#i’m on my phone and haven’t updated my tumblr app in… a couple years

[clarenecessities]

He-man.org will close in 5 days.

He-man.org has been a staple of the Masters of the Universe community since the early days, originating as an email list that worked to document episodes before anything (not footage, not lists, nothing) was available online. It grew into a sprawling, multi-faceted beast of a thing, including an encyclopedia (an in-house wiki), merch lists, a marketplace, forums, anything you could think of.

Several years ago now, the main site went down for updates/maintenance. For a few weeks, we were told, maybe months. The forums remained open for fans to communicate, and barring a period of downtime earlier this year things were going smoothly.

Yesterday, the owner of the site, Val Staples, announced the site would be closed on November 14th, 2023. Six days later. We are currently attempting to contact him, to see if he’s interested in selling, and if he means closed as in “no new posts” or closed as in deleted entirely. Regardless of its eventual fate, the archiving of these forums is essential to preserving the history of the franchise, the fandom, and the brand.

TO SHE-RA (and MotU) FANS SPECIFICALLY: I have personally used these forums to answer questions that could be answered nowhere else. Had I not had access to them, I would never have been able to prove that Purrsia was fake, or found so much unpublished concept art, or discovered that Scott “Toyguru” Neitlich personally wrote Catra’s MOTUC bio (even if he’s put off answering my questions about it for over a year now). Forum members have conducted interviews with the likes of Jon Seisa, Cathy Larson, Janice Varney-Hamlin—essential figures in the very foundations of POP, and those interviews revealed and recorded priceless information for future generations (me! you! us!) to find. Did you know Cathy Larson named Adora? That she originally pushed for “Dorian”, after her own daughter? We cannot let this treasure trove disappear into the ether(ia).

TO THE UNAFFILIATED: Please help. Pretty please. If you’ve ever liked my art or my writing or my haphazard blogging, ever, at all, consider archiving just one board. Just one page. Literally anything helps. I am spiraling into madness & this is my library of Alexandria. The mythical one that was totally unique and persevered nowhere else and was destroyed in a single cataclysmic event. Pretty pretty please help.

HOW TO HELP:

Archive.org has several ways to upload shit but most of them are longer term than “a few days” so we’re focusing on two (which can be run simultaneously): Save Page Now, and browser extensions. From their help page:

1. Save Page Now

Put a URL into the form, press the button, and we save the page. You will instantly have a permanent URL for your page. Please note, this method only saves a single page, not the whole site.

We want to keep outlinks and screenshots wherever possible. The Archive does not keep your IP address, so your submission is anonymous.

2. Browser extensions and add-ons

Install the Wayback Machine Chrome extension in your browser. Go to a page you want to archive, click the icon in your toolbar, and select Save Page Now. We will save the page and give you a permanent URL.

One plus to installing the extension is that as you surf around, when you run into a missing page they will alert you if we have a saved copy.

More extensions, apps, and add-ons:

Firefox add-on

Safari Extension

iOS app

Android app

I strongly encourage you to use these tools even if you aren’t helping with this project/after it ends. Documenting and preserving information is essential in this day and age & The Internet Archive is at the heart of it. Please support them however you can.

I’m serious about paying you, though I may need more communication with folks I don’t know so we can coordinate/verify shit gets done. I think this is a worthwhile pursuit in itself but I recognize your time is valuable & like, people gotta eat. DM me if you’re interested and we’ll talk. I may need to adjust pay depending how many people bite but I’ll do what I can

[fitgothgirl]

For my social media break, going on other sites has been no problem, but I won’t deny I haven’t peeked at tumblr a couple times. I just love the vibes here and honestly there’s a few blogs that I specifically wanted to check on cuz I love y’all and needed updates. 😭🖤

I think I’ll let myself go on tumblr just for at least little bit a day, maybe like a half hour?... I want to post updates and check on blogs if nothing else; I’ll try to avoid the mindless scrolling. Maybe I’ll turn off endless scrolling to have an end point? Lol I haven’t had endless scrolling off since almost 10 years ago when I joined. I’ll also still leave the app off my phone and the bookmark off my bookmarks bar; I’ll only be able to go on tumblr on the computer (cuz no way am I doing tumblr in the browser on my phone lol), and I’ll have to type it in to go there. Lol seems dumb, but just that still really helps with the involuntary clicking on the app/bookmark. Which happens a lot.

Thinking of “allowing” tumblr makes me think to why I want a social media break in the first place. I’d say it’s a combo of it being a time-waster, as well as just overexposure to bad news. So I gotta keep that in mind if I’m still checking it. I need to check myself on how it’s making me feel, and make sure to keep my rules in mind. 

[krispydefendorpolice]

The Demon’s Bride (6)

Yikes, anyone else having trouble posting new posts on tumblr. When I went to write this up literally the only option I got was a text post. Did formatting change on the apps? *shrugs* oh well. Time for the next chapter.

So it’s been a long while since my last update. Work drags me down and I didn’t have the energy to commit to writing the ideas running through my head. (Look forward to more of my Drabble ficlets because of that.).

A couple weeks (?) ago I asked for a vote and I got 2 out of 2 for Demon’s Bride so here’s the next chapter. Enjoy.

Beginning Previous Next Masterpost

————————————

After Damian dropped Marinette off at the hotel she went inside and found a few of her classmates waiting in the lobby.

Nino was the first to see her. Standing up he called out, “Dude. Where have you been? We were so worried.”

Nino, Alix, Kim, and Max crowded around her as she entered.

“Sorry guys. My phone died on me,” holding up the dead phone for them to see, “so I couldn’t call for a ride or taxi. And I thought the hotel was reasonably close enough to walk. Forgot to account for Gotham’s Crime life though.” She added tapping her head with a closed fist to indicate the knucklehead move.

“You’re alright?” Nino asked.

Marinette hearing the unvoiced question nodded. “Fine. I had the criminal handled before the Bat and his brood showed up. Them actually getting there was what took so long.”

“Here Max,” Marinette said taking the glasses from her purse and handing them to the young man. “I also gave him some sugar cubes before and after our trip so don’t let him guilt you into believing I’m starving him either.”

“He tries it every time,” Max said replacing his frames with the pair Marinette handed him. A small ball of light briefly manifested before the small horse Kwamii hid in Max’s open bag.

“So what happened with Bustier after I left,” Marinette asked Nino as the group headed towards the elevator to take them to their rooms. Alix, Kim and Max fell back a step to follow behind the other two.

Nino pressed the call button before answering. “We told her you were still in the restroom before leaving the restaurant and again after boarding we told her you weren’t on. Markov even did a video recording of her reactions as well as a sweep of the bus to prove you weren’t on when we told her.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. Ms. Bustier had ignored all that from her friends and left her behind anyways?

“She’s even worse here than at home.” Alix voiced what they were all thinking.

“Did you...?” Marinette trailed off.

“Report filled out, sent in and as of five minutes ago reviewed and filed by the Commandant. He’s waiting for a follow up from you.”

Alix and Marinette got off when the elevator stopped. The boys would go to the floor above where their rooms were. “Thanks guys. I’ll do my check in before going to sleep and let you guys know about any changes in the morning. Do we still have a free day?”

“We haven’t heard anything about it changing but Juleka sent a text a few minutes ago that she thinks something might come up for the fashion district based on what she’s heard so far?” Max said.

Marinette whined to herself, “She would choose something I like to try and spoil. Night guys.”

The doors closed on their calls while Marinette and Alix walked to their shared room and opened the door.

Marinette used the washroom to shower first since she had just been fighting an Akuma. While Alix was taking her turn, Marinette opened her now charged phone and started a video call.

“Bonjour Commandant,” she greeted when the call was answered and an older Chinese man appeared on the screen.

“Bonjour Marinette. The team and I expected your check in almost an hour ago and the others on the trip with you hadn’t heard anything.”

Marinette shrugged one shoulder. “My phones battery was already low and Voyage travel tends to be a coin toss on how it affects electronics. When I got back to the restaurant my phone was dead and I had to walk to the hotel.”

“And it took over an hour to get there?”

“Well no,” Marinette admitted. “I ran into one of Gotham’s criminals and had that handled easily,” she said before the Commandant interrupted, “but the Bat-clan showed up and... I ran into an old friend and we took a moment to catch up.”

“You ran into an old friend? After the Bats showed up? This friend wouldn’t happen to be a Bat would they?”

Marinette shrugged but smiled so that the man knew he got it right.

“And you won’t say anything because it could compromise identities.” The Commandant finished for her. “Alright, does it change any plans for this week?”

Marinette paused thoughtfully reviewing what would be happening that week. “I don’t think so. I know him but he doesn’t know about me being LadyBug.”

She smiled brightly, “actually I would love to keep that a secret for now and surprise him with it at the meeting. Oh! Can we get Viperion, Ryuko and Abeille to come to the meeting as well? We can get them to come across using Voyage so travel won’t be a problem.”

“Do they know this old friend?”

“Yes. Well, Viperion, Ryuko and Jiuweihu do.”

“Ah,” he said with understanding at the mention of the others who knew the friend and sighed. “How likely am I to have a revolt if I don’t somehow get this approved?”

Marinette smiled mischievously. “Oh very likely. Viperion will let you know from the start what he thinks about missing this chance but it will be Ryuko you will need to watch out for.”

The Commandant shook his head tiredly. He remembered the last time Ryuko had objected to something and the entire team had faced her wrath over it. “I will do what I can. As for the trip, I would like the team to stay together in pairs or as a small group on the class free days and with the class on the group days. There’s no need to push even your luck in Gotham with the way that the teacher is likely to neglect to take your safety into consideration.”

“Bien Sûr. We’ll be on our best behaviors,” she gave him a cheeky grin and saluted before ending the call.

“You know, if anyone had told me you were like this when we first met all those years ago I would have called them crazy,” Alix commented as she left the bathroom, towel drying her wet hair.

“That’s because you only knew Marinette. Mari is only for family and the team,” Marinette explained as she sat on her bed and pulled out her sketchbook.

Alix tossed the damp towel in the bathroom before pulling out a couple cookies and some carrots from the hotels mini fridge they had stocked that afternoon when they first arrived.

After placing them on the rooms small table two small Kwamii’s flew from their hiding places, one from Marinette’s purse and one from the suitcases in the corner where the girls kept their things.

“So what did the Commandant have to say,” Alix asked as she jumped onto her bed.

“He wants us to stay in the group as much as possible during the trip. Pairs at the very least. And he told me to stay out of trouble. Not in those exact words but the intent was clear.”

“Now why he would think that LadyBug would need orders to stay out of trouble is beyond me,” Alix joked.

Marinette glared at her before turning it on the Kwamii’s where they laughed on the table.

“No respect. I get no respect,” she mumbled humorously before turning the book to Alix. “What do you think?”

“It looks like a traffic light,” Alix observed the costume. “I’ve never seen you use that color combination together.”

“It’s the characteristic colors of the Robin uniform. I don’t know why they’ve chosen those colors but every Robin used them in some variation.” Marinette went back to sketching and adding tweaks to the costume.

“So Robin’s the childhood friend?” Alix asked.

Marinette froze.

She didn’t hear Alix call her name two more times. It wasn’t until a hand in her face had her reacting (and boy would she have to apologize for nearly dislocating Alex’s shoulder for her concern).

“Ouch,” Alix mumbled rubbing her arm. “You could have just said I need to keep it quiet,” she added as she stood up from the bed.

“Sorry Alix,” Marinette apologized.

“Nah, this’s my fault,” she gestured to her arm, “I know better than to startle you or the others on Alpha team. You okay?” She asked. “You kind of spaced out on me.”

“Yeah,” Marinette said. She laughed at Alix’s disbelieving look. She cuddled Tikki and Fluff who had come to her after finishing their foods. “I will be fine,” she corrected herself. “I’m just so used to keeping identities a secret and I’m not sure how Da... How my friend would feel if his identity was outed without his knowledge. We sort of have plans to see each other during the class free days so you’ll probably see him without the mask.”

“I can get that,” Alix said remembering when the team was in the dark about each other’s identities just a year ago. It had been an added stress on top of fighting for them to worry about protecting a secret with no end in sight. If given a choice she would definitely choose what they had today over what they’d had before. She mimed zipping her lips and locking it with an imaginary key that she threw over her shoulder.

“So he’s a hero too?”

Marinette shrugged. “I think so of course but most of the research I did before the trip indicated that the city and the heroes’ themselves mostly consider them to be vigilantes though.”

“Is there a difference?” Alix asked.

Shrugging, Marinette closed her notebook and turned off the light. “Isn’t it an “In the eyes of the beholder” kind of thing. A “your hero is my villian and my vigilante is your hero” thing, at times.”

“Do you trust him?” Alix asked.

“With my life,” Marinette answered immediately. “I’m not gonna keep LadyBug a secret forever. Just timing the reveal for the best effect,” she pointed out.

Alix snorted, “please let me be there when you do. I want to see the explosion on Commandant’s face.”

Marinette laughed with Alix as night finally settled down around them.

————————————

No recommendations this week but go check out @bluerosette23 Daminette masterlists if this interested you.

@mellownieice @mystery-5-5 @indecisive-mess-named-me You three sent me votes or a really sweet ask that I appreciate so you get the first tags this post.

@mindfulmagics @ozmav @bluerosette23 @vivilakitty @actualaster @multifandomscribette @mochinek0 @inevitableenquere @zebrabaker @poshplumcot @tog84 @luciferge @sonif50 @ravennightingaleandavatempus @northernbluetongue @actual-human-disaster @clumsy-owl-4178 @aarushi-03 @g-arya @moonyloonyx @fertileleaf @shreky-boi @thanks-captain-obvious @panda3506 @hinata3487 @thequestionablyhuman @dontgiveaflyinflip @dast218 @chocolatecatstheron @asianfrustration13 @slytherinsheashire @weird-pale-blonde-person @yin-390 @mycupisbroken @vixen-uchiha @kuroko26 @autisticlinx @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @mariae2900 @zalladane @hypnosharkrebeldreamer @tbehartoo @novicevoice @violatiger8 @thebookish3lf @fandomkitty8 @redscarlet95 @gingersnapnoir @chewbaccaatemythoughts

That’s the end of the tag list folks. I will tag you first if you send me an ask or vote for the next weeks update. What will it be?

Demon’s Bride or Miraculous Future?

[purplesurveys]

1157

survey by hxcsingingsk8r

Phone Scavenger Hunt

First off, what phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

And what provider do you use? It’s a local one you wouldn’t know about, called Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? I can’t remember if it would be 3 or 4 years this 2021. Either way, it’s definitely been a while and I’ve been itching to upgrade. It’s too early to make such a big purchase, though.

Do you have any cases for it? Describe them. I have a clear case that I bought last year. Before that, I had a pink Otterbox case that I managed to destroy even though Otterbox is normally known for its durability. I just have a very unique ability to wreck everything I’ve ever owned lol.

How old were you when you got your first cellphone? I was technically 6, but it was meant to be a present for my 7th birthday. We threw a birthday party a month in advance because my dad had to fly back abroad for work before my actual birthday, but we wanted him to be present at the celebration so we decided throwing a party early was the best route.

What about your first smartphone? [If the answer is different] It was an iPhone 5S.

How old are you now? Dunno what this has to do with the theme of the survey but I am now 22.

Okay, move onto the scavenger hunt part

What is your lock screen picture of? It’s of Kim Seon Ho at a restaurant, lmao.

Home screen? It’s one of the shots from a recent promotional photoshoot Hayley did for Good Dye Young.

How many pictures are thre currently on your phone? This question just made me so anxious hahaha. I have way too many photos; and upon checking, it turns out I currently have 6,266. My god do I need to clean up my camera roll this weekend.

How many videos? I have 227. I have no idea it’s gotten to be this many; I barely use my phone to take videos. I’ll go ahead and delete some of them right now, just to give my phone (and its storage) space to breathe.

What is your most recent picture of? It’s a work thing...I guess I’ll explain it so it can make more sense. So one of our clients has got this Lent campaign going on, and to spread word about it we’ve tapped a handful of food bloggers to try out the offers themselves and post about their experience on social media. Now that we’re in the middle of Holy Week they’ve gone ahead and uploaded their own posts, and I’m in charge of taking screenshots so I can show to the client that the execution had been successful.

And the most recent video? It’s a private vlog. Every Sunday, or at least every other Sunday I take a few minutes to sit down and do a weekly video thing where I talk about my ~mental~ and ~emotional~ status, and it’s basically a way to be in touch with myself and keep track of my progress. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually get to uploading them one day.

Do you have any albums? If so, of what? Yeah. I have one for Cooper, one for Kimi, and a bunch of tiny albums I’ve made where I compiled 4–5 photos of friends to post on their birthdays.

What pictures have you favorited? I have a lot of favorited photos. There’s no required category for me to label them as such.

Do you have any shared albums with friends or family or work? No. I’m not sure if I can do that, or how to do it if it is allowed.

