#i want to slaughter everybody who's hurt her she makes me want to vomit

[greensaplinggrace]

the way genya holds herself resonates with me so much. it makes me want to hug myself. it makes me want to hug her. god

[namjoonchronicles]

healing | yg

↳ genre fluff, domestic, established relationship ↳ words 1.9k ↳ summary Yoongi maybe the worst in projecting his emotions, but his actions don’t lie ↳ warning suggestive content ↳ song james arthur ‘let me love the lonely’ ‘safe inside’ ‘can i be him’ ‘certain things’

“I would do anything to forget.” “And I would do anything to remember.”

The second male lead actor bore a wounded expression on his handsome face. The female lead actress was unapologetic and relentless to his heart. She swore that forgetting that she ever loved him is the only way to go on with her life. But the actor finally remembered all the love they had before he loses his memories as a result of an accident orchestrated by his step mother. He pretended to not remember just to know how she really felt about him. She said enough. Yoongi gawks at the screen. “Does that even make sense? How can he stay silent after that? How can he be okay with just that? What a load of bull--” His phone vibrates just as he is about to curse. With his wife’s picture flashing on the screen, he wipes his hand on his flannels and refastened the velcro straps of his arms to secure them back on. “Hello?”

“Hey sweetie, what are you doing?” “Watching that episode was a mistake, why would they ruin the story like that, everything was going just fine, I don’t understand…” You chuckled at your husband’s adorable whines, and “How far in were you?” “Joonsoo told Bora that he wanted to remember…Ah! I am so upset, I am not going to watch the rest of the episode… I don’t care…” “But you have to see what happens after that! A little spoiler for you…” you sang and he replied, “Ah! Ah, no. Don’t tell me what happens. No!” “She knew that Joonsoo’s memories came back, but she is doing that to follow Joonsoo’s mother's instructions…” you told him anyways. Yoongi leans back into his chair and it wobbles back and forth at his weight. He swiveled away from the screen, holding the phone close to his ear and he sighed out loud. “Why did you call me?” “I am just walking out a fried chicken hawker stall and was wondering if you’d like some but I remember your doctor saying you can’t have oily food… so that’s cancelled.” His wife is a tease. All she does is tease. Yoongi left his home studio and walked down the hallway to the living room. He then revealed to you that he found your gastric medication laying around the cabinet with several pills gone. Yoongi had always been so attentive towards things like these. Ever since he had to stay home longer than usual because of his shoulder surgery, he is policing you around with his keen eyes. He found out that you don’t really take care of yourself as well as you told him you were. There were antacids, antiemetics and all kinds of painkillers he found in the medicine cabinet that weren't his. This was alarming, at least to Yoongi. “You’re telling me that you crawled to work despite having gastric two days prior?” he scolded you with a low monotonous voice, pinky pushing the blisters away to see just how much you’ve been taking behind his back. “It’s nothing to worry about, it’ll go away soon… I learn endurance from the best,” you pushed your tongue to cheek, leisuring down the pedestrian walk area, pouting hard at your husband. “You’re talking back at me,” he scoffs, “I taught you that? I guess it's fair… Have you eaten?” You didn’t eat because you don’t have the appetite. After the gastric attack happened, you have been vomiting every time you ate, and your throat burns every time from the acid reflux. “Eating is terrifying…” you confessed. Yoongi poked his head into the refrigerator after the call ended. He took out leek, dried lavers, and whatever he could find in the fridge to start a small dinner. And he did them all with one hand. It wasn’t easy. The carrots were roughly chopped and the potatoes are barely peeled properly. It’s the best dish to take after gastric. He took a couple cups of rice and had them washed under running water. He measured the water and threw in a thumb-sized ginger so it got cooked together. He doesn’t say it out loud, but he really enjoys cooking. He was raised in a house that always belittled women's chores and because of the whole ‘boys shouldn’t cook’ agenda, he was more curious than ever in the kitchen. It comes naturally to him. He would secretly help his mom cook and prepare food to sell in school during the day. It remains one of the memories he is most fond of. He doesn’t really like telling people out loud how he feels. It was something  you both had in common. Coming together was difficult. It was like a race to the end, who will clamor up or who will fall apart faster, to you. Yoongi was determined to keep his emotions sealed in his dungeon called heart. Which was ridiculous, because everyone knows, the more you try to hide your feelings, the louder it is. He doesn’t say ‘I love you’ like normal people. His ‘I love you’s’ are scattered all around you. It was in the walls he painted and in the bookshelf he helped build. It’s in the picture of the milky way he took and in the pile of bandages he bought you when you sprained your ankle. They say, the eyes are windows to the soul. Yoongi had never looked you in the eye. It’s like he runs away from the things he wants the most. It almost made you give up. Seeing how the feelings aren’t verbally reciprocated almost made you leave. Winter, several years ago, “For Yoongi-hyung, you have to force it out of him…” Taehyung advised. “I don’t want to force him…” you sighed, “What if he does this to all his girl friends?” Taehyung stared at you dead in the eye with a cunning smile. “What does your heart tell you?” He asked. “My heart had been wrong before,” You shot back. Taehyung suddenly turned his attention to his phone, his face shone by the light from the screen and he smirked, “If he doesn’t, would he be running all the way up here at this time?” Just then, Yoongi bursted through the door. Chest heaving up and down, eyes blown wide, mouth gaping. His eyes darted to Taehyung and then to you. “You know he won’t leave his bed for anything…” Taehyung glances at you with a knowing smile, “What could this mean?” He feigned a surprised face at you and walked towards the door at Yoongi. And even then, he wouldn’t confess. “You love me, right?” you asked him. “It’s already so late…” “Please answer me…” He appeared conflicted. “Min Yoongi, you don’t love me?” “I… Let’s not do this…” “I think you do… Everyone knows you love me, everybody. Everyone, but you…” “Let’s talk in the morning…” At that time, Yoongi is afraid of commitment despite never really having problems actually committing. His past relationship didn’t go so well because he felt inadequate. And for that, he feared karma. He left the last one because he didn’t think he could be a good person for her. He was bound by depression, crippling sadness and fear so great, it left him in shambles. Being in a relationship back then made him feel like a boulder to a smooth sailing ship. He felt dragged along. He was responsible for two hearts and it felt a lot at the time. He knows just how much hurt he caused her and he knows that karma will come after him. That’s why when he fell for you, his first reaction was to be defensive. He doesn’t want the same hurt to happen to you. Because, what if he hurts you?

