#i will say it does improve the experience tho its very cool! however you will be so obnoxious about it

[arundolyn]

...lesson learned: i didnt realize how hard most blazblue and pre-strive gg basslines go.

[azucanela]

ack anon with the dress hcs here- tysvm for those!! my heart~ ok so another random idea i just needed to share but bakugou/deku/todoroki first frenchie kiss with their s.o. and neither of them have much experience 😖 lots of fluffy awkwardness y'know? idk. again go ahead and add on but don't stress yourself!

FRENCH KISSES WITH THEIR S/O [GN!HEADCANNONS]

[ft. bakugo katsuki, izuku midoriya, todoroki shouto]

SUMMARY: someone decides to bring of french kissing and as expected; its chaotic.

WORD COUNT: french kissing? nothing explicit, very mildly suggestive

WARNINGS: kissing, maybe second hand embarrassment but i doubt it, awkward situations

A/N: my search history is “how to french kiss now” which is the main reason i held off on doing this one ajkshdkjah also this is my first time writing for our boy deku so uhhhh be kind to me, also anon you are now dress anon also i tried something new because i couldn’t bring myself to write full scenarios also i can’t write for midoriya i TRIED BUT I THINK HIS IS BAD

BAKUGO KATSUKI

HEADCANNONS + MINI SCENARIO

lol this is funny

THIS

this is peak comedy right here

hes gonna be so embarrassed but hes gonna try to act like hes completely unaffected by everything that is going on

i feel like he knows what french kissing is and has definitely thought about french kisses with you but he would never bring it up because it embarrassing for him

he might just randomly try it and place you in a complete state of shock, like y’all are just making out and— whoops would you look at that somehow you two are now french kissing! wonder how that happened... 

if you ask him he will flat out deny you the first time around because he is embarrassed, but keep trying!! after a few attempts he’s gonna claim to be annoyed but it’s actually because he wants to

“Hey Katuski, you know what we should do—”

Bakugou slams the textbook that laid on his lap shut, a sound reverberating through the library the two had gone two, which earned him a strict glare from the librarian seated at the front desk. His eyes narrowed as they look to Y/N, “if you say French kissing, I swear I will break up with you right now.”

Despite his harsh words, Y/N can see the pink blush that dusts his cheeks as they lean forward on their arm, tilting their head at him innocently as they reply, “actually, I was thinking we could go see a movie later.” Their words only worsen the blush on Bakugou’s cheeks, causing him to snap his head away in an attempt to salvage some of his reputation, “but that works too.” 

“Shut up you damn nerd.” The boy grumbles, brows furrowing as he leans back in his seat, looking away as he says, “if it’ll get you to stop asking then I guess we can try it.” Y/N is about to open their mouth to reply but Bakugou quickly adds, “only once though! Damn nerd...”

A grin finds its way onto Y/N’s face and they nod slowly, “great.”

“I hate you.”

honestly i feel like he would lowkey be bad at it the first time around and bakugou is the type of person where if he tries something and isn’t good at it immediately he either avoids this activity entirely or tirelessly works to improve his skill

luckily for you this happens to be a skill that bakugou wants to improve, alot because for some reason you wanted to try this and if he’s not good at it then whats the point

regardless the first time around is like a solid 6.75/10 sorry bakugou oops, you tried, but i feel like he’s already a really like aggressive and like harsh kisser so this is just gonna make things a mess

he can be soft sometimes tho i swear

i feel like he would get good at it after some ~practice~ but even then its a rare occurrence to french kiss with bakugou, its really intimate and he saves it for special occasions or when hes bored lol

IZUKU MIDORIYA

HEADCANNONS + MINI SCENARIO

THIS ONE

OH YOU ARE GOING TO KILL HIM WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DO THIS like apologize, apologize rn for the stress you are about to cause him

if you try to initiate a french kiss with izuku here, you NEED to tell him ahead of time or else things will go south very very fast. he’s going to panic because this is new and he does not understand what is happened oh my-

give him a heads up whenever you want to try something new, so when you pull this while kissing him he’s going to pull away like what a r e you d o i n g 

once you tell him he’s gonna be like let’s do this tomorrow, and then will spend the rest of the day RESEARCHING how to french kiss properly, like he’s on wikihow and everything this boy wants to treat you right and is going to make sure you enjoy it

which is when when y’all finally french kiss he is going to be good at it okay, he’ll learn every strategy possible and then he will be a PRO like you’re probably going to be shocked for a hot minute because wait when did he have the time to get good at this—

you’re definitely his first partner and he had no experience prior to you but he trained himself because going into any anything blind and without a plan places him in a state of distress

this was a PLANNED EVENT it was like a date except without all the date stuff just french kissing, like he texts you “hey lets try that thing you wanted to try...” all shy and stuff like he literally took five minutes to actually send the text, and you are trying to figure out what that thing is because deku do you mean like the coffee shop ?? what ??

you make him specify and he nearly dies but its fine its fine, when he finally gets his point across you’re like okay! cool!

overall its a pretty nice experience, i feel like he would be really gentle with you per usual but it was also probably really awkward like homeboy fr sat you down on the bed and just stared at you with bright red cheeks for like

a really hot minute

Y/N brow raised as they stared at Izuku, who’s eyes had pierced into their head since they’d sat down. Oddly enough, Y/N found his meticulous planning of this to just make the situation more awkward, it had done nothing to relieve the burning sensation in their cheeks. But Y/N had a feeling that only one of them could flustered about this or else everything would fall apart rather quickly. It had also been their idea in the first place so, there was that factor too.

“Are you alright, Izuku—”

“FINE. I—I’m fine, I mean.” He cleared his throat as he sat across from them, his cheeks a bright red color as Y/N tilted their head at his antics.

A small laugh escaped them, “If you don’t want to do this Izuku, we don’t have to.” He’d always been easily flustered, so Y/N couldn’t say his reaction came as a shock, but he’d agreed to it nonetheless just yesterday.

This seemed to bring the boy back to reality as he shook his head, “no... I want to.” He straightened in his seat, looking away from Y/N as he tried to collect himself.

A grin spread across Y/N’s face as they leaned closer to Izuku, “fantastic.” Their words only served to fluster Izuku further, though Y/N could feel their cheeks warming as well. 

“Right.”

french kissing will not be a regular occurrence, izuku feels embarrassed whenever it happens, he gets shy, all around a very rare thing for him that will only occur if you initiate it, but PLEASE let him know ahead of time, he needs to mentally prepare himself

he enjoys it though 

hehe

TODOROKI SHOUTO

HEADCANNONS + MINI SCENARIO

why am i laughing rn

okay but like shouto probably discovers it online entirely by accident or like hears kaminari talking about it and decides he should educate himself because hes fluent in french and knows alot about the culture of france because of all the tutors his father hired so why doesn’t he know what this elusive french kissing his? 

shouto is also fluent in kissing he honestly just really enjoys kissing you, he doesn’t know why but its probably because hes touch starved and just likes intimacy like that but he never really knew how much he liked physical touch until he actually experience it [in a positive way] and also you are SOFT :D

regardless shouto is the one who brings it up and honestly you are gonna be shocked because how did this clueless bb find out about that??? sir??? who is teaching you these things?

“You want to do what?” 

Y/N couldn’t help the shock that flooded them as they stared at their boyfriend, Shouto Todoroki, who sat with his legs crossed before them on the bed as he replied, “French kissing.” The boy in question repeated, tilting his head at them as he watched her reaction.

Y/N shook their head in an attempt to clear their thoughts as they looked back up at him, meeting his eyes, “who taught you about that?” In the past, Y/N had been forced to explain... certain subjects to Shouto because of things he’d overheard in conversations or seen online. Sometimes it was entirely innocent and other times, well it wasn’t. This time around, it seemed Shouto had took it upon himself to learn, rather than asking Y/N. 

“I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Come his response, brows furrowing at her question, “however, if its not something you’re interested in then—”

“I didn’t say that!” And Y/N couldn’t help how their cheeks warmed at how quickly they cut him off, hands coming to their face in embarrassment.

the internet and unintentionally kaminari, or maybe intentionally 

he doesn’t do any research in fact, he might not even bring it up, next time he sees you in a private space, he’s just gonna start kissing you and you’re probably gonna be like aight bet thats chill this is normal

UNTIL he just grabs your thigh and in the shock your mouth gapes open and SHOUTO STRIKES

honestly i feel like he would be ridiculously good at french kissing for no reason, i don’t know why, i have no explanation, he’s just good at it 

its a talent

of all the boys he is the least embarrassed he has no shame, its just natural curiosity right? whatever happens happens. it is literally so annoying how UNFAZED HE IS

probably really liked it because hes a touchy kinda guy, so this will become a more frequent thing when you two are in private, he just enjoys it 

TAGLISTS[lmk if you wanna be added or removed via asks or replies]

[ai-katsuu]

F7 flirting with their partners hcs (rsea ver.)

Merlin

oh,,,where,,,do i start,,,

snow is definetly the cooler one in the relationship

she never stumbles on her words, is never nervous, and only loves magic boy with all heart

sparky-sparky-zappy boy, on the other hand, is that one guy who tries to be cool, and is confident at flirting until he actually does it

now he claimed to be a full time romantic in the movie but i have a feeling since he found true love with snow, his confidence on his moves dwindled down due to nervousness bc he actually rly likes her a lot and cares what she thinks of him not just presently, but in the future as well

one look at her is all it takes to bring him down :))

see the song lyrics: “flash! bam! alakazam! i got a look at you!”

“good morning snow white, you’re looking-”

“oh hey merlin! sorry one sec, whats up?” 

“i-,,uh-,,you uh,,smell pretty. i mean no, wait, you look pretty today. imsosorry...”

Jack

this boy is immersed in french culture so it would be no surprise if he was one of, if not the most romantic when it came to flirting

when it comes to audrey he is relaxed and can be himself around her, so nervousness is not on the table unless he has something big planned

when i say he is the most romantic, i mean he executes his words and moves with such ease. short, brief pecks in the hallway, light hugs every now and then. they are very natural and smooth!

though this would of course bring up some pda from him which everyone groans at

i think the only time he would get slightly embarrased is when he pulls a move on her only to be brushed off by her either due to her being focused on something else or she didn’t hear him the first time. he doesnt like repeating himself,,,

“mon amour, i value my breath so it would be nice if you didn’t take it away every time you walked by.”

“...”

“...”

“...hm..? wait let me just finish....okay done, what did you say?”

*sad whimper from jack* “...nevermind..”

Arthur

HIMMM

If you haven’t read Arthur and Gwen’s story please do bc he flirts with her at almost every given opportunity 

his moves have definitely improved since he tried to woo red shoes 

he loves to humor her all the time, sometimes acting a little stupid just for her amusement

gwen is the more shy one in the relationship so most of the time its arthur making all these cute gestures of affection towards her

he would bring her flowers, take her on adventures, and be a complete gentleman towards her

he knows she gets embarrassed and flustered so easily so he doesn’t push it with words 

he’s a true representation of a knight

“arthur! could you help me reach that book up there?” 

*grabs it and presents it to her on one knee* “milady” <--- she giggles after and its adorable these two omg-

Hans

needless to say, hans fully believes the motto of ‘cooking your way into her heart’

he shows his love and appreciation for briar through all of the meals he cooks. she is always the first one to try them as she loves tasting new kinds of recipes everyday

putting aside meals, he would often teach her how to cook as well. she did her fair share of cooking during her time in the forest but they were never as good as hans cooking

so they would have lessons in the kitchen and usually, briar is pretty good at it!

however this does lead to hans staring at her movements, lovestruck that he’s doing his favorite thing with his favorite person in his favorite place. and this does lead to some disasters in the kitchen.

“so i let that sit for another thirty minutes and...hans?”

“mhm..?”

“hans. the pot your stirring is on fire. you look like a crazy witch and her cauldron of death.”

Pino

Pino is essentially the eldest among his brothers and he has the most experience in life 

For him though, he didn’t flirt for fun in the past. He always thought those words and actions had to be saved for someone special, someone who really understood him and their relationship. And this was Gretel.

He shows his affection by reminding her about her health when she’s working too much. For flirting, he would use their mutal love on mechanics and make this cute little robot that walked up to her and gives her a little scroll that said, “i love you :>”

she laughs and appreciates all the little things he gives her. 

He doesn’t do any cheesy lines, rather he would just be happy if Gretel walks by and he would hug her out of nowhere. He is very romantic and sweet when it comes to her.

but then there is the issue of her older brother^^ hans watches them like a HAWK. pino is a little intimidated but still respects him. gretel isnt having any of it though.

“cara, i need some help. can you come to my room late-orrr it could wait. nevermind.”

“i swear to god hans i will murder you right now if you don’t stop.”

Noki

TSUNDEREEE

goldilocks is always the one showing affection towards him most of the time while he just shyly receives it. 

if they are alone he is basically down for any light and fluffy affection/flirting towards her

hates pda tho and wont hesitate to physically push her off (not with a lot of force thought) he scolds her a lot for having no shame while she just counterpoints him. 

goldie doesn’t think much of it and neither does noki until one time she actually started to tear up and cry bc she had hit her head on the side of a table. 

though he didn’t mean to hurt her, noki’s heart drops and he’s immediately all over her. he is SO SO guilty and showers her in affection and whatever she needs. he becomes such a loving and perfect boyfriend to her, whether they are in public or not

though goldies reaction was real, she knew EXACTLY how he would react and doesn't waste this opportunity to ask him for stuff he wouldn’t normally do

“mind holding my hand to the market?”

“sure. as long as you’re alright and you lean on me if you feel dizzy, okay?”

Kio

kio is genrally a very nice, kind, and helpful person 

but like his older brother, he is on the receiving end of affection from his own partner, peter pan

unlike noki, kio doesn’t mind pda but instead immediately shuts him down wheter they are lone or not

usually with a quick, ‘yeah, no.’ or ‘ew’ but trust me he loves them!

when he does show affection though, peter goes crazy and his brain fries out

 he does have his fair share of flirting! though it is very rare but he knows exactly what he is doing and in reality, is actually very smooth with it.

kio will give unexpected kisses, ruffle his hair, and even some occasional light uncharacteristic spicy stuff that leads peter to be flustered and wanting for more

kio is SO confident through it all, smugly smiling until it’s reverted back to a fake annoyed frown when peter chases after him

“w-wait! do that again please!”

“gross no, go away.” 

[himbohargreeves]

hallo here are the hc's i whipped up for the teacher au!! i'm sorry this turned into an essay i'm just a dumbass who loves soft teacher au a lot!!

