#i wish i could make a vague comic about them and have a fanfic author get hooked and write it for me 😭

[camilliar]

recs for someone new to omgcp

[February 2021.]

Reading, or not reading, OMGCP fics has come up in a couple of conversations I’ve had recently with artists newish to the fandom (ie. @jovishark; @decafffff), who are making OMGCP art (!!!) but haven’t started exploring fic -- but maybe want to? Which of course reminded me that I’ve never bothered to make an actual, concrete recs list for this fandom. So, I mean. Here is one.

The approach is, what do I think about when I think about OMGCP fanfic? What comes to mind, what stands out to me? I have excluded some very popular fics. Some of these I just don’t think are very good, and others I do think are good, and/or I enjoy them, but I don’t see why you’d need me, specifically, to recommend them. I am thinking of a story like maybe i’m waking up, which I discuss below because I link to a podfic of it. It has a lot of merits, to be sure, but it’s the second-most-read fic in this fandom by hits, and it’s got thousands of comments, and it’s by an author whose work is relatively widely praised and circulated. I am not sure what telling you more about this fic will add to the conversation; if you want to find and read it, you inevitably will. I’m happy to, say, answer asks about these kinds of fics, or talk more generally about them via DM or whatever. Feel free.

Also, I don’t think there’s a point to pretending to be objective about fanfic; this list has a perspective and that perspective is mine. In this fandom I largely read stories that navigate the tension around Jack, Bitty, and Parse, in various permutations. This is not to say that I’ve never read fic about the frogs, or that I have no interest at all in other pairings, but I am by no means an expert on Dex/Nursey and can really only speak to the one fic about them that sticks out to me because it goes beyond being merely Dex/Nursey and does something else. This is just to say that I am sure there are great and interesting fics about other things and ideas--but I’m not the person to hear about those from.

Likewise, I’m not super interested in stories that really reproduce that which is already in OMGCP. I like Zimbits--albeit maybe not in the ways or for the reasons most fans would--but I do not really need to see endless iterations of the same story about them falling in love and being cute together. I don’t think these stories are bad or they shouldn’t exist or that they have no merit by default. Still, I don’t need fanfic to give me more OMGCP. I need fanfic to complicate, to comment on, and to transform OMGCP. Many people don’t work like this! Totally okay! But I can’t rec you fics that do that.

What I have noticed, however, is that over time there appears to have been a shift in how people do write fic for this fandom. (Other than, you know, increases and decreases in activity pending the status of the comic, pairings going in and out of vogue, and so on.) Early on, say during Y1 and Y2, the comic was about the group of friends having a cool time at college together; about whether the burgeoning attraction between Jack and Bitty would manifest and, if so, how; and, especially, Jack’s past coming into fuller view for Bitty and how it would have to be dealt with in order for a relationship between them to work. YMMV on how great the comic executed there, but as Y3 went on these themes increasingly disappeared from the story. I think this means a lot of fic written over 2015-2016 or 2017 has one kind of tone, and was written mostly around these questions; after that, it feels like a new crop of writers and a new crop of ideas started circulating, that is, either embracing Jack and Bitty’s canon relationship and accepting its relative straightforwardness in text--or deconstructing it, imagining what readers aren’t seeing, or how problems not dealt with in the comic would manifest later. People who have read my fic know which of these I’m mainly interested in exploring.

All of which is to say, looking at what I’m reccing here, when the fics were posted or when I first read them probably has a lot to do with why they stick out to me so much. Because there’s no real culture of fanfic criticism--and I mean that in the positivist sense of broad evaluation not explicitly for fault and merit but rather, for context--I think it’s really hard to keep this in mind. But I’m obnoxious and I can’t just be easy about things.

Fic recs

In alphabetical order, somewhat unsorted; if a stand-alone fic has a summary I’ve included it, but in other cases I’ve recced a couple of conceptually related fics or series, which I’ve tried to just describe or explain as opposed to copying the summary off AO3.

There are so many more fanfics I think are great and worth reading! In an ideal world I’d come back and add more later, or create a secondary list that’s more along the lines of “if you like this, read these,” or whatever. But, being realistic, this is a starter kit. I’m open to talking about fanfic.

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7-0-2 by Idday; Friends in Low Places and Sorry for the Blood in Your Mouth; I Wish it was Mine by blue_rocket_frost | I’m not sure it would be correct to say that I don’t like Parse/Tater, or that I’m not interested in Parse/Tater. I’m not interested in Patater a priori; I think it could be interesting, with teeth. These fics stick out to me when I think about this pairing, because they feel different. Accusations of a preference for just linking any two white men who happen to be hanging around have validity, but because of what hockey is and how it works and who’s hanging around it, it’s not exactly a leap to imagine what kind of gritty spark the friction between two closeted NHL players would create. A little violence in your sex? A little sex in your violence.

A Sight Worth Seeing by sadtomato | A four-fic Jack/Bitty/Shitty/Lardo explicit BDSM series. Either you want that or you don’t. It’s nothing hardcore, and not properly a four-way, really; more properly a kind of voyeuristic round-robin. There’s a more open and egalitarian view of sex here than I really get from the characters in the back end of the comic. It’s an expansive, propulsive view of sex and relationships that’s really nice to see. I love Lardo's detached coolness, and Bitty as a smooth operator; if you’re looking for some kind of Dom/sub dynamics world, this really isn’t it, but it’s a lively exploration into the sexual dynamics in a group of friends that’s super close to the good-times vibe you get from Haus scenes in the first couple years of extras.

call me son (one more time) by Summerfrost, Verbyna, and blithelybonny | This is a series, incomplete, and you will love it or be massively put off by it. I mean that as a compliment. I love it. The premise is, Bob Zimmermann and Kent Parson have been having sex since Kent was, like, 19. Everyone in this story has been chewed up: by themselves, by each other, by hockey. Plainly, this is a pretty bleak view of what OMGCP, as a story, is supposedly offering. If you want fic that is dark and glamorous, treading the toxic melange of substance abuse, sex-as-sublimation, and so much money you can’t possibly throw all of it away without trying, this series has that sick-inducing shimmer to it. But, again, its strength is its examination of Kent Parson, textually and meta-textually, as someone to be projected onto. Bob, Alicia, Jack, and Bitty all impute certain feelings of their own onto him, displacing their own issues to a character who’s centralized in every fic but defies neat or total comprehension. Some critiques I’ve read of this series feel it’s too dark, and I’ve also seen it argued on FFA that an overwhelming amount of praise heaped onto these stories has made it tough for other writers to make headway in writing Bob/Kent fic. But I’m also not sure you could engage with Bob/Kent fic without going down this road at some point? I’m sure there are ways to scale it back, but ultimately it’s a story about how hockey’s violent, homophobic, old-guard gatekeeping has continued to set the terms for a younger and ostensibly less toxic culture. I fully embrace PWP fics that tread on the power dynamic without fully excavating it, but buried within any PWP is the fact that a 53-year-old man is ensnaring a 19-year-old, no matter how much the latter is, realistically, into it, and legally empowered to consent. Not to mention the dynamics of it being a 53-year-old man who is the father of the 19-year-old’s ex-boyfriend, and a 53-year-old man who is an eminence grise in the field the 19-year-old is trying to make a career in  The sexual element--the vaguely incestuous nature of it--is making textual the subtext of how hockey works, actually: objectification of teenage bodies as older men’s capital.

Coach Z by thistidalwave | Just before the 2009 NHL Entry Draft, tp prospect Jack Zimmermann overdoses on his anxiety medication and is admitted to rehab. His future turns from a clear-cut road to the top into an uncertain path filled with therapy appointments, ignored text messages, a group of boys who aren't there to teach him a lesson about himself, and, of course, hockey. | I keep reccing this fic because it has 360 comments on AO3 but nobody, as far as I can tell, has ever read it; it never appears on rec lists. This isn’t the kind of fanfic I usually go in for, but I can’t help being charmed by it. This is a character study in the truest sense, a kind of Mighty Ducks-but-better view on what Jack’s time coaching peewee hockey might have been like. I have no interest in kids and my own aesthetic is maybe a little darker than this, but I admire this story because it injects vibrancy into a period of Jack’s life that OMGCP has left largely unexplored, and so has the fandom. We know nothing about what made Jack want to go to college, nothing about how he spent his days in between juniors and Samwell. It posits a very sympathetic and patient Jack/Parse dynamic, showcasing the exact kind of ragged teenage push-and-pull that would have led to the circumstances we see in Parse I-III. The outside perspective Jack needs is largely present in an OFC who’s not a love interest. Super unique, somehow both engrossing and low-key.

#dirtbags by angularmomentum | A series that is a Kent Parson/Claude Giroux fuckfest with feelings. I’ve long suspected that Parse is popular in part because he is the character who most easily elides OMGCP with the actual NHL, or rather, NHL fandom; I think he made it appealing to write OMGCP fics where the NHL is a factor. Case in point, this series, which is basically “what if Kent Parson was a real hockey player and therefore part of NHL RPS”? I have only read some NHL RPS, so I’m not the person to assess accuracy, but what I do know is superstar IRL hockey players take turns here as the caricature fanfic versions of themselves, and since Kent Parson is already that, it’s great how seamlessly he integrates into their social fabric. Rambunctious energy peppered with regret and loss, but ultimately this series is farcical, and it doesn’t take its sentimental ending too seriously--which, good.

fated to pretend by nighimpossible | 5 Jack/Kent fics that Ransom and Holster dramatically reenact for the Haus + the truth. | As a fic format, 5+1 doesn’t usually work for me, but this one isn’t just front-loaded with five too-knowing vignettes; it then wraps up by using its +1 better than you might expect. Sometimes I talk about economy of fic, and this one exemplifies it. A zero-waste fic.

go ahead and move along by originally | "Leave, Parse," Jack says. Again. Or: Kent finds himself stuck in a time loop. | Kent Parson is trapped in a Groundhog Day scenario on the day of Epikegster. I’m sure you can imagine, just from that, what happens. And yet I think this fic is super entertaining, reserving some key surprises. What this story is doing is something a lot, and perhaps even the majority, of great Jack/Parse fic wants to do: digging into the question of just why this can’t work in comic canon. Most often this is approached from the past, by writing teenage Jack/Parse deep-dives that examine their lives mid-juniors, or by writing AUs where enough circumstances are shifted that it does work, or via future fics that posit enough growth has happened, and enough things have changed. But this fic makes Parse live the same bad day again and again, testing multiple theories about just how dependent on circumstance and incident real life actually is. Another day, another tone, 10 minutes sooner, not at all--you just can’t know why it didn’t work until you exhaust every possible variable. I worry that this rec has sucked the life out of the story, though--it’s so fun!

