#i wont dunk on the show for something unless i can think of a way they could have done something better with the limits they have

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

oh yeah also if i criticize something about the toh finale and you swoop in and say "well it was shortened which means youre not allowed to give it any criticism" ill kill you. but if i criticize something about the toh finale and you swoop in and say "yeah the toh crew are horrible at running a show because the final product didn't touch on every single thing the fandom collectively made up in their heads" ill also kill you. so idk try to find something in between.

[finsterhund]

So guess who might have BPD!!!

No I'm not happy. I go in for one thing and next thing you know I'm adding another "doctors think you have this" to my collection. I want to fix my mental health issues but people just bring up new ones.

Also psychiatrists for adults are always so... ADULT. I was told that it was normal to be harassed and judged for bringing a stuffed animal with me due to my stupid legal age. As if that's my fault and not society's fault. Because I'm not normal everyone has to be devoid of kindness and not minding their own buisness.

Every visit I have to talk about abuse or persinal information or something that isn't anyone's buisness and it just gets so hard to deal with. I came for PHYSICAL treatment. I wanted my body fixed. It's eady to fix my body because we know what's wrong with it. And it's just oodles of mental health stuff.

I'm just so fucking exhausted and want to die rather than deal with this. If existence is difficult then what is the point. My friend says that this is normal to bring up things that are repressed that you don't talk about and that is why it hurts and it has to in order to get better but I can't face repressed shit it hurts too bad. I wish I would have just pretended to not be mentally fucked so that I wouldn't have seen a psychiatrist at all.

Because of these visits im getting all these nasty memories of being a toddler and I want it to stop. It's made my symptoms worse.

All in all I'm really peved at the "people are going to treat you badly because you're not normal" thing. That is a problem with society, not with me. If I'm not a danger I'm not a problem.

I have a right to bring my dog with me.

Also she was like low-key dunking on me for using Andy as an extension of my self because that's not normal and like, it's because I don't know how to be a person and then turns out being a person is only about relationships and opinions but I have those so I guess that works out.

Like, Andy is a character I heavily relate to and I'm named after him it's not that deep. (okay yes it is but that really shouldn't matter right? Apparently not.) It's apparently a maladaptive coping mechanism and stopping me from facing everything I've repressed which yeah, is also true. But i don't know how to fsce repressed shit without severe mental consequences. Andy stays. Sorry. But she thinks I should have adult goals and want to be an adult but I NEVER will because they think differently and have different core values and interests and behaviors. There is nothing in common. But she also said that I should work towards being comfortable and happy and it's mixed feelings. Me being happy is me finally getting to have a real childood and not have to worru about physical ailments or trauma.

She brought up how dependant I am on others and afraid of losing relationships and I mentioned how I always feel friends hate me even though they never show any evidence of it.

Then she hit me with the fact that my brain can make up physical handicaps for no reason that don't protect me in any way and that unless I can tell for sure nothing could be real and that's terrifying my brain already goes off about how nothing could be real and you wouldn't know. I didn't need to hear that from somebody else today.

Anyways in a few days I'm getting blood work done and seeing about an actual physical ailment for once. I have appointments once a week just about.

I never had this much trouble with my pediatric psychiatrist. I wish she would have been right and I had autism and not all this other stuff. I wish I would have never been born and had to deal with everything in the first place.

The only good thing from today is she taught me that smell is the only sense not impaired during episodes, flashbacks, and disassociating and that strong smells can be used to ground yourself.

Also the puppy will be at the next appointment.

Have paperwork to fill out about selfcare and shit. Hope my results aren't abysmal but flipped through and immediately felt my result wont be ideal in the very least.

Glad I brought one of my dogs along for this. Definitely won't stop.

Keep me in your thoughts I'll probably try to sleep this off once I get bsck home

[telaraneas]

So I plan on writing a session but I’m having trouble understanding some classes. Can you classpect analyze a bard of light, sylph of time, knight of breath, seer of void or witch of space? Thanks if you do!!!

