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arwenadreamer · 1 year

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Let me tell you a bit about my wonderful, wonderful JiB 11 experiences.

It finally happened! I've met Jared Padalecki!

First thing Saturday morning I went to his auto. I had bought a moose notebook back in 2019 when I got the JiB tickets, and have been waiting to give it to him ever since. He looked at it, then visibly did a double take and started to laugh. I told him "Back when I got the notebook you had this huge hiatus beard!" He smiled, stroked with his knuckles over his own beard and said "I'll get there again!".

Next up was my Jared photo. While I was standing in line for the OP, he made eye contact two times, very briefly, and I almost died on the spot. Lol. I am an aro/ace woman in my fourties, but this man is killing me!

We took the picture, I said thank you and turned away. While I was turning away, his hand stayed on my back, and he rubbed me twice in circles. I don't remember much from this op, but I do remember the feeling of him stroking by back in circles. I also remember the feeling of his chin on top of my head. And how cold that stupid (sorry) Gucci jacket was against my face.

I'm not putting an uncensored picture on here, but believe me, I couldn't smile any more if I tried. I have a look on my face that is completely over the moon, but who can blame me?

With Jensen, I asked him to be hugged from behind, and I really love this photo too. I just wish I had left my jacket on. My bare arms don't look so good on here. But that's just me being self critical. So what the heck, I'm gonna share it with you anyways.

@takikojou and me planned on standing in line for a question at the first panel sunday morning. (A Jared solo panel.) I knew what question I wanted to ask, but I planned on writing it down. Just to be sure I'd get it right.

But while we were sitting in the Saturday evening Jared solo panel, close to the right hand side microphone for questions, the queue on that side was getting shorter and shorter, and suddenly there was no one standing in line at all. On the other side there were still plenty of people queing, and there was also quite some time left on the panel. So I just got up and went up to the micro without thinking. While I was standing there, my heart beat like crazy. I have no idea what was being said during the question Jared was currently answering. I just tried to get the question right in my head. When it was my turn, I asked him:

"At the last JiB I asked Jensen a question for both of you -"

Jared: "I wasn't there last JiB."

Me: "I know."

(That sounded rather rude-ish, but I swear I didn't mean it that way. I was just so incredibly nervouse.)

Me: "I asked Jensen to answer for both of you and he did, but he also said you would probably have this long insidefull answer. So now I'm asking you. What aspect of Sam's and Dean's personality was hardest to act?" And then, because I was kind of besides myself, I felt the need to clarify "Sam, in your case."

Jared said that a lot of Sam came pretty natural to him, and he gives credit for that to the writers who got to know who he is and wrote Sam that way. As an example he mentions Sam's "empathetic puppy dog eyes" written in scripts. He then says that the hardest part to act was Sam's kind of comedy. Because for him Sam's kind of comedy was hard to find. And that maybe that was correct, because Sam didn't think of himself as a funny person. Whereas Cordell Walker's kind of comedy is basically Jared's kind of comedy.

He concluded: "That's my answer. I hope it lived up to Jensen's expectations." Lol.

That's when I messed up completely in my nervousnes. Because I repeated Jensen's answer the wrong way around. Jensen had said for Jared it would be "having a shorter older brother". But I said to Jared:

"Jensen said it would be having a taller older brother."

But Jared, being the intelligent man he is, and knowing Jensen the way he does, immediately made sense of it.

"I guess for me it would be having a shorter older brother. Because my brother is taller than I am. So."

And with that he basically repeated Jensen's answer for him from JiB 12. Lol.

Here's the video, if you're interested. My question starts at around 19:10.

youtube

As I've just rewatched the video, I've realised that he was looking at me a lot. Unfortunately, I couldn't really see from my position at the microphone. In a panel on the next day Jared mentions that everybody on that microphone is squinting and shielding their eyes. There was this bright light shining right in peoples eyes over there. They dialed it down a bit after Jared mentioning it on Sunday, but Saturday, I could hardly make him out on stage.

On Sunday came my long awaited J2 OP. I asked them if they could look like Sam and Dean as opposed to Jared and Jensen. They both said sure and we did the OP. When I left I said thank you. Jensen answered in the most Texas drawl "You're welcome!". I loved the way he said it.

I also love the OP! I tried to smile a bit less, to make it more of a Winchester pic. I failed horribly at that. But again, who can blame me?

On my other post someone commented it looks like Sam and Dean are confused that there is someone in between their hug. And that is so true, lol. "Sorry, boy's, I'll get out of your way, now."

When I went to the Jensen auto with my friend, we were waiting in line inside the auto room, even though Jensen was not there yet. But Jared was. He was sitting at the table, giving auto's. I was standing at a point in line that was basically closest to Jared for about 20 to 30 minutes, without my line moving. So I had plenty of time watching Jared from about 3 meters away. And I was blown away by his kindness, his gentle and funny nature. What everyone says about him is absolutely true. He really makes these short interactions for everyone special. And his full attention is at the person in front of him. Always. It's one thing to experience that in person for one short interaction. It's another to witness that with dozen's of people. It's not just one friendly hello after the other. (Which, honestly, would be enough to ask for.) It's that his facial expression changes with every person. With some he laughs, with some he's serious. He's listening intently if someone talks to him. I could't here what was being said (and wouldn't have wanted to eavesdrop anyway), and couldn't see what he signed. But I saw his face. I saw he reacted to that. And it never seemed forced. He just is that kind of person. Genuine. Empathetic. I only saw one thing given to him. And I had to laugh. Someone brought him Haribo gummy bears. He was so FAST taking that and slipping it into the bag for presents he had behind the table. It was a blink and you'll miss it moment. Lol. I guess that's also genuinely him. He loves his sweets.

Then Jensen arrived and I had my autograph. He was really, really nice and attentive too. Jensen also always makes sure to look up at the end of each auto and look people in the eye.

I had so many great interactions throughout the convention, and everything I had hoped for had come true already. There were just a few panels left I wanted to watch.

So @takikojou and I went into the panel room for the Jared and Misha panel. And she points out that there is no-one at the microphone on the left hand side yet. She asked me to stand in line with her. So I did. I quickly came up with a question for both of them. I didn't want to ask a Jared only question at a Mishalecki panel. I thought that would be rude.

So I wanted to ask where in Germany besides Berlin they had been. I thought this would be a short question with short answers, nothing special. But then Jared Padalecki basically had a whole conversation with me, and it turned into the most amazing moment of the whole JiB convention!

I'll leave the link here. It starts at 7:20

youtube

You may have seen videos where people stand in the hallway at the end of JiB con, and the actors come out to walk through the people, giving high fives and stuff. There's a small area where people can stand, behind barrier tapes. When my friends and me came out of the panel room, that area was already crowded. So we just left the convention area through a hallway in which no-one was allowed to stand. But at the end of the hallway people gathered again. My friends and I got a really good place there, right at the end of the hallway, where the room opens again. Security quickly put up more barrier tapes. So basically, it was a espallier (? that what you call it? ) of people, then a hallway, and then another espallier of people, forming one long line.

People in the first area where shouting for Jensen to come out, and he did. But he didn't see us down at the second area at the end of the hallway, so the turned around and went back into the green room again. Same with Jared after that. They just didn't see us. I know because I was the first person at the end of the hallway and had a perfect view all the way up. They didn't even look in our direction. And they couldn't hear us over the loud crowd in area one.

Then came Rob, and he saw us. When he realised there were so many more people down there, he just started a sprint and came to us. The security guard accompaniying him was completely taken by surprise and had trouble keeping up, lol. Rob went through our row, and so did every other actor after that.

Matt Cohen was last. He went through our row, and when he came back, while passing me, I asked him:

"Matt, can you ask Jared and Jensen to come down here as well?"

He said he would. And he did.

A few minutes later all the actors came out together, and they all came into our second area.

I thought that was a pretty great grand finale. But then my friend surprised me with a can of FBBC beer she had brought from Austin to share with me. And that was just the crown on top of an overwhelming, amazing, wonderful weekend. I had the time of my life! And I am so grateful I got to share it all with @takikojou and M. It would not have been half as wonderful without you two!

#JiB 11 #arwenas jib 11 experiences #Jared Padalecki #Jared Padalecki admiration #Jensen Ackles #Youtube

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anamelessfool · 4 months

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Lil WIP of Chapter 15 because I guess each plot arc starts with a flashback

Primo [Irving] returns to the Ministry to follow through on his mother's final wish. He decides to stay for just a few days. Until he figures things out. Tags: Young Primo, Satanic Panic, 1970s Horror, Mystery Noir

Chapter 15: I Wanna Be Your Dog Comes Out Soon (Full Fic Here)

1972

They told Irving to wait, so he did. He watched the nun with pretty eyes and a firm walk sway down the hallway and out of sight, her heels echoing across the wide expanse of marble. He hadn't been to the Ministry since he was around ten, and even a decade on it felt just as huge as it was in his memory.

“Only for a few days,” he muttered to no one. Well, it wasn't no one, exactly. He adjusted the urn on his hip. Sister Nance, or at least what remained of her earthly vessel, had been there this entire time. When he packed up his car with items from the apartment he was certain he'd get evicted from. When he parked behind the diner. She was there, and he talked to her. “I'm leaving you here, then I'll be gone. But I'll stay just a few days.”

Nance had not spoken much about the Ministry with any enthusiasm until she got sick. Then it felt like that was all she could remember. She spoke about the grounds, the chores and how much she loved the garden there. She pulled memories from Primo that had long been buried by time. She said when she was there the words of her poetry poured out of her. The Void provided that, she said. It moved underfoot across the hallowed land, flowing deep below the Earth, eternal currents of limitless potential.

Ever since she left she said it was a struggle to write. Or, at least in her fading months, she felt that that was the case. She wanted to be there, after death, in the perpetual tides of creativity that ebbed and flowed from the Void itself.

He stood there for a few minutes more, debating how obedient he was going to be today. Perhaps if he walked just a few feet down the hallway, he would at least see if anyone was on their way and hurry back. He had a vague memory of the kitchen garden, of the cell he'd share with his father on his extended summer stays. Maybe a quick wander was in order, if only to see how the place had changed.

Irving strode a few feet down the hallway, admiring the sweep of stone archways overhead, the fifty year old hanging iron lamps fashioned to resemble globes nestled in batwings and claws. Through the walls he heard a bell ring from a distant tower, calling the congregation to what, he was unsure. He remembered a television program he saw, about some sort of convent or orphanage or someplace equally gothic and ecclesiastical. An orderly line of nuns in severe headwear processed while a bell rang. He thought back to his memories of his beatnik mother and wondered why on earth she ever thought that life to be appealing.

“L'amour est un oiseau rebelle, Que nul ne peut apprivoiser….”

A woman’s voice drifted down the hall. It was a familiar tune, from some origin unknown to Irving. It was one of those classical refrains, something that hinted at refinement and high art. He himself had the most crude understanding of both of those things, and yet the sound lured him forward.

“Et c'est l'autre que je préfère…Il n'a rien dit mais il me plaît…”

Like a dutiful beast he moved towards the sound, stopping in front of a closed set of doors. Should he…open it? Couldn't hurt, he reasoned as he teased the door open. Worst case he could pretend to be lost.

A figure stood silhouetted against the crown glass panes of the choir room. It was a tall woman nestled in a luxurious red silk cape, her blonde hair thick and long down her back. As she sung to herself her hands were outstretched, longing. The gloves were tipped with bronze claws, flashing as the fingers beckoned an imaginary lover.

“Si tu ne m'aimes pas, je t'aime…Si je t'aime prends garde à toi…Prends garde à toi!”

She finished her song, chuckling to herself. Her voice was deep, low. It had a timbre to it that made Irving draw closer. She must have felt his approach, for as he stepped into the room she turned to face him.

He saw her skull.

He took a step back, jarred by the stark white on black. For an instant he thought it was her true face, but then after a few stunned blinks he realized it was a visage painted on her skin.

The eye was real though.

The whitened eye with the pinhole iris, staring. Dead but living, a step away from reality.

The Eye Knew more about him than he did himself.

The woman had an air of surprise that settled into a conspiratorial smirk. The eye burned. “Are you lost?”

“I think so. Sorry to disturb—”

“You did not disturb me at all,” she said. “I'm always available for my flock.”

“I'm not…actually…”

“Interloper then?” She stepped towards him with small movements of her feet that gave the impression of her gliding across the floor like a phantom. “Even better.”

She peered into him and seemed to drink up his silence, privately entertained by his puzzled expression. By the fact that even as horror flashed across his face, his feet moved him towards her. “I…am Mater Emerita Jocasta. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Oh.” Irving felt his face burning, and he knew from this point forward anything he said would sound stupid. “Is that…important?”

“What, the fact that I am the spiritual leader of this Church, Provider of our UnHoly Relic of the Void, Queen of Hell herself or the idea that I am pleased to meet you?”

“…both?”

She tilted her head with elegance. “I am more pleased to meet you.”

“I've come to…well…” he gestured to the urn under his arm. “My mother loved her time here.”

The Papessa’s brow furrowed, realizing with a soft frown. “I'm sorry,” she said.

“It's okay.” He smiled crookedly. “At least we got the ‘Meeting the family’ part out of the way.”

Jocasta paused. Her eyes widened, then she smiled broadly, her teeth almost bared. “You! Fiend!”

They shared a gentle laugh together. “What else can I do,” Irving said. “I'm Irving. Irving Olson.”

“I was certain your name was Primo,” she said. “You are Nihil's son are you not? You stoop like him. Pretending you aren't tall.”

“You were expecting me?”

Jocasta scoffed. “Nihil has done nothing but talk about you lately! You've come here to stay?”

“No…” Irving looked down, feeling a small smile on his face. “Are you and Nihil…”

“Close? Friends, yes. He is my mentor,” Jocasta said. Her face dropped into a smirk. She brought her hand up to the side of his head, drawing across his jaw with a single bronze nail. Irving felt the electricity shoot down his nerves through the touch of the cold metal across his face. “I prefer younger men,” she purred.

“I'm a musician too,” Irving blurted out for reasons beyond his own understanding. “Guitar. I sing…a little.”

“Oh? Runs in the family,” Jocasta said. “Your father inspired me to join. My first night in New York City, I see him play at a bar…” She sighed, wistful. “Haunting. Thrilling. I got off of one bus and onto another, bound for here.”

“But you did opera previously.” Primo found himself stepping closer to her, now nearly in her arms, growing in confidence.

“I was raised in it,” she said. “Throw a rock in Vienna and you will find an opera singer. It’s not that remarkable.”

The door opened and four figures stepped into the choir room. They were uniformed in black, their faces concealed by ominous metal masks. They didn’t settle on their feet like a human did, rather they simply stood there, hands lowered, their eyes shaded in shadow. “Yes, of course,” Jocasta said, as if replying to an unheard voice.

Primo held the urn a bit more tightly. “Who are they?”

“Oh them? Demons.” Her eyes narrowed in amusement. “Mass is shortly. You…and your mother are invited, of course. You get to see what I’m capable of. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“I guess it would,” he replied. “I'm not staying here long.”

Irving thought he saw the smallest gesture of a lip bite. Of a seductive peek of the tip of her tongue across her painted lips. “Of course you're not. What is a few days anyway?”

He felt a sudden reluctance to leave.

