#i wrote this post at 3am sometimes funny things happen to my words

[emanation-aura]

What if Joker got a Palace in the Third Semester AU: the unhinged explanation.

Goro had looked up Kurusu last night, using old police files he wasn’t technically sure he had access to any more, but he was past giving a shit. The arrest record and documents listing charges against him he’d taken from the chief interrogator— they were still there, but curiously blank, in a way only cognitive distortion could manage. His hometown existed, but an illegal search of Shido’s census database didn’t reveal anybody living in the Kurusu household; not Akira Kurusu, not his parents or literally anyone else. The whole thing was a baffling mystery that had exhausted him to the point of passing out. The violence of clearing Shadows gives his aching mind a bit of clarity, though, and with it, a chilling thought. Akira Kurusu has been erased from reality.

Set from Goro's perspective. Instead of waking up on January 1st to a changed reality, on that day, Akira suddenly disappears. He is not gone from the Phantom Thieves' cognitions, but he is physically missing, and stranger still are his blank arrest records and the existence of the Kurusu household in a government census that Goro has completely transparently and legally obtained, despite the fact that "Akira Kurusu" does not exist.

“If he’s been erased from reality, does that mean Maruki overwrote his… his existence itself?" The low, simmering anger in her voice and the way she drops the honorific for Maruki speaks volumes about how Kurusu’s absence has radicalised Yoshizawa against Maruki’s tempting demands. It doesn’t quite satisfy him, because Kurusu is still missing and Yoshizawa is far too innocent for her own good; but it is enough to give him confidence in her teamwork, at least. “I have my doubts about that,” Goro says. He weighs his words carefully, trying to construct the evidence in a way that makes sense. “If he were truly overwritten from this reality, the Phantom Thieves wouldn’t remember their friend; they do, albeit in a very limited way.”

Yoshizawa hums thoughtfully. “Maruki managed to overwrite the cognitions of all the Phantom Thieves into believing their dead or estranged relationships had returned. He has no trouble writing people into reality; it should follow that he can write someone out of reality, but it seems while an effort was made, it wasn’t complete enough.” “Indeed.” Goro hides the modicum of surprise he feels at Yoshizawa’s brains; she’s no detective, but she’s decided smarter than Goro had given her credit for. “To support your conclusion: the papers on which his arrest record was printed still exist, even if the pages are blank. The census database indicates that the Kurusu household is empty, but also that it exists.” It would be a fascinating conundrum if he wasn’t under imminent threat of this cognitive reality. Either Kurusu has been imprecisely written out of this reality, or… “What if he’s currently residing in another plane of existence?”

In this AU, I basically postpone Kasumi/Sumire's internal crisis until after they have figured out what the fuck happened to Akira. "Kasumi" and Akechi enter the Odaiba Palace as usual despite the lack of Joker, find out it's Maruki, but he doesn't show "Kasumi" the traumatising videos of her past life for reasons untold.

“As you said, it is unlike Maruki to imprecisely remove him from reality. If he were so intent on giving his friends their paradise, he would either allow Kurusu to exist to be their friend, or overwrite his existence completely so the Phantom Thieves fully immerse themselves in the fantasy of their desired lives, which all supposedly took place before they met Kurusu.” Madarame’s pupil, the Nijima sisters and their father, Wakaba Isshiki, Kunikazu Okumura… the only exception is a human Morgana, but Morgana has always been an exception. “Instead Kurusu exists as a memory and artifacts of his existence weren’t properly erased. Perhaps, due to his… unique powers, he was able to separate himself from this version of reality before Maruki got to him.” It’s a stretch, but at the same time, the incongruity of the entire fucking Metaverse continues to burn a hole through his brain, so really, nothing is going to stop him at this point. “Crow-senpai…” Yoshizawa is hesitant, as if she is also grasping how tenuous the connection is. But then her face hardens in an expression he’d thought her incapable of: sheer, raw determination. “The Metaverse is an alternate plane of existence.”

Goro and "Kasumi" figure out that Palaces apart from Maruki's simply cannot exist, because technically, reality itself is Maruki's Palace; he is spreading his cognitive belief (distortion) to the entire world via god powers. With such overwhelming cognitive control, no "real" place exists for cognitive distortion to occur, because "reality" is already just "cognition" by Maruki.

They try Mementos, sure. Mementos is the collective unconscious, and while Persona-users can't have Shadows, if one is being perceived by the collective unconscious, one is also technically part of it: AKA, if the Shadows in Mementos registered Joker as like, a person, proof of his existence still exists in the cognitive world. (Of course said cognitive world is currently fusing with reality but I digress.) They try inputting Joker's name into the Mementos Nav to see if it will register him in the public unconscious, but unfortunately, no dice.

But Joker is special. He is the Wild Card, and unbeknownst to Goro or "Kasumi", he has access to the Velvet Room, a place 'between mind and matter, dream and reality'. Not saying that it's simple enough for him to just escape to the Velvet Room, but he's always been special, and has powers that none of them understand. So strange things always happen to him, and well:

“He can’t be totally gone,” Goro tries to reason, more for himself than Yoshizawa. If he has to try and convince the Phantom Thieves to face reality and defeat Maruki by himself, he is going to scream. “Evidence of his existence is improperly erased, meaning his cognition has not fully disappeared, even if Mementos doesn’t perceive him. If so—” Yoshizawa suddenly goes very, very still. “There is one other possibility,” she murmurs almost disbelievingly. It strikes Goro the way lightning skewers a tree. It would make sense, though. Maruki physically resides in his Palace because his distortion extends to the entire world; ergo, the entire world is technically his Palace. If Kurusu were physically residing anywhere else, it would be a cognitive reality under his control, not one where he'd been erased… “No,” Goro says out of sheer disbelief, the same time Yoshizawa flicks her finger to the ‘Palace’ tab and says in a somehow-perfect voice that doesn’t shake: “Akira Kurusu.” “Candidate found.”

Akira doesn't have a physical location for his distortion to center on; Metaverse Palace access depends on target/location/distortion to find routing, and location has thus far always been physical (Shujin, shack, Shibuya/Tokyo, Futaba's room, Okumura Foods company HQ, courthouse, Diet building). But somehow he's managed to escape Maruki's reality through a Palace of his own.

And, look. I've read a lot of Joker gets a Palace fics. The keywords vary from fic to fic; distortion is commonly masquerade / prison / theatre, or anything reasonable construed to separate facets of the social self. Location also varies, but less; I've seen Leblanc / his room / all of Tokyo / the entire world.

I'm not going to do anything particularly new either. But the keyword for location in this AU is going to be Akira's heart.

It's not a physical location, obviously. But it is also a very fitting metaphor for a Phantom Thief turned Palace owner who knows exactly what distortion is. It also provides a convenient respite from Maruki's reality, because "Akira Kurusu's heart" is not part of Maruki's cognition the same way "courthouse" or "Diet Building" might be. So when transported there by the Metaverse, "Kasumi" probably gets a flood of terrible memories, since she is in a plane of existence where she truly and only exists as Sumire.

As for distortion... I haven't decided yet, but I'm leaning towards prison. (rubs hands) it will slot nicely with the emotional repression angle: a prison with high walls and iron spikes, perched on a stormy island and impenetrable to all. Akira truly deludes himself in believing his heart is an impenetrable fortress where all his feelings must stay locked up... forever. Goro and Sumire are basically fighting to open the doors in his heart and stopping him from repressing his feelings, which is some dramatic irony with Mr. Black Mask doing the infiltration.