“And if I tell you I don’t care?”

The winter arrived on schedule this year. You shivered as you walked into your house. Yoongi is still in the kitchen, turning off the stove. “You didn’t rest like I told you to!” “How could I if you were not eating… I rested for a surgery and couldn’t cook ever since I returned, and you are already getting gastric from not eating…” You helped Yoongi carry the soup on the table. And you scooped him his rice. He was right. Your appetite went down ever since you had to cook on your own. His cooking has always been the thing you look forward to when you return home, but now, you don’t feel like eating because it’s always the same food over and over again. “Does it taste good?” He asked, lovingly. His eyes oozing fondness. “So-very good…” you said with a mouthful. “I have to shower after this… I am sweating so much,” he spoke to his bowl of rice. You unbuttoned his shirt and carefully slid the long sleeves down his arm. You keep glancing up his face to see if he is in any type of discomfort. His ears were the first to turn bright red and he had been biting his lower lip ever since you started undressing him. That wasn’t alarming. The strange thing about Yoongi is that he giggles or laughs when he is in pain. No giggles is fine. No smiles are good. By the time you took off his flannel buttoned up shirt, his face was bright red like he had been drinking whiskey. You couldn't help but smile when he gets sheepish like this. He looks like a sheep ready for the slaughter room. Next thing to come off is his trousers. The bath is ready and he climbs in. You went to the cabinet and showed him two bath bombs he could choose from. He wanted the lavender one. You always liked how it smells. Yoongi sat docile in the middle of the bath, while you swept his hair back and dabbed his face with a dampened towel. Then you move to his back and wipe along the spine, carefully avoiding harsh movements around the stitches on his shoulder. “The stitches are coming together nicely,” you spoke in whispers. Just the sound of the water dripping into the pool was heard. Yoongi let out an encouraging, “Is it…” “The skin around it is not swollen, and its closing up prettily,” you gushed, “At this rate you can start physical therapy around next month...?” “That’s nice to hear…” He hums happily, “I had been feeling rather helpless, and shackled, and unable to work at the speed I used to.” “Hence,” you started with a scolding tone, “Take care of yourself better from today onwards. Everyone frets around you, worried and bustling over you. Coddling you like a baby…when you get hurt like this, you worry everyone. Why did you keep quiet about this pain for so long…This type of perseverance is inhumanly. What are you… a saint?” He chuckles. You took off your own shirt and garments. Yoongi mashed his lips together, stealing glances on your body and when you climbed in the same tub and started washing yourself, he started to gather all the foams. “That’s why, stop hurting yourself…” you repeated your warning, unhooking your bra and throwing it on the marble floor next to your crumpled heap of blouses and trousers. Yoongi sighs. Loudly this time. “What is it now…” you blinked at him. “I want to get well faster… I missed unhooking your bras with my own hands…” 

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Copyright © January 6th, 2021 namjoonchronicles do not repost, and thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are free!

[bakubabes-tatakae]

200 Follower Special Part 1/5

Cuddle Me || Sick! Itachi x Reader

AO3 Link

Word Count: 1125

She could hear coughing coming from the couch in the other room. She knew he wasn’t well, but he was stubborn. He wouldn’t let her do anything to help him, he didn’t want to be a burden for her. The fearless member of the Akatsuki had always been a loner. After the fatal night that he had slaughtered his clan he had never wanted to get close to anyone again, and before he knew it, Y/n came into his life. 

It had taken him a long time to let her in. He had lost his whole family, and it was the most painful thing he had ever gone through. He had lost everybody he loved, it had been his own fault, but he had done it for the greater good. 

*Flashback*

When Itachi found Y/n wandering around in the forest, calling out for help, something in him had snapped. He knew he had to help her however he could. He was cold at first, only helping her to make himself feel better, a way to make some amends for what he had done. The lives of the few outweigh the lives of the many. He had wanted to save Sasuke, Sasuke would have died in cold blood otherwise, the innocent boy would have been pulled into conflict. 

Y/n had been on the verge of death when Itachi had found her. She had been attacked by some ninja that were hiding in the forest. They had made advances toward her and in her efforts to fight them off she had been cut up pretty badly. She had lost a lot of blood, but her adrenaline was keeping her going. As she saw his figure appear from inside the trees she stopped, nervous that another one of them was coming for her. That’s when she saw his robes. Akatsuki. 

She turned, she was ready to run the other way when a wave of dizziness overcame her. Y/n collapsed to the ground, her figure unmoving as she felt her consciousness escaping her. 

Itachi rushed to her side, he had spooked her, something he had been trying to avoid doing. He knelt down next to her, noticing all the cuts on her arms and legs, and felt for a pulse. It was there, but it was faint, he had to get her back to the hideout. 

When Itachi walked through the doors with a girl everyone watched him. He had never been the rescuing type, it was completely out of character. Something in her reminded him of Izumi, he had been instantly attached. He ignored the looks of the people around him and headed for his room. He laid her onto his bed and waited for her to awaken. He had to patch her up, so hopefully she would wake up soon.  

When she finally awoke she opened her eyes slowly. Itachi had been sitting across the room at the small table that held the few things he owned. When she sat up he turned hesitantly toward her, not wanting to startle her again. She spotted the strange man at the table and then realized who it was; the man from the forest. She pushed herself backwards against the bed until she hit the headboard, making her let out a small painful yelp. Itachi stood and held his hand out. “Don’t be scared. I’m not going to hurt you. I brought you here to help you. You’ve been cut up pretty bad. I need to clean those cuts out, some of them might require stitches.”

