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delaber · 3 years

Text

Coming Home

Note: The fic no one asked for but I still wrote because I had to. Pretty sure this will be my last Rafa fic. It’s been a ride. Thank you!

Words: 7.7K

It was one of those blisteringly hot days where all you wanted to do was to laze about in front of a fan with your feet up and eat popsicles in the hopes of cooling just a tiny bit down. The sun was scorching and there was little to no wind at all, making it close to unbearable to be out of the shade for more than two minutes at a time - but unfortunately, you found yourself stuck in the middle of a very sunny lawn at Nat's garden-themed birthday party. Several times during the day, you had caught yourself looking jealously towards the enticing pool area at the end of the lawn but unfortunately had to settle for self-administered time-outs in the shade under various palm trees that were lining the garden.

At one of said time-outs, the birthday girl Nat approached you with a huge smile and two drinks in hand, "oh, there you are!" She exclaimed happily as she reached the same tree as you and handed you one of the piña coladas she was holding, "I've been looking all over!"

"Sorry," you smiled at your best friend and accepted the cocktail she was offering you, "I needed to cool down for a bit," you said while fanning your hand in front of your face

"Ooh, great idea - make room for me," Nat too stepped under the shade of the palm tree and immediately started fanning her top, "Jesus Christ, it's hot today!"

"Well, you were the one to insist on not having gazebos for your party," you shot your best friend a small smile, "it ruins the aesthetic," you mimicked her words from a few days ago with a laugh.

"Oh, shut up!" Nat let out a chortle, "I clearly made a terrible decision."

"Yeah, you should always listen to me and Diggs," you chuckled while having a sip of your tropical drink, enjoying how it slowly seemed to lower your core temperature as soon as the cold liquid hit your oesophagus.

"Hey, speaking of; have you seen him?" Nat squinted her eyes while shooting her phone a glance, "he's not answering any of my texts."

"I talked to him over by the snacks a little over an hour ago," you pointed over your shoulder, "he said he had to take off for a bit."

"He had to take off?" Nat furrowed her eyebrows, looking directly at you with disbelief written all over her face. From her expression alone, you could tell what was going through her head; as Nat's long-term boyfriend, Diggs knew exactly how important her birthday was to her. "That's seems a bit out of character..." she mumbled sadly.

"Aww, don't worry - he'll be back in a bit."

"What was so important for him to do on today of all days?" Nat sounded crestfallen.

"Come on Nat, what kind of an errand could he possibly have to run on his girlfriend's birthday?" You rolled your eyes.

"...But he already got me a present," she fiddled with the shiny new bracelet around her wrist.

"Maybe he's getting you a surprise," you shrugged mysteriously.

"Really?" The sad look on Nat's face was quickly replaced by wide eyes accompanied by a broad smile, "A surprise?"

"Don't tell him I said anything!" you laughed.

"Well, did he tell you what it was?"

"Nope... He probably knew we'd end up having this conversation," you chuckled.

"Slick bastard," Nat muttered under her breath before her voice returned to normal, "well, I hope he gets back soon. Of course I'm excited about the surprise but I don't want him missing out on the party."

As if on cue, a loud clanking noise coming from the shrub-embedded gate at the other end of the lawn had both you and Nat whip your heads around; Diggs had stepped inside the closed-off garden with a huge smile plastered on his face, stopping as soon as his feet hit the soft grass. He scanned the area for the birthday girl, and when his gaze finally landed on Nat, you watched how his face immediately turned soft as their eyes met across the lawn.

"Ah, there he is," Nat sighed happily as she took in her handsome boyfriend.

"...yeah, but he's empty handed," you added with a sigh after a quick scan for a birthday present in his open palms.

"Oh, you're right. Must be something he can stow away in a pocket..."

"Or something that's too heavy for him to carry alone," you added.

"Either way I'm just glad he's back," Nat said dreamily and send Diggs a small wave to which he replied with a sappy smile and a wink.

"Ah, I'm third-wheeling so hard right now," you gagged and with a grin turned your back towards Diggs in the hopes of making it less awkward for yourself.

"Yeah, sorry babe," Nat was biting her lower lip, trying to contain herself as she gazed at her handsome boyfriend over your shoulder.

"You look terribly confused all of a sudden," you laughed as you took in Nat's furrowed eyebrows.

"Yeah, he's just... standing there - why is he not moving?"

"What? He's standing completely still?" you arched an eyebrow, looking at Nat who still wasn't sparing you a glance.

"No, he's... looking for something on the other side of the hedges. And he's talking to someone - I think?"

"On the phone?"

"No... - oh wait, looks like he brought someone along."

"He brought someone?" you repeated curiously, "who?"

"I don't know. I don't recognise him..." Nat looked confused as she squinted her eyes, trying to focus on what was happening at the other end of the lawn. Then suddenly, her face changed, "- hey, is that...? No - wait... - Oh my god! It is!" She finally whipped her head around, looking directly at you with huge eyes, "he's here."

"...Who is?" you looked at her confused.

Nat didn't have time to answer your question before a male voice that you didn't immediately recognise rang from behind you, "Ey yo, Nat!"

"I'm sorry..." Nat whispered, "- but I have to..." she shot you a pained look before she moved past you with a squeal as she briskly walked away from the shade under the palm tree.

Confused, you spun around and scanned the lawn for Diggs and his mystery companion. Diggs had put on one of his more colourful outfits, and your eyes were immediately drawn to him and the smug smile he was wearing as he took in Nat who was now running at full-speed towards a sharp-dressed man to his right.

"Rafa!" Nat exclaimed loudly as she fell into the well-dressed man's arms, "you're here! I can't believe it!" she squealed.

The mere sound of his name made the hairs on the back of your neck stand while the blood quickly drained from your face. You instantly felt your throat go dry and your head dizzying as Nat's words rang in your ears. Rafa was here? Rafa as in Rafael? No, it couldn't be...

You adjusted your gaze slightly but sure enough; there he was. In the middle of the lawn in a tight embrace with your best friend. None other than Rafael Casal.

That. Fucking. Prick.

"You're kidding me..." you mumbled under your breath.

What the fuck was he doing here?!

You immediately felt your heart rate increasing and your palms getting sweaty as you took him in. He had grown a beard and cut his hair short, making the area above his forehead strangely lonely without its familiar swoop of hair that he had been so fond of back when you had known him. Your eyes travelled across his face that was plastered with the toothy grin you had once loved, and down to the strong arms that you had once known every vein of. There weren't any tattoos on his arms that you didn't recognise but he had definitely built more muscle mass since the last time you'd seen him.

You had to admit that even though you were more than regularly annoyed with him, he looked good - he just didn't look like Rafa. Not your Rafa at least. He looked more man than jokester, a ghost of the boy you'd once called yours.

When the tight embrace in front of you finally ended, Rafa straightened up and looked over Nat's shoulder, his green eyes immediately piercing through you. He did a quick scan of you from the tip of your sneakers to the top of your head, and if it hadn't been for the fact that you knew that you looked good in your new dress, you might have grown flustered under his intense stare - but you didn't. He could stare all he wanted and meanwhile use the opportunity to think about what he had let go of - what he was missing out on!

He looked you up and down a few times and when his eyes reached yours, he sent you a tentative look and a careful smile that you didn't reciprocate. After all, pretending that Rafael Casal meant absolutely nothing to you was something you had perfected over the years.

When he finally realised that your face would remain stone cold and without the smallest trace of friendliness, he quickly looked back at Nat and sent her a broad smile as she began mumbling something to him about how he was the last person she'd expected to see today.

Meanwhile, you used the opportunity to march over to Diggs and pull him aside; "what the hell do you think you're doing?!" You hissed at him, your voice so low that only he could hear.

"Oh, I'm just watching my best friend and my girl reconcile after years apart," he smirked, his eyes still locked on the two friends talking excitedly in the middle of the lawn.

