#i was in the 1% for the ateez listeners im-

[iyeolie]

my top 9 of 2022! (according to spotify)

↳ invu, good boy gone bad, glitch mode, step back, forever 1, whisper, 2 baddies, geurrilla, girls

[mycactusandi]

i experienced signs of mental illness this spotify year

[03jyh23]

— 2 soon || kim hongjoong part 1

<part 2>

goes to waste the series based on my favourite keshi songs

(listen here)

idol!hongjoong x non-idol!reader

synopsis: years after choosing his career over you, hongjoong still finds himself haunted by the memories of you. your relationship is a constant dance of on and off, and you cannot stay away from him.

genre: lovers to strangers to ?, angst, smut

trigger warnings: cussing/mature language, break-ups, toxic relationships, possessiveness, toxic jealousy, sex as a coping mechanism, excessive alcohol usage, emotional manipulation, obsession, verbal aggression, emotional distress, mentions of clubbing, career-related stress, explicit sexual content: making out, protected sex (condom), mentions of using birth control, pet names baby, princess, handjob, blowjob, hair pulling, neck kisses, dirty talk, nipple play (?), missionary

words: 12.8 k

reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! after several intense days of work, it's finally here! the first part of the goes to waste series! while writing 2 soon, i had many negative thoughts and was very self-critical. im still not sure if i did a good job - especially when it comes to smut. smut is the genre where i probably will never feel good enough, but believe me, im really trying. the second part is already in the process of being written. im handing this over to you; thank you very much for such a warm reception of this series, and i hope you'll enjoy it. and please let me know if i missed any trigger warnings for the sexual content!

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i’d be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

taglist: @skittyneos @kyeos4ng @vcutparis

one

There you were, unexpectedly positioned in a scenario you never once imagined you would find yourself in. It was the middle of the night, the hour when all was quiet and still. Your ordinarily vibrant living room was dimmed, with only a single floor lamp in the corner casting long, dramatic shadows across the room. You were nestled into the corner of the worn-out comfortable sofa, hugging a pillow close as if it were your only lifeline. The only sounds filling the silence were the words from your boyfriend, each one hanging heavy in the cold air. You were painfully aware of what was coming, a gut-wrenching feeling of imminent heartbreak washing over you. The reality of the situation was that there was no escaping this conversation, no possibility of emerging unscathed. The knowledge that Hongjoong was about to shatter your heart into pieces was a bitter pill to swallow. This moment was the beginning of an end you had never anticipated. And it was happening tonight.

"The company believes that you will become a distraction," Hongjoong said, his voice laced with an undercurrent of tension.

"I don't give a damn about your stupid company," you retorted, your hand trembling and your eyes welling up with tears that threatened to spill over at any moment. "I wasn't a distraction all these years when you were a trainee, so why am I suddenly one now?" Hongjoong paced nervously across the room, his movements betraying his inner turmoil. He was torn between the company and you, and he didn't know how to navigate this minefield.

"Y/N..." he sighed heavily, his hand running through his hair in a nervous gesture. "Now that Ateez is gaining more attention after our first prize win and the new album coming soon, the company..." he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. "They believe I need to remain more focused."

"I don't fucking care about what they think, Hongjoong!" you shouted, your voice cracking with the weight of your emotions. "You think I give a damn about their opinion?" you continued, your voice rising with each word. "They don't know us, they don't know what we've been through. All they see is some stupid company policy, but they don't see the love that we share." Tears welled up in your eyes as you spoke, the pain of the situation threatening to consume you whole. You had never felt so helpless, so powerless.

"Please, try to calm down. You're not making this any easier," Hongjoong pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper.

''I don’t fucking believe that after almost three years they decided I will become a problem...'' Your voice cracked, tears finally spilling down your cheeks. Hongjoong looked at you, his eyes filled with sorrow and regret. It was clear that this conversation was tearing him apart just as much as it was you. "Hongjoong, do you believe what they're saying?" you asked, your voice filled with a mixture of fear and desperation. "Do you think they're right?"

He paused, his back still turned towards you. "I... I don't know, Y/N," he confessed, his voice barely audible. "What if they are right?" The question hung in the air, a haunting doubt that only added to the heartache. Your heart pounded in your chest, the words echoing in your mind.

"You already believed them…'' you asserted, your voice tinged with a hint of defiance. ''I can't believe that you see me as a distraction now." With a frustrated cry, you grabbed the pillow and hurled it across the room, the action serving as a physical release for the pent-up anger and despair that threatened to consume you. "Fuck it, Hongjoong," you choked out, tears streaming down your cheeks. "I need you to choose me. I need you to fight for us, for our love. Because if you don't, then what's the point of any of this?"

There was a long silence before he finally spoke. "I...I need to do what's best for my career," he answered softly, sounding utterly defeated. "And if that means that we..." his voice trailed off and he didn't finish the sentence. You felt a lump in your throat and fought back the tears.

''So, you’re going to leave me?'' Hongjoong turned to face you, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and resignation.

"What else am I supposed to do?" Hongjoong's eyes flickered with pain as he met your gaze, his own turmoil reflected in the depths of his gaze. "I can't lose my career, Y/N! It's everything I've worked for.'' His words cut through you like a knife, searing through your heart. You had always known that his career was important to him, but you had never imagined that he would be willing to sacrifice your relationship for it. ''I’m sorry, Y/N,'' he managed to say, his voice filled with regret. ''I have to do this.''

"Just say it already..." Your voice was shaky, the tension in the room was palpable, and the silence that followed was deafening.

"I want to break up," Hongjoong finally said, his voice barely audible but clear enough for you to hear.

Your voice broke as you responded, "If this is your decision, then I'm not going to fight it. I won't beg you to stay, Hongjoong." The room was filled with a painful silence after your words. The reality of what was happening hit you both, but you stood your ground. "No, I won't beg," you affirmed, your voice steady despite the tears streaming down your face. "If this is what you've chosen, then I have no right to stop you. But remember this, Hongjoong, love is not a distraction. It's what keeps us human." He looked at you, his eyes welling up with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he whispered, the regret in his voice tangible.

"I need you to leave," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. The room fell silent again. With a heavy sigh, Hongjoong cast a long, lingering glance in your direction, his eyes filled with a sadness he had never felt before. You couldn't meet his gaze, your own eyes fixated on the worn-out fabric of the couch, your hands clenched tightly in your lap.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," he repeated, his voice just as quiet as yours. He hovered for a moment, as if waiting for you to say something else, offering him a way out of this situation. But there was nothing more to be said. The decision had been made.

"I'm sorry too, Hongjoong," you whispered into the silence, your voice trembling. The words echoed in the quiet room, a bitter acknowledgment of the pain that both of you were feeling. Slowly, Hongjoong headed towards the door, his steps heavy and uncertain. Each footstep felt like a punch to your heart, amplifying the emptiness that was beginning to set in. As the front door opened, a shiver went down your spine. With one last look, Hongjoong closed the door behind him, leaving you alone in the quiet apartment. The silence was deafening, the absence of his presence felt like a void. You sat there, motionless, the harsh reality of what had just happened slowly sinking in. Eventually, you rose from the couch, your legs feeling like jelly. You switched off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. You could still feel the remnants of Hongjoong's presence, the memories of your time together felt almost tangible. But, he was gone. And you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, alone. Your small apartment never felt lonelier.

two

The room was dimly lit by a single lamp, casting shadows everywhere. Hongjoong sat on the hotel floor, his heart ached like a heavy stone in his chest, echoing the raw, jagged pain of an all-too-fresh wound. Next to him sat a half-empty bottle of whiskey, its strong liquor failing to dull the hollow gnawing pain that gripped him. For the past few months, Hongjoong had been busier than he'd ever been. Recording sessions that kept him up all night, followed by grueling dance practices to perfect choreography. Once ATEEZ’s first studio album was finally out, there was an endless string of fan sign events and meetings. Then, his dreams came true — they announced a world tour. Hongjoong was so busy that eating and sleeping felt like a luxury. He was happy, but not completely. Something was always missing. You were missing. Hongjoong'd become a master at hiding his pain from the world. So good, in fact, that he'd even managed to hide it from himself. But even as busy as Hongjoong was with his career, there were moments when he couldn't help but constantly think about you. And in those small moments every song that he wrote, every dance he choreographed, every performance he gave, you were always on his mind. Hongjoong was haunted by your memories, by the love he had lost. And even if he was being so good at hiding his emotions, his bandmates could see the change in him. They saw the sadness in his eyes, the heaviness in his steps, the emptiness in his laughter. But they said nothing, respecting his silence, knowing that this was a battle he had to fight on his own. Now, it’s been over six months since he broke up with you. Since he had chosen his career over your love, ambition over affection. He believed it was the right decision, but it did not lessen the pain of his heartbreak.

Hongjoong's eyes fell on his phone, lying innocently on the carpet. He had been contemplating it for hours, his heart pounding with apprehension. He longed to reach out to you, to hear your voice again and beg for forgiveness. Everything seemed so pointless without you. His dreams and ambitions felt hollow and meaningless. The fame, the success, the love from fans all over the world — none of it mattered. Because without you by his side, sharing in his joy and success, it all felt empty. All he could think of was the sweet sound of your laughter, the warmth of your touch, the comfort of your presence. And the longer he was without you, the more he realized how much he had lost. Taking a shaky breath, Hongjoong gathered the courage to pick the phone up, dialed your number with unsteady fingers, and pressed the call button. Eight rings echoed in his ears, each one a chance to hang up, to retreat, to save himself from the impending heartache. But he didn't. He couldn't.

"Hello?"

"H-hey," His voice wavered, barely more than a whisper, "How... how you been? How you doing?" His heart pounded against his ribs. The room felt smaller with every passing second as if the walls were closing in on him. Hongjoong gripped the phone tighter, his knuckles turning white as if holding onto it was the only thing keeping him grounded at that moment.

"I've been... okay," your voice was guarded, a stark contrast to the warmth it used to hold when you spoke to him. "Just... keeping busy, you know." Your heart was pounding loudly, so loud you were scared Hongjoong was going to hear it on the other side of the phone. You tried to steady your breathing, focusing on each exhale and inhale. There was silence on the other end. You could almost picture Hongjoong there, sitting in the dimly lit room, phone in hand, as he grappled with your words. The silence stretched on and for a moment.

"I've... I've been drinking," he confessed, a bitter laughter escaping his lips. "Thought I'd be over you by now... but I'm not. I can't be." His voice cracked, raw emotion spilling out. There was a pause again, a silence that seemed to last forever.

"Hongjoong..." you murmured, your voice filled with a detached understanding that was almost more painful than the silence before. "You... You shouldn't be drinking, Hongjoong," you said softly, concern seeping into your voice despite your best efforts to keep it neutral.

"I miss you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "I... I know I caused you pain. I know I can't turn back time. But I... I can't imagine a life without you." The line went silent once again, except for his ragged breath and the deafening beat of his heart. Hongjoong held his breath, waiting, knowing that your next words could either set him free or push him further into his torment. Despite the distance, despite the coldness in your voice, he thought he detected a hint of lingering affection for him. It was subtle, nearly imperceptible, but it was there. A slight hesitation in your voice before you spoke, a soft sigh he barely caught. It gave him a glimmer of hope, but also a sea of despair. Because he knew that even though you might still harbor feelings for him, his choices had wounded you.

"I miss you too," you said, your voice so quiet that he almost missed the words. And in that moment, he knew that you felt the pain just as sharply as he did. Despite the remnants of love between you, you were both trapped in this cycle of regret and longing, both victims of his ambition. He longed to tell you that he loved you, that he was ready to give up everything to be with you. But the words wouldn't come. Because he knew he couldn't. He couldn't let go of his career, but he couldn't let go of you either. And so, he found himself stuck in this self-destructive cycle, driven by his own choices and his inability to let go of the past. The burden of his decisions hung heavy in the silence. His heart ached with unspoken words and the bitter sting of regret.

"I want to see you..." Hongjoong whispered into the phone, as he took another swig of the whiskey, the bitter liquid burning his throat, a fitting punishment for his mistakes. He closed his eyes, the image of your face clear in his mind, the memory of your laughter echoing in his ears. He missed you. He missed you more than he could put into words, more than he could bear. But all he had were his dreams and ambitions, the things he chose over you. ''I don’t know what I’m expecting'' All Hongjoong knew was that he missed you and that no amount of fame or success could fill the void you left in his heart.

"I... I want to see you too," you responded, soft and hesitant, yet filled with a longing that mirrored his own. Since the day Hongjoong left, your world had changed drastically, nothing felt the same. You tried to move on, to heal and rebuild your life without him. But it seemed like every time you made a little progress, something related to ATEEZ would unexpectedly appear, pulling you back into the memories of him. It was as if the universe was conspiring to ensure Hongjoong remained an inescapable part of your life, refusing to let you forget him.

"I don't know if this is a good idea...but, can we meet?" Hongjoong held his breath, waiting for your response, the silence between you two stretching out into a deafening void.

"Okay," you finally whispered back, the single word carrying a world of hope and fear, a promise of a reunion fraught with uncertainties and unspoken feelings. A wave of relief washed over Hongjoong, followed by a pang of anxiety. He had so many things he wanted to say to you, so many apologies to make, so many feelings to confess. But he feared that it might be too late, that the damage he had caused was irreparable. He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat making it difficult for him to speak.

"Thank you," he managed to whisper, his voice barely audible. "I'll be back home in a few weeks, I’ll see you then?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'll see you then," you replied softly, your voice tinged with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. "Take care of yourself, Hongjoong.''

The call ended, leaving Hongjoong alone in the dimly lit room once again. He sat there, staring at his phone, his heart heavy with a mix of relief, fear, and longing. He didn't know if this was the beginning of a new chapter or the closure of an old one. All he knew was that he needed to see you. He needed to say the things he had been unable to say for the past six months. And most importantly, he needed to apologize.

three

The interminable weeks you anxiously awaited for Hongjoong's return seemed to mercilessly drag on, transforming into a seemingly endless expanse of time. In truth, the past few months without him felt like an eternity, every moment punctuated by his absence. After the initial shock of your breakup, which shook you to your core, you managed to shake off the immobilizing numbness that it brought. Once the initial shock was dealt with, you allowed yourself to fall into a routine, an everyday pattern of activities that became your lifeline in these challenging times. This routine, mundane as it might have been, was the only thing that kept you going, the only thing that kept you sane amidst the tumult of emotions that threatened to consume you. It was your anchor in a sea of chaos, providing a sense of normalcy in a world that, without Hongjoong, felt anything but normal. So, when you saw the news that ATEEZ had returned from their tour, it took you by surprise. You thought Hongjoong would call you straight away, that he would want to see you as much as you wanted to see him. You were holding on to the thought of seeing the man you loved again, of finding closure, or perhaps a new beginning. But the call didn't come, and with each passing day, your hope dwindled a little more. The silence was deafening, filling you with a sense of dread and disappointment. But despite everything, you continued to wait, clinging on to the hope of hearing from him. Days turned into weeks, and the silence from Hongjoong was deafening. You tried to keep yourself busy, to distract your mind from the painful thoughts that threatened to consume you. You began to question his intentions, wondering whether he really meant what he said during the phone call. Did he truly miss you, or was it just a moment of weakness? Did he genuinely want to see you, or was he simply trying to ease his guilt? Your mind was a whirlpool of questions, doubts, and insecurities. You felt like you were trapped in a never-ending cycle of hope and despair. Despite the emotional turmoil, you couldn't bring yourself to reach out to him first. You weren't ready to face the possibility of rejection, the fear of him telling you that he had moved on and that the phone call was a mistake. So, you waited, hoping against hope that he would contact you.

