#i was watching a video and thinking 'god you have to be SO SO resilient to live in a refuge camp' and felt sick

[fluoresensitive]

I really wish that the Palestinian people didn't have to be resilient. I wish they didn't have to be brave or strong or heroes, I wish they were allowed to just be.

[poppadom0912]

Together (X)

Warnings: Mentions of violence, blood, injuries, abuse, kidnappings, shootings, swearing and scary men.

Summary: Everyone's reunited at last and are never letting go.

A/N: This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I just wanna reiterate how much fun writing this has been and how much i appreciate all the love and support you've shown this series.

It's a bit too late for my liking but I've only now finished writing. This week was so busy for me but I promised and here it is!

Enjoy the last 2.5k words of angst because the epilogue is next!!🙃😊

Previous Chapter / Series Masterlist / Next Chapter

Kelly was bursting through the seams with anxiety. The entire time while responding to the car pile-up, he was riddled with it and the tension he harboured carried through to everyone else.  

It put him at somewhat ease to know at least Sylvie and Violet were with you as well as Intelligence and then eventually everyone at Med. You were going to be surrounded by people you loved and vice versa.  

When the scene started to get cleared up, Boden wasted no time and let Kelly go, urging him to take his buggy and promising everyone would be there once everything was finished.  

The second Kelly stepped into the ED, April was at his side and guiding him towards the ICU where you were being kept for now. On the way up, she carefully explained what she knew and warned him about your appearance.  

Kelly didn't know what to think till he saw your face for himself and God, he wanted to bring hell onto earth.  

Jay heard his soft steps, picking up his head from the back of the chair. Kelly wouldn't say it to his face, but Jay looked horrible, eye bags dark and sullen, hair uncombed and frizzy and injury wise, the bandages told him enough. Somehow, Jay looked worse than what he did yesterday when Kelly last saw him.  

Upon seeing the lieutenant, Jay tiredly smiled at him, easing himself out of his chair and half limped out the room with the IV pole in his left hand. Kelly went forward hastily to help him, telling him to sit back down or help him out the room into another seat but Jay shrugged him off, weakly pushing his efforts away. 

“Go be with my sister you dumbass. April’s here to help me, don’t worry.” 

And with that, he watched his childhood friend help support his supposed soon to be brother-in-law down the white hallways of the intensive care unit. 

Kelly's eyes burned when he first caught sight of you. The last time he saw you was on the video he'd been sent of you screaming as you were being beaten up.  

Gosh, Kelly had felt so helpless and still feels as such.  

Sitting in the chair Jay had previously been inhabiting, Kelly took his time to fully study you, memorising every feature of your face once again in fear of having you ripped out his grasp again.  

You looked so different. Kelly knew your body by the back of his hand and had your every single detail down to the cell engraved into the forefront of his mind. You looked so different but so recognisable, there was no mistaking that this sleeping woman was indeed you.  

Six hours ago, everyone was ready to mourn the oldest and the youngest Halstead. Despite the resilience Intelligence bleed, everyone had been told to prepare for the worst and six hours ago, all hope was lost and giving up seemed so sweet but so sour it still stung now.  

Kelly hesitated, hand hovering mid-air over yours, eyes cast down on your battered body that he could only see little of. Healing scabs and scars alike marred your hands, the sight making him falter, wondering if it was even a good idea to hold your hand. But then the last two days flashed in his eyes and without another thought, he gently placed your hand in his.  

Relief washed over him in waves, flooding his veins. This sensation felt so bittersweet, the sweet poking the tears from his eyes and the bitter nipping at his ankles. To have you back in his vicinity, to have you back home, Kelly never wanted anything so badly before in his life. Despite this, you had been through the ringer, experiencing pain like no other, pain that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

Actually, the Murray’s deserve worse, maybe the devil himself. Hell and a bit more sounded sufficient enough.

With his hand safely enveloping yours, Kelly felt himself calming down. Even with all the machinery beeping around him, to feel your pulse against his fingers made this dream a reality.

Soft knocking brought him out of his thoughts. Reluctantly pulling his eyes away from you, Kelly found Sylvie standing at the door with two coffees in hand, Violet nowhere in sight.

“Maggie said I can’t give this to Jay, so…” Sylvie said, dragging the word as she held out the paper cup towards him, shrugging her shoulders sheepishly when Kelly smirked in amusement.

“Thanks Brett.” Kelly smiled, gladly taking the caffeine from her hands, and drinking with no hesitation. Truth be told, no one in the firehouse slept much last night, they had too much playing on their minds.

“Crocket said surgery went well.” Sylvie started, standing by your head, fingers caressing your hair as she gently pulled each tangle apart one by one. “I know it doesn’t look like it but she’s going to be fine.”

There was a pregnant pause, Sylvie’s attention diverted and solely on detangling your matted hair before bringing a washcloth that sat on the table to get rid of any residue and dirt stuck on your face. Her trained fingers were put to work, her eyes not once leaving your face as she continued without stopping.

“She’s going to be just fine.”

*****

Kevin was overwhelmed, so was Kim and Hailey but much less so than the aforementioned man. The rest of the team, well they were off busy with the Murray’s and their many, many (somehow attained) henchmen.

The two women were bystanders in it all, coming much later and missing out the most brutal parts. The same could not be said for Kevin and Will.

The two men were following Jay out the warehouse but at a much slower pace. Kevin was supporting Will as best he could, apologising every time the doctor winced and faltered in his steps. Eventually, Jay got so far ahead that he disappeared and very likely was already outside and getting you into the single ambulance waiting.

All of a sudden, the silence that was only interrupted by Will expressing his pain was intruded by gunfire.

They really couldn’t catch a break, could they?

Will apparently remembered the hallways and pointed out a dead-end corridor for them to take cover in and despite his pain riddled brain, he wasn’t wrong.

Without any hesitation, Kevin drew his gun from his holster and shot when necessary and whenever he found someone lurking nearby. Without diverting his attention, he grabbed his walkie and called for backup, relaying both in code and not what was happening.  

Eventually when some time had passed, way too long for Kevin to be comfortable with, Kim and Hailey appeared from around the corner, guns held up in caution before they lowered at the sight of the officer.  

Despite having everything under control, Kevin felt better having his colleagues with him now that Jay was gone. With their help, together they could probably get Will out quicker.  

Now that everything calmed down, Kevin could finally solely put his focus onto said man. Turning his back to the two women, Kevin went to talk to the redhead but found himself speechless at the sight he was met with.  

Lord knows how but up above was a window that some crazy henchman busted his way through and had silently landed on the ground behind him. The man was dressed in all black, blonde hair pocking from the mask he wore armed with both a gun and knife.  

Worst of all, the unnamed and very much unwelcomed man was way too close to Will for Kevin's liking.  

Before Kevin could properly take care of the dude, a shot was fired, and the man fell very ungracefully onto the solid floor, the sound of the impact making all the intelligence personnel internally wince.  

With the nuisance out of the way and no more pathetic distractions, Kevin turned to the redheaded man once again and the sight made him sick. So sick that he had to bite his tongue and hold back any bile from coming up.  

Kim and Hailey clearly felt the same, both gasping from behind him.  

The annoying man had been left ‘alone’ with Will for plenty long enough because along with all his injuries, another gaping wound had been added. Will was riddled in open wounds, the longer you stared the worse they looked. This one, instead of sitting among the others in his torso, was nicely placed in his thigh which conveniently was just above where Jay had been shot.  

It seemed very convenient that every place on his body that had a wound were the places that bled the most. Will was having so much fun right now.

“Shit! Will!” Kevin rushed to kneel down before the slouched man. Chucking his gun and radio aside, quite carelessly, his brain short circuited before everything kicked in.

“Pressure.” Will coughed out, visibly struggling to keep breathing steadily. “You- you need to put pressure on it.” He repeated, wheezing as he liked his chapped and pale lips.

Without question, Hailey hastily took off the thin jacket she was wearing, rushing forward, and kneeling besides Kevin. With caution and slight apprehension, she positioned the jacket around his thigh but hesitated when she was supposed to tie it.

“This is going to hurt Will.” She said firmly, her strong tone warning him.

“The tighter…” Will started, slowly blinking up at the blonde woman who he knew secretly liked his brother and vice versa. “The better.”

And with that, Hailey tied the simplest knot and pulled hard.

“Fuck!” Will exclaimed, voice breaking. “Motherfucker-“

“Sorry! I’m so sorry but it’s all done.” Hailey incessantly apologised to him; her remorse visible on her face but before she could get up, she was stopped by a hand gripping her wrist.

“You have to go tighter.” Will stated, his fingers clutching her wrist as tight as he could but Hailey barely felt any weight. “Just like a torniquet. It has- has to be tight or else…”

“Will, stay with us man.” Kevin said, his tone leaking with urgency, almost pleading him. “You’re the doctor, walk us through it.”

Forcing his eyes open, Will blearily started at the three of them. His mind was completely muddled and subconsciously, he incredulously wondered how they hadn’t been trained to make a tourniquet in the field.

“Belt?”

Without further say, Kevin was getting up to unbuckle his belt easier, Kim replacing his space.

With much struggled, many pauses and tons of encouragement, they kept him alert enough for him to guide them through making a tourniquet around his thigh. The pain was unbearable, altogether it was blinding.

“I’m so sorry Will.” Kim whispered, sitting in front of him but she was alone with him, Kevin and Hailey gone off to find what was taking the medical attention so long to arrive. “Just a little longer I swear.”