No real details yet, but I do want there to be a perfect replica of the interrogation room, including all the abuse and drugs, because poor akiren is probably repressing his trauma over that too :( I wonder how Black Mask Goro would react to seeing the interrogation room in full, bloody detail? Plus having Sumire along for the ride, who didn't know that this happened, making them the two absolute worst people to be witnessing this side of him.

Anyway, Third Semester Palace is more interesting to me than a post-game one because of all the wonky shenanigans around Maruki's control of reality. If reality is Maruki's "Palace", then the Wild Card (who resists by his very nature; see how he and Goro are the only ones sane) defends himself by escaping to another plane of existence. Unfortunately, one option is forming a Palace, which Akira was already on his way to doing because [insert fanon and this guy's trauma over losing Akechi and the interrogation room and the social burden of being an unwanted criminal branded to him for what seems like the rest of his life]. This all could have been avoided if Lavenza, but there would have been no AU for me to brainrot about, so.

(Why doesn't Maruki show "Kasumi" her trauma when Goro and her show up in the Palace? Butterfly effect: not from Joker being gone, but from Akira having a whole-ass Palace. Akira Kurusu, the kid Maruki therapised for nearly a year and formed a deep bond with. The saviour complex in Maruki compels him to focus on dismantling Akira's Palace, which he tries to do by cognitive "brute force" rather than Goro and Sumire's infiltration. So he's too distracted to harass "Kasumi".)

Technically, Maruki and Akira "doing battle" with cognition (Akira retreating from the overwritten reality hastily; Maruki trying to delete the Palace) implies a metaphysical plane where all Palaces/cognitive worlds exist in a same... "place" where they can cohabit, but that just seems like a dangerously close brush with persona 3's Sea of Souls where Door-kun is sealed and I am running out of steam to think more.

I wrote 1,500 words in a frenzy for this AU and had to share some here before I lost all my inspiration.

[hueberryshortcake]

hellooooo tagged by @delladucker !!!<3 yes it took me two weeks to remember and finish this don't worry about it

how many fics do you have on ao3?

- currently 10

what's your total ao3 word count?

- 52,149..... when did that happen

what fandoms do you write for?

- currently usually ducktales of course but I still mess around in my howl's castle series drafts every once in awhile. everything else is from when I was afflicted with being 14 and doesn't count

what are your top five fics by kudos?

- "giving off sparks" which I did not put much effort into but I guess the people needed more Castle in the Air content

- the singular thing that survived the post-tma purge, that michael mcfuckhands thing, which is allowed to remain simply bc it was a little funny

- "wednesday morning 3am" - yeahhhHHhHhHh

- "after changes upon changes" - I will never forget the day I found out there was a secret sixth verse to the boxer and I think I may have ascended. anyway yeah this one was cute

- "prodigal" yea

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

- I try to but I'm shy and my brain is made out of spaghetti and pop rocks so if you left one and I didn't respond. <3.

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

- in general? probably one wtnv fic from the Bad Times (freshman year). attached to my ao3 probably "a home she could not keep" I have thoughts about Goldie o Gilt

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

- OUVGHGR idk I think that kind of depends on your definition of happy ending..... wednesday morning is cute changes upon changes is cute prodigal I definitely was writing the end like "this is so silly and sappy. POST!" but like idk I'm largely tired with pointless angst personally. like I'm okay with things sucking really bad for our heroes in the middle but ending a story on an upward trajectory is important to me when I'm writing

do you get hate on your fics?

- sometimes people say weird stuff about della in my comments and it makes me mad because she is just some guy

do you write smut?

- no I'd rather lock my barbies in the house and then shake it and yell EARTHQUAKE than make them kiss or heaven forbid.... anyway I have more important things to be doing personally

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

- no I do like the occasional silly au though like the howl pendragon/ben suliman/sophie hatter Vicious au which appealed to exactly two people and never saw the light of day

have you ever had a fic stolen?

- no can you imagine if someone broke into ur house and then stole only a spiral notebook full of crayon drawings and disney stickers. it would be like that to me and it would be so funny

have you ever had a fic translated?

no that would be sick

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no but there was a time when ex wife and I were co brainstorming so hard it may well have been cowriting if you squinted

what's your all time favorite ship?

- howl and sophie jenkins-pendragon-hatter........... they were holding hands and smiling and smiling quite unable to stop....... I gotta take a walk

what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

- hallmark chronic illness sophie hatter christmas..... also I just found a document that's five sentences of Benjamin Chang actually stuck in a time loop in s6e1. cool

what are your writing strengths?

- I completely blanked because I think I suck at everything so I phoned a friend and asked my ex wife and he said "your writing strengths are themes and motifs and also sick ass metaphors" Thank you ex wife

what are your writing weaknesses?

- actually writing

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

- ummmm like I've written some stuff in French before because I'm proficient in it but I always heavily double check everything I've written so idk. I keep it to a couple lines at maximum because I'm not super comfortable with it

first fandom you wrote for?

- there isn't a way to answer this that isn't incredibly embarrassing so I guess that time I wrote a self insert character who was kind of weird and not like anybody else and got sorted into ravenclaw (I was eleven)

favorite fic you've ever written?

- oh how to choose! if I've posted it in the last two years I like it. I reread prodigal the most and people seemed to like it a lot but whenever I reread Wednesday Morning 3AM I'm like wait this rocks. wed3am is like my eldest daughter carved immaculately from marble that I forget exists and prodigal is the son I worship despite his formatting errors (they are part of the charm I'm not fixing them. I'm too stubborn)

tagging..... @justaboot @aaandbackstabbed

[box-dwelling]

I keep seeing stuff in the AA fandom talking about how like, some takes are surface level and I do just want to say that while deep interesting analytical takes are excellent and I enjoy them greatly and love applying interesting frameworks to my silly lawyer game. I think the basic takes are also good and ok too. I think presuming every single post an from AA fan on tumblr dot com has to have an academic level of analysis because the text can absolutely facilitate that is maybe a little extreme.

Like media analysis has frameworks and lenses that you can switch out and apply to get new and interesting results and it's ok if that's something you don't always have on when posting because if you do default to one frame work always, you risk missing all the interesting stuff you can get from the other frameworks. But that means you have to be consciously applying them, so its ok if sometimes you also are not doing that. Having the ability to do that is a valuable skill that will enrich your life and media consumption but also its ok if sometimes you just want to not think that deep for a post and say something surface level. Just because you do one doesn't mean you aren't capable of doing the other. This isn't an academic setting, sometimes a post can just be a thought you have.

I want the more academic stuff, fuck I was just looking at a thing talking about hegalian dialectics in AA, a thing I've been internally screaming about the existence of but feel woefully under qualified to discuss so hadn't and I'm so glad to see someone more knowledge than me put words to it. But I think we shouldn't expect it of everyone.

Plus while complex media analysis is wonderful and I eat it up, it's not something everyone is trained in to the extent others are. I like to think I'm better at it that a lot of people I know irl and have had a decent amount of study into it but don't forget that this is something people can and do dedicate their lives to and not everyone in fandom is going to be one of those people.

Idk I just think it's unfair to expect everyone in fandom to have every post have an academic level of rigour. If someone just wants to say "Hey so those von karma siblings, pretty fucked up what happened to them huh," then I think that's OK too. It's different if they're actively misinterpreting the text by leaving shit out (eg ignoring the themes of AA4 to think Phoenix is genuinely uncaring) but I just think it's ok if a post isn't that deep. People are doing this for fun and we can't expect everyone to be functioning at max brain power for every damn post.