Do you have any alarms set? For what time and for what occasions? I have a bunch of alarms but only because they’re archived into the Clock app and I just haven’t gotten around to deleting them. When I was still new at my work, I used to have alarms set for certain work tasks I have to take note of every week – but now that I’ve gotten into the groove of things, I don’t need the alarms to be reminded about them anymore.

Check your weather app, what is the weather and temperature where you live? It says ‘Mostly Clear’ and shows a temperature of 26ºC.

Do you have the YouTube app? Do you have your own channel? I do have the app and my own account, but I never use it to post videos. It’s nice to have my own channel so that my homepage can be tailored to my interests.

Do you have an email app? Which one do you use? I just have the default Email app that comes with iOS, but I never use it because it’s so wonky. It doesn’t refresh new emails and it takes forever when it does, and it doesn’t always show the full thread of email conversations. If I absolutely need to check my email for something I usually have to pull out my laptop.

Does it say that there is an update available on your phone or any apps? Yes, it reminds me everyday hahaha. I don’t update unless Apple has been planning a big revamp with new features, though; and if the updates are just to address bugs, I disregard the reminders.

Go into your contacts, how many contacts do you have total? It says I have 178.

Name all of your contacts under the letter M: Feels a tad bit invasive, so I’ll just name five people I have under M: Lui, Kim, Patrice, Danika, and Andi.

Name all of your contacts under the letter U: I don’t have anyone under U.

Do you have any contacts that are businesses rather than people? Which ones? No, I don’t really use text to contact businesses. If I wanted to inquire or order from one, I usually head to their social media page.

Go into your notes, how many notes do you have saved? This is another one I have a hoarding problem with lol. My phone says I currently have 561 notes, though I’m fairly certain the biggest chunk of it comes from minutes I’ve taken down from work meetings. It was a whole lot less when I was still in school.

What kinds of things do you save in your notes? Like I said, I use Notes for taking down minutes from meetings. There are also a few surveys on there, from times I didn’t have internet and couldn’t post them on here.

Do you have any voice memos saved? What of? Yep. Some of them were recordings I had to do for journalism classes I was assigned to do voiceovers; some are interviews, also from my journ class; and the rest are of me rambling.

Do you ever use the calculator app? Pretty frequently for work.

Do you ever use the Maps app? Not really. If I needed directions, I would check out Waze for that.

Do you have any health/fitness apps? Which ones? I still have the Nike Training app from the very brief time I wanted to start working out earlier this year.

Do you have the Instacart app? The what now? I’ve never even heard of that.

What about a delivery service like Postmates, Uber Eats, Grubhub, Doordash? I have the McDelivery app for McDonald’s, but I also have other general delivery apps like Grab, Lalamove, and Transportify.

Do you have something like Venmo, Cashapp, or Paypal? I have the Paypal app but I never use it. I also have a couple of e-wallet apps just in case I’d have to use them as a payment method, since some businesses  I purchase from prefer certain ones. Ultimately, though, I use Grab’s mobile wallet the most often.

Do you use Bitmoji? I think I did before? I never used it all that regularly though. Didn’t see the point.

What other keyboards do you use besides English? Any? Filipino, Korean, and Emoji.

Which social media network apps do you have? Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, TikTok, and Snapchat. So I guess I have all the main ones?

If you have Instagram, what is your handle and how many followers? I have a very private one I only use for work. I didn’t want it to have any followers but at present there’s Angela (because she asked to follow it this week) and Bea (idk why).

What do you typically post on the various social media platforms? The only ones I regularly post on are Twitter and Facebook, and on either I share life updates (if there are any) and memes; though on Facebook I have to watch out what kind of memes I share and make sure they aren’t too offensive because I’m friends with relatives, workmates, and media on there lmao. But on Twitter, I basically have no filter.

Do you make TikTok videos? I don’t make any myself, but I do enjoy going through the app.

Do you only add people you know on Facebook? Yes, for the most part. I’ve taken to adding people as long as they’re from UP or my high school even though I’ve never met them as well, but if I sense that they only added me to try and sell me insurance OR try to get me into MLM, then it’s an instant unfriend for me.

Do you have an app that tracks Instagram followers? No, because I don’t need to track my Instagram followers. I’m off the radar as off the radar gets.

Do you have a Snapchat? Yeah, it’s still on my phone just because but I literally never touch it anymore.

Do you ever take selfies with filters? What app's filters do you use? Eh, just before. I don’t really take selfies anymore, period.

Do you use any apps like Depop or Poshmark or Etsy? No. Out of these three I’ve only ever heard of Etsy, too.

What messengers do you use to talk to people? Any besides just texting? I have Messenger to stay in touch with family and friends; Whatsapp and Viber for work; and Telegram just in case my friends want to play games.

Do you have any photo editing apps? Which ones? I have this app called Foodie that has some pretty filters. Otherwise, since I’m not on Instagram anyway I’m never on the lookout for photo editing apps; no one ever filters their photos on Facebook and Twitter lol.

Do you have any games? Which ones? I do have a ton of games on my phone. I never play any of them, but I keep them just in case I get bored enough to start revisiting them. I have word games, drinking games, games similar to Heads Up! where one person will have to guess the word on the screen while the phone is on their forehead, and gimmicky games like 1010! and Candy Crush haha.

Do you have any rideshare apps like Lyft or Uber? I have Grab, which is a rideshare, parcel delivery, food delivery, and online grocery app all in one.

Now go to the actual phone app, whose phone numbers are saved as favorites? I don’t tag any of my contacts as favorites.

Who was your most recent outgoing call to? I can’t recognize the number, so it was probably a Transportify driver that I called to give him directions to my house.

Who was your most recent incoming call from? I also can’t recognize the number, but this time he was most likely a Grab driver.

Who was your most recent missed call from? Again, can’t recognize the number HAHAA

Why did you miss that call? On purpose? Were you sleeping? Busy? My phone is on silent 24/7, so I must have missed it while I was working.

Who is your most recent voicemail from and what's it regarding? We don’t have voicemail in the Philippines.

What was the last thing you Googled or searched on your phone? Candle tunneling and how to fix it.

What music app do you use? Apple Music? Spotify? Something else? I use Spotify, but I also availed of a 3-month trial on Apple Music earlier this year just because. I think it’s supposed to end soon but I have no plans to shift.

What playlists have you made on there? I have playlists called, “robyn discovers kpop,” “winding down,” “angst,” “not my loss,” and my personal favorite, “paramore but fuck you.”

Lastly, what is the most recent song/album you've added to your collection? What Type of X - Jessi.

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Hidden In Plain Site (2)- Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count:  2348

A/N: This was inspired by this wonderful post by @starsholland. Without it this would not be happening. This will be a multi part fic, but I don’t know how many chapters or when it will be posted so if you’d like to be tagged let me know:)  Welcome to Tom being undercover on Tumblr. Quick notes- Y/T/B = Your Tumblr Blog

Chapter One || Master List

The edit turned out better than you thought it would. You had decided to use blue and red, since they’re Spider-Man colors and it honestly suits Tom and Haz so well. You still are wondering when the picture is from since you scoured the depths of Google and Tumblr to no avail. It’s either really old, or not really posted. Either way it made an adorable edit and will look great in your edit’s tag. It’s also sparked some ideas for a friendship imagine. It’s been so long since you wrote anything, with work and family stuff weighing you down, but you can picture the outline in your head so as soon as you finish the last touches on your outline, you click open a new document and drop a few lines down to get going. 

“What you working on?” Your brother calls to you from across the living room. He knows that once you’re home for the afternoon, it’s not normally work stuff, but sometimes your graphic design projects run into your post work day.

“Just some edits. Nothing too big.”

“Bringing work home?”

“Nope, just working on some extra stuff.” You type some more into the document, wanting to make sure that everything is hitting the moment right. In your browser, you pull up your tumblr and make a new post.

Ask me stuff while I work on my latest imagine. Give me a number 1-100 and I’ll give you a song from my writing playlist and a memory attached to it.

Across the ocean, Tom can’t sleep. It’s nearly 3am, but something is keeping his mind from sleeping. He should be able to sleep just fine. He isn’t working on any movies that have him worried, he doesn’t have any auditions coming up, and he doesn’t have press for a few weeks. So why can’t he get to sleep?

Lifting his phone in his hand he sees a notification from Tumblr saying that Y/T/B has posted. He swipes across and waits for the post to load. You want questions? Well, he can help with that. Plus, he’s interested in learning about what kind of music you’re interested in.

Anonymous Asked:

33?

Anonymous Asked:

86?

Anonymous Asked: 

69;D

Three Anons come in right after another. You weren’t expecting that quick of a reaction. Sure you had a couple hundred followers, but you didn’t tend to get that many reactions to your posts. At least not back to back. But you’ll take it, and reply. As soon as you send the edit to that blog that asked for it.

You pull up the thread between you and tomholland2013. You click the camera button and upload the edit you had done. 

Hey, here’s that edit. Hope this works for you! 

Surprisingly, whoever is behind the account messages back immediately.

That looks awesome! Thanks so muchX

Hows your night going?X

More like afternoon here lol. I’m just getting some work done after getting home earlier.

How about you? Is it night there?

It’s like the middle of the night here and I can’t sleepX

If it’s middle of the night there, did you see the news? 

What news?X

That Tom saved Spider-Man?! It’s been all over Tumblr since I got home from work.

It’s kind of the reason I made your edit in red and blue tbh.

I hadn’t had time to look at my dashboard to be honest. I’ve been busy with work stuff most of the afternoon.X

It wasn’t a lie. Over the past few days having talks between him, Bob and Tom trying to smooth everything over, there wasn’t much time to glance over the explosion that had happened since the original news had been released. But after clicking send on his message to Y/N, he clicks over to your main blog to see the reaction to the news. There are some general reblogs of the news announcing Spider-Man returning to the MCU but then there were also some general posts about Spider-Man and Peter Parker. Your tags are what really get to him. Some like hashtag my-baby-is-back-where-he-belongs and hashtag get-tom-drunk-more-often-if-it-saves-my-baby. He can’t help but laugh at the last one. True he hadn’t exactly been sober when he and Bob had first talked about getting Spider-Man back in the MCU, but he didn’t think that story would take the world by storm.

Going into his settings, Tom quickly updates his picture with the edit you had done for him. Honestly, it looked better than he had hoped for. You had done Spider-Man colors and if he wasn't trying to keep this blog on the down low, he would share it on his Instagram so his fans could see how talented Y/N was. As he hits save, another message comes through from you.

Do you mind if I use the edit I sent you as inspiration for an imagine?

A what?X

An imagine. It’s a specific type of fanfic. I had a great idea of one while I was working on the edit for you, but if you’re not cool with it, I’ll find a different picture.

You did all the work on it. Feel free to use it. What kind of story?X

Basically like a Tom x Reader with hints of Harrison friendship notes in it. It’s hard to explain lol

Have you written other stuff?X

I think everyone on this site dabbles in it from time to time, but yeah I’ve written a few pieces over the past few years.

Do you have a list of them?X

Sure, it’s here.

You had linked a page in your message. Apparently dabbling meant one.. Two.. three… his finger drags down the page as he counts the stories. Holy hell, you’ve written fifty stories about him, Peter Parker and even some of the other Avengers. But most of them revolve around him and x Reader, whatever that means. You had mentioned it in your message, but he wasn’t sure what it meant.

Ok, I’m new to the whole fanfic thing, so pardon my stupidity but what does x reader mean?X

It’s a self insert fic. Basically anywhere that it says Y/N or you, you put yourself into the fic. They’re one of the most popular types of fics.

Before he can reply to your message, a notification comes up saying that Y/T/B has posted a new post.

Anonymous Asked:

33?

Y/T/B/ Answered: Heather by Conan Gray. So I love this song and totally have screamed along with the chorus of this song when I’m alone at home and writing or in my car driving places (otherwise I would freak my family out). When I wrote a fic called The Smell of Your Sweater, on my master list here, I listened to this song on repeat for three days straight to be in the right mind set. Honestly I could probably listen to this song until the end of time and never get sick of it. 

Tom reads over the answer and can picture someone jamming out to a song so much that they love it. He pulls open his Spotify app and pulls up the song, because he wants to feel closer to you, even though you’re time zones apart from each other. The fact that it’s afternoon where you are and nighttime where he is makes him think that you’re in the United States.

So reader insert are some of the most popular type of fics, but what are your favorite to read?X

That’s not even something that I would share on a first date lol you’ll be waiting a bit to find out. 

Is sharing that you write fanfic something that you don’t talk about on a date?X

Not normally. Talking about it with tumblr friends is one thing because I link it on my blog, but what I read is a whole nother thing. It literally says so much about you with who you read, what ships you ship, and especially what kinks you look for.

KINKS? IN FANFICS?X

You haven’t read much yet have you?

Literally no. I’ve only been on tumblr since I messaged you the first time. That was the day I made my blogX

So you’ve been on for a month? And you’re deciding to get into fanfics?

No I’m thinking I should stay away from it still. It seems like virtual porn.X

It doesn’t have to have anything smutty in it. Just click on ones that say fluff or don’t say smut next to them. You can also block certain tags so they don’t come up on your dashboard. Like Starker is a popular one to be blocked for a lot of people.

I don’t think I even want to know what that is if people are blocking it who are into this porn esque writing. X

It’s not porn lol You seem to have only found smut so far. We need to find you some fluff. Maybe some Tom x Reader?

Maybe I’m just not ready for it after all.X

Does he want to read about himself? Not at all. That seems creepy. But other people write about him too. It’s not just Y/N. He decides to research this further. In the search bar he types in Tom Holland Fanfic. The first four post all say smut or NSFW so he’s not going to bother reading them, but the thing that catches his eye is the fact that they all have over 2,000 notes on them. Two thousand people have liked or reblogged about him in a sexual way? What the actual flipping hell?

Before he has the chance to flip out even more, another notification from your blog pops up.

Anonymous Asked:

86?

Y/T/B answered: Praying by Kesha. THIS WOMAN COULD MURDER ME AND I WOULD THANK HER FOR IT. Plus that chorus makes me want to write some epic breakup scene and have one of the people begging the other to feel the same as they are feeling. Oooooo maybe I feel a one shot coming up. Anyway, a memory of this song- my best friend and I blasted this song while we drove from California to Philly to visit a school. It literally got us through so many hours of that drive. Kesha is bae lets be real. Or is that not what the cool kids say? 

When he sent you these asks, he thought he would get one or two sentences in response, but he’s learning so much about you from all of these asks. Maybe he would send you some non song related ones, maybe some To- Peter Parker ones to see what else you liked. Purely science based research. 

If you’re not ready for it, don’t push yourself. Fanfics can be a weird mindset to put yourself in. I used them at first to distract myself from some shitty family stuff that was going on, but now I read and write them for fun too. I think I mainly read Avenger ones at first as well as some TV shows too. Plus would I be a teenage girl if I didn’t read a few Twilight fanfics back in my day? 

Twilight? Like Rob-Tom makes himself type out Rob and Kristen’s full names like a fan would-ert Pattinson and Kristen Stewert Twilight?X

That one exactly. I was the generation it was aimed for and so fanfics galore were my teen years. But I’m proud to say I’m a recovered Twihard.

Glad to hear it darlingX

What about you? What were you into as a kid?

I’ve always been a fan of Spider-Man, ever since I was a kid.X

Comics or movies?

Comics. They’re the originalsX

Which Spider-Man is the best? 

Is that a trick question? Obviously HollandX

Was that conceited? Maybe. But hopefully, Y/N doesn’t think so. Oh wait she has no idea-

It was a trick question. A trick question that you clearly got right. 

Another notification pops up and you suddenly remember the last number that you sent Y/N. Well hopefully the number doesn’t seem like you.

Anonymous Asked: 

69;D

Y/T/B Answered: Noice. 

But the actual answer is Bad Religion by Frank Ocean. This song got me through my last bout of depression lol. I remember sitting on the floor of my bedroom with the lights off and just playing this song on repeat. Always open about that here. It also gets me to channel some deep emotions into some pieces that I’m working on because it reminds me of being in that dark place. I also really like the beat of this though, like how it sounds like a mix of an electric piano and an organ. So if I ever name a one shot Bad Religion, it’s probably named after this song.

Tom feels like a weight is sinking in his gut. Almost like someone slammed an anchor into the lower part of his bowl. He didn’t mean to bring up something so dark with that number. He was hoping it would actually make her laugh. So guess he will send her one more number, but this one won’t be on anonymous.

Tomholland2013 asked: 36

Huh, he must have seen all the responses you posted. Between posting and replying to him, you hadn’t gotten much work on your imagine done, but you could post once more before jumping back to your word document. 

Tomholland2013 asked: 36

Y/B/N answered: The Night We Met by Lord Huron. I literally saw them in concert with my friends last month so a lot of the memories I have of them are about this. But I have a great fanfic idea for this song specifically. To not spoil it completely I’ll just leave you with three spoilers- first date, first dance, secrets spilled. It’s a work in progress.