“Jay! Stop panicking.”

“Hailey, it’s Will-“

“We’ve got him, go be with Y/N.”

“But Will- are you sure?”

“He’s trying his best, okay? Go be with our girl.”

And that might’ve been the last thing Will heard, the faint shouting between the two detective partners. Kim’s voice actually, he heard that last, her shouts for help when his eyes slid shut.

Actually, Jay’s desperate pleading, that was the last thing he heard.

*****

"It was part of protocol we run a rape kit."

Kelly couldn't breathe. His only saving grace being that Jay wasn't currently in the room with him.

"It came out clean."

Kelly physically deflated at the good news.

"It's going to take a while but she will recover. They both will." Ethan said, having permission from Crocket to tell him the news.

"And no one's heard anything about Will yet?"

The silence was so suffocating, if Kelly squinted, he could probably see Ethan turning blue from the lack of oxygen.

"We've been told we're waiting on a body. They want us to confirm it."

Kelly didn't need to ask for Ethan to break it down for him. He knew exactly what that meant.

If he looked the Korean man in the eye, Kelly would definitely see a thin sheen of tears coating his eyes.

*****

Antonio had been doing this for a long time, he’d seen and been through a lot himself but this, this would stay with him for a long time.

The guttural screams that tore his vocal cords to further damage. The blood trailed after him like the bread from Hansel and Gretel, painting the crime scene a war zone. His cries begging to know his baby brother and sister were safe and, in a hospital, where they could recover.

They were watching the innocent doctor become a martyr right before their very own eyes.

What happened next could only be explained by pure, sheer will and determination.

While they were hounding for an ambulance, Antonio caught men getting escorted away in cuffs, all looking identical until the final two men left the building. The rage he felt, Antonio didn’t know how any of them remained stationary.

It was a miracle Will came back to consciousness. When he closed his eyes and his body went limp, everyone truly thought that was it, after everything the Halstead’s had done to survive, this was the unhappy ending they were getting. But then, Will gave the biggest middle finger to fate because after all of this, she could be damned for all he could care.

Will remained alert enough, being continuously roused by each of the remaining intelligence members when they noticed his eyelids sliding shut. They tried distracting him, updating him on the wellbeing of his siblings, news that was happily provided.

The only ones that remained was Antonio and Kevin. The rest had been forced to accompany Jay just in case, they were all preparing for the worse case scenario. And Hank, he was making sure the bastards never got to see the light of day ever again.

Ten minutes passed. By now, it had been two hours since they got on the scene and an hour since they raided the warehouse. The more Will struggled; the more Antonio was losing his patience. Right before the naked eye, out in the open for the entire universe to see, Will was bleeding out; he was dying. Death was looming, crawling from a mile away but its stench was strong, it’s shadow too close for comfort.

Making eye contact with Kevin, they had a silent conversation and with no argument, they were lifting Will up and nearly carrying him towards the car.

This was their last chance and they weren’t going to wait for that ambulance anymore.

And for once, fate guided them with a beaming light. She overturned the hatred she'd shown and led them safely, holding out a much-needed lifeline.

And so when the car screeched to a halt at Med’s ambulance bay doors, Will found it easier to breathe.

Series Masterlist:

@mads-weasley @sowrongitslottie @elite4cekalyma @senjoritanana @hufflepuff-blackwidow @mrspeacem1nusone @kmc1989 @goth-cowgirl-03 @daggersquadphantom @photographerkaiya0306 @jamie0515 @samanthavitale @iamasimpingh0e @lanea-1 @swidkid @jamie0515

[fag-by-daylight]

Why ARK: Survival Evolved would be an amazing addition to Dead By Daylight

What IS ARK: Survival Evolved? ARK is a survival game where you tame dinosaurs and mythological/fictional creatures! That's not all you can do, but that's the main gimmick. The game features an awesome soundtrack, by the amazing Gareth Coker, amazing bosses and an amazing antagonist. The game also has some really great lore, that I'd recommend watching Neddy the Noodle's videos on. [Lore Videos and ARK: The Survival Stories [the lore from the Island to Aberration]]

But that's not horror!! Okay, and? Lara Croft, Nicholas Cage, and Dungeons and Dragons are in the game, so what's wrong with a survival game that has some horror elements in it?

Who's the killer gonna be? Edmund Rockwell, of course; he's the main antagonist, I'd say, of the game; more or so becoming a threat to the player in the third, fifth and sixth story-DLC. Think of him in a similar way to Vecna, arrogant, thinks EXTREMELY highly of himself [he literally calls himself a GOD], and he's an intelligent, fun antagonist! He's a British chemist from the 19th century turned giant tentacle-meat-monster. Obviously, we can't just have a gigantic monster with tentacles as the killer, but, the Entity would take him from Aberration, after he's defeated by the player, and give him a body that's better suited for the trials. Kind of like how the Entity gave Chucky the ghost so he could actually hook people. [An added note, he would have voice lines <3] And if this was a skin collaboration, he'd be a legendary for Blight. They suit each other. And there'd be voice lines and a different Mori.

Why would Rockwell even want to join the Fog? Power. Same reason as Vecna. Edmund is a man driven by power, and science. Think about why Wesker is in the Fog; he would join for similar reasons.

Power? I feel like a biological power would be pretty cool, something close to Singularity or Wesker. I'm not too good when thinking about powers and balancing it for the game, but maybe even something to do with his orbs in the Aberration bossfight, which would act similarly to the Unknown's UVX.

Perks? I am not a perk designer, so I sadly cannot think of perk ideas </3.

Chase Theme? Of-fucking-course it has to be his boss theme! Like, not just the theme outright, but a mix of it. They can do so much with the music, especially if they get Gareth Coker involved!

Who are the Survivors gonna be? Helena Walker, an aboriginal Australian palaeontologist [also canon lesbian], would be perfect; she's smart and resilient. She later becomes a Homo Deus in the game, but she'd be an amazing survivor! [and would obviously be taken from before she became a Homo Deus.] And of course Mei Yin Li, a warrior from the Han Dynasty [she's also a lesbian 💪]. She is perfect survivor material; she's a strong, resilient woman who can very well take care of herself. AND, if this is a skin-only collaboration, Helena would be a great skin for Claudette, I think. I think Claud could use a legendary <3. And Mei Yin Li would be a fantastic legendary for Yui Kimura. [Maybe a Santiago skin for Gabriel?? Hmm??? Give him the TEK armour, too?] [Maybe even a legendary Diana skin for Kate ^^]

Perks? Again, I'm not a perk designer.

[pictured left is Helena's design from the animated series, because I couldn't find any good pictures of her from the explorer notes; pictured right is Mei Yin Li]

Map? OHOHOHO, BOY ARE YOU IN FOR A TREAT! Since I want everyone to be taken from the Aberration map, obviously the map should be Aberration! Maybe the Green zone is the actual map and the main building could be the destroyed TEK city! It'd be great, atmospherically, and maybe there could be some creatures around that can be interacted with in a similar way to the Tanuki and the creature in the Dungeon on the D&D map [like light pets chilling around]! The realm would be called something like "The ARK", or "The Broken ARK", and some other areas on the map could be the portals and maybe even a little bit of the blue zone? Obviously, the maps are a bit difficult for me to think about, because how would the borders work, lol? Or the exit gates. But then again, you have to think about the fact that the Entity makes these itself. The Entity would be the one recreating the whole map, so there would be tiles that look funny and maybe the fact that there's generators would make this map look "weird", but just think of the possibilities! If Dvarka can be a map, ARK: Aberration can work, too!

They could even make different variations of the map where one is the green zone, one is the blue zone, one is the red zone, and maybe even the surface would be super cool! I also think some cool environmental features would be awesome like in the red zone, you'd hear Reapers growling, see rumbles, and hear Rockwell's voice echoing quietly. And if they do it this way, having the light pets for the specific zones would be awesome.

[pictures; left to right, top to bottom: green zone/Fertile Region, blue zone/Bioluminescent Region, red zone/Molten Element Region, and the Surface]

Are there any skins or charms that would come with the Chapter or Collab? I personally think a cute implant charm would suffice, and if they do the skins thing, it'd be like Resident Evil where the more you buy, the more charms. The first buy would grant you a Gamma Ascension charm, another would be a Beta Ascension charm, and the last would be an Alpha Ascension charm.

I know this is long, and I apologize for the, probably, incoherent rambling, but I'm very passionate about both of these games, and I think that they'd be perfect for each other. ARK has horror in it. It's not a horror game, but Tomb Raider isn't either, so I think ARK should be able to come into the game. I know I was vague with things, like Rockwell's power, but I'm not a game designer, so I am not qualified enough to think of a balanced, fun power to suit him. And, again, I cannot think about what perks to make. I don't know what perks would work by now and I just cannot think of anything good. So, my apologies. I would love to hear your feedback, and maybe even more ideas!

Peace and love, and thank you for reading my nonsense <3

[youremyheaven]

I think you’re very wrong about Claire nakti’s video because she spoke about that story and how the fairy god mother and that marriage to the prince is an allegory to good fortune coming to a Saturnian after going through such hard time and developing qualities like resilience and staying kind when faced with cruel and rudeness behavior. She also talked about spirited away. She also spoke about how Saturnian are statistically (from her research) most likely to marry billionaires or people from upper class even if they come from poor backgrounds because of their inner qualities and beauty that gets recognized. She talks about Saturnian and their celibacy, they’re less likely to date around or hoe around, they tend to be late bloomers in their romantic life but once they do get in a relationship it tends to be with someone who recognizes their value and that is a « dream » come true. She talks about love and romance in all of her nakshatras videos even the ones for men so idk why you’re making it sound as if it’s male centred when it’s not. You need to watch it fully.

