#i try not to get too hung up on the representation part of it tho

[logicpng]

hello! I'm a fellow Ukagaka developer (o/ hello from the Dream Team) and while looking at Aster's code, I noticed you were wanting a VS Code extension for surfaces.txt; kanadelab has published one such thing! Also, it's extremely cool to see a Ghost with a focus on multiplicity, from one plural to another.

oh!! that'll be extremely useful given I want to try doing more complex stuff with animations in the future! thanks for letting me know!

yeah!! aster is a bit of a vessel to write about our own plural experiences and write fictional ones twisted into it. in part our reason for the project is a subtle introduction to plurality as a concept to more people! primarily the goal is to just have fun with it, but if our work helps in the bigger picture it would be nice!

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

Various Feelings About ASIT Part 2: Soul of a Poet

As a continuation of the ideas of Garak and his sentimentality, Andy puts in a few suggestions in his book about what Garak might've become had he not been abused and moulded into the broken man he became (gooosh and I have emotions about how he several times refers to himself as “unfinished.”)

[excerpt from the book. To Dr. Bashir: I’m an unfinished man reassembling the pieces of a broken world, and I have asked you to be a witness because you would never judge me as harshly as I judge myself. You would never deny me the opportunity of a second chance]

(soul of a poet indeed)

Spoilers and long quotes, because they’re good fucking quotes!:

[Excerpt from the book. Palandine and Elim are sitting together, and get interrupted by Barkan: Palandine also introduced me to poetry, particularly the work of Maran Bry, who was notorious for being critical of the Bajoran occupation.

Ghosted light, coloured by the gas and

dust of the Corillion Nebula

Dances in my dreams and descends

like a shimmering wave

Where it fills the space between sleep and waking

And clothes my loneliness with your naked birth.

She opened her eyes and the light from the Blind Moon, the third and weakest in our system, reflected the excitement she felt in his poetry. At the moment I could have died and gone to the Hall of Memories if I’d been able to take this moment with me.

“Yes, ‘Solar Winds,’” a voice said behind me, so soft as to be almost unrecognisable. “I also enjoy his ‘Paean to Kunderah.’

The price they paid in blood is returned

by your healing kiss,

My matriarch, keeper of the mysteries and companion

To those heroes who stood between us

and eternal night.]

This part of the book also applies to the beginning of the little threesome of Garak, Palandine, and Barkan, before it all goes to hell. It’s an interesting dynamic in that the book never tells us to what extent Garak was being used (Palandine offers some explanation on her part, but even that might be taken with a grain of salt, since everyone is constantly lying).

I’ve got some more quotes on that, but suffice to say that the introduction to poetry is through a series of very passionate feelings that Garak has for the both of them. In some other world (I write this a lot) it’d be interesting how the three of them might’ve turned out if they weren’t so focused on agendas.

Garak’s other introduction to what I’ll call his “emotionally studies” is through his not-really-father-but-still-his-real-father-but-also-it’s-weird-because-the-plottwist-that-he’s-actually-his-uncle-and-his-mother-pretended-to-be-married to him - this on it’s own feels like a great traumatic experience, without all the stuff where his actual “father” is consistently abusing and eventually trying to kill him.

Tolan is however actually great.

[excerpt from the book. Tolan tells him about the ancient Hebitians and their religion: “At the festival, the poet would put the mask on before he’d recite. In this way, he was no longer Elim or Tolan or any of ‘us.’ He was a conduit... a connector who with the help of his poetry brought the higher power of Oralius down to those of us who were there... who wwanted this...” Father searched for a word.

“Encouragement?” I ventured.

“Yes.” Father was pleased with my interest.

“Was this your... ‘power,’ which makes the plants and flowers grow?”]

Cut off at the end, but basically Tolan’s really pleased that he’s asking. In this sense his interest in poetry is both linked with his sentimentality and need for connection and love - which he’s consistently not great at hiding - and his spiritual growth.