#papa emeritus i #ghost fanfiction #young primo

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cloudninetonine · 2 years

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Heheheeeee

Now for the whole reason why I spammed your inbox

CRINGE LINKS

HAHAHAHA

I sent two decently written somber scenarios (?? Fic ideas?? I don't know wtf those were tbh)

Anyways, the whole reason why I shared my fairy!player concept was because I really like sprite (no I'm not done watching the LoZ cartoon, she's the only reason why I'm enjoying myself). So I imagine Player, instead of being a fairy in the games, is just a fairy like sprite (que the "gee link, your princess let you have two fairies").

You mentioned how you don't know how the whole player thing would work with Courage well neither do I so let's ignore the obvious plot holes and just say that the player was there, but couldn't intervene without risking the timelines and destroying the world altogether.

Anyways Courage thought he was hot shit being the only link with two fairies (or if record was not kept the only person with two fairies). Anyways one day, player disappeared yada yada yada until player shows up with Koridai (I know 'links don't know player is their fairy' blah blah what the fuck ever I'm tired). Now, instead of Courage having two fairies like before, townspeople are like "oh that's that links fairy"

(stoping this halfway, I'm going off the assumption that player is full sized, and dyr to the fact that fairies have magic (duh), they can change size at will, however being hylian-sized makes them unable to fly and therefore vunerable. Player can switch but doesn't really feel the need to unless sprite wants to hang fairy to fairy. Ted talk over)

Anyways, bringing back the "many are named link but link with fairy is hero link", because both Koridai and Courage have fairies and I don't see a master sword, people outside of Castletown are confusing the two together. As much as Koridai hates being compared/confused to Courage, he will absolutely claim to be the hero just to screw with Courage (and because it's funny). Since player is technically his fairy (they're not) and has magic, they will disguise Koridai as Courage just so Koridai can do dumb shit and make Courage look bad.

I also raise the idea that Koridai and player come into Courage's world during the episodes, and player either gets to watch the shitfest happening while holding on to Koridai via hyrule's equivalent to a backpack leash ("we can't intervene unless it's incredibly dire"), or Koridai and player just hang out until Courage is done (much to Courage's absolute pleasure, ganondorf can barely looks at the entrance before this fashion disaster is firing magic beams in the name of love).

I write all of this to say, I really want more Koridai content🥺, I miss my little meow meow so bad and I don't have creativity to make it (she says dumping content into inbox). I know we're talking about the chain smelling like eight bottles of ass in a can but can I can some Kori please 🥺🥺 (or sprite, why tf does no one talk about sprite I like her more than I like Navi tbh don't tell time) this is like what 5??? That's it in tied and it's been like an hour

THOSE BOYS WOULD ACT LIKE LITTLE SHITS AND I STAND BY THAT!

Also, I promise I'm not abandoning the boys! There will be more content! I just wanna get this chapter done first because everyone's been waiting long enough!

#cloud answers #Anon asks

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hausofmamadas · 6 months

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| The sweet, sweet sounds of Dinarrón |

⁂

Pairing: Dinarrón (Dina Arellano Félix x David Barrón Corona)

For @narcosfandomdiscordNarcOctober - Day 30 - Day of Amnesty (originally Day 3 - Day of Music)

Prompt: Create and post a playlist for fic/wip of yours OR your favorite episode and explain why each song resonates for that fic/wip or episode

Word count: ≈ :yodib:

The playlist -> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7DrO59HcsobbbmnVDEjLBX?si=3lcETYcXR6eDv-G_so1eBw

Since the playlist is over 100 songs, I couldn't go over every one and its place within the Dinarrón pantheon, so I decided to pick the most enduring, impactful ones and share some of the brain virus thought process and inspo for the as-of-yet unpublished Dinarrón saga whose page count will prob give War And Peace a run for its money if I can even manage to start releasing the thing to begin with:

⁂

Blue Jeans and Born to Die - Lana del Rey

Both of these songs are basically the madness that started it all so we all have problematic fav, Lana, to thank for the Dinarrón madness that’s taken my brain hostage and effectively turned me into a psy op for my otp whose sole purpose is to construct the world in which they plausibly exist and accumulate hapless converts to my cause Nothing lyrically especially screams Dinarrón so much as it is the vibes, although the “you fit me better than my favorite sweater and I know that love is mean, and love hurts. But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby, I will love you till the end of time. I would wait a million years. As long as you remember that you’re mine” of Blue Jeans definitely reflects their relationship dynamic or rather the one that exists in my head. Namely, the fact that they just innately get each other bc due to their shared like outsider/insider status albeit for diff reasons when it comes to the family business.

Better Version - Sabrina Claudio

So, I actually have @narcolini to thank for this life ruining song bc even though Lana was the introduction, this was the song that really solidified the madness. Like I don’t know that I would’ve continued writing for them, were it not for this song bc I shit you not, it could’ve been written for the Movie In My Head for a lush, slo-mo montage of their most tender moments, as Dina’s reminiscing on the good times while she’s actively planning her wedding to Claudio. Fíjate bien, mis compas:

More frequent visits would’ve been nice. But I don’t want you knowing that there’s somebody new. Sometimes the guilt will clog up my mind. But is it cheating if I love a better version of you? Cause he is perfect, everything I give him, he deserves it. Rarely does he ever come to see me. But any time he does, he makes it worth it, like I earned it. God, I love him. And when I’m with you, I can’t help myself but only think about him. I can’t wait to see him again. My god I miss him. And when I’m with you, I’m just thinking ‘bout how much I wish it was him. I can’t wait to see him again.

Granted, I don’t think Dina doesn’t love Claudio but she can’t help but still hold a candle for my boy, B. And she feeeeeels reaaaaaal extra fucking guilty any time she considers that Barrón might’ve been a better partner given the reality of the industry they’re in which she’ll find out the hard way. RIP to a homie, Claudio. Sosorry I have to keep your canon death in my Russian novel to further the goals of getting these two to bang it out and run off into the sunset together but you just didn’t shine quite like Our Boy at Christine’s, my dude. It’s okay, not everyone was made to be that cool under pressure sksks

lo que pasó - Nina Cobham

alright, so here's another life-ruining pick by @narcolini who tbh is like the co-compiler of this playlist I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that they've picked at least like 35% of the songs here and sent them to me for fevered, demented consumption sksks and I nearly fell to my knees the first time I heard it and DO YOU KNOW WHY????????? JUST A TAKE A GOTDAMN LOOK FOR YOURSELF:

Lo que pasó, ya no duele tanto Think that I can move on but I'm not sure ... what you want from me ... if you want from me Tú me has esperando tanto tiempo [You've waited for me for so long] Ya me tienes donde quieres [You have me where you want me] Y no te das cuenta [And you don't even realize]

in addition to,

Me dejas sin palabras. [You leave me speechless.] But what does it matter? If I told you how I'm feeling would you feel it too? I don't speak with so much fluency Words don't come so easily as they used to I think I got it but it's not it, and it throws me off You're a constant learning curve for me Pa' qué lo sabes How much, how much, could I make it any more obvious? ... Probably

I MEANNNNALSDKJF;ALKSJDFJ;AKJ can you think of another song that better captures Barrón's struggle to express himself in even the most casual, mundane situations and his tendency to compartmentalize his emotions in order to get through bc ew feelings, why would I ever deal with my trauma? are you mad? AND MANAGE TO DO THIS USING THE ALLEGORY OF ACHIEVING FLUENCY IN A LANGUAGE, IN THIS CASE BOTH THE SPANISH LANGUAGE AND THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE I'M GOING TO BE SICKDA;FLKSJD;FLAKJW;KLJ and it really just feeds into so many hcs I have in regards to their relationship like, 1) the whole fluency thing, the song's in both spanish and english, and they help each other improve in their respective languages as a way of bonding early on, 2) the tone of the song implies the object of interest/desire/heartache has the upper hand in the situation much like I think Dina would have the upper hand over Barrón bc she just would, 3) the whole "what/if you want from me" is justslkdjf;lskj saoooo0oooo Barrón, like he's not gonna act unless it's a sure thing, and at this point in the relationship despite the fact that all signs point to -> yes, you may, in fact, roll again, pass go, collect $200 dollars, she's crazy about you, hombre, do we need to hit you over the head with it for you to see he's second guessing whether Dina reciprocates Big Feelings Of Lust Love bc the class difference is so vast and he doesn't realize how actually Hot Shit he is, so he thinks it's literally insane to entertain the notion that Dina might very sensibly and understandably want to climb him like a jungle gym and any time he's close to giving way to hope and maybe broaching the topic with her, he clams back up and continues the cycle of self-inflicted torture like the good blorb he is

Cielo - Los York's

Aight, so the lyrics are sweet and romantic in a way that applies to most pairings, which means they don't speak to the Dinarrón Dynamic as much, but this song would be period-appropriate for the show and I just feel like Ramón insisted on there being a boombox in the office despite passionate protests by Mín, and everyone else who isn't filled to the brim with general anxiety and mild panic outvoted him, so now they have a boombox that's playing any time someone's there doing work. And this seems like something one of them would've played while working together at the warehouse.

Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

This is a bit of a weird one? I guess it's less them and more Dina's POV about them. It's also contemporary the show and here's no way Dina's not into Kate Bush. I refuse to believe it. The best way I can explain why this made it on the playlist is by describing the scene in my head when I listen to it: Dina's standing at a window, looking out at the backyard of the Arellano house, contemplating the meaning of life. It's a rare cloudy day in TJ. She's newly engaged to Claudio (think early S3 long hair Dina but this would be set before S3 starts), Barrón has cried weeeweewee all the way back to the Imperial Desert to escape the crippling heartbreak of seeing her every day, knowing they'll never be together 'cause she's marrying an Actually Decent, If Not Boiler Plate dude with more status and money than he'll ever have train his dudes in the ways of paramilitary tactics, and their last convo ended somewhat tensely with him pointing out that in order to marry this guy, she'll probably have to give up any ambitions of serving the family biz in the way she always wanted bc of blahblahblah murrhsdlkjfs gEnDeR rOLeS. And right now, she's finding herself missing Barrón, wondering where he is, resenting herself for missing him and wondering where he is, resenting him for being right about giving up her ambitions, scared that him being right is going to make her resent Claudio over time and ruin their marriage, and just overall wishing he were there so she could make him understan, and what if the only way to do that is to switch places a la:

It doesn't hurt me Do you wanna feel how it feels? Do you wanna know, wanna know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? You, it's you and me. And if I only could, I'd make a deal with God and get Him to swap our places. Be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building.

Like^^ all that is going through her mind, staring out the window. How can she make him understand? and lowkey realizing the only way might be for them to Freaky Friday that shit skskjdlkj

You don't wanna hurt me. But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder. Oh, there is thunder in our hearts. Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me we both matter, don't we? You, it's you and me. It's you and me, you won't be unhappy. Come on baby, come on darling. Let me steal this moment from you now. Come on angel, come on, come on darling. Let's exchange the experience, oh.

^^ this part slaps particularly hard for the "Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Tell me we both matter" bc Dina gets that poor Davidito is having a rough time. It hurts her to hurt him this way, but she's also a bit, "Can you not find it in your heart not to hate/be mad at me? It's not like I didn't think about this decision entensively and arrive at the conclusion that sacrificing my professional goals is worth it to further the goals of teh family and I do forrealsies love this guy. Like damn, can a woman get a break pls. also pls don't hate me cuzIstillloveyoukbye"

El Muerto - Los Muchachos

god, I could write an actual fucking PhD dissertation on why this song is emblematic of my boy but this is alreayd long asf so I'll just break it down like this.

Mi gente la espalda me cuida [(I know) my people got my back] En cualquier misión suicida [on any suicide mission] Que todos con todos lo que ando son soldados [That all those I roll with are soldiers] Un hermano está en la fría, [A brother out in the cold] Otro hermano ya está arriba [another already above] Y lo que quiero es tenerlo aquí por mi lado [All I want is him here by my side] Pa' fumarnos un cigarro de maría [to smoke a joint] Como antes lo que hacíamos [like we used to do] Cuando la vida no era tan complicada [back when life wasn't so complicated]

Obviously, color me inconsolable bc of the brother references and how well it lines up with Bugsy, out in the cold (in prison for life) and Matteo, already upstairs (BC THEY KILT MY BABY BOI DEAD) but it all began with the opening lines aka clearly Barrón's sentiments upon hearing of Dina's engagement, "Pensaban que estaba muerto pero solo andaba de parranda. Sí me fui de la ciudad fue para curar mi dolor interno" which like.... so, maybe he doesn't actually flee Tijuana without telling anyone, is gone long enough for the Arellanos to wonder if he didn't somehow get himself killed, and turn out to really just be on a bender bc he needed to escape the deep anguish and personal devastation of losing his lady love ... but that doesn't mean he didn't consider it as an option very, very seriously

Killing Me - Omar Apollo

Another @narcolini pick, and this one has it all when it comes to Barrón internal strife and turmoil: questioning his sanity for being in the Business of Crimes, thinking bout how Dina's prob the only person he feels comfortable revealing himself to in any capacity except Bugsy, thinking about how that gives her way too much power over him and is tehrefore fucking terrifying, and daydreaming of making sweet, sweet love to the Woman of His Dreams. For your consideration:

There ain't nobody but us. Love me like I'm gonna die. Fuck me like you fantasize. Touch me like you know you provide to, ain't one to lie to, just wanna slide through, oh What I do makes me if I wonder if I'm alright Holding back feelings like it's the end of my life That's right, you're killing me

Lejos de Ti - Julio Jaramillo

Tbh I can't remember if I actually got this from the OG soundtrack but this is another one that is pretty self explanatory and is highly not!anachronistic. There's a few other songs on my list that rank as contenders for whatever would play in the end credits of the Dinarrón movie that's constantly playing on repeat in a projector in my brain, but this is the first one or maybe it'd be the end credits of an episode of an HBO miniseries? idk. what you guys think

Call Me In the Day - La Luz

Uhhhhhh, I can't even begin to unpack how close this song is to my heart in the Dinarrón pantheon, except to say that if I were to film the warehouse makeout scene that I wrote in Always Short to the Gate, this would be playing over it. Also, Léo RIP to a baddie dancing with Teresa in the Bolivia episode of Queen of the South polluted my mind and the sexy made it's way to Dinarrón so really, I can accept exactly no credit here

NO HAY LAY - Kali Uchis

GODDDLSKDJF;LSKJD;LKAJ okay, this is another song that inspired an elaborate scenelet in my head, which takes place after they get together but before the brothers are aware of it, so they're keeping the relationship under wraps. And as a result, this song is playing while they're getting freaky on the dancefloor yes I have a thing with dancing and these two and I have no answers or explanations except that imsorryforeverything of some trendy nightlclub that the Arellanos don't own that's like 100 miles away from TJ that they escaped off to, so they could be an real couple aka all googly eyed and loveydovey in the open. It's basically their version of date-night that's gotta be date-night on the DL bc they're both scared that if the brothers knew about it, Ramón would cut Barrón's face off and wear it to his birthday party, at the behest of Mín who is decidedly Not B's Biggest Fan at this point in the story.

