Tumgik
#i'll just go bury myself now
thisismyobsessionnow · 6 months
Text
All things considered I guess it's a good thing he doesn't have that hair anymore. Because if he did I would never shut up or be normal, ever.
14 notes · View notes
Text
Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet
Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)
Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked
#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series#specifically relating to the cultural impact#there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured#and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people#and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes#BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show#yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting#AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john#the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love#there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now#but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is#not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was#anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives#funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay has a party in the tags
68 notes · View notes
naamahdarling · 6 months
Text
.
#my psych who prescribes my psych meds is a resident and is moving on in a couple of months#i don't even remember the names of them all at this point#this happens over and over and I cannot find a clinic that will put me with someone who intends to stay#thst will also prescribe my adhd meds#and my anxiety meds#and the real kicker is that twice now they have LIED about it and said they would#only to reveal after all the hoop-jumping that oops sorry they didn't really mean it#so it's a risk i have to take any time i leave#and rhen there's the issue of new people almost always wanting to DO something#but instead of talking to me about it they just decide that my meds need overhauling and pressure me to go off shit that works#but that they morally object to i guess#and my psych for some stupid reason has decided she wants bloodwork for my cholesterol and blood sugar stuff and im just like#what hell does THIS presage because if she harasses me about the results or tries to put me on drugs for that#I'll give her a nasty scrap about it#im not interested in those meds at all#and im certainly not messing with my diet since food is the only pleasure i get most days and even that is marginal at best#and removing that would just make me worse#but medpros for the most part really don't give a fuck about that#and so now im afraid - because i do not and cannot trust them - that if i disapprove of the meds they will retaliate somehow#which good luck proving that when management and oversight often don't even care if they course of treatment will HARM you#if it relates to being fat or having bad numbers#they just gotta pathologize!#so yeah im sick of everything and just kind of want to bury myself in a bog forever#i shouldn't have to deal with this
22 notes · View notes
hishoukoku · 7 months
Text
.
20 notes · View notes
complicit-rot · 3 months
Text
i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back
#rambling to myself in the tags just go ahead n pass by 🫡#u've been warned#i can feel the burnout(?) creeping up on me & its been. two days.#at least my friend is reassured i'm still in their life every few months 👍#even if i end up hating being dragged out places i know a little relief feels like a lot to other ppl#but i also just. hate being involved at all. esp if its pity but also when they genuinely want to talk with me. which sucks!#i hate thinking like that. however it just feels like the most logical path sometimes yk? after (gestures vaguely) everything?#i'm childishly obsessed with the aspect of destruction. me or them carrying it out it doesn't matter#any sort of socializing feels like grinding stone together whether or not their intentions seem as pure as possible#it feels like my socializing button is broken and my battery is locked at 2% 24/7#its not that i actively try to keep myself locked in self serving cycles to stay pitiful lord knows i hate being pathetic#i despise being miserable. it may not be Everything i know. it may be comfortable or familiar or whatever edgy shit#but it takes so much energy to have any emotion. i feel like i wrung myself dry in elementary school#ultimately i know i'm capable of Having Emotions. they're just all buried beneath 78 layers of static that don't seem to be there for other#i try to be social. even when i know Deep down i like them i end up hating every interaction. no matter how smooth or funny or whatever#i seem to have this blanket that makes everything heavier on me. i don't like being weighed down but sometimes i have to comply else#i know i'll just fucking crash out for the next however many years & end up being more hurt than i began with#<- metaphor doesn't make sense bc i ditched it half way thru but you get the point#be social to the complete detriment to my health & appease others or hurt other ppl (something i don't like doing bc i know how it feels) &#end up ''''saving'''' myself (trapping myself further. lose/lose). i wish i was completely exempt to people paying attention to me#i Hate wallowing in this fucking pity. this whole woe is me evvybody huwt me so now i feel nudding :( schtick makes me feel so weak#i like feeling strong by socializing. sometimes i get this litttlee inkling of maybe i should try & put myself out there More but it always#comes with the same results. one of these days surely it'll change (<- bearer of the curse) (<- but still has hope despite denying it)#yes i'm in therapy yes i'm working on my social capacity slowly instead of getting my boundaries ran over at top notch speed by my abusers#sometimes i need to say the self pitying shit out loud to knock me to my senses & be like 'if a friend said this i'd criticize them'#'if anybody else thought that you'd cringe so hard and be filled with That Specific Misery you feel & hate so much' ohhh right. my bad
2 notes · View notes
lesamis · 1 year
Text
🍋
sometimes i get a little sad about the way being at the phd home for a long time makes me want to like. take off the academiasona and just breathe for a bit. bc i love my friends here but our lives are v fundamentally different and this becomes glaringly obvious when one of them mentions their summer home or says they're taking their mum to the folkwang museum for her bday or when they randomly have cremant in the house and i instantly feel like im wearing some kind of Bildungsbürger skinsuit they tailored for me and it doesn't fit right. but then. these are the same people you can send a silly little poem to that you wrote about a rotten lemon and they'll reply straightaway saying they love it and it reminds them of this one contemporary sculptor who makes giant bedazzled rotten lemons. and for a second this whole thing makes sense
11 notes · View notes
stereax · 6 months
Text
woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
1 note · View note
Note
WHAT GAME???
HUH??
I say it's best yall don't know.
Tumblr media
Thankfully I'm not a fan of that game 👍
2 notes · View notes
xcziel · 2 years
Text
.