OH THATS INTERESTING... hmm i know i say this a lot but the way i see classes, they're descriptive and not predictive- i've never written a session so take this with a grain of salt, but my advice would actually be to start writing the story itself first until you can kind of get a feel for how the characters bounce off each other and what the narrative turns out like, and start assigning classes and aspects based on what feels right, and what will probably happen is that you'll end up at a place where the story/characters and the classpects you've assigned them can feed off each other to strenghten themselves (unless you're already doing that and you're just in the process of figuring out what classes fit best, in which case, ignore this paragraph sjfnksjfj)

IN ANY CASE HAVE SOME ASSORTED THOUGHTS ON THOSE CLASSPECTS

(warning written 2 hours later: i actually have no idea if any of this is useful or coherent or will help you figure anything out. i think i lost track of what i was supposed to be helping with. but it sure made me want to read a hypothetical session with these kinds of people skdnekd)

BARD OF LIGHT: hmm i will be honest with you here, i am still having a hard time really grasping what exactly it means to be a bard?? i THOUGHT i had a handle on it but on rereads ive realized i actually have very little clue of how to reconcile gamzee's classpect with the weird fuckin deus ex clown role he has. so i dont feel very confident in my handle on bards in general right now jsjdks so take this one with a massive grain of salt

having a light player who's a bard certainly sounds like it makes for an INTERESTING story... if light is certainty and fate and Things We Know For Sure Definitely Gotta Happen, Because. then a bard of light might be the kind of person who just. dunks the session into void most of the time skdnskdn. i dont know if you mean for these classes to be all the people in a single session, but i kind of hope it is because theres real potential for INTERESTING DYNAMICS between a bard of light and a seer of void... this might very well be a Blind Leading The Blind kind of situation, like, maybe the bard was in charge of the instructions or something but then they lost it or something- SOMETHING might have happened that might have led the players to just have to figure shit out on their own. and yet, the bard of light would still probably be the person with most of a vague grasp on how things will turn out in the end, for one reason or another

like i said i'm just spitballing here, this might not be useful to you at all skfnksnd

SYLPH OF TIME: so, i think sylphs are in charge of bringing their aspect into existance in the context of the story, often, whether literally or figuratively, and they will be concerned with mantaining its "health" and stability. and frankly this sounds like it could be really good news on the time front, because to me having the time player be a sylph kind of indicates that however things go wrong, they'll proooobably end up fine?? at the very least, if things go wrong timelinewise it probably wont be the actual time player's fault lol but then again, having a person so OVERLY concerned with this might also not necessarily be a good thing??? with time's Thing with missing the forest for the trees and not stopping to smell the flowers, if no one is around to stop them they might get stuck in a mindset of doing things only as a means to an end without an intrinsic motivation or reason other than it being a foregone conclusion... really theres just a lot of different ways someone could be a sylph of time actually!! this really is the sort of thing that depends on what circumstances they're up against and what the rest of the players in their session are like, hmm.

with how wishy-washy and whimsical some of the other classpects seem to end up implying the session to be, this player may end up frustrated lol...

KNIGHT OF BREATH: ohoho this person has the potential to be the universe's favorite punchline sjfnekd... breath really does strike me personally as a matter of narrative contrivance and things falling into place just when they need to... and knights tend to be marked by 1. having to be very active and pulling everyone's shit together for things to succeed, and 2. really not necessarily liking their aspect very much all things considered, after being dragged around by their need to wield it for the whole session...

so theres really fun potential here for the knight of breath being everyone's knight in shining armor who shows up at the nick of time to save the day, figuratively or literally, and yet just. spending the entire time mostly confused and annoyed that they don't really know what the hell is going on or what they're supposed to be doing skfnekjr... gotta wonder if a dandelion blowing in the wind is having fun or not.... obv theres other less literal ways for this classpect to manifest but personally when i saw knight of breath i just started giggling and im sorry sjdbje

SEER OF VOID: oh there are so many different ways to take this one. like i mentioned, a session with a bard of light and a seer of void kind of sounds real fun just conceptually- but i actually have no clue how exactly this would work for a seer; seers do very literally See Things, but more importantly i think they search and find. they're drawn to their aspect naturally and their aspect is drawn to them too, i feel. it's an Awareness and Understanding that allows them to be able to direct others and spread their aspect as required.

i think in general since being void aspect means being ruled by the unknown and the undefined and The Way Things Happen In Real Life, Where They Just Kinda Happen, a seer of void may be the very best person to keep their head on straight and roll with the punches of a session where certainty itself has become uncertain, and thrive in that enviroment and thus help their fellow players embrace the unknown as well

alternatively, you could read it another way as them literally being able to see and understand absence, thus making them easily able to tell when they're wasting effort on dead ends, etc

WITCH OF SPACE: ironically enough even though this is literally the same classpect as one of the main characters, i'm having the hardest time grasping it lol... i don't Get witches just yet, i'm sorry i'll get back to you on this one later if i can think of something useful to say about it.......