I didn't cite the UBP vid as the solitary example of Claire centering men, I was pointing out how it irked me

Every single Claire video is centred around men and love lol. Nothing wrong with love or men but there's more to every nak than just that

Also I do remember all of this but I also have an issue with how it's framed to be "Saturnians are good people who will be rewarded with a rich & loving man" when a better narrative would be how much abuse, unfairness and injustice UBP/Saturn natives endure in their life & how they rise up beyond it. And how good fortune comes for them in many ways including by marrying into wealth. By titling the video "Billionaire's Bride" she made her whole focus on them marrying rich & why which is imo very one dimensional.

[hitchups]

im just so crazy about the doctor’s theme right now i can’t stop thinking about it. like i could do a video essay.

s1&2 is just so charming and simple but ominous. like what’s up with this chap? vocals are slow and quiet…gentle…he is with rose and healing from a lifetime of loss and suffering. a minor key to indicate a sense of arcane and to harmonize rose’s major key theme. rose’s theme, so human and gentle and kind. generous. both are focusing on high pitches…the doctor’s theme using a flute…a vocal accompaniment with no lyrics.

then s3 (the doctor forever) starts sounding like magic. martha is joining him and thinks he is mysterious and flawless and wonderful, a book to be read, a story to be told. more brass. more woodwind brass like the saxophone and hints of french horn bringing out a sense of strength. he is resilient and, yes, still healing. but 2/3 of the way through, BAM, suddenly trumpets are staccato and punching through you. he’s angry, resentful, hiding beneath that feeling of wondrous exploration. he’s so hurt, so vengeful. he can’t hide it anymore, even for his best friend, who is now seeing a darker side and realizing she can’t go down with his ship. fades.

s4. starts gently. akin to s2, but somber, with low brass providing a base. we hear prominent strings. he’s tired, so tired, so sick of losing people, either by fate or by his own design. he’s pushed martha away by being so bent on distracting himself with pain. she loved him, perhaps too much to be able to watch him suffer while rejecting any kind of help. enter donna, his last ditch effort at finding a friend. the theme swells, this time with a driving pulse. moving him forward even when he doesn’t want to, donna pulling him along. dragging him along. his emotions have been so bottled, so trapped, and they overflow as the pulse fades away in the crescendo and tenor instruments take over. it culminates in that same haunting, otherworldly melody. vocals sound like words. singing his song.

VALE DECEM. vocals are now lyrics, drawing him closer to a farewell. motifs reminding him of what he’s lost and how much he didn’t gain. he’s leaving it unfinished. he’s being forcibly taken away from his comforting grief. he will never get over her if he doesn’t change. lyrics are akin to a gospel, worshiping him in a way that sounds like they’re burying him. he’s a god, but a tired god. what’s a god without a following? what’s a god without love? clinging to the buildup. he can’t stop the last moments of his theme, his life, exploding into a violent rejection of regeneration. much like ten it will not go down without a fight.

gold was absolutely a genius for this soundtrack and it only hits as hard as it can when you pay close attention

[darkarfs]

Christmas.

After 40 years on this planet, I'm 100% convinced that my entire family - mom and dad's side both - are desperate, needy people who are awful judges of character. Currently, my brother and his fiance are living out of a hotel because they got hosed on a house by the realtor. My sister is fighting a custody battle for her 10 year old son with her current husband being an abusive manic-depressive who tells his son nightly that he wants to kill himself.

Like, it is the friends I have made in my life that seems to destroy this idea, but my GOD. And it's a helpless feeling. I can't help my sister with lawyers, I can't help my brother and his future wife find a home. I think, eventually, they'll both be alright, but I didn't have access to any resources to help them, or money, or something they could actually use. We're resilient, tired, broken poor people, our family.

My mother and I only got into one political argument that lasted way too long (around 30 minutes), but only because she thinks she's some elevated political mind because she gives equal time to BOTH parties that have platforms. She thinks that watching both CNN and Tucker Carlson will make her an altogether more balanced person with a better perspective. It's farther along than she was in say, 2016 (she was a registered independent but voted for Hilary...not bad!) but I tried telling her that the Fox News crew is unsubstantiated lies, but she insisted on her idea of balance. I blame myself for not letting it drop.

The next day, she said: "You know what news I think is really setting it straight, doing a good job? That Newsmax!" Oh, MOM, you were so close.

We watched the Steelers game (a mom's running commentary on a football game is a lot of fun; picture Fry's mom from Futurama but with more swearing), and while she slept I learned she got Peacock for free, so I watched 5 Wrestlemanias (in order: 22, 17, 19, 24, 25) and by that I mean I fell in and out of sleep while just leaving the autoplay on because her couch is insanely old and uncomfortable, and I'm 40.

And I learned by dad passed and I don't know how I'm meant to feel about that. Like, I'm really just like, "was I ever even going to see him again? What would have happened if I did?" Guess we'll never know now. I dunno, this is for another post, I think.

I bought some fizzy water, and by the end of the week, I'll have my top albums and wrestling matches of 2022 up (I hope.) Be good to you and yours, whoever they are. (My mom also video chatted with my niece Briana during my visit. She's 23 now! She has a JOB! Whaaaaaaat!)

[eopajs]

Rambling about me and video games (mostly DMC) and how I fell for Vergil

God, I didn't expect I would talk this much...

(And I guess I won't talk about mobile games, especially the gacha ones.)

I guess I should keep a record when I still remember, digital record makes this easier (thank you steam purchase history and completionist.me).

So my first time heard about Devil May Cry probably was the time they announced the existence of DMC5. And I was kinda attracted to that middle-aged hot daddy Dante. So I bought the DMC HD collection.

Then I started playing the first DMC game in March, 2019, and it's the first time I played some action game that is so hard.

I don't have a long history with video games (probably because of my gender: girls shouldn't play videos games yada yada), which is sad. The only chance I had to get in touch with games when I was a child was when my game-addicted cousin was playing Crossfire and I got to watch quietly. And if he was in good mood, he would allow me to play PvZ. It was until 2017, I had my own laptop and my own steam account. The first three games I bought was Meadow, Assassin's Creed: Black Flag (still think this is the best one in the series in the aspect of gameplay), and Batman: Arkham Knight, which made a great inerasable impact on my taste in video games. Then I tried different genres, and discovered that I am not good at fighting games at all and first person games would give me motion sickness. To think my first Capcom game is Dragon's Dogma, and I didn't realize it back then, so funny.

I had two years experience in video games (I was like: hey I kinda feel like I have some talent in video games) before I started to play DMC. It was so cool and Dante is so cute (he's a power bottom) in the first two missions. And then it came to the first boss fight it was HARD!!! God (or I'd say Kamiya) it was so hard!!! I kept dying and the game suggested me to play in the easy mode, so I did. Easy mode is still hard for me back then to be honest, but I manage to keep playing. Then I met the Nelo Angelo. I still think the human-sized boss is the most frightening boss these days, thank you Vergil. The first two Nelo fights weren't so hard, but the third one, it broke me. Bro was so powerful he was harder to beat than Mundus. This was my first impression of Vergil: powerfukl, threatening, hard to beat, and pain in my ass (when I played as Dante). I went to the internet and learned how to cheese him. But it still made me sweat.

After finishing the first DMC, I wen to the DMC2, and I got it, it wasn't good. But I have to say, the story of DMC2 probably is the only one in this series that can pass the Bechdel test. Lucia is sweet girl who struggles with her identity, and with the help of Matier and Dante, she grew. And in the gameplay, Lucia even got her own missions and bosses, (which is a good example but the later DMC games didn't follow). It was a good thing for me that this game is not well-done, maybe the devs didn't have time to objectifying Lucia for fan service. I value the story in games, it is an important part; and DMC2 just made me realize that most of the game reviews of cismen mean nothing to me, especially for those Japanese games: they adore the objectification of female characters in games, and proud of it, which disgusts me. I really appreaciatae DMC2 for this.

Anyway, I went to DMC3, it was a good game in many aspects. After beating DMC, I got confident (why), so I decided to play 3 in normal difficulty. In the cutscens, Vergil was like a stereotypical anime character that is cool but evil and made to contrast Dante (you know the blue one vs red one like Satsuki vs Ryuko). Playing some missions, I found myself overestimated my ability-- I struggled with bosses, even Cerberus the first boss. It took me days to beat one boss. I am a stubborn ass who refuses to use vital star during my play, I always think "If other gamers did it. I should be able to do it too!" I was patient and resilient, until Vergil2. Bro broke me again, the best I had done back then was damaging half of his health. Then he DT and healed up, ahhhhh. And he always mocked me when I died: "You are not worthy as my opponent." Dude, I know so stop being an asshole!!! I was so frustrated so I put DMC3 aside and played other games.