#this year is just the weirdest christmas vibe i've ever had goning on#i have all the stuff for a hallmark-y christmas: it's cold for once on christmas eve! i have a kitchen and a bare tree#but family is overworked and stressed and and i'm sick and worn out from retail so no visiting or sharing baking#so no reason to bake or decorate - even though i fully have the ability! the things are sitting out i am looking at them#but i just want to bury in the bed and read sad or schmoopy fanfic instead#i just can't get in the mood and it's so disappointing bc i remember loving having like#christmas music on and singing along and baking and i never could do much in my apartment bc of it being so small etc#and now i have a full big kitchen counter and could have the tree i always wanted and play christmas cartoons loudly#and it wouldn't bother anyone and there's lights up in the neighborhood i could go see but#i'm just so exhausted and generally discouraged and it's the MOST first world of situations but i may never get#another chance to have a christmas like this and who knows where/how i'll be next year ...#maybe it's really just the not being able to bake - like i don't even really feel like it but i still get sudden impulses#and it's like nope no family to cart tins of cookies to - can't take them or cake to work bc don't want to risk people getting sick#tempted to just force myself into christmas spirit but then the apathy just rolls back over me#i'm so worried about my bil and sister who are stressed bc if medication shortages#and all y'all who are suffering power outages and winter weather onslaught and stressful weekend plan changes#and seasonal overwork and all that entails i'm worried for you also and wishing for everything to be better and go well for you#it just feels like everyone's having an anxious exhsusting holiday season this year and i would like so much better for us#than just 'making it through'#ugh now i'm making myself sappy and teary again#whatever - anybody bothering to read this just know i wish you warmth happiness and joy however they may come to you#hug your loved ones if you can love on your pets eat something for a treat and look at some pretty lights this evening#i maybe am gonna light some candles and put on music and see if my sis wants to call or facetime later#but first my rx are finally filled so i have to go fetch them#happy holidays whoever reads this - mutuals i love you and wish you the best may your evening be merry and bright#or at least warm!
5 notes · View notes
noxtivagus · 2 years
Text
ahh i'm so tired sorry i haven't been really active lately but i promise i'll fix all these stuff up n be well for the new year soon
#🌙.vents#i'll just ramble for a but ig. i can't.. let myself go to anyone at all for stuff like this but it hurts more when i keep it all to myself#oh wait good morning i guess i got around 9 hours of sleep huh#lovely going to sleep n waking up w tears in my eyes yeah absolutely Great#the future i want is. unrealistic i suppose#god i hate being pessimistic i prefer holding unto hope n i truly know better than all these burdens but#it hurts. all this pressure n then it just feels so lonely. i don't know if i belong in this world#every now n then when i just think of.. stuff my heart feels like it's being sharply stabbed with cold n then suffocated a bit#n then i'm crying even more as the whole emotion overwhelms me everywhere#but i suppose it's better this way. i'll hide this part of myself from the rest of the world n heal on my own#perhaps it's stupid of me to think i could do that on my own but i'm just so tired i might as well do it on my own now#it feels like everything is falling apart. wishes dreams hopes. every word forgotten#n.. i know it's not entirely this way but fuck it feels like it's all my fault for messing everything up#my mind is in a dilemma n it's like i'm just constantly fighting w myself inside#it's so draining#but i have a reality to face so i'll just. i'm sorry i'll bury it#i'm sorry to the words i used to write to myself then. i don't want to let them go but i suppose they were too 'naive' for this world#i don't have anymore energy to reach out. ffs i just want to be better n do better but i'm so tired#i don't want to forsake my younger self but.. i'm sorry maybe i'll just live out all this in my head instead. as i used to do#i have a lot to do dw i'll get up n face them#it hurts. i don't want to hurt myself but i can't be productive like this n#the other better way is. not for someone like me yk i don'r have much friends i'm too shy but all of them have closer friends n#apollo deserves more my family deserves more than me i'm sorry i just want to be myself but maybe that's not needed at all in this world#i'm not enough so i might as well go along this path. i know it won't make stuff better but. it fucking hurts i'm sorry#that sounds so sinister without the rest of the context dw i'm not gna do anything too extreme but. i have to be well enough to live in this#world. yeah.#i'm. oh my god this hurts bcs i know better i really do but these thoughts just persist n it hurts so much. it hurts so much#i don't want to lose myself to these negative thoughts bcs i rlly know better but god it hurts it hurts#i'm afraid bcs if i.. hide properly or wtvr i know i can be good enough to. idk pretend cleanly that i'm fine n destroy all the progress#i've built. but i don't want to lose myself. i know better but i'm stuck in my head n it hurts so much i'm sorry
3 notes · View notes
lacunasbalustrade · 9 months
Text
.
#the problem is i have lots to write but i never feel like im writing what i should be writing#Like. im excited about all my projects and i love them! i genuinely do love the fics and the personals and the game building i am very#excited at all times#HOWEVER#i still feel like i can never dig out everything inside of me#if that makes sense#im like a mole and i just keep finding more and more treasure and i want to get it all out into broad daylight where i can appreciate it but#however deep i go it's just not enough. There's still more. and i hope that one day just - one day I'll run out of things to say and i can#just live - i used to sanction myself from saying just but now i want to know why so I'm leaving it#i hope to just live someday. i never want to keep talking. but there's just so much to say and i need to get all of it out. sometimes i#dream that there must - there must be some special story inside me and if only i find out what it's about perhaps I'll be able to remove all#that's buried within me. i think that if i can find it maybe i can finish writing and the thought delights me i want nothing more than to#stop saying things.#i want to finish writing. i want to live now - but i can't. no matter how much i write#always some kind of subject that i haven't finished having thoughts about and i want so badly to finish myself so i can see all of me laid#out on paper and pull out the bad bits and fix myself mentally - rigorously - completely#i think that if i write that thing which has consumed all the words within me perhaps I'll finally be free.