“not sure what the others would teach in this teacher au tho-” *wakes up in the dead of night with cold sweat* *kicks down the door* I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS!!

oh boy…get ready….cause it’s A LOT

- Submitted by @katgreeves

luther: physics teacher, cause you know…spaceboy……everyone is scared at the beginning of the year when they get him as a teacher cause he’s TALL AND HUGE AS FUUUUUCK, but then fast forward two months later and everyone is chill because turns out he’s a really easygoing and soft teacher…just really socially awkward and lowkey dumb sometimes

asshole kids in his classes use his softness to his disadvantage and pull pranks on him constantly, poor guy….the other kids tho always tell them to shove it tho because he may be soft and dumb and socially awkward but he’S OUR SOFT AND DUMB AND SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEACHER DON’T TOUCH HIM!! the first time they protected him he had to remind himself not to tear up because HE FELT SO LOVED!!!! 

he gets them snacks even if they’re not supposed in the science classrooms because “eXPeriMENts and CHEmIcALsSsSsssSS!!!” and will rant for hours about space and starts and THE MOOOOON cause when he was a kid he always wanted to be an astronaut ( :’))))))) ) and his kids get fed up one day and go “why don’t you just make an astrology club mr luther????” and he does and IT’S A REAL SUCCESS WITH THE SCHOOL BODY YAY!!!

(five when he grows up also becomes a physics teacher and pesters luther all the time like “I AM 10 TIMES THE TEACHER YOU EVER WERE-” “NO YOU AREN’T STFU” and he’s technically wrong and right because material wise??? yes he’s 100% the better teacher and he always has answers to the kids questions and teaches them extra content cause he’s always been a genius but as a physics teacher that kids really like????? no siree that title goes to luther because he was a soft teddy bear to his students and they trusted him while five is eccentric and strict the the point where his kids are scared the FUCK out of him)

diego: pe teacher, SWEARS SO MUCH IN FRONT OF THE KIDS IN CLASS OMG HOW IS HE NOT FIRED YET?? is tough on the kids sometimes so push harder but IS ALSO SOFT AND REALLY ENCOURAGING THE KIDS TO WORK AND TRY THEIR BEST BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN THEM!!! (except for the group of cocky assholes he’ll get in every class and don’t want to listen to them…he has personally removed their rights in the class)

whenever the self-defense unit comes around he’s sooooo dedicated to it and makes sure that the kids master everything to a t, cause who knows when it might come in handy??? he wants to make sure that the kids know how to protect themselves as the world is a shitty place and you never know when shit will go bad (except he does…he’s had enough bullshit and scared happen to him and has gotten involved in so many fights that he wants to make sure that the kids won’t hurt like him :“’))))))))) ) 

he’s a secret softie that will protect the kind kids that are not as good at pe and get bullied by the cocky assholes in the class becAUSE THAT’S JUST WHAT HE WOULD DO NO IM NOT SELF PROJECTING OF WHAT I WANTED OUT OF MY PE TEACHERS SHUT U-

also eudora is a pe teacher and the two of them are very competitive to be the best pe teacher and this rivalry turns into playful flirting and big ass crushes that they’re way too stubborn to admit, the entire school still ships it anyways (the entire school also ships klaus and dave because gay rights!!!!!)

allison: either school counselor or principal i can’t decide because she can be super kind and open to talk and gives advice that helps a LOT but she’s also a hbic THAT CAN AND WILL run the place. 

anyways, whatever job she has, she also helps with the drama club and school plays, and literally every year the theatre kids BEG HER to kick out the current drama teachers and replace them because allison>>>>>>>>>>>> all of the existing drama teachers there  

ben: is either a literature or philosophy teacher. super smart and knowledgable but is also really laid back and fun to talk to. he’s got a dark and snarky sense of humor and his students always have sass battles with him. the number of INSANE inside jokes his students and him share is HUGE.

HE DEMANDS THAT HIS STUDENTS PARTAKE IN READING TIME IN THE BEGINNING OF CLASS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BECAUSE READING IN AN IMPORTANT SKILL AND HOBBY FOR DEVELOPMENT AS A READER, WRITER, LEARNER, AND OVERALL PERSON AND NO AMY DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME I’M THE TEACHER HERE AND I SAID NO ELECTRONICS SO PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AN-

anyways…he is really considerate to what students need and makes them as relaxed as possible because school is HELL. students LOOOOOVE HIM. HE’S THE ONE TEACHER BESIDES DAVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE LIKES. (highkey inspired by my philosophy and lit teachers because they’re also really smart but sassy and cool like ben and I JUST THINK THEY’RE NEAT)

vanya: strings orchestra teacher for obvious reasons. she was real shy at first when she first got hired but the the strings department at that time was soooo small and crappy that she went “oh HELL no,” rolled up her sleeves, and set to revitalize it just because she cares about music so much.

she recruited more students, got more advanced music so the kids could feel a challenge and be motivated to improve, and collaborated with the choir and band departments to provide more clubs, events and opportunities outside of class for kids to do music.

she is a no business type of teacher when it comes to arrogant people that put other players down or people who don’t practice and goof around and will snap at them SO HARD because everyone needs to be at their a game for a concert and in an orchestra no single person is bigger that the collective. she’s however SOOOO SOFT with really soft playing and shy kids because she understands how it feels when you think your playing isn’t good enough, so gives them extra help, gives them solo lines or solos to play so they gain more confidence in themselves, all while constantly giving encouraging words about how much they’ve improved that always makes them feel better and more motivated to improve.

she’s an absolute anxious and cranky maniac a week before the concert but she throws parties with food, drinks, and games afterwards to celebrate with her kids. she constantly gets them to play music related games and challenges that they do as a class for team bonding to make things more entertaining in class. she makes dumb music puns a lot too! 

she also will in the class say crazy stories of her childhood and the crazy shit she and her siblings did and then somehow always relate it back to the lesson and make it some sage advice…the kids never understand how she does it

(me???? self projecting more of my teachers into this au cause they’re cool??? more likely than you think)

also one day she chops her hair real short and cute and the conversation with her students basically went like this:

students: miss vanya you cut your hair???

vanya: yes kids I’m a lesbian

students: !!!!!!!!!!!!

vanya: ;))))))))

students: MISS VANYA SAID GAY RIGHTS!!!!

vanya: HELL YE I DID!!!

bonus grace yayyyy!!!!!: is the school nurse…she’s so sweet, so soft….has precisely whatever people need when they feel sick/injured…helps them calm down in they’re freaking out…always has a couple of beds in the nurse’s office so people can lie if they feel dizzy…gives out candy/sweets/food to people so they feel better!!

diego meets her a lot because a lot of kids in his class gets injuries and he takes them to the nurse and he jUST LOVES HER SM!!! INSTANT MOM FIGURE!! THEY TALK AND JOKE AND LAUGH TOGETHER AND GRACE WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM A PASTRY SHE MADE WHENEVER HE COMES BY AND HE JUST IS SO SOFT AROUND HER ITS GREAT (his students find his sudden change in his demeanour amusing “hey mr diego is nurse grace your MMMmoooOoOooOOOmMMMMMMmmmmmM??” “kid your a good one but say that shit to me one more time and I will beat the sh-”)

she always has a smile on her and everyone LOVES HER…..except for the administration that always want to get her fired because they are assholes and they think she’s too weird to stay. however, every time they try to fire her, a certain teacher comes by the office for what they claim is a civil discussion...and after an hour of yelling, death threats, and the door getting 10 knife marks they go “you know what grace…you can stay" 

those assholes are persistant though, and one time though not even a certain teacher could get them away from firing her so once the news breaks out that nurse grace is leaving the whole school is FURIOUS and throws a 1 week riot and the administration get so scared and tired that they just go "OK WERE SORRY JUST KIDDIN- OK OK SHE’S STAYING FOR GOOD JESUS”

grace is so grateful that she makes a whole bunch of cake for everyone and everyone with tears in their eyes just goes “this…is why we love you sm nurse mom”

~~okkkieee that’s the end of it sorry it’s a literal essay I just got very passionate about this au lmao rip!!! I’m slowly tempted to write a fic about it even though i’ve never written a fic before in my LIFE and I already have like 3 other au fic ideas in my head already smh

[adorakeys]

Thanks @2-dream​ for tagging me! These questions look fun :D I don’t write for fun very often anymore, but it will always be a hobby of mine and have a special place in my heart due to how passionate I used to be about it ✨

1. When did you start writing?

I started writing in elementary school! I remember my first novel got to almost 100 pages, and I tried to print it out in the school library (2 copies, no less). My teacher stopped me and asked why I was printing so many pieces of paper xD I picked up steam in middle school. I got semi-popular on a writing and poetry co-website, where I wrote a lot of poetry and short stories. I got one of my poems published in an anthology, and a short story of mine published as well. I also participated in NaNoWriMo, where I finally for the first and only time wrote an entire novel front to back! (I usually start 1834082 novels and never finish them). However, once high school started I didn’t have as much free time anymore, and unfortunately I haven’t worked on any major writing projects in a long time. I will never stop writing, though!

2. Is there any special method that helps you getting to write?

To be honest, not really. I just kinda did it.

3. Do you listen to certain types of music to set the mood?

Nope. Music, even instrumental music, really distracts me. I end up getting too focused on the music to concentrate on writing.

4. Drawing, moodboards, character makers, music lists or none of those options?

No, but those aesthetics always appealed to me! I consumed nonfiction books on ‘How to Write’ that always gave ideas on how to improve your writing and be more productive in writing. I definitely tried a lot of them out at some point, but none ever stuck.

5. Would you prefer a big Hollywoodesque adaptation, a smaller project coming from the heart or no adaptation at all?

A smaller project would be really cool! While a Hollywoodesque adaptation would be nice, I don’t really know how they go about it and if they ever consult with the original author on their decision making. I wouldn’t want them to run away with my narrative and turn it into something its not, after all.

6. Do you have any taboos or topics you try to actively avoid?

Not really. If something inspires me, I’ll write about it.

7. Are you in favor or against spoilers?

I always want to experience things for myself but I hate waiting so if someone has a spoiler for something that I’m in the process of consuming I desperately want to know 😬 even tho its bad for meeeee. The best method is to just never mention that you know something I don’t or else I’ll want to know too.

8. Have you ever written something to appease or spite somebody else?

Not to appease, and I can’t remember specific examples to spite someone but I’m sure I have. There are a lot of people in the world to spite!

9. Being given the options “Candy Valley of the Lollipop” or “Cliff of Despair and Looming”, which one would you say approximates better to your WIP’s general aesthetic?

Cliff of Despair and Looming for sure. Happy endings are for losers :)

10. A media you weren’t expecting to inspire you, but does.

Hmm, I suppose illustrations? Typically I admire them and that’s all, but recently I’ve become really inspired by a lot of unique artwork I see, that gives the potential for many different kinds of universes and stories!

Anyone that’s interested should answer these questions!!

[chasingshhadows]

RNM S01: A Progressive Review

I want to talk about diversity, representation, social issues, and the way Roswell New Mexico succeeds and fails in that particular department. It’s 2019 and we no longer live in a world where it’s acceptable to ignore the societal implications of the media we consume. That said, it’s also 2019, and Roswell is doing some things that place it far ahead of its peers in media in ways that make it an absolute pleasure to watch. Like honestly, I’m fucking thrilled with this show ok.

I’ve read and skimmed a lot of discussion about the ways in which RNM has failed to be this perfect paragon of progressive representation, and I’ve read/skimmed far less discussion – by both fans and TPTB – about the ways in which the show is trying to be better than its forebears.

However, there seems to be a wide divide between people recognizing the former and people recognizing the latter, and I very much believe it’s irresponsible to try to focus on either one without at least acknowledging the other. So I’m going to talk about those failures and successes, and I’m gonna zig-zag that line so that if you want to read about how I feel about one of those things, you’re gonna have to at least skim the other.

[read more]

I tried to be as concise as possible, but even so, this is rather long, mostly because I didn’t want to make several posts about this. I want to say what I have to say on the topic and then get back to the story because that’s really why I’m here.

Also to note: I understand – and I hope we all understand – that we are in the first season of this show. This means that they should have plenty of time to follow through on or fix many of the issues I will point out, but that also leaves room for them to torpedo many of the positives I’ll discuss. Just – please know that I know we’re only one season in, and anything could happen.

On lived race

This show does a fabulous job exploring how race intersects with these characters’ lives and how it plays an active role in shaping not only who they are, but how their story lines play out. With Liz & Arturo, their race – and immigration status – are openly discussed on screen and inform their decisions and how they present themselves to others, as well as how they are received by their town. This is, in fact, a major aspect of the first season arc/plot as a whole, not just as it pertains to Arturo & Liz (and Rosa), but as it pertains to all the characters, so it’s worth emphasizing.

With Maria, we see her discuss her race as a factor in her isolation from her hometown, as well as seeing how she owns it in the face of racist customers. With Kyle, we see his compassion as a fellow child of immigrants in treating Arturo off the books, and with his mother, we see her perspective on that situation based on her own experiences as a Hispanic immigrant. And with Mimi, we see, tho tangentially, how the intersection of her race and gender and the stereotyping around those have had a negative impact on her healthcare. Even what little we saw of Arizona was washed in her experiences as a Native woman, and her (rightful) disdain for white people.

On the other side of that coin, we have white characters, namely the three alien siblings, whose White Privilege plays an active role in their actions and how they conduct themselves. I know some people have frustrations that these three main characters were all cast as white, but I’ll be honest, after having seen 1.06 (Smells Like Teen Spirit), I would not have bought that any of these characters were a POC. Can you imagine a Black or Hispanic teen being thoughtless enough to frame a WOC – who also happens to be the daughter of a known undocumented immigrant – for the drug-induced vehicular manslaughter of two white girls and not expect the entire town to then turn on that family? Even as a teen, no POC would be race-blind enough to not have had that forethought. It would not be believable, without an immense amount of heavy lifting in the backstory, for a POC to have framed Rosa instead of either of the white women, to have made the decision to put her in the driver’s seat over the other two.

And in this way, the show also does an amazing job in showcasing how good, liberal white people can still be thoughtless where it concerns race. Especially at 17. The White Privilege of the alien siblings, and their lack of awareness of it, serves as a major negative driver of the show’s plot and is the root cause of much of the conflict throughout the first season. That’s real, that’s believable, and that’s important to show.

This, all of this, is vital in portraying accurate, true-to-life representations of how marginalized racial communities interact with each other and white populations, and also gives those communities characters they can point to that not only look like them, but also share their experiences – experiences which are unique to POC and also give white viewers a clearer picture of what it’s truly like to live in this country as a person of color.

On meaningful racial representation

I feel rather let down that the show didn’t follow through on Alex’s heritage in any of the meaningful ways that they did with the other POC on the show (see previous section). All of those characters had clear and explicit aspects of their narrative which centered their race as an part of their story – again, rightfully, as that is how it’s lived IRL. We got to see them express and experience their race as more than just the color of their skin. We didn’t get that with Alex. (or with Noah, but he’s a whole other story)

It’s particularly disappointing considering that Alex is the only POC on the show who passes (that we know of, ofc). Many people will be upset at my bringing this up, but it’s true and we should be talking about it. His ability to pass – the ability for anyone to look at him and not know immediately that he is of Native descent – does not in any way negate his POC identity. Not even remotely. Not a little bit, not at all. All it means is that as a POC, Alex has the ability to be spared from certain microaggressions experienced by others in his community. Not all, not even most, but some. But it also means that he is subject to microaggressions that others in his community will never experience – such as someone making disparaging comments about Natives as tho there aren’t any in the room, or by people assuming he’s “basically white” bc he looks white and erasing his heritage entirely. Those are experiences unique to his race that other Natives who don’t “pass” would never experience.

