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galadrieljones · 4 years

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As You Were (Chapter 10)

Fandom: The Last of Us | Pairing: Joel x OC | Content: Fix-it, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Found Family, Joel Lives | Rating: Mature

Masterpost

Summary:

When Joel and Ellie take a wrong turn on their journey from Pittsburgh to Wyoming, they find themselves lost in what feels like a time warp: a beautiful place with a dark and dangerous secret, filled with painful reminders of the past. But they aren’t alone. When they meet Cici and Noah, a mother and son fighting tirelessly for survival, things change. For those with little hope to spare, family is what you make it.

This is an AU, starting after the events of the Summer chapter in the first game, and extending into the timeline of the second.

Chapter 10: The Yellow Brick Road

“Goodnight, baby girl.”

Around ten or so, Ellie was sitting in the window of the farmhouse, looking out at the rain. She was carving into a piece of wood with her knife, something she’d picked up outside. Her carvings had no direction and no intentionality. She didn’t know how to carve shapes out of wood, but she thought that would be neat to learn someday.

“Hey, Ellie. Do you want some cocoa?” said Cici. She was heating milk in a pan on the stove. She had her hair down and she was wearing soft pajamas. She looked pretty and mild in a way that seemed to Ellie as effortless.

“You guys have cocoa?” said Ellie.

Cici smiled. “We do. But no marshmallows, I’m sorry to report.”

“I definitely want some cocoa."

They all sat around in the living room, drinking their cocoa, which was delicious. Cici had some music playing quietly on the record player. It was Elton John, his Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road album from the 1970s. Ellie didn't recognize it, but like with most things she had never experienced before, she thought it was pretty neat. The music didn’t seem to bother Danielle and Becky and it brought a sort of nice, old fashioned feel to the house as if all was normal and everything would be okay, even if somewhat haunted by the past. Danielle and Becky were worried about Danielle’s father Jeb, and her brother Zach, who had been out hunting since that morning. They were supposed to be gone overnight, but the storm and the Infected was putting pressure on the situation.

“They’ll shoot if they have to,” said Danielle, comforting Becky with her hand on her knee. Danielle was sturdier and less concerned. She was also not pregnant. That seemed to make a difference, thought Ellie. “They know what to do.”

“I locked your house tight,” said Cici. “No more sick will get in.”

“What if they break through the windows?” said Becky.

“They would only do that if there was something inside they wanted,” said Cici. “The house is dark and quiet, which is important. The sick are generally less active at night around here, because there’s just less sound.”

“Thank you,” said Becky, her red hair still braided tightly to her head, though it was getting piecey around her temples. “That’s a good reminder.”

Ellie sipped her cocoa, looking down into its chocolatey depths, thinking about how Cici was thoughtful in the way she referred to them as “sick.” The Amish girls did not seem to look at the Infected as if they were inhuman, but as if they were merely humans who had gotten sick. What if the people are still inside? Sam had said.

I'm scared of that happening to me.

Cici came over and sat down next to Ellie. Together they looked down at their cocoa, then back to the fire. Danielle had gone to the kitchen for a glass of water, and Becky had gone with her. She seemed too anxious to be alone. They were leaning against the counter now, and speaking another language, which Ellie obviously did not recognize.

“They’re speaking some sort of German,” said Cici, like she had read her mind.

“That’s so cool,” said Ellie. “What do you think they're talking about?”

”Probably Noah.”

”Noah?”

”Danielle has a crush on Noah,” said Cici, taking a sip from her cocoa. “She always has.”

”Seriously?” said Ellie.

”Yeah,” said Cici. She had her hands tucked into her sleeves. You could only see the tips of her fingers where she held the mug. “I think he liked her, too, but it was short-lived, more than a year ago, and he’s very stoic.”

”What happened?”

“William died,” said Cici, shrugging. “Noah sort of gave up after that. On a lot of stuff.”

”Geez,” said Ellie. “I’m sorry.”