0 notes
evie-sturns · 4 months
Text
calm - Matt Sturniolo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
summary: after a terrible day of arguing with your boyfriend, accidentally breaking your favorite perfume, and now your hair and outfit not going to plan, all your emotions hit you at once and matt has to calm you down.
contains: fluff, crying, arguing, comforting!matt.
----------------------------------------------------------
10:38am
i huff angrily as i tug up my knotty hair into a ponytail, my arms burn while i attempt to tie the elastic around my thick hair. suddenly the elastic snaps, pinging my hand almost in a mocking way.
"oh for fucks sake!" i whine, throwing my fact into my hands as i reach for the hair gel.
i plop more on the top of my head, my hands now sticky and my whole body sweating. i finally get my hair up into a ponytail, but it looks like total shit.
i sigh before stomping out of the bathroom into matt and i's shared room, i swing open the door and ignore matt as i reach for the closet.
matt and i have argued a record amount of times today, it's almost impressive.
flashback:
it was 6 in the morning, and i rolled over onto matt accidentally.
he shoots up in bed as i lay my body weight on his arm, "ow! ow get the fuck off!" he says in a pissy mood, i drift awake slowly as matt shoves me off him.
"matt come on." i groan, grabbing my shoulder from where he just shoved me off of him. "dont say come on like you didn't just break my fucking arm and wake me up at 6am in one sweep."
"i'm not that heavy matt, don't be stupid." i scoff, rolling over in bed to the edge of the mattress, a good meter away from him.
"yes you are, your fully body weight was on my arm." he says with an attitude,
"so you're calling me fat?" i ask angrily,
"dude, just go get out of here." matt demands, pointing towards the door, the nickname stinging a little bit.
"its my room matt, i'll stay right here, not my fault your acting like a child." i raise my voice, slamming my body down onto the mattress and tugging the covers up over me, my back facing matt.
i wasn't expecting matt to leave, but he did. he shot up out of bed and grabbed his pillow, he walked swiftly out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him
and i think that set the mood for the whole day, because now 4 hours have passed and we’ve argued about matt being lazy, me leaving out dishes, him ignoring me, and me apparently being a brat.
-
i sort through our closet, tugging out a small skirt and one of matt's shirt.
"did i say you could borrow that?" matt speaks from the edge of the bed, my head snaps round to look at him.
"stop matt!" i almost yell, which shuts matt up quickly.
i storm back into the bathroom, i hear matt laugh slightly from behind me.
i tear off my pyjamas, and tug up the tiny skirt. as i go to zip up the sides the zipper pops off.
and that will do it.
i erupt into a loud sob, which quickly escalates into floods of tears.
i hear some movement coming from matt and i’s room before the bathroom door swings open, matt takes one look at me and his face drops.
i don’t want to look at him, or for matt to see me like this.
“hey- hey what’s going on sweetheart?” matt says, panic clear in his voice as he reaches for the side of my face.
i shake my head as more and more tears flow down my flushed cheeks.
he wraps his arms around me and i bury my face in the fabric of his shirt.
i let out shaky breaths as i attempt to calm myself down, my body shaking in matt’s arms.
“come- come to the bedroom.” he whispers into my hair before picking me up by my ass.
i nod as i bury my face into his shoulder, matt carries me into our air conditioned bedroom and plops me down on the edge of the bed.
my legs dangle of the edge of the matress, matt sits down right beside me, the matress shifting under his weight.
he wraps his arm around my shoulder and tugs me closer to him as i continue to cry.
“what’s going on baby.” matt says softly, rubbing my back.
i crawl over and sit myself down on matt’s lap, straddling him.
he grabs the sides of my face with two hands, his thumbs wiping my tears delicately.
“you- you’re mad at me.” i squeeze out with a loud voice crack
matt’s eyebrows furrow, but i continue to speak “and- and i don’t look good.. like my hair and outfit.” i sniff
matt plants a kiss to my swollen lips, he grabs my chin, making me look at him.
“i would never be mad at you princess, sometimes people fight and that’s okay, but what happened today wasn’t worth fighting for.” matt says while looking into my eyes
“and you look absolutely gorgeous, honestly.” matt says, his eyes gazing over my face.
“i didn’t mean to wake you up this morning- i promise.” i sob, letting my head fall onto matt’s shoulder.
“you know i’m grumpy in the mornings don’t you, it’s not your fault, and i’m so sorry for making you feel like it was.” matt sighs, rubbing my back soothingly.
i sit on his lap in silence for a couple minutes as i take in sharp breaths.
i feel matts chest rise and fall against mine, i attempt to copy his breathing.
“my skirt broke earlier.” i say lightly, lifting my face away from matt’s shoulder.
“did it?” matt asks, his head tilting down as his long fingers inspect my skirt.
i nod, pointing to the broken zip. “i’ll get you another one tomorrow, how about that?” he speaks with a small smile.
“you don’t have to do that.” i breathe, “i’m gonna do it anyway as an apology for how i acted today.” he protests.
“let’s get you out of that skirt then if it’s broken.” matt suggests, picking me up again and walking me over the the closet.
he pulls out a pair of his sweatpants and brings me back over to the bed, matt places me down on the edge of the bed and bends down.
his hands tug down the hem of my skirt, pulling it down my thighs.
he purses his lips out of concentration before tugging the sweatpants up my legs.
he stands back up “you want your hair out?” he asks,
“it’s gonna be crunchy if i take it out, because of the amount of gel i put in.. but it’s also tugging on my scalp like crazy.”
