#i won't be tagging the networks all month but it's the first post so

[qinghe-s]

THIRTY DAYS OF HANGUANG-JUNE | 1/30 (last year’s post by @lanyuan)

[id: two gifs of lan wangji from episode one of cql/the untamed. he is seen in white against a dark blue background, looking at a sword he’s holding that appears to be smoking as it emits resentful energy. the first gif shows him chest up, while the second is a closeup of his face. end id]

[hussyknee]

I am really sorry, to hear you are struggling. I don't tag my posts or reblogs because I didn't want those who follow me or are my mutuals or visit my page to look away. We don't follow each other but I think, I can understand why it can get hard over the months.

Thank you. In my case it's gotten so bad because I already have severe psychiatric issues + toxic personal life stuff. I'm pretty sure it's the same for a lot of other people on this site. We tend to be so leftist because most of us are ourselves severely disenfranchised and struggling, which means we can burn out much faster.

I understand why you don't tag and it would be up to me to unfollow a blog that has made that choice rather than yours to accommodate me. So I don't mean to tell you what to do at all, but I think your approach may be counterproductive. You can't guilt people into staying engaged for months on end. The ones who really empathize and care will burn out and be unable to follow you and the ones who need to be guilted into reblogging will simply shrug and disengage because performative caring never goes past the lowest threshold of individual comfort.

I think keeping the tags trending and donation posts going is the main thing. This is a war of attrition between public policy and public concern, which means they're relying on news and compassion fatigue to set in, at which point the violence can be normalized. Policy makers gauge public interest via trending tags, news clicks, social media keywords. In order to keep those numbers while staving off fatigue, we need to game the system. That's why Ive been saying from the first to simply go in the Palestine tags once a day or two days and reblog a few posts before going back to whatever you were doing. We can't solve a problem that the UN won't, but we can keep up mutual aid networks and keep media analysts and corporations worried as all hell if we work together. Tagging is one of the ways we can do this with mutual help, consent, and manageability.

Achievable, spiteful goals are a lot more appealing and tenable to the masses than constant, unrelenting pressure to care. Caring is great, but it's only valuable to social justice insofar as it serves as a catalyst to some kind of action you can take. Otherwise it's just fuel for burnout.

[encodedkismet]

~||✨💎 pinned!! 💎✨||~

~🌟 about! 🌟~

hello!! i'm Nyx, aka Kismet/Voxel, he/it/✨, host of the Crystal Network (system). our number, frequent fronters, and active members fluctuates, so i won't worry about trying to post it here.

we're bodily 22, and we like to draw, write, and do other sorts of art, but we don't currently post it publicly. we run an all-ages Sonic server we may promo again soon... if you wanna join in the meantime, feel free to shoot us an ask!

~🌟 interests! 🌟~

we are currently REALLY BIG on.....

- Sonic the Hedgehog

- Homestuck/Hiveswap

- Red Vox

additionally, we like Undertale/Deltarune, House of Leaves, Fullmetal Alchemist, Steven Universe, Portal, Infinity Train, MOTHER series, astrology, and a bunch of other smaller interests!

~🌟 BYF! 🌟~

first off, if we have ended a friendship with you on purpose (aka, not just forgetting to talk for months/years), go away. we just want to be left alone.

we have a few important stances on discourse that we prefer to make public simply because they are important to us. this is not a DNI per se, but we will probably block you if you follow and we see you disagree with these stances.

we are:

- pro-Ao3, pro-fiction, anti-censorship. don't like; don't read, YKINMKATO, ship and let ship, the old ways of fandom.

- we don't believe NSFW/"taboo" fandom content is inherently harmful or ruins the fandom or whatever, so long as it's all properly tagged, and that is in fact the only stipulation we have on fictional content. if you see shit you don't like on the internet and it was properly tagged, that's on you buddy

- anti "narc abuse". generally, anti "personality disorders make you evil". it is not okay to be prejudiced and/or treat someone like shit over a disorder rather than over their actions, especially disorders caused by trauma.

- anti radfem, TERF, whatever. even the "bi women should just choose women because men are pigs" girlies. nope.

besides that, we block anyone we see that we believe is harmful. we think DNIs are often (not always though!) primarily performative and it's better to guard your own space rather than put yourself at the mercy of society.

if all that sounds cool to you, welcome!!

[dangerous-advantage]

(yagi-no-eda here~)

Totally would circle back /pos. I’m also pretty new to the fandom!

My wife has liked Usagi Yojimbo and associated stuff for years but it’s only this summer that my brain has allowed me to really get into it, and make it past the first 2-3 comics. Not for lack of trying - it was just never the right time in an ADHD way*. Something always would distract me. I’ve inhaled all the comics I can in just the last couple of months and yeah, Stan came at me with a steel chair too. I did not expect …this whole situation. I’ve been a fandom lurker since 1999 and yet suddenly I have blog I use near daily, a sketchbook, and bunch of fic WIPS...

