#i wanted to add a little doodle to this but i couldnt think of anything. will do something in the future for sure tho

[moomoorare]

﹏𓊝﹏﹏ 𓆝*̥˚ -ˋˏ• ༻𓇼༺ •ˎˊ- 𓆝*̥˚﹏𓊝﹏

New River 🏞️ - Scales of Fate AU

🌸 an Ocean Queen and Empire introduction, to the world, its myths and the preparation for the celebration of the alliance. 🌸

· · ── 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 ˎˊ- ⋆·˚ ༘ *

Summary:

This year, the Ocean Queen's summertime is spent preparing for the celebration of her alliance with all the Empires, the ceremony that will be hosted at her palace, dealing with her messy mind to keep her hunger and anxiety under tight reigns. Too much is at stake.

.˚₊‧༉︶︶︶︶( 𓆉 𖦹*ੈ‧ 𓇼 ₊˚ 𓆡 )︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

[obikindred]

I hit chilchuck with harpyfication beam for 500 mana and blow him into one million pieces. Drivel below vv

I think chilchuck is some kind of likeeee wren? Chickadee maybe? Maybe even a cardinal? Some kind of small songbird, i just wanted him to have some kind of warm-colored wing with white speckles (my lazy ass did NOT use a reference for these shitty little doodles but if I ever end up making solid refs for them I’ll do more research), I thought about maybe hummingbird wings butttt idk I couldnt get the shape right and I wanted him to have more of a traditional harpy look. I combined elements from my harpies (wings and arms, jewelry/piercings, feathered tails) and canon harpies (FEATHER TIT WINDOW‼️ kind of feral, sharp teeth, etc) and kind of mashed them up. I TOTALLY FORGOT to give him jewelry on his arms and stuff but maybe I’ll go back to that laterrr idk like i said these r quick shitty doodles. So i guess hes kind of half harpy. I was like MANNNN wouldnt it be funny if he got his soul fucked up and had to navigate the rest of his life as a chimera. Lol. What if he had to relearn how to be human. What if laios had to teach him. Haha would that be fucked up or what. He could have also just been like that when they first met him and that would be cool too i think. What about the Implications??? Are his wings sensitive? What abt his tail? Are his senses even sharper?? Does this change his diet? Are his taloned hands still clever enough to pick locks? THEN i started thinking about the others…. Laios n Falin r some kind of owl. Snowy owl probably their northern asses but I also like the idea of them being some kind of seabird. Big ole albatross Touden sibs. Senshi is probably also sone kind of owl, maybe even some kind of chicken? Vulture might also be cool. Marcille is definitely a duck or swan tho (GASP unless SHES the hummingbird!! I will come back to this later). Izutsumi is already a cat, but if she had wings too shed be a corvid of some sort fo sho. Idk about yhe others because I cannot lie to u idgaf about them. ANYWAYS i love to talk about wings and harpies and how that affects team and overall social dynamics so if anyone has anything to add please do‼️

[just-a-floofy-catt]

@agent-darkfest Hey i was your Secret Santa!!! :D

Your art and style are literally gorgeous and i had such a good time doing my research and browsing through your stuff! ^^

All your designs for your AUs are so cool too!!!

I tried to get something done for both of your AUs :)

I really hope its okay that its not 100% accurate to the AU!

I just got this idea because of all of his connections to crows and literally could not get it out of my head TwT

It

✨️Infested✨️

My brain

I also actually had alot of fun rendering this ^^

I did also consider an alternate piece just incase this one was a little too far off, but as seen by my last minute posting, i may have tried to bite off a bit more than i could chew and not gotten to do everything i wanted to complete 😅

I did have a list of sketch/doodle ideas like some more Christmasy things, stuff to do with your Metal au yn and some Farm shenanigans that i was going to compile and add but ended up not having time

But ill probably still do them because i dont think my brain would let me go on without doing so XD

So those will probably get posted soon as extra little bits, too! ^^

And for the Metal au i did this silly little comic!

I hope its not out of character for the au or anything 😅

But after seeing the little comic of where they first started i couldnt help but imagine mischief like this ^^

Honestly, im actually quite nervous about showing this

After spending so long thinking of ideas and getting excited about drawing them, i will admit im still a little worried that i misinterpreted something or did something incorrectly TwT

But i guess i just really hope that you like it in the end! ^w^

[emerxshiu]

FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

[eddiescumfilledsock]

more (mostly romantic) eddie hc because this man never leaves my mind now

CW for having a kid and marrige if that bothers you, I think i made sure it stayed all gn though

-he would love to give you pretty flowers he saw on a tree or bush, even just nornal leafs and dandelions, as well as any cool rock or button skjdjdj

-if you do the same he will get so giddy and press them before glueing it to some paper and keep it in a shoe box with the other little things you gave him and theyre his most prized possessions hed say its a tie or right after his guitar but he's lying

-hes like that its a crystal nothing more meme but instead of a crystal its any neat little thing he found on the side of the road lmao

-him putting fruit stickers on you <3

-hed put it right in the middle of your forehead and say some shit like you cost 1.98 but are priceless to me like the sweet dork he is if you do the same to him he will stick them to the inside part of the lide in the show box too

-hhhhhnnnn him not being able to really buy you a big pretty bouquet of flowers so he picks a bunch of random ones he thinks look nice from peoples yards and those planters outside shops and gives them to you in a gas station cup

-he is kinda embarrassed once he gives them to you because he couldnt get you something fancy and is scared youll hate them but that all melts away when he sees how happy you are

-taking a couple polaroid pics of them so even when they eventually wilt and die you will both always have a physical memory :)

-he would also do that thing if you dont like the pickles on your burger or a specific flavour of skittle he will eat them even if he doesn't like them either instead of just like,,, neither of you eating them

-he doesn't do it becuase hes worried about wasting money or food or anything like that hes kinda stupid sometimes but its okay hes cute and means well <3