“i’ll wash your hair later for you.” matt smiles, he’s always loved washing my hair for some reason.
i wipe my face, flustered by his words.
“do you want some water?” he asks, i rub my puffy eyes with a nod.
he walks over to me and grabs my hand, tugging me up off the bed. matt walks me out of our room into the corridor.
i follow closely behind him as we walk down the corridor into the kitchen.
i stand next to the counter top, matt walks over to me and grabs me under my armpits before lifting me up onto the countertop.
he grabs a cup and fills it up with cold water before walking over to me.
he holds it up to my lips, “and… open.” he says, i open my mouth slightly and matt pours some water into my mouth,
he accidentally pours too much, my cheeks hollowing out as i lock eyes with him.
i let out a loud laugh, spraying the water all over his shirt.
i slam a hand over my mouth as the water leaks down my chin.
“oh- my god.” matt erupts into laughter, both of our laughs filling the room.
“i am so sorry-“ i say in between giggles.
“how did that even happen-“ matt rubs his eyes with a wide smile,
“i’m so sorry- i don’t even know-“ i laugh,
but i’m cut off by his soft lips pressed against mine.
“i love you.” he mutters against my lips with a grin,
“i love you more.”
——
@gabrielle-brun1 @ilovemymannnnnnnn @sturnioloxlver @buckys-goodgirl @sturniol0s @mattybsgf @stupid4sturniolo @lydi2718 @chrisstopherfilmed2 @flosslikeabosss @zturndq @skysturniolo @jetaimevous @sturniolo04 @luxy-nyx @aliceloveschris @livvy4realll @chrissturnsss @ilovemymannnnnnnn @chr1sgirl4life @luanetaluenta @sturnsssbow @mattfangirl @luvr4miya @luvtay111 @lolasturniolo @freshloveforthefit @ruedowney @lovingchrissposts @333michelle @h3arts4harry @sonicmacks @jamiesturniolo @chrisstopherfilmed @itzdarling @sturniolo-simp4life @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @ev3rgreenxtrees @lovergirl4387 @certifiednatelover @solarsturniolo @mattsenthusiast @yomamaslays4lyfe @peachmels @alinaa131 @pepsiluvr0209 @creamoncreamoncream2 @szobofc @mattscoquette @blahbell668 @sturniolo04 @ecilphttlunar @bitchydragonparadise @thematthewlover @sturni0l0 @ratatioulle @sturnsfav @chrisgetsmewetterxo @mattsonly @justalittle47 @mattsturnioloisbae@sunsetsturniolos @sturniolo04 @similartokayyz @pkfferoo @sturnsintrouble @ilovemattsturn @raysmayhem-72 @75sturn @sturniol0s @secret-sturniolo @hfkeclnendmwodne @sturniolosass @gxldenlush @stonermattsgf @101sara @beccaluvschris @oliviasturniolo21 @imwetforyourmom @tylerstacobell @sunsetsturniolos @aliceloveschris @jayz4dayz4 @sassysturniolo2008 @nyktoxs-lover @nathandoesgf @starsturns234 @chrissturnsss s @joemamaaa42069 @sturnthepot @zayyluvz @realuvrrr @livialifesblog @sturnioloblogs @riowritesitall @raysmayhem-72
2K notes · View notes
entitled-fangirl · 2 months
Text
May I?
Cregan Stark x pregnant!reader
Summary: the Lord of Winterfell had grown too protective- but for fair reason.
Warnings: cursing, talks of labor problems, Cregan freaking the freak out
A/n: based on an ask!
Masterlist
Tumblr media
..........................................................
Cregan couldn't help from letting a large smile crawl up his face.
His pretty wife, now a few months pregnant, walked into the court. 
One of her slender hands rested on her swollen stomach.
The people turned to see what had caused the door to open so swiftly, and when seeing it was their Lady of Winterfell, they relaxed. 
She rounded the table, coming to Cregan. 
He had stood the minute he had seen her figure nearing, and now he was able to wrap his arms around her frame and bury his face into her hair, "Everything alright, pretty?"
She nodded and relaxed against him, "Tired of just staring at the walls."
He frowned and pulled away, "So you've decided to join me in court instead?"
"If you don't mind it."
He chuckled and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, "I don't mind it at all. Sit."
But now the weeks were beginning to rack up, and Cregan swore he could see her stomach grow more each day.
And along with it was his rising protective instinct.
She couldn't seem to even leave the walls of Winterfell without him looming over her. 
Not that she minded. 
He dropped his sword in the middle of his sparring session when he saw her enter the courtyard. 
Even in the cloudy air of the North, she glows. 
She walked slowly, on no mission to get anywhere, and her eyes wandering from place to place. 
Admiring.
He abandoned his sword and partner quickly, walking to her with broad steps. "What are you doing?"
She turned to him as if just realizing he was there. "Oh. Just… on a walk."
"A walk?" He asked with furrowed brows. 
"Yes, I take one every day. It's usually earlier but I lost track of time."
He nodded, looking back to the doors she had come from.
Guarding it was a guard who stared back at them. 
It irked Cregan. 
"I see." He finally said. 
"You've abandoned your training," She pointed out.
"I can hardly find myself caring," he said. "I would hardly be able to do anything with you in my line of sight."
She smiled brightly and he felt his heart shudder at the sight. 
He would do anything to keep a smile on her. 
His mind begin to race at the idea of anything bringing her displeasure. Pain, even. 
Gods, she shouldn't be out here like this. 
"Go back inside," he said as he bit the inside of his cheek.