Mainly because I am Unwell over UY.

I have accepted my fate. This is always going to be a Thing now.

Though I did admittedly also inhale TMNT 2003 and Rise.

Travels with Jotaro is one of my favourite volumes, but I’m also weirdly into Bridge of Death rn and just….in general having a moment over Usagi’s time with Mifune. To the point I’m doodling intros for a fake show called The Mifune Years. He had this whole expected future and friends - denied.

* to be fair this is also the summer I found out its def ADHD driving this media analysis machine I call a brain

Hope this was an okay way to get back to you! /lil anxious

Feel free to network (or share thoughts) in my tags anytime, I love hearing what other people think. Also happy to chat anytime. Or feel free to tell me to back off and that's chill too :)

(been waiting to answer this for when i had more time but gave in; should be working on my fic(s) but you know how it is lmao. stay tuned for a very long post, because i love talking about things with people, especially things i like haha

very cool to see another person very passionate about this series! i grew up on 2003 (and the 90's movies-- my parents had the third one on cassette and i remember i wore that fucker out lmao) but it was always more of a "scattered interest" rather than something i was fully pulled into

i started getting into rise (read: The Algorithm came for me) probably mid-July of last year, but didn't fully fall into it until after the movie came out. it renewed my interest in tmnt overall, and i've been here ever since!

i did attempt to watch the usagi chronicles a couple of times, and i remember thinking they were fun but not really my thing. (i definitely want to revisit it, even though i know it won't hold a candle to usagi yojimbo. it does look fun in a silly way, which i can get behind.)

i knew vaguely about how big usagi yojimbo was, and that it was a commitment, but i'm surprised how quickly it sucked me in. i've never been super interested in stuff within the genre, but damn if it doesn't satisfy the autism. entire chapters devoted to infodumping about the edo period of japan? sign me the fuck up!

i especially did not expect how much it would make me feel. like. wow. ouch. usagi is just Some Guy but he is also so well characterized and you really feel for his internal conflict, 10/10.

i've been looking for series with older protagonists, especially those more focused on the familial/platonic aspect rather than romantic (i am just an nd queer on the interweb, can you blame me for yearning for found family?), but hadn't found any i really liked other than the tarot sequence by kd edwards (very good read, would highly recommend.)

also not to be a nerd but ohhhh my god i am so obsessed with the plot with mifune.

like i know the series takes place after that, and after the fallout of that, but just. wow. imagine devoting your entire being to another, to the point where you would readily die for them and their word, and then they die. they die, and you did everything you could to honor them in that death, but they're still gone.

like... that emptiness stays with you. you don't just get over that. maybe it's the "being raised in a cult" but wow, do i empathize with that.

idk if we explore more about the fallout/exact history with mifune/immediately following mifune's death but there is so much writing potential there. if i was not embroiled within turtle hell and 50,000 words deep in a multi-chapter fic already, i would absolutely write something for it.

like. this is adjacent to your interest in the topic, but can you just imagine (/rhetorical /general you.) as far as we know, he spent five days on the battlefield before he made it out to the tangled skein.

(which is one of my favorite additions like good god holy shit. that is so cool and angsty. your lord, days after dying, appears as a fucking ghost and saves you. like, if i were to be silly and funky, i would absolutely headcanon that as the reason that he was able to stand up and continue on. because i mean... what else? what else could motivate you to stand up once more after something like that?)

(well. honor. but mifune is the physical manifestation of honor in the narrative, so same difference? it's like both thematically significant and emotionally significant and-- ok im shutting up now. but i could talk for days, istg.)

but like. how do you reconstruct yourself from that? we see him holding tight to this sense of honor, even after his lord is gone, sent reeling (adrift in the waves) with only his soul and moral compass to hold to.

which makes it hurt so much more when we see these ideals of honor-- this ghost of a man, of a life, still haunting him years after the event-- still woven through the narrative, made to specifically conflict his deepest wants.

i joke about it a lot on my fic discord (i have a whole channel called 'father-material' devoted to just pictures of him hanging out with/taking care of kids), but something that seems very important to him is wanting to be a father figure, and wanting these connections to family and friends.

but that is contrasted against these ideas of honor, the very thing he built and rebuilt his foundation off of after it was torn away from him. and it's just so incredibly painful but also it makes sense, because he can't just give up the side of himself that is a samurai. too much of his person, his characterization, is built off of this.

to see it constantly clash with this want to settle down and finally rest, devote himself to his relationships/family rather than the code of bushido-- the very essence of honor itself-- ourgh ourgh ourgh its so good

(put aside the fact that he once said he could never serve another lord, and we know from the story that the idea of a "lord" can be more than just a person... he never stopped serving mifune, not truly. he still upholds the ideas of honor that mifune stood for/represented. as if his lord never truly left him.)