She looked down at herself. The cuts littering her skin were beginning to be painful as she noticed how many were there. She looked back up at him. “Who are you?”

“My name is Itachi.”

“Where am I?” She looked at her surroundings. 

“I brought you back to my hideout. I wanted to help you.” He took a couple more steps forward, when she didn’t flich he walked over to her, sitting at the end of the bed. “Can I patch up your wounds?” She nodded to him and held her arms out. Itachi took her hand and got to work. 

*Present Day*

Y/n approached the couch, staring down at the Akatsuki member, he had looked almost lifeless. “Itachi, you’ve got to let me help you.” She handed him a cup with medicine in it. “Just take this, it’ll help stop your nausea.”

Itachi opened his eyes long enough to meet her gaze, shaking his head and closing them again. “No, I don’t need it. I’m taking up your time, just let me sleep. I can get over this on my own, you don’t need to worry about me.”

She was growing angry. “Itachi, do you not remember how much you helped me when you found me? It’s the least I can do.”

“That was years ago Y/n. You don’t owe me anything for that, especially not anymore.” He rolled onto his side, reaching for the bucket beside him, afraid he would vomit as he felt another wave of nausea hit him. 

“Itachi, I owe you everything. If you hadn’t taken me in when you did I would have been left out there. Those men that had been trying to get to me would have found me on the ground if you hadn’t…” She stopped there. “God only knows what they would have done to me.”

Itachi sighed. He should know how persistent she had always been. He reached up for the small cup in her hands, taking it, barely keeping the harsh liquid down as he gagged. He laid his head back down on the pillow and watched her, the concern on her face was clearly there. 

She smiled at him, she had expected more of a fight from him, but he had been far too exhausted. “Can I get you anything else? Do you need me to do anything?”

He reached his arm out for her. “All I want from you right now is to cuddle me. Please.” The rough exterior of the Uchiha had been dropped with his illness, not something Y/n got to see often. She climbed onto the couch and into his arms. He pulled her into him and kissed her forehead. His fever had to be getting to him, he was never this passionate. “Don’t ever leave me Y/n, I beg of you.”

Y/n looked up at him and kissed the bottom of his chin. “I’m not going anywhere Itachi, I’m with you until the end of time.”

With that his exhaustion overtook him, falling asleep with a smile on his face, holding the one that he loved the most, the one person that had broken through his walls.

[oneneasgodess-blog]

About to give up?