”Don’t worry. I think he's finally starting to come back around,” said Cici. “But at the end of the day, Danielle’s Amish, and Noah’s not. Her religion would never allow it anyway.”

”Religion?” said Ellie. “Why would that matter? Aren’t there more important things?”

Cici shrugged. “Maybe to us.”

A little bit later, Ellie thought she saw a set of headlights come swooping up the hill, some ways down the driveway, out behind the electric gate near the trees. Ellie got spooked. She realized who it had to be, and she set down her cocoa on the coffee table and went running for the window.

“Ellie?” said Cici.

She could feel everybody looking. She touched the glass. “They’re back,” she said.

“Should you call your mom on the radio?” said Joel. He was pulling in through the trees, up the long driveway, toward the gate. It was dark, deathly quiet. “I don’t think they’re expecting us so soon.”

Noah had been quiet for most of the ride. He said, “Yeah, I'm on it.”

He took out the walkie as Joel put the truck into park, but then he thought he saw something unsettling waver over by the tree line, kind of a scribbly noise in the dark. He killed the engine, gestured for Noah to be quiet. Together, they listened. They could hear the crickets, the wind in the trees.

Then, the walkie went off. It was Cici, startling them both. She said, “Noah, is that you guys? Over.”

In the long night of the silent countryside, even the slightest disturbance could draw out the enemy. Joel shook his head, and Noah turned off the radio. Coming out of the trees then, almost immediately, interested in the sound from the truck, it was a clicker. Then one more. Then another. Noah and Joel both picked up their guns.

"If we molotov those things, more will just come out of the trees," said Noah.

“I’m guessing the fence is hot,” said Joel.

“Definitely,” said Noah.

“We need your mom to turn off the fence so we can get inside. They’re clickers, so I reckon we can make it, if we’re quiet.”

Noah turned on the walkie. He said, softly. “Mom. Do you copy? It’s us, but there’s a problem. Over.”

The frequency was quiet. Nobody was responding.

“Mom?” said Noah. “Mom, are you there?”

There was a tussle then. It was Ellie. She had picked up the radio. “Noah?” she said. “Is it you guys?”

“It’s us,” he said. “Hey. Where’s my mom?”

“She’s heading out to the crow’s nest. She told me to stay here until she radioed.”

“Shit,” said Noah. “Is the fence hot?”

“Yeah,” said Ellie. “She said to turn it off when she gives the all-clear.”

Noah looked at Joel, who took the walkie. “Ellie?” he said.

“Joel?” said Ellie. She sounded relieved to hear his voice. “Hey. Holy shit. Are you guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” said Joel. “But we got clickers, outside the electric fence. We’re still in the truck.”

“Clickers?” said Ellie

A floodlight came on overhead then, sudsing the earth with pure white light and surprising the hell out of them. Joel had to shield his eyes. The sound it made, a great, electric humming, was enough to draw attention from the clickers, who screamed.

“Ellie, kill the fence,” said Joel, fixing to get the hell out of there.

“What about Cici?” she said.

“Just do it.”

Ellie obeyed. They both exited the truck at the same time. Something exploded behind them then, a long, fiery curtain. They stumbled forward, and the clickers went straight to the fire—them and twenty more, emerging from the darkness. Joel and Noah made a break for the gate. Noah hauled it open, but its convulsive moaning brought some more Infected out of the trees. Joel fired his pistol a few times into the darkness, then pulled the gate closed behind them, dropped the latch, and shouted into the radio for Ellie to hit the power. Ellie confirmed. They backed away then as a handful of runners rushed the fence. They were gutted by the electricity and burned to death in minutes, crumbling into char. The smell was terrible. Soon, all went quiet aside from the fire burning through on the other side, crackling as an ode to summer.

“What the hell just happened?” said Joel. It must have been two molotovs, maybe three to start a fire that fast and big.

