#i want to get better with making unsettling art.. you cant see any of that in this ofc

[kikeols]

choso

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Deal Pt 2

Masterlist

Summary: Clark take you to august to finish the deal.

Warnings: Adult Situations +18, Smut, Dub Con, BDSM, Toys

A/N: second part to @wolfieash​ ask which is here

Taglist: in reblog.

Smut below the cut.

"NO IM NOT GOING ! AND YOU CAN FUCK OFF!" You yelled chasing Clark into the living room arms cross and lips pulled into a snarl.

He rolled his eyes at you, you'd been throwing a fit all day.

"Sweetheart, you made a deal, gave him your word... you cant go back on it" he insisted once more trying to convince you.

"Yes I can it was my word! Not yours, I can do what I want!" You huffed blowing some hair out of your face it was hard trying to be serious when your hair seemed to want to stick in your mouth.

"No poppet I'm not letting you break you word , now get dressed we leave in a hour" he said quickly spinning you around pressing you to the bedroom door.

"Fuck you, I'm not going anywhere!" You grunted pulling away from him.

"Tonight love I promise, now go get ready august is expecting us..." he said grinning almost sweetly at you.

"I don't give a flying fuck! I'm not going" you stomped a foot at him finally making his brow twitch, jaw tightening in irritation.

He stood taller and let his frame seem to devour the space on the hall making you shrink, shivering as you watched your sweet fiancé become a great predator. A loin or bear?

"Sweetheart enough! Now go get dressed...I laid out your outfit" he ground out severely finally having enough. A deal was a deal... and he wanted your ass!

"Out fit? What outfit-OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?" You cried entering your room seeing the shear fabric

"That? Its a little body stocking~" Clark said leaning on the door frame arms crossed wearing a huge grin.

"IM NOT WEARING A FUCKING BODYSTOCKING!"

"Well I would if I were you because if not there will be images of your naked ass being flown about on the front pages tomorrow~" he quipped with a smirk.

"Yo-you wouldn't dare!" You said voice loosing its bite as he stared at you.

"Wouldn't I? I mean come on love anal's on the line~" he teased and moved up behind you and slapped your bottom hard enough to make you yip and jerk away.

"Now hop to it... You've got 50 minuets~" he called over his shoulder as he exited the room.

In the end Clarks threat of having you mooney metropolis was too much of a threat and you'd showered and slipped into the body stocking...

But you didn't shave! If they were gonna push through with your whole sex for silence deal then they would live with the consequences! No bare pussy for either of them!

Fuck'em.... or don't? Which was preferable

It wasn't that you didn't enjoy it, it was that you did... a little more then you should have! It frightened you the way you'd enjoyed being used and fought over.

"Oh come on why the long face angel?" August hummed as he opened the glass doors on his rooftop home, the penthouse was shiny sleek and as dark as the man himself.

"Fuck off august!" you grumbled walking right passed him as soon as Clark put you down

"Oh such a foul mouth! We will have to teach you some manners~" the agent quipped as you entered the bare but masculine space, everything was harsh lines and fucked up art pieces of splotching blocky shades of black, red and deep violet.

"Yes she's very snippy today... has been all week, pouting" Clark huffed shrugging. Taking the offered crystal glass with amber liquid.

"Ah we have a brat on our hands then?" August chuckled and walked through the home quickly snagging one of your elbows and directed you to the playroom, not wasting any time.

"Yeah, she doesn't want me to fuck her ass" Clark summarized with a shrug.

"Aww Why not sweety? You loved me fucking your ass? You cried and withered moaning so beautifully~" august hummed into your ear as he pressed you over the threshold into a large windowless room, strip lighting igniting the room in a light red. The devils den so to speak.

"Sh-shut up you prick" you snarled.

Augusts reply was a tsk and he pressed you over to a padded sawhorse and looked to Clark nodding to the ankle and wrist cuffs.

Clark breezed past him quickly securing you down making you curse him, but by this point it was a formality as you had already soaked yourself through.

"Oh would you look at that? Our little brat is eager~" august said with a chuckle and a warm hand probed you lightly making you jolt and try to squirm away.

"Yes I know, she likes denying herself, its strange she knows we will win but Continues to fight?" He said coming around your side ghosting his fingers over your ribs making you shudder.

"Well lets not waste time shall we? I have a few things out ready but first lets get this fitted shall we?" August said menacingly walking around you brandishing a very large O ring gag.

"After all if she's going to throw a tantrum I don't trust her not to bite" he uttered moving towards you.

"I've never thought of using one of those before... it wont hurt her will it?"

"Only her pride Clark trust me even she needs a... dressing down every once in a while" august reassured him.

Your eyes grew wide as the agent approached with the large gag that looked both threatening and enticing, things had been kinky with august but you hadn't ever gone this far into bdsm before. You were scared and still fighting but not as hard? You were curious and being dominated by them last week had... changed you. It had been thrilling to be so out of control.

"Should we... give her a signal or something? Incase it gets to much?" Clark quizzed, he was still all for it but wanted to be mindful of you. He didn't want to hurt you.

"Trust me she's going to love it, but in the case of something going wrong" august directed his attention to you befo4e continuing.

"There is a small desk bell one the inside of the left leg on the saw horse... if thing get too much hit it three times fast and we will get you down" he said seriously.

You frowned as his gaze bored into you, for a second you believed you saw actual concern in his eyes.

It unsettled you, August couldn't really have any feelings towards you could he? I mean this was blackmail!

You nodded quickly to him letting him know you understood.

Then just like that August was haughty again and quickly fixed the gag in your mouth, setting your teeth in the small grooves that was semi comfortable.

"Shes ready when you are~" the agent hummed and stood back.

Clark darted behind you and helped himself to you and august disappeared from sight.

You moaned into the room as your fiancé roamed your folds as if exploring them for the first time.

He was rougher then usual prodding and impaling you fast and hard before slowing and drawing your own arousal over your presented ass.

You withered as Clark used you body, pressing you higher and higher making you teeter on then edge then back away letting you calm down only to work you up again.

"I thought we could... try something... a little bonus for all of us tonight~" you heard august but couldn't see him.

"I'm listening" Clark said as he plunged his fingers back into you harder throwing off your concentration making you cry out.

"I have this" you tried seeing what August had but was too preoccupied with the maddening strokes of clark's fingers as he pounded away at your g-spot forcing you to try and rock on him chasing a high he had already cruely denied you twice.

"What even is that thing?" Cark said not paying attention to you as your body twisted and pulled trying to cum like a desperate whore.

"Here ill show you~" august said and Clarks fingers disappeared from you making you cry out and moan, your pussy tried holding him but it was to drenched to actually grip him.

Then something was pressed into you, large wide and very short.

"Oh-oh fuck?!AH!" You yelped  awkwardly around the gag as the toy settled, curved forward and down pressing on your gspot without being held. There was a large flat expanse resting outside of you to, the toy curved in a large C shape.

"Does that go up her?"

"No no, we just pop her little clit in here~ and press the button!" You jerked as august moved you, thick fingers prodding your clit and sat the engorged nub into a small round dip and pressed a button.

You squealed tensing all at once as you felt a suction on your clit and roared.

"Holy shit?" Clark said in awe watching as you keened and tried throwing you weight around on the toy that was held in place by your muscles clenching to it so tightly... It was bittersweet in a way, your own body holding the sweet torturous device on your clit.

"And it gets better, press that one" you hear a small click and arched moaning out as the egg like shape inside of you came to life vibrating against your insides.

Clark watched entranced as you withered this is what he'd been missing out on? Fuck!

August darted around you and strokes you hair watching as Clark stripped behind you unable to wait any longer as you thrashed about trying to rock into the toy.

"Shh shh thats a girl, now deep breath your wonderboy may be a little too enthusiastic if your doing all that squirming~"

You froze feeling Clark poise himself at your well lubed ass then grunted as he thrust forward splitting you open.

Clark hissed and moaned loudly as the vibrating egg not only made you quiver and tense around him already threatening to flood the place but it also rubbed his cock as he rutted you.

"Oh fuck- thats amazing! I cant- I shit babe!?" Clark didn't wait he immediately began pounding in to the tight quivering body before him.

August chuckled once more before releasing his own belt buckle. Not wanting to let your wails and monas go to waste.

They would work wonders on his cock, offering the sweetest of releases as you screamed onto his cock as he lodged it into your throat.

August was never into men, but he could develop a thing for corrupting this huge perfect man.

For now August would let you and Clark think you were in control of the deal. Let this one final night play out.

But the seed was sewn and before long he knew Superman would return wanting to explore more and more of this little sex dungeon. And then he will strike another deal.

Because August wasn't opposed to making a little compromise to get decent pussy. If he had to share with Supes so be it, it looked like he could teach the kid a thing or two and he would gladly, because he had many more toys to tease you both with~

If things went to plan he'd have not one but two desperate little subs. And he couldn't wait!

[yhellowchildren]

Art never dies

(Hajime Hinata x Ultimate! Fem!Artist Reader)

<Hajime confessed his love to you by leaving you a drawing, too bad you didn’t live long enough to tell him you loved him back.>

Credit goes to @clanwarrior-tumbly as this was inspired by her hc’s, so you should go check her work out. Also please know this doesn’t follow the actual storyline, so different people died in the past trials. Reader is the third victim btw, and I gave reader a last name, however in this fic reader is adopted because I don’t wanna give an assumption of her country or religion.

The second trial had finished a few days ago, and most people were either sad, drained, or bored. You had recently lost Teruteru and Mahiru, and it had really hit all of you bad.

You the Ultimate artist however, were looking on the bright side of things.

You walked into the diner where you saw most of the survivors in, greeting them good morning with a smile on your face. And then headed to sit down.

“You! How can you be so happy when Mahiru just died!” Hiyoko yelled at you, with tears in her eyes. You looked up from your sketch-pad at her “To be honest here I’m not actually happy at all.” You spoke calmly, which caused everyone’s attention to be turned to you. “But, seeing what happened to Mahiru should at least place some fear in all of us as to what happens if you were to kill someone.” You continued.

“She’s right, if any of us are to kill anyone, the chances we get caught are high, it’s not a risk worth taking.” Peko spoke up. “If we want to survive or make it out of here, we can’t kill each other.”