Feeling all twinned-out? A Twin Flame stage nobody ever talks about because it’s just not all peace, love & light Let’s take a stole down the dark side of the Twin Flame journey So last week I got a donation from a Soul brother who reads my articles and told me he likes my brutally honest, no bullsh*t approach to the Twin Flame concept rather than sugarcoating all the hard work it really involves with self. If you have read my stuff, you know there are no magic pills and that I believe this journey is much more about becoming who you are meant to be than getting hooked up with your twin. I also believe that when you have become who you are meant to be, that the relationship with the twin and everybody else will be so MUCH better – because you have completely transformed yourself. We are all caterpillars coming into this journey, meant to become the most breathtaking beautiful butterflies…   My blog fan totally challenged me (in a good way) by saying that a lot of twin flame teachings are just romantic spiritual porn, but not mine. Which basically gives me a new level to live up to, because I want to be that person that debunks all those Twin Flame myths, broaches all the Twin Flame taboos and gets as many people as possible unstuck in their journeys. I want to get you from crawling over the ground to soaring through the sky!   Not because I am a rebel at heart, but because this is my soul mission to cut through the crap of all the BS that does not get you where you need to be on your amazing magic filled adventure with your beloved – aka your Twin Flame journey. In the end only ONE thing interests me and that is bringing up the truth, because it is the truth that sets us free. Romantic spiritual porn is awesome to drift off on in illusion, but drifting off in illusions only creates delays, more suffering and extended timelines – i.e. they are a f*cking waste of valuable time that you could otherwise be investing in creating Heaven on Earth because that is our joint mission as Twin Flames. So guys and gals get ready for another truth bomb. Because this week I am venturing on the dark side of the Twin Flame journey which is tricky to do because we are going to discuss all those low vibe energies that aren’t fun at all – but we are going to address them in an ultra high vibed way. So you can release them, instead of stay stuck in them or repressing them because you are afraid that allowing them to be felt is gonna jinx your life and your union. It’s really not just all peace, love & light We live in a world of contrasts, our 3rd dimensional physical experience is one of duality. It’s not the ultimate truth we know that, but it is part of the living here on planet Earth experience. Many people new to spirituality and the Law of Attraction fear lower vibrational energies because they think experiencing them will only attract more sh*t in there lives. It doesn’t work like that. When you suppress negative emotions (pretend they aren’t there by sweeping them under the rug) they don’t actually go anywhere. In fact they become much more dangerous than allowing yourself to experience them, would ever be. This is because they are now subconsciously doing the very thing you feared, attracting more of the same matching vibrational frequency crap into your physical life experience. Anything you resist, persists – that is just how this Universe works.   So if you resist feeling so called negative emotions, than you are in fact locking them into your physical experience in a much deeper way, than if you would have allowed yourself to feel the emotion and let it move out of your vibrational system. If you fear that feeling your negative emotions is going to bring you out of alignment to union with your Twin Flame, repressing your so called negative emotions (pretending they aren’t there) WILL actually derail your energies because repressed emotions get stuck in your energy field which structurally lowers your vibrational frequency. This does not happen when you allow yourself to feel them and allow them to move out of your system. Your frequency might drop temporarily, but it will climb quickly after that. Plus if the negative experience NOW is linked to any past experience (even previous lifetimes is possible) that you still carried repressed emotions around, you would actually be able to raise your frequency higher than before because you just allowed yourself to let go of some old emotional gunk and sludge that was weighing down your vibrational field. In my online program the Align to Your Divine Plan Twin Flame Mastery Program I teach that you should look at emotions like taking a dump. When you have taken a sh*t on the toilet, you don’t turn around and make up all kinds of stories about your bodily waste. You are glad it’s out and you flush it away. Yet when it comes to emotions, we DO want to create all these stories around them, hold on to them, nurture them and so on. When basically all you have to do is just have yourself and emotional crap and flush it out. Most people either vomit their negative emotions on the other, which is a big no-no because the other is not responsible for how you feel – you are responsible for your own feelings. If they don’t vomit their emotions outwards, they either fester in them or keep them fuming inside (yeah I mean all you twin bashers – well actually you fester and puke) or the third option they stuff them way deep down so one day it will all erupt. These are all unhealthy ways to deal with all these tough, hard to handle and uncomfortable emotions. The real spiritual approach to emotions is just to allow them to be felt and breathe through it.   Then instead of wiping your tooshie, you smudge yourself and your surroundings and put your feet in a warm Epsom salt foot bath to help you fully release all the vibrational residue of the experienced emotion…. and you are good to go. It is that easy. You don’t have to hold on to the emotion. You don’t need to rehash it. You especially don’t need to deny it. You don’t need to analyze it or understand it. Just allow yourself to let that sh*t go. So now that you have given yourself permission to have negative emotions, let’s look at how they can be triggered on your Twin Flame journey. Let’s be honest your Divine counterpart is being a total pain in the *ss sometimes Let’s just get real with each other here for a minute, some parts of this journey totally s*ck! This is the kind of crap you have to deal with: Ghosting – not responding Benching – keeping you warm for later Rejection – taking back their love etc Abandonment – pulling you close and then running away No commitment – I love you, I want to be with you but, da-da-da-da…. Wishy-washiness – first they are hot then they’re cold No integrity – actions and words don’t match New or existing girlfriends or wives (guys you can turn this around – gays make it work for you ) Not being able to move on, because you never got closure and the list goes on and on….. All this stuff hurts like hell. Let’s not kid ourselves here. It not only brings up grieve, it also brings up anger because anger is a natural part of any grieving process and feeling as if you have lost your Twin Flame is often more painful than losing a loved one to death. It rips your heart out, pulverizes it and spits out the pieces. It’s brutal, unlike any loss or pain you have ever felt before. Yes, separation is an illusion but the experience sure feels painfully real.   Let’s not pretend it’s not. Sure, in the end we need to suck it up – but it is in the feeling of the intense depth of our pain that we actually push through and get to the other side of the transformation. Adversity is the biggest catalyst of change How much we would like to think that we can learn as much from getting our way and the love & light bit, it actually doesn’t work like that. The biggest catalyst for change is adversity. It’s when things don’t go as we planned and we don’t get what we want that we get forced out of our comfort-zones and THAT is where not only the magic happens, but the inner transformation. Last week I was watching another loop movie with my youngest son. If you don’t know what a loop day is, it’s based on the movie Groundhog day with Bill Murray in which he is forced to relive the same day over and over again until he ‘get’s it right‘. The overall theme in loop movies is that, you can’t get out of the loop until you have transformed whatever the loop was set up to transform, without knowing the plan in advance – you have to figure it out by trial and error. The movie we watched was a modern version of this. A college student wakes up in a dorm room on the day of her birthday over and over again, to figure out who kills her that day. The girl starts out as a spoiled brat that is not very nice to anyone basically. As the story progresses and we have watched her loop in waking up, trying to find her killer and then getting slaughtered every night – we see that she is wearing this b*tchy mask in order not to feel the pain of her mother’s early death a couple of years before. As the movie unfolds and she comes closer and closer to unmasking her killer she in facts heals deeper and deeper inside which makes her want to become a much better person. She makes a 180 degree turnaround in character, when she allows herself to deal with the traumatic effects of losing her mother at a young age and stops trying to avoid the pain it caused her. Watching this movie made me realize we are all ego brats when we start out on this Twin Flame journey, no matter how much spiritual or healing work you have done before you met your twin – you have a WHOLE transformation process ahead of you still. Yet it is the above mentioned crappy behavior of your twin, that will be the catalyst of this inner transformation together with the looping effect of not being able to move on from this person. In the end the suffering is so great that YOU MAKE IT STOP and when walking away is not an option, you are left no choice but to find what DOES work. As Twin Flames we are in exactly such a looping experience, until we figure out how to break the loop. Just like any character in a loop movie, we try the easy way out first. Then we try our old ways. When that doesn’t work we get frustrated and that frustration opens us up to trying new ways or actually our old ways not working leaves us no choice, but to try something new and that is the point of transformation that the loop was setup to create. To move you out of your old ways (3D) into a new way of being (seeing/feeling/doing) – the new 5th dimensional vibrational frequency of creating Heaven on Earth.   