-hed do that shit where hed blow his nose and hand you the tissue or burp and blow it at you and say for you babe <3

-a menace

-if you draw or make him something he will cherish that shit until the day he dies, even if its just a random little doodle on a sticky note

-expanding on that, if you're an artist and draw his dnd character he would literally never recover im not even kidding it could look like shit and hed still show everyone, rub it into the guys faces that his s/o drew his character and only his

-if you did the hellfire symbol thing hed put it in the front pocket of the binder he uses to keep the papers and stuff in

-GOD HIM MAKING A LITTLE RING OUT OF THE TWIST TIE TO A LOAF OF BREAD AND GIVING IT TO YOU AND PROMISING HES GONNA GET YOU A REAL DIAMOND ONE SOME DAY

-matching jewlery with him <3 whether it be a necklace or bracelet or even ring, if he picks it out itd be one of those silly little kid ones but if it's t o o childish hed probs just have it on his key ring or hanging in his van though :/ gotta keep up that bad boy rocker look

-if you guys have a special song together he would wanna get some lyrics tattooed on him, that or as cheesy as it is your name/initials in your hand writing

-hed wanna get one with your name and the day you met/started dating/got married at first but it looked too much like a remembrance one for someone thats died so he scrapped that idea

-hed be over the moon ecstatic if you did the same or something for him but would understand if you didnt want to get a tattoo, they arent for everyone :)

-fucking you know that scene from the movie up where they put their hand prints on the mail box? he would do that shit on his van and any other vehicle he gets

-when you guys get a house or apt hed wanna do the same on the wall

-if you have a kid(s) someday hed like them to add their hand print too <3

-carving your names into trees and picnic tables all the time

-hed want you to kiss his guitar pick before any shows he plays for good luck, if he ever gets famous in any capacity hed say your kisses helped

-if you have hiccups he would scare you by yelling as loud as he can no matter where you are then say you're welcome :)

-why do i get the vibes he would be the kid at lunch that just d r i n k s ranch

-

AN: i don't think giving gifts is his main love language so this might just be me projecting but i think hed also do these ksjdjd if anyone actually reads this and wants to share a hc pls feel free!! i love seeing content for this dude <3

[vampexx]

I have tried a few times now to write this post but I just couldnt go forward with posting it, thinking its too personal...

But...here it goes...

I have always been a painfully shy, paranoid and self conscious person so being this open is really scary for me to say the least due to my struggles with confidence and self esteem...

And drawing has been something I did for as long as I can remember...and it was something that helped me growing up...

However, ever since high school in 10th grade, I have had almost all my drive and love for drawing drained from me from comparing myself to the other, "better," students in my art class and from my own art teacher who at first, in 9th grade, started as a somewhat positive influence but then the next year being really negative and rude.

I was the student that was told, "youre not done, go back to your seat, keep working," when going to my teacher for advice. When he said this, he would only glance at my work before turning me away. All while the other students received kind, positive and constructive criticism when I did not.

He even addressed me, out loud, in front of the class, regarding my low grade, saying, "the only reason you arent failing my class is because you did your homework last night."

For context: the homework assignment was some drawing exercises...and the reason my grade was low was because, it was towards the end of the year, I had completely given up on myself and my art so I didnt turn in a project. One, because I never cared enough to finish it and two, it was an act of rebellion on my part.

That was the first and only class where I actually had an F-....I didnt even know it was possible to get that low of a grade...but trust me, it is. My math grade was never even that low.

Now, this art class was something you had to submit a portfolio for it to be reviewed so these 2 art teachers could decide if you were accepted into this art program or not. (It was exoensive too, if I remember correctly, it was like $200 per semester, and I did this for 2 years).

And against my own self consciousness, while feeling like I was far less qualified than others, I challenged my self doubt and fear of rejection and tried out anyways...

And a few weeks later, I found out I was accepted. That moment went down as one my top, most proud moments. I was proud of myself for a change.

Only for that to change a couple years later...where the little pride and confidence I had left in not only myself, but my skills in art, just dropped so low.

On top of that, my academic grades while in this art program, were also dropping considerably due to the amount of stress I put myself through trying to meet everyone elses expectations and standards.

My painting and drawing teacher (the nice one, not the rude one) would encourage my love and skill for cartooning, charcoal and shading. My digital art teacher (the one who ended up being so rude to me in the following year), helped me realize my strengths in photoshop and with a tablet. He did praise me a few times, which did help, but it didnt last very long.

My downfall was the art class that I took in 10th grade, with my previous digital art teacher, which was "figure drawing." Basically, it was learning how to draw anatomy and being anatomically correct which I found out very early on, was not my strength....and it was the whole focus of the class for the entire year so I was screwed. My strengths were cartooning and caricatures, not anywhere near anything anatomically correct. I kean, I could draw a skeleton, but when it came to human figures and poses....I dont know why but I had a tough time. So that was the year that things really went downhill fast.

It just took the fun out of drawing and turned it into something that felt too forced.

However, in my experience with this class I learned something about myself that Im actually glad that I did...

Its that art is just a hobby for me. I learned that I hate drawing on demand, in a certain time frame, and drawing what someone else wants me to draw.

I want to draw only on my own terms and at my own pace.

I couldnt see that about myself because I was too concerned with everyone else and their skills in drawing.

A few years after I quit the art program, I really didnt draw all that much aside from little doodles and unfinished sketches on the edges of my homework and class notes. I didnt like anything that I drew anymore.

And when you lose love, drive and interest in something you were once so passionate about....it leaves a gaping hole in you. It makes you feel pointless, like there nothing special about you. Nothing that sets you apart from everyone else. It really is as depressing as it sounds.

I was lost.

However. I FELT FREE. I didnt have a constant reminder from several different people that I wasnt as good. No one to make me feel lesser than someone else. No one to put me down.

As a result, my academic grades improved back to As and Bs (excluding math in the 11th grade, I had like a D).