You stood up, “Well, I have to leave now, have a nice day guys!” and left the diner.

You met up with your best friend, and crush, Hajime Hinata.

You guys usually meet up by the ancient ruins and hang out for a while, and today was no different.

You guys hung out that day, before heading to your cottage, Hajime said he was gonna head over to the diner to see if anyone knew anything, and like that, you parted ways.

However you didn’t know what Hajime had planned once you got there, or what a certain person on the island had in store for you.

Time: 5:12pm.

Location: Your Cottage.

You headed over to your cottage, but your one who is very much aware of their surroundings, and you saw a card at your door. Like any normal person would do, you picked it up.

“Dear (Name)

Hi, it’s Hajime, I wanted to let you know I really love you, from the bottom of my heart, and I’m hoping you feel the same way. I know I’m not the top choice for a partner, and hell I cant even remember my talent, but I hope you accept this.

-Hajime Hinata”

Your face started to heat up, and you were amazed by the drawing he made for you, even if it was nowhere as good as what you could do. But because of that, you didn’t notice your killer sneak up on you.

And with that, your fate was sealed. The killer used their weapon, hitting you right on the head, which caused you to fall, as fear and shock were within you. “I.. I love you too Hajime..” Those were your last words as you died.

Time skip: The next day 12:47pm.

Location: Farm/ Petting zoo?

Hajime has been waiting for you for roughly over 45 minutes now, and finally decided to go look for you, his initial instinct was to go to your cottage, but he decided to check the diner first.

Time: 12:52 pm.

Location: Diner.

However once he reached there, he heard the body discovery announcement “A body has been discovered, please head over to (Name) Chitsuru’s cottage!” Monokuma spoke out.

Your cottage? Why your cottage? Hajime started running over there at a speed the could rival sonic the hedgehog’s one.

Time: 12:55pm...

Location: (Name) Chitsuru’s Cottage.

Hajime ran there within three minutes, and stopped.

It was you, you were dead, Sonia looked at your body crying, Chiaki was trying to comfort Sonia, and Kazuichi seemed to be frozen in shock.

Hajime dropped to his knees and started crying, a concerning amount of sadness coming over him. How the hell did this happen? The rest of the survivors came and saw your body, Hajime crying, and Kazuichi frozen.

Nidai rested his hand on Hajime’s back, trying to comfort him, but it didn’t seem to be working.

INVESTIGATION TIME!

VICTIM: (NAME) CHITSURU, THE ULTIMATE ARTIST.

TIME OF DEATH: BETWEEN 5:10-5:30PM YESTERDAY.

CAUSE OF DEATH: MULTIPLE SKULL FRACTURES, EXTERNAL BLEEDING.

PLACE OF DEATH: (Name) CHITSURU’S COTTAGE.

Hajime read the e-handbook, as much as he didn’t want to investigate, he knew he had to, if not for himself, then for you at least. He went around, investigating the inside of your cottage and the outside. He was checking everywhere, no stone unturned, they were gonna find out who killed you. No matter what.

TRIAL TIME!

The trial was a lot harder than expected, due to Hajime’s slacking off, and the unsettling fact that you had been dead for almost 24 hours and nobody found you.

Chiaki snapped Hajime back to reality. “Hajime, what’s your alibi?” “What’s my alibi?” Hajime thought. You were killed between 5:10-5:30pm yesterday, and-

“Since Hajime seems to conversed in his thoughts, he was with me during that period.” Nagito spoke up.

Time skip: 2 hours and 27 minutes later...

It had been revealed that the person who killed you was Akane. She was blubbering excuses and lies as to how she didn’t do it, but everyone knew it was her.

“Hajime, would you like to sum up what happened this case?” Chiaki asked. “Here’s what happened.”

ACT 1.

“This all started after what (Name) has said in the diner, and Hiyoko lashed out at her. (Name) expected everyone to be smart and be in their right senses not to kill each other, but one person saw an opportunity there. And with that, they began to plan.”

ACT 2.

“The culprit needed a few things in order to actually carry out this plan, one of them being a tote bag. The culprit met up with Mikan at the Hospital, and threatened her to give them one of her tote bags. The culprit now had everything they needed. A pipe, a knife, some ropes, and the tote bag.

Act 3.

“The culprit now had started to hide around (Name’s) cottage, pretending to be asleep, when in reality, that was for them to try and forge an alibi for themselves, because some people passed by her Cottage. The culprit waited until (Name) came back and found the note to get her distracted, and with that, they striked.”

ACT 4.

“(Name) has been distracted, and then the culprit hit the back of her head with the pipe, causing her to bleed and get all those skull fractures. They then carried (Name) into her room, tied her hands and legs to the ropes, and used a knife to make multiple cuts on (Name)’s body. This was to make it look like (Name) has been tortured, to divert suspicion from them, due to the time the crime was commited. They grabbed a brick (Name) had sculpted and added some of (Name)’s blood on it, to make it seem like the brick caused her death, not the pipe. They didn’t have enough time to clear up, so they ran away, and placed the pipe somewhere they thought nobody would find it. I searched the entire island however, and came across it. Which had already messed up the culprit’s plan.”

ACT 5.

“After all that, the culprit headed over to their cottage, to change clothes, and tried going back to fake sleeping around (Name)’s Cottage in order to have the alibi in tact, but that had been spoiled when Gundham had passed (Name)’s Cottage. Two parts of the culprit’s plan had been spoiled by now. Leaving their alibi fake. That meant the culprit had to wait until Gundham left.”

ACT 6.

“This is where the tote bag was used, in case the plan to frame Hiyoko didn’t work, then the culprit planned on framing Mikan, by using that. They placed the brick into the bag, and threw it somewhere around (Name)’s Cottage. The culprit went back into (Name)’s room to find her spare key, and locked her door from the outside, throwing (Name’s) key away somewhere, and then left. “

“The person who did this to the Ultimate Artist (Name) Chitsuru, was none other than you Akane!”

Akane, held a look of shock and fear when Hajime exposed her for her crime.

“So you’ve decided? Then it’s voting time!” Monokuma said, as Akane still tried to make excuses as to why she didn’t do it, though Hajime wasn’t listening to her.

The voting panel showed up, and as expected everyone voted Akane, and it showed she was indeed guilty.

They watched as Akane was executed in a despair filled way, as she took her final breaths screaming and crying.

After Trial.

After the trial, Hajime only headed over to your cottage. He wondered if you loved him too.

“Y’know she loved you too right?” Hajime would recognise that voice anywhere, it was Chiaki’s.

Hajime fell to his knees, his hands clenched into fists. “Even though, maybe if I was faster, or maybe if I had-“ She cut him off. “I know how you feel, you think maybe if you were better you could have helped her-“ “-But she wouldn’t want you to be sad like this.”

Hajime was silent. Tears started falling down his cheeks. “I just wish, I just wish I could hear her say it...”

“She has already told you.” Chiaki said. “Look around her room, you were the one who inspired her to make all this. Her art, it’s her way of telling you she loves you back, so will you accept her confession, or will you reject her?”

A small smile crept onto his lips, tears still falling down. He stood up and walked over to one of your art-works, it was a painting of a sunset, placing his thumb on it. “I’ll accept her confession.”

If you look close enough, you could see an artist hugging the still crying boy, Hajime Hinata.

It took me like almost three days to compete this, and I’m kind of proud of it, but I was still kinda scared to post it. Criticism is accepted here. So leave some feedback 😁

[westernchords]

2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it. 

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs  i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between. 

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present. 

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

[piccolina-mina]

The Art of Reciprocity

A/N: For @shadowandbones, the only person who could ever get me to write kysobel/kybel.💙 

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

She pressed a manicured nail hard on the doorbell, not bothering to let up.

She couldn’t tell if the buzzer was working or not, so she knocked on the door for good measure, until she heard a muffled thump and swearing. Then a series of locks were unlatched and the door was wrenched open.

She smiled, syrupy sweet at a disheveled looking Kyle, stepping across the threshold and pushing past his lame attempt to block the entrance.

“No, by all means, come in, Isobel,” he mumbled, shutting the door and shuffling, barefoot back to a makeshift cocoon of blankets on the couch.

“No worries, I already did,” she tossed back, taking in her surroundings, her nose crinkling at Kyle’s questionable taste in decor. 

She could work a miracle there. It screamed “bachelor pad,” and while he was neater than she would’ve imagined, it could have used a bit of a feminine touch.

God knew the Sheriff didn’t count. She was pretty certain the only time Sheriff Valenti would’ve witnessed the full spectrum of the rainbow is if she actually showed the woman her pleasure treasure trove.

“I was being polite. I could’ve come in on my own.”

“You being polite? Never!” Kyle snorted as he burrowed into a pile of blankets.

He stiffened when she plopped down next to him and kicked her feet up on the coffee table as if he still hadn’t gotten used to how she encroached on space without warning.

“You mind?” He nodded pointedly at her feet on his table, and she rolled her eyes, but took them off and kicked her shoes off too. She looked smug.

For a brief moment, she wondered if he would say something else, but a forced smile was frozen on his face.

She shrugged, her eyes landing on a pathetic looking sandwich on a saucer. Her stomach rumbled at the sight of it, so she snatched a half and took a bite, blanching at how utterly tasteless it was with its sad, wilted lettuce and boring multigrain bread.

“Kyle, this is – this is sad, man,” she said around a mouthful of sandwich that she unceremoniously spit back out on the saucer.

“I was going to eat that,” he stared, disgusted at the chewed up bits that landed on top of the other half.

“You shouldn’t, though,” she took a swig of his Gatorade, ignoring his dissent and smacking his hand away.

She choked back the pungent beverage that reminded her of melted popsicles on hot summer days in the desert. “You should have better standards.”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said tiredly, snatching the bottle back from her and placing the cap on it. He sighed, collapsing back into his mountain of blankets as if the mere act tuckered him out.

She took in his appearance for the first time since she got there. His normally well-styled hair was damn near plastered to his forehead. His face had a sunken pallor unlike its usual tan, and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days.

His t-shirt had patches of sweat, and his skin glistened with sweat even though he shivered on occasion. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he had some killer stubble action going on.