You can’t get there without experiencing the frustration of the old ways not working anymore – it’s impossible because these frequencies are mutually exclusive. You are meant to manifest 5D in your 3D physical experience, but you can’t access 5D if you stay stuck in old paradigm 3D thinking which is fear based and views the world from the ego perception of separation from the whole and source. The Twin Flame loop is set up to make this specific transformation from 3D to 5D – as a PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE not just some spiritual notion somewhere up there. 5D is not up there, it is a dimensional frequency that needs to be anchored in your daily life. Spirit has only one way to get you there and that is to not leave you any other option – but to move out of the old and into the new. If you got the guy or girl of your dreams immediately, there would be no incentive to do anything any other way because doing things the way you have always done them, got you what you wanted. It is in NOT immediately getting what you want, that you get stretched from who you were to begin with and who you wanted to become in this lifetime. How to break the loop?! You might think that loving your twin unconditionally is ALWAYS feeling love and saying yes, but unconditional love is also loving someone enough to not put up with their sh*t. It’s being able to see them for who they really are – the good, the bad and the ugly and inspiring them to live up to the highest expression of themselves. Way too many Divine Feminines use unconditional love as an excuse to become their Twin Flames doormat when loving unconditionally should also be directed at the self. You cannot love yourself unconditionally and at the same time be your twin’s doormat, you can’t love yourself and abandon your own truth and desires to meet the needs and wants of someone else. Unconditional love has to go both to yourself and the twin, because otherwise it’s not unconditional it’s codependent love – meaning you bending over backwards to deserve/earn/keep the love of another. Read this blog here about the new love templates Twin Flames are bringing into the world. In the whole analogy of shifting from old to new ways, codependent love is certainly old ways and masking codependent love by thinking you are loving unconditionally only keeps you looping because you aren’t shifting. Not only that, your twin’s obnoxious behavior will continue because he (Divine masculine) can’t shift if you don’t. If you keep accepting bad behavior from your twin because you love them ‘unconditionally‘ you are doing yourself and them a disfavor. Say your twin is married and keeps coming around to you for sex, just because that person is your Twin Flame does not change the fact that you are having an affair with a married person. But above all this is not a way to get this person to commit to you, if this person really wants to be with you sex is not going to be the decisive factor. Yet making them feel what their life will be like without you in it, is sheer manipulation. Standing up for yourself has to be authentic, not a way to get what you want because in a loop scenario you can’t manipulate your way out of the loop effect.   The shift has to be real and genuine to break the loop. In the case of Twin Flames, what binds most twins in the looping effect is the fear that if they let their twin go – they will lose them forever. Fear of loss is at THE ROOT of codependency (read this powerful article on how codependency shows up in the Twin Flame connection) and it is this fear that makes way too many Divine Feminines shy away from speaking their truth, standing in their power and becoming who they are meant to be – because they subconsciously fear that choosing for themselves will cost them their connection with their twin. They don’t realize that this is the transformation the loop was set up to make. You becoming who YOU are meant to be, fully and unapologetically. If this person truly is your Twin Flame, he/she will revel in the sight of you expressing your highest version of yourself. If they split because of it, good riddens – you don’t need anyone in your life holding you down or small. Remember you aren’t meant to be a caterpillar you are meant to soar the skies. Key symptoms of feeling all twinned-out It’s when you realize that you can’t force yourself out of the loop. You can’t manipulate your way out of it and that you have exhausted yourself trying all the old ways that did not work, that you get to a point of desperation and despair and this happens at various times of the journey – when just before a massive shift you in fact feel all twinned-out. You just don’t care as much anymore. You don’t feel your twin as much anymore. Your telepathy disappeared maybe. You don’t think about your twin as much or any other shift in your connection that may make you wonder – Do I still love this person as much? Is this really my Twin Flame? Or everything feels lost and over, is this really the end? Of course if you get entangled and stuck in negative emotions then you have a problem. If this is the case for you now, write yourself an email as if it is directed to the Universe and ask your Divine guidance team to show you the truth of the situation you are angry about and what you need to know. This will open up the way to see what is happening in your physical experience from the highest perspective, which will help you to understand and forgive if necessary. There are many moments on this journey that doubt or negative feelings creep in, yet there also seems to be a taboo on expressing them because well then this person must not be your Twin Flame and sure this can apply to some cases. There are certainly people out there mistaking very toxic and abusive relationships for Twin Flame connections, but to think that this journey is all peace, love & light is an illusion. Anything that forces you out of your comfort zone is going to bring up a variety in emotions and not ALL of these emotions are going to be 100% positive – that is the reality of life.   It is actually a very positive sign if you are starting to feel all twinned-out because it means your are coming more into balance. It also means you are close to an important pivot point of either coming into physical union with your twin or finally being able to move on with your life. A prerequisite for it truly being twinned-out and not just sick and tired of (read impatient with) the journey, is that you have made the inner transformation, which I talk about here in this article on inner union. Many people freak out when they start to feel more neutral or maybe even somewhat negative toward the twin – afraid it means all is lost perhaps. I wrote this article to help you understand that there is nothing to fear if you are experiencing this, because as you can read in the descriptions below ALL of this is helping you come into a deeper alignment with your deepest heart’s desire. Here are some signs that you are starting to feel twinned-out: No. #1 You are done obsessing over your twin You don’t miss your twin, think about them 24/7 anymore or hope they will come back. This is because you have healed the voids in yourself that you were trying to fill externally. You are meeting your own needs now and therefor don’t NEED the other in the way you felt you needed them before. No. #2 You lost interest in the Twin Flame subject You don’t want to read anymore information about Twin Flames, watch YouTube reads or be part of Twin Flame groups. You just lost interest in the subject and are focused on other things in your life. You are no longer waiting for your twin to come back, instead you are creating the life you love and want to live. No. #3 You are ready to drop the Twin Flame label You stop identifying with the Twin Flame label, meaning seeing yourself as a Twin Flame or the other as a twin. Maybe the whole Twin Flame concept is bullsh*t anyway? Letting go of the Twin Flame label helps you open up to the truth of the connection. It’s a sign that you are ready to face the truth, you have overcome your fear of loss on all levels. Because if this person truly is your Twin Flame, the connection can’t ever be lost anyway. No. #4 You see your twin for who they really are – a mere mortal You see your twin for who they really are and for the first time dare to get honest about if this other person even fits into your life at the moment. Do you really want to be together with this person, as they are now? You may even think your twin is a total bleep-bleep and that’s okay. Most Twin Flames start off their journey thinking their Divine counterpart is a demigod, but no one can stay on such a high pedestal and you certainly can’t be together with someone you have placed high above yourself. Because by putting them on a pedestal, you have placed them out of your league. So seeing your twin for the imperfect human being they are is actually a massive step forward to getting into an actual physical relationship with them. It means that you can see the real person instead of the romantic fantasies you were projecting on them. No. #5 You are no longer over-focused on union You are not obsessing or focused on union. You are fine one way or the other. Actually the more neutral you become about being in a relationship with your twin, the more you become a vibrational match to it. Wanting something TOO much actually demagnetizes you. My favorite Florence Scovel Shinn quote is: Your ship come in over a “don’t care” sea. When you can be happy with or without your heart’s desire, it will suddenly appear.   