#i wouldnt have done that if i knew id have to do the other part

[aita-blorbos]

aita for maybe kinda sort of causing the apocalypse??

ok so its a really long story but basically this summer i (12f until a couple days ago) and my brother (12m until a couple days ago) went to stay with our grunkle for the summer and it was really fun!! i got to make all kinds of new friends and help my brother hunt monsters and i loved staying there!! but then summer was ending and we had to leave and my friends werent going to be able to go to our birthday party and i also found out high school was maybe going to be really bad?? and then WORST of all my brother wasnt even going to be coming home with me!! he wanted to stay there and take on some apprenticeship with our other grunkle (he was kind of in some weird nightmare dimension for most of the summer?? so we didnt get to meet him through most of it but it turns out he wrote this book my brother really likes) so id have to go home all alone and i basically was going to lose everything

and the problem was that the end of summer also seemed really bad for everyone?? our grunkle was going to get kicked out of the house slash gift shop and the gift shop was gonna close AND my one friend had to go to music camp and it sounded like she really didnt wanna go to music camp and my other friend had to go on some trip with her boyfriend but it also seemed like she didnt wanna do that?? and my brother would probably miss me too if he only got to see me every summer, right?? so obviously we just needed more summer!!

and i didnt really know how to do that but when i heard that my brother wasnt going home with me i ran off into the woods because i needed a moment and i maybe kinda accidentally grabbed his bag instead of mine because they looked similar but i probably could have looked closer or not run off in the first place. and while i was there this guy came up to me and said he could help!! and i thought he was this time traveler guy we met a while ago who kinda wanted us both dead for a while because we maybe sort of ruined his life over some petty argument but its okay because we got him out of time jail AND got his job back AND gave him pretty hair!! so i thought it wasnt that weird that he was offering to help because he doesnt hate us anymore right??

so he asked for this weird nerdy thing and by then i realized i had my brothers bag and my brother loves weird nerdy things so he might have had it! and i didnt know what the weird nerdy thing did but i should have not given it to the guy because it wasnt even mine to begin with and that was stupid but i did give it to him because he promised more summer and more summer would have fixed everyones problems!!

but when i gave it to him he immediately threw it on the ground and smashed it which okay maybe thats just part of the process but he was also laughing really evilly and then also revealed that he was actually this demon guy we knew who was trying to end the world and that the thing i gave him was the thing stopping the world from ending?? and since i gave it to him the apocalypse was my fault right? like it wouldnt have happened if i was just reasonable about the whole thing or if i just didnt give him my brothers weird nerdy thing so the whole things basically my fault

we did stop the whole thing but really by we i mostly mean our grunkles because they tricked the demon guy into going into one of their heads but not the one he wanted to go into and then our other grunkle made our first grunkle forget everything and it was really sad but the apocalypse ended AND we got our grunkle to remember everything so its all okay now!! and our birthday party went well and my friends were able to make it and my brother decided to go back home with me so everything should be fine right??

but i still feel really bad about it because i like. basically caused the apocalypse just to get my own stupid way and i could have not done that and the whole thing is my fault and people could have DIED just because i couldnt accept that people might not want to do everything with me so im ta right???

[aemiron-main]

“There was a time where I had hoped to have you by my side- now, I just want you to watch.”

This dialogue comes from Henry, but it’s also giving Brenner vibes. Why?

Well, think about what Henry wants with El- he claims that he wanted her by his side, but in reality, he wanted to control her. (i dont think pre-massacre/pre-absorption henry wanted to control her but i think post-massacre/post-absorption henry wanted to). Brenner is the same. He claims that he wanted to study Henry, to help him. But in reality, he wanted to control him.

The moment Brenner realized he couldn’t control henry, brenner no longer wanted Henry by his side, as his pet project- he wanted him to watch. hence why he made Henry become an orderly. he wanted Henry to watch as these children suffered all because Henry wouldnt cooperate, all because it must be Henry’s fault that brenner now has to go through the pains of recreating henry, that the children have to go through that pain. brenner is long con manipulating Henry. he’s trying to make Henry feel responsible for the kids’ suffering, because as henry says himself, Brenner began to try and recreate Henry/create the other lab kids the moment he realized he couldnt control Henry. So, in Henry’s mind/in the rhetoric that Brenner’s fee to Henry, if Henry had just cooperated, the other kids wouldn’t be there at all. Hell, part of MKultra was making victims feel responsible for their own abuse/the abuse of those around them. that sort of blame/guilt.

This ties into what ive been talking about with Brenner pushing Henry towards the massacre- he wanted Henry to watch. He didn’t lock Henry away in isolation- he did the opposite. he locked Henry in with the kids because he was hoping that it would spur Henry towards something drastic (the massacre). He wanted to push Henry to kill, and to do that, he made him watch. Brenner’s plan specifically relied on Henry not being an apathetic, ruthless murderer- cause id Henry was apathetic and cruel, Henry wouldn’t have any problem with what was being done to the kids. But he did. And Brenner knew he would.

Hell, “Peter Ballard,” was originally described as being fed up with the brutality at the lab. And yes, I know that they couldn’t give much away about Henry at the time of making this tweet, but they still chose to describe him this way.