"Don't get smart with me, Diggs!" You said through gritted teeth, "why the fuck didn't you tell me that he was coming? You know how I feel about him! He's a snake!"

"Jesus Christ," Diggs rolled his eyes, "This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. If you'd known that I was picking him up at the airport, you would've ended up faking an excuse to leave before I'd returned."

"And with good reason! You know what he did! I don't want to talk to him!"

"You need to resolve this shit between the two of you," he shrugged, "You need to learn to be in the same room as him. It's been way too long already, and it cannot go on like this forever."

"Oh, watch me!" You huffed childishly, looking over at Rafa's dumb smile as he said something incoherent to Nat.

"Bruh..." Daveed cocked his head and sent you an unimpressed look, "He didn't come to mess with you. He came for Nat... He misses her."

"- but," you tried to interject but Diggs immediately cut you off: "- And before you say anything -" he continued, "- look at how happy she is!" he gestured to Nat who had now gone back to hugging Rafa tightly, "I know that her loyalty to you dictates that she has to hate him or whatever, but she has clearly missed him too. So if you can't do it for yourself, please just behave yourself for Nat."

A guilty pang hit your chest when you looked at Nat's happy smile, and you realised that she had cut off all contact with Rafa for your sake. "For the record; I never told her she couldn't talk to him," you mumbled.

"I know," Diggs nodded, "that's just how good of a friend she is."

"Alright... I'll behave for Nat," you sighed with a slight scowl before you quickly continued, "- but I'm not going to talk to him! No way!"

Diggs shot his hands in the air in a surrendering manner, "hey: normal, regular behaviour is all I'm asking for! You can ignore him for all I care - just be civil."

You didn't answer Diggs but instead continued to scowl as you watched Rafa and Nat having a giggle about something. The sound of Rafa's obnoxiously loud laugh swimming in your ear canals made your stomach go annoyingly warm, and for a millisecond you actually wished that he was laughing at something dumb alongside you instead of Nat - or at least you wished for it until you reminded yourself of what he had done, and the familiar anger towards him soon returned.

"Aw, come on," Diggs let out a laugh when he saw your angry face. He gave your shoulder a playful shove before he put his arm around you, "let's get you a drink - you look like you need it."

"Yes, I need it!" you groaned as he led you away from Nat and Rafa, "- and a big one too 'cause my dumb friends had my nemesis fly in from New York behind my back."

Diggs laughed a little at your miserable tone of voice, "cheer up," he chuckled, pulling you a little closer, "...and to be fair, I did the inviting. Nat had nothing to do with this."

"God, you're the worst," you mumbled as you reached the self-service bar, "I cannot believe you'd spring this on me after what he did!"

"Come on. It's been three years," Daveed shrugged and smiled down at you before he pulled out two clean glasses.

"That's easy for you to say when you weren't implicated in it," you mumbled sourly without looking directly at him.

"I may not have been directly involved, but you know I still got caught up in the middle," Diggs sent you a short look before he poured both of you a drink, "- and I still am."

"How?" You said incredulously, "I literally never talk about him."

"Exactly," Diggs shot you a sideways glance as he screwed off the cap of a tonic water, "you never talk about him. It's forced."

"It's forced? Since when is not talking about your asshole of an ex-boyfriend forced?"

"I know you miss him," Diggs said softly and sent you a careful look.

You forced yourself to scoff as you accepted the gin tonic from him, "I have no idea what you're talking about! I literally could not care less about Rafael at all," you looked across the lawn and immediately caught Rafa's gaze that was aimed directly at you. His eyes were huge, his gaze soft and longing. You thought to yourself that he looked as if he was the one who'd been wronged all those years ago. As if you were the one who had disappeared off to New York before royally fucking everything up. Which you absolutely weren't!

Rafa had been annoying as hell all night! Whenever you were no more than a few milliseconds away from letting down your hair and forget about the fact that your nemesis was attending the same party as you, you could hear his annoying foghorn of a laugh in the group of people next to you. And although you were trying your absolute best to avoid him completely, he still seemed to be all over, somehow always within a ten-foot radius from you, his cutting-torch-like voice constantly poking at your eardrums.

You were successful in avoiding him up until around midnight when you unfortunately were careless enough to lay down your guard for a few seconds too long, not realising that he had approached you at the self-service bar while you had been looking around for a lime for your drink. "Hey," you heard a low growl behind you as you were cutting the citrus into wedges.

You didn't have to look up from the table to know who the voice belonged to. "Rafael," you said neutrally while screwing off the cap of the tequila bottle you were holding, pouring up a couple of ounces of liquid without sparing him a glance.

"Hmm... Ra-fa-el," he repeated slowly, dragging out the name and smacking his lips as if savouring how it rolled off his tongue, "you know what? I don't think I've ever heard you call me Ra-fa-el before."

With your gaze still firmly placed on the tequila-filled glass in front of you, you arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything as you continued working on the cocktail, desperate to not give in to his antics.

You could feel his gaze burning on your skin, his eyes following your every move as you poured Cointreau into the cocktail glass and quietly waited for him to leave you alone again. He didn't budge, however, and when he realised that you intended to keep your silence, he quietly asked, "...How are you doing?"

"Great," you said and pressed your lips firmly together.

"Good..." Out the corner of your eye, you could see his head bopping up and down as he took you in, "I - uhm - I always liked you in green, you know," he grinned cockily. You knew he was just acting this way to get your attention but annoyingly enough; it was working for him. His comment made you dart your eyes towards him, shooting him an unimpressed sigh that he reciprocated with a careful smile, anxious to see if his compliment had tugged at your heartstrings. But even though his words had made your head dizzy and your diaphragm contract considerably, you still managed to keep a straight face as you took him in. His gaze was soft and satisfied, and a strange feeling hit your guts when you looked into his green eyes for the first time in over three years. Seeing the familiarity of his overly confident gaze made you realise that he hadn't exactly turned into the destructive villain that you had made him out to be after he had moved to New York three years ago. Behind the masculine beard and the buzzcut, the jokester with the soft chin and the long quiff was still in there. Your Rafa was still in there, and for a tenth of a second it made your heart ache as you wished for a time that he had long ago ruined.

He had clearly realised that you were checking him out because slowly, yet surely, his smirk grew considerably while he maintained eye-contact. It made you furious! He. Did. Not. Have. The. Upper. Hand. Taking in your angry expression, he shifted the weight on his feet while giving out a low chuckle, "I guess what I mean to tell you is that you look good. Like really good! - even when you're fuming."

"You look old," you stated flatly to make him stop feeling so overly confident.

To your dismay, however, he wasn't the least bit hurt by your comment but instead spluttered happily and let out a loud laugh, making the crow's feet around his green irises dance around as his eyes squinted tightly together in amusement. He looked irritatingly handsome, and it made you even more annoyed with him; he wasn't supposed to be amused by your low blow, he was supposed to be devastated!

You chewed your bottom lip as he annoyingly confident ran a hand through his beard and took you in with his forever playful smile. The fairy lights surrounding the self-service bar caught something shiny around his wrist as he caressed his chin, and you recognised the piece of metal immediately. It made you scoff, "you really still have that?" You nodded towards the golden band around his arm that you had given him for his 25th birthday some years ago. Even though it had been quite expensive, you'd figured that he had thrown it out long ago.

"You're kidding me?" He said incredulously, furrowing his brows and fiddling with the shiny links around his arm, "of course I still have this! It means a lot to me, I wear it every day!" He sent you a tentative smile, once again checking to see if he was so lucky that his words had defrosted you.

He wasn't.

"What?" He asked with an amused twinkle in his eyes when he took in your unimpressed face, "I swear; It's one of my most treasured possessions."

"Rafael... Just..." You let out a small sigh and folded your arms across your chest, "- just drop the pleasantries and tell me why you're really here," you demanded, "I highly doubt you're here to small talk."

"Aw come on - I'm just here for Nat's party. I didn't come to stir shit up. I promise!" He looked at you with honest eyes, still with a trace of a smile on his lips.