Stuff gets popular randomly. One of my most popular posts was a shitpost scene I wrote at like 3am because I thought it was funny. Some of my posts I put a ton of thought and effort and analysis into get no traction. It just depends on random factors like timing or which mutuals find it good enough to reblog. It's the nature of the way social media is. This isn't a meritocracy. Just because someone's brain fart gets popular doesn't mean its the only analysis they're capable of

[whatsaboomlakalaka]

fic writer interview!

thanks for the tag @grantairesbottle !!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

20 ! how did that happen !

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

56,068

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

5 on ao3 but really 4 bc I think Original Work + Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game) count as one (its backstory for one of my PCs)

the others are Les Miserables, Dimension 20 (specifically Fantasy High) and Life with Derek

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

What To Expect When You're Expecting A Soulmate - (Dimension 20 (Fantasy High)) - Fig/Ayda - the figayda soulmark au nobody asked for but i wrote anyway - classic first words your soulmate will say to you are written on your body somewhere, bc with their first interaction how could i NOT. 2k, oneshot!

Llamas and Siblings and Pies, Oh my! - (Life with Derek) - Casey/Derek - texting fic! the whole family's involved! i don't know how to describe this one except ridiculous and very fun! 4k, oneshot!

Bump In The Night - (Life with Derek) - Casey/Derek - a mix of soulmark aus from a 3am prompt that i wrote in 40mins and didn't read through before i posted. wild that its this high up tbh. 600 words, ficlet!

A Pretty Good Bad Idea - (Life with Derek) - Casey/Derek - summer vibes prompt that's actually just pwp - everyone loves smut OPPPPP. 2.5k, oneshot!

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger - (Les Miserable) - Enjolras/Grantaire - again, everyone loves smut? this fic is so old omg but yeah i guess its a thing i wrong. canon-compliant pwp. 2k, oneshot!

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! Always! I love to chat come talk to me!!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

God, right. Do we mean angst like "everyone's about to die"? Because if so, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger, again, or Just Open Your Eyes - but they're both Les Mis and like. Is death angst in canon-era Les Mis bc idt it is???

Non-death related, I'm going with Evacuate The Dancefloor. Mostly because it was going to end happily and then the last 40 words just came out of nowhere but like. It had to. Idk. Sad wanking innit.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Hmmm I haven't written any with like crossed over characters but I like putting people in different settings. Hogwarts AUs etc. And like. My Life with Derek Tag AU, cleverly just titled "Tag".

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Writing for small fandoms is a blessing, no.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah but like I'm not comfortable writing it really? But sometimes I do it to challenge myself and those are always the fics with the best stats which is WILD.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nel said this too in hers lol but like. No posts fic, but RP. A lot of RP.

Also @nosybutterfly and I have the starting of a Life with Derek one but we've both been working on separate things recently - Em we should get back to it !!!

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

The ship that first got me into fanfiction was Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter). But I've probably read more Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Miserables) than anything else. Plus Combeferre/Courfeyrac (also Les Mis). Honourable mentions to: Beck/Johanssen (The Martian), Josh/Donna (The West Wing), Laurie/Amy (Little Women), and Casey/Derek (Life with Derek).

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Nothing has been posted of it yet but I've got this one Ballet Dancer!Casey/Photographer!Derek Long Distance AU and. Eurgh. One day.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I manage to get a lot of info into not a lot of words. I also think I'm funny but who knows what everyone else thinks.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I start so many things I know I'll never finish yikes

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter - I don't even remember my old username but it was on Sink Into Your Eyes, back in the day.

Also Firefly - mostly on fireflyfans.net

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

A Thousand Years Go By (Love Don’t Die) - Life with Derek - Derek/Casey - the mcturi siblings are paranormal investigators checking out sam's new mansion-come-hotel. 8k, oneshot!

this fic hit me like a fever dream and i could think of nothing else until it was written. its also got just... so few hits compared to my other dasey fics and that makes me sad sometimes ngl.

Tagging anyone who wants to do it! Say I tagged you and I'll back you up!!

[ray-ray-writings]

700 Friend Behind the Scene Special!

Hello there! So a little bit of back story, everything I write is written in a google doc because it automatically saves everything and I can think clearer when I’m typing in a document. Sometimes when I’m writing, I’ll get tired or get stuck or write something I don’t like. So I’ll make a note to myself of what I was writing so I can come back to it later, or write out the basic idea of what I want to happen so I can visualize it in words better, or hit enter a few times and re-write somethings. So in celebration of me hitting 700 friends I have gathered a few of those things so that I can share with you a little bit of my thought process, but also so you might have a laugh or may see where some of your favorite stories almost went. I don’t know if any of you will actually like this or actually care, but I thought that it was something cool lol. So here you go! I hope you enjoy!!!

Notes to Self/Prompts to Myself

A Dedicated and Domesticated Pig: *Note to future self so I know what I was going for. He’s making breakfast with your child on your hip. I’m thinking a daughter named something with Phil’s name maybe or maybe just a T name. Then you two are leaving for a festival in L’Manberg where Philza interacts with your daughter. And the night ends with you three cuddled up together and you’re reminiscing on how he asked you out and then it all comes full circle somehow using the words dedicated because we’re that kind of simp*

Gift of Friendship: Techno- “I made friendship bracelets”. “I don’t wear jewelry” “oh okay. I can take it back. You don’t have to wear it I’ll take it back-“ “no I will wear this until the day I die

Notes in general: There are a lot of *Insert title here* or *Insert really cool and creative title here*

There is also a lot of *Insert really nice summary here that sums everything up but is also clever*

Actually Pretty Funny: I knew I wanted to use “Tommy leave me alone” “Tommy told me you were in here crying” “That little snitch” but I didn’t know where so I made a note to use it. 

What Could Have Been or Almost Was

This has a few pieces of writing but is mostly about what I almost titled the pieces you know and love. 

Stolen Goods: I was about to retort but the sound of the nether portal activating cut my words off.

“We’re back!” I heard my younger brother call out. Techno and I walked together toward the portal to greet our brothers, but they weren’t alone. “Hey guys! Oh hey Dream,” I greeted the three, setting my chest down next to the wood I brought in earlier. “Hey Y/N/N? Get what we asked for?” Tommy asked, walking toward me. I simply stared at him and then looked at the pile of wood beside me. “No” I deadpanned. 

I then turned to my chest and quickly put my axe away. “Then what’s that?” Tommy questioned in confusion. I rolled my eyes, closed my chest and turned to him. “What you asked for dummy” “But you just said no?” “I was being sarcastic!” I exclaimed, moving toward him and slightly pushing him. “Well I didn’t know that!” Tommy exclaimed, pushing me back. “Hey! Hey! Hey! Stop pushing each other.” Wilbur demanded, “Just say thank you and move on Tommy.” Tommy huffed but said, “Thank you Y/N.” “You’re welcome Tommy.” 

“So is this how you four interact all the time?” Dream questioned, moving closer to the two of us. I let out a laugh and turned to the masked man, “Yeah. Pretty much. Sometimes we get along, but sometimes they get on my nerves.” I informed the man, while playfully glaring at 

A Hairy Situation: I had a lot of trouble coming up with a cool title for “a Hairy Situation” . It almost was like “Braided Together” or something like that but I was like, it’s about hair. It’s a situation. It’s a Hairy Situation.