Brenner wanted him to watch. I won’t be surprised if we get a very similar version of that “there was a time where i had hoped to have you by my side. now, I just want you to watch,” line but spoken from Brenner towards Henry in during a flashback to Henry’s time at the lab in S5.

[markets]

For some reason this song will always remind me of the girl who will never realize what she did to me. i was always good friends with her ex boyfriend and she was always good friends with mine, and the way she acted around him sometimes bothered me once we broke up but i never said anything about it. one day she decided i was too close to hers and accused him of a bunch of stuff (none of which was true) while also saying god knows what to my ex about the whole thing even though he and i were still friends and im pretty sure a big reason why her ex would go to me for advice about their situation was because i was the only one of his friends who didnt tell him to just block her. i remember telling him that if he wanted to stop talking to me for the foreseeable future i genuinely wouldnt mind, because i didnt think it was worth all the trouble it was causing him. but he kept being my friend and ill always appreciate him for that

i would also constantly tell him to tell her to talk things out with me because i still considered her a close friend despite all the vile stuff she was doing to her ex months after they broke up, and she eventually did but i know she was just scratching the surface of what was really bothering her because her ex told me that before she even talked to me she'd already decided to just distance herself. sometimes he'd point out the hypocrisy in her getting mad at us being friends while she was close to my ex and i always told him to be careful, since i knew that she could easily twist that around to make me look jealous of their friendship even though, at this point in time, i wasnt anymore.

I now know that that's exactly what she did, since when my ex told me he couldnt be friends with me anymore he cited her as one of the main reasons. We used to be so close and then she got slightly mad at me and immediately went for two of my most important friendships, the worst part is i dont even think she realized she was doing it. i knwo i ruined my own life these past few months but if i were to blame anyone else, it would be her. She honestly scares me and i really dont ever want to talk to her again. And yet the other night i saw her crying on some stairs and ran to her. my ex boyfriend, who im not speaking to, came in from the opposite direction and asked me what i was doing, i said i was there to talk to her and he said ok you can talk to her then and i said no you can and he said no you can and walked away, i said "we both can" but he didnt hear me. I sat down next to her, gave her a hug, and asked what was wrong, she started talking about how her ex didnt care about her. when i assured her that he did, because he had no reason to talk to her if he didnt, she just shook her head. she kept talking and she was saying everything i was thinking about my own situation, and it almost made me cry until i remembered that she had everything i didnt, in every sense of the phrase. she had someone who cared about her, who wouldve been willing to stay with her if she hadnt done everything she did, who still loved her. I knew id fucked up but id tried so hard in ways she never had and yet i didnt have anything, not even my best friend. who she also had. I hated her so much in that moment but i just hugged her harder.

if she ever asks me about the whole thing ill tell her all this, and i know she'll pick out one small thing from it and use it to tell everyone im a horrible person, but i dont care anymore. Yesterday the planes over me were flying lower than ever and all i could think about was if any of them were going home

[nobodywritingao3]

i feel kind of sick making this post so please excuse me if i sound like a rambling mess. i am not the type of person to talk in detail about my life in online places cuz i live in fear of this getting back to my abuser but shubble's story punched all my most sensitive spots and i want to talk about it

(really long sensitive post)

ive gotten kind messages from people that i havent responded to. the idea of responding to people individually kind of makes me feel sick. so im doing this instead. and im also going to vent really hard because i am not doing well and talking about this to my therapist is soul crushingly embarrassing because wilbur soot is a minecraft man and im a freshly turned 20 year old who pays rent and is respected by my therapist and i dont want to admit that i wrote fanfic about a 30 year old white boy i discovered in quarantine when i was 15. can you imagine that conversation? id have to explain what the dream smp is.

when i watched shubble's video for the first time, i was in total disbelief. i couldnt believe that wilbur soot had done these things but i knew that the liklihood of it being anyone else was pretty low. i chose to hope that the story was not about him, and that if it was that he was a reformed abuser who had reorganized his value system and respected his partners now. i had a lot expectations. then he released his statement and i was horrified. i was disappointed and kind of in denial. his statement was worse than anything i had prepared for as 'worst case scenario.' as time has passed my denial has mostly dulled but im ashamed and im embarassed and im badly triggered.

i kind of hysertically hoped that it was a sick prank that shubble and wilbur cooked up and would get horribly cancelled for, but its not a prank, theres no "haha sike" moment, and wilbur abused shelby.

his response undid me because i saw so much of my own abuse in the words he used.

abusers are really good at making people take a centrist "two sides to every story" stance. i dont know how to describe this to people who have never been abused, but i will do my best

most people are taught that when theres an argument between two people, both parties carry some amount of blame and if you want to resolve that issue, it's a good idea to look at your part in the dynamic. we're also taught to keep our disagreements between ourselves and to not involve other people in our drama.

these are sensible sentiments, but abusers are very good at manipulating these sentiments.

when a victim speaks up for themselves and they call someone an abuser, what they are saying is: "this person cruelly bullied me and hurt me and exerted control over me that i did not deserve or ask for or elicit."

that's a heavy accusation and it contradicts sentiments we are taught like "it takes two to tango" and "dont involve others with your relationship drama."

many abusers are charismatic people. id even say most. when you hear this accusation about someone you think is really cool, your natural instinct is to ask for their side of the story.

they will tell you some version of this:

"i am shocked and hurt that she would call me an abuser. we've been having relationship problems recently, and sometimes i lose my temper. im not proud of that. ive done a lot of things im not proud of. it's true that i did [insert played down act of violence] to her, but you wouldnt believe the horrible things she was saying to me. i lost control, and im so ashamed of myself."

this version of events makes the abuser seem reasonable, it makes the victim seem irrational and quick to blame and hysterical

from here, a lot of people will nod thoughtfully and go. "yeah. yeah. that makes sense. everyone has a unique perspective. the fact that shes attributing all the blame to him without recognizing her own flaws and contributions to the relationship while he does shows that hes the reasonable one here. hes such a chill guy. the things shes saying dont make sense at all. i probably wont say it to her face, but i think shes in the wrong."

wilbur's response hit all the beats im familiar with. it was so in line with everything my abuser used against me, and in line with what ive heard other victims say their abusers used against them, and in line with examples ive read and witnessed and had countless psychiatrists walk me through that reading it was like getting hit by a train.

the hope that i carried with me through that week was that wilbur was a reformed abuser. but reading that response gave me the gut wrenching confirmation that he wasnt.

thinking about it too much literally makes me sick and shaky in a way i havent experienced since my own abuser tracked me down the first time and gave me a beautifully wrapped gift. with my abuser, i had several years trapped with him where all the love i felt for him disappeared and was replaced by total hatred for everything he put me through. i wasnt expecting this from wilbur at all, and i feel fucking sick because this was a man i sincerely admired and looked up to a lot. i really liked wilbur soot. he released that response and this image in my head that i had of him was tainted by the memories of my abuser.

im reminded of one event several years ago where i was choked. i tried to ask for help but everyone who knew immediately reached out to him and asked for "his side of the story." i dont want to talk about what he did to me after that. all that matters is that in the end, no one believed me. everyone took his side over mine and insisted that i was lying or exaggerating or trying to get attention or trying to make him look bad. people who i loved and thought would always be there for me sent me paragraph long text messages calling me a bitch and a cunt. the person i loved the most in the world told me that i was out of line and said point blank that they were sorry, but couldnt believe me over the person who choked me. i had never felt so alone.

ive been having a rough time. i confided in a friend who is trying to escape his abusive husband, and he gently told me that this might mean i have "a type," meaning im naturally drawn to people who are abusive. after i escaped, i took a lot of solace in the fact that i was inspired so much by wilbur soot. i thought he was progressive and stood up for womens rights and was anti bigotry and all those lovely good things. this man i admired so much was the image of healthy, nonviolent, kind masculinity. finding out he isnt has made me question myself and my own judgment and it's making me wonder if the people i let in my life and the people im drawn to are people who i subconsciously know will hurt me.

as of now, its been a year and a half since i escaped my abusive family at 18 years old. i turned 20 like half a second ago. the past 18 months of my life have been devoted to looking into legal protection, getting therapy to undo nearly 2 decades worth of ptsd, trying to keep all my baggage to myself because i dont want to burden my friends anymore than i have, and holding down a steady job so that i can afford rent without having to rely on the parents of my friends to house and feed me and keep my location secret from an insane group of people who reeeeally want me to come back even tho im pretty sure one of them might """""accidentally"""" kill me one day

i feel ashamed and embarrassed by being this affected by wilbur soot. parasocial relationships are looked down upon and i feel like the perfect stereotype of a hysterical, delusional teenager / young lady finding out that her hero is "a flawed human being, just like you and me - seriously, what did you expect?!"

i already see people jumping to his defense, although i try to look away because that is also extremely triggering for me.

it is hard not to acknowledge wilbur's humanity, and i want to clarify that i do feel compassion for the amount of death threats, doxing, and isolation he is undoubtedly experiencing right now. no matter what you do, i dont believe that retributive justice or revenge is a proactive, sane response. i am sincerely worried that he will either try to kill himself as a last ditch attempt for sympathy OR that he will actually just kill himself from the public shaming. i do not want him to experience a mental health crisis and i do not want him to die, even tho he has horribly disappointed me and reminded me of so many bad things

this was kind of an insane post. im ready for it to get 1 note and then experience a horrifying amount of embarrassment as i realize that people read this and know disgusting amounts about me as a person, but i want to share my experience as someone who has been abused. i want to offer solace to people who are in the same boat and possibly reach someone who might have otherwise believed wilbur was telling the truth.

i want to end this post on a positive note, so im going to share some naive hope ive been repeating to myself for the past few days

i hope that people believe shubble. i hope she finds comfort and compassion and healing. i hope she can internalize that what happened to her was not her fault. i hope she lives a happy life surrounded by people who see her and care about her

i hope that the people close to wilbur make him confront this side of himself. i hope he fixes his abuse problem and reorganizes his values. i hope his network of people is strong enough not to abandon him entirely but to intervene and make him work on himself. i hope he stays alive and i hope that he becomes an advocate for abused women

this was cheesy and unrealistic but ive been sending my hope into the universe and trying not to shut down because i dont know what else to do and my two hours of government issued weekly ptsd therapy is already devoted to the horrible things i experienced firsthand

anyway

as far as my fanfiction goes???? i dont fucking know.