Two years late, which was 2021, I decided to play DMC4. I beat the game in normal so I guess DMC is more friendly for those casual gamerrs since this. Dante's outfit in DMC4 is my favorite. But this probably is the only thing I wouldn't criticize in this game. The first impression I still remember about this game was the fucking OBJECTIFICATION of our Trish and Lady!!! (Damn you Capcom) And then Kyrie, whom I don't dislike, but I hate that she exists purely for Nero in the story, she deserves better. Kyrie is Nero's Damsel in Distress, his Sexy Lamp and his Yamato Nadeshiko. And Kyrie is also portrayed as the Madonna in the contrast of the Whore (Gloria). So I never ship Kyrie/Nero. Because of this huge amount of misogyny in the game, I didn't replay as Vergil or Lady/Trish after my first clear.

Another two years passed, I decided to play DMC5, in 2023. The game is evern more friendly for casual gamers, so I beat the normal difficulty without problem. But the problems in portraying female characters are still there. Lady and Trish in DMC5 were... well objectified again and served as fan service (I literally had to use a mod to give them clothes!!!!), they didn't do anything to move the whole story (me to Capcom: Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you). Nico, our new female character, is bold, cute, mouthy, and I like her, yet she still didn't contribute much to the story. Why marginalize them, Capcom?

Ok ok, enough of ranting about Capcom's constant misogyny (well I guess old habits die hard for Japanses). Finally lets talk about Vergil. Since DMC5 is easy to beat and fun to play, so I replayed it as Vergil. And omg I fell for him his body instantly. (I know, I know I have issues.) His combat style is so elegant, powerful and efficient. He is so fucking cool!!! The first I played as him I went askldhjgioweshtg[qweghoqgjhiqwo. I easily beat the SOS difficulty with him he so strong...

But cool isn't enough for me to fall for a character, Dante's always a cool character but I don't like like him. In DMC5, Vergil is still an asshole, but under the gradual influence of his son, he learned to embrace his humanity, his weakness and his trauma. He learned to accept others and care for people,at least in his own subtle way. The learning process of his is in the Visons of V, and the result is in the game cutscenes. In other words, after I spent time to learn him, I fell for him. Plus his love in poetry somehow makes him adorable.

Then I went back to play DMC3 with a completely different feeling. That young Vergil just didn't cope his trauma well, blaming himself not have enough power. He embraced his demon side and looked down upon humanity (and the powerless self), yet got tricked by it. Poor boy, you were evil but I forgive you.

BTW... I found it's funny that Nero may be the only character in DMC series who didn't commit patricide, mentally or physically. In DMC, Trish rebeled against Mundus and helped Dante finish him. In DMC2, Lucia ended Arius with her own hands. DMC3, Dante said "Father? I don't have a father." (probably some teen anger but still.) And Lady ended Arkham's life. DMC5, Nico accepted the death of her biological deadbeat dad... Lucky you Vergil, your son didn't kill you or disown you.

By far, I finished DMC in normal, DMC2 in normal, DMC3 in hard, DMC4 in SOS, DMC5 in SOS, I'm proud.

[gaspdotcom]

I am going to be a Data Analyst

 So there's a little program called ALX, and they offer a variety of tech courses, very rigorous program or so I have heard; weell so I can't stop hearing, that's all they talk about tbh. So much so that their tag line is "do hard things". So, I am someone who really listens to reviews, like I have read reviews on every book I've ever read or movie or series you get me, so this constant hammering on the difficulty of the course got really old really fast. I don't doubt it one bit but I think it is a strategy to get the numbers down. Let's talk about it.

The perpetuation of the difficulty slogan coupled with massive workload which so far is pumped up with a ton of repetition and basic 5th grade information masked to look like tough work. It's all a strategy because It's frustrating how they are literally forcing it to be tough. A clear strategy to cut the numbers down. So they can come on stage to make noise about how they had over 60,00 applications and admitted only 4000 and graduate 500 when their main goal in fact was probably a 300 people. 

So this kinda opened my eyes to a pandemic internet studying scam that has been going on especially within tech. You see a lot of; study this short course in 4 weeks, 3 months etc and think oh sweet only to get enrolled and find yourself watching a 100 minutes foundations video with exercises. and It's kinda like,so what is the rush?

So alx advertises the data analytics course as a 6 month course but you won't actually be studying data analytics until the 4th month. you would be studying something they call foundations and swear to God all that foundations information could be a daily 3 minute newsletter. so why go through all that trouble and then cram all that information to be studied within 3 months and then come here and say 'it's meant to test your resilience" girl if i backhand you right now. 

Anyway, I am not paying a dime for it and I get to visit a really cool city hub for a minimum 2 hours so I'm not complaining. do you see me complaining? don't be silly haha #dohardthings #alx4lyf #ishallgraduate

Alright i'm off to complete my modules.

[strawberry-stories]

Prompt: You wish to know what others feel about you. As you gain the ability to feel others' emotions, you gave a heartbreaking challenge. You must navigate a world filled with intense feelings, learning to distinguish your own emotions from those of others. This journey tests your resilience and teaches you the true depth of empathy.

I only wrote the first part of this, but I'd quite like to continue it, to see how the character learns to deal with their power.

Emotional Echoes

Please, let me know what others think about me! I can't go another day spiralling and breaking down when someone looks angry, or I say something wrong. I can't handle this anymore. Please, God, Magic, Universe, anything! Help me not to depend on my own twisted interpretation of other people's emotions.

All I want is to know what they actually think of me. It's nothing bad, right? I mean, they all hate me, but knowing that is better than not knowing and watching them all sneer at me in disgust and pretend to be my friends? I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. They don't hate me. I'm putting words in their mouths, and turning them into monsters that they truly are not. I bet they hate me for that. For turning them into cruel villains.

I should go to sleep. It'll all feel better in the morning.

———

It's morning now. I feel better than I did. Not good, still, but I can see that my breakdown last night was an overreaction. Nobody hates me. Nobody thinks strongly enough about me to hate me. I'm just there, window dressing of the world.

I get dressed, grabbing a hoodie and some jeans, before trudging into the bathroom, bleary-eyed to go to the toilet. I should brush my teeth and wash my face. I'm in the bathroom. It's convenient. It's easy. There are no real barriers to this basic self care.

I go downstairs to breakfast.

My mum is in the kitchen, and a wave of love washes over me. I'm here! It says. I love you! It says.

"Breakfast's on the table" she says, passing through to give me a kiss on the head before leaving for work. I have to eat alone this morning. She's out to work earlier and earlier nowadays, making sure that we have enough to pay for the house and the car and her ever growing record collections, since the man she married left her last year. I don't blame him. It's hard being married when your new wife has such a messed up kid. It's okay though, because even just being with her for a moment warms my heart, the wave of love filling me with joy.

The sound of the alarm wakes me from my daydream, reminding me that the bus will be outside my house in just a few minutes. Shaking my head, dropping back into my body, I frantically rush around the house for my shoes, my coat, my half-done homework, and my all-important phone, before running out of the house to the bus stop, only just remembering to lock the door.

The bus arrives.

And with it, as I sit on my usual seat, comes the full force of 40 hormonal teens, shouting and joking and singing. And feeling. My heart races, and I start to sweat. I love the girl next to me. I hate the girl next to me. She's my best friend. My dad died yesterday. I'm so excited for today! I wish I wasn't here. I feel sick. I'm going to cry. I squeak an excuse me, as I pass through the throngs of teenagers, and push past the boy getting on to run away. Away as far as I can get from all of this emotional noise. I run until I can't any more.

Taking stock of myself, I find that other than a racing heart and aching muscles, I can't feel anything like what I was feeling on that bus. The field I ran to is in the middle of nowhere and I am safe. I'm scared, I think. What happened to make me feel the emotions of an entire bus? And what can I do to make sure it never happens again.

I walk home, and do some of the work I would've done. That's a lie. It's been a hard day. I deserve to do something I enjoy. I lie on my bed for a bit, scrolling through videos and pictures, not looking at any of them. It's been 4 hours. I've done nothing. I need to get some work done, if I'm not going to do something fun. I want to get homework done. It's been 2 more hours.

One thing I do know though, is I can't leave the house. If that's what happened from just the bus, I can't go to school. I can't. I don't know what could have caused it, other than the desperate prayer I made last night, but I know that I can't leave the house if it's making me feel other people's emotions. In small doses, it's okay, I suppose. It was nice feeling what I now realise was my mum's love for me. It's nice knowing that she loves me. But I can't have any more than that. I'm not used to that much emotion.

I guess I'll just have to stay alone. I know my friends will hate me for leaving them, but that's the price I must pay to deal with this curse. How could I have ever thought it could be a gift?

[hampirtengahmalam]

2022 – The Year of Resilience

I genuinely thought that I am done with 2022 due to the huge heartbreak that I felt.

Since 2019 I never make a goal to start a new year, just continuously reflecting on what I have done and I have achieved.

From December 2021 until May 2022, I was occupied preparing my university and scholarship application to some universities. I got no time for unnecessary things like hanging out with friends, getting along with my co-workers, or even thinking about love.

I knew that 2022 was supposed to teach me about how failure and blessing could co-exist. But in the mid of 2022-in June to be exact, you came into my life. You reoriented the rest of the year making it more colourful and it felt like you painted my whole skies. When I failed, you tried your best to cheer me up. Nothing sexier than effort and knowing that there is someone who wants you so much.

Some people said that stay single until you feel that love is easy, as simple as breathing. Despite the differences among us, I am grateful to have him right now.

So, writing this reflection reminds myself that this year is full of ups and downs, tears and laughs, loneliness, resilience, anxiety, and joy.