Either Lean on Me or 3am conversation I don’t remember: Tommy did something. He did something bad” Tubbo admitted. I nodded to show the young man I was listening to, “Okay,” I prompted. “Tommy was messing around and he accidentally set George’s house on fire.” My eyes widened at Tubbo’s words. “His new house?” I asked in disbelief. Tubbo nodded, staring into his cup. “Dream is pissed.” He continued. “He gave me an ultimatum. He said that either we go to war or…” Tubbo’s words died on his tongue. “Or what?” I asked, attempting to gently prompt the boy. “What’s the other option Tubbo?” “Or exile Tommy.” His words hit me like a ton of bricks.

Missing You: This fic was almost titled “Radio silence” and was almost irl and was about the day that he got that prank pulled on him where everyone in his Discord was muted and not talking to him. And I almost wrote it so you’re in that call and you are participating in the prank and he just guilt trips you so hard that you unmute and are like “I’m so sorry!” 

Better Than a Dedicated Chicken was almost titled “A Funtime Festival”. But then I was like, ‘I hate that. Since it’s a sequel I want to keep a theme… Maybe something about dedication.’ and thus this was born. 

Faking Happy- I almost left it on the sad ending where Sam flies away using his trident and you collapse and sob by yourself in the rain. And then I added more to it because I was sad. 

Protect You was almost titled “Looking out for you” but I thought that might be too clunky and so I shorten it and stuff.

Wither or Not almost ended without the whole ‘techno goes to your house to comfort you’ scene at the end and almost ended in angst, but I was too sad to do that because I knew the next Techno piece I was writing was going to end in angst. 

Not Your Fault almost was going to be a different story completely than what it became. I thought a lot about how to do it but the ways I wanted to write it and the way the anon who requested it probably wanted it but I couldn’t make the prompts fit well in the way I wanted to write it. I thought about having you be on a bridge drinking alone because you had to exile your brothers and Schlatt approaches you there and you’re like “leave me alone. I hate you” and he’s like “no you don’t” and it’s a bit angsty, but then I couldn’t figure out how to fit “I had to see you again in that”. And then I thought about having him exile you and come and see you with a “I had to see you again” but then he would know where pogtopia is and we can’t have that. So then I thought maybe you’d visit him before he gets killed but then I couldn’t figure out how to fit the prompts that way either. So I finally settled on what it became. 

Chat’s a Snitch was almost titled “My New Boyfriend’s a Songwriter” and instead of being in established relationship, him seeing you sing his song would be how you two meet and he would fall in love with you and write you a song, but then that wouldn’t have really been what the request was and I didn’t want to deviate that much from the request and I think I was feeling a bit lazy that day so I wrote what it is. 

Defending Family was another one I had a hard time coming up with a cool and clever title for. At one point I considered titling it “i will physically fight you”

Crossed Lines was almost called “Hold tight” because I had this idea that maybe when Dream kidnapped you he put you somewhere high and at once point you dangle over the edge, about to fall and so they scream ‘hold tight’ and yeah. I decided not to though because I wasn’t sure how I would go about putting the reader there and getting them down. But once I wrote it due to the amount of times I said “that’s crossing a line” I decided to title it crossed lines. I think this piece is actually one of my least favorites because I’m not sure if I liked how it turned out but idk man. 

Totem Troubles was almost called “To Hell and Back” because in the request they wanted me to include hints of the story of Orpheus and Euridice but when I was unable to do that, I had to come up with a new title and I really had a hard time with that. 

The Next Step was almost called “Come Live with Me” because I loved the musical ‘Hadestown’. At first I wanted that particular imagine to have more Techno/reader scenes, but then I had a hard time figuring out how to bring up the things and then it felt too short. Then I was like “What if he just talks to Phil about it” and boom it was written. I’m still a huge musical nerd so I titled it “The Next Step” because in a Beetlejuice song two of the main characters are thinking of making a huge step in their relationship and that line is repeated over and over so I stole it…. :). Also for this one I had to literally just take a step back and write out a full ass summary because I was having really really bad writer’s block because I had no idea what I was doing. Unfortunately I don’t have that, I wish I did because it was really funny because it was a summary of the story but it was like “And so Philza’s like bro. Dude. Just tell them” and then Techno’s like “No dad. Stay out of my business” and Philza’s like “Bro. Look around at your house. You love them” 

Warming Up didn’t become the title of that piece until the very end. When I read requests I always give them a ‘working title’ that may or may no become the real title when they’re finished and ready to be posted. This one however had a title that was just a joke for myself. It was titled “The Weasel” because Y/N was weaseling her way into Techno’s home and then later his heart. 

Calling Philza Dad Drabble: When you greet him though, you always greet him with a hug usually calling out from the door way, “Dad! I’m home!” Very cheesy like. And he comes around the corner and you two hug. And then after you hug, you are like “I missed you!!!” to Phil. And Phil touches his heart and is like, “That’s so nice to hear. 

So you usually come over everyday. Everyday when you come over, you always shout out, “Dad! I’m home!” And he rushes out but there are days you don’t and so the next time you d

There was a time though that you had to go out of town for like a week and so you didn’t come over at all and both Techno and Philza found themselves missing you. So the day comes where you get home and you come barreling in the door. You can see Philza in the kitchen cooking something and he quickly turns to the door in shock. You simply grin at him and shout, “DAD! I’M HOME!!!” And he immediately rushed out of the kitchen and pulls you into a great big, warm hug which you instantly returned. “I missed you so so so much!” You announced as you squeeze him tightly. 

Warming up working description: Y/N is dying in the snow and Philza’s like “We gotta save them!” and Techno’s like “Why is that our problem?” but helps anyway and then falls in love with Y/N…. Ya know, cliches and shit

I hope you enjoyed reading this monstrosity! Would this be something you guys are interested in seeing? Like a behind the scenes version of my writing. Like I save things like this when I write them and when I have a good chuck I post them? Up to you guys, let me know!

[deceits-left-glove]

[uh, may I say that the first time I wrote this it was July 30th 2020, because I know for a fact this is just going to sit in my drafts and rot there ;-;]

[ (8/09/2020) hi, presumably authors note here! Thanks to my weird habit of suddenly deciding to write something new and going until I'm falling asleep typing at 3am... I don't remember making this. At all. It kind of appeared in my drafts at one point and I'm just going to go with it. I also have no idea what it's supposed to be but I'm posting it how I found it cos I thought it was funny. You have been "warned". proceed.]

Core four feel guilty af so all try to mend their relationships with the dark sides independently of one another bc they don't know how the other three would react, anyway, the dork sides think they're doing it this way to not overwhelm them or something, (they have no idea that everyones trips have been "secret") but they figure that Virgil would want his headphones back sooner rather than later so they go up to give them back to him and Oop! everyone is in the same room and all four of them think "am I going to have to defend their asses in a second, oh god what if I get kicked out and go live down there with them and I never see these three again! What if that makes something bad happen to Thomas? Oh god oh fuck-" (mhm, even Patton. Having to pick between his famILY's warrants a "fuck" he thinks) and are waiting for the other shoe to drop, while Janus and Remus are just there like "yo, tf is going on why are y'all looking at each other like you're trying to figure out who the murderer is?"