Now it’s time to get off the internet and back to writing, or else you’re going to Tumblr your day away.

Taglist: @ serendipitous-amor @im-still-tryin-to-find-it​

[idiot-extraordinaire]

Rest easy, Naya

I don’t know how I feel. I think I just needed to write this to process everything I’ve been feeling these last couple of days. 

I think it’s a mix of grief, shock, pain, sadness, heartbreak and yet the feeling of some sort of closure.

I still can’t believe it.

I’ve been going through a rollercoaster of emotions over the last year, stuck in analysis-paralysis about decisions I felt I had to make about my future, my job, what the next 10 or 20 years of my life were going to look like. I didn’t pray in that time. While I was going through all of that stuff, I didn’t pray.

I started praying again as soon as I heard about Naya going missing. I kept praying for her to be ok, for her to be safe, for her to come home to her little boy. Every succeeding day, it felt like I was praying for more and more of a miracle, but I held out hope. Sometimes it felt like denial. Fortunately, my fandom life and my social media (IG only, don’t use twitter) are kept quite separate, so while posts did occasionally come up in my explore page, I didn’t have to face them too much. I deleted the tumblr app off my phone because I couldn’t look. I didn’t want to lose hope, I still wanted her to come home. My only updates came from the Brittana discord.  

When I woke up this morning, I went on discord and read the news and it felt like my chest was collapsing. The more I read, the more I felt tears in my eyes and before I knew it, I kept crying. I’d manage to pull it together and then I would read another tribute from one of the cast and I would start again.

The only person I’ve really lost in my life was my grandfather. He passed when I was 14 and I remember getting the news and feeling stunned. I didn’t cry at first, I think I was too stunned and I didn’t know how to process it. I still don’t know how to process what’s happening now. He was 80 and he enjoyed a good smoke from time to time, but his death was still sudden. I had never lost anyone before. I didn’t cry until the day of the funeral, a week after he died. I don’t know if it was the sad music the funeral parlour was piping into the room as the mass was happening or watching my cousins and brother start to break when they gave their tributes, but I finally started crying and I couldn’t stop.

Honestly, right now my chest still feels heavy. I think the hope that Naya would be found alive, stopped me from breaking, stopped me from crying because I was praying that when all was said and done, there would only be tears of relief. But here we are.

I found Glee very late into its run, so I never really went through mourning Cory like many of those in the fandom. In fact, I had never fully understood the grief people felt at the passing of a celebrity. And if this is what it feels like ---FUCK--- it hurts. I don’t think I understood how much Naya meant to me until I got that heavy feeling in my chest when she was confirmed missing.

I found Glee late, but when I fell in love with Brittana, I fell fast and I fell really hard. Then I fell down the fanfiction rabbit hole and man-oh-man. If I thought I couldn’t fall harder for those cheerleaders and the wonderful women that played them I was wrong.

I think it’s really impacted me because Naya showed me that it’s ok to be unapologetically yourself, because the people who matter will love you anyway. It’s better to be hated being yourself than liked being someone else. It’s something I’m still learning to do. Naya was there as I grew into adulthood, through college and moves and new jobs and life choices and angst, I had her songs, her scenes, her interviews, her podcast appearances and through social media. I had the wonderfully crafted stories made by authors who loved her and her character, just as much as I did. I found the community who loved her just as much as I did. People found each other because of her. She gave us so much and I’ll never not be grateful.

I still keep on crying on and off and I imagine it might be that way for a few days. I haven’t listened to any of her songs or watch any of her scenes, but I hope I’ll be able to again. Her version of “If I Die Young” was playing in my head over the last couple of days, a weird and heartbreaking feeling because it wasn’t one of her songs that I would often listen to. I am hopeful, though, in my belief that as long as there are shippers and fandom, Naya’s legacy and her work will live on. I know a few years from now, some unsuspecting kid will stumble across her cover of “Valerie” or “Songbird” and fall down the rabbit hole as many of us once did.

I’d always wanted to create for the fandom, but time, life, work, angst, and a variety of things would get in the way. I still want to. I don’t know if it will help heal or it might take some time to get there, but I want to create to help keep her work alive. As I’ve learned, art can have a huge impact on your life that you don’t even realize.

Naya died so suddenly and tragically young, I think everyone is still reeling from it. This shouldn’t have happened. I think about a minor change in the timeline making everything different. Making it so that we are not all here mourning the loss of this young, beautiful, talented and loving woman who had so much more life to live.

I send my thoughts and prayers to her family, her son, her friends and all those who loved her. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for them. She died saving her son, she was a hero. She loved Josey so dearly and I hope that those around him will make sure he grows up knowing how much she loved him and feeling that love. With all the tributes coming out, you can tell what a kind, beautiful soul she had, how wonderful she was and what a loss this has been. She left this earth a better place than she found it. I hope her family and friends find peace and closure.

She’s up there goofing off and laughing with Cory, now. I’m sure he’s looking after her.

Thank you for everything, Naya. Rest easy. We love you. We miss you.

Be kind to yourselves and each other, everyone.

P.S. Kong-Kong, if you see Naya up there, let her know how much she means to me and how much we all miss her.

[madzilla84]

update

Did anyone ask for one? No. Does anyone want it? Probably not … I guess there’s still some small part of me that misses having a Livejournal.

In general, things have been - better. I started going outside a bit more from late-ish July, but honestly I don’t know if I started feeling better because I started going out, or if I started going out because I was feeling better…? A mystery. But mood tracking app - surely a reliable source of mental health info lmao - seems to agree:

(woohoo, only ‘significant burden’! i think that’s about the best you could hope for in 2020. and this was a few weeks ago, and I feel better now than I did then, so.)

I’ve been off work for the last 3 weeks - nothing wrong, just 2 weeks of scheduled annual leave, which I needed very much (I think part of why I was feeling bad was because I hadn’t had a break since February), and last week I had a week of jury duty. The break was much needed and I can feel the difference.

I started exercising again in July, and ugggggggh ok fine I admit I do feel better because of it. I’m never gonna be a gym bunny, I’ll probably never *love* it but I can’t deny the benefits. I go 3 times a week which is enough for me. (Though I only went twice last week and this week - last week I was pretty wrecked after court each day and this week I am focussing on being lazy.) Going outside again was strange at first, like the previous 4 months hadn’t happened, but it didn’t take long to feel (mostly) normal again.

I’ve also had a couple of social things, which has been nice - one lunch out at an outdoor restaurant, and one bbq at a friend’s house. (She moved in recently at the end of my street; while I was sitting in her living room I could look out of the window at my own flat. Weird!) I’ve been thinking a lot about Dan’s tweet about who he realised he wants in his life after lockdown, and it’s just. Interesting.

I’m DELIGHTED it’s September and the start of the best months, the -embers and -obers; it’s still pretty warm and mostly sunny here but it’s really nice, the bite’s gone out of the warmth. Not long now until it Gs the FO entirely. \o/ I’m still playing Animal Crossing every day, (unlike some people, smh poor abandoned Pickle). 

Jury duty last week was fascinating. I didn’t even know if I’d get picked - they call more than twice as many people as they need in case anyone can’t do it for whatever reason (if one of the lawyers is a family friend or something), but I did end up being chosen. (No. 12!!) We were the first post-covid jury, and the first socially distanced one. 

I *can* talk about the case now it’s over, but I don’t think I will, because the subject matter could be pretty triggering, but it was often a tough week given the nature of it. Having said that, something about it was very satisfying. It was fascinating to see how the courts and lawyers worked, and the whole process, and it was good to work with the other jurors. (Days on end of talking to actual humans was actually pretty good, for the most part.) We were all just thrown together, and we had differences of opinion of course, but it was still a good experience to work with them. It felt good to be part of something like that, something that mattered, and to feel like a part of the community in such a real way. I can be quite good at putting aside emotion to look at the letter of the law, which in a case like this can be very challenging; some of the other jurors struggled with it a great deal. (This isn’t to blow my own trumpet or anything; many would argue it was *me* who had the problem, in much the same way they often say lawyers are heartless, which isn’t true most of the time)

The case ended up being dismissed as the jury couldn’t reach a consensus - we got slated on social media (which of course I didn’t look at during the case, I caught up after), but we all stuck to our convictions and I know it was right; there’s a lot the public didn’t know or understand. As tough a case as it was, I’m glad I got to do it, it was a privilege in many ways. (But, I wouldn’t mind if it was a long time until I had to do it again, you know? lol.)

We had our phones taken from 9-5 while we were working - it’s the law - and I thought it was gonna be the worst after being glued to it constantly, but it was actually quite nice lmao. Not that I didn’t end up glued to it again once the case was over.

Fandom-wise, I have - finally - ended up taking a step back from the phandom a little bit in the last month or two. I want to talk about that a bit because it’s a complicated topic, and I see a lot of concerning posts - mainly on Twitter - that if you don’t maintain a certain level of dedication, if you join another fandom or get into something else or aren’t sufficiently devoted and supportive you - aren’t a true fan? Or something? Lots of posts along the lines of, ‘all these people getting into kpop/tv show/whatever, smh, don’t think we won’t remember when dan’s project drops and you all come running back’. It’s just a bit - weird? Like, it’s *perfectly normal* if people get into other stuff while dnp are cooking whatever they’re cooking (or not cooking, or whatever)? Or just move on, but still enjoy D&P? 

I’m not, like, dramatically leaving the fandom or anything. Hell, I haven’t *left* the fandom at all, I’m still here every day, it’s - more of a mental shift. Because prior to July/August-ish this year I really wasn’t in a good place with it. I wrote a thing earlier this year about struggling with writing, and belonging while not being a content creator, and other things … the issue is that, as I tend to do with my fandoms, I get too overinvested. And sometimes, that’s okay - whatever gets you through the night and all that - but in this case, I wasn’t enjoying it any more. Some parts I was - I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had in a fandom here, and I really like seeing everyone on here - but in general, I was spending a lot of my time feeling anxious, resentful, worried, angry and frustrated. I spent a lot of last year and almost all of this one waiting for Godot; hating the “new normal” and desperately waiting for - something that’s never going to come. I just couldn’t deal with it; probably for reasons bigger than just D&P but that’s how it manifested. I got more and more frustrated by the content we were getting because it wasn’t what I’d hoped, and I hated feeling like that. It took up way too much of my thoughts and every day was just waiting, and wondering, and worrying. And I got so, so sick of it.

So, where am I now? Well, it was inevitable really, but I just started to - let go, a bit. I didn’t throw my hands up and go, ’bah, screw these guys!’, my mental focus just shifted (for my own good), and I started focussing on other things. Other fandoms. Games and hobbies I can distract myself with. I’ll admit it wouldn’t necessarily have been my *choice*, you know? But reality is what it is and I’m - relieved, really, that I’m not unnecessarily tormenting myself about it any more. It took me a long time to reach this place - too long, really - and, for now at least, it’s kind of nice. I can just enjoy things if/when they pop up without the accompanying sadness and anger about how everything is changed, about what has ended and what I’ve “lost”. (And it’s not 100%, by the way; it’s still there, just - quiet, now.) I can look at, I dunno, someone’s gifs of Dan or whatever, and just smile about it rather than feeling that grief. (Or, feel it, but not to the exclusion of everything else.) It’s - nicer.

And it isn’t at *all* that I don’t care any more, I still love them, of course I do, and will continue to follow them and watch everything they do. I’m not going anywhere. I still have notifs on, though they don’t quite send my heart into my throat like they did. ;) In a way it’s helping me love them more, because now when I watch them I enjoy it more, appreciating the fun and the bants without laser-focussing on my own anger and sadness. I’m still attending our little daily phannie watch-alongs, where we watch a couple of eps of DAPG and an anime. I’m still on phandom tumblr/twitter on the daily. It just - has a slightly smaller portion of my brain and mental energy now.

It was a step I needed to take, but also one I’m not sure I could have *chosen* to take, not without deliberately leaving and cutting it all off completely? And I didn’t want to do that. I’d hoped I’d get to this place earlier than this - some 20 months after the fact - but better late than never, I suppose.

(Also, disclaimer - fandom and the human heart are funny things, and I fully accept I can and probably will be sucked completely back in at any time.)

Anyway! SEE YOU AT THE QUIZ :D

[jaskiersbard]

So it’s been a while, huh?

I don’t know how many people are actually still following this blog/are interested in it but...hi again! I already wrote a post sort of explaining where I disappeared to and why (long story short: it was tumblr staff’s fault) but I also want to talk to you guys properly and update you all on what’s been going on since.

I don’t want to abandon this blog but I have another blog that I’m using now -> it’s @alwaysahiccupandastrid. It’s not as Beasts oriented as this one was, I’m afraid, but still feel free to follow it and chat to me! It’s much like this blog was when I used it in that I don’t really post exclusively for one fandom, it’s just a mix of whatever I like!

Anyway, updating! I already told you guys that I graduated university in July, finished my degree...that was stressful! A lot went down at university but it sorted itself out in the end and I survived! Our final assessment was at the end of May, and we performed a show that we created four times, three nights and one matinee. I’m very proud of what we achieved all things considered! But yes...I am no longer a university student!

What else has changed?

I no longer work for the cinema anymore - I quit a few weeks ago after getting a job at a fancy hotel that was supposedly better...I quit the day after my first shift because I had a “me too” experience with another employee...without too much detail, he touched and started kissing me, and I left. I struggled for a couple of weeks trying urgently to get a new job, and I’m now working for Superdrug! My first shift was Wednesday afternoon/evening and I’m excited to start properly! It’s not permanent: I’m also hoping to hear back from Nikon soon about an admin position that’s closer to home and pays extremely well!

I no longer see that therapist who likes Harry Potter - I think I talked a little bit on here about my counsellor who was also a Harry Potter fan and who I liked? Yeah...turns out not so much? I stopped going to her because she a) screamed at me for waiting in the waiting room until my bus was due to arrive down the road and b) she got pissed because I couldn’t do a few certain weeks due to show rehearsals. I’m honestly all the better for it frankly.

More tattoos! - Okay so it’s not a super important thing but it’s a change so...! I think when I was last on his blog I had 3 tattoos - I now have 8! So in addition to the wand, the “worrying means you suffer twice”, and the Deathly Hallows symbol, I now have a tattoo of Leta’s flower from the Lestrange family tree (with her name and the words “beautiful. Separate.”; a tiny tattoo of Harry’s scar/glasses; a Night Fury/Toothless tattoo with the words “heart of a chief” and “soul of a dragon”; the Chief symbol from HTTYD 2; and the words “Night Fury” in Viking runes.

My hair?! - Again, not important but hey! Let’s celebrate! My hair finally grew back and is now blonde! It’s not too long, just about to my shoulders, and my roots are dark blonde whilst the bottom is more bright blonde from dying it in March. It’s silly but hooray!

I met Kevin Guthrie in March! - I met Mr Abernathy himself at Comic Con in London and he was LOVELY. He was such a wonderful man, so cheerful and amazing with the fans. I had some pretty interesting conversations with him about Fantastic Beasts and whether he’ll be in the next one...we shall see! He also told us that Poppy Corby-Tuech (Vinda Rosier) is “all about the cosplay”! And ofc I got some photos with him :)

I’m now 21 - my birthday was obviously in January and I’m old(er) 😂😭 I didn’t do anything too special, just saw CoG with the family and then a few days later went to the WB Studio Tour again (which was amazing because my sister has a friend who works there and was showing us props lots of people won’t ever see!)

Mental Health crap - Obviously I’m not “cured” or anything. I’m still on Sertraline for my depression (haven’t taken the anxiety one for a while but that is a whole other kettle of fish!) and I still have problems but I’m not as low as I have been these past few years on this blog. I’m proud to say that I have been self-harm free since about March or April (it’s hard to remember since the months blur together), and I’m genuinely all the better for it! Part of it is because I didn’t want to damage my tattoos on my arms but it’s also because I’ve managed to resist the urge as well!

^ Having said that, I’m on the waiting list to see a doctor/specialist because my GP said there was a possibility I could have autism/Aspergers/be on the spectrum. It’s a LONG waiting list in the UK so it could be a while until I see a specialist, but there’s that. It’s not a bad thing necessarily since it might be a step closer to making sure I get the exact treatment/help I need.

Fandom junk - I already mentioned in my earlier posts that since late February/early March, I’ve gotten REALLY into How To Train Your Dragon. It’s now my main fandom, in fact, which is sad because the last film has come out and there’s just a half an hour Christmas special left to be released this winter 😭 but HTTYD has had such an impact on my life and my mental state, like it has genuinely made me so much happier and (in my opinion) a better person. I still love Fantastic Beasts and Harry Potter (I even went to King’s Cross at the beginning of the month for Back to Hogwarts Day!) but it’s not my main fandom right now; I had to take a breather from Beasts and the Beasts fandom because it’s really not a great place to be at times. But I’m still into it and I’m waiting for the third film to come out in 2021!