First: Failure

Half of my 2022 was full of hustling in preparing for university and scholarship applications. My desire to pursue a high level of education is still the same every year. All I want is to get my master's degree, a new experience to broaden my horizon, and get a better job for a better life. I applied to Oxford, MIT, Freiburg University, 4 universities in Sweden, Hong Kong University, and Sussex University. From all those applications to universities, I got accepted to HKU and Sussex Uni, but not the scholarship.

During preparing these applications, I realised that I am more aware of what I want and what I need. I learned that it’s ok if your dreams change and it’s not the same dream as 5 years ago. I realised that I evolved and my dreams as well. Preparing the applications takes time and requires deep focus. I can say that my half-life in 2022 is juggling with personal statements, reference letters, tons of essays, documents, and not being able to move from my desk (ups! My bad).

When I got an email from ADB-HKU (which was my last hope back then) telling me that I didn’t get the scholarship, I was shocked and all I could do was sit in silence and cried until I slept. But the universe has its own way to remind me about failure. One of the TEDTalk videos I watched before I slept was about how a high-level mindset can help you to achieve your dream. It was such an enlightening talk for me because the talks remind me to keep my head up and not every chapter in life is going to be perfect. So, it’s ok if you fail, you will learn and grow.

Second: Growth

I always believe that rejection means redirection. When I failed, I didn’t tell myself to be strong or “yeah let's do it again”. No. It is not how I treat myself to face failure. I learned that in order to make yourself stronger you have to give room for yourself to be vulnerable. Accept the situation and feel the emotion. So, when I cried, I let myself feel all of the emotions like anger, sadness, confusion, etc.

My failure has taught me that I shouldn’t hold on to something too tightly. It’s like when you hold sand in your hand too tight, it will come out from your fingers and it won’t stay. I also try to believe in what God has prepared for me because God is the best planner and executor. My failure gives me room to grow and evolve. It teaches me that life is about to catch and release.

Third: Joy

The rest of 2022 was an epic journey for me. I never expected could meet someone like you. Well, of course, we met in 2020 but I mean we really ‘meet’ at an unexpected time which���both of us know the story. HEHE. It took almost 3 months for me to really form a feeling for you and during that time you always prove to me your consistency which is ‘sexy’ for me. I have to say that neither of us expected to walk down a road that leads us here. (Read: kamu genit banget dari dulu sampe aku gamau deket tapi sekarang malah seneng kalau spending time sama kamu)

We met at the point where I was done with wanting to be with someone. I was done about meeting and knowing people to start a relationship. Then, there is you. All of the efforts you make, the sweetness, the weirdness, the awkwardness, and the silliness, all of these make me rethink about love. Despite our differences, you treat me well and make me one of your priorities. Even though I hate when you ‘ngomong gak jelas’ but you still steal my heart. Asik :D We went from one art exhibition to another, make a list of ‘Saturdate’ activities, re-watch Harry Potter, went to Ubud and Besakih and almost ‘died’, and many activities.

It’s weird how I started 2022 with hustling, and overthinking and ended with me smiling and laughing almost every day.

Since nothing is permanent in this world, including this state of happiness…so I guess let’s embrace our moments. The only thing we can do is cheerish it while it lasts.

.

.

.

.

Jkt / January 1st, 2023 / 11.28pm

[ccndaily]

Hidden & Safe: How God Is Your Hiding Place.

For a moment we want to pause and reflect on God’s promise and ability to Hide His people from danger and evil, even when surrounded by life-threatening situations.

Get a Free Devotional Magazine by Clicking here and Watch the Video Here

The Psalmist expressed His faith by confessing who God is to Him. This is exactly what you must do in prayer. But you need to understand that God is your Hiding Place before expressing yourself to Him.

Psalms 32:7 says,

“you are my Hiding

Place. You will protect me from trouble

and Surround Me with songs of

Deliverance.‘

I am interested in you considering that God is your Hiding Place. What does this mean to you?

A Haven From Harsh Realties

First, it implies that God can keep you from the harsh realities of life. He is guarding you by his presence and Power from the devil-orchestrated harsh realities of life.

People are facing it rough, and you, too, might go through your share of hostilities.

There are challenges left, right, and Center. Right now, people are facing unprecedented harshness in their finances, and every terrible experience that goes with it.

Fuel and commodity prices are beyond what we expected after many thought that the COVID-19 lockdown had been the most bitter pill they had to swallow, anticipating a return to normalcy thereafter.

Yet, it is only human to hope for the better even Amid the most despairing situations. The mistake though is that we rest our hope on the faith we have in nature or the government.

We miss the point if we think things will return to normal, by themselves or that we will return to the old normal, at all. Change only comes to stay because every change alters everything else. It sparks new ways of thinking and challenges the status quo.

Forget what you knew as normal and embrace God’s work as it is today.

We are also mistaken to think that the government by itself will eventually figure out solutions for the citizens. Or that the economists by their efforts will keep our economy buoyant and resilient. They, too, are outnumbered. They are caught in the middle of a crisis which some confessed they have no control over. They agree that there are external forces working which are beyond their masterly.

When they say external forces, the political mind will be quick to think that this refers to what is happening to other nations, which experiences eventually trickle down to us.

The explanation is entirely political. It’s as political as saying that the war in Ukraine has brought this on us. The Economist will also endeavor to explain that outside powers have resulted in the currently existing state of affairs.

And those explanations are valid.

But with their validity goes a sense of helplessness and hopelessness since the victims can’t do anything to arrest the situation. So, the option is to wait through the suffering until perhaps when things will get better. But as a believer in God’s word, there is a lens through which I see the prevailing circumstances of our day.

I see an external power behind the external forces—the evil One, who seeks to inflict as much pain on God’s people as possible. The one who steals, kills, and destroys. I see Satan is hungry for more blood and tears from people. Recognizing this evil force behind the evil events that are shaping our history helps us to recognize that there is something we can do about it.

Instead of looking at the challenges as innocent wild occurrences upon which we have no power, we can see that actually there is an evil mind planning and executing all these catastrophes. And because we know God can work contrary to that evil force, then we can engage the Lord so that His goodness can prevail over the works of the enemy.

And God, by His working, hides His people from the intended devastating outcomes of Satan’s evil attempts. The Lord protects His people so much that He can turn evil into an advantage. In the future, God will judge Satan and condemn him to eternal fire. Then, God will stop all evil because the chief agent thereof will be dealt away with.

But until then, Satan tries to cover as much ground as possible, while God also stops the enemy’s advances by working mightily to protect His godly seed. God hides the people who trust Him. He creates an environment around them that cushions them from what Satan intends for them.

Before that judgment day, we don’t pretend that there is no evil around us. For there is much of it. And where there is none, Satan tries to create It. But we are confident that God keeps us from that evil. And this is a matter of faith, and not by default. Left alone, Satan will torment you as much as he possibly can. But by faith, God’s power works in our favor, to shield us and keep us safe from the harsh realities of life around us. And when I say of life, I mean, life in this world, Because while we are here on Earth, troubles are bound to come our way.

But as a believer, you are alive to a greater reality of God’s intervention and sustenance.

Yes, certain bad experiences are not of your own making. They might be thrown at you sometimes without your involvement and out of your mistakes.

The Devil Himself is consumed with a desire to inflict pain on you. Making sure he brings the worst he can upon you. There’s no limit to the evil he can do. The only limit is God and the believers who stand to pray and express their will against Satan’s works.

Therefore, pray. Believe that God is actually hiding you. Then consider yourself covered under God’s wings. See yourself as hidden from the reach of predators and from the hostilities that are in the world, in your neighborhood, and in your nation. Count yourself as kept from harm. Trust that God is keeping you from the worst. That God is shielding you from the ugly side of life. Not because it does not exist in the world and not even to say that evil isn’t happening in the world, but because God is actively protecting you from those harsh realities.

It makes a difference that you have Faith in God.

Kept From The Evil Eye

Second, being hidden by God means God keeps you away from the evil eye. Without a doubt, evil is looming in the world but God knows how to keep you out of sight. So you see the troubles that are going around you, but the troubles don’t see you. Not because of sheer luck but by a deliberate working of God. Therefore, we must believe this truth. And pray that it becomes our experience. And also pray that God will continue to act in the nations of the world, against the plans of Satan.

Psalms 91:1-10 says,

1He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”

3Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler

And from the perilous pestilence.

4He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

5You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,

Nor of the arrow that flies by day,

6Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,

Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

7A thousand may fall at your side,

And ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not come near you.

8Only with your eyes shall you look,

And see the reward of the wicked.

9Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,

Even the Most High, your dwelling place,

10No evil shall befall you,

Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;” NKJV

In other words, God can keep you out of reach and out of sight from Satan’s attempts to damage your life and cripple your destiny. By trusting in God and believing in His hiding ability, you set yourself on a course where only those experiences that God permits are the only ones that come your way.

That is, not all that Satan throws at you, but what God selects and handpicks for you, is what reaches you. Be it troubles, suffering, or pain. God hides you and by that act, He squeezes the poison out of every situation that you experience so that it works out God’s glory in your life. God is superintending over your life experiences, and He has not left you at the mercy of natural and evil forces.

The Scripture says in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that,

'No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.“ NIV

The Lord is that buffer zone for you. He is weighing what comes your way. It’s not an open-door policy for you regarding Satan’s access to your family, marriage, finances, and all aspects of your life.