If it feels so right why say it's wrong, I know you ain't had enough Sabes que yo soy la única [You know I'm the only one] que puede hacerte cosas mágicas [who can do magical things to you] Hey, en el amor no hay ley [In love there is no law] Y deja que nos miren si quieren [And let them see what they want] No matter what we do, no matter what they sayNo importa lo que digan [I don't care what they say] Yo te besaré otra vez, otra vez, otra vez [I'm gonna kiss you again, and again, and again] Bésame otra vez [Kiss me again]

For Your Precious Love - Otis Redding

I meannnnnn this legend speaks for himself, I feel like I shouldn't have to explain anything other than, pretend they got married and this is the song of their first dance and try not to throw yourself on the floor, screaming and crying. You can't

DNA - Tabi

This is more a Dina one, than a Dinarrón one, that feels like what her internal dialogue might be if she either fell out of love with Claudio after being married for some time, or began to resent him and the marriage and her having to give up her place in the AFO to play dutiful wife to someone in the public eye, or both? Like it's essentially her trying to force herself to be happy playing a role she didn't really ask for, and then eventually recognizing her independence will always be a priority to her and affirming her own need for autonomy is not something she's going to be able to suppress, no matter how hard she tries, that's just how she is and that's exactly why we love her

DNA, I don't need anybody DNA, sometimes I wish that I could change my ways I wanna need you, but I, I wanna need you, but I It's just my DNA

Banquetera - West Gold with Simpson Ahuevo

This one's mostly for the homies, specifically Barrón's homies Chato and Ziggy. The song itself is contemporary, but honestly, if we were going for period accuracy and this was in the Dinarrón Double Feature soundtrack, I would never know it was anachronistic. Like shit is right at home next to Tupac and Easy E, y'know

corazón caramelo - November Ultra

good GODDAMN okay, another @narcolini choice, that actually made me cry sksldkjfskldjflsk not just bc of the clear Dinarrón parallels but also due to Just General Life Heartache, Suffering, and Existential Dread and the LongSTanding Recovery from My Divorce That Yes, Happened 2 Years Ago But Still Hits Sometimes and is one you, dear Reader all 2 of you should listen to for the fucking out-of-this-world, actually-unreal vocal performance by November Ultra that really hammers home these actually-unreal lyrics:

Un amor como el primero [A love like the first] Pero que dure hasta el final [But lasts until the end] Mi alma es tuya, bájala de la cruz [My soul is yours, take it down from the cross] Si yo soy luna, tú eres el sol que me da luz [If I am the moon, you are the son that gives me light]

Ídolo - Adrian Quesada with Angélica Garcia

Another contender for a closing credits song and- y'know all these closing credits songs are so good, maybe I should just settle on this being a miniseries and not just a movie. We'll see what Netflix execs have to say on the matter when I inevitably write this script and clearly shop it to all the big streaming platforms and tv networks and everyone is fighting each other, full Spy vs Spy, to produce this award-win- er okay, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, here. There's something about the organ that makes this feel period-appropriate, despite it being a modern song, and I can just see all the pickup shots of San Diego and Tijuana, before it cuts to Dina and Barrón driving in some classic car, top down bc it's a convertible obvio, and quite litrally riding off into the desert-framed sunset. I mean,

En mis horas turbulentas solo oigo tu voz [In troubled hours I only hear your voice] Embrujada con potencia que hemos probado los dos [Bewitched with power we have both shared] Sombra tan bella [Shadow so beautiful] Que cobra mi voluntad pa' conocerlo [It steals my will not to know you] Ídolo, mi ídolo [Idol, my idol] Me robaste la cordura [You rob me of my sanity]

1994 - United Freedom Collective ft. Jordan Stephens

In order to fend off the doubling over in pain that I always do when I think about what this song means to Dinarrón for any length of time, I'll just say, this is how Matty feels thinking about Barrón, and how Barrón feels about Bugsy and none of it works out the way they want it to

When I look at my little brother, I feel an awful urge to smother him I wanna bubble wrap his organs Stick styrofoam in his pity Funnel sunlight into his solar plexus Turn every fall into a ball pit But I know that one day that little scooter's gonna turn into desire And much like what I just witnessed, he'll be unable to break He'll break and I'll have to watch salt crystallize on his cheeks knowing it'll have more value than any cushion I've sown myself I dream of a version of him in the future Tumbling around rock bottom, stranded there in the deep Maroons and wounds he can't touch A bruise has got its own life Every wound is in arrears It hurts and it hurts, then it disappears

Corderio De Nanã - Os Tincoãs & Sukiyaki - Kyu Sakamoto

Bc this Russian novel/Movie/Show In My Head is actually more of a Barrón biopic since I've hijacked him and essentially acted like the man's my OC instead of someone who was on the show skskjsk and in this Barrón biopic, there's a part where he lives in Hawaii briefly bc his Garbage!Father is in the navy and gets stationed there for a little while. And despite the fact that Kyu Sakamoto is Japanese and Os Tincoãs is Brazilian and not remotely Pacific Islander in any way, let alone Hawaiian one or both of these are 1000% going to be playing over a montage of Matteo, Barrón, and Bugsy riding their bikes on the beach and just generally adventuring around the island, as three brothers should. It's pre-gang initiation for Matteo, so it's them at their purest, most undiluted little kid selves Barrón looks back on this time so fondly he actually refuses to think about it bc the nostalgia is physically painful. Also, both songs are pretty cheerful and breezy sounding but can't speak to the lyrics bc the first I'm p sure is in Portuguese and the second is in Japanese so they could be all doom and gloom and I just have no idea ksksks

Cerca De Ti - Hermanos Gutiérrez

Once again, I'll refrain from going full Charlie Kelly/Pepe Silva on everyone here, but what I can say is just.... just picture, Dina and Barrón, at the beach, at night, they decide to go swimming naked in the ocean under the light of the full moon. I'll let you fill in the rest sdlkfjskd

Sage Motel - Monophonics ft. Kelly Finnigan

The final (I think?) contender for the closing credits song. Tbh this song just oozes sexy in a throwback way, in the same vein as like a Smokey Robinson or a Sam Cooke, and would be right at home in a Scorsese movie, which makes it more than qualified to feature in the end credits of the Movie-In-My-Head that will probnever happen lbr, like I'll be lucky if I even post 1/3 of what I've written skdjksjd

Over-the-Ocean Call - Lizzy McAlpine

Go ahead and throw this one on and imagine Dina calling Barrón while he's doing this paramilitary cry-fest training in the desert pretending he's not sobbing into his cheerios every morning Dina doesn't exist, and she needs to, idk, talk about some wedding details or something, maybe coordinate where he's gonna be during the ceremony and whatnot bc he's head security so poor mf's like contractually obligated to be there skskksjdkj and this sentiment is exactly where Dina's at. Throw this shit on and think about that not-at-all angsty scenario bc that's what @narcolini did before sending it to me, for me to turn around immediately and do the exact same thing. I mean, c'mon.

And you hate the things I do and sometimes you hate me But I think my mind is far away, sorta strange, this is But I think I'll call you anyway Call collect 'Cause baby this is, an over-the-ocean call And I thought I could make it short But my brain's all outta sorts, I can't hide it I'm staring at the my wall and I thought that I wouldn't cry But breaking your heart breaks mine I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine I'll call from over the ocean This time, this time, this time I'll break your heart through the phone With an over-the-ocean call Is how I told him, this isn't working anymore

You Make Your Own Heaven And Hell - The Temptations

Now, I have quite a few end credits songs, but this is the only opening credits song bc the little scenelet in my head with this song is just so perfect, idk if I could find a better way to start. It'd be similar to that asslong shot at the beginning of Jackie Brown that's literally just Jackie (played by the iconic Pam Grier and honestly, even if you don't like Tarantino, you should watch Jackie Brown for Madame Grier alone bc she's incredible) on the little conveyer belt in the airport (she's a flight attendant) trying to make it to her next flight. I think I'd do something like that with a few pickup shots right before of Logan Heights and San Diego, to introduce the neighborhood, like where B grew up. Not only is the song perfect vibes-wise, but the lyrics are so perfectly aligned to what I've essentially sksks decided are Barrón's beliefs about making money and what it takes to get by and be successful in America (and later, Mexico, ofc) and his general philosophy on being a criminalsksk

Time passes and your values change Life becomes a strange, confusing game Suddenly, you want the finer things in life But you find it takes lots of hard work and sacrifice Now you're standing at the crossroads of life To satisfy your personal wants, will you do wrong or will you do right? Life is a giant, invisible scale with two sides: good and bad You and your beliefs are the weights The things you do each day determine the balance Your conscience is a flawless judge and jury, and the only question is what do you want? I'm tellin' you the natural facts, for what it's worth You make your own heaven and hell, right here on Earth

we've been loving in silence - MARO

So, if we were to continue the Stealing-Away-Into-the-Night scenario that I proposed above for Kali Uchi's No Hay Ley, and fast forward to Barrón and Dina in some random roadside, pay-by-the-hour motel room waking up next to each other. Dawn's barely broken, Dina's laying on her stomach, and Barrón's on his side, facing her, tracing the liines of her shoulder blades with his fingertips ......, and I'm dying, and I'm dead, and I'm typing this from beyondthe grave rn, I actaully cannot continue to soldier on, so I'll just leave you with that and this:

Oh, we've been here for a while Haven't seen the sun come out Oh, we've been loving in silence, drawing with our bodies Oh, I feel like running again, yeah, I feel like running again Oh, I wanna do it again, yeah, I wanna do it again Every crooked line in your back feels like part of me Your story's in my fingers, you'll never wash away Oh, we've found some secret smiles Haven't heard the rain come down Oh, we've been loving in silence, talking with our bodies

═

taglist: @narcosfandomdiscord @narcolini @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc @artemiseamoon

#naroctober #day of amnesty #enedina arellano félix #david barrón corona #dinarrón #day of music #narcos mexico #narcos #netflix narcos mexico #netflix narcos #character inspo #character playlist #Spotify

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howdoyousleep3 · 3 years

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Miss k hiiiiiiii hello hey 💜💜💜💜 I love your daddies so much they give me the most life ahhhh

so okay I’m a good lil southern girl although I moved away from the south and sometimes I like to let my redneck side come out and today is one of those times 😭 Im outside drinking shitty beer and listening to some old country music and uh I’m havin thots

I just wondered if you ever thought about a real country daddy steve and baby Bucky and what that might be like 😅🥵 like are they both down home country boys? Or does country boy (cowboy also acceptable) daddy steve show city baby boy a good ol country time or 🤤🤤 anyways idk if this will even tickle your fancy but like just know your daddies and babies live rent free in my head and even if you never imagine them as little country boys I doooooo okay bye ily

Ohhhhh, babey! You’re takin’ me back. Y’all know I grew up on a farm and in the country, sheesh. I have a super fucking weak and awful spot for someone that is country country, little southern garbage, ahaha. Give me the bonfires and the PBR (before it became cool and expensive?? I am beside myself lol) and the driving on backroads and giggin’ and those awful flannels with the sleeves cut off and driving way too fast down dirt roads.

Okay for full effect do listen to Big City by Merle Haggard. 🥰

I’ve thought about this kinda AU with Steve and Bucky so much. Like…so much and in all kinds of ways. It more than tickles my fancy, pumpkin. I’ve thought all about a City Boy Bucky rolling through a townsy bar on a Friday night and finding him a big ‘ol Farm Boy Steve and the two of them just falling head over ass for each other. Steve’s never seen anyone that resembles an angel on Earth until he sees those eyes and those lips upturned towards him. And Steve is everything Bucky never knew he could like, beard thick but not as thicc as those thighs and that ass, not donned in tailored suit pants, laugh boisterous, personality taking up as much space as his body does.

I’ve thought about Steve taking Bucky down by the river, teaching him how to catch a catfish with his bare hands, how to bait a hook, how to jump from the rope swing perfectly. I’ve thought about Steve teaching him how to shotgun a beer, how sweet his mama would be on Bucky and her teaching him how to make the perfect peach cobbler from scratch. I squeal inside when I think about Steve sitting there at the kitchen table watching his mama and the boy he’s sure he’s fallen in love with work together beautifully, the dopey look on his face when he takes a bite of Bucky’s warm cobbler and makes a surely inappropriate noise.

“Marry me, darlin’,” he’d joke with an underlying seriousness only he is aware of, and Bucky blushes up a storm, stammers. Steve is left with no choice but to pull Bucky into his lap and kiss him loudly on the cheek before finishing his helping and asking sweetly for another.

I’ve imagined the way they’d dance at the bar to Just Got Started Lovin’ On You, how close they’d be, all lined up together and Bucky moving so gorgeously and easily with Steve’s lead, the two of them looking so disgustingly in love. I’ve thought about the look of pride on Steve’s face when Bucky drinks a heckler right under the table, tequila simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever run through Bucky’s veins. Steve would stop Bucky from getting into a fight not shortly after his competitor concedes, wrapping Bucky up in two strong arms, mouth at his ear, eyes ablaze and wordlessly telling the other man to fuck right off or he’ll let this kitten go.

I’ve thought all about Bucky pushing at Steve, shouting about how he can walk to the truck, and then how he’d damn near topple over on his baby deer legs.

“You done bein’ a brat?” Steve would ask him.

“No. M’grown,” Bucky would huff as Steve wraps an arm around his waist and then picks him up under his knees anyway. Bucky biting him on the jaw for being right.

I’ve pictured Bucky reading to Steve out loud as they lay under a tree, sun high in the sky, hand knocking Steve’s hat off his head and playing with his hair as his head rests in Bucky’s lap. I’ve thought about Bucky explaining city life to Steve, the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple and how tall the buildings are and the job Bucky left behind. I’ve thought about the first time they fight, Steve getting up in his feels about how perfect and smart Bucky is and how he doesn’t deserve to be here with some country bumkin like him.

I’ve imagined how much it tears Steve up, seeing his sassy Buckaroo spittin’ and cryin’ because of him, how he’d let Bucky get in his face with a pointed finger and tell Steve that he better take his words back or else. He’d grab for and hold onto Bucky as he tries to run out of the kitchen and into the yard after Steve says he can’t take them back though, unable to watch Bucky leave.

(For full effect, make sure you do not listen to “Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain” by Willie Nelson, don’t do it, don’t)

I’ve imagined how their makeup sex has them both damn near in tears, how lucky Steve feels to be able to feel someone this close to his body and his heart, Bucky the prettiest thing he’s ever seen gasping there underneath him. I’ve imagined the way City Boy Bucky’s bottom lip would tremble, how his hands would run up and through Steve’s hair as he breathes, “I love you so…so much, Steve. Bubba…” right before Farm Boy Steve curses and cries and makes him come.

Oh yeah, I’ve thought all about this shit, my friend. I’ve let it consume me in full on numerous occasions. Maybe it’s because I projected and dreamt up my own little dream, hehe. Thank you for being in my inbox and for letting me pop off! I hope this is what you wanted. Lub you bunches. 💕

#askK #y'all give me the best opportunities to pop off #City Boy Buck #Farm Boy Steve #stucky #fanfic #i dream a dream #lol #should i make a country playlist #oh lord #i'm in my feels now!#i was writing some to que up but I couldn't wait to share this one

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peeterparkr · 3 years

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red; tom's version|one.

chapter one: sad, beautiful tragic. “Long handwritten note deep in your pocket”

pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (tom's not famous here) story summary: you’re reminiscing through your relationship months after the heartbreak and breakup. Wondering if it went wrong from the very start when Tom arrived at New York, and him being a cautionary tale or if the problems came along the way. Perhaps the key to find back your way to him is going back through the nice things before the heartbreak came. Or is it too painful to go all over again?

chapter summary: you haven't seen him since he ditched you, after months of wearing plaid you go out and realize he's back in new york warnings: angsty, I mean it's a breakup, swearing. word count: 7.3k playlist (updated after each chapter, including Red songs+ other for the chapter): Spotify | Apple Music

fic masterlist next chapter

a/n: Hi, I couldn't wait to share it so I said, screw it, I'm posting this. You don't know how excited I am to write this and share it with you. As you know, this is inspired by Red by Taylor Swift and will hurt. So I expect us all to be crumpled up pieces of paper wearing scarves by the end of this. (perennial is still coming, I'm just waiting on a few people who're reading it). SPECIAL THANKS TO @erodasghosts for reading it and hyping me up and helping me figure this all out. I hope you guys all like it as much as I did. The story is set in New York. Please give feedback!