Roswell didn’t follow through on that this season. We saw no indication, other than the casting of his brother as a Native actor (which I was very pleased about, mind you), that Alex Manes is not as white as he appears. Portraying and giving accurate representation to POCs who pass is just as important as giving it to POCs who don’t.

On consent

WOW this show does a marvelous job at portraying how people should approach getting active and explicit consent from those around them. Active consent is so deeply ingrained in the foundation of this show that its absence is used as an indicator to the audience that something is very very wrong - and on more than one occasion. In order to pull that off, the show has had to set an abundantly clear standard for the type of consent that these characters should expect from each other when things are not horribly wrong, and that standard is appropriately high.

Max and Liz are the obvious duo with which this is explored. From the first, when Liz wants to kiss Max outside of the cave, he stops her because he’s concerned that her judgement may be impaired or impacted by the effects of his powers. He refuses to take advantage of that state, making a direct call to the behavior women wish we could expect from men when our own judgement may be impaired. This continues later when she asks to be left alone and he just immediately backs down and away, not pushing or persuading. He treats her word as law, as he should. We see even in his past, as a teenage white boy in 2008, that he consistently asked for Liz’s consent to even be in her presence.

We see it between Michael and Alex in very different but still very present ways. A lot of Michael and Alex’s communication is silent and, as such, so are their consent check-ins. Before their first kiss, you see Michael checking in with Alex, watching Alex’s body language as he approaches and making sure Alex is receptive before he goes for the kiss – and Alex is, clearly. Michael asks what Alex wants and Alex says that doesn’t matter while stepping toward Michael. Michael stops and looks at Alex and Alex continues to move closer, looking back and forth from Michael’s eyes to his lips. This type of silent communication and consent checks continues throughout the rest of the season, from the scene at the drive-in to the teenage scenes and on.

We also see clear attempts at getting explicit consent between Liz & Kyle, between Cam & Max, and even when Michael was guarding Maria at the gala (I can go get Liz if you want me to leave) and later when he approaches her following the events of 1.13.

This has honestly been so fucking cool to see like this, on a CW show especially, to see how easy and essential it is to get that consent in all situations. It’s an important representation that we don’t see laid out clearly enough in media today and I’m so fucking proud of Roswell for doing it so effectively.

On disability & erasure

This show started to do something that was really incredible in portraying one of the main characters as an amputee. We see his crutch, we see the way he moves with it, we see how he struggles with it, and we see how he is determined to life his life as an amputee, and not just despite it.

There was certainly plenty of room to improve in even that regard - specifically where it concerns coaching on exactly how a recent amputee might move their body and center their weight and whatnot, even, or maybe especially, if that person were trying to hide their struggle. But it’s clear that the show was trying to represent a type of character we don’t get to see often.

But then Alex loses the crutch. Rather suddenly and very cold turkey. This is not an accurate representation of how someone with a recent loss of limb would experience their recovery, no matter how much that person may want to hide it. Recovery takes time, it takes practice, and it includes bad days. We didn’t see any of that.

It's particularly frustrating considering the show gave themselves the perfect opportunity to do this transition far better and didn't take advantage of it. There was a six-week time jump between episodes 8 & 9. Had we seen Alex try to go without his crutch when he confronted Liz in ep 7, and then have to return to using it after the long day out, and again in episode 8 with his father - wouldn't it have been so amazing to see him collapse in his chair after Jesse leaves and rub his leg because he's been ignoring the pain all day in an attempt to intimidate his father? And then we could see him moving more independently after that six-week jump.

The show dropped the ball there, in my opinion. In a big way. That beautiful representation was given and then promptly taken away. And then the show set itself up perfectly to explore how the invisibility of disability can be experienced, and has not followed through on that at all. Quite literally the last indication at all that we get of Alex's amputation is Michael commenting on his having lost the crutch in episode 9.

One of the harsh truths of disability is that no matter how much one might try to ignore and hide that aspect of who they are, it will always be there and it will make itself known. It might be invisible to others, but Alex will experience it anyway, will be affected by it anyway. He may be able to do anything that anyone else can do, but he’s gonna have to work ten times harder at it. We should have gotten to see that.

This same problem of erasing disability happens with Michael’s hand in the last episode. Michael’s scars, what they prevented him from doing, how they affected his work - all of that was so important to see, and then he gets the unconsensual healing power of magic and suddenly he gets his happy place back. And as happy as I was as a Michael!Stan to see him find that, this sends a bad message, that people with disabilities just need to be “fixed” to be happy. And as I mentioned above and in other posts, it is wildly apparent that Max healing Michael’s hand without his consent is meant to be an indicator that Max is Very Not Okay and is a prelude to him literally going so mad with power that he kills himself to resurrect Rosa. That noted, from a representation standpoint, I wish another mechanism had been used to show that.

On unapologetic politicism

Roswell makes it absolutely clear where it stands on the political spectrum and who this show is for. This show exists in the post-2016 election, post-#MeToo era and it embraces that culture and does not shy away from being political, on everything from race, sexuality and misogyny to immigration status, gun control, and even research science. It uses context and even hero dialogue to make the audience aware of what is right and what is wrong on these topics, and it does so without ambiguity or nuance.

It (appropriately) paints ICE as the enemy of good, hardworking people in literally the first scene of the show. Liz starts ranting about being stopped because she’s Latina and I just did a little dance inside because Yaassss, these are my people. And the show doesn’t let up there - the shadow of ICE hangs over Arturo’s - and by extension, Liz’s - head the entire season in a way that makes the audience uncomfortable and angry on his behalf.

The show consistently, from multiple characters both in law enforcement and not, refers to undocumented immigrants, the homeless, and prostitutes as “the most vulnerable members” of society, and not as a scourge or a menace to that society. These are good, worthy people deserving of protection and justice. The show paints anyone who views differently as firmly In The Wrong, from the disgusting Wyatt Long to the self-righteous Sheriff Valenti.

The dialogue calls out everything from subtle racism in police descriptions to building a wall to #AllLivesMatter to fake news to the terrifying ease of buying a gun to homophobia to the president himself  - it does not hold back and it does not leave room for excuses or sympathy on the part of the more conservative characters.

Most of the dialogue on the show that wasn’t explicitly Alien-centric feels very organic in the ways that it makes offhand quips about immigration and racism and sexism and everything in between - that’s the way I and my friends speak and converse. That stuff just filters into our conversations about really anything because it’s always at the forefront of our minds. We call those things out when we see them and talk about idiots like they’re not sitting right in front of us (“I think that’s Hank speak for ‘he wasn’t white.’”) There aren’t a lot of shows that nail that so perfectly and the only one that’s coming to mind at the moment is Dear White People, which was the first I saw to pull this off so well.

This is media that doesn’t try to paint a picture of “there are good people on both sides.” This media isn’t playing middle ground, or trying to please everyone. It’s making a statement in these choices and it doesn’t shy away from pissing off toxic people - this media isn’t for them. Most popular successful media (*cough* MCU *cough*) achieves that status by very carefully toeing the line between left and right, by using subtext to attract progressive viewers while keeping the explicit storyline clean and moderate. Roswell doesn’t do that - its progressivism is explicit and unmissable, as it should be. And that makes it, truly, an absolute joy to watch.

On Maria’s arc

Maria DeLuca did not start this season as an extension of Michael’s - or anyone’s - storyline, and I’m incredibly frustrated that, narratively, that’s how she ended it. That’s easily my biggest disappointment regarding the season as a whole, exaggerated by the fact that Maria is a black woman and because of that, her storyline carries more weight than many of the others. This post does a good job of discussing why POC rep matters more, and while it focuses on race-bending (which this show has also done with Maria, in a positive way), I think it still makes the point that Any POC Rep will just always hit harder, good or bad.

When that Rep is good, it’s fantastic. When it’s bad, it’s terrible.

And for most of this season, it was hitting very very good well. Maria throughout most of the season was this fierce, beautiful firecracker of personality and suppressed issues. She had a history and a deep well of issues both pre- and post- the loss of one of her closest friends, followed by the physical separation from her other two best friends. She’s got an amazing relationship with a mother who is slowly losing grip and slipping away from her. Those things, how they shaped her, and how they expressed themselves made her relatable, tangible, and easy to love.

That was actually one of my favorite parts about her hooking up with Michael, that these were main characters seeking comfort and distraction in one another, rather than just with throwaway characters. Maria is her own person with her own story that we had already seen explored as an independent arc from any of the other main characters

However, that arc never quite got the same attention as Kyle’s or Alex’s and certainly not as much as Liz or the Pod Squad. A lot of that likely has to do with her ignorance of the alien presence in the town (which appears to be coming to a close, but I won’t speculate on that) and that makes sense, narratively. As she couldn’t be actively involved in pushing the alien mystery plot forward, there was only so much the show could do with her, and I think they did take advantage of what little wiggle room they had there.

That said, given that she’s the only black woman on the main cast, it’s very disappointing that she rounds out the season by being drugged, possessed, and either talking about, pushing away, or engaging with Michael. My own perspective on this show may revolve around Michael, but that doesn’t mean I think our black woman should share that fate narratively.

And I’ll note that characterization-wise, I understood the ways Maria’s thoughts and actions could become consumed and fixated on a love interest. Oh, holy wow, have I Been There. But allowing that - and essentially, only that, narratively for Maria at the end of the season, as the only MC black woman on the show - is a disservice to her character and the community she represents. Which is not to say that I take issue with how Michael and Maria come together at the end, either from a narrative or a character development standpoint; what I take issue with is that that is all we get of her in the later episodes. Maria deserved more, and so did we.

On fighting for WOC

One of my favorite things about this show is how the characters on this show again and again come to bat for the two main WOC, despite that both of them are portrayed as absolutely capable of fighting for themselves. Both Liz Ortecho and Maria DeLuca are shown to be strong, multifaceted, beautiful (neither because of nor in spite of their race - just beautiful, end of story), desirable, and worth fighting for - and unapologetically and undeniably women of color.

Our “main hero” Max makes it absolutely clear that he will Throw Down for Liz Ortecho. He risks his own life and the lives of his siblings to save her, and nearly torpedos those relationships entirely on her behalf. He loves her absolutely, flaws and all. And he acknowledges those flaws - he doesn’t put her on a pedestal or pretend she’s perfect - she doesn’t need to be for him to love and respect her.

We see Alex and Michael and Liz all show up for Maria at different points in the story, fighting on her behalf, defending her, and making the statement that Maria is precious and should be protected. More than that, through Michael’s eyes, we stand in awe of Maria DeLuca - she is a standout, she is impressive, she is powerful, and she is her own savior, every time. And through all of that, she is beautiful and desirable and absolutely worthy of being the center of attention.

These storylines and characterizations are unfortunately still incredibly rare for women of color in modern media. Women of color rarely get to be these fully fleshed out characters with their own backstory and own motivations, and even more rarely do we get to see them be viewed by others as special and valued. Roswell isn’t sidelining its WOC or centering their storylines around white men (my comments above re Maria’s last couple episodes notwithstanding). And that’s amazing and should be celebrated.

On aesthetics

No matter how important something is to the plot or how in-character it would be, the sociological aesthetics of media are still relevant. Plot-wise, the roundabout Wyatt leading to Maria leading to Noah was an interesting mechanism, and it makes sense, character-wise for Cam and then Isobel to suspect Maria’s involvement. And it makes sense, character-wise, for Liz to then defend Maria against those suspicions.

But - aesthetics matter. And watching a scene in which two white blonde women accuse a WOC of horrible crimes at another WOC is immensely uncomfortable and very tone-deaf. That wasn’t fun or engaging to watch, I don’t feel drawn into the mystery of it all in that moment, I feel pretty grossed out, actually. Because this show has set a standard for itself of being better than that, and in that scene, it failed its own test.

On bisexual representation

This one I’ve already talked about at length and having finished out the season, my feelings haven’t changed. This show does a damn fine job showing us a bisexual character living out his life, his pain, and his unhealthy but entirely relatable coping mechanisms. They don’t try to portray him as perfect because he’s not and he shouldn’t have to be for us to respect and love him.

On bi-baiting

I’ll admit to being disappointed that Isobel’s feelings for Rosa turned out to be artificial and driven by the man living her in mind. It took the whole situation from amazing bi rep to aggressively heterosexual. Not only was our queer woman not actually queer, but all of those feelings and attraction toward another woman were actually driven by a really toxic man that was actively violating Isobel to pursue that attraction.

Once again, the show started to give us something really fucking amazing - two bisexual main characters - and then appeared to take that away. We’ve been given no indication that Isobel’s attraction to Rosa was anything more than Noah in her head or that she herself is anything other than Very Straight.

This doesn’t diminish the amazing bi representation they’ve given us with Michael, but that amazing representation does not excuse or erase our having been baited into falling for another bisexual character only to find out it was all very likely a sham. While there are certainly not enough bisexual men in media, there is also not enough queer women at all. So dangling that in front of the audience before yanking it away is frustrating.

On respecting survivors

*Content Warning: sexual assault* 

So I’m going to talk as a survivor for a moment and explain how Holy Shit Muther Fucking Important it was to see another survivor being told that other people’s feelings and needs didn’t matter. What She needed mattered. I was sobbing through that scene because no one has ever told me that. No one ever told me that what I needed trumped other people’s comfort or anger or needs.

But Isobel got to hear that. She got to hear that her brothers’ needs Did Not Matter (and that, particularly, hits hard for me). The only thing that mattered was whatever She needed to get through this, to feel better, and to heal. She got to hear that taking care of herself was the most important thing, that she was allowed to be selfish and think of herself. She didn’t have to put others first, or make sure everyone got what they wanted. What they wanted is nothing compared to what she needs. I needed to hear that just as much as Isobel did.

The show did not shy away in facing just how violently violated Isobel was by her husband - body and mind. It doesn’t brush off what he did as just another evil act by an evil man - this was invasion of Isobel in every possible way by someone she loved and trusted.

And it doesn’t try to artificially portray her as too strong to care, or too weak to handle it. She’s strong, but she’s affected. She’s shattered inside, and she’s handling it. A lot of us know what that’s like in ways people that haven’t experienced it never could. And as someone who finds therapy in being understood, in seeing my experiences in media, this scene was everything I needed.

On villainizing POC

This one has sparked a lot of valid discourse. Media has a really ugly history of telling society who is good and who is bad based on casting choices and always always always making the villains the POC, particularly MOC. It’s unconscious bias leading to more unconscious bias, teaching viewers that we shouldn’t trust POC bc they’re always the bad guy.