---

And I realize now that maybe I didnt learn all of this the hard way for no reason. Maybe its to also help someone so they dont have to learn the hard way like I did. Or maybe, its to reach out to those have experienced the same or similar things as me so that they dont feel alone. So that they know that them and their skills are still very much valuable and valid.

Because everyone goes at their own pace, no two people are ever the same.

Anyone can be good at anything.

Now I didnt want this post to discourage anyone from taking or considering an art class. Please understand that my experiences are unique to myself. Art classes are actually very helpful as long as your surrounded by positive and encouraging influences.

Just remember to be careful. Respect yourself and your abilities. Be patient with yourself. Have faith in yourself, dont give up. And last, but not least, know your worth and what you deserve when it comes to treatment.

---

Anyways, so up until a couple of years ago, I slowly started to get back into drawing.

I do love to draw, along with architecture and interior/ fashion design.

Im working to rediscover myself, even though I dont want to do it professionally...

So as I did years ago, I will challenge my self doubt again and try to put myself back out there.

So as anxietal as I am, I want to ask...

Would anyone be interested in seeing something I drew?

Might be an odd question and it might sound attention seeking but Im really just testing the waters....

I will add one little doodle I did the other day just to see....

I know its not that great and thats its nothing amazing but....its something Im proud of...however small it may be.

Im not sure how I feel when it comes to reposting...

I feel like I dont want people to repost it...

In case I ever feel like taking it down...

Idk.

Anyways....Im literally shaking Im so nervous...

But...Im trying to repair some old damage.

Have a miraculous day and thank you for your patience.

Again, please dont repost. At least until Im a little more comfortable.

Thank you

[zoemurph]

to have a friend, chapter four: $80

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3

fun fact i actually finished this like.....tuesday at 4 am cause i died for a bit between like 10-1 and then couldnt sleep. i have edited it since then tho so i promise its not too much of a disaster!

warnings: implied past self harm, discussions of mental health, depression/depressive episodes, some suicidal thoughts. let me know if anything else needs to be tagged

enjoy!

From: Evan To: Connor      Just go t home      Hope things ar eok with yoru family

Connor stares at the texts for a few moments before he falls back onto his bed.

Who knows how his family is.

Actually, he knows. A fucking mess. That’s what his family is.

He can hear Zoe practicing in the room next to him, forgoing headphones and using her amp because she wants to piss him off more. Larry had slunk back to his office, and Connor was sure he did as soon as the opportunity presented itself. His mom is in the kitchen, probably aggressively cleaning dishes like a sparkling plate will fix her shattered family.

Connor stares at the ceiling.

Why did he think he could do any of this?

He lifts his phone and looks at the screen again. Evan is trying. Which is just ridiculous. Evan is trying with this family. What the fuck.

From: Connor To: Evan      cool      they never are but thanks i guess

He tosses his phone to the side and debates doing homework. There’s not really much of a debate — he’s not going to do it — but the fact that he considered it is probably worth something.

It’s not that late yet, which is frustrating. He wants to go to bed, but he’s also too high strung for that. Usually he’d be exhausted but—

Connor studies his ceiling.

He’d been angry. So angry. Burning and explosive. He had been on the edge of his rope and about to break— and then he’d been doused in a shock of cold water. He’d been standing outside the bathroom, insides blistering and turning to ash, and then he’d heard Evan’s unnatural breathing and all of that had just stopped. The fire was gone and he was left with only mild panic that made his mouth taste like metal and an icy chill of not knowing what to do or how to help.

Somehow, sitting on the floor of him and Zoe’s painfully childish bathroom with Evan had been the most real part of the night. It felt the most solid, most tangible. Handing Evan one of those silly cups his mom kept buying, their fingers brushing as Evan took it with shaking hands, that was the most grounded he had felt in days.

Fucking weird.

There’s a knock on his doorframe.

Connor sits up to see Cynthia standing there. “Oh. Hi.”

She smiles, sadly because that’s the only way she smiles nowadays, and takes a step into his room. “Did Evan leave?”

“Uh…yeah. It’s not like he could hide in my closet or anything.” They both look toward the disaster that is Connor’s closet. The doors won’t shut and clothes are piled up on the floor. There was a time where Connor liked things to be neat and orderly. Now he doesn’t have the energy. “He wasn’t feeling great.”

She makes a concerned noise.

“He, uh, gets sick really easily. He’ll probably be fine tomorrow.” Connor curses in his head. Better jot that down so he can tell Evan that Cynthia now thinks that his immune system is shitty. Because she’s probably going to shove all sorts of vitamins and health drinks at him the next time she sees him. If there’s a next time.

God there better not be a next time.

Cynthia sighs. “I’m sorry about tonight, sweetie.”

Connor shrugs and swings his legs off the side of the bed. “It’s not like it was going to be any different than usual.”

The expression on her face is so pained that Connor has to look away. He can’t even be mad at her. He’s pissed at Zoe for her snippy comments. He’s mad at Larry because he’s always mad at Larry. He’s upset with his mom— the most he can be upset with her for is for not trying harder to stop things from getting out of hand. But when has she ever been able to stop it once it started?

Mostly Connor is just mad at himself.

The only reason Evan was here was because he gets paid twenty dollars a week. It’s not like he has any other obligation to be here. Or to hang around Connor. If there was ever a chance that Evan would actually like Connor, that just went out the fucking window.

“Are you hungry?” Cynthia asks, softly. Not as forced as usual. Not as pressing. “You didn’t eat much.”

“I’m fine,” Connor mutters. He tugs off his sweatshirt and throws it on his desk chair. He tries not to notice her eyes going to his arms and then flicking away. “I’ll grab something if I can’t sleep.”

She sighs again. She does that a lot. Sighing. “Okay. Okay, just…” She steps forward and brushes hair away from Connor’s eyes. “Apologize to Evan for us, okay?”