One month after the breakup.

Strong whiskey, on the rocks. That was his drink of choice that night. The night before had been a beer. You knew you could imagine the taste of his lips by only looking at him. You wondered if he’d gone there for a second night for the same reason you had.

When you had seen him across the place the night before, you had tried to decide how to feel. We always think we will react one way or another when we see our official heartbreak walking through. Victorious as he is perfectly dressed, with his hair flowing.

He hadn’t brought her. Which you didn’t know how to feel about.

The day before you had not been alone, Jules, Matty, and Lula were there.

“Shit, the axolotl at 10 o'clock, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Lourdes, Lula, had whispered before sipping her drink, a Long Island Tea. “We are celebrating she’s doing better, can’t fucking believe this,” she hissed at Jules who only lifted her chin slightly to see who she was referring to. “What the fuck is he doing here? Ay, es que, con qué huevos se atreve a venir aquí? Que no mame.” [with what balls did he dare to come here? He shouldn’t fuck with us. ]

You loved hanging out with Lula and listening to her very refined Spanish cursing.

“It’s not him,” Julia said.

You tried looking back to see who they were referring to. “Who is—?”

“Y/N, wait I just noticed the haircut!” Matt pointed out, reaching over, getting your attention back to them and not at whatever they were referring to. “It looks great. It’s like a new you!”

This new you. The one that had been screwed over twice. Men really have the nerve when it comes to breaking hearts. They recklessly go in and let you believe love comes in all shades of colors, passionate red like the roses they send, and tender pinks like your sweet innocence that they end up stealing. But they never tell you it’ll be you all alone in a dark room with shades of grey under a flickering light that barely warms you.

The new you, which was still a bit lost. Your old self was a stranger to you now. You had no idea who this new you was, she was quiet now. Didn’t have a heart because someone had stolen it and broken it and left it behind a dumpster. Still trying to find it. The new you wasn't.. you.

Your friends were glad, however, they finally got you to go out again. After weeks of wearing plaid and watching Fleabag, and even considering watching Greys Anatomy, a low point, you had finally decided to come back to see if there was any sunshine left for you.

It’s important to point out that you had been broken-hearted and almost crazy when the breakup had happened. Very… delusional. You were not proud of the way you’d reacted. Although you wouldn’t have reacted any other way.

The city had been quiet, the red lights seemed to last longer, and the crowds would often swallow you. The city you once loved was now an open book of a relationship that seemed real, should’ve known it was all fiction.

In your dreams they’d be bright, colorful. The village is aglow. Cold days with warm hearts. Like his.

You’d been cold ever since.

“Ah, yeah, the haircut. Got it today. Lula’s idea” The haircut had come as the solution to a problem that would never be solved. As if cutting your hair meant there was something you had the power on. You didn’t.

How stupid was it? You couldn’t control your life.

“It suits her well, doesn’t it?” Lula admitted proudly.

You still had his picture engraved in your heart. You still dreamed he would come back and say it was all a nightmare.

“It’s nice, I’m glad to have you back,” Jules commented. Julia had probably been the most surprised with the news of the breakup, she had almost gone and killed Tom when he had….unimportant. She hadn’t, though, and she had yet to tell you the reason why. Julia had been mysterious since.

“I’m glad to be back,” you confirmed. You’d ordered a beer, and maybe you shouldn’t have. Stella Artois, his one favorite. You pocketed the beer cap. “Though I was not gone.”

Matt watched you, him and Julia had recently started dating. Best friends since kids who just recently confessed their feelings for each other, took them long enough. “How back are you, though?”

“Meaning?” You asked, taking a sip.

Matt shrugged, “I could introduce you to some friends from work, there’s this hot guy—“

“No,” you interrupted him, leaving the bottle down as you had almost choked. “No, no. Not in the dating area yet. Won’t be in a long time. Still healing.”

Lula still had her eyes glued elsewhere. “Healing from a bullet hole, y/n, whatever you’re doing isn’t working, and band aids won’t fix it—Jules it is, I swear to god it’s him.”

“It’s not him,” Julia rolled her eyes.

“Ay, que sí!” [he is]

“Who?” You asked.

Julia took your hands, “you know Lula,” she rolled her eyes. “I love that you ordered a beer.”

“Yeah,” you gulped. “Beer is universal language for men as in: ‘don’t get close to me.’” A lesson someone dear had taught you once.

Matt tilted his head in agreement, “Yeah.”

“Really?” Lula frowned, “should’ve ordered one. Next time I’ll ask for my drink but instead of a glass I’ll ask them to put it in a beer bottle.”

“Wouldn't it be easier to order a beer?” Matt suggested.

“But then I’d break our tradition.”

Matt watched her, “you really are something.”

You chuckled.

“Why is beer seen as not—feminine?” Matt questioned.

Julia shrugged. “It’s beyond me, really. It’s a drink.”

“Like does my drink make me less of a man?” Matt watched his glass, another Long Island Tea. A stupid inside joke you all had.

“No,” you admitted. “But you know how society is. Since it’s sweet, it’s got to be—“

“Oh, no, no, I love you, y/n, but tonight I don’t want you lecturing us on it, no, tonight we are having fun, ok?” Lula reminded you. “We will not talk about femininity or lack of a beer—or whatever your agenda is up to these days, which, hey! Why does y/n get to break the rule?” Lula questioned. “No Long Island Tea?

Julia glared at her, “Because she can do whatever she wants tonight,” she hissed and then turned to you. “But how are you feeling? It’s your first time going out in months, is it as fun?” Julia was the one to try to cheer you up the most.

No, it wasn’t fun.

“I—feel good!” You lied. Although you were not. But you guessed that’s the response they wanted after seeing you laying down on the ground and crying yourself to sleep. Staring at windows and walking down in the rain. They wanted you to feel better.

Your body was covered in scars.Though, they were from adventures.

“Bullshit,” Lula intruded. “You seem sad. Maybe I’ll get some shots,” she announced before going to get some.

“Well,” you chuckled. “My first time going out and you bring me back to the place where it all started?” You answered cynically but then shrugged. “I’m—I…no. I just—It’s weird. I still see him everywhere, and as I’m here it’s like watching a movie of our greatest moments,” you admitted. “Like hey, look over there, it’s Tom and Y/N’s greatest moments,” you stated, Lula got back. “Let’s start memory lane…”and you sighed and continued with the best presenter voice you had. “Here you’ll wonder how the hell did it go so wrong since they were so perfect, what the hell went wrong, when did it turn into some sad stupid love affair. You’ll be asking yourself hey, they seemed in love, over there, they danced! Over there… they sang a song together! See over there? There was a fucking jukebox in which they have memories! Oh they have memories there too! And you’ll ask yourself, he made it seem real, what the hell happened?” You sighed exhaustedly. “What happened? What the fuck happened? How was I so stupid?” You ran your hands through your face.

Your friends only watched you, with pity, sadness. Even Lula had turned her gaze guilty.

You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“No,” Lula sighed, “it’s our fault for bringing you here. We’re fucking idiots. Besides he is—Julia I swear to god, he is there.” Lula raised her hand and Julia quickly pulled it down.

Julia bit her lip, “I—hadn’t realized how much Tom there is here.”

“Yeah.”

“He called me—“Matt had started.

“No, no, we can’t talk about him, baby,” Julia reminded him. Matt widened his eyes and nodded.

You blinked, “no, it’s—He called you? Tom?” Why had Tom called Matty? What for?

“Yeah, had a missed call,” Matt explained, ignoring his girlfriend. “I—it was this morning.”

You felt your chest twist. “Yeah, I get a lot of those too.”

Perhaps he wanted to talk to you and thought Matty was dumb enough to give you the phone.

Julia glared at Matt. “We promised not to—“

“No, hey,” you stopped her. “I—sorry, I brought him up.”

“But we shouldn’t talk about him,” Julia insisted. “Tonight is all about having fun,” she stated as she handed everyone their shots.

“No, it’s alright,” you said. “I’m fine talking about it.”

Lula turned her gaze to you. “Shouldn’t you hate him?”

Were you supposed to hate someone who gave you something so beautiful? Just because it’s over doesn’t mean you have to look back and hate it.

“No,” you answered simply.

Matt watched you. “Wait, really?”

You took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m—I decided I’m thankful for everything. He really… I… I mean I knew from the start he was trouble. But he got me to get rid of Will. So I’m thankful for Tom. He showed me some beautiful things about him, about myself and… I’m thankful. Even the part when he broke my heart.”

It was a lie. Partly. You had been so full of doubts that you only tried wondering why it had gone so wrong. Or course, the lie was there. His lies. But how could any of it be a lie?

Julia smiled gently, “You’re really a grown up.”

“Or very stupid.” Lula commented.

“Thanks, Lula, I appreciate it,” you rolled your eyes. “I… well, I’ve gotta admit I was pretty stupid.”

Lula shrugged, “Hey, I don’t blame you, boy came in with an accent, he had a cute smile, he was hot, I must admit, and he wasn’t one of those Brooklyn fuckboys that take you to the rooftop and offer you a whiteclaw to watch the sunrise together,” Lula gave in.

��Oh, and they take candid pictures, and they say that their phone camera isn’t as good as their polaroid,” Julia laughed, “But hey, you’re lucky they took you to the rooftop, they never take anyone there, they took you there just because you’re…”

“Different,” Julia, Lula and you chanted.

Matt laughed, “You guys are the worst.”

“Anyway,” Lula said. “We should drink these,” she pointed at the shot glasses as she raised her own. “I came here to get drunk. So, to Y/N being thankful Tom was a piece of shit even when the boy had a dreamy accent?”

You closed your eyes, and let out a defeated dry chuckle. “Yes, to that.”

“To the piece of shit, then!” Lula grinned as the shots clinked and were downed. You instantly regretted drinking it.

Lula scowled as she had her eyes glued back at the bar, “It’s him, Julia, it’s him! What is he doing here? Pendejo, I swear to god I’ll go kill him.” She was furious, and you tried once again following her gaze.

The bar was crowded, red lights crossed around the place, with girls walking with tall heels, trying to smile and nod at guys who were talking to them but clearly were not of interest to them. Friends laughing, people flirting. You didn’t know who your friends were watching.

But the bar seemed to be enough of a reminder of him. How he had made you feel like crowds were never there, and how whenever you had been with him everything disappeared just to be with him.

“Who are we killing?” You questioned.

“Is new y/n a murderer?” Asked Matt. Matt and Julia were your oldest friends. The three of you grew up in Staten Island, and now moved to the crowded places.

Lula coughed. “Hope she is.” Lula, on the other hand, you’ve met in college, she was a very defined addition to the friend group. With more personality. A strong one. Lula, Julia and you shared a small apartment.

Julia cleared her throat.

“The fucking scarf,” Lula scowled.

“What scarf?” Matt asked. And you had the same question.

Julia whispered to her boyfriend’s ear who had turned cold. He lifted his head.

“But it’s not.”

“It is him,” Matt confirmed to Lula. “Jules, it is.”

And now your three friends were acting strange. Usually they did but this was strang-er. They all shared looks, Julia struggled with her hands.

They were watching you with pity but you’d gotten used to that. After the breakup they had been extra careful around you, kinder, you guessed.

Fools they were to believe that by not mentioning him you wouldn’t think of him. He was a memory that would haunt you for the rest of the days.

“So, y/n,” Julia was clearly hiding whatever Lula was seeing.

“Wasn’t he in London? What in this fucking world is he doing here?” Lula continued.

“Shut up!” Julia ordered.

“London?” You asked and you lifted your head, and any noise that was bustling before had stopped.

Tom.

Tom was there.

Thomas.

Tom who had broken your heart. In every possible way that he could’ve. Like he had planned it. Like he was aware.

He was there, on a stool with a beer in his hand and wearing a red scarf. The red scarf. As if he was mocking you.

Tom.

Did he pride on hurting you?

He had always said you were invincible. That you were unrivaled in matters of the heart. Was he proud he had beaten the unbeaten?

You’d always thought he would.

When we love deeply, getting hurt comes as a given. But when we love deeply, we are never expecting it to come. And when it does come the skies cannot turn grayer. Funny thing, you were a fan of the rain but when the rain doesn’t cease, the hope doesn’t perdure.

But he was back in your life. Or at least he had been in the same room as you after months.

What was he doing back in New York with your scarf?

You turned back to your own table, breathing in quickly, bringing your hand to your chest in an attempt to calm yourself down.

You saw your friends speaking but you couldn’t make a word of what they’re saying. Your heart was rushing. Thomas was there. Tom. Your Tom. And there was a part of you that had completely forgotten over the heartbreak and wanted to run to him.

Kiss him, try to fix it. Try to bring back the beautiful thing you both had. Because it was. And it hurt looking back.

You were having trouble breathing now, the heartbreak had come.

That’s the worst thing about heartbreak. You never saw it coming, though you should’ve. Though it was beautiful you’d known from the start you’d end up hurt. But when a lie is crafted so beautifully, how could you?

“It’s him.” The words had come in whispers.

You barely remembered what had happened next. You had only stood up, decisive to leave, you’d seen him try to walk his way to you. You’d heard him call your name, but you hadn’t turned back, you had seen Matty stop him from running to you.

It was blurry. You didn’t know how you got home. Desperately trying to understand why he was there and how the night had turned too badly.

Lula and Matt had come back later to find Julia trying to comfort you, hugging a pillow that you were sure he had slept on. Breathless.

But it was in the past now, you were there again. Same bar, both in stools far away.

You were almost sure he’d gone to that bar in hopes of finding you again.

Just like you’d gone again.

His eyes the night before were guilty. You only took a deep breath, you remembered trying to avoid his glance at any chance as you had walked out.

Why were you there again?

That feeling in your chest growing, like there was something heavy expanding. Yet your stomach falling smaller. The pain was but a shield, as if it was creating a special protection around your heart, and though it hurt it was enough for it to make your heart strong to leave the place.

You didn’t want to see Tom. You hadn’t talked to him since. Even when he’d tried to call. Even when you’d tried calling.

Not when you had replayed the breakup over and over and over again since he was gone.

Everyone deals with breakups in different ways. Yours, specifically, was avoiding it. Everything and everyone. Especially Tom.

It was hard when he was everywhere. In that tattoo he’d convinced you to get, in that ring he’d left, in that cereal box that you still hadn’t finished. Whenever you listened to a song he’d recommended. Whenever you’d open Netflix and that series you had started watching together was still recommended to you even when you’d deleted it.

Everywhere.

You couldn’t use your favorite colors because you could hear it, in the back of your head “I love how it looks on you.” “You should wear more blue, it suits you.”

Even your stupid laugh remind you of him. “Your laugh is the most wonderful thing I’ve heard, even if it’s so ugly.”

You missed the person you were when he was with you. How everything was happy. Who was that y/n? Who didn’t mind if she was slightly late to a place because he’d come with you? Who didn’t feel alone at parties when she knew nobody because you knew him?

A y/n that existed only for a short period of time when he’d been around and that he’d shattered like glass when he had the chance.

You missed that y/n.

The y/n that would sometimes lose her breath and catch it back when he walked into the room. A y/n that sang along to her favorite songs all day. The one that would give her heart in a rush to him. The one that watched movies no matter if they were good or not.

Life had colors back then.