im not going to delete it. im definitely taking a break and at least stepping into a pause so i can properly reflect on what to do in the meantime. as a musician and writer and creative in general, i was inspired by many aspects of wilbur soot for years and i need a second to chill out and get a hold of myself

maybe ill complete my work. if i do ill upload the finished products in one go and probably orphan them. and maybe delete my ao3 account. god knows at this point

i am still cringing so hard at myself for making this post. it's very emotional and i try to sell myself as serious, intellectual person. maybe this post will be received great or badly or just be ignored. in any case ill be embarrassed so it doesnt really matter how anyone feels about me after this. if you took the time to read, thank you for hearing me out. and if you didnt, im glad that i got a little catharsis

[themaiden05]

Fate ( part 2)

pairing : kartik aaran x fem reader

part1 ; https://www.tumblr.com/themaiden05/714953202326437888/fate-part-1?source=share

kartik couldn't stop thinking about her. Y/n , Y/n , Y/n it was all he could think about. how could he love someone he doesnt even know so madly? he didnt have an answer for that . she was making him feel all kinds of emotions and not just love, she was making him anxious at time , what if she believes all the kriti x kartik shipping going around the internet? what if she ships them too? what if she has a boyfriend? what if she has a fiancee? no no that cant be ,she's can only be y/n aaryan tiwari ! he wouldnt let any duffer's surname even get close to her. what if she's already married ? what if she is out of his reach already? His thoughts were getting ahold of him. He even called his sister Y/n once , good thing she didnt pay attention . he searched her up on instagram , facebook , twitter but there were a million women with the name Y/n, Not knowing her surname made it worse. a lot of public profiles , and profiles with a Dp was out of the way , kartik knew what his y/n looked like, he didnt even need to look at the screenshot he took, her face was imprinted onto his heart . but then there were a lot of profiles with no profile pictures or random profile pictures . he wasnt even sure if her name was her account name so social media was a fail

"any lead?" kriti asked . she was as dedicated in finding kartik's dream girl as he was

"nope, nothing yet"

" what if we just ask the principal of the college for some info?"

"and what are we gonna say? hello sir! I am in love with one of your students , so can I get her instagram id and biodata. he would kick us both out"

"yeah! youre right. did you get anything else from the college website?"

"NO , what we found before was the only thing about her in the entire website"

" you know what Im hungary, lets go eat something . Ive heard there's a new chinese restaurant in town" kriti said standing up from her chair

"no yaar , Im not hungry!"

" I heard its near lourde college"

kartik jumped up from his seat

"what are we waiting for? lets go , Im so hungry!"

kriti laughed at his newfound excitement

"ya lets go"

kartik and kriti had done their best to disguise themselves. they dont want the pap to spread yet another rumour of them being heads over heel in love with each other. the huge glasses , beanie ,mask and hoodie were certainly doing there job . no one has recognised them yet. they find a table and sit facing each other.

"oh my god kartik"

"what is it kriti?" kartik asks .

"its-

kriti didnt even have to finish . kartik could sense the familiar scent . he could hear someone sitting on the chair behind them. he turned around. she was right there. His y/n . In a satin green dress, her hair opened and flying slightly in the wind. Her eyes are searching for someone. kartik's heart drops once he sees the guy walking towards her , smiling . he sees her smiling back . The smle he always imagined shed give him when he says how beautiful she is to him , The smile she'd give him when he gets her flowers and give her a pecks on her cheek before leaving for shooting. But he isnt the one getting that smile from her right now and it breaks his heart . He isnt some kabir singh to go out there to force her away from him. she looks happy and thats what he'd want the most , for her to be happy

"sorry , I'm late "

"its ok adi"

kartik hears them talk. kriti is ranting about something but kartik can focus only on what you are saying.

"ehh, youre wearing this green dress again?

"its my favourite dress adi "

"it looks shitty"

what kind of a man is he ? who talks to their girlfriend like that? if he doesnt like the dress why doesnt he just tell it to her nicely? why is she letting him talk to her like that? a million question runs over his head

'' Im gonna use the restroom real quick"

"ya ok but dont take ages. I have to go soon after this , i cant be stuck with you for too long"

stuck with her? where did she even find this douchebag from ? who can't even spend some time with her? Is she hurt from what he said ? has she gone to the restroom to cry?

"im gonna go check on her kriti"

"what!? kartik but-" kriti doesnt even finish before kartik jumps over the chair and walks over to the restroom.

as kartik walks in he sees y/n standing in front of the mirror. she doesnt look like she cried but what if she's really good at hiding emotions

"y/n" kartik calls out.

"who are you?" she looks terrified . thats when kartik remembered his glasses mask and beanie , he looks like a goddamn serial killer. he takes off his glasses and mask

"kartik aaryan?"

"you dont have to call my entire name like that! just call me kartik or koki"kartik ranted out . he could hear his heart beat out of his chest. he could see her blushing

"what are you doing here?"

"oh my friend wanted to try out this restaurant!"

"The restaurant or its women's restroom?"