It’s a problem and every additional casting choice like this contributes to that problem. No show or movie is immune to it simply because they had a good reason, or even because they wanted to give a POC a job. Studios can give POC jobs by writing roles for them from the beginning, rather than slotting them into damaging stereotypes.

While I do acknowledge that it is unfair and in many ways problematic to deny an actor a role simply because of their race, aesthetics matter. There has to be some forethought in the casting choices regarding the message that choice will send. If the desire is to have more POC characters, then write more POC characters.

And that’s another way in which Roswell doesn’t really succeed with Noah. While there’s at least mention of Noah’s race on the show, he falls into the same category as Alex in that we never see his race expressed or lived. They cast a South Asian actor to play a raceblind role, which means they cast a POC actor to play a white role. POC characters have different stories than white characters - Roswell dropped the ball on giving us that with Noah.

Roswell does a lot right where it concerns race on this show, and it is refreshing that our POC villain is far from the only POC on the show. That said, I was taught something in college that I will never forget:  oppression is a moving sidewalk. In order to work against it, you cannot stand still (i.e. casting POC on both sides). You must actively walk the other direction in order to affect change.

Like with the issue of Isobel’s baited bisexuality, giving us amazing representation in one hand doesn’t change that you’re using the other to flick our ear.

On centering queer stories

*hugs myself in delight* This is a big one and is probably the aspect that Roswell gets the most right. Both in impact, screen time, and even in literal scene-splitting, Roswell again and again makes it clear that Michael & Alex’s love story is just as vital and central to this story as Max & Liz’s. They intercut their scenes at numerous points, and characters even within the show compare how similarly their stories have played out. The two relationships experience major milestones on the same day on more than one occasion.

Michael and Alex’s relationship has depth. It has conflict, it has history, it has heartbreak. There is tension and pain and softness and love. It has laughter and safe spaces; it has big gestures and powerful words. These two men who crash together and fly apart but whose whole beings seem to orient toward the other and who, at the end of the day, are willing to let themselves be destroyed for their love.

This queer love story playing out on season 1 of Roswell has more foundation, development, chemistry, and payoff than some of the most romanticised straight couples in media history. It’s been a week since the finale and I’m still just utterly in awe at what we’ve been given here. Roswell is absolutely succeeding in giving us thorough, relatable, meaningful queer representation with Michael and Alex. They are not holding back or sidelining or tokenizing. And they are following through on narrative promises instead of just baiting or relying on subtext. And that’s…. so fucking insanely satisfying to finally get to see.

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Ultimately, I’m far more happy with how the show treats its underrepresented identities and modern social issues than I am critical. Most of the content on this show is akin to looking in a mirror and seeing my own worldview reflected back. I am a queer progressive woman and a survivor, so many of these issues are personal for me.

But I’m also white, and my disabilities are not physical. As such, I am not and should not be the authority on some of these issues. I am more than open to feedback from those who feel I was either too harsh, or not harsh enough, where it concerns those issues.

But for now, this is essentially Chasing’s Progressive Review of Roswell New Mexico, Season 1. And now I’m gonna go roll around in meta and fanfic and gifsets for the next several months cuz I sure as hell ain’t done talking about this show.

[supergirlmelbenoist]

How Melissa Benoist got ripped for Supergirl

She's not a bird or a plane, and she's definitely not Superman! In 2015, Krypton refugee Kara Zor-El — aka Kara Danvers — threw aside her glasses and donned her family's S-shaped crest to follow in her cousin's footsteps and give National City its very own superhero on the CW's Supergirl. Back then, Melissa Benoist — the actress playing both Supergirl the superpowered alien and Kara the shy personal assistant — was best known to TV fans for her role as sweet newcomer Marley Rose on two seasons of Glee, and she also had a small role in Best Picture-nominated Whiplash.

Taking the lead of a show — especially one with such a strong legacy on-screen and off — was a big step up for Benoist, both performance-wise and also physically. So how did she get ripped for the role? Well, Benoist said that landing the part meant stepping up her workouts, not just because we tend to take our superheroes with six-pack abs and toned biceps, but so that she could keep up with the action. The self-described pacifist and musical theater nerd suddenly found herself learning how to throw a punch and how to fly. So here's how Melissa Benoist toughened up to play Supergirl, at the gym, in her fight scenes, and high up on the wires.

She made it through a full-on audition process

Obviously the CW couldn't cast just anyone as Supergirl, which meant that Melissa Benoist had to go through a rigorous audition process before she got anywhere close to landing the role. The wait was made even more excruciating because, according to Benoist, "I believe I was the first girl they saw." That first audition was in October 2014, and it was just the start. In 2015, she told Entertainment Weekly, "It was a long, drawn-out, three-month process. I auditioned around Halloween 2014 and then didn't land the part until February 2015. I went through multiple screen-tests, multiple auditions with the producing team. There was a lot."

During that extensive audition process, Variety reported that Benoist found a champion in producer Greg Berlanti. "Greg championed me the whole time and was in my corner," Benoist remembered. "Even when I didn't think the part was mine, he was always rooting for me. That support goes a long way, especially when I'm fighting for something I want so badly. His belief in me really touched me." Berlanti echoed the sentiment, saying, "If we had not found her, I would have said, 'I don't want to make this.'"

The first episode aired almost a year after that first audition, on October 26, 2015, and since then, Benoist has seen hundreds of kids in their own versions of her costume. "Every Halloween there are quite a bit of Supergirls," she told Jimmy Kimmel, so it was worth the wait.

Melissa Benoist worked on her core strength

While comic book titans DC and Marvel have both made noise about introducing more diversity to their products, one thing that all superheroes have in common are incredible abs. Benoist's Supergirl is no exception. She told Entertainment Weekly that to prepare for the role, she did "some boxing, strength training, and a lot of core work." At Comic-Con, she said that her workouts included Pilates, boxing, and plyometrics.

If you've never had cause to get into superhero shape, you might be wondering what fresh hell plyometrics are. As Healthine explains, plyometrics involve exerting your body to its maximum ability for a short period of time — for example, by jumping — to improve strength, speed, and power. They're a pretty advanced form of exercise, as Benoist found out! On CBS's This Morning, she explained, "I did quite a bit of training. We did this stuff called plyometrics, which is like jump training. And all of it was really hard — just hard things!"

And the core work isn't just to look good. As Benoist added, the core work comes in handy when you're doing the flying stunts. "I'm up on a wire," she said, "and you have to hold your entire body weight so there's a lot of training involved."

Work is a workout on Supergirl

Melissa Benoist wasn't the only cast member who had to up her workout intensity to give the action sequences the effort they deserved. Chyler Leigh, who plays Kara's adoptive sister Alex, said that the actors work really hard with the stunt coordinators to get the fight scenes just right. And those action-packed days are full-on workouts in their own right. "When we do fight scenes, we're working out for six hours, just doing the same thing," she told CBS. "We are burnt for the next few days. I think that's really where I get my caloric burn count."

Even when they aren't shooting, Leigh and Benoist try to use those periods of waiting around that happen on the set of a TV show to stay in shape. "Melissa and I try to do as much as we possibly can," Leigh said. "In my trailer, I've got resistance bands and medicine balls and things like that. I try to do it in between, but we have very little downtime." The two on-screen sisters also have a shared interest in the same workout. "I love Pilates," Leigh told CBS. "It gives such a good core foundation. When I can go, it's awesome." And you thought TV sets were all craft services and hanging out in trailers.

Melissa Benoist learned to fight from the best

Thos Robinson/Getty Images Another crucial element of being a superhero is being able to kick butt convincingly. This didn't come naturally to Benoist, who confessed to the Chicago Tribune, "I had never punched anyone! I maybe slapped my sisters when I was a kid, but I'm not an aggressive, violent person, and I had no idea how to throw a punch." To help her find her inner fighter, Benoist took up boxing. "I definitely had to learn technique. Like how to actually punch someone and not hurt yourself more than you're hurting the person you're punching. And so boxing was part of it," she told InStyle.

Fortunately for Benoist, she had access to excellent tutors. In addition to the stunt team, former karate and kickboxing world champion Lexi Alexander (pictured above) directed an episode in the first season. Having worked on Supergirl's fellow Arrowverse show Arrow, Alexander said she was excited to work on a story about a female superhero. "I realized that this is the first time I'm choreographing and directing a fight scene for a female lead. I did some fight directing for a woman here and there … but for a female lead? I've never directed a female lead in an action," she told Den of Geek.

Her directing stint was short, but Alexander said that she pushed her star "to the next level of fight choreography," and that "they've now changed [Benoist's] fight style from [Alexander's] episode onward." Benoist might still be more lover than fighter at heart, but we wouldn't challenge her.

She does (some of) her own stunts on Supergirl

Believe it or not, it really is Benoist doing some of those hair-raising stunts on the show. The actress told Variety that she likes to get involved with the action when she can, saying, "I have been doing a lot [of stunts], and I want to keep doing them. Already I've fought a male on the show. Supergirl's fight moves are boxing. She's really heavy-handed. There's some flying that involves kicking and punching mid-flight that's kind of awesome."

However, not everyone was thrilled with Benoist's hands-on approach to fights. Her mom, Julie, told her that she found it difficult to watch her daughter's fight scenes, especially against men. But Julie Benoist needn't have worried. Benoist knows her limits, and she's heaped praise on her stunt doubles. In 2015, she said of stunts, "I think they're so fun. There are some that I just can't — I really could get injured. … My stunt double is amazing. She was Jen Garner's on Alias and Buffy's. She's all over the place, and she's so cool. I wish people could see what they go through. It's insane."

Benoist's stunt double in 2015 was Shauna Duggins, whose resume includes Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the recent Star Trek movies, and 2000's Charlie's Angels (as well as many other movies and shows.) After doing 20 episodes of Supergirl, Duggins went on to work as stunt coordinator for shows including Ray Donovan, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and GLOW. She's a real-life superwoman.

She likes to get out of the gym

Although Benoist diligently puts in her hours in the gym, the Colorado-raised actress is happier getting her exercise in the great outdoors. Her Instagram shows photos of her hiking with her husband (and Supergirl co-star), Chris Wood, and their dogs, Farley and Drift. She also recalled being jealous when she found out what her co-star and Supergirl predecessor, Helen Slater, was doing to get in shape.

After Benoist recounted the boxing and core work she was doing to Slater, "She gave me this look, and I was like, 'Why, what did they have you do?'" Benoist told Entertainment Weekly. "'Oh, I went horseback riding, and fencing and doing some archery, and I was swimming.' She went through this whole gamut of awesome outdoor activities that I would love to do to train." Speaking to E! Online, Benoist said of Slater's exercise regime, "She was on trampolines a lot and dancing and prancing and doing all these cool activities for training. I wish I had that much fun."

The conflicting training schedules aren't coming between the two actresses. Benoist added to EW, "Also, she's just so kind and such a sweet, sweet woman. That's really what I've learned from her. She really is a super girl. I'm so honored that I'm following in her footsteps." She'll just have to wait for a filming break to take a hike.

Melissa Benoist has a dance background

Glee was not Benoist's first experience with musical theater. She told Jimmy Kimmel that she did "tap, ballet, and jazz class at four years old" and children's theater, even performing at Disneyland. "In front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle, we sang a Stephen Sondheim medley where my solo was 'Send in the Clowns,'" she recalled. She also studied ballet, although she wasn't a perfect student. "All the years I took ballet class … I was the one kid in class who the teacher was always like, 'Urgh, her turn-out,' and, 'She is not standing up straight,'" Benoist told Kimmel. She did better with another form of dance. In a video for Glamour, she said, "I have a secret superpower — that I can tap dance," and she demonstrated to prove her point.

That dance training comes in handy on the set of Supergirl — and not just for Benoist's part in the musical crossover episode of The Flash. Benoist said that her dance background helps her with the wire work and even the fight sequences. "With the wire work and flying, even the choreography, I grew up dancing, so that kind of came like it would if I were learning a dance routine," she told the Chicago Tribune. Plus, it keeps her and the crew entertained between takes.

She learned how to fly (well, on wires)

Melissa Benoist's favorite thing about her superhero role is exactly what you'd expect: the chance to fly. When Jimmy Kimmel asked about the best part of playing Supergirl, Benoist said, "I mean, I get to fly!" Upon further questioning, she acknowledged, "I mean it's hard work, I'm essentially attached to a fork in the air." She also told Variety just how hard it was and how she prepared, saying, "The wire work for training is mostly core work. It's mostly ab-centric — the whole area of the body that nobody wants to work out. You have to get strong. You have to carry your whole body weight when you're up in the air."

However, it's worth all the working out. "The wire work is really difficult, but so fun. And when you get it right, watching the result is exhilarating," Benoist told People. "It's a really, really cool feeling to know what it felt like, the energy I had to exert to create those flying scenes. And then the way they look is really rewarding."

Benoist got some help perfecting her flying technique. When Kimmel asked how she figured out Supergirl's flying style, she said, "There's this sort of superhero physicality school that you kind of have to go to — at least we did on the DC shows — where the stunt team will teach you to walk like a superhero. … They're awesome and they've really helped me." And that's how to look fly in spandex.

Benoist eats healthy, but she's not a dieter

All of that working out and on-set action builds up an appetite. But as a female superhero who's expected to squeeze into a spandex suit every day and have the muscles to beat up bad guys without actually looking bulked up, Benoist can't go to town on craft services. Fortunately, she's pretty into fruits and vegetables anyway. "I love supermarkets, I love grocery shopping, I love the produce aisle, because to be super you have to be healthy," she told Glamour. "And I would probably stock up on all the fruits. I love fruit."

However, she isn't about to totally deprive herself of comfort foods. In the same Glamour interview, she said, "If I could supersize any food it would be [an] ice cream Drumstick, vanilla caramel. They're so good." In 2016, she told the Chicago Tribune that she was excited to attend that year's Chicago Comic-Con and Entertainment Expo (aka C2E2) because she wanted to check out the city's restaurants. As she explained, "I've heard the food scene is incredible, and I'm a foodie, so I can't wait to go out and eat."

Benoist also said that her own partiality to the occasional junk food splurge inspired the writers to add it into her character's personality. "I love junk food, I love doughnuts, and they put that in there quite a bit," she said, laughing. "There are these doughnuts all the time." This diet sounds super.

She got ripped to show women being tough

Kevin Winter/Getty Images One reason Melissa Benoist was so invested in making sure her character could be physically impressive was because she wanted to inspire other women to feel strong and powerful. In an essay for Time, she wrote, "I think the more the show goes on, the more you see this fierceness and what women are really capable of. It puts [Supergirl] on this equal playing field. … That's so meaningful to me to help children understand that girls can have just as much fun as their male counterparts in the superhero world. It's about confidence and hope, and Supergirl really embodies all of that."