“You look like sh!t,” she mused out loud. “Yet still doable,” her tongue darted out to lick her lips because the stubble was definitely hot. “It’s unfair, really.

“I don’t get sick, Doc, so I’ll be fine.”

“Isobel,” he blinked slowly, unamused as tired eyes met hers. “Not that this hasn’t been fun, but what exactly are you doing here?”

“Can a girl just drop by and chat with a friend?” She quipped. She batted her eyes playfully.

“We’re friends?” He deadpanned.

It came off both lighthearted and honest, the latter causing her to recoil a bit. Her lips turned downward as she refrained from a snappy comeback because … were they?

And in his defense, she did come over there with an ulterior motive, so was he wrong?

His expression softened, picking up on her shift in mood despite her best attempt to hide it, put that mask of hers back up, the one she had perfected for the better part of two decades.

He opened his mouth intending to walk back his comment, except before he could say more he was overcome with a coughing fit. 

His whole body convulsed with each cough, and he groaned when he was through.

A small part of her was amused that even physicians suffered from a man cold.

He feebly reached for his meds, and she used her powers to pop the lid off and place a couple of pills in his hand. She telekinetically pushed the Gatorade in his other palm too.

“Thanks,” he said, out of breath. He threw back the meds and rested his head on the back of the couch for a moment.

“How about I make you something to eat?” She swiped her palms across her jeans and stood, making her way to his kitchen and rummaging through his cabinets without so much as waiting for a response.

“You’re going to cook?” Kyle sputtered, dumbfounded. “For me?”

“Why is it so hard to believe I can be nice?”

“Isobel-” Kyle started.

“Don’t answer that. Yeah, I’m going to cook for you,” she slammed a few cabinets and arranged a bunch of on ingredients on the counter.

“Southwestern Chicken Soup,” she frowned. “Well, a variation of it, you know, you have a surprisingly well-stocked fridge. Last time I was at Michael’s, all I found was boxed mac ‘n cheese and Twinkies.”

“Isobel-” Kyle began again, watching the blond studiously ignore him while getting down to work. “I just-”

“Why don’t you do us both a favor and go shower,” she pointed the edge of a knife in his direction, nose upturned at his sweaty state. “Take your time, if we’re lucky, and you do it right, everything will be done once you’re out.”

She couldn’t resist the potshots, but his brow arched, more amused than offended. So much for hitting him where it hurt in retaliation.

She angrily chopped vegetables, the action serving as a release for her pent-up frustration. She busied herself assembling the soup, then searched high and low for any alcohol beyond the unappealing drafts in the back of the refrigerator.

She followed the sound of running water toward Kyle’s bedroom, dark colors, and sports paraphernalia abounded, and not only didn’t she bother knocking on the bathroom door, but she yanked back the shower curtain too.

“Kyle – stop shrieking,” she snorted at his surprised yelp. “It’s just me. Hey, do you have any wine?”

She never clocked him for the modest type, but it still surprised her when he stood stark naked, soap and suds pooling at his feet, and stared at her more exasperated than anything else.

“Isobel, do you have any comprehension of privacy?”

“Relax,” she gave him a slow once-over, biting her lip against her own volition. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. You saw mine, and I most certainly got to see yours,” her eyes roamed downward with appreciation before returning to his face. “Consider us even. Wine?”

“No, just beer. What can I say? I wasn’t expecting company.”

“Cute,” she yanked the shower curtain closed.

“So you keep saying,” Kyle chuckled beneath the rushing water.

She turned the cold water up with her mind, and he yelped as she slammed the door.

He didn’t say much when he was done. He smelled amazing, like himself, and it brought some color back into his face. He seemed revitalized but also more relaxed, as he sat on the stool across the island from her.

 She could feel his eyes on her as she slid a heaping bowl of soup in front of him while leaning against the island and finishing off a half-empty bottle of beer.

He ate in silence, enthusiastically, she noted, and she secretly applauded herself for impressing him, even if he didn’t admit it.

“This is amazing, Isobel. Thank you,” he shoveled the last spoonful in his mouth.

Go figure; Kyle wasn’t spiteful or petty. He wasn’t – he wasn’t like her.

“Thank you,” he said again. His voice was soft – his eyes earnest and genuine. He reached across and rubbed her arm, and the intimate gesture sent warmth throughout her.

He knew she was attracted to him, and she propositioned him often, but it wasn’t just that he looked like a deity carved from stone. Kyle was a good guy, warm and cool at once, and he was so easy to be around. With Kyle, she could just … be.

With Kyle, she felt like the only thing that mattered was the present, not her past and who she was then, not her future and who she could be.

For Kyle, the present was enough, and since that’s all she could figure out, day by day, minute by minute, she appreciated the comfort in that, in him.

“So, Isobel,” Kyle flashed her that warm, disarming smile that cut through to the core of her. “Are you going to tell me why you really came over here?”

In hindsight, the only reason she was so agitated with his earlier response was because of how right he was, how right everyone was.

She did only come over for selfish reasons, and she didn’t know how to not be so self-absorbed, but she was trying. She wanted to be better.

“How did you do it, Kyle?” She attempted to sound lighthearted, but her voice cracked at the end. It hadn’t gone unnoticed based on the way his eyes widened infinitesimally. “How did you figure out how to be a better person?

She half shrugged, threw in a crooked smile too, and hoped he didn’t see the vulnerability in her eyes, hear it in her voice. Smell the loneliness on her skin.

She felt unsteady, constantly, endlessly unsettled. She felt like, at 28 years old, she didn’t know shit about herself, and she was starting from scratch.

She didn’t know who the hell she was, and if she didn’t know, how could she expect anyone else to?

“In high school, you were –”

“Kind of a dick?” He offered sheepishly. “Yeah, I know. Not my finest time.”

“And apparently, I’ve always been a bit of a bitch,” she mused.

“I wouldn’t say that,” he contested, his head canted to the 

“You would be one of the few who didn’t.”

“Isobel, you’re human,” he frowned. “Well, close enough. You’re not perfect; no one is.”

“You are,” she joked.

“Not even close,” he argued with a scoff.

“Everything in my life is a lie, and everyone important in my life is stuck with me, they never chose me. My own husband didn’t even lo–” a lump caught in her throat as her eyes misted over.

“I distinctly remember a certain bartender choosing you, only you, out of a bar full of women. That wasn’t a fluke, Isobel.”

“Yeah, because she didn’t know me,” she argued, picking a carrot out of his soup bowl and popping it into her mouth to give her something else to do.

“No, because she did know you because you allowed yourself to be known. No rudeness, or snottiness, no snarky comments, or a prickly exterior, just you, letting go, being … you.”

She wanted to argue, but he shook his head. “You want to know how I became a better person? I’m not. I work every day to be better than I was the day before with the understanding that there’s no end to it." 

"You care to give me something I can work with, Yoda?” She snarked.

“Alright,” he sat back. “For starters, being aware of the other people around me certainly helps.”

“Like at the very least noticing that someone is sick after you’ve bogarted your way into their house?”

“Something like that, yeah,” he replied coolly. “Look, I had to face who I was and the things that I had done, work through my own shit, and the rest just fell into place.

"Life happened. It has a way of beating you down and teaching you lessons. My world expanded beyond this small town and my small thinking or that of those around me.

I forged my own path, focused on me instead of what others thought of me. By doing that, I became better for myself and everyone else. I grew up; every day I’m growing up, and so are you, if you allow yourself to. You stop fighting the process, and it all goes smoothly.”

“And as for others, Isobel, you can’t have real friends until you actually learn how to be one. It’s not always about someone choosing you. It’s about you choosing them, and then putting in the work to show why it’s worth it, why they’re worth it, why you’re worth it.  And you are. Worth it.

He ducked his head, made eye contact with her even though she attempted to look away blinking back tears she refused to let fall.

"All you have to do is get out of your own head, get out of your own way, and show up.”

He gave her that full smile that let her know he wasn’t being a dick. 

“You’re so busy wondering why you don’t have friends that you can’t see that you do. You know who your friends are?

They’re the ones who show up for you, the ones who will make you a priority. You know how you become a better friend? Return the favor. It’s as simple as that.”

His voice drifted off on the last line, and he stifled another cough. 

He patted the counter, gave her a tight-lipped smile, and hoisted himself off the stool. He was giving her space after saying his piece.

He shuffled to the couch and slumped down, kicking his own feet up on the coffee table and toyed with the remote. 

For the first time since she waltzed in, she was unsure of her presence. She cleaned up the kitchen, put things away, and placed the leftovers into the refrigerator.

She meandered in the kitchen, not really wanting to leave but unsure if she should stay.

“Can you bring me another Gatorade when you come back in here?" 

It was as if Kyle read her uneasiness, her reluctance, and she released a relieved titter as she brought him another drink, looming over him as she held it out.

He grabbed it, not releasing it for a bit, dark eyes boring into hers as if he was searching.

For what? She didn’t know, but he had a way of stripping her bare with one glance, it rattled her but also thrilled her, comforted her being looked at and seen.

But still, "You gonna stop batting those browns at me? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were the one trying to undress me with your eyes,” she joked.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Isobel. Saw it all before, remember?” The slight smirk took the sting out of it. “I was just wondering if you were a Wendy or a Ruth." 

"What?”

“How do you feel about drug cartels?” He ignored her confusion, queuing up his Netflix. 

“Is that a trick question? Are you part of some criminal enterprise in between surgeries and alien research, Valenti?”

“Haha, I’m being nice, I’m willing to sit through the first two episodes of Ozark again to catch you up, but if we ever plan on making it through the first season today, we gotta start now.”

“I’m…” she squinted at the screen. “That’s… isn’t that like ten hours?”

He waved at his bundle of blankets, sweats, and Kleenex boxes. “I don’t have any other plans today, do you?”

“Me? You want to binge a show about drug dealers  … with me?”

“My house, my choice. And I’m sorry, I’m not watching Outlander or whatever,” he continued, burrowing into the covers again.

“Yeah, no, but–”

“It’s always more fun bingeing with a friend,” he shrugged casually. 

The obnoxious gong of Netflix played at the same time she plopped on the couch next to him. 

But she couldn’t take her eyed off of him, his profile, relaxed, and unbothered by her, by her company. High cheekbones, strong jawline, and long eyelashes. 