“Mom?” Noah shouted up, toward the crow’s nest

“It was me,” said Cici. She was climbing down the ladder.

"It was you?" said Joel.

“Thank Jesus that worked.” Cici almost started crying as her boots hit the ground. She had been carrying her rifle which she dropped when she saw Noah. She ran to him and grabbed him by the ears. He hugged her tight, picked her up off the ground. “Thank god,” she said. “Thank god you’re okay.” Then she looked at Joel. “Thank you, Joel. Thank you.”

Joel simply nodded chivalrously, having done his part. Then, looking away so as to spare them their privacy and switched on the radio again. He said, “Good work, Ellie.”

“I’ll come out and meet you,” she said.

“No, you stay right there, where it’s safe,” said Joel. “I’m coming. Over and out.”

Ellie waited on the porch. She was ringing her hands. She hadn't realized how freaked out she'd been until that very moment. When Noah and Cici came up first, they were talking about things she couldn’t hear. Ellie watched them with a strange kind of longing and excitement, even as she felt she should probably look away. She couldn’t help it. Noah had his arm around Cici's shoulders, seemed to be reassuring her about something. Ellie had never known that sort of love before, or ever really even seen it up close. She found it to be fascinating, like watching a movie, but she was in it.

Noah saluted her as they walked by and said, “All clear, cap'n.”

She laughed.

Joel was coming up, too. He was looking around, as if on patrol. When he saw her though, he dropped his guard and smiled in this kind of bashful way. Then he came up the steps and hooked his thumbs over his belt. "Hey there," he said.

Ellie was relieved to see him. She was relieved that he was not dead. And it was not just seeing him that put her at ease. It was his bigness, and how he filled his space. His familiar smell and how it never seemed to change. She held her hands behind her back now and said, “Hey. You made it.”

"I told you we would,” said Joel. He reached behind him then, took something out of his back pocket. It was all rolled up. “You did good back there. You and Cici both. You saved us.”

“Thanks,” she said.

“I got this for you.” He handed her the sweatshirt.

Ellie took it, shocked and confused. She immediately fanned it out, and got excited. “Holy shit,” she said. “This is for me?”

“Yes ma’am,” said Joel. “Try it on. Make sure it fits.”

She tugged it over her head and held her arms down by her sides. It was soft inside. It fit perfectly. She looked right at him and said. “How do I look?”

“Very collegiate,” said Joel. He rumpled her on the hair, once. She thanked him, stood there vibrating, just for a minute. Then she followed him into the house.

There was a moment that evening when Joel felt himself living a momentary crisis. Keenly aware of all that had happened, he sipped cocoa and looked down at his hands. He had felt a seam rip, somewhere inside his chest, exposing a raw piece of his memory from the past twenty years. He could not pinpoint when it had happened, but he felt it now. Cold inside, he was looking out the window and leaned with his forehead on the glass. Cici had turned off the floodlight, leaving the night as quiet as it had been when they’d arrived.

At some point, Danielle, the Amish girl with the yellow hair came up beside him and stood as little and straight as a candle. It sort of took him by surprise. She said, “Hello, Joel.”

She had been introduced to him earlier. Her and her pregnant sister-in-law. Joel glanced down at her and straightened up proper, a product of his good Texas manners. “Hello,” he said. “Danielle, is it?”

“That is right,” said Danielle. She looked out the window then, into the depths of the night sky. “I just wanted to ask a question. Did you happen to see any other men while you were driving over the ridge?”

“No,” said Joel, thinking on it. “No, I don’t believe we did.”

“Okay,” she said, disappointed, looking down at her boot laces. “Thank you. I would have asked Noah, but he is busy.”

“You missing someone?” he said.

“My father and brother,” she said. “They went out hunting earlier today.”

“They know their way around the land?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then I’m sure they’re fine,” said Joel. “I’m sure they just took shelter from the storm. It was pretty strong.”

“Thank you,” said Danielle. “I’m sure you’re right.”