Now you were full of regrets and of doubts. Wondering what you had done wrong? Where did it lead you?

You looked up at him then. He was staring down at his glass.

There was a slight trace of him still there, the Tom you once loved. The one with the silly smile and the gentle chuckle, the one with the jokes about everything.

You wondered how much of that y/n he saw too.

You were the same two people, in essence. But how different you were now.

The Tom you knew before finding out it was a lie.

There was still a hint. You knew. But there was so much of him in you that it was hard to see if you still were there. Or the Tom you thought you knew. Not the one with the lie. Or maybe this was the truest Tom he could ever be.

He had to move on, rather quickly, you recalled. If he ever did.

There was a stupid reminder of you in his hand, that red scarf from the very first day.

You still remembered how it all started, a stupid red scarf. He kept it, then, and he wore it.

You had ordered a beer, too. You pocketed the cap again.

But there was an image in your mind, maybe he had gone back and probably had his arm around her and he laughed at a joke she made. Maybe she was funnier than you. Definitely prettier, with her hair falling down all the way to her waist, her clothing accentuating everything you didn’t have.

You recalled having to leave the room when you found out. You had been a mess.

Leaning against a wall as you caught your breath before the tears came down, as if he had pierced right through it. A pain chest that had expanded all the way on your body, not sure how you were able to keep walking back to your place. Falling down to your knees when you did.

Pain. Words failed to describe such a deep sentiment.

But it was gone now. Not entirely but at least you could hold your breath fine when he was just across the room.

What went wrong?

You could ask him. He was right there.

Maybe even tell him how you had lost sight. He hadn’t walked up to you. He was nervous, but he seemed calm enough to see you were there. You were still unsure why you had gone there.

Maybe all the good things were enough to bring you there, maybe the fact that you still didn’t believe it was a lie brought you there. Maybe the fact that one of those pictures from that photobooth was still in a locket. So stupid.

He fiddled with the glass.

You waited and waited but he didn’t approach you. He took out a paper out of his pocket as he stared at it.

You wouldn’t approach him. No matter how happy he had made you once, you wouldn’t walk to him. No matter how beautiful it was. No matter if you were lonely and that when you dared to sleep he’d be haunting your dreams.

It was a tragedy now. What you both were, and not even worth enough to try and save it. You knew you were haunting him too. Otherwise he wouldn’t be here.

He was shakin, as he stared at you, nervous. He downed his drink, you guessed it was for some liquid courage and stood up, with the note in one hand and your red scarf in the other.

Your own courage for coming here was gone, as you saw his intentions, the urge to run you had the night before was becoming you. But he couldn’t walk. He had to sit down again, rubbing his face.

The courage that had come when choosing what Lula called the ‘revenge black dress’ was nowhere in sight. You were cold and regretting putting it on.

“I can’t do this,” you said to yourself and quickly let out some dollars to pay for your drink before picking up your stuff to leave.

You saw he panicked when he saw you leaving, he quickly called the bartender to pay for his drink.

You closed your coat as you were shaking yourself, punishing yourself for going there. Why had you gone there? The man had broken your heart? Were you really there to see him?

Was your heart foolish enough to ignore the warnings in your mind once again?

You walked your way to get to the subway station, how irrelevant you were through the crowds. You hadn’t felt this way for a while, caring for the crowds. But you had to get through them. There was a part of you that wished Tom was following you after. But the crowds didn’t let you see if he was.

Besides, you shouldn’t want that.

You finally managed to get to the station, you clung to your purse as you stared at the tracks, waiting for the next train to come. Peaceful it seemed, the station. As peaceful as New York could be. You guessed if you cried nobody would care.

“y/n!” You heard your name in the distance and you couldn’t handle it.

You took a deep breath and shook your head, angrily. Why had you gone? You could’ve easily kept ignoring his calls. You could’ve stayed in your apartment, crying as you watched SNL videos on youtube, or rewatching a cartoon for the hundredth time, letting your own sadness and self pity swallow you.

But you had gone to him. This was your fault. You should’ve taken a cab, instead, he would know you’d get at this station and he for sure would know what train you’d take.

“y/n, y/n!” He kept calling as he finally arrived next to you. “Sorry I would’ve gotten here faster but the damn MetroCard-”

“I’m not doing this, Tom,” you stated before he could go on rambling like the idiot he was. You couldn’t do it. “Not here, not anywhere. I don’t know what you’re doing here.”

“I…” His face was kind, and he seemed to be nervous. You could tell he hadn’t been sleeping, probably the jet lag.

You took a moment to look at him, he didn’t look as victorious as you had thought he was. His hair was messy, and his cheeks flushed, the buttons on his shirt were not buttoned right.

Seeing him again, with that signature look he had made you want to go down to your knees.

“Aren’t you supposed to be back in London?” You snapped. “With that pretty girl-”

“No, no, I’m-I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” Tom stuttered. “I was an idiot.”

You stared into his eyes, you were not ready for this. You were not ready to look into his stupid eyes. You looked away. “That’s all you have to say?” You tried walking away from him..

He shook his head. “No, no, no, no, I… No, I actually… I had this… I wrote down my apology,” Tom confessed. He showed you a sad, handwritten paper, now slightly teared up with the ink running. “I… I had….”

You looked down at it, his messy handwriting, crinkled with words scratched down. “You wrote it down?”

You didn’t know why you felt your heart warm. This kind of stuff was why you couldn’t understand what had happened. Someone like him, who writes his apologies down. Someone who stutters when he’s speaking.

“Yeah, I… but I spilled my drink on it after seeing you fled,” He explained, swallowing hard. “I… I… I had written it down so I wouldn’t forget it but now I realize how stupid that is… I’m… I’m really sorry, y/n.” .

You could hear the train coming. You were seeing him again. It hit you right there. And this was not the reaction you thought. You had said you would be delusional, crying and fighting and questioning him why the fuck he had done that.

Yet you weren’t. You were only watching him, eyes full of tears wanting to slide down but unable to. But there was that pain still in your chest.

How could he ever dare to hurt you that way? “I don’t want to talk to you,” you said. And meant it. “Please leave me alone.” You said before walking into the train.

“Y/N, please, no, please, please, listen to me,” He followed you in, the scarf still in his hand.

You tried sitting as far away as you could. Arms and legs crossed as you tried breathing in.

He sat beside you and you changed seats. He sighed but followed you again. “Please, I need to talk to you. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well you did,” you snapped. “You did, and now you come here a month later with a handwritten note apology thinking I will be fine with it?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had to solve-Please, would you listen?” Tom asked, knowing damn well he had to ask, and not just straight up blurt it out.

“Why would I, Tom?” You turned to him, with a tear traveling down your cheek. You were incredulous. “You’re kidding me, right? I… You… You think that just because you show up with that stupid face of yours and my scarf I’ll want to listen to you? You’re an idiot.”

He sighed and reached to give you the scarf. You ignored it.You were furious now.

The other people on the train were certainly getting a show. A guy with a backpack was trying to pretend he wasn’t listening but his reactions were giving it away. Another woman pretended to keep reading her book but she hadn’t turned any pages.

Tom took the scarf back staring at it. “I need to explain everything to you.”

“What if I don’t want an explanation?” You snapped. Though you did. You had been waiting for one, you wanted one. You would beg for it. But your pride was taking the wheel of the conversation. “Don’t you think it’s fucking late for it?”

“Is it?” Tom turned back to you.

“Yes!” You couldn’t believe him. But this seemed a bit too familiar of a conversation. “And beside no explanation would make me forgive you!” You stated, whispering, not wanting any of the attention you were receiving.

“I’m not… I… If you just listen to me,” Tom said.

You glared, “I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Then why did you come to the bar?” He asked.

He fucking asked.

Your eyes widened. He had gone there. He knew. He fucking knew you’d gone back because you wanted an explanation. Or so he thought. No, you’d gone back because… Yes, because you wanted an explanation. Because everything he’d done had been beautiful. Until the heartbreak. He had crafted and vexed his way into your cold stupid heart and then he had gone and pierced right through it, crushed it.

You wanted to ask why. Why did he do it so vehemently?

You didn’t answer, instead you moved one seat away. He kept his eyes on you.

“You wouldn’t have gone if you didn’t want an explanation,” he said. “Or to see me, at least. I know I did, I needed to see you.”

You saw the guy with the backpack purse his lips, knowing that Tom had got you. There was little context for them. The girl with the book directed a glance to you, trying to read your emotions.

If they knew, they’d be on your side and yelling at him as well.

He rested his elbows on his knees and rubbed his face.

“I didn’t, it was a coincidence,” you answered coldly.

“No, it bloody wasn’t,” Tom scoffed and then sat up. “No, I’m… No, but you know, you went to the bar for a reason.”

“And I left for a million more,” you frowned.

Tom pursed his lips and took out the paper again, trying to make out whatever he’d written before. “I’m really sorry.” His eyes traced through the note.

“Are you genuinely trying to read it? Don’t you know what you’re supposed to apologize for?”

Tom looked up, “So you do want me to apologize?”

The guy with the backpack squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Tom had fucked up.

“You’re kidding, right? Yes, you have to apologize, what you did is really, really shitty!” You pointed out.

“But you won’t forgive me, then?” Tom watched you.

“I don’t know,” you said and he looked up, a beaming gaze. “No, I won’t.”

He wrinkled his eyes, “I… I know I’m supposed to apologize, not to expect you to forgive. I'm just…”

He gulped, and then sat back, staring at the dirty walls and lights. He had dressed up. Badly, but he had tried looking good, you could tell. You could smell his lotion, too.

He was fiddling with the paper, crumpling up and then it fell to the floor. You looked at it and somehow related to it, not sure how.

You took a deep breath so you wouldn’t kill him and turned to him. “I have questions for you, if you answer them I might consider listening to you.”

Tom’s eyes brightened up. “Yes, yes, anything.”

You eyed him up and down as he watched you with begging eyes. You avoided his gaze. Tom followed your gaze as you tried to figure out what was the first thing you could ask him. Why had he hurt you?

Why did he not stop and think before making you fall in love with him?

Why did he not stop and tell you the truth?

“Where are you staying?” You asked,

Tom blinked. “Is that… is that the question?”

“No, but I know you don’t know how to fucking get anywhere,” you said.

Tom gulped, “I… uh, again with Harrison,” he explained.

You sighed. You remembered Harrison alright. And though there was a petty part inside you, you would help him out. Knowing he’d always get lost in the city. Though you could let him get lost, so you’d have to go after him and spend a bit more time. With an excuse, because you didn’t seem to have any excuse to be with him.

It hurt. What hurt the most was trying not to look back at the incredible moments you had because none of them were true.

You sighed. “Okay, when we get down you’ll take the F train—“

Tom stopped you, taking your hand. “No, wait, I don’t care if I get lost, okay, I… I just.”

You snatched your hand away from his cold hands he had. You darkened your gaze at him.

“Please, Y/n, I just need a chance. If you don’t want to listen… maybe I’ll just…” He handed you the note.

You crossed your arms, and tapped your foot, trying to decide whether or not to give it to him. “Fine,” you took the note.

You've gotten to your stop. So you stood up.

The girl with the book and the guy with the backpack watched you both as you walked out, pitying they couldn’t follow the drama.

Tom followed after you, he licked his lips. “You… you had questions, right?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, taking yet another heavy breath. You turned on your feet to look at him “One, did you lie to me?”

Tom was taken back by this, his eyes, consternated, only watched you. He gulped. “What?”

“Did you lie to me?

“I… well.”

You were getting desperate. “Did you ?”

“I didn’t lie about how I felt,” he said. You knew he wasn’t lying about it. He couldn’t. He couldn’t have ever lied about how he felt because you knew he had felt it too, a bit, at least,

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“I mean it, I…” Tom gulped. “I really liked you.”

“Yeah, I know, you liked me yadda, yadda,” you started. Liked not loved. “Cut the bullshit for once, did you or did you not lie to me?”

Tom took a deep breath. “Yes. But I had feelings for you.”

You bit your inner cheeks. “Uh-huh, yes, okay, good, yes, you acknowledge it. So, we have two statements here, Tom. You say you had feelings yet you lied to me,” you squinted. “Sounds-”

Tom gulped and avoided your gaze. “I know yes,” he looked down. “But, if you give me-”

“Ah, buh-buh, nope, I’m just gathering my thoughts here,” you coughed. “I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me what you felt.”

Tom shook his head in confusion. “I—I’m”

“Go on,” you motioned your hand.

“Y/N,” he said. And the way he dared to say your name was like having a knife right through you. “I had—I have feelings for you,” he said looking right into your eyes.

He didn’t say what feelings.

You were not sure where you wanted to go with this. “Fine, my next question…” you really didn’t know where this was going. “So, alright, you…” You couldn’t even phrase it. “You… made me fall in love with you knowing….Well, we both know what you did. What you hid from me. You’re a liar who made me—“

Tom took a deep breath. “Yes, but I didn’t… plan that.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh, so it’s my fault?” You stepped back. “Sorry for developing feelings for you. Sorry for ruining your life—“

Tom closed his eyes, “No, no, look, I… wasn’t. I didn’t come here expecting to meet you, I didn’t want… It just happened, okay, I never thought—You're making it sound like it’s some big master plan. I—I never planned—I never would’ve ever planned on hurting you.”

You watched him, incredulous. “Thomas you do realize what you did to me?”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t! You’re trying to make me seem like I’m crazy for not even wanting to talk to you!” You called him out.

“I’m not, I’m just saying that if you’re here—you must miss it too, you know it was too real, and you want it back, possibly—M-maybe not, but if you came to the bar tonight it was in hopes of finding me again because you knew I’d be there, and you want to feel how you felt before, and i just… you know I miss it and that you knew I didn’t lie—“

You glared at him. “You did lie!”

“Okay—yes, yes I did—But not entirely, I just happened to omit one truth—“

“One very important truth,” you snarked.

“Fine but—please listen,” he tried to convince you. “and I’m sorry, okay? I—I didn’t want to hurt you. But I never planned this. It just happened. I didn’t come here expecting to fall in love with anyone, I didn’t come here trying to date, and I never expected it to be someone as complex—“

“Complex?”

“Yes, I never came to New York trying to find the most mental relationship I’ve ever had—“

“Mental?” You snapped.

“Yes! I love you but you’re fucking crazy! And I am too! I’m fucking crazy and mental but I—I—I loved being crazy and mental with you! We are fucking mental! Driving to nowhere? Breaking into places? Getting a jukebox on the subway? That’s mental! But—but I love that about you, alright? Don’t you get it? I could’ve stayed in London, I could've been the asshole who just ditched you and lied to you—“

You scoffed. “Well that’s comforting!”

“But I’m—I’m here, ain’t I? And I know I fucked up, I know, I accept that, I’m the asshole here, and I know you’ll never—I hid it from you because I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t even get it myself. I’m here to give you my version of it. I didn’t realize I was falling in love with you…I am…,I am in love with you, and I never planned that, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with someone else, it just happened. I may have thought it was just—Some fling, initially.”

You laughed cynically. “A fling.”

He gulped. “And the moment I realized what was really going on—”

“You left, that’s what you fucking did, when you realized it was way too real for you, you destroyed the one real thing you’ve ever known,” you barked, he stepped back. “I fell in love with you, I—I—and then you ditched me, and I thought that was the worst thing you could ever do to me but then I realized that it wasn’t real! I—you were never mine, Tom! I simply was—a break you needed or—a fling.”

“It wasn’t that—“

You watched him. Looking so innocent, kind eyes and tender lips. You would’ve believed him had he come before.