[excerpt from the book. Tolan is dying and speaks to Garak the last time he sees him: “Oh, my dear Elim. The soul of a poet, and look at you... your closed face... all those secrets... .” A spasm rippled through him like a sudden wind over still water. “Too many secrets... it’s like poison.” He brought his trembling, clawlike hand up to my face. “Too many secrets poison the soul.”]

The man Garak has become is anti-thetical to the man he’s more naturally drawn to being. (Dr. Parmak has a quote as well: “Poisonous pedagogy, Elim,” he replied.)

There’s also his love of gardening which he gets from Tolan, and then after he returns to Cardassia he starts building statues/monuments. By the end of this “story,” when he’s rebuilding himself and Cardassia, this all begins to mix together. Writing, spirituality, growing things, and building, is a way to see that he’s becoming a person he might feel at peace with, one day.

Sentimentality might have punished him in a past life, but in this one he has a second chance to be honest about who he is:

[Excerpt from the book: But I am getting on with my life. And oddly enough my home is somehow emblematic of my progress. It ends up being a true memorial to ila and Tain and Tolan, but the paradox is that I have never felt so free of their influence. Wherever I am along my fateline, Doctor, I no longer feel that my life is a reaction to the choices other people have made for me.

I live with my orchids, which have unified and softened the increasingly popular grounds in my home. Their beguiling blooms, and the presence of children who come to play among the structures (as I did in Tarlak), help to dispel the somber mood that initially hung like thos clouds of dust over our world. The sounds of their voices as they play function as a music that never fails to lighten my work. The children call it the “tailor’s grounds,” and the name has caught on. Yes, Doctor, I continue to work at my “new” profession. As you can imagine, there’s a good deal of mending to be done.]

Coming full-circle at the end he reconnects with that bud of spirituality that he was first introduced to through Palandine and later Tolan. So yes, he was broken, there is a great deal of sadness,regret, and guilt in this book, but in the end, he’s healing. And he’s extending that healing to others.

[excerpt from the book. Garak is at a Hebitian meeting: So, for the moment, I am satisfied to witness her spiritual growth... and to hear the echo of a lilting voice that long ago drew me out of my pain and self-pitc in the Bamarren training area.]

[excerpt from the book: I have expanded my shed in the never-ending quest to find my place. I feel that I’m getting closer, Doctor, especially as I continue to refine the structures. One, which began as a memorial to Tolan, has a crude but effective representation of the winged creature from the Hebitian sun disc - turned toward the radiating sun, reaching,struving, while the sun-fed filaments stream down from the body and connect with the bodies of people standing on a globe and looking up to the creature for this divine connection... I’ve attached the recitation mask he gave me to the creature’s face, and somehow it has become my personal totem.]

[luobingmeis]

Oooo I'm going to be DMing a oneshot too, do you have any tips?

tomorrow will only be my second time DMing, so i dont have a lot, but!!!

the game will naturally make the story progress. i tend to panic abt whether im overplanning or underplanning but, from my experience, once you get things going, the story unfolds itself

dont be afraid to make some things silly!!!! i always get so hung up making something intense or "edgy" but, honestly, i always end up scrapping it and writing something more fun w/ a lot of inside jokes (tho this of course is dependent on your style)

talking in character comes a lot easier than you think, at least imo it does

when i make my notes for the one-shot, i do a "general set up" document first where i break everything down and basically talk myself through what im gonna be doing, and then i expand each scene into different documents to work on the actual narrative/prose. i do that bc it helps me picture in my mind what i want to do before i start working in flowery language, and it also leaves me some leeway to work on the narrative on the fly. it's kinda like a firm framework for something whose fine details can change, you know?

also im kinda repeating a point but, if you're DMing friends, work in inside jokes if you can!!!! it makes it a lot of fun for everyone and also gives it a bit of something personal. like, my friends and i play risk a lot and i can say with confidence that perhaps the best part of DMing was the reveal that my friends' characters were all stuck in a real life version of fantasy risk

mostly just have fun with it!!! your players will work with you and, if you're new to DMing, im sure they'll understand if you're a bit shaky at first or need to work some things out on the fly. try not to overthink it too much bc, the night before my first time DMing, i actually had a stress dream that it went horribly and all my friends got mad at me for it, but maybe that's just me and an accurate representation of how stressed i get.