Virgil gets Panic! ked because 'oh shit history is repeating itself has nothing actually changed, I thought we'd had some Growth™ -' and Roman sees this and thinks 'oh shit Virgils history with them is probably all flooding back to him rn, I gotta help him see that everything's gucci-' so he asks lemon and lime to back it up a lil bit. Logan sees this and thinks 'ah yes, how fitting that I have to (verbally) fight Roman about this. Welp, guess I'm loosing a friendship today. That sucks dick.' And (figuratively) ((maybe also literally too, idk)) jumps to the defence of the two and Janus sees this and is like "hold up, did non of y'all know you were all doing the same thing?" And Patton's like "HAHAHA- UM what thing??? Janus???? What????? do you mean??????" And Janus is like "well fuck, I guess you really do need my help with lying, damn. Anyway all of y'all have been coming to vibe w/ us over the last like month, I thought y'all had coordinated it tbh, but apparently not." And during all this Remus snuck a tentacle to Virgo for him to grab onto while he Panic! ing and Roman tried to poke it away at first bc he didn't want Virgil to freak out, but he actually made grabby hands for it so Roman was like 'oh, ight I guess that works' and took his other hand cos they want him to know that both sides of his family still vibe with him, no matter what.

Also Virgil happy cries a lot when he starts to go and chill with them BC he has Nostalgia and crying is a good thing sometimes.

Also also Raman cries a lot in the start too bc he's been having Even More dreams about them together as kids and waking up Extra Sad™ but now he gets to clown about w/ him again and yeah he has to wash his tunic thingy more thoroughly now bc there's almost always dirt or monster blood or slime or something on it but he'd rather wash a billion stains out of his clothes than stop having a good relationship with his brother again

Also also also Patton cries in the beginning BC he still blames himself for everything, so Janus and Remus explain to him that there's nothing that calls for blame to be placed on anyone. Yes Thomas might have been different if Creativity hadn't split, but that could go for worse as well as for better. He might not be able to help the people that he helps now. And also Roman and Remus wouldn't exist, and if he's honest, Remus prefers having someone to fight and bounce ideas off of and bully relentlessly, because Roman can do the same right back, and it's never boring. And that does make Patty feel at least a little better. For now.

Also also also also Logay doesn't really cry, but that makes sense. Not because he's emotion-less, but because the other three have strong emotional ties to the pair, he on the other hand, just has some choice words he could reprimand, so he rants. And rant he does. He rants about how sorry he is and the things he should have done differently. He rants about the others when they get a little too much (Remus likes these, especially when they're about Roman and he can join in) he rants about the sea and the stars and the wonders of the world (not the list, just cool things in general) he rants about philosophy (of course Janus loves these, there have been many debates and once REMUS had to brake up a nearly-fight... They've since avoided that particular philosopher.)

Also also also also also (I need to chill) it ends with a cuddle pile, that started out the same way cuddle piles used to go for the others. Janus, all six arms out, and Virgil curled up facing each other with Remus's front pushed against V's back, a good few more tentacles out and crawling all over the other two, then Roman squeezes his way in next to Virgil and Logan and Patton go to Janus and Remus's other sides (hehehe) perspectively. Logan puts his arm around Jan, and gets one back in return, while Parrot jumps on Remus's back, and his tentacles carry him over so he's laying across the rest of them and giggling. It's so much warmer and safer than any of them imagined it would be...

Logan does cry then, they all do. It makes sense, it's a very emotionally charged moment, for all of them.

It's perfect.

[llawlietofficial]

What type of characterisation do u like for fics? I do find that fic from back in the day is mostly 1 dimensional but I was curious what ur issues w it where?

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this but I’m gonna be real my opinions on stuff like this have led to me being labeled toxic to the point where people have literally implied they want me and people who share similar opinions with me to leave the fandom, so I’ve been kind of hesitant to answer something like this bashing some recent characterization again. So if you’re one of those people I’m sorry and you should probably stop reading now.

opinions under the cut with some lawlight characterization stuff I don’t like + some stuff I do like:

Honestly? I try and read at least the first chapter or so of every new lawlight fic in the tag and recently it’s been impossible for me to enjoy a lot of it because when I read it it just doesn’t feel like L and Light to me at all? Like it feels like someone at some point wrote a big fic with strong characterization and interesting characters, except they weren’t much like L and Light and they acted in ways L and Light wouldn’t act. And a lot of fics now are based off that same characterization, which in turn inspires fics with that characterization, rinse and repeat. And that’s just not enjoyable to me when I’m looking to read lawlight fanfiction.

Obviously old lawlight fanfiction wasn’t all 100% perfect and there were a lot of doozies in that mix too but it felt like there were more really solid multichapter fics that might have been messy and toxic in ways but they made sense with the canon characters. And fics that did have a happy ending and some fluff thrown in were still written using circumstances that could be believable, even if it took a long time or a slow burn to get there.

To answer your question more specifically, here’s some common tropes that feel out of character to me (and I’m not calling out any specific author or saying fics that do any of these things are poorly written because they’re not and we have a lot of talented and dedicated people here):

Either one of them changing their principles and switching sides within the first 20k words and without a LOT of persuading. IMO “we’re two sides of the same coin and not that different despite both being hugely stubborn” is shit I love, “actually I’ve sided with you secretly the whole time/your magical dick has cured me of disagreeing with you/I’m willing to sacrifice the principles I literally died for in canon easily because I want to be with you” is shit I don’t love.

“We suddenly agree and work super well together as partners now that we’re in an AU and there’s no death note” doesn’t feel authentic to me because death note or no death note their entire outlook on the world is different. Light would think L’s methods are disgusting. L would think Light’s initial idealism is naive. Light believes mankind is inherently good and once you get rid of the bad that can shine, L…doesn’t seem to share that. That’s not to say they can never work together but the good shit is when it’s a long journey into understanding each other and where they’re coming from and slowly making compromises and falling in love.

L being a naive uwu tries his best baby who’s being taken advantage of by Light. Light being a misguided uwu baby who tries his best and is being taken advantage of the whole time by L. They’re more complex than that and they’re both bad people but they also both have good sides so any sort of simplification of the characters into one being a villain and one being a victim is uninteresting to me. 

They shouldn’t work but somehow despite everything they do, because they’re alone and because despite disagreeing and being enemies by circumstance and by beliefs, they know without the other they’d never really be challenged or fulfilled. That’s neat. I like that. It’s messy. They’re drawn to each other even as they’re disgusted with each other.

It’s more interesting when they are their own conflict rather than the conflict solely coming from outside sources.

The 500000 fics where Light is a rebellious and progressive omega who actually secretly wants to be protected by L and feels grateful that they’ve found each other? don’t love that. I dislike omega fics in general even if there’s a couple I’ve thought were pretty alright so that doesn’t help either. It is kind of interesting that despite their differences this could be an in-universe reason to force them together. It just seems like omegafic is the lawlight default right now. Like even fics where the plot doesn’t revolve around omegaverse stuff is sometimes omegaverse and that’s ? hard for me to wrap my brain around? that’s not just a lawlight problem though that seems to be happening in a lot of fandoms

Similarly to point one, either of them being okay with losing like lol what. 

yotsuba can be difficult to tackle because there’s so much going on there with the characters, but there’s so many interesting layers to explore and dive into that sometimes get ignored in favor of fluffy hijinks and that’s boring to me. from Light’s perspective L took everything from him and has made his life pretty miserable because of this whole Kira thing and catching the real Kira is the only real thing that could totally clear Light’s name and L just sort of….gives up, for a lot of it. mopes about and acts unmotivated and uninterested because Light isn’t Kira. that’s probably very frustrating for light! and fun wacky fluff or hijinks can happen, but I love when it happens in the “we got so distracted being the smartest people in the room we forgot we’re supposed to be enemies” way because that’s juicy to me

sometimes it’s the little things, too, that bother me. stuff that’ll happen and it’ll completely pull me out of the story. like L Lawliet made Naomi Misora destroy her whole damn computer after he slid into her DMs and you really think there’s any way in hell he’d have any sort of google home or siri or alexa? or casual social media, even under fake names? facebook knows everything. or light saying something or making a joke that i could never in a million years see him saying in canon because the author thought it would be funny or cute. 

anytime Light is suddenly some kind of beacon of goodness champion of justice just because he didn’t find the death note. the death note didn’t make him a completely different person, he’s bitter and jaded and thinks some people would be better off dead even before getting the death note. self righteous yeah totally but actually righteous? nah man

or Light just being a fucking awful person who kidnaps and r*pes L because he lusts after him but it’s okay because somehow in the end they end up together ? i’ve seen that trope a few times and i know it existed in 2007 too i just avoided it like the plague then also. 