One evening, while you were trying to drown your sorrows in a sad movie and a tub of ice cream, the doorbell rang, startling you out of your thoughts. Your heart pounded in your chest as you got up to answer it. As you swung the door open, there he was. Hongjoong stood on your doorstep, looking just as nervous and scared as you felt. You were taken aback, not having expected him to show up at your doorstep. You felt a mix of emotions - surprise, fear, anxiety, but also a strange relief. Despite the emotional turmoil swirling within you, you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth at the sight of him. He was as handsome as always, his dark blue hair tousled slightly, his eyes filled with a mixture of apprehension and longing. For a moment, you found yourself lost in the depths of his gaze, the familiar warmth of his presence washing over you like a comforting embrace. It was surreal to see him standing there, on your doorstep, after so many weeks of silence and uncertainty. Your heart pounded in your chest, each beat echoing the tumult of emotions that raged within you.

"H-Hey," he stuttered out, his eyes avoiding yours. "I hope I'm not... I hope this isn't too soon."

"No, it's... it's okay. Come in," you said, stepping aside to let him in. He hesitated for a moment, then walked inside. You closed the door behind him, it felt strangely normal to have him there, in your apartment, as if the last few months had been nothing but a bad dream. But the tension in the air was palpable, a reminder that things weren't the same anymore. You led him to the living room, he took a deep breath, his gaze wandering around the room, taking in the familiar surroundings.

"It's been a while," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes, it has," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. The silence that followed was deafening, both of you lost in your own thoughts. Finally, Hongjoong broke the silence.

"I... I wanted to apologize," he began, his voice shaky. "I know I hurt you, and I'm... I'm really sorry." He looked at you, his eyes filled with regret. "I made a mistake... a big one. And I... I want to make it right." You were silent for a moment, processing his words. It was what you had been waiting to hear, but now that he had said it, you didn't know how to respond. You looked at him, studying his face, searching for sincerity in his eyes. Despite the hurt and confusion swirling within you, you couldn't deny the flicker of hope that ignited at his words. His apology felt genuine, raw with emotion. As you wrestled with your thoughts, a part of you longed to forgive him, to embrace the possibility of reconciliation. Yet another part remained guarded, wary of opening yourself up to further pain. You took a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. "I've missed you so much," he confessed. Suddenly, Hongjoong reached out, pulling you into an embrace. The sudden movement startled both of you, but neither of you pulled away. On the contrary, you nestled deeper into his arms, burying your face into the crook of his neck. The familiar scent of his cologne instantly calmed your racing heart, making you feel like you were home again. In his arms, the pain and heartache of the past few months seemed to melt away. As you held each other in a tight embrace, the weight of the past few months began to lift, replaced by a sense of comfort and familiarity. Despite the pain and uncertainty that had plagued your relationship, being in his arms felt right, as if you were finally where you were meant to be.

"I've missed you too," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath. The words were a confession, a raw admission of the emptiness that had consumed you in his absence. The warmth of his embrace melted away the walls you had built around your heart. Despite the doubts and uncertainties that lingered in the back of your mind, you couldn't deny the overwhelming rush of emotions that surged through you. Without thinking, you lifted your head from the crook of his neck, meeting Hongjoong’s gaze with tear-filled eyes. At that moment, all the words you had been longing to say seemed to vanish from your mind, replaced by a desperate need to express the depth of your feelings for him. Leaning forward, you closed the distance between you, capturing his lips in a tender, passionate kiss. For a fleeting moment, it felt as though time stood still, the world around you fading into oblivion as you lost yourself in the intoxicating warmth of his embrace. In that moment, all the pain and heartache of the past seemed insignificant, overshadowed by the overwhelming rush of love and longing that coursed through your veins. As you pulled away, breathless and trembling, you found yourself staring into his eyes, searching for some sign of understanding, of reciprocation. Hongjoong smiled and giggled quietly,

''I did not expect this…'' Your heart fluttered at the sound of his soft laughter, a gentle melody that filled the room. Despite the gravity of the situation, his laughter was like a balm to your wounded soul, easing some of the tension that had been building within you. Hongjoong’s hand found its way to your flushed cheek, it was a comforting presence, his touch sending shivers down your spine as you leaned into his touch, relishing the warmth of his palm against your skin.

"I know," you replied softly, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

''Can we do it again?'' A soft chuckle escaped your lips at his bashful demeanor, finding it endearing how he could still manage to blush after all this time.

"Of course," you replied, a playful glint in your eye as you leaned in closer to him. The warmth of Hongjoong’s breath against your skin sent a thrill coursing through you, reigniting the spark of desire that had never truly faded between you. Closing the distance between you, you pressed your lips to his once more, savoring his familiar taste and feel. It was as if no time had passed at all, as if you were picking up right where you had left off, lost in the intensity of your love for each other. As you pulled away breathlessly, the intensity of the moment lingering between you, Hongjoong placed his forehead against yours, his hand pulling you closer by your waist. His touch sent shivers down your spine, igniting a fire within you that had been dormant for far too long. The kiss deepened, growing more passionate and needy. Your bodies pressed together, the heat between you rising. Hongjoong's voice was husky when he pulled back, his breath hot against your ear as he said,

"I'm not gonna stop myself if we keep on." You could feel his arousal pressing against you, a stark reminder of the intimacy you hadn't shared in so long. A shiver ran through your body as you processed his words, your heart pounding in your chest. You had missed this closeness, the intoxicating intimacy that only Hongjoong could provide. Despite the uncertainties that still lingered, your body yearned for his. You met his gaze, your eyes reflecting the desire that was undoubtedly mirrored in his.

"Then don't stop," you murmured, your voice barely a whisper. There was no hesitation in his actions then. His lips found yours again, his hands exploring your body, reigniting the flame that had never fully extinguished. Hongjoong's grip on your hips tightened, his touch electrifying, igniting a spark within you. He pulled your hair just the way you liked it, gentle yet firm, exposing your neck to his gaze. He began to leave a trail of wet kisses along your sensitive skin, his warm breath causing shivers to run down your spine. The anticipation was unbearable. You knew that after all this time, after all the longing and desire that had built up between you, you wouldn’t last long. Every fiber of your being was desperate to feel his body against yours, to experience the intimate connection that only he could provide. And as if he could read your thoughts, Hongjoong returned to kissing you, his lips capturing yours in a passionate embrace. He was devouring you with an intensity that took your breath away, his every touch and kiss stoking the fire within you. You felt his hands tugging at the hem of your hoodie, his fingers deftly pulling it over your head in one swift, practiced motion. As the fabric lifted away, the cool air of the room hit your skin, causing a shiver to course through your body. To Hongjoong's surprise, you were not wearing a bra underneath. His eyes, dark with desire, roamed over your exposed chest, taking in the sight of your bare skin. There was a moment of silence as he savored the sight, his breath hitching in his throat. Your head was spinning, a whirlwind of emotions and sensations taking over, and you could feel yourself getting wetter with each passing second. Hongjoong placed his palm on your breast, cupping it gently but firmly. His touch was warm against your skin, a stark contrast to the cool air surrounding you. His fingers, tender and explorative, began to play with your nipple, tracing delicate patterns that sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body. You moaned softly. Each touch ignited a spark within you, a flame of desire that seemed to grow with every passing second.

As your hands began to wander, you found yourself drawn to his jeans. Your fingers deftly unclasped his belt, the metallic clink echoing in the room. Heart pounding with anticipation, you slid the zipper down, the sound seeming to reverberate through the room. Hongjoong quickly removed his own shirt, revealing his toned chest. Your hands instinctively reached out to him, your fingers tracing the lines of his muscles. In response, he wrapped his arms around you, lifting you off the ground with ease. Hongjoong carried you towards the bedroom, and a sense of anticipation filled the air. As he gently put you down, your eyes locked with his, the intensity of his gaze sending shivers down your spine. His lips found yours again in a deep, passionate kiss while his hands roamed over your body, further stoking the flame of desire within you. You found yourself lost in his touch, each stroke of his fingers sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. As he slowly moved down, peppering soft kisses along your neck and collarbone, you could hardly contain the moan that escaped your lips. Hongjoong pulled your shorts down, kissing your stomach and hip bones. His touch was electrifying, setting your skin ablaze with a hunger that only he could satisfy. You reached for his pants, finally tugging both them and his boxers down and revealing his throbbing erection. Hongjoong groaned as you wrapped your fingers around his thick dick, you spread pre-cum on his length and stroked him gently yet firmly, eliciting a moan from him. Hongjoong was so hard, so ready for you, and the thought only made you wetter. With a mischievous glint in your eyes, you knelt in front of him and placed a kiss on the tip of his throbbing length. Sensing his anticipation, you started licking him from the base all the way to the tip, savoring the taste of him. His body shivered in response to your actions, his breath hitching as he watched you with a mixture of desire and disbelief.

"I missed the way your cock tastes in my mouth,” you said just before you slowly took him all into your mouth, your lips wrapping around his length as you began to bob your head up and down. The sensation elicited a groan from Hongjoong, his hands instinctively reaching for your hair to guide your movements.

"F-fuck," Hongjoong moaned out, his grip on your hair tightening as you continued to pleasure him with your mouth, your tongue swirling around his length in a way that had him seeing stars. His body was tense, filled with an anticipation that was only heightened by the rhythm of your movements. The room was filled with the sound of his ragged breathing and the wet noises of your mouth on him. His hand tugged at your hair, guiding you, setting the pace. His other hand found its way to your shoulder, his fingers digging into your skin as he struggled to keep control. "I... I need to be inside you," he gasped, the words barely more than a whisper. You looked up at him, your eyes locking with his. There was a raw intensity in his gaze that sent a thrill coursing through you. You nodded, releasing him from your mouth with a final lick, a smirk playing on your lips as you watched him shudder at the sensation. You crawled back up his body, your fingers tracing the lines of his muscles, the sensation eliciting a soft moan from him. Hongjoong's hands found their way to your hips, guiding you to the bed. He positioned himself on top of you, his hands gently spreading your legs. His fingers slowly explored your folds,

"You are so wet, so ready for me" he murmured in awe, his fingers brushing over your slick folds. The sensation caused you to gasp. With a sudden surge of impatience, you pulled him closer by his neck, kissing him aggressively.

"Hongjoong, I need you now," you demanded, your voice thick with desire. He positioned himself, ready to give you what you so desperately wanted. But then, he stopped, pulling back slightly and looking into your eyes with a serious expression.

‘’Are you on the pill?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

"No, not anymore," you admitted, biting your lower lip anxiously.

"Condoms?" he asked, hoping that you had some.

"I don't think I have any," you confessed, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Shit, I think I have some in my wallet," he moved off you and rushed to search his wallet, which was carelessly thrown to the side earlier. After a moment, Hongjoong let out a sigh of relief as he pulled out a condom. Returning to the bed, he positioned himself above you again, his dark eyes filled with desire. You took the condom from him, your hands slightly shaking as you carefully unrolled it down his throbbing length. You guided him to your entrance, the anticipation making you shudder with pleasure. As he slowly entered you, you couldn't help but gasp at the overwhelming sensation, the feeling of him inside you sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body. As Hongjoong began to move, each thrust sending sparks of pleasure shooting through you, your hands found purchase on his shoulders, clinging onto him as if your life depended on it. The rhythm of his movements, slow and deliberate at first, gradually picked up pace, each powerful thrust hitting that sweet spot inside you and drawing moans of pleasure from your lips.

"Hongjoong whatever you do just don't stop now," you moaned, your toes curling in pleasure. His name fell from your lips again in a breathless whisper, the sound of it spurring him on. The room filled with the sounds of your passion, the rhythmic creaking of the bed, and your shared moans and gasps of pleasure.

"You feel so good, baby” he moaned. You felt his dick throbbing inside you, which made you clench around him, making him moan again. As your climax approached, your body tensed, your grip on him tightening. Hongjoong could sense it, and his thrusts became more powerful. "Are you going to cum for me, princess?" he asked, his voice husky with desire. Your body responded to his words before your mind could, a rush of pleasure coursing through your veins. You could do nothing but nod, your body taut with anticipation. Hongjoong’s movements became more deliberate, his rhythm matching your own as the tension built.

"Yes," you breathed out, the word barely escaping your lips before a wave of pleasure washed over you. Your body convulsed, your grip on him tightening as you rode the waves of your orgasm. His name fell from your lips in a breathless moan as you rode out your orgasm, each wave of pleasure more intense than the last. With a final, powerful thrust, Hongjoong groaned, his body tensing as he reached his own peak. Feeling him still buried deep inside you, you could sense the warm sensation of his cum filling the condom. Hongjoong’s head fell to the crook of your neck, his hot breath against your skin as he rode out the waves of his climax. The room fell silent, save for the sound of your labored breaths. He collapsed next to you, took the condom off, and threw it away. Hongjoong pulled you into his arms, and his fingers traced lazy circles on your bare skin, the sensation sending tingles down your spine. You turned to face him, your eyes meeting his. There was a softness in his gaze, a tenderness that you hadn't seen for a long time. It warmed your heart, bringing a gentle smile to your face.

"I was going crazy without you," Hongjoong whispered his words a fervent declaration of the depth of his longing. "I missed you every single day," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper as you gazed into his eyes, losing yourself in the depths of his gaze.

"You wouldn't let me forget about you," you smiled sadly, "ATEEZ were everywhere." You chuckled, the sound tinged with a hint of melancholy. "Every time I started to get a bit better, you would show up on a TV or the internet."

Hongjoong gave a bitter-sweet laugh, "I guess we're inescapable, huh?" His hand moved from your waist to cradle your face.

"I was so proud of you, Hongjoong," you confessed, your voice choked with emotion. "It just hurt that you needed to leave me to do all these amazing things."

His gaze softened at your words, his thumb gently brushing away the tears welling up in your eyes. "I didn't want to," he admitted quietly, his voice hauntingly sincere.