the way i kinda look at it is... you know more abt what you want to do than you think you do? like, the first time i DMed, i kept getting super nervous that i was gonna butcher describing a room or a character, or i was gonna forget an important detail, but, after just reviewing my notes, everything came super easily and the game went super smoothly

obvi take this all w/ a grain if salt bc tm will only be my 2nd time DMing, and i am no expert, but i hope this at least kinda helped and i hope you have a fun time playing!!!!!

[multapohja966]

All of them (as requested jdkdk) 👀

ahhah thank you!!

(put it under a read more)

1. describe your idea of a perfect datei haven’t really thought about this… i think it’s something involving coffee, but i think having some alone time with the person is important to me.and.. this might be a hilly billy thing but going to some nature place they/me connect to their youth is cool.

2. whats your “type”strong personality and oppinionated is propably the most important. but you have to have a will to think and to a certain extent see all of your oppinions as up for debate. people who do not care about what others think and express themselves how they want!! and i quess i like masculine girls and feminine boys.

3. do you want kids?hmmm… jeah i have sometimes thought of myself as a parent and liked the thought. but it’s such a huge responsobility that i don’t really know what the reality of it would be.

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?hmmm well i already know that i won’t be the one giving birth. i see adoption as a really valid option, but jeah im not that far into considering kids.

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been oni’ve been on an official date like once and it was absolutely awful. but there’s this other time i hung out with this dude i liked and im like 90% sure he liked me too at the time but we were both socially incapable suckers. but jeah we rode our bikes on a summer evening and he showed me the place he goes to when he wants to be alone, which was this solid rock hill that had a view of the biggest swamp i had ever seen. was really dope

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)you come to my virgin jack-off house….

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?night time. i’m so bad at funktionin during the day.

8. opinion on nap dates?haven’t really tried but from ecperience i have with friends i think it’s such a good way to create trust

9. opinion on brown eyes?very nice. especially those almost black ones and that hazel color stuff.

10. dog gay or cat gay?dog gay!!

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?YES!!

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone?not really that experienced with commitment (i love being trans in a small village smh) but propably i just need to know they’re mature enough.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?hmmm idk i didn’t really have much exposion to them but i guess i kinda had this thought they were super different from the people around me? the typical thing bad representation brings.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger selfbeing something different isn’t bad. you don’t have to compensate being lgbt+ with aggressively being something “normal” for people to not leave you. be nice and appreachable and mature, but you won’t gain anything from trying to please the people who are more easy to digest/”park of the mass”. it won’t work and it’ll be hard to accept that people see fault in even small things, but when you be yourself and express yourself greatly enough with confdence, THEN people will be drawn to you.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?jeah…. i really like men who are like sensitive and skinny and like i hate this but like: beta males (ajndfljns). but in women i adore the basic strong muscular and huge woman with a confident and relaxed nature. i haven’t really thought about a specific type when it comes to nb people. because “stylistic/creative” is a bit too broad

16. who is an ex you regret?hmmm i don’t really think i regret any.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?cafe gay. clubbing is okay sometimes with good company and enough alcohol in my system but if im sober-ish and with some people i hate it. (also i have mostly been to straight clubs  and ffff i don’t fit there at all and it gets bad if i start to think about it)

18. who is one person you would “go straight” forbi..

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?all.

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)uuhhf.. hmmmmm.. bumblebee?

21. favourite gay youtubermiles jai

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?prolly not. but it’s a grey line since i did some romantic shit as femme representing when i was in the trans closet.

23. have you ever been in love?yes. it was such a defining feeling for me

24. have you ever been heartbroken?yeah, but i’m kind of embarrassed by it

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someonethis is something it think about a lot as a trans masc person, but i have always thought that despite my taste in men/masc people and my ideal look often being intertwining (those young artsy gopnik -aesthetic boys are the ideal look for me lol) the feelings of “i want to be like that” and “i want to date that” have always been clearly different for me.