"Then why are you attacking me at the drinks table?" You were surprised to hear how steady you managed to keep your voice when it felt as if your entire body was shaking.

"I just wanted to say hi," he shot you a careful look, taking in every movement of your facial muscles, "You've been avoiding me all day."

"Wonder why," you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth, looking away from him.

"I know it seems like an unnecessary question but are you still angry with me?" He asked, his smile still in place but suddenly a bit stiff.

"I was angry at first. Now I don't really care about you anymore," you smiled overly-sweetly.

"Yeah okay," Rafa's stiff smile faltered a bit and it looked as if you'd finally managed to knock him slightly off his course. This probably wasn't how he had imagined the conversation to go. It was a nice feeling to see him slightly panicked. "Ehm..." he smacked his lips, "would you like me to leave?"

"Yes," you breathed, but even you could hear the thickness of the lie in your throat. Even though you were keen on keeping your distance to him, you were still terribly curious as to why he had passed you up three years after your horrible break-up. After all, it had ended in lies and angry tears.

His smirk turned amused, and he could barely hold back a triumphant chuckle when he spoke, "I can tell you're not being serious," he tilted his head to the side.

"My God, you are insufferable!" you said through gritted teeth, "just tell me why you're here!"

"Well..." he licked his lips before he slowly stated, "Sofía's pregnant."

He had barely finished pronouncing the word pregnant before you felt the blood immediately drain from your face. "You're... having a baby?" You breathed and blinked a few times, bracing yourself for his answer. After everything that had happened, you couldn't believe that the mental image of Rafa with someone else was still able to make your stomach ache horribly, and you were immediately reminded of the fact that you hadn't left him because you had fallen out of love with him.

"Am I having a...-? Oh God no!" He laughed when he understood, "Sofía as in my sister! My sister is pregnant! I'm about to be an uncle. Tio Rafa."

You felt a wave of relief wash over you when his words finally settled, and the blood quickly returned to your cheeks making them unbearably hot. "Well, congratulations then, I guess," you mumbled, trying to conceal your flustered face.

"Thanks!" He smiled proudly and put on a goofy expression.

"I still fail to see what your sister's pregnancy has to do with me."

"Well, you see..." he licked his lips, "Sofía and her boyfriend are constantly talking about baby-stuff, and who in their lives are important to them, and insurances, and dying wills, and things like that - and I guess it kinda made me think about stuff in my life too," he gave out an awkward shrug, shooting you a careful look, "you know... Unresolved matters and so on..."

"...and then you thought about me?" You scoffed.

"Yeah," he nodded carefully, "I miss you."

"Rafael..." you closed your eyes and sighed in disbelief.

"Oof," he winced and it made you open your eyes and look at him. "- could you stop calling me that?" He looked pained, "It's - it's weird!"

"Well it is your name, isn't it?"

"I know, I know... Hearing it from you is just - it's just weird..." he mumbled while rubbing his neck, "only strangers call me by my first name."

"We're practically strangers."

"We are?" He looked taken aback.

You shot him a sideways glance, "yes, we are Rafael," you sighed and watched how his nostrils did an involuntary twitch at the sound of his given name.

He merely grunted while shooting you a weird look.

"What?" You asked incredulously, "you don't agree?"

"No. No, not at all," he shook his head, "I know you."

"Not anymore you don't," you turned back to your drink, stirring it a little just to give your shaking hands something to do.

"I know every freckle of your body..." he said quietly, his voice so full of emotion that it made your heart ache. "I know why you have a scar on your left knee," he continued, "I know all your guilty pleasures. What makes you tick. Your likes. Your dislikes. Of course I realise that we didn't end optimally but you can't pretend that we don't know each other," he ran a hand through his beard.

As soon as the words had escaped his mouth, you shot him an angry look, "we didn't end optimally?!" You hissed at him, "well, it was your fucking choice to end it that way, wasn't it?"

"Ah, so you are still mad at me," He stated flatly, taking in your expression.

You managed to turn off some of the fire you felt in your eyes before you spoke, "No I'm not, Rafael. As I said, I don't care about you at all," you said coldly, "Is that all? Can I go back to my best friend's birthday party now, or are you in the mood to ruin yet another one of my nights?" You shot him a deadpan look.

"I can't force you to talk to me," he said quietly, his eyes huge with disappointment.

"What do you even want to talk about?" Your voice was laced with frustration, "it's been three years! I've moved on - I don't need this, Rafa!" You wanted to smack yourself when you realised that you had let his pet name slip.

"I just want to apologise. Properly..." he said quietly while awkwardly rubbing his elbow, decent enough to let the use of his nickname slide.

"Apologising is not going to change what happened."

"I know... but you still deserve a proper apology from the guy who hurt you."

You gave out a scoff but didn't say anything.

"Look," Rafa continued, "can you please just give me ten minutes alone with you? Some place quiet. Ten minutes and I swear, I'll never talk to you again if you don't want me to. I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I think we both need it."

You weighed the pros and cons. Maybe it would actually be good for you to get some closure so you could finally forget about him? You decided that you might as well try. It'd be nice to stop thinking about him for good. "Fine! You have ten minutes and not a second more!" you said sternly, "but let me be very clear about one thing: I am not doing this for you!"

"I know," he nodded slowly, and followed you to a deserted bench a little away from the rest of the party.

He sat down next to you with a content sound, "Cig?" he asked while holding out a crumbled package.

"I quit," you pushed the package away, your fingers briefly brushing over his. It made him smile slightly but he quickly concealed it by clearing his throat.

"Good for you," Rafa nodded while lighting a cigarette for himself, taking a long drag while looking at you. "So..." he said quietly, "I hear that you finally landed that job you used to work so hard for."

"If you just wanted to smoke cigarettes and small talk, we didn't have to go all the way back here," you crossed your arms.

"Tough crowd," he laughed, "come on. Just humour me for a bit... I miss talking to you."

You scoffed, "you have nine minutes and fourty-five seconds left, Casal."

"Nine minutes and fourty-five seconds," he nodded in agreement, "so... that job of yours - congratulations! Your hard work finally paid off, huh?" He tried again.

"Have you been stalking my linked-in?" You said sourly.

"Nah, Diggs gives me little updates," Rafa chuckled awkwardly, "-or he did for a while at least. Up until about a year ago when he got real angry with me," Rafa clenched his teeth tightly together, looking uncomfortable.

"Diggs got angry?" You said in disbelief. Out of the two, Rafa was definitely the hot-headed one.

"Oh shit, yeah!" He nodded with a laugh, "I know it's hard to believe because it's such a rare occurrence but that just made it so much scarier! For a second, I thought he would punch me in the face!"

"Well, that should teach you to keep your abnormally large nose out of my business," you scoffed slightly.

"That's what he said too," Rafa chuckled, "-and that if I wanted to know how you were doing, I should give you a call myself," he sent you a small smile, "- but I knew you would have my balls in a wrench if I suddenly called you up out of the blue."

"Correct."

He smiled, "yet here we are. Talking quietly without screaming at each other. My balls free as ever."

"You're lucky I left my wrench at home today, Casal."

He let out an amused snort and took another drag of the cigarette, "yeah, I can't believe my luck this evening," he smiled without looking at you, "hey, while we're on the subject of updates; I - uhm - I also want to let you know that I heard about your dad. I was very sad to learn about his passing."

You felt a sharp pain in your chest, and you held your arms a little closer to your chest, "Diggs told you about that too, huh?" You mumbled, unable to look Rafa in the eye. Even though little over two years had passed since your dad had died, thinking about him still hurt.

You felt Rafa nod beside you, "Yeah. He called me right after it happened... I know your dad meant a great deal to you. Meant a great deal to me too to be honest..." he sighed.

"I know..." you thought of the special bond the two men had always shared. Even long before you and Rafa had fallen in love, your dad had hoped that you would end up together.