Warmth flooded her chest. 

“It starts off hot, if you keep glaring at me, you’re going to miss stuff, and I’m not starting it over again,” he murmured. 

She leaned in close, tilted his head toward her with a manicured finger beneath his chin, her face impossibly close.

“Kyle,” her voice dropped an octave, as their faces were centimeters apart, she could smell the body wash still clinging to his skin, the spices from her soup on his lips. “Thank you.”

“For what,” he whispered, barely moving his lips, meeting her hooded eyes with his own.

She pressed her lips against his, a searing hot kiss, sucking his bottom lip between her own, nibbling, then soothing it with her tongue. Her fingers playing with his hair at the base of his neck.

She pulled away, leaving his lips swollen, his mouth slightly ajar, eyes a bit unfocused. She knew he was constantly thrown off by her temerity, but he never seemed to hold it against her.

“For being my friend,” her voice cracked at the end, and he was back to looking at her like he could see her soul.  She averted her eyes, settled in resting her head on his shoulder as she pulled her feet up on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” she broke their comfortable silence halfway in.“How do I remind you of Wendy and Ruthie? Wendy’s bitchy, and Ruthie is obnoxious!"  Kyle shrugged, with a wicked grin.

"You’re an ass,” she hissed, punching him in the shoulder.

“Oh, but you like it,” he teased.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I’d also ride it,” she sighed. 

“Isobel,” he choked on his drink, and she held her chin up triumphant and unapologetic. 

“Hey, do you have any… dude, hold your arms up over your head,” she whacked him on the back as he sputtered and coughed.

“Anyway, do you have any popcorn?” She stared at the screen with rapt attention, unaware of him glaring at her with watery, red-rimmed eyes.

“Screw you,” he replied with no heat.

“Hey, I keep offering. You’re the one who says no. Now, are we watching this, or are you going to keep talking about your feelings, Valenti?”

She didn’t give him time to respond. Instead, she turned the volume up and stretched out on the couch half sprawled on him, ignoring his protest.

It felt good having a friend.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

[hillerskas]

20 & 2 from the fluff list! 💕

2. “aw, you’re so cute.” 20. “i’m not playing truth or dare.”

Despite the clouds threatening to burst any moment, Mika had still insisted they stick to their flatshare-bonding-day-out plans.

‘Lucas, we’ve been planning this for weeks, you can’t back out now.’

So Lucas has found himself squished between Manon and Mika at the back of a bus, covering his ears as they loudly discuss the last episode of a show they’d been binge watching over the weekend. He lolls his head back against the seat and shuts his eyes. If he’s honest, he’s still a little hungover from the night before.

‘If you’re going to mope all day, I’ll just throw you off the bus now,’ Mika finally directs at him.

Lucas heaves out a sigh and slumps forward, resting his elbows on his knees. ‘How come Lisa got out of this?’

‘Because she clearly needs her beauty sleep,’ Mika replies. Manon reaches over to slap Mika’s chest with the back of her hand. She leans back again and brushes a strand of hair out of Lucas’ eyes. He softens under the gesture.

‘This is gonna be fun,’ Manon insists. ‘Hey, I’ll even win you a stuffed toy.’

‘Not if I win you one first.’

Manon beams and holds out her hand for Lucas to shake. ‘Deal.’

***

The string of lights pinned along the roof at the entrance of the pier flicker ominously under the cloud cover. Lucas takes note that more than half of the bulbs had exploded and the rest looked to be on their way out shortly.

The gloom follows him into the arcade. It’s all dark and glimpses of harsh neon, children screaming and coins rustling. Lucas absentmindedly runs his fingertips along the rim of a grabber machine and drags his feet as he trails behind Mika and Manon.

‘Lucas, there’s a carousel outside!’ Mika says, grabbing onto Lucas’ upper arm.

‘I’m not going on it.’

Mika reels back over-dramatically and fixes him with a glare. ‘And why ever not?’

Lucas doesn’t exactly want to tell him he gets motion sickness on a damn kid’s ride, so he searches his brain for a different excuse. ‘I just don’t want to.’ Solid.

‘He’s worried the horses will be prettier than him,’ Manon coos. He scoffs and ruffles her hair.

‘Finally someone gets it.’

‘Well, fine. You can hang back here then, Gorgeous, Manon and I are going on it before it starts raining.’

Lucas watches as Mika drags Manon by the hand through the arcade. He sighs again and scans over the different technicolour equipment.

It kind of makes his head hurt, all the bright lights and oppressive air. He uselessly wiggles a joystick on one of the grabber machines and then moves on, already feeling boredom creeping in without Mika’s high energy to distract him.

And then he sees him.

It could be something to do with the beanie on his head. Maybe it’s the leather jacket with slender hands firmly tucked away in the pockets. Maybe it’s the flashing neon lights from the pinball machine flicking across the planes of his face. Lucas has to go over.

He hovers to the right of the man, raking his eyes over his profile, yet still trying to be subtle about it. He’s staring at the glass casing intensely, his eye colour indiscernible.

‘You never really win anything with these,’ the stranger comments, unprompted. Lucas starts at the sound of his voice; he hadn’t even thought he’d noticed him.

He stares, wide-eyed, at the side of the man’s face as he sniffs and deftly slips a coin into the machine.

Ready?! a goofy, cartoonish voice yells, lights flashing aggressively. Lucas notes that the corner of the man’s mouth twitches, a barely-there smile. Lucas finds himself smiling along with him.

Let’s go!

He can imagine the flex of the man’s biceps under all that material as he jerks the handles roughly. He’d never thought of pinball as an art form before, but here he is, watching the intricacies of the man’s expressions as he plays in awe. A little crease between the brows- nice shot!- a quirk downwards of the lip- that was close!- a frustrated squint- better luck next time!

The machine coughs out one solitary token and it floats pathetically to the floor. He takes a deep breath.

‘I didn’t know someone could suck at pinball this badly.’ It’s out of his mouth in a light, breezy murmur.

‘Ha!’ He really pronounces it, a proper ha! ‘I’d like to see you beat me.’

Lucas draws his bottom lip in and raises his eyebrows. ‘Oh yeah?’

The man bathes Lucas in a sunshine grin and nods. A pause filled with teasing suspense. ‘But I bet you can’t.’

‘Move aside,’ Lucas laughs, almost tripping over his own feet as he slides past the guy to plant himself in front of the machine. He shoves his hand in his pocket and rummages around for a coin. A wrinkled old receipt falls out as he pulls out the money.

‘Ah, wait.’

Lucas is left completely stunned as the man wraps his slim fingers around his wrist and draws the coin towards his lips. Keeping eye contact with Lucas the entire time, he presses a slow, gentle kiss to the metal and then releases him. The man’s bright grin returns and he shrugs.

‘For luck; I think you have an unfair disadvantage considering I’m clearly the king of pinball.’

Lucas’ jaw clicks shut and he rolls his eyes. ‘You’re out of your mind.’

‘Maybe I am,’ he replies, voice husky.

Lucas purses his lips and then quietly starts the game.

Let’s go!

Lucas lets out a little involuntary grunt.

Yes!

Oh no! Better luck next time!

The descending 8-bit tune announces his failure, synthetic colours zipping up and down the glass before they settle back into demo mode.

‘I... suck worse than you,’ he huffs after a beat.

‘I didn’t dare say it,’ the man responds, lips then pressing together tightly to hide a smile.

Lucas feigns offence and crosses his arms, lightly kicking at the leg of the machine. ‘I’m better at Pac-Man. Rematch?’

‘Instead of a rematch-‘ he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an insanely long string of tickets, ‘-maybe we should go get our prize.’

‘That many tickets and your awful gaming skills...? Have you just been here for the last seven years?’

The man barks out a laugh and shakes his head. ���I wish. No, see over there?’

He’s suddenly very close, breath falling against the back of Lucas’ neck and arm practically leaning on his shoulder as he points. Lucas swallows and lets his eyes wander. There’s a beaten up basketball hoop style game, all peeling paint and splintered wood. He’s even closer now.

‘If you knock on the side of the dispenser just right...’ Lucas goes crosseyed as the man dangles the tickets in front of him. The guy’s basically hugging him from behind at this point and Lucas wonders what it feels like to be able to breathe.

Suddenly, the man’s warmth is gone. When Lucas swivels around, he’s got this soft smile on his lips and his eyes seem to be drinking in every inch of Lucas’ face.

‘Wait here.’

He barely has time to blink before the man’s slipped out of sight behind the machine. Lucas picks at a loose thread on the cuff of his hoodie sleeve and bites the inside of his cheek. He can’t help but beam a little, an unfamiliar swirling feeling filling him up.

When the other man returns, he thrusts an overflowing cup of gummy worms under Lucas’ nose and waits for him to unravel one.

‘Thanks.’

‘What are you going to call yours?’

Lucas frowns and looks up at the other man. ‘What?’

He threads a red and orange worm through his fingers, considering it, before smirking. ‘I’m calling mine Eliott.’ He glances up at Lucas expectantly, and it takes Lucas a fair bit of time to catch on to what he’s really asking.

‘Lucas.’

‘Maybe this is sadistic,’ Eliott says, twirling the sweet in front of his eyes. ‘...Lucas.’

He attempts not to think about how smooth his name sounds when Eliott’s the one saying it.

Eliott’s whole face scrunches up as he rips the head off the gummy worm with his teeth.

‘Don’t strain yourself,’ Lucas says instead of you look adorable.

Eliott’s face stays screwed up. ‘I think these are stale.’

‘No? Confectionary at a pier? Stale?’

Eliott titters as he chews, watching Lucas’ mouth as he finally takes a bite. He grimaces and barely refrains from spitting it out.

‘Would you like to come for a walk with me, Lucas?’

He says it so softly, Lucas almost doesn’t catch it. He’s about to answer way too quickly with an emphatic yes, but he stops himself with a groan.

‘I can’t... my roommates are here with me, I cant leave them.’

Eliott remains unbothered, discarding the pot of candy on top of the pinball machine and grabbing Lucas’ hand instead. ‘Well, we can walk to the end of the pier, no?’

Lucas looks up at Eliott through his lashes and smiles, squeezing his fingers. ‘Lead the way.’