Even though Benoist also wrote that she grew up in "this really strong, feminine family," she told the Chicago Tribune, "I didn't really believe that I could be that character or play a superhero. It's something I never thought of myself as doing, but I just knew I had to go for it because there's so few female superheroes and just strong females that fight back and do it with grace and do it with love." She's also said that she didn't want the character to be a female version of male superheroes, saying, "What I think is cool is to try to bring kind of a femininity to her strength. … I do like the idea of bringing in like a grace to it. And a fluidity and kind of this femininity to flying. It's fun." In other words, Melissa Benoist is out here bringing new meaning to (Super)girl power.

[doctorcolubra]

This is a day late for International Women’s Day but under the cut, please enjoy me telling my wife about two Byzantine empresses (sisters!) who hated each other but hated men and/or the world even more: Zoe and Theodora Porphyrogenita. Pretend it’s a transcript from your favourite podcast hosts!

(That’s Zoe on the right, pictured with her very good friend Jesus and one of her useless husbands)

Tal: so the sisters are Zoe (the hot one) and Theodora (the ugly one), and their dad keeps trying to marry them off to other rulers but nothing's working out, and he eventually just gives up and leaves them to rot in the women's quarters together for like, most of their adult life Tal: no one really knows why but they started to haaaaaaate each other Tal: Dad dies, and the two sisters are the only heirs to the dynasty, so now the whole court is trying to marry them off to local Byzantine aristocrats Clare: "NO FUCK YOU" Tal: the mayor of Constantinople is the big pick, but Theo is like "a) he's already married and b) he's my third cousin, so no" and Zoe says "yeah whatever I'll marry him" Tal: the mayor (Romanos Argyros) has his wife have an "accident" and he's free Clare: oh fuckin what Clare: this clown over here like "idk what happened, she just slipped and fell down forty-seven flights of my steps that are inset with jewels" Tal: Zoe now accuses Theo of conspiring against her, and has her dragged off into a monastery against her will Clare: WAIT A MONASTERY FOR A WOMAN WHAT Tal: but Zoe is like, almost 50, and she's trying to conceive but she CAN'T, she's trying potions and charms and shit, OH YEAH monastery is the term for both men and women in the East, a lot of the time Tal: Byzantines loooved to force people into taking vows Clare: OKAY CONTINUE Clare: (I know next to nothing about the Byzantine Empire actually so this is great) Tal: so Zoe can't get pregnant and Romanos is tired of her, so she's furious and starts fucking a servant, really flagrantly in front of everybody Clare: ride 'em cowboy Tal: Romanos goes "k" and takes his own mistress Clare: well at least he didn't "accident" Zoe I guess (YET) Tal: but then people start saying (correctly) that Zoe and her new boytoy want to kill him, and he is "concerned" but doesn't really do anything about it, he's kind of a weak dude Clare: he sounds like a real champ from what you've said, defs Tal: so Zoe and her lover drown him in the bathtub Clare: YESSSS Clare: GET SOME ZOE Tal: NOW plot twist, the servant loverboy's eunuch brother is the chamberlain of the palace, and he's this Machiavellian character, John Orphanotrophos Tal: with his brother fucking the empress, John is like OH BOY HERE'S MY CHANCE Tal: so as soon as his brother (Michael) is married to Zoe, John's like "okay uh let's...put her somewhere, she is not the most reliable lady" Clare: in a monastery Tal: NOT YET Michael puts her back in the women's quarters for now, where she conspires against the dudes in vain Clare: Michael u dum Tal: BUT Michael is epileptic and pretty soon his health is failing, John's basically running the empire from behind the scenes Clare: jesus christ Tal: his brother's dying, so John gets his nephew lined up to be the next emperor, and when Zoe protests, boom, monastery Clare: (WHERE IS THEO IN ALL THIS) Tal: THEO'S COMIN Tal: so Zoe's been sworn in at the monastery on an island, but the people of Constantinople decide they don't care for that, and they fuckin RIOT Clare: YEAAAAHHHHHH Tal: the mob dethrones John's relative and demands ZOE AND THEODORA BACK IN TOWN Clare: i just wanna imagine all of them screaming like frat dudes, YEAAAAHHHHHHH Tal: Zoe tries to make it all about her and send Theo back to HER monastery Tal: but the people ain't having it Clare: EXCUSE YOU LADY YOU JUST GOT A REPRIEVE HDU Tal: Theo demands that the emperor be blinded (Byzantines loooved to blind people) and have HIM sent to a monastery, and I think at the same time they also get rid of John by blinding him and castrating all his male relatives Clare: I KNEW THE BLINDING THING WEIRDLY ENOUGH Clare: that shit made it into [Mormon] scripture someplace or something, I knew that one BUT JESUS Y'ALL ARE SO SAVAGE Tal: HELLA so the Orthodox have a rule that you can only marry twice, you can't be a black widow for too long over there Tal: Zoe and Theo need husbands for heirs and they don't want to fuck it up this time Clare: oh god I'm so afraid Tal: Zoe wants this one dude who she had a broken engagement with yeeeeears ago, but then she meets him again and she's like "you know what I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE" and scratches him off the list Tal: she tries another former fling, but he gets mysteriously poisoned by his wife, like "NOT GONNA DIVORCE ME FOR THE EMPRESS, BITCH" Clare: and then Zoe marries that wife Clare: because they would rule Clare: ...sorry I just made that up GO ON Tal: she finally finds a guy who's supposed to have been "handsome and urbane", and at this point I want to mention that all three of these men were named Constantine Clare: JESUS ZOE Clare: BRANCH OUT Tal: she marries him, he becomes Emperor, Zoe is still Empress but also so is Theo, and there are already court factions breaking out between them Clare: also she over 50, whh Clare: how is babby formed Tal: right, like girl IT AIN'T HAPPENING Tal: HOWEVER Constantine #3 wants to bring a fourth into their polycule Clare: k ya big weirdo Tal: he has a long-standing mistress named Maria and he demands that she be allowed to go everywhere with them and have a title of her own and all this shit Clare: "this isn't enough drama I WANT MORE OF IT MORE OF THE DRAMA" Tal: "The 64-year-old Zoë did not object to sharing her bed and her throne with Maria Skleraina." Clare: the 64-year-old Zoe had a li'l boner for Maria Skleraina neh Tal: so idk maybe she was cool with it but the public thought it was kinda weird, so now there are rumours that Maria wants to poison BOTH Zoe and Theo Tal: so there is another riot Tal: Constantinople does not take shit lying down Clare: that's what we do in our spare time btw, all of us women with husbands and no jobs Clare: we think about poisoning Clare: everything Clare: everyone Tal: I mean I get it Clare: (poisoning someone is the bitchiest move in history and I love it every time GO ON) Tal: that was basically it for Zoe, she let her husband have the power and she focused herself on developing a line of beauty products Clare: ....you're fucking with me Tal: “Zoë recognised her own beauty and its use as a tool of statecraft. Attempting to maximise and prolong its effect she had a variety of creams and treatments prepared in the gynaeceum, and was said to have carried out experiments attempting to improve their efficacy. She operated a cosmetics laboratory in her rooms in the palace, where perfumes and unguents were constantly being prepared. Psellus reports that her face looked youthful into her sixties.” Clare: YOU WERE NOT FUCKING WITH ME Clare: I'M SCREAMING Tal: RIGHT Tal: now after Zoe died, Theo wasn't done yet Clare: you know what I want tho, you know what I want Clare: I want Theo to be poisoned by one of Zoe's neck creams Tal: IT DID NOT HAPPEN, ALAS Clare: just standing over her as she dies like THIS IS THE LONG CON, SISTER MINE Tal: Zoe died first (of presumably natural causes) and Theo basically made the dudes recognise her not as empress but as EMPEROR Clare: oh gosh I like her Tal: she got the senate and the imperial guard on her side Clare: oh I like her so much Tal: and then SHE PURGED Clare: that is such a power move that is such a Cersei Lannister move oh my god Tal: all the officials she didn't trust, all the guys that were being suggested for her position instead of her, DISMISSED AND EXILED Clare: BOOOOOM Tal: she was 76 but she gathered all the power in her own hands as much as she could, she showed up in the senate every day and judged cases herself, she was not here to play Clare: that is fucking fantastic Clare: I wanna marry her Tal: she did finally die but she refused to get married and refused to even name an heir because she knew THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU, and only on her deathbed did she kind of nod like "I guess" to appoint some civil servant as emperor Tal: who nobody liked but they thought he was easy to control Clare: BOSS ASS BITCH Tal: YUP Clare: aaaaaaamazing Tal: and that is the story of Zoe and Theo, the end Clare: I LOVE THEM

[kosmicdream]

Hi I’m Kosmic. I draw webcomics and my webcomics are really long sprawling huge cast ones that will go on for years and they’re non linear and all this stuff that makes ppls heads spin when they try to explain wtf they’re about. I ask myself this question a lot: How the fuck do I maintain this motivation for continuing projects that are honestly, probably bigger than i can possibly feasibly create??? How do i avoid swallowed up by anxiety of my own creations???? is that energy going to run out at any time? should i be worried?? Well! For some reason I... don’t? like i get winded sometimes but in the end, I actually quite like what i do and I don’t care that it takes literally years to make my stories. but when I step back and look at it objectively it does make me scratch my head and wonder how i came to be in this situation. So, sometimes i  try and write a few things that help me with understanding my own process, for whatever reason. Or at least I’ll TRY to articulate some of the things i seem to tell myself again and again that help me feel very comfortable with my writing/creating process. So if you want an insight into tips that i give myself.. this is that! 

TIP #1 - Everything you Plan will take longer than you planned, but you can make it easier by unexpectedly including information you might have otherwise withheld.

Secrets are cool in your stories. I have so many of them, but I also understand that they’re much more fun to share than to always keep locked up and out of knowledge. I often overshare to the point where ‘info dumping’ happens which is often considered an unattractive quality in comics. But IDM it so much because my comics just need to be drawn and you can’t glorify and hold every flaw over your shoulders when in the end its not going to be that big of a deal. I think its better to give out more information than finding reasons to bend around a story to avoid revealing things. I feel it might even be more obvious if you attempt to do that.

Also, I feel that everything planned in a story can happen quite quickly, and feel much shorter than actually drawing it. Even with the experience ive gained, i still am surprised just by how much i must throw out to make my long scenes shorter and snappier. even then, they are still really long scenes. I don’t mind doing this, I like to make my stories this way- but ive also designed my comic to serve this pace by making my pages less intensive physically to make. I’m not going to go in depth about this as ive already discussed this many times before, but I do think its important to understand that generally, a commitment to a comic is going to be bigger and longer than it appears in your mind or even on paper as a script or thumbnails.

(my comic eggshells, for example, was originally going to be 340ish pages long. but back then, my pacing was much different-- and my pages were generally twice as wide with around 15 panels per page..sometimes more. but i would over-render and make them hard to read, and now i draw very few panels per page and my comics are much ‘longer’ in page count.)

TIP #2

-Accept that your ideas are bigger than what you can draw and enjoy the private context and history of your work without feeling like its less accomplished for not being all out there. Validate yourself but also understand that your readers are not going to understand the depth from your perspective and they will be engaging with the view they’ve been exposed to.

This is kind of a complicated one but I think that its both humbling to accept your work as this multi layered experiences of contradicting perspectives.. theres the planning and your engagement with the goals, the work of translating your creation to others and the vulnerable exposure of these ideas to the audience. As the creator, you get to see things in a very unique way that no one else can but... the one feeling you will never get to see is the audience who has no idea what will happen next. You can anticipate it, but in the end its so vast and unpredictable that it will be impossible to judge what they ALL will FEEL and sometimes? their perceptions can alter your own enjoyment of your work. I guarantee it will change it in SOME way.. that’s part of the sacrifice.

TIP #3

-Allowing change, flexibility and growth into your series- and letting go of control over all facets of it.

As time goes on things just change. Its hard to accommodate or prepare for that kind of investment in your work when you feel like you havent even gotten through the starting gates of your story. Comics are particularly difficult for that because once you draw a thing, it takes time to edit and you cant really undo and go back. Each panel informs and builds on the next. You have to use what’s there and figure out how it can be a structure for the future.

Accepting the past that has helped create the situation and platform of your comic in the present, which will lead into the future. Personally, i’m not a fan of retconing* certain decisions that have been already made into the canon-- however, i think if a new conclusion or idea is discovered in the process of writing and it works to include because it creates a new and alive energy in the work that will help push it to the next stage.. i think that’s very helpful and useful for sustaining the growth and motivation in a story. Making choices like this can be tricky, however, but even small ones can give a lot of natural growth and flexibility in the comic. The problem can often come with letting go of that unseen, unrealized version we had intended. I know for myself, i can get very nostalgically attached to old ideas but-- if i think of something better that works or makes more sense, I’m always thankful to let go and let my stories grow into a better thing. I try to remember where it came from, however. Because that helps inform me where to go.

(*generally my definition for this is altering events of the past, certain core plans of the comic, character motivations, or facts that are connected to the worldbuilding. im kind of a hoarder so once its in the story aka on a specific page-- its not going anywhere. until then things can be up in the air. for example, the characters knife and spoon were not originally intended to be mutually in love and it was more of a one sided idol worship, but as i fleshed their characters out i realized that it was mutual and it changed and altered the story because of that. now it cannot/will not be “undone” for whatever reason bc this is.. an established fact in the story. but at one point, it was not! i hope that makes sense.)

SO TO SUMMARIZE... plans will always be “”bigger”” in the ever expansive space of your mind so also dont be afraid to get to the point sometimes even if it feels a little, like. less exciting than you thought? accept your story is going to be different for YOU vrs your audience and make peace with that disconnect even tho its disorienting + upsetting sometimes & accommodate the ~natural personal and artistic growth~ you will experience and let go of things that might be holding you or your work back from improving with you. but also dont try to cut out too much of the past because.. it is what helped you get to where you are right now? focus on the present & allow growth for the future, dont try to alter the past and pretend it didnt happen. bc that will be confusing as fuck for everyone involved and also probably hurt the story more than help it. esp if its a long one. ur building a tower dont pull out too many foundational blocks and try to make it too much of something else unless its growing there on its own.. u kno? 

When I try to write these tips these are just things I find myself doing in a cycle as i create that seem to keep re igniting my passion for my story again and again. It makes me curious because it also is a very instinctual thing so I thought I might try and write it out!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY.

ALSO some bonus thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I will say that I’ve never completed a long format comic series, so take it w/ a grain of salt imo. HOWEVER...I probably will, eventually. Even if I don’t, I do enjoy writing really big ones and I feel very happy with the work i do on them! and still feel no inclination to move onto other things. Or even when I work on other things, I don’t have a feeling of dropping a story entirely. (for example, i still intend to work on my older series eggshells and don’t really feel a desire to ‘quit’ that story even when i have matured as an author/artist since starting it.)