"I was seconds away from flying home to see him off at the funeral, you know - but given how you and I ended things, I didn't think you should deal with me on top of losing your dad..." he shot you a sideways glance.

You decided not to tell Rafa about how you had woken up on the morning of the funeral, wishing that he had been there. Wishing that everything had magically gone back to normal overnight. Instead, you merely mumbled, "you should've come. My dad would've loved that... He always liked you."

"Yeah, I liked him too," Rafa nodded, "I still think about him every time I hear a terrible joke or see someone in a Laker's shirt."

"Oh god, all those fucking shirts," you groaned and thought of the hundreds of basketball shirts that your dad had had stacked neatly away in his closet. You couldn't believe that you had completely forgotten about them.

Rafa chuckled, "what did you end up doing with them? I imagine that you donated them in your dad's spirit."

"Naturally," you nodded and felt yourself uncross your arms for the first time since you'd sat down. "My mom kept one, and the orphanage got most but we auctioned off the rarest ones and gave the money to charity. That was what he wanted, you know."

"Ah, what an icon," Rafa sighed, "well, you should be proud of him and the work he did for the community. He was a great man. A proper role model for the bay."

You nodded in agreement while scanning Rafa. It was nice to talk about your dad with someone who knew him but who hadn't seen him fragile and sick. Someone who didn't think of him as his diagnosis, and you realised that for the first time since his passing, things actually seemed fairly back to normal. Sitting side by side with Rafa actually felt welcome and normal. Maybe you'd grant him a couple of minutes more of your time.

Rafa's eyes skirted away from you, and he nervously cleared his throat before he continued, "Uhm... not that it matters but did you - did you ever tell him about what happened between us?"

"My dad? No..." you shook your head with a sad sigh, "he loved you like his own son, and I didn't want to break his heart. So I just told him that we couldn't make the whole long distance-thing work."

"Oh, right... Thanks," Rafa nodded.

"I didn't do it for you."

"Still... I'm glad he didn't get to know that side of me. I'm not so sure he would've liked me if he'd known the truth about how I broke his daughter's heart."

"I'm not so sure either..."

"I - I hated myself after, you know," He looked over at you with a pained expression after a couple of seconds of silence, "I have never regretted anything more in my entire life."

"What? Not going to the funeral?"

"No. You know... What I did..." he said sheepishly.

"Oh..."

"The minute I woke up I - I wanted to undo everything," he looked at you pleadingly, "I felt so fucking terrible. Still do. I can't even think about it without wanting to stab myself. It is without a doubt the worst thing I have ever done, and I am so sorry for the pain it caused you," he said softly, "please understand that I didn't do it because I didn't love you. It wasn't because you weren't enough or something like that. You were perfect to me. I take full responsibility for the fuck-up, and I am so, so horribly fucking sorry!"

"Rafa, it's..." you gulped, the words somehow stuck in your throat. You were having a hard time acting as if his words meant nothing to you.

He carefully put his hand on top of yours before he continued, "do you think we would've been able to work around the long distance if I hadn't...?"

"Please don't..." you whispered and sent him a soft yet warning look, "I don't want to talk about what might've been."

"No, no of course not..." he nodded quietly, "I just - I can't believe it's been three years... Fuck baby I've missed you so bad," he carefully moved his thumb over the back of your hand and searched your face with furrowed eyebrows, "You have no idea of the relief I felt when I finally saw you today," he said quietly.

"Don't do this..." you closed your eyes and whispered.

Rafa continued as if he hadn't heard you, "I know we didn't work out the way neither of us pictured it but that doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that's ever happened to me..." he sounded desperate, and you couldn't look at him. The words he was saying was making you want to fall into his arms, "...I never should've let you go."

"Rafa," you sighed and summoned all your strength and looked into his glossy eyes, "you didn't let me go," your voice barely a whisper, "I broke up with you."

"I know, I know," his voice was oozing with pain, "but I hope you realise that I would've done everything to win you back. I would've come back to California if you'd only asked me to. Fuck the record deal."

"There was a reason why I didn't ask you to come back," you shot him a glance in warning, "you know that."

"Still, I should have done... something."

"You did exactly what I asked of you."

"Yeah... I stayed the fuck away from you," he mumbled. You could tell that he was replaying your last tearful conversation in his mind before he heaved a big gulp of air and glanced over at you with a valiant look in his eyes, "but I've come back to remind you who I really am."

"You don't have to remind me of anything... I remember who you were. What we had."

"Then let me be that guy for you again," he looked at you pleadingly.

"What's the point when you're still 3,000 miles away?" You sighed, "It's not as if we'll happen upon each other at the supermarket and go out for spontaneous coffees."

"Could be," he said with a small shrug, "I - uh - I'm moving back," he nervously ran his fingers through his short hair, "I want to be close to Sofía and the baby - and you."

"You're coming home?" You gulped. You couldn't believe him. Was this a good thing?

"Yes," he breathed, "And I want to try things out with you again. Please give me another chance..." his fingers moved from your hand to your knee. You briefly considered his words while you felt his thumb caress you through the green fabric of your dress. Right now, you were fighting hard to not give in to his embrace and the familiar set of lips in front of you, but you weren't sure how you'd feel about it come morning, so you remained poised.

He sensed your hesitation, however, and carefully put his forehead to yours "come on, baby," he said quietly and softly kissed your cheek, his lips warm against your skin.

"I don't know," you gulped as you involuntarily closed your eyes and breathed him in.

"It's okay," he said with whispered words, the stubble on his chin rough against your cheekbone, "you don't have to give me an answer right away," he gently kissed your jawline while his hand travelled from your kneecap to your fingertips, clearly desperate to remind you of what you could have back if you only agreed to let him in again.

"Rafa, I don't know," you said quietly although it was becoming harder and harder to remain steadfast and ignore his burning lips on your skin.

"Just consider it," he kissed the corner of your mouth, "I'll crawl. I'll beg," he whispered and pursed his lips against yours, "I'll do anything," he moved his body closer to yours, "just consider it," he whispered and placed a particularly gentle kiss to your already buzzing lips, "please baby."

You couldn't help yourself any longer and you involuntarily twitched your lips against his before you felt yourself being completely engulfed by him. The passionate kiss you shared was soft and bittersweet, reminding both of you of what had been.

His hands were caressing your neck and hairline and he hummed into your mouth as he savoured the feeling of finally having you kiss him back. "Fuck I've missed this," he gulped when he broke away and put his forehead to yours, his hand still on your cheek, "does this mean you'll at least consider it?"

"I'm still angry with you," you whispered without really answering his question.

"I know, love..." he caressed your cheek, "I was stupid," he searched your face, "it was a stupid mistake."

"Don't reduce it to a stupid mistake, Rafa," you whispered.

"Poor choice of words," he mumbled, "what I mean to say is that I hope you can forgive it," he placed a soft kiss to your jawline, "- forgive me."

"Even if I did forgive you, how do you expect me to ever trust you again?" You said quietly, and you knew that you couldn't dance around the elephant in the room any longer. "Rafa you had another girl's lips wrapped around your dick not even twenty-four hours after crying in my arms at the airport," you said with a heavy heart and watched him cringe his face at the harsh truth, "twenty-four after you'd sworn you'd do anything to make our relationship work despite the distance."

Rafa was still wincing when he spoke, "not that it's any excuse at all but I was exhausted and drunk and heartbroken," he croaked, "I had just left the love of my life behind in California... and this other girl was suddenly there and she got me high as balls and she-" he sighed without finishing his own sentence, "trust me when I say that it was the worst night of my life," he closed his eyes in a sad attempt at holding the tears at bay.

"Well at least you got a nice blowjob out of it." You smiled humourlessly, "I just wound up with all the lies you threw in my face."

"I never lied to you..." he mumbled, "I came clean as soon as you confronted me."

"How big of you!" you scoffed.

"Baby... I didn't tell you because I was so embarrassed," he gulped, the tears now evident under his green irises, "I wanted to throw myself off a cliff! I knew that if I told you, it would be the definite end of us," he looked at you with huge, bloodshot eyes, "I couldn't do that."