“Why?” Connor asks bitterly. “Because we can be better?”

Cynthia doesn’t say anything. She just stands on her toes and presses a kiss to Connor’s cheek. “Sleep well, honey.”

Connor stands in the center of his room after she leaves. He hates not having a door. It’s like his entire life is out in the open for his entire family to see and judge. Which is some bullshit.

He looks around his room, open and exposed, and thinks that he should clean. Or something. He’s living in a dump.

Connor picks up a sweatshirt and stuffs a few books onto an overflowing bookshelf. Under papers from junior year that he just needs to throw out when he gets the chance, he finds a watercolor sketchbook.

He pauses with four old plastic water bottles in arm to flip through the sketchbook. It’s old as hell, he doesn’t even remember the last time he used watercolors. Or did any art that wasn’t just shitty sketches in his notebook when he didn’t feel like paying attention.

He looks over his shoulder at the light in the hallway.

Connor isn’t entirely sure where his watercolors are. Probably somewhere under the trash and clothing covering his floor. He looks from the watercolor sketchbook to his bed.

He dumps the water bottles in the space between his wall and his bed and starts digging. It takes him almost twenty five minutes to find his watercolor palette. It’s old and dusty, the red is cracked and the purple is almost gone because he always really liked using purple for some reason, but it’s usable.

It takes him a little longer to find brushes. He’s definitely missing some, but fuck it, he never actually knew what the different brushes were for. He just used whatever ones he felt like.

He washes out an old mug that was on his desk from god knows when in the bathroom and fills it with clean water, grabbing a roll of paper towels from the hallway closet. Then he pushes the clothes on his floor into a pile against the wall so he can sit on the floor, because there is no way in hell that he’s cleaning off his desk for this. He fishes his earbuds out of his backpack and plugs them into his phone, turning on some random music that he’ll let fade to into background noise and pulls his hair up into a really messy ponytail.  

Connor can’t remember the last time he actually paid attention to art. He doodles a sketch that’s kind of messy but fine enough because it’s not like anyone is going to see this and then just goes for it. He doesn’t exactly remember how to do this, but he’s never been one for doing things the right way. There’s a reason he stopped taking art classes after freshman year. There’s something weirdly calming about the way the water spreads on the page and something familiar in the brushstrokes. Even when he fucks up and uses way too much water and he knows that the paper is going to be wavy and warped.

He puts down the paintbrush to skip a song on his phone. He has another text from Evan.

From: Evan To: Connor      Im sorr y      YOu should nt feel that way abou tyour family

Connor rolls his eyes. Evan really does try.

From: Connor To: Evan      its whatever, im used to it      mom says sorry about tonight. shes embarrassed      but seriously dont worry about it

He skips through the songs until he finds one that feels right, slower and almost more gentle, he really needs to pick up better watercolors because he’s going to need that purple, before putting his phone back down on the floor next to him.

All things considered, this isn’t the worst piece Connor’s ever done. He studies it as he takes a sip from his mug.

He yanks the mug away from his mouth, gagging. He rubs his mouth with a grimace.

That was paint water.

Connor doesn’t really leave his room much over the next two days. He eats because his mom wants him to, he doesn’t talk to Zoe, and he argues with Larry and wishes he had a door to slam.

Then he sits on his floor and fills pages and pages of his sketchbook with shitty watercolor paintings.

He splashes colors across the pages, sometimes not even trying to create a coherent image. He just needs something to do.

He’s almost out of purple.

Connor waits by Evan’s locker Monday morning, folding and unfolding the twenty dollar bill in his pocket. Zoe needed to be early today for some band thing, so that means Connor is early which just sucks.

This school seriously needs a color palette that isn’t drab and depressing. Connor wears almost exclusively black, but fuck, tone down the gray.

“Oh! Hey, you’re…already here.”

Connor looks up from his phone. “Zoe,” he says. “Band shit. Fuck if I know.”

Evan nods slowly and then reaches for his lock.

“Wait.” Connor grabs Evan’s wrist.

Evan freezes, wide eyes darting to Connor. “W-what?”

Connor leans a little closer. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he whispers. Evan furrows his eyebrows. “My family is the fucking worst, you shouldn’t have to deal with that shit.”

“I-it’s fine!” Evan stutters. “I don’t— no this is. This is okay.” He slowly pulls his arm out of Connor’s grip.

Connor clenches his jaw and leans against the next locker. Evan doesn’t say anything as he opens his locker and starts taking out books. An unfairly loud part of Connor’s brain wonders if Evan is only doing this because he’s scared.

It’s not that far fetched.

“B-besides,” Evan adds, “Jared is— he’s already asking too many questions and if we just stopped now—”

Connor frowns. “He is?”

Evan gives him an exasperated look. “He hasn’t texted me about non homework things in forever and he’s just been sending me ‘is it a sex thing’ for a week.”

“Wow I hate him,” Connor says before he can stop himself.

Evan laughs in surprise.

“He’s a douche!”

Evan ducks his head. “He’s not the worst person ever, b-but he can be…himself.”

“And that’s pretty bad,” Connor mutters.  

Evan pauses and then closes his locker. “Do— are you still okay with…with telling him?”

Connor shrugs. “Sounds like we have no choice.”

Evan tugs on the hem of his shirt. “Are you…free today?”

“I literally have no life or friends, Hansen,” Connor reminds him. “I’m always free.”

“Okay, right, okay.” Evan takes a short breath. “Can we— today?”

Connor stuffs his hands in his pockets. He hasn’t gotten harassed by Kleinman about this yet, but if they wait, the chances of that happening increase significantly. And if it’ll get Jared off Evan’s back— “Yeah sure. Where?”

“My place?” Evan asks. Connor pulls open the door to the stairwell. “I-if that works?”

“Sure thing.” Connor’s voice echoes uncomfortably loud for this conversation. “Better than being at home anyway.”