I see a lot of AUs that are less “what would L and Light legitimately do if this was the situation or universe they were placed in” and more “i want to write this situation happening like this and i want to make it lawlight because that’s my main ship” 

like, the characters that are being written are fine but if you want to write OCs right OCs. I know all of this seems really harsh which is why I put a warning about it at the beginning, and of course I know some of these problems were also prevalent between 2013-2017 and there’s tropes here that have been happening like this since the dawn of lawlight fanfiction, but since it’s happening now and now is when i’m frustrated by it now is what i’m complaining about, it could be the reason i go back to older fanfiction so much is because i had lower standards back then and it was easier for me to wade through the ones i hated to get to ones i liked and now it’s easy for me to find those again. who knows. Also I agree most fanfiction from 2007-2009 were pretty 1 dimensional. 

And like, fuck me I guess but I actually like the canon characters and I joined the fandom to experience more of them and apparently that makes other people feel unsafe.

I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to express opinions that are different than me or that I Know Better Than Everyone Else or that I don’t like people posting their own headcanons or ideas or things they wish were different about the series, it’s just not my cup of tea and it’s a little frustrating that fanon is mostly all I get in fics now and that people are allowed to express opinions but only if those opinions are “people who stick too close to canon are elitist and should die and are sticks in the mud and need to leave the fandom to stop ruining things for everyone else” because like, we’re people too?

Anyway sorry this veered in a bit of a different direction and I hope I don’t lose followers over this because it’s sad to see people go but I’ve been blogging here for over 5 years and I’m not going to stop anytime soon. I also wrote most of this while having bad anxiety at like 3am last night so it’s all over the place and i’m probably going to think of like eight things in the shower later I forgot to mention because i’ve been thinking over this ask for like two weeks now. 

[theuniversebeyondtherain]

Flower crown, fairy lights, daisies, 1975, pantone, moodboard, stars, plants, converse, lace, sunrise, overalls, combat boots, winged eyeliner, pastel, tattoos, piercings, messy bun, cry baby, grunge, old books, beaches, 11:11, painting, thunder, storms, love, clouds, coffee, marble (sorry I just can't restrain myself ahahaha)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

This morning while I was packing my things? I seriously can’t restrain myself, even when my voice was completely broken I sang a bit :3

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Too many things... Maybe I’d want to know it make it through my studies or if I can achieve my dreams to become a writer and to open my own bookshop ? Or maybe i’ll just ask it if my beloved cat if happy where he is now, or if I could have done something more to help before he died...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Hum..... Being alive I guess? Though I ca’t really say I’m in good health but at least I’m here, happy and alive with my friends and my family?

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Two days ago, I went shopping with my mom. It had been a very long time since I went with her. It made me very happy to do that with her. (since I live in a different city I usually go with my friends, @le-rire-des-etoiles I’ll always remember when you shut the curtain closed while saing “HIDE” xD It was so true !!!

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

Wow I’ve got like 4 ppl that came up to my mind rn... Which one should I chose :3 I’ll start with the first one that appeared to me. She has long brown hairs (she’ll never do anything to them I tried to convince her to die them in green for a night with a perfectly nice hair coloring which didn’t last more that one shampoo but I’m still trying xD). She has some rectangular glasses because she doesn’t see very well with her brown eyes. She’s kinda small (smaller than me and I consider myself as a Hobbit xD), but as we say, everything small is cute! She’s very energic, she works in a school with some small children. She’s passionate about everything she does, which goes from friends, to work, parties and family. She’s a veeeery bad loser when we play (she can throw the cards at your face when we play Uno xD very funny actually) and we don’t always agree but it’s always nice because we can talk about almost everything without going into a big fight. But still, when she has an opinion, it’s almost impossible to make her changer her mind or even accept you have a different opinion, but it’s almost always on un-important subjects so it’s not a big deal. She’s very friendly and a very good cook too, even if shes kinda desperate that I can’t really make decisions, and I really love her.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Yep, it was hard sometimes, but when I consider my friends childhoods, I definitly have a happy one.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Last night? We were watching a singing contest at the TV and we tarted crying like babies in front of one man... Still, amazing moment.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

@snarky-goldfish, @le-rire-des-etoiles and another friend who’s not on tumblr (Xao) because I can’t do that without all of them. They’re the best bunch of friends I’ve ever had and stargazing without all three of them wouldn’t be as fun as it would be with the three of them. @snarky-goldfish would go for the sarcastic or the sexual inuendues, @le-rire-des-etoiles would roll her eyes but go for it with a bunch of fun facts about it, and Xao and I would just listen and laugh while thinking about very sexual things that don’t belong there because we have a dirty mind xD

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

I had once, and we became friends xD But that’s not a thing I normally do, I guess it just depend of the feeling I have with this person?

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

It was like two weeks ago I think ? I was sick AF and so was my best friends so we start chitchatting instead of sleeping because we’re fucked up like that xD

sunrise:pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” Troye Sivan.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Go in vacation and fuck this world I guess? XD

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I am, I don’t know how to keep a grudge against someone for a long time. But I learned to be less forgiving or at least, even if I can forgive I never forget. But being always angry about someone is exhausting and I have better things to do.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Hum.... Let’s pass this one darling because I’ve already wrote a novel with the answers and I still have like the half to go xD But I can do that in another post :P

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

OMG definitely punk xD I love pastels too, but I’m more like punk and colors everywhere (even if they don’t belong together).

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I love tatoos, I’d love to get one but I’m afraid of needles xD And I’m not against piercings even if I won’t have it, It’s leaves marks and I have already enough of them.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Not a lot of but I do wear make up. I like to cover my scars, I’m quite insecure about them.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

OMG that’s gonna be a long one... Let’s begin : Sting (in which he reformed The Police, it was fucking amazing), Tokio Hotel, twice (I loved them and it was some very good concerts), Katy PErry (She was very nice actually), Silbermond (in some ancients roman ruins, I loved it), Tiger Lilies (freak show, scary but amazing), Queen, the Musical (not FReddy Mercury but still great), Within Temptation, twice too (first one was beautiful, the second much less because they wanted us to be seated like WTF), Tarja Turunen (I’m still crying because it was beautiful, and the drummer was amazing), Nightwish, three times (I WANNA GO AGAIN !!!!), Nickelback (I was in the first raw thanks to a friend, it was amazing!!!). Imagine Dragons (Loved it even if I drank a bit too much vodka), Robin des Bois (Loved it and cried a bit), The Script (Still there, once of the most beautiful ones), and I’m going to see Fall Out Boy next week :D

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I really don’t know...

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I saw a porno for the first time when I was 10 and it actually really trauamtized me.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Purple/pink because I already tried all the natural colors and I like the purple best :P

11:11:name three wishes and why you wish for them.

Well, it’s said that if we talk about our whishes they don’t come true... So i’ll better stay quiet ;)

painting:what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Hum..... Two years ago, a friend of mine tried to put make up on me so I would look like the black swann in the Black Swan movie... I ended up as the Joker and it was faaaaar more fun !