"I need you to understand that the worst part of it wasn't that you cheated on me. The worst part was that you pretended that nothing had happened at all," you couldn't tell whether the tears you felt in the corners of your eyes were from being angry or sad, "Imagine how dumb I felt when Diggs finally broke down and told me what you'd done," you said and Rafa suddenly couldn't hold back the tears any longer either.

"I wanted to tell you. Trust me, I wanted to," he sobbed.

"You had three weeks to say something to me for fuck's sake!"

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered.

"We facetimed every night for three weeks and you didn't say anything! You made a complete fool of me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" his eyes fixed at his own feet.

"Rafa, look at me!" you said in a harsh tone of voice.

Immediately, his red eyes found yours. He looked as ashamed of himself as he possibly could, "I was a coward," he whimpered, "-and I knew didn't deserve you."

"Then what makes you think you deserve me now?" You said coldly.

"I have spent the last three years trying to forget about you and what happened but no matter what I do, you still linger in the back of my mind. Even after all this time you're the only one I can ever see myself with. I always return to you. On sleepless nights, you're dancing on the back of my eyelids. I see you in other girls when I pass them by on the street. You're in all my poetry. All my songs. I think about you constantly. Maybe I don't deserve you but I at least had to try."

"Rafa you broke my heart," you looked him dead in the eye and he visibly gulped, "you betrayed my trust and you did it in the most despicable way I could ever imagine. It's been three years and I still cannot believe that you of all people would do that to me. You were my ride or die."

"I can still be that," he said desperately, clinging on to the last bit of hope he had in him, "I'm still that guy! The guy who cheated on you that wasn't me! I wasn't myself! I'm aware of the agony it caused, and trust me: I've learned from my mistakes," he looked at you resolutely before he whispered, "I'm still your ride or die."

His words made your stomach hurt and you felt the heat rise throughout your body as your throat clenched tightly together. You felt suffocated and stood up from the bench so fast that black spots distorted your vision. "I can't do this!" you said desperately, "it's too much!"

"Okay," he gulped, looking up at you with desperation written across his face.

"I have to go back to the party. Nat expects me to be there for her."

"Alright," he gulped. He was having a hard time concealing his obvious disappointment.

"Don't look at me like that!" you whimpered, "what did you expect? That you could shed a few tears and everything would be alright again?"

"No, of course not..."

"Then don't look so fucking disappointed! You're making me feel like the bad guy and I haven't even done anything!"

"I know," he gulped.

"Yet you still think a drunk conversation erases everything? That I will take you back just because you're feeling sorry? You obviously don't realise the damage you caused."

"Then tell me!" He too stood up from his seat, "I want to make things alright again," he pleaded.

"I don't need you to make things alright again! I was doing just fine before you showed up!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he sheepishly picked at his own elbow, "I just thought that maybe you felt the same way about me."

"I don't want you back!" You said roughly.

As soon as the harsh words had escaped your lips, you could see the heartbreak on his face; his cheeks paled, his lips quivered, a single tear left his right eye as he looked away. He ran his hand over the corners of his mouth, unable to look directly at you, "right," he said as a fresh set of tears formed in his eyes, "I'm sorry... I - uh - I had to try,” he sobbed although he was fighting to hold his voice steady, “I - uhm - I don't know what to say…”

"Don't say anything..."

"...so this is it?" His eyes found yours, "...for good?"

You nodded slowly but didn't say anything.

You watched how he opened and closed his mouth repeatedly without any words escaping him. He looked flustered, panicked almost when you turned around and stepped away from him. You could hear him panic-shift around behind you but he still didn't talk. He had probably expected you to take him back with open arms - anything but this!

Good. He deserved to fry a little.

And maybe you'd call him tomorrow. Just maybe.

#Rafael Casal #rafael casal x reader #Daveed Diggs #blindspotting #rafael casal fanfiction #rafael casal imagine #Bay boys

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marvelite624 · 3 years

Text

I asked Donny to run me by the cemetery first. I wanted to pay my respects to Mom, needed to feel her with me again, if only in spirit. I hoped the visit might provide clarity on where to go from here. She was always the first place I'd turn for guidance...if only she could guide me now.

"Here lies Rosalyn Elena Oatum-James and Martin O'Dell James...Mother and Father of two sons, Now at rest with the Angels" It was so beautifully engraved in the marble of the headstone. It was not exactly true though, just one more piece of the bombshell I was having to drop on my brother...and his family. Sarah and especially, Rebecca were deeply involved in all of this as well.

Donny stood just behind me as I told Mom how much I missed her. He rested his hands on my shoulders as I continued to say how much I needed her now. I know he didn't understand all of what I was saying while I asked for her guidance in the days to come. On the contrary, he was probably confused as hell by what he was hearing. "Gil? Are you in some kind of trouble? Can I help?", he offered.

"I'm going to be telling you everything before it's over, Donny. I've got a lot of...secrets I plan to share with you...and Frankie...a lot of truths to be told." "Secrets!? We all have some of those...tucked in with the skeletons...in the dark. I wish I could share mine.", his comment was curious and more than a little ominous sounding. The tone of his voice almost dipped into desperation there at the end. "How about we go for a drink somewhere?", I asked, "Let's go have some fun, my man, I know just the place!" "Race ya!", he quipped, as we quickly made our way back to his truck.

* * *

Jeb and I chose Chinese this time around. It felt strange again, without Donny there. Of course, there was never a dull moment with the redheaded goofball around. He sat there, drumming on the tabletop...and everything on the tabletop, his chopsticks clickin' and plinkin' away. The buffet wasn't up for some reason today, we'd had to order.

"Love the haircut, Jeb. I said...the haircut...would you please stop and put those things down? What are you now, 12?", I asked, exaggerating my annoyance. "Frank-ay, you know I stopped at 10, gimme a break here! Speakin' of which, how come you never told us you and Donny was hittin' it? Did'ja think we wouldn't get it or something?" "No, that wasn't it...I knew you wouldn't "get it". Cale, with his upbringin' an' all, his pop was a preacher for Christ's sake! And you, your mouth opened wider than the Mississippi, I wasn't about to tell you! Sides, there wasn't a lot to it really...we got drunk one night, you know how it goes." "Nope, not this time I don't...but, I do get it, buddy. I knew you two had gotten close, just didn't know how...", I stopped him there. "Look, Donny and me started somethin' we enjoyed, it was a thing for a while. It ended when you introduced me to Sarah. That's all, ok?" "Ok, ok! Chillax, dude!" "Just couldn't wait to get me alone so's you could ambush me, huh?", now I was annoyed. "Sorry, Frankie...I was just wanted to say, it's cool! That's all. You like the new do, huh? Linda hates it!"

And now, I felt like a real ass. Jeb was my oldest friend in this town, still just tryin' to be a friend. Like always, a heart of gold. "I was over at Cale's the other day. Lil' C was there too.", he'd changed the subject entirely. "He was spoutin' some nonsense about you startin' his truck with magic, said he got home from your place and, when he went to turn off the engine, it was already in the "off" position. Claimed he had to turn the key back and forth several times before the engine finally died." I looked around like I was lookin' for our waitress but, I saw him shift his eyes from the chopsticks he still fiddled with, to me. He was checkin' for my reaction; there wasn't one. He continued, "So, you got magic now, Frankie-boy? Or is Court just slingin' shit?"

"Yeah, I'm a regular Harry Potter, didn't you know?", I said it jokingly, Jeb wasn't amused. He smiled but caught the fact that I'd avoided the question. "You just seem different somehow, Frankie. I seen some freaky things lately, centered on you, I think. Flickerin' lights, sparks and such...an' you in the middle, madder than an old wet hen. Freaky stuff!" "Jeb, what are you gettin' at?" "That's just it, I don't know. I was hopin' maybe you..." "Hellooo, who orduh the egg lo an' flied won ton combination?" The waitress' timing was perfect. Nothing could distract Jeb like a plate of hot goodies. "Me, me! Aw, that smells so good!", she passed him the platter. I just hoped he'd start stuffin' his pie hole an' stop askin' me questions I was not prepared to answer. "Could I get some soy sauce and some o' that ducky sauce, an' another set o' chopsticks...?" Like I said, never a dull moment.