Other random/rather unimportant stuff:

My bed is now overrun with Build a Bear dragons (and the odd baby Niffler)

My sister turned 18 and I’m so...old? I feel so old now omg

I’ve been trying to help the environment by taking little steps like going out litter picking (both on my own and with my dad) whenever I can, and I’ve been using the Ecosia search app as much as possible (for every 45 searches, they’ll plant a new tree!)

I went to Disneyland Paris again in June and it was a lot of fun, I met Peter/Wendy/Alice/Mad Hatter again, there was a false alarm because some twat left their bag at the meet and greet so they had to get the sniffer dog and everything, and I also met Donald Duck, Stitch, Tiana/Naveen AND Rapunzel (Rapunzel is my sister’s absolute favourite, so I’m happy she got to meet her!)

This may be super lame but I got so happy because I got noticed on Twitter several times by Jay Baruchel (the guy who plays Hiccup in How To Train Your Dragon - he’s so awesome and loves the character btw), his fiancée who’s a model keeps liking some of my posts on Instagram, and Cressida Cowell, who wrote the original How To Train Your Dragon books (which are vastly different to the movies but omg they’re so amazing?!), liked a tweet I sent her about my Toothless tattoo and she loved it?! I’m having a good year celebrity/famous people wise for some reason?! 😂❤️

I dont know if my blog was still in use when this happened but I’ll mention it anyway... I SAW EZRA AGAIN IN DECEMBER!! I went to watch Sons of an Illustrious Father play in London and it was GLORIOUS. Ezra Miller is GLORIOUS.

(I won’t post pictures of all the stuff here but... soon maybe?)

So that’s all I can think of...it’s been so long since I used this blog and I felt bad just abandoning it, so here we are.

I don’t know how much I’ll still use this blog, but as I said, I definitely don’t want to just abandon it. At the moment, I’m logged into this account on my iPod and onto my account on my phone, and I think I’ll keep it that way. I don’t know how much posting I’ll do here but I’ll still be around, and I’ll try to see if I can keep this blog alive alongside my current one, if people want me to!

I hope you guys are doing well, and I’m glad to have this blog back. Even if you follow my new blog and have been for the last few months, it’s still awesome to be talking to guys again on this account!

If you guys want to chat or say anything, feel free! Like I said, if people still want me to be active on here then just let me know and I’ll do my best! ☺️

[yminie]

hello, again. ✿

Hey guys!

I’m posting today because I’ve been absent so long and I felt I owe you guys an apology and a bit of an explanation as to what’s been going on at the moment.

First of all hello~! I’m not dead! How are you? I hope you’re all doing well and that you’re not too mad at me for falling off the edge of the planet! In the past couple of months I’ve been having some troubles mentally which I talked about in my last post of this kind and its for a number of reasons but first and foremost it’s due to my job.

I work five-six nights a week and my job is incredibly mundane, repetitive and mentally draining, the kind of position that has had past employees spiral into depression and anxiety and I’ve more than once now had moments where I’ve cried, broken down and had to pick myself back up again. But no matter how hard I’ve tried I haven’t been able to get back to 100% and that has left my online presence lacking. For that, I apologise.

I’d like to apologise to my friends on this platform as well, as my role in our friendships has been lacking and I truly miss you all so much! I may be lacking the strength to reach out first but if you want to swing me a message at anytime I’d love to talk to you again and reconnect! <3

Secondly, I’ve been having troubles with my laptop for a while and as a result of it’s old age (it’s around 8 years old) it’s not been connecting to the internet properly for a while and I’ve had to use my mothers computer to be able to regularly get on to my socials. This also means I’ve not been able to create content and my updates have fallen behind, again. 

It doesn’t help that at this point my phone screen doesn’t work along the left side making any sort of tumblr posting and interaction impossible as both the ‘post’ and ‘send’ buttons  are unable to be selected, so I can’t even post from my mobile app at this stage.

I’m saving every penny I can for a car outside of my non-negotiable day to day bills, as my old one crapped itself last year, and I find myself without the chance to be able to afford a new computer anytime soon, and the pressure of my monetary stress is only adding to the decline of my mental health. 

I resent the idea of asking for help of any kind, but I’ve bitten the bullet and decided to say ‘fuck it’ and simply reach out under the pure possibility of anyone being able to help me at this point.

I’ve had a ko-fi account for a long time, the link to which you can find here. 

If you don’t know what ko-fi is, it’s a small donation platform that uses paypal to distribute the amount of one ‘coffee’ ($3USD) to the user in the form of support for creating content.

“Ko-fi helps creators get support from people who love what they do.”

If you can’t donate - thats completely fine! Whether you were to send me a million coffees or none at all, I’d love you to bits no matter what! I simply wanted to put the option out there in the chances that someone might be able to help.

This post is not my most articulate or well spoken, both because I’m stepping out of my comfort zone as well as am half lucid from working all week and writing this up at 1:37am. 

I’m working on answering the asks in my inbox and getting myself together in order to return to my blog in full force as I once was, but in the meantime I just want you all to remember that I love you so much and I’m not gone for good! I hope I can make you guys proud and happy for a long time to come and I’ll be back to scream with you all about the upcoming comeback just like before.

Love you all lots and lots, and I apologise again for being a little all over the place. <3

And to anyone else who feels like they’re falling behind or struggling a bit, you’re not alone and we can hold on together and get back to where we want to be! I believe in you and I believe in what you want to do! Fighting! <3

[bellakitse]

Author asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by @insidious-intent, @crazyassmurdererwall and @partsofthesamecosmicbeing, thanks guys!

Author Name: bellakitse

Fandoms You Write For:  Currently Malex (Roswell NM), Evak (Skam), Want to start writing again for Sterek (Teen Wolf) and Stucky (marvel), in the past Gilmore Girls, Glee, Terra Nova among others.

Where You Post: tumblr and AO3, in the past fanfiction.net

Most Popular One-Shot: According to my stats on ao3 Sticky Notes and Silent Words (sterek)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Ground Me (evak)

Favourite Story You Wrote: for my current fandom of Roswell nm, I think of U periodically, I cracked up the whole time I was writing it. But I don’t know if I have a favorite one. There is stuff I’m prouder of than others though.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: All of them, at least a little bit. I’ll be the first to say that writers are needy as fuck. We put time and energy into writing something and then when we’re done, we’re terrified it won’t be liked. I also worry about possibly offending someone with something I write.

How Do You Pick Your Titles: When I’m trying to be deep, song lyrics, but most of the time something sticks out from a story and I’ll play off that. Titles are the worst thing ever, there has been times where I have had a story done and ready to post and I won’t right away because I don’t have a title. Most of my saved docs, are just numbered or title with the main plot idea.

Do You Outline: Not full outlines, mostly notes, quick bits of dialogue that got stuck in my head. I have the Evernote app on my phone and ideas come to me at random times to I’ll usually just create a new note with all the bits and pieces before I forget them.

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: Out of 115 stories I have on AO3, 2 are incomplete. And I believe that I have 2 more on fanfiction.net. The ones on ao3 will be completed someday, hopefully soon. But I have one on ff.net called Kismet for Gilmore Girls, I started the thing when the show was on like season 5/6, last time I updated it was back in 2011 and I still get questions about it and if I’ll ever finish it. The answer is unfortunately, no. I’ve moved on from that fandom and can’t get into the head space of picking something back up, I stopped 8 years ago. And I feel bad when someone writes to me, telling me they miss that story. Sorry readers of Kismet ☹

In-Progress: UMMM, A LOT. I currently have 20 fic outlines for Malex (YEAH, I know it’s excessive) 3 of them I’m currently working on. I have a few ideas for Evak, and I currently have a WIP for sterek. And down the road there are a few malex events I want to participate in. So yeah, busy, lazy, but busy.

Coming Soon: Well all of the above really, but umm, I have two ficlet ideas for Halloween. Just some short stuff. 2 of the 3 WIP for malex that I’m really excited for, and birthday fic for a special someone.

Do You Accept Prompts:  My ask is ALWAYS open to prompts, but I don’t always fill them if they don’t spark an idea. And I sometimes take a long time to fill them. But know that I keep them in my inbox and go back to them time and time again to see if they will awaken my muse.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: a couple of things. I have this one fic that I currently call Crashdown love (title not set in stone) for Malex with a really solid Rosa/Alex friendship and Arturo acting as a substitute father to Alex and I’m really looking forward to finishing that. My sterek fic, if I ever finish it, I will be so happy because I haven’t written for sterek in like 3 years and I miss those boys so much. I’m also very much looking forward to continuing my Liz, Mad scientist series.

@gra-sonas @beamirang @planetsam @isisisak @auselysium and anyone else who wants to join in!! tag me cause i want to see!

[advb16]

Would someone please pack some snacks, take me out to the woods, and shoot me? That way I can at least be useful as food.

Hit some serious milestones(?) recently. And I do mean I just drove head-on into some rocks.

Professional

Just hit my 5 year anniversary of passing the bar. That was a real kick in the face because I just started at a new firm, in a new city, in a new practice area, and I feel just as lost and stupid as I did my first day of practice. Except now, I’m too exhausted to give a fuck and learn all this new law. 

This is all compounded by learning a new file management system that is THE STUPIDEST THING. I’m not allowed to make any new sub-folders, and there is no consistent naming convention. So got a big case? Need to find that one, crucial piece of discovery? Let’s hope you are a Bolean search MASTER. Oh wait, that still won’t work because the search function is garbage.

Anyway. Interestingly, this is a vast improvement from my old job (small-medium firm, small town, family law). What this has made me realize, more so than ever, that I should not have gone to law school, and I would never do it again. With that said, there’s nothing else I’m good enough at doing to make this kind of money. It’s bloody depressing.

Personal

Tl;dr - boyfriend moved at the speed of light for the first three months. I finally bought in, and decided to really go for it with him, and now he’s backing off.

So. 16 weeks ago we went on our first date. We had a pretty intense, instant connection. Talked about the serious stuff, kids, money, careers, life goals, relationship talk, etc. It was a lot. By the second date he said he had stopped talking to other people on dating apps, and wasn’t seeing anyone else. I was in no way ready to be exclusive, but he kept coming for me. Took me a little over a month to agree to be exclusive. Four weeks later he drops the “I love you.” 

Once again, I am stuck being the asshole that has to be all that’s awesome, but I’m not there yet, and I’m not going to lie to you. Which... that fucking sucks. We ended up having a couple freakin’ awesome weekends together, including his birthday weekend (day with his friends, they’re great, then a super chill day with just us, some road tripping, gd magical) and I decided, fuck it. And I say it back. I know I know, “fuck it” doesn’t sound like the right way to go about it, but hear me out.

I was thinking, I have all these feels; maybe it’s love? I haven’t been in a reciprocal, loving relationship in a very long time. He’s doing all the things I want from a partner: communicating, texting me all the time, saying good morning, saying goodnight, very affectionate, great sex (not enough of it, but I guess that’s just being a woman in her 30s dating a man also in his 30s), open about his goals for the relationship and for his life, and open about his struggles. He is seeking a long-term, serious relationship, he has done the emotional growth, or at least started the process, he’s identified those areas where he needs work and is actively tackling those things, he likes his job and has career goals, and he has his finances sorted (he’s not looking for someone to support him). All the things I want, but these alarm bells just keep going off in my head. And keep going off. And keep going off. 

Now, I have to give him so much credit because he engages in the hard conversations. Not only engages when I bring stuff up, but also starts them. And I know I’m exhausted with the new job, and when I’m tired, I am... not great. Now, I won’t bore you with the details, but we end up having some very, very, very heavy conversations, and we discovery that we both feel like we’re failing the other person and ourselves. We both feel like we’re walking on eggshells, like we can’t get anything right, and that we can’t really be ourselves with the other person (fucking sucks, right?!). This is followed by the revelation that by maintaining my deep desire to not be a “burden” I had made him feel unwanted. And when he feels unwanted, he doesn’t see a point in being around (fair). 

So now we’ve had this groundbreaking discovery: he thinks it’s great that I have needs because then he has a job. Look at that! We’re both getting our needs met! It should also be noted, that I perceive the giving of affection as being needy (I’m a very fucked up person; we’ll leave it at that) which meant his need(s) for affection and attention weren’t being met. So in my efforts to make sure I wasn’t burdening him with all my neediness, I was also denying him the expression of the love I allegedly felt for him. Seems silly now, but it was a seriously eye opening moment for me.

Super exciting, right?! We’re on the same page, everything is awesome, we’re now moving forward together, and we’re totally committed to each other and our relationship.

Sidenote: I feel like now is a good time to mention that he has already brought up marriage, on multiple occasions. First time, was one week after our first date when he sent me a meme about being wife material, then in the text said “replace wife with with GF.” Also, he was married previously; divorced about four years ago. In that same conversation with the wife meme, he invited me to join him four months later at a four-day music festival two states away, during which time I would meet his brother, his sister-in-law and his nieces........

Anyway, we’re stupid happy, and I, like the fool of a Took I am, took him at his word that he was all in, this serious, committed relationship is what he wanted etc and I invited him to an old friend’s wedding that’s in about six weeks. His response? “Oh wow. That’s a lot. That’s huge.” To which I responded, I’m sorry. It’s what now? What did I fucking miss?! Then him, “I’m just kind of freaking out.”

what.the.actual.fuck.

So now all my alarm bells are going off again because why the fuck wouldn’t they?! This motherfucker ran immaculate game to get to a place where he is comfortable, and secure, and doesn’t need to move things forward. In fact, he’s doing exactly what I predicted, and told him I was terrified would happen: I hold out, then as soon as I finally open up and commit, you run away. And look! I was right! Exactly as predicted, right on time.

I made the mistake of rereading the first few weeks of our texts. I know people say things, exaggerate, whatever, at the beginning to look good. They do things that aren’t necessarily sustainable, that will fade over time, and reasonably so! But I feel like I’ve had partners at 3 years deep making more of an effort to engage with me and really check-in with me than he is at 3 months deep. For example, we chatted on the phone earlier for a bit, and the entire conversation was him talking about himself. His only reference to me or my well being was a statement along the lines of, “you must just be working.” I don’t need him to drag things out of me, but I use questions to gauge interest. If someone isn’t asking any questions, it’s a pretty good indicator that they aren’t interested in me much less my well-being or the banalities of my day. So if he’s not making an effort to see me (he’s not a planner, but still), he’s not curious about me, and the prospect of a low-key wedding terrifies him, how much do I really mean to him? Is this relationship what he actually wants, or is it what he’s telling himself he’s supposed to want at this stage of life?

Part of me thinks this could be the love of a lifetime, and I definitely want it to be that. Then that part is challenged by the fact that maybe I’m blinded by the blissful moments because if this chucklefuck is getting cold feet at the idea of going to a friend’s wedding around the 6-month mark of dating (he won’t even be meeting my family) after he’s spent the last three months blowing past relationship milestones at 160 mph, then what the actual fuck?

Mental

This circles back to the end of my professional update. 

I have been so fucking depressed. For almost a year now. Got out of a less than healthy relationship, which made things worse for a while because it highlighted some stuff. Got a new job, which is a lot better, but being a lawyer certainly doesn’t help anything. Got a new relationship after dating a lot. And I do mean, a lot.... fuck.... so many first dates. And it’s a good relationship! I mean, when it’s good it is practically perfect, but it has been so much work. I get that anything good requires effort and work, but shit. This has been so heavy from the start.

And it just.... like... why? What am I even doing here? Using clean water and making a giant ass carbon footprint? Just consuming things? I’m not helping. I’m not making the world better. I’m just... here.... and I don’t want to be here. I haven’t wanted to be here for a very long time. My suicidal ideation keeps getting worse. I’ve brought it up to my therapist, but he isn’t super concerned. To be fair to him, I haven’t been completely honest about the severity.... I know! I know... But I can’t stand the thought of disappointing him. We’ve made such incredible progress, and how annoying must I be to come back like, yeah, I beat my night terrors, I beat the cancer, I got the job, got the boy, and I have more than enough of everything, but let me just be a whiny bitch about the meaning of life real quick.

The last couple days have been extra difficult because my platonic life partner, and for the last three years roommate, just moved out. A few months ago I had a full plan. Everything laid out, ready to go, even got halfway through, then stopped because I knew she’d be the one to find me, and I couldn’t do that to her.

Nothing looks the way I thought it would at 32. I’m glad it doesn’t look like what I thought it would at 20, but shit. Even at 30 looking towards 32, it didn’t look like this. It wasn’t this bleak. It didn’t feel this pointless.

I have no idea why I’m putting this on the internet. I think tumblr is the most appropriate place for this kind of into the void scream/crying, so here you go. It also helps to know that no one will read this.