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Kill or abuse someone.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Never give up on your dreams from Two Steps From Hell because it’s freaking inspiring and also it doesn’t have lyrics so I won’t grow tired of the voice or anything... But for the one person I’ll end up with the rest of my life... I can’t choose. Normally I would have said my cat but since he’s not here anymore.... I really don’t know ^^

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Yes I have. It’s like having a bunch of butterflies in the stomach... I didn’t really understood what was happening to me and the next thing I knew was that I was always smiling and feeling happy. I blushed a lot too but it’s kinda normal for me xD I don’t reallly know what it felt when I realised it, I was just really happy and I wanted to share my happiness too. It wa like seeing the sun everyday even if it was raining. It was the first time I was in love so yeah... it sounds a bit childish ^^

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Fuck yeah I’m a girl and I’ve gone with realy short hair in which I put some hair gel for years ! Even if I’m strating to let them grow now (the last one was too short, they were like 5mms long at the back... too short), I’ll always like short hair :D

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Well given that I don’t like coffee, I’ll say they’re iced green tea... But It’s trust @snarky-goldfish and @le-rire-des-etoiles to order me something because they know me by heart and they’ll go for something I wouldn’t have even try (and mostly liked) without them.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Writing. I’m fed up with my studies and I really need a way to clear my mind and not t explode. So writing it is ! Because I’ll always like it more than sports xD

So here you go Sweetheart @roxas-j-frost ! There was a hell lot of questions but I’ve managed to answer them all !! Yeepee !!! I really had fun with that and I hope you’ll like my answers !!!

[bellarkefanfiction]

For the month of October, Lina got the chance to catch up with @kay-emm-gee, author of Small Favors, The More Things Change, Bedgate and many, many more, which you can find here. 

BFF: Tell us about yourself!

Kayla: Hi, I’m Kayla - twentysomething, from the USA, graduate student in cancer biology. And to keep myself sane from science, I spend a good chunk of my free time watching TV and reading. I adore any type of romance story, and those of the fantasy, sci-fi, and historical genres most of all. And, when I’m too tired to read or write, I’m also an avid knitter! #grandmastatus #proudofit

BFF: When did you start shipping Bellarke?

Kayla: Pretty late compared to most, I think? Not until season 2, even though I loved their dynamic from the beginning. I was intrigued by the idea of shipping them by the end of season 1, but I can’t say I really committed until The Hug^tm from 2x05 (I love that I have to specify which hug now lol) and then they went straight to OTP status from there!

BFF: How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Kayla: Funny enough…I actually wrote fanfiction when I was eight or nine, based on Pony Pals (I was obsessed with horses for many of my younger years), I believe, for a class assignment. So that was technically my start haha – but I guess my first published fanfiction was on FFN for Avatar The Last Airbender, a little piece that was supposed to be a prologue for a longer Zuko/Katara post-series multichapter AU…which I planned out entirely but never wrote (some things never change!). I posted a few other things there (for Smallville, Gossip Girl, The Infernal Devices series) but I was more in a reading stage then and couldn’t get enough of fanfiction (Tempest in A Teacup or Stormbenders, anyone??). I didn’t hit a prolific writing phase until Bellarke! And then the floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop writing, for them or for other ships too.

BFF: Are you a part of any other fandoms?

Kayla: Game of Thrones is something I have gotten into writing for recently, although it’s mostly for rarepair ships, which is strange for me (shameless plug for my sideblog, @winterfellslady). I’m usually very much about the narratively obvious pairings, but the Thrones universe is so expansive that it’s hard not to see so many possibilities. Aside from that, I’ve written here and there for a lot of other fandoms: Teen Wolf, A Court of Thorns & Roses series, From Dusk Till Dawn, The White Princess, The Shannara Chronicles, Reign, & Black Sails.  

BFF: Which of your fics was easiest to write, and why?

Kayla: First one that comes to mind as ‘easiest’ was my Peaky Blinders AU oneshot (Our Glory Days Are Numbered). It was a 3AM fic idea that just would not go away, and so I sat up and wrote it in less than an hour with barely any edits. It was a rare experience of producing something I was super proud of, super quickly. The process is usually much more laborious for me when it comes to fics that I want to stand out. As far as multi-chapters, strangely enough, my first one (Small Favors) was easiest to write? I think it was because I had very concise & defined ideas for each chapter, so it kept it simple and the ideas didn’t run away from me…like they do most times now.

BFF: Which fic did you find most challenging to write?

Kayla: It’s a tie between my modern scientist/lawyer AU i pick my poison (and it’s you) and my modern Sense & Sensibility AU by insensible degrees. The first never sat quite right with me (still doesn’t) because I never felt like the scientist perspective/experience came through smoothly enough. The second was tough because I had to power through writing it in its entirety before posting, which was a resolution for me so I didn’t leave it unfinished, but wow was it difficult. It ended up working, but it took almost a year to write (and honestly, it only got finished because @hawthornewhisperer gave me such good feedback & encouragement along the way so shoutout to her for that!). Even so, it’s probably one of my favorite fics that I’ve ever written.  

BFF: What do you predict will happen in season 5? Especially for our favourite duo?

Kayla: After being separated for six years and not knowing if the other is alive, Bellamy and Clarke are gonna have a lot of baggage to work through. Since I’m always here for the Bellarke Angst, I hope, predict, and expect we’ll get that in boatloads. Also, I don’t necessarily predict this will happen, but I’m interested to see if the Clarke & Madi dynamics mirrors season 1 Bellamy & Octavia at all, and if so, how that plays into Bellamy & Clarke’s dynamic (for better or worse). I’d love to see Bellarke get together on screen, of course, but honestly…I just want them to be each other’s centers again in season 5, that’s really all I ask for!

BFF: Do you have a specific process for your writing?

Kayla: Music is essential – I need thematic/atmospheric music to really get in the groove. Most of my Spotify is playlists for different story ideas actually. Aside from that, nothing too particular. I tend to edit as I go, which isn’t the most effective way to write, but I’m too much of a perfectionist to do proper draft editing.

BFF: Do you have any plans for other fics you’d like to write, if so could you spoil or tease us?

Kayla: Real life has been higher-than-average busy for like a year now, so I can’t find much time to write (and I’m working on Game of Thrones fics when I do find it), but there is one Bellarke fic WIP that is holding my interest right now. It was a request from a follower celebration winner for an Anastasia AU, but I wanted to put a spin on it, so I’m making it steampunk! Honestly, it’s the most inspired I’ve felt for this pairing in ages, which is promising. Here’s hoping the inspiration and motivation stays high!

BFF: What advice would you give novice writers?

Kayla: Keep writing. Even if you hate it now, it’ll make you better. And, later, when you do get better, don’t hate something you wrote early on, especially if you loved it when you wrote it. It’s where you came from, where you started, and it’s proof that practice makes a difference. And while you should mostly write what you want to write, it’s also okay to write for others. Because honestly, sometimes writing something that you definitely know other people will like or love is a safe way to boost your confidence (and get you motivated on stuff that you aren’t sure people will like!). One of the best tricks I’ve come across, and I use it often. Lastly, use a placemarker (like a unique, random combination of letters that you can easily Ctrl+F for) to note in the text when you need to look up a fact or something, and keep writing, instead of trying to find the info at that moment. It’s a useful way to prevent falling down a research hole and instead allows the inspiration and words to keep flowing.

We thank Lina and Kayla both for bringing us such a lovely interview! Please look forward to next month’s author interview!