“You used me!” You snapped, the words that had wanted to come for a while just blurted out. “I just can’t believe you,” you said. “You don’t feel sorry.” You shook your head, your voice was cracking. “You're not sorry because you don’t understand. You don’t know what I went through, and if you had come earlier, if you hadn’t left me, I probably would have believed you. But—No! No!” You stepped back. “No!”

“I did call! You never picked up the phone! I tried—“Tom started.

“Was I really expected to pick it up? Let’s get back to it. Shall we? The facts. Did you or did you not date me? And made me fall in love with you?”

Tom sighed. “I—yes.”

“Did you lie?”

“…yes.”

You nodded. “Was I the other one?”

Tom squinted his eyes. “No… yes, no.”

You took a deep breath. “Did you leave me without an explanation?”

Tom looked down. “I did.”

“Did you ditch me?”

Tom looked everywhere and nowhere. “Yes,” he answered, defeated.

“Now, do you think I can ever forgive you?”

Tom didn’t answer.

You reached for your purse, for the locket that dug deep inside. “I don’t know you,” you stated giving him the locket, the stupid locket you’d bought as a joke when making fun of other couples and now laughed in your face. “Whatever happened means nothing. Because that’s the thing Tom. Everything we lived was a lie, those two people in the locket are not us, because you weren’t who you said you were, no matter how much I loved it, it’s not true and though it was too many emotions all at once I’m—It’s not real, not for you. I spent this whole time thinking I wanted you to apologize but I don’t want it. That charming guy wasn’t truly you because you omitted one very important thing. You—What were you thinking? Were you planning to never say it? Or did you plan it like that? Just ditching me, hoping I wouldn’t find out—“

Tom took a deep breath. “No—No, I didn’t. I just—-I didn’t know what to do. I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you and I should’ve fixed it before—-“

“No, no you didn’t because it wasn’t enough for you.”

Tom gulped, “It was, it was—-the best thing I’ve ever had.”

“And you ruined it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“How little words mean when you’re a little too late, huh?” And that was the cue you needed to walk away. He silently watched you as you tried not to cry.

“I’m really sorry.” He said.

Was he?

“What if I try to prove it to you?” He asked as you were steps away from him.

You didn’t stop.

“If we go over this, you’ll see I never lied about it.” He continued.

“I already went over it, I remember everything, Tom, and maybe that’s why I don't want to talk to you.”

Tom walked behind, slowly. “I just happened to be very unlucky when it came to my own circumstances,” he reached over. “And I wish the timing had been better. But you’re right, it’s the one real thing I’ve ever had and I lost it because I hid something in fear of losing you. I lied because it was too good to be true. And I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me but I think you deserve to know why. But you went to the bar for a reason, and you had the locket for another.”

You stopped this time. Looking down at the floor and then at his hand, holding your stupid scarf. You shook your head, you really didn’t want to go through it all over again.

“I know you won’t forgive me,” he stated. “But I can’t let you go. You’re everywhere. And I miss the person I was when you were around, and I won’t stop fighting because you’re everywhere. Dreams, nightmares.”

Funny. You were his demons too.

“Am I haunting your nightmares?” You asked. Tom only watched you.

He took a deep breath. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just need—I really need you to listen to my version.”

“Fine then, let’s go down this sad, beautiful tragic love affair.”

next chapter

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lovlydovlyjaycie · 3 years

Text

Ævi - Frontlines

Hey again! This will be a continued series. The first Ævi series is in my masterlist and is only four parts. This is going to be a ongoing series, so there is going to be a lot more of Ævi to come. :)

Summary: Y/n or also known as Ævi has lived through varies of world events. Now it is 1941, she has excepted that some things cannot be changed so Loki has convinced Y/n to go to New York and live a normal life, a life Y/n always wanted. Or as normal it can be, because new introductions lead to events that didn’t go down in the history books.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x reader, Steve Rogers, Peggy, Loki, OC Vera

Warnings: Fluff, Violence, Angst, Me being sad writing this, we’re officially in Captain America the First Avenger now… So I guess spoilers? :( :( :(

Note: Omg.. When I tell you I have been dreading writing this part.. But like actually dreading.. Before I started writing this series I wanted it to be no more than 8 parts.. That obviously didn't work out

When I am writing and particularly writing about Bucky and y/n meeting again or them just being in love I always listen to Pirates of the Caribbean to the theme or Will and Elizabeth and I thought it would be good to share that with you guys. To get in the feels. Right now it jumps from POTC One day and the last minute or so from Drink up me hearties yo ho. I know it is so random, but I cannot get it out of my head.

Series masterlist

Part 13

It took me a minute to get here, but I was now in the Swiss Alps. I got word that this would be the next place the Howling commandos would go to. They think I'm dead, rightfully so, I fell off a train. Thinking about falling off that train with Bucky hurt, like someone was squishing my heart and I couldn't breathe. How was I gonna explain all of this. I should be dead. What are they gonna think of me being here, but Bucky is not. I sighed and brushed away a tear I felt rolling down my cheek.

I came here to help Steve, so that's what I'm gonna do. Ignore the pain for a second and help out.

I was hiding between the trees with a good out look on the headquarters. Nothing was going on yet. I knew Steve was gonna come soon, I just don't know when. I would need to tell him the truth about me. He's gonna hate me. I couldn't safe his best friend, but I'm alive.

These are times I really wished I was not immortal. Even Loki and Thor are not. They aged since I've met them, but me I'm still the exact same as I first was when I touched the stone. That stupid Life stone, but all I've seen is death. Sometimes I wished I never followed that man that gave me the box or I just had never opened the box.

I sat down against a tree and sighed again. What if all of that never happened? I would be with my friends and family. I have not seen them in almost a thousand years. I am not sure if I even remember their faces. I know I look like my mom, but now I can't imagine what she looks like anymore. It is awful. I am not even sure if I would recognize my own mom if I walked past her.

And the worst part of it all, the most selfish part. It hasn't even happened yet. Nobody is worrying about me being gone. Nobody is looking for me. Nobody is sad that I'm gone. Nobody even knows that I'm gone. I got blasted to the past in 2010 and it's 1945 now. In the mean time I have lived for a thousand years, but no one knows, No one human.

I'm not even sure if I want to go back to Sweden in 2010. Because I know I am not the same person I once was. I know I am not the same person they saw on my last day with them. Maybe one day I will go back to them, but certainly not the same day I had left them.

I shook my head. This was absolutely ridiculous. Of all people why me? Why let me be the protector of Life, yet I am always surrounded by death. Maybe it was time to fully use the Life stone. It has been under a protection spell from Frigga for hundreds of years so I won't be a beacon of power that attracts the wrong people. But because of that spell I never really found out what I could do exactly with my power. Sure I am still strong and I can heal wounds, but what is the extend of my full power? What if I could've helped Bucky... "These Hydra people." I scoffed to myself. Another thing that made me angry. Hydra. Before I got zapped back in time I studied history and never once was there anything mentioned about Hydra. But why? They have done all these horrible things, yet I have never heard anybody say a word about it. How is that even possible..-

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud explosion. I looked up and saw Steve zoom by on his motorcycle. Immediately the bunker started blasting at Steve as soon as they saw him. I kept looking at Steve ready to jump in any moment, but he pressed a button on his motorcycle and made the canon of the bunker explode and he got in with ease.

Steve was doing an amazing job fighting everybody off. He made men go down with ease until he was outnumbered. "Shit." I muttered to myself. I made a move to stand up hand grabbed my shoulder. I swiftly turned around ready to hit whoever grabbed my shoulder, until I realized it was Peggy.

"Y/n?" She said with shock in her eyes. Behind her I could see the colonel and soldiers. This was part of the plan. "How.. How are you alive?" Peggy stammered. I wasn't sure if now was the right time to explain everything to them if they were in the middle of their plan. So I decided to leap forward and embrace her.

"I'll explain everything later, but right now tell me what to do." Peggy let go of me and started to quickly explain that they had caught Dr. Zola and he told them that they were going to drop bombs and we needed to prevent that from happening.

"Move out!" Colonel Philips yelled. He gave me a gun indicating I was gonna fight with them. I followed after them and left and right people were being shot at by Hydra and vaporizing into tin air. Peggy was running next to me. We were both trying to shoot anybody that was a threat and they were trying to shoot us. The closer we got the bigger of a target we were. One Hydra agent got a little too close to Peggy and tried to shoot her, but I quickly moved my arm in the way and my bracelets that covered my lower arms caught the blast. I quickly looked up at Peggy who was looking at me in utter shock. But I turned back to the Hydra agent and ran towards him. I leaped forward and kicked him in his chest, knocking him out.

Peggy came running next to me. "You'll explain later?" She said with a smirk. "I'll explain later." I told her as I grabbed the gun from the soldier.

We both ran inside the facility taking out other Hydra agents while also losing some of our soldiers. The Hydra agents that were blocking our way were almost taken out when one spoke up. "Cut of one head, two-.." And I shot him. "Sorry? What was that? You didn't finish." I said with a smirk.

"Alright this way y/n." Peggy told me. "No, you go. There are more of them here and I'll make sure nobody will surprise you from behind. Now go!" I yelled as I ran the other direction.

And on que more agents emerged. I shot at them and one by one they were all turning into dust. For a second I looked down at the gun. I was amazed that this gun was powered basically by a grain of sand that was from the Tesserect. Only gives me more reason to find the full Tesserect. I shook my thoughts away and started looking for it. The Tesserect might be in a lab and if that ugly red skull is there as well it would just be a bonus. As I started running I realized something.

"SHIT!" It's not gonna be in some lab. Hydra is gonna bomb cities in a plane. He and the Tesserect are on the Goddammed plane. "FUCK!" I yelled to myself as I turned around and started running into the direction Peggy went.

How could I not have thought of that? My mind is so distracted I need to focus. As I ran through the hall I saw soldiers laying on the ground. It pained my heart seeing them. But I will not let their lives be waisted. They can't win, Hydra can't win.

I ran though a big door and ended up in a enormous hallway. This is probably where the plane was, but it was gone. People were still fighting.

"Y/n?" I heard Gabe yell from behind me. I turned around and saw him fighting off a Hydra agent. I ran towards him and kicked the agent off and he slammed into the wall. I put my hand up for Gabe to grab and he did that. "I thought.. Steve and I both thought you and Buck-.." I looked down and shook my head.

"Your ok I see." He said as he gave me a quick hug.

"We still got some things to do. The hugging can wait." Colonel Phillips said as he stepped out of a car with Peggy. I let go of Gabe and walked over to Peggy following her. "Where's Steve? I thought he was gonna be with you." I asked her, my mind running with all the things that could have happened to him.

"He is on the plane. He is going to stop it." She told me while having a quick pace.

We all went to the control tower waiting for a response from Steve. It was all nerve wrecking. Steve was up against someone alone in a plane. And in the mean time more Hydra agents had showed up. Colonel Phillips had ordered the soldiers to fight them off while we waited for a response from Steve.

All the wile I could only think that we could not lose. So many people have lost their lives. Because of this stupid war, because of Hydra. So many innocents. They need to be avenged. And Steve has the power to do that. He needs to stop that plane and prevent more people from losing their lives.

"Come in this is Captain Rogers. Do you read me?" We heard over the radio. Peggy immediately went over to the speakers.

"Steve is that you? Are you alright?" Peggy asked in concern. "Peggy, Schmidt's dead!" Steve said over the coms. Relief washed over me. It is done then, we won.

"What about the plane?" Peggy asked Steve. "That's a bit tougher to explain." Steve answered back. There has got the be some place where he can safely land.

"Give me your coordinates, I'll give you a safe landing site." She pressed on. My heart was pounding. We won right? I was a bit unsure now. I didn't like the way this was going.

"That's not gonna be a safe landing, but I can try and force it down." Steve explained. Colonel Phillips tapped my shoulder and pointed to the door. I closed my eyes. I knew where this was going.

We walked out of the room and everything started to blur. We had to win. Steve coming back alive is us winning. We had to win. Everyone in the hall was quiet, besides the gunshots you could still hear from outside. I think we were all trying to listen to what the conversation was with Peggy and Steve.

In just three days time I can not lose.. I can not lose two people I care about. "Please live Steve." I whispered to myself as I looked down.

"This is my choice." I heard Steve say faintly over the coms. "No." I whispered as I shook my head. My heart was pounding so fast I could feel it in my ears. I felt so powerless. Please live. I thought to myself again and again. "Please live, you're a good man Steve." I said quietly to myself again. Anticipating what would come next.

I heard them talk about a dance. Scheduling a date.

"I'll show you how. Just be there." Peggy said her voice wavering.

"We'll have the band play something slow. I'd hate to step on your..." Silence.

I took a few steps back until I was leaning against the wall and closed my eyes for a second. We won, but what did we lose? I let out a wavering breath. I felt myself turn hot. Again I thought of why this was not in any of the history books. I never learned about Hydra, Captain America or the Howling commandos. Was this all for nothing.

My anger was boiling inside of me. All these lives lost.. and for what? I failed, I failed to do the one thing I was supposed to do.

Then something clicked in my mind. If all of this was not important enough to be written down and remembered in books, I'll make sure there is nothing to remember. I am going to kill all the Hydra agents, every last one of them.

I took a deep breath and stood up right and started to head towards the gunshots that were still going on outside.

"Where are you going Ironside?" Colonel Phillips asked.

"To do something I should've done right from the beginning." i yelled back as I went for the door.

As I came to the entrance our soldiers were taking cover. We had the facility. But the Hydra agents were still shooting trying to get through and there were a lot more than I initially expected.

"What are you doing here?! Take cover!" Gabe yelled from his hiding spot at me. I gave him one look before ignoring him and walking straight into the line of fire.

My hands started to glow and I put them in front of me to catch all the blasts that were coming my way. Their guns were strong but I was stronger. Soon everybody from Hydra was shooting at me while I still walked forward. I wanted to be far enough away from my soldiers.

"Y/n!" Gabe yelled after me.

The magic glow started to slowly surround me doing it's job of protecting me.

When I was far enough I closed my hands making fists. "You get what you deserve." I said quietly. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on my power. Where it was coming from and where I wanted it to go. I felt it the power all over my body, but it was the strongest by my heart. I felt it was contained, caged almost. I took a deep breath.

And in one swift motion I opened my hands and put my arms up to my side.

Gold and white glow blasted out and swirled all around me, it made me slowly float in the air. It became bigger and bigger quickly and as soon as it hit the agents it vaporized, leaving nothing behind. In seconds the Hydra agents the were attacking us were completely gone.

This power felt great. Finally it was being let out after so long. They were getting what they deserved. All of them.

"Y/N! Y/N!" I heard someone yelling from behind me. I turned around. It was Peggy with fear written all over her face.

...

1972

"Love, you are losing yourself with all this power. You need to control it or it will control you." Loki told me with seriousness in his eyes. "Look around you. Look what it is destroying." I looked up at him. His eyes looked full of sorrow. He was right.

I turned around. Kattegat. All the memories I had here. It was all gone now.

To be continued

Next: Ævi - The Battles That Are Fought

Let me know what you think :)

Sorry it took so long with this one, I had a busy few weeks :(

Let me know if you wanna be tagged!!

@darkdragonphoenix

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years

Text

❛ RAINY DESERT ❜

with Hank ‘Tranq’ Loza.

Request: HERMANA acabo de ver que estás taking requests for tranq, and maybe is too late pero por si acaso how about tranq x younger reader (25 or so) having a soft day or a nice date, like cuddles, watching films together... Thank youuuuuuu💖💖💖💖

BY @aquamento

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 1.3k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: @angels-reyes

Masterlist.