26. favourite lgb musician/banddoes tyler the creator count? because he’s propably an artist i relate to and admire the most. ohhhhh lil peep is the same too. also kevin abstract, he means the world.

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysit’s hard to live in a society that doesn’t always give you the same possibilities because of your identity. but try to see it in a healthy light and compromice only on things that don’t hurt your identity and who you are. you’re allowed to be weird and controversial and it doesn’t matter what people think because it’s them who are shallow and small minded. but remember that things you have to do as a person who’s part of a society need to be taken care of for your own health! :D (and queer excellense heh)

28. are you out? if so how did you come outyes. well.. ACTUALLY i never came out about my sexuality??? i never saw it as necessary. i think my parents know tho, i don’t really think about it. huh.. how weird i didn’t even realise. i’m “out” to almost everyone tho cause im super open about it.

my gender was a more complicated issue. i first came out to my closest friends. then to some friends who weren’t really lgbt+ informed (and they were all so supportive!) then to my mom. then to everyone else in instagram. the last and most hard was my dad, who has always supported me in everything, but isn’t really informed about stuff like that and is the typical old school finnish man. he was supportive too! at the moment the only one who doesn’t know is my grandma.

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have coming out to my dad lmao. cause he didn’t know what i mean XDD i thought that in light of resent lgbt+ visibility he would have at least heard about nonbinary people but he just didn’t know so i had to explain and jeahh.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityi have pretty safe surrounding so im not completely sure what i can say.. but from my experience i want to say that despite how it always seems and feels, people are empathetic. people truly are understanding. no person wants harm, we’re all just so confused and misinformed. people will understand and change their ways if you give them your honest self because they are just confused. the most beautiful and supportive words ive gotten in regards to my identity are from a cishet boy in a party, who previously had really toxic and mean perception of nb people, but after i came out to him and we talked about the whole thing. he gave me this whole speech about how i should always be myself and not let anyone give me shit. honestly i get a bit teary sometimes when i think about it. but jea, there’s this raw goodness in people that i often forget exists, but it is there.

[redphonebooth3]

Wonder Woman: The (almost) sex scene we deserve

Hiya, so first of all I just watched Wonder Woman again and I have so many feels. Particularly Diana and Steve feels, and even more in particular trans!steve feels. 

So, I wanted to write a little bit about their sex scene and Steve having to explain his situation because there is a serious lack of trans!steve fics. And also a little bit after. No actual smut tho, I don’t really feel like it. (I am not a trans guy myself, nor am I on HRT or anything, but I will do my best to make this as realistic as possible and of course make it as non- offensive as possible. I hope this is okay!)

Implied smut, non-explicit talk about (trans) genitals, FtM Steve, Bi Diana, non-explicit mentions of period-typical bigotry, trans steve coming out

------

It started with a kiss. It always started with a kiss, Steve knew that much. And though he wanted to just give in, he also knew there would be questions. Even if Diana had already seen him naked on the island, and even if she claimed to have read all twelve volumes of Cleo’s treatises on body and pleasure, Steve wasn’t sure if /his/ situation would be understandable to her. 

His racing mind was rapidly slowing and melting into mush with every press of their lips. This needed to stop before he was completely made vulnerable. Especially since this moment felt so different from the curious, but more distant atmosphere that had hung around them after his bath on Themyscira.  He had to tread carefully here, for his own well-being too. 

So Steve put his hands on her shoulders and softly pushed her away as he whispered: “Diana” in between what little space existed between their mouths.

“What is it? Am I doing something wrong?” Diana asked. Steve could feel her hesitation and curiosity she seemed to show in regards to the habits of the average westerner. 

“No! no, it’s not that. It’s just...” He sighed, trying to find the words to explain. He knew coming out in his circle was a careful and measured process so as not to be seen as a freak. Or worse. He had no idea how her people treated people like him, if this was frowned upon like most of his people would, if it was perfectly normal, or if she simply had never even heard of this.