[alaskajhourney-blog]

hello, world

so, today, i have decided to start this tumblr blog in dedication of my spiritual journey. it was rather quite an impulsive thing; i have been lingering on the whole God thing for a couple of days, but this blog idea never ran across my head until now. 

i am going to keep this blog in hopes of keeping up with my spiritual life. my spiritual life is pretty much weak, however. i haven’t completely devoted myself into God but i want to. therefore, with the help of this blog (which will consist of reflections, observant, bible quotes/verses, or any mundane thing that belongs in a journal entry) i will hopefully stay strong! 

short story of me: i grew up in a not-so-religious family of my catholic parents. i attended a strict christian private school since the age of eight for ten years. now, i attend a university abroad; a university that happens to have a completely new environment from what i am typically used to. people swearing, people smoking, people talking crap about things shamelessly - things that would have earned second looks at my old school. i’ve never been really religious or cared about those things at my old school, but now, everything is slightly different. and i wonder if God purposely stirring me away from home to show me that i have grown too comfortable at home to even realize that i am at home. 

i’ve been listening to more gospel songs. at first, i thought it was just a “i’m homesick, and these songs remind me of home” but over the courses of weeks, the lyrics held more meaning than the melody. i’ve also followed a couple of daily bible verse pages and downloaded a couple of apps on my phone that assist you in dedicating to daily devotions, but i’ve realized that that’s not enough. a journey with God shouldn’t be one-sided. a relationship, whether it’s with a friend or a family member or even with God, is mutual. i’ve failed to realize that it’s not God that shouldn’t be doing everything. i have to go out there by myself, and discover who HE is. 

so here’s my journey story in short words. i hope to keep this blog updated as frequently as i can and see the progress i make as i go. 

-a. 

[seenashwrite]

Cards Against Supernatural: February 3rd

◄ SUNDAY FEBRUARY 3rd, 7:00/7:15 P.M.-ish* CST ►

(* As always, this is not precisely when the game starts - we take a little time for everybody to get logged in & settled in chat, so feel free to come & hang out at Discord while you wait!)

We’re starting a little early tonight not only to leave time for a couple rounds of Skribblio, but also because yours truly has a packed day tomorrow 😉

💖 THE VALENTINE’S DECK WILL BE IN PLAY ALL MONTH LONG!!  💖

If you see this? You’re invited. ALL SPN Family members who are at least 18 years & older are welcome!

💡 IF THIS WILL BE YOUR FIRST GAME WITH US, YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE IT’S GONNA BE YOUR JAM & VISIT CASPN HEADQUARTERS 💡

—> This is a mobile-friendly page and contains tons of need-to-knows —> This is NON-NEGOTIABLE FOR NEW PLAYERS 

🌟 Post with game link + password AND the links to the Discord room will go up closer to start of game 🌟

—> Make sure you are ready to go at Discord prior to game time so all you have to do is click-n’-chat! —> At the game site and on Discord (if you do not already have one), make sure you use your Tumblr name or a variation thereof so we know who you are - this prevents unnecessary confusion. 😁

🃏 Find out ways you can contribute to the decks, the most recent CASPN updates, quick tips for players, & how to join the tag list below 🃏

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YOU CAN HELP MAKE THIS GAME BETTER!

Anytime you spot a great quote - and it will probably be on a gif! - that you think may work as a question/answer, shoot it my way and I’ll see if I can work it in.

Please include the season & episode number so I know which deck to put it in. FYI: We do not need any from seasons 3, 5, or 6 - those decks are complete or near completion.

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UPDATES

On Dramatic Fic Readings…

If you’re a vet, you know we’ve been having a blast with these, closing out our games with a dramatic reading of a Fic Wreck by yours truly.

For our purposes, to be a Fic Wreck Dramatic Reading candidate, it means:

Features a heinously out-of-character Dean and/or Sam –> this is the core characteristic & is non-negotiable

No smut/kinks/Wincest/ABO –> this is non-negotiable

In the 500-800 word range or less (so, a Drabble or modest One-Shot - we’ve made exception for truly horrid things in the 1K range, as well are series that we’ll split up over subsequent game nights)

Can be on Tumblr or from an outside site (FF.net, AO3, Wattpad, et al)

If on Tumblr, preferably at least a year old/not currently circulating on all our dashes with great fervor

Preferably not anyone’s BFF or whatever - and NEVER someone in our group, though y’all are certainly welcome to volunteer any of your own short fics if you just want to hear it read aloud in my crazy voices

Preferably features an immature/annoying/etc. “Y/N”

Preferably has an inexplicably high note/reblog/kudos/etc. count for what it is, which is a wreck

Preferably has a plot that is objectively ridiculous and/or plot points that are crazy confusing

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On Skribblio...

This is a free online version of Pictionary that allows the host to input custom words - so we’ve been trying our hands at SPN-based drawings before CASPN starts, and it has been hilarious. If you have any ideas for words that are realistically draw-a-ble, feel free to shoot me an Ask with your suggestion. There will be a special chat set up for Skribblio separate from the CASPN chat, so if you decide to play, make sure you’re in the right chat. I believe the room limit is eight, otherwise you can jump in on the game even if it’s already in progress. Head over to the site (linked above) and get yourself set up ahead of time (your cookies will do the remembering from there on out). Recommend you use a mouse if you don’t have a pad/stylus.

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VERY IMPORTANT REGARDING VOICE CHAT 

If you are going to participate in the voice chat over at Discord *PLEASE* make sure you are in a quiet place, and if you are unable to do so, kindly mute yourself and just listen until you are able.

Also, kindly mute yourself if you need to speak to someone on the phone/someone who is with you in person, and mute yourself if your environment becomes noisy - it happens! No worries! Just jump back in when that’s done/when it’s your turn to read 

Have this set up and ready to go prior to game start, and ensure all other apps/messaging on your device of choice are muted.

If you are in voice chat just so you can listen because you can’t/don’t choose to read aloud, that of course is fine, but you need to have yourself muted, please, and communicate via chat that you need myself or someone else to read your hand.

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TIPS & TRICKS FOR IN-GAME FAQs

(A kind reminder: most everything I/veteran players are asked in chat during games is covered at CASPN Headquarters)

Should your mic go out/no one can hear you in Discord, same thing applies as it does when you get duplicate cards/can’t choose a card over in the game - REFRESH! Just refresh the browser page for Discord, and give it a second, and it should remedy itself.

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🏷️ Tag Me In The Future, Nash! 🏷️

TO BE TAGGED, YOU *MUST* SEND AN ASK! I will not tag you any other way, nor will I tag you if you’ve never played with us before. Them’s the breaks.

I AM UNABLE TO TAG ON THE DAY OF GAMES, suggest you look out for the post, come try the game on for size & if you enjoy it, kindly send an ask stating you’d like to be tagged after you know you like it & are able to participate in future games

IF YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR NAME, it is YOUR responsibility to send me an ask - I will not track you down or assume you want to stay tagged

FOR THOSE WITH SETTINGS THAT PREVENT TAGGING, you do not have to follow me in order to participate, however I will not follow you just so I can tag you - I am following some CASPN players, however it is only when I find their content of interest or I was already following them prior to the original deck’s conception -  if you want to be in the know about the game dates/times, I suggest you (a) follow me and/or #CASPN which is unique to the weekly games I run, or (b) make a side blog with standard settings that is purely for the purpose of being on this tag list (ex: “CASPN-[your handle])

Tag team, back again…

@impandagrl @salt-n-burn-em-all @princessofthefandomrealm @gryffindorable713 @rozadolphin @abbessolute @ohio-cnk-80q3 @a-screaming-ghost @ferferelli @ericaprice2008 @butiaintgonnaloveem @bumbleball13 @idreamofhazel @blackcherrywhiskey @winchesterprincessbride @bemyqueenofdarkness @revwinchester @growningupgeek @ultimatecin73

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* The Cannot Tags! *

It either (1) looks like the blog under this name is inactive, (2) you’ve changed your name and not told me, or (3) there’s a setting on YOUR end that prevents it.

None presently as the list has been purged/updated as of 11/11/18

❓ WHY AM I NOT TAGGED? you may ask ❓

Reminder: I’m taking roll at games so I can keep up maintenance on the tag list - if you aren’t participating often [read: approx. every 6 wks/6 games] & you haven’t let me know to move you to my “Hiatus” list, then you won’t be tagged on posts, but I’ll keep you on the CASPN tags page, listed at the bottom under the time frame you were removed.

It is possible I made a mistake if I get busy and neglect to c/p the roster frequently throughout the game - all you have to do is speak up. The biggest issue I have with keeping up is when you use some rando name in game that neither I nor any of the other players recognize. If you want to stay on the tags, you need to use a name I’ll know. Otherwise, I couldn’t care less, call yourself whatever strikes your fancy! :)

Want to be back on “active” status?  Want to be removed altogether? No problem! Kindly communicate your wishes with me via Ask.

[purplesurveys]

1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

--

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.

[nanonaturalist]

Using iNaturalist Tutorial 1: Making Observations (Mobile App)

Welcome to the first part in a series of tutorials on using the world-wide citizen science website/app/paradise that is iNaturalist [link]. They have their own tutorials on using the website [link], but *coughs* they haven’t been updated in a while and the interface changed a little. 

I’m trying to encourage tumblr peeps to try out iNaturalist, so I created an “iNatters of tumblr” group [link] for us all to see what everybody else encounters, help each other ID things, and otherwise just have a fun time while contributing to science! Want to join us? Just create an account on iNaturalist, and either send me your username (on tumblr or on iNat!) and/or follow the group (click the button in the top right corner of the group page). I will add you to the list of identifiers, and all of your observations, past and present, will be added to the group! Check out my tagged posts about this project! [link]

Figuring out any new website or app can be confusing and frustrating, and I hope these tutorials will make it easier to start using iNaturalist. If anything I say is unclear, confusing, or doesn’t match what you see, just let me know and I will update this tutorial with a better explanation. 

These tutorials are image-heavy and kinda long, so they will be under a cut. Note: I have the iPhone version of the app, so you may see a slightly different interface on another device.

Observation Tutorial Part 1: Making Observations with the Mobile App

First Thing’s First! Let’s check out your settings!

Most of these settings are self-explanatory. Automatic Upload The app defaults to automatic upload, which means it will start uploading your observations as soon as you save them. If you are doing a bioblitz, or are in an area with limited cell reception, this option can slow down the app and drain your battery. If you turn off this option, you will need to push the “upload” button to post your observations so others can see them.

Suggest Species This option is MAGICAL. It was first rolled out about a year ago, and HOLY CARP it’s pretty good! But, it does have limitations. First, it requires a good signal and can slow you down and eat up your battery. Also, it works based off a machine-learning system from observations previously uploaded and verified on iNaturalist. What this means: The identify tool can only successfully identify things that have been observed and identified by other real humans. Also, it only uses your main photo (the first one), and it can get thrown off if it was taken at a weird angle, or if there is lots of other stuff in the background (like plants, rocks, other bugs). And, very important to note: it does not take your location into consideration. There is a very heavy user-base in New Zealand, so it is fairly common for species that only occur in New Zealand to be suggested. So, use your best judgement. If you think something is a Booger Beetle, but the app suggests Snot Weevil, ignore the app. OR, you can stick to a higher classification (Beetles) and come back to it later. You can always change your mind!

iNaturalist Network You don’t really need to worry about this too much. There are a bunch of “flavors” of iNaturalist, and which network you select is the one your data will stick to in the event that the iNaturalist Network breaks up. They are more or less regional. More information about the networks here [link]

Okay, let’s take some photos!

Wow, nice! You have two options for making observations with the mobile app.  Option 1: Take the photo now, worry about iNat later Option 2: Take the photo using the iNat app

I recommend choosing Option 1 if you are taking photos of things that may move, because the app has a bit of a delay, and the quality tends to not be as good. I use Option 1 almost exclusively, because it’s easier to take my photos and do bulk uploads when I’m inside and not being chased by mosquitos. Option 2 is better if your subject isn’t moving too fast, and if you are just observing a couple things (and also if you don’t want to build up a several-month-long backlog of photos on your phone...).

You can take and select multiple photos! Try to get different angles, and photograph different parts of your subject to help with IDs later.

Advanced iNatter Option If you take photos with your phone to upload later, you have the option of annotating your photos! This is helpful if you have more than one specimen in the photo, or if your specimen is well camouflaged. You can also point out important features, like I did below. Any edits you do to your photos before you upload them can really help out people who do IDs!

Regardless of which option you choose, you will end up at your observation page!

Adding identifications to your observations

From your observation page (on the left above), you can add more photos, add an ID, write notes, and edit time and location information. More on those options later! First, let’s click “What did you see?” to get to the ID page. 

If you have “Suggest species” turned on, the app guesses what you saw. Clicking the information symbol to the right will show you more information on each species to help you decide if that ID is a good fit. Feel free to pick whatever you think is closest, and other people will agree with you OR suggest other identifications later.

If you know what you saw, or if you have a guess, go ahead and type it into the search bar. If you have autocomplete on, it will (guess what!) autocomplete what you are typing. If you have a slow connection, LOOK OUT because you might accidentally select the wrong ID due to lag.

Editing Location and Privacy

Depending on your phone’s privacy settings, your photos will automatically have a GPS stamp on them, so if you are adding photos to iNat later, you usually don’t need to worry about remembering where you took them. If you have this feature turned off for your phone, that’s fine! Or, if you have that option turned on, and your photos are GPS tagged, you can still protect your privacy while keeping the location data useful for scientists and researchers.

If you are wondering, “Why is location even important? Why should I bother?” There are a couple answers! First, there are very few species present worldwide. For the most part, in order to identify something, it is essentially to know where it was. Sometimes, you can be vague, and just stating the country is good enough detail to identify something (common for larger animals, like birds and mammals, and larger plants like trees). But other times, you need to be extremely specific. Some insects look nearly identical to each other, but there will be different species living on one side of a mountain range vs the other side, even if they are only 20 miles apart. And also, researchers who are tracking the movement of species in response to climate change can benefit from having access to accurate data--showing that a species of plant is appearing even several miles north each year is crucial to understanding how to manage environmental stewardship.

If you are out and about, and have GPS phototagging on, you don’t really need to edit your location (unless you want to!). If you have GPS tagging off, or the location data was a little off, OR you want to protect your privacy (observations at your house, for example), here’s what ya do:

Click the area on your observation page with location (I blanked those details out of my screencap). You will be taken to a map. Clicking the green arrow takes you to your current location. You can zoom in or out of the map (unfortunately, you can’t just type in an address on the mobile app, but you CAN on the website, and you CAN edit posts you made from the mobile app on the website later!). When the location you want is centered on the map, zoom in or out to set your accuracy (if you can’t remember where you were, but you KNOW you were somewhere in Austin, you would basically do what I have above in my map). 

If you don’t want to edit the location, but you don’t want the entire world to know where your photos were taken, you can change the GeoPrivacy setting (kinda cut off in the screencap, but it’s directly underneath location). You can select three options:  Open: Everybody can see where your observations were made Obscured: iNaturalist will create large square that contains your true location at some random point within the square. All observations with obscured coordinates will be randomly assigned to one point in that square. Only you can see those coordinates (one exception is if you join a very specific type of project, and you have opted-in to let project curators see obscured coordinates). Private: No location information is shared. You may select this option if you want, BUT keep in mind it will be very difficult for people to help identify your observations! For more information on GeoPrivacy, iNaturalist provides more information here [link]

Adding Observations to Projects

iNaturalist has many different kinds of projects [link]. The “iNatters of tumblr” project is a “collection” project type, which automatically adds observations meeting specific criteria (in our case, all observations made by users I have added to the project). Another type of of project, the “traditional” project type, was originally the only type of project available. It’s great for collecting some very specific observations that you can’t really search for. Two of my favorites are “Mating Behaviour” and “Animated Observations” [both are links]. The downside of these kinds of projects is somebody has to manually add each observation to the project. If you have joined one of these kinds of projects, you can link them to your observation before you save it. You can also add observations to projects any time later.

To link your observation with a project, you must have joined a project first. Afterwards, just click the button and you’re done!

Saving and Uploading

You’re almost done! Just ONE final step. Save!!! Click the big green SAVE button at the bottom, and you see your beautiful observation:

If you have Auto Uploads turned off, you need to click the upload button to start uploading. That’s it! Congratulations!

If you take your photos with a camera, or if you want to upload a BUNCH of observations at one time, you will want to make your observations on the website, rather than the mobile app. Making observations on the iNaturalist website will be the subject of Tutorial 2!

September 18, 2018

[marshmallowprotection]

Convallaria Majalis

Pairing: SaeranxOC 

Warnings: This is Self-Insert type story. This is not beta-read, and constructive criticism isn’t wanted. It’s written purely for own my amusement. I’ve been posting his story on AO3 and FFN for a while, but I figure there an audience here on Tumblr that could warrant me posting here as well. There are some mature elements that should be taken with care, it includes warnings for Anxiety, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and PTSD. This story contains spoilers for Ray Route, and V Route, as well as elements from the Secret Ends. 