When I read really long comic series I wonder a lot of internal decisions that happen out of sight, since the timeline of a comic that you read is so much different than the timeline it takes actually creating the thing. its so easy to write/plan/form ideas for lifetimes of work that will never be realized, so what is it that we actually get in the pages? What aspects of this author are we actually seeing? how much have they grown since beginning and what about the story we will never know? I know I’ll never know, because, I am only the reader! And as the creator, I will never know what the feeling of my work as the reader. or the cool and interesting things they predict will happen based on their perseptions, which are so different from mine. Yet!! we are all engaged in the same story unfolding, never fully discovering what its like on the other side but only getting little glimpses and thats fascinating how a story is almost this vast illusion of experiences maintained by so many different minds. 

Long format comics captivate me because they are just, really time consuming to make and the pacing of them are so different and less consumable than other stories. They like become.. this place you live in! Why are they my favorite to enjoy even when its natural that, when a story becomes longer, its going to end up attracting more & more issues? Why do i Not care about resolutions to long stories sometimes bc my expectations for them are different?? (also lets face it, experience writing long stories is going to be different than writing short ones because it takes time to write longer things & we are not going to have as much experienc having more than one completed super long multi-act-multi-characterplot story vrs a bunch of smaller ones. it doesnt mean its EASIER to write shorter ones, if anything id argue its probably much harder to write good short things + isolate a story down to that focused vision than making tons of long ones that avoid endings) but..yet!! here i am...

why am i constantly drawn to trying to understand long format stories when I probably could improve faster by writing shorter things??! i dont really know! but i follow my heart and my heart likes to do things this way......

anyway, this entire post is mostly inspired by the fact that many of my favorite stories started before i was even born or have been going on for decades and i wonder if we’ll ever read the endings to many of them.... would it.. matter? they’ve already inspired me so much even without a resolution because i can imagine my own endings to things.. but in the end that is not what happened in the actual story. it was only in my mind.. and yet it never happened, and was an illusion unknown to anyone but myself.....and sometimes my favorite stories are my favorites because of the things i imagined them to be, rather than what they actually were or how they actually turned out.. i dont know how this happens..... but i wonder about what this means with my OWN comics, and how my perceptions of what they could be vrs what they are is like, this weird illusion that also exists only in my mind and no one else can see it. yet we are both looking at the same thing. and i want to know what others see and i never will get to??? ....stories are......... so fucking spooky!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! ok thats all. thx for reading

[birdie7272]

Life.

The short version.  Very to the point. 

haha. I’m not capable.  This was as short as I could go.

TL;DR at the bottom

Nov 2019 - I was passed over for a promotion by someone who had been working there a lot less time than me and less qualified.  Why?  Diversity.  They needed a man to be manager.  Also because one of the other managers, someone who I had believed to be my friend, took things I said outside of work when we were drinking in her apartment -misunderstood venting for actual complaints- and spread horrible HORRIBLE rumors about me to the staff and my boss’ boss.  For her, this was nothing.  She never saw complaining about me to the staff as an issue (thinking venting and rumours were different).  To this day she does not understand how much the staff love her and will do ANYTHING for her.  If she hates someone, EVERYONE hates that person. 

Hate being a strong word.  She didn’t hate me.  We just didn’t vibe.  Different styles of managing/different personalities.  She manages by being friends with the staff under her.  It works for her but it is dangerous.  Such as calling me such a bitch.  Everyone now thinks I am a bitch.  Even if they know me better or do not know me at all.

To give you an idea.  After this hand happened, months after, she came to me crying because she didn’t understand what happened between us.  She thought I was one of her closest friends.  Yeah.  She talked shit about me but she thought that was fine.  I thought she was my closest too.  Owch all around.  Spoiler: we talk it out but we dont’ go back to being friends.

Dec 2019 - I am then moved to work under the man promoted over me.  At the store the former friend/manager JUST moved out of. AKA I moved to the store with a staff full of people who HATED ME.  And they were not afraid to let me know it.

The manager knows how upset I am, vows to try and make me as happy working under him as possible.  I don’t blame him.  He wanted a promotion.  He took the opportunity.  He says he’ll try and get the staff on my side.

2020 - I become friends with this manager.  We talk about everything.  We only hang out at work but due to COVID we are the only two people.  Everyone else laid off.  We become very close.  We don’t want to mix seeing each other outside of work with work and that’s fine with me!

Safe topics for him are sex and drugs and those taboo topics that make you feel close to someone.  Politics, gay rights, woman’s rights, poc rights.  Food, cleaning, blah blah.  You get it.

When it comes to work tho.  I’m not happy.  I was promised (as much as one can) that I would be the manager of the next store opening Summer 2020.  I find out through someone else (not my boss or my boss’ boss) that this store is not opening due to COVID. 

My depression has always been something I battle.  December was rough.  Then with COVID and learning my promotion was not going to happen this year (my boss’ boss asking me to stick it out b/c who knew what would happen?).  My thoughts go to self harm and suicide.  Never would I do it.  But I have reoccurring fantasies of other people doing it for me (car crash, work injury, etc).

My depression gets really really really bad.  The worst its been in 5 years.  I go to work, come home, go to bed.  That’s all.  I can’t do anything else.  For a weeks on weeks.

I have a partner.  He has been bless to not have to deal with someone like me before or deal with this state himself.  Which is great in a way.  We can’t be mad at people for not feeling our misery.  However, it does mean he does not know how to help me.  He tries his best but... well.  You know. 

I opened up to my boss about it.  My boyfriend did not know about my suicidal thoughts, but he did.  Just to let you know how close I was to him.

June 2020- I apply for a new job.  Clearly I need a change.  My boss offers up his recommendation if I need it. 

I don’t get it b/c I put my foot in my mouth during the interview.  I accidentally let them know I was leaving, basically, because I was promised a promotion (twice now) and did not get it b/c of COIVD.  (I didn’t mention it was twice and that the first time was b/c of rumours from a misunderstanding with a friend at work situation).  The interviewer was not happy with that! “We don’t know if a manager spot will be available next year.  How do I know you won’t just leave here?”  -- fair.  But I couldn’t exactly tell her the real reasons!

I talk to my boss’ boss to let her know how I’ve been feeling.  Roughly.  Mostly just that I feel like I don’t have a future at the company.  She’s upset.  She never meant to make me feel that way.  We restart the plan to make me manager next.

This is when I start to realize my relationship with my boss (the man) is not working.  We’re friends, sure.  But I realize that every time I try and talk to him about managing/improving the store/ways to improve sales/ WORK stuff.... he does not want to talk about it.  Any idea I have gets shot down and his reason is “our store is fine”.  Yes.  It was fine.  But it could be great!  I want it to be great.

Every time I’ve asked him for feedback on my job performance, he says I’m doing everything great.  That he doesn’t know what those rumours about me being a bitch were about.  I’m great at my job and am doing a great job and should keep it up!  

I feel re-inspired.  I’m talking to a therapist again.  I have my boss’ boss supporting me for my promotion (only between me and one other woman -outside hire but she does have more retail and managing experience than me so tough competition).  And most of the staff who hated me are gone.  Turnover high due to COVID and also b/c the company was bought out a year before and people no longer stick around since they went corporate.

I am much more productive at work!  I start going back to managing more.  Competitions, fun stuff, new ideas, more productive learnings, etc.  The new staff and I get along great.  Lots of work done!

Which is when I realize exactly how much I”m doing.  I’m doing my boss’ job.  All of it.  Stuff I don’t need to do.  I have been all year.  I know it was because I was a ‘manager in training’.  But I’ve already learned how to do operational stuff.  I’m doing his job.  What is he doing??  Wow.  I realize he’s not doing anything.  Even managing the staff.  I’m the one coaching and motivating and giving feedback.  When I’m not around, the staff tells me he does nothing.  When I am there, he’s asking me what he should be doing.  He refers to me as the ‘real’ manager and that he’s just the face.  ALL THE TIME.  I suddenly realize (thank you therapy and unbiased pov) that this has been our dynamic since I moved under him. 

Why do I Let him do this?  We’re friends.  I forgive him.  He has anxiety.  He’s threatened by me.  He knows I could do his job.  He wants to keep me happy so he doesn’t lose me because I’m the one doing his job!  Of course.  Well I love the job so I can keep doing it, right?

Ignore the fact that he makes 10,000 more a year than me.  I’m getting that promotion next so.   My boss’ boss -in a talk with her and my boss- tells me that I am 100% the next manager according to her.     Yup!  It’s FINEEEEEEeeeeeeee.....

Then.  He talks about MY sex life to one of the staff.  One of the new girls that works under me. 

My sex life is a whole ‘nother thing.  It does not exist.  He doesn’t understand that.  I don’t understand it either.  I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years but we haven’t had sex since... six months into the relationship.  It’s why I opened up to him about it.  That’s actually something I really need to find someone to talk to about so... will do that at some point!  sure. 

NOT COOL.  I found out about this through deductive reasoning actually.  The coworker asked me about my sex life which I NEVER brought up to her before.  She asked me if I even had sex.  NO ONE would ask me that.  EVER.  I’m not a bitch but I am a bit of a hardass.  No one would ask me that out of the blue.

Then my boss said something about regretting what he says when his anxiety makes him panic.  Okay.  Yup.  I can put two and two together.

I wait.

He comes to me a few days later and admits what he did.  I told him I already had forgiven him because I did.  His anxiety is bad.  I get it.

I thought I did.  But he did exactly what the other manager did back in 2019.  Made me feel like I could open up and then gossiped about me to the staff.  Worse, he knew that’s what happened before.  He saw me crying for weeks over it.  He was my shoulder to cry on about it.  Now he did it to me. 

I’m suddenly no longer cool with being friends and doing his job.  What am I getting out of this?

Sept 2020 - I go to another manager for advice.  She’s older, mature, and is not my manger’s boss so she can’t get him in trouble.  She tells me this is so NOT OKAY and that I should have come out with this stuff much sooner and that I need to talk to our boss.   My boss’ boss.  The one that’s been working with me.  We have a great relationship.  She’s my boss’ boss but she won’t just fire him or tell him I went to her about this. 

I ask her for a call, she’s busy, so she calls me when I’m next working.  Same day I’m working with my boss.  He -being paranoid and anxiety ridden- freaks out when I take the call in the office.  He keeps coming back, as does the other employee (Same one he gossiped to).  I get frustrated and half tell my boss what’s going on -it’s messy and not at all how I planned to talk to her- but I get the main points out.  My boss fucked up not only with that gossip but in some other ways that affect the company and I can’t keep pretending everything is fine.  I don’t want him fired or anything but I know he can do better and I want to help.  This is all true too!  B/c while I”m hurt I do understand and I do want him to do better.  I want his job and I hate watching someone do the job I love and not give a shit but I don’t want it b/c I get him fired.  WHELP.  One of those times he came back to the office, he called his phone via his smartwatch and listened to my half of the messy convo from the bathroom.

I have the real convo in my car during my lunch break, pretending to call my mom.  He says some stuff to me that makes it apparent he was eavesdropping.

We have a big talk.  I tell him exactly what I want.  I want to take a step back from doing his job because I have been doing it.  I want to give him the chance to actually manage.  Tell me what to do.  Anything you want, I will do it.  But I also want to take a step back from being friends.  Trust broken.  He’s upset.  We’re both crying.  He wants to make it up to me.  Hates breaking my trust and what we had.  I say it’s not forever but I just need to get back to that point.  We can be friends again.

Things are a bit messy at first.  I hate being unproductive at work.  I know how much there is to do.  But I can do it! 

He cannot.  He freaks out at how much his job actually entails.  I didn’t know it yet but he was already looking for a new job.  We have some disagreements and it’s odd to not talk about our personal lives but we make it work.  A bit awkward but that’s okay.  I work on other projects and he takes over operations again. 

Fri - Then he puts in his two weeks.  I am genuinely upset because we are friends!  And we’ve been working in each other’s laps almost a year.  He gets a job that he loves tho and he says I’ll be getting his so everyone is happy! 

Sat - We talk about the next steps.  I tell him I don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing him out but I want his advice on the transition b/c I respect his opinion.  He says he knows/he’s fine with it.  We talk about being friends/hanging out when he’s at his new job.  He says he’ll do everything to ensure I’m the next manager.

Tue- I come into work unhappy but try to be happy.  There was a holiday manger call and I’m concerned b/c I wasn’t on it.  However my boss’ boss told me she already put my name in for the promotion and all it needed was a stamp of approval.  She told me that as long as nothing dramatic happened, I would get it.  Told my boss this and he was supportive.  We talked about one of the new girls’ training and I mentioned I wanted to take it over.  My boss was unhappy about this (he loves training) but he was leaving and he knew it.  I take over the call b/c he has it on his phone on earbuds.  However he’s texting his boyfriend angrily.  I can sense he was upset by this but based on saturday’s convo I know he’ll remember and be fine.  I plan to talk to him before he leaves but give him some space. 

The power goes out.  The call is cut off for us.  I make calls and set up the backup program while he goes out for a smoke.  He comes in and leaves and comes in and leaves.  I think nothing of it b/c that’s what he does when he’s angry or anxious. 

I deal with some customers and then we’re dead so I go to the office.  His keys are on the table.

I walk to the backdoor.  I see him in his car.  He sees me.  He peels out of the parking lot. 

I call my boss’ boss.  He emailed her.  Said that I was a horrible person, awful to work with, and should not be made manager.  He attaches something I emailed him back in January 2020.  A profile I wrote on one of our employees.  He thought it was proof of how horrible a person I was.  (it was not bad. Even my boss’ boss said it was fine.  It read like a FBI profile.)  He claimed I wrote these on everyone and kept them in a file.  Really, that one I wrote and emailed him b/c I was so upset over what happened in nov/dec 2019 because I felt like people didn’t understand me when I spoke.  That my brain worked differently.  He asked what I meant and when I said it was like a profile he didn’t understand and HE ASKED ME to write it down. 

So my boss’ boss things this is bs to me but she still has to forward it to her boss.  B/c they had an employee not fill out his two weeks.  That’s bad for him and the company.  Ppwk.  Stats.  That sort of thing.

I check social media.  He’s blocked me on all accounts. 

I cannot express how confused and hurt I was.  We were friends.  I KNOW we were friends.  I know he had anxiety.  I know why he acted the way he did with me.  But no one in my life had actively tried to hurt me so purposefully before.

That whole ‘as long as nothing drastic happens’.  Yup.  My -well- she’s now my boss- let’s me know.  That was it.  I’m not getting the promotion.  This email combined with the gossip about me from 2019 and the fact that I am very vocal when it comes to worker’s rights.  Yup.

Ask anyone I worked with.  They LOVED me.  I still feel like telling this pOV I come out looking like a bitch or something.  I cannot express how much I loved my job and had fun and how much my employees loved me.  When they found out I didn’t get it- I had multiple people from multiple locations threaten to strike.  Literally, strike.  They meant it too.

Yeah, god my ego.  But it’s true. 

They offer to allow me to manage the store until they can hire someone else.  So they are okay with me short term, but not long term.  I ask if I do a good enough job if they would promote me instead of hire someone else.  Like a trial.  NOPE.  I ask if I could have some sort of development plan to ensure I actually do get the promotion I was promised three times now.  NOPE.  There is literally nothing else for me to work on.  I’m ready.  This email from my closest friend just cost me.