...i was going to say more, but then i realized this turned into a whole-ass mini-analysis, so i'm forcing myself to stfu. but basically: i have feelings about this series, man (/gender neutral).

anyway. if you ever do put something together, i would love to read/follow it! if i ever wrote something, it would probably be exploring the direct fallout of losing mifune, so hey, different niches but similar (:

also: never be anxious about talking to me ever in any way possible. i will probably be even more annoying than you in tags/asks/everything under the sun, and i do genuinely love talking to people who share my interests (typically about those interests.) i like to pretend i am an internet Cool Guy, however, it is a flimsy veneer to hide all the cringefail swaglessness and unending mental illness about my blorbos

(...i am so tempted to just invite you to my og turtle discord server so i can annoy you about usagi on the regular. also about what my reimagining of yuichi would be, because i have so, so many ideas.

i will refrain, but if you would be interested, it has been kinda dead as of late, so it would be nice to enrich the ecosystem a little by slowly collecting other usagi-interested individuals and slowly taking it over, one by one (/j /lh).)

anyway, same thing goes for me with my posts/asks/reblogs/messages/whatever. i am so very earnest, so if that puts you off, that's very chill and fine. however, as long as you're down to vibe, i am similarly down to vibe >:D

i once more apologize for this monstrosity of a reply. i would say it won't happen again, but my reading comprehension apparently does not extend to the "all things in moderation" maxim. instead i choose maximalism (to the max)

(sorry for that joke. yeah that will also happen again. sorry. /lh /pos)

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[limjaeseven]

Addressing the Issue

This entire post is to address an incident that took place on the Magic Shop Net server which later became a public issue after My understanding of what @kingsuckjin (I'm unable to tag them due to an issue with my phone but I'm leaving the tag in there incase they see it) and @btsaudge posted about it on their blogs:

The last 24 hours ish have been rather stressful and confusing for me as something that I never imagined in my wildest dreams would happen, has happened.

As many of you may or may not know, I have been and am currently affiliated with a few Writer's Networks and have been for a while now. A few months ago, an incident occured in one of them which left me rather hurt and upset. I talked about some of it in an older post so you can read it but neither have I there nor will I here go in depth into what happened as the entire issue was dealt with privately and that was the end of it.

The reason I bring it up is that after that incident, I stopped talking it engaging much in other Network servers that I was on, in fear that something wrong would happen again. But of course it did.

Due to the fact that a safe word was used in the chat, I do not have any screenshots or receipts to clarify what was said as the chats were wiped. What I am going to do though is go through the screenshots posted by the aforementioned two people on their tumblr and dissect what was said.

@moccahobi was one of the people who I discussed this matter with before going public with it as it was them who informed me about the posts in the first place.

A few things need to be made clear before I proceed:

(1) I am no longer stan BTS or identify as an army. Now before you jump to conclusions, hear me out. This in no way means I hate the boys or classify as a "hater". I love, respect and admire the boys as artists and as people and am grateful to them for introducing me to kpop and for helping me through tough times

(2) I am a trained singer in Hindustani, Carnatic, and Western Classical music and have been singing all my life. I am also a music producer working to make a career out of my music. This is important as we get into the meat of the issue.

First, let's address the "allegations" or "arguments" made by the two people in question

The main two points made here was:

(1) I (or we) was critiquing their voices

(2) I (or we) was critiquing their weight

The points made here was:

(3) I (or we) was discussing songs of BTS that I didn't like

(4) I (or we) was critiquing their voices

(5) I (or we) was critiquing their wheight

(6) I (or we) was critiquing what they ate

(7) I (or we) was encouraging a negative stereotype about people being fat.

Let's go over the actual conversation with context, shall we?

Now as I mentioned before, since the messages were deleted I don't have receipts but you can reference my claims with @moccahobi or decide for yourself whom to trust:

First let's address talking about songs of their we didn't like (argument no. 3):

The whole conversation started in the first place when I asked in the chat if anyone had any unpopular K-pop Opinions for a video I was working on for my YouTube channel. This led to one of the people in the chat mentioning that had big BTS opinions and I said that MOTS 7, I'm my opinion is the worst album BTS has ever released. For context: I was still army at the time when the album dropped.

This discussion was from a place of honesty where I said why I didn't like certain songs of theirs. In the chat there is a mention of not having meaningful lyrics: I listened to Bollywood music growing up and there are a lot of songs in that genre that exist for fun and have no deep meaning and sometimes such songs are required to break up the "deepness" of the songs.