Word Count: 12,169. 

AO3 | Fanfiction 

Chapter One 

L I L A 

I.

"Awake."

"Error, again?" I stared at the phone with disdain. "Really? Why is it that everyone else can enjoy the DLCs and I'm stuck with an endless error message? I guess I could prowl forums until I find an answer."

Mystic Messenger was the height of Otome games on mobile platforms. For a long time the only quality romance games that you could play were desktop based, so when I found out there was a good one for your phone, color me stoked. I had been playing nonstop since my sleeping schedule was shit and I needed the affection from something. There wasn't any answer to be found, I scowled after checking a few pages. It wasn't like I hadn't already finished the deep routes, but I wanted to complete the Christmas DLC to one hundred percent. So much for that, ugh. It was too early in the morning for me to consider crawling out of bed just yet but I didn't have any more apps that I could refresh but - if the game wasn't going to be working for me, again! - I would just have to sit here in the quiet and think about my life. Poor choice, really, but I wasn't going to venture into the cold of my apartment until I had to do it.

"Then again, I can just check my to-do list." There was my sloppy but carefully taken dribble as I opened the app. I flipped through my notepad and did a mental run-through of what needed to be done for work and the house. I had to finish my report before I submitted my updated proof for my supervisor, make sure the fridge had enough for the rest of the week, and I needed to do a head-count on my paint supplies before I marched out the front door. All and all I would be home before noon if I didn't want to do anything else. I set my phone down and decided to shut my eyes for a few minutes.

My alarm clock began to sound not even five minutes after I dug my head back into my pillow.

Sometimes you happen to have a chance encounter that might change your life. Sometime you might just wake up and things are out of your control, or maybe you wake up in a different room then the one you're used to... either way, there's a day when things change direction and I know firsthand that these days can come out of left field. Something that you find yourself comfortably living every day until a new normal finds you. For a long time, I would wake up, crawl out of bed and begin my work in the kitchen after splashing water on my face and brushing my teeth, and keep working until I got hungry. It had been like this for a couple of months already, and the lingering scars in the mirror couldn't bother me as long as I kept to myself and did what I needed to do. You see, only a few months ago, you could have found me doing a stint in the hospital for my poor health habits. I had a hard time taking care of myself when it came to sleeping and eating, it wasn't exactly a trait that I was proud of, but it was something that had been with me since my teen years.

Whispers and murmurs behind my back about my appearance from my classmates and even my parents had destroyed my confidence and by extension, I had hurt myself to make others like me. I'm not proud of it. Every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I would feel disgusted and look away. Dysmorphia had a way of crawling up your spine like a spider and waiting for the moment to jump out and take a bite of you when you could do nothing but try to push it away - but fail.

Today wasn't all that different.

I got out of bed and hastily did my morning routine. I just had to go out of my apartment to run some errands instead of going straight to work, that was normal for a Wednesday. I had a list of this and that, that and this, but it shouldn't have broken too much time in the rest of the day as long I as get myself together in this good mood. It started as a better morning, really, I found it in me to fix my hair back and put on one of my jumper dresses. The reflection didn't make me feel as bad as it might have another day.

Hopefully, that would last.

How wrong I was, I realized when I slung my bag over my shoulder and opened my front door to see someone standing in the way. I gripped the door handle hard, and grit my teeth. "It's nice to see you again, Mom."

There she was standing in the doorway, my Mother, with a vase of sunflowers and the most unnerving smile. She had her hand raised as if she were about the knock the front door but couldn't when I opened the door instead. Of course, when I said that it was nice to her, I didn't mean it. We had never had a close relationship and it was only strained at this point. She didn't agree with my choices that I had been making over the last year, although she was the first one to say that she was proud of me on social media for the attention and sympathy. "Hold the pleasantries, Lila. I know you wouldn't have opened this door if you weren't on the way out."

I stepped to the side, and let her into my apartment rather than deal with an argument. "Is there a reason why you stopped by this morning?"

"Do I need a reason to visit my daughter?" She countered without even blinking, sauntering into the living room and setting her flowers down by the kitchen table. "I happened to be in the neighborhood."

"You live five blocks from here, you're always in the neighborhood." I returned. "I'm kind of in a hurry, Mom. I have a lot of errands to run before my appointment with Karen."

The ever-present smile was a little troubling. Mom turned back around to face me after looking at the canvases and makeshift art studio that my kitchen had become in the last couple of weeks. "Ah, yes, your therapist. I hope that's going well. All of my friends are concerned about your well-being after that mess in April." That mess in April that she was referring to had amounted to a situation where my Grandparents caught me in a lie, and I passed out in their home from malnutrition, and partly exhaustion. It occurred just three months after I had broken up with my abusive boyfriend after six months of terror, and five months after the loss of my father. It had a been a long and grueling year for my family, not that we never had a time where we weren't living some kind of lifetime drama film.

"And?" I braced myself.

"It's almost been a year since... the accident. Your sister has been living her life while you've been couped up, locking yourself in this apartment without even trying to make a difference." She started, walking back over to me. "Everyone is concerned that you're wasting your life here, it's one thing that you've been trying to waste your life painting, but now everyone is starting to pity me because my depressed daughter is unable to help herself. You need to stop wallowing about your father and get out there, date, have fun."

I started to talk back, "I'm content the way I am, Mom." but she cut me off and began to talk louder, to talk over me.

"And look where that's getting you, dear, you need to take a hard look in the mirror and get yourself together." She rested a hand against my shoulder, nails digging into the skin. "I expect you to stop embarrassing me before the holidays. I don't want to see you crying and making a fool of yourself in front of everyone again." That hung over my head like a weight. There it was again, the attitude that I couldn't just wash off. My Mother wasn't one to be trifled with if you decided to openly disagree with her methods and while it had been alright when I was a little girl; It was unbelievably too much for me to bare these days. It might have been because I was the only target of this thinking. We had been going back and forth like this for months because she wanted to be the one that was right in the end.

I didn't have the energy for it.

I shook head, just pretending to agree with her words. "I don't want to argue. You can do whatever you want to do, but I'm heading out."

"Wisteria, how are you feeling today?" Her hand was firm against her pad of paper as her pencil began to jot down the little things. Where we could improve on my function and how I could live my day to day without letting my impulsivity control me. This office smelled of disinfectant and cleaner. It wasn't something that bothered me much but it was all I could focus on this whole session. It was one thing that my day had started like it would be alright, but when my Mom came over and soured the whole thing, my mood had shifted and I think she could tell. She started and ended every session by asking me how I was feeling at that moment. I wasn't in the mood to talk about what had happened, so I carried on as if it were any other session.

The clock on the wall read a quarter past three and that meant we were coming to a close for this meeting.

"Huh?"

"I said how are you feeling? You've been a little distracted today. I've been doing most of the talking, and I'm curious where you're thinking today."

"It's already been a day and it hasn't even really started." I leaned against the table in front of me. My hand sinking into my chin as I closed my eyes. "I'm alright. I have had some alright days this month. I haven't felt... acted on the need to purge since my release. Sorry I didn't mention that at the beginning... I've been following my meal plan that we worked out to a tee thanks to my family. It's been a long couple of days, but I'm feeling a little better about my control when it comes to my dysmorphia. I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night, that thunderstorm kept me up for a while."

"I'm glad to hear things are going better for you. You've been doing an excellent job lately at keeping up with that. Has there been any change in your mood? In regards to what you were struggling with about your father? You seemed upset during our last session but are you ready to talk about it?" She asked, the quirk of her eyebrow lifting just enough that it caught my attention. She always tried to pull that topic up but I wasn't ready to deal with it, we had mentioned it here and there, but it wasn't something that could come out yet.

My shoulders lifted into a shrug. "Let's give that a little more time, Karen. I'm doing that on my own right now - there's still a lot I want to think about before I open up about that. It's not bothering me as bad as it was before because I've been focusing hard on getting my physical health better, along with my job and affairs. I just don't want to deal with that can of worms right now."

"That's understandable, but you know we'll have to deal with that eventually. Just think about how we can better address it for next time." She reminded me, as she set her pen down against her desk. "Let's meet again in two weeks to discuss any more changes... but in the meantime, you can call me whenever you need to talk about anything."

That was therapy for you. I had been making some progress since we had started the meeting, which I was grateful for, but my mind had been other places during our session. I wasn't going to admit it to anyone, but I had been spending my time doing more than working and listening to a meal plan. My phone indicated that while I had been in my session I had missed a few things. I pilfered through what I missed, this and that, that and this but cleared them all out until I got to the most recent notification. I had missed a chatroom deadline on the game that I was playing. An Otome, Mystic Messenger, one of those exciting games where you could pick anyone you wanted and romance the.

"Huh, I guess I missed another chatroom." That wasn't the worst thing in the universe. I was trying to go through the Christmas DLC on Mystic Messenger at that moment, and I had enough hourglass to spare for one uncounted chatroom but I probably wouldn't waste it knowing the whispers of extra content coming very soon. I had already done a run-through of the different routes and now I was trying to get the DLCs entirely done before any more were released onto the game. There wasn't anything else left to complete with all of the RFA's routes done on my application. I was a little desperate for the interaction with my fictional friends so I settled for this.

I booted the messenger but it errored out.

"Please?" I begged, silently.

It errored once again when I attempted it open it again.

"Goddammit."

This had been happening a lot lately when I tried to play the game and it didn't seem to be happening to anyone else. It forced itself out at various times of the day and I couldn't fight it. Nobody else had this problem when I cruised the blogs and pages about it. I just mounted it to my luck. It was just a weak signal or maybe a bug that needed to be corrected. Little did I know, but there was a reason why my game was lagging and it wasn't just a chance of bad luck, and it would stem back to an encounter that I had put in the back of my mind.

I could always play some of the other Otome games that I had on my PC in the meantime if this was going keep happening. "Really? I can't believe this, maybe there's some traffic on the servers or something. Ugh, I was hoping to finally get Unknown after clearing everyone else." I grumbled, stashing my phone back in my bag as I headed into the cafe across the street from my therapist's office. It had been another meeting, uneventful and we didn't make a lot of progress. I was a lot more comfortable with her lately, which was good because she didn't treat me poorly if I slipped up and made a mistake. It was much better than dealing with what my Mother thought was the right way to handle the situation. She wanted to throw me to the dogs, so to speak. She wanted to make me work with her at her salon so she could make sure that I didn't embarrass her with my health problems. Fortunately, my older sister and Grandparents advocated for me and I got into the proper programs to help me piece my life back together.

The door jingled with alarm as I entered.

"Hi, Lila!"

"Oh, hey," I greeted the girl behind the counter with a weak smile. She knew my older sister but I hadn't ever caught her name. I think it was Samantha, so let's just go with that for now, I never would be able to work up the courage to ask that since she assumed I knew. "I'm looking for my usual, I need something to pick me up for my next project."

Samantha raised an eyebrow, "Another all-nighter?" she asked.

That was a jab at my poor working habits. I was already well aware that I had a beautiful little ring of purple underneath my eyelids for how hard I had been working these past few months. It was my choice to get involved with the projects that I was working on, it was so much of my own choice that I could work as long as I wanted and was physically capable of doing so, that I didn't mind if I was awake at three in the morning. It was my choice and nobody else. It had been only a year and some change since my choices weren't my own - since somebody told me what to do when to do it, and how to do it. I was beyond that life now and living how I wanted to, and I was managing my own life much better than I had been once before. Six months ago was my breaking point and I was forced to deal with the lingering haunt behind me; The remnants of that relationship had left me with self-loathing and the inability to look into a mirror for even a moment.

My dysmorphia was a ghost that lingered in my shadow and it would always haunt me from just beyond my peripheral vision. It was all that was left of that failed relationship and it stuck to me even now, it was a daily struggle to combat but I made due. Some people would look at me and call me brave for fighting - fighting a monster that had been created out of my fear and someone's else's control - but I didn't see it that way. I wasn't some knight fighting for my own life in battle, I still sometimes saw myself as the fearful princess in the tower.

I was a graphic designer who ran on her hours most of the time. When I wasn't creating websites and pamphlets for people, I would pour myself into my real passion which was painting and illustration. It was what I loved doing the most but it wasn't easy to do it and getting paid for your passions was next to impossible in the eyes of many of my family members. Alas, that's how I ended up where I was. I disregarded her tone and I shook my head. "It's not for work this time around. It's for the baby," I explained. "I promised Lucy that I would have my gift for the nursery done before the holidays and it needs a few more touchups."

"Oh. I can't wait to see what you're doing then, at least I can trust you to show me how it'll be. I can't count on Lucy to answer my texts lately. I haven't seen your sister in a few weeks, could you remind her that I know she sees what I'm saying but she doesn't reply? I know she posts about being too busy to do anything but I beg to differ." Samantha rang up the register and retrieved my drink from the back.

She handed me the cup and I smiled back at her with a little shrug. "No promises."

I decided that I needed to clear my mind that afternoon. I had all of my supplies with me on purpose, I made sure to leave my apartment that morning with everything that I might need to keep my mind occupied out of the house for a while. And for once I was glad that I grabbed everything that I needed before I opened the front door, I might have never been able to get out of dodge so fast this morning if I hadn't done that. My apartment was inevitably going to be cleaned up thanks to my Mom but it was going to be the kind of clean that she was fond of, it meant that a lot of things weren't going to be out of place. I lived in an environment that could be called controlled chaos; Nothing looked like it made sense to an outsider but for me, I knew where everything was that I needed and I liked it that way.

It didn't matter if anybody else liked it, it was my home and that meant I could have it the way I liked it. When I finally moved out of my childhood home a few months ago after the accident I made sure that my new place would be everything that I couldn't have there.

I knew I needed to get back and finish the project that my supervisor needed the final proof of, but I wanted to have at least an hour to work on something that for me, not just for some company. There was a creative control over my work that I couldn't entirely show what I wanted because I had to do what the client wanted, not exactly what I might have liked to do. When I was painting or trying to do something for myself, I could do anything. So, I walked to the park after I left the cafe, I would have to walk through it to get back to my apartment anyway. This place was a place that held a lot of good memories and bad memories; The good ones outweighed the bad ones in my opinion, and I wanted that comfort of the pleasant times in my mind instead of the pain that lingered from the present.

It took a few minutes, but everything poured out of my bag and I started to take work the moment I found a spot that caught my attention. It was a shaded tree close to the overpassing bridge, a patch of roses planted by the city not too long ago had taken root and the striking red color stood out against the sea of greens and browns.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I didn't turn around but I hear someone stir from behind me. The voice wasn't familiar, so I chalked to a stranger that had seen me painting from afar and wanted to learn more or even see what I was doing. "You don't see people painting out in the open like this, forgive me for being forward but I like what you've done with the flowers."

My little laugh left my lips. That wasn't a new experience. People had watched me before so it didn't bother me too much when someone wanted to see or make a little comment. It was nice to hear something positive after the morning that I had. "Thanks for saying so, but it's not precisely representational of the scenery. I took the liberty of adding some more native flowers to make it feel a little more striking."

The man leaned a bit closer, not enough that I wanted to flinch but enough that I could feel his presence. "Yes, the dogwood gives clarity to your canvas. It holds many meanings, but might I guess that you mean to use it as a sign of rebirth or hope?"

"Regret," I murmured. "Actually."

"Interesting, I wouldn't have expected that to be your choice." The man commented. "You don't seem like the type to have experienced that kind of a pain in your life."

My pencil continued to rake across the paper as I added a few details, making sure to note things my eyes might miss when I was to begin painting. I pursed my lips. "That's the funny thing about people you pass by every day. You might not know anything about that person but they're going through something you wouldn't believe. It's like that flower there," my eyes fell on the bud that yet to bloom. "It hasn't bloomed like the rest of its friends for a number of different reasons, but it'll sprout it leaves one of these days and be just as beautiful as the rest."

"The other flowers are blocking it from receiving the adequate amount of sunlight. It might not ever bloom without a delicate hand to guide it to its full potential. " He said.

I set my pencil down and took a closer look. "Oh, wait, you're right. If they trim back some of the tops it'll reach it a lot better right now. I can't believe that missed that and I call myself a girl with a decent green thumb, hah. I come to this spot pretty often because I can't go out to the Lancelot Gardens every day, have you ever been?"

"No, but I've heard a few things about it," the stranger replied.

My smile widened at the thought of getting any more strangers to visit the place. I was always advertising for my Grandparents when I got the chance and I wasn't about to stop doing that just because I didn't see them as often as I would like anymore. "Oh, you really should if you ever get to the interstate. They're just right of it down a clay road. I grew up on those gardens and they still never fail to take my breath away. I'd be pressed to say that there isn't another place like it in the world." I could see it in my mind when I shut my eyes. "There's just about anything you could imagine down there, but there are sprawling fields of Wisteria out there. Some people call it invasive but lemme tell you, seeing it cover the landscape and treetops is awe-inspiring. It's a page right of the storybooks."