“Look,” He started. “Do you remember when you asked me if I was considered a typical representation of my sex? And I said I’m above average?” She nodded. “Well, we might not have been on the same page there.”

“I don’t understand.” Diana shook her head lightly.

Steve took a deep breath. “I was born female.” It came out all at once, like ripping off a band-aid.

“Yes, I know.” Diana looked at him like this was the most obvious thing she had ever come across.

It was Steve’s turn to be confused now. “And you don’t think it’s weird? That-- That I’m weird?”

“Why would I think that’s weird? I only asked that question because I was indeed curious about your genitals since they looked similar to mine, yet they weren’t the same. I hadn’t learned or read about anything like that happening.” Diana explained. “I still don’t fully understand it, but I guessed it had something to do with you saying you are a man.”

Steve breathed out a relieved laugh. “Yeah, yeah it does indeed. I managed to get some stuff that help me appear to be more male even if I wasn’t born that way. It’s a strange feeling to be trapped in a body that isn’t yours. I was mucky to have found people who could help me from a pretty young age. In hindsight it was even pretty dangerous since the medication I take is very experimental, but I knew I couldn’t keep living like I was. But anyways, yeah, the stuff I get it changed my body, and well, some things started growing I guess.”

“Which is what you meant when you said you were above average.” Diana finished for him, now fully comprehending Steve’s story. A few things fell in place like how he asked if he didn’t look like a man on the beach.

“Exactly.”

She frowned then, a thought suddenly appearing in her mind. “Why did you think I would find you strange? Is this another one of those things you normal humans do like marriage that doesn’t make sense?”

“I guess so.” Steve chuckled at her ignorance of his world. “People don’t understand why I wouldn’t want to be the person I was born as. It’s complicated and it does indeed not make sense. But it’s the way it is. So, I live my life on the down low. My friend hooks me up with what I need to keep my body the way I like it and that’s that.”

“That’s that indeed.” It was quiet for a moment. Diana cleared her throat then and rocked on her feet. “So, if it’s okay, could we go back to what we were doing before? I was rather enjoying that.”

“OH! Right yeah sure!” Steven swooped back into action and grabbed Diana by the waist to kiss her again. A kiss which he quickly deepened as he led them both over to the bed to lay down. 

The atmosphere grew hotter around them as they kissed and shed clothes. (That wasn’t always easy it turned out. “How did you even get this armour on? Diana stop laughing and help me get it off!”) Diana was determined and adamant between the sheets as she was anywhere else, Steve found out. She took the lead and he didn’t mind. Not. One. Bit. 

It was well into the morning by the time they dropped spent and sweaty onto the mattress next to each other. Once Steve’s mind had come back to him enough to string a sentence together, he couldn’t stop himself from saying: “That was amazing.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed that.”

“Just- it’s one thing to study this stuff, but I cannot believe you got so good at this by reading. Even if there were a lot of sources available.”

“It wasn’t uncommon back on my island to have sex with the other amazones. I even had a proper girlfriend for a while. It didn’t last though.” Diana said, pulling the sheets higher up.

Steve was taken aback. He hoped she didn’t mean it the way he thought she did. “Wait, so you like women?” He asked defensively and confused.

“Sure.” She shrugged. “Is this another thing that is frowned upon with your people?” 

“Yeah, but that’s not why I’m asking.”

She turned to look at him and seemed to pick up on what he was saying. “Are you worried I like you because of your genitals? Steve,” She turned on her side to face him, “I like men too. I did not just have sex with you because of your genitals. They’re just a small part of a bigger picture that I like a lot better. I had sex with you because I see a man with a passion and fire in his eyes. A man that just wants to do his part to make the world better. You keep me grounded Steve Trevor.”

That eased him so much, she could almost literally see him deflate as the tension that had built up melted away. “Oh, okay. That’s good. I’m- me too. I like you too.”

He looked up, right into those deep dark eyes and couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward to kiss her softly. They stayed that way, smiling slightly with their foreheads pressed together as they drifted off to sleep.