Florence teaches that there is an occult law of indifference. “None of these things move me.” “None of these things disturb me” we might say in modern language. When you can no longer be disturbed, all disturbance will disappear from the external. No. #6 You may even feel disconnected from your twin When you don’t feel the immense pull or feel your twin period, this is not a bad thing. It may feel like you are fully disconnected energetically – the connection feels as dead as a door nail. Though it may feel alarming, the disconnect allows you both to fully focus on what is going on for YOU in this moment, which would not be possible if you still felt super close and connected to your twin. Remember on this journey the souls use both closeness and distance to facilitate the inner transformation it has come to create. No. #7 You have let go of fixed timelines You may have lost faith in all the signs and synchs you have gotten or you still acknowledge them but don’t take them to mean that physical union is going to happen tomorrow or super soon. You realize that the signs and synchs are confirmation from your Divine guidance team that you are on the right path and heading in the right direction and that physical union is not the goal of this journey, it’s a byproduct. Of course before you get to this point you first had to loose faith, which when you do makes you think all these signs and synch are only just f*cking with your head. This leads to feeling misled by the Divine, which of course feels very scary and sh*tty. Faith however doesn’t mean getting what you want, the way you wanted it. It means trusting despite outer experiences that the Universe always has your back and is helping you come into vibrational alignment with your deepest heart’s desire. It asks you to understand that the seemingly irritating delays, are in fact the very thing that are aligning you deeper and deeper to the very thing you have asked for. Provided you don’t give up, because you didn’t get YOUR WAY. No. #8 You stepped into your power and found your self worth You have developed healthy boundaries and self worth which makes you not put up with any of your twin’s crap anymore. When you have truly overcome your codependency and the underlying fear of loss, you have no issues standing up to your twin or anyone else. This again has to be authentic and not just a way to get the other back, your problems in your Twin Flame connection are vibrational in nature therefore you cannot fake it. If your so called healthy boundaries are coming from ego, they aren’t in fact healthy boundaries they are merely masked attempts to force the other person to give you what you want. When you truly step into your power you could care less about what the other person does or doesn’t do because you know they aren’t the source of love in your life, YOU are. As you are no longer seeking fulfillment outside of you or fearing to lose something outside of you that you falsely believe you need – you no longer need to wear masks or please others. Instead you give yourself permission to become the REAL you – not the you you think you need to be to others to get what you want or feel you need. No. #9 You realized you can’t screw up your union anyway  Many Divine Feminines fear screwing up their union one way or another and it’s all just fears in your heads ladies, figments of your imagination. Remember EVERYTHING your twin triggers inside of you is meant to help you purge old emotions and heal on the deepest level. Also the very negative feelings are part of this clean up. Since November 2017 my twin and I have worked through betrayal issues and deep core wounding that I didn’t even know was tucked away in the far depths of my subconscious. In this period I have been pissed as h*ll with him and I have made him well aware of it. He knows how angry I have been and has just endured and supported my rage being unleashed. Of course throughout this process I have remained respectful to him, but I have really spoken my truth. He knows what I am upset about and why. This is what has been going on on a 3D level. So I was just in Ibiza for my very first Gangsta Goddesses retreat and we went up to Es Vedra where I did a meditation to ground my light body on one of the most magnetic spots worldwide next to the North Pole and the Bermuda Triangle. My twin has showed up in my dreams off and on but for the rest our communication has consisted of me speaking my truth and him patiently reading it. On that rock in front of Es Vedra – I am doing this meditation and out of nowhere I feel my twin’s energy coming in full force into my heart and grounding the light body with me on that spot. I have no idea what it means, but what I do know is that our higher selves laugh at our 3D tiffs and troubles. They have their own agenda and are implementing that whether we cooperate or not. I mean I have been angry with him for months and I have either not spoken to him or when I opened my mouth gave him truth bombs that he is still trying to digest and he shows up energetically anyway. I have not been easy on him at all, yet his higher self is not bothered one bit by my 3D behavior. The same can be said for me, I have been pissed with him for some time and have certainly not been his most adoring fan like I have been in the past. There was no reason for me to think of him or to want to feel him grounding my/our light body together. I am perfectly capable of grounding my own, thanks. I certainly didn’t invite him to come and honestly I am not impressed with his current 3D behavior as well, so there was no longing inside of me to have him show up in this way energetically. It happened nonetheless and it made me realize once again, you can’t screw things up with your twin – provided they are really your Twin Flame. Since I have let go of the twin label for myself in my own process, the Universe has been staking up the confirmation in all different ways. I see it and acknowledge it, but stay in a state of indifference as much as possible. I’ll tell you why. Recently I went to Mother Meera where I also met up with the lovely Ana Souto from the Bloom From Within Project. I had been thinking about the guy (twin) while driving to the event. I had thought about everything that had happened in our lives since we met. Sometimes you have these thoughts that just come with ultra awareness and this happened to me as I walked in the door. I remembered how much I had wanted to marry this man and have his baby. A desire we had both strongly felt and I thought of how different things had unfolded for us and that he was even married to someone else now. At that moment I felt such gratitude and acceptance for where I am now and that what I had gotten from this journey has been so much more valuable, then being married to him and having his child would have been if I had gotten it at that time. I love babies and children, but the bliss of having a child with the man you love is nothing compared to the bliss of truly coming home to yourself. Not to mention the fact that cleaning up all the core wounding like I have is going to make any future relationship with him or someone else so much better because I am no longer coming to a relationship with a beggars cup, begging to be loved. I am coming with a cup flowing over with love for myself and the other. If this is where this journey has already brought me now, in a space of being – far beyond what I had envisioned for myself, then I am in awe of where I will be once my higher self has brought me where it wants me to be in this lifetime. This realization alone helped me to surrender even deeper to the Divine Plan my soul scripted for me, because it has proven to me without a shadow of a doubt that it’s plan for me is much more magical and majestic than anything I can come up with in the limited 3D version of myself. I pray this article serves you and helps you further along on your journey. Donations are very thankfully received. If you wish to make a donation of any amount, you can do so here. Wishing you magic and miracles on this amazing adventure with your beloved. If this article resonates with you please share it abundantly. Thank you.         Twin Flame reunion energy is flooding in, are you ready to reunite with your twin? 11 Twin Flame side effects that hardly anyone ever talks about, in this way … Astrology and Twin Souls, here is how the planets are influencing your Twin Flame journey in… 7 reasons to stop dating and become exclusive with your Twin Flame (even when you are not together) 50 shades of silence on the Twin Flame journey, the real reason why the Divine Masculine… Help! My Twin Flame is in a romantic relationship with someone else – does this mean…