"I could show you one better," He began to say. "But hearing you speak so fondly of the flowers makes me wonder what you might think if you could see the spot I often visit."

"And where might that be?" I asked, curious.

When I turned around to see the man he was gone. I thought for a brief moment that I had just hallucinated the entire encounter but left on the ground was unrest in the dirt, a footprint impression on the ground told me that there had been somebody these speaking to me that time. It was odd to just some idle conversation with someone and then just disappear before it could be finished. I hadn't had such a calm conversation with someone about the flowers since I ran some of the tours back at my Grandpa's gardens. I almost felt a little sad I couldn't ask him his name. My phone was sitting on the ground behind me as well, I raised an eyebrow at the sight. I thought I had set it in my bag. Why was it sitting on the grass?

It would be a few nights later that I would realize that that chance encounter would change my life forever.

"What would you do if I told you that sometimes growing up feels like you're burying your childhood and kicking it for good measure?" The phone was on speaker so I didn't need to put the effort into holding the device in my hand. The moment that I got out of the rain and back into my apartment I collapsed onto my bed in a crumpled heap. Another week of mindless work, sleeping when I could find the time to do it and working when I wasn't sleeping. It was just another day in the life. My phone started ringing at that very moment as well, and while I might have usually just ignored the sound and just laid there something told me that I needed to check who it was. Lucy had such a lot going on lately in her life - and I did as well, that meant that we couldn't just talk to each other like we used to be able to do.

While I felt like this was a heavy weight upon me - I never expressed it to her completely... not when she had a small child on to tend to.

On the other end of the phone, she let out a small scoff at the question I inquired. Typical for Lucy, she had a clear head on her body even if she sometimes seemed like the world's biggest goofball. "Have you been binging Disney movies while you're feeling the height of your depression again? That's kind of a weird way to deal with all you're going through right now, but if it's helping go for it." This was her attempt at trying to tease me - to make me feel better about myself.

I rolled my eyes. "There's nothing wrong with indulging in fairy tales as long as you know how to separate fantasy and reality. Life is a little different than being a Cinderella, where your misfortune can lead you to something better you weren't expecting along the way, but hey, I can dream. I might digress, but I have been painting a lot of castles lately."

"And I'm still dreaming I can fly." Lucy retorted. It was always great to know her sarcasm was holding up ever since she had her daughter - as if I could ever believe that it was going to go away just because she had a mini-me in the making. I could only hope that her daughter wasn't going to turn out like her because if she did, I might start losing my hair well before my time. There could only be one Lucy, after all. I hoped. I grumbled under my breath and she just laughed at me.

When her laughter quieted, she got serious. "What's got you feeling like that anyway?"

"Oh." There wasn't going to be one little thing that made me feel this way. With a little sigh, I admitted to her just a little bit of information. "A little of this, a little of that... you know the deal. It's just one of those days, Lucy. There were some good things and there were some bad things, it's hard to say what pulled me back into this rut."

Lucy gave a soft hum in response. "How's everything holding up other than that?"

"I've been rocking a killer headache today, but I just took some painkillers that might be able to knock it down just enough that I can get some rest later if I try. Other then that it's been kind of a decent week if you ask me over." I grimaced as I remembered the one point bad point of my week that I wanted to forget. "Mom did drop by earlier this week, but that's not worth mentioning."

"Oh." Lucy didn't have to say much else about that.

It was coming out like word vomit. This feeling that Lucy had heard something from the woman that I already knew. "If she told you that I hadn't cleaned up the place, she's exaggerating like always. I left her in my apartment for a few hours and when I came back everything was out of place because she has her system that she thinks we should follow." I paused as my eyes darted around the living room of my apartment with a grimace. "A few magazines on the floor is enough to start World War Three in her opinion. You know how that goes."

My eyes lingered on the flowers that sat on the corner table next to my lampshade when they reached them. It was a simple pot and a big array of flowers that my Mother preferred. They were a shade of yellow that I wasn't fond of, they reminded of something that I wanted to forget desperately, however, no matter how hard I glared at the floral arrangement it would spontaneously combust. My Mom didn't listen whenever I told her not to drop by flowers if she wasn't going to remember the ones that I couldn't stand. "You know what kind of flowers she dropped off when she visited though? I've told her time and time again that I don't want to see them."

"Sunflowers?" She asked.

I rolled over on the couch so I wasn't facing the vase. "Who do those flowers think they're fooling? They can't be as bright as the sun and make me happy as they do her." I said. "I just don't think they're all that great." There was a pause on the other line for a moment. Lucy sounded like she was shifting something in her hands and then set it down onto something like a table from the clank in the background. "Well, you can get a decent snack out of them if she got them from Grandpa's gardens, so that's a good bedside treat. I'll try to remind her to pick up something different if she wants to bring you some next time. alright?"

"Much appreciated, sis," I told her with a weak smile crossing my lips. The light from my phone diminished into darkness. I would never have the heart to tell her that those were the flowers that Dad would get for Mom on their anniversary every single year and they just reminded me of a man that I used to know and who was long gone. Someone who was once impossibly light - once who bore the universe, the sun, the stars in my eyes - turned into a withered bed of thorns and a face that I could no longer see behind who he had become in the process. I couldn't stand that thought - and our Mom would never understand how much I hated to see something once great turned into something that left a sour taste in my mouth. I wouldn't be able to sleep if my brain wouldn't give me some reprieve from the nightmares.

I crawled out of bed and decided to go for a walk.

The only place that I could go to think was the bridge in the park that Father had often taken me throughout my life. It was surrounded by the rushing water and some plants overcast from the trees nearby. It was nice to see, well, it might have been nice if it wasn't for the thick dense fog that had brewed before morning twilight. I tried to keep my thoughts together and just feel lighter than the nightmares that haunted me. For a while, I just stood there and tried to feel something. The flowers were out of my reach but I could see the roses from my spot. I hadn't yet begun to paint the piece that I had started a few days but the red flowers reminded me of that strange encounter.

I wonder if I'll ever meet that guy again. They do say people run into others for a reason and the thought of a place prettier then the one I knew still left a little curious. Oh well, I decided. I'll leave that one to fate. The chill air against my skin reminded me that I should turn back head for my apartment. I counted the cracks in the pavement as I headed back - when I counted the last crack, I lifted my head and looked around to see if the dense fog had begun to clear just yet.

"Huh?" I couldn't recognize my surroundings at all. The morning fog was strong enough that I couldn't entirely make out the surrounding buildings but they were not the ones that should have been here. Now, I had experienced periods of fatigue and confusion that left me confused about myself or my environment at times, but this was a different feeling that I was experiencing. This wasn't like my town. I pinched myself and that proved that I was awake and - yes, this was happening. "I guess I should have slept some earlier because I can't even recognize my park. Oh my God, Karen was right about deprivation."

Grabbing my bag, I tore through it to find my phone. When I looked down at my phone I noticed an application was installing. My apps usually updated by themselves during the might when I slept, but this one had a name I wasn't familiar with... Against my better judgment, I decided to see what it was. It opened on my screen and gave me the option to input some reasonably necessary information and then it gave me one more option.

I plugged in my alias as the nickname.

The application didn't give me any option but to enter a mysterious looking chatroom.

Wisteria has entered the chatroom.

Unknown: Hi! Finally, someone to talk to!

I stared at my phone screen uncertain if what I was seeing was real, had I accidentally opened Mystic Messenger and started a new game? The static of the background reminded me of the first I didn't remember doing that... Might my phone be on the fritz? I thought. The background of the chat room was of data and code but it wasn't exactly like the one that I had put to my memory. Something about it made my stomach churn with butterflies. Why was this appearing here of all places?

I clicked the dialogue box.

My keyboard sprung open... and the line flashed as if it was waiting for my input into the box. It didn't give me a choice. It wanted me to input something as a response... Nervously I began to type a message.

Wisteria: Oh... hello?

Unknown: I hope I didn't surprise you. Don't be nervous I'm just an "ordinary person".

Wisteria: Usually when someone says that, they are anything but ordinary, Mr. Unknown.

Unknown: You're funny lol I can't say that I'm extraordinary when I'm introducing myself. Shouldn't I be humble and modest?

Wisteria: I suppose I might have cracked a joke too if I was introducing myself to somebody for the first time too. I can understand the sentiment you're going for. I think. Who are you, exactly? Um, how did this even open? I don't remember downloading any apps.

Who are you, indeed. I clicked out of the chat for a moment to see the name of the application.

RFA...?

It was called RFA Messenger. That was suspicious enough for me to wonder what was going on. It didn't say Mystic Messenger despite looking damn-near identical to the platform with some minor visual differences. Why did it appear so much like it? I wondered. Was this one of fake versions that appeared on the app store? I didn't remember downloading anything like that - I certainly didn't put one on my waitlist. So... What the heck? Sometimes I would download something interesting if it caught my eye but I couldn't remember clicking anything before I left my apartment. It wasn't out of the realm of possibility that I did do it.

"I saw one of those before but... this looks too legitimate to be a fake," I mumbled as I inspected the screen further with scrutiny. "What the heck?"

Another message came in. I continued walking down the path but the bridge seemed much longer than usual for some reason, and for a moment when I knew that I had to look back down at my phone, I stopped just at the second to last pillar.

Unknown: I'm sorry if I surprised you out of nowhere.

Unknown: I'm the developer of this app. What do you think of it? I was hoping you would like it... I'm excited. Because you're the first one to come in, Wisteria! I was worried that no one would come in while I was making the app.

Wisteria: I'm not sure I'm made up my mind on my opinion just yet. This interface looks a simple so props for that concept. I guess I must have downloaded this without entirely reading through it. It's been one of those days. Though, I'm flattered the developer wanted to talk to me directly. Is there something that I can do for you?

Unknown: Oh! I'm so glad you asked! cuz there is a favor I want to ask of you. Though, it is kind of much to ask from a stranger. There is something I want you to help me with.

Wisteria: I guess I can. But I'm still a little wary. Sure!

Unknown: You already decided without hearing me out? My heart's fluttering... I'm so lucky that you came here. This app isn't just a messenger app, it's a game messenger app. I wanted to ask if you could test it.

Wisteria: Why you couldn't you test it yourself? Oh, are you so focused on putting it together that it's hard to look for bugs? I guess it would be easy to overlook something if you've been looking at it for a while. That happens to me sometimes when I'm drawing something and another opinion is always a good thing.

Unknown: You could say something like that I also think an outsider's opinion like yours would be a massive benefit to my game, though as well.

Wisteria: Hm. Well, I can't lie and say I'm busy because I'm not. What's the premise?

Unknown: This app... lets you chat with me but also good-looking AIs. I may be a good looking guy too. But that's for you to decide - The chats aren't everything. There are also hidden stories... Amusing stories that will stir your imagination. All you would need to do... is to play the game and tell me your honest opinion.

Unknown: These are the characters that come out of the game. They're not real people but characters created with AI. What do you think? Don't you think it will be fun?

If I had been holding my breath at that moment it broke past my lips into a gasp. That image! He had sent an image was of the... It was the original title screen of the game when it debuted in the app store! Somebody must have been playing a clever trick on me. Except... Nobody that I was close to knew that I had been spending a lot of time playing Otome games, be it Mystic Messenger on my phone or the few of them that were on my laptop. The only person that might have known about it was my Dad - given he was still around when I started playing in the hospital.

So that couldn't be the case. It was bizarre... yet, compelling. Even if it was some kind of joke, I felt like I should go along with it. Against the feeling in my stomach, once again, I decided to see what would happen if I were to agree to this. I didn't have anything to do except paint and submit my work to the publisher or the writer this week. If this was a joke or a game it would end soon if I just agreed with them.

Wisteria: Alright, sure, I'll help you out!

Unknown: Did you find a pretty face that you like on the poster? If so, you are genuinely fascinating lol

Unknown: I've studied hard to make this messenger game. I hope you enjoy it. I think it will be better if we talk over the phone about the details. Let's talk over the phone. Don't freak out when you see an unknown number pop up, okay?

Unknown has left the chatroom.

The chatroom fizzled into darkness and disappeared from my view.

What had just happened? It was like I was walking through a replica of the game model down to the letter! This was going to end with me looking up and seeing the crew from Punk'd despite it being off the air for more than a decade and a then phone was back to normal so I took what should have been the next few steps off the bridge to the path that would take me home but my feet didn't hit the dirt, they hit concrete instead. I spun around to look at the bridge behind me. It wasn't the same one that I had just stepped off of at all... and the strangest thing was, I thought I saw a stream along the fog that looked like something had warped the space around the bridge.

What I thought was my eyes playing tricks on me at first turned out to be something different entirely.

As the fog cleared up and the sun began to overtake the sky above me, that was when I knew that things weren't as they should have been with a new sense of clarity. This wasn't my neighborhood. These weren't the streets that I knew like the back of my hand. These buildings were just as ordinary as any old city would have but they weren't the ones that should've been here. Nothing was written in English either, the characters seemed familiar but I couldn't gauge them given my panic. I had walked a few blocks ahead to see if anything might have struck a nerve in my memory but it was no use. I could feel the anxiety and panic budding in the pit of my throat. This was not the ideal situation but I needed to stay calm.

I counted to ten... then took a deep breath. I looked at my phone and at whim, opened my Map app just to confirm the theory of my proximate location - the app surged to life and began to search for me, it dinged when it was finished and scrolled out to find my answer. I was... This wasn't home. I was somehow a million miles away from my home, in South Korea of all places. That's not how travel works. How I just traversed the seas and lands in a matter of seconds startled me to my very core.

My phone started to vibrate and I fumbled with it in my hands before pressing the answer button. My breathing was uneven but, I managed to squeak out a little bit in response. "H-Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, it's me, the one you were just chatting with." He said.

"...Unknown?" Were my hands shaking? Was my voice quivering? What was happening right now? I was at the park one moment now I wasn't sure I was in Kansas anymore, Toto. Korea, South Korea of all the places to somehow wind up. I wasn't registering the connection yet because my brain wasn't going... This wasn't my town. My mind was whirling around at a hundred miles an hour and I didn't know what to do. I needed to talk. What did I say? My nervous laugh escaped my lips. He said he would call, right? This is him. The guy pulling this ruse on me. "Oh. You told me not to be frightened but I have to admit the sudden call startled me."

"Yes, that's me. I hope I didn't startle you too much... Your voice sounds so cute over the phone, I can't wait to meet you in person." He paused for a moment. Unknown was someone that a lot of people didn't understand. Well, I could guess his motives and what he doing from what I knew about him from Seven's route but it wasn't enough. This game he was talking to me about wasn't a game, not if I was standing smack dap in the middle of South Korea right now. That was beyond reason and I was struggling to even know what to say to him to make this end well. I could gauge whom he was and how he got there, but why he was tricking me like this was beyond me. "As I said in the chatroom, I called you to explain this app. And I thought talking to you like this would make me sound more, credible. There's a tutorial in the game that can explain everything to the player but it's still being modified, you see... Do you remember those characters I showed you?"

Did I know them? Yes. The five members of Rika's Fundraising Association that were accessible when I played the game. Yoosung Kim, Jaehee Kang, Hyun "Zen" Ryu, Jumin Han, and Luciel "Seven" Choi. The whole point of the Otome was centered around those characters and they were the components of the game. But did he know that I did as far I knew? No. "I do," I said.

"Yeah, that image I sent you of the game consists of the characters that I've been developing. Those will your chatting partners... All five characters in the image are members of an association called the R.F.A." Unknown explained away his plans. He believed that this was a game that he had made, or was this some kind of ploy? These were real people, right? "R.F.A is a closed organization with the purpose of holding fundraising parties... You've been set as the party coordinator, in charge of inviting guests. Just think of it as you being the one in charge of choosing who attends the party."

His voice sounded very familiar. Although, I wasn't sure if Unknown was who I honestly assumed he was just yet. It could just be a coincidence. It couldn't be Saeran Choi, no, no, it couldn't be him and this was just some dream that I was having after a lousy night. I couldn't just gauge by his voice through my cell phone. I wouldn't know until my eyes were on him and I couldn't be sure that, that was a good option. I focused on talking about this game he was telling me about instead. "Whomever you invite as this coordinator will probably gain you more affection points with certain characters, right?" I said. "Though it would depend on how well you can pick up which answers are right and wrong."

"You pick up pretty quickly." There was a chuckle on the other end of the phone. "It would be pretty boring if all you had to do was just that, though, wouldn't you say? You will find out more of their secrets by chatting or calling with them. It would be faster to learn by playing it if I'm honest." So what did he want me to do? He wanted me to test his game that wasn't a game. These were real people with real problems and lives. That was the primary purpose of Mystic Messenger from my world. You play the game and solve the problems for a character. Unknown leading MC to Rika's apartment was the only scenario I was aware of that lead her to the RFA.