"oh shit ! this is the women's restroom? great here we go again . I swear im not a pervert , fate just brings me into women's restrooms sometimes"

"fate?" y/n starts laughing . she looks so pretty to him doing so

"this is yours i assume?" kartik takes out her badge from his pocket. good thing he takes it everywhere with him to remind him of her

"oh yeah ! i had lost it the day i met you at another women's restroom"

they both chuckle and walks out kartik puts his glasses and mask back on . he wants to say and ask a lot more but the fact that she has a boyfriend waiting for her stops him. he still muster up the courage to ask her full name but before he could finish they are interrupted by someone. its adi he is still looking down at his phone as he speaks

"i have to go now "

"but we didnt even order yet"

''oh come on man, we'll do this some other time and besides i promised riya from office a movie together"

kartik is on the verge of losing his shit . how can he talk to his girlfriend like that and choose another women over her? why isnt she saying anything?

adi takes his eyes of his phone and looks at the man in front of him

"who's this duffer?"

kartik loses his shit completely and punches him on his nose. adi stumbles back in pain

"thats what you get for treating youre girlfriend like that "

"bhaiyya!!!" y/n runs from kartik's behind to adi

"bhaiyya?oh fuck" kriti always told kartik he's dumb and now it was as if he has realised it

"what the fuck man? who's girlfriend? what girlfriend?" adi asks while covering his nose with his hand

kartik runs over to him

"im so sorry bhaiyya! there was a huuuge misunderstanding"

"whaaaat!? who the hell are you man and why the hell are you calling me bhaiyya"

"you are her bhaiyya , youre my bhaiyya why does it matter bhaiyya?"

y/n chuckles at kartik's remark and their eyes meet . kartik is so relieved that this man he just punched is no one other than his future brother in law but it really was kind of a bad first impression but he'll make up for it

"y/n ask this guy to leave" adi grunts in pain

"koki ! leave"

"koki? so no more kartik aaryan"

y/n blushed and looked down

"ill get going now bhaiyya do put some ice on it itll be alright"

"get outta here dickhead before i punch you back"

"ok ok" before he left he leaned closer to y/n

"you know where to find me" and he walked away from his y/n who was now a blushing mess and her brother a bloody mess.......

(bhaiyya: brother)

to be continued......

[blueiight]

This is the official dialogue per IMDB. I guess you could say it's questionable but Daniel does call out the BS about how they were scattered and then Louis has to admit he just didn't wanna share it last time?

Daniel Molloy: So, it begs the question, where were all these diaries in 1973?

Louis de Pointe du Lac: Scattered. One in New Orleans, another in Paris.

Daniel Molloy: Bullshit.

Louis de Pointe du Lac: [long pause] Claudia was… everything. I loved her unconditionally. All the noise, the chaos, the crisis of my former existence, silenced. The simple joy of her hand in mine.

Daniel Molloy: You had a daughter.

Louis de Pointe du Lac: I had a daughter.

Daniel Molloy: I've got two. The love is kind of…

Louis de Pointe du Lac: And if you were to come across their diaries and learn, in detail, how and when you failed them, would you share those failures with a brash young reporter you met at Polynesian Mary's?

So I think Louis just couldnt face his failures then or share them with someone he met in such a casual encounter vs now trusting them wth an older Daniel who has kids of his own

thank u for the script! i agree that louis didnt want to face how he hurt claudia.. even now, when recalling the day he doomed her to being trapped in a physically eternal adolescence[+ her later, even crueler death], he still frames claudia as 'his light, his redemption' [for what, lou? his past of tricking? when her life would be so tragic with or without louis?] but as to if he knew the full content of claudia's diaries in the 1970s we wouldnt know yet + daniel dont rly got the perspective to know whether louis did or didnt have them neither? i dont think we as the audience were meant to take what daniel said here as some sort of confirmation that louis always had the diaries. n tbf would louis rly wanna share those diaries w a 20 something he met at a gay bar tho even if he had them? if we r meant to think louis had claudia's diaries in the 1970s based off this scene id be interested in how the show would do this.. i just find it rly interesting how louis seems to be motivated to gather this truth + reconciliation committee over his own life knowing in his read of claudia's diaries that she resented both lestat and louis, who cut out which parts exactly, as well as other extenuating factors i done said before contrasting his mindset in the 70s v. now.. im not tooo committed to any particular line of speculation but i took dan’s saying its bullshit bc all he know is 1) claudia literally isnt there in the modern day and its clear other ppl have censored her diaries and 2) he suspects louis’s involvement in why/how.. he says bullshit on the diaries being scattered but we know louis and claudia traverse both new orleans & paris so i took it as dan's pov also being biased just as any other? dan is using this interview as a means to doubly probe into louis’s psychology, and he doesnt have the most generous read on louis's 'reliability'. this 'trust' or reliability as i put it erodes the further the interview goes on, the less daniel knows the more hes afraid of, and when hes afraid like bogosian says, he becomes more combative + less concilatory/actually conducting a proper interview lolol. his prior knowledge of the 1970s tapes is being subsumed by the modern interview. the old tapes just got burnt by lou last ep after all, and what we see on screen is not word for word beat for beat what louis is telling daniel [or otherwise showing daniel thru the mind].

side note: something i find interesting in the script..

Louis de Pointe du Lac: [long pause] Claudia was… everything. I loved her unconditionally. All the noise, the chaos, the crisis of my former existence, silenced. The simple joy of her hand in mine.

Daniel Molloy: You had a daughter.