[mundaneapocalypse]

Erik Olafson Interview #1

           There is a TON of misinformation about werewolves going around, especially because Humans are not used to werewolves, get their information from word-of-mouth, and then expand it in fiction. So here are werewolf questions answered by a werewolf, Erik, which he answered in English. We added subtitles because the Roanoke accent can be too thick for some people to understand easily, and sometimes we use words that can be translated more clearly.

[Camera shows Erik outside the VW in wer- form. He is wearing a tan shirt, brown tie, and rust red and brown striped pilabeg, and snug brown dress boots with elastic panels.]

Lucy: This is Erik, and he is a little shy, so be nice. He is twenty-seven-years-old, from Roanoke, and is an adult werewolf of Vinland-Roanoke descent, and as you can see, he is the size of an average American man, and he is also the size of an average Eurasian wolf, but you will see that later.

Lucy: I’m getting the gross questions out of the way first. You were tested for sight, hearing, and smell range in training, right?

Erik: Yes. And I have the answers here.

[Erik gets a folded piece of paper from his vest pocket.]

Lucy: How’s your sense of smell?

Erik: Probably average. All of them are probably average.

Lucy: But compared to a Human’s.

Erik: Ho, smell is far better.

[Lucy waves her hand to get him to keep talking, and he unfolds the paper to read it. The paper is rattling a little from his hands shaking.]

Erik [reading]: I can smell smells a sethera away in bad conditions. It is dick in good conditions.

[One Roanoke mile is about 1.24 American miles, or 2 kilometers, the mile is in a base-13 calculation, and Erik said “sixth” and “dick” referring to Roanoke miles, so I don’t know the number.]

Lucy: What about hearing?

Erik: I can hear more sounds like a wolf.

Lucy: Like the frequency of the sound?

Erik: No, the pitch.

[Subtitle: he means the frequency.]

Erik: And I can hear things further away.

Lucy: How much further?

Erik [reading]: About a mile away indoors.

Lucy: What about in a forest?

Erik [reading]: Two miles and a dovera.

[Subtitle: 2 and a tenth Roanoke miles]

Lucy: What if you are in the open, like in the air or on a prairie?

Erik: I was tested for an open ground. It was four and a peddera. And air was five.

[Subtitle: 4 and and a fourth Roanoke miles]

Lucy: Were you tested under water?

Erik [reading]: It was not very good.

Lucy: If it’s embarrassing, you don’t have to answer.

Erik: No, the notes say it was average. Sethera.

[Subtitle: a sixth of a Roanoke mile]

Lucy: So that was scent and hearing, so sight is next. How is your sight?

Erik: Ho, my eyes are not always good. I can see small motions easily.

Lucy: Why aren’t your eyes good?

Erik: Seeing with my left eye isn’t as easy as seeing with my right eye. The edges of near things are softer and less distinct. When I was young, my eyes didn’t look at the same place, but now they do more.

Lucy: So you can see pretty much everything that happens, but your eyes don’t always recognize it or respond to it the way they should?

Erik: Aye. I have glasses for it, too, but I don’t like them.

Lucy: What about taste and touch?

Erik: I don’t know. Probably average?

Lucy: When can you shapeshift?

Erik: I willfully shapeshift

[Subtitle: shapeshift at will]

Erik: and I must shapeshift twice a month. It is to -wolf at the full moon and wer- at the new moon. I become very furry or very bare for the couple days before the moon’s phase and become very wolf-like or very man-like.

Lucy: How very wolf-like and very man-like?

Erik: I become -wolf without making myself from the dark hour two days before the full moon, but preventing it is impossible. I learned to completely control those there transformations in ferrymen training. At the full moon, I grow fur and lose my fingers and toes, because my hands and feet become paws. My hide fuses onto my skin and I grow into it. At the new moon, I look very manly

[Subtitle: like a man]

Erik: and I can’t smell as strongly.

Lucy: Do you just look different or is your body actually different?

Erik: Bones and muscles move slowly back and forth over the weeks, but shifting doesn’t require them to move very far. My shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and ankles must change position when I shift from -wolf to wer-, and I like to let everything change. It hurts less.

Lucy: How much does it hurt? Like does it hurt like they show it in movies?

Erik: It feels like popping the’ knuckles and it feels better after tha’ do it. Through the transformation, I feel like I am stuck and bound still, and sometimes my muscles feel tugged upon. Sometimes it hurts plenty, like if I am stiff, sore, or shifting too much. Wearing my hide helps, too.

Lucy: Why?

Erik: I can use the hide as my body instead of using my body. Thus, I don’t snap bones and twist muscles to shift, but sit inside the hide to use its arms, legs, tail, ears, and things. But regularly

[Subtitle: according to regulations]

Erik: I mayn’t do that on duty.

Lucy: How powerful and fast are you?