I Saw a Life and Strange Lovers by @bluegrasshole | Most AUs in this fandom seem to retell the story in a new setting or with some big detail change, following OMGCP’s rhythm beat-for-beat. I think of this as, “It’s the plot of Check, Please, but” -- they’re doing high school football? They’re acrobats? They’re a/b/o? They’re in a DIY punk band? And so on. These two stories are not that! They’re both 1950s AUs, each deeply felt, and yet hugely different from each other. I Saw a Life is about displacement and fragmentation, two sides of a similar but incongruent social critique; Strange Lovers is a finely wrought social drama about coal mining in Nova Scotia in the 1950s, centered around historical events. I suppose a theme on this rec list is something like, “I don’t even like this, but” -- yes, okay, I don’t even like Dex/Nursey, but--! This fic is so overwhelmingly complete, the AU laid out so carefully that the story breathes with all the background details informing the writing that aren’t actually, in the story; you just know they’re below the surface. (With the exception of one investigation of Jack’s character in a short, separate fic.) I Saw a Life, meanwhile, really tests the limits of the notion that Jack and Bitty are soulmates--not by calling it into question but by asking, rather innovatively, how the setting and place of the comic itself activates that.

Les Hivers de mon enfance by staranise | What do you do when hockey is the language of prayer for your soul, and also the toxic thing that almost killed you? 2009: Jack Zimmermann takes a mental health year. God knows he needs it. | Here’s a fic by someone who’s no longer around so much, but she felt ubiquitous in 2016-2019 OMGCP fandom. Before any of that, though, she wrote this one lovely fic about Jack’s pre-Samwell recovery. The author is Canadian and really irritated by hockey culture, and I think this fic benefits greatly because she is clear-eyed about Jack’s being caught in an exploitative system; it’s hockey he’s in recovery for, in a way. There’s an epistolary element that works for me, too. I read this early on in my time in OMGCP fandom and it really stuck with me.

Lysistrata? I Hardly Know Her! (by which I mean everything) by @tomatowrites | It feels somehow like cheating to recommend OMGCP fanfics by my OMGCP BFF with whom I make an OMGCP podcast where we talk about OMGCP. You know the fics I really want to rec, like truly the ones that speak to some kind of shared depravity, are the ones where Jack is miserably mpreg for the second time and accidentally lets his kid see Kent Parson’s Long John Silver’s shrimp scampi promo spot, which obviously would get twisted into a self-hating three-way. How many times do I have to rec this fic? As many as I need to, is my feeling. If you don’t know, Long John Silver’s is an American fast-food chain that sells, like, fried pollock sandwiches; it is nautical-themed; I have never eaten there; I don’t know where there is one; I don’t eat fried fish. (Shrimp, on the other hand?) All of which is to say that it takes a real genius to investigate a premise that far out. And while a lot of people almost certainly will start reading this humanity’s depths-themed sex scene and back the fuck out, readers with refined taste will note that Kent, the point-of-view character, is right there with you, despairing that he can’t help himself. And so long as you’re in that story collection, honestly, you’ll love petite gems like Jack is transmasc, Jack and Shitty play hockey in 18th-century England, and oh, right, he’s from Georgia. Tomato holds the distinction of being probably the gamest author I know in this fandom, just really like fearless in her pursuit of any range of concept she’s pushed to. (I can push her to?) See, for example, a sublime bandom AU; Bitty is cancelled for buying a maybe-unethically exported Roman fragment of a youth’s torso; or, god, the masterwork that is this future fic series where Jack keeps relapsing and Bitty exiles him to their guesthouse. Do I think you need to read a fic where Bitty is snide about the teen prostitute whose baby they’re adopting? Yes, I mean, he would be snide, don’t tell me he wouldn’t. I could go on, but my main thing here is, if I have to pick just one, I’m going to pick this Lysistrata fic. The premise, literally, is that Bitty reads the Lysistrata and it gives him ideas. Like most of Tomato’s OMGCP fic, it’s a stripping away of the comic’s polite fiction that Jack and Bitty could possibly attain the ideal it reaches in the comic without some kind of messy, efflusive breakdown. Life is like that, you see! Tricky. Like a lot of people, although it’s tough to say precisely how many, I have always intuited that maybe Bitty is kind of a natural top? But obviously when you meet him, as a literal virgin, it’s hard to see how he’d go from zero to self-actualization so neatly. This fic floats a theory, and it has a fun little side plot for Whiskey, something I never thought about or needed before Tomato built it out herein. In conclusion, BONUS: Dex’s gay lobster novel.

only fools rush in and the light of all lights by decinq | This person wrote of the nature of the wound, one of the early, formative Jack/Bitty fics that was oft-recced when I was getting into the fandom in 2016. It forms part of a larger series that deals deeply with how Jack has been shaped by his struggles (? I hate this word) with homophobia and his own mental health. It’s a picture of the character as you might have imagined him much earlier in the comic’s run. The formatting is atrocious and he author’s flair is what Tomato would call “AO3 house style.” It’s a voice that works great for her writing. I think it’s at its best in these shorter fics; the former is about Parse and Shitty stumbling into a relationship almost accidentally; the latter, an eerie PBJ vampire fic. I had begun writing a fic where Parse is a vampire early on in this fandom, only to read this and immediately quit, because you only need one, and this one’s all I need. The Parse/Shitty rare pair fic shares its exuberance with hockey RPS when it’s good: here’s how fun it can be when you’re young, rich, and jocular. And I don’t even like accidental marriage AUs, they’re usually boring, so that says a lot. By all means, read the wound fic; read the entire series. But these are highly unusual.

OVERDOSE and Oomph and a little spin-o-rama by jedusaur | None of these are long, or plotty, and they’re all a little experimental. OVERDOSE is an AU set in a world where you know how you’ll die, but no details; Oomph, a little fic where Jack hears hockey pucks talking to him. This is the kind of stuff I used to think I’d find in fandom forever, coming out of Lotrips lurking in the 2000s: short, zany bursts of energy that surprise and delight. a little spin-o-rama peers at Kent’s character through the grim reality of being the hypertalented superstar stuck on a dead-last team. All three are sparse and stylish in a way that’s really smart, practically economical.

Sowing Season by @agrossunderstatement | Parse and Zimms, Zimms and Parse. Kent Parson's life, from the Q, through his early years with the Aces, to Jack's senior year. Canon divergent. A story of love, loss, moving on, regressing, hockey, and found families of all kinds. | Effectively a novel, digging into Kent’s personal history, mostly concerning his life in juniors but expanding into his present, overlapping with the plot of OMGCP. I think there is room enough for endless speculations on what went down pre-canon; this one offers a fuller life for Kent than nearly any others, digging into him as a whole person rather than as a satellite to Jack or the plot of the comic. Which isn’t to say that the Kent/Jack stuff isn’t dealt with here; it explicitly is. But the fact of Kent Parson’s life, if we can begin to imagine it beyond mere text, would exist before, after, and alongside Jack; he gets to juniors without Jack, presumably, and he is the captain of a hockey team without Jack, and Pinkerton lays the foundation of Parse’s character within a junior hockey that Jack also inhabits, more so that Parse existing for Jack, so to speak. And I’m not implying this latter tactic is wrong; I have certainly employed it, and others have employed it to great impact and effect. But, still, the title of this series tells you what you ought to know: Kent and his story are the potentiality of OMGCP, up to a point; seeds being planted. Young hockey players, similarly. The question implied there is, what will be reaped? And the answer to the latter, in a sense, that reaping is a sort of violence. Which makes this series sound pretty heavy, but it’s not -- more like, realistic.

(tell everyone) you were a good wife by @queerofcups | The biggest problem with pretending that he doesn’t know that Kent Parson is fucking his husband is that Jack can’t tell Kent how grateful he is. | The ne plus ultra of PBJ triangulation; I’ve been squealing to the writer about how good it is since August, begging for behind-the-scenes insights, and I’d only do that if I really meant it. The precarious social fabric stretched across these three chapters is fraying before the reader’s eyes. The details are delicious, and I don’t want to spoil them, but they sing in chorus with the plot. My favorite OMGCP fics, honestly, remove the romance narrative guardrails that keep things in the comic itself humming along. I think Dann’s take is to ask who in this comic has power and what they would end up doing with it. (Or not doing, from another angle.) At one point, early on in its telling, OMGCP looked like it was going to be a story dealing with the compounded traumas of hockey’s discontents. Then, of course, it wasn’t. This is a fic that steps back and asks what the fallout of that oversight would be. But that’s just the moldering core of this fanfic; it’s actually embroidered, like I said, with glittering detail. The color of the suit Bitty wears to his wedding is burned into my brain. The gray manicure of a woman Jack knows. The ingredients in a cake. This is one of those fics I still haven’t reviewed because the thought of stacking everything I could say about it into mere AO3 comments is inadequate.

when you’re ready by megancrtr | The Aces’ director of communications gets the call at 3:13 a.m. Jack Zimmermann has withdrawn from the draft. | “What happened at the draft” is so mythological it gets asked in the comic proper, and I’ve never counted how many fics attempt to answer this question--from Kent’s point of view, even--but it’s gotta be, oh, hundreds. This story replays the situation from the perspective of an Aces staffer who just wants to do her job, and gets at the jarring discordance between the plot of OMGCP in its quest for social justice and the business of actual hockey. Important context is that this story was written around the time the comic was playing out the end of Y3 and start of Y4, and Bitty pointedly asked Jack the question, “why can’t we?” This story reframes the question as literal, rather than rhetorical. A sterling example of fanfic being a gloss on its source.