Evan glances back over his shoulder at Connor. “Are things…bad?” He says it slowly, like he’s not sure what word to choose.

“They’ve been worse,” Connor admits. “But it’s not a party.”

Evan stops at the stairs where Connor has to keep going down to get to chorus. “I’ll— I’ll text you? About the time?”

Connor nods. “Sounds good, Hansen. See you then.” He steps forward and hands Evan the twenty that has been floating around in his pocket for too long. “Forgot to pay you back for food last week,” he says when Evan’s eyes dart toward people walking past.

Evan gives him a half smile and takes the bill. “I-I told you it was fine. I can pay sometimes.”

Connor shrugs and turns toward the stairs. “Too late.”

—«·»—

From: Evan To: Connor      Im s o s rry just ignore him or block him he grabbed my phon e      Serious ly blockign him mihgt be the best opti n

From: Connor To: Evan      ??????

Connor probably shouldn’t be texting in class, but the class is astronomy and also when has Connor ever given a fuck. He stares at Evan’s messages, trying to decode them while he waits for the lunch bell.

It turns out he doesn’t have to wait that long to figure out what they mean.

From: (522) 101-5414 To: nerd, emo      sup fuckers

Connor doesn’t even have to ask who it is, he just tries not to groan and texts Evan.

From: Connor To: Evan      seriously??

From: Evan To: Connor      Im sorry !!!      Hes being a  d ick      Also does like 3 work?

Connor huffs and glances to the clock. That’ll give him about an hour to kill after school before he can show up at Evan’s. Whatever, he’ll figure something out.

From: Connor To: Evan      thats fine      tell kleinman if hes being a dick i will hurt him

Evan’s response is almost immediate.

From: Evan To: Connor      I wouldnt blame you but ma y be dotn hurt the one pe rson whos gonna knw about us

Connor snorts and puts away his phone. He’ll do his best, but only because Evan asked.

—«·»—

Connor texts Evan as he walks up to the house. The door is open before he can even knock. Evan looks slightly panicked, but also somewhat relieved. Connor lowers his hand from where he was about to knock.

“He here?”

Evan nods and grabs Connor’s sleeve, tugging him inside.

Connor takes off his boots while Evan rambles on about Jared being in his room and talking about something, summer camp? Maybe? And then there’s a tangent about cars? Connor isn’t sure but he puts down his boots, straightens, and puts a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Breathe,” he interrupts. “You’re going to pass out and you really don’t want to leave Kleinman and I alone together.”

Evan takes a slow breath. “Right. Right. He’s… Come on.”

He shows Connor up the stairs, gesturing vaguely to a bathroom as he moves toward his room. Connor didn’t really notice how small Evan’s house is the last time he was here, but now he feels too large in it, like he’s taking up too much space. But it’s also comforting in a weird way, less empty space for thoughts to echo.

Jared spins around in Evan’s desk chair when Evan opens the door. “Man of the hour!” Jared announces, opening his arms in Connor’s direction.

Connor flips him off.

“Okay, rude. I can work with rude.”

“Jared,” Evan says warningly.

“I know, I know.” Jared spins back and forth a little in the chair. For some reason, Connor thinks giving him a chair that turns may have been a bad idea. “If I’m an ass you won’t give me pizza.”

Connor scoffs. “You bribed him?”

Evan shrugs helplessly. “I just— can we not talk about this?”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “I was promised juicy deets on whatever the fuck this is.” He motions between Connor and Evan. “Cause uh,” he laughs, “guys, what the shit?”

“We aren’t friends,” Connor says flatly.

Evan twists the hem of his shirt in his hands.

“Yeah no shit, Sherlock.” Jared grabs the arms of the chair and leans forward. “Wait this is a sex thing, isn’t it! Evan you said—”

“It’s not a sex thing!” Evan shouts. “It’s a—” He looks to Connor with wide eyes. “A…fake friend…thing?”

“Excuse me?”

Connor explains before Evan can flounder any more. “I give Evan twenty bucks a week to pretend to be my friend.”

Jared stares at them.

Evan shifts uncomfortably next to Connor. Connor kind of wants to leave, but Evan wants to do this, so…

Jared snorts. “Are you fucking serious?”

Evan cringes. “Y-yes?”

“This is—”

“We know, Kleinman,” Connor snaps. “But we need your help.”

Evan looks at Connor in surprise. ‘We do?’ he mouths to Connor. Connor nods. Spur of the moment thought, but he literally can’t keep dealing with Zoe bugging him about Evan. Who gives a shit if they never hung out together around school, even if that is a lie. He needs some sort of proof so she shuts up.

Jared spins slowly in his chair. “How so?”

“Evan said we emailed each other,” Connor says. “But my dad checks my email. So this email account would have to be ‘secret’.”

Jared raises his eyebrows. “That’s—”

“We know, Jared!” Evan interrupts. “C-can you just—” He glances toward Connor. “We need…emails from over the summer?” Connor nods. “Can you just, like, show me how to fake the timestamps o-or something?”

“Oh yeah, that’s super easy,” Jared says. He leans down and unzips the backpack leaning against the desk and pulls out a laptop. He opens the laptop and types something out. “Secret email account is very—”

Connor grits his teeth. “Just do it, Kleinman.”

“Yeah, yeah. Watch the monkey dance,” Jared mutters to himself. “That’s super fun.” He pauses. “If Evan gets twenty bucks a week for this, what do I get?”

“The gift of life.”

Evan shoots Connor a look.

“Awesome.” Jared types for another moment. “You know,” he says, “twenty bucks seems pretty cheap.”

“Are you trying to be difficult?” Connor grumbles.

“Always.”

“I-it’s fine,” Evan stutters. “Re-really, Jared?”

“I’m just saying,” Jared says with a shrug. “You should totally charge more for more complicated stuff. Twenty for faking friendship, forty for hanging out, sixty for being around the family.”

“What?!”

