups. Not gonna lie, we were the worst we lost every single game but boy did we have fun. We were cheering each other on, Tori thought us some cheerleader dance, we were laughing at our own failure and singing random songs trough out the day. After dinner there was this thing called “Family time” which i learned, basically meant getting together with your own small group and talking about a more serious topic. Ray and Rose , our older leaders, were talking to us about believing in yourself and knowing that you’re good enough just the way you are. And while the others were saying things here and there, I was quiet. Veeery quiet. I never really believed in myself, all I had been hearing for 10 years is how ugly I was, how I failed at a most things, people laughed at me when I did something wrong, boys told me I didn’t deserve to be loved.. and i could go on..  I did not like myself at all and I sure didn’t think I was good enough for anything or anyone. Rose ended our night by reading us a little poem she wrote about how loved we were. As soon as we were allowed to go I walked off quickly I felt the tears burning in my eyes. I couldn’t cry, not in front of my new friends.. So I sat down in a somewhat hidden spot and just silently cried with my head in my hands.

After a minute or so I felt someone sit down beside me and putting an arm around my shoulder pulling me a little closer. Then I heard a voice ask me “Y/N are you okay? What’s wrong?” It was Charlie genuinely sounding concerned, he slowly rubbed my back trying to calm me down. This entire thing he did was new to me, I wasn’t used to people noticing something was wrong or asking me if I was doing okay and I was definitely not used to a boy comforting me. I-I , I began but the sobs made it impossible to speak. Charlie pulled me into a hug and kept telling me it was okay. After a few minutes of sobbing into his shirt I calmed down a bit and Charlie let go of me. I smiled at him with a tear stained face, “thank you for that and sorry about your shirt..” “don’t worry about it”he replied “Now do you wanna tell me what was wrong?” “ I uhh.. I guess I’m not really used to people telling me I’m loved or people telling me I’m good enough. I’m actually more used to the opposite of that.. so hearing those things just really overwhelmed me and apparently broke me..”I could see in Charlie’s face that he felt bad for me. “I’m so sorry”he said, “you’re such a cool person Y/N! We all happen to think that so you better believe it.” “Stop!” I said slapping his arm playfully “or you’ll make me cry all over again.” He laughed, “I’m sorry. But it’s true.” Not really knowing how to deal with that compliment I just smiled at him. Charlie continued ;” hey listen, if you.. you know ever need someone to talk to. I’m here okay?” “Thanks Charlie, that means a lot.” Charlie smiled at me and got up from the ground holding his hand out for me, “Come on. We’re gonna go back to the others, they were planning on playing some boardgames tonight. Are you in?”  “Yeah I’m in,” I replied while taking his hand he pulled me up from the ground. When me and Charlie got to our friends Madison Savannah and Jadah immediately stood up and pulled me in for a hug. “Are you okay?” Madi asked. “Yeah I am now. Thanks” I replied with a smile. “So I heard we were playing games I’m in!” I said changing the subject. “Heck yeah!” Sav replied “you’re on my team Y/N! we’re playing against the boys.” “ Alright, Let’s show ‘em what we got!” I replied. And so we ended the night on a very competitive but good note.

Part 2 // Part 3