Joel glanced back to Noah. He had been talking to Cici and Ellie over at the kitchen table, about what they’d learned back in La Crosse. “Are you and Noah friends?”

“Yes,” she said. “I mean, sort of. We’re the same age. I have known him a long time.”

“Do you all know what’s happening, with the land around here? The rivers?”

“Yes,” said Danielle, wistful. “We do. I know that Cici and Noah are preparing to leave because of it, with you and Ellie.”

“What will you do, you and your family?”

“I think we will go north,” she said, her hands balled up in the front of her dress. “We have lost everyone, and now our farm, too. We cannot stay here, especially not alone.”

“I’m very sorry,” said Joel. “About your farm, your family, your community. All of it.”

“Thank you, but you don’t need to say anything,” she said. “The Lord gives, but he also takes away. We’ve heard of other communities up north of La Crosse who may welcome us, many include Amish.”

“We met a couple of guys from a place called Midway. You know it?” said Joel.

“Yes, we have heard of it.”

“They seem to have a good thing going on, north of the spores. I’m sure they could use people like you, farmers and such.”

“Becky and I have many skills that we think we could offer. And my father and Zach, that’s my brother, they are very skilled as well.”

“There you go,” said Joel, smiling. She seemed broken somehow, very sad. He felt a little embarrassed for noticing. He said, “Are you doing okay? You just worried about your dad?”

“Yes,” she said, trying to liven up a little. She put on a very good happy face. She said, “But I’m sure you’re right. I’m sure they’re fine.”

“Okay then.” He looked back out the window. In the reflection on the glass, he could see Danielle, looking back toward the kitchen table. Noah looked up, right at her, just for a second, and she immediately turned back toward the window and sighed. Joel wondered, briefly. Perhaps? He sipped some more of his cocoa.

“Noah is brave,” she said. “Him and Cici. They have helped us for so long. It is scary to imagine life without them.”

Joel felt that same seam tugging open again, from before. It caused him strife, but it was also easy to jury-rig it shut, for now. The cocoa was warming his soul. It was trying to make his problems seem silly. “I know what you mean,” he said.

“How long have you known Ellie?”

“Not long,” said Joel.

“Well, she speaks highly of you,” said Danielle. “It seems you have been through a lot together. Do you think that sort of thing can change someone?”

“Yes, I do,” said Joel.

That night, he and Ellie were getting ready for bed in the upstairs bedroom. Danielle and Becky were sleeping in Noah’s room, across from Cici’s at the end of the hall, and Noah was sleeping downstairs. As Ellie brushed her hair in her gray pajama pants and her new sweatshirt, Joel sat thinking and looking down at his knuckles. Noah was still awake downstairs. You could hear him playing some music on the record player, real low. It was Elton John, something very old that he only remembered because it was a golden classic that he might have heard on the oldies radio station when he was a kid, or that his grandma might have listened to back at the dairy farm in Odessa. It was a song called Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road. The song was nostalgic.

Goodbye, yellow brick road, where the dogs of society howl.

“Hey, Joel?” said Ellie.

She was turned around now, looking back at him, holding the brush in both hands. She looked like a little girl.

“Yes,” he said.

“I was just wondering. Cici said we’re gonna leave in a couple of days. That we’re going to a place called Moline, in Illinois?”

“That’s right,” said Joel. “It’s right on the I-80, which is how we get back on the road to Tommy’s.”

”Are they gonna stay in Illinois?”

”I don’t know, Ellie. That’ll be up to them.”

She set the brush down, and then she came and sat down next to him, right next to him, on the bed. He scootched a little to give her space. The bed creaked. She pushed her sleeve up. Together they looked at the bite scar on her arm. “Should we tell them?” she said.

Joel studied it closely, the pink ridges and bumps. It was almost like a flower. A mean flower. Tenderly, he pushed the sleeve back down. “No,” he said. “Not yet.”