This wasn't like that.

I was somewhere that I didn't know the lay of the land and I had no way of finding my way back home. Mystic Messenger was set in South Korea and that was leagues away from where my home was. This wasn't what I knew. I couldn't exactly refuse what he was offering If I did, that might run the possibility of something worse then being on the streets of a country that I didn't entirely know. If I was really in this game right now than I could cause a bad ending by doing something wrong. That didn't leave much of an edge room to make any other answer than the one I had to. Was it possible this was a parallel reality to Mystic Messenger where Unknown was just trying to make a game? That would be too easy of a theory to believe in. Something was going on right now that I couldn't be sure of. His intentions have to be similar to the regular story...? He wants me to get the RFA on my side, so they could be lured to Mint Eye one by one for his savior... Rika.

How would I be able to do this, under the guise of an Otome?

It didn't entirely make sense given what I know.

I had no choice but I decided that I would stick with it.

My silence might have left him nervous about what I was planning - but I brought myself out of my head and gave him my answer. "Sure, alright, I'll do it for you. You've been nothing but polite to me so far. I see no harm in doing something that might help you feel better." Was I going to be in trouble if I went along with him? My memory of the sad endings flashed in my head. He wasn't a bad person, but he had been twisted into something by someone who wanted him to be a pretty pawn. We had that in common. But he was my only choice given my situation. I didn't know where else to turn to but to him now, hopefully, it wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass.

"Thanks! I was worried you would refuse." His cheery response caught me off guard. I didn't remember Unknown coming off like this... He was supposed to brash and calculated. He didn't put up the pleasantries because that was too much effort for him. Unknown seemed different than the one that I had come to know playing the game. "Right, but the game hasn't been released yet and it cannot be revealed to the market. So, to perform the tests, you have to come over here." He said.

Come here? He couldn't mean what I thought. Was he intending to bring me straight to Mint Eye?

"Where's here...?" I asked him.

"You probably won't know even if I told you. It's in the mountains and hard to see from Maps. To maintain confidentiality before the release, it's being developed in a sparsely populated area... Of course, you don't have to come here by yourself if it's too troublesome. I'll send a car over to you if you tell me your address. You could hop onto that and head this way." Well, that answered that question. This was the kind of thing that your mother and father would tell you never to do when you're talking with strangers. It wasn't like I could get his location and head there myself.

I doubted that that sort of liberty was ahead of me. "You're not ridiculing my sense of direction, are you Mr. Unknown? I'm competent, you know. I'm sure I could find my way around."

"Oh, of course not! It would be easier for you is all I'm saying, and it keeps everything tied to the game confidential." Unknown was quick to reassure me of this. "This just saves you some headache, Wisteria."

"Well, I guess if you put it that way. How - How can I refuse?" I gave him the address. I knew my hands were shaking now, I was aware that this was becoming too real for me. If I was going to find out how I got here and understand the situation at hand - It meant that I was going to have to throw myself into the unknown. That meant standing in a place where the root of unrest and fear lived ahead. There was a trickling fear crawling up my back and I wanted desperately for him to take it all back.

"I'll send a car there right now. Please be there. Keep in mind that the road there is confidential, so just do as I tell you and it'll be alright. I should hang up now. I need to get ready." He hung up.

"Wait, tell me this was just a prank!" I cried out, at last, the dull end of the other line of the call was silent.

Unknown wasn't going to answer me. This wasn't a joke anymore, I wasn't playing a game, this was real. I was living and breathing this game now. The morning air seemed thick, just as thick in the bile in my throat. I was left with my thoughts and the jarring realization that I didn't know what was to expect ahead. What had I just gotten myself into? I signed myself to the devil more or less, in a country that wasn't my own and a fear that I knew too well. This city surrounding me wasn't familiar to me and what was worse was the colors of this city seemed muted, not as lively as it should have been. At first, I thought it was my eyes adjusting to the sun once again... But, I now realized this wasn't normal.

I rubbed my eyes.

Everything was blocky, and in a sense, two dimensional. Why was that? The streets were barren for this time of day and I wouldn't be able to confirm my growing thought until the car arrived. My theory was confirmed when a driver appeared a half an hour later, with a blindfold in tow and the appearance of a two-dimensional person.

The driver drove for a period that I couldn't gauge, the roads twisted and turned so much that I would never have had a chance to make a mental map of the roadway if I wanted to do it. It was well outside of the residential area that I had once been in. It was at least an hour away from anything at most - no wonder it took so long for anyone to find out what they were running here. This was somewhere out of the way and out of sight of the average person. "We have arrived." The driver informed me when the car finally went silent and died down and was swallowed by the noise of nature. "You'll need to wait here for a moment, and place the mask back on." I did as I was instructed to do.

It was a few minutes before the driver spoke up once more: "Mr. Ray has arrived." The door opened to my right. "Welcome. I've been waiting. Welcome to this wonderful place. It wouldn't have been an easy decision to come here... Thanks for trusting me."

It wasn't that I trusted him - this was the only thing that I could accept at the moment. I knew better than to say his name, his actual name if it were him, instead, I opted for: "Unknown?"

He seemed to be pleased that I could it was him. "You knew who I was just by listening to the sound of my voice?" He laughed that off. It was the voice that I knew it to be from my time listening to him in the game. There was little no doubt left in my mind that this was him. "Yeah. It's me, username Unknown. Didn't you think Unknown was a funny name? It was a default option because I didn't set up a username in the first place. No special meaning. My name is Ray. Thank you for coming all this way."

"I wanted to show you around," He continued. "I prepped up this and that while waiting for you." Show me around? This was news to me. The Unknown that I knew didn't play around like this. He wouldn't have asked he would have just done it. My fingers lingered against the edge of the mask. I wanted desperately to confirm his identity - the voice wasn't enough for me to accept my situation - I wanted to be entirely sure that this was real. "Oh, don't take off the mask just yet. You can't take it off until you reach your room." He said.

"My room?" I echoed him. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of that. That meant that there was somewhere in this place that I wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. He seemed intrigued by how well I was playing into this on the surface. "Yes, I prepared a comfortable space for you while you're here... I mean, while you're testing you have to stay here. I was worried though since I didn't know what you liked... I hope you'll like it." He said. "I'll hold your hand on the way down from the car."

I took his hand. "Thank you."

"Oh, no thank you. You are doing what I tell you to do." Ray said. Something about that kind of praise didn't make me good. He leads the way into the building and I stayed close by his side. Ray, as he told me, didn't say much at first until we had been walking for a while around the jungle that was this massive building. This was no different than the roadways that lead to this place. You couldn't try to know how you were turning if you wanted to do it. An escape plan wouldn't be possible yet. "You have no idea what a relief it was when you said you'll help. What a relief, thanks to you. You'll be a big help."

I looked in his general location. "Well, you didn't give me any reason not to trust you," I told him even if it was only half sincere. "You seem like a nice guy, I honestly don't mind helping you if it means it'll do you some good." It was better to be on his right side. I didn't know how to predict his movements - I liked Saeran, as much as I liked anyone in the RFA, but I wasn't sure what to expect from him when I wasn't trapped in Rika's apartment. Everyone was hurting to some degree and I couldn't bring myself to be with ill thoughts. He was acting so pleasant and cheery compared to the twisted persona he had garnered from this place.

This response seemed to be good enough. "That's very kind of you," Ray said. "I'll do my best to make you happy while you're here for your diligence." He stopped in his tracks right then as his footsteps died down "Oh. We're here, come I'll remove your blindfold." My eyes readjusted to the light and he came into focus at last in my vision. It was Saeran, it was him. Why was he referring to himself as Ray now? Was it just another alias? He was dressed much differently as well, the tailored coat was bright and he was looking at me with green eyes filled with hope.

"This would be our first time seeing each other face to face, right?" He was smiling. It wouldn't be for me, I thought. This was my first time seeing him in a light different than the dark demeanor and look he had as Unknown, the sole hacker against the RFA. Ray was much softer in appearance somehow - Ray wore a magenta overcoat over a grey vest and white button-up, a striking blue flower was pinned to the lapel of his overcoat. It was a change to the leather and ripped clothes. If he noticed any hesitation in me, I couldn't be sure.

"I suppose it is." I murmured when I found the use of my voice. His character was one that had a lot of struggle. I could relate to his pain on many levels but seeing him in the flesh made me very... wary. It wasn't a good idea to trust someone who lied to you like this. I did want to like him. I just needed to think clearly as I moved forward. "It's nice to put a name to a face."

He returned that with a solid nod of his head, Ray gestured around the room where we were. I just noticed the environment for the first time. This was the kind of room that walked out of a princess fantasy. It was impressive at its grand scale and I had to give them credit for keeping up with the theme like they did. "This is your room. I did my best to prepare everything in here to your liking... still, let me know of any inconvenience. You have full access to this floor of our headquarters, but you'll have to let me know before you go anywhere else. The reason... you know why, right?"

"Because it's strictly confidential like you said," I echoed his words from earlier. "Right?"

"Correct. You have a great memory... I don't hate smart people. I get the feeling you'll pull this off quite well." He said. There was something in his tone that left me feeling like there was more to this then he let on. If the RFA truly were real as Ray was, what did that mean for me? "We still have some time left, I'll explain a bit about the game. As I mentioned before, the purpose of the game is to hold a party with the RFA. All of the characters are the AIs that I have designed. There's one problem as I've tried to make it super realistic with the AIs."

Super-realistic? Was he just trying to downplay how they were really... real people? "They aren't self-aware, are they? That would be a concerning bug to deal with." I cocked my head to the side. "Science hasn't exactly figured out how to perfect them just yet so if you cracked the code, color me impressed, Ray."

He had a small chuckle escape him at my inquiry. "Aha... it's not like that per say. The AIs become just super suspicious when a new person comes in. Your concept is that someone hacked into your messenger and that's how you got into the RFA messenger. Quite suspicious, isn't it?"

I pursed my lips. "Oh. Yeah, that would be cause for alarm."

"Exactly. That's the setting of the game, it's not fun when everyone likes you from the start, is it?" Ray nodded, clearly pleased with my assumption. "They'll ask you about this hacker, of course. But you can't answer them because you know nothing. They will try to pry information out of you though, like your location and this hacker, and they might even try to get information about the creator, me." He continued. "At that, you can't reveal the truth. You must keep the secret until the end. Can you promise me that you won't reveal what we've been talking about to the AIs?"

"It would be game-over otherwise, right?" That look in his eyes told me my answer. "I'll do my best, Ray. That's all I can promise." I told him.

I wasn't entirely sure that I was going to able to keep that promise, however, I would be doing my best for everyone.

"Thanks! I'm so happy that you're so cooperative! Meeting you might have been... fate. Just remember to avoid a game-over, okay? Everything up until now is a secret, and who I am, the fact that they're AIs is a secret too. Be careful, if the game goes through a forced shut-down, you have to start all over again from the beginning. Slight differences are depending on how you talk to them... but even if they don't accept you from that, just tell them: Someone called Rika sent me to hold the party."

"Rika, huh?"

The savior of this place.

"She's a character. The other characters will tell you what kind of character she is, but simply put, she's the one who founded the group in the game. And as I mentioned over the phone, your role in the game is the party coordinator. Depending on how you talk to those potential guests means whether they will attend or decline." He nodded his head. The run-around he was giving me had my head spinning. It was like he was trying to drill the information into my skull over and over to make sure that I understood him. "The number of party guests is also dependent on whether or not a good end is reached, right?" I asked.

That was how it worked, after all.

He nodded his head, pleased. "That's a good guess. It'll spoil the fun if I tell you in advance, if you wanna find out, you'll have to play. Inviting the guests is crucial, try to invite them with whole-heartedly. Don't forget that there will also be interesting events beside the party, within the RFA itself, depending on the choices that you make. You'll have to tell me what you think as you play... even the smallest things are okay. Tell me everything, how the party went, what those characters said to you... That way, I'll know how well the game is going... Your role is important."

I nodded my head and reaffirmed my words. "You can count on me."

My gut told me if I didn't do what they asked I would be in trouble.

"You're very confident! I'm also getting more confident thanks to you. I'll work even harder making his app. It was worth waiting for a tester." That last comment seemed to be more for himself than for me. He outstretched his hand towards me with a lift of his right hand. "Here, hand me your phone, I'll add the app for you."

"Here." I lifted the gadget from my bag and into his waiting hands.

"Thanks, it will only take a few minutes!"

I was being used for something.

Rika's sick little game with her former organization couldn't be stopped quickly.

"Do you have any more questions about the game?" He asked.

There was something I was curious about. "I'm a little more interested to learn about you, Ray." I inquired. "I mean, this is your creation after all. The more I know about you the more that I can understand your game and give you feedback worth listening to, you know." The more that I understood about him the more natural it might have been for me to understand my environment. What was going on in Magenta? What year was it? What was the RFA going through if Saeran was like this? The boy in front of me was much softer than the Unknown I knew. As we looked into each other's eyes, I could see something in them that I often held.

Ray seemed startled by the admission. "Me? Hahaha... You're more interesting then I thought. Though I'm not a character inside of the game. I've always dreamed of someone who's a good listener to what I say. My voice is quite small... Most people don't seem to listen very well. Oh, I know I keep emphasizing this but... don't forget to keep the secret, alright? Don't ever... try to get game over easily, promise me that, please?"

"Of course." I didn't want to face something grim.

He handed my phone back to me with a smile. "Thanks a lot! I want to talk to you some more, but I have to get going now, Wisteria. I want you to give it your best, party coordinator." Ray made the move to head to the door after this. I turned around to watch him take a few steps towards the door and when his hand touched the knob - the words left my lips before I could stop myself.

"Wait."

He didn't move.

"My name isn't Wisteria."

"Oh?" Ray was staring at me from the corner of his vision, he didn't say much else when I spoke. I'm sure he had his theories if he hadn't found out already by going through my phone. "Is that so?"

"It's not safe to give out your name over the internet so easily you know. That's why people use usernames in the first place, sometimes you chose something you like other times you just let the default stick as you did with Unknown." That was a layer of protection, be it chosen or not. Nobody wanted everyone to know who they were, it was easier to pretend. I wanted to trust Ray because I knew he could be good. Anybody else with the right mind would have refused him and called the police about the operation. That was the realistic option. But if I dropped the line and did that would it solve the problem of me being a different country by myself? How would I know that that was going to do it? Even if I said no to him in the first place, was somebody watching me while I was on the phone with Ray? Would they have gotten me if I didn't?

What was even a stronger thought was: I couldn't be sure that I even existed in this reality. There was a massive possibility that any attempts at searching for me would be filled with confusion and endless error screens. If nobody knew I existed here, then there wasn't a chance of getting out of the situation unscathed. I didn't have any records. No one could come looking for me. I guess it didn't matter if I gave my name or not. The only traces of who I was were with me. It wouldn't hurt me if Ray at least knew my first name.

"Is there a reason why you chose that one?" Ray asked, breaking my train of thought.

"I guess you could say that, or it could no different than how you accepted Unknown as yours," I said. "It's just one of those things you learn the truth of after you've been friends for a while." I wasn't sure why I felt compelled to be honest with him. Somewhere inside of me, I knew that Saeran wasn't intentionally a villain in this story, he had been coerced and deceived by Rika for a long time and it took its toll and twisted him into someone he was not. I wanted to trust him, or maybe I just wanted him to trust me. "And - And if we're going to working together from now on, then, then I would like us to be friends someday."

I lifted my head and looked at him. "It's Lila."

"Lila, huh?" With those words in his mind, he exited the room and went back to who knows where in the building. This was different then the Mystic Messenger I had been playing, the last route I had completed was Seven - It had seemed to be the route that explained everything and cleared up all the answers that we learned along the way in the other routes with the RFA members.

The fact that I was standing here meant there had to be something more to the game or this was some kind of alternate universe. The moment Saeran- no, Ray left me to my thoughts was the first moment that I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I had to do a double take on my reflection. "It's me...?" I raised my hand to the mirror - my fingertips brushing against the edge of the cold glass. It looked like me, but at the same time, it didn't seem like it was me. It was as if I were me, but I wasn't me.

As if it wasn't jarring enough to my vision for the world to appear two dimensional- it appeared as though I had been changed to match my surroundings. My eyes and hair were the same color as always, brown as always. My features were much more subtle here, I almost wasn't sure this was me. I was wearing the same dress that I had on when I left my house this morning, my hair was tucked back with the black bow I always pulled it in when I wanted it out of my face and a reassuring pinch lets me know this was more than mere fantasy. My figure was as thin as it had become... I knew underneath my clothes there was the body I hated and yet it still belonged to me. It was like I had become a drawing in my own notebooks and not in a good way. My heart pounded in my chest at a resounding rate.

"It is me."

My phone went off in my hand. I lifted it into view and saw the notification alerting me to an open chatroom that I could enter. That meant that my game had officially begun.

Wisteria has entered the chatroom.