Connor glances to Evan out of the corner of his eye. Evan is protesting, but it’s not the worst idea. Especially after the dinner that Evan suffered through. Connor is going to have to ‘borrow’ more money from his parents’ wallets, but hey, at least it’s not for weed.

“I really fucking hate that I’m saying this,” Jared and Evan look over to Connor, “but that’s not a terrible plan.”

Jared smirks. “Nice.”

Evan gapes. “W-what?”

“If you spend a few hours dealing with my shitty family, that probably is worth more than saying hi to me in the hallway.” Connor crosses his arms. “I should probably pay you more when you have to deal with more bullshit.”

“N-no, that isn’t— you don’t have to—”

“Let him give you money, Evan.” Jared types rapidly on his laptop. “I’m making you two up a fucking price chart for reference.”

“Jared—”

“One condition,” Connor says. “If we’re doing this it’s only ten dollars a week, if that’s okay,” he directs the last part to Evan. “I’m not a goddamn millionaire.”

“Annoying but valid,” Jared says. “The weekly flat rate is ten dollars then, nonnegotiable.”

Evan sinks down into the other chair that someone had pulled up to the desk.

“I think the first step up is hanging out outside of school.” Jared glances to Connor.

Connor nods. “Three for outside, five for my house.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Evan asks weakly.

“Nope,” Jared says, popping the ‘p’. “If hanging out involves the fam, I say it’s an instant five more.”

“How about two added on to the location fee,” Connor argues.

Jared scoffs. “That’s three dollars, man.”

“Try to remember we’re high schoolers,” Connor says flatly.

Evan wimpers.

Jared pats Evan’s arm. “Okay. Extended family is another three. No arguing that one, extended family is bullshit. Twenty bucks flat for a sleepover. Like on top of the weekly ten.”

Evan’s eyes go wide. “What?! No!”

Jared looks to Connor.

Connor shrugs. “Fine.” He doesn’t think that will be relevant but whatever. If it gets written down it’s not the end of the world.

Jared smiles to himself and starts to type quickly.

“W-what are you doing?” Evan asks, leaning closer to try and get a look at the screen.

Jared elbows Evan away. “Shh I’m working.”

Connor raises his eyebrows.

“Aaaaaand…done.” Jared spins his laptop to show Connor.

Connor squints at the list Jared has made on the document.

 This is the Worst Plan I’ve Ever Heard But Have Fun You Friendless Losers created by Jared Kleinman

$10 — weekly flat rate no matter what

—

Casual Shit:

$3 — hanging out outside of school $5 — hanging out at the Murphys’ (+$2 to location fee if it involves other Murphys) (+$3 more if it involves any extended family) $20 — sleepover

—

Romance Shit:

$25 — date $5 — hug $15 — kiss $200 — Full Boyfriend Package��

(FFBP™ decreases all things in this section by $10, except for dates, which drop to $20. No, you do not get paid for hugs, hugs are just free now. Congrats, you just paid two hundred fucking dollars for a free hug)

 Connor rolls his eyes. “You’re fucking hilarious,” he deadpans.

Evan pales as he reads it once Jared has turned the screen toward him. “Uh…”

Jared snorts. “It’s called a joke, dude. Learn to take it.”

“J-just delete it,” Evan stammers. “That’s not— we were supposed to make emails.”

“Okay.” Jared highlights the romance section and deletes it. “It’s gone.”

Evan sighs. “Thank you.”

Jared does a keyboard shortcut. “And it’s back!”

“Jared!”

“Gone! And back!”

Evan’s ears turn pink. “S-seriously?”

Jared just wiggles his eyebrows and deletes it again. When he starts to hit undo, Connor leans forward and grabs the laptop out of his hands.

“Dude!”

“We aren’t fucking five,” Connor says. “Can you help us with these emails before my sister tries to call a fucking private detective on me or are you just going to be a dickhead?”

“That’s no way to talk to someone who’s helping you out,” Jared says. But he holds out his hand for the laptop, and when Connor gives it back, he spins around, puts the laptop on the desk, and opens a new tab.

Him and Connor set up a new email account and then Jared has Evan open up his own email. As Jared sets up faked emails that Evan and Connor will fill with mindless shit, Connor looks around Evan’s room.

There’s a window with two small succulents sitting on its windowsill. There are pictures scattered around the room in mismatched frames, a lot of Evan and a woman he assumes is his mother, more than a few of Evan and Jared when they were younger but less and less as they get older until there’s none, and one small picture of Evan with a man that looks vaguely like him that sits on the corner of Evan’s desk, a stack of books obscuring it slightly.

Connor remembers Evan saying something about his dad and looks away.

Evan’s room is much smaller than Connor’s. It’s cozier and cleaner, but still untidy. The books in Evan’s shelves are piled up and tipping over, there are a few sweatshirts draped around the room, and there’s a terrifying looking pile of papers on his nightstand.

“Yo,” Jared says, holding out his laptop to Connor. “Work out what you want these to say with Evan so I can finish this. While you do that I’m going to find some snacks.”

“We’re out,” Evan answers almost immediately from where he’s bent over his laptop.

“I’m going out to buy snacks,” Jared corrects. “See you in a bit, losers.”

Connor stares at the blank form that Jared has pulled up on the screen. How many of these things is he going to have to do and is this going to turn into a school assignment?

“It’s probably easier if one of us starts,” Evan murmurs. “And then we just go back and forth and respond to whatever the other says.”

“Like actual emails.”

Evan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, just faster.”

“Sure. Let’s keep the things that can mark when this shit got sent to a minimum, okay?” Connor’s summer is a blur. He spent probably too much of it high and another big majority of it just doing nothing. Looking back at it, it all just blends together into a mess of shitty and shittier.

Evan nods. “Mhm. I’ll start if you want.”

“Go wild.”

As Evan types, Connor clicks through the other tabs Jared has open. One for the email account, a few google searches, a coding thing Connor doesn’t understand, and the price list. Jared put the romance section back.