I think long and hard, talk to my therapist (Second one this year).  I decide to quit.  I put in my three weeks notice and work it out till the end.  I deal with many a phone call with people who are upset at me leaving and customers who are very upset to see me go.  There was a lot of crying for a month.

Nope.  didn’t have another job lined up.  Couldn’t keep working at a place I loved when they didn’t want me.  Couldn’t watch someone else do the job I loved. 

They offered me a raise they offered me an extended vacation to come back. 

I couldn’t do it. 

They wanted an outside hire.  They spent all 3 weeks trying to find one but they couldn’t.  Rather than ask me to stay on as manager, they asked that other associate (the one with more managing experience) to do it. The one with all the complaints from customers and transphobic/racist complaints from associates.  Yup.  That one.

Now my parents were some of the people I talked to.  My parents and I have a complicated and distant relationship.  However, one hold they have over me is money.  I hadn’t seen them in over a year.  They wanted to see me despite it being COVID peak in November.  I agree as long as I quarantine.  I was hurting so much I just wanted a break.  I wanted to get away.

My last week my dad texts me.  My childhood dog was not doing well.  He was having her put down that day.  A week before I was about to go home.  She was my dog. 

I deal with a lot of tears and  a wonderful shower of gifts and visits.  I’m crying now.  Damn.

And then I leave and go to my parents’ house.  I didn’t realize how bad COVID was b/c I don’t watch the news.  I also didn’t think it thru.  My parents have never been there for me emotionally.  NEVER.  I stupidly thought they would step up their game b/c of how fucking awful my life was.  Yeah.  no.  It was like I was transported back to my teenage self.  Only this time, everyone is home 24/7.  Now retired, my dad is always there.  My mom works from home b/c of covid.  Her office is the only secluded room.  I am around them always.

Tough convos like; You don’t like us do you? and So you’ll never come home again, huh?  GREAT. 

Oh.  And I lost my thearpist when I lost my insurance. 

My boyfriend really does try.  But he’s not good emotionally either.

It’s a fucked up mess all around.  

Anyway.  Unemployed.  Figuring shit out.  I am still unemployed b/c I can’t look at getting a job.  I’m actually starting a blog and a podcast and a youtube channel.  It’s the same passion as this job was.  Only now I’m doing it myself.  It’s a lot of work and will hopefully launch soon but I am drowning in bills.  The reason I went to my parents was so that if I need their financial support I will still have it (amongst the naive idea that they would help me).  So I won’t go homeless.  I am blessed with my boyfriend having a job.  I won’t go hungry or homeless.  But my mental health is.... yeah.  I’m in a panic over a timeline that doesn’t exist. 

Yeah. I’m gonna throw up if I talk more about it.

YES THIS WAS THE SHORT VERSION.  hahaha

TLDR: My closest friend cost me a promotion at my absolute favorite job I’ve ever had.  I quit the job I love.  My dog died.  I spent two weeks with my emotionally abusive parents.  My boyfriend tries but... it’s not good enough and that makes me feel worse.  I’m unemployed and starting a blog.

[dreamyaqua]

firstly i wanna say sorry for the delay cause im soo busy with my uni work and internship work so sorry for that ;__;

dont need to thank meeee!!! im so happy you're getting a lot of asks around astrology so you're improving yourself like you wanted!! i hope you dont get too overburdened, people sometimes take these accounts for granted and they somtimes leave nasty comments when you dont get to their question immediately or if something doesnt add up. dont take these to heart and just do you!!!

i totally relate to your virgo moon!! i have the same thought process!! my take is let people think im dumb, at least im TRYING to learn??

and omg thats sooooooooo sweet of you to think like that <33 and hahaha i guess you're really good at astrology than you thought??? and sangyeon is not even my bias but he's in my wrecker list - BUT he's definitely my ideal type among the boyz!! i realised i would like a caring, protective partner who can only give out affection and love and also be my best friend you know??? also i think he would love to babie his s/o right, he already manages 10 guys together lmaooo and he's a great uncle to his cute nephews too!! 

i can totally see us getting along well and he's so marriage material like you said - now i can only see him and i getting married :(( the only problem is we have an age different of 4 years now and we're gonna have a lottt of communication barriers for obvious reasons lmaoo but HEYYYYYY its LEE SANGYEON we're talking about??? i'd do anything for that man :'))) oh, the struggle of having good compatibility with your kpop boy but you cant date him :((((((((((((((((

hopefully i'll find someone with similar placements HAHAHA LMAOO

damn i guess we're more alike that i thought lmao! actually i can understand why, my signature sign is aquarius and you're an aquarius sun!!! lets be weird and eccentric together lmaooo whats your signature sign?

dont worry about how i feel rn currently!! i think, in some way, i've matured in many ways and i can still say no to things better than before. i've also healed from the past and i've forgiven those who have hurt me, it made me realise whom i should away with and whom i should hang out with more!! so thanks for asking!! :) damn libra stellium huh?? that's super cool and the 7th house rules relationships i've heard? what does your stellium mean in that respect? in case you're wondering, my 7th house is EMPTY ROFLLLLLL 

oh, i'm so sorry for your friend!! have they healed from their experiences??

omg you're too cute and kind jesus where have you been on tumblr all this time!! thanks for that btw...i realised you cant stop being a kind person just because of some shitty people. unfortunately the world is filled with shitty people than kind so you gotta adjust according to that! and besides if we werent so friendly and helpful i wouldnt find someone as nice as you!! c:

is that so???? oh shit lmaoo i mean i think thats good!!! and hell yeah!! lets be goners!! andddd i just checked again and no it isnt :( does conjuction mean having the same planet in the same sign? then yes it does (leo sun, leo venus) !! otherwise no :( my sun is in conjuntion with my mars tho!!! what does that mean?? :o 

nooo i love long replies :( it just shows you care and you want to talk and i love making friends and talking!! i actually had more questions, not related to myself but to know more about you!!

firstly where you from sweetcheeks?? and among the boys, who are you most compatible with and how?

i hope youre not surprised by this verryyyy long post and i hope you're doing okay!!! 

///

Omg it's fine don't worry!! May I ask what you're majoring in?^-^ I'm also currently busy with uni work, so I'm also sorry for the late answer🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Aww thank you so much for your sweet words!! So far, everyone has been nothing but kind to me but if a not so kind asks ever shows up, I'll try my best not to mind it. I do a lot of calculating for the ships, so I can't do too many at once and always make sure to take a rest and relax my mind^-^ I just want to do them thoroughly and to the best of my abilities and not just slack and say something~ but of course, I'll make sure not to overwork myself. I'd love to have a little astrology business someday, so I'm also glad for the practice^-^

Oof yes, you're so right!! I struggle a bit with caring too much about what other people think of me, I need to learn to be more nonchalant about it but it's so hard😭

Aww you're welcome and thank you so much!!🥺💞 I'm not so sure, haha, but it would be cool if I'm actually better than I think- And that's so sweet!! Who knows, he might bias-wreck you someday😌👉🏻👈🏻 but you're right, he's really a gentle and calm and sweet person, I think you'd feel so safe with him and he'd make sure to take care of you.🤧

Omg I feel that struggle so much!! But hey, at least we can dream about it, right?😭 I actually dream of my biases so much, it's ridiculous at this point. Do you also dream of idols/your biases?😂

Aww, I'm sure you'll find someone like that! There's plenty of fish out in the sea, maybe you'll find even someone who's even better for you🥺 so never give up hope~✨

And ohhh that makes so much sense!!🥺 I'm both Aquarius dominant and Aquarius is also my signature sign. Though, I must say something about it confuses me so much... I just can't really relate to it?? Either Aquarius is an extremely misunderstood sign or there's something in my chart that I haven't found yet that influences me differently...🤔 but yes, let's be eccentric and weird together, I'm always up for that😂

Ohh, I'm so glad to hear that!! Every step into the right direction is worth acknowledging and being proud of. We can't go from one extreme to the other overnight, so I'm really happy to hear you've already made progress!!🥺 And yes, my friend is also currently on that journey and protecting herself from toxic people!! A stellium in my 7th house means that a huge focus in my life will be (romantic) partnerships, with my sun being there, it could feel as if I'm incomplete without a relationship and that being in a relationship is part of my identity. With mercury in there, it means that communication is extremely important to me in a partnership and that I value intelligent partners. And I also have Uranus in there which is a bit meh because it brings an unconventional touch to it all, so basically it means that I could find myself suddenly getting into a relationship or a relationship that suddenly ends. With unconventional Uranus there, it could also mean having an unconventional partnership that doesn't follow traditional rules and that you might dislike the thought of marriage. And well, it also means divorce haha. But I can't really relate to that one as well, since I want a more traditional relationship and I'm not into more unconventional ways of dating... I fully relate to mercury there, I don't think I could ever be with someone that doesn't match with me on an intellectual level and the sun...well, it also fits, however, I'm not the type of person who jumps from one relationship to the other. I'm very careful with that and also have a fear of commitment, so I'm usually in an imaginary relationship with whoever I'm currently crushing on but at the same time, I'm also happy being single in real life^-^ And an empty 7th house is not bad at all!! It just means that either you don't put as much focus in that area of your life OR that you've already learned the lessons of the 7th house!!^-^

Aww omg you're so sweet, thank you so much!!😭🥺 I can only give it back💞 and I also agree with you!! It costs nothing to be kind and I often can't fathom, in blind naivety, how some people can be so cruel and lie to you with a straight face or something like that. I could never do that. I always say, and yes that's cliche but-, "I'm being kind because people haven't been kind to me." And since I know what it feels like to be treated unkindly, I don't want to do this to anyone else. Like you said, there's enough misery going on in the world, we really don't need to add on to it, and instead try our best to be a good person and be kind to others.❤

A conjunction is an aspect between two planets when they're less than 10° apart from each other. Depending on the planets involved, it can be a good thing or maybe not so good. Your sun being in conjunction with your mars (but out of sign, since your sun is in Leo and mars in Cancer), means that the qualities of these two planets are being enhanced by each other. With the sun and mars, it means you'd be energetic, courageous, fierce and assertive. You'd be passionate about asserting your identity - however since the two planets aren't in the same sign, these energies might not be as strong.🤔

Ahh I'm glad to hear that!! I struggle to keep myself short and always end up exchanging huge paragraphs with others😂👉🏻👈🏻

I'm from Switzerland, to answer your question^-^ and you?🥰💞 And as for who I'm most compatible with the boyz... omg tbh, if you calculate it differently you get slightly different results😂 I tried to be as inclusive as possible and that led me to believe I'm most compatible with: Kevin/Hyunjae/Juyeon, then Eric/Chanhee/Changmin/Younghoon, then Haknyeon/Jacob and least compatible with Sangyeon & Sunwoo (I'm sorry babes🤧).

Aww no, don't worry that's fine!!^-^ I'm still ill but it's slowly getting better🤒 I hope you're doing okay yourself and that you make sure not to get overworked!!🥺💞

[mermaidsirennikita]

I Saw Beauty and the Beast

And I have Opinions.

Firstly, I should say that I do have a huge attachment to the original movie.  I think it’s a masterpiece, probably Disney’s best work second only to The Lion King.  (Even then, it’s a very close second.)  I was always going to see this, even if I really didn’t want to, because the original is one of my mom’s favorites and I have a ten year old sister.  I’m going to see all of the live action movies; it’s becoming a tradition to go to them with my mom.  

What I expect out of these movies, tbh, is Experience First, actually solid movie outside of the nostalgia second.  While I think that the 2015 Cinderella was beautiful and great in its general fairy tale loveliness, I don’t feel like it really expanded on the original in any way or bettered the story.  The 2016 Jungle Book, conversely, darkened and matured the Disney story and honestly made it more enjoyable for me.

Beauty and the Beast wasn’t going to be as good as the original--nor was it going to improve upon it.  I think that acknowledging that you are seeing this movie as a visual spectacle and nostalgia bomb first is REALLY IMPORTANT in terms of enjoying it.  I wasn’t going to pay $8 and not enjoy it, you know?  I wasn’t gonna be the bitch who sat with people who don’t critique every bit of pop culture and rain on their parade.  For people like my mom who are seeing this because it’s a nostalgia bomb...  You’re going to love it.

And I kind of did too.

There are things I can critique to death, and they’re valid issues.  First and foremost--it’s too early to remake a masterpiece of this nature.  It will be too early when The Lion King is remade.  Cinderella and The Jungle Book (I don’t count Maleficent as a remake tbh because... it’s a separate animal for me and I dislike it) were working with very old material that is in many ways dated.  There wasn’t much story to either of the originals.  The original Beauty and the Beast is dated in some aspects that this movie tries to expand on or improve, sometimes for good and sometimes for ill--but it’s still a movie made in 1991.  By then, Disney had learned that it needed to expand upon its romances, it needed to add character development, it needed to make an actual story, not just a visual fairy tale.  So what the earlier movies missed, Beauty and the Beast already had.

Emma Watson is fine.  That’s how I’d put it.  She’s not doing anything great performance-wise, we all know her singing voice isn’t there.  (I didn’t go here for the singing, tho.)  The thing is that she’s pretty much a placeholder.  The “feminist Belle” angle is honestly kind of overplayed in the media.  Belle does invent a washing machine thing, she doesn’t wear a corset, but for the most part she’s kind of a placeholder character.  It’s fine.  She’s not MY Belle, but she’s not offensive.

Dan Stevens, I think, made the Beast a bit more his own.  He ain’t the Beast I fell in love with in the original, but I still like him a lot.  He feels more like an actual prince--snotty and a bit of a literature snob, evidently (the best parts of the romance where when he and Belle sparred over books) and honestly just super Dan Stevens-y.  I was like, Cousin Matthew, wtf happened?  It worked for me, it worked for my mom, my little sister spent the entire movie going “the beast is BRIT-ISH” so... there was more of a departure here, and I liked it.  I like the idea of these movies being more their own thing than trying to replace the original thing, you know?

The side characters were great, imo.  I know a lot of people don’t like the CGI--for the Beast, we aren’t where we’re supposed to be yet. I’ll give you that.  I got used to it, though.  (However, the scenes in which he sang threw me off.  “Something There” should have remained sung in their heads, imo.)  The servants, I liked.  They didn’t look like their 2D counterparts; but the movie was going more for a feeling that they were actually turning into “dead” furniture, which I appreciated.  It’s another separation, and if anything, this movie could have done with more separations.  That way, I wasn’t comparing it so much.  Lumiere was great, Plumette was adorable, Emma Thompson is PER-FUCKING-FECTION DON’T @ ME ON EMMA.