As a producer myself, I found the songs rather generic and boring and I talked about that. The argument of "the boys would feel so bad" is no reason for not judging their music objectively.

Secondly, let's talk about the whole critiquing their voices thing (argument no: 1 & 4)

(only a statement made by @strawbxxymilk was available to me but I'm just giving context to what the fuller intention of the conversation was because this text is clearly taken out of context)

I, as mentioned before am a trained singer and it really worries me to see that the boys are using techniques of singing that could affect the longevity of their voice and career because I care. I never talked about their tonal quality so it was never about "taste" it was an objective analysis of technique.

I want the boys to do well and have long careers that's why I worry. I want them to do well and yet you say "it sounds like they don't like BTS at all". You can have your opinion and I can have my own but it doesn't mean I don't like the boys.

Lastly, I would like to address the whole wheight issue (argument no: 2, 5, 6 & 7):

First of all; I'm overwheight/healthy/fat whatever you call it. I hate people being fat shamed because I have been all my life. That was the entire point of the discussion which is being misinterpreted or misrepresented. My definition of "fat" or "overwheight" is that of being over a wheight that is considered medically healthy and NOT culturally or socially accepted.

I was outraged by people calling two of the people who inspired me to become musicians, Youngjae of GOT7 and Suga, fat because they are not. They are below the norm in my opinion. I find it disrespectful when people call people who are clearly doing well and healthy fat and that's why I discussed that matter. Also I have no memory of ever engaging in discussing "what the boys ate" . Now there is no way to prove either side of the argument as there are no available screenshots atleast with me to prove that and the chat is wiped clean. If there is proof though, I would suggest the two people who made this issue to come forth with them and I will retract this part (and only this part) of my statement regarding the 'what they ate' issue.

(I was given clarification by @moccahobi that she mentioned that the boys are not eating "nine cups of ramen" as they were before but that comment had nothing to do with their wheight, it was only about them being able to afford and eating proper decent meals)

I never thought I'd have to make this post in the first place. I'm sad that I was not contacted before conversations I engaged in with people who I consider my friends would become subject to public scrutiny.

I've stayed silent many times before when things have happened but I will no longer. I am here to speak my truth and my side of a story that was twisted, taken out of context and put on public blast.

In the end, all I want to say is that nothing I said was meant to hurt anyone but I don't regret a word I said and won't take back any statements I made in the chat. I'm sorry if you, Audge and Moon, were hurt by what I said for that was not my intention. I just wish I was approached before you put these chats up.

Here's a link to the original post for more context on what the allegations/arguments were:

https://kingsuckjin.tumblr.com/post/621314926605107200/tw-i-fucking-have-to-talk-about-my-eating

[tenderlyrenjun]

its really nice seeing u all active on my tl back 🤩 i remember i was really sad when u told us you might delete ur blog back then in last year ;-; it's rare to see writers like you who'd genuinely answer back anon asks! srsly! i was scared to send ask let alone messaging authors given i was traumatized (lol) by the first one that i sent ask to :)

yeah, sometimes I just find it hard to be here. I'm sure that we all do - there's a big lack in communication between people, and I'm also scared to reach out to people first. Like, there is one really popular blog who is also mutuals with my mutuals and followed me on Twitter for awhile, then blocked me on this blog after 0 interaction (for good reason, I can guess why they blocked me), but then they followed me on my gif blog so I reached out to let them know that they have me blocked here. I got no response for literally 2-3 weeks, but they kept reblogging my posts, and it was freaking me out. Because I write in my gif tags, and they would fucking respond to those tags but not my messages ?? It was so confusing, and then I just blocked them on all my socials, because I felt weird. Like this person clearly did Not like a part of me (aka this blog, where I'm most vulnerable and talkative) but still chose to interact with me??? Like what the fuck ??

tbh, I'm not surprised that writers don't answer asks unless they're requests, because they're usually on extended hiatuses and cannot manage interaction. like, it's not bad, and all those asks can be exhausting!! but it makes everything so much more intimidating. I'm scared to reach out to people on this website!!! And it doesn't make it any better when writers literally say "ia for school/work/health so I won't be answering any messages until I can". It's terrifying!! And it seems like the writers all know each other already too?? Because it's only them interacting with each other??? I tried a couple of times to make mutuals with some writers but it's literally just ... (message) (3 months later) (message) (2 months later) or something like that. And networks are like that too - they're primarily run by existing mutually following writers, so it's really hard to get involved in stuff!!! If you're not already in a circle or you didn't already have mutuals, then you're pretty much fucked on this website ._.

I hope you're not off put about me being ... honest/blunt here, because I really want you to interact with me, others, fics, etc.! it's just hard and really demotivating when this website is literally the loneliest website on the planet ._.