He’s shocked at himself, honestly, at how easily he allows himself to follow Eliott. But something about him draws Lucas in and he can’t seem to stop. They weave through the endless rows of arcade games, the soles of their shoes sticking to the soda soaked flooring. Lucas watches Eliott’s hat slip slightly, unruly brown hair daring to escape.

‘After you,’ Eliott says sunnily, dropping Lucas’ hand to hold the door open. He feels a little sore when Eliott doesn’t retake his hand, but he hastily buries the feeling.

It’s raining when they get outside. The wooden boards creak beneath them and the sound of the waves crashing below unsettles Lucas as much as it calms him.

Eliott guides them to the railings at the side of the boardwalk and rests his elbows on the cool metal, jerking his head slightly for Lucas to join him.

Lucas breathes in the salt air and tips his head back. He closes his eyes against the rain and barely flinches whenever a drop lands on his eyelids.

‘You look very peaceful.’

His eyes snap open and a blush threatens to spread across his cheekbones. Lucas dips his head- chin against chest- and grips the rail until his knuckles go white. ‘I like the rain.’

‘Me too,’ Eliott whispers.

Lucas closes his eyes again and smiles leisurely before turning around so his lower back’s pressed against the railing instead. Slowly, Eliott mirrors him. Their fingers almost touch again.

They silently watch the carousel across from them spin, a slightly distorted lullaby playing. Thankfully, Manon and Mika seem to have moved on, most likely inside hiding from the gentle downpour. Lucas isn’t sure how he would have coped if Mika had been given the chance to grill Eliott, nor with the aftermath back at the apartment.

‘Your eyes are the same colour as the sea,’ Eliott says matter-of-factly, breaking through the melody of the waves.

Lucas coughs and pulls his damp hoodie sleeves over his hands. ‘Yeah?’

Eliott tilts his head down, trying to catch Lucas’ gaze. ‘Hmm...’

Lucas eventually glances up. Eliott’s eyes are grey, possibly blue. ‘What?’

‘No, I think they’re prettier than the sea.’

‘That’s-‘ He cuts himself off, attempting to school his tone. Eliott doesn’t need to know his cheesy comment made him this flustered. ‘I-‘

‘Aw, you’re so cute.’

Too late.

Lucas slaps his covered hands over his face and huffs into the fabric. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘You could tell me my eyes look like rocks and then we can laugh and move on.’

Lucas slowly draws his hands away from his face and stares at Eliott, mouth hanging open in what he can just tell is probably a pretty unattractive smile. There’s definitely a glimmer of amusement on Eliott’s features, but other than that Lucas can’t quite read him. He presses his elbow against Eliott’s and then moves his gaze back to the carousel.

‘Your eyes don’t look like rocks.’

Eliott laughs through his nose and cautiously leans into Lucas’ touch. Another silence settles between them, but it’s not uncomfortable. Lucas feels like he’s burning from the inside out, Eliott’s voice bouncing around his head. He’d really called him cute.

‘Your hair’s getting wet.’

‘Do I look like I care about my hair?’ Lucas grumbles without missing a beat, even as he reaches to pull his hood up.

‘Truth: do you care about your hair?’

Lucas side-eyes Eliott. ‘I’m not playing truth or dare.’

‘Okay...’ He squints over at the carousel for a moment before snickering under his breath. ‘Forfeit... I dare you to tell me something you do care about.’

Lucas stares openly at the side of Eliott’s face. He’s got this big, triumphant grin on his lips but his eyes are still on the ride. ‘Have you ever played truth or dare before? You can’t just dare me to tell you a truth.’

‘Loophole,’ Eliott says with a shrug. He moves his head to the side and peers at Lucas with a more muted half-grin. ‘So? You’re playing now?’

He exhales slowly, amused. ‘I think you’re cheating.’

‘It’s made you smile though. Worth it.’

‘Fine!’ Lucas concedes, wrapping his arms around his midsection. ‘I care about...’

Eliott waits patiently for his response, one eyebrow lifted.

Lucas pouts and moves the tip of his shoe side to side, following the wood grains below his feet.

‘My friends?’

‘Your friends,’ Eliott repeats with a slow nod.

Lucas sighs and looks at him again. ‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Nothing.’ He raises his hands in placation.

‘Were you expecting something more profound?’ Lucas teases.

‘Possibly,’ Eliott hums. Lucas jostles him with his elbow. ‘It’s your turn.’

‘Which rules are we using? The actual ones or your made up ones?’

Eliott’s eyes crinkle when he beams. ‘Obviously mine are better.’

‘Alright...’ He searches his brain for a question. For some reason there’s a nervous buzz running through his body and the air’s shifted. The rain picks up. He drops it. ‘I have two options for you.’

‘That wasn’t one of my rules,’ Eliott throws back.

‘Shut up,’ Lucas laughs, hugging himself tighter. ‘Truth: do you want to go back inside? Or, I dare you to take me inside.’

Eliott lets out a beautiful chuckle in response and Lucas forgets for a second about the cold. ‘I’ll take you back inside after my turn, I promise.’

‘I need to start writing these new rules down,’ Lucas mumbles.

Eliott grins and pushes himself off the railing. He moves to stand in front of Lucas, and from his still slouched position, the other man towers over him.

‘Lucas... Martin?’

Lucas titters and shakes his head. ‘What?’

‘From the look on your face I’m guessing that’s not your surname.’

‘It’s Lallemant,’ Lucas replies, rolling his eyes fondly.

Eliott nods and clears his throat. ‘I was close.’

‘Very close,’ Lucas says through a smile.

Eliott composes himself, a serious expression on his face. Lucas can see the mirth in his eyes though. ‘Lucas Lallemant, I dare you to make this a date.’

All the breath gets sucked out of him and he’s suddenly very appreciative of the sturdy pole behind him holding him up.

He looks down. Then up. Breathes in. Then speaks.

‘Give me your hand.’

[coup-de-maine]

I saw your post regarding getting into RPCs and appreciated a lot of what you said. I wanted to ask if you had any more advise on things like sending in prompts to people. I want to interact with others but I know that having to come up with a reply to something so open and sometimes vague can be really hard, especially if you don't know the prompter very well, and I don't like putting that pressure on people all because I want to interact... Anyway thank you and have a good day. :)

Oh my goodness! Thank you, I dont know when you sent this in but I do hope the answer finds you (I wish askers of anonymous asks would get notified that its been answered but ah well...)

[[MORE]]

Writing prompts and starters that are open and vague about the other character can be tricky, its a bit of an art form you have to work at. But vague doesnt have to mean boring and thats important to remember.

Make up for what cant be said with an interesting hook. Focus on your character and their wants/needs and make them require another human being (or not) to acquire them.

I find it easiest to do something lighthearted and fun. Its hard to predict how a muse might react to a tragic or violent situation, but a lot of good relationships can be formed out of intense emotional situations.

For a first time interacting though a little slice of life can help build a repertoire with someone, help you get to know their character and create something more specific next time.

When I write something I try to check it over and ask myself a few questions: is this engaging? Is it open ended- (can it be replied to easily or does it seem closed off)? Is it too specific?

If you require the person to respond back positively (like with happy or excited emotions) or negatively, it might be too specific.

"Well you look happy."

Vs

"Are you happy to see me?"

Gives the responder the freedom to chose how their character actually is in the situation vs you telling them. Its technically god modding but people will mind less if you have a repertoire with them and can accurately gauge they would be happy in the situation.

The first thing I do when writing an open ended prompt for a first time interaction is get as much information about the character as I can, and then come up with scenarios.

Where they could meet, what kind of relationship do they have already? (Maybe one is the others superior, classmates, hero/civilian, ect) and try to build off that. What are some interesting ways for people to meet?

Try not to keep it flat and ordinary, this is the engaging part. Catch their attention, make them want to meet you. If your muse is the boring or non-social type FORCE them to share a space with someone. Lock them in an elevator, put them in a position where they must ask for help or even having them just stare at the other person until they're unsettled is effective.

Be as zanny and cooky as you like, first impressions are important.

And when worst comes to worst: open communication.

I can not stress this enough, its so important and REWARDING when you open up that line to other people. It makes your relationship better and your interactions better.

Ive followed people I had an IMPOSSIBLE tome interacting with, until I got to know them and found out their muse secretly enjoys such and such. Bam. Instant blackmail. Now I can force them to hang out with me cause turns out my character just so happens to know this or stumbles upon it by accident WHO KNOWS.

Talk to them about possible scenarios, ask for feedback on ideas, or just shoot the shit together. Musing back and forth can bring out wonderful ideas. "Hey what if: this?" "Omg well [muse] would totally flip out I cant believe you would DO THAT" "🙄🙄🙄 orly" wow already best friends.

Okay its not always that smooth, but engaging the actual mun can help a lot. They can provide input for what does and doesnt work to hook their character and that can help you figure out he best way to approach them!

I hope this helps, you've been a delight, gold star pupil. Please feel free to come back with questions any time 💛 (or hmu in the DMs). Thank you, my day is very good, you have one too okay?

[hobo4lyfe11]

[ KBTBB Co-Writing Fic ] Hate At First Sight ❤ At Last Glance Part 2

Fandom: Kissed By The Baddest Bidder Rated: Drama, mystery, thriller, romance KBTBB OC: Ryoko Inui / Kyoko Nakama Main Interest: Soryu Oh Summary: A mysterious woman with impressive skills is hired under Soryu’s care, but is she all that she seems? A/N: Leave Ryosuke alone! He’s just a puppy. Also I’m so glad @hotcocosharing​ was willing to write another fic with me~ always a honour and pleasure. You can find PART 1 <-- here :) Warnings: Soryu is cute Word Count: 1354 words

✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎

Soryu Oh’s POV

"That's impossible."

Eisuke's going off about how the security system in the hotel casino has malfunctioned but I find it hard to believe that the impregnable program, we've carefully installed, just 'malfunctioned'.

"Fine, I'll be there in 10 minutes," I guess I can indulge in his little burst of frustration once in a while.

It's not everyday you see Eisuke getting worked up like this so I wont be missing this. Heh, seeing 'The Great Eisuke Ichinomiya' lose his composure is entertainment enough for me.