📱to Bish✨:

“Hey, prez. I was thinking about stealing you my man. It's gonna rain and I already finished at the hospital, so I would like to spend the afternoon on my sofa doing nothing, but cuddling as fuck till it hurts”.

📱 from Bish✨:

“Don't you want to level up to El Presidente? Maybe, adopt me?”

📱 to Bish✨:

“I change you my man, for a delicious lunch tomorrow”.

📱 from Bish✨:

“I already kicked his big ass outta my club, querida. But now that you said so…”

Leaving your phone over the passenger's seat, with a triumphant smile drawn on your lips. You have the window down, with an elbow nailed there and the other over the steering wheel, thanking to have taking the automatic car this morning, because your hands are a little sleepy after a long, long day. But your reward is coming, and you can't ask for anything else. Turning to the left on the main avenue of Santo Padre, you slow down the velocity, as if you had all the time in the world, stopping some minutes after for a red light. Palming your lap following the rhythm of the song playing through the radio, while you sing it so concentrated, the strong buzz of an engine pushes you back to reality. Resting both arms on the door and your chin over them, you can't help but smile like a teen in love with a soft sigh escaping out from your lips.

“You kill me every time you do that”. Stopping his motorbike next to your car, he takes off the sunglasses for a second.

“Hm…” You just say, so absorbed that you can't even talk.

“That smile”. Hank points at it, before poking your nose, making you wrinkle it.

Leaning towards your car, you stick your head out of the window to reach his lips with a smooth kiss that pushes you to heaven. You met him almost four years ago, but it wasn't until two years after that you dared to tell each other about your feelings. Since then, you are inseparable. And his brothers consider you one more of the Mayan family, so you can take some advantage with it sometimes. Like this one.

As soon as you are at the porch of your shared house, you step out from your car taking your phone and your bag, and walking to your boyfriend with both arms raised so it's easier for him to lift you up between his. Wrapping his waist with both legs, you can hear him chuckling while you fill up his face with kisses, leading his steps to the main door. Four years, and you are still falling for him a little more every day. Sometimes you wish to not have been such jerks, hiding what you were feeling because of the fear of the age difference, being almost twenty years between both. But age is just a number, and you couldn't ever regret being together.

In the meantime Hank takes a shower, you change your clothes for one of his big shirts, wrinkling the neckline of it between your fingers to have a soft sniff of the scent. You love to wear them, mostly when he's out of your hometown. Coming back to the kitchen, you tuck in the microwave the popcorn packet to set it for three minutes, putting whilst some beers to get cold in the fridge. Making sure that the big window in the living room is open and the fluffy blanket is already over the back rest, you look for some action movie on Netflix. All you want to do is to lie down on the sofa, and spend the rest of the day and the whole night eating junk food and curled up under Tranq's strong arms.

When the microwave dings, you're careful taking off the popcorn to put them inside a big bowl, grabbing two beers and some chocolate bars, to bring them all to the coffee table close to the sofa. Sitting there, you wait for your boyfriend to join you, hearing the first drops of water falling from the clouds.

“Make me some space”. Hank says then, standing you up to lie down and welcoming you after between his arms, stucking his chest to your back.

Throwing the blanket over you two, accommodating it to cover your bodies, he places a leg above yours sinking his nose into your neck. Moving backwards a hand to his nape, you feel him hugging you tightly leaving some kisses on your shoulder.

“I couldn't ask for a better plan”. He mutters.

“I only have good ideas, baby”. You chuckle, caressing his tattooed forearm with your fingertips.

“Like being my girl”. Sighing then, the mexican leans forward to loudly kiss your cheek, while you press play to start the movie.

Actually, you never focus too much on the tv, getting lost in your thoughts because of his strokes in your hair, neck or belly; always being so gentle and dearly, that you don't care about anything else, ending up falling asleep under his grip. You have needed it since some days ago, when you had to attend a multiple accident with four cars and more than a dozen badly injured people. And he never complains about it, without stopping his caresses to make you feel more relaxed.

Next time you open your eyes, Netflix has paused itself. Raising your sleepy eyes to the huge window, you see how much is raining for the first time in months. Obviously, it's not a common thing living in the middle of the Calexico desert. The smell of wet sand floods your lungs, giving you some nice chills down your backbone, it reminds you of those years studying in Los Angeles and the good moments there. Stretching a hand over the table to check the hour in your phone, you start to feel somewhat hungry. It's almost dinner time and you know that you're not going to sleep too much tonight after such a long nap. Turning under Tranq's arms, you find him peacefully sleeping yet. His warm breath colliding against your face, while you set an arm under his neck, stroking his cheek with your free fingers. You can't help but stare at him for some seconds, before leaning to peck his lips with soft kisses, until he starts to return every one with a smile growing on his face.

“You feel better than earlier?”

“Yes”. You simply reply, non stopping kissing him.

“How is that?” He teases you, slowly opening his eyes.

“My man's arms are my safe place”.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really”. You nod, raising up both eyebrows. He puckers up his lips in concordance, listening to you so convinced of your words. “I was thinking about going to Paco's food truck and taking away some dinner, what do you think?”

You are too lost on the way your forefinger roams his bottom lip, that you don't hear him agreeing until he bites it and repeats what he said.

“I think I'm going to have to drive…” He laughs, feeling your cheeks burning a little. “What's up with rainy days, ah?”.

“They just turn me a little fluffier than normal”.

“Yeah, I see that, and I like it”.

Pressing his lips over yours, tightening his arms around you, he tucks his tongue into your mouth, gently caressing yours for some long seconds until you two are out of air. Resting your head on the cushion, you lean just a little to kiss his forehead, before hugging him. It's true. His arms are your safe place, always making you feel better, always making you feel loved. You don't know a better place to be in, because it doesn't exist.

“I love you, Hank. So, so much”. You whisper then, with your eyes fixed on the dark ones.

“I love you too, mi amor”. He says back without hesitating, holding your chin with one of his hands to push you closer. “I can't explain how much, but I'm going to show it to you every day”.

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@starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington @gemini0410 @1-800-imagines @briana-mishell24 @sassymox @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart @mycupoffanfiction @claytoncardenasbabymama @thesandbeneathmytoes @phoenixhalliwell @thewarriorprincessxo @sugary-x-sweet @multiyfandomgirl40 @imanerdychubbyqueen @iambabyharry @firebenderwolf @itsanofrommesir @noz4a2 @peaches007 @edonaspanca @irenne-stans @skyofficialxx

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criminalminds4days · 3 years

Text

Family Matters | Chapter 7: Happy Birthday

Hello people!!

I know I just came back, but school and work are really kicking my butt. I have virtual events, classes, projects and papers... On top of that I have to go to work and I barely have enough time to sleep. I am hoping I'll be able to keep writing, and I already have some chapter written in advance but who knows how my life will be by the time we reach the end of those chapters...

Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good week and a good year so far. Enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think!

P.S. keep in mind I did not have time to proof read this, so it might be wonky.

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 5.2k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

*************************************************

(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 7: Happy Birthday

It was now time to get everything set up for Reid's surprise birthday party. She was still not talking to him, but something within her didn't allow her to abandon the idea of celebrating his day of birth. She wanted so bad to stop wanting to be his friend and talk to him, be around him and hear him laugh, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"You're gonna let us know your decision soon?" She almost fell down the chair she was on.

"Can you not scare me to death, please?"

"Well stop keeping us in suspense."

"Emily," she stepped down from the chair and used it to sit. "I didn't accept the position, in fact, I told Luke that same day. To help him with his bosses being on his ass I said I would think about it, but I'm going to email them soon to say I won't be transferring. I don't know how Garcia found out but she didn't let me explain that I wasn't even leaving. Then all of you barged in and I just thought it would be funny to let you guys believe I was gonna leave."

"And you've had us in suspense for two days?! Do you know how devastated Reid is? He probably thinks that's why you won't speak to him!"

"That's not the reason I don't talk to him, I ignore him because he's a cheater!" Her mouth closed fast after saying those words.

"What do you mean? Did he cheat at poker or something?"

"No, just forget about it."

"Tell me!"

"No necesitas saber," She said in Spanish. Telling Emily she didn't need to know.

"¿Se te olvida a caso que también hablo español?"

"Yes, I totally forgot you spoke Spanish." She placed for a little bit, deciding whether to tell her or not. "I saw Reid and JJ a couple of weeks ago and they were in a very friendly situation, to say the least."

"Were they making out or something?" She shook her head, and Emily smiled. "Listen, I honestly don't think that they have something going on."

"You didn't see what I did."

"That's true, but I am also not emotionally involved."

"I'm not emotionally involved."

"Sure you aren't." She winked, "does Hotch know you're staying?"

"He was there when I turned down the offer originally."

"That little prick, he's mentioned nothing to me!"

"To you? Interesting." Before Emily could correct herself she had already made her way to the sitting area, setting all the dishes and cups. She looked it over one more time before deciding it was good. "I have to change, I will be back in a half-hour. Everybody should be arriving by then, do you mind just checking that everything is good while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, though it seems rather interesting that you're having a birthday party for a 'cheater' don't you think?"

"It's also weird that you expected Hotch to tell you specifically, rather than the team, things like my possible transfer."

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, but it is."

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is, now bye!" With those last words, she exited the building.

She paced her room. She had about thirty minutes before Spencer arrived and she was about ten minutes away, so she still had some time to figure out what she was going to say or do once the party began. She knew someone would tell him it was she who organized the party, and that would only raise more questions about her current behavior towards him.

"I had already planned it, and I couldn't get a reimbursement for the salon." She said to the mirror. "No, that might be too mean. How about, Whatever else is going on, I am glad you're alive. No, that's too nice." She rubbed her eyes, frustrated with her responses, and then, the best idea she would come up with came to her and she couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Would it backfire? Most likely, but that didn't mean she wasn't gonna try her best for it to not. With one final look at the mirror, she grabbed her keys and made her way to the venue. When she arrived all the cars from her co-workers were parked, except for JJ's, who out of the goodness of her heart had offered to drive the birthday boy. She wouldn't be surprised if Will didn't attend the event, because that would give them some alone time. Absorbed by this thought she almost didn't notice that almost immediately after she exited her car, JJ, Spencer and Will pulled up in their car. When she noticed them she squealed and ducked, but it had been a little too loud, as all three of them turned to her and saw as she very awkwardly tried to hide by ducking next to her car. She sighed and stood up, waving at the trio.

"Dropped a contact." She weakly explained.

"You don't use contracts, nor glasses for that matter." Spencer reminded her.

"No, but my friend does, and she left them in my car, and when I got out, I ended up dropping one."

"Well, it might be time to go in," JJ said, trying to salvage the surprise.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Spencer asked her.

"I... I didn't know I was, it was sort of a last-minute thing."

"Oh, okay." He looked at her expectantly, as if hoping she would acknowledge the date and congratulate him. That was one of the few things that contrasted his serious demeanor, those small moments in which he would just act like a child and have that twinkle in his eyes.

"Anyway, why don't I go ahead and go inside and you guys catch up later."

"No, you can stay with us. I mean, you can be my date. Today doesn't feel like the day to be the third wheel." He gave her another expectant look, hoping she would ask what made today special, or simply acknowledge she knew what day it was. "Besides, we haven't really seen much of each other lately."

"Yeah, life's crazy. Let me take a rain check on that though. I'll see you all later!" She tried to walk inside but he took her arm, preventing her from leaving.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, she's just trying to prevent you from finding out about your surprise birthday party before we get a chance to say surprise." Spoke the one and only Derek Morgan. They turned to find all of their friends at the entrance with amused smiles on their faces.

"Surprise!" They exclaimed and his eyes lit up even more, if that was possible, at the sight.

"Can you let me go now, please?" He nodded and mumbled an apology as he let go of her arm, she moved next to Emily and avoided all eye contact with everybody.

"Way to go champ, you almost ruined it." The woman jokingly whispered in her ear.

"Happy birthday Spencer!" Everybody said.

"Thank you guys, this means so much to me. I can't believe you all took the time to plan this."

"Actually, it was all-"

"Emily! This was all Emily's idea." She exclaimed before JJ could finish the sentence.

"Well, thank you so much, Emily." He said to her. She couldn't help but notice a small hint of disappointment in his tone, but she decided to not read too much into it.

"Yeah, you're welcome." This one said, shooting a glance at her friend. "How about we go inside and get some food?" Everybody cheered and they all made their way to the table that she had set up earlier.

"So my idea, huh?" She mumbled.

"Shut up Emily, you don't need to read into everything."

"I'm not reading into stuff, it's all just out in the open."

"Whatever."

The dinner had gone great, everyone seemed to be having a great time, especially the birthday boy, though something kept bugging him and she wasn't sure what it was.

"So, have you made a decision about your transfer?" He directly asked her once the conversation had died down.

"Are you asking me?"

"Is anyone else considering a transfer?"

"Touche." She instinctively looked at Emily and Hotch, who casually were sitting next to each other, 'out in the open' she immediately thought. Emily gave her a pointed look while her boss simply nodded slightly. "I'm still thinking. Luke made some really interesting points about the position."

"For example, his deep voice." Emily teased.

"A raise in salary." She countered.

"How do you even know Agent Alvez? I heard of him, but I didn't even know what he looked like before this week." Garcia questioned.

"He was a mentor, per se, when I was finishing up my courses at the academy. I ended up going on my first mission as a graduate with him and his team, I was actually going to start with them when Hotch requested me for the BAU."

Everybody seemed a little impressed by this knowledge. It was true she never really shared her stories, and it was mostly because they were filled with embarrassment, but this was work-related, so it seemed okay.

There seemed to be more questions emerging but before they could be asked, footsteps were heard at the entrance, and soon enough, Anna, Tyler, her aunt Becky (Anna's mother), and her mom walked in.

"Who in the-"

"Happy birthday to my favorite son-in-law!" Her mother cheered and before he even had a chance to stand up he was already engulfed into a hug.

"Son-in-law? Reid, is there something we need to know?" Questioned Derek.

"What are you guys doing here?" She spoke, feeling her throat dry out.

"Well, your mom told us it was Spencer's birthday and that you organized a birthday dinner for him, so we thought we would stop by and congratulate him," Anna said.

"Wait, that's your mom?!" Garcia asked.

"Is there something you two need to share with the rest of us?" This time the question came from Hotch.

She turned to the uninvited guests and gave them the fakest smile to ever exist. "Family, can I have a word with you all, outside? Now."

"Aren't you gonna introduce us to your team?" Her cousin asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"Yes, of course." She turned to Emily, begging with her eyes for help.

"Aaron, do you mind coming with me to my car. I seemed to have left something there."

"Right now?"

"Yes right now. It's important." She basically dragged him out of the venue, and she took a deep breath.

"Well, Mother, Anna, Tyler, and Aunt Becky," she signaled to the uninvited attendees. "This is my team, Penelope Garcia, SSA Morgan, SSA Jareau, and her husband detective Will, SSA Rossi, and you already know Dr. Reid. Team, this is my family."

"Pardon me if I sound rude by pointing this out, but you seem familiar," Derek mentioned.

"Well duh, we're one of the wealthiest families out there. The Blackwood family is very well known, and we've had our fair share of magazine covers." Anna said with glee.

"Blackwood? Wait, that's your last name, but you go by-"

"ANYWAY!" She interrupted JJ, "let us congratulate the birthday boy and celebrate, let's worry about titles later!" She grabbed her mother away from Spencer and placed her and the rest of her family in additional chairs that were part of the venue.