She sighed and looked down at her feet, which barely touched the ground. “Okay.”

“How you doing?” he said.

This seemed to surprise her. She shrugged. “I’m okay. Why?”

“I was just wondering,” he said. He took a great, deep breath. "We could talk. If you want."

“Talk about what?”

“About Pittsburgh," he said. He wasn't looking at her. She was terrifying in moments like these. Joel did not fear Infected or bad guys with guns. But with Ellie, sometimes, he was speechless. He didn't know why.

“You mean about Henry and Sam?” said Ellie.

“Sure,” said Joel. “Henry and Sam.”

“I don’t know,” she said, turning slightly toward him. “Do you wanna talk?”

“I'll listen," he said. "It's just been a lot that's gone on. Spending time with Noah made me realize that."

Hanging her head then, she reached into her pocket. She switched her knife open, eyeing its shiny blade. She did this whenever she didn’t know what else to do with her hands. It was a nervous habit. “It just seems so pointless, don’t you think?”

“What seems pointless?”

“Their deaths,” she said. She closed the knife back up and put it away. “Their lives. I don’t know. It’s like, one minute they were there, and the next, they weren’t. Poof. They were dead, and we were gone. We’d made plans. Now, it’s like their lives didn’t mean anything at all. Like they never even existed.”

“They meant something to you,” said Joel. “To us. For a little while. That’s more than some can say, in the end.”

“I guess,” said Ellie. “I’m just scared. I don’t wanna lose anymore people, Joel.”

She looked up at him with big eyes, like puddles. “I know, Ellie.”

“What about you?” she said, turning the tables. “Are you okay? After La Crosse? What Noah told us, about the sacrifices, like, shit. That seems pretty gnarly.”

“It was gnarly,” said Joel. “It was. But for the most part, we came into the aftermath. There was less action than we had anticipated. I’m okay, Ellie. You don't need to worry about me.”

“Well, I worry,” she said. “So deal with it. And I just—all I mean is, if you ever wanna talk, I’ll be here. Okay?”

He was looking down at his hands again, where they were folded in his lap. He felt big and mean beside her. He wondered if he deserved her, or any of this at all. He said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. She smiled then, like she was satisfied with the conversation and therefore, unburdened. Then, she got up and went back to the mirror and continued to brush her hair. “I used Cici’s shampoo today,” she said. “Does my hair look shinier to you?”

Joel found this very amusing. He said, “Yeah. You know, I think it actually does.”

“You should try it," she said.

“Ha,” said Joel.

“You might just like it…”

“I’m turning out the light now.”

“I’m serious…”

“Goodnight, kiddo.”

She sighed, set down the brush on the bureau. She seemed herself again, so positive and bright. It was a relief.

“Goodnight, Joel," she said.

That night, Joel could not sleep. He felt like his brain was working overtime for some reason. After Ellie dropped off and her breathing gone even, he got up silently and put his boots back on and went outside to chop some firewood. He had noticed it dwindling in supply upon their return, and it would still be a few days before they left the farm. The nights were getting colder. He loaded his shotgun and went out past the creek to a healthy pine grove just inside the confines of the electric fence. He didn't hear a soul out there, Infected or otherwise, only the bubbling of the poison creek and the crickets and the whip-poor-wills. The rain had stopped but the sky was still dark with clouds, and you could not see the moon. He cleaned up a few logs on the edge of the tree line, bound them up and hauled them in on a pallet, which he pulled on a rope. Once back to the house, he split the logs and left the axe on the stump, stacked several bundles near the chimney and then carried another bundle back to the house.

As he was walking in the door, he ran into Cici. She had on a blue wool jacket and a pair of warm gloves. He surprised the hell out of her when he came in the door. It made him feel bad.

"Joel," she said. "Holy shit. You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he said, setting down the bundle and unbuttoning his coat. "I didn't know you were up."

"I couldn't sleep," she said. "I thought I'd chop some firewood."