BONUS, podfics

hockeyed up | There are many things on Jack's mind. Namely: hockey, hockey, Bitty, hockey, anxiety, hockey, hockey, anxiety, Bitty, hockey, hockey, anxiety, and hockey. | A fic read aloud by its French-Canadian author. Also a relatively early OMGCP fanfic; composed while the first semester of Y2 was posting, the story suggests a version of OMGCP that was in some ways more and in other ways less complex than what it would turn into not long after. The real power of this podfic, however, is that it’s read by the writer, so you can hear the intended emphasis in every line. Also, because she’s French-Canadian, Sophie’s intonation is what I picture when I read or write dialogue for Jack.

maybe i’m waking up | It’s almost funny. All he ever wanted was to play hockey, to play in the NHL, to win the Cup. This—Samwell, the team, the Haus—was supposed to be just a detour, but now it feels more like a destination he failed to realize he’s already reached.(Or: Jack signs with the Falconers, graduates, and leaves. It's the hardest thing he's ever done. What comes after is even harder.) | Don’t get too excited; this isn’t finished. A podfic of probably the best-known, most-recced fic in OMGCP fandom. Striking for its use of metatext woven into the story, this is one of several early longform Jack/Bitty fics that posits that maybe Jack has a lot more development to undergo before he can really, truly, be okay--or be okay enough to be with Bitty? To be honest, this story strikes me now as too long, but the parts in it that work are effective beyond that which fanfic demands. Meanwhile, this audio version only covers six chapters, but it’s so slick, so well-realized, so true to the story. Podfic as art.

my own dear friends | Ever since the day he met Jack Zimmermann, Shitty has seen it as his solemn duty to aggressively love him. (He just didn't know how aggressive the love Jack needed would be.) | There’s previous little Jack/Shitty in this fandom and a lot less quality BDSM,

the city’s ours until the fall | Kent has been, historically, good at this—forgetting about things until suddenly he doesn’t, and then it’s like the scar has never been there in the first place, just the wound. (Or: Kent Parson lets himself be happy, after all this time.) | I’ve never read this fic and I never will. I cannot imagine how, no matter how good it is, it could compare to the version that lives in my head, with Kent’s voice so totally realized. Vocal fry and pathos, a languid energy that I still think about when I think about Parse.

the model home | It’s going to be better, and that’s great, but sometimes Jack thinks, why can’t it be good right now? | j/k j/k, this is a self-reminder to finally one day review this.

[1800redpop]

ao3 homestuck literature roundup

ok so honestly some of the most impactful pieces of literature I’ve ever consumed... have been fanworks for the web comic Homestuck. while fanfiction in general has the potential for greatness, and there are definitely some non-homestuck works out there i that i’ve enjoyed, Homestuck has a unique potential for spawning creative, original and daring stuff! and there are so many new fans who didn’t even experience the first wave of ao3 webcontent. sadly the site has not proved archival quality when it comes to preserving content, and many fics I’m linking feature broken links/images or have been orphaned by their authors. I’m posting only what I consider to be Good Literature. these are pieces of writing that have struck me, haunted me, and made me cry. Thank you to the writers, and please enjoy! the full rec list is under the cut >:)

old but gold

The Serendipity Gospels by urbanAnchorite (tzm) M

What is there to be said about The Serendipity Gospels? this illustrated fanfiction epic is a true classic. The use of Homestuck language and troll terminology on this fic is exploited to its utmost poetic potential, and every sentence is lyrical. While the story itself is original (and extremely well plotted!), events from the plot of Homestuck are echoed throughout, and it makes for a really satisfying read. This fic was published before Gamrezi was something that happened in the webcomic and gamzee had his downfall, if you’re hesitant to read it on account of the Gamzee<3<Terezi tag. Both of them are extremely well characterized. man... serendipity gospels gamzee is the best gamzee you can find on the market. definitely better than canon gamzee. And the pairing really works. The sad part is that this thing was supposed to be in three acts, and only two have been published. Since 2013... this shit sucks. i want act 3 so bad i’d commit heinous acts to receive it >:0

Cities in Dust (shit let's be hardboiled) by Cephied_Variable T

I’m not finished reading this yet but by now the ao3 handle Cephied_Variable has become a household name. This fic is... heterosexual. and where there were once illustrations, now there are empty white boxes. But the noir setting is played juuuust right, the soundtrack goes hard and it’s really fun to play the music in the next tab while you read, the writing is amazing (obviously) and... not to spoil anything, but it isn’t as much of an AU as it seems. really wish i could see the illustrations, bc the story is told through chatlogs like the source material.

Rule #2 by universe_c E (you can skip the sex scenes tho)

A super imaginative take on what Earth C might have been like. this fic was published while the comic was still updating, so earth c was a very distant possibility in the minds of fans, and in this work, all the players (every single troll, dancestor, human and cherub) are dropped on an uninhabited planet as an entirely new species with varying levels of godpowers, and they have to build civilization from scratch. It’s such an ambitious idea, and it was pulled of brilliantly! the author has more fanfiction online in that takes place in this universe, as well as selections featuring pairings such as Caliborn/Kurloz, an unexpected delight, and GamTav, a charming holdover from simpler times. This story in particular however focuses on Caliborn right after he passes through the gate. He doesn’t have a very easy time adjusting, poor guy. The narrative follows him as he rage-flees from his emotions to nonlinear points on the timeline of Universe C. Along the way he meets the family who he will someday love, learns about the civilization that will develop on their planet, gets laid, and matures a whole lot as a person. This fic is just.. really amazing. Read it!!!

Lost Teeth Like White Jewels by roachpatrol, urbanAnchorite (tzm)

Ok, so roachpatrol used to be a really big name in Homestuck fanfiction, but her stuff has... not aged well, and generally she is regarded (or at least she is regarded by me) as a pedophilic porn peddler, and she’s written a lot of nasty,  scandalous smut. but you don’t have to read that stuff! This fic and this fic ONLY (don’t even read the other ones in the series, bro) is just a really nice soap opera. Bodices are ripped, eyes are gazed into in close proximity to an ocean. And the hemospectrum has been inverted. All in all, if you want something dramatic and romantic to read on a rainy day, this fic is where it’s at.

signalbeam is an author that wrote a lot of lesbian fanfiction in 2012. I haven’t personally read all their stuff but it’s all f/f and it’s fun to browse :~)

****DIRKJAKE CORNER******

a thousand years by venusianEye (orphan_account) T

Everything’s set for the surviving players to pass through the gate and claim their Reward... the only problem is, dirk has lost the will to live and is in some kind of mystical coma. Jake is the only person who can save him, by venturing into his mind-palace and solving puzzles that serve as metaphors for everything Dirk can’t express. It’s kind of like inception wrt to the dream mechanics, but the author uses folk tales as settings, and it’s all very poetic, and very well done. this author deleted her account. i watched all the drama. however all her work is still online on the orphan_account. she wrote this series (people who like dirkjake and artistic pornography, give it a read!) and also a medievalstuck au i remember reading and loving, but cannot for the life of me seem to find :( it was about eridan and kanaya and it was good. rest in peace, venusianEye! 

A Spark, A Flame, A Fire by callmearcturus E (one skippable sex scene)

The best kingdomstuck ever!!! \(^o^)/  ugh this fic is everything... the author has another kingdomstuck dirkjake multichapter novella online that is also very good, but this one’s my absolute fave :,] the strilonde fam is so cute, and dirk&jake’s blossoming romance (oh, yeah, you BET it’s an arranged marriage AU!) is so romantic it literally makes me clutch my chest and sigh. also the writing and worldbuilding are just IMPECCABLE. another lovely romance for a cozy night.

***JOHNKAT CORNER**** 

remember johnkat? well,. it’s good.

General Vantas Gets Hitched, or, The Limits Of Bilateral Diplomacy: A Black Powder Romance by JumpingJackFlash M

another arranged marriage fic! seriously, when it’s done right, there can be nothing better. John is the king of Skaia and Karkat is a political insult disguised as a peace offering. No better way to ruin your chances at diplomacy than offer an arranged political marriage between the literal king and a mutant military grunt who isn’t even the right gender. But... what if the king accepts??? omg guys they fall in love... and everyone’s a badass. another notable johnkat offering from his author would b Hurricane , wherein everyone’s punks and dave and tavros are gay rappers. there’s also Space Bro and California Dreaming , which feature karkat/sollux and eridan/equius respectively, and are humanstuck au with vague game memories and are both very sweet and romantic <3

The Only Recipe For Lasagna You'll Ever Need by urbanAnchorite (t_ZM) G

Oh man.. this one’s just really cute.

No Quiet Sleeper by cest_what T

The premise of this fic is a stable little timeloop, so homestuck i could cry, and what occurs therein is extremely adorable :3c

modern fanfiction (post epilogues)

Pilot Light, Pale Rapture by purplebard G

Excellent post-epilogues Jade fic! The writing is beautiful, it’s a really genuine and melancholy work. A masterpiece in JadeDavepeta. I also give a blanket recommendation for all of this author’s fanfic -- it’s deeply original and flawlessly written, every piece!

House of Dirk by IMAC T

If you haven’t read House of Dirk... seriously, read House of Dirk. It’s a modern classic. A dadaist, genre-reconstructive, trope-subverting and absolutely hilarious MASTERPIECE!!! and the characterizations are pitch-perfect. this fanfiction can be cited as the spark which ignited the roaring inferno of Dirk/Caliborn shippers who can now be found online ^__^

mare in ossibus nostris dormit (in our bones sleeps the sea) by liobi

Just some really awesome scourge sisters :,) i love a nice romp through troll mother planet, and this is a flawlessly executed no-game AU.