Gaston basically stole the show.  We knew this would happen.  The Le Fou thing would have been so much more enjoyable if they hadn’t mentioned it?  Like, Bill Condon, he’s obviously gay and Tumblr probably would have loved his clear gayness HAD YOU NOT SAID THAT HORRIFIC THING ABOUT “EXCLUSIVELY GAY MOMENT”(S).  That wasn’t even the gayest moment of the movie???  Like???  Anyway, I always thought that Le Fou was gay, he just got more character development in this movie.  Gaston is what mattered in that plotline anyway.  We all walked out of the theater talking about how great Luke Evans was, how fantastic he sounded.  My mom isn’t even into musicals and she was going on about how fab Luke Evans was; it was that obvious that he knew exactly what he was doing.  I wish his career was bigger.

The Dress.  Okay, so the dress Belle wears at the very end >>> the yellow dress.  We know this.  The yellow dress should have been so much better.  But tbh, I don’t blame Emma Watson for that.  I know it’s become popular to say that she RUINED THE DRESS ON HER OWN but... If she did have creative control, which I don’t think she did to the extent that people think she did, that’s the fault of Disney.  This is a huge movie for them.  If they allowed Emma Watson to go over the costume designer’s head, that’s because they let her do it.  Anyone could have looked at that dress, said, “Sorry Emma, but that’s not what we’re going for” and told the costume designer to start over.  It’s not like we’re dealing with a Movie Star here, it’s Hermione and she’s still rising.  With all that being said, I think it looks a lot better in motion.  The bodice leaves much to be desired and it could have been much better, but the skirt flows in a really lovely manner.  Should it have been better?  Yes, but I was pleasantly surprised by its movement.

The bits that really stand out in my mind are things like the opening.  Firstly, because Dan Stevens was in a David Bowie getup and I think we were all Very Unsure Of Where Our Vaginas Stood On This.  (I was... good with it...)  But that was an aesthetic moment that was sumptuous and over the top and its Own Thing.  It felt like real 18th century France on crack, and I appreciated it.  I just don’t know why THAT was so cool-looking, when the Beast’s transformation was so... lowkey... compared to the original.  That was where I felt they could have gone bigger.

Also, could have had Belle and the Beast make out more but that’s just me.

Was it as good as it could have been?  No, but I don’t think that was ever possible.  You can’t top the original, just like they aren’t going to be able to top the original Lion King.  They probably won’t even be able to do Mulan justice, because even though that’s probably not on the level of BatB or TLK, it’s too soon.  The film industry hasn’t progressed as much since the 90s as it has since the 50s and 60s.  You can’t put a fresh spin on movies that are still, relatively speaking, still fresh.  Especially since 2D animation hasn’t progressed much since; visually, there’s definitely an old style to Cinderella and The Jungle Book, but Disney hasn’t released a 2D movie since The Princess and the Frog--and that was after a long break beforehand.

So; I advise you to go in with realistic expectations, acknowledge that this is a movie you enjoy for the visuals and the nostalgia.  But also--hold Disney to higher standards.  Artistically, it isn’t where it was in its Renaissance of 1989-1999.  And it’s never going to get back to that place, or surpass it, unless people hold it to a high standard.  These remakes are fun, and I’m going to keep watching them; but I’m acknowledging that for Disney, these are cash cows, not artistic endeavors.

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t something special about seeing it onscreen.

[markpauldaphotography]

LONDON THROUGH A KEYHOLE

Have you seen movies where a person looks through a keyhole? On the viewer's side, the side where the person looking through the keyhole, the scene is dark and perhaps ominous? Through the keyhole might be a mysterious scene or even something magical? As viewers of the movie, we are taken into a scene and we feel as if we're part of the action. Not only is the actor in the movie looking through the keyhole, but we are as well. We see what the actor sees at the very same time. We feel the suspense, angst, shock, horror, joy, enchantment - whatever emotion the moviemaker wants us to feel, we feel it, too. This is an effective method in moviemaking and cinematography as we become part of the action. This is also an effective method in photography. As photographers it is important to draw the viewers of your photographs into your image. Your photograph is the keyhole, so to speak, that allows viewers to experience or view what you have seen and captured with your camera. If your viewers can be drawn into your photo, then they will feel the emotion or feeling that you're trying to convey. And, if you can draw viewers in and make them feel a certain way, then you my friend, are not a picture taker but instead a photographer. How do you draw people into your photographs? You begin by mastering photo composition. You master photo composition by practicing all key elements until they become second nature to you. Becoming a great photographer really is that simple tho' it is a lot of work. One suggestion regarding photo composition is to challenge yourself. One way to challenge yourself is to change the camera you use. For example, if you typically shoot with a digital camera of any sort or a mobile phone, let's say, then switch to a film camera for a day or even a week. You can pick up inexpensive film cameras at ebay. And yes, you can still purchase film and have it professionally developed. I have a variety of film cameras but for this blog post I chose the Fisheye camera from Lomography. I also chose black and white film. Better still, I chose London as my backdrop. The cool thing about Lomo's Fisheye camera is the captured image is actually a circle with a pronounced black border. Basically, the result is like looking through a keyhole - at least that's how I see it. I've included a variety of images I captured over a week's time. The shots are entirely random tho' you'll recognise some of the scenes. Have a look at the photos. Are they the best images of London you've ever seen? No. They are not the best images I've seen either. The better question is - have you seen London portrayed this way before? Unless you've practiced this same photo exercise, your answer is undoubtedly a no. Photographing a familiar scene in a new way with a new perspective and with a camera you're not entirely familiar with will allow you the freedom to explore and test your creativity. It is easy to be comfortable. It's easy to always surround yourself with the familiar. The easy way is not the best way to improve your photography skills. You will grow by challenging yourself. You'll reach new levels of achievement by stepping away from your comfort zone. It's safe to say you'll surprise even yourself by creating a masterful composition that draws your viewer into your vision. And in the end, involving the viewers of your photographs is exactly what you want. The following is an exerpt from "Alice Through the Looking Glass". Notice how Alice first envisions what life might be if she and kitty could go through the looking-glass house. In an instant, Alice does go through the looking glass and she takes us with her when she does. This is exactly what you want to do with the viewers of your photographs. "But this is taking us away from Alice’s speech to the kitten. ‘Let’s pretend that you’re the Red Queen, Kitty! Do you know, I think if you sat up and folded your arms, you’d look exactly like her. Now do try, there’s a dear!’ And Alice got the Red Queen off the table, and set it up before the kitten as a model for it to imitate: however, the thing didn’t succeed, principally, Alice said, because the kitten wouldn’t fold its arms properly. So, to punish it, she held it up to the Looking-glass, that it might see how sulky it was—‘and if you’re not good directly,’ she added, ‘I’ll put you through into Looking-glass House. How would you like that?’ ‘Now, if you’ll only attend, Kitty, and not talk so much, I’ll tell you all my ideas about Looking-glass House. First, there’s the room you can see through the glass—that’s just the same as our drawing room, only the things go the other way. I can see all of it when I get upon a chair—all but the bit behind the fireplace. Oh! I do so wish I could see that bit! I want so much to know whether they’ve a fire in the winter: you never can tell, you know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke comes up in that room too—but that may be only pretence, just to make it look as if they had a fire. Well then, the books are something like our books, only the words go the wrong way; I know that, because I’ve held up one of our books to the glass, and then they hold up one in the other room. ‘How would you like to live in Looking-glass House, Kitty? I wonder if they’d give you milk in there? Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn’t good to drink—But oh, Kitty! now we come to the passage. You can just see a little peep of the passage in Looking-glass House, if you leave the door of our drawing-room wide open: and it’s very like our passage as far as you can see, only you know it may be quite different on beyond. Oh, Kitty! how nice it would be if we could only get through into Looking-glass House! I’m sure it’s got, oh! such beautiful things in it! Let’s pretend there’s a way of getting through into it, somehow, Kitty. Let’s pretend the glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we can get through. Why, it’s turning into a sort of mist now, I declare! It’ll be easy enough to get through—’ She was up on the chimney-piece while she said this, though she hardly knew how she had got there. And certainly the glass was beginning to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist. In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look whether there was a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as the one she had left behind. ‘So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,’ thought Alice: ‘warmer, in fact, because there’ll be no one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh, what fun it’ll be, when they see me through the glass in here, and can’t get at me!’ Then she began looking about, and noticed that what could be seen from the old room was quite common and uninteresting, but that all the rest was as different as possible. For instance, the pictures on the wall next the fire seemed to be all alive, and the very clock on the chimney-piece (you know you can only see the back of it in the Looking-glass) had got the face of a little old man, and grinned at her." Read the full article

[ds4design]

Tesla’s P100D: I got 99 problems but not being able to go really fast ain’t one

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The P100D at rest.

Jonathan Gitlin

You wouldn't think wood trim would work in an electric vehicle, but it does.

Jonathan Gitlin

Tesla's new Washington DC store is jolly nice.

Jonathan Gitlin

For maximum fun, keep your finger on the Ludicrous button for 10 seconds.

One of the new optical sensors that come with HW2.

Jonathan Gitlin

This is the B-pillar optical sensor.

Jonathan Gitlin

I really like the way the Model S's sensors constantly inform you of how close you are to obstacles.

Jonathan Gitlin

To coincide with the opening of its newest store in Washington, DC, Tesla asked us if we'd like to spend a few days with one of its latest Model S P100Ds. However, there was just one catch; we'd have to do all the driving ourselves. As one of the newest cars off the production line, this Model S was equipped with Tesla's own self-driving sensors (known in Tesla-world as HW2), but the company is still in the process of pushing out the software necessary to enable Autopilot in these cars. Scratch that plan of road-tripping up to New York—a proper test of the new Autopilot will have to wait.

Autopilot may have been absent, but this P100D did have a rather special trick up it's sleeve: an easter egg that makes Ludicrous Mode even more, well, ludicrous. So, rather than try out the P100D's humongous (for an electric vehicle) range—315 miles according to the EPA—we spent our days finding out just how fast it really is. The answer? Ludicrously fast.

That powertrain tho

As the name suggests, the P100D is built around a 100kWh lithium-ion battery that's the same size, and uses the same cells, as the P90D but with a new architecture to enhance cooling. "People often don’t understand—they think of battery and battery pack as the same thing—but really overwhelmingly the technical complexity, once you get to a large number of cells densely packed, the engineering complexity is very much on the module and pack level, not on the cell level," explained Elon Musk. "You can think of the cell level as being a chemical engineering problem, and the module and pack level as being a mechanical, electrical and software problem, and with thermal propagation being the most difficult thing to deal with."

Each axle gets its own motor/generator. That's 259hp (193kW) at the front, 503hp (375kW) at the rear—although the maximum combined power output is 680hp (507kW). To get the most out of the car, you need to engage the easter egg, which involves going into the powertrain settings page and pressing the Ludicrous button for 10 seconds. The display will change to a warping star field—think the view out the front of the Millennium Falcon as it goes into hyperdrive—at which point you can either tell the car "No, I want my mommy!" (in which case it cancels) or "Yes, bring it on!" This begins preheating the battery to a toasty 50°C (122°F), the optimum temperature for the lithium-ion chemistry to work best.

However, depending upon the ambient temperature, this might not happen very quickly; on a couple of occasions the P100D needed around an hour to get sufficiently warm for us to have all the fun.

Please sir, I’d like to relocate my kidneys

Once sufficiently hot, there is no getting around the fact that the P100D is extremely, ridiculously fast in a straight line. Motor Trend timed a P100D reaching 60mph (97km/h) in 2.27 seconds. Although we didn't have a chance to take this Tesla to the drag strip, we have little reason to doubt such times are possible. Once in the easter egg mode, the main instrument display shows you some performance data from the car, including peak acceleration (measured in m/sec2). Our best? A pretty impressive 11.2m/sec2.

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This graph needs a better Y axis. I want to see just how high the Wh/miles peaked!

Jonathan Gitlin

From behind the wheel, it's the way the car helps rearrange your internal organs that really does it for us. Give it all the beans (on a straight, empty road with good visibility, obviously), and you feel the sensation most acutely in your lower back as your kidneys attempt to relocate themselves to the rear seats. Combined with an almost total absence of noise and the default result is somewhere between a fit of the giggles and howls of laughter.

From a standing start, you can feel all four tires fight for grip for the first few instants, with a little lateral yawing, although nothing as pronounced as you'd experience in Ferrari's all-wheel drive (and 600+hp) FF. It even manages to torque-steer less than a Ford Focus RS, which puts down almost exactly half as much power and torque.

Flooring the P100D once already moving—at 30mph, say—and it's not quite as breathtakingly rapid. Although I should note here that my "butt dyno" rapidly normalizes itself to the level of available thrust, in much the same way a heroin addict builds up tolerance to opioids.

There is of course a downside in attempting to go everywhere as fast as you can in a P100D, and that's the matter of range. In fact, we averaged 952Wh/mile over the course of about 30 miles—enough to consume roughly 80 percent of the car's battery and more than three times the EPA rated 300Wh/mile. Note that this wasn't 30 miles of neck-snapping standing starts, but there's an energy hit associated with warming up that battery. But who cares? You don't need to go to the pump to refill the car, and 952Wh/mile doesn't have the same emotional impact as 6mpg, although if we lived in a particularly coal-dependent area, we'd probably feel a little more sheepish about our achievement.

Constantly iterating

Unlike the rest of the auto industry, Tesla doesn't really believe in model years, preferring instead to constantly iterate its cars as new improvements pass muster. You can tell one of the latest Model Ss by the extra optical sensors embedded along the car's flanks (one on each side behind the front wheels and another one in each B-pillar), and our car also sported a much better interior than the last Model S I drove. The center console is now similar to that of the Model X with storage options other than just a cavernous bin, and the little cubby underneath the huge infotainment screen now has a small lip on its leading edge to help prevent its contents trying to race your kidneys to the back seats when you're having fun. The front seats are sport a new design; they are both comfortable and supportive, as well as looking quite fetching when covered in black leather.

The infotainment UI is constantly being worked on and despite a lack of physical buttons, it won me over by being responsive and legible. You'd think those things wouldn't be hard to pull off, but so few traditional OEMs have gotten that stuff right. Another neat design detail was the automatic headlights; yes, plenty of cars have these, but the P100D's calibration was among the best we've noticed, coming on almost instantly when driving into a tunnel. Other cars we've tested recently were so lackadaisical in this regard that the entire length of DC's 3rd Street Tunnel was behind us before they responded.

Gripes? We have but a few. Although the P100D is stupendous in a straight line, it's still not the most exciting car to hustle down a twisty road, something we elaborated on during our test of a P90D recently. The ride can be a little firm—if Tesla is still on the lookout for talent, we'd suggest poaching whomever it is that tunes BMW's dampers. The paint on the hood had more orange peel than we'd expect for a car with a six-figure price tag. And the infotainment system would only play content from my iPhone via Bluetooth even though it was happy charging from one of the USB ports.

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Five magic characters.

Jonathan Gitlin

Most of those complaints really are quite minor things though, outweighed in the grand scheme of things by the car's ability to cause driver and passengers fits of the giggles thanks to supercar-levels of speed without the fossil fuel-associated guilt.

Listing image by Jonathan Gitlin