"Will you stay for tonight?" you asked him, your voice quiet and hopeful. A silence hung in the air between you, heavy with the weight of unspoken words and raw emotions. Hongjoong looked at you, his gaze soft and contemplative. It felt like an eternity before he finally responded.

"I wish I could," he murmured, his voice heavy with regret. "But I have to go back. There are things I need to take care of." A pang of disappointment shot through you at his words, but you understood. His world was unforgiving, with schedules and commitments that left little room for personal desires. You knew that asking him to stay was selfish, but some of you couldn't help but wish for a little more time together.

"I understand," you replied, your voice tinged with sadness. "But promise me this won't be the last time we see each other. Promise me you'll come back."

"I promise," he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "I'll come back as soon as I can." You nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips despite the tears that threatened to fall. Hongjoong planted one last kiss on your lips, before gently untangling himself from your embrace. He rose from the bed, his eyes scanning the room for his scattered clothing. You pulled a comforter from the bed around your naked body as you got up from the bed, and you walked up behind him, wrapping your arms around his torso.

"Stay over," you tried convincing him again. "I don't want to be alone." Your lips found the back of his neck, peppering soft kisses there. Each kiss was a silent plea, a yearning for him to stay. He shivered under your touch, goosebumps erupting on his skin. You knew he loved it when you kissed his neck like that. His eyes closed and a soft sigh escaped his lips, a clear sign that he was fighting the urge to stay with you. With one hand, you pulled him in closer, his back pressed against your chest. Your other hand traveled down his torso, exploring his body. You slid your hand lower, until you grabbed his cock, causing Hongjoong to let out a whimper at the sudden contact. The sound was music to your ears, a testament to the effect you had on him. This moment felt right, a perfect blend of desire and intimacy that only you two could share. As you started to pump him slowly, his cock hardened again. Kissing all over his neck, Hongjoong trembled under your touch. Your touch was gentle, yet firm, as you slowly worked him back to full erection. His reactions were immediate and intense, his body trembling under your hands. Hongjoong’s breath hitched in his throat, a soft gasp escaping his lips as you trailed kisses up and down his neck. Every touch, every kiss, seemed to set his nerves on fire, his body humming with pent-up desire.

"Feeling your dick get hard in my hand is so hot," you whispered into his ear. Hongjoong’s breath hitched at your words, he was completely at your mercy, his eyes fluttering closed as he lost himself in the sensations you were coaxing from him. His hands reached for you, his fingers digging into your arm as a silent plea for more. His breaths came in short, ragged gasps, each one a testament to the pleasure you were bringing him. The room was filled with the sound of your soft murmurs and his gasps, the air heavy with desire. You took your time, savoring each reaction, each tremor that ran through him.

"I'm going to make you come so hard," you breathed against his neck, your voice filled with a promise of the pleasure to come. A shiver ran through his body at your words, anticipation causing his breath to hitch in his throat. The kisses you trailed along his neck grew more passionate, more desperate, each one a promise of the pleasure to come. He was trembling beneath your touch, his body writhing with anticipation, ready for the climax that was sure to come.

"Need... need to feel your mouth on me. Please, please," he moaned as you sped up your movements on his length. You could feel his desperation in every word, the primal need making his voice tremble. You turned his body to face you, without missing a beat, you moved down his body, trailing kisses along the way. You took him in your mouth, your movements slow and deliberate at first, earning a guttural moan from him. His hand found its way to your hair, fingers tangling in the locks as he guided your movements. With every moan, every gasp for breath, you could feel him lose himself in the pleasure you were giving him. It only spurred you on further, your movements becoming more confident, more insistent. Hongjoong was a moaning mess, his body tensing as he felt the precipice of his release approaching.

"God... F-fuck," he stuttered, the words tumbling out amidst irregular breaths. He looked at you, his eyes dark with desire and pleading. "Baby, I love you... Can I... Can I cum in your mouth?" your eyes met his, a soft nod of consent given as you continued your movements. The quiet room was filled with only the sounds of his heavy breaths and soft curses. Your name fell from his lips like a prayer, his hands gripping your hair tightly. "I love you... I love you so much," he gasped out, his body trembling as he reached his climax. His cum filled your mouth, the taste of him intoxicating and familiar. You swallowed it all, a sense of pride swelling within you. As his release washed over him, you could see the love and adoration in his eyes. He was open, vulnerable, and completely yours at that moment. Post-orgasmic bliss took over him, his body going limp as he tried to regain his breath. You crawled up, placing soft kisses along his chest, his jaw, his lips. Hongjoong pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around you tightly.

"I love you too, Hongjoong," you whispered, your head resting on his chest. His heart was still racing, the rhythm syncing with your own. You could feel his fingers tracing patterns on your back, a content sigh escaping his lips. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. The look in his eyes said it all. He was in love, and so were you. Despite the challenges and the heartache, you belonged together. And in that moment, everything felt right. For a moment, he allowed himself to enjoy your embrace, his mind lost in the warmth of your touch.

"So, did that earn me your stay?" you asked playfully, a hint of mischief in your eyes as you looked up at him. Hongjoong kissed your forehead, before gently pulling away from your embrace, his fingers brushing against your cheek as he looked at you with regret-filled eyes.

"Baby I really wish I could stay, but I can't," he murmured, his voice heavy with regret. "I have early rehearsals tomorrow. I promise I'll come back soon." He gently extricated himself from your grasp and began to get dressed.

"Don't go," you pleaded softly, your voice barely a whisper. But despite the plea in your eyes, he knew he couldn't stay. No matter how much he wanted to remain by your side, his responsibilities were calling him back.

"I don't want to leave you," Hongjoong murmured in a tone that was barely a whisper, his eyes filled with regret. "But I have to. I have responsibilities that I need to attend to." Despite the warmth of your bodies pressed together and the lingering taste of you on his lips, he knew he couldn't stay. He gave you one last look, his heart aching at the sight of your disheveled hair and the love in your eyes. The silence in the room was heavy, filled with unspoken words and lingering emotions. Once fully dressed, he turned back to you, his gaze soft. He walked over and pulled you into a gentle hug, his hand stroking your hair in a comforting gesture.

"I'll see you soon, I promise," he whispered into your ear before pulling away. Hongjoong gave you one last lingering look, his eyes filled with longing before he opened the door and stepped out of your apartment, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

However, Hongjoong did not keep his promise.

four

Once again, days turned into weeks, and Hongjoong was nowhere to be found. You started to believe that your meeting was only a dream, a figment of your imagination borne out of desperation and longing. Each passing day without any word from him further reinforced this belief. The emptiness that you had once managed to keep at bay was slowly creeping back in, consuming you bit by bit. The silence was deafening, a harsh reminder of the reality you were trying to escape from. It felt as if you were trapped in a never-ending cycle of hope and despair, each passing day a test of your resilience and strength. With each passing day, a seed of doubt began to grow within you. Was it possible that Hongjoong regretted what had happened? Could it be that the promises whispered in the heat of the moment, the tender kisses and reassuring words, were nothing more than a mistake? The thought gnawed at you, casting a dark shadow over the glimmer of hope you had been clinging on to. You found yourself questioning everything, your mind a whirlpool of confusion and despair. Your days were filled with uncertainty and your nights were haunted by dreams of him. You longed for the comfort of his presence, aching for the familiarity of his touch. Yet, all you were left with was the deafening silence, a cruel reminder of the distance that had grown between you.

Three weeks had passed since you last laid eyes on Hongjoong, and the absence was fucking with your head. Questions spun around in your head like a whirlwind, each one piercing deeper than the last. Was it only the sex that he missed? You were haunted by the warmth of his touch and the intoxicating way he used to look at you. The ghost of his touch still lingered on your skin, a cruel reminder of the intimacy that once existed. The silence of your phone was deafening, the man who once couldn't go a day without hearing your voice, who used to fill your inbox with loving messages, had now been reduced to radio silence. Your mind was a battlefield, memories of him clashing violently with the present reality. This was not the Hongjoong you loved and cherished, the one who held you through the darkest nights and lit up your world with his smile. This was a stranger, a phantom wearing Hongjoong's face and carrying his memories, a cruel mockery of the man you once knew.

five

On a sunny afternoon, you came back from grocery shopping and approached your apartment complex. Upon reaching your floor, you found Hongjoong leaning against your door. The sight of him waiting there, a look of nervous anticipation on his face, sent a jolt of surprise through you. The sound of grocery bags dropping onto the floor startled Hongjoong, his head snapping up to see you standing there, a look of shock and anger on your face. He quickly jogged over to help you pick up the scattered items, but you recoiled, pulling the bags away from him.

"Why are you here, Hongjoong?" You spat out his name like it was poison. "I don't want to see you," you quickly got up as you finished picking up what was left from your shopping.

"We both know you don’t mean it…" Hongjoong blurts out, a look of guilt crossing his face.

"My manager found out I came to see you," Hongjoong admitted, avoiding your gaze. "The company... they're not happy. They made me sign a contract." His voice was barely a whisper, but the words hit you with the force of a freight train. "I'm... I'm banned from dating now." His words hung heavily in the air, the final blow to the fairytale you had tried so hard to keep alive. The revelation left you speechless, your heart aching at the harsh reality of his words. You felt a cold wave of disappointment wash over you, the realization of Hongjoong's predicament hitting you like a punch to the gut.

"Banned from dating?" you echoed, the words sounding foreign on your tongue. As the weight of Hongjoong's confession settled over you, you couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal. It wasn't just the fact that he was banned from dating that stung, but the realization that he had chosen to prioritize his career over your relationship once again. "How could you?" you whispered, your voice barely audible above the pounding of your heart. "After what happened that night, you still chose them over me?" The hurt and anger bubbled up inside you, threatening to spill over at any moment. You felt like a fool for ever believing that things could be different, for allowing yourself to hope for a future that was never meant to be.

Hongjoong reached out to you, his hand hovering in the air as if unsure whether to touch you. "I didn't have a choice, Y/N," he pleaded, his voice filled with desperation. "You have to believe me. I didn't want this to happen." But his words fell on deaf ears.

"You always have a choice, Hongjoong," you retorted, your voice laced with bitterness. "You chose to sign that contract!" The tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. "You promised you would be back to see me, Hongjoong! You said you missed me and you wanted to make this right. And now this?" you exclaimed, your voice shaking with the intensity of your emotions. The betrayal cut deep, his broken promises like salt in the wound.

"You can't just show up here after weeks of silence and expect me to be okay with this," you continued, your voice raw with emotion. "You've made your choice, Hongjoong. Now, I'm making mine. I can't do this anymore."

Your words hung heavily in the air, the finality of them echoing in the silence that enveloped the two of you. Hongjoong was left standing there, a stunned expression on his face as he processed your words. The man who was once your world, who held your heart in his hands, was now a stranger standing before you.

"I... I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered, his voice barely audible. His eyes were brimming with regret, the weight of his actions visibly weighing on him.

"But you did, Hongjoong," you replied, your voice steady despite the tears that threatened to spill. "You hurt me... and the worst part is, you chose to. You chose them over me... again."

The silence that followed was deafening, the tension palpable. Hongjoong looked as if he wanted to say something, to defend himself or perhaps apologize, but no words came out. It was as if he finally realized the gravity of his actions, the damage that he had caused.

You turned your back on him, the sight of him too painful to bear. The man you loved was no more, replaced by a stranger who wore his face and held his memories. As you walked away, you could feel his gaze on you, heavy with regret and longing. But it was too late. The damage had been done, and there was no turning back.

You walked into your apartment, closing the door behind you. The finality of the sound echoing in the silent hallway. As you leaned against the door, your knees gave out, sending you sliding down to the floor. Sobs racked your body, the tears flowing freely now. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. You froze, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Y/N, please," Hongjoong's voice filtered through the door, his tone desperate. "I love you, please let me in." But you couldn't bring yourself to open the door, to face him again. His words, once so comforting, now felt like a cruel mockery of what you once shared. You wrapped your arms around yourself as if to ward off the chill that had seeped into your bones.

"I can't, Hongjoong," you whispered, your voice barely audible. The silence that ensued was deafening, only broken by the occasional sob that escaped your lips. You could hear Hongjoong's muffled pleas on the other side of the door,

"Baby, I need you to understand," he began, his voice steady despite the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I love you. In this world, it's always been you. Without you, I feel so alone. I need you to really hear me when I say that I love you." he murmured, his voice filled with so much pain that it made your heart ache.

Your cry spasmed through your body, causing you to shiver uncontrollably. Between gasps for air, you managed to sob out, "I love you too." Hongjoong’s voice fell silent on the other side of the door, and you clung to the silence, hoping, praying that he had left. But then you heard it, a low, heartbreaking sob from the other side.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," Hongjoong's voice was barely more than a whisper, choked with emotion. "I'm sorry for everything." You clung to the cold, hard floor, your body wracked with sobs. The apartment felt emptier than ever, the silence echoing through the space, a stark reminder of your loneliness.

"Please let me in," he tried begging again, his voice echoing through the silence. But you couldn't. You were too hurt, too betrayed. You curled up tighter on the cold floor, your heart aching as his pleas continued to echo through the small apartment.

"I...I need to go," Hongjoong finally whispered, his voice heavy with sorrow. You heard his footsteps recede and the faint sound of the hallway door closing. You were finally alone, the silence in the apartment a stark reminder of the void he had left behind. In the silence of your apartment, you allowed yourself to break down completely. Your sobs echoed through the empty space, your heartache manifesting in the tears that streamed down your face. You felt the loss of him deeply like a part of you had been ripped away.

six

You had lost track of how much time had passed since you last saw Hongjoong. The days blurred into weeks, and the weeks blurred into months. Morning turned into night, and night turned back into morning, but the ache in your heart remained constant. Hongjoong’s absence was like a gaping wound that refused to heal. You found yourself going through the motions of life, putting on a brave face during the day while falling apart in the solitude of the night. Every little thing reminded you of him - a certain song on the radio, the scent of his favorite cologne lingering in the air, the way the morning sunlight streamed through the window just the way he liked it. You knew it was wrong, that you needed to move on, but it was easier said than done. The memories of him were etched deep within your heart, a part of you that you couldn’t just erase. You missed his laughter, his touch, the way he used to look at you. You missed him, and it hurt more than you ever thought possible. Try as you might, you were coping really badly without him. His absence had left a void in your life that you didn't know how to fill. You felt lost, adrift in a sea of loneliness. You yearned for his presence, for the comfort and familiarity that he brought into your life. Despite the heartache and the pain, you were holding on. Holding on to the hope that, maybe, with time, the pain would lessen. Holding on to the memories that brought you joy in your darkest moments. Holding on to the love that, despite everything, still lingered within your heart.