JADE ROUTE by spicyyeti/muthahomestuckah T

Not technically a fanfiction, because this is 100% a comic, but if you want to read about Homestuck characters in a way that is engaging, innovative, touching and hilarious, you gotta read Jade Route! It’s the best thing that happened to jade since squiddles! the art is REALLY GOOD the characterization is REALLY GOOD god.. i love jade route.

BONES OF BLACK MARROW by oxfordRoulette E

an innovation in dirkjake pornography. this fic will make your head split open, and most of it is pornography of an exceptionally raunchy color. Basically, Dirk summons a demon (Jake) for stupid reasons and it fucks both of their lives up. Incredible work with formatting by the author, seriously who can even code like that, and i love the magical mechanics :) it’s very well researched and it really tears both Dirk and Jake to pieces psychologically. through porn. 

Timaeus, Testified by sendificating NR

another fic that uses experimental formatting. It’s all about Dirk and it’s REALLY SO AMAZING.... a detailed and inventive psychological opus. 

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Also.... i write fanfiction. sometimes. can’t vouch for the quality but i would be remiss as an author if i didn’t plug . well, that’s all for tonight, folks! hope u find something to read!

[bigskydreaming]

1) Hi! It’s a strange question, I know, but I’m curious: how much do you take what happens behind the scenes into account in your analysis of a character or a storyline? To make an example, the push and pull of Dick’s filial status in the narrative is a consistent and frustrating thread in the comics, but has probably roots in the fact that Dick’s arrangement made sense in the 40s in a way that it didn’t anymore by the 80s.

Its a good question, without a good answer. Best I can say is it varies and I kinda take things on a case by case basis. Sometimes behind the scenes stuff doesn’t really change much about what’s on the page one way or another, and sometimes its extremely relevant. 

For instance, your example of Dick’s status as ward vs adopted...I think its very much something where real world context and factors have a ton to do with it. I’d definitely agree that Dick as Bruce’s ward made total sense in the writers’ eyes and didn’t need changing or addressing until the 80s, which culturally is when adoption and blended families became a lot more....it feels weird to say mainstream in regards to that, but it kinda fits because the concept as a whole became more popularized and normalized and likely to have a presence in media in the 80s in ways it never really had before. 

Personally, I don’t think there’s really any issue with Dick not being adopted before then, and think it has more to do with the zeitgeist of those times rather than in character choices about Bruce not wanting to adopt Dick for whatever reason. So my own approach to this particular matter is for me, it only became an issue when an additional variable was added...Jason and his adoption....as especially once Dick himself was written asking Bruce why he never adopted him...even though the most relevant answer up until that point was likely just that it had never been a culturally significant issue for their characters to have until now......once writers DID introduce Dick’s own view/question on the matter into the canon, THAT’S when I personally view it was being more of an issue that Bruce waited so long after THAT point before actually adopting Dick.

So for my own take...whether in meta and discussions of canon or my own fic stuff....I don’t really put much emphasis or even focus any real attention on Bruce not adopting Dick before that point in canon stories OR the concurrent position in the timeline....by that I mean, the approximate age I think Dick was when he first asked Bruce about that, eighteen or nineteen. I think there are certainly stories that can be written that involve Bruce adopting Dick or raising the matter for discussion earlier in Dick’s life like when he was fourteen or fifteen....but I don’t personally feel much of an urge to write things with a negative slant towards Bruce not adopting Dick earlier than that because I AM aware that in terms of canon, it wasn’t really an option before that point due to the writers’ own cultural norms informing their character choices.

But once the writing introduced that angle and element...it became fair game in my opinion to question why Bruce would wait so long before acting on Dick’s pretty clearly expressed desire there...and yeah, I think its fair to have a bit of a judgmental eye towards Bruce character wise for still waiting so long when it could have changed so much for the better between them and spared Dick at least a few years of angsting and uncertainty about it.

All that said, when talking about fanfic deviations specifically, I think its entirely fair to consider character choices within the context of the fanfic as much as the original canon. So if a fic is already making significant departures from the canon events of Dick’s early years in order to write the author’s own take on Dick and Bruce’s early relationship....then in THAT context, specifically, regardless of what canon had to say about it and the behind the scenes reasons for that, its still valid IMO for characters or readers to wonder why in light of how much our cultural norms have shifted by now, why a fic about that time but written in the context of the modern day....like, IMO there Bruce doesn’t really have the same justification canon has for him not touching on Dick’s status as ward vs son earlier in Dick’s life.

If that makes sense?

Similarly in terms of recent years and canon, I think a TON of flip flopping and uncertainty in regards to how the Batboys’ relationships to Bruce are described or referenced is because DC or the various writers and editors just don’t like committing to the idea of Bruce Wayne: father of five (or six, depending on how one views Duke’s positioning in the family). 

Like, I’ve long had the sense that a lot of the powers that be over at DC just flat out don’t LIKE Dick, Jason, Tim and Cassandra’s legal adopted status and wish none of them had ever happened as they for whatever reason think it takes something away from Bruce’s character or premise and they’d rather Damian be the sole actual son and heir. Hence having not only Damian emphasize the blood son thing but also having the other kids like, when talking to Damian refer to Bruce as YOUR father (which is a little thing that bugs the SHIT out of me, lmao)....as well as being as vague and ambivalent as possible when having Dick, Jason, Tim and Cass reference Bruce to others or address him and put as little focus on them using an actual label for their relationships to him as possible. And its not just New 52 I mean here, I think this was an issue still well before Flashpoint.

I’m almost certain if some of DC’s editors and writers had their way, those other adoptions would never have happened and their official status would just be wards/foster kids/proteges. Which is annoying not just because I’m a fan of the family being a FAMILY, like, purely on a personal fannish level....but also just in terms of narrative....I think its fucking stupid to try and play fast and loose with those relationships when everyone knows damn well that each of those kids being Bruce’s KIDS has nevertheless very much been a thing that happened and exists in most fans’ minds. Like, that’s not a genie you can ever put back in the bottle. There’s no realistic chance of getting readers to just en masse forget that any of those characters were ever officially and legally Bruce’s children at some point. Like, you did that, or at least writers before you did that, just accept it and USE IT instead of pointlessly muddying the waters to obscure relationships most of us view as father/child regardless of what canon has to say about it now.

So for example, in THAT case, I fully believe the confusion about the kids’ various legal status and their view of Bruce and his view of them...like, I honestly believe the ambiguity of that at various times in canon is deliberate. And also, dumb. Thus I don’t feel any need to take canon’s current vagueness into account because I feel there the behind the scenes motivations are extremely relevant...and thus I’m completely content to just ignore them and keep them all as Bruce’s children in legality and heart, via whatever story context makes the most sense for my purposes.

Another example of when I personally feel behind the scenes motivations are hugely relevant and should be kept in perspective...is Jason’s death. Because I’ve read a ton of stories and meta that sometimes victim blames Jason and treats it like his fault he died, sometimes makes it Dick’s fault for not being closer with him and someone Jason feasibly could have turned to instead of going to Ethiopia on his own, and sometimes Bruce’s fault for the division his judgment after the Garzonas case had forged between him and Jason and with that basically driving Jason to go to Ethiopia in the first place.

And like, I personally hate each and every one of those takes because I think its never going to lead anywhere good, upholding Jason himself or either of his immediate family members as being in any way at FAULT for his death and everything he went through after it....but also I don’t like emphasizing narrative or character blame on any or multiple of those characters because IMO it disregards the MOST crucial factor in Jason’s death: editorial mandate.

Like, they held a freaking phone poll for whether he should live or die. Jason’s fate was decided by call-in votes, NOT by ANY character’s actual choices or actions or even lack thereof. There was no way any of those characters could have been written making different choices that avoided Jason dying, because they were deliberately written making choices that smoothed the way to Jason dying because it was going to happen not because it was where the STORY inevitably led, or any of their choices inevitably led there....but because the editors WANTED it led there and to end up where it ultimately ended up. 

IMO its pointless to point fingers at character choices when we KNOW for a FACT, like oftentimes we have to guess at writer motivations in order to have an opinion on that variable at all, but this is one of the rare occasions where we inarguably KNOW....it was going to happen one way or another because editorial decreed it had to happen. So I think its pretty pointless even in terms of meta analysis of the story and character motivations to ultimately point a finger at any of the character choices and assign blame for Jason’s death...when there was literally no chance of them ever being written making choices that allowed Jason to avoid dying.

Especially when you consider that literally the only narrative change that even needed to be made to avoid Jason dying, regardless of everything that led up to that point...is simply not having him die in the explosion. Come up with literally any explanation for a last minute save, escape or rescue. Like so many comics have managed so many other times.

Like, there are no rules with fanfic so obviously you can write fic of Jason’s death in any way, and make it the end result of any character choices you want and make it some character’s fault or not according to your own preferences and narrative choices....but in terms of canon events and choices, I think that’s one of the very rare stories where its both impossible and pointless to examine it on any level, without taking the behind the scenes context into consideration as well.

So like I said, it really just varies from story to story, depending on how much or how little writer or editor motivation, decisions or bias were likely to be a factor in any given story. *Shrugs* Thus for me, I don’t really see any way to go about that other than taking each story on a case by case basis.

[thisdiscontentedwinter]

Just curious and I don't know if you've ever answered this before- Is TW the first fandom you've ever written for, or have you written for other fandoms under different names? If you've never written for other fandoms is this the first you've been heavily into fandom for at all, or just the first you've ever been on the creating side for? And if so, what other fandoms have you ever been into?

I’ve often said that Teen Wolf is the only show that hit the sweet spot for me when it comes to fan fic: enough potential in the characters and storylines to hold my interest, and so many massive failures of storytelling in canon that it just makes me itch to fix it. So it’s true that it’s the first fandom I’ve written for, but it’s not the actual reason I got involved. 

The reason I got involved (and I’m sure this wills surprise nobody who knows me) was spite, pure and simple. Back in December 2014 something happened in fandom that I’ll call the Goodreads Panic. It was basically where a shitload of fandom writers demanded Goodreads pull the listings of their fics. Now as someone who had a lot of friends who read and reviewed fanfic on Goodreads, it was upsetting to me to see them so upset. Because when a fic was removed from Goodreads (and just the listing, let’s be clear–despite the panic, I’ve never seen any proof that actual fics were uploaded there) it didn’t just remove the listing, it removed the reviews, and the pages and pages of discussions on those reviews. 