Job of the Bible had a caveat on Him. Satan could not touch His life, and the devil’s access to Job had limits set by the God Job worshiped. So Job 1:8-12 NIV, records,

"8Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.”

9“Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10“Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”

12The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”

Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.”

Likewise, Satan is not at liberty to do as he pleases with your life. This is the sort of protection Christ has afforded you. As with Job, you are safe and out of danger even when it appears troubles, failure and frustration surround you.

Signs of a lower might be visible all around you, but you have never been safer, and stronger. God only permitted the devil to touch job’s wealth and possessions, but His life was safe in God. Therefore, it has to be a point of faith and a point of prayer that God will hide you from the things the enemy intends to do against you.

Dare to believe that God has hidden you from the evil that is around. Speak over your life and maintain this truth in your consciousness that you are hidden in God. Pray for this reality to be fulfilled in your life. You are precious before God. So God hides you. He takes watchful care of you. He takes the responsibility of hiding you.

Your Father sees the evil That You Don’t See. And keeps You Out Of Reach and out of the sight of evil. He sees deeper and watches further. Trust the Deep searching eye of the Lord, the eye that sees evil from afar. God’s eye sees into the very Arena of darkness and He uses his insight to protect you. His Eye Is on your enemy, for your sake. God is closely watching the enemy’s steps. God watches what the enemy intends to do to you and He has a plan to keep you safe, to the frustration of your adversary.

It’s also written in 2 Chronicles 16:9 that the eyes of the Lord run throughout the earth so that He might show Himself strong knowledge on behalf of those who love Him.

God is coming strong for you. Your enemy has deployed extensively and well-crafted his plans, but God is very present to work mightily in your life. He is stronger. The Lord is our hiding place. He is your hiding place today. Talk to him concerning this truth and regarding what He means to you. Believe It and cast your full weight upon this truth. Refuse to believe what the enemy is trying to do around you, refuse to believe what Satan wants to do. Confess from the very bottom of your heart, that God is taking you out of the reach of what Satan intended to do.

His Eye Is on your enemy for your sake. God is overseeing your life. Trust His oversight. He is the bishop of your soul and you are under his care. Trust in this and rejoice incredibly that God is your hiding place.

Of this be confident, He has hidden you and will continue to do so.

You’ll experience God’s hiding power and witness how God hides His own. The Bible compares God’s people to the apple of the eye. He keeps you as the apple of His eye. Just like the eye blinks when any danger attempts to reach the eyeball. So, may the Lord, keep you. May the Lord hide you. I see the Lord hiding you from the evil that is going around you. Your reality must reflect God’s plan and what He has kept for you, in the name of Jesus.

The Lord richly bless you and may you continue in the spirit of prayer, and continue to dedicate yourself to God.

Pastor Eryeza Kalalu

[ajaegerpilot]

me today explaining grief to my friend: yeah and then sometimes you just get really sad and you cannot think me today: *gets really sad, cannot think*

[chans-bad-girl]

Hi there! I'm very sleepy right now but suddenly this came into my mind : "what is skz reaction when they caught you touching yourself? Maybe they'll asking for mutual masturbation? Or just watching you? Or ended up having sex with you??" Thank you in advance~ guess I can't sleep tonight!!

Hey, hope you're getting your sleep lol

Stray Kids reactions: they catch you touching yourself (+scenarios)

warnings: voyeurism, masturbation (female and male), toys, dumbification, pet names, nipple play, mutual masturbation, mentions of piv, dirty talk, mirror sex, wall sex

chan:

maybe giving your boyfriend a spare key to your apartment wasn't the best idea because now you're sprawled out on your couch, pictures of him on your phone while the bunny vibrator is put on the highest setting. tbh you wouldn't have noticed him standing there with takeout if he didn't grab your hand and take control of the toy. face cold, he whispers into your ear, "tell me when you're horny next time and you won't need my pictures anymore." (which he says while pushing the toy further inside you)

lee know:

minho likes going to bed early. he usually goes to bed at 11, preferably at 10, and sleeps his 8 hours in ignorant bliss of his girlfriend's moans muffled in her pillow. emphasis: usually. because tonight, he feels the shaking and hears the squelching sounds through his lighter-than-usual slumber. "bunny, please touch yourself quieter, I need my sleep." will go back to sleep and then rail you tomorrow while he teases you about it with all the energy he got from his beauty rest.

changbin:

he got you a bullet vibrator for your 1-year-anniversary and boy are you keen to use it. it's been glimmering at you from across your room and now that changbin is sleeping in the other room (and you don't want to wake him because he had a stressful week with almost 0 sleep), you think it's time to use it. when you turn it on, you don't expect it to be this intense. your hole clenches at your clit's sensitivity and your body jolts forward. you don't mean for your moan to be this loud, really, but it rings through the apartment and wakes your boyfriend right up. upon seeing your struggle with the vibrator, he rubs his eyes and says, "my baby is too dumb to touch herself now? oh kitten, do you need master to teach you?"

hyunjin:

oh boy roommate!hyunjin will literally touch himself watching you through the crack of the bathroom door you forgot to lock. dick in hand, he watches as you touch yourself in the bathtub, losing yourself with the shower head on your clit and a hand on your hard nipples. will accidentally be too loud and call your attention. "oh, sorry, uhm..." "couldn't control yourself, huh?" "no..I-" "cut it. i want you. now." this whole endeavor leads to you becoming friends with benefits lol because you're two horny college students who can't afford their own apartments but also have a no-bringing-one-night-stands-home policy. will want to do mutual masturbation because he doesn't wanna get all wet haha

jisung:

he catches you touching yourself in his own home. you were on a trip to meet your family in your home town and your close childhood friend offered you a place to stay. for a week you couldn't touch yourself or even be alone for more than 5 minutes, and when Jisung finally leaves the house for a bit longer than just for groceries, you can finally relax without the fear he might come back soon. so you lie on the couch bed, completely naked because it's 43 degrees and god knows you've waited for this way too long. little did you know that Jisung's plans were cancelled and he drove straight back home to you playing with your clit, two fingers stretching your walls. will watch in awe for a bit before you notice him. "oh, you...that's kind of hot. Mind if I...help?" you don't mind at all. and this is how you ended up with your childhood best friend's head between your legs.

felix:

you blame felix for the suit he's worn and also for the fact that he didn't bother to take it off even when you arrived at his house and started playing video games. Needless to say: you were horny as ever. so you excused yourself to the bathroom to satisfy the ache. because felix had his headphones on and his room was on the other side of the house, you let soft moans slip off your tongue. he sure wouldn't hear, right? WRONG. he got worried after you didn't come back from the toilet for 10 minutes and decided to check on you. and oh was he happy he did that because your moans? music to his ears. "yn, no need to hide, my family won't be back until tomorrow." that's when you open the door and grab his tie for his lips to meet yours. "you stayed in this on purpose, huh? after the wedding you could've taken it off." "I know you like suits."

seungmin:

before he told you he's an idol, you'd never thought of him this way: hot, talented and highly ambitious. but the growing trust in your friendship reveals an aspect of seungmin you wouldn't have expected in your wildest dreams: tongue out, gaze dark, he's hyper-focused on his dance moves, and hell is that making a mess of your panties. at your place, eating celebration pizza after his tour-opening show, you decide to wait until he falls asleep to pound a dildo into yourself in your room. the doors are thin and the couch bed seungmin temporarily sleeps on is only so comfortable. which means that he hears you loud and clear as you whine. you have awakened his curiosity, and before he can stop himself, he walks straight toward your room. what do you look like right now? What are you thinking about? When he walks into your bedroom and accidentally stumbles, you look at him with the biggest eyes and maybe that wasn't the way he imagined the answer to the first question. (good for you that you have the blanket over though haha). "oh, this is very embaressing...in front of my idol friend, wow." "nonono don't get me wrong, I think you put on a nice show. maybe better than mine..." will fuck you in front of a mirror (with your consent ofc) because "look at you, you're performing so well only for me."

jeongin:

after him teasing you all day (being all touchy-feely, being suggestive with his words and wiggling his eyebrows way too much lol) while watching reruns of pretty little liars, he forgets his gym bag at your dorm. now, your touch starved, career oriented college student self is only so resilient. translation: you rub your clit furiously while watching twitter porn. when he arrives at the bus stop, he notices his gym bag is still at your place, and so decides to knock on the first-floor window to your bedroom. when you don't answer (because your earphones blast slapping sounds and moans + you are too far gone to notice anything at this point) he peeks through the slit between your curtains and oh my god are you hot squirming around with your hand between your legs. he's touched himself to the fantasy of you pinned to a wall too many times to count, and now he can finally make it a reality. let's just say he's not shy to ring your door bell at the ass crack of dawn to ask you about what porn gets you off so prettily to then rail you against all walls in your apartment lmao rip your roommate

[mokutone]

I came up with another Tenzo HC that I think you'll like. We all know Tenzo likes reading about architecture, but what if he's also really into flowers and their meanings. So like Petunias are supposed to represent anger or being angry at someone. And then what if... Since ANBU just emotionally stunts our poor Shinobi, what if the way he learns to best communicate is by handing people the relevant flowers to express his feelings.

And we all love that HC of him growing flowers, what if the relevant flowers pop up because he associates that feeling with that flower? Like when it's a really really intense feeling, they just start growing.