"Make it 5!" He spits with irritation. Impatient as ever.

I arrive 10 minutes later, to the command room in the security ward of the casino, to find a young woman typing away at the main computer naturally. Her slender fingers fly across the keyboard at incredible speed and accuracy before restoring the corrupted server with little, to no, effort at all. Impressive. I would never have predicted an ordinary woman like her to be so useful. All signals regain a secure status and seemed to have increased in strength.

"Not bad," Eisuke says with a smirk.

I can tell he didn't expect to be so impressed by a spontaneous offer from a complete stranger, so much so, he decided to appoint her to the hotel security team, under my supervision.

Tch, now I have to take care of this woman? Probably Eisuke's ways of getting back at me for not coming within 5 minutes. Impatient prick... 

At least she's not annoyingly trying to vie for my attention by baking a cake on her face and bathing in perfume. I cant stand that. She seems reliable enough that Eisuke would offer her a job on the spot however, I cant help but find her presence unsettling.

The most secure program in the world that contains several walls of protection for our security system is broken down, and she just happens to be there to restore it back in just seconds? The progression of that was so perfect, almost as if it was planned and staged. Was this all just a coincidence or is she more than what she appears to be? I know better than to jump to conclusions without any evidence to back my theories up, so for now, I will just have to keep my eye on her.

The days go on by and she continuously surprises me, in unpredictably positive ways. Her skills are no joke when it comes to her job and, her hard work and diligence, is admirable. Reminds me of another girl I used to know.

It was back in boarding school when I first met her - she was always striving to be the best in every field, competing for the number one spot in every field- academics, physical education and even art. The way her eyes narrowed in concentration and her aim to always best herself, sparked a new feeling in my chest. How was it, that she was so different from the rest, so accomplished... So perfect.

But soon before we were meant to graduate, she dropped out of our school. The teachers said it had something to do with her family but obviously wouldn’t go into detail. I just saw her the day before and now I wasn’t going to see her ever again? I didn’t even have a chance to talk to her. To say goodbye. To tell her how i felt about her.

"Sir. Sir. Sir!" A voice yaps at me with persistence and returns me from my trip down memory lane.

"What is it Inui?" I respond as I see the woman tense up at the sound of his voice.

Strange. I guess she doesnt take too well to strangers or is easily frightened by sudden noises.

"Looks like the Black Heart gang is trying to breach our contract. What should we do?"

"I'll deal with them," I say before I get up and turn to leave. The woman seems to have stopped in her tracks and that doesn't escape me.

It doesn't take long before I return from dealing with the annoying scumbags who dared to even think they could sever the alliance in such a disgusting manner. I make sure to stop by the security ward before I head up to the penthouse to make sure everything is in order and everyone is doing their jobs accordingly, especially the new recruit. Unexpectedly, I come back to see her overseeing everyone and directing them with perfect coordination, improving efficiency all throughout the sector.

She never seems to disappoint. Perhaps its just in my nature to doubt everyone I meet but maybe, just maybe, I can rely on a woman like her for once. The slight smile that plays on my lips disappears the moment she looks at me. Her big clear eyes, so kind-looking but impossible to read, locks onto mine. I quickly look away to throw off any suspicions of me analysing her and leave to meet with the other auction managers.

"So how are you liking the new pretty lady the boss placed under your care, Sor?"

"She's surprisingly not bad -- she can hold her own and she doesn’t reek of gold digger and hooker." I reply naturally and look up to see the astounded looks on the other bidder's faces.

"Are you saying that the little Koro doesn’t make you want to kill yourself even though she's a woman?? Boooorring, I wanted a better reaction~~"

"She must have sexy collarbones."

"I heard that she was just a kid..."

"Maybe I should see what's so good about her myself."

I ignore the teasing from the peanut gallery but, Eisuke's knowing smirk pisses me off to no bounds. He knows. Is it because we've known each other for so long, or is it because he's THAT perceptive? I'll never know. The bidders panic and scramble when I pull out my gun, but to be honest, I don't actually mind.

It's late and I'm making my last rounds, with Inui and Samejima, before I go back to the Ice Dragon's Headquarters to rest. Today was a real pain in the ass, having to deal with the dirty mafia world but I'm doing the best I can to change that. I wont rest until I can use this influence on the world, for good. I won’t follow in my Grandfather’s cruel footsteps.

The three of us separate on our patrol to cover more ground in less time and by the time I’ve finished with my section, I go to look for the other two. I hear a slight thud coming from the server room, where Inui was in charge of checking, and I cautiously crack open the door.

Through the pitch-black room, decorated with thin rays of light, emitting from the LED lights of the cells, two shadows can be made out with a bit of squinting. As my pupils enlarge to allow more light to register in my brain, I tighten my clench on my trusty gun. It would seem as though the smaller figure has pinned the slightly larger one against the wall.

I can barely make out Inui's rambunctious voice which queue's my entrance. The smaller body jumps at my sudden entry and bolts out of the second exit that very few people know about. By the time I pass by the shocked-frozen Inui to pursue the mysterious shadow, it had disappeared through one of four possible escapes. Damn. I was so close.

I return to Inui and his crumpling body, whimpering like a lost puppy with abandonment issues.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Why didn't you fight back and chase after him?" I question him in frustration.

I know he is capable when he puts his mind to the task, but his mind is fickle. At that moment, Samejima bursts into the room and is utterly confused at the sight. The both of us throw puzzled glances at each other, not expecting him to look so broken. He was less of his over-exaggerated character, and had more of a tame and seriously forlorn expression.

"It's her. She's actually here.”

[kyohiba]

Xue Yang’s 420 Punishing Reincarnations AU. Final Modern Setting

but hmmmmmm I Wonder,

in that final one,

yeeting patriarch how did they all come to meet

in another one of his reincarnation he gets pimples every week

LMAO SORRY

mmMMMMM good question

we said they meet a-qing last

ssyifpfff🌙 do we wanna be cheesy lmao

8h 8 hours ago yes, since shes a lot younger than them

as long the Angst Lives On,

the beginning of their meeting needs some angst

yeeting patriarch either song lan or xue yang meeting xiao xingchen, the beginning of their relationships...

OH MAYBE XUE YANG NEEDS HELP FOR WHATEVER REASON N XXC FINDS HIM, LIKE MAYBE HE FALLS N HURTS HIMSELF N XXC PUTS A BAND AID ON OR SOME SHIT

ssyifpfff🌙 as an allusion to when they meet in yi city uwu

8h 8 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 so tht its familiar n xue yang gets the de javus

8h 8 hours ago OMG. PARALLELS

yeeting patriarch HELL YEA PLEASE

n then he can meet song lan while going to buy groceries idk

ssyifpfff🌙 maybe they fite for the last bag of avocados

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch what about xxc and song lan were childhood friends and had a fight and suddenly young song lan had to move out and never got to apologize to xxc but then years later he moved back and found xxc again

ssyifpfff🌙 as long as no one loses any eyes

8h 8 hours ago NO LOSING EYES

yeeting patriarch EVERYONE HAS THEIR EYES AND EYESIGHT

ssyifpfff🌙 NO HEAVY ANGST IN THIS HOUSE FOR THIS LIFETIME

8h 8 hours ago like. first xxc meets xue yang

who got hurt... uhh... how he couldve gotten hurt...

yeeting patriarch lmao he was skating and while doing a Sick Move TM he mf fell down and got wrecked

YES PLS LMAO

A SICK MOVE

ssyifpfff🌙 he got an arm cramp while dabbing

8h 8 hours ago innocent xxc was passing by at the time, saw everything and went to help xue yang. because his golden pure heart lives on

yeeting patriarch HE DABBED WHILE DOING THOSE SKATE FLIPS AND FELL DOWN ON HIS FACE

ssyifpfff🌙 HE BROKE HIS NECK HITTING THT WHOA

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch as xxc helped him, xue yang experiences the Doki

xxc takes him to his apartment to take care of his wounds

and after this incident, xue yang shows up a lot around xxc's place

yeeting patriarch (hes got a bit of a bad situation at home, hes always outside like a stray cat)

ssyifpfff🌙 hes like "should i take u to a hospital?" n xue yang i slike NO GO AWAY "then let me at least bandage u, my apartment is close by" xue yangs gay ass: oh worm?

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch YES

N THEY SLOWLY BECOME CASUAL FREIDNS THEN ..... SOMETHIN ELSE

ssyifpfff🌙 WE GOTTA GET THT DOMESTIC BLISS

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch BUT IT'S SLOW BURN

mayb xue yang is a runaway n is in need of a roomie

ssyifpfff🌙 YES SLOW BURN OBV

8h 8 hours ago remember: this time he gotta earn for xxc's affections

yes! xue yang its ur turn to cook

yeeting patriarch xxc is a bit wary of him for some reason although he helped and helps him out. his good heart cannot ignore it

ssyifpfff🌙 them going to buy groceries n xue yang being a Pro at bargaining for lower prices

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch ever so slowly, xiao xingchen at first really starts feeling he got himself to take care of a stray cat

like............ this happened in yi city tbh, xue yang did manage to make xxc laugh like no one else :(

ssyifpfff🌙 im sad now

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch PARALLELS... KEEP THEM COMING

ssyifpfff🌙 XXC HAS TO SEE XUE YANG HAS A GOOD HEART EVEN IF HE LOOKS LIKE A DELINQUENT

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch at some point though,

xue yang gets 100% kicked out his home

he has nowhere else to go

truth to be told, boi got no close friends

it's a rainy night

and xiao xingchen is coming home after uni (what is he studying)

in front of his place, in the rain, is xue yang

yeeting patriarch when he realizes xingchen came, xue yang looks up and tries to grin at xxc but he only manages a half smile

BABEYYY

HE SAID NO ANGST FOR HIM IN THIS LIFETIME ASDFGRFGVS

ssyifpfff🌙 i WANT xxc to be studyin at cheff school but i think med school would fit him better

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch MED SCHOOL FOR SURE

ssyifpfff🌙 n it would make sense as to why he has bandages n is good at putting thm on