[kaimuki]

I’d like to share something I wrote in high school; this was about two months before graduation --I was eighteen years old. I found it a very pleasant read. I posted it on my first Tumblr that I deleted before starting college, and it was in a response to an anonymous request to write about anyone that I’ve met. I hope you enjoy. 

Title: Without You, It’s a Waste of Time [A/N: Strawberry Swing by Coldplay.]

Epigraph: I can’t describe to you how surprised I was to find out I loved her. I even hoped for a while that she’d throw me over, but she didn’t, because she was in love with me too. [A/N: I loved The Great Gatsby. I still do.]

Through the darkness, I found myself lying in a bed next to L watching a marathon of really bad horror movies. I should have known it then, that he was changing my life by just spending time with me, but being around L wiped out every pretentious, presumptuous, and pensive ramblings in my mind, left every thought train wrecked resting in peace; I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to write about him now. [A/N: Back then I knew I was pretentious.]

There are two different types of meeting people. One, we physically meet them. We get introduced by mutual friends, family, or we happen to be in the same place and time. We meet people like this all the time, almost every day in fact. Everywhere we go we expect to meet people because, well, the world is full of them. We can’t avoid each other for too long. However, that is not the question.

Have I ever met anyone? truly, unexpectedly, surprisingly? Two, to discover a spirit within a human body, to stumble across the gem of a soul, this type of meeting someone is special. I’ve only done this a few times… and especially with L. [A/N: Drinking game! Take a shot every time I use tricolon! Two down!]

He never wore any fancy clothes, just stuff he thought was cool, stuff really subtle that worked well together; sweatshirts, t-shirts, and jeans, you already know. This made him approachable. He had normal hair, normal shoes, normal things. The idea of normal motivated L, called L to prove himself someone worth knowing. He was funny when he wanted to be; talented without a doubt, and in the looks department, he had something going for him. He had a killer smile when he did show it, a nice voice when he wasn’t quiet. [A/N: Four!]

L was the type of guy who gets under your skin without trying, without even intending to. There was something about him people noticed, something that polarized them to either being insanely intrigued by L or insanely irritated. He never realized this. He was always confused as to why people came and went so quickly. You see, he was easy to judge. People wanted to know what made him tick. They would get close, and after they figured it all out, they left. He was hard to see, hard to read, but easy to talk to and even easier to talk about. 

The majority of the time I was around this guy I never really paid any attention to him until we were in close quarters: one, same place, same time. We were sitting next to each other on a bus. He didn’t say much besides the usual exchange in a first conversation, but he offered an ear bud so we could both listen to Kevin Hart’s A Grown Little Man, which I loved. Swinging. I was intrigued, and I didn’t even know it. We exchanged numbers casually, hung out casually, laughed, ate, talked together so casually. We would get into fun, get into trouble together a lot too. Everything with him was so natural. I found myself thinking about him a lot, more and more as I got to know him. Our bus got into a crash that. Everyone was okay. It just gave us more time to pass. [A/N: I actually think I intentionally did not complete that sentence. For reasons.]

Know it wasn’t the relationship. It was never about that. As much as what we were mattered to other people, the idea of “we” was nothing between us. In my mind, he was just L. In his mind, I was just me. I believe this because when it ended, we both didn’t want it to, whatever it was. It was all the little moments we shared, the unconscious breaths and airs we exchanged, the electric touches between our skin that slipped under our awareness, that made up the fibers that connected our heartstrings. It was all those things we would never pass up that stood for something greater than just a collection of memories, a scrapbook of interactions. I don’t know what you could define that as. [A/N: Some of it is cringey. I forgive myself for it though. You don't have to. Five, by the way.]

The Haunting In Connecticut had been over for more than an hour then. It must’ve been some time between 2 and 3am. Mary and Isaiah were asleep next to us, and Chris had knocked out before Texas Chainsaw Massacre even started. I was laying down with my head on L’s chest, feeling much more comfortable, safe, warm with him than with Isaiah, (shots fired,) and we just talked. It had probably been the sixth time we talked about our favorite colors, (mine blue and his olive green,) the second time we talked about bad things, and the first time we ever talked about living. L told me about all the things he wanted to do with his life: go to college, win sports competitions, travel across the universe. He talked about the things that made him sad like whenever his dad leaves, happy like when he gets to tease Nick and Mars, the things that scared him like people getting to know him too well. He talked about what he thought the world outside of this bubble was going to be like. There must be bubbles everywhere. He told me everything, and I listened. While he talked, his finger traced the lines of my hand. The other reached into the darkness of the room, reached through empty lightless space ad sidera, ad astra. He finished, stopped, and breathed for a little bit. I still listened. [A/N: Ten? Maybe my definition for tricolon is wrong. This seems like too much. L said that thing in italics, by the way.]

Inhale. Exhale, deeply and smoothly. Then he says something I would never forget:

This is it.  What? This is what I want. I want this forever. 

I didn’t ask because I already knew. It’s nice, you know? to have L to talk to; for L to have me to listen because I just want to get to know him, because I like his voice, for the sake of listening; I had L to laugh with, adventure with, to hold hands with and walk under his arm. I had L who didn’t care what I looked like when I ate barbecue or when I bummed around at home; just to have had L, to whom the most important thing is that I felt good, content, and happy, was something all on its own. [A/N: I'm not counting anymore. I refuse to.]

I’ll step back for a second to take a look at this story with you. It doesn’t sound special, does it? When hopes turn into dreams and dreams turn into visions when you close your eyes, you see this and know it inside and out. You know that when he leaves he kisses you on the forehead, tells you he’ll be back again for tea, that he’ll never forget you and that you’ll always be his girl. Because you see it in the movies, in all of those shows, you might be even blessed to have experienced it before, the amazing kiss from his perfect lips, so soft so gentle and everything you imagined it would be, you know exactly what that feels like. Maybe you won’t believe me when I say this was something different and every time it will be something different, but I don’t care if you believe me or not. This is the best way I can tell it.

L and I wanted each other, didn’t know we’d need each other; L and I had each other, even though we didn’t deserve each other. People are gifts, miracles sometimes. When you have someone you want, someone you didn’t know you’d need, when you’re blessed with the presence of someone you didn’t deserve, it feels like the world will give you a break sometimes. When it’s someone else’s choice, to choose you to make happy, to choose you and not Stella, Joleen, or Kaitlin, to not choose Jack or Isaiah, it’s a break. I can believe that now. [A/N: Aliases.]

When it was over, I began to believe in something else:

1. The real good things in life could never be planned or expected. 2. As much as it is about loving someone, it is about being loved.

It ended too soon, too early, but I’m okay with that. Here’s where I meet him: my heart and the spaces in between are painted with my imagination of everything that it was, everything that it could be, before any of it could have gotten spoiled. Who I am now and what I believe gives a part to L. I never got to thank him for that, but the memories should suffice. It’s about hope and faith in fate and love, in the world I guess. There is always a today, a tonight. 

We all think of each other, you know.

[A/N: I used to think I had to fight for the real good things in life. I thought I had to fight for love, happiness, and peace. I did. I realized I could do that, easily, in fact, but the love, happiness, or peace that I fought for never meant so much or felt as good as the gifts I were graced with. Serendipity, is that the word I'm looking for? 

I wrote this about a year after meeting L. I published it on April 1st, 2012 at 11:11P.M. because that was my sense of humor. I can't take all this seriously, because I knew nothing in life ever truly means anything, but it was also a wish. That life and its experiences were important. Real. Something. You know? Ah, forget about it.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to ask me questions about it.]