Louis de Pointe du Lac: I had a daughter. Daniel Molloy: I've got two. The love is kind of…

trashbag deadbeat dad whos daughters prolly refused to talk to him if not cut him off completely the older they became [daniel] meets emotionally codependent mom/vampire sibling ..

[toaster-hair]

now that fionna and cake is done i just have... one little complaint...

before you say it yes i know its my fault for not watching adventure time before watching fionna and cake lmao

fionna and cake didnt meet my expectations. it surpassed them. that should be a good thing but for me, im not so sure.

i think this is gonna be a long one folks so strap in. also i have the memory of a gold fish so if i get a characters name wrong or something just bear with me.

so before i can really complain i need to talk about what went on before i started watching fionna and cake.

i always thought adventure time was cool. i watched some episodes as a kid but i never finished it. i liked the designs and the lore but i have a pretty good sense of telling what pieces of media id like and what i wouldnt (ex: my grandma told me id like harry potter but i just know that i would never). at the time i liked adventure time just not enough to watch all 10 seasons.

i knew some lore like betty becoming golb, bubbline hooking up, jake having kids etc

so when fionna and cake came out, i was excited. sure i wasnt planning on watching it until everyone started saying how good it was but by that point i figured itd be something id like.

i was pretty good at avoiding spoilers for each episode because i wasnt following anyone on tumblr who liked fionna and cake and the only spoilers i found were on twitter that i mostly just scrolled past.

so going into fionna and cake, really all i knew about the show was the trailer (specifically the first episodes intro, not sure if there was a trailer released of the actual intro or something) and a few screenshots. because of that the version of fnc that i came up with in my mind was... pretty different from the fnc we got. i love the fnc we have, but going in i thought itd be a pretty fanservicey slice of life show focusing on fionnas life as a depressed 20 something year old, with some magical parts mostly taking place in fionnas dreams. just something cute for the fans to watch without being that important to the overall story of adventure time. i guess ill just watch something like bee and puppycat for something like that.

i knew simon was in there but i thought hed show up in like, the 4th episode not in the immediate next one. and i also just feel like fnc doesnt focus on fionna and cake as much as simon. i get it, simon is basically the most important character in adventure time, i was just expecting that a show named fionna and cake would mostly be focused on fionna and cake. there are scenes that dawn on fionna and cakes narrative, but i feel like it just wasnt all that. like i feel like we dont really get to know them that well.

how did fionna first become friends with marshall and gary? how does cake feel about being treated like a pet for so long? how did fionna loose her other jobs? why couldnt we have focused more on fionnas depression? hell, even just simple stuff like what their favorite color is or what niche thing are they nerdy about?

im not trying to accuse the writers of being "sexist" or whatever even if i do think its a bit sad that fionna and cake kind of got side lined for simons arc. i know in adventure time marceline and bubblegum's relationship and just overall characters were an important part of the show. but i think the difference is that adventure time had enough seasons and specials to focus not only on finn and jake but many other characters as well, while fionna and cake only had 10 episodes.

personally, if i were to rewrite the series while still having most of the original story in tact, i would have a couple of more episodes focusing on fionnas regular life before being summoned by simon. id also give the series at least 15 or 20 episodes just so that theres enough time to focus on multiple characters. there would be more of a focus on fionnas feelings, maybe we could even delve more into fionnas romantic relationships because i feel like the ice prince part in her dream, as well as the winter king episode, was hinting that she might have a bad love life. i mean, knowing what i know about finns romantic relationships, it doesnt seem that out of character.

i still love fionna and cake tho, dont get me wrong. i just kind of felt a bit falsely advertised to and wished there was more focus on fionna and cakes arc. i might start watching adventure time just because i liked fnc, there are 2 shows i want to finish first tho. i dont need a second season of fnc or anything, i just wish there were maybe 1 or 2 additional episodes just to flesh things out. this is just my opinion.

[starfruit-baby]

Detroit Become Human is such a flawed game. I just got done playing it, and in some parts it was downright triggering. But I really like your blog, and a lot of the fandom, that see through the "pacifism is the answer to oppression" bullshit the game tries to shove down our throats, and have good takes in general about the characters and the storyline. Maybe you could offer your two cents? It still makes me wonder if it's right of me to engage in the fandom, even like this. I'm not black, or jewish, which were the two groups most attacked by this game's depiction and appropriation of thsir struggles. I don't feel I have the right to "reclaim" this game (is that the word?), even if I have subversive takes to it.

honestly anon, im very flattered and honored to be asked this, but i have to say i dont have any solid answers much less right answers about this :( i knew DBH has oodles of problems since release, ive been heavily criticising it myself since then, but for some unknown reason ive gotten pretty hyperfixated on it (i only played it because i got it for free, i can at least say id never hand my money over to the original creators), and i can only say my view on this (and most media of this genre), and its that i think it can be a constructive thing to criticise media from whatever background you have (?). i consider myself a huge hater because almost every media i like ill do exactly this, ill enjoy stories and aspects of it but basically go through a looking glass to each "social issue problem" (idk what to call it, sorry) i can spot to keep myself updated i guess? i dont always discuss it to not be the party pooper though