Erik: To be a ferryman, I must run two miles in ten minutes and we have some seeing, hearing, smelling, and physical requirements. A healthy werewolf can hunt in a pack all night, until we catch an animal. We are as fast as wolves and as strong as men.

[Subtitle: Erik has to run 2.48 miles an hour to be a ferryman.]

Lucy: When you transform, do you become a raging, terrifying monster that slaughters everybody alive and then eat the dead?

Erik [completely disgusted]: No! Neither do any werewolves I know.

Lucy: How much willpower does it take not to?

Erik: Never any. The werewolves like those are murderers and selfeaters

[Subtitle: cannibals]

Erik: I’ve heard of them, but I have never met one. I hope I don’t.

Lucy: Does a silver bullet to the heart kill you?

Erik: Ho, any bullet to my heart will kill me, because the heart lets me live.

Lucy: When you shapeshift, what happens to your clothes?

Erik: I undress? Why?

Lucy: Humans have weird perceptions of werewolves, so I’m asking everything. When you transform, do you have to have your clothes with you?

Erik: No…Humans believe that?

Lucy: I’m pretty sure the Victorian Humans invented it, but, yeah, in Human tradition, werewolves can only transform at the full moon, and they can’t turn back into Human form unless their clothes are nearby.

Erik: Wearing clothes in -wolf is very uncomfortable and we can split seams and tear fabric if we shift. We wear the loose, belted and pinned clothes like this so we can shift and waggle out of them. We spell our clothes so they come on and off independently whilst we shift.

Lucy: How do your proportions change?

Erik: They change so I look like a wolf or a man. My neck shortens and my tail grows out. My fingers and toes become longer and my thumb comes down my arm.

Lucy: What can you eat?

Erik: More food than you let me eat.

Lucy: I know. That’s why I asked because you’ll talk about it, and it isn’t a problem for most Humans.

Erik: Ho, I don’t remember English words for some of them.

Lucy: That’s ok. I’ll translate.

Erik: Some foods make me sick because I’m a werewolf and they make other canines sick, too. The wer- lets me eat more kinds of food than wolves or dogs can. I have a strong stomach, too, and can eat anything Lucy does.

Lucy: Why do you have a strong stomach?

Erik: My family does, but not very when the women are having children or when we are little children. Too much will make me sick, still.

Lucy: What happens?

Erik: Sometimes I can be nauseous, vomiting, or having diarrhea, difficulty breathing, be having funny muscles.

Lucy: Funny how?

Erik: They can be tweaking or weak. Our organs can fail, too, but needs must you eat plenty for that.

Lucy: What are some things you shouldn’t eat?

Erik: The ones I like are chocolate, grapes, nutmeg, hop beer, onions, garlic, and tomatoes. Many recipes contain onions and tomatoes, but we have our own without them.

Lucy: What do you use instead of those ingredients?

Erik [shrugs]: I don’t cook. When thee, Lucy, cooks or your mother cooks, you exclude the unhealthy foods or cook me something else.

Lucy: But then you raid the kitchen for ketchup and onion powder and then your stomach is upset.

Erik: But it is my stomach! I think my mother and cunwife cook different recipes than wights and Humans cook.

Lucy: What do werewolves have to eat to be healthy?

Erik: We eat meatleans

[Subtitle: protein]

Erik: from cheeses and flesh, and bread, corn, beans, and potatoes because we need starches. And we eat vegetables and fat.

Lucy: What kinds of jobs do werewolves have?

Erik: I know plenty werewolf lawmen, and we are also frequently hunters and trappers.

Lucy: What are werewolf families like?

Erik: Ho, I have a matching sister, four younger brothers, one older sister, and two younger sisters. I had more, but not anymore.

Lucy: How many more?

Erik: Including half-sisters, half-brothers, step-sisters, and step brothers, I have nineteen brothers and sisters, and have had thirty-one. I don’t want to explain it. But we are happy and comfortable. Some of my brothers and I don’t live at home, but my unwed sisters do, or live where they work.

Lucy: Where do they work?

Erik: With other families or in respectable households, and Hilda is our new cunwife.

Lucy: Because you are marrying the old one?

Erik: Yes, and naturally, she is a werewolf, too.

Lucy: What happens if a werewolf doesn’t like werewolves?

Erik: They would be outcasts and under good reason. It isn’t right.

Lucy: Why?

Erik: Something is wrong with those who feel an attraction other than friendship or kin to those who aren’t of their ilk.

Lucy: So something is wrong if a god and a Human are attracted?

Erik: Yes, or a werewolf and an elf, or a dwarf and a vampire.

Lucy: What about something within the ilks, like a werewolf and a wertan?

[Subtitle: transliterated, wertan means manjackel, with the tan being from Arabic tannim “wolf” and meaning “jackal”]

Erik: It is unusual, but I don’t believe it is wrong, anymore than I believe it is wrong for you and Mark to marry.

Lucy: What are some werewolf traditions?

Erik: We worship the moon with singing. All the nighttime

[Subtitle: nocturnal]

Erik: animals worship her because she rules them and lets them see. And we hunt bears and catamounts

[Subtitle: bobcats, mountain lions, cougars]

Erik: in the autumn. But I have kept Marmalade away from those catamount stories because she is a feline.

Lucy: Thanks. Why do you hunt bears and bobcats?

Erik: We eat them through the winter, and need their furs. The first bear a boy kills makes him a old enough to be with the adults.

Lucy: What about the bobcats?

Erik: It is the same for girls and bobcats. But we live in town and most of my family haven’t taken part in the tradition.

Lucy: Then how do you know if you are an adult or not?

Erik: When we marry or could be, we are adults. Our parents decide when we are.

Lucy: How do you worship the moon?

Erik: A prost holds rites for the waxings and wanings. We have small temples or places in temples.

Lucy: Do you go in wer- or -wolf form?

Erik: -Wolf is traditional, but I like either.

Lucy: Can you transform so Humans see what it is like?

Erik: Aye.

[Erik transforms from wer- to -wolf and back. The video ends.]