My friends were upset. So I said “Fuck it, I’ll write them a Sterek.” And Balloon Animals are Awesome was born. 

I wrote about it in 2014, which was before I had a tumblr account. It didn’t stop a shitload of people on tumblr from calling me entitled and wishing I was dead, of course. So, spitefully, I wrote even more fanfic. 

And to this day nobody can tell me why it’s so terrible to have discussions of fanfic on Goodreads, but it’s okay to do it here or on some other platform. And funnily enough, the entire Goodreads Panic was started by a Sterek BNF who didn’t like that someone had pointed out on Goodreads that her published novel was P2P and had originally been fanfic and a lot of readers won’t buy P2P.  The BNF immediately began convincing others to have their fics pulled from GR. More fool her. We just talk about her P2P books in a secret group now. 

Anyway, here’s the post I wrote: 

My (generally disorganised) thoughts on the current fanfiction shitfight on Goodreads

Anyone who knows me knows that I love my Sterek fanfic. For those who don’t know me but have somehow stumbled upon this post, Sterek is fanfiction based on the slash pairing of Stiles/Derek from the TV show

Teen Wolf.

I’m also quite fond of Steter, which is Stiles/Peter. And I’ve read a few Stisaacs I totally enjoyed, which is Stiles/Isaac. You guys have all spotted the common denominator right? Yeah, I just love Stiles. And who doesn’t? 

But back to the shitfight. 

Lately, a lot of enthusiastic readers have been adding Sterek fanfiction to the Goodreads database. This has upset some fanfiction writers. I don’t know how many, and I don’t know how representative they are of the fanfiction community.

Fair warning: I may be quite vague in this post, because I’m not going to name names, and I’m not going to link to Tumblr posts. Why? Because I’m writing this post to get my thoughts in order, not to call out anyone whose opinion may be different to my own. I welcome discussion or debate wherever you find this post, but I won’t be taking it to anyone else’s virtual doorstep. 

What is Goodreads? 

Initially, it seemed like some of the fanfic writers thought that their works were being uploaded to Goodreads. This is absolutely not the case. Goodreads is a catalogue, and any published work including work published online can be added by users. And, once it’s in the database, any user can review any work. That review is then shared on a timeline with the reviewer’s friends. It is also visible under the work’s main page. Users can like reviews, and comment on reviews, and reviews show up in our timelines. I found a lot of great Sterek fics because friends raved about them, and I’m not going to apologize for that.

One thing I will say about GR is that it’s not just meant for professionally published and edited works. It’s meant to be a database of, well, everything, from Shakespeare and Chaucer to web comics to fan fiction. 

What was added to author profiles and book pages? 

Here’s the part I’m not clear on. I understand that artwork was added as covers to fanfic that was either unattributed, or wasn’t intended for that fic. And that’s wrong, and shouldn’t have happened. A simple email to GR support or a request to a librarian would have sorted it out in minutes though.

There’s also been some talk of writers worrying about being outed, and stories of people who’ve lost jobs and custody of kids for writing “smut”. Erotica writer here, you’re preaching to the choir. But I don’t think that linking from a GR author page to an AO3 profile is suddenly going to bust the whole thing open. How could it? If any information other than that was added, then yes, that was wrong. But I’m not aware of any incidents where that happened, and I’m not sure how it

could

happen if the information wasn’t already available online anyway. 

Fanfic is for fandom 

You read Sterek? You recommend Sterek? You spend a lot of time at A03 leaving comments and kudos for Sterek? Surprised to find you’re not part of the fandom? So were many of us. 

I’ve spoken to a lot of people in private groups who are absolutely gutted, because all the Tumblr posts going around about “fanfic is for the fandom only” make them feel like they’re not allowed to be part of the club when their only crime was to love something they read and want to share it with their friends.I can’t pretend to be an expert on the fandom culture, except to say that I’ve seen enough posts in the last few days from writers who have no problem with their works being added to the GR database to suspect that the writers acting as the gatekeepers of fandom have no mandate to do so. And, as one prolific fanfic writer put so eloquently:

Fandom is where fandom goes.

Well, here we are. 

The culture clash

I understand that the fanfic community is very different than the one on GR, but most of the people reading and reviewing fanfic on GR are doing it because they love the fandom. It may be accepted practice on AO3 not to offer any criticism, constructive or otherwise, and I have some sympathy for writers who have checked out their works on GR and suddenly discovered they have star ratings. 

But that’s how we do things here. That’s how we approach what we read. And as a writer, you can’t actually control how readers interact with your work. To those of us on GR, reviewing and recommending fics here is no different than doing it when we connect on Facebook or Tumblr or anywhere else online. GR is how I’ve found so many wonderful fics that I otherwise would never have read. And that is why they were added to GR – because people were so enthusiastic about them that they wanted to share them with their friends. 

“Someone that reads gay fiction and goes to GR is not the same as someone from the TW fandom that reads gay sterek fic with mpreg on AO3”

That’s an actual quote from an actual Tumblr post. Google it if you want to find it. Like I said, I’m not linking. And I’ve only got one thing to say in relation to that statement anyway: Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. 

I read gay fiction. I read and write m/m fiction (not the same as gay fiction BTW. Ironically, m/m fiction has its origins in slash). And I also read gay Sterek fic with mpreg, A/B/O, and whatever other tropes you want to throw in there. I love them all. 

And so do the hundreds (possibly more, I haven’t counted) of other GR members who are part of the various fanfiction groups. But you just go on worrying that we don’t understand the tropes you’re using because apparently fanfic is a different language that we can’t possibly, you know, pick up by reading it. Like you all did. 

You do not own fanfiction. 

In the past few days I’ve seen a few writers claiming their “intellectual property” is being shared without their permission. And here’s where I have a real issue. Yes, you wrote your fanfic, but you don’t own it. In the case of Sterek, MTV owns those characters. 

Sidenote: I also saw a particularly hilarious disclaimer on A03 that stated:

“

I do not give permission to this work being read aloud and/or shared with the press, or anyone working on said production of Teen Wolf, including but not limited to cast, crew, writers, or producers. I also do not give permission share this work on third-party websites such as Goodreads, which I believe is a resource intended for published works outside of fandom.”

I read it aloud anyway. Like the fucking rebel I am. Again though, here’s the misunderstanding of what Goodreads is. Goodreads is for any published works, and yes, that includes works published online. And yes, that includes fanfic.

I absolutely believe that fanfiction only exists because studios and copyright holders

allow

it to exist. It’s an act of goodwill, and most copyright holders recognise the fact that fanfiction, in all its forms, is good for their bottom line. I know that I’ve dropped money on the

Teen Wolf

DVDs because of Sterek, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. 

I also believe though, that once fanfic writers start calling fanfiction their “intellectual property”–something I’ve seen thrown around in a few places the last couple of days–it will cause copyright holders to sit up and pay attention. 

P2P 

If claiming ownership will cause copyright holders to sit up and take notice, it will be P2P that might just force them to take action. In my opinion, fanfiction writers who think they own their fanfic and who pull it to publish will be more damaging to the fanfic culture that anyone reviewing and sharing recs on any platform including GR will ever be.

Interestingly, one of the most vocal of the fanfic writers is a writer who is publishing a non-fanfic book soon. This book, which will retail for around $12 on Amazon, is a former Glee fanfic that has been pulled to publish. Except last time I checked it hadn’t actually been pulled, it was still on AO3. In short, she has an issue with people sharing fanfic recommendations on Goodreads, but no issue attempting to make money off something she built using someone else’s intellectual property. And it doesn’t matter if the thing is as far removed from the original as Fifty Shades was from Twilight. In my opinion, it’s ethically wrong. 

Maybe a Find & Replace of all the names is actually legally enough to get the work considered transformative. Legally and ethically aren’t always the same thing and,

personally

, I hate P2P fanfic and refuse to purchase it. 

But hold on, isn’t Goodreads removing fanfics? 

Yes, yes it is. Despite their own guidelines, GR has been removing fics at the request of fanfic authors. They don’t have to, but they are. Which means that all of those lengthy reviews with hundred of comments and gifs and pics are also being removed. And people are upset about that. 

On GR we make friends over the reviews were share and the books we love. Those reviews and those conversations are now being deleted. Some people have lost tens of reviews, if not more. That’s a lot of hours of work, and you know why they did it in the first place? Because they loved a story and wanted to share it. 

Oh, and I write fanfic too. 

Yeah, I do. Just started, but it’s going to be a thing for me. Because it’s fun, and I like to share it with people, both on AO3 and here. And I know a lot of writers who do the same. AO3 and GR aren’t oil and water. They aren’t matter and anti-matter. You don’t have to pick a side, really. 

You’ll find me on AO3 as Discontented Winter. 

Feel free to share, recommend, or rate my fics any way or anywhere you like. 

[iffeelscouldkill]

How to Be a Superhero Love Interest

Fandom: Spider-Man: Homecoming/Marvel Cinematic Universe

Pairing: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker (Spideychelle)

Summary: Twin confusing things are happening to MJ. One, she's getting an unusual amount of attention from their friendly neighbourhood superhero, Spider-Man. And two, she might be starting to develop a crush on her ridiculous dork friend and teammate Peter Parker. More to the point, she thinks he might actually... like her back?

Being MJ, it isn't long before she manages to put two and two together. After that, it's just a matter of figuring out how to be a superhero love interest.

Author’s Note: I finished Part 1 of my Spideychelle fanfic and decided to post it to Tumblr! You can also read it on AO3.

Peter Parker is obviously hiding something.

Michelle prides herself on her sharp observation skills, but it doesn’t take a person with any observation skills whatsoever to know that Peter Parker has a secret. He is, in point of fact, one of the worst, most obvious secret-havers in the history of having a secret. And in that list, she includes Mr. Medley, the librarian, who is clearly and indiscreetly having an affair with Ms. Burns from the science department. (He’s forgiven her more than a few overdue fines for keeping that one quiet).