She hummed lightly, not catching his harsh tone, "I haven't even gotten to speak to-"
"-Go inside, my love." He leaned forward, placing a sweaty kiss to the crown of her head and a hand moving down to rest on her swollen womb. "I will collect you for supper."
"Oh." He tried not to let his heart fall at the sound of her disappointment. "Alright. Supper then." She took his hand from her stomach and kissed his dirt covered knuckles, "Do train hard for me."
He smiled, "You've no idea."
He didn't move until he saw her figure disappear behind the doors.
And the stupid fucking guard that had watched her the entire time. 
"You!" He pointed his sword out to point at him, "C'mere."
The guard's brows raised, but he complied, moving toward Cregan, "Yes, my lord?"
"Draw your sword."
The man paused, "m… my lord?"
"Your sword!" Cregan said with a raised voice.
Cregan tried to tell himself he was doing this for the practice, not for the satisfaction of besting the man who dared look at his wife.
Their swords clashed loudly in the yard, but the man was no match for the Warden of the North. 
He was quickly being outmaneuvered by the Lord who was beginning to release his anger.
His sword was thrown from his hand, and Cregan's foot came up, pushing him to the ground. 
There, Cregan stood over him with his sword to the man's throat. 
Cregan quite enjoyed the view. 
He got down on his knees and leaned down to the man's ear, "Look at my wife like that again, and I'll cut your fucking eyes out."
If the man responded, Cregan didn't notice as he put away his sword and retreated into the walls of Winterfell.
The grand maester approached Cregan as he walked down the halls, "My lord. I need to speak with you. About Lady Stark."
He paused in his step and turned himself, "Is she alright?"
"Oh, yes. The check up went well earlier. She is progressing wonderfully. There are just a few things we must clear up, you and I, before she has the child."
"Alright. Name it."
"Not here, my lord. It is… sensitive."
Cregan huffed and walked with him to the maester's quarters, shutting the door behind him. His anxiety began to eat at him.
"Now, I do not believe it will come to it, of course, but the main question is about certain… complications that may show themselves during labor."
"Just ask the question," Cregan growled.
"Right," the maester nervously fidgeted with his hands. "If a problem occurred and we were… unable to… save both…"
Cregan felt his gut roll. He had not considered such a thing. 
"…my lord?"
Cregan's head shot up, "I'm sorry?"
"I asked which would you prefer to… take priority."
An impossible question to ask a husband and father. 
A more impossible question to ask the Warden of the North. 
He needed an heir. The people quite literally demand for one. Someone to carry the bloodline. He wanted a child with her more than anything.
But He needed her. He needed her like air to breathe. In a place like the north where the sun never shined, she made up for it, lighting every room she stepped into. 
A world without either of them was not something he even wanted to think of. 
He had welcomed this new change of the child the second she had told him. 
To think, something could so easily take her from him. 
And he would be helpless to it.
He felt bile rise in his throat.
"You're to take Dark Shadow with you when you leave Winterfell from now on."
She paused mid-bite over her plate, "W… Why?"
"I…" he dropped his fork with a loud clatter as he leaned back in his chair in frustration. "You're to do it."
"I love him, but I don't want a dire wolf with me. Scares the others away-"
"-Even better!"
"That is my reason for leaving the walls. To speak to the people."
Cregan grunted, "Not right now."
"Nothing will happen to me out there, Cregan-"
"-Yes, I will make sure of that."
She stopped herself and took a long and deep breath, "I do not understand. Why?"
"Because I commanded it!"
Silence filled the dining hall as the two stared at one another. 
Her small voice broke it, "You have such little faith in me that I cannot grow our child?"
"What?" His voice softened. "Wh- No. No. I did not say that."
"You did!" She stood from the table, "You do, Cregan! You do not believe I can do this for us. For you." Hot tears began to flood her eyes, "So concerned with an heir, you do not even trust in your wife!"
His form didn't move until she was far from the dining hall.
Three days since their argument, and Cregan was beginning to feel the dread consuming him. 
Prince Jacaeys Velaryon had arrived yesterday, giving Cregan a much needed distraction from it all.
He opened his eyes, looking over to her form in bed as he always did.
But she wasn't there.
He sat up quickly, noting that the sheets were cold as well, meaning she had been gone a while.
Since the pregnancy, she had never awaken before him. 
He let out a grunt and quickly dressed himself.
Cregan practically ran down the halls until he found one of her servants, "Where is my wife?"
Her eyes widen, "Out, my lord."
His jaw clenched and his voice lowered, "Out where?"
"W… With the prince, my lord."
He shifted his weight to his other foot and leaned his head down to her. He felt bad, but he couldn't help the harsh gaze he studied her with, "To where, exactly?"
"She… she made me swear not to tell you, my lord."
Cregan felt as if he could rip her arms off, "You'll tell me anyway."
"I am loyal to her, my lord."
He wanted to be enraged at that, he really did. But he admired that about the servant. He let out a sigh and let his voice return to its usual timbre, "Point me in a direction then?"
She nodded, "Perhaps meeting a… pet… or sorts?"
No. 
No. No. No. No.
He immediately moved his feet, running at a fast pace down the hall.
No. No. No.
He barely registered voices or concerned glances as he ran to where he knew she'd be. 
Jace smiled as he ran a hand over Vermax's scales near his nose. "Dare to try?" He asked over his shoulder. 
The very pregnant Lady of Winterfell bit her lip with a smile, "You really think he'll let me?"
Jace turned to her completely now, "Vermax trusts me. And I trust you. Therefore, I don't see why he'd refuse."
It was Jace's idea, to introduce her to Vermax. She seemed fascinated with the dragon when he arrived. 