You started to go clubbing, drinking more alcohol than you should, each shot you took was a desperate attempt to erase him from your mind, to numb the pain that was threatening to consume you. You tried to lose yourself in the rhythm, in the mindless chatter and laughter around you, but all you could think about was Hongjoong. Alcohol, which was supposed to help you forget, ironically made him even more present. His name was etched on every bottle, his memory swirled in every glass, his phantom touch felt in every drunken stupor. Each night was a replay of all the moments you shared, every word exchanged, every secret whispered, every promise made.

The club was packed, the music pounding in time with your heartbeat. The smell of alcohol and sweat filled the air, mingling with the intoxicating scent of perfume. Lost in the crowd, you tried to drown out the loneliness that gnawed at your insides. Suddenly, you felt a presence beside you. Turning, you found yourself face to face with a stranger. He was handsome, with a warm smile and dark, inviting eyes. He offered to buy you a drink, his voice barely audible over the loud music. You nodded, accepting the drink he handed you. The alcohol burned your throat, but it was a welcome distraction from the emptiness you felt. As the night progressed, the stranger became more comfortable. He leaned in closer, his hand brushing against yours. His touch sent a jolt through your body, a feeling of excitement... and something else. Something that felt like a betrayal. The stranger leaned in for a kiss, his lips barely inches from yours. You wanted to respond, to surrender to the desire that was churning within you. But as his lips meet yours, a flash of Hongjoong's face appears in your mind. It was as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you. Suddenly, the stranger's touch felt wrong, his presence a stark reminder of what you were missing. With a gasp, you pulled away, pushing the stranger off you. You stumbled back, your heart pounding in your chest. You turned and ran, pushing through the crowd, desperate to escape. The stranger called after you, but his voice was drowned out by the thumping music. Once outside, you leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized the truth. Despite the desire to move on, to forget Hongjoong, your body seemed to have a mind of its own. You still craved his touch, his presence. It felt like your body was still his, refusing to let go, refusing to be with anyone else. It was a painful realization, a glaring reminder of the void that Hongjoong had left in your life. Staggering back to your apartment, you felt more alone than ever.

After what felt like forever, you reached your apartment complex. Stumbling through the doorway, you barely had the strength to close the door behind you. Your thoughts were a blur, the world spinning around you as the effects of the alcohol finally started to take a toll. You leaned against the wall for support, the cold surface offering a stark contrast to the warmth that was spreading through your body. A bitter laugh escaped your lips as you slid down the wall, your body finally giving in to the exhaustion. You sat there, alone in the darkness, the silence of your apartment echoing the emptiness you felt inside. You pulled out your phone, your fingers hovering over Hongjoong's name. Without any hesitation, feeling like you had already waited too long, you pressed the call button. The phone rang, but there was no answer. A pang of disappointment hit you, though it was an outcome you weren't entirely surprised by. You sighed, waiting for the beep before leaving a voicemail.

"Hongjoong, it's me," you began, your voice slightly shaky. "I was out clubbing, and there was this guy… We kissed and… and he wanted to take me home. But I couldn't... I couldn't because it felt like I would be cheating on you. And that just... it made me feel sick." There was a pause as you braced yourself, gathering your thoughts. "The worst thing is," you continued, your voice slightly choked, "that I would still welcome you with open arms. I miss our life together, Hongjoong. I miss you." There was another pause, a heavy silence filling the line. "I'm so sorry," you said, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm so sorry for making you feel bad about choosing your career. I know how much you wanted what you have now. And I... I shouldn't have held you back." You took a deep breath, your heart pounding in your chest as you grappled with the words you knew you had to say. "And Hongjoong," you added, your voice filled with a quiet intensity, "I will never not love you." With that, you ended the call, the silence that followed echoing with the weight of your words.

In a haze, you managed to make your way to your bed, your body sinking into the familiar comfort of the mattress. The silence in the room felt overwhelming, and your mind filled with thoughts of Hongjoong. You missed him terribly, the uncertainty of his whereabouts gnawing at you. Pulling out your phone, you started to text him, your fingers clumsily typing out the words.

"Hongjoong... I miss you. I don't know where you are... and it's driving me crazy," you typed, the words blurring on the screen as tears welled up in your eyes. You hit send, the message disappears into the ether. Tears trickled down your cheeks, the emptiness of the room amplifying the loneliness you felt. You cried a deep, aching sob that echoed in the silence of the room, your body shaking with the intensity of your feelings. The room was dark, the only light coming from the screen of your phone, you picked it up and started typing another message.

"Hongjoong, I miss you."

"I need you, Hongjoong."

As you sent the message, a wave of regret washed over you. You knew you shouldn't have sent it, but the alcohol in your system and the loneliness in your heart had made you reckless.

"I still love you."

"I love you so much it hurts."

"I wish I wasn’t hurting this bad."

You dropped your phone on the bed, the screen illuminating the darkness as your messages were sent into the void, unanswered.

"I wish things were different."

The truth of your words hit you like a sledgehammer, and you broke down again, sobs shaking your body as you curled up on your bed. You cried until you fell asleep, your dreams filled with memories of Hongjoong.

seven

The crowd roared with applause as Hongjoong left the stage, his heart pounding in his chest. The energy from the audience was infectious, their cheers and screams echoing in his ears long after the music had stopped. The final show of the tour had been a resounding success, each seat filled, each ticket sold. As he walked off the stage, the reality of their success began to sink in. The bright lights, the screaming fans, the sold-out venues - it was more than he had ever dreamed of. Despite the fatigue that was beginning to set in, he couldn't help but bask in the afterglow of their performance. The excitement, the adrenaline, the sheer joy of performing - it was a feeling like no other. After all was said and done, he found himself walking through the corridors, personally thanking each member of the crew. Their faces lit up at his words of gratitude, their hard work acknowledged by their leader. The atmosphere was filled with camaraderie and mutual respect, a testament to the bond they shared. Once he had made his rounds, he finally reached his sanctuary - his dressing room. The room was dimly lit, the quiet hum of the air conditioning the only sound breaking the silence. Rows of neatly hung suits, shirts, and accessories greeted him, a stark contrast to the chaos that had ensued earlier. Exhaustion washed over him like a tidal wave, the adrenaline that had been fueling him all day finally starting to wane. His body felt heavy, his mind cloudy from the day's events. He moved towards the plush leather couch sitting in the corner of the room, his legs giving way as he sank into the soft cushions. The quietness of the room enveloped him, a soothing balm to his frayed nerves. He let out a sigh of relief, his body sinking further into the couch as he allowed the exhaustion to take over. The day had been long and arduous, but he had made it through, and for that, he was grateful. Hongjoong reached out and picked up his phone from the bedside table. The bright screen lit up, and his heart skipped a beat as he saw your name at the top of his notifications. Hongjoong's heart pounded in his chest as he played the voice message. Your voice, which he hadn’t heard in so long, laced with alcohol and desperation, echoed in his brain. His breath hitched at your confession, the image of another man touching you burning in his mind. It was a torment he hadn't prepared for, a reality he refused to accept. His grip on his phone tightened, his knuckles turning white as your words washed over him. Each syllable was like a dagger to his heart, the pain raw and unbearable. As the full weight of your words sunk in, he was left reeling, the reality of your pain and longing hitting him like a punch to the gut. He had never felt more helpless, more desperate. After hearing the voice message, he quickly clicked on the text notifications. His fingers trembled slightly as he read the messages:

my love: "Hongjoong... I misssss youuuu. Don't knoowww whereeee u r... it's drivin' me craaaazy."

my love: "Honjoong, I missss youuuu.”

my love: "I neeedd yoooo, Hongjoongg.”

my love: "I stiilll lovvee yooouu.”

my love: "I wishhh thinggs werre differrrent.”

my love: "I luvv yu sooo muchh it hurttss."

my love: "I wishh I wasn't hurtin' thiss badd."

In a heartbeat, Hongjoong got up from the sofa, the quick motion caused his head to spin. Shaking off the disorientation, he lunged for his bag, hastily gathering his belongings in a flurry of swift movements. All his thoughts were consumed by one singular goal - he needed to see you. Not bothering with changing out of his stage attire into something more casual, he embraced the urgency of the moment, allowing it to fuel his actions. He shrugged on his jacket, barely noticing the lingering sweat on his skin or the way his stage clothes clung to his body. Hongjoong’s heart pounded in his chest, as he sprinted out of the dressing room. His eyes darted around the bustling backstage area, scanning the familiar faces and chaotic scenery in search of one person. His manager. Every second was critical, each fleeting moment amplifying the urgency of his need to see you. The world around him seemed to blur into a whirlwind of colours and sounds as he navigated through the backstage chaos, his mind solely focused on his mission.

"Hongjoong, are you alright?" Minah, the stylist, asked as she approached him cautiously. She had been observing him from a distance, noting the far-off look in his eyes. It was unlike him to be this distracted, especially when they were on a tight schedule. Hongjoong didn't even notice her until she was right next to him, her voice cutting through the fog of his thoughts. He blinked, turning to look at her with a slightly startled expression.

"Where is my manager?" he asked, his voice tense. It wasn't like him to be so curt, and Minah knew instantly that something was off. She glanced warily at him, biting her lower lip anxiously.

"He stepped out for a moment, he should be back soon," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. She had been working with Hongjoong for a while now and she had never seen him this agitated before. Hongjoong nodded, his gaze wandering off again as he started scanning the room left and right. He looked like a man on edge, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape route. His hands were clenched tightly in his lap, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. Minah watched him with growing concern, her mind racing as she tried to think of a way to help. She had seen him tired, stressed, even overwhelmed at times, but she had never seen him like this. He looked like he was at his breaking point, like he was about to shatter into a million pieces. She knew better than to press him for answers, knowing that he would open up when he was ready. But as the minutes ticked by and his anxiety seemed to mount, she couldn't help but worry. Something was clearly wrong, and she felt helpless as she watched him struggle.

"Fuck it," he cursed under his breath, his thoughts racing as he rushed towards the back doors that led to the underground parking lot. Hongjoong made his way through, heading straight for the exit. At that moment, the possible consequences of his actions didn't matter to him. Just as he was about to pry open the alarmed doors, causing the alarm to ring out, he heard someone calling his name.

"Hongjoong, what do you think you're doing?" It was his manager, jogging over to him.

"I'm going back home," Hongjoong declared, his voice ringing with a determination that startled his manager. The manager, taken aback by the sudden change in his typically professional demeanor, quickly tried to regain control of the situation. He grabbed Hongjoong by the shoulder, attempting to steer him back towards the conference room where a team of publicists and stylists awaited their return.

"You aren't going anywhere, Hongjoong," his manager sternly replied, his grip tightening on Hongjoong's shoulder. "We're flying back in two days after the interviews. You know the schedule." Typically, Hongjoong was a stickler for professionalism. He understood the importance of maintaining a certain image, of fulfilling his responsibilities and keeping to the schedule. But this was not a typical situation. His mind was filled with thoughts of you, your voice in that message echoing in his ears. The sound of your soft sobs, the barely concealed panic in your voice - they haunted him. He needed to be with you, to hold you, to reassure you that everything was going to be okay.

With a firm shake of his shoulder, he freed himself from his manager's grasp, his movements abrupt and filled with a newfound, desperate energy.

"Seonghwa will take the leader role when I'm gone," he declared, his voice louder than it had been all night. "You will figure something out," he continued, his voice echoing with a resolve that hadn't been there before. Hongjoong gaze was intense, almost desperate, as he looked at his manager, it was a look they had never seen before, a look that spoke of desperation and determination that was both terrifying and heartbreaking. "Give me the keys to the car," Hongjoong demanded, his voice icily calm in contrast to the furious glint in his eyes. But his manager defied him, refusing to hand over the keys. Hongjoong was on a rampage, his usual composed demeanor replaced with a fiery rage that was starting to consume him. His vision blurred, the edges tinged with red as his frustration escalated."I NEED to go!" Hongjoong shouted, his voice filled with an urgency that cut through the tense silence.

"You're not thinking straight, Hongjoong," his manager retorted, his tone laced with frustration and concern. "You can't just abandon everything and run off. Think about the consequences!"

"I don't care about the consequences!" Hongjoong snapped, his patience wearing thin. "This is more important!"

"Oh, is it?" his manager sneered, a manipulative glint in his eyes. "Remember, Hongjoong, I can ruin you. I can leak your little secret to the press. Imagine the scandal, the headlines... ''ATEEZ's leader, Kim Hongjoong, abandons tour to chase after ex-girlfriend.'' How do you think the fans will react?" Hongjoong knew it was a threat, a blatant attempt to control him, but the reality of the situation was that his manager held the power to destroy his career.

Hongjoong's heart pounded in his chest, his blood running cold at his manager's words. He gritted his teeth as he cut off his manager's words.

"How do you know it's about her?" he demanded, his voice harsh. A cold dread washed over him as he considered the implications. How was it even possible for his manager to know you had contacted him? After all these months of radio silence, how could he possibly know? His manager shrugged, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I have my ways," he said cryptically. "Besides, it's not like I don't know what she still means to you." The words stung, a harsh reminder of the heartache Hongjoong had been trying to bury. "Don't tell me I didn't warn you," his manager said smugly, dangling the car keys in front of him. With a sigh, Hongjoong snatched the keys from his hand, his determination unwavering. He would face the consequences of his actions, whatever they may be, as long as it meant he could be there for you.

For the first time in his life, Hongjoong didn't care about professionalism or the implications of his actions. He didn't care about the shocked expressions of his manager and the other staff members. He didn't care about the potential backlash or the consequences he might face. This time, all he cared about was you.

[luvanniiee]

tonight

[ateez drabbles]

• pairings : ateez x gn!reader (individual though) hongjoong x reader , seonghwa x reader , yunho x reader , yeosang x reader , san x reader , mingi x reader , wooyoung x reader , jongho x reader

• synopsis: they work hard as idols to provide for you. they sacrificed a lot of things ……. even spending time with you. so this is what they do when they come home from touring!