But even though Peter is obviously hiding something, with his disappearances and his inconsistent excuses and his sketchy and conveniently vague “Stark Industries internship” that goes far beyond anything that a normal internship would require, Michelle is not going to investigate further. Because in the course of being observant, she has discovered that people don’t like it when she confronts them with her observations.

“God, Michelle, you’re like a hound dog,” her older sister, Evelyn, had groaned the last time Michelle interrogated her about why she’d come home late, reeking of cigarette smoke. “No wonder you don’t have any friends.”

“I don’t want any friends,” Michelle retorted flatly. More to the point, she doesn’t need friends, because friends make you compromise your beliefs in order to fit in. Michelle is her own person. And without friends, she also has way more free time.

Sure, Michelle has people that she’s on friendly terms with, whom she refers to as ‘friends’ for the sake of seeming socially acceptable. She sits near Peter Parker and Ned Leeds at lunch because their weirdness means that everyone else keeps their distance, and she doesn’t mind being associated with them by proxy. They’re good guys.

But for most of the time, when she walks between classes and when she walks to and from school in the morning and the evening, Michelle is alone.

It’s during one of these times, as she’s walking home from school, that she looks up and sees Spider-Man. He’s swinging her way, an acrobatic red-and-blue figure getting larger as he swoops from building to building.

The sight of him triggers a kind of falling feeling in her gut, and the world spins briefly as she’s taken back to DC and the terror of staring up at a shaking, collapsing building with her friends inside, knowing there was nothing she could do to help them.

But she also remembers a lithe, costumed figure impossibly scaling the side of the building, defying helicopters and threats to get inside and save them.

As Spider-Man swings closer, Michelle raises one hand and waves at him. She’s just one person in the throngs of people crowding the sidewalk; she doesn’t expect him to notice her. But to her surprise, at the peak of one of his swings, Spider-Man waves back.

The action causes him to fire his next web just a fraction too late and he fumbles it, missing the overhang he was aiming for and attaching to a window ledge lower down. As a result, his next swing takes him too low, and with a comical yell of shock Spider-Man goes crashing into the side of a dumpster. Michelle hears a series of clatters and a muffled, “Shit!”

She can’t help it – she giggles.

As Michelle continues on her way, she doesn’t notice a red and blue figure crawling up the side of a nearby building and perching on the rooftop, watching her go.

Michelle has a strict policy of non-intervention.

She watches, she learns, but she does not interfere. Mostly because she doesn’t care, or claims not to care, about the petty disputes her fellow students get into over whose job it was supposed to be to take the chemistry equipment to Mr. Cobbwell after class (even though she knows it was Lucy’s job, not Betty’s like Lucy claims), or when Ms. Beckett blames Jayden for writing dick jokes on the chalkboard in their English classroom when the handwriting is clearly Trisha’s.

Even on those rare occasions when she does care, she keeps her mouth shut and saves her energy for the arguments that matter. As an activist, she’s learned to pick her battles; you have to, otherwise you wind up angry and burnt out, of no use to anyone. And she’s definitely not about to start fighting anyone else’s for them.

And yet in spite of all that, when she hears Flash call Peter “Penis Parker” for the fiftieth time, she snaps.

“You know what, Flash? If you took all the time that you spend coming up with supremely unoriginal nicknames to insult people whose intelligence makes you feel insecure and channelled it into actually studying, you might be worth more to the Decathlon team than just dead weight.”

A dead silence follows her words. They’re in homeroom, five minutes before the first bell, and Flash is half-turned in his seat with one arm resting on the back of his chair, the cocky smirk sliding off his face and giving way to taut anger.

Peter, in the desk behind Flash, and Ned, next to him, are both staring at her gobsmacked, mouths hanging open.

Dimly, Michelle wonders if she just compromised her position as Declathon team captain by insulting a member of the team, but she doesn’t care. She flicks a curl of hair out of her face, plunging on before Flash can muster a response.  

“Oh but go on – insult me, too; I can take it. Because deep down I think you’re just scared of us. You see, Flash, unlike you, we aren’t afraid to be individuals. So we won’t go trailing around after you trying to kiss your ass. What a shame.” And she finishes by drawing an imaginary tear down one cheek.

There is muffled snickering from around the room. Flash’s face is slowly turning purple with indignant rage; he opens and closes his mouth, but before he can get any of the words out, the bell rings.

The tension in the room breaks, and the noise level immediately rises as people start to laugh and chatter more openly. Michelle allows herself a small victory smirk. Flash is still staring at her, but she holds his gaze, unblinking, refusing to be the first to look away, until Ms. Gardner sweeps into the room and calls for quiet.

Two seats away, Ned is grinning at her like she’s Christmas, his birthday and the Fourth of July come all at once. And Peter—

She glances over at Peter and immediately looks away, her cheeks flushing, because he’s giving her this look that she’s never seen before on another person.

It’s respect, fondness, amusement, and admiration all rolled into one. Even when Michelle’s not looking at Peter, she can still feel his gaze on her.

She stares down at the table top, aimlessly twiddling a pen and wondering why her stomach suddenly feels so weird. This is Peter Parker. Peter Parker, of the infamous puppy-dog crush on Liz Allan, which he’s definitely not over even though she moved out of state a month ago.

Peter Parker, whose brain-to-mouth filter is non-existent, whose love for science is matched only by his love for Lego and Star Wars, and who spends all his time when he’s not at school sticking together said Legos in his bedroom with his equally dorky friend, Ned Leeds, and coming up with weird new elements for the periodic table.

Ms. Gardner begins taking attendance, and Michelle answers automatically to her name. Peter eventually looks away from her, which is a relief, but her heart is still going at twice its usual rate.

It could be leftover adrenaline from the confrontation with Flash, but Michelle knows better. Flash doesn’t scare her. It has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the boy sitting in the desk behind him.

“You should’ve seen the look on Flash’s face! I thought he was going to bust a kidney!” Ned crows at lunch.

“Why a kidney?” Peter asks him.

“I dunno, but he nearly did.”

Michelle rolls her eyes and wishes she’d gone to the library like she originally planned. She’d thought that scooting her chair even further than usual away from Peter and Ned would have given them the hint that she doesn’t want to talk, but Ned had simply sat right down next to her with his lunch tray. Peter had hovered awkwardly, like he was torn between respecting her wish for space and sitting next to his best friend, and eventually followed suit.

“It was awesome,” Ned repeats reverently. “And Flash couldn’t even say a thing! I think he’s scared of you.”

Michelle snorts, though he’s right; Flash hasn’t said a word to her since homeroom, hasn’t even glanced in her direction. She isn’t going to kid herself that she’s safe, though; they have Decathlon practice right after school.

She glances over at Peter, and finds him giving her that look again. He’s also not saying anything, which from a normal person, would be weird. From Peter “motor-mouth” Parker, it might just be a sign that the world is ending.

She feels like she might claw out of her skin if she doesn’t do something, so finally she demands, “What, Peter?”

“Thanks, MJ,” he replies, with warm sincerity in every syllable.

The feeling in her stomach multiplies by about a hundred. Goddamn it.

Michelle enters the hall for Decathlon practice that afternoon with a poised calm that masks the apprehension she feels underneath. She’s not afraid of Flash, but if he tells Mr. Harrington what she said about him earlier, she could lose the team captaincy.

She’s not sure exactly why he got under her skin so badly earlier. She doesn’t like bullies, true, and she’s long thought that Flash needed to be taken down a peg. She’s sure that most of homeroom, for all that they pretend to like Flash, were secretly rooting for him to go down. But even so, the intensity of the anger that she’d felt in that moment surprised her.

Ned waves at her cheerily from the edge of the hall, which she ignores. She glances over and sees someone talking to Mr. Harrington, and her stomach lurches – but it’s not Flash, it’s Peter. He’s saying something earnestly (which is pretty much his default setting), gesturing widely with his hands while Mr. Harrington nods.

Michelle walks past them and goes up to the stage, where Abe and Cindy are mucking around. Flash is sitting off to the side, but he’s completely silent, and doesn’t look at her.

“All right, guys,” she says, and even without raising her voice, the group instantly quiets down. “Let’s run some drills.”

She tries not to pay attention to whatever Peter is still discussing with Mr. Harrington as she drills the team on general knowledge questions, but she can’t help but hear when Mr. Harrington calls Flash over to them. He looks sulky as he walks over, and only looks more so at whatever Mr. Harrington is telling him.

Peter, meanwhile, has wandered over to join the group running drills. Ned gets up to let Peter take his seat and his buzzer.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Peter,” says Michelle sarcastically. It’s no big deal really, but she wants to try and make him squirm a little bit.

“Sorry, MJ,” says Peter with a contrition that only makes her narrow her eyes more. With Liz as captain, he bailed on nationals with less remorse than he’s showing her right now. “I just had to clear something up with Mr. Harrington.”

Michelle lets it go, but after practice she corners him before he can disappear out the door in point five seconds like he usually does.

“So, what were you talking about with Mr. Harrington that was so important? And what did it have to do with Flash?”

Flash had also rejoined the group about two minutes after Peter, looking mutinous. She hadn’t said anything, and neither had he, even to make his customary snide remarks about Peter’s ‘Stark internship’. However, he’d answered several questions in the quick-fire round, and even got most of them right.

Peter grins at her sheepishly. “Well, y’know, I just wanted to clear up a couple things with him, about earlier.”

“Earlier,” Michelle repeats.

“Yeah. I figured Flash might try and get you in trouble with Mr. Harrington over what you said, ‘cause it was about the Decathlon team, so I wanted to try and make sure you didn’t. Get in trouble, I mean. So I just told him that there was an argument, you stood up for me and might’ve said some kinda harsh stuff, but you were defending me. And he said it was okay.”

“Just ‘okay’?” says Michelle.

“Well, he said it was between you guys and that you and Flash could sort it out between yourselves, without involving the Decathlon team,” Peter says with a diffident shrug. “So, y’know. No worries!”