* * *

"Boots 'n Bottoms" was the local hang out for the gay crowd, the guys anyway. The ladies had their own dive a few blocks away, "The Pink Tank", if that was still the name of the place. I'd snuck into "Boots" a few times before I left for school, kept the fake ID for old times' sake. The place hadn't changed much and I was really surprised at such a huge showing so early in the afternoon. Was it a holiday and nobody told me?

Donny was acting weird, hesitant to journey into the burgeoning chaos. We moved along and managed to snag a booth toward the back, just as some guys were leaving. One of them stared us down as he passed, like we were a Chinese buffet or something. I just smiled and quickly, looked away. The guy tapped one of his friends who leaned out to see around him. Words were exchanged before they vanished into a wall of shuffling bodies.

"This place, Gil? Why this place?" It sounded like he really didn't want to be here. I wondered if he'd actually never been in a gay bar before. "I wanted to go where we could relax and be ourselves. Is there something wrong with coming here?", I asked. "Got some history with the place, not the good kind...if you know what I mean?" "Not really, no. We can go elsewhere though, if you'd prefer." "Naw, I'll be ok, I guess. Beer, mixed... what's your pleasure?" "Whatever they have on draft is fine, light if possible."

Several minutes passed while I sat patiently, trying to catch a glimpse of the bar as I waited. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the front. The crowd I was looking at backed towards me in a wave. "Oh, hell no!", I thought, pushing my way through them.

As I cleared the throng of sweaty, half-naked men, I couldn't believe my eyes. Donny had one guy bent backwards over the bar, one hand on his throat, the other about to ruin some good teeth. Another dude was practically climbing his back, punching at the side my guy's head. I grabbed the climber and threw him back, away from the fight and spun around to block his return. Donny slid his other attacker a few feet across the bartop and dropped him onto the floor. "Ok, we can go now.", I said, watching the climber rush to see about his friend. It was then that I recognized the pair as the Chinese buffet boys who had looked us over before.

Outside we climbed in and he cranked the truck just as the others were coming out. Donny flew past them, a bird finger prominently thrust out the window! "You going to tell me what that was all about?", I asked. "Yeah, I'll tell ya...back at my place. We can have drinks there but, you're not gonna like what I have to tell ya." All thoughts of "fun" were gone now, replaced by a sense of foreboding. It seemed maybe he was the one in trouble and needing help. I would know soon enough.

* * *

Becka deserted me and the apples as soon as Benji showed up at the door. She and Peskers rushed out to greet him. Benji was her "bestest friend", she never hesitated where he was concerned. I could see the swings and yard from several windows and let them have their fun whenever he was over. "Hello, Mrs. James. You doin' apples too? Grams has 'em all over the place at our house.", he'd said, then Becka grabbed him and skipped away. "You two be careful now!", I called after them, then just shut the door and went back to work.

Everything was back to normal, on the surface anyway. Frank was back at work, Becka on the swings with her future husband, Gil, maybe...off with his future husband...things were lookin' positively peachy at last. But, somethin' told me it was too good to be true. I took a minute to look at that x-ray and the 'fuzzy' spot the arrow pointed to. What the hell was that? No amount of light or change of angle made it any easier to see. There was somethin' there, but what?

Suddenly, Becka's radio came to life where I'd placed it on top of the fridge. "Out of sight, out of mind.", they say...so I'd put it out of sight. Becka was pickin' up some ideas she was still a little too young to process and I was tired of dodgin' her questions. But now, as I reached for it, the damn thing was scrolling noisily across the stations. Up and down it went, like it was searchin' for a particular settin'. Radios just don't turn themselves on or perform station searches like that. I held it there in the palm of my hand, staring as it went silent.

Without warning, startling me, a strange, electronic voice broke the silence, began to speak through it. I was reminded of the Transformers cartoons Becka was always watching on tv. "You are caregiver to the seed, the precious seed. You too shall I endeavor to keep safe.", it said. A chill ran down my spine, I nearly dropped it. "You and yours must be protected...I am with you. I am here." And nothing more. The radio fell silent and turned itself off again.

Where was Alan Funt or the "Impractical Jokers" when you hoped they'd jump out from behind the furniture pointing and laughing? No one was laughing, least of all me. I checked the nearest window...Becka and Benji were still near the swings, hopping around like rabbits or something. Could a ham radio have bled over? I didn't know how these things worked. Was that even possible? I placed the radio back, out of sight, slid the x-ray back into its' envelope, told myself that everything was still peachy and went back to work on my apples.

* * *

"Are you like that lady on tv my Grams is always watchin'?, Benji asked Becka. "Her name is 'Samantha' but they call her 'Sam' a lot. She wiggles her nose an' stuff happens, funny stuff mostly, weird stuff too." "I don' know, Benji." "They call her a witch. I've seen your eyes glow, Becka, it's real pretty...I know you fixed Grams' trees. Are you a witch?" "I don' know, Benji...do you think I'n a witch? Are you not my fwen no more if I yam?" "Aw, shoot no! I think it's neat! I could be your 'Darren' one day, that's her husband on tv. I think that would be neat too!"

"My eyes gwow?" "Yep, it's special and really, really pretty. Don't worry though. I can keep a secret, just like 'Darren' does." "I knows you won't tell nobody, Benji, your my bestest fwend, you won't make me in twubble, I just know it! Besides, if you did, I could turns you into a fwog and make you hops around all over." "I can already hop around, watch me!" He began to hop and, squealing as she always does, Becka joined her friend in a game of leap frog. They laughed and played for a long time. Everything was just peachy.

(to be continued in Part 14)

•This is an original work of fiction and labor of love, written by me, Terry G. Nunley.

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xxkellsvixen19xx · 5 years

Text

Forget Me Not Jim Mason x Reader 50 First Dates AU Pt 2

@michael-langdon-appreciation

Y/N couldn’t look away.

The blue eyes were part of it-the only thing familiar on Jim. Even they seemed slightly different, though, as she’d never seen him stare back at her with quite that expression before.

The one that said he was a split second away from swooping in to protect her. Which she might have liked the idea of in principle, but right now, no way.

After two months of having people walk on eggshells around her, she did not need another babysitter. Especially not Jim. Her own big brothers were more than enough of a pain in the patootie. Having the guy who turned her insides to sexual jelly acting all sympathetic and concerned-

Nope.

She wanted him looking at her with a grown-up expression, not as if she were delicate china. Even if currently she was concentrating very hard to stay vertical and not dash back to the bathroom.

Stupid stomach flu.

Another wave of dizziness struck. "Jim-this is fun and all, but I need to call it a night.” Jim blinked before straightening, the entire solid package of male shifting awkwardly toward the door. Like he was hesitating between reaching for her or following her request.

She slipped past him and caught the doorknob, swinging the door open so she could use the solid frame as an anchor to keep herself vertical.

"Okay. I'll go." He paused. "You need anything?"

Y/N clutched the door harder. "Twenty-four hours' shuteye, but thanks for asking." Jim paced forward reluctantly. "I hope you’re feeling better soon."

She lasted until he was in his truck before she locked the door and raced for the bathroom. Classy. Elegant. Way to impress the guy. She couldn’t muster the strength to feel embarrassed. Crawling into bed after she'd rinsed her mouth was the only thing on her mind.

Although the feverish dreams she had that night of Jim Mason doing dirty things to her were a lovely distraction.

Two mornings later the flu was still hanging on, though the nausea was no longer a 24/7 thing. With the fresh taste of toothpaste lingering on her tongue, Y/N strolled into her living room.