• warnings : slight angst , smut mdni! , sex is mentioned but i dont go too much into detail. pet names, suggestive as fck,

• a/n : i hope you guys enjoy this , i might do a txt version or twice ! let me know! anyways thanks for all the support bookies !! okay ima not talk too much, just enjoy! oh wait also you might wanna listen to “tonight” by summer walker, that was the inspo for this!! okay byee

• story under the cut!

hongjoong

he had just come home from a 2 month tour. literally felt like hell for both of you. hongjoong felt like he couldn’t properly focus on his work , he missed you in more ways than you wouldve ever thought. but now he was home , in your arms. you cooked his favorite meal , and showered together , and put his favorite movie on, but he wasn’t interested in that. he was eyeing you like a piece of meat. take a picture , itll last longer. you said to him as you turned to him. im not interested in the movie anymore baby, i want you. i need you. please i just wanna make up for lost time. he said, need was dripping like honey in his voice. you felt your cheeks heat up. this was a first, usually you would be the one who was desperate for a touch. but he seemed like he would explode in the next 2 seconds if he didnt feel some sort of you. ive been on the road too long , tonight i wanna have good fun! he said as he pushed you down on the couch.

after playing catch up , you were left with drool coming from the sides of your mouth , legs shaking , and hongjoong still wanting more

seonghwa

you pace to get ready , seonghwa is coming home today. normally you would be happy, well you are happy that hes coming home, and he’ll be able to touch you the way youve been trying to touch yourself. but thats what your scared about. see prior to this , you broke one of his rules. absolutely no touching unless 1. youve asked and 2. hes given you permission. you were on the phone with him, and hes busy talking about how excited he was to see you, until you let out a small moan on the phone. what was that? he asked. oh..uh..nothing! you said. i hope my baby isnt touching themselves without daddy’s permission. he teased, he knew you were touching yourself to his voice. so he told you that he was going to punish you for breaking a rule. and thats how you are in this situation now. just then the door opens, revealing an angry and horny seonghwa. he only stepped forward to close the door behind him. his eyes burning holes through yours. oh…hey baby… you said trying to ease some tension. is that my name? do you need me to remind you honey? does daddy need to teach you a lesson and punish you? he said in a teasing low tone.

after that, you were covered in love marks, tears , sweat , legs are shaking hard from the times hes made you cum over and over. but after it all, he still kissed you and gave you the best aftercare ever, and even told you about the things hes seen while on tour until you fell asleep in his arms.

yunho

normally, yunho doesnt make the first move. but being away from you for 2 months really drove him crazy. you and yunho were supposed to be playing a board game. but as you were moving your peice, you kinda realized that the game was no longer yunhos interest. his eyes were on yours, eye fucking you. he wanted to fuck you as soon as he stepped in the house. but he dared himself to see how long he can go before actually losing his mind. you okay? you asked. he nodded lightly then stood up to walk over next to you. he started to kiss your neck leaving marks on you. fuck i cant hold back anymore. yunho moaned out as he laid you down. he leaned over you and started kissing you. soon it turned into a lazy makeout. then you started to thrust your hips forward for an ease in the ache between your legs. fuck baby please. please let me make up for lost time. he said as he looked in your eyes. it only took a nod for him to go absolutely insane.

afterwards, he cleaned you up. did you still wanna play the game? you asked. not really , but i do wanna play with you again. he smirked. one hell of a night for both of you.

yeosang

although he has a reserved and calm demeanor, on the inside yeosang knew he has too pent up to be calm. there was a welcome home dinner for him. his parents and yours all at one table, welcoming yeosang home from his tour. it literally took everything in him to not kick everyone out and have his way. the way you looked as you took a sip of your drink, the way you would lick your lips clean, it drove him up the wall. excuse me. he said as he excused himself out of the room. he went to the bathroom to wipe his face. he had to do something to distract himself. just then you opened the door and the. locked it behind you. you want it as much as i do dont you? he said. you just stepped forward and kissed him. it didnt take long until he was stripping himself and stripping you too. you both started to feel on each other. then he bent you over the sink, and forced you to look in the mirror.

after that you walked out, both parents gone. but there was a note. ‘if yall are gonna fuck, at least have the decency to give us the boot.’ both of you visibly embarrassed but laughed it off later.

san

you and san were just chillin on the couch. tv was background noise at this point. both of you wanted to so desperately feel each other after a long time. but the thing is, you both want to see who will cave first. san was the dominant one in this relationship so obviously hes gonna try to out wait you and make you cave first. you just wanted to push his buttons. you looked at his side profile, admiring the way his jaw would tense here and there. he took a deep breath and looked at you. you know you want me baby. he teased. you knew if you touched him first, you would not only lose a bet but you would be in for a shitload of teasing. oh san, youve been gone for 2 months, all pent up. only having to use your hand to relieve yourself. i had a vibrator. so i think you need me more. you cocked back. your reply shocked him but it also made him mad. so all he did was pull his pants down, licked his hand and started pumping himself. you cant lie, you really wanted to taste him. but youll be teased.

fuck it. you decide and replace his hand with your mouth.

you should play this game more often, you thought.

mingi

mingi has just come home that day. you and him spent the entire day hugging and kissing each other. you couldnt get enough of him, you missed his scent. so when night time came, it was about dinner time. you cooked his favorite food and you even volunteered to clean the dishes. but he insisted that he helped you. so you didnt turn him down and as you washed he rinsed. you started to lean over the sink to relieve some of the pressure in your lower back. so water was splashing on you as you washed. he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. the way your hands were moving in the water, the look of concentration, it was a bit much for him. it took a lot for him to restrain himself from doing you right then. so he waited until later that night.

baby… mingi would whine. yes? you replied. please, i need you to touch me. i miss your body so much. please i cant hold back anymore. he confessed. who were you to deny him? so you started by kissing him slowly, then marking him, touching him softly. he couldnt take this slow pace much longer. baby… i cant wait. he moaned slightly. so he flipped you on your back, he starter to grind his hips into you to relieve some pressure. you both moaned at the contact. want this? please tell me you want me as much as i need you. he whined. it turned you on because of how submissive he sounded. you nodded and thats all it took for him.

after that, he started to talk about how good the tour was, how much fun he had with his bandmates, all while youre laying there with your legs shaking like crazy, and your eyes could barely stay open.

wooyoung

this man just couldnt wait to hear you. wooyoung had some friends over, but he was starting to regret it. the more he sat next to you, inhaled your scent, it made him crazy. there was a movie on, and all his friends were watching it. you tried to watch, but all his teasing touches were really distracting you. sometimes his hands would slide a little too close to your pussy. you let out a loud sigh that sounded almost like a soft moan. his friends would glance occasionally, but wooyoung would tell them that it was because you were “yawning because your tired”. but soon after all the teasing, he finally touched you. he started to rub you, drawing small quick circles over your clit. you had to excuse the moans that would slip a little as a yawn or something. but when he started going faster, you couldnt contain it anymore. so you put your head in his neck, and bite down softly to quiet yourself. wooyoung could hear your small moans and whimpers as you came on his fingers.

in the dark it looked like you were resting your head in him. if only they knew about the dirty things that were happening under the cover you had across your lap.

jongho

it all starterd with a facetime call. you were wearing one of his shirts. he was on his way home from the airport when you started teasing him. flashing him and giggling afterwards, or moaning his name, just teasing him to the point of no return. but when he got home, it wasnt funny anymore. all the teasing you did to him made him sexually frustrated. the smile on your face disappeared when he opened the door and said strip. you wanted to retaliate but there was no way you were gonna do that. no way you were gonna fuel his fire by bratting even more. so you did as told. bad girl, teasing me like that. jongho said. his voice was dripping with lust, making it deeper. it turned you on. im sorry, i just uh wanted to play a little. you said as your voice cracked a little. oh you wanna play? ill play with you. he said teasingly.

to make a long story short, one of the best nights you’ve had.

teehee

©️ luvanniiee on tumblr !!

[brrrkdslek]

BLEAURGHHH

𖡎 youtube compilation of atinys favourite vlive moments of m/n taking care of his drunken members

𖡎 ateez x 9th member! male! reader

𖡎 ot9 au, after wanteez ep. 19, 20, 21, zb1 n xikers r mentioned!

𖡎 drunken behaviour(LMAO), suggestive(kinda idk)

𖡎 ignore the title😭 it'll make sense afterwards

clip 1 — mingki's heartbroken era💔

the phone wobbled as you set it some place high so the atinys could witness the dead bodies that sprayed across the dormitory living room. you sweatdropped internally.

atiny1: LMAOOO ARE THEY DEAD???😭😭

atiny69: HAHHA WHAT HAPPENED BAE⁉️⁉️🤭

you scratched your head, "yeah... well, i dunno how this happened either..." suddenly, a wild mingi knocks you to the ground in a bear hug, "ah- mingi, get off! you're so heavy-" you shut up immediately as you heard soft sniffling coming from the male as he clung onto the leg of your pants.

"mingi...?" you slowly lifted the boy up and cupped his cheeks as his eyes were filled with tears, you cooed at him, "awh, what's wrong my princess?"

atiny1: WHAT🫣

atiny2: PRINCESS!?!?!?!?ASLFAENALJ

atiny3: MNGKI FOR LIFE🫂

atiny1: I BELIEVE IN MNGKI👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

atiny2: MNGKI MNGKI MNGKI

atinky69: KISSKISSKISS PLSPLPSLPSL

atiny127: GYATT🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻

atiny1: ???😭

mingi sniffled and mumbled incoherently, "hey, hey, hey, slow down. shhh, i'm here..." you press your forehead against his as he sniffled and hiccupped.

atiny1117: AWWHHHHH NO WAY THEY STRAIGHT🥶

atiny2: LMAOOOO

atiny1: STOP U GUYS R RUINGIN THE MOMENT LMFAO

you cradled the larger male in your lap as mingi buried his head into your stomach, "what's bothering you, love?"

atiny3: they make me so happy :(((

atiny127: REAL🍆🍑💦

atiny69: WHAT😰

"do you hate me...?" you were so shocked you had to look into the camera to make sure you heard it right. "w-what? what are you talking about, mings?"

atiny1: WE HEARD THAT TOO OML🥺🥺🥺

atiny666: what'd i miss

atiny1117: WAAAAA😭

"during w-wanteez today,,, you- you didn't wanna sit next to me, uhhhh-" mingi began crying again upon the upsetting reminder of his heartbreak as you had to physically hold yourself back from laughing.

it's not that you didn't want to sit next to mingi, it was just the way he acted when he's drunk. it's confirmed when he screamed in yeosang's face during the games so yes, you were terrified of drunken mingi.

atiny3: AHAHA HES SO CUTE

atiny69: [image] ME RN LMAOAO

atiny666: THIS IS SO FUNNY WHAT😭😭

atiny1: WHERRE THE CLIPPERS AT⁉️⁉️🙃

"o-oh honey... i don't hate you," mingi looks up at you with glossy eyes, "you don't...?" you squish his cheeks and press your noses together, "of course i don't, in fact i love you a lot, princess." mingi doesn't reply and only giggles as he gets sleepier.

atiny2: HIS CHEEKS ARE RED IM DEADDDD

atiny127: im convinced the entirety of ateez is just m/n's harem😭

atiny69: mans melting😮‍💨

atiny1117: [image]

clip 2 — MOMMY MN🥵🥵

you sighed as you came back into view of the camera in your black tank top, muscular arms proudly flexing with each move you made. it was true when atinys said that your face doesn't match your body.

atiny69: MOMMY OMFG

atiny1: [image]

atiny127: HIS ARMS???A;S,C;V/LEAV(*)??/😳

you giggled at the comments, "you guys think i'm a mother...?" scratching your head, you pick up a hairtie from behind the camera and tied your hair into a high bun, and went back to the dead members on the ground.

san smirked as he saw you walk near him, "yahhhh, noona's so pre-pretty...!" he spoke loudly between hiccups as his grin only widened. "keep quiet, san. it's late already." the male jutted out his bottom lip before mumbling a quiet 'sorry'.

atiny666: he only listens to mother🤞🏻

atiny3: hes jus like me😋

you coo before kissing the male's cheek as he giggled and pressed his hand against the spot you kissed, staring at you like a high school girl would to their senior crush. you wrap san's arms around your neck as your right arm goes under his thighs while your left supports his back.

atiny1: WAIT IS HE GONAA-

atiny1117: HE CAN PICK SAN UP???

atiny2: AHHH MOMMY😩😩😩

in your squatted position, you huffed a few times before successfully carrying san upwards as he giggled and nuzzled into your neck, making you stumble slightly before pecking his forehead.

you turn to the camera, "i'll tuck him in first, be right back!" you quietly jog into san and wooyoung's shared room as you plop the male onto his bed and tuck him in.

atiny1: NUUUU I WANNA SEE THO😭

atiny127: u so thirsty for what😐

atiny3: REAL cuz he can carry the entirety of ateez

atiny69: HE ALSO CARRIES THE INDUSTRY🕺🏻🕺🏻

atiny1117: WE ONLY SPIT FAX AHHHH😍🤞🏻

atiny2: [image]

san whined and made grabby hands towards yo, "nuuu! noona sleep w-with me tonight,,, pleaseee!" he did the best puppy eyes he could and you hesitated for a moment before smacking his forehead, "don't be dumb, san. i won't sleep with you when you smell like alcohol."

san's expression resembled that of a kicked puppy as you felt your heart clench, regretting your words immediately. "oh, san that's not what i-" before you could finish, san throws up.

in bed, onto his sheets and his shirt. you mumble a string of curses as he falls right back to sleep. you weren't gonna get any sleep tonight, you were sure.

clip 3 — mother at work!!🫶🏻

when you came back in view after like 10 minutes, you were drenched in sweat and panting hard. you said nothing as you glanced to the camera before taking out a bottle of wine from the fridge.

atiny2: ???😭

atiny666: mother is tired🤕🤞🏻

atiny1: i wonder what happened :(

sitting down you pop open the cork and pour a large amount into the glass that stood right in front of the camera. sighing you took a large gulp of half of the glass before groaning, setting it aside.

you coughed, "okay, so san threw up just now and i had to move him to wooyoung's bed and clean up his shirt and sheets," you covered your face, "it was so damn gross, oh my god..."

atiny3: LMFAOOO😭

atiny69: ITS ALWAYS SAN☠️

atiny1117: god bless mother☹️🙏🏻

atiny127: doing gods work fr

you laughed the tiredness off, "yeah, it's always san and wooyoung actually. but i think it's really special, they mean a lot to each other." you took a sit from the glass and swirl the liquid around.

your attention was turned back to the rest of the drunken members when you heard wooyoung groan and whine on the ground. "so cold..." he rolls on his side and hugs his forearms.

atiny2: SO CUTE🥺

atiny143: IM BACK😗

atiny666: ☹️☹️☹️

atiny1117: [image]

walking over, you squat down and hug wooyoung against your chest as his lips curl into a smile and cracks his eyes open, "noona...!" he buries his head in the crook of your neck and wraps his arms around your middle.