Michelle treats Peter to a long, hard look before punching him lightly in the arm. “I don’t need you to play the hero for me,” she tells him.

“You’re welcome, MJ,” he replies with a brilliant grin.

The problem with breaking her policy of non-intervention is that when she does, Michelle always winds up getting involved. With people.

To be more specific, she thinks that she might actually be becoming friends with Peter and Ned. Not ‘on friendly terms’ friends, but actual friends.

After that day, she somehow never goes back to sitting two or three seats away from them at lunch. At first, she still keeps her distance conversationally, silently reading her book and ignoring Peter and Ned’s chatter, but then she finds herself somehow getting drawn into one of their dumb debates about which Star Wars movie is the best (Rogue One, obviously).

After that they somehow get on to debating the Lord of the Rings and Eowyn’s characterisation in the books versus the movies (Michelle has very strong opinions; Tolkien is great, but he sucked at writing women) and whether or not another set of Harry Potter movies was a good idea. Michelle is slightly unnerved to find that she has a lot in common with these dorks.

Peter and Michelle keep a whispered debate going all the way through History and up to the final bell, with Peter contending that creators should have the right to keep making new works in their franchise, and Michelle arguing that they should release the IP into the public domain so that fans can have a go at making their own versions. (“But then we wouldn’t have Rogue One, and you said it was your favourite!” Peter needles her. “We also probably would’ve got a diverse Star Wars a lot sooner,” Michelle retorts, and grins when his face falls.) She’s smiling as she says goodbye to them, and she carries on smiling all the way home.

Maybe having actual-friends isn’t so bad after all.

She’s wrong-footed, though, when Peter invites her over to watch Firefly with him and Ned at his house two days later. Ned stayed back after Geography class to talk to the teacher, so it’s just her and Peter at their usual lunch table. Peter has set his tray down next to hers but isn’t sitting down yet, nervously shifting on the spot as he looks down at her.

“…And so I thought it might be cool if maybe, you know, you came over and watched it with us? My aunt’s cool, she won’t mind. You could stay for dinner,” Peter rambles.

Michelle opens her mouth, unsure what to say. Sitting together at lunch and arguing about geek culture is one thing, but going over to someone’s house, meeting their mom (well, aunt) and staying for dinner is something else entirely. She’s a solitary person by nature, and she needs her time alone after spending the whole day around people.

Plus, she can’t help thinking it would be awkward with just the three of them – she doesn’t know them that well, not really – and it would make this whole “situation” with Peter, the one where they keep accidentally catching each other’s eyes for too long and then blushing and awkwardly looking away, so much worse. It’s bad enough at school, but in close quarters with no good escape route? Ugh. Recipe for disaster.

“I actually have this book that I really need to finish for English-” Michelle starts.

“Oh, yeah, no, of course, I get it – though I mean, you could bring it with you?” Peter offers.

“-and I have to be home by 8 o’clock anyway on a school night, my older sister is kind of strict,” she finishes over him.

It’s not a lie, but it’s a half-truth; Evelyn never holds her to the 8 o’clock curfew that their parents set, and she wouldn’t care if Michelle went out for the evening or stayed over a friend’s house. Michelle just hasn’t ever wanted to before.

“Sure, yeah, right…” Peter says, looking for all the world like a puppy whose tail she just trod on. “Maybe some other time.”

He sits down, and Michelle returns awkwardly to her lunch. Fortunately, Ned arrives before the tense silence can drag out much longer.

“Hey, guys! Sorry that took so long. So, did you ask her yet?” he says to Peter. Michelle’s face grows warm.

“Yeah, uh, I did,” says Peter in a despondent voice, not looking at her. Ned somehow fails to pick up on his tone.

“Great! So, we’ll see you later?”

“Actually, I have a- uh-” Michelle begins.

“She has stuff to do, and, um, her mom-”

“Sister-”

“Sister, yeah, sorry, is kinda strict.”

“Oh.” Ned looks between the two of them, then shrugs. “That sucks.”

Michelle leaves five minutes later, mumbling something about having to go to the library.

She doesn’t know where all this guilt has suddenly come from, but it sits in her stomach all day. The thought of another evening spent by herself in her room, reading, suddenly seems cold and empty rather than appealing.

She fidgets distractedly all through Spanish, and eventually pulls out her copy of Brave New World and skimreads the last few pages under her desk. Then as the bell rings, she pushes her way through the crowd of students in the hallway and hurries to catch up with Peter and Ned.

“-sure she didn’t mean it like that, dude, she just-” Ned cuts off mid-sentence when he sees her. “Oh, Michelle. Hey.”

“Hey,” Michelle says awkwardly.

There’s a pause, during which she resolutely forces herself to swallow her pride, then goes on,

“So I managed to finish my book during Spanish, and I was wondering if the offer to watch Firefly with you guys is...”

“Yeah!” Peter interrupts her eagerly. “Yeah, if you’re sure your sister won’t-”

“I already texted her, so it probably won’t be a big deal,” says Michelle. In fact, Evelyn’s reply to her off-handed text about spending the evening at a friend’s house had been,

what???? you???? who died and gave you a social life???

She’d decided to interpret that as an okay.

They go to Peter’s house, and she manages not to embarrass herself in front of his aunt (who is surprisingly young, and also endearingly pleased to meet another friend of her nephew’s).

Up in his room, which is just as nerdy as she had predicted, they sit shoulder to shoulder and watch Firefly on Ned’s laptop. Michelle has seen the show half a dozen times before, and she keeps up a running commentary of random trivia and dry remarks about the actors’ terrible Mandarin, which entertains the two boys to no end.

All in all, it’s not a terrible evening at all, and when Peter suggests that they hang out again on Friday night to finish the second half of the series, she doesn’t think twice before agreeing.

One problem with being friends with Peter and Ned is that it becomes a lot harder for Michelle to ignore the fact that Peter is hiding something.

But she manages to forget about it for a little while, right up until she gets to Peter’s house for the second half of the Friday marathon and Ned answers the door.

“Oh, uh, Peter had to cancel on tonight. Something came up.”

Michelle frowns. “He didn’t say anything at school,” she points out. In fact, Peter had been looking forward to their evening, and had checked with her at least three times to make sure she was still coming over. What was so important that he had to bail at 5pm on a Friday?

“Yeah, no, it was really last-minute,” Ned explains, although Michelle doesn’t really buy it.

“So… what are you doing here?” Michelle asks. The ‘this isn’t actually your house’ is implied, though to be fair, she doesn’t know anything about Ned’s home situation, so maybe half-living at Peter’s house is normal for him.

“Uh, May invited me to stay for dinner,” Ned says awkwardly.

“Oh.”

There’s a pause, during which Michelle tells herself not to be stupid; of course she’s not on the sort of terms yet that would see her invited to a guy’s house when he’s not even home. That’s lifelong-best-friend shit.

“Well, I’d better get going, then,” says Michelle, and turns to go.

“Hey, um-” Ned calls before she can get too far, and Michelle waits. “Do you… wanna stay for dinner, too? I’m sure May won’t mind, she always makes extra…”

Michelle half spins around. “I wouldn’t want to bother her, really, I’ll just head home and-”

“It’s fine, I swear – May? Can Michelle stay for dinner, too?”

So, reluctantly, Michelle steps inside just as Peter’s Aunt May comes into the front hall, drying her hands on a dishtowel. “Oh, Michelle! How good to see you again!”

She smiles, but Michelle thinks there’s something a little strained and brittle about it. “Of course you can stay for dinner.”

Michelle mentally instructs herself to stop being in observation mode; she’s been invited over as a guest, she needs to stop analysing things. “Thanks so much for having me, May. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Really, I insist! Peter should be back later, anyway; he just had to, uh, run an errand.”

‘Run an errand’? Michelle thinks. Clearly being a terrible and unconvincing liar runs in the family. But she says nothing; it’s none of her business, and whatever this weird secret is that Peter has, at least his aunt is in the know.

Dinner is a strange experience. Ned and May both seem on edge, and Ned keeps checking his phone the whole time. Occasionally Michelle will have her head bent over her food and at the edge of her vision, catch him exchanging looks with May, silently communicating something.

She could try to fill the silence, but she’s never really seen the point of small talk. Occasionally May will seem to realise that they’re acting weird and brightly inject a question about school into the silence, which Michelle answers as normally as she can. All in all, it’s sort of a relief when dinner is over.

Michelle offers to help wash up, but May waves her off. “Don’t be silly, you’re the guest! I got this. You two go upstairs and watch a movie or something.”

Ned looks at her uncertainly. Michelle likes Ned well enough, but it’s not the same dynamic without Peter around, and she can already imagine how awkward it would be sitting down to watch a movie with just the two of them. “That’s okay; I should really be getting home. Thanks again for dinner.”

Ned, obviously relieved, offers to see her out.

“So, uh, see you at school tomorrow,” he says as she shoulders her bag.

“Monday,” Michelle corrects him dryly. “Tomorrow’s the weekend.”

“Oh yeah! Right.”

“Tell Peter I said hi, when he gets back from… Whatever it is he’s doing.”

Michelle and Ned look at each other for a moment. Michelle can see in his eyes that he’s waiting for her to ask the obvious question of just where the hell Peter is and what he’s doing. A big part of her wants to ask. But she doesn’t want to hear another flimsy lie, and besides, she promised herself that she wouldn’t try and figure this out.

Even though she really wants to.

“Night, Ned.”

[imminentinertia]

For the fandom questions meme: 6, 7, 9, 19, 41, 45, 51

Halla bb

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Harry Potter: Harry Potter/Draco MalfoyHannibal: Hannibal Lecter/Will GrahamSKAM: Isak Valtersen/Even Bech Næsheim

Haven’t really been involved in other fandoms. Haven’t done anything noteworthy in Hannibal, but I’ll count it anyway.

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Hahaha! Oh Lord. 