8h 8 hours ago Y E S

xue yang currently a drop out for financial problems due his situation at home

we really ain't giving it easy for xue yang even in the reincarnation it should be finally Ok for him

yeeting patriarch Understandable

ssyifpfff🌙 we had to do it to him

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch at the sight of xue yang in the rain looking Miserable TM, xingchen's heart aches

at this point they been getting close, xue yang casually COINDICENTALLY going to the same skating place over n over even tho its actually not tht big or tht good for skating

ssyifpfff🌙 god we rly made him a skater boi

8h 8 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 see ya later boi

8h 8 hours ago i cannot see it now

skater boi xue yang confirmed

anyway

xingchen let's xue yang stay over as xue yang kinda explains the situation

he promises he will find himself a place and wont get in the way

yeeting patriarch but... yknow how it is when the Living Together situation happens

in reality xue yang is Super smart, like genious smart like ash lynx smart, n xxc prob notices n encourages him to pursue a studyin path

xxc is a nerd in all his lifetimes

ssyifpfff🌙 tht way xue yang could get a scholarship n help

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch OH NOOOOO GOT SLAPPED BY A THOUGHT THAT ENDED ME kinda nicely

ssyifpfff🌙 SLAP M

8h 8 hours ago as xingchen let's xue yang stay over, he gets xue yang a place to sleep in his living room. it's the only available place, his apartment isn't big. and in the morning, when xingchen wakes up, he finds xue yang sleeping kinda curled up like a cat, sleeping occupying a small place

yeeting patriarch also xue yang being Genius 💯 xingchen noticing it and encouraging him 💯💯💯

OH BABEY SAIDFGDSKFJBGS

a tiny stray cat

ssyifpfff🌙 its such a cheesy metaphor in fics BUT I LOVE ITTT

7h 7 hours ago as time goes by,

they grow closer

yeeting patriarch xue yang starts even helping xingchen with his studies although this isnt an area he likes nor has much interest

yeeting patriarch they go on growing close

xingchen starts paying more attention to some things about xue yang. that he carries a sadness within him

masked by his delinquent attitude

xingchen starts lowering his walls

yeeting patriarch (at this point xue yang is already deep in love but yknow tsun boy)

tsun boy skater boy

asdfka, xue yang going to xxcs campus n waiting around for his classes to end

"no i just like the sandwiches from the cafeteria here" "but ur broke" "IM HERE TO SMELL THEM"

ssyifpfff🌙 n xxc buys him the dam sandwich n they sit to eat together T0T

7h 7 hours ago hoes trying to approach xue yang as he waits for xingchen, since xue yang is Good Looking. But he... hisses at other people

hes only... non feral around xingchen

what would xue yang study tho 🤔

yeeting patriarch before he had to drop out and then when he managed to go back

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm well he did do all tht w the sticks on wen ning and song lan, maybe... neuroscience

or maybe he goes feral n studies art idk

ssyifpfff🌙 he would be good at anything really

7h 7 hours ago he does look like an art hoe somehow

and Yup. boi could do Anything

let's settle this later

yeeting patriarch as for now...

the domestic bliss continues

before they realize, they're searching for a bit bigger apartment. with at the least two rooms

(No Homo phase)

two bedrooms*

they manage to find one, share the living costs

domestic bliss lives on

THEN, ONE DAY...

at xingchen's uni

yeeting patriarch a new student arrives

yeeting patriarch 😏

he moved back to the city

xingchen and song lan immediately recognized each other

yeeting patriarch with some tension

ssyifpfff🌙 (no homo phase) LMAO

7h 7 hours ago yeeting patriarch xue yang, the bastard cat, goes wait for xingchen at his uni. grinning showing his fangs and all. unaware

xue yang sees xingchen's silhouette and approaches

then he noticed song lan

hes hit by some unknown feeling. similar the one he had when he first meet xingchen

he, clever bastard, notices the tension in the sir between the two hotties

yeeting patriarch hides close by, as xxc and sl didnt notice when he was approaching

hes a bit far and cant hear well their convo but picks a few words here and there

yeeting patriarch "it's been so long", "wanted to see you again", "i am sorry"

and hes there like "uuuuh am i bein cucked" but deep down he gets a feeling too

he prob feels he wants to go meet thm but shouldnt

thru their rship he prob feels a lot of guilt, specially seein thm together, n the worst part is tht he cant understand Why he feels tht guilt

he might think he should be around xxc if he has finally found some1, like he doenst wanna be in the way

all the while bein a chaotic bastard w sl ofc

ssyifpfff🌙 n song lan actually finds him fun to be around heh

7h 7 hours ago THE CONFLICTED FEELINGS... the feelings the doesnt understand...

chaotic ass xy starts Bottling Up it all

hes been getting Messy

as he sees xxc and sl getting closer and closer, getting along better and better

he feels he should Leave them. that unsettling mysterious guilty feeling is there all the time

yeeting patriarch although he enjoys being with the two so much

yeeting patriarch one day xy reaches his limit. his mind, his heart are a mess. hes always been on the emotionally constipated side, but now it was different and overwhelming

he was growing a bit distant the past few weeks. both xxc and sl noticed although xy tried to mask it, grinning around, as always

yeeting patriarch but his gaze would give him in sometimes

one day, as xxc comes home, he is greeted by silence. a dark and cold apartment. by that hour, xy was already at home. worry grew in xxc's heart

he called for xy, but no answers came

yeeting patriarch ANNND it's almost 02:30 am i need sleep Badly

yeeting patriarch meme ya Later. dream of this au. hmu with new thoughts. nyeehaw

ssyifpfff🌙 ASSADK XUE YANG dam u u done it again.

7h 7 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 he didint even leave a note, but xxc knows him too well n finds him fast n asks wtf is up (not like tht obv) n xue yang cant explain properly but he basically confesses tht hes grateful for xxc opening his home to basically a stranger but he understands him n song lan crealry missed each other n he shouldnt get in the way

7h 7 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 n xxc is like "but song lan n i,,,, we both love u so much"

7h 7 hours ago n song lan comes by (xxc called him so he could help w finding the cat) n hes like "heh u ran away bc ur jealous?" "IM NOT u idiot im leaving the way open for ur dumb ass" "n what about ur way? is it open too?" (IDK WHY im imagining song lan as a suave guy whn in reality hes prob rly dense n awkwards too but let me dream)

ssyifpfff🌙 xue yang is pikachu stunned.jpg

7h 7 hours ago yeeting patriarch I HAD TO READ THOSE BEFORE DREAMLAND i will reply properly when i Rise

ssyifpfff🌙 have a good dream nyari may the xue chara dev visit u in ur sleep

7h 6 hours ago yeeting patriarch IVE RISEN

SUAVE GUY SONG LAN IS HONESTLY TO LIVE FOR xy is a tsun, xxc kinda slow so somebody in this house gotta do the work

BUT IMAGINE

after he says that and xue yang goes pikachu_agape.jpg

xingchen on the side blushes furiously

yeeting patriarch then after a "..." 3 secs, song lan becomes a blushy mess

yeeting patriarch xxc, tenderly, grabs one of xy hands and tells him "let's go home"

xy feels like a bit part of that heavy feeling has been lifted from him as xxc holds into his hand and sl gazes softly at him. THEN, A RARE MOMENT HAPPENS... chaotic disaster xy, doesnt give his fangy grin, but a small smile

yeeting patriarch the three of them go to their home

after this, as some time goes by, before they realize, song lan has moved in with them. they bought a bigger bed

(No Homo phase kicked into outer space)

Song lan n xy just constantly embarrassing themselves n each other fskdhdjd

3h 3 hours ago now we gotta reach the a-qing point of the au

xxc gets a thirdhand embarrassment with them sometimes

i really, really like to think xue yang's sleeping habits are a bit like a cats

even the "more docile and cuddly when sleeping" part

SINCE WE MADE HIM SHORTER ON THIS, and i think both xxc and sl are 185cm... oh the bliss

yeeting patriarch AND OF COURSE HIS SWEET TOTH REMAINS

HES THE TINY ONE

IN A 3 PPL RSHIP WHOSE THE LITTLE SPOON??? IDK HOW BUT ITS HIM

ssyifpfff🌙 he’s the lettuce of the sandwich

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch "are u a big or little spoon, xue yang?" xy: im a KNIFE xxc & sl, at the same time: hes the little spoon

ssyifpfff🌙 ASFGJSHFIUFM

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch OMGGHSJKSKSK HOL P

ssyifpfff🌙 “I am a dagger under ur pillow” “ok”

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch xxc keeping candies with him to give xy :')

ssyifpfff🌙 OFC

3h 3 hours ago xy says fuck it in this au and becomes a Baker

yeeting patriarch sl... what is he

ssyifpfff🌙 OOOH SO HE CAN MAKE DESSERTS!!!! YAS

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch architect would be cool

Or designer engineer

ssyifpfff🌙 Or a VET

3h 3 hours ago OMG A VET

yeeting patriarch YES

ssyifpfff🌙 N he constantly compares xy w the kittens he attends

3h 3 hours ago YESSSSSSSSS

yeeting patriarch WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT ALL

“Today there was a black cat tht wouldn’t let me pick it up, reminded me of u” the next day “today there was a kitten tht wouldn t stop licking my hand, reminded me of u”

ssyifpfff🌙 “Today the cat bit me, reminded me of u”

3h 3 hours ago xxc - doctor sl - vet

SUIT THEM SO WELL

and baker xy... a pleasant surprise

he makes the best sweet stuff but hes a disaster cooking savory food. sweets only man

also T0T in the future when they get a-qing,

xy uses his baker ways to approach her

yeeting patriarch yknow like he did back then with the candies but this time... not devilishly

[wtfisrealityanymore]

Recap.

Fast forward

Its a surreal feeling reading some of the old things I used to write. Things are so different. I am so different. Its almost like I dont recognize myself from before. I feel sorry for that 16-18 year old girl venting on this site. If only she knew the things I know now. If she could only see how freaking real karma is--and know that one day it will be working in her favor, so sit patient. 

I’m thankful for my experiences, although they were tough to overcome. I am stronger now than I ever once was. Everything that once brought me to my knees is now the reason I stand tall. I am in a position in my life that I never saw coming.  Things. get. better. 

As for you, my first love..