"missed 'chu...." he hiccupped as you exhaled from your nose, stroking his hair softly as he hums in satisfaction. "let's get you to bed, young-ah." he nuzzles his face further into your neck in response.

atiny143: OH MY GOD

atiny2: im dead yall🪦

atiny127: I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

atiny666: [image]

picking his up bridal style, you toss wooyoung upwards a few times as he giggles and kisses your face nonstop. "young-ah, stop- i can't see," you stumble backwards a bit as he nuzzles his cheek with yours, giggling like a maniac. "i'm gonna fall-"

just like you said, you fell. with wooyoung still in your arms, you twisted forward on instinct and slipped again. before you landed, your arm instinctively came up and wrapped it around wooyoung's head.

you landed on your side as wooyoung knocked himself out. you sat up with your hair flying in all directions and forearms slightly bruised at the impact. you looks straight into the camera but not saying a thing.

atiny1117: DID THE CLIPPERS GET THAT????

atiny127: m/n shielding wooyoungs head🥹

atiny1: IS WOOYOUNG SLEPING😭

atiny69: M/N RISKING HIS LIFE JUST FOR WOOYOUNG TO FALL BACK ASLEEP LMFAOAOAO

atiny143: is he drooling??☠️

you turn to look at wooyoung, who had drool seeping from the corner of his mouth as he snored softly. you covered your mouth and snorted before picking him up again, "okay, i'm really gonna tuck him in now."

atinys bid you goodbye for the second time as you walked out of view towards his and san's shared room. you sweatdropped internally as you realise they might be uncomfortable at the small space.

sighing, you place wooyoung down next to a knocked-out san before tucking the two in. you felt your heart swell as you watch the two instinctively curl into their usual position; wooyoung tucked under san's chin as the other had his arms wrapped around wooyoung's head.

you giggled and took your phone out, snapping a quick picture, you peck both of their foreheads and turn off the dimly lit table lamp before closing the door quietly as to not disturb their slumber.

clip 4 — late night drinks with the mothers🫡

sighing, you pour more wine into your glass while massaging your temple with the other hand.

atiny1117: nuuu stop drinking mamas☹️

atiny69: stay healthy :(

atiny1: stay strong babes!!

atiny666: i just came back from twitter and i cannot begin to explain how ridiculous it is that m/n gets so much backlash for standing up for his members

atiny127: REAL i saw so many articles on it like leave them alone wtf🫠

you smiled gently as you read the comments, "yeah, i've seen all those articles and honestly i don't care." you take another sip of your wine, "i expected something like this to happen way back. and if this is what'll happen to me for protecting my members i'll take it."

as you swirl the glass, you saw from the phone that seonghwa had emerged from his slumber behind you. turning around, you snap your finger to catch his attention. "m/n? why aren't you in bed- is that wine!?" the elder quickly snatches the glass from your hand.

atiny2: NOOO LET HIM DRINK😡😡

atiny666: honestly why are they both up at ass oclock??

you roll your eyes and lean onto the table, "c'mon hyung, i'm not 17 anymore. i can drink if i want to." seonghwa looks into the glass, "it's been 5 years already... i still remember when we were just trainees." the two laughs before you offer another seat for the male.

taking out another glass, you pour into it before clanking the glass with the one in seonghwa's hand, "cheers to us." seonghwa sighed before smiling gently, "cheers to us."

atiny69: THE MOTHERS ARE TOGETHER OMG😩😩

atiny1: hwa looks so handsome here🥺

atiny666: its been so long :(

atiny143: im actually a new atiny and i wanna ask if m/n has trained in other companies before?

skimming through the question, you smiled at the memory of your past. "yes, i was a trainee in yuehua." seonghwa's eyes widen as he swallows the wine, "wait, really? you've never talked about that before." you squeeze his cheek, "yes i have. you just weren't paying attention, hyung."

"anyways, i don't know how i joined but i was really confident in my singing and vocals so i thought it'd be fun to try it out and see if i could get some critiques. who knew i actually passed the audition?" you laughed and smacked seonghwa's arm jokingly.

"i was a trainee there since i was 16, but afterwards i became a vocal trainer there and trained a lot of younger trainees' vocals." seonghwa made an 'o' with his lips, "woah, that's so cool!"

atiny1: wait, does that mean you know the members of zb1???

atiny666: SLAYYY KING

atiny143: i heard yuehua is so strict i cant believe u even became a trainer oml😭😭😭

you perked up, "yes! i actually do know them- well, not all of them. i'm specifically closer to ricky and zhang hao since i was their trainer for like a few months." seonghwa stood up and grabbed the wine bottle before pouring more into the two glasses.

"i actually did congratulate them on their win! i was so proud when i heard that they successfully debuted, i'm so proud!" you put a hand on your chest as you remember jumping on your bed while the two were on call with you telling you nice things.

atiny1: KING SHIT🕺🏻

atiny666: hes so caring to others too🥹

atiny69: ilysm m/n!!!

atiny143: when did u join kq tho?

you perked up, "ah, i was actually jongho's senior since high school so when he got in he told me about it obviously." you smiled at the memory, "it was when i was a vocal trainer at yuehwa then so he told me to go join him and so i did." you look over to seonghwa and grinned happily, "and i'm so grateful i did."

atiny2: HE CARRIED THE INDUSTRY!!!

atiny127: hes literally carrying 5th gen

atiny1117: MY KING SO TALENTED ILYSM :(

you leaned on seonghwa's shoulder as you felt your heart swell at all the nice comments. so many years of hardwork and you were finally getting the credit you deserved. "yeah i agree with our atinys,"

you tilt your head up as seonghwa smiles fondly at you, "i think you're amazing and just so, so talented." seonghwa's smile falters as he sees your expression remain unchanging, "d-did i say something wrong...?"

atiny1117: is bae ok...?

atiny1: is he getting emotional?

atiny69: M/N BAE☹️☹️☹️

seonghwa's eyes go wide upon seeing tears forming in your eyes, sclera turning red as you inhaled shaky breaths, "...really?" seonghwa blinks, "huh?" you sniffle before taking a sip from your glass, "do you really think i'm amazing?"

seonghwa didn't even notice he was holding his breath as his eyes soften and he pinches your cheek, "of course! you're amazing," you smile gently, "you work so hard all the time and you deserve the world, love."

you blink back a few tears as seonghwa pulls you in for a heartwarming hug, kissing your head and whispering words of praises in your ear.

atiny666: IM SOBBING SO HARD RN

atiny2: [image]

atiny143: WAAAAAAAA🥹

clip 5 — dinner for breakfast😵🔥

you groaned as you finish sweeping the floors finally. throwing yourself back on the chair, you whine at the hardness as seonghwa softly snored on the couch. you smiled before tossing the entire wine bottle down your throat, finishing it with a rumbly groan.

atiny127: HELP HE JUST TOSSED THAT SHIT😮‍💨

atiny2: is he ok🤕

atiny666: [image]

atiny1117: does he suck dick like that

atiny1: WHAT SID YOU SAY😭😭😭

glancing at the screen, you notice the view rising little by little as you turn to check the clock. damn, one in the morning? you rub your tired eyes as you got up and threw the wine bottle away, taking a pan out of the cabinet.

you said nothing as you poured some oil over the pan, moving the pan in a circular motion for the oil to spread. afterwards, you take out whatever leftovers you had from the fridge and threw the random foods into the pan, adding a few spices here and there.

as you tossed the pan up and down, hongjoong emerged from his room and did a small stretch before sitting down on the chair, blinking in surprise at the screen before him before waving to the camera. "heyyy, why're you guys up at one??"

atiny2: waiting for u beautiful😫

atiny2018: IM HERE WHERE IS HONG😍

atiny1117: barefaced joong🥹🫶🏻

atiny666: whyre U up at 1!?🤨

you crane your neck backwards to see a sleepy hongjoong waddle towards you. "hyung, if you're sleepy you can go back to bed. i'll leave some food for you." hongjoong only hums as he rests his chin on your shoulder, barely able to reach your height.

seonghwa giggles in the corner. the tiny leader blinks, "why're we eating yesterday's dinner for breakfast?" you shrug, "i dunno, it's all we have." hongjoong groans before throwing his tired self onto seonghwa, who had just finished setting up the plates.

atiny69: MATZ🥹🥹🥹

atiny1: i can never get enough of them

atiny1117: which one?🤭

atiny1: GIRL ALL OF THEM😫

from the screen, the atinys could see the smoke coming from the hot pan. as you finish frying the noodles, you shove it near the camera for them to see your handiwork. "see, aren't i such a good cook?"

hongjoong groans, "can you shut up and bring it over already? i'm starving." seonghwa and you snort, "i think somebody's in a mood today." hongjoong turns to glare at the older, "am not." "are too." "am not!" "are too!"

you blink as you take a seat in-between the two, hoping to stop their childish fighting, but of course they don't. they just repeat the same phrase as you scoop up some of the noodles and place it in your bowl. although you had this last night, you were still ready to devour it whole.

atiny666: LMAOOO M/N SITTING THERE LIKE😭😭

atiny2018: i stan my unbothered king🫶🏻

atiny143: left ear: am not, right ear: are too☠️☠️

atiny1117: m/n is such a mood honestly😍

atiny127: REAL our king deserves more dicks

atiny2: whats with you and dicks???

atiny127: im a proud atiny!!!!

atiny69: you mean youre gay?

atiny1117: we are lgbtq😈🔥🔥🔥

hongjoong interups seonghwa with a loud gasp as half of the noodles vanish, resting securely inside your stomach. "what the hell! you just eat half of the pan, are you kidding me??" you bit back a laugh as you her hongjoong's stomach growled. seonghwa only ignored him and puts noodles in his own bowl.

hongjoong groans and rolls his eyes before filling his own bowl with the rest of the food. your cheeks puffed up at the amount of food that filled into your cheeks, you only closed your eyes and hummed at the warm feeling invading your tummy.

clip 6 — jjong's m/n🥹

you set the phone on the desk of your bedroom, taking a few steps back to sit on the edge of your bed. you open the curtains to see the sky still pitch-black as you stared at the still bustling streets.

atiny1: HES SO SHDNSH😍

atiny69: side profile🤭

atiny143: CLIPPERS GET THAT🥹

suddenly jongho enters after a knock on your door. "yes?" you stop breathing when you see tears prickling at the corner of his eyes. "hey jjong, c'mere what's going on?" he rubbed his eyes and sat next to you, not noticing the camera and your eyes dart from the camera to him continuously, hesitating on if you should tell him or not.

atiny3: NOOO HES SAD

atiny2018: JJONG☹️☹️☹️

atiny127: WAAAAAA M/N TAKE CARE PLS😔

as he sat down, he looked at you once and then burst out crying onto your shoulder. you deadpanned to the camera and the atinys could feel your panic right then. "hey, hey- jjong look at me first." you cup his cheeks and tilt his face up, heart clenching at the sight of dried tears on his cheeks. you ran your fingers across his cheeks gently, lulling to a sleepy state.

"can you tell me what's going on bub?" jongho sniffled and pulled you in for another hug, this one tighter than the last. "i-i had a nightmare..." his voice got progressively softer as he finished his sentence, embarrassed at the fact a mere nightmare affected him so badly.

atiny2: guys i think he got a nightmare🤓

atiny69: SOBBING ON THE FUCKIGN GROUND

atiny1117: im gonna kms

atiny1: WAAAAA MAMA M/N☹️

you sighed before patting his head, you could read the boy like a book and you knew how embarrassing it is for him whenever he had nightmares. "there's nothing wrong with having nightmares jjong." he shook his head, "no! i feel bad,,, why am i having these dreams when everyone's treating me so nicely?"

he pulled away and frowned, "it feels like i hate them or something...!" you brush his hair back, "but you don't. these things happen and we shouldn't dwell on them." he looks down, "what did you even dream about?"

he blinks continuously as he tried to avert from your burning gaze, "i... it was about you and the members," you held his trembling hands as he spoke, "the members were telling me how i was holding them back and that i'm," he sniffled, "that i'm a disappointment. and hongjoong-hyung laughed and told me i'm not as good as i think i am..."

you didn't say anything, you only caressed the back of his palm, trying to soothe him. "and you... you told me you hated me and that you didn't want me anymore!" once again, jongho began to sob as you pulled him back your chest. "jjong..." you rest your chin on top of his head, "you know i love you a lot right?"

you felt him nod into you chest, "i'll never leave, even if you wanted me to." he smiled before bursting out crying.

atiny1: UR THE MAN M/N😭

atiny1117: THE CLIPPERS BETTER HAVE GOTTEN THAT OUHHH😭☹️

atiny143: [image]

atiny666: 🫂

suddenly, yeosang burst into the bedroom and you and jongho both turn to look at him, "i heard jongho's crying, are you okay?" jongho furrows his eyebrows, "how did you know i was crying?" you began to sweat as you gestured for yeosang to shut the fuck up, but the clueless will stay clueless. "it's on live."

upon hearing that, jongho shoved you onto the bed and scavenged the room for any hints of a camera. after a minute or two, jongho stares straight into the camera and take it out from behind the lamp. he glares at you for a moment before looking back into the camera, "the live's over, have a good day atinys."

the live has ended!

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[dearlyjun]

ASH’S 1 YEAR CELEBRATION! ☆ (MAY 2 – MAY 16)

it’s user dearlyjun’s birthday! (not my actual birthday; that already passed) when I started this blog exactly one year ago, I had no idea I would receive the amount of love that I have. I want to thank each and every one of my followers and mutuals for listening to me talk about non writing related things & enjoying my writing that I do put out. I know sometimes with college I am not the most active person when it comes to posting fics, so I really really appreciate the love that I receive when I do!! nobody goes unnoticed to me whether you’re someone who interacts with me constantly or if you’re a silent reader that just likes my fics. I see you!

so, in honor of this blogs first birthday, I thought of some fun things that we could do!

☆ Q&A! (SUBMIT AS MANY AS YOU LIKE!)

even though im a chronic ~yapper~ and love to talk about anything and everything, is there something you’d like to know about me? now is the time to ask!

ask me things such as what my zodiac is, any questions about my writing or my works, favorite foods/drinks, any advice, the world is yours! can be sfw and nsfw related.

be noted that I will not answer personal questions such as like what city I live in, what I do for work currently, and things like that. I think you can read the room.

☆ SHIP GAME! (ONE SUBMISSION PER USER!)

simply tell me about yourself (hobbies, interests, your ideal date, zodiac signs, mbti – anything you’d like) and I will ship you with a member of txt or seventeen! please specify which group(s) you’d like to be shipped with in your ask.

example: hi ash! my zodiac sign is aries, i love working out, coffee, looking at cars & going on long drives. my ideal date is going to a car show and getting lunch afterwards. my mbti is infj. id like to be shipped with a member of seventeen! thanks!

☆ THIS OR THAT! (SUBMIT AS MANY AS YOU LIKE!)

simply give me a scenario with two different idols and make me choose one! (can be other than just txt and seventeen – bts, enhypen, ateez are other options!) can be sfw or nsfw!

example: hi ash! choose between a picnic date with soonyoung or learning guitar with jay

☆ FUCK, MARRY, KISS (SUBMIT AS MANY AS YOU LIKE!)

opposite of kiss marry kill, and there’s no violence involved :’) simply give me 3 idols to choose from. again can be anybody from txt, seventeen, bts, enhypen or ateez!

☆ RULES!

☆ please submit your asks from now (may 2nd) until may 16th. I will answer a few each day depending on how many I shall receive, and will continue to answer them should I not get through them all when the event ends.

☆ the amount of asks you can send is unlimited, however if you’re asking for a ship; the limit is one per user.