Harry Potter: with all the possibilites in that ‘verse… I’ll have to say Sirius Black/Remus Lupin. I could list about fifty more, some involving The Giant Squid. Even though I have a thing for rarepairs and crack.Hannibal: Will Graham/Alana Bloom (I really dislike her)SKAM: Chris Berg/Kasper Folkestad, but that’s because they’re the comical sidekick pairing and I think Chris deserves to get to be more three-dimensional.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

I may be living under a rock, but SKAM is a peaceful fandom, I think. Not much in the way of bashing each other’s ships, plenty friendly, kind interactions, lots of adorable people. I’m probably one of the least adorable fans, so I try to behave myself and be kind too.

Also, I love the veritable explosion of evak fics. Carry on, authors!

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

I don’t think so? Either I’m fine with the ship or neutral or I loathe it.

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

Minutt For Minutt by @enochianess

For jeg skal faen meg se litt mer på deg by @stormboxx (Norwegian)

Kollektivet (Caught In a Landslide) by hellagroovy

An Equal and Opposite Reaction by @junkshop-disco

i guess that’s destiny doing it right by @allyasavedtheday

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

This is easy: Sketches of Even by @fandomlimb

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

I’m more of a ranter than a gusher. So. This is where I’ll fail at being kind:

I hate it when people don’t do their research. I know, I know, you have to learn how to do research (and you need to learn that it’s necessary to do research in the first place!), and everybody has to start somewhere, and it’s not easy, and everybody makes mistakes, BUT STILL. 

You need to look things up. You need to find out where you can look things up. You need betas and various -pickers to help catch the errors you miss. You sometimes need to be more vague about things than you’d like because you simply don’t know enough about it to be specific. You will still fuck up now and then. You have to graciously accept criticism when you get something wrong.

This goes for published writers as well, of course. Do your research. Please.

The flip side of this rant is that I love it when SKAM writers ask me about stuff. Please do! Message me, send me asks, suggest additions to the tiny guide for SKAM writers. Don’t be shy.

[thisdaynews]

The Strange, Nostalgic World of Obama-Biden Fan Fiction

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/the-strange-nostalgic-world-of-obama-biden-fan-fiction/

The Strange, Nostalgic World of Obama-Biden Fan Fiction

Those who choose to live in clinical denial, ahoy! This is a no-judgment zone, in which you will be urged to forget the current American president’s name—and instead enjoy escapist fan fiction about Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Yes, there is such a thing. Past presidential fanfic masterworks—like “Kim Jong Elmo vs Dick Cheney and George Bush featuring Lapis Lazuli”—might have been relegated to online speakeasies, but so great is thenostalgie d’Obamathat new books about Barry and Joe are bringing fanfic’s nerdy tropes into the light of day in print.

Story Continued Below

Parodist Andrew Shaffer has just added a new entry to his enjoyably ludicrous Obama-Biden series, which launched last year withHope Never Diesand features the duo solving mysteries together. The second entry, published in July, is called, you guessed it,Hope Rides Again.Indie director Adam Reid’s gonzo graphic confection,The Adventures of Barry & Joe, which styles Obama and Biden as time-traveling superheroes, was released this past spring. It is here to, if not to save the day, then at least demonstrate the life-changing magic of putting our heads under the covers and pretending it’s 2015.

I respect you if you refuse to look back and entertain fantasies that Obama and Biden might return to deliver the Republic from evil. Biden on the 2020 stump might wield Obama’s name like a talisman to protect himself from criticism, but all sane voters know the Joe-Barack heyday is never coming back.

Still, tucking into the fantasies of Reid, a filmmaker whose 2010 filmHello Lonesomewas a festival darling, and Shaffer, a novelist who teaches writing in Kentucky, I decided to tolerate and maybe even open my heart to the authors’ poignant nostalgia for libmerica. It’s a powerful thing to mark the difference between today’s gruesome nonfan-nonfic—in which the Chosen One aims to delete China while annexing Israel and Greenland—and escape back to the relative paradise known as 2008 to 2016.

Now, to Uncle Joe.Hope Never Dies(Quirk Books), the first of the Shaffer mysteries—Hardy Boys-style with a YA version of the Dashiell Hammett narrative voice, but goofy—was released before Biden had announced his presidential bid; the second,Hope Rides Again,came out not long afterward. Like many an Obaman, Shaffer’s Biden opens the first novel frozen in time, just after the 2016 election, gorging on Ben & Jerry’s. This bothers Jill, Joe’s wife. In both Shaffer novels, Joe and Jill (and Barack and Michelle) are comparable to lovable, forgettable CBS sitcom duos of a decade ago:Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens.The dude is a charming galoot; the wife has his number.

But the real One True Pairing here—let’s not kid ourselves—is gonna involve Barack, whose communiqués Joe initially awaits like a schoolgirl scorned. “After Jill was sound asleep, I scrolled through old text messages Barack and I had exchanged a lifetime ago,” Shaffer writes. “It was an exercise in futility. If I kept picking at the wound, it was never going to heal.”

Biden mirrors the sulky American people. Is Barack Obama ghosting us?

Probably. But inHope Never Dies,he‘s not ghosting Biden, and after Encyclopedia Joe stumbles on the mystery of the murdered Amtrak conductor inHope Never Dies, the Dem Duo reunite to criss-cross Delaware in a farrago that leads them to find the mastermind of the opioid epidemic because why not. (It is not the Sacklers, FYI; fanfic is fic.)

On the cover ofHope Rides Again,the sequel, Obama wears tan as, in an Ethan Hunt moment, he dashingly mounts a rope ladder to a helicopter, giving a hand to trusty Joe. This choice, of course, expresses Shaffer’s fondness for no-drama Obama by reminding us that right-wing pundits had nothing to make hay about in summer 2014 but the president’s beige suit. In this novel, Joeisabout to announce his presidential bid, when Barack loses track of his BlackBerry—warning, the nostalgia goes deep; Obama even smokes again—and the device’s thief has been murdered. Off they go!

Joe encounters thugs, a grenade, near-disaster on an airplane. And he and Barack do, it’s true, end up, “huddled together, arms twisted like a couple of pretzels”—but they’re in a hole the size of a washing machine in the hull of a ship. By the time the police helicopter arrives for them, unfurling its rope ladder, they’ve finished off the bad guys and are ready to fly away, like Obama leaving the White House on January 20, 2017.Sniff.

If this is all high corn, there’s some actual sweetness, too: Shaffer clearly admires and somehow truly gets Joe’s geriatric efforts to be cool and, especially cringily,downwith the 44th president, with fist bumps and (yikes) even pseudo-Ebonics. It’s good someone finds that side of Joe charming.

Reid’sAdventures of Barry & Joe(Dey Street Books), the product of a Kickstarter campaign,is considerably skeevier than the wholesome Shaffer books. To clarify: None of this is slash. That’s a blessing. Shaffer and Reiddo not, I repeat donot, reprise (entirely) the Kirk/Spock erotics from the earliest days of pre-internet fan fiction. In case you somehow dodged the ’70s zines, in which fanfic was first codified, “slash” were the sexy fairy tales, mostly by women, in which the fellowship expressed on the USS Enterprise tilted into loving tendresse and then—sweetly, slowly—into … make-out jams.

Presumably Reid wants a bigger audience for his graphic novel than he’d get with straight slash.Adventuresis ultimately something called “ampersand” fanfic, meaning friendship, not romance, defines the Barry & Joe relationship. (That’s “ship” in fanfic-speak—you D.C. squares got a lot to learn.)

But, unaccountably, Reid still wants to see the former president and VP nekkid, so by panel No. 7 of the chapter called “True Bromance,” they’re drawn in a locker room, preparing to participate in a time-travel experiment by stripping down to their briefs. By No. 9, we’re to full-posterior nudity. Joe, so you know, has the dusty-rose busting-at-the-seams body of geezer strongman Jack LaLanne. Barry, while also shredded, is only somewhat slimmer. Glutes have been diligently attended to by the artists in that section, Joe St. Pierre (of Marvel), Anwar Hananu (Image Comics) and freelance illustrator Dezi Sienty. (The Adventures, which includes a grab bag of stories, aphorisms and short plays alongside the graphic components, is very much a group effort.)

Before Joe and Barack disappear into a time-travel vessel that looks like KitchenAid made it, Biden says, “Barack, I want you to know … I wanna hug even though we’re naked. Is that wrong?” Barry: “Let’s not.” Joe: “I’ll see you on the other side.”

Much of Reid’s scrapbook concerns madcap travel in the “multiverse,” in what could be a tribute to the lateMadmagazine.The taste level isMad,also. In one of Reid’s short stories, Joe returns to the 1970s, looks uncannily hot, and gets a chance to talk to his son, Beau, then 9. More than the nudity, this fictional resurrection of Biden’s son—the real Beau Biden died of brain cancer in 2015—seems far too intrusive to be even campily enjoyable.

I winced. Until that point, I’d been reading with the simmering notion that liberal democracy, now globally stifled, might come back to life with a new leader in 2020. But Beau Biden will not come back to life. Suddenly the whole project of these wish-fulfillment Obama fantasias seemed like nothing more than fodder for Trump ralliers to, as the T-shirt says, oil their guns with liberal tears. And how in the world could I write about it? One false move—one mentionin fictionthat Obama and Biden (in fiction) are (fictional) witnesses to an (imaginary) gangland shooting (in a work of fiction)—and you might end up quoted with a straight face in some daft anti-Biden propaganda that ricochets all over the internet. While I could suspend solemnity for a few hours, in this current breath-holdingly paranoid climate, there’s not enough oxygen for this much playfulness.

If the Library of Congress shelving system were remade for our time, these fanfic works might be classified as “WAFF,” because they’re meant to generate—you got it—warm and fuzzy feelings. Those are the feelings most Americans still vaguely remember from four years ago. But we’re forgetting. And before we introduce delusions about what might have been, we have an urgent challenge in the present—Trumpism, which can be stopped only with something other than naked cartoons. Thus, the Biden-Obama counterfactuals,especiallybecause they’re meant to be fun, leave me with CAPs—cold and pricklies. Nowthat’s a phrase from the 1970s that should be brought back.

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