That, and obtaining the favor of the wife of the Warden you hope will supply your mother with an army wouldn't be a terrible thing, either. 
She stepped forward, one hand out in front of her and the other over her stomach. 
Jace muttered calming words of Valyrian to the dragon as she did so.
Her fingers were inches from the great dragon's hide when a voice rang out, "Do. Not."
Cregan stood a few yards back, panting harshly.
Vermax's head immediately moved to want to see the source of the sound, and she had to quickly back up to avoid being knocked over by the beast's large head. 
Jace's hand shot out and steadied her as he looked to Cregan, "Careful with your words, my lord."
Cregan couldn't describe it all. 
Horrified. Nervous. Protective. In awe. 
Staring at the girl, seeing his entire future in front of him. 
"Please," he whispered out as his gaze softened. "Please be careful."
Jace noted the man's softened brow, "She's safe, my lord. Vermax is young, but quite full of love."
She stared at Cregan still, her head tilted, "May I still…?" 
She let the question hang in the air.
He couldn't let anything happen to her.
He wanted to refuse. Drag her back to the walls and lock her away. Shake her until she saw reason. 
But he had been denying her everything. And doing so again could be just as dangerous to her as petting a dragon. 
He nodded just barely, not trusting his voice again. 
Her eyes lit up and her voice was soft, "Thank you."
She turned to the beast again, and her hand reached out as before, her other on her stomach. 
Cregan noted the hand on her stomach, a protective gesture over the life that she carried in her. 
Each slow step was like a dagger being twisted in his chest. 
Her hand reached the scales, smoothing over them.
And the dragon lets out a low purr.
A bright smile comes to her face and she looks back to Cregan. 
His arms are out, as if ready to catch her and shield her from dragon fire. 
He can't even enjoy the moment through his pure adrenaline. 
Jace smiles as well, "I do believe Vermax likes you."
Cregan finally spoke softly, "Who could not?"
The door to their chambers shut and Cregan turned from them to her, "I hate to be angry with you. Let us be done with it entirely."
"That easily?" She asked as she pulled at her dress. 
"I do not doubt your ability to carry our child. You do it so… beautifully." He rubs a hand over his face, "I am a proper fool for ever making you believe differently."
"No. I understand your concern for me, love. I should have respected your wishes."
He crossed the room and grabbed her hands, "No. I…" he paused in thought. "It's not about having heirs, pretty. I care for our child. I do," he leans his head down to catch her gaze, "But I care for your wellbeing all the more."
She couldn't stop the small smile that pulled at her lips, "Perhaps we may compromise."
He grinned, "A compromise?" He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. 
"You missed."
He leaned back, "Oh?" He raised a brow, "Did I?"
She grabbed his chin, pulling him down to her, "You did."
Their lips connected, gently but firm. 
"Foolish man," she spoke against his lips.
He chuckled, "Pretty girl."
...............................................................
2K notes · View notes
sturniolohouse · 3 months
Text
Closer to you -M.S
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
A/N: Hiiii! Thank you for all the love on my last story. I had a lot of fun writing it. I don't know how consistent I'll be but here's a little something for now
summary: matt just wants to spend time with you after a long day.
warning: cursing? kinda suggestive comments idk grow up
word count: 1.8k
--
"Your beard tickles," I giggle with Matt lying on top of me, his face buried into my neck.
He playfully sinks his teeth into the crook of my shoulder and I squeal at the shocking gesture. He chuckles lowly at my reaction and I lightly swat his shoulder, trying to roll him off of me.
"You're crushing me. You may weigh less than me but you're heavy," I shove him off and he finally rolls off but takes me with him, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me on top of him.
"I'm going to crush you now," I protest trying to get up but he pulls me down once more.
"I think I can handle it." He wraps his arms around me, having no choice but to lay my head on his chest.
"C'mere, I barely saw you today. Just wanna lay here with you like this a little while longer." He mumbles, kissing the top of my head and running his hands up and down my back.
"Didn't you have fun with your brothers today?" I ask, mainly teasing him as we were only apart for less than a day. I had seen him in the morning before they left for their meeting at the warehouse.
"Those goofs are a pain in my fucking ass." he snarls and I poke him in the ribs.
"Be nice." I tell him and he sighs.
"I'm joking. It was nice. I guess," He corrects himself. His hands sneak their way under my sweatshirt then under my tank top.
"Matt..." I warn him and he squeezes my sides.
"Yes..." He mocks and I can hear the grin on face. 
When I lift my head he's got smirk on his face as his hands lower down past the waistband of my pants. He goes for a handful of my ass before I stop his movements and give him a stern look.
"Matthew, your brothers are home." I scold him softly.
"Don't 'Matthew' me, them being home has never stopped us before." His eyes widen playfully as he calls me out.
"Yeah, when they were asleep. But they are both very much awake right now and could god forbid walk in," I defend getting flustered, heat rising up my neck and pooling into my ears.
“You know there’s this thing called a lock? I have one on my door. Use it quite often.”
“Yeah and risk one of them hearing something?” I shudder and he smirks at my flustered appearance.
"So, what I'm hearing is...later?" He raises his eyebrow and I roll my eyes, pulling away from his grasp. 
"Chris mentioned something about wanting to watch a movie tonight when you guys got in before." I change the subject, readjusting myself and sitting up on his lap instead.
"Fuck that, we're not leaving this room." He grips the tops of my thighs, playing with the string of my sweats.
"I had already told him yes..." I hesitate and fidget with my bracelets, waiting for him to blow up.
I peer up and see him with an arm over his eyes as he regulates his breathing. I stifle my laughter and watch him compose himself.
"Of course you did." He says sarcastically, waving his hand out dramatically.