Also, i know i share my HC with you a lot but i just feel like you always appreciate them <3

its so funny that u mention this bc just a day or two before i recieved it i was writing yamato and felt compelled to have him use a little flower symbolism! I didn't have him growing any flowers tho, just...ominously looming symbolism clinging onto a heavy thought.

i think this can be a really interesting HC to play with, especially when we consider how nebulous "flower language" is—like, for example the red spider lily has, apparently, the meaning of "elope with me" over here in the US, but in japan, the red spider lily is heavily associated with death, lovers separating, etc-you will see it in anime very often, i remember there was one i watched as a kid (hellgirl, i think?) that had them Everywhere and very ominously

and then there's cases where the flower is Supposed to have a meaning, but bc of how its practically used it has a different or even sometimes contradictory meaning,

for example the lily, in christian spaces the white lily is generally supposed to be indicative of innocence—which is probably why its used at so many funerals (symbolizing god washing out the sins after death and making the soul innocent once more, or something) but the fact that its used at so many funerals means that most people i know, when they see a lily, don't think "aw, how sweet..." we tend to go "oh god. the funeral flower." some even can't stand the smell of it

one of my friends gifted me a piece of jasmine incense he had got once for the same reason, that was a Strongly Funereal smell for him, but it was not for me.

then, there's also the individual meanings that flowers hold for people—

this is jewelweed, one of the most important flowers to me personally! it's native to most swampy, moist areas of the USA, it grows very fast, and tall, and spreads really quickly.

when i was a kid, we'd call this stuff "poppers" on account of how when you touch the green, dangling seed-pods, they would pop! like literally, they would explode, launching their seeds everywhere! here's a video of that.

I'm told that in the language of flowers In General, they represent motherly love, but to me, because of how i played with them as a kid, they will always specifically represent childish joy and wonder, as well as a certain amount of resilience due to how quickly and how well they take over an area (say hello to one of the few plants that can take on the invasive garlic mustard!)

this all to say, the associations between meanings and plants could be something that's really fun to play with—some of his meanings could be gathered from books, some of them could be gathered from the cultural knowledge he has access to, and more still could be developed from his own personal experiences with plants.

i'm not sure where i fall on how much yamato would internalize flower language...or i guess even what kind of flowers hed care about? i see him as somebody who tries to be, first and foremost, practical...

flower language is very poetic and mysterious, but there's practicality in mystery too—he's a ninja, after all, (and, ur right, given Anbu he seems to be a fairly repressed ninja at that) using symbols in order to communicate certain feelings could be very practical, if there are things that are difficult to say...

the only thing is that the person receiving the flowers from him would have to also know what they meant, in order for this to be practical...or there'd have to be a shared understanding of things related to the flowers.

anyway! ur right i did appreciate this, ty for sharing it

[cuttoothed]

A little fic for @jonsimsandcats and also inspired by some adorable art on discord! Featuring notes on kitten rearing, and of course some Jmart because it’s me.

Jon works at the Institute here, but a non-spooky version of it!

*

Martin is doing a final check on the fish tanks when he hears the bell above the front door jingle. He sighs; he knew he should have locked up first. Just his luck.

“This is your fault,” he tells the angelfish balefully. They don’t seem contrite, too busy nosing in the fine gravel for any food they’ve missed. Martin walks out to the front of the shop, preparing his best customer service smile to tell whoever’s come in at—he glances at his watch—three minutes past eight that they’re closed, and no, they can’t just wander around for a few minutes to look at the animals. Honestly, some people seem to think there’s no difference between a pet shop and an art gallery.

There’s a man standing at the front counter, looking around anxiously, a bundled up jumper clutched against his chest.

“Sorry, we’re—” Martin begins, and that’s as far as he gets before the man unleashes a frantic tirade.

“Please!” the man says, “I need your help, I-I’m not sure they’re breathing and they were out there for hours on their own, I know you’re not supposed to move them in case their mother comes back but I couldn’t just—just leave knowing they were still there, and all the vet offices nearby are closed, this was the only place I could think of!”

The man is wild eyed, almost panicked, and Martin lifts both hands in an appeasing gesture.

“Woah,” he says, “Uh, maybe start from the beginning again? Slowly?”

“Right, ah, sorry. Sorry. I spotted them this morning, under a bush just outside my work.” The man sets the bundle of jumper down on the counter, and unfolds it to reveal two tiny scraps of fur: one gray, one black. Kittens, Martin realizes, so small they can only be a week or so old; certainly not old enough to be without their mother.

“I left them alone, because I’ve heard that the mother usually comes back after a little while. A-and I meant to go and check on them again during the day, make sure.” The man sounds anguished now, his face miserable. “But I—I got caught up in work, forgot about it. It was only when I was leaving that I remembered. And they were still there, on their own. Barely moving. Please—is there anything we can do?”

Martin looks down at the tiny creatures in their nest of wool; he can just about see the shallow in-out of their breathing. All day outside alone, at their age, the odds aren’t great. But he’s met enough kittens to know that they’re shockingly resilient little sods, and he’s never given up on a so-called hopeless case before. He’s not about to start now.

“You did the right thing moving them,” he assures the man, moving to flip the sign on the door to CLOSED. “We need to get them warmed up and get some food into them. Body heat is the best thing for them right now—can you start warming them with your hands?”

“Oh—ah, yes,” says the man, turning to his bundle of jumper with a worried frown. Martin leaves him there while he rushes around the shop, grabbing kitten milk replacer and nursing bottles, and then into the back to heat two mugs of water in the microwave while he makes up the bottles. He pops them into the mugs to warm, and brings the whole lot out to the front. The man now has a kitten in each hand, and is holding them pressed carefully to his chest for additional warmth; his expression is still worried, but also desperately tender, and Martin feels a pang of something behind his ribs at the sight.

“One of them is moving,” the man says eagerly as Martin sets the bottles down. Martin can see the gray kitten wriggling weakly in the man’s grip, responding to the heat. Its sibling is still motionless, and Martin’s heart sinks a little.

“That’s great,” he says. “Hold onto her for another minute, and let me see if I can get her sister moving too.”

He holds out a hand, and the man almost reluctantly passes him the black kitten. Martin doesn’t try to notice that the man has lovely hands, with long, slim fingers, narrow wrist jutting out of his shirt sleeve, but, well, he notices a bit. He turns his attention to the kitten; he can’t make out the motion of its breathing anymore. He takes it in both hands and starts to massage it gently. It lies limp in his palms, head lolling, and Martin starts to feel despair crawling cold up his spine.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he murmurs, “You can do it.” The man is watching him anxiously, the gray kitten cradled against his chest, and Martin knows he can’t give up. He keeps rubbing the kitten’s small body, trying to will warmth and life back into the tiny, fragile form. At last, after what seems like an eternity, the kitten squirms in his hands and a faint, plaintive mew escapes it. An answering mew comes from the gray kitten, and Martin laughs, relief washing over him.

“Right, let’s see if we can get them to eat.”

After checking that they’re not too chilled to feed, Martin tests each of the kittens with a drop of formula on their tongue; thankfully they both seem able to swallow without difficulty. He shows the man how to feed the gray kitten, holding its body in a neutral position with the bottle tilted for a gentle flow. It doesn’t take long for the kittens to figure out the process, and Martin can feel the tug on the bottle as his kitten begins to suckle.

“Oh,” he hears softly from beside him, and turns to see the man gazing in delight at the gray kitten, whose tiny, unfurled ears are twitching as it sucks.

“She’s doing great,” Martin comments. “Good job.” The man gives him a tentative, pleased smile, and Martin still isn’t trying to notice but it’s a very nice smile. “I’m Martin, by the way.”

“Jonathan Sims—Jon,” says the man, and then gives a small, tense laugh. “God, I haven’t even apologized for storming in here while you were clearly trying to close up for the night.”

“That’s all right, I didn’t have any exciting plans tonight anyway. I’d much rather be spending time with these little beauties.”

Jon smiles again, more sure this time, and all right, maybe Martin deliberately notices the dimple in his right cheek. Just a bit.

Once the kittens are fed, Martin shows Jon how to stimulate them; both of them only pee a little—poor things are dehydrated—but it’s a good sign. They clean them up and tuck them back into the nest of Jon’s jumper, where they curl up into a small puddle of black and gray. Jon gives a sigh that’s somewhere between relieved and exhausted.

“Thank you,” he says. “I, ah, I think I forgot to say that as well. You know a lot about this.”

“I volunteer at a shelter, there are a lot of kittens. If you like, I can take them for tonight and bring them in tomorrow?”

“Ah,” says Jon. “Do you think that’s—I mean...I-I’m not sure I’d feel right, handing them off to someone else. Not that I think you’re not capable!” he rushes to add, and Martin finds himself smiling.

“No, I get it. You found them, you want to take care of them. I’ll warn you, though, it’s a big commitment. For the first couple of weeks you have to feed them every two hours, even during the night, and then it’s every three or four hours until they start weaning. It’s like having a newborn baby.”

“I don’t get much sleep generally,” says Jon. “At least this way I’ll have something to do while I’m up all night. And my work is—well, I’ll explain the situation.”

He looks set on it, brow furrowed with determination. Martin considers arguing more: that a shelter will be better equipped to care for the kittens, that there’s no guarantee they’ll survive in any case, that Jon doesn’t know what he’s signing up for. But the shelters are always crowded, and kittens this young have simple needs, and really, a dedicated foster parent—armed with the right knowledge—is probably the best thing for them.

“Right,” he says, “Let’s make sure these two are well wrapped up before you take them home.”