"So, how old are you turning Spencer?" Tyler asked, with a hint of annoyance.

"Thirty." The mentioned responded. Both of them stared at each other and she couldn't decide if what was happening between them was pure hatred or sexual tension.

"I thought you didn't like older men that much."

"It is of wise people to change their mind." She responded.

"I honestly feel like I am missing so much information right now," Derek said out loud.

"Same." JJ and Penelope added.

"I think I have a somewhat good idea of what's happening," Rossi said.

"Well, as a gift from me and my daughter, here are the keys to the Noire museum downtown. I personally think it would be fantastic for your children to grow up going there every weekend or something."

"Mother!" She exclaimed.

"Thank you, but I can't accept that, it is too much." Spencer intervened.

"Nonsense. You are the only son-in-law I will ever have; let my daughter and I spoil you."

"Yes Reid, let your future mother and future wife spoil you," Rossi spoke, a hint of glee in his eyes.

"Have you proposed already?!"

"No!" They both exclaimed. She had no idea how much more of this she could take.

"Okay, let me get this straight, Reid and you have been dating, and you didn't tell any of us?! How long has this been going on?"

"Well-"

"One year, and about four months, right cousin?" Anna was asking to get murdered.

"Actually, it's one year five months, and six days since we met, but we've only been together for one year three months and 4 days. Unless I confused my numbers again." He gave her a look and she fought the urge to not smile. Sure, she had to pretend they were a couple, but she was still mad at him.

"Reid getting his numbers wrong?" Will whispered.

"Yeah, because of his dyslexia," Tyler said as if it was obvious.

"Of course, his dyslexia! How could we forget Will?" JJ added. She looked completely surprised and kept glancing back between Spencer and her, but her tone was controlled, making sure the non-profilers in the room would not see through her. She couldn't help but wonder if the blonde was at all upset by the situation, after all, if she was right JJ was Spencer's girlfriend. The reminder made her frown, but she soon erased it from her face: one problem at a time.

"Well, this was grand, getting to know each other but I am sure you guys have a long drive and-"

"Don't worry cousin, we made time for the party. After all, Spencer is practically family, and you two are just so perfect for each other."

After her words, the steps of Emily and Hotch made the room go silent. He gave her a knowing look and took his previous seat as well as her friend who gave her a wink. This was going to be a disaster.

"So cousin, you guys hadn't told anybody about your relationship? Why keep it a secret?"

"The FBI has very strict policies, and both agents needed to demonstrate that their work in the field would not be affected by their relationship, and it hasn't," Aaron said, giving her a faint nod.

"Wait, but what does that mean for your transfer?" Garcia asked. Her eyes opened in shock because nothing could ever go right.

"What transfer?" Her aunt Becky questioned.

"I got offered a position with the team I did my first case with. But that's really not gonna change my relationship with Spencer. It's not like I'm leaving the country if I accept it. If anything I would spend more time in D.C."

"Interesting."

"Listen, family, I really appreciated having you here and taking the time to come and congratulate Spencer, I'm sure he's so happy that you guys could be here, but it's getting late and since all of us have to be back in the office tomorrow morning we're probably gonna call it a night soon."

"Of course darling." Her mother winked at her and Spencer as if suggesting that was not the reason the two wanted people gone.

"Before we leave though, we would love to get a picture of the two of you. It's not every day you get to celebrate your partner's birthday number thirty." The annoying blonde she had for a cousin suggested.

"Maybe another time."

"No, I think that's a great idea." Morgan chipped.

"Sure, why not?" Spencer said casually.

Was this man crazy? Did he not understand that their boss was right there and this could cost them their careers?!

She sighed and approached the brunette she placed her arms around his torso as he enveloped her in a hug, they smiled for the camera and waited a few seconds for pictures to be taken.

"Now Kiss!" Anna said and followed by that Garcia and Morgan joined her in a chorus of "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss." The rest of the team, except for Hotch joined in, and she made sure to remember to kill Emily at her next best opportunity.

She cursed internally and turned her face, meeting his eyes for the first time in days. Sure, they had made accidental eye contact from time to time in the last few days, but she had tried her hardest to make it rare, and now she felt somewhat vulnerable. He gave her a small nod and leaned in, his lips touching hers ever so softly. It had been over two months since they had last kissed, but she could remember the taste as if it was yesterday.

A couple of minutes and cheers later they broke apart, his hand immediately reaching for hers. She tried not to wince or remove it, but it seemed like an impossible challenge.

"So cute!" The woman said, disgust in her voice. "Anyway, happy birthday Spence, here are some books that we thought you might like." She placed them on the table and attempted to walk towards him and hug him, but both she and Spencer made it clear that was not an option. There was something about her spanking him during the retreat that didn't really sit well with either of them. "You two are just made for each other, aren't you?" She commented before walking back towards her husband.

"Happy birthday Spencer, I hope the next time we see each other it's to ask me about an engagement ring." Her mother squeezed his cheeks and planted a kiss on each one to later repeat the process on her daughter. Aunt Becky simply waved and Tyler gave the couple a head nod before the four left the building.

There was a silence, she let go of his hand rather abruptly and separated herself from him a couple of inches as the rest of the team observed them. "Should I go set up the karaoke machine?" She asked as she tried to navigate the room.

"You should tell us why none of us knew the two of you were a thing," Morgan said.

"Agreed." The rest of the team said.

"Really, Emily you too?"

"That kiss made me doubt."

"Let me just make sure they're gone." She walked towards the entrance, as her mother's vehicle drove away she sighed with relief and made her way back to the table. "All right, let us get this over with."

"Why didn't you tell us you two were dating?" Penelope asked.

"Because we're not." She responded.

"Really? Then what was all that?" Morgan arched an eyebrow, clearly not impressed by her response.

"I asked Dr. Reid to pretend to be my boyfriend for a family event because my cousin kept telling me she was better than me and I was gonna end up alone because I was horrible and-" everybody observed her, the message clear. "Okay, she didn't say that exactly but the intention was clear! Anyway, because he went with me now my family thinks we're a couple and we have to pretend we are."

"That can't be it, please tell me you're lying and you two are actually in love," Penelope begged.

"Sorry, but Dr. Reid and I are simply co-workers who got caught in a big lie because of my big mouth." She shrugged, "Hotch, I promise, you have nothing to worry about."

"I know." He said, but something in his tone suggested otherwise.

"But that kiss though. It seemed more real than it should." JJ pointed out.

She looked at her, wanting to say something to hint that she knew about her and Spencer and that she knew that comment was coming from a place of jealousy, but she decided against it. She simply rolled her eyes, as if disregarding said kiss and made her way to the karaoke machine.

After everyone had moved on from the conversation and had begun cheering at those who participated by singing one or two songs, she decided to take a little break and get some air.

“If I didn’t know any better I would say you hate me or something.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Then what is it, because ignoring me and barely answering me isn’t cutting it anymore. I thought we were friends.”

“JJ, there are just some things that I can’t condone.”

“Like what?”

“Cheating.”

“I didn’t cheat, I was the first one to the office, so I grabbed the first doughnut. I am sorry if you liked chocolate glazed ones.”

“I am not talking about that! Though I am a little upset about that too!”

“Then what did I do?”

“Are you sleeping with Spencer?”

After those words came out of her mouth and JJ processed them, the blonde couldn’t help but laugh her ass off. She observed as the woman continued to laugh without a sign of stopping soon. “Me, and Spencer?” she asked between laughs, “Have you seen this?” She pointed at the ring in her hand and began to draw images with her hands as if hoping to represent that she was married, and she and Spencer were nothing but friends, she even confessed to her second pregnancy, something only Spencer knew about. But the other woman didn’t really understand, she thought everything was signaling at her avoiding to answer. “You are a funny one! Now, let’s go back inside, I will buy you a whole box of glazed doughnuts on Monday.” She managed to say as she continued to laugh, “me and Spencer? Hilarious!”

After watching her enter the venue, she waited before following suit. The whole scene seemed bizarre at best. Her confrontation had backfired and now she was back to square one on that front. On the bright side, she would be getting her chocolate glazed doughnuts so not everything was lost.

After two more hours, the venue was completely empty. Though they didn't have to go into the office the next day as she had told her mother, they all were more than happy to sleep early when given the opportunity. She had stayed behind to clean up some of the areas, hoping to make it easier for the cleaning crew the next morning.

"Do you need help with that?"

She jumped at the voice. "Jesus! What is it with you people and trying to give me a heart attack?" She said to the brunette.

"Sorry, I just wanted to help."

"Shouldn't you be heading home?"

"That's the thing, JJ and Will got a call from the nanny and they had to go. I was in the restroom, so I didn't know and they, well they left me behind." He looked really embarrassed by the situation.

Don't do it, she told herself. Don't say the words that you're thinking, she urged. "I can give you a ride home." She said despite her best efforts.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem."

She turned back to her duty and the silence that engulfed them was so awkward she almost backed out from giving him a ride home.

"What did I do?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a profiler, you know? And I'd like to think I'm good at my job. I know you're mad at me, I just wish I knew why."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Please, I can't keep going on like this. I miss you, I miss spending time together, joking around, and just being us. I really miss it and I will do anything so we can go back to being friends."

"Dr. Reid, six months ago we weren't even friends." She pointed out.

"But four days ago we were."

"Are you sleeping with JJ?" She blurted out before she processed the words.

His face went from confusion to amusement and soon he was laughing his ass off. Great, now both of them had laughed at her.

"Me and JJ? You do know she's married, right?" He said between laughs.

"Not everyone that gets married is faithful."

"You're mad at me because you thought JJ was cheating on Will with me? Why would you even think that?"

"I saw you two at the office the other day."

"JJ asked me to be the godfather of her second child. She's pregnant. And no, it's not mine." His smile grew wider as the laughter stopped as if knowing she thought he was cheating was the best news he could receive.

"Oh." She mumbled, everything making sense. JJ’s reaction, the whole signing, and laughing. The idea seemed so foreign to both of them she couldn’t help but feel like an idiot for thinking it to be a possibility. She wanted to hide under a rock and never come out again. How could she possibly think that the two of them would do such a thing? Now that she had all the pieces the idea seemed so far-fetched she couldn't even understand what led her down that path. "I-I'm sorry, I interpreted everything wrong."

"I'm glad you did though." He said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "It gave me a really important insight."

"About what?"

"I need to tell you something." He said, and his other hand moved a strand of hair behind her ear. She couldn't help but think this was all too similar to a movie and how horrible that was, and yet how much she wished she was part of a movie in that precise moment. A part of her already knew where this was going and she felt all bubbly inside at the notion. "I like you."

"I like you too Spencer. You're my best friend." She spoke, completely shattering her internalized movie.

"No, I like you romantically. If it was up to me that kiss would have not been as short nor as innocent as it was."

"Why are you being a dumbass?" She said as she pushed his hands off her shoulders. "Quit playing, let's get you home."

He shook his head, slightly annoyed by how dense she was. "Will you please stop for a minute? I am trying to tell you about my feelings for you because I have been hiding them for days and every time I see you I want to kiss you and hold your hand. When I saw Luke and you, first I thought he was kind of hot, but then I saw him as a threat, and I was dying to punch him in the face. Because I want to be more than your best friend. I've probably wanted to be more than your friend for a really long time, but it took Emily barging into my hotel room and scaring Derek into the cafeteria for me to realize it and now I know that you must feel something for me, otherwise why on earth would you get so upset about the idea of JJ and I having an affair? So, can you please put the pieces together and come here so we can make out in the middle of a salon on my birthday like I dreamt last night?"

"You're joking, right?" She said, her heartbeat speeding up, half of her body wanting to run and the other half wanting to do exactly what Spencer had suggested. Well, it was more of an eighty percent for staying and twenty percent for running.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"You actually like me?"

"Yes! And I'm pretty sure you like me."

"I mean, sure, you're funny and a great friend. Not to mention cute, well I guess we have to be honest here, you're hot, like really hot, but just because I see that doesn't mean I like you, does it?"

"Do you want to kiss me right now?"

"Yes! Wait, no! I mean yes! I-"

"Let me help you out a little with that." Before she could ask how Spencer had already shortened the distance between them, placing his lips on her. This was the first time they had kissed without an audience, or as a part of their fake relationship. To prove how real this was, Spencer didn't hold back. First, his hands were on her cheeks, but they slowly moved to her hair, hips, and pretty much anywhere he could find. Hers never left his hair, appreciating how soft it actually was and the fact that despite his immense love of his hair and that he despised people touching it, not once had he complained.

She thought back on her conversations with Emily, on how Reid always made her feel safe. Sitting on a couch with her head resting on his shoulder had felt so right, and the idea of losing him to JJ had made her spiral. She knew that Will's feelings were not going to be the only ones hurt if it had been true. She wanted him.

She liked him.

It was so ridiculously obvious that she had to laugh. One would think metaphorically, but since she can't ever have a good moment without ruining it, her body decided to actually laugh, interrupting what had become a heated make-out session. As she tried to stop her laughter, he looked at her, confused.

"That bad?"

"What?" She said between laughter, "no! It's not that, it's just that I am so dumb. How did I not see that I like you so fucking much?" She continued, her laugh subsiding. "Spencer Reid, will you be my real boyfriend?"

"This has to be the best birthday present ever." He smiled, “but I don’t know if I am convinced by this offer."

"How about I second it by offering a make-out session in my car, and instead of driving you to your apartment, you can stay with me tonight?"

"Yes, please!"

“Is that a deal then?”

“How could I ever say no to you.”

After what seemed like a lifetime, but also a blink of an eye, they had made their way to her apartment. His shirt was wrinkled, and both their lips were read as can be. The small hickeys that he had graciously given her were now on full display as her neck was left exposed. She opened the door and he stepped inside after her, making sure to close and lock the entrance.

“Before we go any further, I need to ask.”

“No, Spencer, I am not a virgin.” She responded with a smile.

“That’s not what I was going to ask.” She observed him, encouraging him to continue. “Are you seriously thinking of leaving the BAU to go work with that jerk?”

“First off, he’s not a jerk. You don’t need to be jealous; Luke and I are just friends. And secondly, I turned down the offer as soon as he presented it to me. I was just giving you all a hard time.”

He frowned, clearly not as amused by that knowledge as she was. “There is something you should know.”

“What is it?” Her smile faded as his expression turned to a serious and concerned one.

“I sleep on the right side of the bed.”

“But you said-“

“I know what I said, I simply didn’t want you to feel bad, so I took the left side.”

“Spencer…” They almost fell as she crashed her lips to his. For others, this simple gesture might seem like nothing but knowing he would do something just to accommodate her was somehow so amazing and heartwarming. This knowledge summed by her newfound feelings were giving her the urge to pull him to her bedroom right then and there, but sadly for her, there were still certain things that needed to be addressed. “Before I undress you, and trust me I am dying to do that, I need to request something from you.”

“Anything.”

“Stop wearing tight pants to work.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have a very nice ass, I have noticed. And recently you have decided to use dress pants that don’t let me forget about this knowledge. We need to keep our relationship secret, at least for the time being, and watching you in those pants is not gonna help me, at all.”

“On one condition.”

“Yes?”

“You need to stop wearing blue.”

“But it’s my favorite color!”

“I know, and you look really good in it, like really good. It’s not good for me.” He planted a soft kiss on her neck, and that alone would have made her agreed to pretty much anything he asked.

“Okay, yes.”

“Good, now can we please get to business.”

“Never call us having sex business again.”

“Noted, as long as this isn’t the only time we have sex.”

“As if.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds #CM #fanfic

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