i came to tumblr also because it seems to be the most open to this, talking about the bad not just of the story but the choices made along bringing this game to life. for DBH in particular my thoughts are that there are a lot of good points it either accidentally made or just about missed the opportunity to do in regards of technology with capitalism, humanity's desensitization to abuse towards human-like things, and sometimes i try analysing why the horrible parts even exist or what makes them horrible if that makes sense? for example i may be wrong, but the North x Josh rivalry sort of came off to me as pitting two oppressed groups against each other as almost a test of your own morals, would you as the player rather side with a sexually traumatised 'angry' white woman or a violently abused 'calm' black man? when this is a mechanic that doesnt make sense, with the fucked up mind of the producers behind this, it wouldnt really be a big shock if it was the case. i also think its incredibly ableist in its methods, the old disabled man keeps yearning for his death and musing about humans being far inferior for their "fragile existence", and the game visibly intends for you to believe him "wise" for this, while i think it not only shows their ableist beliefs, it isnt necessarily an unbelievable character? a bitter, once abled bodied healthy and wealthy man suddenly deprived of some of his "liberty" would clearly become nihilistic once hes got just one of his priviledges stripped from him, imo

i also am appreciative of recreational work, if im being frank! derivative works are something i personally really really enjoy, since im pretty bad at inventing things from scratch? and ive seen fix its from people that basically take some of the monstrosities in the game and either recontextualise them or reframe them way better

in conclusion, im too biased to give you a good answer, so my middle of the road answer is always "enjoy things but with a critical mind and avoid giving money as much as possible" :/

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)

[chlorinejello]

An email I won’t send to my english teacher:

i remember when you told me it was okay to vent in you mail. you have no idea how much i need this right now; i also remeber you said you wouldnt read it so if you do, please dont tell me you did.

how do we deal with emotions when were too ashamed to share them? i have a willing support system yes i keep choosing to stay quiet over talking about everything thats on my mind. i don't want to be an inconvenience, i don't want too be extra. because the truth is i feel like shit but maybe this is something everyone deals with and im being a pussy. then im just being pathetic in front of people for no reason, yknow? sounds crude but thats the way i feel. i had a dream last night i was staying at a beach house i went to with my family when i was little, everyone was there and my dad let my dog out through the front door. I yelled at him to let her back in becuase shed get lost, and he replied "We have to let her go." Then she just walked away; at the moment it made sense to me, so i walked back inside. Then I caught a sort of conciousness, I realized she was here, she wasnt real but she was here and I ran out after her. I ran as hard as i could, as hard as i knew she wouldve ran at the first chance to have a free space and i caught up to her by the shore. Some of my aunts were already there, they said something about me going after her "...again, like always."

She ran into the water with me trailing right behind her, i woke up before i got to the deep end. Nothing is the same when you lose a love that pure, that close to home. I lost her and I feel like I have no home; I come back to a house, and a bed that isn’t my own. My bed is always covered in fluffy white dog hair, especially the top left pillow where she sleeps. This bed smells clean, no trace of you anymore. Ive broken down twice today and made my poor boyfriend late to work because he knew i didnt want to be alone. He usually takes me to school, and this morning my mom left extra early, so i was home alone at the time. Worst part? Couldnt get the words out. I planned out how id vent and feel better but its the same everytime, im blocked off by the thought of my feelings being an inconvenience, or not important enough to vent and take someone elses time and energy because of. Im tired of carrying all this pain and guilt with me everywhere i go.

i run as fast as i can from my mind but i just keep running into myself, all the ways i fail myself and others, then have the gaul to sit and cry about it, to feel bad instead of becoming better. I feel and havent done enough for the ones around me to share my pain. But between you and me; yo extraño a mi cosita demasiado y pienso en ella todos los dias. Tengo miedo que sea debil, miedo de decir como me siento y que nadie entienda, que quede como inventora. Siento que para sentirme como me siento me debio haber pasado algo horrible, porque algo no puede acabar de abrir la puerta para que todo lo que tengo adentro salga? o algo horrible tal vez no me ayude, tal vez solo se añada al vaso de lagrimas que tengo en mi corazon. Porque mi dolor me ahoga si no creo que sea tan profundo para volverme loca? Porque si no siento que merezco llorar, sufro tanto? Si lo entendiera, cambiaría ? Dime si estoy perdiendo mi tiempo buscando una respuesta en vano, para si no me sirve, perder el tiempo dibujando en vez de.

[magnoliamyrrh]

Ignore if to personal but how do you get Sade drugs to have trips with? So many things is tainted nowadays and you can't really trust the dealers

safe drugs? well yes you are right, it is an issue. this is a big reason why i dont do any pills or powders or anything like that, i wouldnt rly anyway bc the last thing i need is an addiction or to fuck up my brain, but you can't be sure today those things are real, pure, and not cut with god knows what - wayyyy too many cases of people dying. i personally would highly reccomend staying away from anything like that - ive had friends who did cocaine and molly and stopped bc they became too afraid that it wouldn't be pure or cut w fetenyl or shit. also met plenty of teenagers in psych wards who ended up there bc of "party pills" who ended up blacking out or having bad reactions. from what im getting, its very very hard to get any sort of pill, powder, etc which is pure nowadays, and its only getting worse. this is part of why i havent done acid in a long time either; technically theres a chance its not pure, you dont know who made it, and you dont rly know a proper dosage for it either - the dosage is an approximation and theres a chance its much higher than you think; its happened plenty of times w me. its not that id reccomend not doing acid - some ppl like it more than shrooms, and the first time i tripped i took acid bc its much cheaper than shrooms, and ive done it 7-10ish times - but rather, be aware that there is a bit of an added risk