Medina had taken up residence on the couch, feet propped on the coffee table. "Sick again?" she asked.

"Duh." Y/N lowered herself gingerly into a chair. "You're the master of the obvious today. Stupid flu bug will not let go of me."

A pale pink box flew across the room, and Y/N caught it instinctively.

"If I’m the Queen of obvious, then you’re my lady in waiting. Flu, shmuu."

She twisted the box toward her, reading out loud. "First Hint. The early pregnancy detection- Hokey spit.Medina."

"If the morning sickness fits ..."

Protests at this point were futile, but there were other more important issues. "Please tell me you didn’t buy this at the local Safeway."

"You think I'm stupid?" Medina folded her arms across her chest. "I was in CVS Pharmacy yesterday. No one we know anywhere around, and yes, I looked. Now go pee on the stick so I can tell you I told you so."

The whole idea was stupid.

Impossible.

But...

The twinge of doubt at the back of her brain was enough to tip Y/N into caving. "Stay here,” she ordered. "I don't need supervision."

Her friend had already opened the box and pulled out what looked like a small stir stick. She held it forward. "Have a ball." Medina retreated enough to give Y/N a moment’s privacy, but she had to admit it was kind of nice to have her there as they stared at the stick lying on the counter.

"If that thing let off a bang about now, I bet we'd both scream loud enough they'd hear us in Winterfell,” Medina quipped.

Y/N looked away for a moment to brace herself. If it was positive, what then?

Pregnant.

On top of everything else?

"How could I be pregnant, Medina?"

Medina held the stick in the air, the two pink positive lines clear and bold. Undeniable.

"Fuck." Y/N leaned on the bathroom door, working to calm her breathing. "Okay, I can deal with this. It's not the end of the world. It's ..." Bursting into tears was the last thing she’d intended, but it happened. A moment later she was being supported by Medina’s firm hug. Petted and coddled all over again like her brothers had been doing for the past two months, but this time she wanted the pampering. At least for a few minutes.

When she pulled herself together, Medina handed her a fresh wad of tissue to replace the set she'd ravaged. Y/N wiped up the last of her tears. "Thanks for being a brat and bringing me the test."

They shuffled awkwardly for a moment before Medina sighed. "Not much use hanging out here unless you want me to try to break into your passwords on the computer again."

"That’s not important right now. I have other things to worry about." Y/N groaned. "And now that I know why I'm sick, I guess I'll find some ways to feel better."

"Rest. More vitamins." Medina nodded. "I'll do some research."

One great big secret that was only going to get bigger. Literally bigger. Y/N wandered into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea while she considered. There was a person growing inside her. She tossed a piece of bread into the toaster, staring out the window as the timer clicked down, the noise echoing in the silent house.

A baby.

click. click. click.

It was clear. She was going to be a mom.

Now the mystery was...would there be a dad or not? That one wasn't nearly as cut and dried.

Jim stared at the house, wishing he’d done this right the first time, immediately after getting home. Six days was as long as he could wait before nearly going stir-crazy. Bubbling inside were far different emotions. Holding back was too much to ask, and he didn't want to wait any longer.

Y/N needed to know what they’d done. What they’d agreed to. She’d had time since the accident. If their relationship ended up being another issue to deal with, at least they’d deal with it together. That didn’t make him an asshole.

He knocked on the door, anxious to get started.

The woman who greeted him was still on the green side, and his heart went out to her even as his gaze took in the rounded curves under her housecoat.

"You still sick?"

She shrugged. "Feeling a bit better. What's up?"

Had to seem strange since he didn't usually drop in on her like this. Not before they'd ... "I need to talk to you."

Y/N frowned. "Something wrong with my brothers? Or at the office?"

"No, nothing. This is personal."

That only seemed to confuse her more. "Give me a second to pull on some clothes, okay?" "No, nothing. This is personal."

He shook his head. "I needed to talk to you about your accident. More specifically, the night before."

Y/N collapsed onto the couch. "This is old boring territory, Jim. I don't-"

"Humor me. I know it's boring because you’ve said it a million times, but I haven’t heard it."

"I was out for the night. Went home. Got my car the next morning, and went off the road into the ditch and bumped my head. You think book or movie options would sell better?"

He ignored the snark. "How did you get home from the bar?"

She opened her mouth, then closed it quickly. "Oh. You drove me. Thanks, if I didn't say it before."

Damn it.

Jim let a growl of frustration escape. “Y/N, We weren’t worried about our please and thank-yous when we got here that night."

Her eyes widened. "What are you talking about?"

He lowered himself beside her on the couch and slipped his hand over hers. "Something happened that night. We both wanted it, and if I hadn’t gone north, we'd be together now."

Her entire body went rigid. "Together, as in how?"

Jim stroked her fingers gently, willing her to at least remember his touch. "We made love, Y/N. A bunch of times. And it was hot and amazing, and I can't wait to do it again."

The pallor of her skin brightened as twin red spots flushed her cheeks. "We...made love. After you drove me home." Her confusion was understandable, so he nodded and went on.

"I know it was shitty timing, not only because of the accident, but because I had to leave the next day. I'm so sorry I wasn’t here for you. Sorry you had to deal with your accident without me around, but I intend on being here for you from now on. No matter what you need."

Y/N stomped away a few feet before twirling on him. "Okay, that wasn't nice. I'm glad you feel like one of the family, Jim, but I certainly never thought you were the type to be willing to sacrifice your entire future on a whim like this."

Somewhere their wires had gotten crossed. "I have no idea how me being a foster kid, or your family, is even involved in this discussion, or what the hell sacrificing my future means. Before I left we said we would work on being together. On spending time and getting to know each other more."

Quite honestly she grew even more confused, agitated even. She couldn't remember any of this, her mind seemed to have a road block.

"Sweet sentiment, especially when you toss in having a kid. Babies aren’t something you can return to the store when they become inconvenient, Jim."

Wait. What? "Babies? What are you talking about?"

She froze with her mouth open as panic slipped into her eyes.

A pit opened in front of Jim, and he stood with one foot in midair over the unfathomable depths. He took in all the signs, lined up the data, then waited for his ability to speak to return. "Wait, are you telling me you're pregnant?"

Holy shit.

Holy fuck.

Holy crap.

Y/N took a deep breath before muttering her response. "So. That went well."

"Answer the question." Jim narrowed the gap between them. "Are you serious? You're pregnant?"

She frowned. "You sure you didn't know?"

"How could I know? Oh man, Y/N. I had no idea." Jim wasn't sure his feet would continue to hold him. It might be a cop-out, but the room was wavering. "I need to sit down." He stumbled backward and collapsed onto the couch. Y/N was pregnant. They'd had sex, she'd had an accident, and he... They. She.

Jim lifted his gaze to meet hers. "How far along are you?"

It was her turn to pause. "Oh, shit, you’re not serious, are you?"

"About what?"

Y/N dropped into the seat opposite him. She made the most hysterical face as she scratched her head. "Good grief. Okay-for the sake of discussion, let’s assume you’re telling the truth. You drove me home and we spent the night knocking boots."

"It is true."

She glared at him. "Let me talk this through without interruption, or I will kick your ass out the door."

His head was still spinning from trying to process the idea of a baby on the way. "You've gotten an attitude since I left," he observed.

"Comes from being knocked around and knocked up." She stared at the ceiling before leaning forward and asking very earnestly. "Now if we did the horizontal mambo, was there a reason why I'd be pregnant? Did we not use a condom? Did it break?"

Jim shook his head. "We used protection, every time. Including in the shower."

Her cheeks went bright red at his comment, but she pushed forward. "Then it makes no sense. It couldn't be you. If...you know, we did what you said."

"It can happen. Condoms aren’t fool proof, and we were pretty enthusiastic." His stomach was in knots. Jim paused. He wasn't trying to get out of his responsibilities, but it would be stupid not to get all the details. "You had the accident the day after I left. Not to be indelicate, but have you been with anyone since?"