Connor makes a note on the document that just says ‘youre a dick’ and clicks back to the dauntingly blank form.

An hour later, Evan has finished his sixth email, Connor is typing out a shitty response, and Jared has shown up with enough chips to feed a small nation. They figure out how to space the emails they’ve already written and Jared gets to work on finishing up the ones they’ve got written.

“Should we do the whole summer?” Evan asks.

Connor shrugs. “I don’t care, Zoe will probably buy it with one or two.”

Jared spins back and forth as he adds all the timestamps. “Someone order a pizza, I’m dying.”

Evan checks the time. “Jared it’s only—”

“Yeah? And?”

“You just ate like an entire bag of chips.”

Jared looks up at Evan. “When has that ever stopped me from eating an entire pizza?”

Evan shakes his head. “W-whatever. The usual?”

Jared shoots him a finger gun as he types with one hand.

“I’ll go with,” Connor says. He follows Evan down to the kitchen to see another twenty dollar bill in the center of the table. “Want me to call it in?” he asks.

Evan nods. “Jared always gets a supreme. If he doesn’t finish he just brings it home.”

Fair, Connor would do the same if he cared more about eating. He can only handle so much of his mom’s cooking. Connor places the call and then waits with Evan at the table. “Does your mom have you get takeout a lot?” he asks, looking at the bill.

Evan follows his gaze. “Uh… I-I mean…yeah. She works all day at the hospital, she’s a nurse, a-and then takes night classes at the college,” he gestures vaguely toward the street and Connor assumes he means the community college that people who are ambitious like Alana Beck go to to take summer classes so they look more impressive to admissions, “so…she doesn’t really have ti-time to cook and I’m— I’m not very good at it,” Evan mumbles. “I can do…ramen? Um…mac n cheese. Instant stuff. Other than that I can make like…pasta and grilled cheese and that’s…sort of it. But she doesn’t have a lot of time to go to the grocery store and I, uh, don’t like going so. Takeout is…easier.”

Connor nods. “I get that. You can’t go wrong with ramen noodles. One day we’ll both be living off them,” he jokes.

Evan looks to him in surprise. He smiles a little. “Y-yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Connor suddenly realizes that he talked about the future casually. About college casually, because he can remember one time when he was little and sick and Larry made ramen noodles for him and Connor had decided that they were the best thing ever and Larry had ruffled his hair and said that he’d get sick of them when they were all he ate in college. It’s uncomfortable. It settles wrong inside him. Because outside of the context of that one quip, the future doesn’t feel real. It feels like some untouchable abstract concept.

Thinking about it makes his stomach turn and makes dark thoughts creep in from the corners of his mind.

He shakes them away and listens to Evan talk about how he’s ruined soup before. It’s better than thinking about a future that hardly exists, one that he’s ready to cut the string on at almost any given moment in time.

Evan buries his face in his hands as he tells Connor about the time Jared tried to make eggs in the microwave and almost set fire to the house. Connor laughs and pretends he’s okay.

When the pizza arrives, Connor pays the delivery person while Evan goes and gets Jared. It’s too early for dinner, but Jared doesn’t care and eats two slices before going upstairs to grab his laptop and then eats another. Evan eats breadsticks and lets Jared carry most of the conversation, about half of which is about how weird Connor eats his pizza.

Evan makes Connor take a slice of pizza back, because he ends up missing dinner at home, and Connor just rolls his eyes and takes the plastic tupperware and promises to give it back at some point. Evan shakes his head and tells him not to, because they have too much and they can never find lids that match. Connor figures he’ll just slip it back into a cabinet the next time he comes over.

Next time. Connor doesn’t think in next times. Weird.

[effluentbalatron-blog]