☆ all posts surrounding this event will be tagged #happy birthday dearlyjun ⋆⭒˚.⋆

☆ my anons are welcome to participate in this game as well!

[mioyeo]

8 Makes 1 Team

No matter how different , without one of us there’s no 8 makes 1 Team

Synopsis : In which 8 boys build a friendship despise of their differences with the help of a psychiatrist

Pairing : psychiatrist! Reader x Ateez (for now )

Themes : angst , mental struggles, fears , Disorders etc

Warnings : this chapter includes mentions of Threatening, Schizophrenia, Violent behavior, tears , mentions of skinning , please tell me if I forgot something , and I’m not romanticizing Disorders in anyway and this is pure fiction meaning this doesn’t represent Ateez in any way

Word count : 1k?

MEETING HONGJOONG

𝗣𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗻𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟬𝟮𝟱𝟲

𝙉𝙖𝙢𝙚 : 𝙆𝙞𝙢 𝙃𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙟𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙜

𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 : 𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟳, 𝟭𝟵𝟵𝟴

𝗛𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁: 𝟭,𝟳𝟮𝗺

𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 : 𝗦𝗰𝗵𝗶𝘇𝗼𝗽𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗮 , 𝗘𝘅𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿

𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘳: 𝘈𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘳𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 , 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 , 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨

She read her patients file walking down the hall , where guards stood at least at each door for safety with pepper sprays and a taser

Y/n just got transferred to Koreas biggest and kind of dangerous psychiatric a week ago because of a job offer , and here she was walking to her first patient of the day

It was quiet as she approached the cell door with the Number 0256 and a yellow sticker on it indicating that it needed to be careful around the patient

She waited for the guard to open the door and walked in seeing a black haired boy laying on the bed covered up till his stomach in green pajamas that had cute dogs on it

He looked peaceful yet she couldn't get fooled by the scene , she knew better than to just fall for the image the patient was giving

Some patients deceived doctors or guards to escape their room

With soft steps being heard he got alarmed and shot his head up and backed up against the wall that was connected together with his bed

The look he gave made her heart ache , it screamed fear even when she tried sitting on the chair she brought as he started distancing himself

" If you come closer I-I'll smash your skull ! "

He shouted at her with furiously and repeatedly hitting his head as if something was telling him to do anything bad against his will

" I mean no harm , I'm actually here to get to know you and help but I want to know your name first so I can talk easily with you "

" Liar ! Y-Your just like everyone else , I don't need your help and I don't want it ! "

He yelled once again , but she didn't flinch or anything that showed signs of being scared

" Listen im the opposite of everyone else here that has been treated you like your not a normal person like everybody else "

Y/n saw him picking at his skin harshly which started bleeding and leaving some cuts

" Make it stop ! Please stop stop ! "

"If you want me to help can I touch you then? "

She extended her hands slowly waiting for him to allow her to clean and bandage his cuts

" Help me p-please make them stop hurting me "

" Can I really help or are you not sure ? "

" Please help me I’m loosing so much blood ! "

“ Dont worry it just a little ”

She grabbed his arm softly before cleaning the cuts with alcohol after giving the boy a warning making him scream in pain and whimper

" Can you tell me your name now ? "

" it's H-H-Hongjoong and thank you "

" No need to thank me , and you have a really nice name do you know what it means ? "

He shook his head and wiped his tears as he looked dumbfounded

" Hong means wide and Joong center "

" What's that supposed to mean "

Hongjoong pulled his hands away when she finished bandaging it up and yelled standing up on his bed

" Your special Hongjoong , your name means to be the center of the wide world "

" But their going to hurt me ! "

" Nobody is going to hurt you as long as I'm here Hongjoong and I'll make sure of it ok ? that's why I'm here for you "

She smiled softly looking as he wandered his eyes around confused

" What d-does y-your name mean ? "

" You know I actually never knew what my name meant before but I promise the next time I visit you I'll tell you what it means ok ? "

" You will just leave like everyone else here or worse hit me if I don't listen "

His voice changed to a monotonous one as he stared at her with a blank face

" They hit you ? What did you do against it ? "

He suddenly teared up again and covered himself under his blankets and started shaking

" I said no touching and the guard hit me on the cheek two times "

" Hongjoong it's ok to say no and let me tell you something , some people just don't understand what no means which is bad "

She softly uncovered his face

" Repeat with me , it is ok to say no "

" It is ok to say no "

He wiped his tears and kept chanting the words over and over again , until her watch started blinking playing star 1117 instrumental version catching his attention

" Looks like our time is over Joongie "

" No ! don't leave me their going to get me please don't leave me here  alone "

He started screaming and hitting his head

" Hongjoong it's alright I'll come back ok ? Now let's tuck you in you must be tired "

She waited for him to lay down and tucked him in softly following with her caressing his soft hair for him to relax

" Promise you'll be back ? "

" I promise you I'll be back "

Mission get to know Patient 0256 done

[barbieb0y]

joining the thoughts on golden hour part 1 bandwagon bc oh boy i have thoughts

obviously my expectations were kinda high bc it's ateez we're talking about here and that this is actually my first comeback ever. none of the title tracks have disappointed me so far – and thats not to say i was disappointed with work. but i would say it's... underwhelming.

i mean, after the world series with guerilla, halazia, bouncy and crazy form, how do you expect me to process the whiplash that is work? we got all these intense songs and performances, hammering in the outlaw concept then... work. this album. there's a reason why i was surprised to hear this is a hip-hop themed comeback bc it's not that it doesnt suit ateez, i was excited to see how they would mess with the genre, but. work sounds like a song another group can pull off. sonically, at least.

i'd like to think that work is a milestone for all their achievements thus far, like "hey we made it this far bc we hustled" and i still think that but it could've been theirs. but this sound isn't theirs. at least not yet, if theyre planning to mess with it in the future too.

i liked the beat when they first leaked it and i still like it. but throughout the whole song, it's just that. it's just one beat. im not saying it cant sound good (360 by charli xcx is a good example) and im not saying it's not good but like i said: it's underwhelming. the mv kinda saves it bc i absolutely adore how chaotic and funny it is but i wish the song itself couldve lived up to the whole chaos of the visuals.

im not gonna talk about the intro bc the intro is just the intro. let's talk about blind. when i listened to the preview, my first thought was "wow they should play this in the world cup" and i was still thinking that when i listened to the whole thing for the first time. then i listened to it with the lyrics and i thought "wowie it's a love song i see". but to put it simply, i like it but thats about it. i wouldn't skip it but i don't lose my mind or put it at the top of my rankings like everyone has been apparently doing.

moving on to empty box, i wasn't expecting to like it much when i listened to it in the preview bc i'm not a fan of slow songs/ballads usually but when i first listened to it on release... it became my first favorite of the album. this is what i mean by they can do simple good and they can make it theirs. even though the song does remind me of another song/artist (ive been struggling to figure out what/who exactly though...), it's not bc it's a song anyone else can do. they took a genre and made it theirs. that's how you own it. the lyrics also hit close to home and i find them incredibly moving.

next is shaboom. this was my initial favorite from when i listened to the preview and i was looking forward to how the whole thing sounds like and well, i wasn't blown away but i do enjoy it. i like the goofy intro and the first verses are fun, like i can imagine a silly mv where they're hosting a house party and inviting you to join in on the festivities. i can't really remember the verses after the first chorus though (idk why but im struggling to remember the non-chorus parts in this album despite looping it for a few times already) but i do like it. more than blind at least.

lastly, siren. my current favorite. ive been looping the fuck outta this song. it is actually so good but i'm not really surprised bc this, alongside empty box, are the ones that allegedly had more time spent on them (hell, siren was battling crazy form to become the title track for the world ep fin will). this is how good they can be when they actually take their time, this is who ateez is supposed to be. and im not lying nor exaggerating when i say this should been the title track for this comeback. i can already imagine the mv, the choreo, the stages that they can do if this was the title track. i sincerely believe that this song is like a mix of bouncy (mostly the vibes), outlaw and crazy form which you should know is a banging mix. i love the goofy intro (of course), i love the chaos from the verses, i love the descent in the pre-chorus down to the chorus itself (i think it's reminiscent of crazy form), the "ringing siren, ringing siren" parts make me ascend (both the post-chorus and at the end of the song), THIS IS ATEEZ. GOD.

tldr my ranking is this:

siren

empty box

shaboom

work*

blind*

golden hour

*work and blind are interchangeable bc i like them the same amount

conclusion? a solid album but it's not their best. it's not cohesive. like it feels like it's creating a creative dent in their discography. so i can't really rate it bc it'll have to depend on what perspective you're looking at.

i can only hope they take more time to prepare for their next album. i do not want another rushed comeback and album. i want these bitches to rest and be at their actual best when they perform! go for quality over quantity of you can't do both!!

[ohmygs-blog]

WHAT ARE SOME OF UR FAV FALL K-POP SOMGS

wait crazy cuz i made my autumn playlist a few days ago !! this is probably gonna be long so warning u now <3

def more of a bg listener than gg so i apologize for all the bg songs (but not really tbh cuz they’re all 10/10) also feel like most of my gg favs are more like happy yay #slay and not sad ugh #wanna kms

BUT HERE U GO IM PROB FORGETTING A LOT N IM GONNA BE MAD WHEN I REALIZE TM LOL

girl groups + solo

doughnut by twice (unhealthy attatched)

ditto by new jeans (this was my #1 song for months when it came out not even lying)

hurt by new jeans

sour grapes by le sserafim

the happiest girl by black pink

time after time by boa & wendy & ningning (fav song to scream in the car when i drive by myself)

raise y_our glass by yunjin

only by leehi (isn’t this on everyones tbh)

love poem by iu

boy groups + solo

nct universe

• moon by nct dream

broken melodies by nct dream (every time i hear mark n chenles part i tear up fr like i need it looped in my head 24/7)

• favorite by nct 127 (best song ever idc!!)

no longer by nct 127

the rainy night by nct 127

• faded in my last song by nct u (sad but so sexy sounding)

from home by nct u (DUHHHH)

• try again by jaehyun & d.ear (a classic !!!!!!!)

child by mark

good person by haechan

my other loves <3

• ghosting by txt

run away by txt

maze in the mirror by txt (this was the one i blasted in my airpods on the bus ride to school after covid. like having my own mv vibes)

• ex by skz

another day by skz

slump eng ver by skz (god. this was the song i listened to religiously when i was seriously having the worst time of my life)

winter falls by skz

• pray (i’ll be ur man) by btob (found this bc of kingdom)

missing you by btob

beautiful pain by btob

• inception by ateez (IM IN LOVEEEEE)

• polaroid love by enhypen

• she’s in the rain by the rose (sobbing as i write this)

• sweet night by v (bestie boo)

blue & grey by bts

[atuyuta70]

About me

★Nana is my nickname

★listening to→ sure thing - 82marjor

★libra

★highschooler

★im a girl

★groups I stan (In order it happened bc why not): stray kids, ateez, txt, p1harmony, enhypen, nct (all units + wayv), the boyz, 8turn, new jeans, boynextdoor, riize, 82marjor (almost)

★i also listen to k rnb and hip-hop/rap (pH-1 is one of my favorites)

★i listen to a lot of true crime

★idk what else to add 💀

[at1nys-blog]

Is a gin tonic

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x reader

Summary: when you see him again, in the same club you think fate is on your side

A/N: @snowgirlfallen here the second part, again I'm so so sorry it took this long 😭. Btw I love this picture of Hongjoong so much, I want it tattooed in my brain because is the most beautiful thing ever

Pt.1

You managed to survive for two weeks. Two long weeks of work, some other work and did I mentioned because of work? What helped you throught fourteen days of pure chaotic errands and meetings was Ateez's discography. Since you check it out, you started doing everything with their song playing in the background. What better choice of music while at the gym or doing the dishes?

Coming back home, earlier than usual since it was Friday, you thought that you needed a change of scenary before loosing your sanity. Watching movies was nice, more than nice but not for week on end, that was too much to handle even for you.

You decided to text your friend, informing her about your plan for the night and asked her if she wanted to tag along, clarifying that whatever she wanted to do, you didn't care, you were going to party whatever if she was coming or not.

The answer came almost immediately, all in caps and it read "OH MY GOD THANK YOU I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAYS WAS COMING ANY TIME SOON WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED???? NEVERMIND YOU WILL TELL ME ONCE IM THERE" you laughed at the device, picturing your friend excited about you suggesting such a hangout like that.

She then asked if you had a place to go in mind already, or if you two could talk where to go while getting ready. You told her you already knew where to go, but it was going to be a surprise for her. Once saying your see you laters, you blocked your phone and went to take a shower before your friend could start bombarding with questions.

You had time to shower, dry your hair and clean the room before the bell of your apartament rang, for once in your life you were glad your best friend lived fourty minutes away from you.

"Okay, you showered already, great. Now I have some make up and some cloths you might like but I need to know where we are going." she started not even greeting you, but it was fine this was just her being thrilled about the whole situation.

"I told you already, is a surprise." you weren't going to give in, no sir. You wanted to go to the same club as two weeks ago and you knew that if you told her she was going to try and change your mind.

"Listen, I know you said it is..." you started to push her in your room, there was no time to waste with stupid banter. "ehy, I can walk on my own you know?"

"It doesn't seems like it" you joked, still pushing her in your room.

Once inside you let her go, and she rushed to your wardrobe in search of something you could wear. “I though about your make up and..” she struggled to move one of the dresses that you had hanged some days ago. Watching it carefully, she decided to not take down that one. “What was I talking about?”

“The make up” you said sitting on the edge of your bed.

“Ah yes the make up. I though about some glitters. What do you think?” She growled, trying to untangle a couple of hangers that ended up together.

“You want a chair?” You proposed. “And about the glitters, well, it depends.”

“Pass me a chair.” You did as told and she thanked you. “Yes” tanking down the two dresses she pondered for a while which one was best, then went back to check on your wardrobe. “Where is that one black dress you wore last time?”

“Nah is too short for me. I threw it away.” You answered her.

“Such a waste to be honest. Ah the glitters. Check in my bag. I have the make up trousse, look if you like the glitters.” Rolling your eyes you went to see in her purse and finding the trousse you started rummaging around until you found it.

“Purple glitters? Really?” You said showing her the little box of purple and pink glitters.

“What? They are cute. And besides purple suits you.” She said and climbed down the chair. “Here. Put on this one.”

The dress was longer than the one you wore last time but much, you still thanked your friend she didn’t pick a shorter one. Looking yourself in the mirror you had to admit that the glitters were fine. They gave a pop of color with your grey and black outfit choice.

“I wonder why you aren’t a make up artist yet.” You commented, she smiled at you.

“Because people are stupid. Now, let’s go.” She said leaving the bathroom first.