"He sounded really excited," I reason with him and he rolls his eyes once more.
"You know what's gonna happen right? We're going to go into the living room, argue over which movie to watch for an hour and then Chris is gonna go on his phone the entire time, not paying attention to shit. All while you and Nick whisper and giggle and text each other from across the couch while I sit there watching a fucking movie I didn't want to watch in the first place." He rambles with wide eyes.
"C'mon it's just one movie." I rub his chest and he grabs my hands in his, halting their movement. 
"I don't care. I was with those idiots all day. I drove them all over the city, Chris wanted to thrift but then realized he was hungry, so I had to get him food, but then oh no, Nick wants happy ice first so we had to go to happy ice. And all I wanted to do was get a new pair of jeans, film our video and go home to spend time with you. But now because you feel bad for Chris, we have to sit and watch a shitty movie the kid's not even gonna see." He winds himself up and I tilt my head to the side, giving him that look.
"No, do not give me that look. You're not going to make me feel bad this time, sweetheart." He shakes his head, standing his ground. 
I continue to stare at him and pull my hands out of his grip, rubbing my hands up and down his chest again. 
"I'll...make you cookies," I smile softly, and he stares at me blankly. "Snickerdoodle..." Still nothing.
He extremely stubborn so this will take some bribing.
"Alright, I won't make you listen to Taylor Swift in the car, even though I know you secretly like her music." I say and he laughs this time, shaking his head.
"Kid, stop."
"I'll give you a kiss? A proper one. You can even touch my ass or grab my tits. Both even." I try to think of more things and he continues not to budge, though I can see his eyes shimmer with temptation.
"Wow, not even an ass grab will win you over?" I say with deep concern and he chuckles again giving me a little shrug.
"Okay, okay. Fine. I'm just gonna go out there and watch the movie and you can stay in here by yourself since you're too cool." I get off of him and his jaw drops. He sits up on his elbows.
"Hey, woah. You'd seriously leave me to go hang out with them?" His voice cracks as he looks at me in disbelief.
"Yup!"
"This is fucking ridiculous." I hear him mumble under his breath as I put my slippers on and open the door.
"Have fun sulking," I close the door behind me.
I walk out to Nick and Chris serving themselves mac and cheese in the kitchen. I greet them before grabbing some goldfish from the pantry and a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Where's Matt?" Chris asks shoveling a spoonful of mac and cheese into his mouth. Realizing it was too hot, he fans his mouth and blows out air to cool it down.
"He's in the room. What movie are we watching?" I keep it at that, walking over to the living room and taking a seat in the right corner nook of the couch.
"He's such a loser," Nick comments before sitting beside me and grabbing the TV remote.
"Nick, give me the fucking remote." Chris motions him while taking his own seat at the end of the couch.
"No, idiot, eat your food."
I was able to convince them to watch one of my favorite movies, 50 First Dates. Nick was on board right away but I had to win Chris over.
"Bro, no way. I'm not watching a chick-flick." He goes to grab the remote from Nicks hand.
"Chris shut up, you're not even going to watch it," Nick calls him out, putting the remote out of his reach.
"Yes I am," He argues back.
"Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are in it." I speak up and he sits back.
"Fine."
Twenty minutes into the movie I hear Matt’s door open and then his footsteps down the hall. I turn my attention away from the movie to see him walking over with his black hoodie pulled over his head.
I knew he’d break eventually.
"Look who decided to join-" Chris starts.
"Shut the fuck up."
When he reaches the couch, he leans down pulling my legs up and over his lap as he takes a seat directly next to me. He wraps his arms around my middle, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck.
Although rare, Matt has no problem cuddling or hugging me in front of others. It's usually kissing or gross sweet talk we avoid displaying. We just prefer to keep that private for everyone's peace, including our own.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders pulling him into me, scratching the nape of neck lightly with my fingernails and playing with his overgrown hair.
"Oh I’m gonna puke..." Chris comments from beside us and Matt flips him off without a word.
"Watch the goddamn movie and leave them alone." Nick snaps at him.
Matt melts into me as I continue to scratch his scalp and he draws patterns on my hip with the hand he snuck under my hoodie.
Not even halfway into the movie I look over at Chris and see he’s on his phone. I nudge Matt slightly to bring his attention to it and he shakes his head.
“What did I fucking tell you,” he says lowly and I giggle.
“Chris, you like the movie?” I call out and he snaps his head in my direction.
“What? Oh yeah, it’s great.” He puts his phone down beside him.
He gives me a tight lip smile before looking over at Nick and I could already see the idea pop into his head before he tackles him in a hug.
“Get the fuck off of me. What is wrong with you?” Nick shoves him off, his eyes wide.
“I just love you,” Chris shrugs, going to tickle Nick’s side but he catches his wrist, twisting it slightly causing Chris to cry out in pain.
“You’re an idiot. Let's keep our hands to ourselves,"
“I’m getting ice cream, do you want?” Matt whispers to me and I immediately nod. He kisses my jaw and pats my legs so I lift them off his lap.
He quietly goes into the kitchen and discreetly takes out the pints of ice cream and serving them into bowls for us.
He pads back over, tapping the bowl on my shoulder to get my attention before I grab it.
This catches both Nick and Chris’ attention.
“There’s ice cream?”
“Not for you.”
Everyone had gone to their rooms after the movie and Matt couldn’t get us back to his room fast enough.
"It wasn't that bad." I say pulling the comforter back and sliding in next to Matt who’s already shirtless and under the covers.
"Yeah, yeah." He puts an arm under his head and extends his arm for me, wanting me close.