-- gunhardyTemerity [GT] began pestering effluentBalatron [EB] at 22:51 -- GT: Well howdy doodle egberto. GT: Have you got a moment for a chat chap? EB: hey jake. EB: i have all the time in the world as of right now. GT: Oh you do? Thats swell! GT: I guess youre settling nicely at your old house? GT: Be sure to send photos yeah? Id love to see the home of the legend that started it all. EB: sure. i can do that. GT: Not right away of course... when youre doing better and all! EB: i think i can manage to take some comm pictures of a few (relatively) benevolent harlequins. GT: OH BOY. GT: (Relative) benevolent harlequins are my very favorite kind! :D EB: *doctor jingles.png.* EB: *whistles the clown.png.* EB: i hope that tickles your fancy, my dude. EB: it was never really my thing but they're alright i guess. EB: *a whole lot of fucking figurines.jpg.* GT: Hah! Hahaha! OH MAN. GT: I love this whimsical collection of fellows! GT: Theyre so cheerful and full of good spirits! GT: Its men like these that id like to have at a party im not sure about you. EB: pfft. what a party that would be. you, my dad and a bunch of "funny men" as he'd call them. GT: Thats a keeper. Hehehehe! GT: But where would you be? EB: i think i'd skip it. no offense. GT: Even if i were there? Id be sure to make it fun for the two of us bro. GT: Do you trust me or do you trust me?? EB: jesus, dude. i'd have to be a heartless monster to say no to that. GT: HEAR HEAR. GT: So... GT: How are things in the homefront? Anything like you remember? EB: not much changes in this part of the world, jakey. and i like it that way. EB: it's good. it's safe. EB: cold as balls. EB: roxy cleaned the place up pretty good. she's been helping me out. EB: is ruleus ok? GT: Ru the man us has really taken to his own here! I mean... hes sort of claimed our room as his new territory and it certainly doesnt help that citrins gone and supported his new authority. GT: He sure likes the twins though! Who would have thought? EB: oh. i'm glad it's working out. EB: i've been trying to teach him about gentle touches. GT: He sure likes to teach citrin all he knows! EB: hehe. they're such cute lil buddies. GT: Needless to say hes a cutie pie... and youre doing a great job. EB: thanks but EB: i dunno. EB: i freaked out and left him there. i know he's fine with you guys. and probably doesn't even notice but. EB: well. i know. GT: Hey now... GT: It doesnt seem like the effort matters much but. Rest assured. GT: Its something that looks entirely different from his perspective. GT: Hes just a kiddo after all. And youre being a good daddy not showing him anything but the love. EB: i hope that's how he sees it. GT: One day hell understand but until then? Youre only human john bomb. The best kind of human being there is! EB: i don't see how you can actually think that. EB: ugh. sorry. EB: you're just trying to help. GT: Dont be sorry broseph. GT: I... GT: Well. GT: :( GT: I think about sollux quite a lot. GT: If i werent some bumbling oaf with a wasteful of magic power maybe hed still be here. EB: i mean. of course you think about him. EB: he was special to you. and it hasn't been that long. EB: not that it really matters how long it's been either. EB: and...another thing. EB: this magic stuff is a bunch of bullshit! EB: they didn't teach us how to use it or anything. it doesn't matter how powerful we are if we don't know what to do. or when to do it. EB: how are you supposed to know? how am i supposed to know? GT: Well... GT: Its just... GT: Im awful sorry john. If i knew the answer or what to say i would sure try to say it. GT: But ive been so lost and frankly befuddled with how convoluted this magic business is. GT: I think i have been since the beginning. GT: And... im sorry for how complicated it makes things. EB: no, jake. don't be sorry. i just. i was trying to say that... EB: i don't even know. i just feel really angry about it all. and i'm just as confused as you are. GT: Thats alright bub. GT: For what its worth i... know youre trying your best. And i fully believe youre a good person coming out of all of this. GT: If you have your flaws and all... so what? So long as you try to do the right thing in the end? EB: i'm grateful that you think that. and i mean. i'm grateful people are still on my side and stuff. you, and roxy. and kankri. and dad. EB: but at the same time. it's like. EB: i don't know if i actually can. to be honest, dude. EB: ever since i got on the ship i never actually wanted to leave. no matter what terrible shit would happen, i never thought i'd take ruleus and cut out. EB:  even when feferi died. EB: but now i am thinking about it. a lot. even though i am really trying not to. EB: i don't wanna go back to the ship. or be the doctor anymore. GT: And... GT: Whats wrong with all that? EB: what do you mean? GT: You know id still love and respect the hell out of you bro? Even if you did drop and call it quits. EB: but it's a fucking terrible thing to think about. i already promised i'd try to keep everyone safe. after everything everyone has been through, after the sacrifices everybody made. and the people that have died fighting in the war? GT: I... GT: I know. GT: I felt this way too when uhm. GT: I thought of the possibility that dirk wouldnt wake up. EB: oh. GT: It was just me citrin and the twins i felt. What... what was i going to do? What was i good for? EB: aw jake...:( EB: that's different, buddy. your situation is differnet. GT: I couldnt pull it together. I couldnt be someone the world counted on! But... GT: Why was any of this worth sacrificing my kiddies without their dads? I... I was them. EB: i'd never judge you for that. GT: I was the one growing up on my lonesome and wondering what it is that was so terrible about myself... that i felt... GT: Maybe i wasnt enough to keep my grandma with me. It was an atrocious feeling! It still is! GT: So no!!! I dont think theres anything wrong with letting yourself feel this sort of hullabaloo weakness! EB: i'm confused as hell about how i feel. EB: but i can see what you mean. i think...coming from you it's easier. EB: i'm not saying i am actually going to quit. but. GT: Aw buddy... It just... GT: I understand. It just... feels as though it stops being about you and what you want. Mayhaps its easier to focus on what someone who needs you wants instead. EB: mayhaps. EB: thanks jake. GT: I love you! EB: i love you too, bro. GT: I wish i could swoop the hell in and scoop you in a big ole hug! GT: Id spend the night with you easily. :( EB: hehe i miss our movie nights. EB: though i wouldn't mind if the entire dirkjake clan plus ruleus descended on my dad's poor house. EB: it's fun to think about anyway. GT: Whos to say they wont??? I reckon the whole clan ought to travel around and see the sights! EB: who wouldn't want to see snowy picturesque maple valley wa. we have skating. beavers. and old people riding street legal snow blowers. GT: Sounds like a dream! EB: we also now have roxy lalonde. GT: You mean she was missing before? GT: PSHHAW. EB: i'm really confused now. do you know something i don't. GT: Roxyandra Lalonde is a key ingredient to any party gathering! EB: that i agree with. EB: you know who else we can add to the mix. EB: kankri! EB: your favorite. GT: Oh... EB: pff. GT: Yeah sure buddy! Whatever youd like! EB: hahahaha. GT: ;D EB: why are you winking. what's with the wink. GT: I made you laugh my bucko! EB: oh. EB: that was decidedly unrancorous of me, huh? GT: HUH HUH. I guess youre diddly damn so its unrancorous! EB: /rolls my goddamn eyes/ EB: okay. it's time for john to get some sleep. GT: You mean resting your handsome big pearly blues? You gotcha! GT: Ive got kiddies to systematically put to beddy bye now. GT: Youll be alright bro? EB: i honestly have no idea. but. i feel a little more hopeful about it now. EB: that's something i guess. EB: nah, not "i guess". it is something. GT: *Sniffle.* EB: don't cry. GT: I cant help it. D'8 EB: you big hairy baby. GT: I just miss you to pieces!!!!! EB: i hope you legitimately cry in front of dirk so he feels pressured to bring you here. GT: Dont say that because ill be tempted! GT: Dammit john. GT: Hit the hay would you?? EB: :) EB: ok. goodnight. EB: tell ruleus....nothing i guess because i don't want him to feel weird but. think "john misses you" loudly at him. -- effluentBalatron [EB] ceased pestering gunhardyTemerity [GT] at 01:00 --