She snorted. "Are you freaking kidding me? I’ve been lucky to go shopping without supervision. Jim nodded. "I can believe that. Okay, then. Mystery solved." He dragged a hand through his hair, wondering if he should go hug her or kiss her, or do something other than sit like a bump on a log as he attempted to get over the shock.

Y/N grimaced. "Urn..."

He saw her, heard her, but his brain was racing a million miles an hour.

A baby.

Sweet mercy, he’d had one night with Y/N, and they'd gone and got her pregnant. There was so much wrong with that in so many ways he could barely put one thought behind another. He wanted her. Wanted to care for her, and be there for her. Being a father? Not on the list of things he had planned. Not today, maybe not ever.

Time to think was good. Jim resisted glancing at his watch, because he didn’t give a fuck it wasn’t even noon. His thinking time was going to require a couple hard shots of liquor. "I'll call you this afternoon."

She shook her head. "Tomorrow."

Blast it all. Jim took advantage of his height and crowded her. "Look, I'll admit it. I'm more than a touch floored right now, but that doesn’t change what’s important. I care about you, and whether or not you believe me, I know there is a good possibility I'm the father of your baby. So we can think things through, and talk about them, but there is one thing I want to make clear right now. I will be in your life, Y/N. I will be there to help you, and there is nothing you can say that will change my mind."

For the first time since their strange conversation had begun, a faint hint of a real smile teased her lips and the lines at the corners of her eyes softened. She laid a hand on his crossed arms. "Thank you."

He didn’t remember leaving. Next thing he knew he was in his truck tearing down a quiet back road. The radio remained silent while the snow blanketing the fields rose and fell like an endless sea around him.

Y/N was pregnant, and he was going to be a father.

Flash back to 1 year ago…

Y/N started on her favorite thing at breakfast time. The waffle house. She had finished the structure then was having trouble with the door. The piece fell in the house and Y/N was digging it out carefully with her fingers. Oh no. please don't ruin the house She pulled the piece out and tried again and almost lost it again.

All of a sudden she heard a voice, "Y'know, why don't you try this?" She saw a toothpick go through the piece of waffle house to be the door. She looked up at where the voice came from and saw a guy about her age looking at her. "Now why didn't I think of that?" She said kind of shyly. She kept avoiding eye contact with him. "Well you're too close to the project, don't be too hard on yourself." "You're right." "Sometimes you need an outsiders perspective."

Jim looked at her and smiled. "A fresh eye never hurts." "I'm Y/N." She looked in his eyes and was waiting for his hand to meet hers. He stretched his hand out and grabbed hers with both of his hands. "Yes." "I'm Jim Mason." "Nice to meet you." Their hands let go and they kept staring into each-others eyes. Then Henry broke the silence by saying, "It's pretty, keep up the good work."

"I see you're sitting there alone." "Um, do you want to come sit down?" "Sure, Sure." "That would be great." Jim whispered. "So are you an architect?" She looked into his eyes. "I am not, I work at an aquarium." Y/N smiled. Then looked at him. "Oh, so that's where the smell is coming from." She could see the embarrassment in his eyes. "Yeah, yeah I was feeding the walruses this morning and I thought I got most of it off of me, but I guess not." She saw him take the lemon out of his water and rub it on his hands. She kept staring down at his hands thinking in her head. She then smiled. "I love that smell." "No you don't." "Fish don't even like that smell."

"The best smell in the world." Jim's eyes met Y/N's again and then..."Well, my fingers are available for your sniffing pleasure anytime you need them."

One year seemed like ages ago, Jim held down a job at the time at a local aquarium in PV. The first time he had ever met Y/N was at a local diner, a fond memory but one she may not remember. Jim was deep in thought during the drive, if she didn't remember then he guessed that if he recreated them maybe it might jog her memory.

It was like some nightmare she couldn’t quite wake up from. The only thing keeping her from flipping out completely was the knowledge she had a roof over her head for the long run. The house was hers, lock, stock and barrel, an inheritance from her mom, along with enough money to make being a single mom bearable until the kid was in school and she could work more full-time hours.

And... It wasn’t right, but the other thing grounding her? The expression in Jim's eyes the other day-So serious. So determined and solid in spite of his surprise about the baby.

She leaned on the wall and practiced breathing out her frustration in time with the slow, steady scrapes of the shovel outside her door. Whoever had been clearing her driveway, and the even rasps were strangely calming.

Eventually the noises stopped, and the doorbell rang. She expected to see one of her brothers, although they usually stormed in, no matter how often she asked them to knock. Instead it was Jim who leaned on the shovel he’d just finished using on the sidewalk. Somehow he still managed to look all dangerous and sexy even considering the pink plastic handle.

He grinned. "Morning."

Y/N glanced past him at the walkways. "Morning. You've been busy."

She opened the door and let him pass. He'd toed off his boots and followed her into the living area.

They settled across from each other, his gaze staying firmly on her face. Y/N ignored him best she could as she gathered the papers strewn on the table.

The silence stretched on for far too long.

"So..." Jim broke off then cleared his throat. "I hate that there's this wall between us. I'm not going to walk on eggshells anymore, so if I step over a line, tell me to go to hell, okay? We can stop this stupid awkwardness and be honest with each other."

"Fine by me." Y/N leaned back and waited for whatever bomb he wanted to drop this time.

She shrugged. “Life goes on as usual. I try to get over this stupid amnesia as it relates to numbers so I can go back to working at the garage. I take it you'll be starting up at the shop?"

Jim frowned. "I meant what about us?"

Oh boy.

"I..." He wanted honesty. Y/N lifted her eyes to meet his square on. "I like you, Jim Part of me really hopes what you're saying is true because I've would like to get involved with you. I am just frustrated I don't remember anything about us.Of course, that means if we did fool around and I've forgotten, I'm doubly pissed off, because I'd been waiting forever, and it's just wrong to have lost those memories. "

His smile had widened the sexy one that melted her butter faster than it should. "Trust me; I can hardly wait to make some new ones."

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. She held up a hand as if to ward him off. "But we can't. Not yet."

Confusion crowded his expression. "If you want to be with me, and I want to be with you, then why aren’t we getting together, Y/N? Why aren’t we facing the future, and your pregnancy, as partners the way we should?"

A wave of sadness and frustration rolled over her leaving her exhausted. " I admit that I do like you, Jim, but as far as I know we've never even kissed. How on earth can I simply go 'hey, okay' and dive headfirst into a long-term relationship with you? None of it makes sense, and not being sure is frustrating me more and more."

Anger boiled over, and she whipped the pillow from her hands. It spun across the room, narrowly missing a table lamp. Y/N pressed her fists against her temples as she fought to settle down.

Stupid hormones. Or maybe the "new Y/N ” had triggered her over-the-top response. The one with far too much vinegar in her blood.

Jim hadn’t taken his gaze off her. Jim was on his feet in an instant, gently rubbing her upper arms as he made soothing noises. He pulled her against his chest, and it wasn’t sexual, just comfort and understanding.

Y/N twisted her face to the side, slipped her arms around him and accepted his hug. Let the warmth of the embrace twine around them. Let the smooth repetitive touch of his hands down her back relax away the tension. She stood there in his arms for a good five minutes before all the frustration and fire had eased off enough that she could finally take a deep breath.

Jim squeezed her a little tighter. "I'm here for you. Like this, if nothing more. My commitment has no agendas, no deadlines. Just one moment after another until we make it through."

Under her cheek his heart pumped out a smooth, even tempo, and Y/N clung tight. To the firm support of his body and gentle touch of his hands. While she wants him in some half-dreamed-of sexual-fantasy world, right now things were still so unsettled.

It was nice to have one solid place to stand. One solid individual she could lean against who helped stop the spinning, even for a moment. She stepped away from him reluctantly. As nice as it was to have his support, she wanted to get her life back .

Credit to @carolthors

#jim mason #tribes of palos verdes #fan fiction

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