You checked that everything was okay and adjusting one more time your hair before taking a deep breath, getting ready for the night. If you had to meet him, you were to and if it wasn't, it wasn't. But deep down, very deep down you wished to see him again.

The cue to the club was pretty long, your friend next to you couldn't stop moving around. Impatience running throughout her body, you could tell.

"Stop it already." you told her, she mocked you a little. "we will get inside anytime soon now." and as if your word was the clue for it, the line started to move, every second faster than the previous. "Told you"

"You are wicked, I'm telling you." when the two of you were close enough to the entrance, her eyes widened. "Here? Again? Why?"

"Why not? Listen, I liked it last time so why not coming back?" you answered. She gave you a side eye look.

“You sure?”

“Sure”

“So the man you went home with has nothing to do with why you chose to come here?”

“He has nothing to do with that.” You answered but she didn’t believe you one bit. “What? Stop looking at me like that.”

“I’ll stop when you’ll stop lying to me.” You just rolled your eyes and kept walking to get inside.

It took you twenty minutes to drop your friend on the dance floor with the promise to be back as soon as possible and with the excuse of wanting a drink. You tried to ask if she wanted one too but the loud music and the group of people dancing around her didn't help. You dropped it, not really in the mood to try harderd to ask her.

Waiting for your drink at the bar you couldn't help but hear a girl hitting on someone next to you. She was drunk, which, in your opinion was the reason why she sounded so bold. Giving a quick look at your left you giggled at the sight in front of you. A blonde girl was all over her prey, tracing her finger up and down the poor boy arm, then she went closer, wispering something to the man's ear and that was when you saw his features for the first time. Joking on your own saliva you got the duo's attention on you: the girl, kind to ask if everything was fine and Hongjoong confused.

"No, yeah totally fine. I just... Nevermind have a..." the bar man called out to you, informing that your drink was ready "thanks" you yelled over the music, whether he heard or not a mystery.

"Why are you having iced water?" asked the blonde girl, his voice give away how drunk she was. "we are at the club, you should drink something more..." she almost fell from her stoll, both you and Hongjoong went immediately to help her stay on her own feet. "Thanks. As I was saying.."

"Yeah I know is a gin tonic." your attention was on Hongjoong, he mouthed the drink's name with a small smile on his face. "you need..." you didn't had time to finish your sentence that a new voice got mixed in the little party.

"I'm very sorry for her, I'll take care of her now. Thanks." and with that the two figures left you and Hongjoong alone.

"So" he started

"So?" you said back waiting for the idol to say something

"So, I didn't thought to see you here ,again" he was trying hard to break the ice. "considering what happened"

"You mean what happened with the creppy guy or after that?" you giggled at your own words, he smilled with you. Oh how much did you missed that stupid, beautiful smile of his. Sure, you had spent quite some time scrolling through pinterest watching pictures of him but nothing could compare to what was standing in front of you.

“I hope the first one.” He giggled and you found yourself doing so too. He moved closer. Taking the seat next to you before asking how you did this past two weeks.

“Could have gone better to be honest.” At least I had your voice and face to cheer me up, you didn’t dare to tell him though, knowing a little bit about his idol self you didn’t want to bust his ego. He simply nodded, a soft nice leaving his lips. “And what about you?”

“Better now that I see you.”

“What a flirt. I can’t make your 14 days better just by being there” you said, your drink long forgotten.

“You have no idea. I was loosing hope to see you again, and now…” he simply moved his hands up and down your figure. “… you are here. I guess we had the same idea”

“And what’s that?” You asked playfully.

“Coming here. I’ve been coming to this club whenever I had a day off. My staff wasn’t too appealed but I didn’t care.” You nodded … the information he just gave you. “I didn’t see you here before so why tonight?”

“My job was draining me so I though a night out could help me out a little bit.” You confessed. “And I also hoped to see you again.” Another confession out in the world, for only him to know. He appreciated your words, you could tell by his smiling face. “Stop it.”

“Doing what?” He was truly confused.

“Smiling like that. Is nothing to smile about.”

“It is. You said that if was fate we were going to meet again and here we are.” Indeed you were, one in front of the other, talking like you knew each other for a long time. “Now I have a question. What if I didn’t come tonight? Would have gave me in seeing me again?”

“Oh totally. I only give destiny one chance.” Lie, you were going chasing him club after club. Making it seems like a coincidence that you were there too, like tonight. For everyone around the two of you, it was a coincidence the both of you were there again.

“Aigo, what a liar you are.”

“I’m not a liar. I actually give one chance to fate. If it is meant to be don’t you think the universe will bring two people together every change it gets?”

“Stop defending yourself you are not doing a good job. I can tell you are lying.” He started to stare at you, he wanted to see the moment you broke down in your eyes.

“Okay, maybe I was going to find a way to meet you.”

“You are, oh, so obsessed with me.” He laughed at it, making you roll your eyes. But he was true. His face, his smile, his voice, his laugh. Everything about him was intoxicating to you. He was just too perfect.

“Obsessed is such a strong word now, but…”

“Come with me.” He said standing up from his seat and stretching his hands for you to take. You looked at his hand first, than back at him. “Just come with me. If you trust me of course.” You did trust him, so without being asked a third time you took his hand and followed him.

You thought he was going to lead you outside, just to have some more privacy and to stop yelling above the music that was being played, but no, he took you at the end of the club, a secluted area with a couple of tables. One of the two was occupied by seven figures.

"I asked them to behave" he yelled in your ears. It was the first time he came this close to you and it gave you chills all over your body. "I hope they will listen to me once in their life" he added, you looked at him throught your lashes thinking if it was a good idea. You didn't had time to turn back that he waved at one of the boys, he turning as if he knew Hongjoong was there.

"Are you sure? I mean, you are all idols and I..." One of the members, Wooyoung you recognized him in the dim lights of the club, well mostly you could tell it was him thanks to his excitment and behaviour. He surely was someone that skipped some steps in meeting someone knew.

He was quick to take you and make you sit down next to him, asking who you were and how you were doing, after answering his question he kept asking more and more, not giving you the time to ask somwthing on your own. He wanted to know you, that was all.

You and the boys kept talking and having fun with one another, until you got a text from your friend asking you were the hell did you end up, she also texted you that if you were having some fun she didn't want to know. You got Hongjoong's attention telling him that you had to go.

"You need to stop leaving me like this" he joked and you smiled. You asked to have his phone.

"Text me if you want to talk, I'll try and answer as soon as possible." this time you were the one talking in his ear, smirking a little bit.

"You are so obsessed with me." he joked.

You waved goodbye to the rest of the group, starting to push people out of your way to finally get to your friend and when you finally were close to her, to her what she had to say she asked you where did you end up.

"I swear you have to stop disappearing on me like this. You will give me a heart attack" she scolded you. "Now, can we go somewhere else?”

“Sure. You had a place in mind or…” you asked over the loud music, she gave you a mischievous smile, looking behind you and waving at whoever was.

“I have made a new friend while you were flirting.” Turning around you came face to face with Ateez once more. Hongjoong was the first to come closer to you. “One of them suggested to go somewhere else.” She added.

Looking at the leader of the group you rolled your eyes but smiled nonetheless.

“You are so obsessed with me.” You mocked him but took his hand and left the club followed by your best friend and the rest of the group.

The rest of the night was spent having fun, club hopping around Itaewon and having a snack, or two, in between and talking about nothing as the ten of you were friends since ever.

[dotchannie]

GOLDEN HOUR : Part.1 personal ranking

blind (no.1)— 3:18, an immediate fave the instrumental alone is so expressive and i really enjoy how it keeps the energy up for the entire song. p.s the rasp in their voices ?? take my soul take my heart el amor es ciego 💃🏻

siren (no.2)— 2:44, again the instrumental is insanity but mingi absolutely stole it with that verse AND the section where yunho, san, woo and yeo bounce of each other’s voices is other worldly!

work (no.3)— 2:52, ill be real when i first heard the teasers i didn’t like it bc it sounded like hold music LMAO but the overall vibes won me over it’s so reminiscent of the real. 10/10 for jonghos note before the drop hmmph

shaboom (no.4)— 3:31, the sheer amount of style in one song im shaking my ASS, jongho’s voice in particular sounds gorgeous coupled with the music nearer the opening but i also think its a very strong song for yeosang ! SHAAABOOOOOM

empty box (no.5)— 3:33, << angel number, this song gave me goosebumps all 3 times i listened (omg 3 again) and was hard to put at the bottom of my ranking :(( but i just prefer loud hype songs usually but this is so beautiful each one of them sounds beautiful

hope you come across something more than better 🤍

special shoutout to; golden hour, 1:23. something about this intro resonated deep within my soul the nostalgia it had settling in me made my bones hurt and my soul heavy.

👏🏻 to ateez for another album that made me feel every emotion.

[applejongho]

SHES POSTED!!!!! I HOPE U LOVE HER SM BC SHE WAS MY BRAIN CHILD

some details to note:

1) the "I am you" in the last slide becomes clearest right when mingi's finger points at the camera. bc yeah.

2) the set is meant to be a conversation between halateez and ateez. and anyone can say anything, no line is specifically for one side. they are the same people and also so different, which is also why the colors merge into each other in the last slide

3) orange is ateez's color. bc that's Their Color. blue is halateez's color bc ..... Vibes idk

4) listen to the pretender rn im so serious. so good

[03jyh23]

i need to confess to a few things regarding golden hour release

1. i absolutely love blind and the whole latin vibe it’s just too good, makes me wanna dance and enjoy life. i already listened to it countless times and im not getting sick of it like ever

2. i find work to be kind of out of ateez usual style? its not that im saying they should stick to one genre or style but it surprised me quite a bit and im still not sure if i love it.

3. i cried on my bedroom floor listening to empty box. i just love how ateez sounds in slower or ballad songs like yes please do it more often? the vocal line just did so well on this track im living for it. plus the lyrics??? MASTERPIECE. yunho and san sounds so angelic it moves something in me

4. where the fuck is wooyoung

5. im honestly so glad to see yeosang getting solo screen time🥺 i feel like he’s solo time in crazy form mv was close to non-existent so im relived to see him in work but still he deserves so much more than that!!

6. chicken scene is my favourite (i wouldn’t be able to hold a chicken this close😭😭)

[yourbittertarottruth]

*Im redoing this again since I made a mistake lol😅*

Hiii! Hope you're well! I'm here for the kpop new year game

My nickname is buttercup, I'm a Capricorn Sun.

I spent Christmas with my family watching movies and looking at photo albums.

And my question is how would I spend new years with my chosen idols!

My chosen idols are NWJNS Danielle, Hanni, NCT's Jaehyun, ATEEZ San and BTS's V

Thank you in advance!🩷🫂

Thank you for re-doing! Hello, I'm doing well, thanks for asking! Ooh, that sounds really nice! How would NewJeans Danielle and Hanni spend their New Years with you? (Placing them together with 1 card since rules say you can only ask for 4 idols, sorry </3) *Queen of Pentacles* - I'm getting major New Years sleepover vibes here, with this card being about creature comforts and practicality! The 3 of you could have a sleepover before watching fireworks on TV, listening to music, doing each others hair, online shopping, etc! I feel like you'll talk to them a bit about financial issues or they'll talk to you about it and the 3 of you could come up for a solution for it together! Getting huge movie night vibes, too! The 3 of you could bundle up into a fluffy blanket with popcorn and other snacks whilst watching Christmas classics or romance movies and absolutely swooning over the male/female leads! You'd stay up till late squealing, gossiping, doing online shopping, just enjoying yourselves and playing fun games like truth or dare till you all pass out looking like absolute messes! Such a fun time between you all <3 How would Jaehyun (NCT) spend his New Years with you? *The Empress* - He seems like someone who'd stick to principles, like traditional Korean-type celebrations. He'd want to spend it with family, he might drag you over as a friend. You could feel awkward at first, but I feel like his mother would become fond of you? You might help in the kitchen, praying you don't burn the food, help with decorating the dining table to make it look a bit more festive! You might end up staying the night for a sleepover and watching movies, seeing Jaehyun get embarrassed by his mom, etc. It'd be this, or you dragging him over to your family and dealing with the same scenario but him absolutely winning the heart of your mom. She'd be like "son-in-law material??" and you'd have to stop her from embarrassing you LMAO How would San (ATEEZ) spend his New Years with you? *Knight of Swords Reversed* - My eyes hurt the second I got this card, I saw flashing lights. You 2 would go to an absolutely crowded party with flashing lights, drinks spilling, loud music. It'd be insane. I feel like San wouldn't plan this out, it would just be a very quick "let's go to this party" out of nowhere during the evening. He's very unpredictable and seems to have a disregard for consequences?? He doesn't really care about his idol image and is willing to discard that for a night, he just wants to have fun. He'd absolutely be the life of the party, with all eyes on him! He'd definitely check in with you every few minutes to ensure you're enjoying yourself and feeling safe, he'd be very concerned about that and would be willing to leave if you feel too overwhelmed. He takes New Years partying seriously, though, and will only go to the loudest, roudiest, ones! How would V/Taehyung (BTS) spend his New Years with you? *Ace of Pentacles* - Hmm, he'd spend his day with you looking for new opportunities it seems? He'd want to end the year doing something he's never gotten the chance to do, before! He seems like the type to enjoy visiting night markets, he might go to an amusement park with you during the day! He'd be looking for a new adventure and would not spare expenses with it! He'd also look for ways to help you with your finances, too! Maybe even give you money or new shoes as a New Years gift <33 He doesn't have much to say/do compared to the others, he's a very simple guy. That's all for this reading, have a wonderful 2024!! <3

[agendratum]

Top 5 Songs At The Moment

tagged by @guzhu-furen thank youuuuu

here’s a problem tho. here’s a problem. listen, hear me out. this says “at the moment” this also says “5 songs”. and listen. listen. well you have to understand, it’s been two weeks

you have to understand

1. stray kids - s-class

2. stray kids - hall of fame

3. stray kids - item

4. stray kids - get lit

5. stray kids - toplinesuperbowl (sorry i couldn’t choose one)

SO YOU SEE WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT RIGHT

sooooooooo i’m gonna combine this with a tag game from earlier that i haven’t done yet, which is

10 Songs I Actually Listen To

and i’m gonna add 5 more songs to this list, and i will try to make them not skz songs that i actually listen to because i swear i do i just haven’t been doing it for the last two weeks 🌚

(in before i realize no skz means no 3racha and no taste (i mean the song))

6. agust d - d-day

7. newjeans - omg

8. (g)i-dle - oh my god

9. wayv - phantom

10. ateez - halazia

here i did it! patting myself on the shoulder

so if you see this and you want to share your current favorite songs feel free to tell everyone that i tagged you and make a list from anywhere from 5 to 10 songs, and i’m also going to tag a couple of peeps but no pressure as always @greenwitching @trueplainhearts @sugarbabywenkexing @magicaldreamfox1