Oh how things just turned upside down for us. I still struggle with letting you completely go, but you do not control me like you once did. Thats something I have never been able to say -- and truly mean. You stick around in my mind solely for the beautiful memories we have sewn together in our hearts, and the millions of little things that remind me of you daily, but nothing in me yearns to make any more memories than we already have. I have outgrown you, and thats a tough pill to swallow. Apart of me knows I will always love you, for helping mold me into the woman I am today. You were my first true love and my first real taste of freedom. Before you I did not know how much happiness a life could hold, how much laughter a girl could contain, or how much passion two beings could feel towards one another. I believe we all have pieces of our past loved ones that we carry. I am certain that I have pieces of you etched into my skin. stamped onto my heart. branded into my bones. I will carry pieces of you everywhere I go in this world, whoever I become. I hope you have pieces of me that you carry too. You taught me how to truly give my entire all to another human. To love fiercely. To take risks. To not give a single fuck about what anyone in the world has to say as long as it makes me happy. Us happy. You gave me courage. You helped me feel every single emotion to their extreme. You had my heart and you lit it on fire. Im not sure anything in this world will ever make me feel as free or as wild as I did while loving you. I am grateful for having known a love this consuming, because had I not, I would not be who I am today. Yes, I have outgrown you - but I do love you... just not in the way you want me to love you. Back when our puzzle pieces still fit together, we had something worthwhile. What we made together is something so beyond beautiful it belongs in an art museum. All the lows were well worth the highs you made me feel. And now it seems our pieces have shifted and they cant seem to position themselves together like they once did. I can never forgive myself for hurting you the way I did. When people ask about you my mind blanks. I am so sorry. You have hurt me beyond repair in the past, and even so, you deserved better. 

I wish I could find the words to explain to you how someone could walk away from what we had... I still dont know how I did it. I dont know why I wanted more. I dont know why I’m so difficult to satisfy. You once told me that if you were to offer me the world I would still ask for the stars and the moon too. Maybe you are right. I am selfish. I am stubborn. You gave me your all and it just wasn’t enough. I feel so much pain thinking about how much that devastated you. The agony I put you through is unsettling. I woke up and decided I didn’t want you anymore. I woke up and decided I’m missing something. 13 years of engraving myself into your heart, just to break free right at the end. Right when things should’ve been getting more serious. We were supposed to get engaged after I graduated. We were only a few months away. and yet something in me told me I was making a mistake. Our breakup felt more like a death. The months apart felt like a prolonged funeral, agonizing about the “what if’s” and all the potential just thrown away. 

You took me in as a little girl. You broke my heart over and over again, until there was nothing left of me. And then one day, years later, you picked up all the pieces and one by one put me back together. You turned me into your favorite doll. You lifted me high. You praised and loved me. You promised me you’d never hurt me again, and for the most part, you have kept that promise. For the most part. That doesn’t change that my pieces were still cracked, only being held together by the glue you gave me. I couldn’t trust you. You changed entirely for me, and yet I still resented you for all that I went through in the past. I kept a grudge, on the one man in the world that loved me more than he loved himself. I hated that you had to learn to love me, when loving you took almost no effort from me. I hated that it took you breaking me until I was nothing in order for you to see my worth. You were my best friend. You are my best friend. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. You were my muse. I was your girl. I know your next lover will only see you for who you are, not who you were before. and thats what you deserve. I couldn’t get past your demons, because they have once haunted me. I was the love of your life, but I was also a victim of you. The paradox was too upsetting for me. I had to get out. I knew leaving was the right choice. I knew if I left, and came back, it will be because I will know for sure that you are the one for me. It will be because I’m ready to give you what you need from me. Forgiveness. 

I left. and its been 8 months. I don’t see myself coming back. I have found what I was looking for. But I do forgive you. I know that you wish that you could rewrite the past. I wish I could too. Maybe then, we could’ve lived our happily ever after. The worst part of this all is losing my best friend. But after all this time has passed.. I look at you, and I look at myself, and I know that it was the right decision. I know that when we think of each other, we both remember the good. I know that you know the special place you hold in my heart. I met someone else and I know that it eats you alive, but really, it only goes to show that there is hope for you and I. For the longest time I thought if I wasn’t with you I’d be settling for less. I thought that there is no other person in this world that will love me like you do. I was wrong. I met someone else, and my life has changed. Someone will love you the way you deserve to be loved, and you will be the greatest blessing in their life. I know this, because I was once that girl. We grew together to teach each other lessons for our future relationships. We met, and loved so ferociously, so that when the right person came along we will make sure to not let them slip away. Like you let me slip away. Like I let you slip away. You are my blessing. I will never have anything negative to say about you. 

You taught what love was. You taught me what a relationship was. You taught me about friendship. You taught me about how the boy mind works. How to understand. How to love unconditionally. and so, I love him the way you taught me how. Had I not met you, I would not know any of these things. I would not know how to care for him. How to make him feel special. I would not know how much patience and compromise it takes to make something worth it work. 

I loved you so hard that I didn’t have time to love myself - and the same goes for you. That was essentially our error. We gave and gave and gave blindly to each other. We stopped growing and became stagnant. I was not happy. Not just with you, but with myself. I did not like the girl I was. I wasn’t sure I had much to offer. 

He’s taught me how to be loved, every single day. How to appreciate the beauty of my own soul. I do not want to give him the world, I want to share one with him. And I promise you, when you meet the love of your life - the real love of your life - you will be thankful for all that we know now. I’ve learned that no matter what happens, what ends, or how many times our heart breaks, we can, and always will, be able to love again. Love may leave, and though it might never come back in the same familiar way, it always comes back. I am not bitter about where we stand now, because I know that what we had was real. Not many people in this world get to experience that kind of liberation. 

I love you dearly, from the bottom of my heart. Dont ever forget that,

Your first love

[feminon]

Ok so putting this under a readmore cus its going to be a Long and rambly talk down memory lane but I’m on a quest to find the artist of a design that was floating round the internet in the noughties that could have been pretty influential to you if you happened to be as obsessed with horses as I was.

Do you know what this is?

Cute yeah? 

Its a nethorse, a netpony, and I’m not actually entirely sure if this was a phenomenon outside of Scandinavia but if you lived there like I did you would have known them as “netheste” and they were incredibly popular. 

Long talk about weird virtual horse site culture under the cut (there’s gifs)

If you were the type of horse-obsessed kid I was, you will have undoubtedly scoured the internet for “Horse Games” to consume, ideally ones that allowed you to act out your dreams of owning a horse of your very own. One of the avenues of achieving this was through the popularity of netheste websites - usually hosted on webbyen.dk (a now defunct site-hosting company tht allowed anyone to run a limited site for free in exchange for ad revenue) and run by other likeminded kids with (mostly) limited HTML knowledge, an arsenal of tacky gifs, pixel art, autoplay, and rly ambitious choices of colour. The size of these sites increased the more clicks you got on the ads that were integrated into them, so it was common for site owners to implore visitors to click their ads with promise of future developments and more exciting virtual horse experiences.

The concept was really simple, it was forum based and you were to roleplay ownership of virtual horses with others on the sites, you roleplayed riding, caring for them, entering competitions, breeding, you name it. 

You acquired them by either reserving a horse available on tht site that you wanted, roleplaying a job for a sufficient amount of time to get fake currency to “buy” a horse, or submit your own pictures of your dream steed. 

Sometimes these fictional horses were represented by real (stolen) photos but mostly they were known from the same basic design, a simple pixel art pony adoptable that could be modified and re-coloured endlessly in mspaint to your hearts content.

Now I can come nowhere near to giving you an idea of just how many variations of this fucking pony there was - it was literally thousands. There were endless variations on the poses, and body type, mane and tail, animations, there were foals and pregnant mares and horses with horns and wings. There was no limit to how they looked, the only thing stopping you was your own mspaint skills, the rules of the nethest site your horse was living in, or your ability to steal a design you wanted. The excitement the modification of these things incited was sparkledog proportions, it was ridiculous. Here’s an example of the (nowhere near exhaustive) collection of templates you could be offered on a site if you were designing your own

(LINK)

Tack and equipment as well - i cant remember the specifics but depending on the expertise and the time of the people running the sites I think they would edit tack onto your horse after you’d purchased it/reserved it but it just added to the multitude of possible designs.

It became a point of pride to save as many variations of these shitty ponies as you could find to your poor old computer or even, if you were determined enough, to open up your own website for kids to roleplay on and claim their fictional nethest, and begin the cycle anew. I myself had an old memory stick with 1GB (which mind you was a LOT back then) worth of these fucking things saved and I lost it somewhere moving houses and it RUINED me.

People were really possessive of the designs they had found/modified, and it got so bad that it became the norm for a lot of sites to code it so that you weren’t able to right-click on their site without a large obnoxious alert popping up to tell you to fuck off and not steal their fictional second hand mspaint horses.

Now barely any of these sites seem to exist anymore (seeing as they were mostly all hosted on webbyen which as mentioned before is sadly, defunct) so its taken me quite a bit to find info on them that hasn’t succumbed to the passage of time.

Somewhere along the way people started being able to shade them more realistically (LINK) a no doubt exciting development that I missed seeing as I had passed out of my horse phase and was neck deep into anime at that point. All the better honestly, call me a virtual horse traditionalist but I prefer my horses unshaded, undithered, and anti-aliased only by the unfortunate and unintentional compression of a thousand saved JPEGs

 But there are apparently still people running sites based off the same concept - Just looking at the designs makes it obvious its just the same designs traced to create something mildly unsettling (that could just be because I prefer the old designs though) but I admire the tenacity of the 21 yrold who’s still out there living the dream with these fictional web horses. 

The site is here by the way (it is in Danish)

With all the influence these things had, I’m really curious to know who the original artist was. The origins of them were lost by the time I discovered them, after they had been cannibalised by a thousand horse hungry kids but they’re just so iconic to me I really want to know who first made them. 

I’m hoping this post will potentially be reblogged, just in case someone might know the original artist, or if anyone else has experienced this mess and wants to blight their blog with the memory of it. Please be my guest.

I’ve found a few blogs that aren’t active, but are still up that has more examples of the cursed horses (all in danish, I might do a followup with some translations to really capture the feel of these sites but for now here they are)

(LINK)

(LINK)

(LINK)

(LINK)