"You're such a grump." I roll my eyes. turning towards him and moving to lay my head on his chest.
"I just want to be able to spend quality time with my girlfriend without our plans being infiltrated by my brothers." He wraps his arm around me, lightly stroking my shoulder with his fingertips.
"Is that such a crime?" He presses softly and I shake my head.
"I suppose not." I sigh, "We could...go away?" I suggest after a beat of silence and he hums.
"I like the sound of that, keep talking..."
"You and me, the cape, being in nature, alone in a cabin for a week, no interruptions..." I trail off, tracing patterns on his stomach.
"Sweetheart, you had me at the fucking cape."
2K notes · View notes
merinelsa · 2 years
Text
.
0 notes
pyfsan · 5 days
Text
Your taste on my lips
Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairing: bf!jake x fem!reader
genre: smut (minors DNI)
synopsis: no plot, just reader and her bf jake fucking and being dirty
wc: 1k
warnings: rough sex (just at the beginning) mention of bruises, cum eating, oral (m receiving), face fucking, fingering, a bit of dirty talk (jake is chalant), also jake is a whimper. i think that's everything
note: this is the first time I'm writing in English and I'm not a native speaker so there will be grammar mistakes so just read past it..... and be patient
smut under the cut
The thing is... jake doesn't know the time to stop. To the point you have to yell at him that you need to breathe a little, or even that it's hurting. He gets so drunk in the feeling that his senses become nothing and he can't hear for shit. But once your voice comes tearing through his ears he just completely freezes in place, looking at you with both eyes wide open.
"I'm sorry babe, did i hurt you?" He asks, soft voice as he runs his hands on the skin your legs, soothing you down.
"Just... go less rough, it'll bruise me later" you say back, trying to recover your breath.
"I'll kiss the bruise away, don't worry" he says cockingly and you slap his arm
"I'm being serious, your cock will tear me apart if you don't slow down" you hiss back and he kisses your neck picking up his pace again, but being much more gentle.
He buries his face in the curve of your neck, licking and sucking your skin just to compensate the steady pace he set himself, almost like to control his impulses. It makes you moan as his mouth keeps working on your sensitive skin and it gets even harder when jake goes down to bite and suck your nipples. He's actually unable to keep his pretty mouth empty, always having his puffy lips on your breasts, neck, pussy or even ass. He doesn't care as longs as his tongue is busy with your body.
Jake ends up caught in the heat all over again but now it doesn't hurt anymore so when his pace increases crazy hard all you manage to do is moan and dig your nails on his arms. You feel the moment he can't control his mouth around your nipple anymore, leaving his lips parted over your skin as he drools, feeling dizzy from how your pussy clenchs around his cock, milking him until he is moaning nonstop. He cannot cum inside you, you have agreed to don't do that so jake is almost fainting trying to hold his orgasm as long as he can. But he's losing this time so he pulls out of you to cum over your belly, dropping the most pornographic whimpers to your ears. You don't think for even a second before leading your hand to the mess he's made on you and picking his cum with your fingers. Jake watches you with his face high as you sink your dirty fingers into your mouth to taste him.
"Now you'll have to do that to my cock" he says, picking your cheeks with one of his hands to bring your face to his, kissing your wet lips.
"But will you let me fuck myself while i suck you off?" you plea, dolled eyes shining under your dark lashes, jake almost let out a moan as he hear you say those words. He can't believe you're so dirty like this for him.
"I can do that for you, babe" he'll say back, with his fingers running down to your wet core. You sigh when he finds your clit and presses it, rubbing gently first.
His cock starting to get hard again by the feeling of you under his fingers, so wet for him. Even thou he loves you so much and find it so endearing the way you cannot take your eyes away from his face while you fuck, jake himself likes to spend time looking over your body and the way it moves under his touch. So as he rubs your pussy, he watches the way you lift your leg a bit more, the way your stomach moves faster as your breathe gets faster and how your tits bounces a little when he starts fingering you. The whole thing is just pure magic for him. When jake notice, he's hard as fuck again, rocking his hips on your leg to get some release before sitting above your stomach to put it in your mouth.
You part your lips open, receiving his weight on your tongue and then swallowing as much as possible. Jake is no monster cock but he's no near little either, so you find yourself fighting for air anyways everytime you give him head. To your liking, jake already knows how you prefer doing it so he just starts fucking your mouth immediately, getting a little sloppy with his fingers on your pussy but you don't even mind it. Seeing the way he loses himself inside your mouth little by little is the best part. He grabs you neck using his free hand and just rolls his hips into your face nonstop, causing wet sounds to scape your mouth which is full of him. Once again he's whimpering and sighing, closing his eyes so tight he starts seeing white spots.
"Oh my god, i want to fuck that pretty mouth everyday" he starts babbling, head thrown back and eyes shut and you watch as he does his best to continue to massage your clit "I'm gonna fill your mouth with my cum, do you like it?" he says now looking back at you seeing you blink as an answer since you cannot talk right now. "you're so hot, fuck" he just goes back to babbling before he cums deep in your throat. He stops his hands on your pussy for a moment, lost in his senses, holding your head with both hands to keep you in place through his orgasm.
You do your best to breath by your nose, focusing to not choke on his sensitive cock. Jake pulls out and sits back on your lap eyes glued on your face.
"Let me see it" he asks touching your chin with his index finger so you open your mouth enough for him to see his cum all over your tongue and throat. Your boyfriend smiles with pride and closes your mouth "now swallow it for me, babe" he tells you and so you do, then he leans in to lend a kiss on your lips.
"I'm gonna make you cum now" he just says, brushing his nose over yours.
555 notes · View notes