shrooms & acid i used to get from my uni, its known to be a campus thats into psychadelics (old hippy town and all)- many grow them and they grow in the forests too naturally. they've been decriminilized, but selling them is still illegall. i used to know dealers through friends that i trusted and bought from before, and some of them i was friends w myself and knew what they were selling was fine bc they took it themselves. some of them were grown by said dealers and i considered this to be safe; others from what i know were bought and shipped from the dark web and yes, this is absolutely a risk to take - ive been lucky so far that in the,,, idk 40/50+ times ive done shrooms, i have yet to take anything which i had any suspicion was not pure. with shrooms its technically safer - you can see exactly what they are - but if someone wanted to be a real asshole they could technically put something on them, or cross contamination with some power or liquid could happen. personally, i have not seen this though, and outside of having the bad luck of accidents or coming across someone with pure malice, i dont understand why anyone would spike shrooms. i would reccoment always looking at them very well though, sniffing them, etc, and if you want to be extra safe, taking only a very small dosage of them at first to see if you have any weird reaction. ive also met drug dealers who only sell shrooms, acid, and weed, because they consider pills or hard drugs to be immoral and harmful to sell, and they consider themselves to be providing a important service by selling these things, and those ones i trust

rn i dont know anyone up here; i have a dealer down south who i know through friends, hes extended family with one of them and theyve known him for years on end, so i trust him. thats my source rn. id say this is the safest sort of dealer you can know - one who you have friends who can vouch for them and have used their stuff. but there is still always a risk with any dealer, and in any case that you dont grow and cultivate them yourself. if you or your friends know any weed dealer, id also say you can ask them if they sell shrooms, if they know anyone who does, or if they can get them for you

i wouldnt reccoment buying shit off of the internet or dark web from those you dont know- ive known people who have done it and gotten away with it, yes, but it is a risk - one of them also ended up getting severe paranoia that the cops would catch him and threw all the drugs he spend money on away ,,, so idk. its risky. could work out, ive heard of it working out, but its risky not only w the law (tho again know plenty who got away) and id say the chances of it being not pure increse compared to irl. if you have to buy off of the web, id reccomend buying spores and growing them yourself - worse that can happen then is you dont end up with shrooms but normal mushrooms or in some insane case poisonous mushrooms. i have heard plenty abt ppl buying spores online and growing them successfully. id say finding people on reddit or forums is safer quality wise than the dark web, legally i have no idea. i will also say from,,,,, personal experience i have shipped to friends within the state weed in the mail (much easier to detect than shrooms) and one time traveled with weed oil internationally and didnt get caught - so its definitely possible to get away with it, especially shrooms or spores or shroom capsules, if theyre properly packaged (it just kinda turns you into a bit of a nervous wreck)

theres also some other places - there is a "psychadelic church" in oakland california which is the only place in america "legally" allowed to give out shrooms; they claim its their religious freedom to do so. they did end up getting a fbi visit, not surprising since they operate in a weird gray area - but theyre still giving them out and most ppl i have heard say very good things abt them; consistent, safe, trustworthy etc. if youre in a surrounding state or cali and got the money, you could plan a visit and this would likely be a very safe way to aquire them; theres some other nice things to see in this area too, forests, national parks, the beaches, san francisco

if you live in a state (or country) which has legalized weed, you can also go to the weed fairs and festivals which happen at times and ask around - ive been told several times by plenty of ppl that this is one way to get in touch with someone; its not "on the face," its hush hush a bit, but ask around and you are likely to find something. if youre in america or europe in a place which hasnt legalized weed, and you've got the money, you could set up a trip to one of the places which has. if you're in europe as well and can amsterdam is probably the easiest bet of a place where you could find them

another option could be medical trials, if you live in a place which allows them. never done it myself and...... i dont know how much id reccomend tripping in a medical setting (i cant imagine it) but some have done it - youd also potentially get payed, and be part of the process of trying to destigmagize shrooms and acid and show their positive effects! you could also try, if they exist in your area, those who advertise themselves as doing shrooms therapy, being doctors or therapists and using shrooms as part of their practice, or shamans - dig online and you may find. this is how my aunt is currently getting shrooms rn, both for microdosing and for tripping. Illinois is or has legalized shrooms to treat mental illnesses, colorado has legalized shrooms, areas of cali have decriminilized them, from what i know theyre semi-legal in canad, and trials are happening in several places; this may be a way which may work too

[readingwriter92]

I love when I cope the EXACT code from one account - on this stupid fucking block programming site - to another and it just doesn’t. Fucking. Work. For no reason at all.

[kashimos-hajime]

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh 

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care. 

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up. 

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time. 

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that. 

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but 

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms. 

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone. 

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile. 

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

.

Distantly, he remembers flashes. 

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted. 

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.” 

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing. 

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows. 

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it? 

It has to be. 

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality. 

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him. 

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing. 

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up. 

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks. 

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field. 

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

 Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop. 

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.” 

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you. 

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything. 

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing. 

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner. 

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach. 

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise. 

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.” 

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.” 

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off. 

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you. 

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head. 

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.