He scrounges a cardboard box from the back and they settle the kittens into it, still wrapped in Jon’s jumper along with a soft fleece blanket printed with cartoon fish. Martin gathers a couple of cartons of liquid formula and extra bottles to get them started, and shows Jon how to pierce the nipple so the flow isn’t too strong.

“It should be warmed to body temperature,” he explains, “But not directly in the microwave—put the bottles in heated water, like I did earlier. Do you have a hot water bottle?”

“Yes, I do,” says Jon, frowning intently as he listens. Martin nods.

“It’s better than a heating pad at this age, they’re less likely to get overheated. Don’t make it too hot—body temperature, again—and wrap it in a blanket so they’re not touching it directly.”

“Got it,” says Jon firmly, and Martin believes him. He bags up the formula and bottles and an extra pet blanket, and presses them into the hands of a startled Jon; the till is shut off for the night, but Martin can explain and pay for the items tomorrow.

“What’s your phone number?” he asks, and Jon looks even more startled.

“S-sorry?”

“Or your email. I’m going to send you some links—videos, a couple of good blogs that should be helpful.”

“Oh, ah, right. Of course.” Jon recites his number and Martin saves it under “Jon (Kittens).” He peeks into the box one last time before Jon scoops it up, and sees the kittens snuggled in the folds of the jumper, paws waving in little kitten dreams.

“Thank you again, Martin,” says Jon. “I honestly don’t know what I would have done without you tonight.” His tone is shy but genuine, and it sends warmth through Martin’s chest and up into his cheeks.

“Any time,” Martin says. “And feel free to text me if you need anything—if you have a question or...anything. Or call me if you like.” He’s aware he’s rambling a bit, but it’s not every day an attractive man says that he doesn’t know what he would have done without you, so he can hardly be blamed.

“I will,” says Jon solemnly.

*

He doesn’t text Martin any questions that night, but when Martin sends him the links to a youtube channel and three blog posts on kitten care, he replies:

Thank you :)

Martin spends most of the rest of the night wondering what that smiley face means.

*

He doesn’t necessarily expect to see Jon again, and certainly doesn’t expect to see him the very next day. But just before one o’clock in the afternoon the bell above the door jingles and there’s Jon, looking tired and more than a bit sheepish.

“I got all the way into work this morning before I realized I’d never paid for any of the things you gave me,” he says, reaching for his wallet.

“Those were gifts,” Martin tells him firmly. “Sort of a “welcome to foster parenthood” care basket?”

“No, I couldn’t let you—” Jon starts to protest, but Martin shakes his head emphatically.

“It’s no big deal, honestly. I get an employee discount anyway.”

“I...well, then I suppose I need to thank you yet again,” says Jon.

“It’s becoming a bit of a habit,” Martin jokes, grinning, and Jon smiles in return. He hesitates a moment before continuing:

“Maybe I could buy you lunch instead, then? To pay you back.”

“There’s no need, honestly,” says Martin, even as his brain berates him: What are you doing, idiot, he’s asking you to have lunch with him? Say yes!

“Please, I’d like to,” Jon says, and then gives a thoughtful frown. “Only if you want to, of course, don’t feel obligated—”

“I’m on lunch in five minutes,” Martin blurts out before he can overthink it.

“Great!” says Jon, sounding pleased. “If you have time, we could go by my office as well and visit the kittens. I just fed them before I came to see you.”

Before I came to see you, not before I came to pay you back, and Martin feels that warmth crawling up towards his cheeks again. Even if Jon’s intentions are purely friendly rather than...anything else, well, Martin could always use more friends.

“How were they last night?” he asks, and the smile that spreads across Jon’s face this time is pure delight.

“Oh I barely got an hour’s sleep,” he says, waving a hand. “And today they’re sitting under my desk reminding me every couple of hours that they need attention and that they are far more important than whatever I’m working on. They’re perfect.”

“Sounds like cat parenthood suits you,” Martin teases gently, and Jon laughs.

“I think it rather does.”

*

Lunch is...nice, and only slightly awkward in the “getting to know a new person” sort of way. Jon is serious, but also funny in an understated, acerbic way, and there’s a gentleness to him that wouldn’t be immediately apparent, if Martin hadn’t seen him cradling two tiny, fragile lives to his chest last night. He’s the kind of person Martin would like to know better, he thinks.

Afterwards they go to Jon’s workplace, which is extremely academic with a brass nameplate by the door and everything, and down to the basement office where Jon works; Martin doesn’t really know what archiving entails, but it looks like mostly a bloody great pile of paperwork. Jon’s two colleagues give Martin friendly and extremely curious glances as they pass; Jon pointedly ignores them in favor of directing Martin to his desk and the cardboard box sitting beneath it.

When Martin glances inside, the two kittens are curled up in the folds of the fish-print blanket, lying against the shape of what he assumes is the hot water bottle. Their bellies already look rounder than they were last night, thanks to regular feeding, and their limbs twitch as they sleep.

“I’ll take them to the vet for a check up after work,” Jon murmurs quietly, gazing down at them with a soft expression. Martin recognizes that look of adoration, and he knows this pair won’t be going to a shelter or anywhere else; they’ve found their home with Jon.

“They’re lucky you found them,” he says, and Jon smiles self-consciously.

“I think I’m the one who was lucky,” he says.

They spend a bit more time with the kittens, and then Martin realizes that it’s about time he got back to work if he doesn’t want to get in trouble. He excuses himself, waving goodbye to Jon’s still curious colleagues, and Jon walks him out to the grand front entrance of the building.

“Thanks again for lunch,” he says. “And—you have my number, right? The offer is open, if you need anything, just text me.”

“I will,” says Jon. “And, ah, let me know if you’d like to come and see the kittens again. Any day. Well, most days,” he corrects himself. “We could, ah, maybe have lunch again?”

“That sounds...really nice,” says Martin. Jon smiles, pleased, and Martin isn’t trying to notice the faint flush that spreads across his face, but it’s very cute anyway.

*

As he walks back to work, Martin’s phone vibrates with a text. It’s a picture of the kittens, curled up on top of each other, with the message:

Come back and see us soon!

Martin grins; the kittens, he thinks, weren’t the only ones lucky to be found last night.

[aloftmelevar]

on august 21st, 2014, i was a 12-year-old in 7th grade who was just finding out about the hidden block/normalboots collective of game reviewers.

on august 21st, 2014, i found caddicarus - who would have a huge impact on my life for the next 4 years.

during those 4 years i had many fandom shenanigans. made some great memories, made some not-so-great memories.

i remember when he was an android fanboy. i remember when he didn't like pizza. i remember when his voice was higher and when he had the buzzcut. the stock grungy background and aesthetic. the frosty cooltext generated logo. that iconic gong noise at the beginning of the intro. when the intro didn't even have music at all - do fans these days even remember that the intro was once a heavenly chant with no music?

"🎵ay ay ay ay ay, ay ay ay ay, subscribe...🎵"

"that's how we do it in my garden!"

"CYOAR!"

i remember rushing home one day in march 2015 to watch him on PBG's minecraft hardcore. i remember when he first got his tattoos. i remember how the audience was divided over his mohawk.

many sunday afternoons were spent waiting for the new video to come out. being the young devoted fan i was, i started drinking pepsi after he said he preferred it over coke. i called it "the official drink of the beautiful people".

i remember in 2016 when he got rid of all those extra shows and made the caddicarus show weekly. and i remember when the sub count slowed around the same time. but we as the fanbase made do with what we had.

i left in late 2018 around the time he hit 600,000 subs. i left to pursue other fandom endeavors - long story short, i moved onward. 😉

in the 4 years since i've left, caddy pretty much addressed every criticism people had with his videos and he's been thriving more than he ever has. and even though his videos are no longer for me personally, i still respect him with every fiber of my being.

now, it's august 22nd, 2022. i'm 20 years old. i haven't watched a caddicarus video in god knows how long. when i think of caddicarus, the color blue still comes to mind. that shows you right there.

yet, as i sat silently in the college library, on the first day of junior year, i held my hands on my heart and teared up as i saw caddy do the same and then lie down on his side as he saw the long-awaited number show up on his screen.

i took a big sip of the pepsi sitting next to me. and even after i found out that he hates the US version of pepsi, i still drank it with pride. because it shows that the impact he and his videos made on me is still visible to this day. and also because...pepsi really is better than coke.

i am aware of what caddy thinks of the pre-2020 era. i recognize that he wasn't exactly making the videos he wanted to make and that he regrets them now. but we wouldn't be where we are today if they never existed. they still made an impact.

i remember when we never thought he'd hit 1 million subs. i remember checking socialblade and the prediction for the 1 million sub milestone was...actually pretty accurate. it projected he'd reach 1 million when i was in the middle of college. but at the time, it was still 6 years away. which is a long time in internet years.

but he's so resilient. that's 10 years of blood, sweat, and tears poured into the channel. and within those videos - no matter what he thinks of them now - are the childhood/teenhood memories of many, many people. nerdy and geeky kids who found a part of youtube that understood their nerdy and geeky interests. kids who finally felt validated after finding other people who enjoyed the same videos. kids who then had internet friends to talk about their interests with. kids who finally found their voice...and began to make videos of their own.

thank you so much jim. thank you for all you've done. you have given me and now a million other people so much happiness and joy. i hope you continue to thrive and inspire millions of people. stay beautiful. 💜💙💜