"Beat you to it," said Joel, showing her the bundle under his arm.

She seemed a little dumbfounded, taking off her gloves. "You didn't have to do that."

"Well, I did it anyway," said Joel. He went into the living room, which was empty. Noah's sleeping bag was still rolled up next to the fireplace. Joel tossed in a log, then another, started stoking it with the cast iron poker. "I see that Noah is elsewhere."

Cici shrugged. She was over in the kitchen now, leaning against the counter. "He’s probably with Danielle, out in the crow's nest."

"Danielle?" said Joel. "The Amish girl?"

Cici smiled. "It's not as weird as it seems." She poured herself a glass of bourbon. "You want some?"

"Sure, I'll have a little," said Joel. He settled down into the couch with a great big sigh.

Cici joined him. They both held heavy-bottomed glasses, poured neat with about two fingers of whiskey. "Here's to you," she said.

"Me?" said Joel.

"Yeah," said Cici. "For helping Noah. I'm just like, extremely thankful."

Joel looked down into his whiskey, swirled it around a little. "He's a pretty brave kid," said Joel.

"Yeah, well. Maybe too brave," said Cici. "Still."

They touched glasses, drank. The whiskey was good. The fire was very warm, and very big.

"So how does that work?" said Joel. "With Noah, and Danielle? I wondered if maybe something was going on, but ain't that like, against the rules?"

"It definitely is," said Cici. "But they're teenagers, and in a few days, they will both have to leave this place, and they'll probably never see each other again."

"So what you're saying is, fuck the rules," said Joel.

"Pretty much," said Cici. "I'm mostly kidding though. They're just friends. But they grew up with each other. That changes people."

"Yeah, I get it."

"I worry about her, a little," said Cici. "She's a nice girl, and she's braver than you think. But so much in Danielle's life is riding on her finding a suitable husband."

"And that ain't Noah."

"He ain’t very suitable, no."

"If we’re looking at the grand scheme of things," said Joel, "it seems like repopulating the earth is a little more important than religious rules right now. But I ain't been close to God in a long time. That's just my sinner’s opinion." He drank.

"You sound like Ellie," said Cici, smiling into her whiskey. "She said almost the same exact thing."

Joel looked at his watch. "Ellie's a good kid," he said.

"Have you ever been married, Joel?" said Cici. She was looking at the fire as she said it, not at Joel. She drank her whiskey.

"Yep," he said.

A little time went by. As usual, she did not press him for details. She was a mysterious woman. She never dropped her hand.

He felt her looking at him then. As a mystery, she was full of plot twists. So he looked at her, too. Her hair was a kind of dirty blond, nothing special, and it was down now and tucked behind her ears. She had fine bones. Her eyes were brown: dark and deep, like bullets. They were so different than Ellie's, which seemed to float on the surface of her face. He expected her to say something, but she didn't. Instead, she just reached for his left hand and picked it up by the wrist. Her touch jolted him upright. He thought she was looking at his wedding ring finger, but she wasn’t.

"You need a new watch," she said.

You kept complaining about your broken watch.

He looked down as if seeing it for the first time. He scratched his head. She gave him back his wrist and he pulled his sleeve down to cover up the whole thing. "Should we put the music back on?" he said. It put a cap on the conversation.

She went along with his suggestion, finished her whiskey and got up from the couch. She crossed the room in her socks, dropped the needle on the record player, then she made a face at the Elton John. "This is Noah's," she said.

"Well, it ain't Madonna," said Joel, "but it'll do just fine."

"Excuse me?" she said.

They drank more whiskey and talked, sitting on opposite ends of the couch.

***

On the record player:

“Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” by Elton John

***END PART 1: THE FLOODPLAIN***

Coming soon - PART 2: THE 1-80

Thank you for reading!! <3 -gala

#the last of us #tlou #the last of us 2 #tlou2 #joel tlou #ellie tlou #joel miller #ellie williams #joel x oc #as you were

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